Speaker 1: I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
Speaker 1: I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2: I'm learning love who I am again. I'm strong, I
Speaker 2: feel free, I know every part of me. It's beautiful.
Speaker 1: And then will always out way if you feel it.
Speaker 2: But She'll some love to the d Why get there?
Speaker 3: Take you one day?
Speaker 2: Ana? Did you and.
Speaker 1: Die out way?
Speaker 3: Happy Saturday outweigh Amy here and I've got my co host,
Speaker 3: Leanne Ellington, Hello, and we are on part seven of
Speaker 3: our two Things Can Be True at the Same Time
Speaker 3: mini series, and today is about how you you can
Speaker 3: revisit old patterns, habits, circumstances, or you can be revisited
Speaker 3: by them, like they can pop back up, like you
Speaker 3: feel like, oh what I worked through that and it's
Speaker 3: back that can happen and you can still be evolving
Speaker 3: and growing past it, which Leanne sent me some notes
Speaker 3: on this before and she was like, AKA, experiencing something
Speaker 3: that you thought was part of your past does not
Speaker 3: mean that you have regressed or are regressed. And I
Speaker 3: love that reminder because there was a time my mom
Speaker 3: died and my eating disorder came back almost instantaneously. I
Speaker 3: can laugh about it now, because I thought I had
Speaker 3: been in recovery for almost twelve years, because I had
Speaker 3: not purged, but I had developed all kinds of other
Speaker 3: habits I didn't know were disordered, and so I thought,
Speaker 3: you know, I had my twelve year chip, my imaginary chip,
Speaker 3: like an alcoholic might have if they have been sober.
Speaker 3: And I remember being so disappointed in myself when really
Speaker 3: my brain was having a trauma response and it went
Speaker 3: back to what it knew was gonna soothe me at
Speaker 3: the time. And what I realized all along is I
Speaker 3: wasn't in true recovery and I should have had more
Speaker 3: compassion on myself for that. And also just because I did,
Speaker 3: that doesn't mean that I can't still move forward or
Speaker 3: there's not hope for that pattern to be broken. And
Speaker 3: then what when my dad died. I was in recovery
Speaker 3: like a year and a half in of the work,
Speaker 3: So of course parts of me we're a little nervous,
Speaker 3: like what's gonna happen the day after? Like, well, I
Speaker 3: know what my body, my brain and my actions were
Speaker 3: last time, and I didn't do it. But I think
Speaker 3: it's because I was I'd actually put in the work
Speaker 3: and experience recovery. But I also have grace for myself
Speaker 3: that I know something had happened next week where that's
Speaker 3: not the case, and I know that I'll still be okay,
Speaker 3: and it doesn't mean that I haven't moved forward in
Speaker 3: all of this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think there's a couple of big things
Speaker 1: to touch on for that. And first of all, just
Speaker 1: receiving what you just said, it's so human of us
Speaker 1: to have a traumatic experience and experience loss and grief,
Speaker 1: and our brain favors recency. So that's what your brain
Speaker 1: knew as a coping mechanism, and it makes sense that
Speaker 1: it went back to that, you know, but also, like
Speaker 1: you said, giving yourself grace and compassion, Like this is
Speaker 1: a trauma response. So point number one is like, this
Speaker 1: is a lifelong journey and there's going to be ebbs
Speaker 1: and flows and highs and lows, and it doesn't mean
Speaker 1: you know, what you do is not who you are,
Speaker 1: right And so that was the second thing I'm going
Speaker 1: to talk about, which we'll come back to, is that, like,
Speaker 1: that's why shifting your identity is so important, and shifting
Speaker 1: yourself image about who you are in relation to what
Speaker 1: you do is so important. But coming back to this
Speaker 1: idea of you know, you experience something and you're like, yes,
Speaker 1: I've solved it, I've healed it, I'm done. Right, My
Speaker 1: first invitation to you is what if you're never fully done?
