Speaker 1: Boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
Speaker 1: week was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants
Speaker 1: of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
Speaker 1: treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
Speaker 1: rich pill poppers in the penthouse the clearing House of
Speaker 1: hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
Speaker 1: with Ben Maller starts right now in the air. Everywheares
Speaker 1: we are back at it on a Saturday, Saturday, Saturday,
Speaker 1: you have stumbled upon the Fifth Hour with Ben Mallor
Speaker 1: and Danny g Radio on a great, wonderful weekend. We
Speaker 1: have begun the month of April. Actually that was yesterday.
Speaker 1: We begin the month of April, and here we are
Speaker 1: on a Saturday, back at it. And now that's not
Speaker 1: that's the wrong show. That's the wrong And I realized
Speaker 1: though Danny on the podcast, it's not like to restaurant radio.
Speaker 1: Nobody can stumble upon us. You have to go out
Speaker 1: of your way to listen to the show. You can't
Speaker 1: just like, how would you stumble into the podcast? It
Speaker 1: is to me, there's no way to do that. So
Speaker 1: it's a different dynamic. Yes, yes, what a great week
Speaker 1: it was Ben. Now, I'm not sure if you won
Speaker 1: one for saying couci. But look, it's a lot of playing.
Speaker 1: It's probably hurting your eyes because it's so shiny. But
Speaker 1: look what I'm holding up right now. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: look at that. That is unbelievable. Where do you get that?
Speaker 1: Is that my first ever? Benny? Oh, congratulate and well learned,
Speaker 1: well learned. But I I would like to start by
Speaker 1: thanking my mom. It all started when I was two
Speaker 1: years old. Yeah, you have a little passion and Mr microphone,
Speaker 1: she dropped me on my head and the rest is history.
Speaker 1: The rest is history. Here we are all these years later,
Speaker 1: like why didn't I become a doctor or a lawyer?
Speaker 1: What what am I doing here? I'm a doctor? Thank you,
Speaker 1: Thank you. Mallard Militia. Yeah, they love you, Danny G. Congratulations.
Speaker 1: You beat out the entire field, very competitive field, and
Speaker 1: you are the King of the fill ins. That was
Speaker 1: the title Jonas Knox had for a long time. We
Speaker 1: don't need to bring Jonas in and then now he's
Speaker 1: no longer a fill in, so you have now replaced
Speaker 1: him as the king. And the Mallam Militia they love you.
Speaker 1: Just it's it's just love, is what it is, clearly. Anyway.
Speaker 1: So on this edition of the Fifth Hour, we've got
Speaker 1: the garage mirage pissing in the wind, and we've got
Speaker 1: fertilizer backscratcher, maybe even some pop quiz depending on time.
Speaker 1: You know, even though it's a podcast, we've got things
Speaker 1: to do, places to go, people to see, right, we
Speaker 1: don't have all all day here. And plus if a
Speaker 1: podcast is too long, who's gonna listen to all this?
Speaker 1: It just nobody wants that, right, Danny exactly. Even our
Speaker 1: family members are like, can you keep it to forty
Speaker 1: five minutes please? Yeah, he can't go too long. And
Speaker 1: with all the commercials, that's like two hours, right, that's
Speaker 1: like two hours of all the commercials, just the weight
Speaker 1: loss commercial alone anyway. All right, So since August of
Speaker 1: last year, we've documented this on the podcast The Life
Speaker 1: of Mallard, the Saturday staple in Life of Danny G.
Speaker 1: So over the last eight months, I have been overwhelmed
Speaker 1: with stuff. My pops passed away that the second day
Speaker 1: of one, and he had his entire life's worth of
Speaker 1: belongings that he left behind, and we all leave stuff behind.
Speaker 1: But also my mom's they've been married for many years.
Speaker 1: My mom passed away number years ago. My my dad,
Speaker 1: God love him. He left everything my mom left behind
Speaker 1: there and so I had everything for both my parents.
Speaker 1: My brothers are in the other parts of the country
Speaker 1: that I where I am in l A. There in
Speaker 1: the Midwest and the East Coast, and so I have
Speaker 1: been the one to try to navigate my way, trying
Speaker 1: to figure out what's going on here with the the
Speaker 1: wife and so not to mention Danny moving twice over
Speaker 1: the last year. We moved from the Mallard Mansion, which
Speaker 1: you were at a couple of times for the holiday party,
Speaker 1: to the Halfway House where Bella got eaten by a
Speaker 1: coyote and survived, got the last laugh. Then we went
Speaker 1: to the newly decked out Mallard Mansion in the north Woods.
Speaker 1: And so this entire time is like what to keep
Speaker 1: with the toss away? And these are very tough decisions, Uh,
Speaker 1: you know, tear the place apart. Some of these belongings.
