Speaker 1: When I became a mother, there were certain things that
Speaker 1: I was only able to experience as a mom, no
Speaker 1: matter how much people told me, you had to be
Speaker 1: in the thick of it. I feel so responsible these days.
Speaker 1: Responsibility looks good on you, sis, dead assadass. Hey, I'm
Speaker 1: Kadeen and I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.
Speaker 2: You may know us from posting funny videos with our
Speaker 2: voice and reading.
Speaker 1: Each other publicly as a form of therby. Wait, I
Speaker 1: make you need therby most days. Wow. Oh, and one
Speaker 1: more important thing to mention, we're married.
Speaker 2: Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open
Speaker 2: dialogue about some of Li's most taboo topics.
Speaker 1: Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Speaker 2: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
Speaker 2: is a term that we say every day. So when
Speaker 2: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred
Speaker 2: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the day
Speaker 2: we about to take Bilotov to a whole new level.
Speaker 1: Dead ass starts right now, all right, story time. So
Speaker 1: if you're wondering if this was planned, it wasn't. I mean,
Speaker 1: it was planned for me to have Jazzy here with
Speaker 1: me today. However, the whole, like Denilone situation black, the
Speaker 1: black underlay, the black leggings totally not planned. However, according
Speaker 1: to Triple, if both of us look three inches to
Speaker 1: the right and two inches down our side, profiles are
Speaker 1: giving family. And that's because we are yeah so jazzy,
Speaker 1: and I recently found out that we are a legitimate family. Now.
Speaker 1: First of all, finding someone who is of Jamaican and
Speaker 1: Vincy Vincenian descent is very like, It's not common. I
Speaker 1: feel like I usually see someone who's like Jamaican and Trinidadian,
Speaker 1: you know, maybe Vincy and Guyanese. But I've never actually
Speaker 1: met someone right. And I think when we first met,
Speaker 1: I had asked you if you were like Guyanese or something. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you were like, no, My my dad's from Jamaica. My
Speaker 1: mom's from Saint I say Vincent. And I was like what,
Speaker 1: But you know what's funny.
Speaker 3: My whole life I thought that I was Trinny was
Speaker 3: my mom was born in Trinidad, but she would always
Speaker 3: say born in Trinidad by way of Saint Vincent, Like
Speaker 3: my whole family's from Saint Vincent.
Speaker 1: So in my mind, I'm like, aren't you where you're from, right,
Speaker 1: I was like, where you were born? So she was
Speaker 1: like raised in Trinidad, she was born there? Oh she
Speaker 1: was born in Trinidad. Oh, yes, so she was born
Speaker 1: in Trinidad, but then she came over.
Speaker 3: Yeah because her fam is her both her parents are
Speaker 3: from Saint Vincent. Okay, however, her dad was in Trinidad
Speaker 3: for some business and that's where she ended up being born.
Speaker 1: Gotcha, gotcha? Gotcha dad? Like nationality wise, I guess she's
Speaker 1: technically Trinidad yet, right, But the whole family, the whole
Speaker 1: bloodline is it's fency Okay, So we had to scale
Speaker 1: it back. So I was at Jasmine's baby shower, okay,
Speaker 1: having a grand all time, putting the rug, and then
Speaker 1: I introduced myself to your mom and dad, which is
Speaker 1: such a West Indian thing. Introducing yourself to everybody. Absolutely
Speaker 1: you have to. You can't walk into a room and
Speaker 1: not slate, especially not speak, not introduce yourself, because then
Speaker 1: they're gonna question if you have Mana's right. So in
Speaker 1: order to be Mana Zebel to your mom and dad,
Speaker 1: I went over and introduced myself and they were so sweet.
Speaker 1: If father gave me a big hug and then they
Speaker 1: looked over and they were like Zach. And I'm like, yes, Ax,
Speaker 1: my husband like Zach, Zach's my husband. And then I
Speaker 1: saw your mom and I was like, oh, my goodness,
Speaker 1: you're from Saint Vincent and she said yes. I said, oh,
Speaker 1: my dad is from there too, and I saw her
Speaker 1: eyes get wide and then she like literally grabbed my
Speaker 1: arm and sat me next to her and she was like, so,
Speaker 1: what's your last name, what's your dad's last name, what's
Speaker 1: your family name? Do you know this person? Which part
Speaker 1: of Saint Vincent? And that's how typical West Indians are, right.
Speaker 1: We get together and we do the whole tracing of
Speaker 1: the bloodline and the family tree based on last names
Speaker 1: and which part you're from. Right. So we did all
Speaker 1: of the tracing and everything, and I said to her,
Speaker 1: I was like, listen, I'm gonna have to like talk
Speaker 1: to my dad and cross reference and see what's happening.
Speaker 1: So she said, here's my phone number. You have to
Speaker 1: call me and text me. So fast forward. Now I'm
Speaker 1: texting Jazzy on the side like Hey, I'm talking to
Speaker 1: your mom. We're having this whole conversation over here, and
Speaker 1: my dad is now going back and forth with your
Speaker 1: mom about like who they know, what are the people
Speaker 1: they know, what areas they're from. And there's definitely some
Speaker 1: crossing of family there. Now we could be third or
Speaker 1: fourth cousins, but cousins nonetheless. And you know in the Islands,
Speaker 1: if one person is your cousin, everybody's your cousin. So
Speaker 1: that was a fun thing to find out about Jazzy
Speaker 1: because we've always talked about like how we have the
Speaker 1: similar kind of mixtures. People always say that we look
Speaker 1: alive yep, yep, exactly, So it just kind of made
Speaker 1: sense and it was actually kind of cool to you related.
Speaker 1: It's like, well, we are related, we are we are
Speaker 1: so me. I'm a baby by cousin. Okay, we're gonna
Speaker 1: sit down and we're gonna talk. The overarching topic for
Speaker 1: this season is perception versus reality, And the biggest part
Speaker 1: about this interview with Jazzy it's her first as a
Speaker 1: new mom. That's so crazy, so talk about relating on
Speaker 1: a whole nother level. We're gonna dive in and talk
Speaker 1: about what life has been looking like for you lately,
Speaker 1: and I'm so honored for you to have to be
Speaker 1: sitting down with me for the first time with a
Speaker 1: baby girl off in the wings with mom and the
Speaker 1: boys learning how to read, learning how to read, and
Speaker 1: probably dunk a basketball at three months. All right, karaoke time?
Speaker 1: Did we figure out a karaokee song?
Speaker 2: Yet?
Speaker 1: Jazzon and I were going through like the whole gamut
Speaker 1: of all the songs that we enjoy. One was Little Kim,
Speaker 1: but she was a bit risk for the episode. So
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean, we do risk a, we do risky,
Speaker 1: we do risk a. But you're from the late nineties,
Speaker 1: early two thousands. Good is mad songs that I could sing, son,
Speaker 1: I could pull it, masks up. I just want to
Speaker 1: know what your favorite could Dude? Did you have I
Speaker 1: Know you love Me? Like cook food? Even though a
Speaker 1: nigga got a move like a crooked move, she bars
Speaker 1: did not sound familiar. No, what is that zy song? Cry? Oh? Yes,
Speaker 1: the flow was a little off though the melody was off.
Speaker 1: Do it again, Do it again?
Speaker 3: It's because it's acapella. It's a cappella. Acapella, a cappella.
Speaker 3: I think with the a acapella like showtime about.
Speaker 1: The Okay, it came to mind, I'm thinking about because
Speaker 1: there's one part that I don't know. Good dude, I
Speaker 1: know you love me like cook food, even though a
Speaker 1: nigga gotta move like a crooked move. We were together
Speaker 1: on the block since free Lunch. They should have been
Speaker 1: together having four.
Speaker 3: Seasons, but we used to. We used to use umbrellas
Speaker 3: to face the bad weather. Now we travel first class
Speaker 3: to change the four never have bunches, just me and you.
Speaker 3: I loved your point of view because you have no punches.
Speaker 1: Bars. But you weren't a partner of it. Though we're
Speaker 1: supposed to do it together. I know it's all right.
Speaker 1: Though you was in your element. I let you rock.
Speaker 1: I let you rock. I liked it, you was feeling it.
Speaker 1: I was see. Sometimes it comes to you in the moment.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. So I let you rock.
Speaker 1: You might guessterday booth. Yeah, it's your world. I'm just
Speaker 1: living in it right now, all right. So I'm gonna
Speaker 1: brush up on my jay Z lyrics real quick. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna pay some bills as well. We might feed some babies,
Speaker 1: make sure everybody's still alive and ticking, and we'll be
Speaker 1: back with the meat of the show with Jasmine Brown.
Speaker 1: All right, y'all, today you figured out my guests because
Speaker 1: I gave it away. I typically like to make it
Speaker 1: like really interesting in the beginning, but I was so
Speaker 1: excited to have my girl, Jazzmine Brown. Y'all know her
Speaker 1: as watch Jazzy on Instagram. A stand up comedian, a
Speaker 1: character artist, and, as we learned recently, my cousin, but
Speaker 1: also an actress as well. Jazzy us is comedy to
Speaker 1: give a multi perspective view at life's ups and downs.
Speaker 1: One of my favorite characters of her, Miss Toya turn Up,
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, an uncouth around the way girl who
Speaker 1: says what's on her mind. And I'm sure many can
Speaker 1: relate to. Even if y'all don't want to admit it,
Speaker 1: I know there's a couple Toya turn Up, some real
Speaker 1: life out there and it's all good, all good, no
Speaker 1: judgment zone at all. Welcome Jazzy to the show, y'all.
Speaker 1: What's up, girl? What's up? That was a good intro?
Speaker 1: Thank you. You know it's funny we always have the
Speaker 1: intro here. But what I like to do is for
Speaker 1: my guest, you being like the second or third. So
Speaker 1: this is something I'm starting, but I want you to
Speaker 1: tell me who's Jazzy, who's Jazmine Brown? And is there
Speaker 1: a difference?
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, you know what it's the question is who's
Speaker 3: watched Jazzy, who's Jazzy and who's Jazzmin Brown?
Speaker 1: Okay, because watch Jazzy man that whole And.
Speaker 3: It's funny because it's like I don't want to say
Speaker 3: it's a character, because that's really my personality. Like how
Speaker 3: I started, like in the car doing my rant, saying whatever,
Speaker 3: and like those clips were going viral like that was
Speaker 3: watched Jazzy. So it was like a girl that you
Speaker 3: would watch my name is Jazzy and just keep watching me.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: But then it got like when I started to grow
Speaker 3: up and mature, and but my audience not everybody would
Speaker 3: come with me, so I found myself having to still
Speaker 3: do the same stuff.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: So that's when I felt like, Okay, now it's it's
Speaker 3: because I'm more of a character now because I can't
Speaker 3: grow out of it.
Speaker 1: I mean I can, but the people want this. So
Speaker 1: you were trying to evolve from watch but she got stuck.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I noticed that like people want like if
Speaker 3: they relate to you in one way, they want to
Speaker 3: they want you to stay that way. And then there's
Speaker 3: some people who will grow with you, like they have
Speaker 3: kids too, Like a lot of other influences shout out
Speaker 3: to La La Milan, like she just had a baby
Speaker 3: as well, Candice and Omar had a baby, so like
Speaker 3: they go from being like influencers and now their parents.
Speaker 3: So now like we now all of us can relate
Speaker 3: to each other. Now, yes, but like my content back
Speaker 3: in the day of like you know, niggas ain't shit
Speaker 3: and just what is somebody's supposed to be doing this
Speaker 3: and this and this for you.
