1 00:00:04,755 --> 00:00:08,995 Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Oldman is a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:22,715 --> 00:00:28,795 Speaker 1: The James Comber Scandal. James Comber, the Republican Congressman from 3 00:00:28,875 --> 00:00:32,115 Speaker 1: Kentucky who yesterday was anointed as the chief inquisitor in 4 00:00:32,155 --> 00:00:36,955 Speaker 1: the meaningless, endless, perpetual investigations coming of Hunter Biden. That 5 00:00:37,195 --> 00:00:40,715 Speaker 1: James Comer, the incoming head of the House Oversight Committee. 6 00:00:40,795 --> 00:00:45,555 Speaker 1: James Comer of the James Comer scandal. James Comer was 7 00:00:45,635 --> 00:00:49,875 Speaker 1: credibly accused seven years ago by his college girlfriend from 8 00:00:49,915 --> 00:00:54,315 Speaker 1: the nineteen nineties of physically and mentally abusing her, of 9 00:00:54,395 --> 00:00:57,875 Speaker 1: calling her mother and threatening the girlfriend's life, of becoming 10 00:00:58,155 --> 00:01:02,395 Speaker 1: enraged after finding that she, she said, had written in 11 00:01:02,475 --> 00:01:07,035 Speaker 1: his real name on the paperwork at the abortion clinic. 12 00:01:07,475 --> 00:01:11,155 Speaker 1: She says the quote pro life unquote Comber had driven 13 00:01:11,235 --> 00:01:14,395 Speaker 1: them to to end their pregnancy. Oh and she still 14 00:01:14,435 --> 00:01:19,835 Speaker 1: had that paperwork in a safe deposit box. That James 15 00:01:20,195 --> 00:01:24,275 Speaker 1: Comber House Republicans spent their first full day as majority 16 00:01:24,355 --> 00:01:28,075 Speaker 1: elect counting a Hunter Biden investigation, And as soon as 17 00:01:28,115 --> 00:01:31,475 Speaker 1: those words were out of their mouths, the incoming chairman 18 00:01:31,515 --> 00:01:34,435 Speaker 1: of the Oversight Committee, this Yokol Comber from Kentucky. You 19 00:01:34,475 --> 00:01:37,395 Speaker 1: may have heard of the James Comer scandal, he said, no, 20 00:01:37,515 --> 00:01:40,315 Speaker 1: it's not an investigation of Hunter Biden. Quote, I want 21 00:01:40,355 --> 00:01:43,555 Speaker 1: to be clear, this is an investigation of Joe Biden. 22 00:01:44,955 --> 00:01:48,835 Speaker 1: This is where this crap finally stops. No, I want 23 00:01:48,875 --> 00:01:52,155 Speaker 1: to be clear. This is not an investigation of Joe Biden. 24 00:01:52,355 --> 00:01:55,555 Speaker 1: This is not an investigation of Hunter Biden. This is 25 00:01:55,595 --> 00:02:00,915 Speaker 1: an investigation of James Comber and violence against women and 26 00:02:00,995 --> 00:02:03,955 Speaker 1: the abortion he allegedly took her to and his apparent 27 00:02:03,995 --> 00:02:07,875 Speaker 1: attempt to cover it up. Or that's what it will 28 00:02:07,915 --> 00:02:12,635 Speaker 1: be if Democrats have learned anything. James Comber, Chairman of 29 00:02:12,635 --> 00:02:15,835 Speaker 1: the House Oversight Committee, James Comber, the face of the 30 00:02:15,915 --> 00:02:20,675 Speaker 1: Hunter Biden investigations, already squeezing real news off the front pages, 31 00:02:20,875 --> 00:02:23,835 Speaker 1: because that's what news in this country has become. James 32 00:02:23,875 --> 00:02:26,915 Speaker 1: Comer on meet the Press Sunday or this week Sunday, 33 00:02:26,955 --> 00:02:29,315 Speaker 1: or face the Nation Sunday, and they will think themselves 34 00:02:29,355 --> 00:02:33,755 Speaker 1: geniuses for booking him Sunday. James Comber ran for governor 35 00:02:33,755 --> 00:02:36,915 Speaker 1: of Kentucky in two thousand fifteen, and in the waning 36 00:02:36,995 --> 00:02:39,715 Speaker 1: weeks of the primary, he was hit with a double scandal. 37 00:02:40,035 --> 00:02:44,355 Speaker 1: His girlfriend of the early nineteen nineties, Marilyn Thomas, who 38 00:02:44,395 --> 00:02:47,955 Speaker 1: was still a Republican, wrote a letter to a local 39 00:02:47,955 --> 00:02:51,235 Speaker 1: newspaper and accused him of hitting her, of threatening her, 40 00:02:51,475 --> 00:02:54,995 Speaker 1: of separating her from her family, of being quote toxic, abusive, 41 00:02:55,395 --> 00:02:58,475 Speaker 1: and causing me a lot of suffering. Everything I did, 42 00:02:58,515 --> 00:03:00,995 Speaker 1: everywhere I went, and everyone with whom I interacted had 43 00:03:01,035 --> 00:03:04,995 Speaker 1: to be approved. Consequences were violent and swift, otherwise eyes 44 00:03:06,995 --> 00:03:10,115 Speaker 1: seven years ago, a Republican state senator rushed to defend 45 00:03:10,635 --> 00:03:14,715 Speaker 1: MS Thomas, saying she had known her since believed every 46 00:03:14,755 --> 00:03:18,395 Speaker 1: word of it. MS Thomas's college roommate rushed to defend 47 00:03:18,875 --> 00:03:22,155 Speaker 1: MS Thomas, saying she had seen all the Comber abuse 48 00:03:22,235 --> 00:03:25,715 Speaker 1: in real time, and her mother said Comber had called 49 00:03:25,755 --> 00:03:27,235 Speaker 1: their home in the middle of the night and threatened 50 00:03:27,235 --> 00:03:30,195 Speaker 1: the daughter, and a James Comber lawyer came back with, 51 00:03:30,395 --> 00:03:35,835 Speaker 1: what quote, I've heard unpleasant things about her personality and 52 00:03:35,995 --> 00:03:40,995 Speaker 1: mental state. All of this was front page news in 53 00:03:41,075 --> 00:03:45,475 Speaker 1: Kentucky in two thousand fifteen, and then Comber lost that 54 00:03:45,555 --> 00:03:48,315 Speaker 1: primary for governor and he wasn't news anymore. And because 55 00:03:48,355 --> 00:03:51,155 Speaker 1: this is the other biggest thing wrong with the news media, 56 00:03:51,435 --> 00:03:54,075 Speaker 1: the Maryland Thomas story and the violence allegation, and the 57 00:03:54,115 --> 00:03:59,955 Speaker 1: threat allegation and the abortion allegation just vanished. You don't 58 00:03:59,995 --> 00:04:04,155 Speaker 1: like this sort of stuff, Well, this is how anybody 59 00:04:04,315 --> 00:04:07,915 Speaker 1: ever ends anything they don't like that is being done 60 00:04:07,955 --> 00:04:11,635 Speaker 1: to them. You have to do it more and louder 61 00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:15,395 Speaker 1: and worse to the guy who started it. And if 62 00:04:15,395 --> 00:04:17,795 Speaker 1: the Democrats are smart, they make and they can put 63 00:04:17,835 --> 00:04:20,755 Speaker 1: whatever distance they want to between themselves and the party 64 00:04:20,755 --> 00:04:24,515 Speaker 1: itself and the new congressional leadership itself. They can make 65 00:04:24,635 --> 00:04:27,995 Speaker 1: James Comber and what happened at Western Kentucky University in 66 00:04:29,595 --> 00:04:33,435 Speaker 1: the face of the Republican Party and its savagery and 67 00:04:33,515 --> 00:04:36,835 Speaker 1: its violence, and its misogyny and its hypocrisy, and they 68 00:04:36,915 --> 00:04:39,035 Speaker 1: can make him the face of it for as long 69 00:04:39,195 --> 00:04:44,515 Speaker 1: as is necessary, until every goddamned last Republican politician understands 70 00:04:44,675 --> 00:04:47,195 Speaker 1: that whatever damage they think they will do to a 71 00:04:47,275 --> 00:04:50,795 Speaker 1: president or to a campaign will be exceeded by the 72 00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:56,075 Speaker 1: damage they do to themselves. This is how you defeat 73 00:04:56,435 --> 00:05:04,155 Speaker 1: bullies like James Comber. You want oversight, James Comber, or, 74 00:05:04,195 --> 00:05:08,075 Speaker 1: as she's said, she calls you, Jamie Comber. You got it? 75 00:05:08,515 --> 00:05:11,595 Speaker 1: What about Maryland Thomas, Jamie Comber? Why haven't you addressed 76 00:05:11,635 --> 00:05:14,515 Speaker 1: Maryland Thomas Jamie Comber. I don't see any stories about 77 00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:17,555 Speaker 1: Marylyn Thomas Sin's two thousand nineteen Jamie Comber. What did 78 00:05:17,595 --> 00:05:22,435 Speaker 1: you do to suppress news coverage of Maryland Thomas Jamie Comber? 