Speaker 1: I look at them and then Danny, they're like my,
Speaker 1: not mine. They were my parents pride and enjoy and
Speaker 1: it's hard to see that stuff just go to a landfill,
Speaker 1: get a little sappy and sentimental. I realized that everything
Speaker 1: we own will eventually end up in a landfill. I
Speaker 1: understand that, but I was like, well, my mom used
Speaker 1: to say, you know, life is for the living, Life
Speaker 1: goes on all those things that parents say. But anyway,
Speaker 1: it's been a bleeping nightmare every weekend since August. I
Speaker 1: have spent part or all of my weekend going bit
Speaker 1: by bit through this crap that I've had to dig
Speaker 1: through and literally dig through, like up to the ceiling
Speaker 1: in the garage. And we've got storage sheds and you
Speaker 1: name it. It is a man made debacle and just
Speaker 1: just disaster. So finally, last week was different than every
Speaker 1: other day. My wife decided, you know what, let's work smarter,
Speaker 1: not harder, and she hired a guy that had worked
Speaker 1: at the house helping to renovate kind of fix things
Speaker 1: up here to co and sort through the garage. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and so this is amazing, This is the great miracle
Speaker 1: of the garage in one day, in one day, while
Speaker 1: I was working getting ready for the show and then
Speaker 1: doing the show, and all that stuff, everything had been
Speaker 1: taken out, done, inventory of organized stuff had been thrown away,
Speaker 1: cleaned up, and it took about eight hours of hard labor.
Speaker 1: But I witnessed the garage mirage wa la danny g
Speaker 1: presto amazing. I'm still shocked by this, and that means
Speaker 1: though after finally getting some work done, there's some power
Speaker 1: issues that have to be fixed. So once an electrician,
Speaker 1: a licensed electrician comes over to make sure the house
Speaker 1: doesn't burn down from an electrical fire, I will be
Speaker 1: back on my beloved treadmill that I have not had
Speaker 1: has been buried piles of stuff on top of it.
Speaker 1: So I got a treadmill a while back that was
Speaker 1: actually before COVID and uh, and I've been able to
Speaker 1: use the thing since August. So the garage mirage danny
Speaker 1: G Saving the day, Saving the day. Was it weird
Speaker 1: having somebody else touched the Mallar Museum or were you
Speaker 1: kind of supervising? I was making sure the person, did
Speaker 1: you know, get out of there with anything, But no,
Speaker 1: it was it was fine. I mean, it's okay. A
Speaker 1: lot of the stuff was very old, and it's one
Speaker 1: of those things that's like out of sight, out of
Speaker 1: mind kind of you know, you know it's there, but
Speaker 1: if you don't see it, and now it's gone, you're like,
Speaker 1: well you feel better about it. You're like, well, something
Speaker 1: happened to it, But I don't really know what happened
Speaker 1: to it. Maybe it just vanished in the thin air.
Speaker 1: You have no idea, you know, maybe a magician came
Speaker 1: in thew Dany or somebody like that. Who knows. I
Speaker 1: have no idea. But it's all cleaned up now and
Speaker 1: I can get my weekends back, which I used to
Speaker 1: never have weekends. I know you right now are going
Speaker 1: through that, working on the weekends with the radio and
Speaker 1: stuff and having a duck juggle everything. And so I
Speaker 1: I have been very very busy here doing stuff, well
Speaker 1: very busy, but apparently not that busy because it took
Speaker 1: it took eight hours for stuff that I've I've taken
Speaker 1: eight months and haven't made any real progress. So go figure.
Speaker 1: I hear you. We've talked about it on the podcast before.
Speaker 1: When you have a really busy schedule, you have this
Speaker 1: to do list that just hangs around, usually on your fridge,
Speaker 1: and you're like, I'm gonna get to that. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get to that. But once you do have a day offer,
Speaker 1: an afternoon offer, even a few hours off, you're like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to do that, right now, that's the
Speaker 1: last thing I want to do. Yeah, no, absolutely, it's like,
Speaker 1: you know, what are we doing here? And uh, we
Speaker 1: got it done or I didn't really have anything to
Speaker 1: do with it. But now now it's done and we
Speaker 1: move on and it's all wonderful and all glorious and
Speaker 1: all that stuff. So hallelujah, hallelujah. Now you are free
Speaker 1: to hang clothes back onto the treadmill, Yes, exactly, free
Speaker 1: to hang it all back and make it all dirty.
Speaker 1: And then when I'm ready to meet my maker and
Speaker 1: head to the pearly gates, I will leave all all
Speaker 1: of it behind. So it's it's really just rinse, wash, repeat, right,
Speaker 1: the cycle of life. You know. New people come into
Speaker 1: the the act and they do the same crap that
Speaker 1: we did, and we do the same crap that our
Speaker 1: parents did and their parents did, and I bet you
Speaker 1: wouldn't have done anything like just a mom and dad
Speaker 1: were here. Sometimes the technology changes, but we just passed
Speaker 1: the baton. We just passed the baton on, right, that's
Speaker 1: what we do here. It's amazing, what an amazing thing. Anyway,
Speaker 1: So that was the the garage mirage. Now, so after
Speaker 1: the great garage mirage of I then pivoted. We we
Speaker 1: actually pivot it turned to the next project. Well, I
Speaker 1: actually had nothing to do with this also. Uh so
Speaker 1: we finally after eight months of dealing with this, and
Speaker 1: actually longer than that, the entire year plus a couple
Speaker 1: of months, it's like fourteen months. So then the wife's like, hey,
Speaker 1: why don't we get to the next project right away?
