1 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:14,040 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Couch Talks. 2 00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:16,919 Speaker 1: I'm Kat, I am your host, and if you're a 3 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:19,800 Speaker 1: new Couch Talks is the bonus episode of You Need 4 00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:22,959 Speaker 1: Therapy that comes out every Wednesday, where I answer questions 5 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,279 Speaker 1: that you guys sent into me. If you have a 6 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:27,800 Speaker 1: question you want me to answer, you can email that 7 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:30,680 Speaker 1: to me at Catherine K A t h R y 8 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:34,880 Speaker 1: N at You Need Therapy podcast dot com. Okay, so 9 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,600 Speaker 1: we're going to get right into it. I have two 10 00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:40,800 Speaker 1: things to talk about today. One, this isn't really a 11 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,839 Speaker 1: question that somebody sent in, but I was just talking 12 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:48,360 Speaker 1: to one of my friends and she sent me this 13 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:51,600 Speaker 1: screenshot of this thing. I guess it's from Instagram, and 14 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,600 Speaker 1: there is now I don't know if you guys have 15 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:57,160 Speaker 1: seen this. I could be behind the times, but there's 16 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,360 Speaker 1: now a hotline for people to just screen and then 17 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:04,560 Speaker 1: hang up. And the text of this post says it's 18 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:08,200 Speaker 1: called the Goldman's Just Scream Project and people will just 19 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:10,520 Speaker 1: call this phone number. I'm gonna give it to y'all. 20 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:16,000 Speaker 1: It's one five one, five six seven eight four three 21 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,360 Speaker 1: one and all you do is scream. It says you 22 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:21,360 Speaker 1: can scream whale or otherwise make some noise and then 23 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:23,560 Speaker 1: hang up. You can listen to the recorded screams of 24 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:28,400 Speaker 1: others for inspiration, or just screech a good one yourself. Yeah, 25 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:32,560 Speaker 1: and it's going to be live till one, So you 26 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:34,600 Speaker 1: guys have to like get on that today or tomorrow 27 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:36,280 Speaker 1: if you want to use it. But it got me 28 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:39,440 Speaker 1: thinking of, Okay, why would somebody do this, Like is 29 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:43,160 Speaker 1: screaming helpful? And why is it helpful? And so I 30 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:45,440 Speaker 1: thought we could talk about that. And I kind of 31 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:49,640 Speaker 1: love this because screaming does help, and yelling and making 32 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:52,840 Speaker 1: noise helps people heal in some ways which might sound weird. 33 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,240 Speaker 1: And I would be lying to you if I said 34 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:57,480 Speaker 1: that I had never taken a client into the woods 35 00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:01,280 Speaker 1: just just straight up scream. It's very helpful and it's 36 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:05,320 Speaker 1: a very useful part of something called experiential therapy, which 37 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:08,880 Speaker 1: helps connect our brains, bodies, and souls together in the 38 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:12,639 Speaker 1: healing process. Screaming can be helpful for many reasons. I 39 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:17,120 Speaker 1: think the point of this exercise or project is because 40 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:20,720 Speaker 1: screaming can release endorphins and adrenaline, kind of like what 41 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:23,320 Speaker 1: you feel when you work out and so um it 42 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,480 Speaker 1: pumps your body of that and gives you something that's 43 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:28,520 Speaker 1: similar to like a runner's high, so chemically in your body, 44 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:32,160 Speaker 1: it like literally feels good to scream when you tactfully 45 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:35,280 Speaker 1: in therapy. It can be much more than that, though. 46 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:38,079 Speaker 1: It can be something that you do and the healing 47 00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:40,360 Speaker 1: process doesn't just help you in that moment, but it 48 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:43,560 Speaker 1: changes your life. For example, it can be something that 49 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:47,600 Speaker 1: we use in therapy to help give a survivor of 50 00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:51,079 Speaker 1: abuse who has been silenced a voice. It can represent 51 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:54,160 Speaker 1: something much bigger than the screaming is basically what I'm saying. 