Speaker 1: It's just it's just different now. But people want me there, right,
Speaker 1: They want to hold you to that. They want to
Speaker 1: hold me there.
Speaker 3: So now it's like someone told me, they were like, oh, ever,
Speaker 3: since you got a man, you think you a.
Speaker 1: Profit, you're a prophet, Like that's not what I think.
Speaker 1: That's not what you think. That that's what you believe, right,
Speaker 1: but like versus reality exactly.
Speaker 3: So that's when I realized I had to try to
Speaker 3: just keep that thing the thing because it was selling,
Speaker 3: you know, like doing my comedy, doing my shows, like
Speaker 3: even like Toya turn Up, that character was created way before,
Speaker 3: like the Suki Hannas and Sexy Reds and city girls
Speaker 3: like that was like, you know.
Speaker 1: You were the original but O g Like we said, yeah.
Speaker 3: So now it's like if I if that character, if
Speaker 3: I were to keep going, like it's right on brand
Speaker 3: now because that's kind of how like a lot of
Speaker 3: the culture, like it has gone in that kind of direction.
Speaker 3: But I've even had to take a break on her
Speaker 3: so I could just focus on Okay, who am I?
Speaker 1: Like? What am I doing? Right? So we're talking about
Speaker 1: jazz now. We talked about Watch Jazzy, Jazzy Jazz.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Jazzy is that's like my family Jazz Jazzy. You know,
Speaker 3: at home, I'm Auntie Jazzy, you know, so that's like
Speaker 3: my home name, you know, Jazzy Watch Jazzy, Yes, my
Speaker 3: home name.
Speaker 1: And then Jazmine Brown is like who I am?
Speaker 3: Like that, it's like I guess, oh my gosh, the
Speaker 3: mom yeah, the motherly side, the woman's side, the partner side,
Speaker 3: that's the actress side.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So how have you felt stifled, I guess in
Speaker 1: a sense, or have you felt stifled with people who
Speaker 1: still crave Watch Jazzy but you feel like maybe I've
Speaker 1: outgrown that portion of my life or I've outgrown that
Speaker 1: portion of content or my talent. Do you feel stifled
Speaker 1: in having to still curtail your content to make sure
Speaker 1: that you're including those people or do you feel like,
Speaker 1: you know what, whoever's gonna come with me gonna come
Speaker 1: with me. Regardless, whoever's gonna come is gonna come.
Speaker 3: Because now it's like I can still do the content,
Speaker 3: but now it's gonna be baby related. Now it's like
Speaker 3: instead of me talking about dudes or whatever, can't.
Speaker 1: Talk about that anymore.
Speaker 3: Have a man, so it's like I'm not really I'm
Speaker 3: not outside anymore, right, So now it's like, let me
Speaker 3: talk about these babies and how these kids are acting,
Speaker 3: you know, so that I can do more of that
Speaker 3: kind of stuff. I just haven't really found that dance yet. Okay,
Speaker 3: there's things that I think about all the time, like, oh,
Speaker 3: this would be good if I would have rant about this, yes,
Speaker 3: But then I haven't because I'm just like, as you know,
Speaker 3: like having a newborn. It's like, oh, yeah, first of all,
Speaker 3: you have brain fog. Because we had a moment like
Speaker 3: a mug.
Speaker 1: We both had brain fog. First of all, this is
Speaker 1: contagious Okay, I thought my brain fog went because I'm
Speaker 1: here two and a half years PILs Dakota. And then
Speaker 1: we were talking about something and I for a second
Speaker 1: we were like what were we talking about?
Speaker 3: And then you were like, I don't know what we
Speaker 3: were talking about. And then you were like I don't
Speaker 3: even know what I was talking about.
Speaker 1: And I was like, need to do it. And it
Speaker 1: was like, oh, this shit is contagious. It is so constagious.
Speaker 1: But I love that. I love that you are finding
Speaker 1: new ways to I guess it kind of eventually evolve.
Speaker 1: People don't know how to evolve sometimes, though, So you
Speaker 1: got backlash from people who felt like Toya Turn Up
Speaker 1: or watch Jazzy used to preach one thing through your comedy,
Speaker 1: but then now she's at a different point in life,
Speaker 1: and they were trying to hold you to that standard.
Speaker 1: How did that make you feel in that moment?
Speaker 3: It's crazy because it's like, dang, like I can't, I
Speaker 3: can't evolve.
Speaker 1: Y'all want me to stay the same. It's like, y'all
Speaker 1: want me to be single so bad, and you're mad
Speaker 1: because I'm not.
Speaker 3: That's just sound by then y'all y'all.
Speaker 1: Want me to be single so bad.
Speaker 3: It's like, why can't I if everybody's out here looking
Speaker 3: for love?
Speaker 1: Why essentially I would think that most people are right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it's like, okayship even though right, companionship,
Speaker 3: love somebody, a warm body, whatever it is. It's like,
Speaker 3: you don't necessarily want to be alone. And if you
Speaker 3: keep and if you're telling yourself that, I think you're
Speaker 3: lying to yourself because eventually, you know, I read something.
Speaker 3: I read something the other day that was like, if
Speaker 3: you if you have nobody checking for you to make
Speaker 3: sure you made it home safe, nobody, nobody did wake
Speaker 3: up early for and have to do anything for nobody,
Speaker 3: nobody home or waiting for you when you get home.
Speaker 1: Is that freedom or is that loneliness? Oh? I think
Speaker 1: I saw that you may have reposted that I did.
Speaker 1: I did. I thought about that and you polled and
Speaker 1: it was what was the result of that poll? What
Speaker 1: do people think? Do you remember freedom? Freedom? People think
Speaker 1: it's freedom. People think it's freedom.
Speaker 3: But I mean there was a good amount that said
Speaker 3: lonely yea, but I mean it was but freedom was was,
Speaker 3: you know, had the higher vote. But it's interesting, it's
Speaker 3: interesting to think about that yeah, because it's like, you
Speaker 3: can you know, I have friends that are amazing women
Speaker 3: that are single. And I was having a conversation with
Speaker 3: one of my friends and he was like, he was saying,
Speaker 3: he's like, Yo, my grandmother's ninety something years old and
Speaker 3: she still has been on that if he ain't got
Speaker 3: this and he ain't got this, he ain't got this
Speaker 3: and he ain't.
Speaker 1: Do one for me. And he's like, and she's nine
Speaker 1: ninety and still ain't got.
Speaker 3: Nobody, wow, because he better be doing this, this and
Speaker 3: this and having X y Z and her list was rigid,
Speaker 3: and her list was rigid, and it wasn't gonna budge
Speaker 3: and Granny ninety plus still talking about he need to
Speaker 3: be doing this, this and that at.
Speaker 1: Ninety Oh granny hard right, So it was he might
Speaker 1: find granny and man, he was so he was like,
Speaker 1: you know, there's women who are like that. So it's
Speaker 1: not to say that like that.
Speaker 3: I was not to say that I settled, but I mean, obviously,
Speaker 3: like you know, everybody knows my man got a lot
Speaker 3: of kids, right, and we just had one. So people
Speaker 3: the main thing I always hear women like, oh, how
Speaker 3: can you be with someone with so many kids, or
Speaker 3: it's like, originally, like I thought I was gonna I
Speaker 3: thought me and my.
Speaker 1: Person, we were gonna be each other's first first. That's
Speaker 1: what I thought, especially that would be ideal for you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what I thought was going to happen.
Speaker 3: So it's like, okay, but I had an open mind
Speaker 3: and then with that I met somebody amazing. So it's
Speaker 3: like it's sometimes the list is so strong and you
Speaker 3: not budget, but it's.
Speaker 1: Like, just see what you're going. I'm not telling you
Speaker 1: to settle, but baby, just see what areas you can
Speaker 1: you know, sing, So it's not necessarily settling, but however,
Speaker 1: you know you have a list, right, you have this
Speaker 1: mental note of things that you want your partner to have.
Speaker 1: They are not going to check all the boxes, not
Speaker 1: in life.
Speaker 3: And listen and not at once, right, because I remember
Speaker 3: I was I wrote I posted a list of like
Speaker 3: the man I wanted years ago, and somebody was like,
Speaker 3: I love your list. It's great, but and I believe
Speaker 3: you can find all of this, but you got to
Speaker 3: give the person time to.
Speaker 1: Become these become those things. Because for you to.
Speaker 3: Find someone who has all of that all at wants, baby,
Speaker 3: you ain't the only one who own him.
Speaker 1: That's that's my husband. Hello, that's literally my husband at eighteen.
Speaker 1: Do you think he had all of the attributes that
Speaker 1: I thought he was gonna have. I mean no, I
Speaker 1: will say I had a little foresight, you know, I
Speaker 1: knew he was gonna go to his big head and whatnot.
Speaker 1: And I say he had little work ethics and ambition.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, Okay, we can do this together. But yes,
Speaker 1: you're right, as you grow, as you change, as you evolve,
Speaker 1: you become a better version of yourself for that person,
Speaker 1: because that's the motivation.
Speaker 3: Yes, So it's like they're not going to have everything
Speaker 3: all at once, right, but it's like how long are
Speaker 3: you going to give them to become everything on your list?
Speaker 1: That's now that's a determining factor because some people, men
Speaker 1: and women, yeah, will sit and they'll wait and they'll
Speaker 1: hope for change. How do you decipher then, is this
Speaker 1: just who the person is? Or am I attached to
Speaker 1: the potential of who they could be? Because I had
Speaker 1: this conversation recently with someone who is no longer in
Speaker 1: a relationship, and she said that she was in love
Speaker 1: with the idea of who she thought this person was
Speaker 1: going to become. And after however many years or whatever
Speaker 1: they were involved, she realized, Okay, this is really who
Speaker 1: he is and I can't make him be anybody else.
Speaker 1: I can't make him see his potential. So at what
Speaker 1: point do you think people should just say, you know
Speaker 1: what I am in this person and in this relationship
Speaker 1: for what and who they are now, not expecting any change.
Speaker 1: That's tough, because baby, you gotta change.
Speaker 3: You can't stay the same, you know, and whether you're
Speaker 3: changing for me or changing for yourself, you gotta you
Speaker 3: have to do something evolving. So it's like, go into it,
Speaker 3: like them how they are, however they come, like them
Speaker 3: like that because you have to like them like that.
Speaker 1: It's cool to be like hopeful on the potential.
Speaker 3: But if they don't change at all, do you like
Speaker 3: them how exactly how they are in that moment?
Speaker 1: That's exactly what I Oh, really, and it's funny to
Speaker 1: be interesting, you said, yeah, we cousins, baby, lady.
Speaker 3: I told you it's funny because like that was me,
Speaker 3: Like I was so fixated on like the potential of
Speaker 3: the potential and then it was like, you know, we
Speaker 3: had a thing and I'm like, oh, he's going to
Speaker 3: be this.
Speaker 1: And that and dah da da, And then when he
Speaker 1: became all those things, he dropped me ooh he like
Speaker 1: plot twist. Yeah, like he went and explored his horizons
Speaker 1: right right.
Speaker 3: You know, it was like, Okay, I've reached a certain
Speaker 3: level of success right now, I want to see.
Speaker 1: What if the grass is green? Are over there? You know.
Speaker 3: And we weren't like officially like boyfriend and girlfriend, but
Speaker 3: we were like we knew each other.
