Speaker 1: I am a Yamla, your host for this journey. I
Speaker 1: was a hopeless love aholic but just could not get
Speaker 1: my love to work. Then, after a series of heartbreaks
Speaker 1: and deep heartache, I finally got clear about what love
Speaker 1: is and what it is not. I want to share
Speaker 1: some of what I've learned about lover holism. Welcome to
Speaker 1: the R Spot, a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership
Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, This is the Spot and
Speaker 1: I am a Yamla, your guide, your facilitator, some might
Speaker 1: even say your teacher, as we delve into the sea,
Speaker 1: the ocean of relationships, all kinds of relationships, doing our
Speaker 1: best to learn the skills, the tools, the principles, the
Speaker 1: practices to make those relationships more peaceful, more fulfilling. Healthy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we want to go for healthy relationships. Now, if you
Speaker 1: were with us last week, we started talking about a
Speaker 1: topic that you see, sense, feel, believe your partner is cheating,
Speaker 1: but you don't have the evidence. And we covered a
Speaker 1: lot of ground. But we're going to continue that conversation today.
Speaker 1: But I want us to start right here because we
Speaker 1: are so conditioned in, programmed, taught, educated to look outside
Speaker 1: of ourselves for the answers, so that when we get
Speaker 1: the answer on the inside, we don't believe it, we
Speaker 1: don't want to hold on to it, and we'll talk
Speaker 1: ourselves out of what we know. You know, the first GPS,
Speaker 1: the first GPS any human ever had, before it was
Speaker 1: in cars, before it was on a smartphone, the first
Speaker 1: GPS we ever had was intuition, teaching from within. And
Speaker 1: yet there's no place in our society and our educational system,
Speaker 1: even in our interactions of being raised or being educated,
Speaker 1: have we been taught how to tune into, how to hear,
Speaker 1: and how to trust our intuition. So now you grow
Speaker 1: up without the necessary skills, tools and information to grow
Speaker 1: in your intuition. And your intuition is telling you Boo
Speaker 1: Boo is cheating. He's a ball faced liar, and you
Speaker 1: know it, and you hear that, And what you want
Speaker 1: to do is get evidence in the external world, evidence
Speaker 1: outside of yourself. So the question we're going to continue
Speaker 1: to discuss my three co hosts and I is what
Speaker 1: do you do if and when you know your partner
Speaker 1: is cheating, but you're looking for evidence, external evidence? Can
Speaker 1: you imagine external evidence? Welcome back, to this conversation. Once
Speaker 1: you get the sense or the feeling that someone is
Speaker 1: cheating or that's something there's a breakdown in the relationship.
Speaker 1: Is the issue the cheating or is the issue the
Speaker 1: breakdown in the relationship? I mean, do you think things
Speaker 1: are just fine and all of a sudden you get
Speaker 1: a sense of cheating or have there been things along
Speaker 1: the way that maybe you ignored? What do you think?
Speaker 2: Definitely a breakdown already.
Speaker 3: It is already a breakdown in the relationship. Already we
Speaker 3: all know nothing outside of it's already happen in an inside.
Speaker 3: It's already in the house, it's already going on.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, okay, mister lewis right.
Speaker 4: It's just a symptom of a disease, right that has
Speaker 4: now raised to your level of awareness. And so that
Speaker 4: just goes to show that you weren't even even though
Speaker 4: you're looking at your partner cheating, Not to say that
Speaker 4: there's something that you could have done differently, It just
Speaker 4: means that there was somewhere along the relationship that you
Speaker 4: actually also checked out of the relationship as well. And
Speaker 4: so now because of the misalignment, right now, your back
Speaker 4: starts hurting, you know, now, you know, you don't really
Speaker 4: wake up with a spring in your step anymore. Right,
Speaker 4: there's something different that you can feel, But that person
Speaker 4: is already light years ahead. They've already found some type
Speaker 4: of remedy, and so they're already onto their own sort
Speaker 4: of healing journey for that misalignment. They already felt what
Speaker 4: was misaligned, and so they've already found their own little
Speaker 4: thing that.