Speaker 1: Right right like a day later, right away, Let's get
Speaker 1: to the next And so she said, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: there's one bathroom that hasn't been renovated in the home
Speaker 1: we're in here in the north Woods. And so the
Speaker 1: wife says, yeah, let's do it. And so she we
Speaker 1: had purchased like a bunch of materials for the the bathroom,
Speaker 1: like the flooring and all that stuff like that had
Speaker 1: been sitting in the garage, but now we had access
Speaker 1: to it, and they've been sitting in the house and stuff. Anyway,
Speaker 1: that was backing on, So what the heck? So a
Speaker 1: friend of a friend, Danny, was brought in because I
Speaker 1: don't know how to do any of this stuff. We
Speaker 1: don't know, and so it brought in to do the labor,
Speaker 1: like the hard work heavy lift, friend of the family,
Speaker 1: a new friend of the fan, and he's got a
Speaker 1: full time gig elsewhere, so he can only come a
Speaker 1: few days a week. You know what this means, Danny.
Speaker 1: It's gonna take eight months too. Yeah. Yeah, so you
Speaker 1: know we're a couple of days a week. But he's
Speaker 1: the race exactly. He can't beat the rate. The rates amazing. No,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna stop it. It's an amazing thing. And
Speaker 1: so you're kind of does good work, but he's busy
Speaker 1: to get another job, and so you can only do
Speaker 1: a few days a week. So last Sunday we started
Speaker 1: on Saturday. On Sunday, I wake up to watch the
Speaker 1: Final Four, which was the final games of the Elite
Speaker 1: eight to get to the Final four. So then these
Speaker 1: were terrible games anyway. But I wake up and I
Speaker 1: get a message. I look at my phone, which everyone
Speaker 1: does when you wake up, you'll get your phone, and
Speaker 1: there's a message there and it's it's it's yells at me,
Speaker 1: do not use the toilet. Do not use the toime.
Speaker 1: I'm like, wait, h, I'm a normal, normal person, don't.
Speaker 1: Most people when they wake up, the first thing they
Speaker 1: do is they head to the powder room. That's what
Speaker 1: they say an HGTV they called the powder room. Right.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm wrong, Danny. I know I'm wrong in
Speaker 1: that right. The first thing I do I hit the
Speaker 1: mouth wash, okay, and then I hit the john. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But some whether that vice versa or whatnot, you're you're
Speaker 1: doing that in some order. I spent some time in
Speaker 1: the comfort station. So this time, this day is different.
Speaker 1: I wake up and you know, I'm like, I'm a
Speaker 1: little groggy, you know, like what's going on here? I
Speaker 1: know I gotta work get ready for a show at
Speaker 1: some point here and uh, anyway, the wife's tells me, listen,
Speaker 1: something happened, something happened here, and there's no water in
Speaker 1: the house. It turns out the guy doing the demo
Speaker 1: had accidentally in his rushed to get the tile off
Speaker 1: the floor the demo part had hit a hidden water
Speaker 1: line that was buried kind of in the concrete and
Speaker 1: kind of against the wall when the house was built.
Speaker 1: Oh no, yeah, so this a caused a big flood,
Speaker 1: which was the first problem, the Great Mallard Flood, of
Speaker 1: which then led to the water being shut off so
Speaker 1: I couldn't use the toilets couldn't take a shower, couldn't
Speaker 1: do any of that stuff. You don't realize how much
Speaker 1: water you need until you don't have it. And anyway,
Speaker 1: was like, okay, the waters a little fine. It was
Speaker 1: called plumber was Sunday. You know how much an emergency
Speaker 1: plumber charges on a Sunday. Damn right, damn right. I
Speaker 1: don't get paid that much to do a radio show anyway.
Speaker 1: So these these guys were charging an armadal like literally
Speaker 1: an armald fortunate just to show up, not even to
Speaker 1: repair was ever damaged, but just to show up. So
Speaker 1: we made a tactical decision that we would wait until
Speaker 1: the following day, on Monday, because then it would be
Speaker 1: a more reasonable price with the same job, but they
Speaker 1: wouldn't charge the emergency rate because it was during business
Speaker 1: hours and all that stuff. Tell me you drove down
Speaker 1: the street to use Burger King's bathroom, Well, I will see.
