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Speaker 1: This is John. This is your og Okay Storytime podcast hosts, and.

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Speaker 2: We have some rocking stories for you coming up.

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Speaker 3: But before you rock out with your socks out, I

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Speaker 3: got a quick tum in an ad break from a

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Speaker 3: sponsors keeping the show rocking and rolling.

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Speaker 4: I'm jealous of my boyfriend's girl best friend because of

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Speaker 4: their past.

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Speaker 5: You should not be jealous of her.

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Speaker 4: I study on the same campus as my partner and

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Speaker 4: his best friend. This is my first year in college

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Speaker 4: and they're both older than me. For the sake of

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Speaker 4: this story, I'm naming my boyfriend Jake and his best

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Speaker 4: friend Gina. And by the way, this comes from user

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Speaker 4: palpitation pretty for eighty and if you want to submit

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Speaker 4: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay story

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Speaker 4: Time subred it. So, Gina and Jake shared an intimate history.

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Speaker 4: They were in a situationship. They liked each other, They

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Speaker 4: went on dates, they talked, they hooked up. Gina thought

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Speaker 4: it was a good idea to hook up with girls,

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Speaker 4: saying that she wanted to try it before dating him,

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Speaker 4: then eventually started hooking up with guys, and her excuse

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Speaker 4: was that she was free to do whatever until they

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Speaker 4: determined whether they wanted to start dating or not, which

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Speaker 4: is okay if they were both on board, but they weren't,

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Speaker 4: so Jake was mad and so against that and had

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Speaker 4: an argument with her if that was the right thing

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Speaker 4: to do.

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Speaker 1: Eventually they decided that they didn't have.

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Speaker 4: The same values and boundaries and were better off as

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Speaker 4: just friends, and apparently that broke Jake's heart at the time.

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Speaker 4: Fast forward and Jake and I met and we hit

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Speaker 4: it off and started dating, so he decided I should

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Speaker 4: meet Gina, his best friend.

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Speaker 1: To day, I met Gina for the first time in Uni.

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Speaker 1: I had no idea about their history.

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Speaker 4: She was kind of friendly, random and spontaneous, but said

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Speaker 4: some weird things like bringing up.

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Speaker 1: How they met aka their first date.

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Speaker 4: They were old inside jokes in places they went to

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Speaker 4: and the whole time she was talking to him, not

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Speaker 4: to me, okay, And then talked about how I should

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Speaker 4: trust him because he's respectful and all about consent it

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Speaker 4: would never hurt me, which at the time I thought

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Speaker 4: was weird she brought those topics up in front of me,

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Speaker 4: given that they, as I thought, were just friends.

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Speaker 6: Also, the only talking to him is the biggest freaking

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Speaker 6: red flag. Yeah, it's just I hate that stuff.

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Speaker 1: Well, over here, I'm a person.

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Speaker 6: You want me to hold up a little video so

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Speaker 6: you can watch it while on talk? Will that keep

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Speaker 6: your attention?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: The cherry on top was her saying that she never

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Speaker 4: expected Jake to start something serious.

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Speaker 1: She thought he'd always be single and hanging around her.

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Speaker 4: I didn't think about what she said that much because

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Speaker 4: Gina has a girlfriend now.

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Speaker 1: Funny enough, they have the same name Loo.

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Speaker 4: After that day, my boyfriend told me about their history

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Speaker 4: and why things didn't work out, and how they stayed friends.

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Speaker 4: Then a lot of things she said made sense. When

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Speaker 4: I asked why he didn't tell me before I met her,

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Speaker 4: his reason was that so I wouldn't make any assumptions

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Speaker 4: about her based on their history together, but fully about

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Speaker 4: her personality, which.

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Speaker 6: Also still didn't sound great because she didn't talk to you.

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Speaker 4: After he told me the reason he didn't date her,

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Speaker 4: I was confused and asked him if the reason he

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Speaker 4: wanted to date me was because I deleted all dating

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Speaker 4: apps and cut off my sneaky links when we were

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Speaker 4: in the talking stage. His answer was that it's not

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Speaker 4: that Specifically, it was one of the reasons, but yes,

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Speaker 4: because we agree on the same boundaries, not like him

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Speaker 4: and Gina having arguments about hooking up when they didn't

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Speaker 4: even start dating. Of course that's a valid reason, since

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Speaker 4: I agreed with him that she was in the wrong,

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Speaker 4: but it made me so suspicious. I don't know why,

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Speaker 4: maybe him linking me and Gina and putting us in

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Speaker 4: the same box. One evening, Gina invited me to hang

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Speaker 4: out with her and her friends. They were kind and

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Speaker 4: friendly like her, but since Jake wasn't around that time,

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Speaker 4: she was really insisting on joking about me taking all

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Speaker 4: of his attention away from her and getting backed up

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Speaker 4: by her friends as usual. I laugh it off and

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Speaker 4: told her that I'll tell him to give their friendship

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Speaker 4: more time. At the end of the evening, my boyfriend

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Speaker 4: came to pick me up, and on the way home,

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Speaker 4: I told him all that happened. He told me not

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Speaker 4: to worry about Gina because she has a girlfriend now.

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Speaker 5: But you could have worried if she didn't like then

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Speaker 5: you should worry. That's what that feels like, exactly. I

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Speaker 5: don't have to worry right now, babe.

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Speaker 2: She's got a girlfriend.

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Speaker 5: I couldn't go for her if I wanted to.

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Speaker 1: She's gotta be ready to be worried later.

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Speaker 6: The second that you hear that she broke up with

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Speaker 6: her girlfriend, you're gonna have the biggest panic.

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Speaker 2: But that's for later.

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Speaker 4: He told me not to worry about Gina because she

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Speaker 4: has a girlfriend. Now, what would she want from him?

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Speaker 4: They're just friends. That's it me, not wanting to be

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Speaker 4: jealous or anything, or an annoying girlfriend. Of course, I

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Speaker 4: believed him, even though I thought it in my mind

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Speaker 4: if she didn't have a girlfriend by now, based on

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Speaker 4: her actions, I'd be thinking that she's totally in love

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Speaker 4: with him, which is it's impossible for someone to have

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Speaker 4: feelings for someone else while dating another person.

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Speaker 1: That's never happened, right, Jake.

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Speaker 4: And I think that talking about past relationships and traumas

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Speaker 4: is healthy, so each one of us avoids doing things

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Speaker 4: that hurt each other in one way or another. And

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Speaker 4: given that I've been emotionally scarred from a lot of

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Speaker 4: past relationships, I talk sometimes about my past and he

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Speaker 4: reassures me. So after telling me about Gina, he started

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Speaker 4: mentioning her more and telling me more about the things

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Speaker 4: they've done before. I told him that I find it

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Speaker 4: strange how there's still friends because personally, I can't stay

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Speaker 4: friends with my exes or old crushes, at least until

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Speaker 4: I move on completely and stop liking them. He asked

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Speaker 4: whether we're going to stay friends if we break up,

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Speaker 4: which is a crazy thing to be asking. Okay, So

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Speaker 4: I told him that I don't feel comfortable when she

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Speaker 4: when he shares things about Gina, and it's different from

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Speaker 4: me sharing about my exes.

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Speaker 1: He doesn't know my exes. Personally, I know Gina.

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Speaker 4: I still have to see her and hang out with her,

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Speaker 4: and it's uncomfortable to think they were kind of together.

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Speaker 4: Plus her weird behavior sometimes gets to me, and we

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Speaker 4: agreed on that. Some months past, many moons later, I

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Speaker 4: saw Gina on social media talking about taking some time off.

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Speaker 4: I was concerned, of course, so I asked Jake if

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Speaker 4: she's okay. He told me maybe she had a fight

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Speaker 4: with her girlfriend.

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Speaker 6: He'll check and then you say, no, you don't need to.

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Speaker 6: I'm really not that concerned about Gina, and I don't

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Speaker 6: want you to be either.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 4: That day was a bad day for me. I failed

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Speaker 4: an exam and I was in a bad mood. I

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Speaker 4: wanted to see him cheer myself up, and of course,

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Speaker 4: I was worried about Gina, but felt an ache in

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Speaker 4: my heart seeing him worried too. I was concerned if

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Speaker 4: she really broke up with her girlfriend, she will try

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Speaker 4: and steal Jake back, which I know it's stupid, but

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Speaker 4: I got cheated on previously and didn't want it to

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Speaker 4: happen again.

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Speaker 1: It's not stupid, Charlie.

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Speaker 6: Valid, you have like the most reason to not want

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Speaker 6: Gina to be single.

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Speaker 4: While waiting for her, we were scrolling through his gallery,

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Speaker 4: watching pics.

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Speaker 1: Of his cats.

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Speaker 4: There were a lot of pictures of Gina, ones he

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Speaker 4: took for her selfies of her on his phone, her

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Speaker 4: with his cats and everything.

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Speaker 1: I felt my heart drop and it felt weird. I

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Speaker 1: was so bothered.

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Speaker 4: He didn't even try to hide it, which I couldn't

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Speaker 4: guess if it was a good thing or bad thing.

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Speaker 4: Then whenever I say something, he says, Gina says that too.

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Speaker 1: Oh ah.

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Speaker 4: I think he was so concerned about her that he

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Speaker 4: couldn't stop thinking about her all that day. Finally Gina

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Speaker 4: arrived and we said our helloes. Jake held her hand

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Speaker 4: and backed up from me, and I stood there watching

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Speaker 4: them talking far from me, but I couldn't hear the convo.

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Speaker 4: After like ten minutes, they came back and Gina said,

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Speaker 4: thanks for making him check on.

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Speaker 1: Me like the old days, with a weird smile. So

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Speaker 1: I said you're welcome and held Jake's hand to go.

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Speaker 4: Then when she left our eyesight, I dropped his hand

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Speaker 4: and I was like, I need to go to.

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Speaker 1: The toilet and went there to cry a little.

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Speaker 6: Oh no, girl, see, like this is for a relationship

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Speaker 6: that we know is so fresh, this is it's just

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Speaker 6: an out, This is just a leave.

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Speaker 5: You don't need to be there. Neither of them seem

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Speaker 5: to want you there.

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Speaker 1: Why were you even there? Right?

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Speaker 4: I don't cry easily, but that made me soo uncomfortable.

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Speaker 4: My trust issues were up to the skies, and I

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Speaker 4: felt like I'm burning on the inside and felt so

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Speaker 4: unsafe at the moment. I don't know if this is relevant,

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Speaker 4: but I got cheated on before. As I mentioned, it

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Speaker 4: was a major event in my life and all, and

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Speaker 4: I'm afraid it will happen again.

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Speaker 1: And I like Jake a lot. I don't want things

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Speaker 1: to go muddy with him. We've got a little bit

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Speaker 1: more story. I mean, woo woo woo. So yeah, go

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Speaker 1: date Gina Man go get her. Yep, that's what I'm saying.

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Speaker 5: Yep, biggest power move, OPI you date Gina.

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Speaker 4: Now I'm acting cold and ignoring him because I have

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Speaker 4: no idea why I am mad exactly?

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Speaker 1: I do we do?

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Speaker 4: Do I want her picks to be deleted? Do I

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Speaker 4: want him to stop talking to her?

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Speaker 1: Am? I just insecure and need reassurance.

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Speaker 4: I don't want to say anything to hurt him, and

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Speaker 4: I don't want to be the kind of girlfriend who

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Speaker 4: makes him push his friends away.

