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Speaker 1: Hey, there're folks. It is Monday, September fifteenth. As we

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Speaker 1: all know, long distance relationships can be difficult. That's why

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Speaker 1: Anna wrote into us asking for some help. You see,

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Speaker 1: she's in a long distance relationship with a guy she

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Speaker 1: hasn't been seeing that long the distance Oregon to France.

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Speaker 1: And with that, welcome to this relationship edition of Amy

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Speaker 1: and TJ. It's the Ask Amy and TJ Edition. We

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Speaker 1: have a new relationship column that posted today on Yahoo

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Speaker 1: dot com and the Life section and robes this. She

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Speaker 1: has some unique issues here, Anna who wrote into us.

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Speaker 1: But isn't this a thing? Always is a long distance

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Speaker 1: a something? Isn't it something that sometimes trips up relationships.

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Speaker 2: Without a doubt? I mean, if you don't have access

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Speaker 2: to the person you love, it's kind of hard. I

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Speaker 2: mean you can't physically touch them, you can't hug them.

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Speaker 2: And yes, in the beginning of a relationship where everything

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Speaker 2: is rosy and you're putting your best foot forward in

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Speaker 2: a weird way because you're far apart, you hide any

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Speaker 2: ugliness you have for sure, because we all have it,

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Speaker 2: And so you don't actually get to know the real person.

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Speaker 2: You're not forced to have to like deal with their

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Speaker 2: bad habits or you know what I mean, Like, it's

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Speaker 2: almost you get a long lens view and you don't

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Speaker 2: see all the details.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to use something you said, How did you

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Speaker 1: just put it? It stopped me in my tracks when

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Speaker 1: you said it. You have to have access. What do

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Speaker 1: you mean by that when you have access to someone?

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Speaker 1: Because there are people in relationships now who live in

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Speaker 1: the same town, who might be living in the same

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Speaker 1: house and don't feel like they have access sometimes to

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Speaker 1: their significant other. What do you mean by that?

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Speaker 2: I mean that being able to physically connect to somebody

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Speaker 2: is a huge part of a relationship, touch, feel, sex,

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Speaker 2: all of it. Like that is integral to knowing if

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Speaker 2: you you are with the person you want to spend

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Speaker 2: the rest of your life with. If you don't have

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Speaker 2: physical access to the person you love, I do think

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Speaker 2: it's hard to get a realistic idea of how successful

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Speaker 2: you may be. And maybe I'm wrong, call me right,

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Speaker 2: That's just my thought. Like, I can't imagine being able

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Speaker 2: to to feel confident in us in our relationship if

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Speaker 2: I was never with you physically.

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Speaker 1: Okay, then what's the argument for when people come back

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Speaker 1: and say, well, you should need that we're in love,

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Speaker 1: we know how we feel, and we don't have to

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Speaker 1: be up under each other all the time.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, you're in love with the idea of someone,

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Speaker 2: but if you're not physically around them, you don't really

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Speaker 2: know them in a way. Like it's a huge difference.

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Speaker 1: All right, So now let's get in Dana. Actually, let

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Speaker 1: me ask you for have you ever done long distance before,

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Speaker 1: a long distance relationship for an extended period where.

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Speaker 2: It was I, Yes, I for a for a year

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Speaker 2: for you, And what it taught me was actually I

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Speaker 2: didn't follow through with what it taught me that I

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Speaker 2: was fine far away. That should have been a red flag,

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Speaker 2: Oh boy, but yes I did. I had a year.

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Speaker 1: Absence didn't make the heart, girl found it made the

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Speaker 1: heart realize what it was doing. Correct, Okay?

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Speaker 2: Correct?

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Speaker 1: Or I even asked, all right, let's get back into Anna. Here.

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Speaker 1: Anna wrote into us with a question for us about

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Speaker 1: her relation. Like I got t used off the top, folks,

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Speaker 1: this is not just long distance. The distance they'll have

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Speaker 1: it right the West coast to France.

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Speaker 2: It's pretty far, okay. Yeah, Like even if she were

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Speaker 2: in New York or somewhere on the East coast, it

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Speaker 2: wouldn't feel as far away. But you add another six

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Speaker 2: hours to the flight that's already going to be six

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Speaker 2: to eight hours. Now you're talking fourteen to fifteen hours.

