Speaker 1: Welcome to I Do Part two, and it's your real
Speaker 1: life mentors.
Speaker 2: People single just like you.
Speaker 1: It's mister Wright and my partner Louise, and today we're
Speaker 1: gonna do something fun. We're gonna take a bunch of
Speaker 1: hot topic questions and kind of see as men and
Speaker 1: women where our answers differ and where they.
Speaker 2: Actually might line up.
Speaker 1: And just to keep everything fair, we have producer Heather
Speaker 1: that's going to be a referee. She's gonna make sure
Speaker 1: we stay on time and on topic and make sure
Speaker 1: that we are giving our best versions of these answers
Speaker 1: with the most honesty direct us, even if we may
Speaker 1: not agree.
Speaker 3: This is perfect.
Speaker 4: I'm happy to jump in and I'll ask you guys
Speaker 4: the questions and then you'll give your honest responses. So,
Speaker 4: mister Wright, we'll kick it off with you who should
Speaker 4: text first? After you meet someone new. I'm going to
Speaker 4: put twenty seconds on the clock.
Speaker 2: Well, I think it's going to be the guy.
Speaker 1: And you know, I don't want to steal Louise's line
Speaker 1: from earlier, but you know, chivalry is not dead, and
Speaker 1: I think it's kind.
Speaker 5: Of stole my line. Mister Wright.
Speaker 2: This is my twenty seconds. This is either throw a flag.
Speaker 5: He's fiery.
Speaker 1: I think it's the guy's responsibility to make that first
Speaker 1: leap and to reach out perfect.
Speaker 3: That was twenty seconds.
Speaker 2: There we go.
Speaker 4: Okay, so, Louise, twenty seconds on the clock, you give
Speaker 4: me your answer.
Speaker 5: I one hundred percent feel that across the board, the
Speaker 5: guy should absolutely text first. It's how I'm raising my sons.
Speaker 5: And I know you know, obviously different generations have different perspectives,
Speaker 5: but I strongly believe now that we're sharing our line,
Speaker 5: mister Wright, that chivalry is not dead.
Speaker 4: Perfect right within twenty seconds and you agree with the
Speaker 4: dating game.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 4: This is a quick follow up though, and I'm not
Speaker 4: going to put time on this, but I want to
Speaker 4: know though. Okay, so does that mean you know you
Speaker 4: exchange numbers with a guy either he asks for yours.
Speaker 4: A woman should never be the first one to initiate conversation.
Speaker 4: That was so great or here's the picture I took
Speaker 4: of us that was so fun meeting you out on
Speaker 4: the golf course today. Like, no, you both made faces
Speaker 4: just now. I know nobody can see this but me,
Speaker 4: but you both kind of made faces when I said that.
Speaker 2: No, listen, I'll.
Speaker 1: Say if there was something pertinent, If there was something
Speaker 1: that happened that would make the woman text first or
Speaker 1: reach out first, go for it.
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 1: I'm just thinking if it's a stalement, you walk away,
Speaker 1: you're both kind of grinning, you're both kind of happy
Speaker 1: with what happened. I think if it's an even even,
Speaker 1: I think the guy I should go first. But if
Speaker 1: you know, if the woman has something to say, or
Speaker 1: something to respond, or something to spark it, I think
Speaker 1: go for it.
Speaker 5: I still feel whether you meet somebody in person at
Speaker 5: a bar, or somebody puts you on a group text
Speaker 5: because they're setting you up, I just really feel it
Speaker 5: should be the guy who does kind of the first outreach.
Speaker 5: It just shows what a gentleman he is, and I
Speaker 5: think it shows you know, how he's going to treat
Speaker 5: his lady, just the time and a place where you know,
Speaker 5: kind of the female could be the one who takes charge.
Speaker 5: Use your imagination, but I do feel the guy, especially
Speaker 5: in the beginning, it's important to kind of create those roles.
Speaker 3: Okay, interesting, interesting take.
Speaker 4: Okay, so our next question is how long till you
Speaker 4: reach out after you've had that first date Again, I'm
Speaker 4: going to go with a strong twenty seconds mister Wright,
Speaker 4: take it away.
Speaker 1: Okay, so this is not chapter one, this is not
Speaker 1: the whole wait two days, wait three days, wait a week,
Speaker 1: wait a month, whatever it is. I think that especially
Speaker 1: if the date went well, I'm texting that night, I'm
Speaker 1: taxed on the way home, make sure you got home safe,
Speaker 1: call me later, whatever it is. But we're not messing
Speaker 1: around chapter two. We're giving up on the on the
Speaker 1: polite waiting.