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Speaker 1: You mean his ex lover.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, this is different.

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Speaker 4: And now Jake noticed I'm a little off and asked

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Speaker 4: me to go on a date tomorrow. I'm sure he's

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Speaker 4: gonna ask why I'm mad. Should I open up this

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Speaker 4: topic and tell him that I'm not comfortable with Gina's presence?

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Speaker 4: Or should I cancel the date and never talk about it.

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Speaker 4: I think you should cancel your relationship with.

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Speaker 1: This guy and move on.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, we will be on the canceling the date. We're

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Speaker 6: getting out of here.

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Speaker 5: Yeah this, and yeah, cut your.

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Speaker 1: Losses this guy.

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Speaker 4: If this guy can't see that the things he's doing

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Speaker 4: with Gina is like crossing a line emotionally that shouldn't

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Speaker 4: be happening in a relationship, then then he's not ready

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Speaker 4: to date. We have some comments here to finish this story. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: come in number one. Talk it through with them.

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Speaker 2: Love, I like this one.

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Speaker 5: Keep going, I don't like you.

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Speaker 1: It's the best chance of closure for yourself.

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Speaker 4: Putting distance between you and Jake is just going to

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Speaker 4: push him towards her. If the tendency is there, express

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Speaker 4: your concerns with him. Talk it out, and how he

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Speaker 4: responds to your concerns will determine how.

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Speaker 1: Suited he is for you.

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Speaker 4: Girl best friends are always a source of jealousy. It's

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Speaker 4: not that's not true. It's normal. But it's how you

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Speaker 4: deal with it that's going to be the deciding factor

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Speaker 4: of your relationship.

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Speaker 6: Girl best friends not girl I was Oh yeah, we're

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Speaker 6: just saying.

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Speaker 1: I probably did.

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Speaker 2: Says true.

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Speaker 5: Eh, it's a pretty common trope.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but it's it doesn't have to be that way

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Speaker 4: because it just happens that the.

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Speaker 1: Girl best friend is his ex girlfriend.

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Speaker 6: Like, having girl best friends is different than girl best friends.

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Speaker 6: Like there's a girl best friend and then there's just

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Speaker 6: like girl best friends. Yeah, I girl, I don't know,

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Speaker 6: because they're usually just female friends. It's not like like

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Speaker 6: girl best friend implies like usually something's weird. I reported

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Speaker 6: my ex to the authorities after we broke up.

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Speaker 1: Get tattled on nerd.

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Speaker 6: And we do have a trigger warning for emotional I

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Speaker 6: thirty six male, ended up having to report my ex,

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Speaker 6: twenty seven male, to the police after our relationship had

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Speaker 6: come to its end. I was in at relationship with

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Speaker 6: this guy, let's call him Josh. At first, everything seemed

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Speaker 6: really normal and things were going smoothly. The first night

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Speaker 6: we spent together alone, we decided to be each other's

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Speaker 6: and that was good, or so I thought what started

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Speaker 6: out fine was anything but By the way, this comes

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Speaker 6: from Unbreakable m And if you want to submit your

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Speaker 6: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 6: So one day I got up off my couch in

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Speaker 6: my living room and looked out onto the back garden.

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Speaker 6: My living room faces the back garden. The house has

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Speaker 6: a weird layout, and I smiled and waved at my

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Speaker 6: neighbor who lived in the next block across from my house,

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Speaker 6: who was walking.

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Speaker 5: His dog at the time.

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Speaker 6: Josh had an issue, a green eyed jealous issue. He

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Speaker 6: was jealous, insanely so by head mail, friends even if

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Speaker 6: they were straight. He blamed one of his ex boyfriends,

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Speaker 6: whose friend used to tag along whenever they met. But

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Speaker 6: what he failed to mention is so was his friend Victoria. Uh,

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Speaker 6: not her real name, but you get the point. And

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Speaker 6: I know this because I'm friends with his ex. At first,

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Speaker 6: I thought it was kind of sweet, but the more

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Speaker 6: I stayed in this relationship, I realized it was anything

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Speaker 6: but Whenever I would bring up topics which I may

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Speaker 6: have wanted his advice on, or if he asked me

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Speaker 6: who messaged me, even though the messages were harmless, and

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Speaker 6: if it happened to be a male friend, he would

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Speaker 6: get annoyed and defensive and start arguing with me over it.

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Speaker 5: Ay yea yea so much so I used to say, well,

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Speaker 5: what do you want me to do? Be your doll?

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Speaker 6: Because it felt like no matter what I said or did,

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Speaker 6: it wasn't enough for him. I was to be devoid

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Speaker 6: of all opinions because the only opinion.

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Speaker 5: That mattered was his opinion.

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Speaker 6: If we spoke about a subject I knew stuff about

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Speaker 6: and he'd got it wrong, I'd calmly remind him that

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Speaker 6: things didn't go like that. I was very patient, even

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Speaker 6: when I shouldn't have been together for six months, but

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Speaker 6: it fell longer. Another thing that struck me as odd

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Speaker 6: was he got a full STD test done, which is

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Speaker 6: fair play. I did the same, but the red flag

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Speaker 6: came when, despite being given the all clear, he went

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Speaker 6: and got in at home HIV testing kit when I

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Speaker 6: was supposed to be the only person he'd been intimate with,

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Speaker 6: which struck me as.

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Speaker 2: A little odd.

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Speaker 5: We broke up twice. The first time it was because

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Speaker 5: my friend messaged me and I had told Josh it

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Speaker 5: was just my friend asking to be added to my

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Speaker 5: new discord. When I made it, he flew.

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Speaker 6: Into a fit, instantly hanging up on me, then said,

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Speaker 6: in a harsh tone, forget it. As I was booking

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Speaker 6: tickets to go see a movie in cinemas, and I

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Speaker 6: asked why, what do you mean, to which he replied

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Speaker 6: because I'm done with you.

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Speaker 5: I fell objectified.

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Speaker 6: I was I felt like I was something that served

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Speaker 6: a purpose, and now that my purpose was done, he

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Speaker 6: threw me away like nothing. The breakup was brief and

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Speaker 6: he came back a couple of days later. He also

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Speaker 6: used to make a scene. One example is when he

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Speaker 6: wanted to buy me a gift, said I could pick

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Speaker 6: any one gift, so I did, and he was going

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Speaker 6: to pay for it. So we're waiting in line to

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Speaker 6: be served, and the line is quite long. But what

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00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:11,079
Speaker 6: made matters worse is we were in line and my

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Speaker 6: cousin's mother was a couple of people in front of us.

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Speaker 6: She likes to run her mouth in regards to any happenings.

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Speaker 6: So we're waiting and he is getting agitated. I didn't

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Speaker 6: know if it was at the price of the gift,

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Speaker 6: which by the way, was only twenty three I think

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Speaker 6: that's euros. But then he said, after this, I'm going

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Speaker 6: straight up the road, despite knowing we had plans to

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Speaker 6: spend that day and night and tomorrow and tomorrow night together,

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Speaker 6: to which everyone could see the awkward silence and embarrassment

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Speaker 6: in my face, including my cousin's mother. He then walked

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Speaker 6: out of line, leaving me there holding my item I wanted,

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Speaker 6: which he then made a scene about me leaving the

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Speaker 6: line to go after him to find out what's wrong,

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Speaker 6: as I didn't know what was happening and felt really abandoned.

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Speaker 6: He said I could have waited in line and paid

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Speaker 6: for it myself, and I was like, with what money. Josh,

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Speaker 6: you know I don't get paid till next week, babe.

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Speaker 6: And you said you wanted to get me a gift,

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Speaker 6: So if I'm paying for it myself, is it really

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Speaker 6: a gift to me? He then stormed off like a

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Speaker 6: child to his car and didn't slow down for me

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00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:14,880
Speaker 6: to catch up at all either. He normally did that

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Speaker 6: whenever he didn't get his own way too. He would

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Speaker 6: threaten to leave me no matter where I was, and

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Speaker 6: he on occasions has left me.

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Speaker 1: Dang, so that's you break up with this person.

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Speaker 6: We broke up in June because a now ex friend

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Speaker 6: of mine wanted me to meet someone he role plays

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Speaker 6: with and calls his wife and I'm like, Josh, this

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00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:37,960
Speaker 6: weird stuff is happening. Some guy's wife wants to talk

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00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,880
Speaker 6: to me on discord. I find that weird, to which

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00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:43,440
Speaker 6: he replied, that's a red flag. You're a red flag.

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Speaker 6: I'm done and that was it. Broke up with me

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Speaker 6: over the smallest of things, calling me a red flag

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Speaker 6: and stuff, and I even multiple times explained to him

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00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:56,160
Speaker 6: that I found it weird and thought he'd agree with

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Speaker 6: me on me that it was weird. His lack of

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Speaker 6: maturity was showing then, but nothing compared to what happened

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Speaker 6: at the end of June.

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Speaker 1: Oh boy, here comes the end of June. It should

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00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,560
Speaker 1: be the end of your relationship already, please.

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Speaker 6: And he'd blocked me on Facebook, only to unblock me

358
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Speaker 6: and try and pester me when I'm getting on with

359
00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:22,200
Speaker 6: my life. I'm talking to his ex boyfriend about all

360
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,960
Speaker 6: the stuff that happened, and even compare notes about him.

361
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,800
Speaker 6: So he goes on to say, how dare you write

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Speaker 6: I'm a lying s bag on my Xbox account bio.

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00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,320
Speaker 5: And I'm sat there thinking, is this.

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Speaker 2: Kid for real?

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00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:42,840
Speaker 5: Because seriously, he could have written that himself to pick

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Speaker 5: a fight with me. Then, secondly, how would I do that.

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00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:50,320
Speaker 6: I'd need his email he signed up with and password,

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Speaker 6: none of which I had.

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Speaker 5: He'd signed into.

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Speaker 6: My Xbox before, but after we split, I removed his

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00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,400
Speaker 6: account from my Xbox long before this happened. I found

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00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:06,680
Speaker 6: it laughable. Then his messages moved onto pestermen and gaslight tactics. Now,

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00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:10,159
Speaker 6: if I hadn't suffered from another ex boyfriend gaslight bs,

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00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:14,240
Speaker 6: then I would have probably carved into him, but I didn't.

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00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:16,960
Speaker 5: Kept talking about how it's about.

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00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:19,120
Speaker 6: Time people saw my true colors and I was thinking

377
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:22,880
Speaker 6: to myself, what purple with a few hints of pink? Sure?

378
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:26,840
Speaker 6: Then he brought my family into it verbally, that is,

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00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:30,600
Speaker 6: by saying I'm a bad son, grandson, etc. And I

380
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,480
Speaker 6: just rolled my eyes at that. Then went on to

381
00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:35,920
Speaker 6: say I don't like being told no, and I was

382
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:39,200
Speaker 6: thinking how ironic that is coming from him. I warned

383
00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,879
Speaker 6: him multiple times to stop messaging me, to what she

384
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:46,560
Speaker 6: refused and said, fine, I'll report this to the police then,

385
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,639
Speaker 6: to which he rebuffed with the only person who needs

386
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:54,160
Speaker 6: reported is you. Then added that I've to stop being

387
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:58,119
Speaker 6: so childish ironic considering throughout our entire relationship, I was

388
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:03,360
Speaker 6: being the mature one, called me manipulative, which wasn't unlike him.

