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Speaker 1: Hey lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this

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Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me

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Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation

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Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast

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Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you

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Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more.

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Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot

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Speaker 1: fm to get started.

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Speaker 2: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space Bwich.

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Speaker 3: Human does not love many people at the same time.

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Speaker 3: Give me a break. I coach thousands of people. They

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Speaker 3: all tell me about their high school boyfriend, their college boyfriend,

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Speaker 3: their college girlfriend. They love them even though they may

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Speaker 3: not be with them. But where does love go? Does

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Speaker 3: it evaporate or does it explode? Goes nowhere? It's always

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Speaker 3: in yours, always in your body. You dream about these persons.

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Speaker 3: We all love many people at the same time.

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Speaker 2: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 2: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 2: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

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Speaker 2: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 2: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 2: on iTunes and visit cultivatinghearspace dot com to access our

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Speaker 2: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 1: You welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to

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Speaker 1: uplifting women like you. We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Bussard,

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Speaker 1: a college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 4: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 4: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 4: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 4: five roids to fake friends, and create a safe space

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Speaker 4: where black women can just be.

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Speaker 1: Hey, lady, it's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her

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Speaker 1: Space podcast. Do you have a burning question you're dying

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Speaker 1: to get feedback on? Do you want an unbiased perspective

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Speaker 1: on a situation you're facing. If so, visit cultivatingheirspace dot

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Speaker 1: com and click ask Doctor Dom under the start here option.

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Speaker 1: Every Tuesday, I'll choose a few questions and answer them

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Speaker 1: at random.

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Speaker 2: All right, lady, get ready, Get ready.

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Speaker 4: We have a very special guest today, and Cultivating her

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Speaker 4: Space all right, let's just go ahead and jump in.

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Speaker 2: Kenya K.

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Speaker 4: Stevens is a relationship expert, love coach, best selling author, wife,

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Speaker 4: and mother of three. Kenya attended Howard University in Washington, DC,

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Speaker 4: where she graduated in nineteen ninety six even with a

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Speaker 4: degree in education and child psychology. Not only did she

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Speaker 4: scoop up a degree, but she also met and married

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Speaker 4: a fellow Howard student, Carl Stevens. Together, for the past

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Speaker 4: twelve plus years, this power couple has built Juju Mama, LLC,

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Speaker 4: now known as Progressive Love Academy, which is a worldwide

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Speaker 4: love coach and conglomerate in online love academy. She and

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Speaker 4: her husband, Carl Stevens have since been featured in Ebony Magazine,

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Speaker 4: The Monique Show, The Michael Basin Show, Fox News, Doctor

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Speaker 4: Phil slut Walking, over one hundred talk radio and television shows.

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Speaker 2: Ken Yo, welcome to cultivating her space.

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Speaker 3: Thank you, let's cultivate I love this.

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Speaker 2: Yes, we are so excited that you're here. Let's just

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Speaker 2: jump on in.

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Speaker 1: Don Yes, all right, So our quote of the day,

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Speaker 1: I reserve the right to love many different people at

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Speaker 1: war and to change my prince. Often that quote comes

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Speaker 1: to us from anias men Kenya. When you hear that quote,

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Speaker 1: what thoughts come up for you?

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Speaker 3: Well, first of all, I love Ania's men, and I

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Speaker 3: really think she's a brilliant writer. But the quote, I

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Speaker 3: didn't even I didn't hear what you said because I

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Speaker 3: heard her name. Then I thought of all her quotes.

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Speaker 3: But she believes in freedom. You understand freedom for women

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Speaker 3: and freedom for men, freedom for humans. And I just

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Speaker 3: love everything about her. If you read the quote again,

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Speaker 3: we can dive deeper into it.

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Speaker 1: I reserve the right to love many different people at

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Speaker 1: once and to change my prince often.

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Speaker 3: Oh lovely, Well, we all love many people at once.

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Speaker 3: That's the surprising thing about her work is that everybody

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Speaker 3: know is true, which which human does not. I love

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Speaker 3: many people at the same time. Give me a break.

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Speaker 3: I've coached thousands of people. They all tell me about

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Speaker 3: their high school boyfriend, their college boyfriend, their college girlfriend.

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Speaker 3: They love them even though they may not be with them.

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Speaker 3: But where's love go? Does it evaporate or does it explode?

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Speaker 3: Goes nowhere? It's always in your mind, it's always in

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Speaker 3: your body. You dream about these persons. We all love

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Speaker 3: many people at the same time.

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Speaker 2: Ooh, let's die one and this is about to be juicy,

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Speaker 2: So can I feel like online?

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Speaker 4: Your tagline, like the SoundBite that people typically share when

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Speaker 4: they're talking about you, is like, this is the woman,

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Speaker 4: y'all that has two husbands and a boyfriend. You got Kim,

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Speaker 4: who you've been married to for twenty five years, you

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Speaker 4: got Tiger you've been married for seven years, and your boyfriend.

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Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, y'all. And we did our research, so

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Speaker 4: we know what happened between you and our Kim. I

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Speaker 4: think it was in your eleventh year of marriage. But

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Speaker 4: tell us about how you even started on this journey

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Speaker 4: of relating the way that you relate and sort of

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Speaker 4: digging into.

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Speaker 2: The poly life. How did this even start?

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Speaker 3: I think get started just because my husband was always

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Speaker 3: interested in belligny. Poligny means that the man can have

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Speaker 3: several partners, but of course the woman cannot. And so

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Speaker 3: I sort of sat on the sideline of our marriage

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Speaker 3: with that one and said, oh, yeah, I'm open to that,

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Speaker 3: Like when we first got married, but we were literally

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Speaker 3: monogamous for twelve years. So when he started to say, okay,

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Speaker 3: I'm ready for this Polligny, I said, well, I'm ready

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Speaker 3: for Poligny too. Baby, what we gonna do? Because guess what,

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Speaker 3: I'm from Detroit, Michigan. I am a woman. I'm a

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Speaker 3: very powerful woman. I have a sex drive. I have

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Speaker 3: a desire for more emotional love. So if you ready,

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Speaker 3: I'm ready, let's go.

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Speaker 1: Yes, Yes, I love it. I love how you're just like, okay,

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Speaker 1: equal equality, Like if you want it, if you're gonna

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Speaker 1: get it, then I am gonna have it too. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna get what I want.

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Speaker 3: I was already not getting enough sex. You guys don't know.

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Speaker 3: I don't know if you're of age, But in thirty six,

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Speaker 3: thirty seven, thirty eight, your sex drive goes sky high

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Speaker 3: because your uters is like, oh, we're almost done, let's

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Speaker 3: hurry up and get more, you know, like, let's get

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Speaker 3: these last chances in your sex drive is phenomenal and

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Speaker 3: crazy from your entire forties. So I had a drive,

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Speaker 3: I had desire. I wasn't getting everything in my marriage.

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Speaker 3: Nobody gets everything they want in their marriage, no one.

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Speaker 3: Let me repeat that, no one gets everything they want

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Speaker 3: in their marriage because one human cannot provide it.

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Speaker 4: Let me just say, I want to dive into the

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Speaker 4: next question, but I'm thirty one and I thought it

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Speaker 4: was high.

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Speaker 2: Now so you're saying that I just have to look

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Speaker 2: forward to Okay, okay, okay, I'm just processing. All right.

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Speaker 2: That is good to know. Thank you for that confirmation.

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Speaker 4: But the one thing that you said in one of

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Speaker 4: your interviews which got me was one Dom and I

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Speaker 4: had a conversation and we noticed that a lot of

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Speaker 4: men are like, yeah, I want to have multiple women

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Speaker 4: and multiple wives.