79 00:05:22,475 --> 00:05:25,755 Speaker 1: What about the abortion, Jamie Comber? What about the abortion paperwork? 80 00:05:25,835 --> 00:05:29,595 Speaker 1: Jamie Comber? Is any of this in your laptop? Jamie Comber? 81 00:05:31,835 --> 00:05:34,995 Speaker 1: We do this or we have a new Jamie Comber 82 00:05:35,515 --> 00:05:38,715 Speaker 1: and a new Hunter Biden every time the Republicans take 83 00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:43,795 Speaker 1: the House forever. If they are not stopped, Republicans will 84 00:05:43,795 --> 00:05:46,995 Speaker 1: be doing this in the week before climate change kills 85 00:05:47,075 --> 00:05:52,635 Speaker 1: half the population. See. The thing is, if House Republicans 86 00:05:52,635 --> 00:05:56,835 Speaker 1: were smart, what they would be investigating first would be Ticketmaster. 87 00:05:58,875 --> 00:06:02,515 Speaker 1: But they're not, and House Democrats have the opposite problem. 88 00:06:02,675 --> 00:06:04,875 Speaker 1: They are often too smart for their own goods. They 89 00:06:04,875 --> 00:06:07,795 Speaker 1: would not be investigating Ticketmaster either, even though it is 90 00:06:07,995 --> 00:06:13,075 Speaker 1: the softest, easiest, highest yielding, slowest moving target in the world, 91 00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:16,715 Speaker 1: the one guaranteed to generate the most votes and the 92 00:06:16,715 --> 00:06:19,395 Speaker 1: most goodwill for the party which gets one of Ticketmasters 93 00:06:19,475 --> 00:06:21,795 Speaker 1: executives in front of the hot lights of a live 94 00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:26,155 Speaker 1: congressional hearing and has its most vicious conspiracy theorist. It's 95 00:06:26,275 --> 00:06:30,035 Speaker 1: James Comber's scream, have you no sense of decency? Sir? 96 00:06:30,075 --> 00:06:33,635 Speaker 1: At long last? Have you left no sense of decency? 97 00:06:33,715 --> 00:06:37,875 Speaker 1: And as the ticketmaster stooge sits there live on all networks, 98 00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:42,075 Speaker 1: stone faced, the congressman then says, perhaps our next witness 99 00:06:42,115 --> 00:06:45,755 Speaker 1: will refresh your memories, sir, and the hearing roomor ups 100 00:06:45,795 --> 00:06:51,235 Speaker 1: in gasps as from a side door in walks Taylor Swift. 101 00:06:52,875 --> 00:06:58,515 Speaker 1: Then the ticket master executive bursts into tears. As ludicrous 102 00:06:58,555 --> 00:07:01,755 Speaker 1: as it sounds, wouldn't that be a better use of 103 00:07:01,795 --> 00:07:05,555 Speaker 1: the House Oversight Committee? And I mean better politically. I'm 104 00:07:05,595 --> 00:07:09,155 Speaker 1: not talking about governmentally, although that's true too. I'm not 105 00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:11,835 Speaker 1: talking about ethics or reality or importance or policy here. 106 00:07:11,875 --> 00:07:14,515 Speaker 1: I'm talking about Republicans. Wouldn't that be better than what 107 00:07:14,555 --> 00:07:17,195 Speaker 1: the Republicans actually did on their first full day as 108 00:07:17,195 --> 00:07:19,835 Speaker 1: the majority elect. Send this Jamie Comber out there to 109 00:07:19,835 --> 00:07:24,115 Speaker 1: be eaten alive by those abuse and abortion allegations. Wait, 110 00:07:24,755 --> 00:07:28,995 Speaker 1: you haven't heard about the Jamie Comer abuse and abortion allegations. 111 00:07:29,835 --> 00:07:33,475 Speaker 1: Just give me a minute. Let me go through them. 112 00:07:33,515 --> 00:07:36,275 Speaker 1: That the American news media more broken, perhaps even than 113 00:07:36,315 --> 00:07:39,515 Speaker 1: our political system and way more broken than our governmental 114 00:07:39,595 --> 00:07:42,595 Speaker 1: system will eat. This crap up from Jamie Comber was 115 00:07:42,675 --> 00:07:46,115 Speaker 1: underscored by this reality. The Republicans do not get the 116 00:07:46,115 --> 00:07:49,835 Speaker 1: gabble for another forty six days. Lauren Bobert's race is 117 00:07:49,875 --> 00:07:53,715 Speaker 1: probably headed to a recount. Now. Nancy Pelosi had just 118 00:07:53,875 --> 00:07:57,035 Speaker 1: retired as Speaker and after a record ten terms as 119 00:07:57,035 --> 00:07:59,675 Speaker 1: the leader of her party in the House. An African 120 00:07:59,675 --> 00:08:02,355 Speaker 1: American man was going to lead the Democrats in Congress 121 00:08:02,395 --> 00:08:04,835 Speaker 1: as her successor. And the top two story is on 122 00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:07,715 Speaker 1: the New York Times websites were about Pelosi, but the 123 00:08:07,795 --> 00:08:12,155 Speaker 1: third was about Comber and Hunter Biden. On the CNN website, 124 00:08:12,195 --> 00:08:16,795 Speaker 1: two of the top five stories Republican investigations. I mean, 125 00:08:16,875 --> 00:08:21,475 Speaker 1: even the Washington Examiner and Red State dot Com did 126 00:08:21,515 --> 00:08:25,675 Speaker 1: not fall for the Comber announcement about Hunter Biden. The 127 00:08:25,795 --> 00:08:28,155 Speaker 1: race is certainly on to see which of the Sunday 128 00:08:28,155 --> 00:08:32,035 Speaker 1: shows books Comber and which offers Comber not just one interview, 129 00:08:32,075 --> 00:08:34,555 Speaker 1: but the opportunity to bring a second guest for a 130 00:08:34,635 --> 00:08:38,675 Speaker 1: second segment on this nonsense. At As always, my money 131 00:08:39,315 --> 00:08:43,755 Speaker 1: is on Chuck Todd. We have a confluence of both sides. 132 00:08:43,875 --> 00:08:45,995 Speaker 1: Is um right? Now? A magic moment in the media's 133 00:08:46,035 --> 00:08:49,475 Speaker 1: desire to insist that gravity is real, but also to 134 00:08:49,595 --> 00:08:53,115 Speaker 1: prove its quote objectivity unquote by adding that in this 135 00:08:53,195 --> 00:08:58,475 Speaker 1: Ohio diner, diners and dishwashers alike say they're not so sure. 136 00:09:00,115 --> 00:09:02,915 Speaker 1: For the ten years between the Clinton investigations and the 137 00:09:02,955 --> 00:09:05,635 Speaker 1: wearing off of the Post nine eleven, everything including the 138 00:09:05,675 --> 00:09:09,555 Speaker 1: bad weather, could be al Quaeda. Hayes. Fox News worked 139 00:09:09,595 --> 00:09:13,435 Speaker 1: the news refs ceaselessly and surgically, and the news refs 140 00:09:13,475 --> 00:09:16,435 Speaker 1: went home and spent long nights sitting there thinking what 141 00:09:16,555 --> 00:09:19,835 Speaker 1: if they're right? Or worse, what if my bosses think 142 00:09:19,835 --> 00:09:24,675 Speaker 1: they're right. That has never really ended. Its intensity was 143 00:09:24,715 --> 00:09:27,915 Speaker 1: doubled by the Trump assault on journalism, because you will 144 00:09:27,915 --> 00:09:31,315 Speaker 1: find no businessman alive whose self confidence is more of 145 00:09:31,355 --> 00:09:34,595 Speaker 1: an act than a guy who runs a news organization. 146 00:09:35,675 --> 00:09:39,555 Speaker 1: And now, as what was thought of as new news media, 147 00:09:39,635 --> 00:09:43,195 Speaker 1: cable digital streaming begins to follow old news media into 148 00:09:43,235 --> 00:09:46,475 Speaker 1: the ratings and readership toilet, now all of them are 149 00:09:46,555 --> 00:09:49,395 Speaker 1: as afraid as anybody in the world that tomorrow they 150 00:09:49,395 --> 00:09:52,635 Speaker 1: will learn that their job no longer exists, or their 151 00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:56,235 Speaker 1: outlet no longer exists, or their audience no longer exist. 