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Speaker 1: Hi, guys, welcome to my podcast, Cheeky's and Chill. I

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Speaker 1: hope that you're having a beautiful day and you have

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Speaker 1: a wonderful week or weekend. Hi am going to take

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Speaker 1: a deep breath because today I'm going to talk about

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Speaker 1: something that I mentioned earlier on in the season. It's

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Speaker 1: a personal one. This is what I love about my podcast.

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Speaker 1: You guys give me the opportunity to speak to you

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Speaker 1: and share my deepest thoughts and feelings, and that's what

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Speaker 1: I'm going to do today. So again, earlier this season,

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Speaker 1: I mentioned that I was going to file paperwork to

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Speaker 1: go see my dad and it was accepted and I

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Speaker 1: did go see him. So I'm going to tell you

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Speaker 1: all about that. So take a deep breath with me. Okay.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys have watched chiki sinfintro.

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Speaker 1: It is my docu follow and they did follow me

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Speaker 1: to go see my dad. Didn't talk much about the

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Speaker 1: details there, just that I went to go see him.

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Speaker 1: They weren't able to go in with me the cameras.

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Speaker 1: So this is my space and my time and my

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Speaker 1: opportunity to explain to you exactly what happened and what

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Speaker 1: we talked about and how it went. First of all,

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Speaker 1: I decided to go see him because it's something that

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Speaker 1: had been in my heart for a while. For a

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Speaker 1: long time, I didn't want to, and in all fairness

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Speaker 1: and honesty, he didn't want to see me either. So

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Speaker 1: then time passed by. Time went by, and my sister

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Speaker 1: Jackie has been the one that has gone to go

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Speaker 1: see him, and you know, she's gotten a lot of

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Speaker 1: heat for it, and I don't necessary really agree with

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Speaker 1: it because people say that, Okay, how can you do

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Speaker 1: that to your sister Jackie? Like she went through this,

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Speaker 1: She went through that like I feel like, First of all,

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Speaker 1: she asked me, and I said, yes, sister, thank you

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Speaker 1: for asking me. You don't have to because that's still

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Speaker 1: your dad, that's still a relationship that you had and

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Speaker 1: things that you need to heal. But I do appreciate

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Speaker 1: you asking me. So she did ask me. I gave

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Speaker 1: her my blessing. I gave her the green light, and

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Speaker 1: she started like a friendship with him. Anyways, So why

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Speaker 1: I decided to go see him, because for I mean,

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Speaker 1: I forgave my dad a long time ago. I forget

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Speaker 1: I forgave him. He never asked for forgiveness. I just

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Speaker 1: that's something that I learned in church and through my mother,

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Speaker 1: and I saw how she forgave, and I just that's

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Speaker 1: who I am, you know, at my core, and I

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Speaker 1: forgave him because I didn't want to hold onto that

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Speaker 1: and like carry that weight around with me for the

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Speaker 1: rest of my life. I always tell you guys that

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Speaker 1: forgiveness is not for the other person, but for yourself.

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Speaker 1: So I kind of put that to the side for

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Speaker 1: a long time. What happened with my dad the sexual abuse.

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Speaker 1: For those of you that may not know, I was

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Speaker 1: sexually abused by my father when I was young. And

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Speaker 1: he's now in jail thirty five years, no chance of

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Speaker 1: parole or thirty years, thirty thirty years. Anyways, the point

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Speaker 1: is he's been in there for seventeen So for a

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Speaker 1: long time I was kind of like, Okay, I have

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Speaker 1: no dad, you know, it's just my mom, my siblings

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Speaker 1: and I and that's it. And then my mom passed

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Speaker 1: away and he felt really bad, so he tried to

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Speaker 1: come around and talk to us, and I wasn't ready.

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Speaker 1: I was like, why now, why because my mom's not here.