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Speaker 2: That is significant.

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Speaker 1: Hey, the heart wants what the heart.

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Speaker 2: Wants, they say, don't they? They do say that. But

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Speaker 2: this was funny because we are huge. I say funny

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Speaker 2: because when this question came to us, the first thing

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Speaker 2: I thought it was ninety day fiance. First thing, because

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Speaker 2: this happens all the time on one of our favorite

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Speaker 2: television At.

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Speaker 1: Least, the scenario as she described sounds awfully familiar. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to judge this lady. Yeah, ladies five situation.

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Speaker 1: She's twenty five, and here is our question. She wrote

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Speaker 1: into us, asking Amy and TJ. I am a twenty

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Speaker 1: five year old woman and have been dating the love

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Speaker 1: of my life for eight months. But there's one problem.

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Speaker 1: He lives in France and I live in Oregon. We've

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Speaker 1: only met in person twice, once on a two week

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Speaker 1: road trip here in the US, once when I visited him,

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Speaker 1: and I don't speak French, so I can't communicate with

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Speaker 1: his parents. But I'm convinced he's the one. He's willing

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Speaker 1: to move to the US, but getting a job on

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Speaker 1: a sponsored visa is almost impossible these days. Should I

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Speaker 1: apply for the fiance visa? Do I marry him so

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Speaker 1: he can move here? And hope for the best?

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Speaker 2: Anna? That last line made me nervous even reading it. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: hope for the.

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Speaker 1: Best that you know what? Sometimes what it's people say

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Speaker 1: sometimes take a chance in life. Take this is a

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Speaker 1: huge chance. Do it at twenty five because you're young enough.

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Speaker 1: I am not saying she's gonna this is a mistake.

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Speaker 1: I would tell my twenty five year old daughter it's

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Speaker 1: a mistake. But what do you say to a stranger

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Speaker 1: who was convinced of something. All you can do, as

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Speaker 1: far as advice goes, right Robes, is just to support

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Speaker 1: best you can be honest without being mean. We're trying

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Speaker 1: to respect where she is and how she feels. But

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Speaker 1: a couple of things in there to say I'm dating

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Speaker 1: the love of my life and then to say eight

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Speaker 1: months that's a little quick. And then yes, that last line.

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Speaker 1: How much do you do anywhere in life where you

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Speaker 1: make a decision and you hope for the best, you

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Speaker 1: just gonna throw it to the wind.

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Speaker 2: Cross my fingers here on this one.

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Speaker 1: You know what it sounded like, cross my finger. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: this is not across my finger situation.

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Speaker 2: It's not because and look, the only reason why we

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Speaker 2: even know a little bit about this process is because

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Speaker 2: again we watch ninety Day Fiance. But I think, at

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Speaker 2: the end of the day, look, I'm never going to

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Speaker 2: tell somebody not to go for love, not to follow

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Speaker 2: their heart, not to see what happens. Life is short.

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Speaker 2: All of the above I fully fully agree with. But once,

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Speaker 2: if you get him over here and he comes over

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Speaker 2: and say it doesn't work out, does she recognize some

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Speaker 2: of the things that are associated with that visa? You

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Speaker 2: are financially responsible for that person, so he wouldn't be

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Speaker 2: able to work initially, that is true, And so she

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Speaker 2: has to know that she is taking on financial responsibility

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Speaker 2: for another human being. And what does that do to

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Speaker 2: your love? What does that do to your relationship? There

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Speaker 2: are so many things that affect feelings, and resentment I

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Speaker 2: know could be a part of it. If he can't work,

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Speaker 2: and he may think this is so exciting to be

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Speaker 2: in the United States of America, But then he gets

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Speaker 2: here and he moves to Oregon, a place he may

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Speaker 2: have never been before, and he can't work, and he's

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Speaker 2: stuck inside a house with no friends, no family, no job.

