1 00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:06,840 Speaker 1: Welcome to Unaddictioned the podcast. My name is doctor Enzinga Harrison. 2 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:10,680 Speaker 1: I'm a board certified psychiatrist with a specialty in addiction 3 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:15,520 Speaker 1: medicine and co founder and chief medical officer of Eleanor Health. 4 00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:19,360 Speaker 1: On this podcast, we explore the paths that can lead 5 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:23,880 Speaker 1: to addiction and the infinite paths that can lead to recovery. 6 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:28,280 Speaker 1: Our guests are sharing their own experiences, the tools that 7 00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:31,280 Speaker 1: have helped them along the way, and the formulas that 8 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:35,080 Speaker 1: allow them to thrive in recovery one day at a time. 9 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,559 Speaker 1: I am so excited to tell you about my book, Unaddictioned. 10 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:43,120 Speaker 1: Six Mind Changing Conversations that Could Save a Life, is 11 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:46,680 Speaker 1: now available from Union Square and Company or wherever books 12 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:51,040 Speaker 1: are sold. Daryl McGraw is the founder of Formerly, Inc, 13 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:55,360 Speaker 1: which supports anyone returning to the community after incarceration or 14 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:59,960 Speaker 1: inpatient addiction treatment. Daryl's personal journey through addiction and incarceration 15 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:03,560 Speaker 1: has prepared him to be a voice and advocate for 16 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:06,679 Speaker 1: those who still find themselves caught in the vicious cycles 17 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:10,920 Speaker 1: of addiction and recidivism. He is a certified addictions counselor, 18 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:15,280 Speaker 1: recovery support specialist and criminal justice professional who has served 19 00:01:15,319 --> 00:01:18,440 Speaker 1: as the former Program director for the Yale University Department 20 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:22,319 Speaker 1: of Psychiatry and Director of the Office of Recovery Community 21 00:01:22,319 --> 00:01:25,880 Speaker 1: Affairs for the State of Connecticut Department of Mental Health 22 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:30,120 Speaker 1: and Addiction Services. This conversation was so fun from Daryl's 23 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:33,679 Speaker 1: recipe and secret sauce for his magic formula, as well 24 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:36,399 Speaker 1: as at the very end, the most important thing he 25 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,319 Speaker 1: wants people with addiction to unlearn. 26 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:41,880 Speaker 2: So welcome, Daryl. 27 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:45,360 Speaker 1: I am so thrilled that you said yes to coming 28 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:47,000 Speaker 1: on the Unaddictioned podcast. 29 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:50,640 Speaker 2: I haven't seen you. It's probably two years now or three. 30 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:52,280 Speaker 3: It's been a minute. I think it might be two 31 00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:56,200 Speaker 3: or three years. Well, thank you for the m I'm 32 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:57,280 Speaker 3: always going to come through. 33 00:01:57,760 --> 00:01:59,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, I appreciate you coming through. 34 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:05,040 Speaker 1: So un Addiction podcast we created to bring awareness to 35 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:09,640 Speaker 1: Unaddictioned book, which just came out in January ninth, And 36 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:11,680 Speaker 1: the purpose of the book is really to change the 37 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:15,600 Speaker 1: way we think about addiction, which can then change the 38 00:02:15,639 --> 00:02:18,359 Speaker 1: way we feel about people who have experienced addiction, which 39 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:20,760 Speaker 1: can change the way that we treat them. And so 40 00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:24,440 Speaker 1: the idea is like unlearned what we think we know 41 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:29,080 Speaker 1: that's not right. Undo the stigmas that are killing people, 42 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:32,920 Speaker 1: uncover the conversations that we need to have to start 43 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:33,799 Speaker 1: making a difference. 44 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,720 Speaker 2: And so this podcast is a series. 45 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:40,960 Speaker 1: Of conversations with people who have had their own recovery journey, 46 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:46,720 Speaker 1: and we talk about wherever our hearts and souls take us. 47 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:48,440 Speaker 3: Cool cool, am amit? 48 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:54,720 Speaker 1: So with that intro, tell the listeners whatever you want 49 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:56,639 Speaker 1: them to know about Daryl McGrath. 50 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:58,920 Speaker 3: Oh man, Well, we'll see, and thank you for to 51 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:01,200 Speaker 3: invite so many names. I'm a girl, I am a 52 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:04,519 Speaker 3: person what I like to identify as the long term recovery, 53 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:07,920 Speaker 3: which means I haven't used a substance since May seven, 54 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:11,200 Speaker 3: two thousand and seven, you know, So yeah, I'm excited 55 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:14,080 Speaker 3: about that. But that also for me, my journey comes 56 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:15,959 Speaker 3: with that's the last time that I was in the 57 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,320 Speaker 3: back of the police car. That's the last time that 58 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:25,000 Speaker 3: you know, because I'm also survivor of police brutality, and 59 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,160 Speaker 3: you know, that was also the last time or that 60 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:30,799 Speaker 3: would I entered the prison system, not on my own accord, 61 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:32,720 Speaker 3: where I got to leave when I was ready to leave. 62 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:36,480 Speaker 3: But that's also so my story comes with My recovery 63 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:40,160 Speaker 3: journey comes with the incarceration you know, I spent ten 64 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:42,400 Speaker 3: years of my life in and out of the correctional 65 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 3: system right on what I call the installment plan, which 66 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:49,120 Speaker 3: means that you know, would go in, I would go 67 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 3: in for a few years, come back, and go out 68 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,160 Speaker 3: in cycling in and out. So I did that for 69 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:56,160 Speaker 3: about ten years of my life. And when I really 70 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,640 Speaker 3: started to pill the onion back and I realized that 71 00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:01,720 Speaker 3: addiction was to root cause of pretty much all my 72 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:05,640 Speaker 3: incarcerations in or interaction football enforcement. Every time I seemed 73 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:07,280 Speaker 3: going to get high, I was selling drug. I was 74 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:11,760 Speaker 3: doing something that was addiction related that had me involving 75 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:14,040 Speaker 3: myself with the criminal legal system. 76 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:14,920 Speaker 4: Yeah. 77 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:19,120 Speaker 1: It's not an installment plan that we would recommend for anybody, right. 78 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:22,200 Speaker 3: Not by any means now, not at all. No, No, 79 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,520 Speaker 3: definitely not that. But you know, nothing was that was 80 00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:27,760 Speaker 3: that was That was the journey, right, That was the 81 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,760 Speaker 3: thing for me, like cycle and now couldn't get couldn't 82 00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:32,360 Speaker 3: get right, come figure out why I had to keep 83 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:33,040 Speaker 3: starting over. 84 00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:38,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, And so we actually met when I saw you 85 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:42,000 Speaker 1: in this documentary uprooting addiction, and what we spent a 86 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:45,040 Speaker 1: lot of time on in the book on addiction is 87 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:49,080 Speaker 1: looking at the root causes for addiction. So you said, 88 00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:54,200 Speaker 1: I noticed that a root cause for my prison installment 89 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:58,240 Speaker 1: plan was addiction. You and I met, and you are 90 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:01,720 Speaker 1: educating us on how you can came to understand the 91 00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:05,160 Speaker 1: root causes of your addiction. Are you open to sharing 92 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:06,040 Speaker 1: that with us? 93 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:09,400 Speaker 3: Oh? Yeah, yeah, it's sort of root causes. I mean, like, 94 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:13,400 Speaker 3: so then, I you know, thank you love the platform, 95 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,599 Speaker 3: and I love, you know, being here talking about that 96 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:17,919 Speaker 3: because without talking about it, it makes me better, it 97 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,080 Speaker 3: makes you, it keeps it greening, as some of us 98 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:24,720 Speaker 3: like to say. You know, so I talk about trauma. 99 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:27,920 Speaker 3: We talk about trauma and a rooting addiction, right, And 100 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,640 Speaker 3: one of the root causes for my or one of 101 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:35,400 Speaker 3: the first traumas for me was my dad leaving when 102 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:39,440 Speaker 3: I was six years old, and when he laughed, he 103 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:41,240 Speaker 3: told me I was the man at the house, right, 104 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:43,479 Speaker 3: And I don't want to give away all the good stuff. 105 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:45,520 Speaker 3: So I really want your listeners to go check out 106 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:48,680 Speaker 3: upbringing addiction and then let's chop it up from there. 