Speaker 1: That's where the story takes a turn. So that meant
Speaker 1: that Sunday, all day Sunday and the better part of Monday,
Speaker 1: I was literally and figuratively Danny g pissing in the
Speaker 1: north Woods. I was pissing in the wind. It's what
Speaker 1: I was doing, which I will point out not a
Speaker 1: problem during the day, not a problem during the day,
Speaker 1: but at night the degree of difficulty went up tremendously.
Speaker 1: At night, you think of the other way because nobody
Speaker 1: can see, you don't have to worry about that. But
Speaker 1: you don't know where you're stepping, and you don't know
Speaker 1: which direction the wind's blowing. As you know, you don't
Speaker 1: want to be down wind when you're when you're leaving
Speaker 1: yourself there, you're pissing in the wind. And and uh, anyway,
Speaker 1: it was. It was interesting. I did go to uh,
Speaker 1: the local grocery store. I did some shopping, which I
Speaker 1: didn't actually buy anything. I just walked in there, looked
Speaker 1: like I was shopping. And then I made my way
Speaker 1: Danny eventually to the little boys room there two I
Speaker 1: number two. That's right, I'll number two, that is correct.
Speaker 1: And I was worried about those little critters and all that.
Speaker 1: And then the water got turned back on. The thing
Speaker 1: was fixed. The plumber did a good job, but the
Speaker 1: water pressure it was not good. Oh yeah. It turns
Speaker 1: out that when you turn the water on, you gotta
Speaker 1: turn it all the way on. We had only turned
Speaker 1: it like partially on. So there's that sweet spot, Danny.
Speaker 1: I should know my grandfather was a plumber. My my
Speaker 1: grandfather from Springfield, mass was a plumber. And I actually
Speaker 1: have some of the business signs I have around the
Speaker 1: house that you know that's those are a million years old.
Speaker 1: But it clearly was a recessive gene and I did
Speaker 1: not get it. It fell back the plumbing gene. Uh.
Speaker 1: And I thought about going on YouTube, but yeah, I
Speaker 1: dig into concrete and stuff like that. I'm like, that's
Speaker 1: probably above my pay grade. And I don't think there's
Speaker 1: a YouTube video where pipe breaks, turn off the water,
Speaker 1: rip up some concrete and all that. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, how much money do you think you wound
Speaker 1: up saving by pushing it off by one day? I
Speaker 1: would estimate what with everything done showing up just the
Speaker 1: rate the plumber was going to charge, I would say
Speaker 1: three four dollars minimum safe minimum saved more than that.
Speaker 1: Probably those were some expensive pisces in the woods, and
Speaker 1: I'll number two stop offs drop offs. I did find
Speaker 1: a spot in the north Woods that was like up
Speaker 1: against a tree where you know, it was kind of hidden.
Speaker 1: So that was my sweets. But that was my my
Speaker 1: place to relieve myself there. Right, it was wonderful and
Speaker 1: it wasn't bad, I said. During the day it was
Speaker 1: all right, but at night it was like, oh boy.
Speaker 1: And it keep in mind, Danny, I'm doing the radio
Speaker 1: show and I'm in the middle of the show and
Speaker 1: nature calls and I gotta I gotta sprint out to
Speaker 1: the north Woods to you know, nobody beats the whiz.
Speaker 1: It was. It was interesting. It was definitely interesting. So
Speaker 1: that was my my wonderful weekend, the life of Mallard.
Speaker 1: And I guess I was creating fertilizer in a way
Speaker 1: with some of the stuff I was doing, but not
Speaker 1: the kind of fertilizer you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, it's funny.
Speaker 1: I didn't know we'd be on the same theme this week.
Speaker 1: In between classes, I had to run to the A
Speaker 1: t M to put some cash in. You know, I
Speaker 1: probably had a ten minute wind. Sometimes you do the
Speaker 1: math in your head. You're like, all right, down this
Speaker 1: street that will be five minutes. Run to the A
Speaker 1: t M in front of the bank. That will take
Speaker 1: four minutes. So I'm I'm doing the math. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I can get to my next class in time. Sure enough,
Speaker 1: I was late. But I get to the A T
Speaker 1: M and I'm I'm sprinting. Okay, Whenever you're in a
Speaker 1: hurry like that, you notice people who have no care
Speaker 1: in the world. There was a guy and he was
Speaker 1: walking so slow that it made me pause because I
Speaker 1: got jealous. I'm like, here, I am running like I'm
Speaker 1: old school Carl Lewis, and this dude is just walking
Speaker 1: like he's got no care in the world whatsoever, just
Speaker 1: easy going, like Sunday drive kind of stuff like. I mean,
Speaker 1: he was moving slower than a Sunday morning. Uh, And
Speaker 1: I'm jealous. I'm like, man, this is a busy Thursday.
Speaker 1: This guy is on a slow crawl. I get up
Speaker 1: to the A T M machine, put my card in.
