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Speaker 1: My Next Guest currently stars in the Cream Queen Sugar

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Speaker 1: series on the Oprah win For Network. She has also

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Speaker 1: recognized playwright and CEO of the Inner Fitness Project. She

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Speaker 1: is on the show today discussed her new book, came

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Speaker 1: out November nineteen, UM, The Little Book of Big Lives,

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Speaker 1: A Journey into into Inner Fitness. Please, welcome to Money

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Speaker 1: Making Conversation, Tina Lifford. Hi, son, It's so nice to

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Speaker 1: be here. First time we talked on the phone and

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Speaker 1: you was coming through Atlanta in the event here. I

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Speaker 1: was not able to make it because I travel a

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Speaker 1: lot and I try to get back in town and

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Speaker 1: sometimes I'm kidding my life. But the beauty of it.

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Speaker 1: I'm watching you now, I'm joined the relationship I'm creating

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Speaker 1: with you because I feel your relationship driven person and

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Speaker 1: reading your book, The Little Book of Big Lives, a

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Speaker 1: Journey into Inner Fitness. Okay, let's let's start right there. Okay, UM,

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Speaker 1: what is the Inner Fitness Project? So first, let me

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Speaker 1: define interfitness. Okay, cool. Inter Fitness is literally being fit

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Speaker 1: on the inside, developing the mental, emotional, and spiritual skills

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Speaker 1: and practices that can help us reduce stress, be strong

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Speaker 1: on the inside, feel resilient and more than anything, to

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Speaker 1: begin to thrive instead of just merely survive in our lives.

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Speaker 1: You know, uh, my aim, my personal aim is to

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Speaker 1: be fully alive when I die, you know. Um. And

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Speaker 1: so the inter Fitness Project recognized that, you know, there's

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Speaker 1: all this emphasis on physical fitness and literally no emphasis

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Speaker 1: on inter fitness, and we really have to address the

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Speaker 1: fact that we have there is a self inside of us,

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Speaker 1: that self has needs, and we must become as familiar

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Speaker 1: and practice in dealing with that self as we are

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Speaker 1: the physical body. Because so when you say that, can

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Speaker 1: I say right, when I say, therapy is something especially

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Speaker 1: within the in the community of color, therapy is something

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Speaker 1: like a word that's like, oh, you have something really

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Speaker 1: wrong with you and and and so that's what you're

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Speaker 1: talking about. Being able to to heal, to be able

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Speaker 1: to grow, to develop the internal, the mental structure, the

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Speaker 1: emotional structure will guide you through your daily life, which

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Speaker 1: sometimes is way more important than your outside, which is

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Speaker 1: your physical being. Absolutely well, your physical being can't help

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Speaker 1: you resolve those hurts, dramas, traumas, upsets, and disappointments that

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Speaker 1: you carry. And we all have unresolved hurts, drama's trauma's

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Speaker 1: upsets and disappointments. It's not our fault. It's by nature

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Speaker 1: of our nervous system when we have experiences and they

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Speaker 1: are not properly processed those experiences is hang on inside

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Speaker 1: as an emotional reaction. Cool, Now, before we get in

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Speaker 1: detail about the book, which I really enjoyed. Um there,

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Speaker 1: because you're sharing I guess emotional slices of your life,

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Speaker 1: some of them very personal and something. So when you

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Speaker 1: start writing a book like that, how do you make

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Speaker 1: the decision that I can I'm gonna be honest here.

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Speaker 1: You know, we're talking about your dad, this relationship with

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Speaker 1: your mom, with your mom, what is abusive at times?