107 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:54,600 Speaker 3: But really having the just understanding that for a long 108 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:57,080 Speaker 3: time up until like I didn't even know growing up 109 00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,760 Speaker 3: in the inner city, growing up in like in violent 110 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:01,760 Speaker 3: and vironments, I didn't even really know I was a 111 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:05,800 Speaker 3: trauma survivor. I didn't even know I was like, you know, 112 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,159 Speaker 3: because everybody, you know, we like to say it was 113 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:10,840 Speaker 3: the air that we breathe, right, So I didn't even 114 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 3: know that I was even impacted by trauma, right in 115 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:17,080 Speaker 3: my first trauma being my dad leaving. But then growing 116 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,520 Speaker 3: up in the hood, if you will, I started to 117 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:21,880 Speaker 3: witness and violence and so on and so forth, and 118 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,400 Speaker 3: by the time I was fourteen, I became a perpetrator 119 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:27,120 Speaker 3: of violence, of that same violence that I was witnessing. 120 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:31,719 Speaker 3: And then I got introduced to crack cocaine at you know, 121 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,919 Speaker 3: and I had some do to marijuana. I drank drink beer. 122 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:37,720 Speaker 3: I'm old school, so ionna say, I drank fourties, right, 123 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,120 Speaker 3: and so you know I did that. But it wasn't 124 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,440 Speaker 3: until I was introduced to crack cocaine that I find 125 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:47,320 Speaker 3: something that could actually numb the pain that I was feeling, 126 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:51,320 Speaker 3: which I couldn't even identify the pain that I was feeling. 127 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:56,120 Speaker 3: So crack cocaine did something different than anything else for me, 128 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:59,560 Speaker 3: and it was numbing the pain of what I realized 129 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:03,159 Speaker 3: later in life was the pain of being you know, 130 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:07,040 Speaker 3: my dad abandoned in our family at six years old 131 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:08,800 Speaker 3: and telling me, now, I was a man at a house. 132 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:09,720 Speaker 2: Yeah. 133 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:13,400 Speaker 1: And so we break down kind of like into these 134 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:18,440 Speaker 1: six conversations biological risk, psychological risk, environmental risk, and what 135 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:21,400 Speaker 1: you're talking about we address kind of in the childhood 136 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:26,840 Speaker 1: psychological risk, which is this concept of aces. And so 137 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:30,480 Speaker 1: what you're describing is one of the adverse childhood experiences, 138 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:32,720 Speaker 1: one of the aces, which is losing a parent. 139 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:35,360 Speaker 2: But then we also. 140 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:38,240 Speaker 1: Talk about which I think is really important, Darryl, and 141 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:42,720 Speaker 1: I saw your YouTube, your TEDx talk on this, Yeah, 142 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,680 Speaker 1: so I definitely want you to tell us about the 143 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:49,520 Speaker 1: TEDx talk. We you know, examine the aces in the book, 144 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:53,400 Speaker 1: and the aces are really about what's happening inside your house, right, 145 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:57,320 Speaker 1: And the Philadelphia ass Project now has done a lot 146 00:07:57,360 --> 00:08:00,720 Speaker 1: of work on what's happening outside out of the house, 147 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:05,160 Speaker 1: and touches on this concept that you're talking about also, 148 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:07,440 Speaker 1: which is urban trauma. 149 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:11,400 Speaker 2: And so yeah, talk to us about that. 150 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:14,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, urban and or community trauma. We're starting to see 151 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:15,920 Speaker 3: a lot of people start to see the impact of 152 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:19,040 Speaker 3: that Philadelphia ASIS project. So you're going to be talking 153 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:23,440 Speaker 3: on soon and that ted talk that I was unfortunately 154 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:28,840 Speaker 3: to do was you know, trauma, trauma unchecked, this trauma untreated, right, 155 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:32,200 Speaker 3: so you know that external like that that you know, 156 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:35,240 Speaker 3: you know I remember growing up and the older people 157 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,079 Speaker 3: would say, if he keeps messing, you hit him in 158 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,160 Speaker 3: the head with something. Well, today we know that that's 159 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,319 Speaker 3: probably not the best I did. That could lead to 160 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:45,319 Speaker 3: those tall second in an course regions, it's and or worse, right, 161 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:48,760 Speaker 3: So we know that that wasn't the best advice. But 162 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:53,520 Speaker 3: the and the impact of like you know, being poor, poverty, food, 163 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:58,160 Speaker 3: food insecurities, all of those things right are are and 164 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:01,160 Speaker 3: we know and I know your listeners know it's important 165 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:05,800 Speaker 3: to acknowledge for someone that just started understanding the trauma 166 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:08,839 Speaker 3: is that it's not the actual event, it's the impact, right, 167 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:12,360 Speaker 3: or our response to that event, right, And that's what 168 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:14,560 Speaker 3: we you know, I had to learn that, right. So 169 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,360 Speaker 3: it wasn't the fact that you know, it wasn't my 170 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,840 Speaker 3: dad leaving was my response to it, because you know 171 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:21,319 Speaker 3: I grew up in an ad a brother, right, and 172 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:23,200 Speaker 3: if you know you were talking to my brother, his 173 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:26,800 Speaker 3: response to that same event maybe different, or you and 174 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:29,640 Speaker 3: I could witness something. You know, many people had the 175 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:34,120 Speaker 3: unfortunate pleasure of watching George Floyd be murdered right before 176 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:38,560 Speaker 3: our eyes, right, and the response for me, being a 177 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:43,800 Speaker 3: survivor of police brutality, I saw when I saw George 178 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,800 Speaker 3: on the ground, I saw myself on the ground. Many 179 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:49,319 Speaker 3: of us saw ourselves on the ground, so we could 180 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:52,600 Speaker 3: we understood that. I internalized that I was traumatized by that. 181 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:54,960 Speaker 3: But somebody else can see the same thing and not 182 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:58,839 Speaker 3: feel or see the same you know, have the same experience. 183 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:02,040 Speaker 3: So it's how we're respond to that, right, So how 184 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:04,679 Speaker 3: we respond to that. And then my also part of 185 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:10,800 Speaker 3: my response to trauma was using substances, right, using crack cocaine, 186 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,800 Speaker 3: crack cocaine and marijuana. I always like to say that 187 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:17,480 Speaker 3: I had an intimate relationship with crack cocaine and marijuana, right, 188 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,319 Speaker 3: which means it was the only thing that I was 189 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:22,640 Speaker 3: dedicated oil to that I did every single day, no 190 00:10:22,679 --> 00:10:25,480 Speaker 3: matter what rain sleepers. Now, I was going to get 191 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:31,520 Speaker 3: my drug choice. So understanding how necessary that was for 192 00:10:31,559 --> 00:10:33,960 Speaker 3: me though, I realized that, you know, once I was 193 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:37,520 Speaker 3: able to and this is not for me, right, we're 194 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:39,520 Speaker 3: talking about me for me, but once I was able 195 00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:45,000 Speaker 3: to identify that my you know, my dad leaving wasn't me, 196 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:47,400 Speaker 3: that wasn't on me, that was his stuff. And when 197 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 3: he was able to identify that it was this was 198 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,600 Speaker 3: the trauma and this is what I was trying to numb. 199 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:57,480 Speaker 3: The substances became it became easier for me to leave 200 00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,400 Speaker 3: that behind him and try and try to move on 201 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:02,079 Speaker 3: with the life. Like so, you know, when we're working 202 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:05,160 Speaker 3: on with people who you know or on this recovery 203 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:08,640 Speaker 3: journey and who also suffer from some type of trauma, 204 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:12,280 Speaker 3: that trauma and things that I've experienced and things that 205 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:15,600 Speaker 3: happen or things that I witnessed didn't change. Those things 206 00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:19,080 Speaker 3: will happen, But how do I live in this life 207 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,320 Speaker 3: with those things that have happened to me? 208 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:25,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, And when we think about like samsu has the 209 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:29,520 Speaker 1: Trauma Informed Framework, They have the four RS, and one 210 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:33,760 Speaker 1: of the ours is recognizing the signs and symptoms of trauma. 211 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:36,200 Speaker 1: And I think we've come a long way and we 212 00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:41,240 Speaker 1: have a long way to go, but recognizing that the 213 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:46,679 Speaker 1: symptoms of trauma do not always look like flashbacks, right. 214 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:52,240 Speaker 1: Sometimes they look like drug use. Sometimes they look like hungry, angry, lonely, tired. 215 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,320 Speaker 1: It can look like so many things. But so talk 216 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:57,320 Speaker 1: to us, Daryl. We have this concept in the book 217 00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:01,200 Speaker 1: called the Magic Formula, and the magic formula says, if 218 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:07,200 Speaker 1: you know the root causes of the addiction biological, psychological, 219 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:10,760 Speaker 1: and environmental, and environmental is the physical environment, but also 220 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:14,360 Speaker 1: the cultural environment that you grew up in, and then 221 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:18,880 Speaker 1: also those same three biological, psychological, environmental today as an adult, 222 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:24,040 Speaker 1: then you can put together your magic formula for intervening 223 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:25,679 Speaker 1: in whatever addiction. 