Speaker 1: This guy slowly moves his way next to the machine
Speaker 1: that I'm at. And now these A T M s
Speaker 1: at Bank of America. They were made way pre COVID.
Speaker 1: You are standing close enough to the person next to
Speaker 1: you to where if you reach your arm out you
Speaker 1: could touch them. You can light me on fire. As
Speaker 1: I'm standing there putting the cash in, I get a
Speaker 1: strong whiff of fertilizer. This is not are you talking,
Speaker 1: body owner? What do we what do we actually fertilizer?
Speaker 1: What is it, you know, like actual fertilize, a pungent fertilizer. Yeah,
Speaker 1: as if he did landscaping for you, had it on
Speaker 1: his boots and then was tracking it around the town.
Speaker 1: Guy was a walking fertilizer bag. It was great to
Speaker 1: see Pooh, just minding my own business. I'm like trying
Speaker 1: to to look at them. And I finished. I get
Speaker 1: my receipt and then I run. Then I sprint to
Speaker 1: my car so that I can go be late. Still,
Speaker 1: as I'm driving through the parking lot, there's about three
Speaker 1: or four people surrounding a vehicle and they're walking around
Speaker 1: it looking at it curiously, almost like they're out of museum.
Speaker 1: Parked in the city parking lot is a tractor, like
Speaker 1: an actual like you'd see out in the in the country.
Speaker 1: Now I realized. Now, I realized there might be some
Speaker 1: folks listening. And I say folks, because if you're listening
Speaker 1: in a state where that's normal, let me assure you
Speaker 1: where we are in southern California, that is not something
Speaker 1: we see at all. Like if you're in Kansas or
Speaker 1: in Iowa or Oklahoma, like somewhere that that's probably happens everyone.
Speaker 1: You are in a metropoli, you are surrounded by concrete
Speaker 1: as far as you can see. Would that be accurate, Danny?
Speaker 1: That would be accurate. Now on the outskirts of the
Speaker 1: city I live in, and I'm sure there are some
Speaker 1: large properties where a tractor would be needed. So it
Speaker 1: got me thinking, Ben, where the hell did this dude
Speaker 1: drive in from? That's a great question. That's amazing. And
Speaker 1: obviously I don't know for sure that that was his tractor,
Speaker 1: but I kind of put two and two together there. Wow.
Speaker 1: And then when you got back to class, Now you
Speaker 1: were late for class. So when you showed up, did
Speaker 1: the crowd go wild? And said, Danny jays back, You'll
Speaker 1: love this. I had been bringing my nerf football, but
Speaker 1: it's one of those newer nerve footballs where it's got
Speaker 1: the hard plastic outside on it, so it's heavier than
Speaker 1: the old school nerf okay okay. So I was hitting
Speaker 1: kids with the ball, but it was too heavy. It
Speaker 1: was knocking some of the kindergarteners backwards, and I was like, well,
Speaker 1: this is not gonna be nice on the injury reports. Um,
Speaker 1: So I told one of the kids, I'm like I'm
Speaker 1: gonna dig in the garage and find one of my dodgeballs,
Speaker 1: because those are those really lightweight squishy balls. If they
Speaker 1: hit you in the head, bounces right off and does
Speaker 1: no damage to your brain, which you definitely want in
Speaker 1: dodgeball squishy balls elsewhere you probably don't want that exactly.
Speaker 1: I was able to find one, Ben, and I brought
Speaker 1: it with me, so they did chair because they saw
Speaker 1: me walking up with that dodgeball. And let me tell you,
Speaker 1: I was head hunting blank my blank, and blank you
Speaker 1: from Thursday to Friday. Once they got on that play structure,
Speaker 1: I was beating kids in the head left and right.
Speaker 1: I started with a trouble acers first, I got multiple kills.
Speaker 1: Nice and and did they get your back at all?
Speaker 1: Were they able to attack? Because if they touched the
Speaker 1: ball then they were immediately frozen. Oh perfect. Their first
Speaker 1: reaction was to reach and grab the ball to try
Speaker 1: to throw it back, and I'm like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: you touch that ball, You're dead, you die in the game. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they left it alone. I was the one doing the
Speaker 1: the headhunting. I love to hear that dodgeball is going
Speaker 1: on because you know there's stories A couple of years ago,
Speaker 1: Danny the dodgeball had been out load and the Woosters
Speaker 1: didn't want the dodgeball going on. But that's even for me.
Speaker 1: I was I was terrible at dodge Bob was fat kid,
Speaker 1: you know, he's he's a target, fat kid dodgeball. But
Speaker 1: I have fond memories of playing dodgeball, and also some
Speaker 1: scary ones, you know, But overall it was a good
Speaker 1: experience and I fondly remember that. So I think it's
Speaker 1: it's good that the kids doing because the kids, I
Speaker 1: don't think they become like a holes with all that
Speaker 1: stuff until they're a little older, right, Because he's a
Speaker 1: little kid. These are little ones. Dressed myself five year olds.