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Speaker 1: And talk about the story when you know when your

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Speaker 1: dad got out the car and you got locked the

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Speaker 1: door and your mom drove home and your dad had

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Speaker 1: to walk in later, you know, and that that that

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Speaker 1: those type of personal experience you talk about when you know,

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Speaker 1: when you a little boy, Jeffrey and your best friend,

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Speaker 1: you know, he told you he loved you, and you

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Speaker 1: was a whole cloud nine and realized that was a Joe,

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Speaker 1: but that was those those are those what you're saying

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Speaker 1: is like, these are different moments, and there are more moments.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to really entire book because I want

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Speaker 1: you to buy the book, but those are These are

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Speaker 1: some of the key moments that you're talking about in

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Speaker 1: your past. You're in a fitness that you have to

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Speaker 1: correct or admit has happened in your journey in order

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Speaker 1: for you to move forward. That's exactly right. Talk to

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Speaker 1: us about that. Okay, So we we all have experiences,

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Speaker 1: you know, and you know, one experience can't be compared

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Speaker 1: to the other if it left you feeling less than,

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Speaker 1: not good enough, or disconnected from yourself in any way.

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Speaker 1: It is an experience that you can rewire your relationship. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and until we rewire our relationship to those experiences, those

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Speaker 1: experiences live inside and they actually dictate our behavior. You know,

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Speaker 1: if in fact you had uh, you know, like Jeffrey

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Speaker 1: in the book. You know, if in fact your first

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Speaker 1: experience with love was as disappointing and um shameful as mine,

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Speaker 1: then you can make decisions about love that aren't going

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Speaker 1: to be supportive of what you really really want because

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Speaker 1: you should have reflected your relationships moving forth. Yes, absolutely,

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Speaker 1: the nile because you instead of admitting that you are

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Speaker 1: hurt by that game, that your best friend leaning behind

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Speaker 1: you telling was a lie. You just went, oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: But isn't that that the natural response is to is

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Speaker 1: to shield yourself from pain. Well, that that maybe the reaction,

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Speaker 1: that's the surviving self reaction. But the I talked about

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Speaker 1: the three selves in the book, the surviving self, the

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Speaker 1: thriving self in the infinite self, and the surviving self.

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Speaker 1: It's its job is to help us feel safe, but

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Speaker 1: it's sometimes is helping us feel safe in ways that

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Speaker 1: no longer actually support our life. You know, if, in fact,

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Speaker 1: i made a decision as a you know, seven year

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Speaker 1: old or or seventeen year old, and now I'm still

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Speaker 1: living by that decision and I'm not free enough to

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Speaker 1: to see that I've grown beyond that hurt, then I'm

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Speaker 1: being held hostage by the past, right, And we don't

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Speaker 1: want to be held hostage, and we don't have to

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Speaker 1: be held hostage. I'm going to tell you that everyone

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Speaker 1: listening has some secret, you know, some fear something that

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Speaker 1: they feel that if if other people knew it, would

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Speaker 1: you know, in somehow um uh deflate their reputation, It

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Speaker 1: would uh make him seeing less than and so you

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Speaker 1: don't reveal that, but you carry it around as a

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Speaker 1: secret and you hope that people don't come anywhere close

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Speaker 1: to uh that area of your life. And that's why

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Speaker 1: I was really impressed with your book, because you revealed secrets.

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Speaker 1: You revealed moments in your life that I were very important.

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Speaker 1: And the thing about it is that when I look

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Speaker 1: back in my life, I can I loved your book

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Speaker 1: because of the fact that I can clearly remember moments

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Speaker 1: in my life. I can remember in the fifth grade

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Speaker 1: with my my teachers stopped me from running around the school,

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Speaker 1: so you can do better than this. Stop. You're not

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Speaker 1: like every other student here stopped. I can remember when

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Speaker 1: the little boy patted me down and took my money

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Speaker 1: every day, every day, you know, and I couldn't. I

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Speaker 1: couldn't figure out how could I get past this kid?

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Speaker 1: And I know that had to reflect on me, so

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Speaker 1: a reflection on me, and I can remember those those

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Speaker 1: moments like that. It's such an early age. And also

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Speaker 1: when I became up in middle school, I remember this

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Speaker 1: young lady. My teacher asked me to read, and uh,

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Speaker 1: because I was a very good reader, and this this

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Speaker 1: young lady said, why is he reading all the time.