Speaker 1: Fel together, yeah, kind of doing life together simultaneously, yeah,
Speaker 1: seeing how it would go. Right. So I guess the
Speaker 1: way you protect yourself in a moment like that is saying, okay,
Speaker 1: we're doing life together. We're seeing we're of support to
Speaker 1: each other, but not being fully bought in until you
Speaker 1: know what the potential outcome may be, or seeing how
Speaker 1: things are going, kind of feeling it out and not
Speaker 1: being exclusive.
Speaker 3: But then there's people who will wait around to see if,
Speaker 3: like how that future looking, and then they try to
Speaker 3: lock in on you real quick, like oh girl, he
Speaker 3: just real he just got this contract. Let me try
Speaker 3: to lock him down. Yeah yeah, And then there's that
Speaker 3: right again, back to what we both said. You gotta
Speaker 3: like the person food.
Speaker 1: Oh they are right who they are right then and there,
Speaker 1: I find to change gears a little bit. I believe that,
Speaker 1: and I spoke about this. I think with b on
Speaker 1: our episode that people can't use against you what you
Speaker 1: already put out there. So if you're transparent, if you're honest,
Speaker 1: if you're living in your truth, you know they'll try.
Speaker 1: They'll try, but it won't hit the same. I was
Speaker 1: just gonna say that it's not gonna hit the same.
Speaker 1: So for you, going on your last tour while you
Speaker 1: were pregnant as the third Baby Mama, I think that
Speaker 1: was so clever of you to come up with that title.
Speaker 1: How did you arrive at that title and were you
Speaker 1: essentially playing yes, making just of the situation that you
Speaker 1: were in, knowing that people were going to joke on
Speaker 1: you about it.
Speaker 3: It's so funny that you say that, because I remember
Speaker 3: being pregnant and I had other friends who were and
Speaker 3: at the same time as me.
Speaker 1: Talking about like, oh my gosh, my baby's doing this.
Speaker 3: I feel my baby kicking, I feel my baby doing this,
Speaker 3: and I was like, I'm like, I was probably like
Speaker 3: seven months and I was like, I'm not feeling like
Speaker 3: I don't feel no kicks. I'm like, should I feel
Speaker 3: anything by now, like at least like something. I felt,
Speaker 3: well maybe not, maybe around like the five six mark.
Speaker 1: But I wasn't.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: Everyone's like, it's so beautiful you feel these movement and
Speaker 3: it's like I'll go to the doctor and they'll say
Speaker 3: the baby's healthy and all the things. But I'm like,
Speaker 3: I'm not feeling movement like that. And then I realized
Speaker 3: that there was too much noise around me. I had
Speaker 3: to get in a quiet place. I left town, I
Speaker 3: went away. I went to Florida. I went to Cocoa Beach, Florida,
Speaker 3: and I stayed there for three days. And I just
Speaker 3: wanted to have like solitude and silence and just just.
Speaker 1: Lock in on my baby.
Speaker 3: So every day I would get up and I'll be like,
Speaker 3: we're gonna go have breakfast, We're going to this, We
Speaker 3: went to church, we did all the things. We would
Speaker 3: go on like dates, and I would act as if
Speaker 3: like my child was with me. And then so you
Speaker 3: were like verbally speaking to herbally speaking.
Speaker 1: I didn't know what it was, yes, because.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So I remember I bought a book and I
Speaker 3: was just reading. I was reading the chapter a day,
Speaker 3: and I remember like as soon as I finished reading
Speaker 3: one chapter and I closed the book, and I'm like,
Speaker 3: well that's it. I mean kicking like wait, like what
Speaker 3: happens next kind of thing, and I remember breaking down
Speaker 3: crying like oh my gosh, like this is so crazy.
Speaker 3: So the next day I was like I was contemplating
Speaker 3: on going to the beach and I was like, oh
Speaker 3: my gosh, like me being in a bathing suit with
Speaker 3: this big, old pregnant stomach, Like I don't know how
Speaker 3: I feel about it, Like what are people going to
Speaker 3: think about me? You know what, I'm here by myself.
Speaker 3: I look like a single person with its like you know,
Speaker 3: I mean, I just I just started to feel like
Speaker 3: people were just gonna judge, right, And then I was
Speaker 3: saying like I started thinking about how I would see
Speaker 3: because you know, once you become pregnant, like your algorithm
Speaker 3: on social everything is pregnant.
Speaker 1: And I remember just like looking at my.
Speaker 3: Timeline and seeing all these beautiful pregnant women who don't
Speaker 3: have no acne or bacnie or heartburn or none of
Speaker 3: the things. And I remember looking at them like, yo,
Speaker 3: this isn't real, Like your armpiss ain't black, Like what
Speaker 3: is going like?
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Like I' still recovering chill.
Speaker 3: My armists was so dark and I'm just and I
Speaker 3: remember just being in there just venting to myself like, Yo,
Speaker 3: this isn't real, Like you guys aren't keeping it real,
Speaker 3: you know. And then like I go on the bathroom
Speaker 3: if I throw my phone down, I go in the
Speaker 3: bathroom and I'm like just looking in the mirror, like
Speaker 3: fixing my ponytail or something, and I promise you I
Speaker 3: heard a voice that said, go on tour. I was like, God,
Speaker 3: I know you ain't talking to me. And I was like,
Speaker 3: and I'm talking out loud like this, I go on tour?
Speaker 3: I said, and do what and say what?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: How?
Speaker 1: Oh I'm the third one. He got all these kids,
Speaker 1: and I'm this and that what I'm gonna call it? God?
Speaker 3: And he said yep, uh baby mama, number three third
Speaker 3: times a charm And then I was like, oh wow.
Speaker 1: I was like that's it. So this is in turn
Speaker 1: you taking, for example, do not toy your turn at
Speaker 1: per se, but using the content and the following and
Speaker 1: the comedic aspect of it, and then now making your
Speaker 1: own based on your current situation.
Speaker 3: Yes, And I was just like, you know, and I
Speaker 3: called my agent and I was like, how do you
Speaker 3: feel about this idea?
Speaker 1: She's like jazz that is brilliant. And I was like,
Speaker 1: because I.
Speaker 3: Already know what they're gonna say about me, right, but
Speaker 3: if I can beat them to it and say it first, right,
Speaker 3: you ain't got nothing on me. Right, You're gonna say
Speaker 3: I'm the third one, okay. And I said that already
Speaker 3: you're gonna say this a sixth child, okay. And I
Speaker 3: said that already, right, you're gonna say all You're gonna
Speaker 3: say all all the things. Right, You're gonna say, oh.
Speaker 1: You did all that shit for a nigga who ain't
Speaker 1: even put a ring on it. I said, oh, I
Speaker 1: said that in my stand up, you know what I mean? Right,
Speaker 1: Like I opened up like that. Right. So that was brilliant,
Speaker 1: I think because when they went dival, so we were
Speaker 1: just like, it makes total sense. And this is so
Speaker 1: on brand for Jazzy, like thinking about what's gonna be
Speaker 1: the next thing to do, what's the next way, What's
Speaker 1: how can I now personalize this experience experience, I.
Speaker 3: Said, just the sweetening even more. I was like I'm
Speaker 3: not gonna post a picture of my you know, people
Speaker 3: post a little stomach like I'm expecting, right, I was like,
Speaker 3: my pregnancy photo gonna be my flyer when they so
Speaker 3: when they share it, they're promoting my show. That's the
Speaker 3: only photo you have of me with my with my
Speaker 3: bump out right, It's got my tour dates on it.
Speaker 1: Crazy, So when you share it, m hm, do you
Speaker 1: know where it was going to go. It was gonna
Speaker 1: be in all the group chats and the shade room, Yeah,
Speaker 1: the sites and everything. I mean, they found a way
Speaker 1: to just take my photo and just I'm sure you know,
Speaker 1: as they tend to do as they tend to do.
Speaker 1: So how much of that for you, if we think
Speaker 1: about perception and reality, how much of that for you was?
Speaker 1: I guess from a mental standpoint, was it you guarding
Speaker 1: yourself to say, you know what, I know people are
Speaker 1: going to say this all ready, so let me say
Speaker 1: it first. Or do you just genuinely don't care what
Speaker 1: people have to say at this point, you know? Or
Speaker 1: are you in your you know, being on the social
Speaker 1: media front, being in the public eye. Your partner is
Speaker 1: someone who's in the public eye as well, So at
Speaker 1: what point do you say, you know what, I don't
Speaker 1: care anymore, or do you still care? You know what's interesting?
Speaker 3: Like when I found out, I was ignant, completely caught
Speaker 3: me by surprise.
Speaker 1: I felt a lot of shame. M M. I felt
Speaker 1: a lot of shame. What was the shame? Was it
Speaker 1: out of wedlock? Shame? Was it who you're pregnant for?
Speaker 1: What your family would think? What was the all of it?
Speaker 1: All of it?
Speaker 3: All of it wasn't necessarily him, Well maybe it was.
Speaker 3: It was a little bit of everything. It was like
Speaker 3: I waited till I was probably about five months to
Speaker 3: even tell my mom. Wow, yeah, because I was like
Speaker 3: I knew how they you know, we know that was
Speaker 3: Syndian's standard. Yeah, you know about you know, being married
Speaker 3: out of way, I mean, pregnant, out of wed locke
Speaker 3: all that, so you know all the things.
Speaker 1: How are we going to tell the family?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: So I wait, I waited. It's that crazy as adults
Speaker 1: were still like so concerned about what are so I
Speaker 1: just think because I remember, like I will always say
Speaker 1: like I don't want to be nobody's baby mom, Like
Speaker 1: I don't want to be a baby Like, no, I
Speaker 1: don't want to be a baby gave. I don't.
Speaker 3: And it's so funny because I will always say that
Speaker 3: even before I got pregnant, before like and it wasn't
Speaker 3: even that we were even trying, like I like he
Speaker 3: knew how I felt about that, like I don't, like
Speaker 3: I have no interest in being that.
Speaker 1: And then it was like, here we are.
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying, Here we are, And it's
Speaker 3: just so crazy because like I just never thought and
Speaker 3: not to say that I'm just too good, but it's
Speaker 3: like I just never I just never thought.
Speaker 1: That's not something you saw for yourself. Yeah, and that's okay.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So it was so then it was also one
Speaker 3: of those things like yeah, bitch, like you thought you
Speaker 3: was so much better than us, and here you are.
Speaker 1: You just like you just like me. Baby mama, shit,
Speaker 1: baby mama, shit. But I think you also, I think
Speaker 1: it wanted. I don't remember if it was in a
Speaker 1: video or a story like or what you're it's your
Speaker 1: rebuttal to it was, yeah I am, but the situation
Speaker 1: that I'm in is different. It's different. Yeah. So then
Speaker 1: that was the thing.
Speaker 3: It was like, Okay, I gotta just I gotta just
Speaker 3: get in front of it.
Speaker 1: Part of your show. Yeah, yes, yeah, I gotta get
Speaker 1: in front of it.
Speaker 3: And then you know, at the end of the day,
Speaker 3: it's like because people are like there's tears to it.
Speaker 3: It's like, okay, you're his baby mother because you guys
Speaker 3: aren't married. But then it's like, you guys are in
Speaker 3: a relationship. So are you Are you just that? Are
Speaker 3: you his partner? And are you the mother of his child?
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? So it's a layered relationship.
Speaker 1: It's not just a third baby mother. Yeah, it's like
Speaker 1: we are in a relationship together. We are doing life together,
Speaker 1: we are raising a family together, we are doing all
Speaker 1: the things together. So it's like I am I like
Speaker 1: to look at myself or we call each other life partner,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So it's more like a
Speaker 1: partnership than just like a baby mother to no, for sure.