152 00:09:56,475 --> 00:10:01,715 Speaker 1: Or they no longer exist. If you have one thousand 153 00:10:01,755 --> 00:10:04,795 Speaker 1: fewer consumers this week then last week, you sudden we 154 00:10:04,915 --> 00:10:08,435 Speaker 1: do start to think maybe we can convince some Republicans 155 00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:11,115 Speaker 1: to start watching us, and you get things said like 156 00:10:11,155 --> 00:10:14,155 Speaker 1: we're said by CNN's Chris Licked, and I know I'm 157 00:10:14,195 --> 00:10:17,075 Speaker 1: harping on him. Of course I'm harping on him. I'm 158 00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:20,835 Speaker 1: trying to destroy him. He was on a Carrot Swisher podcast. 159 00:10:21,035 --> 00:10:23,115 Speaker 1: By the way, there's an hour I'll never get back. 160 00:10:23,235 --> 00:10:26,075 Speaker 1: It's like being trapped in an elevator with three valley 161 00:10:26,115 --> 00:10:31,675 Speaker 1: girls and guys. Good lord. Anyway, Chris Licked actually said this, 162 00:10:32,795 --> 00:10:37,075 Speaker 1: and this is actually why I'm trying to destroy him. Quote. 163 00:10:37,635 --> 00:10:41,875 Speaker 1: The competition for me and cable is not MSNBC or Fox. Hopefully, 164 00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:44,355 Speaker 1: what we're doing is so different and unique that we 165 00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:47,395 Speaker 1: are affecting people who perhaps have found cable news to 166 00:10:47,395 --> 00:10:51,475 Speaker 1: be irrelevant in their lives. So the play is not 167 00:10:51,555 --> 00:10:55,795 Speaker 1: to be offensive to a side, right, and perhaps they 168 00:10:55,835 --> 00:10:58,915 Speaker 1: will come to us for an unvarnished truth, to allow 169 00:10:58,955 --> 00:11:04,995 Speaker 1: themselves to make their own decisions. Unquote. I have aspected 170 00:11:05,075 --> 00:11:07,395 Speaker 1: him to pivot to announce that CNN would be opening 171 00:11:07,435 --> 00:11:10,235 Speaker 1: a new Bureau in this Ohio diner, so it can 172 00:11:10,275 --> 00:11:13,675 Speaker 1: stop being irrelevant to people who don't believe in gravity. 173 00:11:13,755 --> 00:11:16,635 Speaker 1: So he can make the play of not being offensive 174 00:11:16,675 --> 00:11:20,755 Speaker 1: to gravity deniers and offer them unvarnished gravity truth to 175 00:11:20,795 --> 00:11:23,755 Speaker 1: allow themselves to make their own decisions about whether gravity 176 00:11:23,835 --> 00:11:26,595 Speaker 1: is fake or they are just morons who do not 177 00:11:26,755 --> 00:11:28,915 Speaker 1: know the answer to that question. And we are going 178 00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:31,195 Speaker 1: to grab them as new viewers by pandering to them 179 00:11:31,195 --> 00:11:35,515 Speaker 1: instead of saying, your stupidity is what is destroying this country. 180 00:11:35,675 --> 00:11:40,435 Speaker 1: Go tonight, school. This is CNN where gravity is optional. 181 00:11:42,955 --> 00:11:45,835 Speaker 1: The James Comers of this world make life easier for 182 00:11:45,915 --> 00:11:49,915 Speaker 1: the Chris Lickts because they can give fascists air time 183 00:11:50,275 --> 00:11:52,475 Speaker 1: yet still quiet the left by saying, oh, but we 184 00:11:52,515 --> 00:11:56,435 Speaker 1: will have fact checkers on top of them all the time, 185 00:11:57,635 --> 00:12:01,195 Speaker 1: as if the very act of fact checking propagandist conspiracy 186 00:12:01,235 --> 00:12:04,675 Speaker 1: theories does not imbue those theories with a kind of credibility. 187 00:12:04,835 --> 00:12:08,155 Speaker 1: Because you're saying, well, commerce claim that Hunter Biden stole 188 00:12:08,275 --> 00:12:12,795 Speaker 1: all the gravity, Our fact checkers say that's nonsense. But 189 00:12:12,915 --> 00:12:15,235 Speaker 1: this other stuff that Comer said, well that might be 190 00:12:15,395 --> 00:12:18,355 Speaker 1: less untrue. It remains to be seen. This is CNN 191 00:12:18,715 --> 00:12:25,315 Speaker 1: Live from this Ohio gravity denying diner. It is not 192 00:12:25,835 --> 00:12:29,435 Speaker 1: entirely bleak. It is encouraging to see that after thirty 193 00:12:29,475 --> 00:12:32,515 Speaker 1: years of getting their bells rung by Republicans, some Democrats 194 00:12:32,515 --> 00:12:35,155 Speaker 1: have prepared for this moment. At are mounting a gadfly 195 00:12:35,315 --> 00:12:39,635 Speaker 1: operation here and there to investigate the investigators facts first. 196 00:12:39,795 --> 00:12:43,035 Speaker 1: Is one of them. It's David Brock. Who else? And 197 00:12:43,195 --> 00:12:45,995 Speaker 1: this is what he left media matters for, and he 198 00:12:46,035 --> 00:12:48,315 Speaker 1: said yesterday it will have a five million dollar a 199 00:12:48,395 --> 00:12:52,915 Speaker 1: year quote swat team to counter Republican congressional investigations, and 200 00:12:52,955 --> 00:12:55,755 Speaker 1: it will not shy from things that quoting him again, 201 00:12:56,075 --> 00:12:58,475 Speaker 1: maybe too personal or delicate for the White House to 202 00:12:58,475 --> 00:13:02,235 Speaker 1: be responding or to even be seen as directing a response. 203 00:13:03,355 --> 00:13:08,875 Speaker 1: Jamie commerce Garlf friend Dave. David Brock once paid me 204 00:13:08,995 --> 00:13:12,875 Speaker 1: to fly to Florida for his fundraiser the night before 205 00:13:12,955 --> 00:13:16,155 Speaker 1: Trump's inauguration in two thousand seventeen to give a speech. 206 00:13:16,595 --> 00:13:18,995 Speaker 1: What are you looking for, I asked, Give me some guidance, 207 00:13:19,515 --> 00:13:22,435 Speaker 1: give me a live version of the resistance. He said, 208 00:13:22,475 --> 00:13:25,715 Speaker 1: These are legacy Democratic leaders who do not think Trump 209 00:13:25,755 --> 00:13:28,635 Speaker 1: actually represents anything new. One of them is going to 210 00:13:28,715 --> 00:13:31,955 Speaker 1: get up and say it proves we need more retail politics. 211 00:13:32,715 --> 00:13:36,675 Speaker 1: I want you to give them some old fire and brimstone. 212 00:13:37,715 --> 00:13:41,235 Speaker 1: So I did. The speech was outside on a wonderfully 213 00:13:41,235 --> 00:13:43,755 Speaker 1: warm January night in Fort Lauderdale, and when I got 214 00:13:43,795 --> 00:13:46,075 Speaker 1: to the part about hounding Trump and bruising him every 215 00:13:46,155 --> 00:13:48,595 Speaker 1: day in some way, and invoking Russia, I came to 216 00:13:48,635 --> 00:13:53,035 Speaker 1: what should have been bluntly an applause point, and nobody 217 00:13:53,115 --> 00:13:59,995 Speaker 1: said anything, And since we were outside, I literally heard crickets. 218 00:14:01,515 --> 00:14:04,515 Speaker 1: You do not truly know what the imagery of crickets 219 00:14:04,915 --> 00:14:09,035 Speaker 1: actually means until you are giving a speech outdoors and 220 00:14:09,075 --> 00:14:13,635 Speaker 1: there is a pause and there are actually crickets, to 221 00:14:13,795 --> 00:14:17,115 Speaker 1: the audience's credit, and I guess to mine when I 222 00:14:17,195 --> 00:14:19,795 Speaker 1: finished with no matter how long the trip back is 223 00:14:19,955 --> 00:14:23,755 Speaker 1: from tomorrow, remember and take strength from, and remind all 224 00:14:23,755 --> 00:14:26,755 Speaker 1: those who forget, and remind all those who deny, and 225 00:14:26,835 --> 00:14:30,875 Speaker 1: remind all those who lie. Remember one thing, we are 226 00:14:31,475 --> 00:14:36,035 Speaker 1: the majority. There was another brief silence and a couple 227 00:14:36,035 --> 00:14:38,675 Speaker 1: of crickets, and then they all got my points simultaneously, 228 00:14:38,875 --> 00:14:40,915 Speaker 1: and the crowd stood up and roared, and Brock said 229 00:14:40,915 --> 00:14:45,275 Speaker 1: I should have charged him more for the speech. The 230 00:14:45,515 --> 00:14:53,915 Speaker 1: solution to Republican obstructionism the answer to Jamie Comber. He's 231 00:14:53,955 --> 00:14:59,075 Speaker 1: always been there. The obstructionism has almost always been there, 232 00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:01,915 Speaker 1: and it's always been the same, vile and putrid and destructive. 