1 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:07,760 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. I'm welcome to stuff 2 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:19,080 Speaker 1: I've never told your production. I heart radio. This might 3 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:22,360 Speaker 1: be a difficult question to answer, Samantha, but do you 4 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:27,240 Speaker 1: remember when you learned kind of about the spectrum of 5 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:31,120 Speaker 1: what's sexual identity and gender identity and queerness that it 6 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:34,279 Speaker 1: was more than you know, gay or straight. Right, Oh, 7 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:36,760 Speaker 1: that is a really good question. I think I've known 8 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:39,479 Speaker 1: of it since I've known about sex essentially, but it's 9 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:43,000 Speaker 1: always been a joke. So we see things as jokes, 10 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:47,720 Speaker 1: you know, on movies or like if it's a badly placed, childish, 11 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:51,479 Speaker 1: really offensive type of joke being told in middle school 12 00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:55,440 Speaker 1: that type of way. So I remember, like, the first 13 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:58,120 Speaker 1: thing I knew about Mormonism, which is not necessarily true 14 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:01,640 Speaker 1: at all, is polyamorous. They have more than one wife, 15 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:05,240 Speaker 1: which is not the same indications of what we're talking 16 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:07,760 Speaker 1: about when it comes to polyamory. We know that, But 17 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,640 Speaker 1: because I was a child growing up in the mountains 18 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:14,120 Speaker 1: and not understanding it, I knew that existed. I knew 19 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:18,360 Speaker 1: transgender existed. What did I think about it? Again? It 20 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:20,760 Speaker 1: became a punch line because it was so inappropriate, and 21 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:25,240 Speaker 1: I grew up in a very homophobic, backwards, backwoods type 22 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:28,640 Speaker 1: of home and town. That that's how I knew of it. 23 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:33,720 Speaker 1: So I say, I knew of what it was felt 24 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:36,600 Speaker 1: and was told that it was either a punchline or sin. 25 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:40,280 Speaker 1: And then I didn't understand the truth of it, honestly 26 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:43,640 Speaker 1: until probably when I say truth of it, the realities 27 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,600 Speaker 1: and that that these are people and they have this 28 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:51,000 Speaker 1: whole underlying of what these things are and or how 29 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:54,280 Speaker 1: you may identify and why you might identify, literally until 30 00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:57,600 Speaker 1: probably not until high school when I met people from 31 00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:01,440 Speaker 1: very young age knowing who they were and they've always 32 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:03,600 Speaker 1: identified this way, that this is how they were born, 33 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:08,720 Speaker 1: and realizing oh, this is part of their like not 34 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:10,920 Speaker 1: just identity, but who they are, just like as I 35 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:16,280 Speaker 1: am identifying as heterosexual, that I've never necessarily found attraction 36 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:20,200 Speaker 1: to any other gender. That has never been a thing 37 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,680 Speaker 1: for me until like, Oh, but if you look at 38 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:24,480 Speaker 1: the spectrum of it and the reality of it and 39 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:28,760 Speaker 1: the complications of what love truly means, m h. That 40 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:32,480 Speaker 1: I don't think I really understood it until I started 41 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:35,400 Speaker 1: to kind of grasp in high school and then into 42 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:40,919 Speaker 1: my formative years, even learning the fine details, not even 43 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:43,680 Speaker 1: the details, but the depth of it, even toil our 44 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:48,800 Speaker 1: episode of sexuality and being called out and being like, oh, 45 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,040 Speaker 1: you don't understand quite as much as you think you do. 46 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:54,399 Speaker 1: Here we go. So I think it's the very long 47 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:59,160 Speaker 1: winded answer is I'm still learning. That is a good answer. 48 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:01,799 Speaker 1: I think I think a lot of us are, and 49 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:04,600 Speaker 1: I think it's a society we are. I I've told 50 00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:08,560 Speaker 1: my story before, Like I remember learning what bisexual was 51 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:11,799 Speaker 1: and I was in middle school. Was X Files based realization, 52 00:03:12,639 --> 00:03:16,440 Speaker 1: but beyond that, it was really working on this show 53 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:22,160 Speaker 1: that I learned about other like a sexual or transgender. 54 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,440 Speaker 1: And I think there were things that kind of like you, 55 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:27,200 Speaker 1: I knew, but I didn't necessarily know the terminology are 56 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:31,280 Speaker 1: much more about it beyond that, right, And I remember 57 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:36,760 Speaker 1: specifically when I learned a sexual. I was outside of college. 58 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:40,280 Speaker 1: I was working on the show. But somebody, my little 59 00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:43,480 Speaker 1: brother said he was dating someone and she said she 60 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:47,360 Speaker 1: was a sexual, and somebody responded jokingly, that means she 61 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:49,640 Speaker 1: just doesn't want to have sex with you, And that 62 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:53,000 Speaker 1: was one of the first like jries I had at 63 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:56,600 Speaker 1: that term of yeah, people being really dismissive of it 64 00:03:56,680 --> 00:04:00,240 Speaker 1: and doubting that it was real and I've learned so 65 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:05,120 Speaker 1: much being on this show. Uh, And as you listeners know, 66 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:07,280 Speaker 1: it's kind of been a couple of years from me 67 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:11,560 Speaker 1: where I'm figuring out how I identify and and I 68 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:14,240 Speaker 1: remember with some I love it. Some of your listeners 69 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,839 Speaker 1: shrode in it's like it sounds like you're a sexual 70 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,960 Speaker 1: but bio romantic, and somebody sent me all these terms, 71 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:22,599 Speaker 1: like seventeen terms like DAVI sexual. I've never heard of 72 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:24,599 Speaker 1: it before, and I was looking at all up like 73 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:30,080 Speaker 1: oh wow, and how validating it felt, and how kind 74 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:32,720 Speaker 1: of a relief. I was like, Oh, yeah, there is 75 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:35,560 Speaker 1: all of this and you can It is a spectrum 76 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:38,800 Speaker 1: and it is fluid, and just feeling so relieved at 77 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:41,599 Speaker 1: that knowledge that I think I had always known. I 78 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:44,800 Speaker 1: just didn't have the terminology or the kind of community 79 00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:49,800 Speaker 1: behind it. So thank you listeners were young, supportive. I 80 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:53,000 Speaker 1: love it. Yeah, I've loved it too, and I'm still 81 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:55,560 Speaker 1: working through things. And I agree with the listeners who 82 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,919 Speaker 1: have written and said Pandemic has been an interesting time 83 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:03,360 Speaker 1: for having those questions about gender identity and sexual identity, 84 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:06,520 Speaker 1: and also just because I have to I I've learned 85 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:09,440 Speaker 1: a lot through fan fiction. I will say the fan 86 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:13,320 Speaker 1: fiction recently has gotten real open about all these different 87 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:17,000 Speaker 1: like labels or not having labels, and just huge variety 88 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:19,880 Speaker 1: that wasn't there when I was reading fan fiction. So 89 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:25,800 Speaker 1: I'm very happy to see that learning new things through 90 00:05:25,839 --> 00:05:32,520 Speaker 1: fan fiction. Yes, sometimes good, sometimes not. But because it 91 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:34,560 Speaker 1: is Pride Butts, we did want to bring back this 92 00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:38,320 Speaker 1: episode on the A b C's of being a sexual, 93 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:45,719 Speaker 1: so please enjoy. Hey, this is Annie. Hey, I'm Samantha, 94 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:47,960 Speaker 1: and welcome to Steph. I've never told your protection of 95 00:05:48,080 --> 00:06:01,480 Speaker 1: I Hire Radio's house networks. So we're kind of doing 96 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,920 Speaker 1: one of our we we love an arc around here, 97 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:10,800 Speaker 1: like a mini series, and we're doing one on sexuality. Yes, 98 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:14,039 Speaker 1: and lately, y'all know that I've been struggling to nail 99 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:16,560 Speaker 1: down my sexuality, which is really fun. As a thirty 100 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:21,040 Speaker 1: year old woman, I gotta say and specifically whether or 101 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:26,559 Speaker 1: not I'm a sexual And it's it's funny because Pete 102 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:31,360 Speaker 1: behind the curtains, we recorded this interview that we're about 103 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,600 Speaker 1: to play for you about a sexuality the same day 104 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:41,159 Speaker 1: we did an interview about bondage yea that goes hand 105 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,640 Speaker 1: in hand. Yeah, yeah, well it's all part of this art. 106 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,599 Speaker 1: It is. To talk about this, we brought in Agua Danzo, 107 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:49,760 Speaker 1: who has written about her experience of being an ace 108 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:53,560 Speaker 1: as it's often shortened to in teen Vogue, and she 109 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:57,360 Speaker 1: also works on a podcast called About South podcast that 110 00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:01,160 Speaker 1: you should all totally check out. So let's get right 111 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:05,480 Speaker 1: into it. So I am Adua Dance So also known 112 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:09,120 Speaker 1: as Joe Dance So. Um that's a nickname with the 113 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:13,880 Speaker 1: storied history and Um. I