Speaker 1: And you are promoting healthy, blended families, and there are
Speaker 1: a lot of healthy blended families out there and a
Speaker 1: lot that are not so healthy. So how do you
Speaker 1: make it a point to make that a priority for
Speaker 1: your family with your life partner and you're now bonus children. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was always a priority, it was always a prime.
Speaker 1: So there wasn't a shift when you became a mother.
Speaker 3: No, I just knew that I was going to need
Speaker 3: time to get myself together because out the gate, I
Speaker 3: was just doing a lot and I know, and I
Speaker 3: created a standard that I knew that I wasn't going
Speaker 3: to be able to pulled once I had my own child,
Speaker 3: because one, I need to lay down somewhere, I need
Speaker 3: to just be with the baby, so I can't be
Speaker 3: as hands on as right I was prior to my child,
Speaker 3: you know. And it's funny because I remember, I don't
Speaker 3: know if you you have to remember when that video
Speaker 3: came out of like the whole I went viral for
Speaker 3: saying I was a submissive woman, right, and all the
Speaker 3: things that I do for my man and all those things, yes,
Speaker 3: And people were coming at me saying like, oh, that's
Speaker 3: because you ain't got no kids, and wait till kids
Speaker 3: are involved. And the funny thing was it was like
Speaker 3: I was doing all of that with like it's just
Speaker 3: that we don't really talk about my role in the
Speaker 3: children's lives, right, But it was just like, you guys
Speaker 3: are so stupid. You think that like I'm not doing
Speaker 3: this already, Like you think that I can't do. I
Speaker 3: can't take care of the man and take care of
Speaker 3: the kids and take care of the house.
Speaker 1: You just don't see it, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: And then, like I said, I have a baby now
Speaker 3: and obviously like I'm still.
Speaker 1: A bonus mom. The pancakes are still getting flipped and
Speaker 1: they never stopped flipping.
Speaker 3: So everybody who thought that because I'm scratching my man's
Speaker 3: back to sleep, But I'm not gonna have time to
Speaker 3: flip flapjacks the pancakes and breastfeeds and breastfeed and clean
Speaker 3: and study my lines and work and be a super
Speaker 3: mom and do all the things.
Speaker 1: Pancakes still flipping. Well, shit, I'm coming over the banana too.
Speaker 1: Oh fancy from scratch from scratch scratch house. I love
Speaker 1: that for you. That is great, that's great, and I
Speaker 1: think it's a thing where what I appreciate about you, Jazzy,
Speaker 1: is that you're not This is not a facade for you,
Speaker 1: It's not a this is your real life.
Speaker 3: And what I noticed, Kadeen, and I have to say
Speaker 3: this before before I forget, it's people put their fear
Speaker 3: on you of what they're unwilling to do, so instead
Speaker 3: of you saying so instead of you being like, oh,
Speaker 3: I'll never be the one getting up in the morning
Speaker 3: making pancakes and doing all the things and going to
Speaker 3: the jumpy house and taking them to do whatever it is.
Speaker 1: You won't do that. So you are extection. So you
Speaker 1: assume that I'm not doing it. My baby is being
Speaker 1: done right and doing it gladly, gladly. So it's not
Speaker 1: even a thing where you're over here like I gotta
Speaker 1: do this. No, it's innate in you.
Speaker 3: To that person, it's like the nurtur Yes, so we
Speaker 3: have this thing that say like I don't have to
Speaker 3: do this.
Speaker 1: I get to do this. I want to do this,
Speaker 1: I want to do this.
Speaker 3: I get the opportunity to do this, you know, like
Speaker 3: I have the opportunity to be an amazing mother figure
Speaker 3: in these children's lives.
Speaker 1: Like yeah, who you know what I mean? I mean.
Speaker 3: And then there's people who just don't want no parts
Speaker 3: of that at all, who see somebody with a lot
Speaker 3: of kids and run and run right.
Speaker 1: But it's just like you have the opportunity.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know my intentions are good, and I know
Speaker 3: I know how I was raised, and I you know,
Speaker 3: it's like it's beautiful to be able to have that
Speaker 3: opportunity to do that. But some people just they see
Speaker 3: somebody with so many kids and they just run, They
Speaker 3: run from the idea of it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that for you, Jazzy. I love that
Speaker 1: because nothing about our conversations. I've called you a lot
Speaker 1: of times to check up on you, just to make
Speaker 1: sure that you were good, just being a new mom
Speaker 1: now having your own baby, just to make sure that
Speaker 1: your mental good and that you're you're you know, not
Speaker 1: offering unwanted advice, but just making sure that you're okay.
Speaker 1: Because as the first time mom, I'm sure you get
Speaker 1: it from all different angles. Yeah, but I want it
Speaker 1: from you because you're like the girl. Yeah, I got
Speaker 1: mad kids as you saw as you saw as a
Speaker 1: new shirt now right, no shirt. So this is like
Speaker 1: boy House through and through. So now that you're a
Speaker 1: new mom, transitioning from bonus mom, it's different. It's different
Speaker 1: having your own So what has been the most rewarding
Speaker 1: thing for you now having a baby girl? And what's
Speaker 1: been the most challenging for you? I never thought I
Speaker 1: would have a daughter. I was like, really, Lord, because
Speaker 1: at first people are you really don't want to know
Speaker 1: what it is.
Speaker 3: And I was like, honestly, I just whatever guy's gonna
Speaker 3: give me is what I is what I need.
Speaker 1: And then I saw I was a girl.
Speaker 3: It's so funny because as soon as she was born,
Speaker 3: the doctor like put her vagina to my face.
Speaker 1: She was like, it's a girl, and I was like
Speaker 1: what we kind of.
Speaker 3: Had an idea though, like people kept saying like, oh,
Speaker 3: it's a girl, it's a girl. Right then I was
Speaker 3: like I felt girl energy. But then I was like, yo,
Speaker 3: this mam make nothing but sons. So you were just
Speaker 3: like I was like, I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 3: But then when she came out, I was like, wow,
Speaker 3: I mean it's just honestly, I'm such a lover and
Speaker 3: I feel like it was the love that completed me
Speaker 3: because I've always been like I feel like I'm always
Speaker 3: the one that loves the other person more.
Speaker 1: You know What's funny. My grandmother used to say that
Speaker 1: she was like, this is my vincy side. Someone who
Speaker 1: loves you? Is that a thing that she was just like,
Speaker 1: if it's not about who love you, I mean, it's
Speaker 1: not about who you love, it's about who love you.
Speaker 1: She used to always say that like your partner should
Speaker 1: love you a little bit more than you. Yes, that's
Speaker 1: what my mom love you more.
Speaker 3: I know, I know. I tell him all the time.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I definitely love you more inship.
Speaker 1: That's crazy.
Speaker 3: He's like, he's like, no, he'd be like, you don't
Speaker 3: know that. And I'm like, tells me the same thing.
Speaker 1: He was, I definitely love you, Ma, I said, no,
Speaker 1: you may be physically more of the like touchy feely
Speaker 1: affectionate person, but that doesn't equate to love anymore, you know.
Speaker 1: And he's like, I never thought of me like that.
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, exactly. I'm like, people love differently, so
Speaker 1: having a daughter something I cannot relate to. However, Oh wow.
Speaker 1: When we were talking kind of pre show, you talked
Speaker 1: a little bit or touch a little bit about like, damn,
Speaker 1: like having a daughter now, how transparent do you plan
Speaker 1: to be with her? And are there any worries or
Speaker 1: concerns you have raising a daughter based off of the
Speaker 1: way you lived your life?
Speaker 3: Well, basically what I said to you earlier was like, yo,
Speaker 3: I hope she wasn't. She's not gonna be a whole
Speaker 3: like I was, but you know what, she's not though,
Speaker 3: because I had dad.
Speaker 1: I had daddy issues, did you I did? Is it
Speaker 1: like he was spoken about before having daddy issues, but
Speaker 1: your dad not present, because I feel like I seen
Speaker 1: him my dad.
Speaker 3: My dad was very present. However, you said there's different
Speaker 3: ways you can love something. Yes, we had different love languages,
Speaker 3: so I didn't. I took his love as not caring.
Speaker 3: His love was you have a car, you got a
Speaker 3: roof over your head, you got all I don't need this.
Speaker 3: I don't need to tell you. Look at the car
Speaker 3: you're driving, and you got full tank of gas and
Speaker 3: your oils chain.
Speaker 1: Yes, all the things.
Speaker 3: Matter of fact, you have a that I worked hard
Speaker 3: to get you. Yes, But it was like you didn't
Speaker 3: say it. Yeah, he didn't give me a hug after right,
Speaker 3: So for me, it was just like, oh, like I
Speaker 3: wanted that, so I guess yeah. So in my mind,
Speaker 3: I'm like, it's like, did I create those issues on
Speaker 3: my own? Like did I make up having daddy issues?
Speaker 1: Because I was just I just didn't understand you didn't
Speaker 1: understand their way of loving.
Speaker 3: Yes, So later on in life, I just I realized like,
Speaker 3: oh my gosh, like man, this whole time, I was
Speaker 3: just telling people like man, daddy issues and my dad this,
Speaker 3: this and that, when really my dad was an amazing provider.
Speaker 1: That's interesting. So it's interesting to hear because so many
Speaker 1: times you do hear about like the absentee father and
Speaker 1: then people having issues because of that. But your father
Speaker 1: was very presented and everything, but he didn't love in
Speaker 1: your language. Yes, So it made you still feel like
Speaker 1: a void or a deaficity, and that forced you to
Speaker 1: look for love in places that you probably shouldn't have been. Right.
Speaker 3: But I'm driving in a car that he worked hard
Speaker 3: for to get to where I'm going.
Speaker 1: I'm driving in my new car.
Speaker 3: You driving a right, right, right in a car that
Speaker 3: your father bought, but but you don't love but he.
Speaker 1: Don't love you. Wow, It's it's a cultural thing too.
Speaker 1: It definitely is a cultural thing because I look at
Speaker 1: my parents and stuff and my mom and dad and
Speaker 1: you know, now, Deval and I have our moments where
Speaker 1: we sit through the podcast and we talk about like,
Speaker 1: you know, our parents didn't do this, and they didn't
Speaker 1: do that, and you know if they did this differently,
Speaker 1: and they're like, man, we we sometimes put our parents
Speaker 1: through the ringer when it's like damn, they really raised
Speaker 1: some amazing parents and they did the best that they
Speaker 1: could with what they knew. And to this day, my
Speaker 1: mom to this day will be like, oh, Deval, like
Speaker 1: I made you brown stewfish and stuff I knew you
Speaker 1: were coming home, or oh, your closet was a little
Speaker 1: bit in disarray, so I organized it for you. That's
Speaker 1: her way of showing love. Yeah, she's not going to necessarily,
Speaker 1: you know, throw her arms around your neck and hug
Speaker 1: you and kiss you all day or say I love you.
Speaker 1: But it's through acts of service. I guess. I think
Speaker 1: our families, our background is very much like acts of
Speaker 1: service to show their love. But my mom was very like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna hug you on and kiss you. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do all that.
Speaker 3: She would wake us up in the morning by kissing
Speaker 3: our feet. Really yeah, so like what a difference.
Speaker 1: What a difference.
Speaker 3: So it's like I feel like raising a daughter, you
Speaker 3: gotta be honest, you know, and and I know that
Speaker 3: like coming up in this day and age, like she
Speaker 3: could she can watch some of my old videos. She
Speaker 3: could see some of my perspectives on how I used
Speaker 3: to feel about things, or some of my old stand
Speaker 3: up clips or whatever, And I don't want to lie
Speaker 3: to her like I want.