Speaker 3: Twenty seconds, mister Wright.
Speaker 5: Good, I totally agree with you. You can tell we have
Speaker 5: all been around dating long enough to know that when
Speaker 5: you're on a date and it's a click and you
Speaker 5: know you're going to go out again, and it's an
Speaker 5: energy between two people, there is no waiting. It's kind
Speaker 5: of like you already know when you're going to see
Speaker 5: that person while you're sitting on the date. They say
Speaker 5: text me when you get home, or they're reaching out
Speaker 5: and saying did you get home, And I've had guys
Speaker 5: call me and we talk the entire way home.
Speaker 3: Perfect.
Speaker 4: We're at twenty seconds, Louise, Okay, amazing. I love that
Speaker 4: so far we're fairly aligned both as men and women
Speaker 4: and single. So I like this Okay, Louise, let's have
Speaker 4: you take this one first, biggest red flags you think
Speaker 4: there are when it comes to men, and I also
Speaker 4: want you to tell me the biggest red flags you
Speaker 4: think they're are for women.
Speaker 5: I have more than twenty seconds.
Speaker 4: Please, Yes, I was gonna say, we'll give you more
Speaker 4: than twenty for this one. Let's say, mister Wright, Okay, say,
Speaker 4: let's do thirty five seconds. So give me a couple
Speaker 4: of red flags for men, couple of red flags for women,
Speaker 4: and go.
Speaker 5: Biggest red flag for men. Talks horribly about the mother
Speaker 5: of his children. Number one. Number two talks horribly about
Speaker 5: every girlfriend. Number three cheater. Number four is a strange
Speaker 5: from his children. Number five is a strange from his family.
Speaker 3: Twenty seconds.
Speaker 5: Number six has no friends from different chapters in his life.
Speaker 3: Give me some red flags for women, Louise.
Speaker 5: Red flags for women. A girl who gets so dressed
Speaker 5: up on the first date that it's like she's going
Speaker 5: to the prom.
Speaker 3: Okay, and that's thirty five seconds.
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, all right, So mister Wright, same question. I
Speaker 4: want you to give me red flags for men and women.
Speaker 4: I'm putting thirty five seconds on the clock when you're
Speaker 4: ready go.
Speaker 1: So red flags for men is if they don't introduce
Speaker 1: you to their friends. Guys can be very very honest
Speaker 1: around each other, and sometimes if you're not meeting the
Speaker 1: guy's friends, big red flag, big red flag, if you're
Speaker 1: not going to go see the guy's house or where
Speaker 1: he lives or kind of like what his situation is. Also,
Speaker 1: I think a little bit of a red flag for girls.
Speaker 1: I think what I have to agree with Louise, and
Speaker 1: one thing, if they're talking poorly about their ex if
Speaker 1: they're talking poorly, you know, like just about their past
Speaker 1: relationships and that's still hanging over them like a cloud.
Speaker 2: They're not over it yet.
Speaker 3: That's thirty five, thanks mister Wright.
Speaker 4: Okay, you're getting in there a lot of information.
Speaker 3: I like these. Okay, Louise, this one's for you.
Speaker 4: Then we'll go to mister Wright best places to meet
Speaker 4: people if you're over thirty five and under sixty five.
Speaker 4: So we'll do let's to thirty seconds on the clock
Speaker 4: for this one and go.
Speaker 5: I think it's really hard. There is really no red onion,
Speaker 5: which is a reference for our generation back in the eighties.
Speaker 5: I would say that it is so rare that a
Speaker 5: guy will come up to a table anymore of girls
Speaker 5: or even send over drinks in Los Angeles. It happens
Speaker 5: more in New York and Chicago. I think if you
Speaker 5: really want to go meet somebody, the only place to
Speaker 5: go in Los Angeles is Balltaire, maybe a couple places
Speaker 5: in Malibu. But I think it's actually really hard to
Speaker 5: meet people in person.
Speaker 3: Okay, that was thirty seconds, mister Wright.
Speaker 4: Same question, Where are the best people to meet in
Speaker 4: real life? Under over thirty five, under sixty five and go?
Speaker 1: So I think it's usually going to be something you'd say,
Speaker 1: bars or restaurants or whatever else, and that can always
Speaker 1: sort of happen.
Speaker 2: But I think, you know, charity events.
Speaker 1: I think, you know, like community events where people are
Speaker 1: kind of a line and you are going to find
Speaker 1: people that kind of think similarly as you.
Speaker 2: I think those are great places to meet.
Speaker 5: Charity events that you're right, that's a good one.