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Speaker 1: But in his defense, he was like, you know what

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Speaker 1: I felt bad. I wasn't a great dad, your mom's gone. Like,

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Speaker 1: if there's anything that I can do and show you guys,

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Speaker 1: I'm here. I'm going to do that. Took me a

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Speaker 1: while to accept it, and then I went through my

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Speaker 1: first divorce, and after that I realized that I had

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Speaker 1: daddy issues, that I had things that I needed to

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Speaker 1: work through, and I thought, Okay, I'm older. I went

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Speaker 1: to there like I'm fine. But after that divorce, things

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Speaker 1: like resurfaced and I was like, oh my gosh, because

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Speaker 1: I gott as I as I'm so I was getting older.

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Speaker 1: I noticed that things that I hadn't healed were affecting

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Speaker 1: my relationships the way that I was in my relationships,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, I need to stop this, Like

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Speaker 1: I don't want to continue attracting this type of treatment,

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Speaker 1: not loving myself enough, and just so many things that

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Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, it's coming and stemming from the relationship.

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Speaker 1: I still like I had a heal with my mom

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Speaker 1: and certain things that I needed to heal, but also

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Speaker 1: with my dad. And so when Emilio asked me to

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Speaker 1: marry him, that's when I was like, Okay, I really

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Speaker 1: need to face this. I really need to close this

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Speaker 1: circle to get this this closure. And I asked Emilia

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Speaker 1: if he'd be down to go with me, and he

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Speaker 1: said yeah. So to me that was confirmation because in

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Speaker 1: my past relationships they weren't down, they were like no,

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Speaker 1: absolutely not. But Emilia was very open and he said yes,

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Speaker 1: like I think you should. I think you should go

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Speaker 1: see him and hear what he has to say, especially

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Speaker 1: if he's also ready, and that also gave me confirmation

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Speaker 1: and made me feel peace. So anyways, we decided to go,

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Speaker 1: and that's the reason why, because I felt like I

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Speaker 1: needed to close to get closure with my mom, which

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Speaker 1: is why I went to Monterrey to go see her,

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Speaker 1: you know, and to feel and I just I got

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Speaker 1: this closure that I needed and this piece in my

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Speaker 1: heart and then my dad, so before I got married,

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Speaker 1: that was the whole thing. So anyways, I thought of

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Speaker 1: my paperwork the first time I was denied. Then I

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Speaker 1: let like a year pass by and I said, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna try it again and I'm gonna also file

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Speaker 1: Emilios and we were both did and it took some

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Speaker 1: time to go out there, and so anyways, the day

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Speaker 1: came I went to go see him and I was trembling.

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Speaker 1: I was so scared. I felt like a little girl.

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Speaker 1: Like I was like, oh my god, I was so nervous.

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Speaker 1: I'm grown, I go on stage, I do so many things,

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Speaker 1: like so much has happened, like I couldn't. I almost

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Speaker 1: didn't recognize myself, like with how nervous I was, and

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Speaker 1: in media, I was like, I've never seen this. I

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Speaker 1: was very vulnerable and I felt very safe because I

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Speaker 1: was with Jackie, my sister, and Emilio, but I was

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Speaker 1: a different person. I didn't recognize myself. I was like,

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Speaker 1: who is this person? Like I was just so nervous.

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Speaker 1: And we get there and everything was kind of going

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Speaker 1: wrong because the cameras were there. We didn't ask for permission.

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Speaker 1: They can't be on site, you know, and we didn't

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Speaker 1: know that. So that was one thing. I was like,

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Speaker 1: they're about to kick us out. I'm not gonna be

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Speaker 1: able to do this. But they recognized me and they

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Speaker 1: were really nice to said, hey, you know, can't have this.

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Speaker 1: There's so many restrictions, guys. You can't wear a wired brawl,

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Speaker 1: you can't wear any logos, you can't show any cleavage,

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Speaker 1: you can't wear anything tight. You can't have it, like

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Speaker 1: you have to take coins to like for the vending machine,

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Speaker 1: like there's a lot of rules. So it's my first time,

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Speaker 1: and my sister, I think forgot so anyway, she had

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Speaker 1: to go get a sweater. It was just this whole thing,

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Speaker 1: so mind you. I'm thinking I'm gonna go straight in there,

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Speaker 1: but no, so here I am, which is kind of