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Speaker 2: All we've seen all of this play out on that show,

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Speaker 2: because it's not anything anyone anticipates because they're so in

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Speaker 2: love and they're so excited about being together and that

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Speaker 2: meeting at the airport when you pick up your new

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Speaker 2: fiance with the sign and it's so exciting, and then

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Speaker 2: it doesn't even take a week before all of a

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Speaker 2: sudden reality sets in. So I guess I would just

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Speaker 2: say she really needs I really said she should watch

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Speaker 2: the show. First of all, she hasn't, and second, she

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Speaker 2: really needs to ask herself if financially she can take

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Speaker 2: this on.

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Speaker 1: There is a chance she wouldn't get the VS anyway,

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Speaker 1: because she can't prove she can financially support another grown.

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Speaker 2: Correct, it's possible.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I assume that she's If she's written into us,

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Speaker 1: then she's done a little research on the matter, so

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Speaker 1: maybe she knows this is a possibility. I was trying

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Speaker 1: to desperately find ways to be supportive and encouraging, Like

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Speaker 1: if we're making a list of pros and hans or

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Speaker 1: checks and exes, I mean, what would you say to

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Speaker 1: her supportive Okay, this is what you do. This is

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Speaker 1: why this could be a good idea, Like where are

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Speaker 1: the I'm looking for the ways to go go for

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Speaker 1: it girl like, hell yeah, love only comes along every

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Speaker 1: so I'm looking for that kind of thing that I

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Speaker 1: don't have. All I have is caution in talking to her.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to judge the relationship she has at

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Speaker 1: all and how she feels. But eight months is very

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Speaker 1: very fast. Even if that person lived down the street

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Speaker 1: from you, eight months just isn't a lot of time.

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Speaker 1: Even if you spend a lot of time with them,

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Speaker 1: eight months is just not enough time to establish a

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Speaker 1: foundation in my experience that can lead to a lasting relationship.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I think that's something you consider. And also we

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Speaker 2: say eight months, and you pointed out if you lived

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Speaker 2: in the same city that would still be quick. But

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Speaker 2: think about this. In those eight months, she says in

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Speaker 2: the letter, they've only met in person twice, once on

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Speaker 2: a two week trip and once when I visited him.

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Speaker 2: So she didn't say for how long, but let's say

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Speaker 2: it was a week, because that's usually how long trips

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Speaker 2: are when you can get away from work, etc. So

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Speaker 2: in those eight months, she has physically been with him

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Speaker 2: for three weeks, and I'm just saying, during those three weeks,

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Speaker 2: of course you're putting your best foot forward. Of course

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Speaker 2: you're being the best version of yourself. You haven't had

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Speaker 2: time to get snippy, or be in a bad mood,

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Speaker 2: or deal with pressure or stress in a way that could,

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Speaker 2: at least somehow maybe make things look a little less shiny,

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Speaker 2: bright and new, and you're getting to see the actual

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Speaker 2: person in good times and in bad. We need to

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Speaker 2: know all of those reactions to life. And look, I

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Speaker 2: have had a relationship where none of that bad stuff

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Speaker 2: had happened until the actual marriage began, and then it

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Speaker 2: came with a frenzy, like it was overwhelming, the difference

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Speaker 2: between dating and marriage. It's like if you haven't had

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Speaker 2: a fight, that's another thing. You know, some people you

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Speaker 2: could never have a fight and get married and not

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Speaker 2: know what it's like to argue with the person. I've

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Speaker 2: had that experience, and then once you get married, you're like, wait,

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Speaker 2: what is happening? What? I don't know how to handle this.

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Speaker 2: We've never fought before, and all of a sudden, now

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Speaker 2: all we're doing is fighting because it was almost as

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Speaker 2: if it and I just wonder if they've had a fight,

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Speaker 2: if they've had a disagreement, if they've been emotional around

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Speaker 2: each other, because those are all really important things to

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Speaker 2: know before you get engaged. And granted, if she's getting

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Speaker 2: engaged to him, obviously she doesn't have to marry him.

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Speaker 2: But three months is a ticking time bomb. That is

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Speaker 2: so that's so much pressure though, Like you have three

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Speaker 2: months to decide if you want to marry this person.

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Speaker 2: That is so much pressure. I feel for anyone who's

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Speaker 2: in this position, if you fall in love with somebody

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Speaker 2: who lives in another country, because that is so much pressure.

