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Speaker 1: Native Lampid is a production of iHeartRadio in partnership with

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Speaker 1: Reason Choice Media.

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Speaker 2: Welcome Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome.

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Speaker 1: Welcome home, y'all, this is our mini pod. I'm so

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Speaker 1: happy I get to sit down with my brother who

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Speaker 1: is married. There is a and this has everything to

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Speaker 1: do with this mini pot. There is a very interesting

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Speaker 1: debate happening online and this is for the merry guys.

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Speaker 1: I want to know what y'all think. Please send us

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Speaker 1: in your videos on this because I'm sure there's going

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Speaker 1: to be some debates. There's a sister named Chloe Sullivan

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Speaker 1: who have this to say about her husband online last night.

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Speaker 1: My marriage was shaken over a makeup kit. But anyone

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Speaker 1: looking from the outside will call me crazy. My husband

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Speaker 1: came home from his company's luncheon Radiant. It was an

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Speaker 1: employee only luncheon, and he was drawn as the winner

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Speaker 1: of a super premium skin care and makeup kit. She

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Speaker 1: doesn't say the brand, expensive and complete. You know, the

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Speaker 1: kind of treat any woman would love to get. But

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Speaker 1: what did he do? He simply looked to the side

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Speaker 1: and handed the entire prize over to a female coworker.

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Speaker 1: It didn't stop there, so this is the first of me.

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Speaker 3: No.

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Speaker 1: He told me this, laughing, proud of his own generosity.

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Speaker 1: To top it all off, the company took a photo

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Speaker 1: of the two of them together, smiling with the gift,

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Speaker 1: and posted it on their official profile for everyone to see.

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Speaker 1: The quote perfect husband making another woman's day. While he

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Speaker 1: was posing for the photo and playing the gentleman, I

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Speaker 1: was at home taking care of our son, cleaning the house,

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Speaker 1: preparing his dinner. Exhausted, my eyes filled with tears instantly.

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Speaker 1: I can already tell we're gonna be on the other

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Speaker 1: side of this garrison, but let me keep going. The

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Speaker 1: feelings of being undervalued was so violent it took my

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Speaker 1: breath away. Not for one second did I cross his mind.

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Speaker 1: The existence of his own wife was completely erased at

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Speaker 1: that event. He preferred the smile and gratitude of a

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Speaker 1: co war her over mine. He preferred the social applause

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Speaker 1: of being the quote nice guy. When I confronted him,

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Speaker 1: the worst part came. He called me dramatic and crazy.

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Speaker 1: He said it would quote look bad for a man

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Speaker 1: to accept makeup in front of everyone, and that he

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Speaker 1: couldn't refuse the moment. In other words, his ego and

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Speaker 1: what others would think matter more than my feelings, What

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Speaker 1: others would think matter more than my feelings. Now the

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Speaker 1: photo is out there on the internet. Yeah, have you

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Speaker 1: seen this photo? I have not seen this photo. Everyone

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Speaker 1: is praising his kindness while I'm here swallowing my tears

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Speaker 1: and a rage that is eating me up inside. He

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Speaker 1: says it's just silly jealousy. But to me, it was

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Speaker 1: a betrayal of consideration.

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Speaker 3: He's making this worse.

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Speaker 1: I'm feeling awful guilty for Oh, I'm feeling awful guilty.

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Speaker 1: I don't think she meant that comment. I'm feeling awful

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Speaker 1: guilty for feeling so much anger. But I just can't

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Speaker 1: forget that photo. Garrison. Let me ask you this. Are

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Speaker 1: you bringing in that makeup kit home and posing with

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Speaker 1: the makeup kit at work? Or are you giving it

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Speaker 1: to a female co worker? Or is it none of

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Speaker 1: the above.

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Speaker 3: I'm bringing it home first and foremost, I'm bringing it home.

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Speaker 3: His real problem was coming home, Radiant, come home. You

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Speaker 3: got to come home believed, you got to come home

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Speaker 3: feeling like it was a tough day at work. You

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Speaker 3: can't come home, Radiant, brother, that's the problem.

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Speaker 1: What does it mean we need to see a picture

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Speaker 1: of sure.

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Speaker 3: First of all, how is he smiling in the photo?

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Speaker 2: You know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: It seemed like she sprayed the setting spray and it

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Speaker 1: was a dewey setting spray. He came home glowing like

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Speaker 1: the anointing fell upon this man.

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Speaker 3: I'm bringing it home for sure. First of all, shout

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Speaker 3: out to my lovely wife, Simone. Yes, what's up? I'm

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Speaker 3: bringing it home. One, because Simon is super into makeup,

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Speaker 3: she probably already has whatever it is that he won,

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Speaker 3: but I'm bringing it home. Let's add to the pile.