Speaker 1: To you want to explain that to her?
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I want us to have the kind of
Speaker 3: like I don't want to like we're not gonna be friends,
Speaker 3: right because you.
Speaker 1: Know, make it very clear with our friends. Me and
Speaker 1: you're not size used to say, or she would be
Speaker 1: like two women can live in the same house. So
Speaker 1: if you think your oh man, leave, get told you
Speaker 1: find your own house. I'm like, first of all, you
Speaker 1: never sounded more Jamaican than when you tell me to
Speaker 1: leave the house because we not the same size. Sis,
Speaker 1: I ain't trying to be your size. I'm just saying
Speaker 1: it always reaches that point thinking that mother daughter relationship
Speaker 1: ship where it's just like, you know, mama knows best
Speaker 1: I can foresee, you know that roadblocks obstacle. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, But like cam is extremely honest and you know,
Speaker 3: and very transparent. But he I always tell him, I'm like, honey,
Speaker 3: not vinegar. You know, he's vinegar all day.
Speaker 1: Vinegar me.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I try to just soften the blow a
Speaker 3: little bit, but he's just like, no, like they need
Speaker 3: to know.
Speaker 1: This is how it is, this is how it is.
Speaker 3: He also has a lot of sons though, so I
Speaker 3: think that maybe and he's softer on the girls. But yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: I mean there's no rate to really there's there's no
Speaker 3: way to really tell there is.
Speaker 1: I can just do the best that I can. That's
Speaker 1: a fact. And that's what I would encourage you to do, Like,
Speaker 1: do what naturally feels good. Do what makes your daughter
Speaker 1: happy in this moment. Like right now you're exclusively breastfeeding.
Speaker 1: I see you've been working hard at that. That is
Speaker 1: no easy feet. Look at the jazz you got teens y'all. Yeah,
Speaker 1: when she came in to the driveway and I gave
Speaker 1: her a hug, I was like, oh, we got t
Speaker 1: stead of touching. This is amazing. I love that for you.
Speaker 1: Yours mine is like powdered. Now yours is liquid. It's okay,
Speaker 1: though the consistency has changed. But I just love to
Speaker 1: see you like step into this motherhood energy. So based
Speaker 1: on how your parents parented you, how do you know
Speaker 1: that you're gonna make it different for your daughter? Like,
Speaker 1: are there anything that you're intentionally gonna do differently? To say,
Speaker 1: you know what, this didn't work for me growing up
Speaker 1: as a young lady. So I'm going to make sure
Speaker 1: that I do this with my daughter.
Speaker 3: Oh, I ran all over my mom. My mom was
Speaker 3: so naive. I just knew that, Like all I had
Speaker 3: to do was check in. Hey, Mammy, I may want
Speaker 3: your life. Yes, he Even till this day at my
Speaker 3: big age, she still has her location or my location
Speaker 3: on her phone because she just wants to know, Like
Speaker 3: she s like, I'm gonna have that with my boys,
Speaker 3: you know, like she just wants to know, just are
Speaker 3: you all right? So she would look at it and
Speaker 3: just seem I'm at the house, or she'll be like,
Speaker 3: yas it's late, I see you're.
Speaker 1: Not at home. Are you all right?
Speaker 3: You know, like, yeah, she just wants to know it.
Speaker 3: And I always just let her know that I was okay.
Speaker 3: And as long as I did my check ins and
Speaker 3: I let her know that I was okay, it was
Speaker 3: pretty much free game. Right once I figured that out. Terrible, So, like,
Speaker 3: I feel like, you're gonna be.
Speaker 1: Doing more than checkings. You're gonna be pulling up on
Speaker 1: sis oh cis tracker on the car. You know.
Speaker 3: I feel like I would be I would be a
Speaker 3: little bit more strict, yeah, but not to the point
Speaker 3: where It's like when she turns eighteen, she's a girl's gone.
Speaker 1: We're also stifling her, you know, yeah too, Yeah. I
Speaker 1: think kids need that balance of like discipline, but also
Speaker 1: that open line of communication which is super important, Like
Speaker 1: you never want her to be too scared to come
Speaker 1: and tell moms something like because then they try to
Speaker 1: like do things on their own and make decisions on
Speaker 1: their own. It's like that constant balance of trying to
Speaker 1: empower them to be their own people and they get
Speaker 1: their own decisions. But it's like, as an adult, haven't
Speaker 1: been through it?
Speaker 3: You can ready, I'm not going Yeah, three months that
Speaker 3: far ahead?
Speaker 1: Right. What's surprised you the most about motherhood so far?
Speaker 3: It's a love that I've never known. It's like like
Speaker 3: we were talking about I'm a lover, right, and I
Speaker 3: was like, Okay, how much more can I really love somebody?
Speaker 1: Like? Right? You know, because it's like.
Speaker 3: Cam is the greatest love I've ever known, Right, So
Speaker 3: I was just like, it's going to be more than that,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Yeah, what makes that the greatest love you've ever known?
Speaker 1: Is it? That? Is it being reciprocal love on a
Speaker 1: deeper level face off of what you've It's just love
Speaker 1: on a.
Speaker 3: Deeper level than I've ever experienced, you know, somebody to
Speaker 3: really choose me, you know, and like just like just
Speaker 3: it's funny because the thing that my parents loved about
Speaker 3: him was like, oh my gosh, Jazz, Like he takes
Speaker 3: you everywhere. He just shows you off, like it doesn't
Speaker 3: matter where he's going. It used to be times he's like,
Speaker 3: oh yeah, I got to go here, and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 3: well just let me know where you're done.
Speaker 1: He was like, you're coming with me? Like what you
Speaker 1: mean right, I'll be like, oh my god, Like I'm
Speaker 1: proud of you, you my girl.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like what you know, just introducing me in the
Speaker 3: highest regard, like always having respect for me, like whoa
Speaker 3: you know, and like my parents like when I when
Speaker 3: I found out that meant allowed to them, it was
Speaker 3: like wow, and then I just wasn't really used to that,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. So just just connecting with
Speaker 3: someone on a very deep life, you know, after being
Speaker 3: hurt and after going through breakups.
Speaker 1: And oh yeah yeah you know. Yeah.
Speaker 3: So like once I had her, it was like, oh,
Speaker 3: this is what they talk about.
Speaker 1: Very different, very different. Yeah, how much does people's perception
Speaker 1: of you, now that your mom, now that you have
Speaker 1: a partner, a life partner, how much just people's perception
Speaker 1: of you alter your reality? Does it matter? At this point?
Speaker 1: It just doesn't matter. Now.
Speaker 3: It's like I don't even care about social media, Like
Speaker 3: I'll pop in every now and then, you know, just
Speaker 3: to like do some mommy stuff or just hey guys,
Speaker 3: I'm still alive, or like talk about breastfeeding, or.
Speaker 1: But it's like, now.
Speaker 3: Everybody used to know what I ate for breakfast, lunch,
Speaker 3: and dinner, and who cut me off on the side
Speaker 3: of the road, or what I bought from Walgreens or
Speaker 3: how this person was acting or what was my experience here.
Speaker 3: Now it's just like I really enjoy my privacy. I
Speaker 3: really enjoy you not knowing what I'm doing. I really
Speaker 3: enjoy you not knowing the dynamic of me and my man.
Speaker 3: I really enjoy POW. I reached out about like a
Speaker 3: reality show for the two of us, and I was like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 3: I would like never, absolutely not. I was like no,
Speaker 3: I'm like, first of all, he's way too private. I'm like,
Speaker 3: you know, it just it just wouldn't right, it wouldn't work.
Speaker 3: And I enjoy that. Nobody knows what our thing is.
Speaker 3: They don't even know how we interact because we don't.
Speaker 3: We don't show it right, you know, and people look like, oh,
Speaker 3: he doesn't post you or he doesn't even follow you,
Speaker 3: and it's like, it's.
Speaker 1: Crazy that girl, Isn't it crazy how people's real world?
Speaker 1: It's really caught up in this abyss of social media,
Speaker 1: Like if it doesn't happen on social media, like it
Speaker 1: it's the craziest thing. It's not really, it's not really.
Speaker 1: He doesn't follow you, he doesn't post you. Funny, funny
Speaker 1: story because you know Crystal of course. Yeah, shout out
Speaker 1: to Satima. Yeah, coming back at some point, we hope,
Speaker 1: because they keep moving the goalposts on when the next
Speaker 1: season is coming out, and I'm sitting over here waiting
Speaker 1: if baited breath to see what's happening, because if that
Speaker 1: won't tell me anything about the storyline, I like to
Speaker 1: watch it in real time, so I don't know what's
Speaker 1: happening that. I love that, so I like to watch
Speaker 1: it in real time. But anyway, shout out to the
Speaker 1: team and shout out to Crystal Haslet. But yeah, it
Speaker 1: was funny. One there was like apparently, and I don't
Speaker 1: I'm not on Twitter, so I don't know. But apparently
Speaker 1: there was like a big thing because you know, everyone
Speaker 1: wants to pin me in Crystal against each other for
Speaker 1: whatever reason. I don't know. Yeah, that's again social media space,
Speaker 1: like oh work, why versus real life. She's better with
Speaker 1: who literally like our sister, like good friends, like all
Speaker 1: up in our house, vice versa. But anyway, again real
Speaker 1: life versus social media. So to your point, but if
Speaker 1: it doesn't happen on social media, it don't happen according
Speaker 1: to people who live on social media. So October last year,
Speaker 1: my uncle pats away on the fourth, and Christmas birthday
Speaker 1: was like two weeks after that, the seventeenth. That yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: all right, sixteenth or seventeen, So her birthday came up,
Speaker 1: and I was in the rut, of course, my uncle
Speaker 1: had just passed. I really wasn't posting much on social media.
Speaker 1: I think I had like a couple collab posts with
Speaker 1: deval Or, like work related stuff that I was obligated
Speaker 1: to post, but I really wasn't doing anything. I think
Speaker 1: I might have just like was gonna hiatus for a
Speaker 1: whole month. I think I remember that, Yeah, and then
Speaker 1: her birthday came around and one of her friends was
Speaker 1: organizing something reached out and said, hey, kay, I know
Speaker 1: you have a lot going on right now, but just
Speaker 1: wanted to let you know that we're doing this for
Speaker 1: Christmas birthday. If you're free and you're up to it,
Speaker 1: come through. And literally was not in the moved to
Speaker 1: go anywhere the entire month, but I'm like, you know what,
Speaker 1: that's my girl. Let me go show up for her birthday.
Speaker 1: So there was a birthday dinner at her friend's house.
Speaker 1: We were there, we took pictures, we hung out the
Speaker 1: night and everything, and it was just what I needed
Speaker 1: in that space, you know, to kind of get a
Speaker 1: break from the grief. And we had such a great
Speaker 1: time that night. She never posted a picture. I never
Speaker 1: posted a picture. I never posted a happy birthday Crystal
Speaker 1: Instagram story or whatever. And people were literally clocking my
Speaker 1: page and was like, well, Kadida, it post Crystal for
Speaker 1: her birthday and it's fake love, and it's fake love,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like here, I was loving on her
Speaker 1: in real life, but y'all idiots over here, I want
Speaker 1: to talk about the love being fake because it wasn't
Speaker 1: for y'all, and it wasn't performative on social media. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's shopped that And it's just amazing how people really
Speaker 1: get caught up in this alternate universe, like social media
Speaker 1: is not a real place. It's really not a real place.