233 00:15:01,955 --> 00:15:06,915 Speaker 1: But it actually hasn't evolved at all since Newt Gingrich 234 00:15:07,035 --> 00:15:08,995 Speaker 1: tried to pull off a coup against Bill Clinton and 235 00:15:09,035 --> 00:15:14,275 Speaker 1: Al Gore. It is contained within the republican methods. James 236 00:15:14,275 --> 00:15:17,275 Speaker 1: Comer of Kentucky is going to use the easily wielded 237 00:15:17,275 --> 00:15:20,955 Speaker 1: weapons of your news organization is not balanced, and your 238 00:15:21,035 --> 00:15:24,155 Speaker 1: news organization needs more on air conflict to draw viewers. 239 00:15:25,395 --> 00:15:28,635 Speaker 1: You go to these same organizations and you say, your 240 00:15:28,715 --> 00:15:32,035 Speaker 1: news organization is not balanced. You gave James Comber all 241 00:15:32,075 --> 00:15:35,595 Speaker 1: this publicity, Yet where are your stories about the Jamie 242 00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:39,115 Speaker 1: Comber scandal? And when they say what Jamie Comber scandal, 243 00:15:39,475 --> 00:15:43,235 Speaker 1: David Brock is there to answer them? Jamie Comber, Maryland Thomas, 244 00:15:43,315 --> 00:15:50,635 Speaker 1: Western Kentucky University, or you could just google it because 245 00:15:50,675 --> 00:16:08,195 Speaker 1: that's what I did. Still ahead, the January six committee 246 00:16:08,195 --> 00:16:10,675 Speaker 1: has about forty days left as well. It has just 247 00:16:10,795 --> 00:16:13,275 Speaker 1: appointed a subcommittee to decide whether or not to make 248 00:16:13,435 --> 00:16:18,955 Speaker 1: criminal referrals. Baseball's two thousand two most valuable players are out, 249 00:16:19,315 --> 00:16:21,315 Speaker 1: and thus the annual debate about what the hell the 250 00:16:21,395 --> 00:16:25,275 Speaker 1: phrase most valuable player means is out? And of course 251 00:16:25,675 --> 00:16:29,115 Speaker 1: here's the secret that debate is kind of the point. 252 00:16:29,795 --> 00:16:32,835 Speaker 1: And Fridays with James Thurber two stories of man, not 253 00:16:33,035 --> 00:16:36,715 Speaker 1: versus spouse nor dumb relatives, but of man versus life. 254 00:16:37,595 --> 00:16:41,475 Speaker 1: You don't have to have actually destroyed your own neighbor's bathroom, 255 00:16:41,515 --> 00:16:44,515 Speaker 1: medicine cabinet to feel as if you have been seen 256 00:16:45,315 --> 00:16:50,355 Speaker 1: when I read you Thurber's classic nine Needles. That's next. 257 00:16:50,435 --> 00:17:03,155 Speaker 1: This is countdown. This is Countdown with Keith Olberman still 258 00:17:03,195 --> 00:17:07,235 Speaker 1: ahead with her Twitter. Were their January six criminal referrals? 259 00:17:07,275 --> 00:17:09,995 Speaker 1: And what dumb thing did the Commissioner Baseball just say? 260 00:17:10,035 --> 00:17:12,835 Speaker 1: This time first? In each edition of Countdown, we feature 261 00:17:12,835 --> 00:17:14,595 Speaker 1: a dog in need you can help. Every dog has 262 00:17:14,635 --> 00:17:18,235 Speaker 1: its day. Remember Elsa from Wednesday when the Brooklyn Pound 263 00:17:18,275 --> 00:17:20,795 Speaker 1: told the humans surrendering Elsa that it would cost them 264 00:17:20,795 --> 00:17:23,835 Speaker 1: a small fee, so they left and while nobody was watching, 265 00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:26,915 Speaker 1: they tied Elsa to a fence behind the pound. Elsa 266 00:17:26,995 --> 00:17:30,995 Speaker 1: has been reserved. She is safe today. A classic story 267 00:17:30,995 --> 00:17:34,835 Speaker 1: of human stupidity about dogs. A big puppy Miller was 268 00:17:34,875 --> 00:17:38,995 Speaker 1: adopted from Outcast Rescue. At seven months, he ate something 269 00:17:38,995 --> 00:17:40,915 Speaker 1: he shouldn't have and had to have surgery to get 270 00:17:40,915 --> 00:17:42,995 Speaker 1: it removed. Now at nine months, he's done it again. 271 00:17:43,355 --> 00:17:46,595 Speaker 1: He ate a human sock. So instead of bringing Miller 272 00:17:46,635 --> 00:17:48,755 Speaker 1: back to the rescue or to the vet this time, 273 00:17:49,115 --> 00:17:51,835 Speaker 1: the human waited a week and simply then dumped him 274 00:17:51,875 --> 00:17:55,915 Speaker 1: at the local pound outside Philadelphia. He went septic, head 275 00:17:55,955 --> 00:17:58,995 Speaker 1: of surgery again and special treatment, and he's back at 276 00:17:59,035 --> 00:18:03,355 Speaker 1: Outcast and they need help via Cuddly covering his expenses 277 00:18:03,395 --> 00:18:05,515 Speaker 1: which should have been far or less but for this 278 00:18:05,595 --> 00:18:09,235 Speaker 1: idiotic human. You can find Miller at Cudley. Will also 279 00:18:09,275 --> 00:18:11,555 Speaker 1: be on my Twitter feeds. If you can donate, that 280 00:18:11,595 --> 00:18:13,795 Speaker 1: will be a big help. If you can't, a retweet 281 00:18:13,835 --> 00:18:17,035 Speaker 1: will be greatly helpful. I thank you, and Miller thanks you. 282 00:18:24,315 --> 00:18:27,435 Speaker 1: Post Scripts to the news, some headlines, some updates, some snark, 283 00:18:27,635 --> 00:18:31,555 Speaker 1: some predictions. Dateline, San Francisco, What no harde wide world 284 00:18:31,555 --> 00:18:35,355 Speaker 1: of sports is going on? At Twitter? By one account, 285 00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:39,835 Speaker 1: Elon Musk's five pm deadline yesterday for employees to commit 286 00:18:39,875 --> 00:18:44,235 Speaker 1: to going hardcore or getting three months severance ended with 287 00:18:44,275 --> 00:18:49,675 Speaker 1: seventy of the staff choosing severance. We know this much 288 00:18:49,835 --> 00:18:53,555 Speaker 1: Musk closed all Twitter offices until Monday and shut off 289 00:18:53,595 --> 00:18:57,675 Speaker 1: all badge access, reportedly out of fear that employees would 290 00:18:57,715 --> 00:19:03,155 Speaker 1: sabotage the company. Fear that who would sabotage the company? 291 00:19:04,035 --> 00:19:06,955 Speaker 1: Moron from the Twitter slack feed. I have worked here 292 00:19:06,955 --> 00:19:09,715 Speaker 1: at Twitter for over eleven years. Back in July, i 293 00:19:09,835 --> 00:19:13,355 Speaker 1: was the seven tenured employee at the company. Now I'm 294 00:19:13,435 --> 00:19:16,355 Speaker 1: the fifteenth. Well that flashed me back to my days 295 00:19:16,395 --> 00:19:19,915 Speaker 1: at Channel two in Los Angeles. Nothing there ever lasted 296 00:19:19,955 --> 00:19:24,835 Speaker 1: more than three months. I started there on August. They 297 00:19:24,875 --> 00:19:27,875 Speaker 1: tinkered with who was on each newscast, which news anchors, 298 00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:30,555 Speaker 1: which weather men. They fired some people, they took some 299 00:19:30,635 --> 00:19:32,795 Speaker 1: off some shows and put them on other shows. But 300 00:19:32,915 --> 00:19:35,835 Speaker 1: I was the sportscaster, and I looked up around Thanksgiving 301 00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:39,515 Speaker 1: and realized that in terms of continuous service on Channel 302 00:19:39,515 --> 00:19:43,515 Speaker 1: two Action News at five, six, and eleven, after three months, 303 00:19:44,075 --> 00:19:47,475 Speaker 1: I had already become the senior guy in terms of 304 00:19:47,635 --> 00:19:52,435 Speaker 1: continued service and day line. Washington is officially a lame duck, 305 00:19:52,795 --> 00:19:54,675 Speaker 1: and there is a chance the Republicans will try to 306 00:19:54,715 --> 00:19:59,195 Speaker 1: morph it into a committee investigating the January six committee. Hey, 307 00:19:59,195 --> 00:20:02,275 Speaker 1: did you hear about the James Comber scandal, But for now, 308 00:20:02,315 --> 00:20:05,835 Speaker 1: the Benny Thompson Liz Cheney Joint is still in business 309 00:20:05,875 --> 00:20:09,235 Speaker 1: and it has now impaneled a four member sub committee, 310 00:20:09,315 --> 00:20:13,715 Speaker 1: Zoe Lofgren, Adam Schiff, Cheney, and the sub chair Jamie Raskin. 