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Speaker 1: Let me ask it this way, where would you ever

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Speaker 1: make an argument that love is all you? Can you

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Speaker 1: ever say to someone who is so in love that say, hey,

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Speaker 1: the rest of it is just gonna work itself out.

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Speaker 1: If you love this person, you have got to go

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Speaker 1: for it, take your chance.

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Speaker 2: I do believe that to an extent, and I do

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Speaker 2: believe the way that works is if both people truly

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Speaker 2: feel that way, and both people are prepared to love

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Speaker 2: through pain and to love through difficulty, and have the

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Speaker 2: disposition and willingness to love somebody even when it's hard.

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Speaker 2: It's very easy to love somebody when everything's fun and

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Speaker 2: new and exciting. Yes, that feeling, that rush, it's incredible.

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Speaker 2: But I think a lot of experts will tell you,

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Speaker 2: and I feel like I have come to this belief

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Speaker 2: as I have gone through many relationships, that that isn't

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Speaker 2: really love. That initial rush, that initial joy, that initial

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Speaker 2: ecstasy is just that. It's a feeling of lust, of attractiveness,

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Speaker 2: of excitement. But love comes when it's hard. Love is,

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Speaker 2: and you decide love is. I think love is a

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Speaker 2: very different thing than that first year of excitement and newness.

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Speaker 1: You gotta start on somewhere, you do.

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Speaker 2: I agree, and thank god she has that, because plenty

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Speaker 2: of people have been in relationships where you never got that,

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Speaker 2: you never had that lightning bulk.

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Speaker 1: You just nailed it for me, you nailed Why I

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Speaker 1: can encourage this, young lady is because if you have

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Speaker 1: found something that that's surreal and that's special and makes

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Speaker 1: you feel this good, then relish that in that moment

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Speaker 1: for however you can. That is a big deal. A

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Speaker 1: lot of people end up dating, start and never necessarily

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Speaker 1: get that full effect. Maybe it's fine, but if she's

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Speaker 1: having that experience, there you go and.

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Speaker 2: There's no better feeling in the world like it is.

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Speaker 2: And look, I could have easily gone through life and

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Speaker 2: never actually known what it felt like where you would

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Speaker 2: do anything to be with somebody. And that is such

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Speaker 2: a beautiful thing to feel, that willingness to sacrifice, that

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Speaker 2: willingness to say I will do this, I will take

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Speaker 2: this on because I so desperately want to breathe the

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Speaker 2: same air as you. That is such a beautiful feeling.

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Speaker 2: And I hear you like the she just has to

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Speaker 2: be prepared for the worst case scenario and just have

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Speaker 2: a have a plan and have a way forward. But

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Speaker 2: it sounds like she's head over heels.

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Speaker 1: What's the thing we all we preach this on our

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Speaker 1: podcasts that you don't and people always expect the worst?

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Speaker 1: Right do you expect the bad thing is going to happen?

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Speaker 1: And we tell people all the time, how what a

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Speaker 1: change in your life and attitude if you expect the

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Speaker 1: best to happen. What if she didn't expect the worst,

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Speaker 1: Maybe she didn't expect a divorce or it to go

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Speaker 1: badly for them to break up. What if we say, hey,

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Speaker 1: why don't we just why don't we say this is

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Speaker 1: going to go well?

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Speaker 2: It very well could, and it's exciting that she's met

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Speaker 2: somebody who she feels that strongly about.

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Speaker 1: But stay with her us here, folks, because truth of

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Speaker 1: the matter is, we don't feel good about this, and

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Speaker 1: we're going to explain why, and gives some pretty speci

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Speaker 1: pacific examples from our ninety day Fiance watching that if

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Speaker 1: this young lady watch that show, she might feel differently

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Speaker 1: about mister French.

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Speaker 2: And welcome back to this edition of Amy and TJ.

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Speaker 2: This is our Ask Amy and TJ episode for the

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Speaker 2: week where we have Anna writing to us. She is

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Speaker 2: madly in love. She met the love of her life.

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Speaker 2: The problem is he lives in France and she lives

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Speaker 2: in Oregon, and adding to that, she doesn't speak French

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Speaker 2: at all, so she cannot communicate with any member of

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Speaker 2: his family. And I'm assuming he can speak English pretty well,

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Speaker 2: so they at least can communicate back and forth. But

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Speaker 2: she wants to know should she apply for a fiance

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Speaker 2: visa to bring him here to the United States so

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Speaker 2: they can live happily.