52 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:57,400 Speaker 1: It can represent someone taking up space who's been told 53 00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:59,680 Speaker 1: they felt like they had to stay small before. It 54 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,800 Speaker 1: can be a way to speak up to a bully 55 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:05,080 Speaker 1: or somebody that has been scary to somebody in a 56 00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:07,760 Speaker 1: safe way. It can be a lot of things. However, 57 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:11,160 Speaker 1: I will say this technique is used with therapists who 58 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 1: are trained and have a plan, so we don't just 59 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:16,240 Speaker 1: say like, Okay, we're gonna scream today. When we do things, 60 00:03:16,639 --> 00:03:21,320 Speaker 1: especially experiential things, it's tactful and it's not like Okay, 61 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,520 Speaker 1: you do this and then you're done. There's a build up, 62 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,920 Speaker 1: there's a warm up, there's a processing and there's some closure, 63 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:31,839 Speaker 1: and we're using our therapeutic mind the whole time. We're 64 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:35,320 Speaker 1: seeing more than just the event itself. So screaming can 65 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,640 Speaker 1: be helpful in multiple ways. Can be helpful on your own. 66 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:41,320 Speaker 1: You can call this phone number and get some adrenaline 67 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:44,120 Speaker 1: and some endorphins. And then also it can be something 68 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,920 Speaker 1: that we use in the therapeutic room as a way 69 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:50,240 Speaker 1: to create long lasting healing for people. Okay, so now 70 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,400 Speaker 1: I want to share a question that I got from 71 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:56,240 Speaker 1: a listener, and she or he writes, Hi, Cat, I 72 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:59,640 Speaker 1: recently started therapy after listening to the podcast, and so 73 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,520 Speaker 1: far are so good. One thing I've been struggling with, though, 74 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:05,520 Speaker 1: is answering the questions the therapist asked me, from little 75 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:09,400 Speaker 1: questions to how do I feel too big things like 76 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:12,240 Speaker 1: what are my core values? I'm realizing that I have 77 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:14,480 Speaker 1: no clue who I am. Do you have any tips 78 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:17,040 Speaker 1: or tricks to discover who you are? L O L. 79 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:20,240 Speaker 1: I hear people talk about discovering themselves in therapy and 80 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:24,840 Speaker 1: I just don't really get it. It feels very intangible. Thanks. Okay, one, 81 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:28,320 Speaker 1: I'm so this is like the best thing I can 82 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:32,200 Speaker 1: read ever, is that this podcast helped you get into therapy, Like, 83 00:04:32,279 --> 00:04:35,000 Speaker 1: that's like one of the main points in me starting 84 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:39,520 Speaker 1: this is to release the stigma that therapy has around 85 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,800 Speaker 1: it and also to tell people that like, therapy might 86 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:43,760 Speaker 1: be different than what you think and it can be 87 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,560 Speaker 1: really healing and helpful. So this makes mee so we're happy. 88 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:48,839 Speaker 1: And to answer your question, Okay, I love this and 89 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:53,560 Speaker 1: you're right, you are so right. The whole like discovering myself. 90 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:57,160 Speaker 1: It's very like almost like hippie dippie and what does 91 00:04:57,160 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 1: that even mean? Right? However, it's true, so many people 92 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:03,680 Speaker 1: really discover their true selves and therapy because what we 93 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:07,200 Speaker 1: do is we uncover all of the behaviors and things 94 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:10,680 Speaker 1: that we do to get our needs met and to 95 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:14,040 Speaker 1: be liked and to feel important. And once we peel 96 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:16,440 Speaker 1: that back, we can start to see the real shades 97 00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:19,000 Speaker 1: of of who we are. So, for example, somebody might 98 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:21,320 Speaker 1: come into therapy and it's like, what's your favorite color. 99 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,720 Speaker 1: This is a very silly example, but it's like they 100 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:26,400 Speaker 1: show up as there, my favorite color color is purple. 101 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,280 Speaker 1: But then they realize later down the road that their 102 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:32,000 Speaker 1: favorite color was purple because that was their best friend's 103 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,479 Speaker 1: favorite color, and they wanted to have something in common 104 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:36,960 Speaker 1: with their best friend, and then they're like, Okay, now 105 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:38,719 Speaker 1: I get to actually decide what my favorite color is. 106 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:40,640 Speaker 1: I don't know. I've never thought about it. And so 107 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:44,080 Speaker 1: that's I mean, a very silly, small example that actually 108 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:46,080 Speaker 1: can happen. It's like, oh my gosh, I don't even 109 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,200 