224 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:27,760 Speaker 2: And this applies beyond addiction. 225 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:30,240 Speaker 1: But one of the things I'm hoping for for this 226 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:34,960 Speaker 1: podcast is that we hear an infinite number of root 227 00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,840 Speaker 1: causes of addiction, and then we also hear an infinite 228 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:42,400 Speaker 1: number of pathways to recovery. And maybe somebody hears something 229 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:44,600 Speaker 1: in your path, or maybe they hear something in the 230 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,760 Speaker 1: formula you're working today that they think like, oh, I 231 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:50,120 Speaker 1: might try that, or oh that might work for me. 232 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:53,400 Speaker 1: And so can you talk to us about how you 233 00:12:53,559 --> 00:12:57,880 Speaker 1: came to understand trauma as the root of your addiction, 234 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:02,080 Speaker 1: and how you came to understand addiction as the root 235 00:13:02,559 --> 00:13:06,480 Speaker 1: of your incarceration, and then how you use that information 236 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:09,559 Speaker 1: to set yourself on your recovery path. 237 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,200 Speaker 3: Oh wow, Wow, We're talking about a recipe. 238 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:18,080 Speaker 2: We want all the recipes, Darryl coup of that. 239 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:20,959 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had a little sauce. You got 240 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:24,520 Speaker 3: some for the sauce, right, you got some for the sauce. 241 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,280 Speaker 3: I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try. What 242 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,600 Speaker 3: what I'm looking at, what I think about it, and 243 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:32,480 Speaker 3: I break it down into two things. So when I 244 00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:34,840 Speaker 3: was when I got arrested the last time, May seven, 245 00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:37,960 Speaker 3: two thousand and seven. Right I got arrested, it wasn't 246 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,680 Speaker 3: my first time. I had already been assaulted by police. 247 00:13:40,679 --> 00:13:43,600 Speaker 3: I was on a quarter of a million dollars bond, incarcerated. 248 00:13:44,559 --> 00:13:47,080 Speaker 3: Nothing was going ready, and I was in my cell 249 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,520 Speaker 3: and some guy to this day, I don't know what 250 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:51,679 Speaker 3: the guy was came by. I said, man, I got 251 00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:53,920 Speaker 3: this book for you to read. And I was like, man, 252 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:55,800 Speaker 3: if I was reading books, I won't even be in prison. 253 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:57,680 Speaker 3: I want to be in jail. I don't want to 254 00:13:57,679 --> 00:14:00,600 Speaker 3: read no book. Man, can't you see I'm struggling right now. 255 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:02,720 Speaker 3: He's like, no, no, I want you to read this book. 256 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,800 Speaker 3: And so he came back. He slipped the book under 257 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:06,960 Speaker 3: the door, and the book was a purpose shift in 258 00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:10,400 Speaker 3: like by Rick Warren. Right, and I'm not showing people 259 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,560 Speaker 3: have heard of it before, but I mean like it 260 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:15,880 Speaker 3: was for me this like it was a forty day 261 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:18,720 Speaker 3: spiritual journey. Right, And those people that I've heard of 262 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:22,000 Speaker 3: the book, it's a forty day spiritual journey. It takes 263 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:24,560 Speaker 3: forty days to read it. You read it chapter by chapter. 264 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:26,840 Speaker 3: There's forty chapters. Well, my core day was forty one 265 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:30,120 Speaker 3: days away. And I'm a spiritual person. I'm believing God. 266 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:30,320 Speaker 5: Man. 267 00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:32,480 Speaker 3: I love God. I know God loves me because I 268 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:35,840 Speaker 3: would not be here with you today if this was so. Right. 269 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:38,760 Speaker 3: So I'm thinking, oh man, God must send me this book. 270 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:42,120 Speaker 3: So I'm reading this book day by day, writing in 271 00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:44,400 Speaker 3: this little book, saying look at me God, because I'm 272 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:47,080 Speaker 3: thinking God's a bondsman. Pace. I'm thinking that kind of 273 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:47,960 Speaker 3: paying attention. 274 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:56,040 Speaker 2: Oh right, you thank God the bondsman. Yeah yeah, I'm thinking, yeah, Yo. 275 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,320 Speaker 6: God, listen, you see me writing in this book. You 276 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,600 Speaker 6: send me, right, So I'm trying to I'm trying to 277 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:03,240 Speaker 6: bond out. I'm keeping a rail, you know me, and 278 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:05,680 Speaker 6: you right, I'm gonna keep a brail. So I'm trying 279 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:07,480 Speaker 6: to bond out with God. 280 00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:11,520 Speaker 4: I'm trying to make another I'm trying to make another 281 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:15,640 Speaker 4: deal wouldn't have big got So I'm writing and I'm right, 282 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:18,360 Speaker 4: and you know, I'm writing, like go online and you know. 283 00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:20,480 Speaker 3: Then I close the book and I go to sleep. 284 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:23,160 Speaker 3: But by day twenty six, I got to be honest. 285 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:26,480 Speaker 3: I started writing and I couldn't stop. And I just 286 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:30,120 Speaker 3: couldn't stop writing. It's like, you know, oh, I want 287 00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:31,840 Speaker 3: to do this. I want to be a better dad. 288 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:34,040 Speaker 3: I want to be a community because when we're in 289 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,080 Speaker 3: we're not even a part of the community. I want 290 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:38,320 Speaker 3: my neighbor to know my name. You ain't gonna know 291 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,320 Speaker 3: my government. I don't want you to know nothing about me, right, 292 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:45,400 Speaker 3: But then when you make the transition, sure, I want 293 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:46,920 Speaker 3: you to know this is my house. I want the 294 00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:49,120 Speaker 3: police to know this is my house case somebody's breaking 295 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:52,840 Speaker 3: in someone something looks odd here, right. So I want 296 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,600 Speaker 3: to be connected to my community. I want to be 297 00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:56,400 Speaker 3: a coach in my community. I want to be a 298 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:59,600 Speaker 3: good dad. I want to be that. So I started writing, 299 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:02,080 Speaker 3: and I and stop right And then by day forty 300 00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:04,760 Speaker 3: I had already felt like two of these notebooks that 301 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,080 Speaker 3: they give you in jail. But I already felt like 302 00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:10,800 Speaker 3: two of them. And what I called today my five 303 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:15,320 Speaker 3: year plan to successful reentry and recovery, Right, And I 304 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,320 Speaker 3: wrote it and it was like, you know, I want 305 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:19,880 Speaker 3: to I like have pie in the sky dreams of 306 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:21,600 Speaker 3: I wanted to be. I want to be a homeowner. 307 00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:23,520 Speaker 3: I want to go to college. I want to get 308 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:27,080 Speaker 3: a master's degree. Mind you, I'm still facing all this time, 309 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,640 Speaker 3: but I had already had this road map. And you know, 310 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:33,280 Speaker 3: I remember in the beginning that selling saying to God. 311 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,120 Speaker 3: I said, Man, God, I really want to go home. 312 00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:38,720 Speaker 3: But if it's not your will, man, I'm good because 313 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:44,120 Speaker 3: through that process I had found purpose, right, And I 314 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:46,680 Speaker 3: found purpose, and my purpose was to be here with 315 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:50,040 Speaker 3: you today and others and other places every chance I 316 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:52,800 Speaker 3: get to use my story as a light to guide 317 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,600 Speaker 3: others out of darkness. Right. And I believe that you 318 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:57,520 Speaker 3: and I and all of us that are on this 319 00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:02,000 Speaker 3: journey are on the underground railroad, right, the modern day 320 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:05,280 Speaker 3: underground railroad, And what our job is to do is 321 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:07,639 Speaker 3: help free others. Right. We go back and we go 322 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:09,919 Speaker 3: back in, whether it be through this podcast or me 323 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,000 Speaker 3: going to the prisons, or me in the street, or 324 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:15,520 Speaker 3: me be in someplace using this story and dragging others 325 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,200 Speaker 3: out of that darkness, whether it be of due to 326 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:22,800 Speaker 3: trauma or and or addiction or reflection. But so through 327 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:26,399 Speaker 3: that process I found this purpose, and that purpose was 328 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:30,600 Speaker 3: to use my story as a light for others. Right. 329 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:32,560 Speaker 3: I went to court the next day and I got 330 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,119 Speaker 3: four years. I didn't get released, but I was released. 331 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,600 Speaker 3: I was free. I was mad. I was on this journey. 