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Speaker 1: This is Amy and TJ Love Stories.

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Speaker 2: Welcome everyone to this episode of Amy and TJ. And

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Speaker 2: it's our Love Stories edition, and we have some of

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Speaker 2: our favorite lovebirds Ben Higgins and Jessica Clark Higgins, and

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Speaker 2: they have such a beautiful love story that began, well,

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Speaker 2: at least Ben's journey for love began on television in

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Speaker 2: front of us.

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Speaker 1: All well, we got to keep bringing that up. Yes

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Speaker 1: it did.

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Speaker 3: Though it doesn't matter.

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Speaker 2: How it began. It ended with jess and that's and

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Speaker 2: that's what matters. Thank you both for being with us.

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Speaker 3: Oh, we're pumped to be here. We're always excited to

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Speaker 3: talk to you.

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Speaker 1: Well, guys, thank you again. We've asked all the couples

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Speaker 1: the same questions for the most part, and it's been

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Speaker 1: interesting to hear there and answers some of the differences,

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Speaker 1: but there's a lot of commonality. So we'll start off

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Speaker 1: the top five words are less. Then we'll put you

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Speaker 1: on the spot. First five words or less to describe

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Speaker 1: your relationship today.

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Speaker 4: Okay, that's three already, Yeah, safe, comfortable, romantic, and answer

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Speaker 4: your prayer.

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Speaker 2: Oh oh that's so sweet.

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Speaker 3: Yeah that's six, but I did. All right, there you go,

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Speaker 3: you go be nice. Okay, Well I just.

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Speaker 5: Did the same thing as fine, giggly, helpful, helpful, I say, baby,

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Speaker 5: because you have a baby.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, parenthood, Karen, Like I said, where you are today?

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Speaker 1: So that makes it.

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Speaker 2: A lot. Yes, and you're and by the way, your

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Speaker 2: little girl is about to turn one.

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Speaker 1: Yeah next week.

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Speaker 2: Oh happy almost first birthday. We'll get into all of

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Speaker 2: that because baby comes later. Who said I love you.

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Speaker 3: First me, that's not true.

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Speaker 6: It is true, And he somehow remembers it incorrectly, But

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Speaker 6: I said it first.

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Speaker 5: He might have been thinking it, but.

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Speaker 1: I said it.

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Speaker 3: It was very close.

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Speaker 7: At the same time, we were driving to her parents'

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Speaker 7: house in the car and she made a joke or

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Speaker 7: did something, and I remember going, that's that's why I

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Speaker 7: love you. And then I like backtracked real fast, you know,

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Speaker 7: like that's what I love about you. And then it

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Speaker 7: was like two days later she did directly tell me

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Speaker 7: I love you. But I think we I I need

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Speaker 7: to get credit for at least thinking it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I did think it open.

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Speaker 2: To the possibility.

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Speaker 1: Okay, that's you all. That is the most interesting answer

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Speaker 1: we've gotten to that question. Yes, it is what we've

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Speaker 1: talked to in this series. That is the most interesting.

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Speaker 1: Let's go with the timeline here. How long did you

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Speaker 1: date before you got engaged? How long were you engaged

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Speaker 1: before you got there.

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Speaker 3: I don't know that stuff very well.

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Speaker 6: We dated for about a year and a half before

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Speaker 6: we got engaged, and then we were engaged for a

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Speaker 6: year and a half.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, I was on tour. I was hosting this like

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Speaker 7: Bachelor Live musical and traveling across the country, and we

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Speaker 7: were supposed to be in New York City. So I

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Speaker 7: had this big, elaborate like engagement planned in New York

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Speaker 7: City at Central Park. It was going to be like

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Speaker 7: kind of home alone, like ask where, like we visited

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Speaker 7: some of the spots that she loves from, like these

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Speaker 7: Christmas movies. And the pandemic hit and shut down the

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Speaker 7: tour a week before New York and so we audibled

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Speaker 7: to her hometown of Franklin, Tennessee. Uh and then because

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Speaker 7: of the pandemic, we had to have a really long engagement,

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Speaker 7: which looking back, I'm so glad we did. I don't

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Speaker 7: know if we would have if we didn't have like

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Speaker 7: the reason to have a long engagement. But that was

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Speaker 7: such a it was such a fun period to be

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Speaker 7: engaged and to be talking about being engaged, and like

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Speaker 7: once you get married, then the questions become like what

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Speaker 7: are you gonna have kids? And what are you to

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Speaker 7: have another kid? And you know all those things. Engagements

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Speaker 7: funks is just like celebration.