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Speaker 1: cool because it took us at least forty five minutes

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Speaker 1: to get accepted, to get in there, to show everything,

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Speaker 1: like we couldn't take our phone, it's everything. So it

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Speaker 1: gave me a little bit of time to just realize

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Speaker 1: where I was and what I was doing. So I

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Speaker 1: was sitting there waiting and my legs were like literally trembling,

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Speaker 1: and finally they let us through. I'm walking to where

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Speaker 1: he is to like the meeting site, and I almost

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Speaker 1: turned back. I was like, no, I don't want to

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Speaker 1: do this. I want to go home. I was like,

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Speaker 1: let's go, and they're like no, it's okay, Like thank goodness,

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Speaker 1: like a milios of music, It's okay, babe, like it's fine,

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Speaker 1: we're here, let's do it. I'm like okay, to good

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Speaker 1: deep breaths. It was very very like mind you. I'm

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Speaker 1: it's weird because the energy at any like prison is

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Speaker 1: very different. I'm not necessarily saying like negative, but just cold.

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Speaker 1: There was no one. Everyone was, I guess in their

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Speaker 1: cells like there was not There wasn't anyone in sight,

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Speaker 1: and it was just this weird feeling. Not scared, but

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Speaker 1: I was just I don't know, it's weird. I don't

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Speaker 1: even know how to explain it. So anyways, we get there.

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Speaker 1: First I thought he was already going to be sitting there,

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Speaker 1: so I could see him from the outside as there

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Speaker 1: was windows. And again you have to go like through

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Speaker 1: another process before going into like this open space where

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Speaker 1: there's vending machines and tables and you know, and there's

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Speaker 1: security in there, like you know, the the officers or whatnot.

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Speaker 1: But he wasn't there, and I was like, oh my god.

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Speaker 1: I was like okay. So then we had to sit

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Speaker 1: down and I was like okay. I was like okay.

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Speaker 1: So we down and I was still like where do

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Speaker 1: I say, like do I want to sit next to him?

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay, I want to sit in front

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Speaker 1: of him. I want to see him. So I sat

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Speaker 1: in front and then it was Emilio and Jackie. I

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Speaker 1: was like, okay, cool, I feel protected. I felt like,

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Speaker 1: in a weird way, I need to feel protected. And

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Speaker 1: then like maybe five minutes later, he comes out and

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Speaker 1: I stood up and he it was like I could

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Speaker 1: see him from when he came out of the door

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Speaker 1: and like walking towards and I was like, I was

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Speaker 1: like as soon as I walked into that place, I

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Speaker 1: was just like crying. I was like, oh my god, no,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to do this. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: do this, like they're like, you have to You're fine,

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Speaker 1: You're fine, dude. I was a freaking baby. It was

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Speaker 1: the weirdest thing. Anyways, he comes out and I was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: should I hug him? Should I not hug him? And

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Speaker 1: my heart felt like yes. I don't want to be like,

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Speaker 1: oh hey Dad. You know, I didn't even know if

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Speaker 1: I was going to call him dad. I didn't even

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Speaker 1: I didn't plan anything. So he said hi to Jackie,

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Speaker 1: hugged her, said hi to Emdio, and then he saw

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Speaker 1: me and then he gave me his hand. I guess

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Speaker 1: he also felt like, okay, maybe she doesn't want to

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Speaker 1: hug me. But I pulled him in and I gave

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Speaker 1: him a hug. I said, hi, Dad, It just happened naturally,

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Speaker 1: and he said hi. And he only speaks Spanish. He

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Speaker 1: understands English, but we were speaking in Spanish. And then

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Speaker 1: he asked me. He's like, can I sit where you're

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Speaker 1: sitting because I need to see the officer. I'm like okay.

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Speaker 1: He's like, we're always supposed to. I'm like okay, cool.

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Speaker 1: So we turned around. I was still in the middle

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Speaker 1: because I was like, I want to feel protected, you know.