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Speaker 3: And you know, it's like she has all of this stuff,

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Speaker 3: so let's let's add it on. So that's problem one.

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Speaker 3: He came home radiant too. He should have just brought

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Speaker 3: it home. Three, the picture. It really matters how you

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Speaker 3: take that picture, like you gotta take it. I need

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Speaker 3: to see the picture because he needs to take the

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Speaker 3: picture like he is with like then to make a wish,

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Speaker 3: it needs to be like I just help this person

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Speaker 3: in need out. You know I think that was It's

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Speaker 3: all his fault. Let's start there. But obviously she's feeling,

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Speaker 3: you know, a little put out, a little left behind,

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Speaker 3: a little forgotten and that sounds bigger than this one incident.

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Speaker 1: If I'm being honest with you, that is my thing. So,

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Speaker 1: Dear Chloe, I just have to tell you since I

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Speaker 1: think your problem started before the makeup kid was ever

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Speaker 1: given to this other woman at work, I think that

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Speaker 1: the issue is it sounds like they don't have no

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Speaker 1: date night. It sounded like then I have an in

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Speaker 1: depth conversations about feelings about workload at home. I think

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Speaker 1: there are a lot of stay at home spouses or

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Speaker 1: spouses that carry a majority of the load for the family,

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Speaker 1: and when that's off balance, resentment builds for people who

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Speaker 1: are going out living their best life. So she was

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Speaker 1: like the work event felt like he was out at

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Speaker 1: the club almost. So I feel like just from the post,

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Speaker 1: the fact that it was a four part post post

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Speaker 1: at that on threads, sounds like their issues are far

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Speaker 1: deeper than the makeup kid. The makeup kid you was

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Speaker 1: trying to put that on a pig. Honey, y'all need

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Speaker 1: to go to therapy and get some support. And I'm

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Speaker 1: rooting for y'all because you know, I just I think

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Speaker 1: that it's said. I do want to say something that

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Speaker 1: my sisters ain't gonna like I think she is given

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Speaker 1: a little drama here. There's a little drama. I am

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Speaker 1: siding with the man. She sounds dramatic and crazy, like

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Speaker 1: I honestly, then this is gonna be rude, but this

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Speaker 1: is my honest truth. I really want to know how

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Speaker 1: old the baby is because I was like, is there

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Speaker 1: any post partum something going on? I know, because I

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Speaker 1: was like, this just feels like a hyper overreaction. So

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Speaker 1: it's either postpartum or they have really big issues that

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Speaker 1: she's been suppressing. And then she finally started to journal

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Speaker 1: on Threads, which I also don't recommend. Don't try to

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Speaker 1: sitt home like Threads is not your journal bot, it's

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Speaker 1: not the group chat.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and take it to the notes app potentially something,

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Speaker 2: or take it to him, right, that's novel.

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Speaker 1: How much of this did she say to him? And

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Speaker 1: so I just I was concerned reading this. I was like,

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Speaker 1: I feel like I might be with the guy.

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Speaker 3: Like the low key he lost me, I mean, he

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Speaker 3: lost me from Radiant, but he also.

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Speaker 1: She could have put some stink on is dramatic.

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Speaker 3: It's true. It's true she may have put a little

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Speaker 3: sauce on there, but you know, he could have come home, like, ah,

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Speaker 3: you know, it was just another event, you know, just

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Speaker 3: like you if your wife is at home.

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Speaker 1: Kind of deceptive too, oh for.

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Speaker 3: Sure, because it definitely is. It definitely is.

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Speaker 1: Build on the line.

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Speaker 3: Don't go out there having a great time and you

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Speaker 3: know your wife is at home taking care of the baby, tired, cooking, cleaning,

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Speaker 3: all this stuff, and you're gonna come in like I

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Speaker 3: had a wonderful time. That's just inconsiderate.

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Speaker 1: But did he say, let's go back to Chloe's poe.

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Speaker 1: Did he say he had a wonderful time?

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Speaker 3: But let me say that, let me tell you he

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Speaker 3: may have said that. Did he say that.

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Speaker 1: My husband came home from his company's lunching radiance?

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Speaker 3: Radiance?

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Speaker 1: That is not an expression. That is her perception of

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Speaker 1: how this man looked. It was an employee's only lunch,

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Speaker 1: and he was drawn as the winner of a super

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Speaker 1: premium skincare makeup kid, expensive and complete, and she just

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Speaker 1: she does not say what he said. The only thing

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Speaker 1: she says, he said, Oh he was laughing, That's what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying, laughing, proud of his own generosity, you know.