Speaker 1: And then I think that you know, there's also you know,
Speaker 1: like the gymnasium, you know, or the or the golf
Speaker 1: course or places like that where people being active. That's
Speaker 1: what you're into going and do and being somewhere doing
Speaker 1: something that you like to do. You're going to probably
Speaker 1: find somebody that's similarly aligned.
Speaker 5: Like a running club actually, or exactly.
Speaker 1: Any it's yoga class, you know, plates, whatever those things are.
Speaker 1: That's something that turns you on as an individual. You
Speaker 1: hopefully find somebody else that's equally energized by the same activity.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 5: It's actually a fun place to beat people is at
Speaker 5: car rallies. That's actually a fun place to talk to people.
Speaker 5: I've met a lot of people there at like classic
Speaker 5: car shows or like or like in Malibu, they have
Speaker 5: a whole car crawl or different things. It's kind of
Speaker 5: fun on a Sunday, just like casual. You go down,
Speaker 5: you grab a coffee and there's like people with their
Speaker 5: cars and just everyone billing about.
Speaker 4: Okay, cool, cool, all right, mister Wright, take this next
Speaker 4: one first. Do you have to tell people when you're
Speaker 4: dating that you're dating other people? I am going to
Speaker 4: give you twenty seconds for this one and go all right, Heather.
Speaker 1: I think for sure you need to be upfront and
Speaker 1: honest about what your situation is.
Speaker 2: If you're dating around.
Speaker 1: I think you owe it to that person if it
Speaker 1: comes up to tell them. I don't think you have
Speaker 1: to come right out and say you're one of four
Speaker 1: people that I'm dating.
Speaker 2: But I think that if it comes up.
Speaker 1: You say yes, you know I am dating, and then
Speaker 1: similarly as if it gets serious, you can let them know. Also, hey,
Speaker 1: I want to be exclusive. And that I think is
Speaker 1: that honesty will help launch hopefully a good relationship and
Speaker 1: not tarnish it. If someone finds out accidentally that you
Speaker 1: aren't dating multiple people.
Speaker 4: Smart, okay, that's time. Uh, louis same question.
Speaker 5: I think in the beginning, isn't it understood that people
Speaker 5: are dating other people until they kind of find their unicorn?
Speaker 5: And then I feel that kind of organically I found
Speaker 5: that it morphs into more of an exclusive situation suation,
Speaker 5: And I also think for me, I'm not sleeping with
Speaker 5: somebody unless we're exclusive.
Speaker 4: Well, let me ask you this because you bring up
Speaker 4: a good point, and I think it's important to talk about.
Speaker 4: You said, isn't it understood that we're seeing other people? Well,
Speaker 4: I think in the modern day dating world, I want
Speaker 4: to know from you too, are you going to get
Speaker 4: hurt more likely if you're not dating multiple people in
Speaker 4: your chapter two and only dating one person at a time.
Speaker 5: I think chapter two is an opportunity to try a
Speaker 5: bunch of different things on. I think that no matter
Speaker 5: what age you are, getting hurt is a reality. And
Speaker 5: to quote my dad, better to have loved a little
Speaker 5: than never to have loved at all. And it's just
Speaker 5: part of the game, right, And that's how you know
Speaker 5: something feels really good because you've experienced the bad.
Speaker 1: All right, So I'm going to different and disagree a
Speaker 1: little bit, like you know, this just made my personality.
Speaker 2: But I want to find one person.
Speaker 1: And yes, you might have to date multiple people to
Speaker 1: get there, but for me, like the outcome is to
Speaker 1: try and find the person. And that's what I'm working
Speaker 1: through right now, is to find the person. But it
Speaker 1: might you know, it might take that you go on
Speaker 1: you know, multiple dates whatever. But I think I can't
Speaker 1: date multiple people at the same time. That's just not
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be able to go out with somebody on
Speaker 1: Monday and then somebody else on Wednesday and somebody else
Speaker 1: on Friday. I just don't think I would be my
Speaker 1: authentic self. I think I would be worried about you know,
Speaker 1: like what I'm saying, how I'm saying it. Am I
Speaker 1: coming up across too strong? Am I misleading anybody? So
Speaker 1: as much as you want to keep I would like
Speaker 1: to keep options open. I think that really I would
Speaker 1: only be able to date one person at a time.
Speaker 5: I agree with you. But let's say some a friend
Speaker 5: of yours was going to call you up and they
Speaker 5: were going to say, mister Wright, we have a couple
Speaker 5: of girls who want to introduce you to or different
Speaker 5: people want to introduce you people. So you have a date,
Speaker 5: you know, a drink on a Monday, a coffee on
Speaker 5: a Wednesday. Like, you don't know if you're going to
Speaker 5: like Monday, So why wouldn't you at least try Monday
Speaker 5: and then try Wednesday and if you like one of them,
Speaker 5: then you go out a second time. But like the first,
Speaker 5: the second time like we're just getting to know the person.