311 00:20:14,275 --> 00:20:16,675 Speaker 1: They will examine whether or not to make criminal and 312 00:20:16,835 --> 00:20:19,755 Speaker 1: civil referrals to the Justice Department based on what they 313 00:20:19,795 --> 00:20:23,875 Speaker 1: have found. Cheney, Schiff, Raskin, Lofgren, I think I know 314 00:20:23,915 --> 00:20:26,155 Speaker 1: where this is going, and I think I know how 315 00:20:26,275 --> 00:20:42,755 Speaker 1: unanimously it will be when it gets there. This is 316 00:20:43,235 --> 00:20:50,395 Speaker 1: Sports Center. Wait, check that not anymore. This is Countdown 317 00:20:51,075 --> 00:20:55,155 Speaker 1: with Keith in Sports. Paul gold Schmidt of the Cardinals 318 00:20:55,155 --> 00:20:57,915 Speaker 1: and Aaron Judge of the Yankee Stars of two perpetually 319 00:20:57,995 --> 00:21:00,835 Speaker 1: underachieving teams, were voted the most valuable players of the 320 00:21:00,915 --> 00:21:04,395 Speaker 1: National and American Leagues, respectively. Gold Schmidt got twenty two 321 00:21:04,435 --> 00:21:07,315 Speaker 1: of the first place votes, and Manny Machado of the 322 00:21:07,395 --> 00:21:11,555 Speaker 1: underachieving Padres was second. Goldschmidt's teammate, Nolan Ironado on the 323 00:21:11,595 --> 00:21:14,635 Speaker 1: underachieving Cardinals was third. The American league vote was not 324 00:21:14,715 --> 00:21:18,355 Speaker 1: close after sixty two Homers. Aaron Judge got twenty eight 325 00:21:18,395 --> 00:21:21,875 Speaker 1: first place votes and two seconds show Hey Otani of 326 00:21:21,955 --> 00:21:25,795 Speaker 1: the night not quite underachieving Angels got to first place 327 00:21:25,875 --> 00:21:30,035 Speaker 1: votes and twenty eight seconds lost in this. Otany also 328 00:21:30,115 --> 00:21:32,715 Speaker 1: finished fourth in the vote for the American League Cy 329 00:21:32,795 --> 00:21:35,595 Speaker 1: Young Award as the top pitcher in And if you 330 00:21:35,635 --> 00:21:39,155 Speaker 1: think about it, this by itself fourth of among the 331 00:21:39,155 --> 00:21:42,915 Speaker 1: best pitchers, second among most valuable players. That by itself 332 00:21:42,955 --> 00:21:47,355 Speaker 1: suggests Otani is almost definitionally the most valuable player in 333 00:21:47,355 --> 00:21:50,955 Speaker 1: the American League. He is literally accomplishing more than any 334 00:21:50,995 --> 00:21:54,955 Speaker 1: other combination of two players, one hitter and one pitcher. 335 00:21:55,795 --> 00:21:58,555 Speaker 1: Baseball has never once to find what it means by 336 00:21:58,635 --> 00:22:01,755 Speaker 1: most Valuable Player, although there are waves of time in 337 00:22:01,795 --> 00:22:05,035 Speaker 1: which assumed that no picture should be considered. On the 338 00:22:05,035 --> 00:22:06,715 Speaker 1: other hand, there used to be ruled that if you 339 00:22:06,755 --> 00:22:09,235 Speaker 1: were voted to m v P, you were not eligible 340 00:22:09,275 --> 00:22:12,395 Speaker 1: to win it again. Ever, which is why Babe Ruth 341 00:22:12,435 --> 00:22:16,955 Speaker 1: had so few MVP awards. Why not set criteria, because 342 00:22:16,995 --> 00:22:19,755 Speaker 1: then we wouldn't have the annual argument over who is 343 00:22:19,795 --> 00:22:22,795 Speaker 1: most valuable and what most valuable means? And baseball needs 344 00:22:22,835 --> 00:22:27,675 Speaker 1: every last second of publicity can possibly get. And oh, 345 00:22:27,755 --> 00:22:30,275 Speaker 1: what a bunch of knee jerk reactions around the National 346 00:22:30,275 --> 00:22:34,195 Speaker 1: Football League after it announced that Sunday's games scheduled between 347 00:22:34,195 --> 00:22:37,795 Speaker 1: the Browns and Bills in Buffalo would be moved because 348 00:22:37,835 --> 00:22:52,955 Speaker 1: of impending snow right now to Detroit. Thank you, Nancy Faust. 349 00:22:53,075 --> 00:22:55,875 Speaker 1: The standard reaction to this was, what, they've never played 350 00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:58,635 Speaker 1: in snow before in Buffalo, or they have to build 351 00:22:58,635 --> 00:23:01,275 Speaker 1: a dome in Buffalo. The relocation of the game to 352 00:23:01,355 --> 00:23:04,395 Speaker 1: Detroit is not because of snow in the stadium during 353 00:23:04,435 --> 00:23:09,075 Speaker 1: the game. It is to keep residents off the streets unnecessarily. 354 00:23:09,355 --> 00:23:12,835 Speaker 1: Between now and Saturday night, Buffalo is expected to get 355 00:23:12,875 --> 00:23:25,035 Speaker 1: as much as five feet of snow. Had Fridays with 356 00:23:25,075 --> 00:23:29,115 Speaker 1: Thurber and It's man versus the eternal madness that is life. 357 00:23:29,755 --> 00:23:32,235 Speaker 1: Whether you are on the bus with the mouse who 358 00:23:32,235 --> 00:23:34,395 Speaker 1: went to the Country, or you've done the equivalent of 359 00:23:34,475 --> 00:23:38,915 Speaker 1: dropping Thurber's nine needles, you will feel these two stories 360 00:23:38,955 --> 00:23:42,075 Speaker 1: coming up first, the daily roundup of the misgrants, morons 361 00:23:42,075 --> 00:23:46,235 Speaker 1: and Dunning Kruger effect specimens who constitute today's worst persons 362 00:23:46,235 --> 00:23:51,355 Speaker 1: in the world. The bronze former Secretary of State. Really 363 00:23:52,195 --> 00:23:54,915 Speaker 1: that happened? I thought that was just a nightmare. I 364 00:23:54,955 --> 00:23:58,755 Speaker 1: had former Secretary of State and one of the Republican 365 00:23:58,795 --> 00:24:05,115 Speaker 1: presidential hopefuls, Mike Pompeo tweeting, we need more serious bousness, 366 00:24:05,195 --> 00:24:08,155 Speaker 1: less noise, and leaders who are looking forward, not staring 367 00:24:08,195 --> 00:24:11,515 Speaker 1: in the rear view mirror claiming victimhood. This is the 368 00:24:11,635 --> 00:24:15,475 Speaker 1: same Mike Pompeio who said on November ten, two thousand twenty, 369 00:24:15,675 --> 00:24:18,155 Speaker 1: that there would be a smooth transition all right to 370 00:24:18,275 --> 00:24:22,395 Speaker 1: a second Trump term after Biden had won the election. Well, 371 00:24:22,395 --> 00:24:26,395 Speaker 1: that's very serious, that's very unnoisy, that's very forward looking, 372 00:24:26,835 --> 00:24:32,275 Speaker 1: that's very non victim, very very much a lie runner up, Snaike. 