Speaker 3: They have going on.
Speaker 4: But you're just kind of dealing with the pieces of
Speaker 4: you being able to detect it. But there was something
Speaker 4: that happened, uh in the in the history. So that's
Speaker 4: why when people, you know, come to me with their problems,
Speaker 4: I'm like, well, you know, there was something that happened
Speaker 4: way before this. You got to press the rewind you know,
Speaker 4: on your mind and get to the bottom of what's
Speaker 4: going on.
Speaker 1: Really mmmm, here's a good question. How do you distinguish
Speaker 1: or make a distinction between your partner being distracted because
Speaker 1: they're cheating and them just being neglectful to your to
Speaker 1: the relationship. How do you distinguish that? Ms Kira, I'm
Speaker 1: coming to you.
Speaker 2: Well, I feel like when you're lazy and neglectful to
Speaker 2: the relationship, you'll be able to tell if that's not
Speaker 2: cheating per se, because again, like the signs will be
Speaker 2: there for example, you know, just like if you're going
Speaker 2: through their their device, or you know, if they're just
Speaker 2: moving differently, you'll be able to see, you know where
Speaker 2: their time is being spent and you know what they're doing.
Speaker 2: I feel like neglect is just like, you know, if
Speaker 2: we're not, you know, going out on as many days,
Speaker 2: but that could be for other reasons like financial hardship,
Speaker 2: you know, things like that. It doesn't necessarily mean that
Speaker 2: your part is cheating because you know, you feel like
Speaker 2: you guys aren't you know, doing as much or they're
Speaker 2: not putting as much into the relationship. So I feel
Speaker 2: like it's kind of jumping the gun for that. I
Speaker 2: feel like you'll have actual signs that you know your
Speaker 2: partner is cheating, but it wouldn't be based off of
Speaker 2: just not feeling like you're not getting what you need
Speaker 2: in the relationship.
Speaker 1: Okay, mispath, can you make a distinction between cheating and neglect?
Speaker 1: Did you because you've had this experience, did you make
Speaker 1: this I didn't make.
Speaker 3: A distinction in between the neglect because the neglect was
Speaker 3: when the intimacy stopped. When that stopped? When when the
Speaker 3: when the when the love left my house? You know
Speaker 3: I would get up every morning, I would fixed breakfast,
Speaker 3: and every night we ate dinner together, but you know
Speaker 3: as a family, and when the oh, I ate already outside,
Speaker 3: you know kind of thing, or I'll get up extra
Speaker 3: early so I won't be up early enough to fix breakfast.
Speaker 3: You know, those things started leading, Okay, so when the
Speaker 3: love started leaving, yeah, And when the joy and the
Speaker 3: love started leaving out your house, and you know that's
Speaker 3: the neglect, that's the yeah. And then you know the
Speaker 3: cheating is in the midst of all of that, when
Speaker 3: those things started leaving.
Speaker 1: Mister Luke, do you make a distinction or can you?
Speaker 1: Should you make a distinction between neglect and cheating?
Speaker 4: Yeah, And that's a you know, should you can you,
Speaker 4: you know, make the distinction. You know, it's really one
Speaker 4: and the same. Even Miss Pat when she was sort
Speaker 4: of explaining it, you know, when the love leaves, it's
Speaker 4: almost as though that the cheating is the act, but
Speaker 4: the neglect is really the purpose behind the action, right,
Speaker 4: It's mostly really really you know, I am neglecting you
Speaker 4: by cheating on you with someone else. But I am
Speaker 4: neglectful of you is the it's really the it's really
Speaker 4: the positionality that you've created between you and that other person.