389
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:06,480
Speaker 5: He made it clear I wasn't allowed male friends because

390
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:07,600
Speaker 5: he felt threatened by that.

391
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:11,280
Speaker 6: Then, to get one final dig in, says, can't believe

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Speaker 6: I got bored at you from day one, to which

393
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,440
Speaker 6: I sent a gift, a gift of someone yawning because

394
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Speaker 6: I was bored.

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Speaker 2: This is just a lot.

396
00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:23,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, just that's a good response to like, Wow, I

397
00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:25,639
Speaker 4: was bored of you from day one, and just like.

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00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, just whatever, Just move on from this guy's an

399
00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:34,280
Speaker 1: ass clown. Yeah, leave him alone.

400
00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:37,439
Speaker 6: I did report him to the police, but police did

401
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:40,000
Speaker 6: nothing in regards to even warning him to stay away.

402
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:43,359
Speaker 6: Only thing that happened was they got someone from their

403
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,800
Speaker 6: Mental Health Victims Line to phone me back and see

404
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:48,320
Speaker 6: if I was happy with what they'd done. I felt

405
00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:50,680
Speaker 6: bad for reporting him, But am I the a hole

406
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:54,159
Speaker 6: in this situation? Especially after I told him six times

407
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,480
Speaker 6: to stop? Also during that, remember how I smiled and

408
00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:00,400
Speaker 6: waved at my neighbor. He said that was me flirting

409
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:03,280
Speaker 6: with my straight neighbor who is like a brother to me.

410
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:06,120
Speaker 5: Am I the a hole? I don't think that you're

411
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:07,520
Speaker 5: the I don't.

412
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:10,200
Speaker 6: Like it's not a whole behavior to report someone. I

413
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,280
Speaker 6: don't think there was a reason to report someone. I

414
00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:15,560
Speaker 6: don't think in any way it's going to harmfully affect him.

415
00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:17,520
Speaker 6: I think you should have just blocked him on Xbox

416
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:18,159
Speaker 6: and moved on.

417
00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:23,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, just just block him, and you know, there's nothing

418
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:27,040
Speaker 4: else that If someone's like that in your relationships, like

419
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,040
Speaker 4: you just have to be like, okay.

420
00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:31,359
Speaker 2: Bye, right, this guy just sucks.

421
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:34,000
Speaker 5: Let's leave him and then don't talk to him anymore.

422
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:38,920
Speaker 4: My boyfriend lied about drinking and his boss condoned it.

423
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,920
Speaker 5: His boss was chill with that. Is he drinking at work?

424
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:43,320
Speaker 1: His boss is a chiller.

425
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:43,840
Speaker 6: Uh.

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00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:45,680
Speaker 1: By the way, there's a trigger here for mentions of

427
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:46,919
Speaker 1: past harmful relationships.

428
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,920
Speaker 4: I twenty six female, have been with my boyfriend Neil

429
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,320
Speaker 4: twenty five male for a little over three years now.

430
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:53,560
Speaker 1: For some context.

431
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,000
Speaker 4: At the beginning, before we dated, I made it clear

432
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,240
Speaker 4: to him that I had a strict no drinking and

433
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,240
Speaker 4: no smoking policy. For my part, it was a deal

434
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:04,200
Speaker 4: breaker for me. I was aware that Neil enjoyed both

435
00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:06,600
Speaker 4: smoking and drinking, but I didn't want to force him

436
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:09,840
Speaker 4: into a relationship with these rules reinforced on him, as

437
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:12,040
Speaker 4: it wouldn't be fair. I wanted him to know what

438
00:20:12,119 --> 00:20:14,840
Speaker 4: he'd be signing up for if we dated. Neil was

439
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:16,800
Speaker 4: very much in love with me then and promised to

440
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:18,960
Speaker 4: quit both smoking and drinking so we could be together,

441
00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:22,080
Speaker 4: which made me very happy. And by the way, this

442
00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:24,600
Speaker 4: comes from user no. Rich nine seven four nine, And

443
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,840
Speaker 4: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

444
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:30,080
Speaker 4: the r slash Okay storytime subburt it. So in the

445
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:33,080
Speaker 4: first year, Neil struggled to keep his promises, and he

446
00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:35,720
Speaker 4: would often slip back into his old habits of smoking

447
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,359
Speaker 4: and drinking. He told me I should be patient with

448
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,399
Speaker 4: him because it's not easy for people to quit their

449
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:43,400
Speaker 4: vices so quickly. Every time he felt like slipping into

450
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:45,320
Speaker 4: old habits, he would often lie to me about it,

451
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:48,600
Speaker 4: stating he needed time alone, which I respected, only to

452
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:50,680
Speaker 4: find out he'd been drinking behind my back.

453
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:52,720
Speaker 1: You did it, He's like, Babe, you don't understand I

454
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:54,000
Speaker 1: need time alone to drink.

455
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:55,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, So I was a big con.

456
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:57,680
Speaker 6: The rule is just at all. It's not just like,

457
00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:59,560
Speaker 6: don't do it with me, it's yeah, you can never

458
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:01,800
Speaker 6: do it. You need to find someone else. That's also

459
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:03,960
Speaker 6: on that page of like, this is also a hard

460
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:05,800
Speaker 6: stop for me, like I also don't want that. You

461
00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:09,280
Speaker 6: can't go into something with someone who's like into using

462
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:10,199
Speaker 6: that as a vice, Like.

463
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:13,200
Speaker 1: Okay, Billy, time date the person they are, not the

464
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:14,119
Speaker 1: person you want them to be.

465
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:15,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly.

466
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:18,600
Speaker 4: It was very rough, to say the least, but I

467
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:21,080
Speaker 4: gave him plenty of chances because I loved him and

468
00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:24,159
Speaker 4: I understand struggling with vices must be difficult, so it

469
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,639
Speaker 4: would take time to adjust. I would say this cycle

470
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:29,920
Speaker 4: repeated around five to six times yearly, and every time

471
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:32,639
Speaker 4: it happened, it broke a piece of me. On our

472
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,320
Speaker 4: third year, Neil told me he was very unhappy with

473
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,159
Speaker 4: how controlling I was over the things he enjoyed, and

474
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:39,879
Speaker 4: said it was because of me that he felt he

475
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,120
Speaker 4: could never be happy or enjoy anything of his own.

476
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:45,000
Speaker 4: It was extremely difficult for me to hear, but I

477
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:47,840
Speaker 4: wanted to keep the relationship because I loved him so

478
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:50,480
Speaker 4: much and put in so much work into it, so

479
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:53,359
Speaker 4: I ended up compromising. I told him I would allow

480
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:56,720
Speaker 4: him to drink at workplace events, but only if he

481
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,640
Speaker 4: would agree to the following letting me know a day

482
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,800
Speaker 4: in advance so I can mentally prepare myself drinking in

483
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:07,560
Speaker 4: moderation less than four drinks and giving me updates every

484
00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:09,680
Speaker 4: two or three hours on how things were going to

485
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:11,120
Speaker 4: give myself some peace of mind.

486
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:14,560
Speaker 5: I want to know what happened that you're so stressed

487
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:15,560
Speaker 5: about this, Bubba.

488
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,400
Speaker 1: There has to be something. This has to come from,

489
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:23,000
Speaker 1: some kind of place of distress or trauma or something right.

490
00:22:23,119 --> 00:22:23,800
Speaker 5: Some happened.

491
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:28,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was uncomfortable with it, but I prioritized him

492
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,119
Speaker 4: being happy and was willing to modify my boundaries for

493
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:33,240
Speaker 4: his sake as long as he could hold up his

494
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:37,520
Speaker 4: end of the agreement. So Neil agreed to this compromise,

495
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:40,439
Speaker 4: but lamented that I was still too controlling and there

496
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:45,000
Speaker 4: was no point in drinking without being completely wasted, and

497
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:45,800
Speaker 4: also called me.

498
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:49,440
Speaker 1: A parole officer. You guys should just break up, dude.

499
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:49,760
Speaker 6: Yeah.

500
00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:52,399
Speaker 1: I told Neil he could take this compromise or just

501
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:55,960
Speaker 1: end things, and he took the compromise. Fast forward to

502
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:56,480
Speaker 1: the present.

503
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,359
Speaker 4: Yesterday, Neil told me that he had a workplace event

504
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:02,560
Speaker 4: to celebrate colleague's birthday and he would be abstaining from

505
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:05,840
Speaker 4: drinking to give me peace of mind. I was grateful

506
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:08,600
Speaker 4: and appreciative of him making an effort to be considerate

507
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:11,000
Speaker 4: of my feelings, and when the event rolled around today,

508
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:13,920
Speaker 4: I thought nothing of it until Neil suddenly texted me

509
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,159
Speaker 4: out of the blue a few hours ago saying he

510
00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:19,960
Speaker 4: was going to have a couple of drinks. Admittedly, it

511
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:22,440
Speaker 4: made me very upset because I felt blindsided and hurt

512
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:24,520
Speaker 4: by this. I felt that he didn't hold up his

513
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:27,000
Speaker 4: end of his compromise by informing me a day in

514
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:30,080
Speaker 4: advance he was going to drink. He apologized for it

515
00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:33,560
Speaker 4: when I communicated that I felt blindsided, and promised he

516
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,600
Speaker 4: won't drink any more than he already did. I said,

517
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:38,399
Speaker 4: I was grateful that he was trying to amend his

518
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:41,600
Speaker 4: mistake after realizing he messed up by abstaining the rest

519
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,280
Speaker 4: of the night, but I was still hurt by his dishonesty.

520
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:46,720
Speaker 4: And then he went silent for a few hours, which

521
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,959
Speaker 4: made me worried. And after a long period of silence,

522
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:54,399
Speaker 4: Neil's colleague, let's call him Mike, texted me through his

523
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:57,159
Speaker 4: phone saying he was blacked out and was going to

524
00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,159
Speaker 4: stay at his boss's place overnight and he's safe and

525
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:03,000
Speaker 4: we'll be back in the morning. This absolutely broke me,

526
00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:05,480
Speaker 4: because even in all the times Neil had drank during

527
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:08,800
Speaker 4: his relapses, he'd always make it home safely and I

528
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:11,280
Speaker 4: could look after him. Not only did Neil lie to

529
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,760
Speaker 4: me multiple times and pretend to amend his mistake to me,

530
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,320
Speaker 4: he also failed to do anything in the compromise we

531
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,440
Speaker 4: set out for each other, and this time he was

532
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,320
Speaker 4: so wasted he couldn't even come home. This devastated me,

533
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:24,800
Speaker 4: and Neil's colleague gave me the phone number of their boss.

534
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:28,679
Speaker 4: This is relevant to message in case I had any worries.

535
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:31,680
Speaker 4: I was spiraling at this point and texted Neil's number,

536
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:35,400
Speaker 4: to which his boss presumably saw Neil's phone notification, took

537
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 4: a picture of Neil being completely crap faced, and told

538
00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:41,720
Speaker 4: me that he's safe and I had no business being

539
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:44,000
Speaker 4: so crazy spam texting and calling him.

540
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:46,080
Speaker 1: I should just be grateful he's safe and asleep in

541
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:47,680
Speaker 1: his house. After all.