332 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:40,240 Speaker 3: So and ever since then, every day I wake up, 333 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:42,040 Speaker 3: I put my feet on the floor, like, who can 334 00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:43,919 Speaker 3: I help? What can I do? How can I be 335 00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:44,840 Speaker 3: of service? 336 00:17:45,359 --> 00:17:45,520 Speaker 5: Right? 337 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:47,680 Speaker 3: Because when you're in an addiction, and I know for me, 338 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,800 Speaker 3: when I was an addiction, it was always about me. 339 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,880 Speaker 3: I always had to get mine off the top. Whether 340 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:54,440 Speaker 3: I was robbing, scamming, scheming, I had to get right 341 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:56,520 Speaker 3: off the top. But when you make this transition and 342 00:17:56,560 --> 00:18:00,120 Speaker 3: you become on this recovery journey that I call it 343 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,720 Speaker 3: right now, it's about others. How can I help others? 344 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,320 Speaker 3: How can I be of service? So you know you 345 00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:06,160 Speaker 3: always called me and. 346 00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:10,000 Speaker 2: Be like yo, yeah, I'm like Daryl, do I ball 347 00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:10,800 Speaker 2: the moj. 348 00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:14,880 Speaker 3: Right right up in the building? Because I know how 349 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:19,000 Speaker 3: important is never about me, never about you. It's about others, 350 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,520 Speaker 3: it's about somebody that's there that may be struggling. So 351 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:25,480 Speaker 3: mom my mom, you know who never gave up, right, 352 00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:29,919 Speaker 3: So it's about that. So for me in that process, 353 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:34,000 Speaker 3: that was the way. So the addiction similar I had to, 354 00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:38,200 Speaker 3: you know, find a way to stay on this path 355 00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:40,400 Speaker 3: what works. So you know, when we talk a lot 356 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:44,639 Speaker 3: about recovery capital, we talk about those little winds, right Like, 357 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:47,760 Speaker 3: for whether it was getting the job, then it was 358 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:50,639 Speaker 3: that and then because I had that roadmap, those little 359 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:54,320 Speaker 3: winds were already kind of highlighted. I want to graduate college. 360 00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:58,240 Speaker 3: I've done that twice. Now I want to own a house. 361 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:01,520 Speaker 3: I own too, you know what I mean. So I 362 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,879 Speaker 3: want these things and you know, and it's really not 363 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:11,399 Speaker 3: about the the material things, but it's about these accomplishments, 364 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:15,600 Speaker 3: whether it be these little things that remind you that 365 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:18,119 Speaker 3: you're on the right path, that's you're on the right path. 366 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:21,480 Speaker 3: And you know, even when we get into situations where 367 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:24,480 Speaker 3: they're struggle, like I've been through some major storms, I'm 368 00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,639 Speaker 3: talking to God like, really, man, come on, many can 369 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:29,040 Speaker 3: we just get one way without off of the storm. 370 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:32,600 Speaker 3: Can't you just give me a million dollars? I'm telling 371 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:34,720 Speaker 3: you I know what to do with it. But you know, 372 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:36,879 Speaker 3: it's always what you know. There's no you know. So 373 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:40,280 Speaker 3: I always have to remind myself that, you know, in 374 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,439 Speaker 3: order for you to be a really great fighter, you 375 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,240 Speaker 3: have to be in some fights. In order to be 376 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:48,480 Speaker 3: a seasoned sailor, you have to go through some storms. 377 00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,679 Speaker 3: But before, when I went through those things, I was 378 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,360 Speaker 3: looking to reach outside myself. Right when I was in 379 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:56,800 Speaker 3: the thick of it, I was looking to medicate. The 380 00:19:56,840 --> 00:20:00,919 Speaker 3: problem doesn't go away. I just numbed the situation. So 381 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,399 Speaker 3: today I know I got to go through that to 382 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:04,919 Speaker 3: get to the other side. And then when I get 383 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,080 Speaker 3: to the other side. Number one, it's either a blessing 384 00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:10,040 Speaker 3: or a lesson. There's going to be some reason for it. 385 00:20:10,119 --> 00:20:13,120 Speaker 3: And we can no longer continue to deny ourselves going 386 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:15,400 Speaker 3: through those processes in order for us to be better. 387 00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:19,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, I love Okay, I have to unpack so much 388 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:20,680 Speaker 1: of what you just said just now. 389 00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:24,119 Speaker 5: So oh no, listen, listen. 390 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,600 Speaker 1: That was incredible. There was no way I was gonna 391 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:32,119 Speaker 1: interrupt you at all. Started at the beginning, one of 392 00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:34,840 Speaker 1: the things we say is like your path to recovery 393 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:37,680 Speaker 1: is your path to recovery. But one of the ways 394 00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:42,159 Speaker 1: I think substance use disorder treatment I'm doing quote unquote 395 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,159 Speaker 1: because people on the podcast can't see me with my 396 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:47,480 Speaker 1: fingers gets it wrong. It's like there's only one way 397 00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:50,720 Speaker 1: to start, So like na is the only way to start, 398 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:53,760 Speaker 1: or detox is the only way to start, or residential 399 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:57,199 Speaker 1: program is the only way to start. You started with 400 00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,919 Speaker 1: a book, right, You started with a book, and so 401 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:04,520 Speaker 1: they are an infinite number of ways to start. 402 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:08,680 Speaker 2: Two. Somebody gave you that book, so like you. 403 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:13,080 Speaker 1: I love this underground railroad imagery that you gave us, 404 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:16,080 Speaker 1: like you keep going back because I was going to 405 00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:18,560 Speaker 1: ask you the same question about prison. I know prison 406 00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:24,119 Speaker 1: can be a very traumatic place, and you choose to 407 00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:28,320 Speaker 1: keep going back, and so I feel like that's part 408 00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:32,240 Speaker 1: of your underground rail world. That's part of your magic 409 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:34,040 Speaker 1: formula for today. 410 00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:35,080 Speaker 3: Right yep. 411 00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,960 Speaker 1: And then talk to us more about this recovery capital 412 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,880 Speaker 1: because I'm here with you, but I want to make 413 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:44,440 Speaker 1: sure our listeners get this concept and can think about 414 00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:45,760 Speaker 1: it in their own lives. 415 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, that recovery capital is those little winds. It really 416 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,679 Speaker 3: starts off as little wins. Maybe it's just getting the email, 417 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:54,240 Speaker 3: Maybe it's just getting the job. Maybe it's just getting 418 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:57,679 Speaker 3: the ged. You know, when I work with people, I'm like, 419 00:21:57,800 --> 00:21:59,760 Speaker 3: you know, if you had a magic world, what will 420 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,080 Speaker 3: be what would be the thing that you would want 421 00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:03,960 Speaker 3: to do? Oh I want to be an astronow. Okay, 422 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,679 Speaker 3: well we can try that, but maybe you need your 423 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:09,080 Speaker 3: GED first. So how do we get you to that path? 424 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,760 Speaker 3: So those wins reassure us that we're on the right path. 425 00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:15,920 Speaker 3: I mean, we can't just keep losing, right, and then 426 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:18,480 Speaker 3: we also have to learn through this recovery capital. We 427 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:20,800 Speaker 3: also have to learn a new way of life right 428 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:23,760 Speaker 3: for me, like getting high right, we get you know, 429 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:27,800 Speaker 3: using substances or you know, we are trying to numb 430 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:30,199 Speaker 3: this pain. We're doing all this stuff, but it's not 431 00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:32,919 Speaker 3: progressing us in life, at least it wasn't for me. 432 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:38,240 Speaker 3: So therefore I started to see these things as progress progress. 433 00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:40,399 Speaker 3: Who was I I got to start to you know, 434 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:41,960 Speaker 3: after a while, I got to start to know who 435 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,159 Speaker 3: I am. So I'm more able to talk about my 436 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:46,000 Speaker 3: feelings and atle to be able to talk about the 437 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:49,080 Speaker 3: things that upset me right, and those are whens. So 438 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:52,240 Speaker 3: this capital that starts to build up, starts to build 439 00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:55,520 Speaker 3: up this confidence in you. So when somebody either wronged 440 00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,639 Speaker 3: you or you don't feel right about it, or I 441 00:22:57,680 --> 00:22:59,520 Speaker 3: get to tell you like, well, this is making me 442 00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:02,320 Speaker 3: feel the way. Now be in a street dude, right, 443 00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:04,760 Speaker 3: I ain't never really listen to this is how it 444 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,520 Speaker 3: makes me feel, and you make me I would show 445 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,960 Speaker 3: you that I am upset with your behavior more so 446 00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:15,280 Speaker 3: than me being able to articulate like, listen, this is 447 00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:18,400 Speaker 3: upsetting me and this is why, or I'm feeling this 448 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,600 Speaker 3: way or no, you're not going to treat me this 449 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:23,480 Speaker 3: way because I know I'm worth it now right. There 450 00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:25,359 Speaker 3: was a time, you know, I remember one time on 451 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,359 Speaker 3: this journey somebody said to me all And I was 452 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:31,320 Speaker 3: a counselor at the time, and somebody said to me, oh, 453 00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:33,360 Speaker 3: well you think you all that? I was like, you're right, 454 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:36,159 Speaker 3: and the person said, well, you ain't supposed to talk 455 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:38,040 Speaker 3: to us like that. You're supposed to encourage. I am 456 00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:40,440 Speaker 3: encouraging you. But you said, I think I'm all out right. 