Speaker 4: So really, when we talk about neglectfulness, that looks like,
Speaker 4: you know, do I bring you your favorite meal? Do
Speaker 4: I stop by, you know, on the way from work
Speaker 4: and you know, bring you something thoughtful? Which was something
Speaker 4: that I used to do before that I stopped doing it.
Speaker 4: And you know, I stop, you know, wearing my hair
Speaker 4: in the way that you like to you know, you
Speaker 4: know see me, or I stop wearing a particular perfume
Speaker 4: that I know that you like. You know, these are
Speaker 4: the little things that we do to show the other person.
Speaker 4: Are you noticing me right now? Are you seeing me?
Speaker 4: Are you seeing the shifts, the changes, the ebbs and
Speaker 4: the flows, the seasons of our own relationship?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 4: Because we can grow and we can grow apart. We
Speaker 4: can grow together or we can grow apart. And so
Speaker 4: sometimes when you have a partner that is not really
Speaker 4: interested in the same topics that you're interested in, that's neglectful.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 4: If you can't sit and talk to me about my
Speaker 4: day at work, you're not interested about, you know, the
Speaker 4: people that I work with, my coworkers, and you may
Speaker 4: not be interested in the nitty and the gritty, but
Speaker 4: I think that's someone that I'm actually, you know, in
Speaker 4: a relationship with. They should be interested in the nitty
Speaker 4: and the gritty. That that's not, you know, a cause
Speaker 4: for something that you can shut down or tune your
Speaker 4: ears out of.
Speaker 1: You know, I love it, you know, for me, neglect,
Speaker 1: even neglect is a is a form of cheating. You know,
Speaker 1: when you're not paying attention to this union that we've
Speaker 1: created together. Your mind is elsewhere, your soul is elsewhere,
Speaker 1: your your body is elsewhere, whether you're in the bed
Speaker 1: with somebody else or not. Sometimes that neglect is the
Speaker 1: first sign of emotional cheating. You're you're giving your attention
Speaker 1: and your time somewhere else. We're gonna continue the conversation
Speaker 1: right after this. Welcome back to the R Spot. I've
Speaker 1: got three co hosts on here with me today, and
Speaker 1: we are talking about the signs and the evidence of
Speaker 1: cheating and when you approach your partner about it, how
Speaker 1: you approach your partner about and what do you do
Speaker 1: if you don't have physical evidence. I think it's important
Speaker 1: that we get clear about what cheating is. So we're
Speaker 1: going to talk about that. Here's a question for my
Speaker 1: co host. I want a yes or no answer. Okay,
Speaker 1: just give me yes or no and I'll call you
Speaker 1: and then we can talk about why. Okay, you suspect
Speaker 1: your partner's cheating. You feel it, you see it, it's
Speaker 1: in the space. Do you search their phone? Yes or no?
Speaker 1: Mister Luke, No, Miss Pat no, Miss.
Speaker 5: Caira yes, okay, all right, Okay, you suspect your partner's cheating.
Speaker 1: You can see it, feel it. It's something going on.
Speaker 1: Do you get into their social media? Do you do
Speaker 1: you check that Facebook? No? Mispath says no, Miss Kira, yes,
Speaker 1: mister Luke, yes, okay as two yes, it's in one no,
Speaker 1: all right. You suspect your partner is cheating? Do you
Speaker 1: follow them? Do you follow them? Yes or no? Miss
Speaker 1: Pat for me, okay, mister Luke, yes, ha ha, Miss.
Speaker 2: Kira everything follow them like on social media? Or follow
Speaker 2: them in real life?
Speaker 1: No? No, follow them in real life? Do you do
Speaker 1: you go out to see where they're going and what
Speaker 1: they're doing?
Speaker 3: I will, I will?
Speaker 2: I would?
Speaker 1: Okay, yes or the that's two yeses and the no.