542
00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:50,879
Speaker 4: I told his boss that Neil and I had a

543
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:56,080
Speaker 4: prior compromise and in terms of drinking, this was devastating

544
00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 4: to me. I wanted to take him back home myself

545
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:01,440
Speaker 4: personally and asked for his address. I was then ghosted

546
00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:03,359
Speaker 4: for an entire hour, which led me to call the

547
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 4: boss's phone number that the colleague gave, but he didn't

548
00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:09,520
Speaker 4: go through. His boss eventually replied to me through Neil's

549
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 4: phone and told me that I was overreacting. Neil did

550
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,520
Speaker 4: nothing wrong and was a controlling, crazy witch.

551
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,280
Speaker 5: I mean, Neil did get blackout at a work party,

552
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:19,520
Speaker 5: which you probably shouldn't do.

553
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:21,320
Speaker 1: Probably.

554
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,120
Speaker 4: Yes, if you get blacked out at the work party

555
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:26,560
Speaker 4: and then you're at the boss's house and he texts your.

556
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,879
Speaker 1: Girlfriend leave them alone. Yeah, I think you like to

557
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:31,600
Speaker 1: go a little crazy with the crew.

558
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:33,879
Speaker 5: But also he should let her pick him up.

559
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:37,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's That's the other thing is I think

560
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 4: the reason he's not going home is because I think,

561
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:43,560
Speaker 4: given your dynamic, it would be more upsetting to you

562
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:45,920
Speaker 4: if he was home than if he was staying somewhere else.

563
00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:49,280
Speaker 4: I was very upset because at that moment, I felt like,

564
00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:52,960
Speaker 4: what did a stranger know about my relationship boundaries to

565
00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:54,560
Speaker 4: tell me that I'm overreacting.

566
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,120
Speaker 1: But again, I did call the number I was provided.

567
00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:59,560
Speaker 4: I'm not proud of it, but I used Neil's computer

568
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:02,119
Speaker 4: to snoop around his work chats and found out there

569
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:04,919
Speaker 4: was a group chat where Neil's boss broke his phone

570
00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:07,359
Speaker 4: and Mike thought it would be funny to give me

571
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,879
Speaker 4: an unusable number for contacting purposes, knowing that I'd have

572
00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:14,800
Speaker 4: a bad reaction to the situation. I feel very stupid

573
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:17,600
Speaker 4: and like I'm a laughingstock in his workplace too.

574
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:21,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean, girl, you got to end this or

575
00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:23,200
Speaker 6: he's got like someone that you guys can't keep doing this.

576
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:27,600
Speaker 6: At the same time, his coworkers shouldn't be like messing

577
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:29,639
Speaker 6: with you this hard. That's kind of messed up. But

578
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:32,560
Speaker 6: there are bad people at this point, and it get

579
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:32,959
Speaker 6: out of there.

580
00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:33,520
Speaker 2: You don't need this.

581
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 5: This is your time to realize that you don't need this.

582
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 1: And leave right now.

583
00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:40,640
Speaker 4: That I've been hyper ventilating and crying for the past

584
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 4: few hours, I'm starting to think maybe I'm the one

585
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:45,440
Speaker 4: at fault here. There's a reason why Neil's colleague and

586
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:48,080
Speaker 4: boss were so dismissive to me. I did overreact and

587
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:51,600
Speaker 4: started texting everyone I could get in contact with the boss,

588
00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 4: and Mike, Neil's boss already texted me that he was

589
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:56,600
Speaker 4: safe and resting in his house. So I should have

590
00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:58,960
Speaker 4: let it go and not went crazy, right right. I

591
00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:01,040
Speaker 4: felt so hurt when you lied to me again and

592
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:02,360
Speaker 4: win against all my boundaries?

593
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:02,560
Speaker 6: Though?

594
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:05,520
Speaker 1: Was I not understanding enough? Am I too controlling for

595
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:08,080
Speaker 1: having boundaries? You don't think that's the right way to

596
00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:08,359
Speaker 1: put that.

597
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:11,040
Speaker 6: It's not too controlling to have those, because he did

598
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:16,320
Speaker 6: agree to them, and like it was forwardly stated and

599
00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:18,120
Speaker 6: he was like, yeah, sure, like I'm cool with giving

600
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:19,600
Speaker 6: that stuff up, like that'll be chill.

601
00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:21,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, But like you are now taking it too far

602
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:23,280
Speaker 5: cause he clearly doesn't care.

603
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:26,680
Speaker 4: I think there's a time limit to that notion, and

604
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:29,639
Speaker 4: three years is way pa. You all just need to

605
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:32,200
Speaker 4: end this three years together and he still didn't stop

606
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 4: doing it.

607
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:36,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, not really? You know, what is it for me? Once?

608
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 1: Shame on you for me twice fool.

609
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:41,359
Speaker 5: Me sixty seven times every year for three years?

610
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:42,120
Speaker 1: Yeah?

611
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:47,320
Speaker 4: Not not really anyway yet. Yeah, everyone else sees me

612
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:50,000
Speaker 4: as the problem and not Neil. I feel like I'm

613
00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:52,720
Speaker 4: losing my sense of self. My chest hurts from crying

614
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 4: so much. I'm still having a hard time lying in

615
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 4: Neil's bed right now, and I'm dreading having to confront

616
00:27:57,680 --> 00:28:00,080
Speaker 4: him about it when he wakes up later on and

617
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:03,359
Speaker 4: we have some comments comm at number one, have you

618
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:06,920
Speaker 4: attended therapy to help process your trauma? I ask this

619
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:10,160
Speaker 4: because I'm wondering if a therapist helped you with these boundaries.

620
00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:13,399
Speaker 4: Sometimes such restrictive boundaries may limit your ability to have

621
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 4: a partner that enjoys these things. For example, I have

622
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:19,159
Speaker 4: a family member who's sober and navigated a lot to

623
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:22,000
Speaker 4: get there. Yet they understand that not everyone has to

624
00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:25,119
Speaker 4: be sober for them to stay sober and enjoy their sobriety,

625
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 4: so they don't make it a requirement that everyone around

626
00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:30,879
Speaker 4: them stays sober. I commend you for being upfront with

627
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:34,680
Speaker 4: your expectations and I'm sorry he committed and then didn't

628
00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:35,280
Speaker 4: follow through.

629
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 1: The lying is the genuine deal breaker for me. To

630
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:41,640
Speaker 1: say that you're not overreacting. Two things can be true.

631
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:43,920
Speaker 4: He and his friends may think you're controlling, and you

632
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:46,280
Speaker 4: can keep your boundaries and end things because he didn't

633
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:49,480
Speaker 4: respect them. Ope, he replies, I had been to therapy

634
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:51,360
Speaker 4: for a year or so when I was still in

635
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:54,800
Speaker 4: a harmful relationship, but ended after a year and never

636
00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:58,280
Speaker 4: went back to it because of the finances. Therapy and

637
00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 4: mental wellness isn't always subsidied in my country, and I

638
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:04,240
Speaker 4: was struggling financially to afford it consistently and still ham

639
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 4: The boundaries were set by myself, not with any therapist help.

640
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:11,240
Speaker 4: To answer your question, I also made new boundaries in

641
00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:14,480
Speaker 4: an attempt to compromise with him. I find myself able

642
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:17,520
Speaker 4: to manage my trauma despite feeling discomfort from his drinking,

643
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:20,240
Speaker 4: so long as he commits to my new boundaries. But

644
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:23,080
Speaker 4: I'm shown that he was unable to and even lied

645
00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:25,360
Speaker 4: to me about it. The lying really hurt me a lot,

646
00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:27,920
Speaker 4: I think, even more so than the fact he was drinking.

647
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:29,080
Speaker 1: I think a part of me.

648
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:32,400
Speaker 4: Always knew we are highly incompatible but it's never been

649
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 4: more blatant until now, not just from the way we communicate,

650
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:39,520
Speaker 4: but also just general lifestyle choices and personalities. The back

651
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:43,080
Speaker 4: and forth, compromising and never being satisfied with it always

652
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:45,640
Speaker 4: leads to one of us feeling resentful in the relationship.

653
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:47,440
Speaker 4: When I give him the go ahead to go for

654
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 4: social events and drink moderately with my boundaries, he relapses

655
00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:54,200
Speaker 4: back into his vices, disregards my boundaries, and lies to me,

656
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:57,480
Speaker 4: leading me to feel deeply hurt and resentful. When he

657
00:29:57,520 --> 00:30:00,680
Speaker 4: skips the occasional celebration in order to get me peace

658
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:04,080
Speaker 4: of mind, he feels angry and resentful and how restricted

659
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:06,400
Speaker 4: he feels and how much fun he's missing out on.

660
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 4: I also realized I've been shielding him from his repeated

661
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 4: pattern of lying and disrespecting my boundaries constantly. My lack

662
00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:15,120
Speaker 4: of self respect is so jarring to me looking back

663
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:17,640
Speaker 4: at it, I think I was just so deeply in

664
00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:19,880
Speaker 4: love that I was desperate to make things work no

665
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:22,920
Speaker 4: matter how many times he lied, hurt me, or promised

666
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:25,840
Speaker 4: to quit drinking and be better. He's done this over

667
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:28,320
Speaker 4: twenty times in the past three years of the relationship,

668
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:31,480
Speaker 4: and I can't believe I've ignored such a huge red flag.

669
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,600
Speaker 4: It isn't healthy, and I'm heavily considering on letting go

670
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:36,840
Speaker 4: of the relationship if there's nothing more I can do

671
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:39,960
Speaker 4: to salvage this. I'm currently just staying up, waiting for

672
00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:42,320
Speaker 4: him to wake up from his boss's house, sober up

673
00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 4: and hopefully have an open conversation about my boundaries and

674
00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:49,320
Speaker 4: giving him an ultimatum, which we hate. Here he can

675
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:52,719
Speaker 4: choose to love me or his drinking lifestyle. I can

676
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:55,560
Speaker 4: no longer make excuses for him and tank his lies

677
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:59,960
Speaker 4: and pain every time he relapses. If he chooses the relationship,

678
00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:02,440
Speaker 4: than he if he does repeat it again. I need

679
00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 4: to learn to respect myself enough to walk away for good.

680
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:08,440
Speaker 1: Just walk away, Yeah, just walk away. Already it's gonna

681
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:09,840
Speaker 1: happen again. You know it's gonna happen again.

682
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:10,680
Speaker 3: Just walk away.

683
00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:12,040
Speaker 1: Now it's happened for three years.

684
00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:14,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, he's gonna lie and say he'll stop, and then

685
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:14,600
Speaker 5: it's gonna happen.

686
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:17,680
Speaker 4: It sucks having to give ultimatums because I always feel

687
00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:19,440
Speaker 4: like it's unfair to the other party, which is true.

688
00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:20,800
Speaker 1: You already all this, so don't do it.

689
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:23,680
Speaker 4: It's been plenty unfair for me to have given so

690
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:25,880
Speaker 4: many chances and have my trust portrayed time and time

691
00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:26,360
Speaker 4: again too.

692
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:27,640
Speaker 1: That's not what that is.

693
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:30,320
Speaker 4: That's fool me once, foo me twice, for me one

694
00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:34,640
Speaker 4: hundred times. You have to start learning. You gotta you

695
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:35,560
Speaker 4: gotta base.

696
00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:38,480
Speaker 1: Your decisions off of the reality laid out in front

697
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:38,560
Speaker 1: of you.

698
00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:42,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, you know this is gonna keep happening. Leave you

699
00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:44,440
Speaker 6: leave all he's blackout of the boss's house.