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Speaker 1: And it was very awkward, awkward at first that we

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Speaker 1: were both who couldn't look in each other's eyes, Like

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Speaker 1: I was nervous, he was nervous. Thank goodness for my

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Speaker 1: sister that she had been there with him. And I

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Speaker 1: think everything happens the way it should be, the way

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Speaker 1: it's supposed to happen. I mean, because my sister already

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Speaker 1: had some type of like relationship with him. So they

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Speaker 1: were like joking around and I think that helped him

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Speaker 1: calm down, and it helped me calm down. And anyways,

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Speaker 1: it took us a while to get to like the

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Speaker 1: nitty gritty because I was I was there to handle business.

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Speaker 1: I was like, I need to know if he's going

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Speaker 1: to accept things, because the only way we can move

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Speaker 1: forward is if he accepts. For me, that was important

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Speaker 1: if you accept and you apologize to me. If not,

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Speaker 1: then I have no interest in even entertaining some type

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Speaker 1: of relationship. So I was kind of like, okay, okay,

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Speaker 1: what are we going to talk about? I was like,

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Speaker 1: are you thirsty? Are you hungry? Because you know, we

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Speaker 1: could buy stuff from the vending machine and I like

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Speaker 1: to eat, as you guys know, so that helps me

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Speaker 1: with my nerves. So I was like, I need to

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Speaker 1: get something, like some chips or something. He didn't want anything.

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Speaker 1: Jackie's like, he never eats, He never accepts anything he

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Speaker 1: doesn't like, you know. So anyways, we just talked about

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Speaker 1: his family, we talked about how he was doing, and

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Speaker 1: then finally he's like, do you have any questions? And

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Speaker 1: I was like, no, I don't have any questions. I

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Speaker 1: didn't want to ask anything to kind of like I

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Speaker 1: didn't want to be the one to like prompt him,

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Speaker 1: you know. I was like, no, I don't have any questions.

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Speaker 1: Do you have anything you have to tell me? And

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Speaker 1: he looked at me and he said, yes, I've seen

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Speaker 1: you on TV. I've heard your podcast. He listened to

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Speaker 1: my podcast, and he said, I know that there are

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Speaker 1: words that you want to hear, and I'm more ready

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Speaker 1: than ever. So then I said, okay. I said, wait,

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Speaker 1: actually I do have a question. I said okay. I said,

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Speaker 1: did you were you mad at me? And he said

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Speaker 1: for a long time, I was very mad at you.

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Speaker 1: He said, for a long time I was, And I

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Speaker 1: said okay. He said I didn't understand. I hadn't accepted

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Speaker 1: a lot of things, and I wanted to blame other

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Speaker 1: people and not realize what I had done. So he said, yes,

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Speaker 1: that he was upset. I was like, I felt it.

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Speaker 1: He's like, were you mad at me? I said no,

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Speaker 1: just until my mom died. I was like, that's when

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Speaker 1: I got mad at you, because you were trying to

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Speaker 1: come around. I didn't understand. I was like, why now,

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Speaker 1: like why not when my mom was alive? And I

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Speaker 1: was like, then I kind of got angry. But I

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Speaker 1: was very angry during that time. Twenty thirteen twenty fourteen

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Speaker 1: were not good years for me. I was like, I

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Speaker 1: was pissed at the world. So yes, I was mad

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Speaker 1: at you just then and then before that, No, And

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Speaker 1: I told her he said, I've always said it. You

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Speaker 1: were a good dad, you know, and you did things

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Speaker 1: that I'm not I can't excuse, but I can't say

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Speaker 1: you were a horrible father, as weird as that sounds.

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Speaker 1: And he said, no, I was. I was not a

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Speaker 1: good dad. It was not a good dad to you guys.

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Speaker 1: And I could have been better and I could have

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Speaker 1: been more present, and I'm sorry for that. And then

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Speaker 1: then he said, I also heard in one of your

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Speaker 1: interviews that I think it's kind of funny, you know,

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Speaker 1: like it's like, how weird is it for him to like, oh,

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Speaker 1: that's my daughter, you know what I mean? Like I

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Speaker 1: could just I put myself into shoes. Because he's also

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Speaker 1: said before he's like, it's weird because people here will

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Speaker 1: call me Suegrol, which means father in law because they

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Speaker 1: think you're Cue and it just bothers me and it's

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Speaker 1: like the weirdest thing or whatever. So anyways, so he

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Speaker 1: told me, I saw an interview and where you said

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Speaker 1: that people have called you a liar since you were little.