373 00:24:32,475 --> 00:24:37,355 Speaker 1: Jonna Farbarov of The New York Post quote President Biden 374 00:24:38,155 --> 00:24:41,915 Speaker 1: was once again spotted using a detailed cheat sheet, this 375 00:24:41,995 --> 00:24:45,315 Speaker 1: time at the G twenty summit in Bali, instructing him 376 00:24:45,315 --> 00:24:47,435 Speaker 1: where to sit, when to deliver remarks, and when to 377 00:24:47,515 --> 00:24:50,795 Speaker 1: pose for photos. Additional instructions said, you will sit at 378 00:24:50,795 --> 00:24:55,115 Speaker 1: the center, and you will deliver opening remarks. Imagine being 379 00:24:55,235 --> 00:24:59,395 Speaker 1: so unaware of the world. Imagine being snag Jonna Farbareov 380 00:24:59,515 --> 00:25:02,235 Speaker 1: of The New York Post that you've never before heard 381 00:25:02,275 --> 00:25:06,835 Speaker 1: of nor seen what all event organizers hand out at 382 00:25:06,875 --> 00:25:10,555 Speaker 1: all live events to all participants, which is called a 383 00:25:10,755 --> 00:25:14,875 Speaker 1: run of show or a rundown. They have wanted every 384 00:25:14,915 --> 00:25:19,435 Speaker 1: awards show, every live television broadcast. Many corporations give them 385 00:25:19,435 --> 00:25:21,875 Speaker 1: to their own executives who are just gonna go speak 386 00:25:21,875 --> 00:25:24,995 Speaker 1: at luncheons or media events. Why I saw a run 387 00:25:25,035 --> 00:25:28,195 Speaker 1: of show handed to a guy from the owners of 388 00:25:28,195 --> 00:25:31,555 Speaker 1: the Post News Corps. His name was Roger Ales, and 389 00:25:31,635 --> 00:25:34,395 Speaker 1: he had one that said, you go here, you say this, 390 00:25:35,475 --> 00:25:38,475 Speaker 1: you make a pass at this woman. But our winner, 391 00:25:38,515 --> 00:25:41,555 Speaker 1: Baseball Commissioner Rob Manfred. It is one thing to get 392 00:25:41,555 --> 00:25:44,995 Speaker 1: a letter from Pete Rose apologizing and seeking reinstatement after 393 00:25:44,995 --> 00:25:48,155 Speaker 1: being suspended for thirty three years for having wagered on 394 00:25:48,355 --> 00:25:52,155 Speaker 1: Cincinnati Reds games while he was managing the Cincinnati Reds 395 00:25:52,195 --> 00:25:55,315 Speaker 1: and denying it because the nodding the appeal, that is, 396 00:25:55,355 --> 00:25:59,235 Speaker 1: because he wagered on games he was managing. It's quite 397 00:25:59,235 --> 00:26:01,715 Speaker 1: another to explain this to the media, as Manfred did 398 00:26:01,795 --> 00:26:05,035 Speaker 1: last night, by saying, just I believe that when you 399 00:26:05,075 --> 00:26:09,035 Speaker 1: bet on baseball, you belong on the permanently ineligible list. 400 00:26:10,115 --> 00:26:12,715 Speaker 1: He never made the distinction of who bet or when 401 00:26:13,075 --> 00:26:15,635 Speaker 1: I believe that when you bet on baseball you belong 402 00:26:15,675 --> 00:26:19,595 Speaker 1: on the permanently ineligible list. What Manfred says, there was 403 00:26:19,635 --> 00:26:23,595 Speaker 1: that if you bet on baseball. Ever, as every other 404 00:26:23,715 --> 00:26:26,915 Speaker 1: commercial in every baseball telecast now tries to get you 405 00:26:26,995 --> 00:26:30,715 Speaker 1: to do bet on baseball. If you do bet on baseball, 406 00:26:30,715 --> 00:26:32,795 Speaker 1: White Baseball wants you to bet on baseball, you should 407 00:26:32,795 --> 00:26:36,435 Speaker 1: be banned from baseball. Rob did I mention, we have 408 00:26:36,475 --> 00:26:38,995 Speaker 1: an official betting partner of Major League Baseball. But if 409 00:26:38,995 --> 00:26:44,755 Speaker 1: you bet on baseball, your band Manfred Today's worst person 410 00:26:46,235 --> 00:26:59,715 Speaker 1: and the world. She's the number one story on the Countdown, 411 00:26:59,715 --> 00:27:01,875 Speaker 1: and it's Friday's with Thurber and a lot of his 412 00:27:01,995 --> 00:27:06,675 Speaker 1: work details the fundamental clash between people, husband and wife, 413 00:27:07,595 --> 00:27:11,035 Speaker 1: he and various relatives, a guy in a bed and 414 00:27:11,075 --> 00:27:15,475 Speaker 1: a seal, two animals representing any too, humans in conflict. 415 00:27:16,155 --> 00:27:18,995 Speaker 1: But some of the most magical writing is the stuff 416 00:27:19,035 --> 00:27:24,515 Speaker 1: that is just about one person alone against life. One 417 00:27:24,515 --> 00:27:27,795 Speaker 1: of his stories ends with a great grandmother struggling with 418 00:27:27,835 --> 00:27:31,235 Speaker 1: a butter churn and screaming into the void, why doesn't 419 00:27:31,235 --> 00:27:34,635 Speaker 1: somebody take this goddamn thing away from me? A line 420 00:27:34,635 --> 00:27:36,515 Speaker 1: which I think could be the start of a national 421 00:27:36,555 --> 00:27:41,915 Speaker 1: anthem somewhere. Such a story is nine Needles. This week's selection, 422 00:27:42,075 --> 00:27:44,235 Speaker 1: as you will see it is a little short for 423 00:27:44,315 --> 00:27:46,515 Speaker 1: our usual time frames here, so I'll give you a 424 00:27:46,555 --> 00:27:50,355 Speaker 1: bonus another man versus life story afterwards, in the form 425 00:27:50,395 --> 00:27:53,395 Speaker 1: of one of Thurber's fables for our time, the mouse 426 00:27:53,435 --> 00:27:57,515 Speaker 1: who went to the country. But first, it's unlikely this 427 00:27:57,555 --> 00:28:01,235 Speaker 1: event has ever happened to you, but the anxiety that 428 00:28:01,315 --> 00:28:09,315 Speaker 1: should be immediately familiar Nine Needles by James Thurber. One 429 00:28:09,355 --> 00:28:12,795 Speaker 1: of the more spectacular minor happenings of the past few years, 430 00:28:13,035 --> 00:28:15,635 Speaker 1: which I am sorry that I missed, took place in 431 00:28:15,675 --> 00:28:18,155 Speaker 1: the Columbus, Ohio home of some friends of a friend 432 00:28:18,155 --> 00:28:23,075 Speaker 1: of mine. It seems that a Mr. Albatross, while looking 433 00:28:23,075 --> 00:28:25,795 Speaker 1: for something in his medicine cabinet one morning, discovered a 434 00:28:25,835 --> 00:28:28,795 Speaker 1: bottle of a kind of patent medicine which his wife 435 00:28:28,795 --> 00:28:32,435 Speaker 1: had been taking for a stomach element. Now. Mr Albatross 436 00:28:33,235 --> 00:28:36,035 Speaker 1: is one of those apprehensive men who are afraid of 437 00:28:36,075 --> 00:28:40,675 Speaker 1: patent medicines and of almost everything else. Some weeks before, 438 00:28:40,675 --> 00:28:43,835 Speaker 1: he had encountered a paragraph and a consumer's research bulletin 439 00:28:44,155 --> 00:28:47,115 Speaker 1: which announced that this particular medicine was bad for you. 440 00:28:47,715 --> 00:28:50,115 Speaker 1: He had thereupon ordered his wife to throw out what 441 00:28:50,275 --> 00:28:52,515 Speaker 1: was left of her supply of the stuff and never 442 00:28:52,595 --> 00:28:57,195 Speaker 1: buy anymore she had promised, And here now was another 443 00:28:57,235 --> 00:29:01,555 Speaker 1: bottle of the perilous liquid. Mr. Albatross. A man given 444 00:29:01,595 --> 00:29:04,795 Speaker 1: to quick rages, shouted the conclusion of the story. It, 445 00:29:04,915 --> 00:29:08,715 Speaker 1: my friend, I threw the bottle out the bathroom window, 446 00:29:09,475 --> 00:29:14,155 Speaker 1: and the medicine chest after it. It seems to me 447 00:29:14,275 --> 00:29:17,235 Speaker 1: that must have been a spectacle worth going a long 448 00:29:17,475 --> 00:29:21,875 Speaker 1: way to see. I am sure that many a husband 449 00:29:21,875 --> 00:29:24,675 Speaker 1: has wanted to wrench the family medicine cabinet off the 450 00:29:24,675 --> 00:29:27,475 Speaker 1: wall and throw it out the window, if only because 451 00:29:27,555 --> 00:29:31,035 Speaker 1: the average medicine cabinet is so filled with mysterious bottles 452 00:29:31,395 --> 00:29:35,795 Speaker 1: and unidentifiable objects of all kinds, that it is a 453 00:29:35,835 --> 00:29:41,155 Speaker 1: source of constant bewilderment and exasperation to the American male. Surely, 454 00:29:41,195 --> 00:29:44,915 Speaker 1: the British medicine cabinet, and the French medicine cabinet, all 455 00:29:44,955 --> 00:29:48,555 Speaker 1: the other medicine cabinets must be simpler and better ordered 456 00:29:48,555 --> 00:29:51,675 Speaker 1: than ours. It may be that the American habit of 457 00:29:51,955 --> 00:29:57,275 Speaker 1: saving everything and never throwing anything away, even empty bottles, 458 00:29:57,715 --> 00:30:00,955 Speaker 1: causes the domestic medicine cabinet to become as cluttered in 459 00:30:00,955 --> 00:30:04,755 Speaker 1: its small way as the American attic becomes cluttered in 460 00:30:04,795 --> 00:30:09,035 Speaker 1: its major way. I have encountered few medicine cabinets in 461 00:30:09,035 --> 00:30:12,075 Speaker 1: this country which were not packed jammed with something between 462 00:30:12,075 --> 00:30:16,035 Speaker 1: a hundred and fifty and two hundred different items, from 463 00:30:16,155 --> 00:30:22,195 Speaker 1: dental floss to barassic acid, from razor blades to sodium perborate, 464 00:30:22,675 --> 00:30:27,915 Speaker 1: from adhesive tape to coconut oil. Even the neatest wife 465 00:30:28,075 --> 00:30:30,635 Speaker 1: will put off clearing out the medicine cabinet on the 466 00:30:30,675 --> 00:30:32,955 Speaker 1: ground that she has something else to do that is 467 00:30:32,995 --> 00:30:36,715 Speaker 1: more important at that moment, or more diverting. It was 468 00:30:36,755 --> 00:30:38,915 Speaker 1: in the apartment of such a wife and her husband 469 00:30:38,915 --> 00:30:42,635 Speaker 1: that I became enormously involved with a medicine cabinet. One 470 00:30:42,675 --> 00:30:46,395 Speaker 1: morning not long ago, I had spent the weekend with 471 00:30:46,475 --> 00:30:49,595 Speaker 1: this couple. They live on East tenth Street near Fifth Avenue. 