have a background in journalistic writing, 114 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,800 Speaker 1: born and raised in Atlanta. Previously worked at Creative Loathing, 115 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:20,360 Speaker 1: and I currently work at ca U s a not 116 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:25,000 Speaker 1: the nanny ng and home care site, but the UH 117 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:27,520 Speaker 1: the inventor of the care package that currently works to 118 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:31,680 Speaker 1: eradicate global poverty by empowering women and girls. Um. I'm 119 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:36,600 Speaker 1: on the social media team there. Yeah. Um. And a 120 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 1: couple of months ago, we had a friend of mine, 121 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:44,960 Speaker 1: Sono Vashi, on to talk about um Asian American identity 122 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,880 Speaker 1: and afterwards I picked her brain of like who should 123 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:51,920 Speaker 1: I talk to in Atlanta and she recommended you for 124 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,280 Speaker 1: um a couple of things actually, because she said you 125 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:59,560 Speaker 1: have very funny takes on pop culture, which I am intrigued, 126 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,960 Speaker 1: which I have a lot of advanture I think you 127 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,000 Speaker 1: and I could vant are really well, that could be fun, 128 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:06,160 Speaker 1: but I won't. I won't put that there now, but 129 00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:09,680 Speaker 1: I'm just saying that's a future episode. Yes, pop culture 130 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:14,120 Speaker 1: banter always welcome. But also, UM, a sexuality, which is 131 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:18,720 Speaker 1: you you wrote a piece for teen Vogue about your 132 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:23,520 Speaker 1: your experience. Yeah yeah, so, UM, I am a sexual 133 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:27,280 Speaker 1: and that does not mean that I recreate or procreate 134 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:37,520 Speaker 1: with myself. That would be UM. Basically, a sexuals exists 135 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:42,640 Speaker 1: outside the standard spectrum of sexuality and sexual attraction. So 136 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:46,920 Speaker 1: we are all taught that, like, you are sexually attracted 137 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,439 Speaker 1: to people, and like that's what you do. UM. And 138 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:51,559 Speaker 1: I basically had a light bulb moment where I was like, wait, 139 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:54,320 Speaker 1: what you guys experienced and what I experienced are not 140 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:58,040 Speaker 1: the same thing at all, And it sent me into 141 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:00,520 Speaker 1: a Google spiral. I think I was like twenty three 142 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:02,320 Speaker 1: when I found out, so I was like, wait, no, 143 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:05,240 Speaker 1: how did I miss this? Um? I actually had a 144 00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:07,360 Speaker 1: sexual friend when I was a teenager, and it did 145 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:10,520 Speaker 1: not click at all that UM, she and I had 146 00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:13,720 Speaker 1: more in common than other people that I was friends with. 147 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:20,040 Speaker 1: And UM, basically, there are a lot of people in 148 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,160 Speaker 1: the world who will just look at another person and 149 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:24,000 Speaker 1: know that they want to have sex with that person. 150 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:28,120 Speaker 1: Maybe after a conversation they know maybe they like see 151 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:29,960 Speaker 1: them at the coffee shop every day and they know 152 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:35,480 Speaker 1: that's not me. I don't feel comfortable saying that I've 153 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:41,520 Speaker 1: ever had sexual attraction toward someone in the way that 154 00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:46,160 Speaker 1: the majority of people do. UM. So, like, even when 155 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,080 Speaker 1: you like watch TV shows and stuff and you're like, man, 156 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,880 Speaker 1: they started having sex like really fast, like Derek and 157 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,120 Speaker 1: Meredith on Grey's Anatomy One night Stands, I was like, 158 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,520 Speaker 1: I don't understand. How do you just like have sex 159 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:59,719 Speaker 1: with somebody like you don't have like questions about them? First? Um, 160 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:04,720 Speaker 1: I've that is not my experience. And UM, while there 161 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:07,600 Speaker 1: are a sexuals who do have things that line up 162 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:12,200 Speaker 1: with the norm or varied experiences across the spectrum, the 163 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:16,000 Speaker 1: gist is that there are what I call sexual people 164 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:18,400 Speaker 1: and then there are people who don't experience it in 165 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:23,840 Speaker 1: the same way. And I am under that umbrella. Um, 166 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:28,880 Speaker 1: would you mind expounding more on that that lightbulb moment? 167 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:36,480 Speaker 1: Trying to remember exactly what the moment was. Um, it 168 00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:39,400 Speaker 1: was kind of a series of conversations, but one in 169 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:43,240 Speaker 1: particular was with one of my old roommates in college 170 00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:45,680 Speaker 1: where we would just like be up at night talking 171 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:49,040 Speaker 1: about like relationships and stuff like that. You know, like 172 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:51,800 Speaker 1: when you're like an ambitious young black woman and they're like, 173 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:55,439 Speaker 1: no people who match your vibe. You're just kind of like, oh, 174 00:10:55,480 --> 00:11:00,120 Speaker 1: it'll come later, right. And then I graduated and she 175 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:01,760 Speaker 1: still lived in the dorm and she sent me a 176 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,840 Speaker 1: photo of the lgbt Q History month board and the 177 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:07,559 Speaker 1: definition of a sexuality on that board and was like, 178 00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:09,800 Speaker 1: you might be a sexual l O L. And I 179 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,640 Speaker 1: was like, con I know what a sexuality is, Like, 180 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:14,840 Speaker 1: that's not me. And then I read the definitions and 181 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:19,520 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, that is me. Um, And so 182 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:22,960 Speaker 1: I started googling, and like things just started clicking and 183 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,720 Speaker 1: making sense. And the best analogy that I have for 184 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,480 Speaker 1: like that moment is, uh, the spoiler alert episode of 185 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,440 Speaker 1: How I Met Your Mother when Ted dating a woman 186 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:34,079 Speaker 1: who ends up being like a huge talker and at 187 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:37,120 Speaker 1: the end she's dating a deaf guy who doesn't notice 188 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:39,560 Speaker 1: that she talks a whole lot. But throughout the episode, 189 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,200 Speaker 1: each person in the group like realizes something about somebody 190 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:44,600 Speaker 1: else in the group, and it's like glass shattering place 191 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:47,080 Speaker 1: above their head. And that's like what it felt like 192 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,640 Speaker 1: for me. I was like, no, like the world is crashing, 193 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:51,440 Speaker 1: Like how how did I get this far in my 194 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:55,560 Speaker 1: life and never have this kind of knowledge, especially because 195 00:11:56,000 --> 00:12:01,120 Speaker 1: I've my primary identity primary and quotation marks, Um, I'm black. 196 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:04,120 Speaker 1: You can like see it like really clearly. So primary 197 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:09,880 Speaker 1: um is being queer. Like I identified as bisexual for 198 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:12,800 Speaker 1: several years, I still kind of do depending on the day. 199 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:15,840 Speaker 1: And UM, I was just kind of like shocked that 200 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:19,480 Speaker 1: like somebody is like in tune and like knowledgeable and 201 00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:22,360 Speaker 1: conscious and like paying attention as I am did not 202 00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:28,760 Speaker 1: know this thing. Yeah, and I kind of alluded to 203 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:32,520 Speaker 1: it in our communications, But as I have done this podcast, 204 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:36,880 Speaker 1: I've had a similar realization. It's it's so fun to 205 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:41,199 Speaker 1: be researching something, um, And I say phone not sarcastically, 206 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:43,640 Speaker 1: but also I don't know if that's the best word, 207 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:49,240 Speaker 1: but to be researching something and to be like, huh oh, 208 00:12:49,559 --> 00:12:56,000 Speaker 1: maybe that describes me um. And so listeners have had 209 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:57,880 Speaker 1: the fun time of being with me on this journey 210 00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:01,800 Speaker 1: of is any sexual I mean, and let's just have 211 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:04,360 Speaker 1: that conversation, is why do you feel like this is 212 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:07,640 Speaker 1: something that or a does it feel like it kind 213 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:11,520 Speaker 1: of was a relief to understand yourself a little more 214 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:15,640 Speaker 1: in that way. Yeah, it definitely flipped my world upside down, 215 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:20,040 Speaker 1: but it was a huge relief. Um. Before I learned 216 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:22,360 Speaker 1: what a sexuality is and that it fit for me, 217 00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:26,600 Speaker 1: I was like really concerned. I was like, is there 218 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:29,200 Speaker 1: something wrong with me? And I like represhing some childhood 219 00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:32,000 Speaker 1: sexual trauma, like, au, is there like a reason for 220 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:36,359 Speaker 1: why I haven't um been on the same like wavelength 221 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:40,800 Speaker 1: that's my peers in terms of relationships and stuff like that. Um, 222 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:43,040 Speaker 1: And then finding out I was a sexual I was like, oh, cool, 223 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:46,520 Speaker 1: there's my answer. Um. But at the same time, there 224 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,960 Speaker 1: is the part that's like still kind of unknown. There 225 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:54,440 Speaker 1: are a lot of people who don't believe in a 226 00:13:54,559 --> 00:13:57,840 Speaker 1: sexuality or don't think that they would even be willing 227 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,400 Speaker 1: to be in a relationship with an a sexual person. 