457 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:43,240 Speaker 3: I do think I'm all that, because there was a 458 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:44,960 Speaker 3: time in my life that I didn't think I was 459 00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:48,600 Speaker 3: anything anything right, So of course I think I'm all that. Yes, 460 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:50,480 Speaker 3: I'd dance the beat of my own drama. I got 461 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,920 Speaker 3: music playing, I got the I got the theme music 462 00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:57,160 Speaker 3: when I'm walking in because I today de grace guy, 463 00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,600 Speaker 3: I'm worth it. I'm worth it, and not. Recover capital 464 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:04,920 Speaker 3: is substantial. My bank is full, my regular bank man, 465 00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:07,920 Speaker 3: you know, that's so pretty. But my recovery capital bank 466 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:10,960 Speaker 3: is ridiculous, like you know, and I stand on that. 467 00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:13,240 Speaker 3: I stand on that because I'm always putting it in there, 468 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:17,040 Speaker 3: whether even this is going in my account right being 469 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,840 Speaker 3: on this, the fact that you asked there are people, 470 00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:21,879 Speaker 3: I mean, you know, people ask you to speak, people 471 00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:23,879 Speaker 3: ask you to come places, people want to hear you, 472 00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:26,440 Speaker 3: people want to work with you. You know those are 473 00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:30,359 Speaker 3: all wins, right, So yeah, yeah, I'm killing it in 474 00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:31,240 Speaker 3: the capital. 475 00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:39,720 Speaker 2: Capital capital over fluid. So talk to us. Okay, why 476 00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:42,520 Speaker 2: are you on this podcast? I'm gonna pool, all right, 477 00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:44,640 Speaker 2: You told me to. 478 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:46,679 Speaker 3: Go here, now listen. You know I don't get out. 479 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:51,639 Speaker 1: Much taked up taked up the recovery capital. Yeah right, 480 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,760 Speaker 1: So okay, the magic formula. We have heard some of 481 00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:58,159 Speaker 1: the pieces of yours. It sounds like a very central piece. 482 00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:01,800 Speaker 3: Is purpose, yes, absolutely. 483 00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:06,480 Speaker 1: And a very central piece is ensuring you are filling 484 00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:11,360 Speaker 1: your recovery capital bank account. Can you talk to us, 485 00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:17,560 Speaker 1: like share specific examples for how you do that? And 486 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:21,360 Speaker 1: like I said in the book, we talk about biological formula, 487 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:25,560 Speaker 1: psychological formula, environmental formula. Yeah, can you talk to us 488 00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:29,400 Speaker 1: about which of those buckets you're you know, getting your 489 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,320 Speaker 1: formula out of and what are some discrete examples that 490 00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:33,600 Speaker 1: people might try. 491 00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:36,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, like you know, so for me, Like, I'm 492 00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:39,760 Speaker 3: an entrepreneur, So I'm an entrepreneur. I you know, through 493 00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:41,879 Speaker 3: this journey, I want to I want to increase my 494 00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:46,320 Speaker 3: presence and motivational speaking. So I search and I look 495 00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:48,840 Speaker 3: at quotes, and I write things down and I connect 496 00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:52,040 Speaker 3: with people. I try to surround myself with. Like min 497 00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:55,560 Speaker 3: the people my my core friends are all business owners. 498 00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:56,960 Speaker 3: They always say, you want to be you want to 499 00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:58,520 Speaker 3: be a business owner, You got to hang out with 500 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,240 Speaker 3: business owners, right, So I don't. I don't. I don't 501 00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:04,560 Speaker 3: involve myself in the negative conversations. We don't go down 502 00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:08,280 Speaker 3: the road talking about about drug use and and when 503 00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:10,000 Speaker 3: we used to sell drugs. I don't. I don't want 504 00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:12,600 Speaker 3: to involve myself in those kind of conversations because those 505 00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:15,560 Speaker 3: are not profitable, those are not moving me forward to 506 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:18,960 Speaker 3: my goal. So therefore I moved differently. Right, I like 507 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:21,879 Speaker 3: to you know, I like to dress nights, right, so 508 00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:24,480 Speaker 3: I you know when I hit when I can. You know, 509 00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:28,159 Speaker 3: I'm always in in suits. And it's really funny, like 510 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,439 Speaker 3: you know, I wear a lot of suits and stuff 511 00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:32,960 Speaker 3: like that. But you know, like I said, you know, 512 00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:36,040 Speaker 3: my upbringing, when I was watching those gangster movies and 513 00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:37,760 Speaker 3: all that stuff like that, all these people are trying 514 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:40,600 Speaker 3: to be gangster. But movies I watch, these dudes wear suits, 515 00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:42,520 Speaker 3: you know what I mean. So I want to I 516 00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:44,720 Speaker 3: want to do that, and you know, but then I've 517 00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:49,719 Speaker 3: moved towards how can I remain my authentic self while 518 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:53,480 Speaker 3: delivering messages, while being a part of the prop while 519 00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:57,160 Speaker 3: being a part of a process of solution versus being 520 00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:59,119 Speaker 3: on something else. So I'm always trying to sharp. But 521 00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:01,120 Speaker 3: I always say I earned up and is iron I'm 522 00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:04,440 Speaker 3: always educating myself. I'm always looking from new ways to 523 00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:08,200 Speaker 3: sometimes either re or enhance who I am. So I'm 524 00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:11,639 Speaker 3: studying and doing a lot of that. I'm I take classes, 525 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:15,199 Speaker 3: I do things like that, you know, and you know 526 00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:19,119 Speaker 3: that's really for the mental right, but really trying to 527 00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:23,040 Speaker 3: you know, be of service for others to like, you know, 528 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:28,720 Speaker 3: brother who just did sixteen years in prison, he's doing 529 00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:32,000 Speaker 3: really well, but he got sick like everybody's this flu season. 530 00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,640 Speaker 3: What have you right, We're getting sick. So he couldn't 531 00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:37,919 Speaker 3: pay his rent this week. So he called me. He said, man, 532 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:40,120 Speaker 3: I'm struggling, you know, you know, and this is one 533 00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:42,119 Speaker 3: of the things that trips us up. We always talk 534 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:45,200 Speaker 3: about pebbles and boulders, right, The boulders are the things 535 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,320 Speaker 3: you see. It's the pebbles that trip us up. Right, 536 00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:50,240 Speaker 3: So he couldn't predict that he would be sick and 537 00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:52,280 Speaker 3: be sure on his rent this week. So I call 538 00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:56,359 Speaker 3: one of my friends who runs recovery organization. Hey, I 539 00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:58,520 Speaker 3: got a guy that needs rent for the week. Oh, 540 00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:02,640 Speaker 3: no problem, right. So enhancing relationships. I have a lot 541 00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:06,200 Speaker 3: of good friends today that I can call. My relationships 542 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:08,680 Speaker 3: are not transactional where you know, you give me this, 543 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:12,000 Speaker 3: I do that. We can call each other and I 544 00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:14,480 Speaker 3: don't have to it doesn't have to be a given teque. 545 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:18,119 Speaker 3: So being able to do that, being able to treat yourself, 546 00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:21,399 Speaker 3: not teat yourself, right, So being able to do those 547 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:25,719 Speaker 3: things for myself, and being able to be more independent 548 00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:28,760 Speaker 3: on myself and being leaning on myself. But I would 549 00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:31,640 Speaker 3: be remiss not to talk about faith and how important 550 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:34,720 Speaker 3: faith is to me. Right, everybody's journeyings, Different people have 551 00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:38,200 Speaker 3: different things. Meetings are amazing. I love seeing connected to 552 00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:41,040 Speaker 3: the recovered community. We just went to the Recovery conference 553 00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:45,040 Speaker 3: recently in Stanford, Connecticut. It was huge. But being able 554 00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,320 Speaker 3: to go there and still see people, maybe I only 555 00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:49,080 Speaker 3: see them once a year, but I see that you're 556 00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:51,239 Speaker 3: still on a journey. I'm still on a journey. We 557 00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:54,160 Speaker 3: are still here, we are still in the fight. So 558 00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:58,440 Speaker 3: that that also helps going to meetings, connecting with people. 