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Speaker 2: And the question is always can you ask keep up?

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Speaker 4: And you talked about how you were like, my sex

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Speaker 4: drive is ten times higher than any man that I know,

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Speaker 4: and I'm like, talk about it. I feel like you

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Speaker 4: just say the things that many people are thinking or

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Speaker 4: feeling but don't have the maybe courage or language to share.

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Speaker 4: So can you talk a bit about why do you

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Speaker 4: think there's so much judgment? Because there's so much judgment,

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Speaker 4: people will be bothered, they are triggered by some of

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Speaker 4: these conversations.

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Speaker 2: Where do you think that comes from?

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I don't know anybody who's triggered. I mean, I have

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Speaker 3: thirty thousand following on Instagram, I have thirty thousand following

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Speaker 3: on Twitter, forty to fifty on Facebook, people love this concept.

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Speaker 3: I don't know anybody who's triggered by it. If you

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Speaker 3: are triggered by it, that means you really want it,

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Speaker 3: you know, because you're triggered by what either for one

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Speaker 3: of three reasons. Number one, you're triggered because you are

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Speaker 3: that you know somebody's messy. You triggered because you know

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Speaker 3: you messy somewhere in your life and it's easier to

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Speaker 3: yell at somebody else instead of yourself. Number two, you're

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Speaker 3: triggered because it's a potential. You triggered by the Kardashians

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Speaker 3: because you want that kind of money. Okay, you're triggered

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Speaker 3: because you want it. Or number three, trigger because it's

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Speaker 3: a pattern. Somebody told you you're not supposed to do this,

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Speaker 3: or this is not a part of your little worldview.

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Speaker 3: Who does this? This is not right, it's not you know,

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Speaker 3: my mom said, we don't do this. So you're triggered

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Speaker 3: because you have a pattern of belief. But everybody know

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Speaker 3: what they want. We won't lave, we won't touch, we

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Speaker 3: won't sensuality. We want to be wined and dine. We

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Speaker 3: want to feel good. So what's the problem. Everybody want that?

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Speaker 1: That is so real, so real. So that leads me

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Speaker 1: to our next question around what are the most common

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Speaker 1: myths and misconceptions that people have about polyamory.

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Speaker 3: Well, I think that they don't know what the term means.

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Speaker 3: Polyamory literally means many, poly means many, Amory means loves,

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Speaker 3: many loves. We all have many loves. I love all

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Speaker 3: three of my kids. I'm polyamorous. Okay, now when we

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Speaker 3: want to talk about, oh my god, but it's also

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Speaker 3: include sex. Well maybe so maybe. No, all of my

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Speaker 3: relationships don't include sex. But I have many loves. I

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Speaker 3: have many partners, way more than my husband's and my boyfriend.

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Speaker 3: Those are just people you see on Instagram. I have

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Speaker 3: many partners because I love many people. Now, are all

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Speaker 3: of them sexual?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 3: Would I like some of them to be sexual? That

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Speaker 3: are not. Yes, some of my loves are married. Some

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Speaker 3: of my loves are not available, you know, but we

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Speaker 3: all have that. So I think the major misconception is

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Speaker 3: just the definition of the term and people not separating

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Speaker 3: themselves from the reality that we all have many loves.

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Speaker 2: That is so deep, so deep.

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Speaker 4: What would you say to someone who wants to talk

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Speaker 4: to their partner about exploring a consensual nominogam mis relationship

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Speaker 4: because you often talk about how people are they already

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Speaker 4: out there doing it all thing on the side, So

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Speaker 4: it's like this allows you to be more open and

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Speaker 4: to have transparency. So if there is someone that's listening

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Speaker 4: and they're like, I actually want to talk to my

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Speaker 4: partner about this, do you have any recommendations on facilitating

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Speaker 4: that conversation.

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Speaker 3: I do. I'm about to do a workshop on that,

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Speaker 3: how to get your partner into polyamory, and so I'm

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Speaker 3: doing a full workshop on that February seventh. I'll give

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Speaker 3: you guys the links, but there are tone inflection, how

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Speaker 3: to deal with their objections, how to deal with languaging,

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Speaker 3: knowing the terms before you talk to them. So we're

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Speaker 3: going to go into all of that. That is a

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Speaker 3: very important aspect of things because you can't just bring

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Speaker 3: it out and just bulldoze your way into polyamory if

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Speaker 3: you're in a relationship that is monogamous, you have to

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Speaker 3: sort of walk slow and utilize tools that support you

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Speaker 3: with that communication.

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Speaker 1: So as I'm listening to this, and you know you're

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Speaker 1: saying that you're hosting a workshop, So what do we

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Speaker 1: do if our partner is not interested, but it's something

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Speaker 1: that we are curious about.

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Speaker 3: Oh, there's a lot you can do. That's what we're

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Speaker 3: gonna talk about in the workshop. But what you don't

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Speaker 3: want to do is sit there and let your needs

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Speaker 3: and desires rot, because that means you're letting yourself rot. Okay,

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Speaker 3: So I have ways to support my clients. I have

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Speaker 3: thousands of clients all over the world. As I said,

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Speaker 3: we've been in business for sixteen years. Okay, so a

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Speaker 3: lot of people are new to this, but we're not

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Speaker 3: new to this. So we have techniques and tools to

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Speaker 3: support you in getting your needs met. We have a concept,

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Speaker 3: for instance, called authenticity versus honesty. A lot of people

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Speaker 3: believe I have to be honest, honest, honest, honest, honest.

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Speaker 3: The only thing honest means in Western culture is what

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Speaker 3: did you do with your peenis of vagina? Okay? Honesty

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Speaker 3: does not mean are you sick? What are your bills?

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Speaker 3: Are you on your cycle? Are you you know? It

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Speaker 3: doesn't mean anything beyond what have you done in the past, present,

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Speaker 3: and what you're thinking of doing in the future with

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Speaker 3: your genitals.

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Speaker 1: That's what honestly mean.

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Speaker 3: That's what it means. Means, when is the last time

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Speaker 3: you said, Oh, you weren't honest with me. You didn't

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Speaker 3: tell me you had that phone bill and that you

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Speaker 3: needed help with that. That's not what honesty means. And

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Speaker 3: I'm tired of this definition of honesty. It's ridiculous. So

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Speaker 3: we deal with authenticity. Authenticity may mean I have some

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Speaker 3: needs that are not being satisfied in this relationship. You

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Speaker 3: don't have to say, oh, what you did and what

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Speaker 3: you're doing and what you're planning to do. That's not

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Speaker 3: by business. They're people who are not even married, not

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Speaker 3: even married, proclaiming what they're gonna do with their genitals

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Speaker 3: to their partner. You're not married, you polly. Everybody singles

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Speaker 3: poly Now. I'm just trying to get real here, y'all.

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Speaker 1: Yes. You know what's so funny about that statement is

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Speaker 1: Terry and I were having that conversation ahead of time,

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Speaker 1: you know, ahead of this interview that and I said

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Speaker 1: that exact same thing, that if you are seeing and

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Speaker 1: you are dating multiple peoples, then you are polling. And

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Speaker 1: so then I guess what folks may have the question

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Speaker 1: on is, or where folks may struggle is if I'm

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Speaker 1: in a marriage and our societal perception expectation description of

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Speaker 1: a marriage is a monogamous relationship, And so then how

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Speaker 1: do we make that shift?