Speaker 1: You suspect your partner is cheating? Uh, you feel it,
Speaker 1: you see it, you sense it. Do you talk to
Speaker 1: their friends about it? Yes? Or no, mister Luke, No, no,
Speaker 1: Miss Pat no, Miss Kira. Now do you talk to
Speaker 1: your friends about it? Miss Caira not friends? No, mister Luke, no,
Speaker 1: Miss Pat.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Speaker 1: Okay, So let me ask you this when you if
Speaker 1: you should you suspect your partner is cheating? How much
Speaker 1: snooping is acceptable? How much snooping? How much digging do
Speaker 1: you do? Mister Luke? What do you think?
Speaker 4: Yeah? I think my answers are a little bit all
Speaker 4: over the place, and I had a couple of surprises
Speaker 4: in there. I think the thing that I like to
Speaker 4: do is I see myself just a collector of data.
Speaker 4: I'm just looking for data points. And so if I'm
Speaker 4: just collect data, I just do it from a very
Speaker 4: emotionless without emotion. I really don't really try to inject
Speaker 4: too much emotion into it. So as long as I'm
Speaker 4: collecting the data points, everything is cool. I'm calm, I'm cool, collected.
Speaker 4: You won't see any difference in me. I'm just collecting
Speaker 4: the information like a detective, you know.
Speaker 1: Okay, so everything nothing's off the table. You're gonna look
Speaker 1: where the data leads you. You're gonna ask what the
Speaker 1: data leads you to. Okay, all right, miss pat When
Speaker 1: when you suspect your partner's shooting, how much snooping is acceptable?
Speaker 3: Well, I'm gonna tell you from my experience. Ere My
Speaker 3: mother used to always say, you're digging the trash team.
Speaker 3: You come up with garbage, right, and that was her favorite.
Speaker 3: My brother was that we should be ninety two years old,
Speaker 3: so that was her favorite thing to say. Right. So
Speaker 3: I never dug in the trash team. That's why I
Speaker 3: answered no. But when in prayer, it would just show
Speaker 3: up to me. I didn't dig I promise you, yeah,
Speaker 3: it would just show up.
Speaker 1: Yeah. But but that's why I said if I would
Speaker 1: sort of hit you out at lunch with shaquiedah, I'm
Speaker 1: coming over to the table because I'm collecting data. I'm
Speaker 1: collecting that, yeah, but to.
Speaker 3: Dig in your phone and follow you, you know. You know,
Speaker 3: in my experience, I had two children, so it was
Speaker 3: either I was gonna chase you or take care of them,
Speaker 3: so I chose them.
Speaker 1: Okay, Ms Caira, if you think your partner's cheating, how
Speaker 1: much snooping is acceptable?
Speaker 2: I kind of. I kind of agree with Luke. I'm
Speaker 2: going to have a little case folder. So I totally understand.
Speaker 1: You go whip out your lawyer. You're looking for the
Speaker 1: evidence so that they're beyond a reasonable doubt. Okay, And
Speaker 1: here's another question. How much evidence is enough either for
Speaker 1: you to leave or do you make an allegation or
Speaker 1: do you present the evidence? How much evidence is enough,
Speaker 1: mister Luke? How much evidence?
Speaker 4: Yeah, how much evidence is enough? That's a very very
Speaker 4: powerful question because if you really think about it, you know,
Speaker 4: when we first started, there was no evidence, right, there
Speaker 4: was no tangible evidence that the person can cling to.
Speaker 4: Only your soul felt that coldness, right, And so really
Speaker 4: I would say that that feeling you felt is enough
Speaker 4: from the beginning. And so we can go to miss
Speaker 4: pat route, which is saying that you know, what's done
Speaker 4: in the dark will will surely come to the light,
Speaker 4: and if I ask for the clarity, the clarity will
Speaker 4: be presented, or you know, we can fill it up
Speaker 4: to the brim and then you can just you know,
Speaker 4: have to deal with that, you know, and just kind
Speaker 4: of present it in a way where it's like, Okay,
Speaker 4: enough is enough, I've seen enough and I've you know,
Speaker 4: confirmed that deep pitted feeling, you know, so I think
Speaker 4: enough is really just that feeling that you felt from
Speaker 4: the beginning.