228 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,920 Speaker 1: And uh, those are the kinds of things where like, 229 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,560 Speaker 1: don't read the comments is like really real, because you 230 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,200 Speaker 1: know what you're gonna get in the comments there, Like 231 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:12,280 Speaker 1: after like three or four different comments sections, you're like, Okay, 232 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:16,400 Speaker 1: there's clearly, uh, like line of thought that's connecting all 233 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,440 Speaker 1: of these things and it does not serve me, so 234 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:20,880 Speaker 1: I should probably just not look at it. Um But 235 00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:23,680 Speaker 1: I speak in metaphors, so I have a metaphor for this, 236 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:25,640 Speaker 1: of course, and I've thought about it a lot. Like 237 00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:28,480 Speaker 1: the metaphor that I'm giving here is not the same 238 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:29,920 Speaker 1: one that's in my Team Vogue piece, and it is 239 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:31,640 Speaker 1: not the same one that was in the first draft. 240 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:35,400 Speaker 1: But just bear with me. So, I'm a huge Top 241 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:40,360 Speaker 1: Chef fan, and Richard Blaze of Top Chef, uh he 242 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,200 Speaker 1: opened Flip Burger in Atlanta and had wanted to go 243 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:46,480 Speaker 1: for years and watching the show, everybody always like did 244 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,440 Speaker 1: like their tartars, like steak tartar, and he had a 245 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,520 Speaker 1: steake tartar burger on the menu, and I'm like, cool, 246 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:53,760 Speaker 1: I'm gonna go for my birthday and I want the 247 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:57,800 Speaker 1: steak tartar burger. And I get there and I take 248 00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:00,560 Speaker 1: a bite and it makes me nauseated. Immediately, I was like, no, 249 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:03,360 Speaker 1: I can't enjoy this food that I've always wanted to enjoy. 250 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:07,480 Speaker 1: That is my worst case scenario basically, So it's yet 251 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:12,640 Speaker 1: to be determined, but um, yeah, I can't imagine. Like 252 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:16,400 Speaker 1: I consider myself very like sex positive person. I'm like uh, 253 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:21,360 Speaker 1: pro like female orgasm, pro like sex toys, whatever you need? 254 00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:25,000 Speaker 1: Very anti like, uh, what is it? They say? Uh, 255 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:29,440 Speaker 1: parts not hearts. I feel like that's I don't subscribe 256 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:34,520 Speaker 1: to parts over hearts. Um and I feel I need 257 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:36,960 Speaker 1: someone to explain that to me. What is this? I 258 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:38,920 Speaker 1: was trying to pretend like that was going to be like, yeah, 259 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:42,760 Speaker 1: but what parts not hards? I've not heard this, So 260 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:47,560 Speaker 1: it's basically a way of saying, uh, don't be transphobic 261 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:51,480 Speaker 1: in your selection of a partner. Like, just because you 262 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:54,080 Speaker 1: meet a woman who has a penis or a man 263 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,840 Speaker 1: who has a vagina does not mean that, like you 264 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:59,560 Speaker 1: guys cannot still find sexual satisfaction enjoy not with one 265 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:02,160 Speaker 1: of Okay, that makes more sense. I'm not gonna have 266 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:06,840 Speaker 1: never heard that impression. Keep going. Um so yeah, I like, 267 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:10,680 Speaker 1: I feel like this very sex positive person I tell 268 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,680 Speaker 1: people like, in my mind I could be Samantha from 269 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:16,440 Speaker 1: Sex in the City, but in reality I'm like the opposite. 270 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:21,280 Speaker 1: Um And so I hope that like there will be 271 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,680 Speaker 1: a world in which people like understand what a sexuality 272 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:28,600 Speaker 1: is and that like there is uh as much as 273 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:33,960 Speaker 1: no means no, which it does, there is flexibility among 274 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:38,560 Speaker 1: a sexual people. So there are a sexuals who form 275 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:42,800 Speaker 1: a sexual attraction once they've formed a romantic attraction or 276 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:46,280 Speaker 1: once they've formed an emotional attraction. There's some people who 277 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:50,840 Speaker 1: will be like a sexual for years and then um 278 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:53,840 Speaker 1: just aren't. There are a sexual people who are sex 279 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:56,560 Speaker 1: averse and some who are like I don't really get 280 00:16:56,600 --> 00:17:00,000 Speaker 1: the deal with sex, but I do it anyway. Um. Actually, 281 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:04,000 Speaker 1: Lane Kim from Gilmore Girls is potentially an ACE icon. 282 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:08,760 Speaker 1: It is not it's not Cannon, I don't think, but um, 283 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:13,280 Speaker 1: she famously like waits to have sex because she's been 284 00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:16,399 Speaker 1: like brought up in strong Christian beliefs and it's like 285 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,840 Speaker 1: basically terrified of what happened if her mom caught her 286 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:21,520 Speaker 1: having sex. And so she gets married and has sex 287 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:23,280 Speaker 1: on the honeymoon and she comes back and she's like, yeah, 288 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:24,560 Speaker 1: I don't know what you guys were talking about, Like 289 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:27,040 Speaker 1: that was kind of like really awful, Like you guys 290 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:29,119 Speaker 1: were clearly this was all a conspiracy to keep me 291 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:34,879 Speaker 1: from having sex. Everybody like talking about how great it was. Um, 292 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:39,000 Speaker 1: And I don't know that there are many other ACE 293 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:44,200 Speaker 1: icons like that, But the caveat with Lane is that, um, 294 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:46,320 Speaker 1: you're not necessarily sex a verse if you are a 295 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:50,800 Speaker 1: sexual And the other split there that was like mind 296 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,640 Speaker 1: blowing for me is that there are people who are 297 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:58,119 Speaker 1: romantically attracted and people who are sexually attracted. And I 298 00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,920 Speaker 1: was kind of like, oh, we're taught that, like we're 299 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:04,080 Speaker 1: basically socialized that all girls are romantically attracted to every 300 00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:05,840 Speaker 1: person they have sex with, and that's why I like, 301 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:08,479 Speaker 1: you shouldn't have sex because he'll break your heart and 302 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:13,920 Speaker 1: leave you. But everyone experiences romantic attraction and sexual attraction 303 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:17,160 Speaker 1: or exists on that spectrum. There are people who don't 304 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:20,919 Speaker 1: experience romantic attraction or sexual attraction. There's some who have 305 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:24,000 Speaker 1: one but not the other. Um. I like to think 306 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:29,800 Speaker 1: of the people who find romantic long term relationships with 307 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:35,919 Speaker 1: the opposite sex even though they are homosexual or well, 308 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,199 Speaker 1: I guess that's the only other option really. Um. But 309 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:40,560 Speaker 1: like those old episodes of Oprah where she's like, how 310 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:43,280 Speaker 1: could you be with this woman for forty five years 311 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,600 Speaker 1: if you're gay, and it's like, well, maybe he was 312 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:49,760 Speaker 1: romantically attracted to her, or even just platonically attracted to 313 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:55,600 Speaker 1: her and not sexually attracted to her, or vice versa, 314 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,919 Speaker 1: or none of the above, Like this is really just 315 00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:02,560 Speaker 1: turned everything upside down. Is I'm like everything applies everywhere 316 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:05,960 Speaker 1: and nothing means everything. One thing I loved about your 317 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:10,280 Speaker 1: your piece and teen Vogue is, um, you're talking about 318 00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:15,000 Speaker 1: the questions you get and then kind of for yourself 319 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:19,080 Speaker 1: still working through what like someone would ask you something 320 00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:21,040 Speaker 1: and then you have to kind of think about it, like, oh, yeah, 321 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:23,879 Speaker 1: what does that mean? Um? Can you talk more about 322 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:27,560 Speaker 1: what your experience has been around that and maybe some 323 00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:34,320 Speaker 1: questions you get frequently and misconceptions things like that. Yeah, 324 00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:38,639 Speaker 1: the number one misconception I would say is that a 325 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:42,480 Speaker 1: sexuals are sex averse and just like not interested in 326 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:47,240 Speaker 1: sex in any capacity, which like I'm a picture of 327 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,359 Speaker 1: like it not being true like worst case scenarios that 328 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,240 Speaker 1: like in five years, I'm like, oh no, that a 329 00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:53,760 Speaker 1: sexuality thing was totally just like a blip, like it 330 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:57,399 Speaker 1: didn't even happen. Um, But no, I feel very strongly that, um, 331 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:01,200 Speaker 1: what is true today may not be true and ten years, 332 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,080 Speaker 1: and that I can still identify as a sexual the 333 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:10,719 Speaker 1: whole time. But um, people do often ask uh, like 334 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,560 Speaker 1: just basically like how does that work? Or like why 335 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:15,800 Speaker 1: is it like that? It's almost like I'm a little 336 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:18,440 Speaker 1: bit of a science experiment to other people and to myself. 