Speaker 5: So and we kind of know if somebody is special
Speaker 5: and there's a real connection. We've probably been on enough
Speaker 5: dates each to know. And yes, we all want to
Speaker 5: find our unicorn Dred.
Speaker 4: Mister Wright just said something interesting. He said, that's not
Speaker 4: dating to me. So you mean when you're seeing somebody
Speaker 4: on a more intimate level is when you consider it dating,
Speaker 4: mister Wright?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I think I think going to a
Speaker 1: coffee or having a drink with somebody. I don't think
Speaker 1: that's dating, you know, if it's if it's the first
Speaker 1: time or even the second time, but if you're making
Speaker 1: concerted efforts, we're going to be seeing each other. You know,
Speaker 1: we're going to see each other regularly. I couldn't just
Speaker 1: me personally. I couldn't have multiple people that are regular
Speaker 1: dates that are.
Speaker 2: Going you know that.
Speaker 1: I'm meaning, you know, I couldn't go on vacation with
Speaker 1: somebody then go, you know, have dinner with somebody else.
Speaker 1: I think that once you start leaning in, yes, you
Speaker 1: know I would, I would tip over if.
Speaker 5: I totally agree. I misunderstood. I thought you meant in
Speaker 5: the beginning of when you're just first meeting people, But
Speaker 5: when you start to really like somebody and you've gone
Speaker 5: out of them two, three, four, five times, then for me,
Speaker 5: that falls under the category that's kind of authentically morphing
Speaker 5: into an exclusive situation. So for me, I just kind
Speaker 5: of get the sense that we're both in it and
Speaker 5: we want to see where it goes. So therefore it's
Speaker 5: kind of lights out on, you know, dating other people.
Speaker 4: I want to go back to something you said, Louise,
Speaker 4: because you said you don't sleep with somebody until you're exclusive,
Speaker 4: which everybody has.
Speaker 3: Their own preferences when it comes to that.
Speaker 4: So you're saying, though roughly it's we're going out four
Speaker 4: or five times, you know, and you've had the conversation
Speaker 4: with them ahead of time, saying I'm not seeing anybody else.
Speaker 4: I need to know that you're not seeing anybody else
Speaker 4: before we move to.
Speaker 3: This next chapter.
Speaker 4: There's never any Let's try it out, let's see where
Speaker 4: this is going, and then we talk about exclusivity after.
Speaker 5: I am not sleeping with somebody unless it's exclusive, okay,
Speaker 5: And I mean to be a total pain in the ass.
Speaker 5: I make somebody and request somebody to get an STD test,
Speaker 5: which I'm happy.
Speaker 3: To do, too great.
Speaker 5: And I haven't ever had one person say no to me,
Speaker 5: not once, and if they did, that would be a
Speaker 5: red flag for me.
Speaker 1: No, you could have used that a red flat earlier,
Speaker 1: Luise the STD test.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: I think that probably in this modern age that you know,
Speaker 1: we're all adults, and I think that you know, asking
Speaker 1: something like that. I think you also talk about, you know,
Speaker 1: for guys like have they had of a sectomy? Like
Speaker 1: have they you know, like like what's their outlook on
Speaker 1: children like their children.
Speaker 5: Depends what age you're dating, mister, right.
Speaker 2: It totally does.
Speaker 5: I mean some people, it doesn't matter if you have
Speaker 5: a sect to me, let's let's go.
Speaker 2: Into one to that. What what do you mean by that?
Speaker 2: If they're younger older.
Speaker 5: If the girl is younger, you know, right, then she
Speaker 5: can get pregnant, right, But girls that are a bit older,
Speaker 5: that's just not even a reality, right.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, but that's still I mean, I guess the
Speaker 1: conversations just become more mature. I suppose in this chapter
Speaker 1: two where you are asking kind of more serious questions
Speaker 1: about you know, not.
Speaker 2: Just you know, STDs and would you be willing to
Speaker 2: take a test? And you know.
Speaker 1: But I think really kind of like life planning and
Speaker 1: kind of all those things I think can come up
Speaker 1: a lot earlier than they do in your chapter one,
Speaker 1: which I think is just a sign of maturity.
Speaker 2: I think it's a sign.
Speaker 1: Of being a little bit older and more kind of
Speaker 1: set in your life. And I think those are important
Speaker 1: questions to have before you know, relationships get further along.