472 00:30:50,395 --> 00:30:54,355 Speaker 1: Such a weekend as left me reluctant to rise up 473 00:30:54,395 --> 00:30:57,835 Speaker 1: on Monday morning with bright and shining face and go 474 00:30:57,955 --> 00:31:01,435 Speaker 1: to work. They got up and went to work, but 475 00:31:01,635 --> 00:31:05,555 Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't get up until about to two 476 00:31:05,835 --> 00:31:09,235 Speaker 1: thirty in the afternoon. I had my face all lathered 477 00:31:09,275 --> 00:31:11,435 Speaker 1: for shaving, and the wash bowl was full of hot water, 478 00:31:11,675 --> 00:31:14,795 Speaker 1: when suddenly I cut myself with the razor. I cut 479 00:31:14,835 --> 00:31:18,955 Speaker 1: my ear. Very few men cut their ears with razors, 480 00:31:19,035 --> 00:31:21,675 Speaker 1: but I do, possibly because I was taught the old 481 00:31:21,835 --> 00:31:24,995 Speaker 1: Spencerian free risk movements by my writing teacher in the 482 00:31:25,035 --> 00:31:30,235 Speaker 1: grammar grades. The ear bleeds rather profusely when cut with 483 00:31:30,275 --> 00:31:34,275 Speaker 1: a razor, and is difficult to get at. More angry 484 00:31:34,275 --> 00:31:36,595 Speaker 1: than hurt, I jerked open the door of the medicine 485 00:31:36,595 --> 00:31:38,675 Speaker 1: cabinet to see if I could find a stiptic pencil, 486 00:31:38,715 --> 00:31:42,395 Speaker 1: and out fell from the top shelf a little black 487 00:31:42,475 --> 00:31:48,395 Speaker 1: paper packet containing nine needles. It seems that his wife 488 00:31:48,475 --> 00:31:50,955 Speaker 1: kept a little paper packet containing nine needles on the 489 00:31:50,995 --> 00:31:54,755 Speaker 1: top shelf of the medicine cabinet. The packet fell into 490 00:31:54,755 --> 00:31:57,035 Speaker 1: the soapy water of the wash bowl, where the paper 491 00:31:57,115 --> 00:32:01,395 Speaker 1: rapidly disintegrated, leaving nine needles at large in the bowl. 492 00:32:02,315 --> 00:32:07,355 Speaker 1: I was, naturally enough, not in the best condition, either 493 00:32:07,435 --> 00:32:11,715 Speaker 1: physical or mental, to recover nine needles from a washbowl. 494 00:32:12,635 --> 00:32:14,955 Speaker 1: No gentleman who has lather on his face and whose 495 00:32:14,955 --> 00:32:17,635 Speaker 1: ear is bleeding is in the best condition for anything, 496 00:32:17,995 --> 00:32:21,475 Speaker 1: even something involving the handling of nine large blunt objects. 497 00:32:23,795 --> 00:32:26,235 Speaker 1: It did not seem wise to me to pull the 498 00:32:26,315 --> 00:32:28,675 Speaker 1: plug out of the washbowl and let the needles go 499 00:32:28,795 --> 00:32:31,955 Speaker 1: down the drain. I had visions of clogging up the 500 00:32:31,955 --> 00:32:35,195 Speaker 1: plumbing system of the house, and also a vague fear 501 00:32:35,235 --> 00:32:41,035 Speaker 1: of causing short circuits somehow or other. I know very 502 00:32:41,035 --> 00:32:43,595 Speaker 1: little about electricity, and I don't want to have it 503 00:32:43,675 --> 00:32:48,155 Speaker 1: explained to me. Finally, I groped very gently around the bowl, 504 00:32:48,155 --> 00:32:50,475 Speaker 1: and eventually had four of the needles in the palm 505 00:32:50,515 --> 00:32:53,555 Speaker 1: of one hand and three in the palm of the other. 506 00:32:54,515 --> 00:32:58,835 Speaker 1: Two I couldn't find if I had thought quickly and clearly, 507 00:32:59,475 --> 00:33:03,075 Speaker 1: I wouldn't have done that. The lathered man whose ear 508 00:33:03,155 --> 00:33:05,075 Speaker 1: is bleeding, and who has four wet and needles in 509 00:33:05,115 --> 00:33:06,835 Speaker 1: one hand and three and the other may be said 510 00:33:06,835 --> 00:33:11,475 Speaker 1: to have reached the lowest known point of human efficiency. 511 00:33:11,715 --> 00:33:16,155 Speaker 1: There is nothing he can do but stand there. I 512 00:33:16,275 --> 00:33:18,715 Speaker 1: tried transferring the needles in my left hand to the 513 00:33:18,755 --> 00:33:20,435 Speaker 1: palm of my right hand, but I couldn't get the 514 00:33:20,555 --> 00:33:25,995 Speaker 1: off my left hand wet needles cling to you. In 515 00:33:26,035 --> 00:33:29,475 Speaker 1: the end, I wiped the needles off onto a bath 516 00:33:29,555 --> 00:33:32,795 Speaker 1: towel which was hanging on a rod above the bath tub. 517 00:33:33,235 --> 00:33:35,155 Speaker 1: It was the only towel that I could find. I 518 00:33:35,195 --> 00:33:37,515 Speaker 1: had to dry my hands afterwards on the bath mat. 519 00:33:38,515 --> 00:33:41,235 Speaker 1: Then I tried to find the needles in the towel. 520 00:33:42,355 --> 00:33:44,795 Speaker 1: Hunting for seven needles in a bath towel is the 521 00:33:44,835 --> 00:33:48,115 Speaker 1: most tedious occupation I have ever engaged in. I could 522 00:33:48,115 --> 00:33:50,795 Speaker 1: find only five of them, with the two that had 523 00:33:50,795 --> 00:33:53,195 Speaker 1: been left in the bowl. That meant there were four 524 00:33:53,235 --> 00:33:57,675 Speaker 1: needles in all, missing, two in the washbowl, and two 525 00:33:57,675 --> 00:34:01,435 Speaker 1: others lurking in the towel or lying in the bathtub 526 00:34:01,555 --> 00:34:05,275 Speaker 1: under the towel. Frightful thoughts aim to me of what 527 00:34:05,435 --> 00:34:08,315 Speaker 1: might happen to anyone who used that towel or washed 528 00:34:08,315 --> 00:34:10,675 Speaker 1: his face in the bowl, or got into the tub 529 00:34:10,875 --> 00:34:16,355 Speaker 1: if I didn't find the missing needles. Well, I didn't 530 00:34:16,355 --> 00:34:19,075 Speaker 1: find them. I sat down on the edge of the 531 00:34:19,115 --> 00:34:21,515 Speaker 1: tub to think, and I decided finally that the only 532 00:34:21,555 --> 00:34:23,435 Speaker 1: thing to do was to wrap up the towel in 533 00:34:23,475 --> 00:34:27,435 Speaker 1: a newspaper and take it away with me. I also 534 00:34:27,515 --> 00:34:30,075 Speaker 1: decided to leave a note for my friends, explaining as 535 00:34:30,115 --> 00:34:32,715 Speaker 1: clearly as I could that I was afraid there were 536 00:34:32,755 --> 00:34:35,515 Speaker 1: two needles in the bathtub and two needles in the 537 00:34:35,555 --> 00:34:41,115 Speaker 1: wash bowl, and that they better be careful. I looked 538 00:34:41,115 --> 00:34:43,075 Speaker 1: everywhere in the apartment, but I could not find a 539 00:34:43,075 --> 00:34:46,595 Speaker 1: pencil or a pen or a typewriter. I could find 540 00:34:46,595 --> 00:34:50,795 Speaker 1: pieces of paper, but nothing with which to write on them. 541 00:34:50,835 --> 00:34:53,795 Speaker 1: I don't know what gave me the idea. A movie 542 00:34:53,875 --> 00:34:56,195 Speaker 1: I had seen, perhaps, or a story I had read. 543 00:34:56,355 --> 00:35:00,195 Speaker 1: But I suddenly thought of writing a message with lipstick. 