337 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:22,280 Speaker 1: And I really only learned about myself through talking to 338 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,600 Speaker 1: other people because like everything for me is normal until 339 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,480 Speaker 1: I say it out loud. Um. One thing that I 340 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:30,760 Speaker 1: didn't mention in the piece was sexual fantasies and how 341 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:34,640 Speaker 1: like like, wait, that's like a thing that everybody does, Yeah, 342 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:39,119 Speaker 1: but um, mine aren't like everybody else's. Like for me, 343 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:41,800 Speaker 1: it's very weird and uncomfortable to fantasize about like a 344 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,520 Speaker 1: real person I've met, And no, I'm like, wait, isn't 345 00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:47,160 Speaker 1: that like a violation of like their privacy and comfort? 346 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:48,600 Speaker 1: Like I don't know, I feel like I need like 347 00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:54,639 Speaker 1: consent to fantasize about you. And then also, um, fantasizing 348 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:56,600 Speaker 1: about somebody and like seeing them and looking at them 349 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,320 Speaker 1: in the face the next day, Like isn't that weird? 350 00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:01,440 Speaker 1: Like somebody's gonna have to Uh, your listeners should like 351 00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:03,560 Speaker 1: let me know and like, yes, please share all of 352 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:10,720 Speaker 1: your sexual fits let the endbox. Um. I think other 353 00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:15,240 Speaker 1: people kind of want to know, like how does a 354 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:19,560 Speaker 1: sexuality fit with the rest of like the queer alphabet? 355 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:23,359 Speaker 1: Like can you be a sexual and gay and a 356 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:25,919 Speaker 1: sexual and strain and a sexual and like attracted to 357 00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:29,159 Speaker 1: different genders, and the answers yes, Um, they exist in 358 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:32,720 Speaker 1: parallel with each other. So like how somebody you can 359 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:38,000 Speaker 1: be a sexual and trans and homosexual all at the 360 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:42,480 Speaker 1: same time. Um, there's no I mean, I've I really 361 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:44,920 Speaker 1: want to like talk to like a straight a sexual 362 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:48,080 Speaker 1: guy because I have no idea like what that experience 363 00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:49,639 Speaker 1: would be like. And I just wonder how like they 364 00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:53,720 Speaker 1: are socialized versus me. That would be an interesting because 365 00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:56,760 Speaker 1: I know there's many times where I've had conversations with 366 00:21:56,840 --> 00:22:01,960 Speaker 1: people about um, heatero sexual then and they're not sexual, 367 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,520 Speaker 1: and you start questioning, well, they're just gay, Like the 368 00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:07,480 Speaker 1: automatic assumption is they're gay. Um, And there's a couple 369 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:09,399 Speaker 1: of moments I'm like, I think they're actually a sexual. 370 00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:13,040 Speaker 1: I think there may be a whole different concept to this. Um, 371 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:14,760 Speaker 1: And you're right. I don't know if I've known many 372 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:18,080 Speaker 1: or been any instances what I've heard hetero sexual man 373 00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:21,639 Speaker 1: say I'm a sexual. The only ones that like, the 374 00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:24,560 Speaker 1: one that comes to the mind immediately is Jim Parson's 375 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:26,960 Speaker 1: character and big thingg theory. But he's like, oh, he's 376 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,760 Speaker 1: a sexual because he's like on the autism spectrum and 377 00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:33,320 Speaker 1: like super intelligent, like that's what an a sky looks like. 378 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:37,600 Speaker 1: And it's like, no, uh, I am not particularly like 379 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:42,120 Speaker 1: gifted in the maths and sciences, and I find myself 380 00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:46,040 Speaker 1: to be like, uh, I'm better in social situations in 381 00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:51,160 Speaker 1: Sheldon is Um, but I like I'm still a sexual. 382 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:54,359 Speaker 1: Like it's not like it's um a symptom of something 383 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:59,359 Speaker 1: or like a sign of like a larger mental issue. 384 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:04,480 Speaker 1: It just kind of is a sexuality has um the 385 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:09,000 Speaker 1: research of it has roots and like female sexual dysfunction. Right. Um, 386 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:12,359 Speaker 1: there's this fantastic and infuriating documentary called orgasm Ink that 387 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:15,120 Speaker 1: I watched not long after I ever lasts a sexual 388 00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:17,120 Speaker 1: and I just kept making my froom may posit like wait, 389 00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:19,760 Speaker 1: but all these things are wrong, Like don't they know 390 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:22,280 Speaker 1: that there are other ways to answer these questions and 391 00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:26,520 Speaker 1: solve these problems? Um. And the doctor I spoke to 392 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:30,720 Speaker 1: for my teen folk piece, Laurie Bratto, like she said 393 00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:32,439 Speaker 1: that like that's where it came from, was just like 394 00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:37,680 Speaker 1: not knowing how to really place people's different sexual preferences 395 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:40,600 Speaker 1: and non preferences, and so it was like, let's just 396 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,439 Speaker 1: study and see if there's something wrong with them, And 397 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:45,959 Speaker 1: basically it was like, maybe these people just aren't experiencing 398 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:49,280 Speaker 1: things the way that we're expecting them to. Yeah, are 399 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:53,280 Speaker 1: you okay? An, So yeah, that's the question. So a 400 00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:55,840 Speaker 1: sexuality began was an eye with an idea like, that's 401 00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,880 Speaker 1: your dysfunctional So thatfore you're a sexual if you can't 402 00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:02,080 Speaker 1: have a normal reaction to sex, meaning you're not actually 403 00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:07,080 Speaker 1: um pleasured and or uh, where's the word when you're aroused? 404 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:08,800 Speaker 1: You're not actually aroused, So that at my for you're 405 00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 1: a sexual, there's for there's something that's like not functional 406 00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:18,560 Speaker 1: about you. Is that the context it was originated? Yeah? Yeah, Um, 407 00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:25,000 Speaker 1: and I was researching earlier today kind of some common 408 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:29,720 Speaker 1: misconceptions because um, it's estimated that a sexual people or 409 00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:33,000 Speaker 1: you know aces as they sometimes call themselves, as one 410 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:36,280 Speaker 1: percent of a population. Um. And it's also sometimes called 411 00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:41,760 Speaker 1: the invisible orientation. And um, some of the misconceptions I 412 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:47,280 Speaker 1: found one, Um, it's not like being in a petri 413 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:53,959 Speaker 1: dish or how god Zilla procreates Uh yeah, because Godzilla 414 00:24:54,200 --> 00:25:00,480 Speaker 1: procreates a sexually. Another common misconception is it's not an 415 00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:05,480 Speaker 1: abstinate spledge um, which I made this mistake in college 416 00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:09,560 Speaker 1: because I don't know where I was, but they were 417 00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:14,800 Speaker 1: doing this thing like how many people are abstinate? And 418 00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:21,960 Speaker 1: I just stood up in a panic. Like me Later, 419 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:25,560 Speaker 1: I was like, oh no, no, not me. This is 420 00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:29,160 Speaker 1: my choice. I don't want sex. It was different than 421 00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:33,160 Speaker 1: like making an abstinence pledge. I'm sorry, keep going. Uh. 422 00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:38,199 Speaker 1: Not a synonym for celibacy, not a disorder, um, not 423 00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:42,440 Speaker 1: a fear of sex. Are relationships you can date, fall 424 00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:46,760 Speaker 1: in love, get married, have kids, masturbate, fantasize, orgasm, all 425 00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:51,120 Speaker 1: those things. It's not caused by a chemical or hormonal imbalance. Um. 426 00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:54,320 Speaker 1: It's not a choice, it's an orientation. Um. And then, 427 00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,200 Speaker 1: as some listeners have written in about this since I 428 00:25:57,280 --> 00:26:00,280 Speaker 1: mentioned that I was, you know, wrestling with is me 429 00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:05,000 Speaker 1: the whole idea of corrective rape just now it doesn't work. 430 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:09,560 Speaker 1: Correct is bad. Oh, it's like you would like sex 431 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:11,359 Speaker 1: if you had it, even if you don't want to. Oh. 432 00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:13,240 Speaker 1: So like when guys are like, I'm going to make 433 00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:17,680 Speaker 1: you straight from being a lesbian, You okay, Okay, that's 434 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:19,879 Speaker 1: a born and disgusting in itself. Let's just go ahead 435 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:22,359 Speaker 1: with that out there. And you are the worst you 436 00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:28,680 Speaker 1: think that in the statement yes, yes, it's just um, 437 00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:32,120 Speaker 1: I mean, are these are these things that you have encountered? 438 00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:36,359 Speaker 1: Are um that you had to think about when you 439 00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:40,120 Speaker 1: were sort of coming to terms with this? Ah, this 440 00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:44,520 Speaker 1: is what I'm a sexual, less in coming to terms 441 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:46,960 Speaker 1: with it and more in talking to other people because 442 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:50,280 Speaker 1: like I was in my mid twenties or in early twenties, 443 00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:53,040 Speaker 1: I guess um when I found out. So it was 444 00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:55,040 Speaker 1: like I kind of already knew myself in a lot 445 00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:58,560 Speaker 1: of ways. I knew that I experienced sexual desire. I 446 00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:03,600 Speaker 1: knew that like I wasn't celibate or abstinate, like oh no, sex, 447 00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:05,800 Speaker 1: keep that away from me. It was more just like 448 00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:10,960 Speaker 1: a thing that hadn't presented itself as an opportunity and um. 449 00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:13,520 Speaker 1: But I also knew I wasn't like seeking sex either. 