Speaker 1: And people are like, like you and I are out
Speaker 1: here loving in real life, showing up in real life,
Speaker 1: and I'm calling I'm not posting Jazzy be like, oh,
Speaker 1: congratulations with the baby. I'm calling you to say, Sis,
Speaker 1: I know what them first couple of days, and I
Speaker 1: know what it's like trying to get back with my
Speaker 1: man in a good space intimacy wise, after having a baby, Like,
Speaker 1: there's so many moving parts in real life that needs
Speaker 1: to be addressed, and when you really connect and relate
Speaker 1: with someone on that kind of level, people can't even
Speaker 1: understand it. So you know what you do? You let
Speaker 1: them rock, Yeah, you let them fight amongst themselves, right,
Speaker 1: because y'all can take the time to do all that
Speaker 1: on your own because we know what it is in
Speaker 1: real life, right, Isn't that crazy? It's crazy.
Speaker 3: It's just like y'all because it's always it always goes
Speaker 3: back to my relationship, Like, oh, y'all, it's funny because
Speaker 3: I was reading an article they were like, yeah, they
Speaker 3: got together in twenty twenty one. Your facts are wrong.
Speaker 3: Where did you even get that? Like we were actually
Speaker 3: together before that. People just like you guys don't.
Speaker 1: Know y'all don't know nothing. You really don't know nothing.
Speaker 3: It's like you just piece together things and like, okay,
Speaker 3: this sounds like it could be true.
Speaker 1: Okay, I saw this this here, all right, let's put
Speaker 1: this here.
Speaker 3: It's like you try to puzzle piece people's lives, right,
Speaker 3: but it's like we're putting out what we want you to.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, for sure, and from what they see then
Speaker 1: they create a whole narrative around it that.
Speaker 3: Yes, usually, but it's like you don't know usually faults,
Speaker 3: you don't know nothing.
Speaker 1: So with all that being said, that's your maintaining a
Speaker 1: space that is healthy for your daughter, your children, your
Speaker 1: life partner. What do you think is your guiding principles
Speaker 1: for like maintaining a loving relationship, Like what does Jazzy
Speaker 1: want moving forward when she sees herself as life partner mother,
Speaker 1: bonus mom? What does that look like for you? Man?
Speaker 3: You know what, we have a big sing in our
Speaker 3: house where we say lead with love.
Speaker 1: There's lead with love.
Speaker 3: Like I was talking to one of my friends on
Speaker 3: the ride over here and I was like, you know,
Speaker 3: when I became a mom, Like, I don't know what
Speaker 3: I was doing. I've never was like you leave the
Speaker 3: hospital and it's like, wait, it's just gonna be us.
Speaker 1: Wait what do you mean, I don't hold on like,
Speaker 1: no nurse to call bell that all that.
Speaker 3: I'm just like, wait a minute, I was like, but
Speaker 3: I was like, I didn't know what I was doing.
Speaker 3: I just know that I just lead with love. You
Speaker 3: figure it out, that's it. So when your heart is
Speaker 3: in the right place and you lead with love, everything
Speaker 3: else just kind of falls into place. And that's just
Speaker 3: what I do.
Speaker 1: I believe it's not scripted. Like I'm just a very thoughtful,
Speaker 1: caring person.
Speaker 3: These are other people's words, not mine, But I'm just
Speaker 3: extremely thoughtful.
Speaker 1: But that's who you are. It is. So it's just
Speaker 1: people can't change that.
Speaker 3: If I know that this is your favorite and I'm
Speaker 3: out and I see something that I know that you
Speaker 3: would love, I'm going to come home with that because
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, if I have access to
Speaker 3: getting it, like it could be like a pack of
Speaker 3: em and MS or whatever it is.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna come back with it and be like, oh
Speaker 1: I saw these.
Speaker 3: And whatever whatever just my love language, or it's like
Speaker 3: I want you to feel special, Like he was away
Speaker 3: for work for some time, and when he came home,
Speaker 3: like I had like a welcome home banner for him,
Speaker 3: Like I had like this, like you know, I had
Speaker 3: some goodies for him and stuff like that, because like you.
Speaker 1: Had some goodies and some good I want to supplied
Speaker 1: the milk for the cookies. I want them to feel special.
Speaker 1: I want want them to fill loved.
Speaker 3: And I think that my love language is words of affirmation,
Speaker 3: and my, oh my gosh, mine is all of them.
Speaker 3: Words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, those like the.
Speaker 1: Main three, the main three.
Speaker 3: Well mine is just okay, I see you're running out
Speaker 3: of your favorite uh body wi right.
Speaker 1: That's me. I'm gonna replace it. Yeah, I'm like that too.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I see, like before you can even ask
Speaker 3: favorite meals like any little you don't. Ever, he ain't
Speaker 3: never gonna say, hey, babe, can you get some more
Speaker 3: of that is already there. I'm gonna be like, oh,
Speaker 3: it's a matter of fact, Oh it's empty already hold on,
Speaker 3: I just got to another one here, let me pull
Speaker 3: it off. Or when I see something running low and
Speaker 3: I see him in the shower and I'm looking on
Speaker 3: his side of the other shower and I see his
Speaker 3: favorite low mouth wash just running low. It's replaced before
Speaker 3: he even takes the last gargle, Babe, Like, I'm.
Speaker 1: That girl, right, you know what I'm saying. And that's
Speaker 1: how that girl and that's how I live.
Speaker 3: And that's how I am. Lot The kids too, Yeah,
Speaker 3: oh they would love this. Oh matter of fact, Oh,
Speaker 3: this is something that they would like or whatever it is,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Like, Okay, I'm gonna do
Speaker 3: this special thing because like I think about them. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and it's like back to you know people who are like,
Speaker 3: oh you' how could you be with someone who has
Speaker 3: so many kids.
Speaker 1: It's like they're amazing. They're so amazing. I love that
Speaker 1: they really are. I love that they really are. And
Speaker 1: I'm sure they love on you just as much. Because
Speaker 1: one thing children are gonna do. They don't feel it.
Speaker 1: Yeah you're gonna say it, yeah, and they'll act accordingly. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, so children, children and dogs, animals, children and
Speaker 1: animals will know good people. Yeah, so you know, and
Speaker 1: it's funny. I'll watch my children if they kind of
Speaker 1: stay away from certain people or their energy, or you
Speaker 1: get a baby to somebody baby start crying. I'm like,
Speaker 1: not gonna look at you sideways, because I mean, your
Speaker 1: heart ain't right. You know.
Speaker 3: It's like, if I know everybody loves boba, like before,
Speaker 3: you can't even ask me to get back the kids
Speaker 3: this week. We already got yeah, and you don't even
Speaker 3: have to tell me the one that you like because
Speaker 3: I know nobody. Like I had surprise them one day
Speaker 3: and came back with boba and one of them was like,
Speaker 3: did you.
Speaker 1: Get the one? I'm like, of course I did. Of
Speaker 1: course I did. As I said. I'm like, yeah, come on,
Speaker 1: I love that I know the one that you like.
Speaker 3: And the thing is, I'm such a stickler too, so
Speaker 3: it's like, you know, say, for example, this one don't
Speaker 3: like ice and this one does. It's like, I'm gonna
Speaker 3: remember that you don't like ice in your you know
Speaker 3: what I mean, Yep, and totally get it.
Speaker 1: And that's just that's the way.
Speaker 3: Even when it's fixing plates, everybody likes their plate different
Speaker 3: certain kind of way. You don't have to tell me
Speaker 3: you don't jazz is on it. Yeah, I know who
Speaker 3: don't like cheese? Who like those intolerance? Who wants I
Speaker 3: I know who want wants to.
Speaker 1: Dish that ketchup? I know who wants to ketch up
Speaker 1: on the burger? I know no, But that's that's how
Speaker 1: it's five of me. I know, I get it.
Speaker 3: And they're all different, right, And so it's like, so
Speaker 3: when you take the time to know their personalities and
Speaker 3: know how they eat, and especially if I'm the one cooking,
Speaker 3: it's like, it's just paying attention to details, details and
Speaker 3: what you love to do, because that's me, that's you.
Speaker 1: You're not asking nobody else to be that. That's just
Speaker 1: who you are. What's a jazz? You know what's funny
Speaker 1: as I wrap up the conversation or the meat of
Speaker 1: the show with you. When I got to meet you,
Speaker 1: I think it was in La with Kendle on time.
Speaker 1: We were hanging out and we just had the best
Speaker 1: night out. The four of us were sitting chitting and
Speaker 1: chaturth and whatnot. You did remember it was a it
Speaker 1: was a whole thing. That conversation I remember was a
Speaker 1: whole thing. And then just seeing you over the course
Speaker 1: of our different interactions and stuff, and then you getting
Speaker 1: on as a team and whatnot. It's funny because I
Speaker 1: think I felt victim, which I think a lot of
Speaker 1: people do when they see someone on social media and
Speaker 1: their persona, they expect when you see them in person
Speaker 1: to be that person. And it was actually very refreshing
Speaker 1: when I got to just talk with you on just
Speaker 1: like a very regular level, because I'm just like, you're
Speaker 1: just like a cool ass person, like super sweet, super
Speaker 1: down on Earth. Knows who you are, and as you
Speaker 1: continue to grow into who you are, me being a
Speaker 1: big aged forty year old woman, I just want to
Speaker 1: encourage you to just continue to exist as you have been,
Speaker 1: being like a strong woman, being an amazing mother. So far.
Speaker 1: I've seen the way you've been loving on your daughter,
Speaker 1: just even in the short time that we've been together
Speaker 1: here pre show making sure that she's okay. The way
Speaker 1: you're attentive to her, you're attentive to your family. I
Speaker 1: just love that for you, Jazzy. And one thing I'm
Speaker 1: always going to do is celebrate women in this space
Speaker 1: because we're all different, we're all wired differently, we require
Speaker 1: different things, we offer different things, and I just want
Speaker 1: to speak life into you in this moment and just
Speaker 1: lets you know that you listen. I don't don't start
Speaker 1: crying now, because okay, you can cry, I know how
Speaker 1: like the hormones is still, like you know, all over
Speaker 1: the place. But I don't think enough we do that
Speaker 1: as women, just celebrating who each person is, for their
Speaker 1: individuality and for their uniqueness. Too many times we're in
Speaker 1: spaces and arenas and these virtual spaces that are social
Speaker 1: media platforms where we just everyone's tearing each other down
Speaker 1: to make themselves feel better about their mediocrity. You're not
Speaker 1: going to do that, well, you're not gonna do it
Speaker 1: on that as podcast, you know what I'm saying. But
Speaker 1: it's just people are in spaces where they are unhappy
Speaker 1: with who they are with their space and life, whatever
Speaker 1: they're doing, or their level of mediocrity, that they want
Speaker 1: to tear other people down. And I won't allow that
Speaker 1: all my watch, not here as we sit together on
Speaker 1: a date with K. So continue doing what you've been doing, Jazzy,
Speaker 1: Do what makes you happy. Continue to lead with love,
Speaker 1: as you've said, because look how far it has gotten
Speaker 1: you to this point. And I only see greater things
Speaker 1: moving forward as you go to film next week, more
Speaker 1: your back on the tema you filmed while you were pregnant. Yes,
Speaker 1: what was that? Like? Real quick before we go and break.
Speaker 3: You know what's funny they said to me, that's how
Speaker 3: we knew you were valuable. Instead of like shortening my
Speaker 3: my episodes, they got a body double for me.
Speaker 1: Wow, and they were like, Jazz, you have a body double.