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Speaker 3: How is our societal description that marriage is a monogamous

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Speaker 3: relationship when there are two facts on the table. Back

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Speaker 3: number one, sixty six percent of those marriage today are

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Speaker 3: having adulgerous affairs. That's more than half. So proclaim now,

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Speaker 3: who is proclaiming that marriage in America means, oh, we

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Speaker 3: are exclusive? That's number one? Okay, delete back number two.

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Speaker 3: Why y'all laughing? Back number two? For real, guys, what

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Speaker 3: are we saying. You're saying that monogamy means marriage or

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Speaker 3: marriage means monogamy. Is that what we're saying? Humans are

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Speaker 3: not a monogamous species. That's fact number two. If you

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Speaker 3: take a species, we're okay, so we're not amphibious. We

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Speaker 3: cannot live in the water and we cannot live on

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Speaker 3: land in the water. That's amphibious. You can live either

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Speaker 3: in the water or in the land. We can go swimming,

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Speaker 3: but we cannot live in the water. So why are

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Speaker 3: we trying to purport that humans should have this monogamous

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Speaker 3: marriage when we're not a monogamous species. That's just like saying,

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Speaker 3: go ahead and live with the dolphins for a week.

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Speaker 3: You might be able to live out there for six hours,

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Speaker 3: but you're gonna come back into the shore because you're

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Speaker 3: not amphibious. We're not monogamout species, So I don't know

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Speaker 3: where monogamy came into marriage if we're not a monogamant species.

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Speaker 1: But when I hear that, I think about and I

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Speaker 1: think why I was laughing is because you made it

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Speaker 1: so plain right, You just made it so clear, like, no,

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Speaker 1: this doesn't make any sense, right, Like let's look at

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Speaker 1: your definition, Like, no, how you're defining marriage does not

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Speaker 1: make sense.

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Speaker 3: Right At number three, as soon as marriage was invented,

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Speaker 3: it was only invented ten thousand years ago. Humans are

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Speaker 3: two hundred and eighty thousand years old as a species,

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Speaker 3: so it was only four percent of our humanness that

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Speaker 3: we've been practicing monogamy. Right, But as soon as monogamy

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Speaker 3: was invented, constitution was inserted into the society. Men have

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Speaker 3: never been expected to be monogamout. So what are we

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Speaker 3: talking about. Marriage is not about monogamy at all in

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Speaker 3: Western culture. It may be for women, but I've ended that.

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Speaker 4: Okay, Now, can you talk about So in the Progressive

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Speaker 4: Level Academy, what are some of the things that you

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Speaker 4: work with couples on Because I know that although that's

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Speaker 4: not you don't practice monogamy, you support couples that are

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Speaker 4: interested in monogamy along with the poly lifestyle. So what

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Speaker 4: are some of the things that you teach and the

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Speaker 4: academy for all couples.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely, to all couples, we teach communication skills. See, because

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Speaker 3: I don't believe that every couple is ready for polyamory,

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Speaker 3: absolutely not. You have to know how to conduct yourself

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Speaker 3: in a relationship. So we teach relationship tools that they

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Speaker 3: don't require you to obtain when you get married. When

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Speaker 3: you're driving a car, you get a license. That license

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Speaker 3: requires a test and a road test and a blah

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Speaker 3: blah blah. When you get married, just go sign the paper.

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Speaker 3: They don't test you. Are you a ghoster? Are you

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Speaker 3: a person who doesn't express your feelings? Are you a

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Speaker 3: person who is not sexual? Are you a person who

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Speaker 3: doesn't know what you want sexually? Can't talk about you?

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Speaker 1: Know?

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Speaker 3: So those are the types of skills and tools we

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Speaker 3: teach in Progressive Love Academy, and we support couples in

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Speaker 3: being authentic. That's another thing they don't teach. How do

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Speaker 3: I just really show up authentically with my partner? Amazing?

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Speaker 3: No training? Yes for that.

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Speaker 4: Now. One thing you mentioned in some of your other interviews,

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Speaker 4: you talked about this very interesting concept of relating to

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Speaker 4: your husband's and boyfriend or your partners, the lovers that

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Speaker 4: you have.

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Speaker 2: You talked about the womb choice, the support choice.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, tell us about these different choices and how

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Speaker 4: you relate to the men that are in your life.

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Speaker 4: Because you did mention in one of your interviews that

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Speaker 4: you don't have intimate relationships with women.

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Speaker 2: I know people are always like, do y'all have three sons?

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Speaker 2: Do y'all do this? So tell us all your business?

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Speaker 1: Can men?

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Speaker 3: I don't have much business. I'm very sexually conservative. I

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Speaker 3: would love to have relationships with women, but I have

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Speaker 3: a blockage to that as yet, and so I'm working

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Speaker 3: on that. I hope to uncover and open that before

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Speaker 3: this lifetime is over. In terms of threesomes, no, we

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Speaker 3: don't do that. I have my own bedroom. My husbands

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Speaker 3: have a bedroom. I sleep with them when I want

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Speaker 3: to ask them into my room or they ask me

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Speaker 3: into their room. But we don't have exciting sex life.

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Speaker 3: We're not swingers. I don't desire casual sex. I desire

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Speaker 3: sex with my committed partners, and they're all my partners

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Speaker 3: for life, and I do put them into choice categories.

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Speaker 3: It's something we call the choice faradigm. That's something you

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Speaker 3: can learn that Progressive Love Academy. But two of the

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Speaker 3: choices out of five are the womb and the support.

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Speaker 3: So a womb choice is that guy, he is that guy.

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Speaker 3: You just meet him, and you constantly, you automatically just

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Speaker 3: your your your vagina does a key ge. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 3: you know you you want you want to immediately be

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Speaker 3: riding him, you know. And so that's a womb choice

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Speaker 3: is from your root chakra and you just feel it,

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Speaker 3: you know it. That's a woman's wit and a woman's intuition.

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Speaker 3: The support choice is more of that guy that you

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Speaker 3: meet and you just feel like tell them all your business.

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Speaker 3: You want to walk through the mall with you. You just

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Speaker 3: want them to come over Netflix and chill. Don't try

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Speaker 3: to have sex with me. Just you're my friend. People

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Speaker 3: usually friend zone those types. I don't have to friend

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Speaker 3: zone those types because those are very useful men. They

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Speaker 3: will do what you need done. You know, they on

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Speaker 3: honey do list, But so I don't, I don't friend

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Speaker 3: zone them. I make them my partner. I can be

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Speaker 3: with a womb choice and a support choice. Most women

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Speaker 3: are looking for a woman to support all the choices

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Speaker 3: in one guy and then they It's very challenging because

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Speaker 3: I've never seen a couple that has all the choices. Ever,

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Speaker 3: that's not the way we're set up.

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Speaker 1: That makes so much sense to me. That because what

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Speaker 1: we are socialized to believe is that that we're not

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Speaker 1: that we're supposed to find the perfect partner, but the

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Speaker 1: reality is that we're not like our partner. If we

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Speaker 1: have one single partner is never going to have every

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Speaker 1: check off every box that we are looking for. And

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Speaker 1: so as you work with couples in figuring out navigating

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Speaker 1: introducing new partners, what are some of the conversations that

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Speaker 1: you have with them around how.

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Speaker 3: To choose.

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Speaker 1: New partners.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well, first they have to go through the four

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Speaker 3: Steps of open Love, which we share at the Academy.

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Speaker 3: The second thing they have to do is really understand

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Speaker 3: what choice their husband is or their wife is. So

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Speaker 3: my first husband is my crown choice. That's more cerebral.