450 00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:15,080 Speaker 1: I used to think that it was like one of 451 00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:17,359 Speaker 1: those like lightbulb moments that would be like, oh, when 452 00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:19,639 Speaker 1: I like hit twenty five, or like when I graduate 453 00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:22,919 Speaker 1: and I'm not like bogged down by school and like 454 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:26,240 Speaker 1: college students around me, then maybe the light bulb will 455 00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:28,359 Speaker 1: turn on and I'll be ready to go. And then 456 00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,000 Speaker 1: I found this out, and I was like, Okay, well, 457 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:32,360 Speaker 1: I guess it's just not in me too for that 458 00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:35,080 Speaker 1: to happen, although you know, never know, could still happen. 459 00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:40,919 Speaker 1: But in like with other people. Yeah, I feel like 460 00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:43,720 Speaker 1: I'm educating people every time I bring it up. And 461 00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:47,120 Speaker 1: it was kind of funny when uh, you invited me here, 462 00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:48,639 Speaker 1: I was like, wait, but I already wrote about it. 463 00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:50,800 Speaker 1: Why do people still have questions? And everybody just like 464 00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:53,520 Speaker 1: googling and finding my words and then like calling it 465 00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:58,639 Speaker 1: a day. Um. But no, people definitely do not know. Uh, 466 00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:01,800 Speaker 1: all of these misconceptions are not things that are real 467 00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:05,720 Speaker 1: phrase people. Yeah, so have you had any of these 468 00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:08,320 Speaker 1: conversations with the head of sexual man Like, has that 469 00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:10,480 Speaker 1: ever been a thing where they questioned and then it 470 00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:17,040 Speaker 1: becomes a whole conversation. No. Um, but that's mostly because 471 00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,840 Speaker 1: I don't really like find myself around heterosexual men a 472 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:25,040 Speaker 1: whole lots their um with like friends and stuff. People 473 00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:27,679 Speaker 1: will like have their questions and I'm usually it's like 474 00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:29,760 Speaker 1: the most open part of me. I'm like, oh my god, 475 00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:31,879 Speaker 1: you guys, like I just learned this cool thing. I 476 00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:34,080 Speaker 1: need to like ask you about it so that I 477 00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:37,040 Speaker 1: can understand it better. And so for probably like a 478 00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:38,920 Speaker 1: year and a half there, Like everybody I met, I 479 00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:41,240 Speaker 1: was like introducing myself and trying not to be like, 480 00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:43,239 Speaker 1: and I'm a sexual and I have questions. Let's talk 481 00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:47,360 Speaker 1: about how you feel about sex. But it does influence 482 00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:49,400 Speaker 1: the way I like look at the world where I like, 483 00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:53,120 Speaker 1: you know, like when there's Derek and Meredith Hungrey is 484 00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:55,440 Speaker 1: anatomy having sex again and I'm like you guys, but 485 00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:58,320 Speaker 1: like he's married, and like I don't understand, like what 486 00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,560 Speaker 1: do you see in each other? Or? Uh, this thing 487 00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:05,040 Speaker 1: blew my mind. Like people stay in relationships when the 488 00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:07,560 Speaker 1: partnership sucks, and when the sex sucks. I'm like, what 489 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:10,800 Speaker 1: are you doing? Leave? Like I cannot imagine, Like you 490 00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:13,560 Speaker 1: are a sex having person and you are choosing to 491 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:17,600 Speaker 1: like stay with the bad sex. Like what I want 492 00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:19,959 Speaker 1: that term sex having person to be coined for you. 493 00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:26,520 Speaker 1: That's a fantastic a little to my sex having. Yeah, 494 00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:28,120 Speaker 1: I like it a lot. I like it a lot. 495 00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:29,920 Speaker 1: I don't want that to be the statement can put 496 00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:33,680 Speaker 1: that in a spectrum. We have some more to discuss 497 00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:35,440 Speaker 1: with you listeners, but first we're gonna pause for a 498 00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:50,280 Speaker 1: quick break for a word from our sponsor, and we're back. 499 00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:55,840 Speaker 1: Thank you. Sponsor. Yeah. I mentioned recently on another podcast 500 00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:59,160 Speaker 1: that for me, when I was growing up, all my 501 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:01,560 Speaker 1: friends started be attracted to people and talking about how 502 00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:03,120 Speaker 1: much they wanted sex, and I would just be like, 503 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:07,920 Speaker 1: uh huh yeah, and trying to fit in. It just 504 00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:15,880 Speaker 1: never happened. It never happened for you. It's been the 505 00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:18,640 Speaker 1: last couple of years that you've been able because you've 506 00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:21,160 Speaker 1: tried to have relationships. I had how to force that 507 00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:25,400 Speaker 1: level of like relationships means intimacy, intimacies me designing you 508 00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:27,920 Speaker 1: as a sexual being and I'm like, and you're like, 509 00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:30,800 Speaker 1: I don't, I don't. Yeah, that that's been a real 510 00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:34,680 Speaker 1: because we never see representation of a sexuality, Like I 511 00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:39,360 Speaker 1: just assumed, um, and I've always identified as bisexual as well, 512 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:41,440 Speaker 1: but I just assumed like eventually I would meet the 513 00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:44,600 Speaker 1: person and I would want to have sex with that person. Yeah, 514 00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:50,320 Speaker 1: And it just never happened. And I thought, well, I've honestly, 515 00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:54,440 Speaker 1: I've gone through a lot of guilt because I cared 516 00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:59,920 Speaker 1: about these people, and I thought, with enough time, I've 517 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:01,840 Speaker 1: probably will want to have sex with you. And it 518 00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:07,040 Speaker 1: just never happened. And in our society, I think because 519 00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:11,000 Speaker 1: we don't talk about this because we don't see it. Um, 520 00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:15,680 Speaker 1: there is this, especially for women, obligation that you are 521 00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:20,240 Speaker 1: going to give give sex like your that's your duty exactly. 522 00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:23,440 Speaker 1: And I felt horrible about it because I didn't of 523 00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:27,040 Speaker 1: them make you feel bad? No, um, well some people did, 524 00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:30,640 Speaker 1: but they I dumped them, but like exactly right. But 525 00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:35,000 Speaker 1: I did have, um, a couple of relationships that were 526 00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:38,840 Speaker 1: longer term, and they never pressured me, but I still 527 00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:41,160 Speaker 1: could sense it, you know what I mean, Like, and 528 00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:46,040 Speaker 1: I I felt bad because I knew they wanted it, 529 00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:49,160 Speaker 1: and and I didn't know myself little enough to have 530 00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:52,040 Speaker 1: been able to communicate that too, you know what I mean, Like, 531 00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:54,240 Speaker 1: oh yeah, that is the other question. How do you 532 00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:57,320 Speaker 1: communicate that with people today that you meet or maybe 533 00:31:57,360 --> 00:32:00,680 Speaker 1: are interested in platonically and or just the emotionally. How 534 00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:03,120 Speaker 1: do you communicate, Hey, I'm a sexual, this is who 535 00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:05,680 Speaker 1: I am. This is like is it just a normal conversation? 536 00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:08,080 Speaker 1: Is the first thing you say? Like what how do 537 00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:10,760 Speaker 1: you do this? So? I actually had dinner with a 538 00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:14,480 Speaker 1: friend and her friend, uh sis hetero woman and a 539 00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:19,760 Speaker 1: SISS hetero man, and we were talking about relationships and stuff, 540 00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:22,440 Speaker 1: and I think the guy asked me like if I 541 00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:25,200 Speaker 1: had ever dated, or like do I date or something? 542 00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:26,880 Speaker 1: And I was like, oh no, I don't do that. 543 00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:28,720 Speaker 1: And my friend was like, but you have to give 544 00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:32,560 Speaker 1: the backstory, and so I was like, here's the backstory. 545 00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:37,239 Speaker 1: I'm a sexual. I'm not interested. Um, usually I just 546 00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:40,720 Speaker 1: say it like that. I'm like, usually nobody knows what 547 00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:43,520 Speaker 1: it means. So I'm like gearing myself up to have 548 00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:46,960 Speaker 1: to explain it. But it's just easier than being like, hey, 549 00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:51,720 Speaker 1: so you know, um, as far as relationships go, I've 550 00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:55,160 Speaker 1: kind of deliberately stayed away from them because I don't 551 00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:57,479 Speaker 1: know how to approach it. I'm like, do I say that? 552 00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:00,480 Speaker 1: Like like when I walk in and we've like we're 553 00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:03,880 Speaker 1: sitting down together and I'm like, hey, hello, I'm a sexual. 