559 00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:02,200 Speaker 3: You know, what does your network look like? I always 560 00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:03,960 Speaker 3: say my network is my networth? 561 00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:04,280 Speaker 4: Right? 562 00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:06,960 Speaker 3: What does that look like? And what kind of conversations 563 00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:09,680 Speaker 3: are you having? But I think also, you know, I'm 564 00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:14,480 Speaker 3: a dad, right, so being present for family. My twenty 565 00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:17,560 Speaker 3: four year old daughter is any day now having a 566 00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:21,720 Speaker 3: baby with I am like, I don't know, We're not 567 00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:25,600 Speaker 3: gonna use that. We're not gonna be. 568 00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:29,280 Speaker 1: This would be your first second second generation baby. 569 00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:33,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, Like, like why are we using grand? Why do 570 00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:36,880 Speaker 3: you go to go listen? We ain't gotta call people grand. 571 00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:40,120 Speaker 3: We're gonna say this is the second generation. 572 00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:43,800 Speaker 2: Like a generation baby. Okay, what's this baby gonna call you? 573 00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:47,600 Speaker 3: I don't know. I'm struggling. I'm struggling. I'm struggling, you know. 574 00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:50,640 Speaker 3: You know I don't like grand I don't know why, 575 00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:53,440 Speaker 3: but I and everybody say, well, then it's gonna have 576 00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:55,719 Speaker 3: to be popping. I'm not. I never saw myself as 577 00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:58,560 Speaker 3: a pops. I don't know, have to figure it out, 578 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:03,680 Speaker 3: but any day now. Now you know my twin who 579 00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:06,640 Speaker 3: you know, my first kid born when I was incarcerated, 580 00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:10,880 Speaker 3: and you know, by those choices in recovery, I was 581 00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:15,920 Speaker 3: able to watch her graduate eighth grade high school, get 582 00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:19,080 Speaker 3: her first apartment, help her get her license. You know, 583 00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:23,360 Speaker 3: by those choices, I have been present. And that's what 584 00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:26,560 Speaker 3: being on this work of being in recovery reading that 585 00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:31,560 Speaker 3: book in two thousand and seven made me available to 586 00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:34,280 Speaker 3: be ready for this kid, be able to for them 587 00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:36,520 Speaker 3: to call me and be like, hey, that I need 588 00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:39,440 Speaker 3: and you know, and you know, I know, when I 589 00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:42,160 Speaker 3: was an active addiction, I was worried about that. You know, 590 00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:43,840 Speaker 3: I was worried about if I was going to be 591 00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:47,200 Speaker 3: in a position when my kid calls me, can I 592 00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:48,200 Speaker 3: help them? 593 00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:48,720 Speaker 4: Yeah? 594 00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:52,440 Speaker 3: You know you know, and that's a that's a real thing, 595 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:55,280 Speaker 3: like you know, maybe it's not maybe it's not monetary. 596 00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:57,400 Speaker 3: Maybe it's just being present. Maybe you know how to 597 00:30:57,400 --> 00:30:59,920 Speaker 3: fix a car, maybe you know something right, but just 598 00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:03,400 Speaker 3: being able to be present was super important. And if 599 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:06,360 Speaker 3: we go back to that five year plan, that was 600 00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:09,560 Speaker 3: part being a died, being a better die, being available, 601 00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:14,120 Speaker 3: being available to them. And yeah, so you know, my 602 00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:20,720 Speaker 3: son is last year, he was nineteen, and when I 603 00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:23,520 Speaker 3: was nineteen, I started my first my first prison bid. 604 00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:27,080 Speaker 3: He started his first college, you know, I you know, 605 00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:30,040 Speaker 3: and I was able to pay, which I didn't like. 606 00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:31,440 Speaker 3: I was able to pay. 607 00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:36,719 Speaker 1: You didn't like actually paying, although you liked being able to. 608 00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:42,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, when they told me how much they needed, I 609 00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:44,600 Speaker 3: looked at him and I said, do you see what's 610 00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:48,680 Speaker 3: happening right now? Being able? Man, my degrees got being 611 00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:51,920 Speaker 3: able to pay right right? Yeah. We have to make choices, right, 612 00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:53,840 Speaker 3: many times I had to make choices in the street. 613 00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:56,400 Speaker 3: Some of them got bad, whatever, but I had to 614 00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:59,959 Speaker 3: make these choices. And when we were on this recovery journey, 615 00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:03,160 Speaker 3: we have to make choices every single day, right, I 616 00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:05,120 Speaker 3: have to make a choice that I use not drink, 617 00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:07,160 Speaker 3: not do this, not do this, and not do things 618 00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:09,840 Speaker 3: that put myself in a situation that may prevent me 619 00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:12,800 Speaker 3: from being available leader. You know. 620 00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:16,800 Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, so, I mean you just ran down 621 00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:22,080 Speaker 1: about a bajillion and thirty two pieces of your formula, right. 622 00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:24,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's the sauce. You said, the sauce, Hey, that 623 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:24,840 Speaker 3: was the sauce. 624 00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:26,640 Speaker 2: I mean, I asked for it, you gave it. I 625 00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:27,400 Speaker 2: asked for what you. 626 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:28,440 Speaker 3: Gave it A right sauce. 627 00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:34,120 Speaker 1: You know, so many little pieces that folks could grab 628 00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:36,160 Speaker 1: out of there if it feels like it might be 629 00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:36,920 Speaker 1: a fit for them. 630 00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:39,560 Speaker 2: And like the point that I don't want. 631 00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:43,080 Speaker 1: To emphasize, I feel like I could categorize your formula 632 00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:46,040 Speaker 1: into two big buckets, which is pouring into yourself and 633 00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:47,120 Speaker 1: pouring into others. 634 00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:49,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, you can't pour it from an empty cup, like 635 00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:51,880 Speaker 3: we got to know. Yeah, so it's super important to 636 00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:54,720 Speaker 3: understand that. Take care of you first. I got to 637 00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:57,400 Speaker 3: take care of me first. Yeah, because I and I 638 00:32:57,480 --> 00:32:59,520 Speaker 3: tried it. I tried to pour from an empty cup 639 00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:02,600 Speaker 3: and it just it's hard and it's stressful, and you 640 00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:05,400 Speaker 3: can't help those before you help yourself. You know, you 641 00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:08,880 Speaker 3: can't do it. It's impossible. And if you can, let 642 00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:11,000 Speaker 3: us know how you doing it, because I found it 643 00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:12,480 Speaker 3: to be very difficult. 644 00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:15,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think what a lot of people struggle 645 00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:19,240 Speaker 1: with Darryl is not even realizing my cup is empty. 646 00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:22,040 Speaker 3: Right, or trying to Emily. You can't be down with 647 00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:23,480 Speaker 3: my girl. I tell people all of the time, You're 648 00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:25,800 Speaker 3: not gonna be me. You got to be you, because 649 00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:29,000 Speaker 3: see what's working for me is I'm working my program. 