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Speaker 3: And that's fine, you know, I'm I'm oh wait, Jordan

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Speaker 3: fail to.

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Speaker 1: Make up kid Jordan Sidis put his picture up in

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Speaker 1: both I mean, uh, this always got ysl product.

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Speaker 3: Oh, brother, you messed up.

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Speaker 1: So it's yl she liked and go Diva chocolate in there,

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Speaker 1: not go Diva. This's how you know yours, you know.

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Speaker 1: But we'll let him have Go Diva if he wants

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Speaker 1: to go Diva.

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Speaker 3: I'm saying Diva.

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Speaker 1: He's she's mad because he told that lady go Diva

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Speaker 1: and did not tell his wife go Diva. But also,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I think it is too they not

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Speaker 1: having no date night, so she didn't have no whord

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Speaker 1: to mirror to makeup either. You know about that too.

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Speaker 3: You know where else he lost me? Where he lost

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Speaker 3: me when he was like, oh it looked bad for

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Speaker 3: me as a man to take a picture with the

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Speaker 3: makeup kid. Brother, are you serious?

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Speaker 1: Well, okay, tell me why? Tell me why so you

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Speaker 1: opposed with the makeup kid every time?

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Speaker 3: Every single time happily with a big smile.

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Speaker 1: Okay, why?

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Speaker 3: First of all, I just won something. I love winning

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Speaker 3: I won something. It was free and it obviously is

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Speaker 3: like costly expensive. I'm you smile like it was Christmas,

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Speaker 3: Like I really want it exactly and then I'm taking

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Speaker 3: it home to the wife. I'm excited to kind of

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Speaker 3: present this gift, you know what I'm saying, Like like

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Speaker 3: there were so many off ramps and he didn't take

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Speaker 3: any of them. And then and then it almost seems

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Speaker 3: like there's a little homophobia in there, low.

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Speaker 1: Ki, I think that that could be true. But they're

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Speaker 1: also like, I don't know that my dad and he's

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Speaker 1: not homophobic, but like when I was growing up, he

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Speaker 1: was not gonna let me put makeup on him. And

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Speaker 1: I could see my dad being like, I'm not posing

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Speaker 1: with this makeup. Kay, y'all come do this? Like I don't.

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Speaker 1: But I don't think it's homophobic. I think he's just

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Speaker 1: like I'm not this. This ain't a gift for me.

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Speaker 1: Like it's like somebody gives you a gift for Father's

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Speaker 1: Day now or for Christmas, and I do not want

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Speaker 1: this that yeah, and so I don't want to he'd

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Speaker 1: been already labeled as radiant when he might not have

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Speaker 1: been radiant, but he might I don't know that I

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Speaker 1: want to name it label him homophobic either. Plus he

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Speaker 1: might have when he realized how pish he was, he

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Speaker 1: might have been scrambling to figure out what he could say.

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Speaker 1: I coulmpose with it because I mean makeup, somebody else

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Speaker 1: had to do it. But I don't know. I just

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Speaker 1: I feel I feel bad for this brother. He needs

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Speaker 1: a good circle of friends that he should have talked

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Speaker 1: to before. But he might not have thought it was

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Speaker 1: a big deal.

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Speaker 3: Honestly, it probably should not have been a big deal.

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Speaker 3: It shouldn't have been a big deal. Yeah, being just,

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Speaker 3: I'm telling jokes, but it shouldn't have been a big deal.

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Speaker 3: They definitely need to talk to each other. But come on,

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Speaker 3: you can bring the makeup. Even if she didn't want it,

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Speaker 3: she could give it to a friend. There's the you know,

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Speaker 3: child why he did.

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Speaker 1: Not consider her in that way?

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Speaker 3: It really is kind of it kind of is a

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Speaker 3: question like we should ask.

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Speaker 1: Her, like, Chloe, do you have a lot of makeup

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Speaker 1: at home? Is he? Is he somebody that's like you

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Speaker 1: are a hoarder and you don't need no more ship

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Speaker 1: for sure? It's so many there's so many layers to

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Speaker 1: this that could be like I don't remember the last

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Speaker 1: time I seen her putting makeup. I don't need to

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Speaker 1: bring this home.

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Speaker 3: It could right right, Maybe she isn't into makeup. But

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Speaker 3: maybe she's naturally pretty.

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Speaker 1: It's like I don't I don't like what you wear makeup.

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Speaker 1: I want her to be playing face.