Speaker 4: Well, let me ask you, does it come up sooner
Speaker 4: in chapter two? Not necessarily always because of maturity because
Speaker 4: maybe in their marriage they weren't getting any and they
Speaker 4: want to get off to the races pretty quickly. In
Speaker 4: this next thing, they're chomping at the bit to get
Speaker 4: some action. We've heard that before from other people. They've said,
Speaker 4: you know, some from a man's perspective, they have said,
Speaker 4: you know, some men are really all about having sex
Speaker 4: as soon as they get divorced because they weren't getting
Speaker 4: any in their marriage. Have either of you either experienced
Speaker 4: that or heard that from friends in chapter two?
Speaker 5: I think for me my experiences is the people that
Speaker 5: I did are typically my age, are a bit older,
Speaker 5: and they're really looking for a companion. And I think,
Speaker 5: really what the conversation is not about the sex part.
Speaker 5: It's more about, you know, are you able to, once
Speaker 5: you've been set in your ways, merge a life with
Speaker 5: somebody else, and what does that look like? Does the
Speaker 5: person live long distance? You know, what's the work schedule
Speaker 5: for both people, what's the commitment with taking care of
Speaker 5: elderly parents. So it's really more about a time situation,
Speaker 5: like I was dating somebody out of state and we
Speaker 5: had a harder time figuring out the schedule ultimately, And
Speaker 5: it's not about the sex, because the sex comes if
Speaker 5: you're attracted to somebody and you know it can happen
Speaker 5: right away, it can happen a few dates down the line.
Speaker 5: It's more about can our lives merge? And as we
Speaker 5: get older, we realize everybody has emotional wounds. And what
Speaker 5: it comes down to also is does your baggage line
Speaker 5: up with my baggage? And you see that pretty quickly
Speaker 5: on as you're getting to know somebody.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm going to have to disagree a little bit here.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's just you know, from being from the from
Speaker 1: the guy side, I think there's definitely a stronger attraction
Speaker 1: and looking for sex and for you know, some kind
Speaker 1: of passion and all the things that probably weren't there
Speaker 1: in the relationship previously, especially as it was dying and
Speaker 1: as it was heading toward divorce. And so I think
Speaker 1: that there is a big need at least initially for
Speaker 1: a connection romantically.
Speaker 5: Well, any of course it does, you have to feel attracted,
Speaker 5: but I.
Speaker 2: Think that guys probably are driven more by that.
Speaker 1: Again, I can't say from a woman's perspective, but I
Speaker 1: would imagine that guys are probably even more driven by
Speaker 1: that because you know, that's it's just it's it's the
Speaker 1: guy's unfortunately sort of the guy's nature, and and I
Speaker 1: think that that there is probably more propensity to be
Speaker 1: drawn to somebody that is going to be willing to
Speaker 1: match that same sort of sexual energy.
Speaker 4: Ah, mister Wright is talking maybe a little bit about
Speaker 4: why men in chapter two ten to go for younger women.
Speaker 4: Is that why because there's there's less less things on
Speaker 4: their plate, they you know, have maybe less inhibitions. Is
Speaker 4: I've also heard that men tend to go for younger
Speaker 4: women in chapter two because men identify themselves at that
Speaker 4: at that when they are going through the divorce, as
Speaker 4: the age that they were when they were entering into
Speaker 4: the marriage. So that's actually meant to where they still
Speaker 4: feel that they're at, which is why they tend to
Speaker 4: go back and revert to a younger age when they're
Speaker 4: dating in chapter two. And not asking you specifically, mister Wright,
Speaker 4: if that's your experience, but have you seen or Louise,
Speaker 4: have you seen men in chapter two kind of do that?
Speaker 5: So I've seen a lot of my friend's ex husbands
Speaker 5: date the younger girl like the cliche, and it's fun
Speaker 5: in the beginning, and they look hot and they're easy
Speaker 5: and all they want is a bag and you know,
Speaker 5: a couple nice restaurants, and then all of a sudden
Speaker 5: they want to have a kid, and then they want
Speaker 5: to be the missus and they have to reverse the phasectomy.