650 00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:32,640 Speaker 3: That work your program, and you will be successful at that. 651 00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:35,600 Speaker 3: Every time you try to do something something different, I 652 00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:38,040 Speaker 3: never you know. You can be great. You can do 653 00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:41,160 Speaker 3: a million things. What I did might not work for you. 654 00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:43,160 Speaker 3: Twelve st that work for me, but it might not 655 00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:46,160 Speaker 3: work for you. I always say if somebody says, man, 656 00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:49,040 Speaker 3: I found recovery through eating tomatoes, I'm gonna say, you know, 657 00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:51,360 Speaker 3: I know somebody that did it to tomatoes. I know 658 00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:53,200 Speaker 3: they did it. At the end of the day, we 659 00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:55,160 Speaker 3: want you to live. We want you to find your past. 660 00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:57,640 Speaker 3: Some people find it through religion, right, and they go 661 00:33:57,680 --> 00:33:59,479 Speaker 3: to church every day and they do this, and they 662 00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:01,920 Speaker 3: do that, find their space. You got to find that 663 00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:05,080 Speaker 3: tribe and then run with it, you know. And then 664 00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:07,880 Speaker 3: sometimes you know, and I'll say this. As I've gotten older, 665 00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:14,000 Speaker 3: I've learned that we outgrow people too. You know, everybody's 666 00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:16,120 Speaker 3: not going to come on the journey the whole way. 667 00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:19,239 Speaker 3: And that was probably the hardest lesson that. You know, 668 00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:21,279 Speaker 3: people that I started the journey with the people that 669 00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:23,120 Speaker 3: I was like, oh no, God, but I loved them. 670 00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:25,279 Speaker 3: I want them to come. And He's like, nah, this 671 00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:28,319 Speaker 3: is where they get all. This is the this is 672 00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:31,200 Speaker 3: their stop in order for you to grow or like 673 00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:35,000 Speaker 3: you know, I always he's the furniture, right. If I 674 00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:36,919 Speaker 3: want to put a new couch in my living room, 675 00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,880 Speaker 3: I got to take the old one out. So sometimes 676 00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:42,279 Speaker 3: you got to move some stuff around in order for 677 00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:44,520 Speaker 3: the new stuff to come in. And it won't fit 678 00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:47,120 Speaker 3: eve unless you take the other stuff out. So I 679 00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:48,880 Speaker 3: had to learn that. I had to learn that, and 680 00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:51,799 Speaker 3: that was a hard lesson because I think I'm a 681 00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:54,239 Speaker 3: people pack rack, right. I like to keep people. I 682 00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:56,719 Speaker 3: like to pack rack people. I like to keep everybody, 683 00:34:57,719 --> 00:34:59,279 Speaker 3: and it just don't work like that. 684 00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:02,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, it's so true. 685 00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:05,920 Speaker 1: I love that imagery with the couch, like you have 686 00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:08,920 Speaker 1: to make space, you have to you have to make space. 687 00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:10,799 Speaker 1: And I also want to double click on what you said, 688 00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:12,560 Speaker 1: you should just be the host. Okay, you could be 689 00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:13,880 Speaker 1: the host and then I will be the guests. 690 00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:17,480 Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, this is your thing. I'm just I'm 691 00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:18,000 Speaker 3: just jumping it. 692 00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:18,880 Speaker 5: I'm just jumping in. 693 00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:23,160 Speaker 3: You ask a perfect question, that's all. It's easy. Yeah, 694 00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:25,160 Speaker 3: you know, you don't get me right, you don't get 695 00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:25,480 Speaker 3: me right. 696 00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:30,160 Speaker 1: I loved when you said your formula is your formula, 697 00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:33,360 Speaker 1: and so like that is literally the heart and soul 698 00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:36,759 Speaker 1: of the message that we're trying to send. You said, 699 00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:40,000 Speaker 1: we want you to live, find your formula and work 700 00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:43,839 Speaker 1: with it. And I think also like just like everybody 701 00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:46,440 Speaker 1: that started the journey with you will not be on 702 00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:49,319 Speaker 1: the journey with you the whole way. Your formula can 703 00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:51,120 Speaker 1: also change over time. 704 00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:55,839 Speaker 3: It does. It looks different, it looks different, and you know, man, 705 00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:59,239 Speaker 3: as we get older, we learn that everybody's not going 706 00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:01,360 Speaker 3: to clap for you, you know, And I was, I was, 707 00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:03,799 Speaker 3: I was really surprised about that. I was like, oh, look, 708 00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:07,000 Speaker 3: I'm waiting I got this award and they're like, yeah, 709 00:36:07,239 --> 00:36:10,240 Speaker 3: good for you, right, because they're going through their stuff, 710 00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:12,160 Speaker 3: you're going through your stuff, and it tends to be 711 00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:15,640 Speaker 3: then the people who like, you know, Facebook says, I 712 00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:18,680 Speaker 3: have over two thousand friends. I don't even know all 713 00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:20,879 Speaker 3: these people, but it does. But when it comes down 714 00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:24,279 Speaker 3: to it, and especially on the tough days, you know, 715 00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:26,000 Speaker 3: you might get that one or two friends. 716 00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:29,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, you may have people. 717 00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:31,800 Speaker 3: Which why is so important, said number one, have that capital. 718 00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:33,480 Speaker 3: You got to be kicked up in that capital when 719 00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:36,000 Speaker 3: you need to reach in I need to reach interests, 720 00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:39,480 Speaker 3: I need some reminders wait a minute, at least some stuff, right, 721 00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:42,719 Speaker 3: and being able to have that and understating that, you know, 722 00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:45,480 Speaker 3: everybody's not going to clap. Everybody's not going to clap. 723 00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:48,480 Speaker 3: And sometimes these people that that may be dressed as 724 00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:51,600 Speaker 3: family members and or what have you, they might not 725 00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:53,799 Speaker 3: because they're going through their own things and that's what. 726 00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:56,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, they might not even have the ability to clap, right. 727 00:36:56,719 --> 00:37:01,240 Speaker 3: Right, That's okay, And that's that's Sometimes the cloud literally 728 00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:05,839 Speaker 3: the loudest for myself, like yo, I am waitning, I 729 00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:08,239 Speaker 3: am winning, And sometimes that comes in the forms of 730 00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:11,680 Speaker 3: me playing very loud rap music in my car, you 731 00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:15,680 Speaker 3: know what I mean, But just really celebrating just and 732 00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:17,600 Speaker 3: being you know, I think for me one of the 733 00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:19,960 Speaker 3: most things is being humble, Like one of the things 734 00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,279 Speaker 3: I talked to God the most about no matter how 735 00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:25,440 Speaker 3: successful you allow me to get, please let me remain humble. 736 00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:30,320 Speaker 3: I don't even want fame, success, money, wealth, whatever, without humble, 737 00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:32,440 Speaker 3: I don't want. I don't want it because I already 738 00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:35,000 Speaker 3: know that's not going to do good for me. That's 739 00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:37,280 Speaker 3: not that's not what I am. If I can't remain humble. 740 00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:39,840 Speaker 3: Have a lot of stuff I like, I like nice stuff, 741 00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:43,160 Speaker 3: but I don't want it if I can't remain if 742 00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:44,759 Speaker 3: I can't be humble with it. 743 00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:50,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, And I mean humble is like an adjective, and 744 00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:54,120 Speaker 1: I really see the way you turn that into a verb. 745 00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:55,080 Speaker 2: Is the service work? 746 00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:57,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that you do being able to get back 747 00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:00,960 Speaker 3: and people see that like they either you don't. I mean, 748 00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:02,600 Speaker 3: like we don't have to do this. I don't have 749 00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:04,560 Speaker 3: to be here. I don't have to come here. I 750 00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:06,480 Speaker 3: come here because I choose to. I don't have to 751 00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:09,040 Speaker 3: do these things that you know, you know there's that 752 00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:12,000 Speaker 3: I got mine. You know that I'm good, right, you 753 00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:15,359 Speaker 3: know I'm good. But I choose to be where I am, 754 00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:19,240 Speaker 3: and you know, because that's the work that I've chosen. 755 00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:22,320 Speaker 3: That's that's the rate on this earth is to give back. 756 00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:24,640 Speaker 3: You know, I always say godless and use a whole 757 00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:26,400 Speaker 3: bunch of these things. He lets us have all this 758 00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:30,840 Speaker 3: nice stuff, but that's nothing. That's those are just tools. 759 00:38:31,239 --> 00:38:33,520 Speaker 3: The work on the earth is actually what are you doing? 760 00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:35,920 Speaker 3: And you want to be that person? Like even quote 761 00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:40,200 Speaker 3: unquote when this second generation baby is boy, right, and 762 00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:45,160 Speaker 3: questions are asked, what did you do when when George 763 00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:48,279 Speaker 3: Floyd or any anything happened in the world, Where were 764 00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:50,080 Speaker 3: you What were you doing? You want to be able 765 00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:53,359 Speaker 3: to answer that. I want to be able to answer that, right. 