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Speaker 1: Ever after again, eight months saveman dating in the total

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Speaker 1: of it looks.

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Speaker 2: For three weeks together physically, and I'm sure you know

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Speaker 2: they FaceTime every day and all of that. But she's

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Speaker 2: twenty five. That is still pretty dang young.

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Speaker 1: We don't have a lot of details. I would have

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Speaker 1: questions about her dating history. How old is he, what

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Speaker 1: does he do for a living? How can he just

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Speaker 1: up and move? What is his skill? What do her

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Speaker 1: family and friends say about all this? I would like

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Speaker 1: to ask all those details. But Robes, this was we say,

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Speaker 1: it's personal to us. That's a weird way to put it,

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Speaker 1: but if anybody listens to us, it's been clear. We

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Speaker 1: don't watch a lot of TV shows, but we watch

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Speaker 1: a lot of reality dating shows. In particular, we do,

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Speaker 1: and that have to do with long term marriage, not

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Speaker 1: just Love Island or Hot for TV whatever. Yeah, we

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Speaker 1: actually watch where marriage is the end goal, married at

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Speaker 1: first sight and certainly ninety day fiance. It's called that, Robes,

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Speaker 1: and I should know because once you get a fiance visa,

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Speaker 1: that person that is your fiancee, they coming from somewhere else,

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Speaker 1: hits the ground in the United States. Like you just said,

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Speaker 1: the clock is ticking, yes, And we have seen this

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Speaker 1: play out so poorly, so badly. We have seen exact

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Speaker 1: scenarios where people have not been dating long and have

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Speaker 1: spent over years only a couple weeks together and say

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Speaker 1: they are madly in love. And why do I think

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Speaker 1: it's usually a guy is the one who wants to

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Speaker 1: come over.

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Speaker 2: Why am I thinking that? And a lot of them

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Speaker 2: that is the case, because we see a lot of

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Speaker 2: women and they've met met, But there's also a plenty

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Speaker 2: of men who have gone and met women who have

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Speaker 2: been anywhere from Eastern Europe to Asia. We've seen from

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Speaker 2: all over the world, a lot less European more other countries.

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Speaker 2: But I even told Anna in my advice to her

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Speaker 2: on the column this week, I said, you should try

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Speaker 2: watching ninety Day Fiance and stop watching rom coms. And

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Speaker 2: I say that, and I've talked about this before, but

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Speaker 2: I do think and I was absolutely a part of

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Speaker 2: this where we really get we really do get this,

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Speaker 2: this fairy tale fantasy planted in our heads. I can

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Speaker 2: speak for myself that you think, especially when you're younger,

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Speaker 2: that you're going to meet the man of your dreams,

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Speaker 2: and not that you think everything's going to be perfect,

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Speaker 2: but you think that this is going to be a

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Speaker 2: He's going to be there to be my prince and

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Speaker 2: be my night and shining armor and he's going to

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Speaker 2: rescue me from whatever life I'm living in right now,

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Speaker 2: and we're going to just be madly in love and

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Speaker 2: have kids and just be that Instagram family that I

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Speaker 2: see everyone else have and I want that too, And

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Speaker 2: this is how I get it, and I get that

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Speaker 2: that we're all sold that story. But when you watch

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Speaker 2: ninety dight Fiance, and I laugh because it's kind of

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Speaker 2: amazing and how tough it is for everybody, because relationships

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Speaker 2: are already tough, but now you add someone else's culture,

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Speaker 2: someone else's lonely or feeling ostracized from their family, someone

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Speaker 2: feels like they're not able to contribute. Someone feels like

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Speaker 2: they're doing all the work, and they're annoyed that they

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Speaker 2: basically now have someone they have to watch out for

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Speaker 2: and take care of and manage because they don't have

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Speaker 2: a way or know how to get around this country. So, yeah,

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Speaker 2: we've seen it all. Plan it's hard. It's really, really

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Speaker 2: really hard.