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Speaker 1: I want to read and she couldn't read. But but

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Speaker 1: that's that caused me to to change hot smoke. Yes,

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Speaker 1: it caused you to um uh dim your light. Yes,

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Speaker 1: it caused you self conscious speaking. Yes. And so so

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Speaker 1: when I when I'm reading your book, I'm going, Wow,

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Speaker 1: she's hitting so many steps on a person to me

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Speaker 1: and I'm I'm I'm a person who people deemed successful.

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Speaker 1: People come to me for advice all the time. I

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Speaker 1: motivate people. But then we have all these little layers

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Speaker 1: in our lives that if we don't talk about them,

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Speaker 1: we don't they admit that they happened. Then they get

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Speaker 1: they just stay there and they contain a whole dark

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Speaker 1: side of your life. That's what I took from your

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Speaker 1: book and i'm and I am recommending people by This

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Speaker 1: book is by Tina Lifford. Uh Little Book of Big Lies,

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Speaker 1: A Journey into Inner Fitness because I'm healing because of

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Speaker 1: your book, because of the fact that I tell these stories.

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Speaker 1: But to hear you articulate them in this book lets

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Speaker 1: me know I need to tell speak of them more. Yes, absolutely,

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Speaker 1: you know. One of the one of the things that

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Speaker 1: I love in the book Um, there's a couple of

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Speaker 1: things that UM I love about the book. Number one

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Speaker 1: is I wrote it because I wanted people to be

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Speaker 1: able to get to their better life faster. I used

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Speaker 1: to pray the prayer God helped me to go through

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Speaker 1: doors first so that I can turn around and show

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Speaker 1: others how to quicker with greater grace and ease. And

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Speaker 1: so this book, you know, in fourteen simple stories, really

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Speaker 1: delivers rather profound concepts and then at the end of

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Speaker 1: each chapter there are actionable one to three things that

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Speaker 1: you can do. And that was my frustration is that,

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Speaker 1: you know, with the motivation and going to church and

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Speaker 1: you know, those people on the stage were shining, but

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Speaker 1: I didn't know what I needed to do inside of

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Speaker 1: my own brain. You know, how did I need to,

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Speaker 1: uh think, what did I need to do inside of

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Speaker 1: myself so that I could take ownership of the concepts

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Speaker 1: that they were talking or you're one of the great

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Speaker 1: story you shares in the book about singing when your

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Speaker 1: mom said you could sing, you I can't sing, and

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Speaker 1: you share this story where you went into complete stage

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Speaker 1: fright and it just blocked out your ability to sing.

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Speaker 1: And it later played itself out in the future auditions

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Speaker 1: and you had to deal with that. So so basically

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Speaker 1: what you're saying in your book is that you can't

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Speaker 1: run from it, that it eventually going to ugly head somewhere. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: and it rears its head. Uh sometimes as addiction it

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Speaker 1: rears its head sometimes as you know, depression. It rears

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Speaker 1: its head and in a multitude of ways, and you

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Speaker 1: can't outrun it. My father thought that he could outrun it.

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Speaker 1: My my cousin, my cousin, not my my cousin, cousin,

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Speaker 1: but you know, you know how we said cousin. My

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Speaker 1: my my cousin just died two weeks ago because she

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Speaker 1: had a pain a trauma when she was fifteen years old,

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Speaker 1: she got pregnant, had a baby. Um, this was not

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Speaker 1: the life that was expected for her. She was, you know,

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Speaker 1: a mensa child, and um, she literally drank herself to death. Right,

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Speaker 1: we can't outrun the past. We have to rewire it.

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Speaker 1: And the Little Book of Big Lies gives you very

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Speaker 1: clear steps, actionable steps and how you can do that

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Speaker 1: inter fitness practice where she just goes down the big

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Speaker 1: lie and ship what it was in that chapter you

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Speaker 1: just read the truth and explanation of that chapter. You

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Speaker 1: just read the possibility and then try this, which usually

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Speaker 1: about one of three different steps. Try this far from

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Speaker 1: this moment, which I loved about it when we were

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Speaker 1: talking to Tina Lift for the amazing actress as well

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Speaker 1: as a motivator and a transformer. We'll be back with

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Speaker 1: more of this information from home. Amazing book The Little

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Speaker 1: Book or Big Lies, a Journey into Inner Fitness. You're amazing,

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Speaker 1: Thank you. How you listening to Rashan McDonald and this

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Speaker 1: is money making conversation my guest who is currently in studio.