Speaker 1: But because you have to upkeep the practice, right, maybe
Speaker 1: you don't have to so intensively think about it because
Speaker 1: your brain has rewired and a lot of it just
Speaker 1: becomes who you are. But just like you know, if
Speaker 1: you're working out of the gym and you just like
Speaker 1: all of a sudden stop going to the gym, the
Speaker 1: muscle's at yourophye, you know it's it's not same same,
Speaker 1: but it's same same but different as they say in Thailand, right,
Speaker 1: And it's one of those things where like you do
Speaker 1: have to upkeep some of those neural repetitions to get it.
Speaker 1: But that being said, when you experience something, you know,
Speaker 1: some of my clients will be like, oh, I fell
Speaker 1: off the wagon or whatever, and I'm like, great, but
Speaker 1: this time you have new awareness. I can't even tell
Speaker 1: you how many times my clients will come to me
Speaker 1: and be like, hey, Leanne, this is what happened. I
Speaker 1: ate x right, but this but this is why I'm
Speaker 1: so excited because first of all, I didn't shame myself.
Speaker 1: Second of all, I know exactly why it happened. It
Speaker 1: was almost like it happened in slow motion. I had
Speaker 1: so much awareness, and then I didn't beat myself up.
Speaker 1: But here's what I'm gonna do next time, because now
Speaker 1: I know what to look for. And part of it
Speaker 1: is we have to experience something again to get a
Speaker 1: heightened level of awareness, to really go fill in some
Speaker 1: gaps that weren't there, you know, like how do you
Speaker 1: ride a bike? I can't teach you how to ride
Speaker 1: a bike by reading a book, right, I can't write
Speaker 1: tell you logically how to ride a bike. You have
Speaker 1: to get on your balance system, your equilibrium system, has
Speaker 1: to experience it. You probably fall a couple times before
Speaker 1: you you know, but then.
Speaker 2: Eventually training wheels.
Speaker 1: Right, there's training reels great, Yes, exactly, same is true
Speaker 1: of all of this, right, and the falling down is
Speaker 1: actually part of the learning process.
Speaker 2: Right, But it doesn't mean that you are.
Speaker 1: Regressed, have regressed air quotes messed up your back where
Speaker 1: you were. First of all, you're not who you are
Speaker 1: the last time you experienced what you're experiencing. You have
Speaker 1: the ability to have heightened levels of awareness. Like we
Speaker 1: talked about last episode, nothing passes you until it teaches
Speaker 1: you what you need to know. So what is the lesson?
Speaker 1: What have I not yet learned from this? What have
Speaker 1: I not gotten? What's the next level for me?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: And then we'll talk about the identity and self image
Speaker 1: and why that's so important. But like, no, it's not
Speaker 1: one of those things where you're back where you started.
Speaker 1: That is the meaning, the drama, the thoughts that you're
Speaker 1: giving behind it, And it doesn't have to mean that.
Speaker 1: You can choose not to give it that meaning. You
Speaker 1: can look at us like, oh, that happened. I don't
Speaker 1: have to like it, but I refuse to go down
Speaker 1: this rabbit hole of like, great, this is I told you,
Speaker 1: this is just who I am, this is what I do.
Speaker 2: And again we'll talk about that.
Speaker 1: But that's why it's so important you change your identity
Speaker 1: around this as well.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so if you're in the process of trying to
Speaker 3: accept that you're still evolving, I guess let's talk about
Speaker 3: how there's no dead end, Like there's no Oh, I
Speaker 3: finally have reached the top of the mountain and I'm
Speaker 3: going to stay here forever, right, because I think if
Speaker 3: I go back to some of my thoughts, I had
Speaker 3: sort of romanticized recovery and healing, and that if I
Speaker 3: got to the top once I realized that I could,
Speaker 3: I wasn't going to stay stuck in this forever. I
Speaker 3: didn't want to stay in victim mode, but that it's
Speaker 3: an ongoing process. So somehow I was picturing myself at
Speaker 3: the top of this mountain and I conquered it. But then, like,
Speaker 3: if I give you that image at the top of
Speaker 3: the mountain, what would you say about what happens once
Speaker 3: we're at the top.
Speaker 1: Well, it's so it's so beautiful that you say it
Speaker 1: like that, because we do.
Speaker 2: We romanticize, we fantasize, We have.