Speaker 1: Okay, miss pat How much evidence is enough to either
Speaker 1: leave or make the allegation?
Speaker 3: How much evidence does it have to be?
Speaker 1: Yeah, does it have to be tangible or or could
Speaker 1: it be like you said, the love left, We don't
Speaker 1: eat together, we're not sleeping together. You forgot my birthday,
Speaker 1: you don't show up for me in any kind of way.
Speaker 1: How much evidence is enough?
Speaker 3: All of that, all of that, it was enough for
Speaker 3: me when it stops showing up. When when the when
Speaker 3: you know, when the you know, it's like a house
Speaker 3: when you don't you know, if you got a house,
Speaker 3: and you had your house for twenty thirty years, if
Speaker 3: you didn't start, if you didn't keep working on your house,
Speaker 3: your house going to fall apart. So when you wasn't
Speaker 3: long to continue working on this house and it all
Speaker 3: started to fall apart, and the joy and the love
Speaker 3: and the peace and harmony started to leave, and that
Speaker 3: was enough to me, That was enough to me.
Speaker 1: Okay, ms Kira, you're young, so let me ask you
Speaker 1: this way. How many receipts do you need I think
Speaker 1: how many.
Speaker 2: I think I would Yeah, I kind of I feel
Speaker 2: like I would need as many as I could get.
Speaker 2: But you know, if I if I collect as many
Speaker 2: as I could get, and that's like a lot, you know,
Speaker 2: a little is a lot to me. So it's just
Speaker 2: like the fact that I even have all this information
Speaker 2: is just like that's enough. Like I feel like you,
Speaker 2: you know, you violated my trust at this point, and
Speaker 2: it's just something that I don't feel like I would
Speaker 2: be able to, you know, come back from. So just
Speaker 2: I feel like I don't know. One receipt is enough
Speaker 2: for me if I if I suspect it, that's what
Speaker 2: it is, you know, like if I see something that's.
Speaker 3: Enough for me.
Speaker 1: That's a very good point. Because some relationships have survived cheating,
Speaker 1: some have survived. What do you think is required for
Speaker 1: a relationship? Well, let me ask you this. Let me
Speaker 1: ask you this before I go there. Once you get
Speaker 1: your case file, your receipts, your evidence, because all of
Speaker 1: y'all have fled and something different, do you pressent the
Speaker 1: evidence to the person or do you just hold on
Speaker 1: to it until you figure out what you want to do?
Speaker 1: What do you do? What do you do, mister Luke,
Speaker 1: Do you present the evidence or do you just hold
Speaker 1: on to it until you're clear about what you're doing.
Speaker 4: You should definitely hold on to it until you're clear,
Speaker 4: because you don't want to move from a place of emotion.
Speaker 4: You want to move from a place of I've meditated
Speaker 4: on this, I've really done a lot of soul searching,
Speaker 4: and now what the ball is in my court? You know,
Speaker 4: the train has already left the station, and so now
Speaker 4: it's about what are you going to do? And so
Speaker 4: even you presenting the evidence is mostly just you know,
Speaker 4: you're telling the person this is where you you did.
Speaker 4: The person knows what they did at that point, right,
Speaker 4: it's just saying that I know what you did. So
Speaker 4: it's really just about do you want to stand this
Speaker 4: relationship or do you want to mend the relationship from
Speaker 4: this point?
Speaker 1: Okay, miss pat what do you do? Do you present
Speaker 1: the evidence once you get it, once your case files
Speaker 1: is closed, or do you hold on to it until
Speaker 1: you're clear about what you're doing?
Speaker 3: You hold on I hold I held on to it
Speaker 3: till I was clear, and I was you know, like
Speaker 3: I said, did some lot of introspection and had a
Speaker 3: lot of self awareness, because I want to say, is
Speaker 3: that I, when I did digging within myself, I cheated
Speaker 3: on me. First m making like I didn't know what
Speaker 3: I knew.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, okay, you violated yourself, You betrayed your own trust.