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Speaker 1: It's one of the stars in the Queen Sugar series

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Speaker 1: on the Oprah Winfrey Network. She's also recognized playwright and

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Speaker 1: CEO of the Inner Fitness Project, and she on she

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Speaker 1: has on the show that they discussed her new book, Uh,

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Speaker 1: The Little Book of Big Lives, a Journey into interer

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Speaker 1: Inner Fitness. Please welcome back to the show, Tina. Tina,

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Speaker 1: it was when I was reading the book, it was

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Speaker 1: kind of like I came across like you talked about

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Speaker 1: the twenties, thirties and forties. The twenties you were assessed

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Speaker 1: with figuring life out and the thirties was a time

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Speaker 1: of wakening to the puzzles of life and the afforties

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Speaker 1: had a dream that opened the door to a new

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Speaker 1: way of seeing yourself. I these are my take on

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Speaker 1: these So if I would like to take a moment

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Speaker 1: to go back, because we we we hit so many

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Speaker 1: areas of how I try to communicate to people who

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Speaker 1: listen to this show. I always tell people it's not

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Speaker 1: your current resume that you should be concerned about. It

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Speaker 1: should be what you accomplish in your twenties, your thirties,

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Speaker 1: and your afforties. Because by mastering that, accepting the values

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Speaker 1: that are the traits that come out of that, that

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Speaker 1: is what you're gonna be making money on in your

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Speaker 1: afforities and fifties and sixties. That's gonna take you to

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Speaker 1: I don't even call it. I don't use the word retirement.

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Speaker 1: It will keep you through life. I think retirement as

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Speaker 1: a as a stop signed for to say you're supposed

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Speaker 1: to stop. And in life you're not supposed to stop.

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Speaker 1: You're supposed to keep gaining energy. So when you talk

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Speaker 1: about the twenties, thirties and forties, let's down a well

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Speaker 1: great and and and I love that you were talking about,

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Speaker 1: you know, career building and UM and and longevity um.

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Speaker 1: One of the things that people don't realize is that

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Speaker 1: when it comes to living a full and balanced life,

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Speaker 1: we're talking we're talking success and happiness, right, but those

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Speaker 1: are two separate skill sets. The skill set for success

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Speaker 1: and career is a different skill set from happiness. People

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Speaker 1: think that if they get the career and they make

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Speaker 1: the money, that they are going to be happy. Happiness, however,

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Speaker 1: is actually a byproduct of us feeling aligned with ourselves,

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Speaker 1: feeling that we are good enough, that we um have purpose,

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Speaker 1: that we are um on point, you know, that we

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Speaker 1: that we literally just have a sense of our um

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Speaker 1: being worthy as we are. If we don't have that,

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Speaker 1: then all the money in the world still has you

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Speaker 1: feeling like there's something missing. Correct. You know, you can

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Speaker 1: you can have the mate, you can have the kids,

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Speaker 1: you can have the money, but if you don't have yourself,

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Speaker 1: you will wake up feeling like something is missing. And

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Speaker 1: so um, you know, the twenties for me, thank goodness,

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Speaker 1: the twenties for me were full of a curiosity, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I didn't know how to I didn't know

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Speaker 1: how to make my career. So that was truly frustrating.