Speaker 1: know my favorite food is. My favorite food was always 110 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:51,800 Speaker 1: my boyfriend's favorite food. So discovering who who you are 111 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:53,840 Speaker 1: is part of It's just like figuring out what you 112 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,560 Speaker 1: like and what you don't like. And my number one 113 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:59,960 Speaker 1: place to start is just trying new things. Try out 114 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:03,240 Speaker 1: some hobbies. Literally just go try things. And I think 115 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,080 Speaker 1: a really good rule of thumb for this is like, 116 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,000 Speaker 1: look up some things that you might want to do 117 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:10,200 Speaker 1: or you might not want to do, whether it's like 118 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:13,880 Speaker 1: a pottery class or a painting class or jewelry making, 119 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:19,440 Speaker 1: or a sport or running or cycling or kickboxing or 120 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:23,760 Speaker 1: meditating or pobbies. Just look up hobbies, google it, pick 121 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,320 Speaker 1: like five, and you do one at a time and 122 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:28,680 Speaker 1: you commit to a certain amount of time, whether it's'm 123 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,760 Speaker 1: gonna do this for a month, I'm gonna do this 124 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:33,719 Speaker 1: six times, I'm gonna do this for six weeks. But 125 00:06:33,839 --> 00:06:35,680 Speaker 1: once you decide what is it you're going to do, 126 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:37,599 Speaker 1: you have to stick to it, and then you ask 127 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:41,120 Speaker 1: yourself questions along the way you write about it, and 128 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,720 Speaker 1: as you answer those questions and you write about things, 129 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:46,640 Speaker 1: you notice themes. And that's a really great way to 130 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 1: start figuring out who you are. It's just figuring out 131 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:51,440 Speaker 1: what do I like? What do I not like? Why 132 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,120 Speaker 1: don't I like this? Well, let mean do some digging 133 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:56,760 Speaker 1: around that. Why do I like this? Let me do 134 00:06:56,839 --> 00:06:59,480 Speaker 1: some digging around that. You are going to find so 135 00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:04,400 Speaker 1: much more out than you realized was possible, I'm telling you. 136 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:07,080 Speaker 1: So that's where you start. While we're on the topic, 137 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:09,520 Speaker 1: I saw something on Instagram and I wanted to share it, 138 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:13,000 Speaker 1: and it was a post that said, I feel like 139 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:16,600 Speaker 1: my generation lost hobbies. Everything doesn't have to be a hustle, 140 00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:19,760 Speaker 1: a side hustle, or money making enterprise. Sometimes it's just 141 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:23,200 Speaker 1: fun to do something because it brings you joy, peace, relaxation, 142 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:26,200 Speaker 1: or allows you to be creative. And I like, really 143 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:29,520 Speaker 1: sad on that because I am like a man. Sister, 144 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:33,040 Speaker 1: whoever wrote this like this encompasses so many of the 145 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:35,040 Speaker 1: things that I've been feeling and talking about in my 146 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,720 Speaker 1: personal life. I think that we live in hustle culture. 147 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,240 Speaker 1: You guys have heard me talk about this on the 148 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:43,400 Speaker 1: show before, and man do I love a hustle, And 149 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:46,040 Speaker 1: man do I love hard work. I mean, I own 150 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,840 Speaker 1: my own business. I love working hard, and I think 151 00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:50,920 Speaker 1: there's something to be said for that. I also don't 152 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:54,360 Speaker 1: believe everything has to be a job, and everything doesn't 153 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,800 Speaker 1: need to be a job, because when we turn all 154 00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:59,480 Speaker 1: of the things that we love into jobs, it changes 155 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:02,320 Speaker 1: them in I've joked on the podcast before about jewelry 156 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:04,640 Speaker 1: making and me starting in jewelry making business, and like, 157 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,040 Speaker 1: I still like to make jewelry, but I like to 158 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,200 Speaker 1: make it for my friends, or I like to like 159 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:12,640 Speaker 1: make it for outfit or see something on the internet 160 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:15,280 Speaker 1: and me challenge myself and say, hmm, I wonder if 161 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:17,120 Speaker 1: I could do that. I like it because it gets 162 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:18,960 Speaker 1: me out of my head. I don't want it to 163 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:22,080 Speaker 1: be something that then turns into a chore, because then 164 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:25,160 