Speaker 1: Yes by staying okay, good good mss caira. Do you
Speaker 1: present your receipts I've got receipts right here, or do
Speaker 1: you hold on? Do you hold on two her until
Speaker 1: you are clear about what you're gonna do?
Speaker 3: Well?
Speaker 2: I feel like with me, Missianla, I have to be
Speaker 2: smooth with it. So I can't just present it writ
Speaker 2: then and there. I have to because the thing is like,
Speaker 2: it doesn't make sense to present that information to them
Speaker 2: as soon as you get it if you are going
Speaker 2: to just end up, you know, deciding to be with them,
Speaker 2: and if you tell them, then they're just gonna feel
Speaker 2: like okay, Like she knows that I cheated on her
Speaker 2: and so we might get back together. Like she's basically
Speaker 2: saying that that's okay, I know what you did, but
Speaker 2: we're gonna still be together. So what's the point if
Speaker 2: you're gonna get back to that person. That's kind of
Speaker 2: how I feel.
Speaker 1: I think that that's an important point because some relationships
Speaker 1: have survived cheating. Some relationships have survived. What would be
Speaker 1: required for you to survive beyond cheating? And we'll talk
Speaker 1: about that when we come back. Welcome back to the
Speaker 1: R spot. Let's talk to you, miss Pat, because I'm
Speaker 1: hearing I could be wrong that your relationship didn't survive
Speaker 1: beyond the cheating. What would be required for you to
Speaker 1: survive beyond cheating?
Speaker 3: Well, it didn't survive, of course, it did not survive.
Speaker 3: I just I really just had to go to work.
Speaker 3: I had to go to work on me. That's all.
Speaker 3: That's No, it survived. How I survived, I should say
Speaker 3: I had to go. I had to go to work
Speaker 3: on myro. I had to go to work, and so
Speaker 3: we're en doing that work. It helped me to really
Speaker 3: just come into a lot of self awareness and how
Speaker 3: I had a nick in that quarter. So that's what tell.
Speaker 1: Me more about that. What does that mean? I had
Speaker 1: a nickel in that quarter? Can tell me what that means?
Speaker 3: Because I allowed it. I allowed so much to happen.
Speaker 3: I accommodated it, I tolerated it.
Speaker 1: Okay, So I.
Speaker 3: Had a nickel on that quarter if I had fifteen cent.
Speaker 6: But yeah, okay, mister Luke, what would be required to
Speaker 6: survive beyond cheating?
Speaker 1: Because we've already established that there were holes or breakdowns
Speaker 1: in the relationship anyway, So what would be required to
Speaker 1: survive beyond cheating?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that the key thing to survive beyond
Speaker 4: this cheating is a nakedness. I think that to really
Speaker 4: look at someone, look look into their eyes, you know,
Speaker 4: gaze into their soul. You know, that's what's really required
Speaker 4: to survive beyond the cheatingess. I have to see you
Speaker 4: in the way that you want to be seen, and
Speaker 4: you have to see me in the way that I
Speaker 4: want to be seen. You know, we have to be
Speaker 4: naked unto one another. And so what that means is
Speaker 4: bearing our truths to one another. There's something in this
Speaker 4: relationship that needs air. It's crying out for space, it's
Speaker 4: crying out for breath, and so I have to breathe
Speaker 4: life into whatever it is, the cracks, the crevices of
Speaker 4: your soul that you're not allowing to bring to light,
Speaker 4: and so I want to. And I think that that's
Speaker 4: what is required if we want to you know, in
Speaker 4: the same way that we accommodate the cheating, we have
Speaker 4: to also accommodate, you know, the love the light and
Speaker 4: bring that forward.
Speaker 1: Ms caira Young What would be what would be required
Speaker 1: to survive cheating and the the seats that you got.