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Speaker 2: I love that. That That is amazing. Yes, everyone doesn't

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Speaker 2: need to rush to the altar. You can enjoy the engagement.

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Speaker 2: It's fun to say fiance, isn't it. We're enjoying fiance.

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Speaker 3: Fun.

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Speaker 2: Now that you're a married couple, you've been married. You

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Speaker 2: got married in twenty twenty one, right, so you're have

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Speaker 2: you you're about to celebrate five years together.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, we'll like at four and a half. We

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Speaker 3: got married November, so late one, okay.

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Speaker 2: So at this year, this end of this year, you'll

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Speaker 2: be at five years. Do you all have a daily disagreement?

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Speaker 2: Do you have a constant thing that you fight about?

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Speaker 2: How would you describe your arguments.

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Speaker 3: If you have?

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Speaker 7: We have daily disagreements for sure? You know, like, at first,

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Speaker 7: I'll explain this, you can correct me. We went through

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Speaker 7: couples counsels very early on in our marriage because Jessica

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Speaker 7: I grew up in a household that just like didn't bicker,

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Speaker 7: they didn't fight, and so it was like a very

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Speaker 7: like peaceful that.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 7: The siblings got along, they got along with the parents.

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Speaker 7: They're just like all really good kids. And I grew

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Speaker 7: up in a household I'm an only child where my

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Speaker 7: parents and I were like constantly, you know, going back

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Speaker 7: and forth.

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Speaker 3: So when we got married, I think we boathch.

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Speaker 7: Just had very different perspectives on how to do confrontation.

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Speaker 7: So we started going to couples counseling that helped. And

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Speaker 7: it's not as much of like the like breakdown, stop

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Speaker 7: talking arguments now, it's more of the it's just like

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Speaker 7: this like small like things in the household.

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Speaker 6: I would say, yeah, I think like household like picking

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Speaker 6: up not necessarily an argument, but that is something that

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Speaker 6: we like clash on sometimes because I'm more like it

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Speaker 6: can stay there for a couple of days and then

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Speaker 6: we can come back and clean it up, and he's

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Speaker 6: more like, it's gotta go that and then like tone

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Speaker 6: of voice will be something where it's.

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Speaker 3: Like did you mean it that way? That's a big one.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, those are like our two that we have to

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Speaker 6: like come back to sometimes.

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Speaker 1: That's usually in question.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, like did you really mean to say that and

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Speaker 7: like hurt me in that way? Or was that just

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Speaker 7: like a passing comment. I need to like come back

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Speaker 7: to that because I can't stop thinking about it. Like

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Speaker 7: those things are oftentimes and I do feel like not

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Speaker 7: to like do the generic excuse with a kid. And

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Speaker 7: when we're both tired, the tone of voice and how

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Speaker 7: we're speaking to each other is a lot more common

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Speaker 7: than when we're both like rested and thinking clearly.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a.

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Speaker 6: Knap time and it's like, oh, I get to be

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Speaker 6: alone for five minutes and he comes in and asks

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Speaker 6: a question.

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Speaker 3: I just can be a little snappy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm curious you mentioned we now is more the

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Speaker 2: daily disagreement and everyone can relate to that. We now

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Speaker 2: don't have like a knockdown drag app What did you

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Speaker 2: learn in therapy that you were able to apply to

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Speaker 2: your marriage that makes your relationship better now than it

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Speaker 2: was when you first went to therapy?

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 7: I think for me, it was giving Jessica the benefit

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Speaker 7: of the doubt, knowing she's on my team.

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Speaker 3: That was mine that she he.

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Speaker 7: Has no intention to hurt me, even if the outcome

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Speaker 7: does hurt me.

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Speaker 3: She's not intending to do that and for.

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Speaker 6: Me because I've never even had an argument with her friends, Like,

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Speaker 6: he's the first person I've ever argued with, And so

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Speaker 6: when we would argue at first, I thought he hated me,

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Speaker 6: Like I was like, oh, he doesn't even like me.

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Speaker 6: So our therapist talked a lot about how if we

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Speaker 6: had never argued, that's more concerning than if we argue

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Speaker 6: every single day. She's like, that's normal, but the key

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Speaker 6: is that when you argue, you come back together really fast.

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Speaker 6: So that's been really helpful of like if we do

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Speaker 6: have a disagreement or there is a misunderstanding, to bring

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Speaker 6: it up right away and to get to a point

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Speaker 6: where we're back together again, like before the day is done.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean, I'm like the best and worst thing

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Speaker 7: to happen to Jessica because I am the first person

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Speaker 7: she's argued with. But I'm also the first person she's loved, so.