Speaker 5: There's all the battle with the family, and inevitably what
Speaker 5: happens is is they break up, and then the guy
Speaker 5: just moves on to another young girl, and then they
Speaker 5: get tired, and then as they get older, they want
Speaker 5: to have somebody who is their passion partner, their best friend,
Speaker 5: their park bench, and they want to go through that
Speaker 5: next chapter together. But I see about eighty percent, eighty
Speaker 5: five percent of the time, most men do want to
Speaker 5: have fun and kind of pick up the pieces of
Speaker 5: what they didn't have for a long time, and they
Speaker 5: do that young route, and then all of a sudden
Speaker 5: they just don't have enough shared experiences and the kids
Speaker 5: don't really want to sit at the table people who
Speaker 5: are the same age interesting. I'm lucky because my ex
Speaker 5: husband dates, you know, his longtime relationship is age appropriate,
Speaker 5: and she's amazing, and we're very close, and you know,
Speaker 5: we're one big modern family. So I got lucky that
Speaker 5: that's the route that he went, but that's not the
Speaker 5: case for most of my friends.
Speaker 4: My dad in chapter two got with my now stepmom,
Speaker 4: who is nine and a half years younger than him.
Speaker 5: That's that's different than twenty years younger.
Speaker 3: It's different than twenty years younger.
Speaker 4: But she was in her twenties when they got together,
Speaker 4: so there was definitely.
Speaker 5: Not a shared experience.
Speaker 4: She was a single parent. But I mean there was
Speaker 4: a deb there. I still to this day feel like
Speaker 4: there's a definite gap in certain things.
Speaker 3: This is all really fascinating.
Speaker 5: I love where sit on the young girl situation. If
Speaker 5: you've seen it with his friends, I'm not asking if
Speaker 5: he's doing it, more curious his opinion.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think that there is probably just sort
Speaker 1: of a guy's desire to go and reclaim a little
Speaker 1: bit of what he feels like he's lost. And because
Speaker 1: because going into divorce is one of the biggest gut
Speaker 1: punches for a guy, especially if it wasn't the choice
Speaker 1: of the guy, and it, I mean, it just tears
Speaker 1: away your confidence.
Speaker 2: It tears away you know, you're sort of at.
Speaker 1: Your your virility, your manhood, and so I think there's
Speaker 1: a little bit of wanting to go and show the world.
Speaker 2: That you still got it.
Speaker 1: You know that you that you can still you know
Speaker 1: you can you can pull the cute girl or.
Speaker 2: Whatever it is.
Speaker 1: And whether that means you end up with them forever
Speaker 1: or not, time will tell. But I think that there
Speaker 1: is a propensity for guys, at least initially to look
Speaker 1: for younger girls. And I think that there is this
Speaker 1: sort of disconnect in a certain way where younger girls,
Speaker 1: and I'm not talking girls and they're you know, twenty one,
Speaker 1: twenty two. I'm talking about younger than guys, whether it's
Speaker 1: ten years or fifteen years, that look for something in
Speaker 1: older guys, whether stability, whether it's financial security, whether it's experience,
Speaker 1: or or something in there. I can't quite figure out
Speaker 1: what it is maturity that they're not seeing in guys
Speaker 1: at their own age, and especially if they're frustrated with
Speaker 1: dating guys in their own sort of their own age bracket.
Speaker 1: And so, but I think ultimately to Luise's point, especially
Speaker 1: if you have kids as a guy, you want to
Speaker 1: find somebody that compliments your modern family, whatever that looks like.
Speaker 1: You want to find somebody that will be able to
Speaker 1: fit in there and not cause an additional rift within
Speaker 1: the kids within the ex wife, within your world, because
Speaker 1: we've seen it too often.
Speaker 2: You know, you have the.
Speaker 1: Really old guy with a really young girl, and everybody
Speaker 1: just kind of shakes their head and knows exactly what's
Speaker 1: going on.
Speaker 2: But I think that.
Speaker 1: There is room in the middle for age difference that
Speaker 1: makes sense for both the woman and the man.
Speaker 4: Mister Wright will go for you for this one to
Speaker 4: start off. When dating, does the person meet the kids
Speaker 4: and does that change if your kids are out of
Speaker 4: the house.
Speaker 3: I'm going to give you forty seconds for this one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I do have big opinions on this, and
Speaker 1: I do think that you have to be incredibly sensitive
Speaker 1: to your kids. And so I don't think you can
Speaker 1: say make a blanket statement about when in the right
Speaker 1: time it is to meet or not meet, or introduce
Speaker 1: or whatever. And age has something to do with it,
Speaker 1: Maturity has something to do with it. Also, it has
Speaker 1: to do a little bit with what happened to break
Speaker 1: up the marriage to begin with. So I think that
Speaker 1: I don't think you should lie to your kids. I
Speaker 1: don't think you should should mislead them. I have a
Speaker 1: you know, my personal philosophy is just to be honest.