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Speaker 3: We connect spiritually. We knew each other in the past life,

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Speaker 3: but we talk all night. That's that crown choice, right.

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Speaker 3: I created these choices because I knew them. I'm a woman.

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Speaker 3: We know this stuff, ladies, and we're not talking about it,

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Speaker 3: but I talked about it, and I wrote a whole

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Speaker 3: book about this. Okay, It's called The Nine Expressions of Love.

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Speaker 3: So what I'm saying is that when we go into

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Speaker 3: the relationship, we need to know what it is, and

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Speaker 3: we are responsible for letting the man know because we're

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Speaker 3: the choosers. So we're responsible for letting the man know

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Speaker 3: where we're placing him in our life, what choice he is,

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Speaker 3: so that he can do a better job of fulfilling

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Speaker 3: that choice. Instead, we go in and say I want

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Speaker 3: you to do more is instead of enjoying the choice

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Speaker 3: that he is. Oh, we're so made. We connect. I

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Speaker 3: want you also to be a support choice, be with

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Speaker 3: me emotionally. I want you to also be a warm choice.

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Speaker 3: I want passionate sex from you. I want you to

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Speaker 3: also be you know, It's like the guys starts to

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Speaker 3: get overwhelmed. Then we wonder why they're ghosting as I

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Speaker 3: can't do all of this, but then on the guy's side,

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Speaker 3: they want to be able to do all of this.

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Speaker 3: They're ghosting because they don't feel successful. Men have to

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Speaker 3: feel successful with you or they will not be in

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Speaker 3: a relationship with you long term period and point blank.

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Speaker 3: And I teach women how to help men be successful

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Speaker 3: so they're always winning with you. And this is one

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Speaker 3: way to do it too. You have to know what

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Speaker 3: choice you are in that relationship so you're not constantly

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Speaker 3: trying to get more.

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Speaker 4: That is so amazing, And like you said, Dom, it

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Speaker 4: makes so much sense when you hear it's non conventional

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Speaker 4: because we haven't been taught it.

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Speaker 2: So Lady, if you're listening, you're probably like.

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Speaker 4: What they how they talk about on this podcast, But

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Speaker 4: I mean it makes sense, right. So one thing you

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Speaker 4: talked about is with your husband, your first husband, husbandnumber

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Speaker 4: one by Kim, You talked about, or he talked about

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Speaker 4: in one of your interviews about feeling jealous in the

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Speaker 4: beginning because he was like, oh, I'm down with the

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Speaker 4: religion need but she was like, Okay, well I'm gonna

432
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,439
Speaker 4: have me some proliginity too and get me somebody and

433
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:22,439
Speaker 4: he was jealous. How men, I know they don't have

434
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:24,960
Speaker 4: egos or anything, but like, how do we approach that

435
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:28,080
Speaker 4: with your partner's ego or jealousy on either side? Right

436
00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:30,919
Speaker 4: when you have these conversations or you delve into this

437
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:32,360
Speaker 4: new way of relating.

438
00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:34,960
Speaker 3: Yes, women have egos too. Men have egos and women

439
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:38,640
Speaker 3: have egos. You know, we're all equally masculine and feminine

440
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:40,600
Speaker 3: on the inside. We all have all of that. So

441
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:43,560
Speaker 3: what we have at the Academy is the up level

442
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:47,240
Speaker 3: communication system, which gives us the seven soothings of the ego.

443
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:51,520
Speaker 3: So the ego needs to be sooed, The ego needs compassion.

444
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:54,280
Speaker 3: You got to hold space for your partner's ego, and

445
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:56,800
Speaker 3: so we show our clients and our members how to

446
00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 3: do that. If you don't know how to do that,

447
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:01,080
Speaker 3: you're just not ready for any relations your poll ormano.

448
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:05,520
Speaker 3: You have to know how to soothe your partner's ego.

449
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 3: If you don't, just forget about it. It's gonna be

450
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 3: a constant fight. I haven't argued with any of my

451
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:15,120
Speaker 3: partners in years. There's nothing to argue about. If their

452
00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:17,760
Speaker 3: ego is up, I'm gonna soothe it. If my ego

453
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:20,119
Speaker 3: is up, they gonna soothe me and So that is

454
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:25,439
Speaker 3: a science, okay, created and written by a couple of

455
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:28,960
Speaker 3: African descent in the United States of America. And we

456
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,000
Speaker 3: wrote this system and it is there. It is for

457
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:33,040
Speaker 3: anybody who wants to learn it and muse it. It's

458
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:33,919
Speaker 3: called up level.

459
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 4: That's amazing, Dom, I see your facial expressions, So go

460
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:40,000
Speaker 4: ahead and dive in because I see you like, oh snack.

461
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:46,120
Speaker 1: I love it because as a therapist, I think about

462
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:52,159
Speaker 1: the things that we as like that therapists work with

463
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:58,879
Speaker 1: couples on, right, and you're touching on those things like

464
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:05,639
Speaker 1: commune comunication being like central that if you have a need,

465
00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:07,240
Speaker 1: and first you have to kind of be aware of

466
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:10,919
Speaker 1: what your needs are, right Like, you have to be

467
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:17,000
Speaker 1: willing to acknowledge what your needs are and then communicating

468
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:20,920
Speaker 1: those needs. But then it also sounds like what you're

469
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:25,879
Speaker 1: saying is that your partners, you all have developed this

470
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:32,679
Speaker 1: level of intimacy, like emotional intimacy and bondedness where you

471
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:39,520
Speaker 1: know how to support one another even if it's not

472
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:41,480
Speaker 1: your support choice.

473
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:44,480
Speaker 3: Yes, oh sure you got to. I do this with

474
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:47,199
Speaker 3: all my choices. I do this with my children, I

475
00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:49,960
Speaker 3: do this with my parents. I use UP level in

476
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:54,080
Speaker 3: every aspect of life because it's empathetic. English is a

477
00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 3: language of war. That's what sometimes it feels like therapists

478
00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:00,280
Speaker 3: don't understand that you have to shift the paradise. It's

479
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:03,439
Speaker 3: the whole paradigm. It's not this person and their problems

480
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,400
Speaker 3: or this person there is the concern of Western culture.

481
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:10,200
Speaker 3: It's a language and a system of war, and it

482
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 3: is perpetual war. And so what up level does is

483
00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:16,240
Speaker 3: it shifts the paradigm and it says, you know what,

484
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 3: uh huh. When a person that is speaking from their ego,

485
00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:22,760
Speaker 3: that's just where they are. Part of our system is

486
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 3: that they have to say that this is just my

487
00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:29,320
Speaker 3: ego speaking. You've done nothing wrong, this is just my ego,

488
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:32,120
Speaker 3: and then they can go ahead and vent and then

489
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,240
Speaker 3: I'm off the hook. I don't have to take you

490
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:36,679
Speaker 3: personal because they say it is like a dog speaking.

491
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:40,320
Speaker 3: That's their animal, it's their ego. This is our system.

492
00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:43,919
Speaker 3: It is ingenious and incredible, and we've taken couples who

493
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:47,879
Speaker 3: haven't had sex for years. Of American couples are sexless.

494
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,080
Speaker 3: They didn't tell y'all that. They teach y'all that in

495
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:56,760
Speaker 3: yall school. Forty percent because of lack of emotional intimacy,

496
00:26:56,880 --> 00:27:00,639
Speaker 3: and so our communication system brings back that emotion intimacy

497
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:03,080
Speaker 3: where you can hold space for your partner, and that's

498
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:06,480
Speaker 3: what we do. That's you can't do Polly without that system. Period.