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Speaker 1: We also it kind of goes in with this a

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Speaker 1: certain degree. But we've asked every couple this. Everybody has

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Speaker 1: bumps in the road, But was there something a point,

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Speaker 1: a moment, a fight you could point to that you

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Speaker 1: would say, this is as close as we got to

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Speaker 1: almost calling it quits.

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Speaker 7: I don't think so, because when we were dating it

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Speaker 7: was pretty We were a long distance the whole time,

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Speaker 7: and so when we were together it was kind of

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Speaker 7: just always fun and there wasn't too many like life,

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Speaker 7: big life choices we were.

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Speaker 1: Trying to make.

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Speaker 3: I don't remember like one.

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Speaker 7: I mean, I think when we got our puppy, honestly,

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Speaker 7: was like the moments where I was like I might

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Speaker 7: lose her because I had to travel for work a lot.

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Speaker 7: She was taking care of our puppy, waking up like

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Speaker 7: three times a night.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 7: Our dog was a maniac and I would come home

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Speaker 7: and she was just like exhausted on the floor. It

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Speaker 7: was a good training, I would say, PUPPI than a baby.

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Speaker 3: Do you remember one that or like a moment where

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Speaker 3: you're like, oh, no, I never really had that.

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Speaker 6: It was like made a choice that he's my guy,

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Speaker 6: and that's the way it's been. I think the first

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Speaker 6: couple of arguments did scare me because I was like,

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Speaker 6: I don't I just I'd never experienced it. But no,

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Speaker 6: there's never really been a moment that I'm.

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Speaker 7: Like, I think the bumps in the road have have

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Speaker 7: never That's why I said, I would describe it as

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Speaker 7: safe because the bumps in the road have always been

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Speaker 7: never a doubt of Okay, we're going to figure this out.

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Speaker 3: But sometimes it takes longer than others.

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Speaker 7: But I've you know, there's just nobody else and for me,

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Speaker 7: and so it's like I can't lose this girl, Like

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Speaker 7: I don't know I would, I just I just can't.

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Speaker 2: That's really sweet. Did you have a honeymoon period, and

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Speaker 2: if so, how long did it last?

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Speaker 3: We got a dog very quickly.

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Speaker 1: The dogs life.

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Speaker 6: About a month of just us two, and we really

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Speaker 6: used that month to the best of our ability.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 7: We However, I think what we've done and which has

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Speaker 7: been good, is we we've been a little bit of

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Speaker 7: a lull, but we do a lot of date nights

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Speaker 7: just the two of us. That always seems to get

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Speaker 7: us back to like this honeymoon phase.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 7: We both get clothes on that aren't like sweats and

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Speaker 7: t shirts because you know, I sit at home and

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Speaker 7: work all day and that's what I'm wearing. Uh, those

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Speaker 7: are always really special nights. So I still feel like

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Speaker 7: it comes and goes. I think the good part about

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Speaker 7: long distance and how long we were engaged that like

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Speaker 7: euphoric expectation that you think will last forever. Was like that,

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Speaker 7: and what was keeping us going It was our connection

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Speaker 7: with each other, our ability to communicate the love for

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Speaker 7: each other. And so now that that has kind of

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Speaker 7: lasted where I think that like honeymoon butterfly in the

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Speaker 7: stomach phase, for us, it was like, okay, i'll see

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Speaker 7: if in three days, then i'll see in two weeks.

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Speaker 7: It had to kind of leave quickly or we would

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Speaker 7: have never you know, made it work.

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Speaker 1: And Jesse mentioned date nights there. We were going to

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Speaker 1: ask about it. It sounds like you all certainly subscribe

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Speaker 1: to the idea. But so let me ask, do you

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Speaker 1: have set days you do it? How often do you

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Speaker 1: like to do it? Are you just when it comes

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Speaker 1: up it comes up that.

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Speaker 6: Big size because it's been a really long time.

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Speaker 7: I know, we did go We were in Orlando for

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Speaker 7: a golf tournament this weekend and we went out. We

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Speaker 7: found one night. We're in Denver and we don't really

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Speaker 7: have any we don't have any family near us. And

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Speaker 7: some of our neighbors are great and they'll love to

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Speaker 7: take care of Winnie, but our average like neighbor neighbor

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Speaker 7: age a lot higher than us, and so when we

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Speaker 7: want to go for a date night, we could be

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Speaker 7: out till, you know, ten o'clock, and that's not an

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Speaker 7: option in this neighborhood with our neighbors.