700
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:47,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, do that if you can.

701
00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:50,720
Speaker 4: You literally hit every logical point of like why this

702
00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:53,920
Speaker 4: won't work, and you're like, but I'll stay one more time?

703
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:57,040
Speaker 1: Yeah why Sam? Here og host, We're gonna get back

704
00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:59,600
Speaker 1: to these stories. But here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.

705
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:03,160
Speaker 3: First, my sister in law kept forcing me to babysit,

706
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:05,040
Speaker 3: and I finally had enough.

707
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 7: I don't want to sit on any babies anymore. All right, y'all,

708
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:09,960
Speaker 7: let me get.

709
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:13,240
Speaker 3: This off my chest because I'm tired. So I twenty

710
00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:16,360
Speaker 3: five female, never really wanted kids before. I wasn't a

711
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,960
Speaker 3: fan of other people's kids either, if I'm being real,

712
00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:22,520
Speaker 3: But life happens. I'm married twenty six male, and now

713
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:24,640
Speaker 3: we're expecting our first baby soon.

714
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:25,400
Speaker 1: Ouch.

715
00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:26,640
Speaker 2: Bad start.

716
00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:30,640
Speaker 3: Since getting pregnant, my feelings changed about my child, but

717
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:32,680
Speaker 3: that doesn't mean I signed up to play mama to

718
00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:35,800
Speaker 3: anybody else's. By the way, this comes from Ri Ready,

719
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:38,000
Speaker 3: Set Go, and if you want to smit your own stories,

720
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 3: go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit. So my

721
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:45,080
Speaker 3: sister in law thirty six female, has three kids, a

722
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:49,200
Speaker 3: four male, seven male, and nine female. She's a single mom,

723
00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:52,440
Speaker 3: works full time Monday through Friday. Respect to her hustle.

724
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:55,160
Speaker 3: But the problem is out of everybody in this family,

725
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:58,520
Speaker 3: my husband, mother in law, father in law, cousins, aunties, uncles.

726
00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:03,520
Speaker 3: She constantly calls and asks me to babysit nobody else,

727
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:06,560
Speaker 3: just me and doesn't offer any money, even though I

728
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 3: work part time from home and I'm heavily pregnant. The

729
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:12,560
Speaker 3: issue popped off recently at a bonfire barbecue. She asked

730
00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:14,800
Speaker 3: me to help out with her kids while she went

731
00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:16,920
Speaker 3: off to drink and run her mouth with the other adults.

732
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:18,960
Speaker 3: I don't mind doing it for a little bit because

733
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:21,240
Speaker 3: I was sitting down and not doing anything, but she

734
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:25,960
Speaker 3: straight up disappeared for over two hours. What left me

735
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:28,880
Speaker 3: chasing a four year old who's dang near my height

736
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:32,040
Speaker 3: and not potty trained. I can't even bend down without

737
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:34,680
Speaker 3: feeling like I can't breathe. A seven year old who's

738
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:37,360
Speaker 3: nonverbal for the most part and says random stuff. He

739
00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:39,840
Speaker 3: picks off Bluie, and the nine year old who's actually

740
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:42,360
Speaker 3: a sweet girl and tries to help me manage her siblings.

741
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:44,960
Speaker 3: When she finally came back, she had the nerve to joke,

742
00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:47,120
Speaker 3: you'd be a better mom than me, girl, I'll claim

743
00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:47,880
Speaker 3: them as yours.

744
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:50,560
Speaker 2: No, so your children.

745
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:53,320
Speaker 7: She's just trying to drop them off with them, but

746
00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:56,760
Speaker 7: she really want these kids, right, I want these kids.

747
00:33:57,480 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 2: You're getting very maternal.

748
00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:02,880
Speaker 3: I kind of laughed it off and passed her kids back,

749
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:06,440
Speaker 3: but later she kept pressing the issue, talking about we're family,

750
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:09,320
Speaker 3: now you should step up so you can practice. So

751
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 3: I told her, I love them as my niece and nephews,

752
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:16,040
Speaker 3: but they'll never be mine. I'm glad I can pass

753
00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:18,560
Speaker 3: them back when it's time. That's when she got mad

754
00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:23,360
Speaker 3: and started saying slick, discriminatory crap about me and my baby,

755
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:25,880
Speaker 3: talking about how I sit on my butt while she works,

756
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:30,319
Speaker 3: calling my people lazy, oh wow, and saying this baby

757
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:31,760
Speaker 3: is just gonna be another burden.

758
00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:36,080
Speaker 2: I'm sorry now she's been Why why do we have

759
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:37,080
Speaker 2: to bring that into it?

760
00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:37,480
Speaker 1: Why?

761
00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:39,640
Speaker 2: Come on, girl? Oh, he just helped to take care

762
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:41,600
Speaker 2: of your kids. Yeah, and you're calling her lazy.

763
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:45,200
Speaker 7: Also like saying I'm so happy to be able to

764
00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:47,360
Speaker 7: pass my niece and nephew back at the end of

765
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:47,640
Speaker 7: the day.

766
00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:50,560
Speaker 2: Such a normal thing to say about niece and nephews.

767
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:51,560
Speaker 2: I don't understand.

768
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:58,040
Speaker 3: Oh, pe, not wanting to literally parent your children is lazy? Yeah,

769
00:34:58,239 --> 00:35:01,279
Speaker 3: doesn't make sense. Come on, the whole time, I'm dang

770
00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:04,680
Speaker 3: near eight months pregnant, can barely get around. Am exhausted

771
00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:07,480
Speaker 3: in dealing with all of this. And get this, my

772
00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:10,680
Speaker 3: husband and mother in law took her side. Oh, your

773
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:12,960
Speaker 3: husband do what saying I should help family and that

774
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:13,840
Speaker 3: I was being cold?

775
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:14,440
Speaker 2: Husband?

776
00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:15,080
Speaker 1: You can do that?

777
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:16,120
Speaker 3: Are you helping the family?

778
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:16,640
Speaker 1: Yeah?

779
00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:19,200
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. Did you just grow a brain inside of you?

780
00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:20,319
Speaker 2: And does make much sense?

781
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:20,680
Speaker 1: Yeah?

782
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:22,040
Speaker 2: Why does ope have to do it?

783
00:35:22,239 --> 00:35:24,680
Speaker 3: My husband even told me I didn't marry somebody so

784
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:27,000
Speaker 3: selfish they wouldn't help family.

785
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:33,319
Speaker 2: Ah ooh oh oh, watch how watch out?

786
00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:37,000
Speaker 3: Wow? But here's the punter. My sweet niece tried to

787
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 3: help me calm down her brothers get them snacks and

788
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:42,320
Speaker 3: stuff while I was struggling, and they had the audacity

789
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:45,399
Speaker 3: to tell her, no, your auntie can do it. She's

790
00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:45,920
Speaker 3: the adult.

791
00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:46,640
Speaker 6: Like what.

792
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:49,560
Speaker 3: I finally snapped and told my husband and his family

793
00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:51,879
Speaker 3: to shut the f up leave me alone, or I'll

794
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:53,960
Speaker 3: go back to my home state where my people actually

795
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:56,600
Speaker 3: got me, since me and my baby are such a burden,

796
00:35:56,719 --> 00:35:59,320
Speaker 3: because this whole situation has been stressing me out to

797
00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:01,720
Speaker 3: the point I like, I'm gonna end up in labor

798
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:04,040
Speaker 3: So tell me, am I the a hole for one

799
00:36:04,239 --> 00:36:07,120
Speaker 3: saying I don't have to parent her kids, two standing

800
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:10,040
Speaker 3: up against her discriminatory, out of pocket remarks about me

801
00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:14,040
Speaker 3: and my unborn child, three prioritizing my health and setting

802
00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:17,320
Speaker 3: boundaries while I'm this pregnant, because at this point it

803
00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:19,760
Speaker 3: feels like I'm the only one in this dang family

804
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:22,840
Speaker 3: with sense, and I'm tired of getting dragged for not

805
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:26,640
Speaker 3: being a doormat. And there are some hamn set an update,

806
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 3: But what do you think?

807
00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:30,759
Speaker 2: I think this is ridiculous?

808
00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:33,560
Speaker 7: I also think this is ridiculous, Yeah, because I mean

809
00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:36,680
Speaker 7: I get it, like, yeah, you should help family, sure, sure,

810
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:40,520
Speaker 7: but not like all of the sudden and without warning, like.

811
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:42,680
Speaker 2: She just left. She it's not like she agreed to

812
00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:45,200
Speaker 2: the hours. Yeah, that's crazy.

813
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:48,680
Speaker 3: Those are your kids, Yeah, those are literally your kids. Yeah,

814
00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:50,879
Speaker 3: you're not paying someone to watch your kids. I don't

815
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:52,759
Speaker 3: care if they're family, right and with a.

816
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:54,279
Speaker 2: Four year old that's not potty tree.

817
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:55,120
Speaker 7: Yeah come on.

818
00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:58,960
Speaker 3: So and also, honestly, none of that really matters because

819
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:01,000
Speaker 3: your sister was husband.

820
00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:01,680
Speaker 1: Yeah that too.

821
00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:05,719
Speaker 3: Your sister was just straight up making discrimnatory marks. Yeah,

822
00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:09,080
Speaker 3: and you're just gonna let that slide. Yeah, come on,

823
00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:13,360
Speaker 3: this is crazy comments common one. Honestly, I think you

824
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:16,160
Speaker 3: should go back to your family before the baby is born,

825
00:37:16,239 --> 00:37:18,279
Speaker 3: because if the baby's born in the state, he can

826
00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:21,520
Speaker 3: petition to make you stay. Opie says, that's exactly what

827
00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:23,680
Speaker 3: I've been worried about. I already told my dad I

828
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:25,799
Speaker 3: need to be out of here before she comes, even

829
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:28,560
Speaker 3: though I'm just now eight months. But because if she's

830
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:31,240
Speaker 3: born here, I know he'll try to pull something legal

831
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:33,879
Speaker 3: to trap me. I'm working on getting everything in order

832
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:35,919
Speaker 3: now so I can leave without a bunch of mess.

833
00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:38,239
Speaker 3: Thank you for looking out for real, And there is

834
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:40,959
Speaker 3: an update, but kind of sounds like, oh, he's done

835
00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:42,800
Speaker 3: with the relationship, I kind.

836
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:43,279
Speaker 1: Of will be too.

837
00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:46,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, Honestly, if he's not standing up to me against

838
00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:49,440
Speaker 3: his family when they're saying all this stuff, right, it's like.

839
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:53,520
Speaker 7: That's saying so much, especially when you're literally pregnant, literally

840
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:56,359
Speaker 7: pregnant and going into taking care of these kids.

841
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:59,920
Speaker 2: It's like, how much else is he gonna put on you?

842
00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:02,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, and like not and make you feel guilty for

843
00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:06,680
Speaker 3: saying that you're just not able to do that right now? Yeah, ridiculous, crazy,

844
00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:09,040
Speaker 3: But there is an update. It's been about two weeks

845
00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:10,120
Speaker 3: since my last post.

846
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:12,440
Speaker 2: I'm bad. I've been trying to breathe, settle in.

847
00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:13,480
Speaker 1: And keep my peace.