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Speaker 1: But I was also fortunate enough to have a circle

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Speaker 1: of friends and uh to have a place of worship

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Speaker 1: that was teaching me the importance of me connecting with

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Speaker 1: me you know, and me connect connecting with me. Over

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Speaker 1: over time, I came to distill that into one being

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Speaker 1: able to um acknowledge the things that have taken place,

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Speaker 1: you know, truly well. First you have to become aware

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Speaker 1: that there's an inner you and that you have to

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Speaker 1: take care of that person in addition to whatever your

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Speaker 1: external aims are. And once you are aware that there's

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Speaker 1: an inner you, now you have to acknowledge who you

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Speaker 1: are and what you do. You know, when you say,

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Speaker 1: when you can say uh, from your aware this, uh,

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Speaker 1: I do this or ah, this happened to me and

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Speaker 1: this is how it made me feel. And these are

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Speaker 1: the conclusions I drew based upon what happened to me.

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Speaker 1: When we can be honest about that, then those those

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Speaker 1: past experiences aren't held inside of us in what I

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Speaker 1: call an emotional loop. When we don't acknowledge what happened

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Speaker 1: to us and how it made us feel, there is

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Speaker 1: a part of us sitting inside begging for that acknowledgement.

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Speaker 1: When you say that this is speaking it, speaking it tells,

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Speaker 1: sharing experience with someone, writing it in your journal is

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Speaker 1: a great starting point, you know, being able to have

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Speaker 1: just another person hear you. We all want to be heard,

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Speaker 1: we all want to be seen, and and in order

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Speaker 1: to have that happen, you have to develop community or

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Speaker 1: relationships where that can take place. But the most important

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Speaker 1: thing is you have to see yourself. You have to

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Speaker 1: acknowledge to yourself that you have these feelings and that

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Speaker 1: this is where you are. And that's where I love

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Speaker 1: the book. And when I say the book, I'm talking

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Speaker 1: about the Little Book of Big Lies, a journey into

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Speaker 1: into fitness because I have those stories, I have those

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Speaker 1: moments in my life that I reveal some of them

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Speaker 1: to you that will really if they if they still

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Speaker 1: with me, that means they had an impact on that.

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Speaker 1: If I can vividly see that young man patting me

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Speaker 1: that on the corner Rushing and Bain Street, that's that's

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Speaker 1: where I was at the walk passing suddenly just stopped

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Speaker 1: showing up that Lord know I prayed enough. I don't

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Speaker 1: know where he went, but Lord, he stopped. And that

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Speaker 1: that my life was able to go on and so

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Speaker 1: and even even from the standpoint. I can remember in

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Speaker 1: the elementary group with my a good friend of mine died.

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Speaker 1: You know how that emotional play this role and you

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Speaker 1: know he had uh he was blowing up a balloon

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Speaker 1: and he inhaled it then and that affected me how

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Speaker 1: my daughter I would never a lie hard to have balloons,

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Speaker 1: tell my wife, nope, no balloons in hire. You know,

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Speaker 1: have to be blown up already. But she's not blowing

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Speaker 1: off anything. So those little things that you're talking about,

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Speaker 1: that journey as you go up, as you evolve, those

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Speaker 1: moments really do play itself out again and again, and

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Speaker 1: you have to acknowledge it and admit that this had

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Speaker 1: a negative or positive effect, because a lot of times

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Speaker 1: there is positive. But you still have to acknowledge it

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Speaker 1: either way. Absolutely, you have to. You have to. You

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Speaker 1: have to acknowledge it because once you acknowledge it, then

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Speaker 1: you can actually begin to observe yourself almost like you're

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Speaker 1: watching a movie. You know, I call it sitting in

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Speaker 1: your observer chair, where you sit and you watch your

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Speaker 1: life like you're watching a movie. And that objectivity allows

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Speaker 1: you to see things that you're subconscious hasn't yet um

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Speaker 1: brought to the surface. It was something before we wrap

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Speaker 1: up the interview, I wanted to make sure we talked

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Speaker 1: about this, and you made a statement in your book.

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Speaker 1: We are preconditioned to think something is always wrong. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: that's the surviving, that's the survive itself. But you know,

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Speaker 1: we we somebody calls you early in the morning, what's wrong,

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Speaker 1: that's right, that's right, that's right, and just imagine that

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Speaker 1: that we laugh about it right here, But that's happening

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Speaker 1: all the time. You get called into your boss's office,

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Speaker 1: and the immediate thing is, you know, what's wrong? What

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Speaker 1: did I do wrong? And the what did I do wrong? Is?