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Speaker 1: So, by the way, I have.

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Speaker 2: A daughter who's nineteen, who lives really close to you,

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Speaker 2: who is a babysitter.

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Speaker 3: We made all of them.

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Speaker 6: Yeah this, yes, Yeah, that would be great. I was

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Speaker 6: just telling Ben last week, we've got to start interviewing

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Speaker 6: for babysitters.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's that's kind of number for you.

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Speaker 1: And then I'll call later and give you the truth

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Speaker 1: about it. She is, she is all right.

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Speaker 2: So household chores, how do you all split this up?

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Speaker 2: Because a lot of folks talk about that's where some

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Speaker 2: of these fights bubble up. Sounds like that might be

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Speaker 2: a little true for y'alls too. Who does the cooking,

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Speaker 2: Who does the cleaning, who does the laundry, all of that?

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Speaker 2: Ben does almost all of it.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna be on it.

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Speaker 6: I got really lucky with him. He is an amazing cook.

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Speaker 2: He is so clean.

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Speaker 6: It comes with the only child. I'm a middle child.

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Speaker 6: We just live on like different planets and we do

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Speaker 6: our own separate laundry. I do Winni's laundry.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, she does the daughter's laundry. I mean, I work

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Speaker 7: from home, and so where you see me sitting right

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Speaker 7: now is where I'm sitting. In a majority of the day,

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Speaker 7: Jessica does go down to her office. She owns a

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Speaker 7: couple of skincare clinics in Denver, and so she's going

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Speaker 7: down there. And so when I'm home and I'm on

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Speaker 7: a call or I'm listening in on a meeting, It's

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Speaker 7: not uncommon for me to pull out the vacuum. I

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Speaker 7: am preferred to be very clean in our house, to

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Speaker 7: keep everything picked up. And then when it comes to cooking, honestly,

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Speaker 7: it's it's ninety nine percent of the time, something I

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Speaker 7: want to do with the today. I want to pour

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Speaker 7: a cocktail, I want to turn on the news, I

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Speaker 7: want to see what's going on in the world, and

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Speaker 7: I want to cook for the next hour. That's like

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Speaker 7: my favorite time of the day. And so most days

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Speaker 7: that's never like a chore more than it is just

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Speaker 7: a release. But yeah, when it comes to like those

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Speaker 7: like everyday tasks, I seem to be doing them more

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Speaker 7: just because I think I'm home more.

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Speaker 6: But he loves it, so I just I let him

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Speaker 6: do what he loves so good at it.

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Speaker 2: DJ is the chef and the family too, and he

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Speaker 2: when you did with the scene you just described ing

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Speaker 2: at cocktail, putting on the news, and making dinner. I

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Speaker 2: just literally that's PJ.

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Speaker 1: You guys are so allowing us to cook and clean.

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Speaker 1: Appreciate appreciate that. The other thing about the household money,

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Speaker 1: how do you all handle it? One account, joint, two

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Speaker 1: separate and a lot of people have three mm.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, we uh, we have one shared account that we

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Speaker 7: both put money into every month, and then we both

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Speaker 7: operate our own individual businesses and so we operate those

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Speaker 7: you know how we need to how we want to

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Speaker 7: separate accounts for that. But our our Joy account pays

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Speaker 7: for everything that's like that's expensed wise in our life,

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Speaker 7: mortgages to insurance to all that stuff, and then we

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Speaker 7: do have a shared like retirement fund separate than that, so.

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Speaker 3: We try to keep it. I think the way we've

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Speaker 3: tried to.

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Speaker 7: Do it is I never I just wouldn't want to

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Speaker 7: in my life ever be like telling Jessica how to

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Speaker 7: spend her money, and I don't think she wants to

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Speaker 7: do that to me, And so it's nice to have

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Speaker 7: these separate accounts that we can she can buy, you know,

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Speaker 7: whatever she buys, and then we have this this shared

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Speaker 7: account that's kind of hopefully building up for our future

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Speaker 7: and for life and retirement.

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Speaker 2: That's perfect. I think a lot of a lot of

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Speaker 2: folks are on that path as well. All Right, how often, well,

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Speaker 2: I know we talked a little bit about the vice,

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Speaker 2: but I'm curious, how often would you say you have

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Speaker 2: a disagreement with each other?

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Speaker 3: Even small ones, even small ones?

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Speaker 7: Yeah, maybe once a week, Yeah, once a week. I

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Speaker 7: would say it'd probably be a pretty good guess. Once

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Speaker 7: or twice a week.

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Speaker 1: You remember the last significant one?