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Speaker 1: More times than not, we have seen disasters with these relationships,

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Speaker 1: and it often does later on, it's somebody there, an

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Speaker 1: accusation comes, He's been using me the whole time. He

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Speaker 1: was just trying to get to the United States. I

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Speaker 1: remember one particular couple that everybody didn't seem to really like.

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Speaker 1: This woman she was from the South, brother from Africa.

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to use all their name. Hey, they've

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Speaker 1: been out there, but I'm not trying to single them out.

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Speaker 1: But I'm saying we saw a disaster with those two

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Speaker 1: into where she was desperate to get him over here,

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Speaker 1: and they hadn't been together, spent that much time together,

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Speaker 1: but they've been together years even anyway, I'm using this

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Speaker 1: example and one I remember to where he did he

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Speaker 1: run from her here in the US or something like

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Speaker 1: he went bonkers.

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Speaker 2: It went sideways and they were married for seven years,

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Speaker 2: I believe, and we're back and forth long distance. When

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Speaker 2: he finally came over, and as soon as he came over,

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Speaker 2: it was pretty much a disaster from the story.

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Speaker 1: Is that, right? They got married and then he couldn't

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Speaker 1: come over for a while, right, and when he finally did.

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Speaker 2: Could put exactly And look, that doesn't necessarily have to

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Speaker 2: be the case, but I just think that, Look, as

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Speaker 2: much as I love love there, there does have to

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Speaker 2: be some practicality and some expectations, some realistic expectations about

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Speaker 2: what will happen. And what could happen. But I you know,

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Speaker 2: I love I love the idea of going for yes,

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Speaker 2: going for broke, and following your heart and giving it

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Speaker 2: a try. I just would if this from my daughter,

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Speaker 2: obviously I would feel the same as you. I would

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Speaker 2: really try to discourage her. But I also at the

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Speaker 2: same time would say, just right out a list of

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Speaker 2: pros and co right, show me that you've got to

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Speaker 2: plan financially to see this through. Yeah, and if you've

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Speaker 2: really thought it through and you've been really smart about it,

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Speaker 2: your feelings are there, right, But if you just can

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Speaker 2: that logic side of your brain that I know I

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Speaker 2: don't use often sometimes, But if you can put it

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Speaker 2: down on paper and really study it and just know

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Speaker 2: what you're getting into, and if you go into it

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Speaker 2: with your eyes wide open and you follow your hearts,

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Speaker 2: it'd be amazing if it all worked out. And if

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Speaker 2: it doesn't, at least you're prepared. You actually know that

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Speaker 2: you made a decision based on a lot of thought

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Speaker 2: and not just a lot of feeling. You need both.

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Speaker 1: But that's a good that's again, that's more good advice

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Speaker 1: and seeing what happens. I hate to discourage someone for

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Speaker 1: going for a relationship that they want, but you have

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Speaker 1: to be practical about it and be prepared. Okay, this

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Speaker 1: might not work out. We make a decision. How many

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Speaker 1: decisions do you make every single day? And you know

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Speaker 1: this might not work out? Yeah, and you do it anyway,

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Speaker 1: and it's hard. And again I'm talking to Anna because

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Speaker 1: this woman is not mine child, But it would be

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Speaker 1: very hard to sit by and watch someone that you

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Speaker 1: love do something that you do.

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Speaker 2: Think.

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Speaker 1: Let's okay, can we haven't even said this? It sounds nuts. Yeah, wait,

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Speaker 1: you've you've you've seen him for three weeks in your

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Speaker 1: life and you've only known him for eight months. And

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Speaker 1: he lives in France. He might even live on the

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Speaker 1: east side of France. He might be way even farther

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Speaker 1: away if possible.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, no one said Paris, so we don't even

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Speaker 2: know how to get there.

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Speaker 1: He would have said Paris.

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Speaker 2: She would have said Paris, and I would have moved there, Like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: it was Oregon or Paris. I'm going with Paris.

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Speaker 1: Oregon. It's lovely. It is lovely, lovely part of the country,

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Speaker 1: a little dreary at times, but Anna, good luck to you.

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Speaker 1: This is one out of all we've done. I think

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Speaker 1: I want to talk to her more than anybody else

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Speaker 1: that's written in. I have so many questions.