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Speaker 1: We need to begin to rewire um our immediate uh

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Speaker 1: position with ourselves. You know, we need to realize that

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Speaker 1: we are we are I'd love to say, crew up,

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Speaker 1: you know, realize that we are innately creative, resilient, empowered

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Speaker 1: to choose how we think in a moment and were whole,

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Speaker 1: so to think of ourselves as worthy first and then

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Speaker 1: be free enough to uh make decisions about what needs

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Speaker 1: to change in our lives. It was so interesting, and

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Speaker 1: you know, we talked about the House of Mirrors, which

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Speaker 1: are very relatable. Found the looking at the two D

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Speaker 1: movie and seeing the three D image in the background.

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Speaker 1: We just sent a Monica pere, but the line also

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Speaker 1: stood out. A question stood out to me that I

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Speaker 1: wanted to make sure I got answer to the choken.

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Speaker 1: What is real confidence? Uh, real confidence is the ability

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Speaker 1: to be with yourself no matter what the challenges are.

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Speaker 1: A lot of people can't be with the uncomfortable parts

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Speaker 1: of themselves. But the moment that we learned to truly

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Speaker 1: accept ourselves, then the opinions, the judgments and the um

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Speaker 1: you know, the the being being looked at by others

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Speaker 1: will not impact us in a negative way because we

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Speaker 1: know who we are. You know, I I feel you're

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Speaker 1: a soul mate. I'll just let you know that because

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Speaker 1: of the fact that you do a lot of things.

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Speaker 1: One of the things I really loved about when reading

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Speaker 1: your book. You you have a downloadable free tool call

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Speaker 1: a s A l Ascending Scale to an Awesome Life.

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Speaker 1: You go to Tina the Foot dot com and download

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Speaker 1: a free tool a s A l Ascending Scale to

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Speaker 1: an Awesome Life. Please tell everybody what that is because

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Speaker 1: I want to put that in my news letter. Yeah. Well,

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Speaker 1: you know, one of the most important things we can

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Speaker 1: do is to begin to understand the power of the

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Speaker 1: thriving self. And what the thriving self gives us is

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Speaker 1: a sense of possibility. And we need to build the

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Speaker 1: muscle of being able to no matter what our situation is,

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Speaker 1: to get to a legitimate and resonating sense of possibility.

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Speaker 1: If you have a sense of possibility, you can move

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Speaker 1: through anything. And it's really important for people to know that.

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Speaker 1: One of the biggest lies in this book is that

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Speaker 1: who you are as you are is all that you are.

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Speaker 1: That is not it. You are so much more. But

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Speaker 1: you can't access all that you are if you are running.

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Speaker 1: You can't access all that you are if you don't

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Speaker 1: accept that there is more in you and then invest

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Speaker 1: time in order to you know, in order to express

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Speaker 1: it and build it. And so those fourteen little stories

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Speaker 1: big stories, big stories, yeah are they are big stories

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Speaker 1: because it changed They changed my life. They listening because

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Speaker 1: it made me open up and realized, I gotta tell

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Speaker 1: my story. I gotta be honest about myself, especially about

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Speaker 1: my past. And we're talking about the little book of

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Speaker 1: Big livees of Journey into Interfitness. She's to starve Queen Siries,

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Speaker 1: but Queen Sugar, but the amazing thing about you're changing

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Speaker 1: lives with this book. The first time I interviewed you,

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Speaker 1: I thought to you are amazing, and to have you

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Speaker 1: in my studio as a guest, you're equally amazing. I

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Speaker 1: want to promote your brand. I want to continue to

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Speaker 1: be a fan of what you do. Know that money

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Speaker 1: making conversations, whatever you need to promote. Always you know

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Speaker 1: there's a home for you here. Fantastic. I thank you

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Speaker 1: so much for something I appreciate you. Thank you