499
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:09,560
Speaker 3: It's too hard. If my husband comes in and say

500
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:12,680
Speaker 3: I'm jealous, I'm feeling I say, oh, what's going on?

501
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:15,240
Speaker 3: And he said, oh, I'm sorry, this is just my

502
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:19,480
Speaker 3: ego speaking. You've done nothing wrong. I'm at a level

503
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:24,080
Speaker 3: whatever I need to eat safety. That's the system, okay,

504
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:26,160
Speaker 3: And then I can just say oh, and I can

505
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:28,399
Speaker 3: provide one of the seven soothings until he's down to

506
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:32,080
Speaker 3: a zero. That's good. Just because he's jealous, don't mean

507
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,160
Speaker 3: I did some romp mm hmm.

508
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:36,720
Speaker 2: And you've got to come in and try to fix it, right.

509
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:38,880
Speaker 2: That is so incredible.

510
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:41,919
Speaker 4: What would you say is the biggest challenge or paradigm

511
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:45,520
Speaker 4: shift that you notice with couples when they're transitioning into

512
00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:47,919
Speaker 4: a polyamory lifestyle.

513
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:50,680
Speaker 3: That they can have whatever they want. You know, most

514
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:53,720
Speaker 3: people are not privy to the concept that they can

515
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:57,320
Speaker 3: have whatever they want. You are an autonomous being, even

516
00:27:57,320 --> 00:28:00,480
Speaker 3: if you are in a relationship and they just don't

517
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:03,800
Speaker 3: know that they can create the vision that they feel

518
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:07,680
Speaker 3: is desired. I wanted two husbands in my house. That's

519
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:10,600
Speaker 3: what I want, So I created that. Now we have

520
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:13,600
Speaker 3: the technology, and that's what we support our clients and

521
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:14,280
Speaker 3: our members with.

522
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:20,240
Speaker 1: I keep finding myself speechless in the sense that it

523
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:24,840
Speaker 1: makes sense to me, right when I think about, like

524
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:29,200
Speaker 1: my training, and I hear you on how we've been

525
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 1: all socialized in Western culture, right, and I think about,

526
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 1: like my own my clinical training has been in Western culture.

527
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:44,240
Speaker 1: And one of the things that I've really been focused

528
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:53,320
Speaker 1: on of late is tapping into like liberation psychology and

529
00:28:53,480 --> 00:29:02,000
Speaker 1: African centered psychology and really understanding how to to undo,

530
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 1: like you said, this Western way of thinking about things.

531
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:08,760
Speaker 1: And I think the beautiful thing to me that I'm

532
00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:13,560
Speaker 1: seeing is that despite the differences, there are some commonalities,

533
00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:18,239
Speaker 1: right that, no matter what your perspective is. And I

534
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:22,320
Speaker 1: think that lady, as you're listening, even if you are

535
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:28,520
Speaker 1: finding yourself hesitant to be receptive to what this conversation

536
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:34,240
Speaker 1: that we're talking about, I think the beautiful thing that

537
00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:39,400
Speaker 1: we can all come back to is that we all

538
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:45,840
Speaker 1: want love that no matter how we are really getting it,

539
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:50,400
Speaker 1: Like what approach we're taking to get it. The goal

540
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:56,719
Speaker 1: is the same that we all want love and so Kenya.

541
00:29:56,880 --> 00:30:02,040
Speaker 1: As you think about some of the biggest like challenges

542
00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:09,240
Speaker 1: that Progressive Love Academy has had to encounter, what would

543
00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:12,000
Speaker 1: you say those biggest challenges have been.

544
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:15,560
Speaker 3: Well, the challenges have been, wow, how do we now?

545
00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:18,920
Speaker 3: I'm a psychology major and I graduate from Howard University,

546
00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:23,560
Speaker 3: But the challenge for me has been like where does

547
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:26,800
Speaker 3: this information fit? Does the field of psychology want it?

548
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:32,479
Speaker 3: Because this is indigenous information, you know, so who wants it?

549
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:34,680
Speaker 3: You know? It's more of like, here are the goods.

550
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:38,920
Speaker 3: We've written fourteen books, We've raised three children there in college,

551
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:42,000
Speaker 3: one of them works for Progressive Love Academy. We are

552
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:45,880
Speaker 3: a successful family, we run a successful company, we have

553
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:50,240
Speaker 3: a successful ideology. Who would like it? You know, you

554
00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:53,880
Speaker 3: have a segment of people who these are the unhappily married.

555
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:56,800
Speaker 3: These are people who you know, they are unhappily married,

556
00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:59,400
Speaker 3: but they want to keep their family. But it's a

557
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 3: challenge to step outside the box. But we have a

558
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:04,680
Speaker 3: tool for that. But how do we come close to her?

559
00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:11,080
Speaker 3: It's scary, that's scary. Having what you want that's scary, right,

560
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:15,480
Speaker 3: So that's been our biggest challenge is who would like

561
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,720
Speaker 3: these goods and services. Here we are. You've been here

562
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:21,920
Speaker 3: sixteen years. We're just now on your podcast, you see.

563
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:25,080
Speaker 3: And so what I'm saying is that we have to

564
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 3: have a market. We have to have people who are

565
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:30,600
Speaker 3: courageous and bold and powerful enough to know that we're

566
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 3: more than this. We're more than this fifty five percent

567
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 3: divorce rate. We're more than all these broken homes. We

568
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 3: are more than all these unhappy women that people call

569
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:44,760
Speaker 3: bitch when actually they just underfucked and need orgasm and

570
00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:47,960
Speaker 3: need to have what they want. Okay, So I'm saying

571
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:51,360
Speaker 3: we're beyond this, but you have to be willing to

572
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:54,000
Speaker 3: take that first step. If you're scared of it, then

573
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:57,080
Speaker 3: you may not be ready. But gosh, we're here. We

574
00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:59,440
Speaker 3: got all the tools. Let's go.

575
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:02,600
Speaker 2: You better preach, okay, ken Yea.

576
00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:05,840
Speaker 4: I will say you mentioned your children, and in doing research,

577
00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:08,880
Speaker 4: I found one of your daughter's Instagram, the one who

578
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 4: is part I don't know if we want to say

579
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:12,360
Speaker 4: her name publicly, but she is part of the Progressive

580
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:15,160
Speaker 4: SONU I believe her name is. She's a coach there

581
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:18,320
Speaker 4: and to be what twenty years old. I mean her intellect,

582
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:21,640
Speaker 4: just the knowledge that she has. I saw a post

583
00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 4: one of her birthday posts where she just bragged about

584
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:26,200
Speaker 4: her mother, and I literally saw the post and I

585
00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:28,520
Speaker 4: was like, I hope my child talks about me like

586
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:31,440
Speaker 4: this one day, because when you have this paradigm shift,

587
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:33,560
Speaker 4: you're able to give that to your children. It's like

588
00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:37,280
Speaker 4: generational health and wealth right in a way. Can you

589
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:39,280
Speaker 4: talk a bit about what if you taught your children

590
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:40,840
Speaker 4: and what has it been like for them to grow

591
00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:43,800
Speaker 4: up in this non traditional environment. I'm sure their friends

592
00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:46,360
Speaker 4: don't have the same type of home life that they've

593
00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:48,320
Speaker 4: had with you know, two dads and or I don't

594
00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:49,800
Speaker 4: know if they if you call that, they call the

595
00:32:49,880 --> 00:32:50,680
Speaker 4: other husband dad.