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Speaker 1: I said, yeah, I said, it's started because of this situation,

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Speaker 1: I said, and that's one thing that I've struggled with

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Speaker 1: because it's always like, always called a liar, you know, like,

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Speaker 1: oh she's lying about this if if it wasn't from you,

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Speaker 1: it's from your family. And it really bothered me, and

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Speaker 1: it really affected me. And he said, well, I want

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Speaker 1: you to know that you're not a liar. And I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh my god. I was like, thank you.

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Speaker 1: He's like, you're not a liar, and you only know

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Speaker 1: what happened to you, and don't let anyone make you

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Speaker 1: feel like you are wrong for feeling the way that

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Speaker 1: you feel and for speaking your truth. He's like, does

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Speaker 1: it make me feel uncomfortable that you speak about it

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Speaker 1: so often? Yes, it does, but that's your truth and

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Speaker 1: you have all the right to share it. It's like,

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Speaker 1: I don't understand it completely because obviously I'm on the

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Speaker 1: other end, but that's your truth. I said thank you,

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Speaker 1: and then he looked in my eyes and said better

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Speaker 1: name said forgive me. Oh my god. I lost it.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god. I have been dying

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Speaker 1: to hear those words forever. I was like, oh my god.

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Speaker 1: You know, we didn't talk about details, but he did

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Speaker 1: look in my eyes and his eyes were watering. He

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Speaker 1: said to forgive him. He said I'm sorry. I didn't understand.

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Speaker 1: For a long time, I was upset at the world

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Speaker 1: at God. He was young when he was in there,

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Speaker 1: you know, when they incarcerated him. So and then I

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Speaker 1: told him, I was like, I don't agree with the

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Speaker 1: amount of time they gave you. I just feel because

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Speaker 1: it was such a a public court case, that they

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Speaker 1: gave you a lot of time. I was like, I

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Speaker 1: don't agree with that. And I mean, I'm like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: that's a justice system, but I don't agree with it.

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Speaker 1: And then he said that, He's like, no, it's like,

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Speaker 1: I understand. I've heard and I've read a lot of books,

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Speaker 1: and I've done a lot of research, and I do

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Speaker 1: feel that I got a lot of time. He's like,

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Speaker 1: but but God knew why I needed to be here

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Speaker 1: and the amount of time, because barely a few years

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Speaker 1: ago I started realizing and reading on a lot of

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Speaker 1: things and what I did and understanding, and I didn't

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Speaker 1: understand what I had done wrong until I started realizing.

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Speaker 1: He's like, so the time that I've been here, he's

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Speaker 1: been there seventeen years. He's like, I literally it's been

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Speaker 1: seven years that I was like, I realized what I

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00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:31,320
Speaker 1: had done and I don't want to put his business

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Speaker 1: out there because it's I you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: But he's accepted a lot of things, and he also

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Speaker 1: realized that things happen in his life, you know. And

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Speaker 1: it was one of my worries or my concerns or

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Speaker 1: my doubts, my questions, and he answered my questions, but

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Speaker 1: he didn't understand that certain things were wrong, that a

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00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,880
Speaker 1: lot of things were wrong, you know. And now he does,

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Speaker 1: and I think that shows a lot of growth, you know.

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Speaker 1: And that's what I wanted to feel. I wanted to

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Speaker 1: go in there and hear those words and really feel

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Speaker 1: if they were sincere. And I definitely felt that they

328
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:22,200
Speaker 1: were sincere. And his change is sincere. It's weird because

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Speaker 1: since that day, he's called me a few times. We've

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Speaker 1: spent time on the phone, like forty five minutes, and

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Speaker 1: he called me on my birthday and he gives me

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Speaker 1: advice on my relationship. He loved Emilio, you guys, like

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Speaker 1: he was. Like it was the weirdest thing because not

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Speaker 1: that I needed him to accept him, because this is

335
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:45,880
Speaker 1: before we got married, but like it was they looked

336
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,240
Speaker 1: into each other's eyes and immediately I think that I

337
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:51,399
Speaker 1: think that's so awesome of him as a man, like

338
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:54,160
Speaker 1: knowing what happened. I've never really told him details at all.