Speaker 1: Almost like delusional optimism about how perfect our life is
Speaker 1: going to be.
Speaker 2: You know, So what if I just had this and
Speaker 2: once I get there, then it'll all be swell, you know.
Speaker 1: So one of the first things I invite my clients
Speaker 1: into is because keep in mind too, a lot of us.
Speaker 2: That are coming from this world of disorder.
Speaker 1: We're falling for the short term gratification trap of this.
Speaker 2: It looks like control, but it's not.
Speaker 1: It's really the more we try to control or deprive,
Speaker 1: the more out of control we feel, or it's that
Speaker 1: relinquishing control.
Speaker 2: Screw it, I don't care.
Speaker 1: Give me everything in sight before my inner food police
Speaker 1: comes in and kicks back in, and it's that cycle.
Speaker 2: Back and forth.
Speaker 1: However it shows up for you, right and so that
Speaker 1: short term gratification or it's the short term gratification of like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm just going to lose a bunch of weight really quickly,
Speaker 1: you know, and then then I'll feel good. It's really
Speaker 1: a short term gratification thought process. So one of the
Speaker 1: first things I invite my clients into is what if
Speaker 1: short term pain for long term gain? And when I
Speaker 1: say pain, I mean investment of time, energy, thought, and
Speaker 1: intention to really heal this so that you have it
Speaker 1: for the rest of your life, but shifting your beliefs
Speaker 1: and getting out of the delusion that this is a
Speaker 1: one and done Oh, I'll just be healed and happy
Speaker 1: and problem free for the rest of my life. What
Speaker 1: if you just assume that you're human and human stuff
Speaker 1: is going to come up, like loss and stress and
Speaker 1: all these things, And what if you could plan for that,
Speaker 1: account for it, and have the tools that you can
Speaker 1: use to access when it does come up.
Speaker 2: And what if you talked about your forever self.
Speaker 1: So one of the things I invite my clients into
Speaker 1: is like, let's say they're forty five or fifty five.
Speaker 1: I say, yes, I care about the forty five to
Speaker 1: fifty five year old version of you, But who do
Speaker 1: you want to be at sixty seventy eighty. Let's get
Speaker 1: optimistic one hundred and five. So you can be the
Speaker 1: version of yourself that you were born to be and
Speaker 1: know that even when crap hits the fan and adversity strikes,
Speaker 1: you show up in a way that you're proud of
Speaker 1: because you have tools in your toolbox and you've created
Speaker 1: this foundation of beliefs in a self image that empowers
Speaker 1: you that you don't dig back into those rabbit holes.
Speaker 1: But again, notice I didn't say like everything's roses and butterflies.
Speaker 1: Life's going to happen. But can you respond instead of react?
Speaker 1: How far do you fall? How Like that bubble of
Speaker 1: resilience gets so much better and stronger and more resilient,
Speaker 1: and you're not it's not happening so often. It's you're
Speaker 1: not falling down so far it doesn't take you so long.
Speaker 2: To pick yourself back up. But notice I didn't.
Speaker 1: Say it stops happening, right, So what I would say
Speaker 1: about that metaphorical mountain is I would not to burst
Speaker 1: anyone's bubble, but I would I would invite them into
Speaker 1: the possibility that that is an illusion, that this top
Speaker 1: of the mountain is not real. But the climb to
Speaker 1: the you know, the first big climb where you feel
Speaker 1: like your brain has the first like evidence of Okay,
Speaker 1: there's a map where I'm free and at peace and
Speaker 1: this doesn't define me and this doesn't hold me hostage,
Speaker 1: knowing that that it's possible to create that.
Speaker 2: Map more and more in your brain.
Speaker 1: But also eliminating the illusion and illusion that this is
Speaker 1: how it's always going to be and it's always going
Speaker 1: to be air quotes perfect.
Speaker 3: I'm sort of picturing, Okay, if you like that, you
Speaker 3: want to reach the top and you want to be
Speaker 3: up there, it's almost like, Okay, while you're up there,
Speaker 3: you equip yourself and you've got your backpack and your
Speaker 3: tools for like, if you fall down the mountain, your
Speaker 3: backpack's there, it's got you. You've got your your snacks
Speaker 3: in there to sustain you. You've got your tools to
Speaker 3: climb back up, like I don't know, just to maybe
Speaker 3: picture yourself at the top, yeah, and just know that that's.