554 00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:06,440 Speaker 1: Like like I feel like I need to have like 555 00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,640 Speaker 1: a name tag on, put it on like my all 556 00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:13,760 Speaker 1: my social media profiles, Like just so you guys know, um, 557 00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:16,520 Speaker 1: do I assume that like they've googled me beforehand? And 558 00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:20,200 Speaker 1: then like saw, I have no idea? Uh that's yeah, 559 00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:23,880 Speaker 1: that's to be determined. I'll keep you guys updated or 560 00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:26,080 Speaker 1: not again, Like that's not something that you would not 561 00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:29,160 Speaker 1: want to do without a relationship we're talking about in general, 562 00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:32,800 Speaker 1: just an emotional connection, whether it's to go on dates 563 00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:35,160 Speaker 1: or whether it's to have brunch with someone, because sometimes 564 00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:38,120 Speaker 1: for me being new in any kind of relationships in general, 565 00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:39,479 Speaker 1: just like me and I just want someone to go 566 00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:42,280 Speaker 1: with me to brunch and just have a conversation with 567 00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:45,360 Speaker 1: and that's the relationship in itself, which would be nice. 568 00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:48,400 Speaker 1: So I'm assuming that companionship. So how do you even 569 00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:52,840 Speaker 1: approach that? In understanding your all sexuality and being good 570 00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:54,400 Speaker 1: with what you are, but now you've got to share 571 00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:57,400 Speaker 1: it with someone as well. Yeah, I actually do have. 572 00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:02,440 Speaker 1: Um I called them my possibility models because one is 573 00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:07,080 Speaker 1: by and Ace but a demisexual, which is the type 574 00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:12,160 Speaker 1: of a sexuality where you gain sexual attraction after um 575 00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:18,040 Speaker 1: emotional attraction, and she is with a lesbian who she 576 00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:20,759 Speaker 1: described as very much not a sexual. And I'm kind 577 00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:23,080 Speaker 1: of like, well, you guys are like living the life 578 00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:25,000 Speaker 1: you've got, like your house and your four cats, and 579 00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:29,640 Speaker 1: I like, I really want to be just like you guys. Um, 580 00:34:29,719 --> 00:34:31,759 Speaker 1: so I think it's possible. But at the same time 581 00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:34,920 Speaker 1: that that relationship came out of like a long term friendship, 582 00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:38,200 Speaker 1: and so I'm kind of like looking more for my 583 00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:41,960 Speaker 1: friends to like set me up with people they know, 584 00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:45,319 Speaker 1: because like the idea of like swiping and like, oh 585 00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:49,400 Speaker 1: it's ugly. It just feels awful, especially when like everybody's like, oh, 586 00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:50,880 Speaker 1: get on tender and I'm like, isn't that the one 587 00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:53,279 Speaker 1: that people go to explicitly for sex? Like why are 588 00:34:53,280 --> 00:35:01,799 Speaker 1: you telling me? It feels like falls adverage arct. Yeah 589 00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:05,560 Speaker 1: that reminds me of have you seen bow Jack Horseman? 590 00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:07,799 Speaker 1: I haven't, but I heard there's a really great a 591 00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:11,360 Speaker 1: sexual character and yeah, a sexual character and uh in 592 00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:15,360 Speaker 1: the last season, the most recent season, they like develop 593 00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:19,200 Speaker 1: an app for aces to meet other caces. Oh, that 594 00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:24,840 Speaker 1: would be really cool. Yeah, product idea, let's do this y'all. 595 00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:27,839 Speaker 1: Here we go start a business together. Is that like 596 00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:29,800 Speaker 1: aren't the people with that skill set like in this building? 597 00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:40,120 Speaker 1: Would the podcast goes silent? App um? So you mentioned 598 00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:42,840 Speaker 1: INMI sexual, I wonder if you could um off the 599 00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:44,640 Speaker 1: top of your head and if not, that's totally cool. 600 00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:48,600 Speaker 1: But the other types of sexual a sexuality, um, so 601 00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:53,399 Speaker 1: I believe that great a sexual or I think gray 602 00:35:53,480 --> 00:36:00,680 Speaker 1: sexual because words um is when you have sexual attraction sometimes, 603 00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:02,799 Speaker 1: So those would be the people who are like I 604 00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:06,360 Speaker 1: guess like your model a sexual for everybody who is 605 00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:08,759 Speaker 1: not a sexual, be like, oh no, sometimes you are 606 00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:11,680 Speaker 1: interesting in sex. It's not quite like the woman who 607 00:36:11,719 --> 00:36:15,239 Speaker 1: like has migraines a lot, or maybe she does have 608 00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:17,600 Speaker 1: migraines a lot because she doesn't know how to disappoint 609 00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:19,000 Speaker 1: you by telling that she does not want to have 610 00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:22,440 Speaker 1: sex with it, but the sex with bad, where the 611 00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:25,239 Speaker 1: sex with you is bad, Stop having bad sex you guys, Like, 612 00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:33,920 Speaker 1: why why are people who's not doing it sex? If 613 00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:40,520 Speaker 1: you're bad at it, get better the next episode. Um. 614 00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:45,200 Speaker 1: And then there is auto chorus sexual or ed geo 615 00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:51,280 Speaker 1: sexual a e g o sexual um, which is sexual 616 00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:54,640 Speaker 1: attraction that's kind of like detached. And that's kind of 617 00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:56,800 Speaker 1: what I experienced. So like when I say, don't fantasize 618 00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:59,359 Speaker 1: about people I actually know, it's also like not me 619 00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:01,279 Speaker 1: in the phantom see either, I don't know something about 620 00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:06,560 Speaker 1: it just feels like really weird and gross and personal. Um. 621 00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:09,560 Speaker 1: So I guess it would be like when people read 622 00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:12,880 Speaker 1: erotic fiction and they're like identifying with the characters, but 623 00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:15,960 Speaker 1: they're not like the character themselves. It's kind of like that. 624 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:18,160 Speaker 1: It's really weird when you have one of those moments 625 00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:20,040 Speaker 1: and then you see them in real life you're like, oh, 626 00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:22,360 Speaker 1: that is not how I picked her. Due now it 627 00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:28,319 Speaker 1: just killed everything. No, I don't totally. I'm totally I'm 628 00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:31,920 Speaker 1: following you. Another another pop culture reference. I don't know 629 00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:35,640 Speaker 1: how many I have left before my card is full. 630 00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:40,319 Speaker 1: But Angela Chase on My Soul called Life, she I 631 00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,600 Speaker 1: need to go back and rewatch the series to determine 632 00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:44,760 Speaker 1: for sure whether or not she counts as an a sicon, 633 00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:50,160 Speaker 1: But she has a lot of thoughts about like making out. 634 00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:52,680 Speaker 1: When she starts making out with Jordan Catalano, she's like amaze. 635 00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:54,440 Speaker 1: She's like I can't believe that this is like a 636 00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:58,160 Speaker 1: thing that we're doing, and like she's very focused on 637 00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:01,359 Speaker 1: like it as part of her life versus everything else 638 00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:04,200 Speaker 1: that's going on. And then there's this like great scene 639 00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:07,040 Speaker 1: where she's talking about like I can't believe people just 640 00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:09,680 Speaker 1: like have sex, Like they just like do it with 641 00:38:09,719 --> 00:38:13,560 Speaker 1: each other, Like my teacher like he probably had sex yesterday, 642 00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:16,040 Speaker 1: and like this other teacher also probably did and like 643 00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:18,040 Speaker 1: isn't that weird that we all just kind of like 644 00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:22,319 Speaker 1: do it and like that's just it? And I was like, yes, 645 00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:28,200 Speaker 1: Angela and you. That's so weird. I connect. I connect 646 00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:33,280 Speaker 1: with this um there there was When I was looking 647 00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:37,560 Speaker 1: into some research, I found the term queer platonic, which 648 00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:40,440 Speaker 1: is people who experience a type of non romantic relationship 649 00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:43,680 Speaker 1: where there is an intense emotional connection that goes beyond 650 00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:46,080 Speaker 1: a traditional friendship. And when I read that, I was like, 651 00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:50,280 Speaker 1: I have experienced that before. What's the what's the past 652 00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:53,440 Speaker 1: a traditional friendship? Is that? Like? I think it's for 653 00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:55,600 Speaker 1: me the way I interpreted it, in the way that 654 00:38:55,719 --> 00:38:59,000 Speaker 1: the relationship I'm connecting it to. People look at us 655 00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:00,799 Speaker 1: and said you are in love of I was like, 656 00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:05,480 Speaker 1: we are not, um, but it was more than a friendship. 657 00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:09,879 Speaker 1: Like we just experienced such an intense connection and there 658 00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:13,200 Speaker 1: was never any possibility of sex, neither of us and 659 00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:15,520 Speaker 1: I am very I have a very bad track record 660 00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:17,839 Speaker 1: with this, but I know this for sure in this 661 00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:23,160 Speaker 1: relationship because we discussed it. Also, he was gay. That 662 00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:25,440 Speaker 1: makes that that's the same question for me, Like what 663 00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:28,920 Speaker 1: goes from beyond Oh, we're best friends too? Queer platonic, 664 00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:33,759 Speaker 1: I think because for me, um, most of the time 665 00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:40,160 Speaker 1: I'm with a best friend me. Yes, it doesn't have 666 00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:44,960 Speaker 1: the same level of like emotional intensity it has. It 667 00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:47,120 Speaker 1: does have an emotional intensity, but it's not like the 668 00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:49,160 Speaker 1: same thing where people look at you and there like 669 00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:52,160 Speaker 1: I mean, people would tell me you were the same 670 00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:55,279 Speaker 1: side of the coin, like you you two are meant 671 00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:58,080 Speaker 1: to be together, like no, we're not UM. But I 672 00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:01,600 Speaker 1: did experience it, like I felt, I imagine that's the 673 00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:04,240 Speaker 1: closest I'm ever going to feel to what traditional love 674 00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:07,479 Speaker 1: is UM in my lifetime. But I could be wrong. 