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00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:57,760
Speaker 1: I really haven't spoken about the details to anyone, but

340
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,679
Speaker 1: he knows what happened, like he's doesn't hold any anger

341
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:04,480
Speaker 1: or anything towards him, And I think that's a beautiful thing.

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00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:07,520
Speaker 1: And I think he felt that from Emilio, so he

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00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,920
Speaker 1: felt like, I really like this guy. He even told

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00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:11,840
Speaker 1: me later on when we spoke, He's like, I really

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00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:14,159
Speaker 1: like him. He looks like he has a very a

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00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:15,879
Speaker 1: very nice heart. I could see through his eyes that

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Speaker 1: he has a good soultie when Alma and I was like,

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00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:21,159
Speaker 1: he does. So it's almost like he gave me like

349
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Speaker 1: his blessing. But I wasn't really looking for that, but

350
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:25,719
Speaker 1: it felt good to get it from at least one

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Speaker 1: of my parents, you know. And I know a lot

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00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:30,439
Speaker 1: of people are not going to understand and think that

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Speaker 1: it's weird that I went to see him. And people

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00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:37,199
Speaker 1: always wonder what you're or I've said they've now that

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00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:39,560
Speaker 1: you know they saw it on the docu follow they've

356
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:42,159
Speaker 1: commented like your mom would be so mad, like I

357
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:45,440
Speaker 1: can't believe you did that. That's betraying her. I'm like, dude,

358
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:48,439
Speaker 1: you guys don't know my mom's heart. I guarantee you

359
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,520
Speaker 1: that my mother would have taken us to see him.

360
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:54,960
Speaker 1: I know my mom's heart. My mom was an impulsive

361
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Speaker 1: woman and sometimes would get upset about things and like,

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Speaker 1: you know, not talk to you, I shouldn't talk to

363
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:02,359
Speaker 1: me for two months. But she would always come around,

364
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:06,000
Speaker 1: and she would always apologize if she was a little

365
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:07,840
Speaker 1: hard for her to apologize, but she would like with

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Speaker 1: something like that, or she was a very forgiving, you know,

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, she would have gone, she would have

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00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,199
Speaker 1: taken us. She would always She actually said a few

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Speaker 1: times that she said, one day, I'm going to take

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00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:21,280
Speaker 1: you guys to see your dad, because Jackie was the

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00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:26,679
Speaker 1: one that would cry for him more and didn't really understand,

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Speaker 1: and she said, I'm gonna take you one day. I'll

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Speaker 1: take you. My mom's in heaven. But I do feel

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Speaker 1: like when I went to the Mountain to see my mom,

375
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,320
Speaker 1: I felt like in a way because I had so

376
00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:40,200
Speaker 1: many questions within myself that they were answered on that day,

377
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:44,199
Speaker 1: like let go, it's okay. Like I feel like she

378
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,640
Speaker 1: was even with me on that day to go see

379
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Speaker 1: my dad. So I know people will be confused and

380
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:53,480
Speaker 1: not understand, but you guys, I have a whole book

381
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:57,480
Speaker 1: on it, you know, forgiveness better going in Spanish talking

382
00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:00,600
Speaker 1: about forgiveness and the importance of it and how it

383
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:07,080
Speaker 1: liberates you to become your best self, to accomplish things.

384
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,600
Speaker 1: And I feel like it's helped me a lot. And

385
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:13,639
Speaker 1: even with this, it just made me feel more sure

386
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:20,040
Speaker 1: about getting married. And I'm proud of myself. It's not easy.

387
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:23,720
Speaker 1: It was not easy, and I face this and I

388
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:25,840
Speaker 1: encourage you guys because I know this happens a lot.