Speaker 1: But there was one moment in the game that I
Speaker 1: thought I was gonna get shut down. A teacher saw
Speaker 1: me throw it hard and I being the back of Noah,
Speaker 1: right in the middle of her back. Now, it wouldn't
Speaker 1: have been a problem, except she was running away from
Speaker 1: me and as she got beam, she lost her footing
Speaker 1: and she fell. She fell head first, but she used
Speaker 1: her hands nicely to break her fall. She got up,
Speaker 1: looked at her hands. I was like, oh, don't cry, Please,
Speaker 1: don't cry. She looked at her hands, wiped him off,
Speaker 1: and ran back to the play structure. Good. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: I was like, because she had started bawling, that teacher
Speaker 1: that was looking at me would have probably called me
Speaker 1: over and was like, Yeah, I'm not sure about this
Speaker 1: dodgeball thing you're doing here. Listen, I've just talked to
Speaker 1: the former president. You gotta stop. It just got a
Speaker 1: knock it off there, it's another former president. But uh yeah.
Speaker 1: The smiles though, Ben because they saw that I was
Speaker 1: giving revenge back to the troublemakers. The huge smiles on
Speaker 1: their faces when I would being a trouble head kid
Speaker 1: right in the grill. It was awesome. Nice, that is cool.
Speaker 1: I remember when I was in elementary school, we had
Speaker 1: if you were in sixth grade, you got to play
Speaker 1: in the teacher student like They had a kickball game.
Speaker 1: It was a kickball back then, and it was students
Speaker 1: against the teachers. It was awesome. It's like all the
Speaker 1: kids would cheer against the teachers, and the teachers took
Speaker 1: it very seriously and wanted to win the game, right.
Speaker 1: They were totally in it to win it. Do you
Speaker 1: ever playing a radio softball game? Did did any radio
Speaker 1: station work at not softball. I did a radio basketball game.
Speaker 1: We did it annually. It was jocks versus jocks, get
Speaker 1: it because they called DJ jocks. Sure yeah, but it
Speaker 1: was against the women's Ventura College basketball team. Well that's
Speaker 1: no good. They rubbed our faces in ship in front
Speaker 1: of this large crowd. Of course, the crowd's there to
Speaker 1: see the radio DJs, and this girl's basketball team just
Speaker 1: straight up embarrassed us on the court. Oh yeah, of
Speaker 1: course I take advantage of you. Well, I've never been
Speaker 1: able to do the radio ane of the radio staties
Speaker 1: I've worked at about it. I did play We were
Speaker 1: supposed to play two on two basketball. I think we
Speaker 1: actually did. It was me and this guy David Smith
Speaker 1: I was working with, and we played against. It was
Speaker 1: John Ireland who's now the voice of the Lakers, and
Speaker 1: Derek Hall, who's the Diamondbacks president, And it was like
Speaker 1: a two on two thing, and it was I remember
Speaker 1: going to the park over in Burbank and practicing and
Speaker 1: spending a lot of time in it. Yeah, it's moneyball, Mallard.
Speaker 1: I don't have to practice that much. Wrong. It was
Speaker 1: a big promotion we had done kind of between the
Speaker 1: shows and all that stuff and that was that was long,
Speaker 1: long ago. So we have the backscratcher, Danny g Now
Speaker 1: this is something we started a few weeks ago. And
Speaker 1: the way this works, you're a fan of the podcast,
Speaker 1: You're like, how can we help out the pocket, Well,
Speaker 1: you gotta subscribe. I heard some people last week on
Speaker 1: social media, Danny. They were busting my balls and said,
Speaker 1: why was the podcast It wasn't on the I Heart app.
Speaker 1: I couldn't they couldn't find the Fifth Hour podcast because
Speaker 1: these are people that would get the podcast on the
Speaker 1: the Ben Mallor feed and it did not cross over
Speaker 1: to the Ben Mallar feed. Is that accurate, Danny? Is
Speaker 1: that what happened last weekend? We talked about it at
Speaker 1: the end of a podcast last week, how our company
Speaker 1: is switching over to a new company that I Heart
Speaker 1: bought and that is the platform that's gonna spit out
Speaker 1: all of the podcasts worldwide that the company does. And
Speaker 1: so while they're doing the transitioning, our shows were only
Speaker 1: on the fifth Hour feed. Okay, So that explains it
Speaker 1: because people I was getting angry messages, They're like, what's
Speaker 1: wrong that this whole I want to hear your show
Speaker 1: and I can't hear you shut Did you do you lazy?
Speaker 1: Did you take the weekend off? You're not doing the
Speaker 1: podcast anymore? What happened? Why can't Danny g do it
Speaker 1: without you? He can do it, you know all. I'm
Speaker 1: getting all these kind of messages and I'm like, what
Speaker 1: the what the hell? I did the shows? We did him.