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Speaker 3: It could be so many things they could be.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Friends, I want to talk to Chloe

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Speaker 1: because I really wish that she didn't do this on

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Speaker 1: the internet. It is the internet into your business.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, room, you know what I'm saying. They could have

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Speaker 3: she could have left that. But a word of advice

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Speaker 3: to the brothers. One, if you come home radiant, come

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Speaker 3: bearing gifts. If you come home radiant, come bearing gifts.

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Speaker 3: That's all I'm saying. He could have come home radiant.

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Speaker 1: I I want to say this to my sisters at home.

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Speaker 1: I am not married, but I will say that I

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Speaker 1: have been known to be a little dramatic. It's a

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Speaker 1: little dramatic. Oh wow, And I think shutter Garrison. I

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Speaker 1: think that you have to pick your battles, you know.

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Speaker 1: I think that you have to decide, you know, when

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Speaker 1: something is worth creating an argument about. And this is

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Speaker 1: I'm sure an argument for them still at home. Part

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Speaker 1: of it is do the work of getting underneath the thing.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't the makeup, kids, So what was it? Really,

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Speaker 1: how are you really feeling? And if you are not,

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Speaker 1: if you're in a situation or relationship or in a

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Speaker 1: marriage where you can't have that honest and earnest conversation,

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Speaker 1: you have to create the spaciousness to get to that

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Speaker 1: point where the marriage won't survive. I don't think so.

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Speaker 1: It's just like, you know, with all that's going on

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Speaker 1: in the world, I need y'all not to fall out

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Speaker 1: over makeup. I need I need these institutions to thrive

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Speaker 1: and survive. We're living in a world right now where

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Speaker 1: fifty percent of marriage is in and divorce. So I

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Speaker 1: don't want that for y'all, not over no makeup, even

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Speaker 1: if it is YSL. You're going to net go yard

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Speaker 1: back to get that YSL, you know.

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Speaker 3: Anyway, Yeah, that's good advice, you know, I'd say the

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Speaker 3: you know, we've my wife and I we've been married

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Speaker 3: now for seven years, and the thing that keeps us fresh,

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Speaker 3: you know, and keeps us going is communication. At the

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Speaker 3: end of the day, you're going to go through times

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Speaker 3: where communication is it needs a little tune up. So

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Speaker 3: do the tune up, do the maintenance on the relationship.

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Speaker 3: That's necessary, that's important, that's a part of the process.

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Speaker 3: And it's so common to argue about things that aren't

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Speaker 3: the actual thing that you wanting to argue about. Do

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Speaker 3: the work of getting very proximate to the thing that's

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Speaker 3: actually the problem, and stop making all these proxy wars

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Speaker 3: and proxy fights. The thing that you're arguing about, ah

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Speaker 3: that you don't really care about the bag. You care

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Speaker 3: about the fact that you're carrying a heavier load than

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Speaker 3: you anticipated. You thought you were in a partnership, and

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Speaker 3: now you feel like you're doing all the cooking and

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Speaker 3: all the cleaning, and you're feeding the baby, and you're

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Speaker 3: putting them down, and you're changing it. You feel like

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Speaker 3: you're taking on too much. And now man comes home,

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Speaker 3: you know, radiant, and that's the They still don't.

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Speaker 1: Know if this could be misinformation. We do not know

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Speaker 1: that this man was actually ready, you know what, Garrison,

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Speaker 1: you know. On that point, there was something Brene Brown

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Speaker 1: talked about I can't remember with show, but she was

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Speaker 1: talking about how there's a misnomer that relationships are always

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Speaker 1: fifty to fifty. Do you think that some of that

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Speaker 1: is coming into play, Like there's some parts some seasons

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Speaker 1: where somebody is seventy thirty or ninety ten. Yeah should

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Speaker 1: they should people talk about if they got fifty percent

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Speaker 1: to give right now?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, that's real and it takes that's that's so real.

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Speaker 3: I mean, we have a little baby boy, he's just

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Speaker 3: a few months, he's eight months old, and my wife

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Speaker 3: nurses him. That is labor. That is a labor of love.

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Speaker 3: I can't compare, you know, like that, the waking up

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Speaker 3: and he's ready to nurse at two am. There is

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Speaker 3: no way for me to make up the difference between

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Speaker 3: that disruption, right, and so I got to take on

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Speaker 3: some other things. But even still, that physical burden is real,

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Speaker 3: and so you're totally right. There are times, and even

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Speaker 3: if you don't have kids, there are times where work

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Speaker 3: and life and all the balances mean that it's not

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Speaker 3: exactly even, and you have to it takes relational awareness

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Speaker 3: and self awareness to be able to say, oh, shoot, okay,

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Speaker 3: let me try to pick a couple of extra things

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Speaker 3: up to try to match this because that ain't really working.