Speaker 2: I think for me, it would just a big turning
Speaker 2: point for me would be like are you taking accountability
Speaker 2: for your actions? Like that would be a major thing
Speaker 2: just me feeling like, you know, he fully understands the
Speaker 2: error and the mistake you know that he made, and
Speaker 2: that would be very like detrimental for me. And if
Speaker 2: you kind of feel like if you cheat in the relationship,
Speaker 2: I feel like it's something internally, you know, like what
Speaker 2: we've been talking about that you kind of need to
Speaker 2: work on. So if that means like you know, therapy,
Speaker 2: I feel like that's really frowned upon, especially like in
Speaker 2: the black community as well, then maybe you need to
Speaker 2: take that route because those things can also be something
Speaker 2: that came from like your childhood or things that you've
Speaker 2: seen as well. So it's just we would really have
Speaker 2: to like figure out why you did that if we
Speaker 2: are going to stay in the relationship. If not, then
Speaker 2: it wouldn't work for me.
Speaker 1: When I summarize because I'm a teacher. Teacher when I
Speaker 1: summarize everything that we've kind of gathered today, you think
Speaker 1: your partnershiating, you believe it, you sense it, you feel it.
Speaker 1: Step one, have the conversation and share your experience. This
Speaker 1: is what I'm seeing, this is what I'm feeling, this
Speaker 1: is what I've noticed. Is there something we need to do?
Speaker 1: Can my co hosts agree on that?
Speaker 4: Agreed?
Speaker 1: Okay? Step number two ask the questions, ask what you
Speaker 1: want to know? Are you seeing somebody? Are you are
Speaker 1: you cheating? Are you happy in this relationship? Is there
Speaker 1: something that's missing? Is there something we need to do?
Speaker 1: Are you willing to do what needs to be done?
Speaker 1: Can my co hosts agree on that?
Speaker 4: Agree?
Speaker 1: Okay? Step number three, seek evidence and collect that get
Speaker 1: them receipts, Get them receipts. Okay? Can my co hosts
Speaker 1: agree on that? Okay? Step number four trust your intuition,
Speaker 1: with or without evidence. Trust your intuition, honor what you know,
Speaker 1: and recognize that you may be wrong, you may be off,
Speaker 1: but at least begin to trust your intuition. Can we
Speaker 1: agree on that? Are okay? Step number five employ the
Speaker 1: sacred geometry of choice. Choose based on what you're experiencing,
Speaker 1: what you're seeing, what you're feeling, what you're hearing. Choose
Speaker 1: whether or not this is the relationship and the conditions
Speaker 1: of this relationship or what you want for yourself. Can
Speaker 1: we agree you on that? All right? Well, we've got
Speaker 1: a clear roadmap about what to do. What to do
Speaker 1: five steps. I want to have the conversation, share your experience,
Speaker 1: ask questions about what you want to know, seek evidence,
Speaker 1: trust your intuition, and then make a choice. Anything else
Speaker 1: you want to add, mister.
Speaker 4: Luke, I just want to say that, you know, like
Speaker 4: you said, the sacred geometry of choice is your power
Speaker 4: right and so you can choose to act within that power,
Speaker 4: choose to act from a place of you know, emotionless,
Speaker 4: or you can choose today what you want and what
Speaker 4: you will allow and disallow that can really build you
Speaker 4: up or break you down. Ms.
Speaker 1: Kira, our baby and the group. Anything else you want
Speaker 1: to add.
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely, because this is something I've been practicing, just
Speaker 2: like you know before anything else. You know, you love yourself.
Speaker 2: I feel like that's something that we need to really
Speaker 2: like implement in our brains a little bit more like
Speaker 2: it's okay, to take care of yourself and you know,
Speaker 2: love on yourself before, because you can't love anybody else
Speaker 2: if you don't, you know, love yourself. So I feel
Speaker 2: like that's very important, you know, for everybody, you know,
Speaker 2: because I'm going through I just had you know, well
Speaker 2: not just had her, but my daughter. She's two years old,
Speaker 2: and it was really hard for me after having her.