596
00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:51,920
Speaker 2: But how does that all work?

597
00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:52,200
Speaker 1: Can you?

598
00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:54,920
Speaker 3: Well, their friends don't have the same home life. Most

599
00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:58,680
Speaker 3: of their friends' parents are divorced. Okay, So that's number one.

600
00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:06,040
Speaker 3: Number two, you know, they're going in between houses. They're

601
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:09,480
Speaker 3: very unhappy. They come to my house for solace, they

602
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:14,120
Speaker 3: come to my house for sanity, okay. And so that's

603
00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:16,600
Speaker 3: what their friends have done. We've taught their friends all

604
00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:22,680
Speaker 3: about tantra and sensuality and communication and connection and what

605
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:25,480
Speaker 3: love means and that they can have anything they want.

606
00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:28,640
Speaker 3: And this is how to become a manifestor a powerful

607
00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:31,680
Speaker 3: manifestor on this planet. So that's why, you know, you

608
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:34,240
Speaker 3: see my daughter's Instagram. She knows she can have whatever

609
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:36,800
Speaker 3: she wants and she knows that she can manifest it

610
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:39,520
Speaker 3: from the powers within her. And that's the type of

611
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:43,560
Speaker 3: psychology that we teach our children. They've benefited, you know,

612
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:46,960
Speaker 3: My son is it. He's graduated, is his senior year

613
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:50,000
Speaker 3: in college. He's in University of Michigan. My other son

614
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:53,240
Speaker 3: is leaving, he's eighteen. These are humans who know that

615
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:55,480
Speaker 3: they can create what they want. It's not based on

616
00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:59,960
Speaker 3: somebody else's tradition. They know that they create their own tradition.

617
00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:04,080
Speaker 3: And that's been a powerful lesson for my children. I

618
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:05,240
Speaker 3: wouldn't have it any other way.

619
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:10,759
Speaker 1: That is so beautiful, you know. I think about just

620
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:14,480
Speaker 1: the I'm not a parent, but I love my role

621
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:18,520
Speaker 1: as auntie, and I think about, like just in my

622
00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:23,520
Speaker 1: role as an auntie, like just the level of responsibility

623
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:30,640
Speaker 1: that I feel for building up their emotional intelligence. And

624
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:36,000
Speaker 1: so I am just in admiration of how you all

625
00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:43,560
Speaker 1: have been able to cultivate free, beautiful human beings, and

626
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:46,759
Speaker 1: now they're going to go out and they are spreading

627
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:50,040
Speaker 1: the love to others.

628
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:52,719
Speaker 3: They don't have to be polyamorous. They can be whatever

629
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:56,000
Speaker 3: they want. My oldest son is in an exclusive relationship.

630
00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:58,239
Speaker 3: I think when young couples get together, they need a

631
00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:02,200
Speaker 3: time of exclusivity, learn how to relate. Even a new

632
00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:04,400
Speaker 3: partner that I might have, I might give that person

633
00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:07,839
Speaker 3: a time of exclusivity so that we can bond, so

634
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:10,320
Speaker 3: they know how to go back and forth between needs

635
00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:13,920
Speaker 3: and between wants and desires. But the sexuality piece is

636
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:17,120
Speaker 3: very important too. You say, I would never send a

637
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:20,480
Speaker 3: young girl out in this world without being sexually empowered

638
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:23,640
Speaker 3: and understanding that her pleasure is her power, and that

639
00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:26,400
Speaker 3: her she needs to understand her authentic yes and her

640
00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:29,880
Speaker 3: authentic no. So she saw her mother follow her authentic

641
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:33,600
Speaker 3: yes and follow her authentic no. What better example can

642
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:37,480
Speaker 3: I set? Typically, we teach girls, just know what you're no,

643
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 3: say no, say no, say no. These girls want pleasure.

644
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:43,400
Speaker 1: Just like these women's when they're humans.

645
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:46,080
Speaker 3: So that's what we've been able to teach our children

646
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:49,440
Speaker 3: and teach our sons how to respect anyone who opens

647
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:52,960
Speaker 3: and chooses them. We told our sons the feminine is

648
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:56,720
Speaker 3: the chooser, you know, don't You don't need to chase women,

649
00:35:56,800 --> 00:36:00,239
Speaker 3: see who's choosing you. That's how you do that. So

650
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:02,960
Speaker 3: it's a whole different mindset that we've given them, And

651
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:06,399
Speaker 3: thank you for the acknowledgment. We've really enjoyed raising them.

652
00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:10,800
Speaker 4: I will say, Kenya, is so admirable to see someone

653
00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:13,480
Speaker 4: who is so liberated and free, like you can tell

654
00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:15,760
Speaker 4: that you're living your best life. Okay, I know some people,

655
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:18,240
Speaker 4: like you said, there are some people in your community

656
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:19,920
Speaker 4: that are like, yeah, this is amazing, and there are

657
00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:22,839
Speaker 4: some people that they're triggered when they hear these conversations.

658
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:26,560
Speaker 4: But for you personally, have you always been this free

659
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:29,000
Speaker 4: and open and confident or was there a time in

660
00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:30,960
Speaker 4: your journey where you had to do some personal work

661
00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:32,560
Speaker 4: to sort of get to that place?

662
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:35,319
Speaker 3: You know, Oh, I'm always having to do personal work.

663
00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:37,520
Speaker 3: The other day, I just found out that I have

664
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:41,560
Speaker 3: this addiction to rejection. And so that's the beauty of

665
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:45,360
Speaker 3: our communication system is that once my husband's calm my

666
00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:48,080
Speaker 3: ego and soothe my ego, then I tell them the

667
00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 3: real truth. And I say, you know, what is this

668
00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 3: feeling that I get when you say no to me,

669
00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:56,400
Speaker 3: And I remember this feeling from childhood and I've become

670
00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:58,600
Speaker 3: so used to it that I am addicted to it.

671
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:02,080
Speaker 3: And so you know, I set it up to where

672
00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:04,799
Speaker 3: I'm going to have that feeling again. You understand. So

673
00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:08,759
Speaker 3: we talk. You talk about psychology, our whole house. That's

674
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:11,120
Speaker 3: what we talk about. Oh I did this, Well, why

675
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:13,520
Speaker 3: are you doing that? Once they're calmed down and the

676
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:15,719
Speaker 3: ego gets out the way, now we can have a

677
00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:20,120
Speaker 3: real conversation about what's really going on. And so we

678
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:21,000
Speaker 3: do that with our children.

679
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:21,719
Speaker 2: I do that with my.

680
00:37:21,719 --> 00:37:28,000
Speaker 3: Husband's It's so beautiful, but it's mandatory. It's mandatory that

681
00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:30,879
Speaker 3: people know you on that deeper level. I forgot your question,

682
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:33,040
Speaker 3: but I was just sharing that the personal work has

683
00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:36,239
Speaker 3: never ended. I think you hit the nail on the head.

684
00:37:36,239 --> 00:37:38,480
Speaker 4: But I was just thinking, like the courage that it

685
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:41,080
Speaker 4: takes to look at yourself and see yourself in the mirror.

686
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:44,399
Speaker 4: I mean, I think people don't may not understand how

687
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:47,880
Speaker 4: much personal work and how secure you have to be

688
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,480
Speaker 4: in the level of self awareness. Some people don't want

689
00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:53,040
Speaker 4: to face themselves. They're like, fuck that, I'm not trying

690
00:37:53,040 --> 00:37:54,399
Speaker 4: to look in the mirror. I don't want to see

691
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:56,919
Speaker 4: that shit. I don't want to address it. But this

692
00:37:57,200 --> 00:37:59,480
Speaker 4: is although it's so new for some folks, the level

693
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:04,479
Speaker 4: of just openness and transparency and authenticity is just mind

694
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:06,720
Speaker 4: by I mean, it's amazing, but it's also mind boggling

695
00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:07,960
Speaker 4: because you don't see that every day.