389
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:30,439
Speaker 1: Sexual abuse is a real thing, you guys. And if

390
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,320
Speaker 1: it wasn't for my faith and for my therapy, I

391
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,560
Speaker 1: don't know where I would be, especially like with my mom,

392
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:37,760
Speaker 1: like never questioning me, and all of that has helped,

393
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:41,960
Speaker 1: and also forgiving. And some of us may not have

394
00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:46,000
Speaker 1: the opportunity or the chance or the desire to face

395
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:49,760
Speaker 1: our abuser. But in this case it's different because it's

396
00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:53,240
Speaker 1: my dad and I'm just I don't know. I'm proud

397
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:55,760
Speaker 1: of myself, I really really am, and I feel better

398
00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:57,800
Speaker 1: ever since I did that. I feel like I healed

399
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:01,199
Speaker 1: my inner child because I felt like a little girl,

400
00:21:02,119 --> 00:21:06,560
Speaker 1: and it just I don't know. So I don't know

401
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:11,440
Speaker 1: what's gonna happen from here. I don't know if if

402
00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:14,080
Speaker 1: we're going to have a relationship, if you know, he

403
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:18,200
Speaker 1: has a lot more years in there, and I feel bad.

404
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:22,480
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie because my damn, that's a long time,

405
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:26,480
Speaker 1: you know. But I'm leaving it in God's hands. And

406
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:32,359
Speaker 1: you know, I I worry for, you know, I asked

407
00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:34,399
Speaker 1: for I asked about his daughter as well, and I

408
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:38,800
Speaker 1: know she's she's still like upset with me, and I

409
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:43,400
Speaker 1: don't blame her. Maybe some of his family members as well,

410
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:46,960
Speaker 1: they don't understand. But I think that he's accepted what happened,

411
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,679
Speaker 1: and I think that can change a lot of things,

412
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:54,440
Speaker 1: hopefully for the positive. They don't see him in a

413
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:57,280
Speaker 1: negative way because I do. I do worry, guys, because

414
00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:01,679
Speaker 1: I definitely didn't want to show the prison that he

415
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:03,840
Speaker 1: was in, because I don't want to coust him issues,

416
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:06,399
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like I ask everyone to please,

417
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,600
Speaker 1: if you love me, if you care about me, not

418
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:17,720
Speaker 1: to make his life harder in there. Because I talk

419
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,840
Speaker 1: about this because it's part of my testimony, It's part

420
00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:23,399
Speaker 1: of what I've gone through and what has made me

421
00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:25,119
Speaker 1: the woman that I am today, but not to make

422
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:27,480
Speaker 1: him look bad and not to keep picking at that

423
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:30,440
Speaker 1: wound for him. And that's one thing I've been meaning

424
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:33,359
Speaker 1: to tell him because now he knows. You know that

425
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:35,920
Speaker 1: it's on the doc you follow and stuff. And I'm

426
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:38,640
Speaker 1: not trying to disturb their life or make it any

427
00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:42,360
Speaker 1: harder at all. It's just also, this is my story

428
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,680
Speaker 1: and this happened to me, and I meant to heal

429
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:49,879
Speaker 1: other people. And I do feel bad and I worry

430
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:51,640
Speaker 1: for his safety and I just want to make sure

431
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:53,880
Speaker 1: he's okay, because I do feel that he has changed,

432
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:56,879
Speaker 1: and I do feel that people can change. You have

433
00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:00,840
Speaker 1: to want to change, and I feel it and no

434
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:03,119
Speaker 1: one can say and tell me any different. Like I

435
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:06,640
Speaker 1: was there, I saw him. I have good discernment, and

436
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:08,120
Speaker 1: that's what I prayed for. I'm like, God, I want

437
00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:10,000
Speaker 1: to feel if this change is real, and I do,

438
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:12,360
Speaker 1: because he even told me he's like, I don't understand

439
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:15,120
Speaker 1: completely why you talk about it so much or why

440
00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:17,159
Speaker 1: you talked about it, but like I respect it and

441
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:20,719
Speaker 1: I understand that's your truth. Because it does cause him

