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Speaker 1: in your life or for yourself, and of course I

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Speaker 1: over two hundred and fifty dollars for less than thirty

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Speaker 1: nine dollars. Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast,

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Speaker 1: a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all

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Speaker 1: the small decisions we can make to become the best

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Speaker 1: possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy hard

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Speaker 1: and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more

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Speaker 1: information or to find a therapist in your area, visit

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Speaker 1: our website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While

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Speaker 1: I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast,

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Speaker 1: it is not meant to be a substitute for a

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Speaker 1: relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks

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Speaker 1: so much for joining me for session one of the

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Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls podcast. Today, I want to spend

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Speaker 1: some time chatting about what to do when we find

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Speaker 1: ourselves in friendships that are changing. When we're young and

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Speaker 1: life is less complicated, friendships are maintained by things like

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Speaker 1: play dates, sitting together at lunch and late night gave

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Speaker 1: sessions until someone falls asleep. As we get older and

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Speaker 1: there are more demands on our time and energy. Friendships

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Speaker 1: become a little more difficult to maintain. We move, get partnered,

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Speaker 1: become parents, life continues to happen. I think that the

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Speaker 1: thing that's most important to remember about the life cycle

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Speaker 1: of our friendship is that it's normal for things to

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Speaker 1: shift as we change, so do the relationships were a

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Speaker 1: part of. But often when we sense things changing, instead

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Speaker 1: of it alerting us that we need to shift with it,

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Speaker 1: it results in us feeling like something is irreparably damaged

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Speaker 1: and should be discarded. You heard Dr Orio Wow and

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Speaker 1: I discussed the importance of having difficult conversations on session

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Speaker 1: one of the podcast a couple of weeks ago, and

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Speaker 1: that's often the first step that needs to happen when

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Speaker 1: we notice a change in our friendships. Many times the

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Speaker 1: changes in our friendships are ones we can first see

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Speaker 1: things like moving, becoming a parent, etcetera. I'll give you

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Speaker 1: a little bit of headway so you know they're coming

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Speaker 1: and you know that things are likely going to change.

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Speaker 1: If this is the case, it's a good idea to

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Speaker 1: acknowledge that things will be different and to allow space

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Speaker 1: for both of you to grieve. I'd encourage you to

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Speaker 1: have an honest conversation about your worries. As you're both

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Speaker 1: moving into this new phase of life, how about some

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Speaker 1: time to just actually talk through your fears. There doesn't

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Speaker 1: have to be a plan for alleviating them just yet.

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Speaker 1: It's okay to just acknowledge that they exist. At some

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Speaker 1: point after the conversation has happened, consider making a plan

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Speaker 1: for how you'll be intentional about creating new experiences for

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Speaker 1: your friendship now that time, distance, and other things will

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Speaker 1: be different. What kinds of things can you do to

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Speaker 1: make an effort to stay connected. Just like we schedule

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Speaker 1: date nights for romantic relationships, date nights for friendships are

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Speaker 1: also really important. Consider building in your friend time around

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Speaker 1: certain activities you know you're likely to participate in. So

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Speaker 1: maybe you do something like scheduling a thirty minute chat

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Speaker 1: on Thursday nights after you watch How to Get Away

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Speaker 1: with Murder, Or maybe you have a group me where

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Speaker 1: you're popping in regularly about everyday mundane kinds of things.

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Speaker 1: The gestures that you make to stay connected don't have

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Speaker 1: to be grand to be effective, but it's helpful if

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Speaker 1: they're consistent. And finally, I want you to get comfortable

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Speaker 1: with asking specifically what you can do to support your

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Speaker 1: friend in this new phase of life and be open

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Speaker 1: to how this might change. If they're moving for grad school,

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Speaker 1: can you help them virtually search for places to live.

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Speaker 1: If they're becoming a parent, perhaps you can help by

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Speaker 1: organizing a baby shower. Sometimes it's easier to show up

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Speaker 1: for others if we know exactly how we can be

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Speaker 1: helpful in the moment, So be sure to ask now.

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Speaker 1: Please don't hear me say that the brunt of maintaining

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Speaker 1: their friendship is on the person not experiencing a life change.

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Speaker 1: That's not what I'm saying at all. It's absolutely also

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Speaker 1: important for the friend experiencing the life change to be

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Speaker 1: sure that they are checking in and making efforts to

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Speaker 1: connect as well. When we don't take these steps, or

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Speaker 1: at least make an effort, we can see a real

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Speaker 1: breakdown in the friendship in ways that might have been

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Speaker 1: able to be avoided. It's also important to note, however,

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Speaker 1: that even with the best of intentions, sometimes friendships just in.

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Speaker 1: There doesn't have to be anyone at fault. There may

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Speaker 1: not have been a big blow up. Sometimes they just

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Speaker 1: in and that's definitely a topic will be exploring in

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Speaker 1: another episode of the podcast soon how to navigate when

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Speaker 1: a friendship ends, But before we get there in a

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Speaker 1: couple of weeks, I want to hear how y'all are

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Speaker 1: riding the waves and your friendships. How have you navigated

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Speaker 1: changes that have happened in those relationships? Be sure to

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Speaker 1: share with us on social media using the hashtag TBG

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Speaker 1: in session. Remember that if you're looking for virtual therapist

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Speaker 1: in your state, check out our therapist directory at Therapy

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Speaker 1: for Black Girls dot com slash directory. And if you

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Speaker 1: want to continue digging into this topic and meet some

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Speaker 1: other sisters in your area, come on over and join

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Speaker 1: us in the Yellow College Collective, where we take a

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Speaker 1: deeper dive into the topics from the podcast and just

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Speaker 1: about everything else. You can join us at Therapy for

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Speaker 1: Black Girls dot com slash y c C. And in

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Speaker 1: honor of May being Mental Health Awareness Month, we are

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Speaker 1: going to be offering virtual holding spaces every Thursday night

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Speaker 1: in May at seven pm Eastern for us to check

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Speaker 1: in with one another, see how people are doing, and

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Speaker 1: to share and offer support to our other sisters as

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Speaker 1: we're continuing to deal with this difficult time being in

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Speaker 1: a pandemic so if you'd like to register to join

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Speaker 1: us for those holding spaces on Thursday evenings every Thursday

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Speaker 1: in May, you can't go to therapy for Black Girls

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Speaker 1: dot com slash g t T thank you all so

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Speaker 1: much for joining me again this week. I look forward

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Speaker 1: to continue in this conversation with you all real soon.

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Speaker 1: Take it care,