848
00:38:13,920 --> 00:38:17,320
Speaker 3: So first off, yes, I did leave and made it out. Okay,

849
00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:20,279
Speaker 3: I'm staying with my brother now. Wow, Before I left,

850
00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:23,319
Speaker 3: my ex sister in law really tried it. This woman

851
00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:25,600
Speaker 3: had the nerve to drop her kids off on the

852
00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:28,480
Speaker 3: porch knowing it was just me at home. My ex

853
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:30,880
Speaker 3: husband was headed to the airport and I was trying

854
00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:33,399
Speaker 3: to handle the house. When she saw I wasn't coming

855
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:35,720
Speaker 3: to the door, she told her kids to go around

856
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:39,000
Speaker 3: back where there's a pool no gate four feet to

857
00:38:39,120 --> 00:38:41,680
Speaker 3: ten feet deep. If that gate had been locked like

858
00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:44,400
Speaker 3: it should have been anything could have happened, but she

859
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:47,239
Speaker 3: didn't care. Just pulled off, And as much as I

860
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:49,080
Speaker 3: didn't want to deal with it, I let the kids in,

861
00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:50,720
Speaker 3: but I also called the police.

862
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:51,839
Speaker 2: I had had enough.

863
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:53,920
Speaker 3: They came, talked to me and called mother in law

864
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:56,000
Speaker 3: to come get them because I wasn't doing this again.

865
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 3: I was leaving the next evening and wasn't about to

866
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:01,840
Speaker 3: be guilt tripped into babies. Mother in law showed up angry,

867
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:04,799
Speaker 3: calling me a pathetic witch and saying my daughter would

868
00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:05,760
Speaker 3: never be accepted.

869
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:08,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, we already know you guys have made his comments.

870
00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:11,080
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's very clear that you're not going to accept

871
00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:13,280
Speaker 7: Opie's daughter. Yeah, you don't even accept Opee.

872
00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:13,360
Speaker 6: No.

873
00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:16,200
Speaker 3: She tried to attack me, but luckily the officer was

874
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:18,200
Speaker 3: in the way. He told her if she didn't take

875
00:39:18,239 --> 00:39:21,520
Speaker 3: the kids, he'd call DHR and she'd be the one

876
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:24,000
Speaker 3: going to jail. Next thing I know, she's on the

877
00:39:24,080 --> 00:39:26,480
Speaker 3: phone with my husband, who was supposed to be on

878
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:30,080
Speaker 3: a flight. He turned around, missed his plane and came

879
00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:33,840
Speaker 3: home raging, told me I was vile, that he wanted

880
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:36,120
Speaker 3: a divorce and that he wanted nothing to do with

881
00:39:36,239 --> 00:39:39,040
Speaker 3: the baby, talking about how he'll take everything in court.

882
00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:40,880
Speaker 3: Even my baby told me.

883
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:42,360
Speaker 1: To get out of his house.

884
00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:45,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, all of those red flags were so apparent

885
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:48,719
Speaker 3: for sure. If yeah, this is his response, yeah, divorce him,

886
00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:50,880
Speaker 3: but also make up your mind. I don't want anything

887
00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:52,440
Speaker 3: to do with the baby. But also I will take

888
00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:55,920
Speaker 3: everything I said. No, sir, both our names are on

889
00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:59,080
Speaker 3: the deed. You can go fast forward. Sister in law

890
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:03,880
Speaker 3: comes back later that night, wasted banging on windows, yelling.

891
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:04,480
Speaker 2: For me to come out.

892
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:07,800
Speaker 3: I was inside, confused, watching it all on the cameras.

893
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:10,480
Speaker 3: I told her through the mic, leave my property or

894
00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:13,640
Speaker 3: I'm calling the police and standing my ground. Instead of

895
00:40:13,719 --> 00:40:16,480
Speaker 3: backing off, this fool throws a rock through the window.

896
00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:19,759
Speaker 3: I called the police again and she starts screaming that

897
00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:23,040
Speaker 3: I kidnapped her kids, who weren't even there. When the

898
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:26,040
Speaker 3: officers got there, I opened the door, let them search

899
00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:29,279
Speaker 3: the house, and reminded them her mama had already picked

900
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:29,640
Speaker 3: them up.

901
00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:31,240
Speaker 2: Did I press charges?

902
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:32,359
Speaker 1: Absolutely.

903
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:35,640
Speaker 3: I showed them the footage and they rested her who

904
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:38,640
Speaker 3: once they found out she was in jail, my phone

905
00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:41,560
Speaker 3: blew up. My ex even tried to come back to

906
00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:44,239
Speaker 3: the house, but I was already gone. At a friend's house.

907
00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:48,360
Speaker 3: I took my important documents, the baby stuff, clothes, et cetera.

908
00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:50,640
Speaker 3: Her and her boyfriend said I could stay as long

909
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:52,880
Speaker 3: as I needed, Even though I was leaving the next day.

910
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:55,800
Speaker 3: I was scared to be at that house alone. Somehow

911
00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:58,680
Speaker 3: my ex found out where I was, but her boyfriend

912
00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:01,560
Speaker 3: told them to leave. That night, I couldn't sleep. I

913
00:41:01,719 --> 00:41:03,799
Speaker 3: was too anxious, thinking he might come back.

914
00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:04,600
Speaker 2: Next morning.

915
00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:07,239
Speaker 3: His job called me, asking why he missed his flight

916
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:10,160
Speaker 3: and if he was okay, because he wasn't answering his phone.

917
00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:11,200
Speaker 2: So I sent them.

918
00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:15,400
Speaker 3: Everything, voicemails, videos, all of it. Never heard back officially,

919
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:18,480
Speaker 3: but judging by the sudden crying voicemails from him and

920
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:21,759
Speaker 3: his mom, he either got fired or suspended. Sister in

921
00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:24,000
Speaker 3: law got bailed out by mother in law, but neither

922
00:41:24,120 --> 00:41:26,879
Speaker 3: one has the kids. The kids are with their actual dad,

923
00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:29,320
Speaker 3: whom sister in law was keeping them away from, and

924
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:32,319
Speaker 3: they're doing better already. I can imagine sister in law

925
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:34,040
Speaker 3: did not want to take care of her own kids,

926
00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:36,920
Speaker 3: so I can imagine that they're better off with literally

927
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:37,560
Speaker 3: anyone else.

928
00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:38,919
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure.

929
00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:41,319
Speaker 3: Their dad told me the four male is finally out

930
00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:44,040
Speaker 3: of pull ups. The seven male is getting into speech therapy,

931
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:47,279
Speaker 3: and nine female is being the sweet angel she's always been.

932
00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:50,440
Speaker 3: As for me, I'm okay. I'm thirty six weeks and

933
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:54,080
Speaker 3: five days. Baby girl is healthy and punting, and I'm

934
00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:57,319
Speaker 3: surrounded by peace and love. I'm staying with my brother,

935
00:41:57,520 --> 00:42:00,560
Speaker 3: his wife and their newborn twins, my niece Geez, my

936
00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:03,680
Speaker 3: little bestie, my nephew. He's still side eyeing me, but

937
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:06,440
Speaker 3: we're working on it. I'm still working from home. My

938
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:08,480
Speaker 3: boss knows everything and told me I can go on

939
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:11,560
Speaker 3: maternity leave whenever I'm ready and take all the time

940
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:14,600
Speaker 3: I need. I've been surrounded by family and childhood friends,

941
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:16,520
Speaker 3: the ones who truly love me.

942
00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:18,560
Speaker 2: You have any final thoughts, I mean it looks like

943
00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 2: things to turn it up. Yeah, I mean this all

944
00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:21,520
Speaker 2: went crazy.

945
00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:22,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I.

946
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:25,840
Speaker 3: Really was expecting a little bit more like oh, and

947
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:29,320
Speaker 3: then you know, weeks later, my husband was still making

948
00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:32,480
Speaker 3: a fuss and it's like slowly boiling over. But it

949
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:35,160
Speaker 3: was just like I told everyone that I'm not babysitting,

950
00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:37,600
Speaker 3: and then my husband said, you suck and divorce me,

951
00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:38,560
Speaker 3: and now we're here.

952
00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:39,080
Speaker 6: Yeah.

953
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:44,040
Speaker 2: I was very efficient. Yeah, right, exactly, clean that mess up, right, away.

954
00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:46,160
Speaker 3: I don't need to beat around the bush. Yeah, let's

955
00:42:46,239 --> 00:42:48,479
Speaker 3: just leave. And that's what OBI did. Took your baby

956
00:42:48,520 --> 00:42:50,480
Speaker 3: and left right. But there's a little bit left to

957
00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:53,320
Speaker 3: the story. My good sister in law keeps joking that

958
00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:55,600
Speaker 3: I should just stay forever so we can raise our

959
00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:59,200
Speaker 3: kids together. Honestly, I'd love that, but I'm also focused

960
00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:01,759
Speaker 3: on building something just for me and my daughter. Oh

961
00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:05,040
Speaker 3: and yes, I'm getting that divorce. I'll be filing out

962
00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:07,520
Speaker 3: of state, so it'll take some time, but I'm planning

963
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:12,320
Speaker 3: it smart. No more emotional moves, just prayers, planning, and peace.

964
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:14,680
Speaker 3: To everyone who told me to run, Thank you.

965
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:15,640
Speaker 1: Y'all were right.

966
00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 2: The advice, the jokes, the love.

967
00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:18,600
Speaker 1: I needed, all of it.

968
00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:21,759
Speaker 3: He was all I ever knew. We met freshman year

969
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:25,160
Speaker 3: of college. But now I'm choosing me. I'm choosing my daughter.

970
00:43:25,400 --> 00:43:29,240
Speaker 3: I'm choosing peace, and in God's timing, will be just fine.

971
00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:32,840
Speaker 7: My mother in law's drama is ruining my wedding, so

972
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:36,120
Speaker 7: I told her off get out. I'm getting married in

973
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:39,719
Speaker 7: October twenty twenty five. My fiance Mark thirty three male,

974
00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:42,800
Speaker 7: and I twenty eight female, are planning and paying for

975
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:46,320
Speaker 7: everything ourselves with a modest eighty person wedding. He is

976
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:48,480
Speaker 7: the only child on his side, but his mother has

977
00:43:48,560 --> 00:43:51,720
Speaker 7: six brothers and sisters and is the eldest of the seven.

978
00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:55,400
Speaker 7: His mother, Susan sixty three female, and I usually have

979
00:43:55,560 --> 00:43:58,600
Speaker 7: a great relationship. We never had any major arguments and

980
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:01,320
Speaker 7: even with the occasional disagree we were always able to

981
00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:03,880
Speaker 7: talk it out like adults. We even went shopping together

982
00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:05,680
Speaker 7: to find her dress for the wedding. By the way,

983
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:08,800
Speaker 7: this comes from Immediate Pepper five to one six on

984
00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:11,840
Speaker 7: the Charlotte Doughbray YouTube subreddit, and if you want to

985
00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:14,080
Speaker 7: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

986
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:17,160
Speaker 7: storytime subreddit. So my mother in law is Latina and

987
00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:20,160
Speaker 7: can be dramatic. She has some drama with her siblings

988
00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:22,640
Speaker 7: from way before I met Mark that has never really been.

989
00:44:22,680 --> 00:44:23,520
Speaker 2: A concern before.

990
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:26,239
Speaker 7: The three big things I know of are a her

991
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:29,600
Speaker 7: brother Henry and sister Carol don't speak because her sister

992
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:32,399
Speaker 7: exchanged some words with her brother's wife fifteen years ago.