675 00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:10,920 Speaker 1: I think in this in my example in particular, and 676 00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:14,360 Speaker 1: this is obviously very personal to me, but it was 677 00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:18,960 Speaker 1: something where I could recognize, like this is perhaps the 678 00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:22,200 Speaker 1: clinical thing that people feel. There's no I never wanted 679 00:40:22,239 --> 00:40:25,399 Speaker 1: to date, like I didn't want sex, but I did 680 00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:29,400 Speaker 1: feel that like I need to be with this person, 681 00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:31,399 Speaker 1: I need to talk to this person like all the time, 682 00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:34,520 Speaker 1: just all the time. And he felt it too, and 683 00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:37,840 Speaker 1: it was a very strong UM connection that we made. 684 00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:41,120 Speaker 1: And actually UM the story behind my tattoo, which I 685 00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:45,520 Speaker 1: won't get into now, but it is quite the story. UM. 686 00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:48,839 Speaker 1: So just when I read that, I felt, I've had 687 00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:53,000 Speaker 1: so many people from the outside look at that relationship 688 00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:55,000 Speaker 1: and tell me you were in love, And I kept 689 00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:58,040 Speaker 1: trying to express I wasn't, or at least not in 690 00:40:58,080 --> 00:41:01,080 Speaker 1: the way that you mean it. Um, but I can 691 00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:03,959 Speaker 1: I can understand looking from that side. I just I 692 00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:08,239 Speaker 1: knew the feeling myself, and I was very confident in 693 00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:11,040 Speaker 1: like we might have loved each other, but we weren't 694 00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:14,560 Speaker 1: and wild right, that makes sense to be a research 695 00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:17,799 Speaker 1: queer platonic a little more. Should just like a like 696 00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:25,720 Speaker 1: a Will in Greece. Hyll with you on that one? Yeah, 697 00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:28,160 Speaker 1: the will you have a baby with me, but we're 698 00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:32,440 Speaker 1: not together together. Yeah. I haven't seen All Grace a 699 00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:34,239 Speaker 1: long time, but I'll have to. I don't think I've 700 00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:37,600 Speaker 1: ever watched more than two episodes. Mm hmm. That's because 701 00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:41,000 Speaker 1: growing up I just never watched TV as much m hm. 702 00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:43,520 Speaker 1: And that that was the era I didn't watch a 703 00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:45,560 Speaker 1: lot of TV. Because I'm trying to relate, I can't 704 00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:49,560 Speaker 1: now I know more. I will say that. But Will 705 00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:52,239 Speaker 1: and Grace was not in my forte I'm trying to 706 00:41:52,239 --> 00:41:55,719 Speaker 1: think of when what years were those, like early two 707 00:41:55,719 --> 00:41:59,640 Speaker 1: thousand's to late two thousands. That was being religious, Yes, 708 00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:01,440 Speaker 1: that was me being religious, and I'm like, I'm not 709 00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:06,840 Speaker 1: watching TV. I watched religion. Princess Bride was my go 710 00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:12,719 Speaker 1: to what princess Bride? Yeah, that's I almost got really 711 00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:17,080 Speaker 1: disheartened with you when you just say about princess bride. Okay, 712 00:42:17,080 --> 00:42:20,040 Speaker 1: now I got you. Okay, all right, we're okay. Now, okay, good, 713 00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:23,120 Speaker 1: We're okay. We have a little bit more for you listeners, 714 00:42:23,160 --> 00:42:25,000 Speaker 1: but first we have one more quick break for words 715 00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:42,000 Speaker 1: from our sponsor, and we're back. Thank you sponsor. Um. So, 716 00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:48,400 Speaker 1: I was looking at this website where it was like 717 00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:51,239 Speaker 1: how to tell if you're a sexual and essentially if 718 00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:55,560 Speaker 1: you don't experience sexual attraction. That's pretty good. First question 719 00:42:55,840 --> 00:43:00,520 Speaker 1: to ask, um, would you have any advice for people 720 00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:04,759 Speaker 1: who are maybe newly discovering that they're a sexual or 721 00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:10,160 Speaker 1: maybe questions they can ask themselves to find out if 722 00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:12,880 Speaker 1: they are if they think they might be. Now I 723 00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:15,840 Speaker 1: want to do like are you a spango or something? 724 00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:21,680 Speaker 1: That'd be awesome. I want to encourage that. Yeah, I'm 725 00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:23,920 Speaker 1: just gonna say that, please play games. I love games. 726 00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:28,040 Speaker 1: Keep going. Um, I would say, definitely talk to the 727 00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:31,680 Speaker 1: people around you, like your friends, about like when they're 728 00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:33,880 Speaker 1: in relationships with people and how they feel about the 729 00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:37,480 Speaker 1: person there with versus how you feel. Because, like I said, 730 00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:41,200 Speaker 1: everything was normal until I found out it wasn't. And 731 00:43:41,280 --> 00:43:44,000 Speaker 1: I guess pay attention to like TV shows and how 732 00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:47,680 Speaker 1: relationships are presented there, and like thee that feeling of 733 00:43:47,719 --> 00:43:50,399 Speaker 1: like the natural progression of our relationship leading to sex, 734 00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:52,440 Speaker 1: And are you kind of like, yeah, I buy this, 735 00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:54,440 Speaker 1: Like I totally like that's how I feel about the 736 00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:56,600 Speaker 1: person I'm with, or you kind of like I don't 737 00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:59,120 Speaker 1: get why every relationship is like ending its sex. Can 738 00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:01,759 Speaker 1: we just like watch people like hang out, we watch 739 00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:06,960 Speaker 1: people to be queerly platonic together? Yes, Um, that's the 740 00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:11,640 Speaker 1: brand new sitcom queerly platonic that's gonna beyond the channel. 741 00:44:11,719 --> 00:44:18,160 Speaker 1: The ideas in this episode CINGO clearly botonic. I mean 742 00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:23,680 Speaker 1: that is amazing. I I have to say, like, I 743 00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:25,480 Speaker 1: grew up in a very small town and it was 744 00:44:25,560 --> 00:44:28,719 Speaker 1: very conservative, and so I just wasn't exposed to a 745 00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:30,960 Speaker 1: lot of different and a lot of us aren't through 746 00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:33,680 Speaker 1: media anyway, but I wasn't exposed to a lot of 747 00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:38,120 Speaker 1: different relationships. And every time I see one like odd 748 00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:41,960 Speaker 1: on bow Jack Horsemen, it's just the most amazing thing. 749 00:44:42,840 --> 00:44:45,160 Speaker 1: So I can't believe it took this long to see 750 00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:49,080 Speaker 1: something like this. Um, do you have since you are 751 00:44:49,719 --> 00:44:53,080 Speaker 1: so into pop culture, have you given several examples already, 752 00:44:53,120 --> 00:44:56,239 Speaker 1: But do you have any other ace icons as you've 753 00:44:56,239 --> 00:44:59,799 Speaker 1: been calling them? Not really I look for them every 754 00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:04,399 Speaker 1: and then they have sex and it's like and it's 755 00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:07,520 Speaker 1: like their whole life changes. Like on Riverdale, Jugead um 756 00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:11,160 Speaker 1: was I still can't figure out at what point he 757 00:45:11,239 --> 00:45:12,880 Speaker 1: was declared a sexual and if it was supposed to 758 00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:15,439 Speaker 1: be like Jugead in the comics or Junkhead in the show. 759 00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:18,080 Speaker 1: But if he's supposed to be a sexual in the show, 760 00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:21,320 Speaker 1: they completely botched it because they have not addressed anything 761 00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:25,120 Speaker 1: around sex. And then his relationship with Betty. Sorry spoilers. 762 00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:29,799 Speaker 1: I guess um they are just like any other team 763 00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:32,360 Speaker 1: couple and have sex and like for like an episode 764 00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:34,200 Speaker 1: before and a few episodes after. I was just kind 765 00:45:34,239 --> 00:45:36,319 Speaker 1: of like waiting for them to like address it, and 766 00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:41,560 Speaker 1: nobody ever did. Um. Yeah, most of actually like googled 767 00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:43,880 Speaker 1: to see like um to like jog my memory and 768 00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:46,280 Speaker 1: see if there was somebody I was missing. And Todd 769 00:45:46,280 --> 00:45:48,719 Speaker 1: from BoJack Horseman was the only one who anybody could 770 00:45:48,760 --> 00:45:51,520 Speaker 1: agree was like actually a sexual and not like on 771 00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:55,239 Speaker 1: the spectrum or otherwise like had other reasons for not 772 00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:58,600 Speaker 1: being interested in sex or uh sex averse or just 773 00:45:58,680 --> 00:46:01,279 Speaker 1: like somebody who never had sex. Like somebody put out 774 00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:03,200 Speaker 1: there that Dumbledore is a sexual and I was like, 775 00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:06,239 Speaker 1: come on, you guys, like that's not just not seeing 776 00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:08,800 Speaker 1: somebody have sex. It's not a sexual. And if somebody 777 00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:11,160 Speaker 1: were to be a sexual and then Icon it would 778 00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:15,439 Speaker 1: be McGonagall, like, let's be real. Then you would say 779 00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:20,359 Speaker 1: her in Dumbledoors relationship could be clearly platonic. It's all 780 00:46:20,480 --> 00:46:23,520 Speaker 1: coming together. We just did it, and we have brought 781 00:46:23,560 --> 00:46:32,560 Speaker 1: another Harry Potter reference. You're welcome Annie once per episode. Yeah, 782 00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:36,719 Speaker 1: so right now, I would say YouTube are ace Icon 783 00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:42,480 