696
00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:08,160
Speaker 1: Right.

697
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:10,759
Speaker 4: I was telling Don before the episode, I'm like, you

698
00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:14,520
Speaker 4: know what, I know women who are married and who

699
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:16,960
Speaker 4: will listen to this episode and they will be like,

700
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:18,280
Speaker 4: oh my gosh, this is crazy.

701
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:19,000
Speaker 3: I can't believe it.

702
00:38:19,239 --> 00:38:22,080
Speaker 4: But they're married and they cheat on their husbands and

703
00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:25,120
Speaker 4: have multiple partners outside of that. But the idea of

704
00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:28,200
Speaker 4: doing something in a way that's I guess that's more transparent.

705
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:30,960
Speaker 4: It's bizarre to them. Do you ever see that in

706
00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:35,279
Speaker 4: your work? I suppose that I do, or did I?

707
00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:36,160
Speaker 1: Really?

708
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:38,560
Speaker 3: I only attract too in what I am, So most

709
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:40,520
Speaker 3: of the people who come to me and find me like,

710
00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:44,080
Speaker 3: I'm invisible to people who are not where. That's everybody.

711
00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:46,200
Speaker 3: You're invisible to people who are not on your vibration.

712
00:38:46,719 --> 00:38:49,080
Speaker 3: So typically, no, I don't get people who are like,

713
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:52,040
Speaker 3: oh my god, I can't do this, this is crazy. No,

714
00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:53,839
Speaker 3: I don't know. Really a lot of people like that,

715
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:56,960
Speaker 3: and I know thousands of thousands of people. I live

716
00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:59,239
Speaker 3: in the new paradigm. I've created my own new Earth.

717
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:02,480
Speaker 3: You know, are the powers that we have. I'm trying

718
00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:04,360
Speaker 3: to let y'all know. The universe is trying to let

719
00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:07,840
Speaker 3: y'all know too. That's why you're hearing my voice, because

720
00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:11,320
Speaker 3: it's time. We can no longer sit in somebody else's shadow.

721
00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:14,359
Speaker 3: So yeah, I don't get many people like that, but

722
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:17,160
Speaker 3: if I did, I would immediately engage the tools because

723
00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:18,279
Speaker 3: if they found me, they're ready.

724
00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:21,439
Speaker 2: Bottom line, And I do have to ask.

725
00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:23,920
Speaker 4: I know that you do not strike me as the

726
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:26,520
Speaker 4: person that really cares what other people think. But I

727
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:28,880
Speaker 4: know that your family, like, is everyone in your family

728
00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:30,920
Speaker 4: like your husband's families? Is everyone on board? How do

729
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:33,360
Speaker 4: holidays work? Because you know how families can be, so

730
00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:35,160
Speaker 4: tell us about that. How does that all work?

731
00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:38,799
Speaker 3: No? I took Hubby two to Thanksgiving this year. Our

732
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:42,640
Speaker 3: families know we're getting married. We have wedding ceremonies planned.

733
00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:45,880
Speaker 3: You know, my hubby two is from a Jehovah's witness family.

734
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:48,200
Speaker 3: We're trying to get his family to come to our wedding,

735
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:52,160
Speaker 3: which my husband will be officiating, hubby one will be

736
00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:56,040
Speaker 3: officiating that. I mean, we're trying to get them to

737
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:59,760
Speaker 3: understand this normal like my family. Like, if my family

738
00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:01,960
Speaker 3: tries I had to raise some smoke with me about this,

739
00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:04,440
Speaker 3: I would just go ahead and talk about all the aunties,

740
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:07,120
Speaker 3: all the uncles, all the divorce, all the cars broken into,

741
00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:11,880
Speaker 3: people killed, people bashing ahead, don't talk to me about it. Okay,

742
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:14,040
Speaker 3: that's I think where my confidence come from. It come

743
00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:17,239
Speaker 3: from logic, like, do not talk to me about it.

744
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:21,600
Speaker 3: Look at the state of our families. Are you serious

745
00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:24,560
Speaker 3: right now? You're saying you have a concern with my

746
00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:28,360
Speaker 3: child having two husbands, two fathers, many fathers, many mothers,

747
00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:30,759
Speaker 3: and there's people out here and they raising the kids

748
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:34,399
Speaker 3: by themselves. You're telling me what about the problem. So

749
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:37,319
Speaker 3: it's no, My confidence comes from logic, that's it.

750
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:42,560
Speaker 1: So speaking of logic, for those who like are listening

751
00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:48,680
Speaker 1: and they're interested, how just one Because I know that

752
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:54,759
Speaker 1: in certain states it's not legal to have more than

753
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:59,480
Speaker 1: one marriage. So from a logistical standpoint, like, how does

754
00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:00,480
Speaker 1: that work for folks?

755
00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:04,040
Speaker 3: Okay, So we're still talking about the state, We're still

756
00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:06,680
Speaker 3: talking about Western culture, We're still talking about being in

757
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:10,400
Speaker 3: the shadow of somebody else's traditions. We're still not emphasizing

758
00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:13,040
Speaker 3: the creation of our own traditions. I don't need to

759
00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:15,880
Speaker 3: go get somebody to say, hey, you could be married

760
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:18,959
Speaker 3: to this person. I don't need that with Hubby two.

761
00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:21,920
Speaker 3: I did that with Hubby one because my parents made us.

762
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:26,880
Speaker 3: I was twenty one when I got married. I'm forty

763
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:30,960
Speaker 3: six today, and so you know, when I go and

764
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:34,080
Speaker 3: think about that time, my parents wanted us to go

765
00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:36,560
Speaker 3: get the state license, we did it for them. I

766
00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:39,080
Speaker 3: don't need that at this point in my life. That's

767
00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:42,640
Speaker 3: not even anything of importance to me. But if people

768
00:41:42,719 --> 00:41:46,319
Speaker 3: feel that, then they need that. I think I like

769
00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:49,920
Speaker 3: marriage like I would not trade being married for twenty

770
00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:53,960
Speaker 3: five years for the world. I enjoy my partner. He

771
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:55,960
Speaker 3: is my king, he is my best friend, he's the

772
00:41:56,000 --> 00:42:00,719
Speaker 3: love of my life. And I just enjoy that. And

773
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:03,239
Speaker 3: I want to get married to more people, and we

774
00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:04,479
Speaker 3: can do that without the state.

775
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:07,959
Speaker 2: I love it. I love it. I love it. Keny,

776
00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:09,279
Speaker 2: this has been so insightful.

777
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:12,200
Speaker 4: We are so grateful for this conversation, and we cannot

778
00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:14,279
Speaker 4: wait to see the feedback that we get. But we

779
00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:16,640
Speaker 4: want to switch up the energy just a little bit

780
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:19,560
Speaker 4: and invite you to this segment that we have so

781
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:24,200
Speaker 4: because we recognize, appreciate, and celebrate the multifaceted woman and

782
00:42:24,239 --> 00:42:27,120
Speaker 4: believe that it's okay to be classy and ratchet and

783
00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:30,160
Speaker 4: you can still be elegant and dance to strip club music,

784
00:42:30,480 --> 00:42:32,880
Speaker 4: we want to invite you to the oh you clatch

785
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:33,640
Speaker 4: it segment.