Speaker 2: While you're up there, and while you're in.
Speaker 3: This space of like I did it, like still gather
Speaker 3: all your tools and make sure you have them with
Speaker 3: you because if you if you go back down, then
Speaker 3: hopefully the thought behind that would be that you get
Speaker 3: back up faster. But even if you don't have compassion
Speaker 3: and grace for yourself, there's no clock other than like,
Speaker 3: we do have this one life, and so it is
Speaker 3: important to sit down and assess and say, how do
Speaker 3: I want to be spending it? Yeah, what do I
Speaker 3: want to be doing? Who do I want to be with?
Speaker 3: What memories do I want to make right?
Speaker 1: And you know, within that, one of the big things
Speaker 1: I have to discuss with my clients is changing their
Speaker 1: definition of success, because if their definition of success is
Speaker 1: never eating anything with sugar or never having a bad
Speaker 1: thought about themselves or whatever, of course they're going to
Speaker 1: always think that they're regressing or not living up. So
Speaker 1: part of it is we have to change or redefine
Speaker 1: their definition of success. Yes, but that kind of segues
Speaker 1: into this whole identity piece of the puzzle, where you know,
Speaker 1: one of my favorite quotes is what you do is
Speaker 1: not who you are, right, and it's about like who
Speaker 1: who you're being, not just what you're doing. And so
Speaker 1: if all of your self worth and self image eggs
Speaker 1: are in the basket of like, great, this is what
Speaker 1: I did or didn't do. I hate to say it,
Speaker 1: but you're going to be at a loss, Like you're
Speaker 1: always going to be feeling unworthy or unfill in the blank.
Speaker 2: If all that you're defining.
Speaker 1: Yourself by is like what you do, what you wear,
Speaker 1: what you did or didn't eat, your gene size, your
Speaker 1: bank balance, your how many likes you got on Facebook,
Speaker 1: whatever it is, it's going to show up empty for you.
Speaker 2: So part of it, too, is.
Speaker 1: Like when all you're doing is looking at the action
Speaker 1: items of your life as like the end all be all,
Speaker 1: anything that strays from that is going to feel like
Speaker 1: you messed up, backpedaled, regressed.
Speaker 2: Anything like that.
Speaker 1: So changing your definition of success, but also the big
Speaker 1: picture kind of paradigm that you're living in has to
Speaker 1: transform to or else you're always going to be identified
Speaker 1: in these ways that are chaining you to the disorder,
Speaker 1: and just remember.
Speaker 3: That two things can be true at the same time,
Speaker 3: because just because you have a setback doesn't mean you
Speaker 3: haven't evolved and you're not capable of more. Because I
Speaker 3: could see how someone gets stuck up, like I mean,
Speaker 3: I did it all the time.
Speaker 2: Like anytime I.
Speaker 3: Would quote unquote mess up or slip up or whatever
Speaker 3: you want to call it, I just feel like, yeah,
Speaker 3: it's exhausting. I want to throw in the towel. But
Speaker 3: like you said, there's a little bit of pain. I
Speaker 3: got to get there, got to be get into the uncomfortable,
Speaker 3: and sometimes if we just want to stay in the comfortable,
Speaker 3: even though that's painful too, it's what we know.
Speaker 2: It's all we know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, Leanne, Where can people find.
Speaker 1: You stressless seating dot com if you want to hear
Speaker 1: more and learn more about the brain we were rewiring
Speaker 1: when it comes to food, your body, your definition of
Speaker 1: success and health, all of that good stuff.
Speaker 2: And then over on Instagram at lee Anne Ellington.
Speaker 3: And I am at Radio Amy Radioamy dot com. We
Speaker 3: will be back next Saturday, but the final part art
Speaker 3: so the two things can be true miniseries, So we'll
Speaker 3: see then.
Speaker 2: Bye bye, MHM