Speaker 1: They're like yeah. They were like, oh, he has fires.
Speaker 1: GP loves you. He called me and was like, hey,
Speaker 1: how are you feeling.
Speaker 3: I was like i feel good and he's like, okay,
Speaker 3: I'm riding as a teama like do you feel good?
Speaker 3: Like do you want to be in the season? I'm
Speaker 3: like absolutely And then you know that and he was
Speaker 3: like okay. He' said okay, don't worry about anything. We're
Speaker 3: gonna work it out. And then they had a body
Speaker 3: double for me. But the fact that he even called
Speaker 3: me as he was riding it just to see what
Speaker 3: headspace I was in.
Speaker 1: That's so indicative of who he is. Yet, No, it
Speaker 1: really is, It really is.
Speaker 3: And I was just like, of course, I was like
Speaker 3: I'm ready to work because obviously like being pregnant.
Speaker 1: It's like I needed to get back to something that
Speaker 1: really really made like happy. That meant like it was
Speaker 1: felt like yes, and I had a great pregnancy. But
Speaker 1: still I was like, yeah, it can be taxing, especially
Speaker 1: how they film over there at TPS.
Speaker 3: So I get it, but I wanted to like but
Speaker 3: I just thought it was just very beautiful.
Speaker 1: That was beautiful. And if you haven't seen Caught Up,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, everybody about it. We couldn't talk about it
Speaker 1: when the strike was happening, and that's when it launch
Speaker 1: was a BT plus because baby, the minute I knew
Speaker 1: it was coming out, it is such a good series.
Speaker 1: If you haven't watched yet, I remember telling my sister
Speaker 1: about it my friends and they were like, yo, we
Speaker 1: want more, and I'm like, you gotta come back season
Speaker 1: till you write me and it is your cousin, I
Speaker 1: do something. You know what I'm saying. Do what you
Speaker 1: gotta do. But if you can come back on season two,
Speaker 1: we're gonna like have to put up a petition. And
Speaker 1: if you haven't watched Caught Up yet, you have to
Speaker 1: catch it on b ET plus because it's such a
Speaker 1: good show and you did an amazing job. I love
Speaker 1: the representation of their Indian parents. Like everything was just
Speaker 1: really really gay about that show, and I was locked in.
Speaker 1: So I'm hoping and I'm putting out there in the
Speaker 1: atmosphere that you're gonna get a season two and beyond.
Speaker 1: We don't have to work on that.
Speaker 3: Writer and executive producer and star baby period.
Speaker 1: Give her all the titles, all the accolades, everything, all
Speaker 1: right now, Well, since you got all of them titles,
Speaker 1: come paties bills with me real quick. We're gonna take
Speaker 1: a break and then we're gonna come back and we're
Speaker 1: doing one quick listener letter while the baby is still
Speaker 1: nice and quiet with me.
Speaker 2: Me.
Speaker 1: We're gonna see what they're talking about this week, so
Speaker 1: stick around. All right, we're back. We fed some babies,
Speaker 1: some lip glos songs, use the potty, you know, refreshed
Speaker 1: and ready to go. We also notice that we both
Speaker 1: have matching French pedicures. Yes we do. Okay, cute toe gang.
Speaker 1: I love that, all right, y'all, So we're gonna dive in.
Speaker 1: I have Jazzy here, who's gonna sit with me through
Speaker 1: y'all business. Okay, are we going to get into one
Speaker 1: of the things? Do you know because we had a
Speaker 1: lot to talk about. So we'll do one just to
Speaker 1: keep with the theme of doing listener letters. Hey, blessings
Speaker 1: and positive vibes to you both. I'll get straight to it.
Speaker 1: Love that I just found out my partner has been unfaithful.
Speaker 1: We have a one and a half year old child together,
Speaker 1: and I don't know how one moves forward from this.
Speaker 1: This child deserves a family, but my heart is shattered
Speaker 1: and I cannot fathom how this will work out for us.
Speaker 1: He claims it was a one time thing and he's
Speaker 1: cut all communication. I want to be able to move
Speaker 1: forward from this, but I'm truly not seeing the light
Speaker 1: right now.
Speaker 3: Any advice, oh child, go and give your married woman advice,
Speaker 3: and now I'll give you.
Speaker 1: I'll give you one. Right, So I found out my partner,
Speaker 1: so partner maybe not married, one year old child. You'd
Speaker 1: like to go back and decipher, like break it down
Speaker 1: and I'll see what actually is happening here. Well, first off,
Speaker 1: having the conversation with someone who's been unfaithful sometimes you
Speaker 1: got to get to the root of what exactly was
Speaker 1: going on. Now, this is not saying that either party
Speaker 1: was right nor wrong, because I feel like when people
Speaker 1: make the decision to step out of a relationship, whether
Speaker 1: that's a marriage or just a committed relationship, it's a choice.
Speaker 1: I know some people say that, oh, there's a mistake.
Speaker 1: You know what was gonna say? I didn't mean to
Speaker 1: there was intent, there was a choice, so it happened.
Speaker 1: I think it's up to you at this point now
Speaker 1: to really decipher was this a one time thing. Are
Speaker 1: you with a habitual cheater or was this a moment
Speaker 1: where you were with someone where you know they made
Speaker 1: a wrong choice for whatever the reason may have been,
Speaker 1: and the choice behind or the reason behind this choice,
Speaker 1: is it something that you feel like you guys can
Speaker 1: bounce back from. So it's really it's hard to say,
Speaker 1: and it's hard to give, you know, advice in situations
Speaker 1: like this because you really don't know too much of
Speaker 1: the backstory of how we arrived at this. What do
Speaker 1: you think? Because have you been cheated on before? For sure?
Speaker 1: All right? And have you cheated on someone yes? Absolutely? Okay,
Speaker 1: So what would be your advice to her? Especially just
Speaker 1: having a one and a half year old too. I
Speaker 1: know that a lot of times you know that new
Speaker 1: baby feel and she ain't quite right, it ain't like
Speaker 1: how it used to be. Intimacy.
Speaker 3: Maybe she's blaming herself too, you know, because like you said,
Speaker 3: we don't really have too much backstor we don't know
Speaker 3: if he's been cheating, been lying, been doing all the things.
Speaker 3: I don't know that It's interesting because I think that
Speaker 3: I was having a conversation with somebody and they were saying, like,
Speaker 3: you know, back in the day, like our parents and
Speaker 3: our grandparents, like they fought for every reason to stay together.
Speaker 1: Now these days they look for every reason to leave. Ooh,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. That's a good point. So
Speaker 1: it's like everybody's so quick that throwing a towel.
Speaker 3: And I'm not saying, you know what I mean, if
Speaker 3: you want to leave, hey, yes, that's your business. But
Speaker 3: I think that, like you said, like getting to the
Speaker 3: root of the issue and really finding out what's really
Speaker 3: going on or whatever.
Speaker 1: I do know that.
Speaker 3: Women naturally are we are monogamous creatures, you know, But
Speaker 3: I know, I do believe everything is a choice.
Speaker 1: But I do, you know, feel like men have a
Speaker 1: little bit more of that, like like they got a scratch,
Speaker 1: that they got a scratch, you know what I'm saying, However,
Speaker 1: discipline men are disciplined men. I don't know what their
Speaker 1: relationship is, Like I don't know, and then not to
Speaker 1: justify anybody's actions or behavior, but I do know that
Speaker 1: they're I think the cheating there's levels. I think there's
Speaker 1: emotional cheating, physical cheating. Sometimes that emotional could be weighing
Speaker 1: more detrimental than they is, because it's like and harder
Speaker 1: to break off.
Speaker 3: Yes, like do you would you rather him just like
Speaker 3: have sex with somebody that he doesn't really.
Speaker 1: Know, like one off and never talk to him again,
Speaker 1: or someone like who's making him laugh and sending him
Speaker 1: like good morning and knows his favorite snack, like you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? Yeah, which which one was it right?
Speaker 3: He says it's you know, it's a mistake. He'll never
Speaker 3: do it again, Like, which which one was it right?
Speaker 3: Because like men know how to detach themselves from their penis,
Speaker 3: like their mind.
Speaker 1: That's what I've heard too, Yeah, you know, having several
Speaker 1: conversations with deval or just other men, it's like they
Speaker 1: can compartmentalize it a lot, whereas women maybe can't. Right,
Speaker 1: So it's just like.
Speaker 3: You hear cheating, You're like, oh my gosh, she guta
Speaker 3: say it with another woman like a but it's like
Speaker 3: he can literally like have zero feelings for that person.
Speaker 1: It's wild.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and again I don't know the situation. I don't know,
Speaker 3: but like you said, I would get to the root
Speaker 3: of it. I don't think that. I mean, of course,
Speaker 3: in the initial is like, oh my gosh, we'll never
Speaker 3: be together.
Speaker 1: Right, Like it's especially having a one year when it's like,
Speaker 1: you know, she's still postpartum, she's still doing it with
Speaker 1: all the things.
Speaker 3: And it's like, you guys have a child, so regardless
Speaker 3: if you leave him or not, he's still gonna be.
Speaker 1: Parenting is going to be. It's inevitable, exact inevitable. It's
Speaker 1: interesting you brought up you know, our parents generation or
Speaker 1: even our grandparents where it's just like, damn y'all don't
Speaker 1: fight through anything. But the converse side of that is
Speaker 1: that damn y'all stuck around through anything too, you know.
Speaker 1: So it's really boiling down to what you said. It's
Speaker 1: deciphering what's worth holding on to, what's worth working through
Speaker 1: and if your heart is just not in it because
Speaker 1: there's no coming back, Like some people just have some
Speaker 1: non negotiables, you know, and you really have to ask yourself,
Speaker 1: like what is my non negotiable? What am I not
Speaker 1: willing to tolerate? And he's going to have to respect
Speaker 1: that whatever that looks like for you. But also to time,
Speaker 1: Time does heal, Time does bring clarity. Time allows you
Speaker 1: to assess the situation outside of rage and fury when
Speaker 1: you kind of settle in it and you have those
Speaker 1: conversations and it may not want be one conversation or two,
Speaker 1: it may be several for you to really understand, like,
Speaker 1: what was the root of this choice that he made here?
Speaker 1: Was it something that you know was faltering on his side?
Speaker 1: You know, was it something faltering on my side? Again,
Speaker 1: not placing blame on hither person and for why it happened,
Speaker 1: because the choice was the choice. But a lot of
Speaker 1: times when you're in a committed relationship, it is sometimes
Speaker 1: worth it if you feel like you want to stick
Speaker 1: it out to really get to the root of the
Speaker 1: issue because there was something else going on here that
Speaker 1: drove to that.
Speaker 3: And really and you know, create a safe space for
Speaker 3: your partner to talk to you, because like that saved
Speaker 3: Vali lots.
Speaker 1: And that's the real thing.
Speaker 3: It's like what if what if he just didn't have
Speaker 3: nobody to talk to him and became you know, started
Speaker 3: talking to this person and she heard him out because
Speaker 3: every time he tries to talk to you, you you
Speaker 3: fussing and arguing and he's not a safe space for him. However,
Speaker 3: that can be like, oh, you're taking a man's side.
Speaker 1: I'm not.
Speaker 3: It's just that I'm just trying to see how this
Speaker 3: thing could have happened. And if you guys are going
Speaker 3: to talk about it and either resolve or break up
Speaker 3: a conversation, it's worth having a conversation.
Speaker 1: Yeah, still worth knowing. And I feel like.