766 00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:55,120 Speaker 3: I want to be able to say, well, I did this, 767 00:38:55,239 --> 00:38:58,480 Speaker 3: and this is what I did. You know, I've accomplished 768 00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:02,120 Speaker 3: a lot of first in our state as a black man, 769 00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:03,960 Speaker 3: and on the first this and I'm the first that. 770 00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:07,480 Speaker 3: So hopefully some days somebody starts writing about me in 771 00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:10,480 Speaker 3: Black History Month. Thank you to yo writing about your boy. 772 00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:11,960 Speaker 3: You know what? 773 00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:14,279 Speaker 2: Right about your boy? 774 00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:20,560 Speaker 1: All right, So time is flying because you're dropping the 775 00:39:20,640 --> 00:39:24,200 Speaker 1: sauce about half of the time. I remember to say 776 00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:27,600 Speaker 1: at the end of the episode, I'm going to ask 777 00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:30,320 Speaker 1: you this question. Remember, the name of the book is 778 00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:33,880 Speaker 1: un addiction, unlearned. What we think we know undo stigma 779 00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:38,600 Speaker 1: that's killing people uncover the conversations. And so if there 780 00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:44,960 Speaker 1: is one thing that you want people to unlearn, one stigma, 781 00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:47,920 Speaker 1: you want them to undo, one conversation, you want them 782 00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:49,840 Speaker 1: to uncover, what is it? 783 00:39:50,719 --> 00:39:53,759 Speaker 3: Yeah, you got to unlearn that. I think for me 784 00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:56,480 Speaker 3: is that we're not our worst mistake. 785 00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:56,759 Speaker 5: Right. 786 00:39:56,880 --> 00:39:59,359 Speaker 3: We make mistakes and we're going to continue to make them. 787 00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:02,440 Speaker 3: Date on the find us, right, So stop listening to 788 00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:06,879 Speaker 3: that that negative messaging and replace what positive. I had 789 00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:10,080 Speaker 3: to unlearn that. I struggled with that, like you know, 790 00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:13,840 Speaker 3: the we call it imposter syndrome, right, No matter what, 791 00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:16,320 Speaker 3: I'm always getting these negatives, Oh, you don't deserve to 792 00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:18,400 Speaker 3: be here, Oh this is gonna happen. And you know 793 00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:24,120 Speaker 3: that that you know, we call it tragic or you know, 794 00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:29,279 Speaker 3: kind of catastrophic, catastrophic, catastrophic thinking. Why do we think 795 00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:31,719 Speaker 3: like that? How come I can't win? You know my 796 00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:34,279 Speaker 3: mentor who passed away a few years ago, when I 797 00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:37,279 Speaker 3: was going through the storm, he came over and I 798 00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:39,120 Speaker 3: was like, you know, I was like, oh, man, no 799 00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:41,560 Speaker 3: one likes me, and he's like, you know, and I 800 00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:44,239 Speaker 3: was going through something and he said, well why not you? 801 00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:49,160 Speaker 3: Why not? And I was like, I hate when he 802 00:40:49,239 --> 00:40:51,480 Speaker 3: did that, right, he was like, why not you? And it? 803 00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:54,239 Speaker 3: So now I embraced that why not me? You know, 804 00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:56,239 Speaker 3: when I go through a storm, I say, you know what, 805 00:40:56,840 --> 00:40:59,040 Speaker 3: I'd bout there, It be me because I'm built for this, 806 00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:02,960 Speaker 3: versus it'd be somebody who can't, who might not be 807 00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:05,160 Speaker 3: built for this, who this might be the final straw. 808 00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:08,720 Speaker 3: They might take actions otherwise than going through the storm. 809 00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:10,520 Speaker 3: So I'd rather be me. I'll take that all day. 810 00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:13,279 Speaker 3: You know, we are the stone catchers, right, Let's catch 811 00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:16,120 Speaker 3: some stone trailers. I'd rather go through that. So, you know, 812 00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:19,440 Speaker 3: I learned accepting those negative messages about yourself and you 813 00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:22,160 Speaker 3: make a mistake, you know, own it and keep it moving. 814 00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:24,080 Speaker 3: So I would unlearn that that would be the first 815 00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:26,680 Speaker 3: thing because that's gonna that's going to propel you into 816 00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:29,600 Speaker 3: this world. Like you know, I've been going through stuff 817 00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:31,800 Speaker 3: and people all even call you and they will remind 818 00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:35,040 Speaker 3: you how bad your situation is. Like, yo, you know 819 00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:36,120 Speaker 3: what they said about you. 820 00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:37,000 Speaker 2: Know what's going on? 821 00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:40,040 Speaker 7: Yeah, I know, I know that's all right, that's all right, 822 00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:42,440 Speaker 7: you know how you doing though? I'm doing all right. 823 00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:45,560 Speaker 7: I'm doing that, nah man, I'm just checking on you. 824 00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:48,399 Speaker 7: Good man, I'm man. If it was me, I said, 825 00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:50,680 Speaker 7: I know, if it was you, you'd be hurting right now. 826 00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:54,560 Speaker 7: But me less, I'm standing there. I'm standing ten toes up. 827 00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:57,640 Speaker 3: Man, Let's go. Let's go. If not, because I know 828 00:41:58,520 --> 00:42:00,799 Speaker 3: the other side, when I get to the other side 829 00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:03,600 Speaker 3: of whatever trials and true relations that is, it's will 830 00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:07,640 Speaker 3: be one hundred percent stronger, knowledgeable and equipped with that 831 00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:09,640 Speaker 3: that You'll never be able to get me like that again. 832 00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:11,920 Speaker 3: You'll never be able to use that. It'll never be 833 00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:14,440 Speaker 3: because I'm skilled, right. 834 00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:19,279 Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that so much. So I'm going to 835 00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:21,960 Speaker 1: use that to close us out. You are not your 836 00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:24,920 Speaker 1: biggest mistake. And I want to come back to something 837 00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:27,560 Speaker 1: Darryl said earlier. You think you all that? 838 00:42:28,239 --> 00:42:36,520 Speaker 5: Yes, absolutely, you are all that, all that, all that 839 00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:39,760 Speaker 5: believe that tell them tomorrow today. 840 00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:42,160 Speaker 3: You know when I heard I'm all. 841 00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:48,360 Speaker 2: That facts exactly. Thank you so much for coming, Darryl, 842 00:42:48,520 --> 00:42:50,120 Speaker 2: So you put in the show notes. 843 00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:55,240 Speaker 1: We definitely need people to check out the documentary Uprooting Addiction. 844 00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:57,960 Speaker 2: We definitely need them to check out your ted X talk. 845 00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:03,880 Speaker 3: Thank you. Thank you formally in Connecticut, but we worldwide. 846 00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:06,279 Speaker 3: We're trying to be worldwide. Is that We are the 847 00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:12,799 Speaker 3: first criminal justice reform consulting organization fully staffed by people 848 00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:15,759 Speaker 3: would live experience of the criminal justice system. We do 849 00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:21,040 Speaker 3: technical assistance, we do talks, we do workshops, we talk 850 00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:24,279 Speaker 3: about on re entry. What we focus on re entry 851 00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:27,520 Speaker 3: and recovery. And that's one of the things that that's 852 00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:30,200 Speaker 3: my passionate. You know, the t is ted is something 853 00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:33,520 Speaker 3: I'm super excited about, but really being able to work 854 00:43:33,719 --> 00:43:36,960 Speaker 3: and try to employ. You know, my goal is to 855 00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:41,640 Speaker 3: be the largest employer of formally incarcerated people ever, like ever, 856 00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:46,440 Speaker 3: because I'm just all that. Yeah, ever, you know, because 857 00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:50,320 Speaker 3: you know, so many of our people get denied access 858 00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:55,800 Speaker 3: to employment and housing because of their criminal background. We 859 00:43:56,680 --> 00:43:58,680 Speaker 3: smile at that, like bring that to us. So let's 860 00:43:58,680 --> 00:44:00,440 Speaker 3: see how we can work with that. Times we can 861 00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:03,120 Speaker 3: help people. Sometimes we can't, but most of the times, 862 00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:05,600 Speaker 3: you know, if nothing else, we create, we create a 863 00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:08,719 Speaker 3: community of like minded people and we shoot them how 864 00:44:08,760 --> 00:44:11,160 Speaker 3: to get on the other side of that struggle. Follow 865 00:44:11,239 --> 00:44:15,680 Speaker 3: me on, Follow me on. I g Harry Tubman, Harriet 866 00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:18,360 Speaker 3: Harry Tubman a team. Follow me because I'm trying to 867 00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:21,000 Speaker 3: get more follows than my daughter. She got five thousand. 868 00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:23,759 Speaker 3: I got like two come on, man, hit me up, 869 00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:25,399 Speaker 3: follow me, follow me, shout me out. 870 00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:29,440 Speaker 1: Amazing and congratulations on the second generation baby. 871 00:44:29,560 --> 00:44:31,800 Speaker 3: Oh, thank you. Thank you for the term. We'll be 872 00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:33,400 Speaker 3: using it. If we you know, we might have to 873 00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:34,920 Speaker 3: break you off a little bit. 874 00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:36,960 Speaker 2: You can just call the baby two. 875 00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:39,719 Speaker 3: G Yeah, yeah, you know that's what we're gonna like it. 876 00:44:39,840 --> 00:44:40,719 Speaker 3: I like it, I love it. 877 00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:45,960 Speaker 2: Thank you so much for tuning in. And if you 878 00:44:46,080 --> 00:44:49,640 Speaker 2: like this episode, please check out my book on Addiction. 879 00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:54,240 Speaker 1: Six mind Changing Conversations that Could Save a Life, available 880 00:44:54,280 --> 00:44:58,840 Speaker 1: at Barnes and Noble Bookshop, dot org, Union Squaring Company, Amazon, 881 00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:03,320 Speaker 1: and wherever sold. If you like to this episode, please 882 00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:06,719 Speaker 1: share it with someone you think may need to hear it. Also, 883 00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:10,319 Speaker 1: please subscribe to this podcast and leave a five star 884 00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:13,400 Speaker 1: review that helps us reach any and everyone who may 885 00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:15,760 Speaker 1: be looking for support in the face of addiction.