Speaker 1: If they ask questions, respond honestly. But in terms of
Speaker 1: introducing them, I don't think you should introduce them to
Speaker 1: somebody unless you think that they are worthy and they're
Speaker 1: going to be sticking around because you don't want to
Speaker 1: have a turner style. That's forty seconds are using the
Speaker 1: metric system and what really quick and I feel like
Speaker 1: they went really fast.
Speaker 5: These are actually, I think important questions and answers.
Speaker 4: It's good, it's good what you're saying, though I really
Speaker 4: I want to bounce the question though, to Louise to
Speaker 4: jump in and give your thoughts and opinions on what
Speaker 4: mister Wright is saying.
Speaker 5: So I think the most important thing is if you're
Speaker 5: dating somebody, I think mister Riot is correct. It has
Speaker 5: to do with the situation of how you met that person.
Speaker 5: For example, if there was overlap and that's the reason
Speaker 5: for the divorce, which is how I grew up, that
Speaker 5: is a situation where you have to be very very
Speaker 5: very very careful and you're probably not going to have
Speaker 5: joint tables for a long time. If ever, I also
Speaker 5: think it depends on the age when you got your
Speaker 5: children divorce and I hate to say it, but also
Speaker 5: for a mother you know, my kids were very young,
Speaker 5: they were third and fifth grade, and there was no
Speaker 5: world where at the time that they were living in
Speaker 5: my house, there was going to be a guy's sleeping
Speaker 5: in my bed. Never was going to do it. They've
Speaker 5: met one person, it was only recently, and to be
Speaker 5: honest with you, they did not like him. So it's
Speaker 5: now really kind of you know, changed my thing. But
Speaker 5: when they went to college, they both sat me down
Speaker 5: separately and they said, Mom, you were an amazing mom.
Speaker 5: You put us first. We want you to go live
Speaker 5: your life now. We will love whoever you love. And
Speaker 5: we saw that you put us first, but we are
Speaker 5: ready for you to have your chapter two. And that
Speaker 5: blessing for me was so important, and that acknowledgment of
Speaker 5: how I handled it because I have watched friends and
Speaker 5: it's been a revolving door of guys in their bed,
Speaker 5: and I think it's screws kids up. I think it's
Speaker 5: a really bad teaching moment for kids to see that,
Speaker 5: especially for a mother. So I think, you know, to
Speaker 5: mister Wright's point, it's situation by situation, but there's a
Speaker 5: lot of factors.
Speaker 1: I feel like that was way more than forty sevens
Speaker 1: I'm just I just feel like you're taking your playing
Speaker 1: favorites her other.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, I was throwing it back to you.
Speaker 4: I was going to say, mister Wright, what do you
Speaker 4: think about when does it change things when the kids
Speaker 4: are out of the house.
Speaker 1: You know, I think once the kids are out of
Speaker 1: the house, they're adults, you know, unless they you know, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I think once the kids are out of
Speaker 1: the house, all bets are off. And I think that
Speaker 1: you know, you're you're allowed to to kind of chase
Speaker 1: your happiness and be less concerned about the kids because
Speaker 1: they're off living their own.
Speaker 5: Lives and they want to focus on their own lives.
Speaker 5: They don't want to worry about us.
Speaker 3: Well. Sorry.
Speaker 4: My question though, is is if they're out of the house,
Speaker 4: do you introduce them sooner than you would if they
Speaker 4: lived in the house.
Speaker 1: If they're out of the house, I think you just
Speaker 1: I mean, I think there's sooner or later really matters.
Speaker 1: I think if it's if it works out, it's if
Speaker 1: it's convenient than yes. But I don't think you start
Speaker 1: bringing them around any sooner than you would otherwise. But
Speaker 1: I think that you know, when the kids are younger,
Speaker 1: I think to Luise's point, you know, I don't think
Speaker 1: you want to have, you know, a new guy or
Speaker 1: a new girl, you know, walking down the steps, you know,
Speaker 1: to breakfast in the morning wearing you know, wearing a
Speaker 1: robe and slippers. So I think you canna be really,
Speaker 1: really sick they're.
Speaker 5: Wearing a robe and slippers.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's pretty small one.
Speaker 4: My mom and my stepdad separated for a period of
Speaker 4: time before getting back together, and my mom was immediately
Speaker 4: dating somebody who used to do the knock on the
Speaker 4: front door with a box of donuts thing and say, oh,
Speaker 4: I just happened to be in the neighborhood.
Speaker 5: Kids are smarter than that.
Speaker 4: Well, I wasn't a kid when he was doing it,
Speaker 4: so it was extremely obnoxious.
Speaker 3: I will say that.
Speaker 4: I would literally be like, dude, dude, I heard you
Speaker 4: this morning, like sneak out. I know you didn't go
Speaker 4: anywhere but around the corner to get donuts and come back.