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Speaker 7: A significant one? Once every two months? Yeah, once a

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Speaker 7: quarter maybe, like one that like actually feels like, Hey,

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Speaker 7: I'm emotionally tied to this argument.

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Speaker 3: Most of the time, it's like, you know, I don't.

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Speaker 7: I mean, honestly, it's hard for me to remember half

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Speaker 7: of the things we've argued about in the last week,

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Speaker 7: because I.

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Speaker 3: Have no recollection or emotional tie to them.

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Speaker 7: But some of the ones that I like would actually

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Speaker 7: feel and think through, I'd say once a quarter would

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Speaker 7: be our pace.

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Speaker 1: Right now, we need to look into that because we're

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Speaker 1: the same. We have a once every three months. I

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Speaker 1: say it to it when a fight ends, I'll see

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Speaker 1: you in three months.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, in three months.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 7: I don't know what that's about, but it seems that

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Speaker 7: be that that like if I look back on kind

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Speaker 7: of like when I remember them, it would be.

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Speaker 3: And maybe it's just like, hey, we haven't done this

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Speaker 3: in a while.

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Speaker 7: I gotta let's get some stuff out.

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Speaker 2: The last one was our biggest, and I think we

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Speaker 2: had gone five months without having a big one. But man,

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Speaker 2: I'd rather go three months and have it not be so.

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Speaker 1: Built up.

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Speaker 2: Do you all have any rules, as in, we never

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Speaker 2: go to bed angry? Like when it comes to how

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Speaker 2: you all handle disagreements, and.

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Speaker 1: Some people don't. They say they don't curse, they make

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Speaker 1: sure they don't use profanity when we're threatened.

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Speaker 2: To leave or in the relationship like I'm done, I

362
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:39,080
Speaker 2: want a D word anything like that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I would say one rule.

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Speaker 7: I mean, we've gone to bed angry and sometimes I

365
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Speaker 7: think you need to at least I need to you

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Speaker 7: sleep it off. And sometimes I wake up in the morning

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Speaker 7: I was like, and I'm like, why did I go

368
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Speaker 7: to bed mad? Last night, and we never threatened to leave.

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Speaker 7: I think that would be our one rule in our

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Speaker 7: argument is like that is just not that. That is

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Speaker 7: not the solution in our relationship. That's not an out.

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Speaker 7: And so we're we're never going to threaten like, hey,

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Speaker 7: I might go for a walk. I might you know,

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Speaker 7: take a drive, but I'm not threatening, Like I don't

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Speaker 7: want Jessica to think, hey, this, you know he's going

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Speaker 7: to bounce.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's terrible. How about what do you think about

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Speaker 2: I think you said something. You mentioned this briekly, but

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Speaker 2: I'm curious specifically what you think about couples? And there

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Speaker 2: have been a few famous celebrity couples who have said,

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Speaker 2: to anyone who will ask, we never fight. George Clooney

382
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:41,080
Speaker 2: and them all I believe in Travis and Taylor said

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Speaker 2: they never fight. What do you think about couples who

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Speaker 2: don't fight at all?

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Speaker 6: I think that would have been my dream, I really,

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Speaker 6: But going back to a couple's therapy, it was so

387
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:58,919
Speaker 6: that was so helpful and enlightening of like, you can't

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Speaker 6: agree on everything, someone is holding something back is kind

389
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Speaker 6: of where my head goes, is like because that person

390
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:09,000
Speaker 6: would be me, like if he never brought up an

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00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,400
Speaker 6: argument or disagreement, I would just hold it all in

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Speaker 6: and then it would get built up and I would

393
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Speaker 6: have this kind of resentment towards that person, or just

394
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Speaker 6: I don't think I would feel completely hurt or satisfied.

395
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Speaker 6: So I think it's it's important to voice where you

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Speaker 6: disagree so that the person gets to know you better too.

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Speaker 7: I also would say, like, I mean, it's different maybe

398
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Speaker 7: with some of the ones that you mentioned, but you

399
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,600
Speaker 7: need a little practice so that when you have your

400
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:38,800
Speaker 7: first it doesn't feel like the end of the world,

401
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:41,120
Speaker 7: Like you kind of need to get some like callousness

402
00:20:41,119 --> 00:20:44,560
Speaker 7: to like understand how the other one operates and typed

403
00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:49,239
Speaker 7: in moments of like frustration. I also think a lot

404
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:52,520
Speaker 7: of our fights come from, like, honestly, like a deep

405
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,919
Speaker 7: desire to be known and loved by our partner, me

406
00:20:56,160 --> 00:21:00,600
Speaker 7: for her and her for me, And sometimes we don't

407
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:03,400
Speaker 7: even understand ourselves, and so it's hard and you get

408
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:06,480
Speaker 7: frustrated at yourself and at your partner for not understanding

409
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:09,639
Speaker 7: and all these things. So for me, sometimes the fights

410
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:12,159
Speaker 7: feel like the biggest compliment because I'm, like Jessica's just

411
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:15,680
Speaker 7: trying to get to know me and I'm not doing

412
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:17,280
Speaker 7: a good job at allowing it.