993
00:44:32,560 --> 00:44:36,680
Speaker 2: She has since tried to apologize but hasn't really been forgiven.

994
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:40,440
Speaker 7: B One of her sisters, Marcie, cheated on her husband

995
00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:43,080
Speaker 7: and Susan called her out for it. So Marsie and

996
00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:45,960
Speaker 7: her kids no longer speak to her and see her

997
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:49,600
Speaker 7: youngest brother, Jose, abandoned their mother right before she passed.

998
00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:53,400
Speaker 2: That's messy. That is a awfully messy whole lot of

999
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:55,240
Speaker 2: drama there. Yeah, yikes.

1000
00:44:55,480 --> 00:44:57,680
Speaker 7: Jose was supposed to watch her, but left his mother

1001
00:44:57,760 --> 00:44:59,920
Speaker 7: alone to be with his wife. I don't know why,

1002
00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:02,160
Speaker 7: and she suffered a stroke alone.

1003
00:45:03,239 --> 00:45:06,000
Speaker 2: She passed away from this and the entire family has

1004
00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:10,200
Speaker 2: cut him off. Wow. Okay, so we've cut off to recap?

1005
00:45:10,760 --> 00:45:11,080
Speaker 2: How many?

1006
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:15,920
Speaker 7: Let me come, there's seven siblings total. Susan is the

1007
00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:19,399
Speaker 7: mother in law. Yeah, she's the oldest of her.

1008
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:21,200
Speaker 2: Seven siblings, So we've got six other people.

1009
00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:23,480
Speaker 7: Okay, So Henry and Carol don't speak to each other,

1010
00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:27,920
Speaker 7: Marci doesn't speak to Susan, and Jose is cut off

1011
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:28,560
Speaker 7: from everyone.

1012
00:45:28,719 --> 00:45:31,000
Speaker 2: So okay, that's where we're at.

1013
00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:35,359
Speaker 7: Anyways, this all happened years ago, before I even knew Mark.

1014
00:45:35,520 --> 00:45:38,040
Speaker 7: Mark has a relationship with all his cousins, including his

1015
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:40,919
Speaker 7: cousins from Jose. When we started to compile the guest

1016
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:43,719
Speaker 7: list for a wedding, Susan and Mark had some disagreements

1017
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:46,040
Speaker 7: over who to invite. She did not want him to

1018
00:45:46,120 --> 00:45:49,120
Speaker 7: invite Marcy or Jose nor their kids. We ended up

1019
00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:52,600
Speaker 7: inviting everyone except for Jose's family. His kids actually reached

1020
00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:54,920
Speaker 7: out to us and gave us that option because they

1021
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:58,440
Speaker 7: knew how Susan would be and took a step back themselves.

1022
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:01,960
Speaker 7: She was okay with us inviting Marcy because Mark is

1023
00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:04,680
Speaker 7: actually very close with his cousin, and Marcy's son is

1024
00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:08,040
Speaker 7: Mark's groomsman, who got a whole lot of names. Holy

1025
00:46:08,239 --> 00:46:13,720
Speaker 7: Coroy is like a fantasy novel. Yeah, all these characters, Okay.

1026
00:46:13,920 --> 00:46:16,440
Speaker 7: I think I was very accommodating through the entire process.

1027
00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:19,319
Speaker 7: Of eighty guests, thirty are his family and I only

1028
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:22,479
Speaker 7: have thirty guests in total, including my family. I felt

1029
00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:24,400
Speaker 7: bad that he could only invite ten friends if we

1030
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:26,759
Speaker 7: split guests fifty to fifty, so I ended up giving

1031
00:46:26,840 --> 00:46:29,680
Speaker 7: him more spots and cutting my list work, friends, spouses,

1032
00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:32,200
Speaker 7: et cetera. We finalized the tables last week and had

1033
00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:35,479
Speaker 7: tables of ten. We sat people with direct family members first.

1034
00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:38,440
Speaker 7: For example, Henry and his wife are sitting with their

1035
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:41,200
Speaker 7: son and their grandkids. Mother in law is now demanding

1036
00:46:41,239 --> 00:46:43,279
Speaker 7: that we move everyone around because she doesn't want to

1037
00:46:43,280 --> 00:46:46,600
Speaker 7: sit anywhere near Marcy. They are not at the same table.

1038
00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:50,120
Speaker 7: Marcy is two tables away. Yet Susan is demanding that

1039
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:53,080
Speaker 7: we move Marcy and her kids over to the last

1040
00:46:53,200 --> 00:46:57,760
Speaker 7: table and seat all the adults aka her siblings together.

1041
00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:01,480
Speaker 7: Huh so all of her siblings except Marcy. Yeah, yeah, no,

1042
00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:03,080
Speaker 7: so complicated.

1043
00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:03,680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1044
00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:04,920
Speaker 2: I said no to this.

1045
00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:07,520
Speaker 7: This would be very disrespectful of Marcy and she would

1046
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:09,600
Speaker 7: be away from the rest of the family. Then I mentioned,

1047
00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:12,360
Speaker 7: how is she okay putting Carolyn Henry at the same table,

1048
00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:14,680
Speaker 7: And then she started to move everything around and placed

1049
00:47:14,800 --> 00:47:17,239
Speaker 7: Carol and her husband with my fiance's friends because she

1050
00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:20,880
Speaker 7: needed to prioritize Henry, who is her twin. I started

1051
00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:23,520
Speaker 7: to get way too overwhelmed and raise my voice. I

1052
00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:25,640
Speaker 7: told her that they are grown ups and can sit

1053
00:47:25,719 --> 00:47:28,480
Speaker 7: through a one hour dinner service like adults without sitting

1054
00:47:28,520 --> 00:47:30,640
Speaker 7: next to who you want to. I wasn't about to

1055
00:47:30,680 --> 00:47:34,120
Speaker 7: mix family members up with friends and create awkward environments unnecessarily.

1056
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:37,280
Speaker 7: Then she went to say, family comes first. Your friends

1057
00:47:37,320 --> 00:47:38,320
Speaker 7: are not as important.

1058
00:47:39,160 --> 00:47:42,120
Speaker 3: You're not as important because we don't like you. Yeah,

1059
00:47:42,719 --> 00:47:46,200
Speaker 3: what this isn't Yeah, no ope, keep doing what you're doing.

1060
00:47:46,320 --> 00:47:47,840
Speaker 3: Say sorry, it's my wedding.

1061
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:50,120
Speaker 7: Right, Like, maybe they're not as important to you because

1062
00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:52,400
Speaker 7: they're not your friends, they're still important to us.

1063
00:47:52,640 --> 00:47:55,160
Speaker 2: It's also not your wedding. Yeah, come on.

1064
00:47:55,680 --> 00:47:58,240
Speaker 7: I then told her, I don't care what BS drama

1065
00:47:58,280 --> 00:48:00,320
Speaker 7: you have from fifteen years ago. You can suck it

1066
00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:03,120
Speaker 7: up and eat for one hour, then party and socialize

1067
00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:05,800
Speaker 7: with whoever you want to afterwards. You're not confined to

1068
00:48:05,880 --> 00:48:07,560
Speaker 7: your seat. You need to grow up and let it

1069
00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:10,959
Speaker 7: go because it's your son's wedding, not yours. I feel

1070
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:13,239
Speaker 7: like an a hole because Susan never had a wedding

1071
00:48:13,280 --> 00:48:14,920
Speaker 7: of her own and she was really excited for this,

1072
00:48:15,280 --> 00:48:18,120
Speaker 7: which I understand. I also feel like I was in

1073
00:48:18,200 --> 00:48:20,680
Speaker 7: the right telling her off. Mark is fully backing me

1074
00:48:20,800 --> 00:48:23,040
Speaker 7: up on this, But am I the a hole? And

1075
00:48:23,120 --> 00:48:26,040
Speaker 7: there are some comments but what do you think? No, No,

1076
00:48:27,120 --> 00:48:30,120
Speaker 7: your husband's backing me up. That's great, perfect.

1077
00:48:30,360 --> 00:48:32,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you know sucks that she never had the

1078
00:48:32,360 --> 00:48:35,000
Speaker 3: wedding she wanted, but she's certainly not gonna have the

1079
00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:37,520
Speaker 3: wedding she wants at your wedding.

1080
00:48:38,120 --> 00:48:39,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.

1081
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:41,400
Speaker 7: It's like, I'm sorry you to get one, but like

1082
00:48:42,800 --> 00:48:46,240
Speaker 7: this can be yours. Like but yeah, you're just standing

1083
00:48:46,320 --> 00:48:48,440
Speaker 7: up for yourself, which more people need to do. I

1084
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:50,920
Speaker 7: agree it can be harsh sometimes, but it depends on

1085
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:54,720
Speaker 7: the level of crazy h and she's being awfully crazy exactly.

1086
00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:56,919
Speaker 7: There are some comments coming to her. One says, stop

1087
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:59,320
Speaker 7: sharing so much info. They have no right to know

1088
00:48:59,440 --> 00:48:59,920
Speaker 7: how you are.

1089
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:02,040
Speaker 2: Ranging your seating. Do what you want and let them

1090
00:49:02,080 --> 00:49:02,520
Speaker 2: deal with it.

1091
00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:04,960
Speaker 7: Comment number two says it's unlikely that her drama with

1092
00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:07,960
Speaker 7: her family isn't an indication of her tendency for creating

1093
00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:10,840
Speaker 7: drama in all of her relationships. You need to establish

1094
00:49:10,960 --> 00:49:14,480
Speaker 7: clear boundaries with her and especially with your fiance asap.

1095
00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:16,240
Speaker 2: A couple therapists can help.

1096
00:49:16,120 --> 00:49:16,400
Speaker 1: You with that.

1097
00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:18,960
Speaker 2: I feel like the husband's been pretty good. Yeah, it

1098
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:20,600
Speaker 2: seems like that part's fine.

1099
00:49:20,760 --> 00:49:23,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe you're just necessarily I mean, I guess a

1100
00:49:23,840 --> 00:49:26,480
Speaker 3: couple's therapy is always helpful, but I feel like you

1101
00:49:26,520 --> 00:49:27,800
Speaker 3: don't necessarily.

1102
00:49:27,600 --> 00:49:35,239
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, maybe that commentary like skimmed over something, right right.

1103
00:49:35,360 --> 00:49:38,359
Speaker 7: Opie says, I wasn't quick to judge on her family

1104
00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:40,799
Speaker 7: drama because a lot of it was not directly involving her.

1105
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:43,840
Speaker 2: The only drama she has within her family is with Marcy.

1106
00:49:44,160 --> 00:49:46,760
Speaker 7: I'm noticing that she does pick favorites among her siblings,

1107
00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:50,000
Speaker 7: though they are very close knit, so gossip can't be

1108
00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:52,440
Speaker 7: helped in their generation. I guess, oh, and there is

1109
00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:53,040
Speaker 7: an update.

1110
00:49:53,280 --> 00:49:55,200
Speaker 2: Okay, who I just.

1111
00:49:55,239 --> 00:49:58,239
Speaker 3: Think you keep putting down your boundaries saying mother in law.

1112
00:49:58,400 --> 00:50:00,439
Speaker 2: No, no, no, you don't get your.