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Speaker 2: I want to know how they met, that's I think.

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Speaker 2: And I do want to know how old he is.

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Speaker 2: I do want to know he does what he does

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Speaker 2: for a living. You know, it's funny one of the

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Speaker 2: ninety Days we've been watching and we've been kind of

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Speaker 2: off our watching habits recently, but the woman was from

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Speaker 2: Paris and he was from New Hampshire and we're in

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Speaker 2: the middle of it right now. Things are rocky for

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Speaker 2: all of the reasons why we just mentioned. She feels

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Speaker 2: like she's alone, she feels ostracized. She has a child

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Speaker 2: with him too, so there is another tie that binds.

436
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:23,680
Speaker 2: But she is definitely feeling like why am I here

437
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:25,800
Speaker 2: in this state of New Hampshire when I could be

438
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,800
Speaker 2: in Paris and his kids can't stand her, and it's

439
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:30,440
Speaker 2: just there's so many things that can go on, so

440
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:33,280
Speaker 2: at least in twenty five it sounds like hopefully starting

441
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:36,880
Speaker 2: a new There isn't and there aren't children involved yet,

442
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:40,479
Speaker 2: So you know what, you're young, You're in love, as

443
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:42,200
Speaker 2: long as you try to make sure you've got your

444
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:47,919
Speaker 2: financial your financial business in order, then yeah, I mean,

445
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:49,359
Speaker 2: if there was ever a time to go for it.

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00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:51,880
Speaker 2: How they meet, I don't know how they.

447
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,720
Speaker 1: Be because let me remind that a big part of

448
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:58,000
Speaker 1: ninety de fiance oftentimes is their meeting online. Right they

449
00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:03,080
Speaker 1: are specifically going to websites fine foreigners to date. What's

450
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:06,320
Speaker 1: that the case? Because somebody's from Paris, somebody's from Oregon

451
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:09,920
Speaker 1: or France, excuse me that she happened to travel there

452
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:12,879
Speaker 1: and they bumped into each other. They bump into each

453
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:16,159
Speaker 1: other in the United States. Anybody from France heading over.

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00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:18,520
Speaker 2: To them, It's likely unlikely.

455
00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:21,320
Speaker 1: So that's something to keep in mind. So my last

456
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:25,040
Speaker 1: advice to her watch ninety Day Fiance. You might recognize

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00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:27,680
Speaker 1: some parallels in there to your own relationship. There is

458
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:31,600
Speaker 1: a ninety Day Fiance version a spinoff about the Caribbean

459
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:35,679
Speaker 1: or something or the island, where it specifically focuses on

460
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:41,159
Speaker 1: guys who work at resorts who are actually praying on

461
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:45,359
Speaker 1: women in other countries. We've seen that, So I encourage

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00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:50,120
Speaker 1: Anna watch that show. Keep that heart as open as

463
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:54,000
Speaker 1: you can, but keep that mind as open as well.

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00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:58,479
Speaker 2: Exactly, And I actually am really looking forward to the

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00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:01,639
Speaker 2: comments that we hope some of you will leave, because

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00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:03,840
Speaker 2: I imagine there are a lot of people who have

467
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:07,560
Speaker 2: a very similar situation or have walked down that road,

468
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:10,639
Speaker 2: who would be able to say, hey, here are the trappings,

469
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:13,400
Speaker 2: here's what to avoid, here's what to do, here's what

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00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,840
Speaker 2: not to do. I'm actually really looking forward to reading

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00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:18,359
Speaker 2: the comments on this one. But if you haven't read

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00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,520
Speaker 2: the article, please we encourage you head over to yahoo

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00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:24,480
Speaker 2: dot com Live section, click on ask Amy and TJ

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00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:27,200
Speaker 2: and you can read away and again, please please, please,

475
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,080
Speaker 2: if you have some thoughts, if you have some advice,

476
00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:32,600
Speaker 2: and if you've actually gone down this road before, we

477
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:34,679
Speaker 2: would love to hear from you. So thank you so

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00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:37,240
Speaker 2: much for listening to this episode of Amy and TJ.

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Speaker 2: I'm Amy Robot alongside TJ Holmes. Have a great day, everybody,