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Speaker 3: Let me bring home a little something, you know, to

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Speaker 3: kind of just try to make up for some of

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Speaker 3: the imbalances here. That's what it means to be in

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Speaker 3: a good relationship. And so You're totally right. It's rarely

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Speaker 3: if I could even say never fifty to fifty, but

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Speaker 3: you know, do what you can to make up for

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Speaker 3: some of that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I was listening to you and thinking

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Speaker 1: about my parents. Now. My mom has of course been

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Speaker 1: in this cancer battle for some time, and my dad

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Speaker 1: has taken on the role of caregiver for her, and

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Speaker 1: he delights in it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think in a lot of ways that is what

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Speaker 1: has helped my mom to be so positive in the fight.

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Speaker 1: But like he wants to make her food and bring

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Speaker 1: her her plate. He wants to do all these things

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Speaker 1: that normally you know me and me got about woman,

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Speaker 1: bring me my up plate. You know, my mom is

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Speaker 1: like Eddie, I'm ready to eat, you know, and he's

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Speaker 1: on it. And so I think I wonder for them

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Speaker 1: because there is no clear end insight for her battle. Right,

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Speaker 1: Like she's they've changed the amount of time that now

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Speaker 1: she'll be on chemo, Like she's two weeks on, two

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Speaker 1: weeks off. It was one what is it, three weeks on? No,

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Speaker 1: two weeks on, one week off, and now it's two

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Speaker 1: weeks on, two weeks off, which is easy, but she's

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Speaker 1: still weaker in those times that my dad is taking

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Speaker 1: things on sometimes in a way that I feel like,

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Speaker 1: isn't it help? I'm like, she still needs to use

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Speaker 1: her hands dead, you know. But I'm just saying that

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Speaker 1: because for some people they be like, Okay, well it's

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Speaker 1: gonna be your season to do this for two weeks

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Speaker 1: or two months. But it's like what happens when that

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Speaker 1: shifts indefinitely?

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Speaker 3: You know?

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Speaker 1: Do you have enough love and goodness stored up in

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Speaker 1: the bank to handle that so that when the makeup

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Speaker 1: kit comes home? Or does it? You know, y'all are

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Speaker 1: still all right?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it's in the vowels, right. I mean

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Speaker 3: for most people, you know, sickness and health.

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Speaker 1: Right, for better for worse. I didn't know it was

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Speaker 1: gonna be this worse.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's in there. It's in there for a reason.

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Speaker 3: And you and I think what your your dad is doing,

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Speaker 3: I think is such a great example because that almost

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Speaker 3: doing too much. It's probably just enough, you know what

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Speaker 3: I mean. It probably puts them in that like that mindset,

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna actually do more than I need to. It's

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Speaker 3: actually the right mindset, like let's reel it back, as

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Speaker 3: opposed to there being this gap where we need you

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Speaker 3: to actually do more. And I think that's the way

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Speaker 3: you got to approach it. That's my mindset.

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Speaker 1: Then you don't when you when well, all that's said

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Speaker 1: and done, whether you're done or the other person's done,

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Speaker 1: or y'all are done together, you have no regrets. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I think that's the part. So sir with the

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Speaker 1: makeup kid, make it up so you don't have any regrets.

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Speaker 1: Friends with the post, Chloe Cisco, apologize to this man.

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Speaker 1: I think that we might have overreacted just a little bit.

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Speaker 1: That's my friendly advice. You don't have to listen to me.

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Speaker 1: I'm not married, but I am forty six. I've been

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Speaker 1: around the block. I think that was a little dramatic

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Speaker 1: with his radiant self. Anyway, this is good Garan Shiit,

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Speaker 1: y'all better take this band's marriage advice. He and Simone

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Speaker 1: are happy and they have a beautiful baby. And we

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Speaker 1: want to shout her out again for winning the Young Lawyers.

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Speaker 3: Yes, shout out to Simone Marshall Hayes for winning the

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Speaker 3: Young Lawyer's Division of the NBA Humanitarian Award. She was

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Speaker 3: a domestic violence advocate and prosecutor for a number of

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Speaker 3: years and worked really really hard to advocate for folks

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Speaker 3: who are in bad situations right and so I'm very

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Speaker 3: proud of her, and I'm glad I get to say

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Speaker 3: all of that here.

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Speaker 1: I love it. But welcome home, y'all. Will see you

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Speaker 1: next time. Native Lampard is a production of iHeart Radio

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Speaker 1: and partnership with Resent Choice Media. For more podcasts from

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Speaker 1: my heart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or

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Speaker 1: wherever you listen to your favorite shows.