Speaker 1: We talked talk talk talk the entire weekend, show after
Speaker 1: show after show. Yeah, we never go away. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: and trust me, I've got a little roady coming up.
Speaker 1: But we will have fifth hour podcast, correct, and we're
Speaker 1: gonna effort that. At the end of Timeless Podcast, Danny jays, Yes,
Speaker 1: we will clear the decks. The show must go on
Speaker 1: the podcast. God's demand we shock again. So we will
Speaker 1: have original audio content every weekend. Imaginable. I'm sure at
Speaker 1: the end of the year will likely skip a couple,
Speaker 1: but maybe we'll do evergreen shows then too. You never know,
Speaker 1: you have no idea. So anyway, the backscratcher thing is
Speaker 1: you help us out, we help you out. You scratch
Speaker 1: our back, we'll score at your back. That's the way
Speaker 1: it works. And so the company, the management, for some reason,
Speaker 1: the people involved in all this think these reviews online
Speaker 1: or a big deal. I think it's bullshit. But the
Speaker 1: people in charge, Danny, they think it's very important and
Speaker 1: they want listeners like you, actual listeners to go on
Speaker 1: the podcast page for the Fifth Hour podcast on the
Speaker 1: Apple podcast page. So if you type into your search
Speaker 1: engine Apple Fifth Hour, Ben Mallor, it'll come up if
Speaker 1: you can't find it on your own. And so this
Speaker 1: week we have some more reviews. So good news is
Speaker 1: more people that have sent it sent in messages. We
Speaker 1: did not mention these in the past. Uh last show anyway.
Speaker 1: The first one comes from Sassy Jojo, who writes in
Speaker 1: and says, hey, bet I've been listening to Mr Mallard
Speaker 1: for years. Being retired. Sassy Jojo says, I listened to
Speaker 1: his radio podcast and The Fifth Hour because I can't
Speaker 1: stay up that late. Well, thank you god us. He
Speaker 1: has great takes but is not always right. Well, you
Speaker 1: didn't have to throw that in you, Sassy JoJo's bat
Speaker 1: drop by you. Did he give you two stars? Uh?
Speaker 1: Five stars? He said? He says, when he is wrong,
Speaker 1: you'll never hear of it again. But if he was right,
Speaker 1: you'll never hear the end of it. Wow, it's very accurate.
Speaker 1: I learned that from Danny g. That's what I learned
Speaker 1: that from. Very entertaining and blends in humor and facts
Speaker 1: and strong opinions. Very bad at his games, No, that's wrong,
Speaker 1: not bad at the game shows at all. That's proof
Speaker 1: of how bad you are with your mallard maneuvers packaging. No,
Speaker 1: not bad at all, uh, he says Edwin Garcia rules
Speaker 1: the game shows good thing the fifth hour doesn't have
Speaker 1: them give them a listen at sixty minutes of entertainment.
Speaker 1: So a big salute from Sassy Jojo. So thank you,
Speaker 1: said see Joe Joe for supporting the podcast even though
Speaker 1: you're completely wrong off the cliff. No, not fair at all.
Speaker 1: Good not a bad job by yo. Okay, that's a
Speaker 1: bad job by you. I'm sorry, but thanks for ever you.
Speaker 1: J Cole writes. And I think I might know who
Speaker 1: this Jake Cole is, but maybe not, says I listened
Speaker 1: to a lot of podcast This pod was the best.
Speaker 1: See he did that on purpose, Nanny guys an asshole,
Speaker 1: because what he did is he knows that triggers me
Speaker 1: because the legal definition of the term best is as
Speaker 1: good as all the rest in that particular category. So
Speaker 1: he he knows that by saying this podcast is the best,
Speaker 1: he's merely it's like a left handed compliment. He's like, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's as good as all the other podcasts. Yeah, he
Speaker 1: might as well have said that our podcast has a
Speaker 1: lot of momentum right now. Oh see, that's a that's
Speaker 1: another you know, we need to build a better mouse trap.