413
00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:23,040
Speaker 1: Wow, that sounded sweet. I just I wish he would

414
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:24,560
Speaker 1: stop trying to get to know me so well.

415
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Speaker 2: I'm curious. I'm just so curious.

416
00:21:30,359 --> 00:21:33,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're really curious. You asked curious.

417
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Speaker 2: How important is friendship? Would you say you're each other's

418
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:49,159
Speaker 2: best friends or do you think it's important to have

419
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:51,879
Speaker 2: best friends outside of the relationship. Where do you stand

420
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:55,119
Speaker 2: on that part of being a couple.

421
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Speaker 6: He's definitely my best friend, like one hundred percent. When

422
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:02,840
Speaker 6: something happens, good, bad, funny, He's the first person I

423
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:05,600
Speaker 6: want to tell all the things too. But I do

424
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:07,680
Speaker 6: think it's important for me to have my girlfriends too,

425
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,679
Speaker 6: because there's some stuff that excites me so much that

426
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:13,399
Speaker 6: he just doesn't care about. Not because he doesn't like me,

427
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:15,520
Speaker 6: but because we have different interests.

428
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Speaker 2: Like Bridgeran and things like that. I totally get that exactly.

429
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Speaker 7: You got a person some deal for way too much

430
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:25,040
Speaker 7: money still, and I don't get it why.

431
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Speaker 2: It's a deal, But my girlfriends loved it.

432
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Speaker 1: Yeah, but I do.

433
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Speaker 6: I think that you need to have and like, I'll

434
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:36,600
Speaker 6: watch football with him, but I'm not going to have

435
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:39,359
Speaker 6: the same reaction as his buddies like, You've got to

436
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:40,520
Speaker 6: have that outside.

437
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:41,639
Speaker 3: I think, Yeah, I.

438
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:44,600
Speaker 7: Still hold a lot of really close friendships. Jessica's definitely

439
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:46,639
Speaker 7: my best friend. We spend the most time together, she

440
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:51,200
Speaker 7: knows the most about me. But I yeah, I will

441
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:55,199
Speaker 7: always need some some of my dudes around, especially who

442
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:59,679
Speaker 7: have known me since middle school, because yeah, it's just

443
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:03,119
Speaker 7: different and they it kind of also is like an

444
00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:07,280
Speaker 7: accountability check to make sure I'm, you know, doing things well.

445
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:09,959
Speaker 7: They'll hold me accountable if they feel like I'm slipping,

446
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:11,480
Speaker 7: and I think that's a big deal too.

447
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,240
Speaker 1: Last couple of things here, and you all are such

448
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:17,280
Speaker 1: a good example of what a lot of couples are

449
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:20,320
Speaker 1: trying to figure out. I mean, you all overcame distance,

450
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:23,200
Speaker 1: you overcame different industries, you overcame being in the public.

451
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:25,720
Speaker 1: You got a puppy, you had a baby. You are

452
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,879
Speaker 1: young and your marriage is young. So for those folks

453
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:30,960
Speaker 1: who want that, I mean, you all went through some

454
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,680
Speaker 1: stuff and you're still here and happy in making it.

455
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:38,960
Speaker 1: Tell them what is it you see oftentimes young couples

456
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,440
Speaker 1: making a mistake about that. If you had their ear,

457
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:45,000
Speaker 1: you say, hey, watch out for this when they're trying

458
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:47,800
Speaker 1: to get to where you guys are right now. People

459
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:50,240
Speaker 1: want that advice, and they certainly want to allow of

460
00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:52,800
Speaker 1: their relationship to look like you alls seems to be

461
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:53,440
Speaker 1: looking right now.

462
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:56,520
Speaker 6: That's really kind of you to say. Obviously, we've put

463
00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:58,040
Speaker 6: in a lot of work. And I think that's one

464
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:01,200
Speaker 6: of the things, is like, you have to prioritize your relationship.

465
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:04,879
Speaker 6: You can't just let it pass by. You have to

466
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:08,520
Speaker 6: work on it for it to be healthy and sustainable.