Speaker 2: So I'm trying to, you know, come back to loving myself.
Speaker 2: And it's a journey, but I feel like that's the
Speaker 2: first step before you can get into any relationship, is
Speaker 2: just focusing on yourself.
Speaker 1: All right, miss pat You've been there, done that. Anything
Speaker 1: else you want to add about knowing and your partner's
Speaker 1: cheating is.
Speaker 3: To be self aware and always check in with you first,
Speaker 3: because before because nothing outside of us is happening, So
Speaker 3: always check in first with you. That's, you know, that
Speaker 3: was something that I had to develop, is learn how
Speaker 3: to check in with me.
Speaker 4: First, because what is it in me that.
Speaker 3: Allowing you know, accommodating, And it's not just in relationships,
Speaker 3: it's in all relationships, especially the one I'm having with myself.
Speaker 1: So let me ask you this was he was he
Speaker 1: was he cheating?
Speaker 3: Yes he was.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, And is that what caused the relationship, I mean,
Speaker 1: caused you to finally step out of the relationship, Yes.
Speaker 3: Ma'am, it was It was the cheating and yeah he
Speaker 3: went and he's currently with cursing now. Yeah.
Speaker 1: M You know, for the past few weeks, I've been
Speaker 1: working on this concept of is your hair on fire?
Speaker 1: Is your hair off? And those principles. While I apply them,
Speaker 1: I'm offering people to apply them to yourself first. As
Speaker 1: Miss pat said, to be self aware. I think there
Speaker 1: are also principles that we can apply to a relationship
Speaker 1: and when there's a suspicion of cheating. Number one honesty,
Speaker 1: Are you being honest with your partner? And can you
Speaker 1: trust that your partner is being honest with you just
Speaker 1: about where they are in the relationship, where they are
Speaker 1: in their life, Because if you don't have honesty, your
Speaker 1: hair will eventually burn off your head. The second one
Speaker 1: is accountability. Is your partner accountable to you? Are they
Speaker 1: accountable for their selves? Are they willing to be accountable
Speaker 1: for their behavior their presence in the relationship? Because without accountability,
Speaker 1: you will begin to accommodate, tolerate, diminished denied, dismiss those
Speaker 1: things that don't honor who you are and that don't bring,
Speaker 1: as mister Luke said, fresh air to the relationship. Integrity.
Speaker 1: Is this a person who has values that they live by?
Speaker 1: Do they have values that they live for? Is this
Speaker 1: a person who honors their word? They do what they
Speaker 1: say they're gonna do when they and are you a
Speaker 1: person of integrity both internal and external? Can I trust
Speaker 1: that you will do the right thing even when I'm
Speaker 1: not looking? That for me is about integrity and finally, responsibility.
Speaker 1: Are we both taking responsibility for the health and the vibrancy,
Speaker 1: the air, the life, the nurturing, the nourishment of this relationship.
Speaker 1: Because if you don't have those four things honesty, accountability, integrity,
Speaker 1: and responsibility by both partners that relationship not only the
Speaker 1: hair on the people's head, but that relationship, it's gonna
Speaker 1: burn down to the ground. So I want to thank
Speaker 1: you for being my very first co host. I think
Speaker 1: this was an exciting, exciting conversation, and I'm sure that
Speaker 1: there are those of our listeners who are going to
Speaker 1: be able to tune right into what you would saying.
Speaker 1: I thank you so much for being with me today
Speaker 1: and I thank you for listening to The R Spot.
Speaker 1: Hopefully you got something that you can use in your
Speaker 1: life and we'll be back real soon. In the meantime,
Speaker 1: stay in peace and not in peace. It bye. The
Speaker 1: R Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership
Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
Speaker 1: favorite show.