Speaker 1: the goodness that that jewelry making actually does for mental 165 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:27,720 Speaker 1: health is poof gone. So I really want you guys 166 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,040 Speaker 1: to wrestle with that as well, in the sense of 167 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:33,200 Speaker 1: like what things don't need to be side hustles and 168 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,360 Speaker 1: just need to be things you like. I think about 169 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,959 Speaker 1: that with working out, like everybody who loves working out 170 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,520 Speaker 1: doesn't need to be a personal trainer. And I've even 171 00:08:40,559 --> 00:08:44,280 Speaker 1: toyed with I took a little break from teaching cycling 172 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:47,560 Speaker 1: and um, I may or may not be starting that 173 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:50,560 Speaker 1: up again, building more on that soon in the future, 174 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,120 Speaker 1: in the near future. As I was toying with this idea, 175 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:55,960 Speaker 1: I really thought about, like, oh, am I still gonna 176 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:59,240 Speaker 1: like cycling because that's one of my like mental health 177 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,920 Speaker 1: happy places. Am I still gonna like doing it? Am 178 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:03,800 Speaker 1: I still going to get those benefits? If this now 179 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:05,760 Speaker 1: becomes a job again? And I had to really sit 180 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:08,520 Speaker 1: down with that and work through it and do I 181 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:10,280 Speaker 1: want to do it and not get paid a lot 182 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:11,960 Speaker 1: of things. There's a lot of processing, a lot of 183 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 1: my own therapy involved in that. However, I say that 184 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:18,600 Speaker 1: because some things can be jobs and some things need 185 00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:21,280 Speaker 1: to just be sacred things for us. And this is 186 00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:23,960 Speaker 1: totally on a tangent of the question that was even asked, 187 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,040 Speaker 1: But that's okay. I just want to throw that out 188 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 1: there to you guys, because I feel like in our culture, 189 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:31,800 Speaker 1: especially in my generation, it feels like, we all need 190 00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:35,359 Speaker 1: to be doing something cool or new or big or extravagant, 191 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:37,880 Speaker 1: and we can't just have our one job during the day. 192 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,520 Speaker 1: We just need to be seen as these people that 193 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:43,520 Speaker 1: work hard all the time. No, it's totally cool for 194 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:45,720 Speaker 1: you to like have a nine to five job and 195 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:48,240 Speaker 1: then go live your life. Also, it would be really 196 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,960 Speaker 1: cool also if you had a job that you worked 197 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,200 Speaker 1: like ten to three and you could live your life 198 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:56,319 Speaker 1: based on that. That you do not get extra points 199 00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:58,600 Speaker 1: for working more. I believe there's something to be said 200 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,760 Speaker 1: for working hard, but you do not get extra points 201 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,560 Speaker 1: in life for working more. And that makes me even 202 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,760 Speaker 1: think of when Ian Kron was on and he was 203 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:10,600 Speaker 1: talking about productivity. We're really on tangent now, but he 204 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,800 Speaker 1: was talking about productivity, and he said, the point of 205 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:16,360 Speaker 1: being productive is so you have more time to do 206 00:10:16,559 --> 00:10:20,240 Speaker 1: whatever you want, not you have more time to be 207 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:23,200 Speaker 1: productive and work more. And I think I'm gonna end 208 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:26,240 Speaker 1: with that because that kind of encompasses what that post 209 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:29,440 Speaker 1: that I saw was saying. So, yeah, I went all 210 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:32,000 Speaker 1: over the place today. I hope you enjoyed it. We're 211 00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:34,480 Speaker 1: gonna wrap up there, and I hope that those two 212 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:37,679 Speaker 1: things were helpful. If you hey, if you guys call 213 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:40,480 Speaker 1: that screaming hotline, I want you to d M me 214 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:43,560 Speaker 1: and tell me about your experience. Or email, actually email, 215 00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,360 Speaker 1: I might read it faster. Email me and tell me 216 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:48,640 Speaker 1: about the experience. I just want to see how many 217 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 1: people do it. Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful 218 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,960 Speaker 1: rest of your week and I will be back on 219 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,400 Speaker 1: Monday for another episode of You Need Therapy By Guys.