467
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:11,360
Speaker 6: But I also think one of the things that I

468
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:14,960
Speaker 6: hear the most from younger couples is keeping score. They

469
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:16,560
Speaker 6: got to do this, so I got to do that.

470
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,120
Speaker 6: He was golfing for six hours. Now I get six

471
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:22,160
Speaker 6: hours to do blah blah blah. And that's something that

472
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:25,560
Speaker 6: we make a conscious effort not to do. But we're

473
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:28,120
Speaker 6: so happy when the other person has something that they

474
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:29,639
Speaker 6: desire and we want them.

475
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:30,440
Speaker 1: To go and do that thing.

476
00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:32,800
Speaker 6: But it doesn't mean that then I get to do something.

477
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:36,080
Speaker 6: It's just like a mutual happiness and excitement. And I

478
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,639
Speaker 6: think that's something that prevents that like resentment from building up.

479
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:43,080
Speaker 7: Yeah, I think keeping score seems to be more and

480
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:47,520
Speaker 7: more common, and for us, I think the back of

481
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:51,200
Speaker 7: that is we both have to be understanding of when

482
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:54,679
Speaker 7: we are stretching the limits of our time away. I

483
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:56,639
Speaker 7: think we both have to hold that and check and

484
00:24:57,359 --> 00:25:00,720
Speaker 7: make sure that our partners, you know, are communicat to us, like, hey,

485
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:03,720
Speaker 7: you've been gone now for three straight days. It would

486
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:05,679
Speaker 7: be great if you were home this afternoon, and to

487
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:10,879
Speaker 7: hear that and be like, yes, you're right. I also

488
00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:15,720
Speaker 7: think for young people, dating expectations are really high on

489
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:18,119
Speaker 7: what they're looking for in a partner, which at some

490
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:22,320
Speaker 7: level is good. But you're also dating another human who

491
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:26,000
Speaker 7: is not perfect, who is going to have mistakes, And

492
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:29,040
Speaker 7: so I think it's it's prioritizing what's really important to you,

493
00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:32,000
Speaker 7: what's your value system for in your partner, and being

494
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:35,840
Speaker 7: able to either fall in love with or understand, you know,

495
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 7: maybe where they're falling short, because you know, the perfect

496
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:44,840
Speaker 7: partner doesn't exist, but a love that can kind of

497
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:48,600
Speaker 7: bind that and solve that does. And so it's just

498
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:51,439
Speaker 7: knowing that, hey, there's faults in it, there's faults in

499
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:55,800
Speaker 7: our marriage, there's faults in each other, but we're committed

500
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,080
Speaker 7: to each other and to love each other even through those.

501
00:25:59,160 --> 00:25:59,960
Speaker 1: Oh that's awesome.

502
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:03,000
Speaker 2: What would you say, I'm sure people ask it this,

503
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 2: it's jumping off of your last question, but what is

504
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:12,399
Speaker 2: the key to your successful relationship? How if someone was

505
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:16,840
Speaker 2: asking what do you do that makes your relationship work?

506
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:18,320
Speaker 2: How would you answer that?

507
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:21,840
Speaker 7: I mean, I think it's I think really it comes

508
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:25,160
Speaker 7: from our shared faith. Like I think our foundation, our

509
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:29,959
Speaker 7: faith is is always a checkpoint for us. It's always

510
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:33,520
Speaker 7: something that when we come into arguments, it's the filter.

511
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:36,480
Speaker 7: When we're celebrating, it's the filter. When we're raising our child,

512
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:39,720
Speaker 7: it's the filter. When we're committing to each other. You know,

513
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:43,159
Speaker 7: it's the filter. It's just it really is the foundation.

514
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:46,439
Speaker 7: And I think we said it the other night, like

515
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:49,200
Speaker 7: it's just been so valuable in our lives to kind

516
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:52,280
Speaker 7: of even personally as we celebrate each other's successes, to

517
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:55,120
Speaker 7: hold each other and check based on our faith, tradition

518
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:59,480
Speaker 7: and value system. At least I know we have a

519
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:01,880
Speaker 7: common place were coming from.

520
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:05,480
Speaker 6: Yeah, I agree that, And staying curious about your partner

521
00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:08,959
Speaker 6: and asking questions because it changes you grow with them.

522
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:11,240
Speaker 6: I met Ben when I was twenty three. I'm thirty now,

523
00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 6: that's a huge difference in who you are. So I

524
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:18,399
Speaker 6: think understanding how that person's mind is changing too, and

525
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:20,720
Speaker 6: wanting to stay curious about them and get to know

526
00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:22,760
Speaker 6: who they are as you grow with them is really important.