Speaker 1: We need to build a better, not best, better podcast,
Speaker 1: he says, clearly ahead of its time. I'm in the
Speaker 1: business and it's my number one choice. Very entertaining. That's
Speaker 1: an endorsement right there, all right. Next up on the
Speaker 1: back scratch Scratch, Jonathan writes in and he says, the
Speaker 1: following good bonus podcast, the regular podcast, the Benn Mallaw
Speaker 1: Show for weeknights on Fox Boos Radio. It's great, but
Speaker 1: this is a bit different and a nice change of
Speaker 1: pace about that. I agree. It's not only is it
Speaker 1: a Chris Rock free zone this weekend, um, but you
Speaker 1: know when I tell people about the podcasts that are
Speaker 1: new to it, they tune in thinking you and I
Speaker 1: are going to talk the same old sports takes that
Speaker 1: they heard all week long. And that's not what we
Speaker 1: do on the podcast. No, No, not at all. We're
Speaker 1: just a couple of guys talking living our lives the
Speaker 1: best that we can see, the best that means as
Speaker 1: good as everyone else. You see right there, that's an
Speaker 1: example of what I was talking about. Anyway, Jonathan. Jonathan's
Speaker 1: post continues. He said, we had momentum going there until
Speaker 1: you put it up. Change of pace. He says, very good,
Speaker 1: Hi Jinks, featuring a charismatic co host Danny j. Love
Speaker 1: it from Jonathan. Thank you, Jonathan. All right, last one
Speaker 1: we'll get out on this is from Adrian in the
Speaker 1: Mile High City. He says, tell a friend, Tell a friend,
Speaker 1: Tell a friend. Benn and Danny g make me laugh
Speaker 1: every podcast. The Saturday Life and Times of Mallard is
Speaker 1: my favorite episode of the weekend. God bless you Adrian
Speaker 1: in the Mile High City. You are a mensch. We
Speaker 1: appreciate all you guys, so thank you for the messages.
Speaker 1: And if you'd like to add to this and we
Speaker 1: will read your message on there, good, bad or ugly, well,
Speaker 1: goof on you if you say something nasty, but we
Speaker 1: need five star reviews. That helps us out a lot,
Speaker 1: keeps the podcast going, makes management happy. It's really just
Speaker 1: about pacifying our bosses at this point, Danny, isn't really
Speaker 1: that what this is about. Yes, See, what it does
Speaker 1: is Apple takes all of these reviews and then they
Speaker 1: give you the average. So the bosses love to click
Speaker 1: on a podcast and see, oh my god, these guys
Speaker 1: are great four point nine. They have a four point nine.
Speaker 1: That's why, if you want to be truthful, give Ben
Speaker 1: two stars. Two stars. Flow your road, knock it off
Speaker 1: out there. It is nice, though, to hear the behind
Speaker 1: the scene stories, because then you're like in this exclusive club.
Speaker 1: If you were ever to call Ben on his live
Speaker 1: radio show, you could make mention to Ben pooping inside
Speaker 1: a grocery store. Yes, yes, and also during the middle
Speaker 1: of a show being brought cast on almost five hundred
Speaker 1: radio stations, going out to piss in the woods. Yes,
Speaker 1: that that happened. I didn't tell that story on there.
Speaker 1: I did not reveal any of that. Now. I did
Speaker 1: stop drinking water, hoping that would slow down my need
Speaker 1: to urinate, and it didn't really slow down that much.
Speaker 1: I had had so much water prior, so, I had
Speaker 1: had so much to drink that it didn't really matter. No,
Speaker 1: great job, you save yourself with the plumber. But you
Speaker 1: give yourself kidney stones. Yes. Other than that, you know,
Speaker 1: you win something, you lose something. Life's a game of
Speaker 1: give and take, Danny. It's a game of give and take.
Speaker 1: And we'll put the baby to bed unless you want to.
Speaker 1: You know, we're short on time, so I don't think
Speaker 1: we need to get into the pop quiz. Will save
Speaker 1: that for another time. We have a big mailbag and
Speaker 1: dance remix of the mail bag. We look forward to
Speaker 1: that every week. The wise, the ware force, the whole
Speaker 1: thing will mow that down, mow that long down on Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.
Speaker 1: So and Any didn't promote anything, any gigs coming up,
Speaker 1: and he saw no gigs to promote. But really quick,
Speaker 1: my friend Jay in Nashville had a baby last weekend
Speaker 1: and as they were listening to the podcast, he and
Speaker 1: his wife, he had it on his phone as she
Speaker 1: was giving birth a girl, now their second girl, Mary Jane.
Speaker 1: On his daughter's birthday, they had another girl and they
Speaker 1: named her Tennessee. Oh that's that's cool, very cool. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so both girls have the same birthday. Wow, yeah right,
Speaker 1: And I told him one of the odds I used
Speaker 1: the conception the conception happened the same time. Apparently the
Speaker 1: same kind of pattern there. First thing I told him,
Speaker 1: his man, you're gonna save a lot of money on
Speaker 1: birthday parties. Oh, those little girls when they become older
Speaker 1: are gonna hate that, aren't they? I mean they might
Speaker 1: like it when they like Yeah, I mean they're they're
Speaker 1: gonna have a combined birthday party for their entire life.
Speaker 1: But I guess if their parents do it big, they
Speaker 1: won't eather them right. And how many years apart are they?
Speaker 1: A couple of years apart, one year apart, only one
Speaker 1: year apart? Yeah, so j C and his wife were
Speaker 1: getting busy Burger King's bathroom. Congratulations j C A locking
Speaker 1: out the family all in a couple of years. Congratulations.
Speaker 1: Any We have a great rest your Saturday. We will
Speaker 1: be back in the magic podcast Machine on Sunday. Will
Speaker 1: catch you then see you bofulation