544 00:35:00,995 --> 00:35:03,635 Speaker 1: The wife might have an extra lipstick lying around, and 545 00:35:03,675 --> 00:35:07,395 Speaker 1: if so, I concluded it would be in the medicine cabinet. 546 00:35:08,515 --> 00:35:11,195 Speaker 1: I went back to the medicine cabinet began poking around 547 00:35:11,235 --> 00:35:14,075 Speaker 1: in it for a lipstick. I saw what I thought 548 00:35:14,315 --> 00:35:16,235 Speaker 1: looked like the metal tip of one, and I got 549 00:35:16,315 --> 00:35:18,875 Speaker 1: two fingers around it began to pull gently. It was 550 00:35:18,955 --> 00:35:22,715 Speaker 1: under a lot of things. Every object in the medicine 551 00:35:22,715 --> 00:35:26,795 Speaker 1: cabinet began to slide. Bottles broken the washbowl and on 552 00:35:26,835 --> 00:35:32,115 Speaker 1: the floor, red, brown, and white liquids, spurted, nail files, scissors, 553 00:35:32,235 --> 00:35:36,755 Speaker 1: razor blades, and miscellaneous objects sang and clattered and tinkled. 554 00:35:37,475 --> 00:35:44,835 Speaker 1: I was covered with perfume, peroxide, and cold cream. It 555 00:35:44,915 --> 00:35:47,155 Speaker 1: took me half an hour to get all the debris 556 00:35:47,835 --> 00:35:51,435 Speaker 1: all together in the middle of the bathroom floor. I 557 00:35:51,595 --> 00:35:54,835 Speaker 1: made no attempt to put anything back in the medicine cabinet. 558 00:35:55,555 --> 00:35:57,995 Speaker 1: I knew it would take a steadier hand than mine 559 00:35:58,075 --> 00:36:03,595 Speaker 1: and a less shattered spirit. Before I went away only 560 00:36:03,635 --> 00:36:07,675 Speaker 1: partly shaved and abandon the shambles. I left a note 561 00:36:07,675 --> 00:36:09,355 Speaker 1: saying that I was afraid there were needles in the 562 00:36:09,395 --> 00:36:11,595 Speaker 1: bathtub and the wash bowl, and that I had taken 563 00:36:11,635 --> 00:36:13,595 Speaker 1: their towel, and that I would call up and tell 564 00:36:13,635 --> 00:36:15,955 Speaker 1: them everything. I wrote it in I had dined with 565 00:36:15,995 --> 00:36:20,315 Speaker 1: the end of a tooth brush. I have not yet 566 00:36:20,355 --> 00:36:23,315 Speaker 1: called up. I am sorry to say I have neither 567 00:36:23,355 --> 00:36:26,075 Speaker 1: found the courage nor thought up the words to explain 568 00:36:26,115 --> 00:36:30,315 Speaker 1: what happened. I suppose my friends believe that I deliberately 569 00:36:30,355 --> 00:36:34,875 Speaker 1: smashed up their bathroom and stole their towel. I don't 570 00:36:34,875 --> 00:36:37,955 Speaker 1: know for sure, because they have not yet called me 571 00:36:38,075 --> 00:36:45,995 Speaker 1: up either. Nine Needles by James Thurber, and as I 572 00:36:46,035 --> 00:36:52,715 Speaker 1: suggested in a broad sense on the same subject, from 573 00:36:52,795 --> 00:36:56,875 Speaker 1: his Fables for our Time and famous poems illustrated. The 574 00:36:56,955 --> 00:37:03,475 Speaker 1: Mouse who Went to the Country by James Thurber. Once 575 00:37:03,555 --> 00:37:06,275 Speaker 1: upon a Sunday there was a city mouse who went 576 00:37:06,315 --> 00:37:08,875 Speaker 1: to visit a country mouse. He hit away on a 577 00:37:08,955 --> 00:37:11,435 Speaker 1: train the country mouse had told him to take, only 578 00:37:11,475 --> 00:37:14,555 Speaker 1: to find that on Sundays it did not stop at Beddington. 579 00:37:15,355 --> 00:37:18,275 Speaker 1: Hence the city mouse could not get off at Beddington 580 00:37:18,515 --> 00:37:21,635 Speaker 1: and catch a bus for Cybert's Junction, where he was 581 00:37:21,675 --> 00:37:24,555 Speaker 1: to be met by the country mouse. The city mouse, 582 00:37:24,595 --> 00:37:27,115 Speaker 1: in fact, was carried on to Middleburgh, where he waited 583 00:37:27,155 --> 00:37:29,875 Speaker 1: three hours for a train to take him back. When 584 00:37:29,875 --> 00:37:32,035 Speaker 1: he got back to Beddington, he found out that the 585 00:37:32,115 --> 00:37:36,355 Speaker 1: last bus for Seaberts Junction had just left, so he ran, 586 00:37:36,515 --> 00:37:39,075 Speaker 1: and he ran, and he ran, and he finally caught 587 00:37:39,115 --> 00:37:41,395 Speaker 1: the bus and crept aboard, only to find that it 588 00:37:41,475 --> 00:37:43,675 Speaker 1: was not the bus for Seaberts Junction at all, but 589 00:37:43,835 --> 00:37:47,395 Speaker 1: was going in the opposite direction through Pell's Hollow and 590 00:37:47,555 --> 00:37:51,995 Speaker 1: Grum to a place called Wimberbee. When the bus finally stopped, 591 00:37:51,995 --> 00:37:54,275 Speaker 1: the city mouse got out into a heavy rain and 592 00:37:54,315 --> 00:37:57,715 Speaker 1: found that there were no more busses that night going anywhere. 593 00:37:59,035 --> 00:38:01,875 Speaker 1: To the hell with it, said the city mouse, and 594 00:38:01,915 --> 00:38:06,355 Speaker 1: he walked back to the city. Moral stay where you are, 595 00:38:07,475 --> 00:38:11,875 Speaker 1: you're sitting pretty The mouse who went to the Country 596 00:38:12,555 --> 00:38:23,595 Speaker 1: by James Thurber. I've done all the damage I can 597 00:38:23,595 --> 00:38:25,875 Speaker 1: do here. Thank you for listening. If you're not following 598 00:38:25,955 --> 00:38:28,915 Speaker 1: or subscribed to the podcast and whatever, please do so 599 00:38:29,595 --> 00:38:31,915 Speaker 1: and stop a stranger on the street and tell them 600 00:38:31,955 --> 00:38:33,995 Speaker 1: to as well, and if they give you a hard 601 00:38:34,035 --> 00:38:38,075 Speaker 1: time about it, I don't know. Here are the credits. 602 00:38:38,115 --> 00:38:40,515 Speaker 1: Most of the music, including our theme from Beethoven's Ninth, 603 00:38:40,595 --> 00:38:43,355 Speaker 1: was arranged, produced and performed by Brian Ray and John 604 00:38:43,355 --> 00:38:47,115 Speaker 1: Philip Chanelle, where the countdown musical directors. All orchestration and 605 00:38:47,195 --> 00:38:50,235 Speaker 1: keyboards by John Philip Chanelle, guitars based and drums by 606 00:38:50,235 --> 00:38:54,115 Speaker 1: Brian Ray, produced by t k O Brothers. Some other 607 00:38:54,155 --> 00:38:57,715 Speaker 1: Beethoven selections have been arranged and performed by No Horns allowed. 608 00:38:58,075 --> 00:39:00,915 Speaker 1: The sports music is the Olberman theme from ESPN two. 609 00:39:00,955 --> 00:39:03,955 Speaker 1: It was written by Mitch Warren Davis courtesy of ESPN, Inc. 610 00:39:04,475 --> 00:39:07,395 Speaker 1: M Musical comments by Nancy Fauss. The best baseball stadium 611 00:39:07,475 --> 00:39:11,235 Speaker 1: organist ever. Our announcer today was John Deane. Everything else, 612 00:39:11,315 --> 00:39:15,475 Speaker 1: including the pronunciation of seabirds junction and Cybert's junction, was 613 00:39:15,515 --> 00:39:18,595 Speaker 1: pretty much my fault. So let's countdown for this. The 614 00:39:18,635 --> 00:39:21,235 Speaker 1: six hunted an eighty second day since Donald Trump's first 615 00:39:21,235 --> 00:39:24,395 Speaker 1: attempted coup against the democratically elected government of the United States. 616 00:39:24,835 --> 00:39:29,555 Speaker 1: Arrest him now while we still can a new episode Monday. 617 00:39:29,795 --> 00:39:31,995 Speaker 1: Have a good weekend till then. On Keith Olderman, good morning, 618 00:39:32,035 --> 00:39:42,155 Speaker 1: good afternoon, goodnight, and good luck. Countdown with Keith Olderman 619 00:39:42,315 --> 00:39:45,715 Speaker 1: is a production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts 620 00:39:45,795 --> 00:39:48,475 Speaker 1: from I heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, 621 00:39:48,515 --> 00:39:51,915 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.