527
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:23,200
Speaker 1: That's good.

528
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:24,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's huge.

529
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,800
Speaker 2: All right. I have one last question because for anyone

530
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,840
Speaker 2: who there are a lot of people who you guys

531
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,840
Speaker 2: just had a baby. I want to know how having

532
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:38,280
Speaker 2: your little girl has changed your relationship. And we joke

533
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:42,000
Speaker 2: because obviously that ship has sailed for us, but he

534
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:44,439
Speaker 2: just like, we should have a kid to get it right.

535
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,919
Speaker 2: He's like, laugh, you know, that'll fix everything. And I

536
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:49,879
Speaker 2: do all jokes aside. I think some people do believe that.

537
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:53,439
Speaker 1: Every fight, Ben, I say that let's let's go have

538
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:55,040
Speaker 1: a baby. Yeah, I like it.

539
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:58,080
Speaker 3: I like your minds that he.

540
00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:00,960
Speaker 2: Knows it's a safe suggestion because out of the realm

541
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:05,240
Speaker 2: of possibilities. But how has having a little girl? Having

542
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:07,000
Speaker 2: a baby changed your relationship?

543
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:12,159
Speaker 6: Well, definitely won't fix a relationship, that's for sure. You

544
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:13,960
Speaker 6: got to put in a lot more work with your

545
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:18,000
Speaker 6: partner and be come at it as a team. It's

546
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:22,119
Speaker 6: made me watching Ben, especially with the little girl, I

547
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:25,080
Speaker 6: just have fallen even more deeply in love with him

548
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:27,159
Speaker 6: because he the way he cares for this girl and

549
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:31,000
Speaker 6: looks at her and it's just like the sweetest thing.

550
00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:35,199
Speaker 6: I feel like your heart's grown like seven times. But

551
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 6: it's changed our relationship and the quality time we get

552
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:41,680
Speaker 6: with one another is far different. We're both, like you said,

553
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:44,719
Speaker 6: coming out days, a little bit more exhausted. But I

554
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:47,680
Speaker 6: think overall it does make our relationship feel more safe

555
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:51,000
Speaker 6: because I feel where our priorities are.

556
00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:54,760
Speaker 7: Yeah, and I think it has made it harder with

557
00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:59,200
Speaker 7: the quality time and with the time that we we

558
00:28:59,240 --> 00:28:59,640
Speaker 7: get to spend.

559
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:01,080
Speaker 3: But we go a lot of walks together.

560
00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:05,120
Speaker 7: That's a big part of our relationship is walking, and

561
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:07,440
Speaker 7: that's where we get to catch up a lot of

562
00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:10,320
Speaker 7: times because the baby strapped to one of our chests.

563
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:16,880
Speaker 7: And in closing, I think with when it comes to Jessica,

564
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 7: there isn't really I've tried. There's not words to describe

565
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:23,320
Speaker 7: what it does for you when you see your partner

566
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:31,360
Speaker 7: sacrifice her body, her time, her energy for something else

567
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:38,680
Speaker 7: that you also love. It just it expands your appreciation

568
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 7: and I think that's a part of love.

569
00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:46,360
Speaker 2: That is beautiful. And you all are a gorgeous couple

570
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:50,640
Speaker 2: inside and out. Thank you so much for sharing your

571
00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:54,400
Speaker 2: relationship with all of us. I know a lot of folks.

572
00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:56,960
Speaker 2: This is tough, it's these are private things, but it's

573
00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:01,520
Speaker 2: so helpful for all of us near more to actually

574
00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:06,160
Speaker 2: understand these relationships we see right on social media or

575
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:09,240
Speaker 2: in the media and think, oh, they've got it all

576
00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:12,440
Speaker 2: figured out. It's so nice to hear how you all

577
00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:16,240
Speaker 2: get through tough times and we appreciate you being vulnerable

578
00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:19,000
Speaker 2: and sharing your beautiful love story with us.

579
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:22,520
Speaker 7: Well, hey, thanks for having us. We love talking about it.

580
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 7: It's actually really fun for us to just take out

581
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:26,160
Speaker 7: to talk about our love.

582
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:28,440
Speaker 1: It's nice. Oh well, you know what, maybe we'll follow

583
00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 1: up with you guys down the road. Polenty of relationship

584
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,680
Speaker 1: topics out there, so really goods. All right, all right,

585
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:34,200
Speaker 1: love that.

586
00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:35,000
Speaker 3: Thanks all,