Speaker 4: So yeah, people listening in chapter two, don't do that.
Speaker 4: It's actually really annoying and not cool.
Speaker 1: And I think it's okay to I mean to try
Speaker 1: and be sensitive to the kids by being I don't
Speaker 1: saying sneaky, but you can keep it to yourself. But
Speaker 1: if I'm confronted by one of my kids on something,
Speaker 1: I will tell them. I will answer them honestly. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to overshare, you know, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: treat them with the luck my friend. I'm not going
Speaker 1: to gossip with them about my love life. But if
Speaker 1: they asked me a question, are you you know, are
Speaker 1: you seeing somebody?
Speaker 2: Are you whatever? Yes, I'm going to answer them honestly.
Speaker 4: Absolutely, I'm going to ask you both an honest question
Speaker 4: because I can't imagine even dating right now, in this space,
Speaker 4: at this time in my life. Just with what I
Speaker 4: hear about the dating landscape, why do people in chapter
Speaker 4: two even want to date?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 3: Why? I mean, it just sounds you've been so Heather,
Speaker 3: but it sounds.
Speaker 4: Even more complicated if I had kids and I had
Speaker 4: like an ex that I had to deal with for
Speaker 4: the rest of my life, Like why does anybody even
Speaker 4: want to date in chapter two?
Speaker 5: First of all, I'm so sad to hear you say that,
Speaker 5: because I know you've been heard. But to be honest
Speaker 5: with you, there's no greater feeling than loving somebody and
Speaker 5: being loved and to share a life with somebody, and
Speaker 5: especially as you've finished the chapter of your kids getting older,
Speaker 5: I mean, I don't want to be alone. I want
Speaker 5: to have a partner, Somebody to go get a coffee with,
Speaker 5: Somebody go on a walk with by the beach, Somebody
Speaker 5: to sit next to you while I'm reading a book,
Speaker 5: Somebody to go to a fun night in Vegas and
Speaker 5: do something crazy. Just it's It's the greatest thing in
Speaker 5: the world.
Speaker 2: Love.
Speaker 1: And I think that in this chapter two, especially if
Speaker 1: you find somebody that has a similar experience, whether you
Speaker 1: both have kids, you both have you know, sort of
Speaker 1: like breakup situations that were that were somewhat similar. You
Speaker 1: have this thing in common that is very personal and
Speaker 1: very real, and and you both can learn from your mistakes.
Speaker 1: And I think that there's an amazing way to build
Speaker 1: even stronger bond than you had in your chapter one
Speaker 1: because you've both been hurt or you both have had
Speaker 1: this similar experience and you're sensitive to it.
Speaker 2: Chapter one.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you, you know, I learned so much about
Speaker 1: myself as a husband, as a father, as a partner,
Speaker 1: all these things, and I think I am a much better
Speaker 1: version of myself because of the things that I learned
Speaker 1: along the way even though it hurt, and so hopefully
Speaker 1: you know in this chapter two. Yeah, it's complicated, don't
Speaker 1: get me wrong. It's complicated. Meeting people's complicated works, complicated
Speaker 1: kids are complicated. But when you do find that right
Speaker 1: puzzle piece, it does I think feel even that much better.
Speaker 5: I think you're going to you learn a lot also
Speaker 5: in divorce too, about yourself. I mean, it's an interesting
Speaker 5: time as you're learning to do things on your own
Speaker 5: and make decisions and just kind of understand who you
Speaker 5: are as we get older and what your needs are.
Speaker 5: And it's been almost more of a growing experience for
Speaker 5: me in the time that I've been divorced than at
Speaker 5: the time that I was married in terms of getting
Speaker 5: to know myself, because I think when you get married
Speaker 5: in the beginning, you're looking for, you know, a partner
Speaker 5: and somebody to be a father and build a life
Speaker 5: together and all of that, and it's just it's an
Speaker 5: interesting growing time post divorce.
Speaker 2: Well, this has been so much fun.
Speaker 1: Louise, thank you for showing up, Heather, thank you for
Speaker 1: keeping us honest and on time, and we look forward
Speaker 1: to continuing this conversation with more questions from listeners as
Speaker 1: we go.
Speaker 5: Forward, and if you're going through a divorce, finding Chapter
Speaker 5: two hard to navigate and need some advice, we are
Speaker 5: here to help. Send us an email or leave us
Speaker 5: a voicemail. All the infos in the show notes, and
Speaker 5: follow us on socials. I Do Part two an iHeartRadio
Speaker 5: podcast where falling in love is the main objective.