786
00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:35,560
Speaker 2: So, Kenya, do you take on the challenge?

787
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:38,600
Speaker 3: Of course, I take it on every challenge. Let's go dad,

788
00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:40,120
Speaker 3: all right.

789
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:49,360
Speaker 1: All right, so work or two steps, suork I feel like,

790
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,400
Speaker 1: you know, before I even asked, I felt like it

791
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:53,040
Speaker 1: was going to be too easy.

792
00:42:53,640 --> 00:42:55,839
Speaker 2: Yes, no question, because yeah, we work.

793
00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 3: We're working.

794
00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:57,240
Speaker 1: Now.

795
00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:00,399
Speaker 2: What song gets you on the dance at the club

796
00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:00,880
Speaker 2: or party?

797
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:02,719
Speaker 4: Like, what's that song where you're like, oh, y'all, hold

798
00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:05,080
Speaker 4: up whole my drink, hold my whatever, I got, hold

799
00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:06,560
Speaker 4: my stuff, let me go up on the dance floor.

800
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:09,640
Speaker 3: What is that song for you? I like? Why? Recently,

801
00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:11,759
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm not I don't I don't be having

802
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:13,719
Speaker 3: time to listen to music because I'm always on the

803
00:43:13,719 --> 00:43:16,320
Speaker 3: phone with clients. But most recently I thought that was

804
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:20,000
Speaker 3: a brilliant song. I mean, it is a brilliant revolutionary

805
00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:23,640
Speaker 3: concept that we can celebrate our own vagina. We can

806
00:43:23,719 --> 00:43:27,040
Speaker 3: celebrate our own central organs like why why wouldn't we?

807
00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:29,480
Speaker 3: Why haven't we been? It's fabulous?

808
00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:36,919
Speaker 1: Yes, all right, as we're celebrating our vaginas. What would

809
00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:39,399
Speaker 1: be your stripper name?

810
00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:43,640
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, can y'all give me one? I don't

811
00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:47,960
Speaker 3: know what's stripper name? Diamond? Diamond? I like diamond, I

812
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:51,239
Speaker 3: love it. Okay, the players club vibe. Okay, we like it.

813
00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:51,799
Speaker 2: We like it.

814
00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:53,560
Speaker 4: Now we're going to switch up and get to our

815
00:43:53,719 --> 00:43:56,080
Speaker 4: class here. Question, So can you, when you think about

816
00:43:56,480 --> 00:44:00,160
Speaker 4: how you want to be remembered in this life, just

817
00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:02,320
Speaker 4: say that you want to be remembered as.

818
00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:06,640
Speaker 3: A revolutionary woman, an empathic woman, an intuitive woman who

819
00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:10,920
Speaker 3: expanded the concept of love and brought empathy and compassion

820
00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:13,439
Speaker 3: back to Western culture and Western relationships.

821
00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:21,799
Speaker 1: Yes, okay, one final question? What is the one thing

822
00:44:22,719 --> 00:44:26,799
Speaker 1: that you wish people would ask you in interviews that

823
00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:28,800
Speaker 1: no one seems to ask?

824
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 3: How they can book coaching with me?

825
00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:34,439
Speaker 1: Perfect?

826
00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:39,920
Speaker 2: Great, great segue, Let's do it. How can we book

827
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:41,040
Speaker 2: coaching with you? Kenya?

828
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:42,279
Speaker 1: All right?

829
00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:45,680
Speaker 3: You can follow me on Instagram. I am Progressive Love Academy.

830
00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:48,480
Speaker 3: There you'll find my profile you can use my links.

831
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:51,439
Speaker 3: You can always book a free one hour discovery call

832
00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:54,759
Speaker 3: with me. Free, I say free every call with me.

833
00:44:54,920 --> 00:44:57,520
Speaker 3: If you're married ten years or more and you are

834
00:44:57,560 --> 00:45:01,319
Speaker 3: looking to move from monogamy to paula amory, that's my specialty.

835
00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:05,400
Speaker 4: Kenya, thank you so much for chatting with us. This

836
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:09,200
Speaker 4: was again such an insightful conversation. We appreciate you. You

837
00:45:09,239 --> 00:45:11,160
Speaker 4: did share how folks can book a call with you.

838
00:45:11,239 --> 00:45:13,560
Speaker 4: Is there anything else that you're promoting or any service

839
00:45:13,560 --> 00:45:15,480
Speaker 4: to their products you want to lead them to so

840
00:45:15,480 --> 00:45:17,240
Speaker 4: they can connect with you. Because I have a feeling

841
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:19,800
Speaker 4: that after this conversation and they don't know already know

842
00:45:19,840 --> 00:45:21,680
Speaker 4: about King and Stevens, they're gonna be like, where's she at?

843
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:23,759
Speaker 3: How can I find her? So let them know. I

844
00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:26,479
Speaker 3: have a free Facebook group. I'll give you that link

845
00:45:26,520 --> 00:45:29,080
Speaker 3: that you can use, and we're doing that workshop on

846
00:45:29,160 --> 00:45:32,640
Speaker 3: how to get your partner into polyamory, how to have

847
00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:35,799
Speaker 3: that scary conversation and make I'm gonna make it much

848
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:37,640
Speaker 3: less scary. It's gonna be so easy. You're gonna be

849
00:45:37,760 --> 00:45:39,920
Speaker 3: just like talking about a television show. It's going to

850
00:45:39,960 --> 00:45:43,360
Speaker 3: be so easy. So that workshops on February seventh, and

851
00:45:43,400 --> 00:45:45,520
Speaker 3: then of course my Facebook private group.

852
00:45:46,920 --> 00:45:51,399
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Kenya, no problem, Hey lady, it's

853
00:45:51,480 --> 00:45:54,839
Speaker 2: Terry here from Cultivating her Space. Are you tired of

854
00:45:54,880 --> 00:45:58,000
Speaker 2: working hard for your money? Do you want your business

855
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:00,960
Speaker 2: to run smoothly when you're out of office? If you

856
00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:03,800
Speaker 2: want to learn how to automate your business cash flow

857
00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:08,000
Speaker 2: and increase your impact and influence, join me from our

858
00:46:08,040 --> 00:46:13,240
Speaker 2: free workshop at brandwidth Terry dot com. Again, that's brand

859
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:17,759
Speaker 2: with Terry dot com. My name is spell Teubri.

860
00:46:17,880 --> 00:46:23,920
Speaker 4: I hope to see you there, lady, Thanks.

861
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:26,000
Speaker 1: For joining us today. Please note that our show may

862
00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:32,640
Speaker 1: contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and mental health,

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00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:35,960
Speaker 1: but is by no means meant to be a substitute

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00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:40,440
Speaker 1: for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained mental health provider.

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00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:43,920
Speaker 1: If you are someone you know is in need of

866
00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:47,560
Speaker 1: mental health care, please visit a Therapy for Black Girls

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00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:52,760
Speaker 1: directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider.

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00:46:53,600 --> 00:46:55,319
Speaker 4: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

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Speaker 4: the conversation going, visit our website cultivatinghirspace dot com and

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00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:02,560
Speaker 4: be sure to click the Patreon tab to get access

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00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:07,440
Speaker 4: to video content. Bonuses and our weekly after show and

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00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:11,560
Speaker 4: before we meet again. Repeat after me, I am aligned

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Speaker 4: with my inevitable outcome.

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Speaker 1: We'll see you next week, lady.