Speaker 1: very like, I am so new to this, but I 784 00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:45,640 Speaker 1: think because you're asking the right questions and you're having 785 00:46:45,760 --> 00:46:49,719 Speaker 1: this conversation and you're making it a very clear as 786 00:46:49,760 --> 00:46:52,160 Speaker 1: well as the fact that there's a spectrum. You too, 787 00:46:52,440 --> 00:46:57,879 Speaker 1: in my humble opinion, are a psychon. Well, thank you. 788 00:46:58,719 --> 00:47:00,680 Speaker 1: If I had an award for you, I'll give you one, 789 00:47:01,320 --> 00:47:05,480 Speaker 1: so pretend like I did. Thank you, so beautiful, shiny, 790 00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:16,640 Speaker 1: it's so big. Sorry, Um, yeah, I feel I mean 791 00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:20,480 Speaker 1: there's a lot to unpack in our media. Always we 792 00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:26,480 Speaker 1: come back to that but just I do think that, um, 793 00:47:26,560 --> 00:47:30,200 Speaker 1: every time man and women are on screen together, they 794 00:47:30,200 --> 00:47:32,600 Speaker 1: have to have sex eventually, and it's very right. Well, 795 00:47:32,640 --> 00:47:34,960 Speaker 1: that's also like the sad part of any kind of 796 00:47:34,960 --> 00:47:37,760 Speaker 1: friends shows the fact that opposite sex when they're together, 797 00:47:37,840 --> 00:47:40,239 Speaker 1: I'm not going to have sex to lesbians can't be 798 00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:42,160 Speaker 1: just friends. They're going to have sex as well. Or 799 00:47:42,160 --> 00:47:44,920 Speaker 1: two homosexual men they're going to have sex as well, 800 00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:48,799 Speaker 1: even though they may just be flipping friends. Yeah. Um, 801 00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:55,319 Speaker 1: everything has to do with sex apparently in our media. Yes, 802 00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:58,040 Speaker 1: But the fact is that having conversations like this to 803 00:47:58,080 --> 00:48:02,160 Speaker 1: be able to um go beyond generalizations as well as 804 00:48:02,320 --> 00:48:05,359 Speaker 1: understanding that there are people that are seen like that's 805 00:48:05,400 --> 00:48:08,040 Speaker 1: the biggest part is can I be seen and you 806 00:48:08,160 --> 00:48:10,400 Speaker 1: two are those sort of like I see you because 807 00:48:10,440 --> 00:48:12,239 Speaker 1: I am you, And that is a bigger part of 808 00:48:12,239 --> 00:48:14,760 Speaker 1: the conversation that needs to happen. Whether it's you writing 809 00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:17,480 Speaker 1: an article in teen Boat, which is fantastic because that's 810 00:48:17,560 --> 00:48:20,640 Speaker 1: such a big medium in itself, as well as doing 811 00:48:20,719 --> 00:48:25,680 Speaker 1: podcasts specifically specifically two girls about Hey, it's okay, you're 812 00:48:25,719 --> 00:48:27,520 Speaker 1: not just here for sex and if you don't feel 813 00:48:27,560 --> 00:48:31,400 Speaker 1: sex with attraction, that's okay. Too. Yeah, because that is 814 00:48:31,440 --> 00:48:37,440 Speaker 1: another common misconception, um that people report feeling broken because 815 00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:42,879 Speaker 1: they don't because it is. Um. Like I said, when 816 00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:46,440 Speaker 1: my friends all were experiencing it and I wasn't, I 817 00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:50,960 Speaker 1: thought something must be wrong. Um, And yeah, it's just 818 00:48:52,239 --> 00:48:55,360 Speaker 1: it's on the spectrum. It's something and you can experience 819 00:48:55,400 --> 00:48:58,240 Speaker 1: it in many different ways. You can never romantic attraction. 820 00:48:58,360 --> 00:49:02,680 Speaker 1: You could sometimes be attracted. UM. So I'm very glad 821 00:49:02,719 --> 00:49:04,520 Speaker 1: that you you came on, you agreed to come on 822 00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:08,839 Speaker 1: and talk to us. Yeah. Yeah, I'm open for all 823 00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:13,040 Speaker 1: any and all a sexuality questions because apparently there's nobody 824 00:49:13,040 --> 00:49:16,879 Speaker 1: else out here taking them, so I might as well 825 00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:19,279 Speaker 1: put myself out. I mean, I've already put myself out there, 826 00:49:19,480 --> 00:49:23,359 Speaker 1: but I'm still here. And any other conversation is for 827 00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:26,560 Speaker 1: people of color, myself included. We are so so overly 828 00:49:26,640 --> 00:49:30,839 Speaker 1: sexualized to be that person be like nope, no, I'm 829 00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:33,000 Speaker 1: good without it. I'm sure that's a whole different like 830 00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:36,120 Speaker 1: shock factor for many of people in itself, because I 831 00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:39,440 Speaker 1: think as an Asian woman who there's a damn fetish 832 00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:44,520 Speaker 1: for which is creep by the way, Um, it is, 833 00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:50,120 Speaker 1: it's hard to recognize separation of female specific race and sexuality, 834 00:49:50,160 --> 00:49:53,439 Speaker 1: and to separate that would be like cataclysmic from many men. 835 00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:59,600 Speaker 1: And they're weird fantasy worlds. They're weird fantasy world that's 836 00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:02,920 Speaker 1: fantasy is are not bad. But I'm just saying, like 837 00:50:02,960 --> 00:50:07,160 Speaker 1: I've definitely had the weird people approached me, I would 838 00:50:07,160 --> 00:50:13,600 Speaker 1: apologize for them. They should apologize themselves. True story, true story, 839 00:50:13,719 --> 00:50:17,600 Speaker 1: And again having that conversation again, women are not just 840 00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:20,440 Speaker 1: for sex, which is the opposite of what we're seeing 841 00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:25,200 Speaker 1: and the conversations in the world and around the world 842 00:50:25,280 --> 00:50:27,279 Speaker 1: and the value of women in general. Are people who 843 00:50:27,280 --> 00:50:30,439 Speaker 1: identify as women or identify as female and given non 844 00:50:30,520 --> 00:50:35,600 Speaker 1: binary and being seen as female, we are able to 845 00:50:35,680 --> 00:50:37,840 Speaker 1: make our own decisions of who we are and what 846 00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:42,160 Speaker 1: we prefer, what we don't prefer. Yeah, or just be 847 00:50:42,520 --> 00:50:52,000 Speaker 1: treated like humans who are for a certain way what ridiculous. Um, Yeah, 848 00:50:52,080 --> 00:50:55,560 Speaker 1: we really appreciate you coming on. Is there anything else 849 00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:57,799 Speaker 1: that you want to touch on before we close out? 850 00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:02,160 Speaker 1: I don't think so, but I'm really good for remembering 851 00:51:02,200 --> 00:51:04,879 Speaker 1: stuff later, Like as I drive away, I'll probably think, God, 852 00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:11,520 Speaker 1: that's what I said. Well, you're welcome back. Anything outside 853 00:51:11,640 --> 00:51:14,759 Speaker 1: of now you have that's his friends, But outside of us. 854 00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:19,560 Speaker 1: So your bagels and your coffee anytime come home Tuesdays. 855 00:51:20,719 --> 00:51:22,440 Speaker 1: This is how I do things. I only come to 856 00:51:22,440 --> 00:51:27,720 Speaker 1: eat food. I mean that's that was until I am UM. 857 00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:29,920 Speaker 1: But yeah, yeah, anytime you want to come back, whether 858 00:51:29,960 --> 00:51:33,000 Speaker 1: it's to talk about this our pop culture or whatever. 859 00:51:33,040 --> 00:51:34,920 Speaker 1: And also I would love to keep talking about CARE 860 00:51:34,960 --> 00:51:36,759 Speaker 1: because I think they do some really good things and 861 00:51:36,880 --> 00:51:39,920 Speaker 1: really necessary things, especially right now and the fight for 862 00:51:40,440 --> 00:51:45,239 Speaker 1: UM against poverty and then just equal representation. Yea. If 863 00:51:45,239 --> 00:51:48,840 Speaker 1: anybody wants to shoot a message to CARE on Twitter 864 00:51:49,200 --> 00:51:51,879 Speaker 1: or Facebook, that'll be me replying back to you. So 865 00:51:52,880 --> 00:51:56,600 Speaker 1: ask me how to donate or how to get donate. 866 00:51:57,040 --> 00:52:00,560 Speaker 1: And speaking of um, where can people find you? And 867 00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:03,160 Speaker 1: are there any projects you're working on that you're excited 868 00:52:03,200 --> 00:52:08,200 Speaker 1: about on the horizon. Not currently working on anything because 869 00:52:08,360 --> 00:52:12,680 Speaker 1: I left media and then just kind of like stayed 870 00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:15,000 Speaker 1: gone with like a toe in the door. So I'm 871 00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:17,480 Speaker 1: working on getting the rest of my foot and body 872 00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:20,320 Speaker 1: through back through the door. Um. But people can find 873 00:52:20,320 --> 00:52:23,840 Speaker 1: me on Twitter and Instagram at Joe a Dance so 874 00:52:24,040 --> 00:52:28,880 Speaker 1: j o A d A n s oh my last name. Um, 875 00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:32,879 Speaker 1: people say I'm funny. So I got an iPhone tent. 876 00:52:32,920 --> 00:52:34,800 Speaker 1: I keep taking pictures of my cats, so if you 877 00:52:34,840 --> 00:52:38,720 Speaker 1: want to see those, yeah, you know, a cat person, absolutely, 878 00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:43,320 Speaker 1: I'm a dog person. Sorry, here we go. I'm a neither. 879 00:52:43,520 --> 00:52:48,319 Speaker 1: She doesn't like animals, fish, I don't mind. How about this. 880 00:52:48,400 --> 00:52:55,479 Speaker 1: I'm just generally neutral, animal neutral, animal neutral. Um. But yes, 881 00:52:55,960 --> 00:52:58,799 Speaker 1: pictures of cats on the iPhone. Tain can't do better 882 00:52:58,840 --> 00:53:04,560 Speaker 1: than that. Everybody right, right, And that brings us to 883 00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:07,560 Speaker 1: the end of our interview. I have to tell you 884 00:53:08,080 --> 00:53:11,120 Speaker 1: all the time, I am so amazed, and I feel 885 00:53:11,120 --> 00:53:13,799 Speaker 1: so fortunate for the people who are willing to come 886 00:53:13,840 --> 00:53:17,840 Speaker 1: in and doctors, they're so awesome. Un yes, and hopefully 887 00:53:17,880 --> 00:53:19,960 Speaker 1: she will be back. I'm pretty sure we'll bring her back. 888 00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:22,200 Speaker 1: He's too smart. We gotta put her on everything. Let's 889 00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:25,960 Speaker 1: go ahead through all the things. Let's do that. If 890 00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:29,920 Speaker 1: you want to hear more of Agile's work, don't forget 891 00:53:29,960 --> 00:53:33,759 Speaker 1: to check out her podcast about South podcast. Um. But 892 00:53:33,880 --> 00:53:35,960 Speaker 1: in the meantime, this brings us to the end of 893 00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:38,440 Speaker 1: this episode. But we would love to hear from you 894 00:53:38,600 --> 00:53:41,000 Speaker 1: listeners if you would like to email, as you can 895 00:53:41,480 --> 00:53:45,399 Speaker 1: at our new emails It is Tough media Mom stuff 896 00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:49,000 Speaker 1: at I heart radio dot com and all anything you 897 00:53:49,040 --> 00:53:51,440 Speaker 1: said to the old email address. We have had so 898 00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:54,200 Speaker 1: many email addresses, and if I had the time and 899 00:53:54,280 --> 00:53:56,360 Speaker 1: my boss wouldn't yell at me, I would talk about 900 00:53:57,000 --> 00:54:00,680 Speaker 1: the history of the email address. But I'm sure no 901 00:54:00,680 --> 00:54:03,640 Speaker 1: one is interested in it but me. Um. But any 902 00:54:03,719 --> 00:54:06,640 Speaker 1: of the old email addresses you email it will eventually 903 00:54:06,960 --> 00:54:10,440 Speaker 1: arrive at It's that one. Sorry, Oh it is a 904 00:54:10,480 --> 00:54:16,000 Speaker 1: long and long it is it is. You can also 905 00:54:16,080 --> 00:54:18,040 Speaker 1: find us on social media. You can find us on 906 00:54:18,080 --> 00:54:20,480 Speaker 1: Instagram at Stuff I've Never Told You and on Twitter 907 00:54:20,520 --> 00:54:24,440 Speaker 1: at mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks as always to our super 908 00:54:24,480 --> 00:54:29,080 Speaker 1: producer Andrew Howard Andrew Haward, and thanks to you for listening. 909 00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:31,239 Speaker 1: Steph I've Never Told You. It's a production of I 910 00:54:31,320 --> 00:54:33,959 Speaker 1: Heart Radios how Stuff Works. For more podcasts from iHeart Radio, 911 00:54:34,040 --> 00:54:36,520 Speaker 1: visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever 912 00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:37,720 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.