Speaker 3: You should be able to talk without fighting. You can
Speaker 3: have heated discussions, but like like lets some time go
Speaker 3: by and calm yourselves down and then really talk about it.
Speaker 3: But also like really hear the person out, don't just
Speaker 3: listen like I can't.
Speaker 1: Let me hear what you have to say. Okay, you
Speaker 1: fuck me? Okay? And yeah, and I was at work
Speaker 1: like no, like like really listen, like really listen and
Speaker 1: understand trying to see you know what, maybe I can
Speaker 1: understand why it came across that way, or why you
Speaker 1: proceed it that way or how you arrived at this destination. Yeah,
Speaker 1: whenever the Valan I have like disagreements and stuff, he
Speaker 1: normally is just like, well, listen to how I feel
Speaker 1: and understand how I feel, and how I feel is
Speaker 1: how I feel. Don't try to persuade persuade me to
Speaker 1: feel any differently. But for me, I'm always like, but
Speaker 1: I need you to understand how I arrived at this,
Speaker 1: this this thought like why did I do the things
Speaker 1: I did? There's a reason behind it.
Speaker 3: And you know what's interesting because the times that I've
Speaker 3: cheated was aut of retaliation.
Speaker 1: So you weren't the cheatya. Initially you weren't the cheat.
Speaker 1: You were just cheating as a No, not like you're
Speaker 1: you cheated, I'm gonna cheat back. It's more like it's
Speaker 1: there's just some things that you need and like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna just paint a picture. I'm not not
Speaker 1: saying this is what happened with me, but just say like.
Speaker 3: You crave for your partner to tell you that you're beautiful.
Speaker 3: You've told them time and time again. I need words
Speaker 3: like I need you to tell me these things. I
Speaker 3: need you to tell me.
Speaker 1: He don't do it. Don't do it don't do it.
Speaker 3: Somebody I show John or whoever tells you like wow,
Speaker 3: like you're really beautiful, like I really like your today
Speaker 3: or whatever, and it feel like, oh my gosh, that void.
Speaker 3: So this is what in my relationship we always call
Speaker 3: like crevice. That's when that crevis got you know what
Speaker 3: I mean, like creating And it could start off innocent
Speaker 3: and then it's your line fracture. Oh yeah, somebody somebody
Speaker 3: notice is something about you that your partner didn't notice,
Speaker 3: and then you're just like you just want to be seen.
Speaker 3: And then it's just like you just want to feel sexy,
Speaker 3: you want to feel womanly. And then it's like, of
Speaker 3: course he'll fuck you. We I mean like it's not
Speaker 3: too many men, it's not gonna you know, you getting
Speaker 3: that at lacking right, So it's just that thing. So
Speaker 3: it's like you have the conversation, okay for a woman
Speaker 3: steps out and it's just like I just needed to feel,
Speaker 3: you know, And it's like as a man, I'm sure
Speaker 3: it's hard for them to take that accountability and say,
Speaker 3: you know what, you're right, I wasn't telling you that
Speaker 3: you look beautiful. I wasn't doing those things or whatever,
Speaker 3: and you accept your fault in their action, not justifying it,
Speaker 3: but hearing the person out. Now back to her, whatever
Speaker 3: that thing is, find out what that thing is, you know,
Speaker 3: and it might not be nothing. It might have just
Speaker 3: been a one time thing, but I think it's worth
Speaker 3: finding out and really like getting to know how somebody feels.
Speaker 3: And the minute that you show somebody it's safe over here,
Speaker 3: they'll continue to talk to you. And that's what you want,
Speaker 3: especially if you want to have longevity with a person
Speaker 3: and even co parenting.
Speaker 1: Y'all, communication gotta be right. So either way in the
Speaker 1: way I go back, which for you twisted, you gonna
Speaker 1: have to talk to that man so big big is
Speaker 1: gonn unfold? Yeah exactly. Oh my god. It's some pretty
Speaker 1: good advice. Thanks Jazzy so much for that, and I
Speaker 1: hope that things work out for you. Sis set us
Speaker 1: a follow up, you know what I'm saying. Sometimes when
Speaker 1: we have too little, we have to paint a picture again,
Speaker 1: Like we talked about that, painting a narrative around, just
Speaker 1: like a little piece of information. But then I said
Speaker 1: that to say, the second listening letter was like about
Speaker 1: two miles long, and I'm like, I ain't reading that
Speaker 1: right now? How could I ask y'all for more information?
Speaker 1: You give me more information. I'm just like, Okay, we
Speaker 1: don't want to read it today, but no, we're gonna
Speaker 1: probably push this listening letter to another episode, which is
Speaker 1: all good when we have more time, because Jazzy and
Speaker 1: I were just diving in talking all things perception, reality,
Speaker 1: social media. You can do mom leading with love. You
Speaker 1: like that one. I love that one. I'm gonna use
Speaker 1: that one. But if you want to be featured as
Speaker 1: a listener letter, please write into us at dead ass
Speaker 1: Advice at gmail dot com. That's d E A d
Speaker 1: A S S A d V I C E at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. So to round out the show, Jazzy, yes,
Speaker 1: I can let you and your baby go, and we
Speaker 1: dodged some traffic so you can get home, hopefully in
Speaker 1: a short amount of time than it took you to
Speaker 1: get here, hopefully. But we normally wrap the show with
Speaker 1: something we call the moment of truth. And the moment
Speaker 1: of truth is just essentially kind of like how we
Speaker 1: started with that SoundBite in the beginning. Now that we've spoken,
Speaker 1: we've kind of flushed through the episode. We've gotten to
Speaker 1: say how we feel what's the takeaway that you have
Speaker 1: or something you want people to know that kind of
Speaker 1: wraps up the conversation that we had today, and that's
Speaker 1: normally our moment of truth time. I'll go first. I
Speaker 1: think I have one my moment of truth after listening
Speaker 1: to you Jazzy, share your perspective, your story, how motherhood
Speaker 1: has changed you, how you're not allowing your privacy to
Speaker 1: be dismantled or infiltrated. Just know that when you are
Speaker 1: experiencing someone in the social media realm, you are seeing
Speaker 1: what they want you to see. And we should not
Speaker 1: be judging folks for what we don't see or creating
Speaker 1: narratives around who we think or what we think is transpiring.
Speaker 1: And really, I think the focus should be a self
Speaker 1: reflection on like who you are, and you think about
Speaker 1: why you are projecting on other people and think about
Speaker 1: how that can really affect people in real life, in reality,
Speaker 1: just based off of your perspective. So essentially, do you
Speaker 1: let people do them and we can all be happy
Speaker 1: and coexist together? Yes?
Speaker 3: Too, It's like, really, in the culture, can't nobody mind
Speaker 3: naby everybody want to be in somebody business?
Speaker 1: For sure? Have you heard about this, I'll be like, no,
Speaker 1: I have a new born. I don't know what's going on.
Speaker 1: But then you have people that say, well, if you
Speaker 1: don't want me in business, don't be putting ye business
Speaker 1: out there. Well, baby, y'all want to just take the
Speaker 1: situation and round. It's just like it's like one thing
Speaker 1: I was trying to share and then now we were like, yeah,
Speaker 1: another thing, you posting your baby?
Speaker 3: If you go cover the phase because I'm excited about
Speaker 3: being a mom bitch, that's fine period.
Speaker 1: And is that the moment of truth? Right? My moment
Speaker 1: of truth is honestly, like you gotta give people grace. Yes,
Speaker 1: give that's a good one. That's like an overarching topic,
Speaker 1: including yourself.
Speaker 3: Give people grace, give yourself grace, because I've had to
Speaker 3: learn to give myself grace through this process of like,
Speaker 3: you know, I was talking to one of my friends
Speaker 3: today and I was like, you know, my child is
Speaker 3: like my purse and I don't leave home without it.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean. It's like my American Express,
Speaker 1: well like de vous American Express. Yeah, like the Amax
Speaker 1: killer or like I said it before, time and time again, like.
Speaker 3: Your ID or your credit card or whatever you just
Speaker 3: can't leave on what I was like, she gotta go
Speaker 3: like wherever I go, Like I'm here with my baby
Speaker 3: right now, you know, like she has to come Like
Speaker 3: I gotta work tomorrow, she come in.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's just what it is. It's just what it is.
Speaker 3: And I had to just like give myself grace because
Speaker 3: I'm like, I feel like I don't like feeling like
Speaker 3: a burden on people. It's just like, n it's my child,
Speaker 3: Like I don't I don't want you to have to
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. Like like a little bit ago,
Speaker 3: she was crying and I was apologizing to your mom, like,
Speaker 3: oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: Who made me know something about crying? Shall Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: so it should. I get it. You just want to
Speaker 1: make sure that she's good, especially as the first time.
Speaker 1: You want to make sure that like you hear her cry.
Speaker 1: It's like oh yeah, first off, if your ears go up,
Speaker 1: start leaking, yep, and then you're just like oh anxiety. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: just know that you have a safe space here and
Speaker 1: we family like literally, but also yeah, given myself family
Speaker 1: to No. I appreciate you. I just knew that once
Speaker 1: we were going to have you on today that it
Speaker 1: was going to be a little bit flexible. That's why
Speaker 1: we put you at the end of the day. So
Speaker 1: that way, if we stop for feedings and changings and
Speaker 1: all that good stuff, you know that we were able
Speaker 1: to make it happy. And I appreciate you because it's
Speaker 1: not easy, you know, three months postpartum to pack up
Speaker 1: and go anywhere. Okay, anyway, I know three months postpartum. Like,
Speaker 1: if you're not coming to me, I am not coming
Speaker 1: to you. So I appreciate you for taking the time
Speaker 1: to come and bring baby girl along. Now, tell everybody
Speaker 1: what's next, Where they can find you, where they can follow,
Speaker 1: Tell them what Tell them about Jazzy where we can
Speaker 1: find Okay, Oh well, I don't know if I want
Speaker 1: to be found. I like my I like my rock. Okay.
Speaker 3: However, however, if you're on social you can follow me
Speaker 3: on Instagram at watch Jazzy. Also Satiama season one, two
Speaker 3: and three, Yes, ma'am about to be filming season four and.
Speaker 1: Yes on the way okay, And obviously you can stream
Speaker 1: my show Caught Up limited series as of right now
Speaker 1: four episodes on BT plus, written and executive produced and
Speaker 1: starring me.
Speaker 3: So that's the Big one. Also, we need four more.
Speaker 1: I know everybody's so good you'll have to watch it
Speaker 1: really is.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it just just stay tuned. I might not post
Speaker 3: a lot of these days, but when I.
Speaker 1: Do, you're gonna wanna You're gonna wanna be. I love that.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Jasey, and be sure to find us on
Speaker 1: Patreon if you have not joined yet, be sure to
Speaker 1: subscribe to get exclusive dead Ass podcast content, as well
Speaker 1: as more Ellis Family content. All Day K A Day
Speaker 1: with K. I think we're liking the flow of this
Speaker 1: giving talk show vibe, so we'll see how that goes.
Speaker 1: But yeah, dead Ass the podcast is on Instagram. You
Speaker 1: can find me at Kadeen I am. And don't forget
Speaker 1: about my hubby. I know he hasn't been around for
Speaker 1: a couple episodes, but you can follow him on I
Speaker 1: Am deval And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, please
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review, and subscribe because we still
Speaker 1: we still like when you do that, so please do
Speaker 1: all right, dead ass y'all.
Speaker 2: Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network, and
Speaker 2: it's produced by Donor Pinya and Triple. Follow the podcast
Speaker 2: on social media at dead Ass The podcast and never
Speaker 2: miss a thing