442
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:22,960
Speaker 1: more issues, even with his family and that's not what

443
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,520
Speaker 1: I'm trying to do, guys, like at all. But I'm

444
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,600
Speaker 1: mentioning it here on the podcast because we've talked about

445
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:32,280
Speaker 1: it so much, and I did tell you guys that

446
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:35,080
Speaker 1: I had filed the paperwork, and now I'm ready to

447
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:36,879
Speaker 1: talk about it a little bit more in detail. There

448
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:38,920
Speaker 1: are things that it was like a five hour visit,

449
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:41,520
Speaker 1: so a lot of things. We talked about a lot

450
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 1: of different things. But I don't feel necessarily comfortable talking

451
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,800
Speaker 1: about all of it because it's his personal story as well,

452
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:51,359
Speaker 1: and personal things that we talked about. But I am

453
00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:54,320
Speaker 1: glad that I did it, and I'm glad that Emilia

454
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,560
Speaker 1: was there for me and my sister and that everything

455
00:23:56,560 --> 00:24:01,960
Speaker 1: happened the way it was supposed to happen. And I

456
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,639
Speaker 1: feel like I got closure exactly what I needed to

457
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:08,640
Speaker 1: imagine so many years, you guys, so many years waiting

458
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:14,399
Speaker 1: for those words forgive me. I felt so validated, Like

459
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:18,359
Speaker 1: I felt like whoa, oh my gosh. Like I was like,

460
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:20,320
Speaker 1: I wish my mom was here to see it, but

461
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:23,359
Speaker 1: I know she was with me, but I'm like, oh,

462
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:25,960
Speaker 1: I felt validated. It just it put a smile on

463
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:27,840
Speaker 1: my face. Of course, I cried and I cried. After

464
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:29,800
Speaker 1: I left, I felt so weird, but like as the

465
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:32,679
Speaker 1: days went by, I just felt like fresh, I felt

466
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:38,080
Speaker 1: brand new. I it just it felt good to finally

467
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:44,840
Speaker 1: feel validated and scene because I felt like some people

468
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:46,960
Speaker 1: thought that I was lying or my mom put this

469
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:50,600
Speaker 1: in my head and that's not the truth. So yeah, guys,

470
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:54,880
Speaker 1: I mean, I hope that you guys learned something and

471
00:24:56,240 --> 00:25:00,680
Speaker 1: feel empowered by this episode. And now that I'm here

472
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:03,639
Speaker 1: and I my dad told me that he listens and

473
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:08,480
Speaker 1: watches the podcast, I do want to say something to him.

474
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:11,080
Speaker 1: I'm saying in Spanish, guys, because you know that's how

475
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:14,840
Speaker 1: you know, we speaking communicating Spanish, So oh my god,

476
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:25,480
Speaker 1: it's crazy. Okay, dad, sos is this STEP podcast? The

477
00:25:25,520 --> 00:26:10,879
Speaker 1: stepisodios or it's the josemos Pero a Reforce. So that

478
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:13,920
Speaker 1: was for my dad. So thank you guys again, Thank

479
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:17,159
Speaker 1: you guys so much for for listening, for watching. I

480
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:20,679
Speaker 1: appreciate you, and you know I love you, and anything

481
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:23,280
Speaker 1: I talk about on this podcast is to help you

482
00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:27,720
Speaker 1: in any way. Hopefully it's not triggering for anyone, and

483
00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:32,800
Speaker 1: hopefully the people that don't understand will eventually understand. Thank

484
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:34,800
Speaker 1: you so much, I love you, guys, and I'll catch

485
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:37,679
Speaker 1: you on the next episode of your favorite podcast, Cheekys

486
00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:47,199
Speaker 1: and Chill. This is a production of iHeart Radio and

487
00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:52,360
Speaker 1: Mike podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at mikea Podcasts

488
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:56,000
Speaker 1: and follow me Cheeky's That's c h i q u

489
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:59,720
Speaker 1: y s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeart

490
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:02,679
Speaker 1: rate You app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your

491
00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:03,399
Speaker 1: favorite shows.