1113
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:04,080
Speaker 7: Way exactly exactly, and yeah, we're good and you have

1114
00:50:04,200 --> 00:50:06,040
Speaker 7: your wedding exactly And.

1115
00:50:06,080 --> 00:50:07,160
Speaker 2: There is an update.

1116
00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:10,800
Speaker 7: So the stuff from my original post happened last Sunday.

1117
00:50:10,920 --> 00:50:13,400
Speaker 7: My fiance was at work when it happened, and Susan

1118
00:50:13,480 --> 00:50:15,879
Speaker 7: wanted some company while her husband was visiting his brother

1119
00:50:16,239 --> 00:50:19,080
Speaker 7: in another country. So I went and did some wedding

1120
00:50:19,120 --> 00:50:21,480
Speaker 7: planning there. We live on the next street over, so

1121
00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:24,440
Speaker 7: it's an easy five minute walk. While I was reviewing contracts,

1122
00:50:24,560 --> 00:50:27,280
Speaker 7: rental lists, et cetera, she asked who she was sitting

1123
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:29,800
Speaker 7: with at the wedding, which is how all this came about.

1124
00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:32,600
Speaker 2: I left shortly after the altercation in my original.

1125
00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:34,600
Speaker 7: Post and left it at I will tell Mark to

1126
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:36,879
Speaker 7: come over after work and you guys can work it out.

1127
00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:38,640
Speaker 2: When Mark came home, I told him everything.

1128
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:41,080
Speaker 7: We have no secrets and he's seen my rock bottom,

1129
00:50:41,160 --> 00:50:43,479
Speaker 7: so I tell him everything, even when I'm in the wrong.

1130
00:50:43,920 --> 00:50:45,920
Speaker 7: He got so upset at the fact that his mom

1131
00:50:46,000 --> 00:50:48,600
Speaker 7: is trying to give opinions where it isn't welcomed. He

1132
00:50:48,719 --> 00:50:50,840
Speaker 7: went over and talked for a few hours with Susan

1133
00:50:50,920 --> 00:50:52,480
Speaker 7: without me. I didn't want her to feel like we

1134
00:50:52,560 --> 00:50:54,920
Speaker 7: are giking up against her. She tried to defend herself,

1135
00:50:54,960 --> 00:50:58,400
Speaker 7: of course, the usual, Oh you don't understand our generation,

1136
00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:01,400
Speaker 7: or oh, I want to catch up with my siblings.

1137
00:51:01,440 --> 00:51:04,200
Speaker 2: It's been too long, then, I don't know, throw a party.

1138
00:51:04,800 --> 00:51:08,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, come on, literally, throw a party and catch up

1139
00:51:08,120 --> 00:51:08,920
Speaker 3: with your siblings.

1140
00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:11,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a lot of time till October. Yeah, you've

1141
00:51:11,840 --> 00:51:13,160
Speaker 2: got time to do that beforehand.

1142
00:51:13,360 --> 00:51:16,160
Speaker 7: You guys don't have to do that at the wedding, right,

1143
00:51:16,400 --> 00:51:18,720
Speaker 7: But also, people stand up at weddings.

1144
00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:19,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, people walk around.

1145
00:51:20,200 --> 00:51:24,560
Speaker 3: You can absolutely go stand and sit near them later exactly.

1146
00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:29,120
Speaker 2: They meet every month to max it's been too long?

1147
00:51:29,840 --> 00:51:32,600
Speaker 2: How has it been too long? My gosh, come on.

1148
00:51:33,160 --> 00:51:36,000
Speaker 7: But Mark didn't have it. Even though he explained why

1149
00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:38,080
Speaker 7: the seats were arranged that way. She thought that we

1150
00:51:38,440 --> 00:51:41,560
Speaker 7: were just being stubborn. Mark couldn't give the message across

1151
00:51:41,600 --> 00:51:45,160
Speaker 7: and ended up leaving with not much success. Yesterday, Monday,

1152
00:51:45,239 --> 00:51:47,440
Speaker 7: my father in law came home and came over in

1153
00:51:47,480 --> 00:51:50,440
Speaker 7: the evening to talk. I guess Susan told him everything,

1154
00:51:50,560 --> 00:51:53,800
Speaker 7: but from her perspective, with no backstory. Of course, Mark

1155
00:51:53,880 --> 00:51:57,080
Speaker 7: and I told him everything, explaining the logic and time

1156
00:51:57,160 --> 00:51:59,400
Speaker 7: it took for us to finalize this and that we

1157
00:51:59,520 --> 00:52:01,839
Speaker 7: were not by He was much more understanding and actually

1158
00:52:01,880 --> 00:52:04,480
Speaker 7: agreed that the seating arrangement makes the most sense. He

1159
00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:07,799
Speaker 7: then asked to humor Susan and give her my table

1160
00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:10,200
Speaker 7: arrangements to play with the way she wanted to, without

1161
00:52:10,239 --> 00:52:11,640
Speaker 7: adding any additional tables.

1162
00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:13,120
Speaker 2: I had laundry clips.

1163
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:15,279
Speaker 7: With names attached to the cardboard cutouts to arrange my

1164
00:52:15,360 --> 00:52:17,719
Speaker 7: seating when I had planned it, So we agreed to

1165
00:52:17,800 --> 00:52:20,959
Speaker 7: let her do this. So she's just gonna like play

1166
00:52:21,160 --> 00:52:26,000
Speaker 7: with the seating arrangement toy. Like, yeah, you're gonna give

1167
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:26,840
Speaker 7: her some crayons.

1168
00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:27,160
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1169
00:52:27,239 --> 00:52:29,719
Speaker 2: Literally, He's like, here you go, you'll be back in

1170
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:30,200
Speaker 2: an hour.

1171
00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:30,680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1172
00:52:31,560 --> 00:52:33,840
Speaker 7: Susan came over and when we told her, if you

1173
00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:36,040
Speaker 7: can figure out a seating arrangement where our friends are

1174
00:52:36,080 --> 00:52:38,200
Speaker 7: not mixed with your family and we don't need to

1175
00:52:38,200 --> 00:52:41,120
Speaker 7: pay for an extra table, go for it. She beamed

1176
00:52:41,200 --> 00:52:43,360
Speaker 7: and started to play around with my laundry clips like

1177
00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:44,879
Speaker 7: a five year old with the Legos debt.

1178
00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:49,840
Speaker 2: Literally exactly, you're gonna do great.

1179
00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:52,160
Speaker 7: It's like putting an iPad in front of a baby.

1180
00:52:52,680 --> 00:52:55,000
Speaker 7: After seating her own family the way she wanted, her

1181
00:52:55,040 --> 00:52:57,520
Speaker 7: face started to become puzzled, confused it how she.

1182
00:52:57,520 --> 00:52:59,279
Speaker 2: Would figure out the rest of the cats. It's my

1183
00:52:59,400 --> 00:52:59,959
Speaker 2: friends and family.

1184
00:53:00,360 --> 00:53:04,560
Speaker 3: This is so funny, like okay, yeah, they're like, we've

1185
00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:07,240
Speaker 3: tried explaining it to her. Now she has to figure

1186
00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:08,080
Speaker 3: out how hard.

1187
00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:11,320
Speaker 2: She has to see for herself that this just isn't possible.

1188
00:53:11,680 --> 00:53:12,800
Speaker 2: The best way to do it?

1189
00:53:13,239 --> 00:53:14,080
Speaker 5: I think so too.

1190
00:53:14,760 --> 00:53:17,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, new Nail, I totally agree.

1191
00:53:18,160 --> 00:53:18,959
Speaker 1: I have no note.

1192
00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:20,839
Speaker 3: Great job, gold Star.

1193
00:53:21,040 --> 00:53:23,760
Speaker 7: It actually became so late for dinner that we decided

1194
00:53:23,840 --> 00:53:26,360
Speaker 7: to go out for a bite to eat, and Susan

1195
00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:28,480
Speaker 7: opted to stay and try to figure this out, like

1196
00:53:28,600 --> 00:53:33,800
Speaker 7: this possible math equation, right, I don't get it. We

1197
00:53:33,880 --> 00:53:35,600
Speaker 7: went out to eat and grabbed a burger for her

1198
00:53:35,680 --> 00:53:37,480
Speaker 7: on the way back, and an hour later, she was

1199
00:53:37,560 --> 00:53:40,360
Speaker 7: still stuck. This is when she gave in and acknowledged

1200
00:53:40,400 --> 00:53:42,840
Speaker 7: that our original plan made the most sense and agreed

1201
00:53:42,840 --> 00:53:44,759
Speaker 7: to drop the topic. We lapped it off, and I

1202
00:53:44,920 --> 00:53:46,359
Speaker 7: joked that I should have let her do this from

1203
00:53:46,400 --> 00:53:46,840
Speaker 7: the beginning.

1204
00:53:47,040 --> 00:53:48,520
Speaker 2: She had her burger and that's that.

1205
00:53:48,800 --> 00:53:51,000
Speaker 7: Susan is stubborn, but she is the kind of person

1206
00:53:51,080 --> 00:53:53,560
Speaker 7: to acknowledge defeat when she knows it. I appreciate my

1207
00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:56,120
Speaker 7: future hubby for being so supportive and strong for me.

1208
00:53:56,360 --> 00:53:59,040
Speaker 7: Makes me even more sure that I'm marrying the right.

1209
00:53:58,960 --> 00:54:00,640
Speaker 1: Person, is John og Host.

1210
00:54:00,680 --> 00:54:02,160
Speaker 4: We're gonna get back to the stories, but a quick

1211
00:54:02,200 --> 00:54:03,720
Speaker 4: Freemanute break of ads from our sponsors.

1212
00:54:04,280 --> 00:54:06,880
Speaker 3: I realize my mother in law hates me, so I

1213
00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:08,680
Speaker 3: no longer want in my house.

1214
00:54:09,040 --> 00:54:11,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wouldn't want someone who hates me living with

1215
00:54:11,440 --> 00:54:11,799
Speaker 2: me either.

1216
00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:16,200
Speaker 3: I forty female and married to the most wonderful man alive,

1217
00:54:16,560 --> 00:54:19,759
Speaker 3: forty one male. We have been married now for seventeen

1218
00:54:19,880 --> 00:54:22,840
Speaker 3: years and have three children. Life has not always been easy,

1219
00:54:22,920 --> 00:54:25,680
Speaker 3: but we worked very hard together. We started out with

1220
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:28,000
Speaker 3: nothing and now we have the life I have always

1221
00:54:28,080 --> 00:54:31,359
Speaker 3: dreamed of. You're both successful business owners. Each have our

1222
00:54:31,360 --> 00:54:35,799
Speaker 3: own business and separate finances. Always keep separate finances. By

1223
00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:38,040
Speaker 3: the way, this comes from top Caterpillar at fifty two

1224
00:54:38,120 --> 00:54:41,160
Speaker 3: nineteen on the Charlotte Dobray YouTube separate it and if

1225
00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:42,600
Speaker 3: you would have smit your own stories, go to the

1226
00:54:42,760 --> 00:54:45,600
Speaker 3: r slash Okay story time. Separate it. So my husband

1227
00:54:45,760 --> 00:54:48,960
Speaker 3: is not romantic with words. He is so blunt it

1228
00:54:49,080 --> 00:54:51,560
Speaker 3: makes me laugh most of the time, which matters less

1229
00:54:51,600 --> 00:54:53,600
Speaker 3: to me because he is great with the behaviors that

1230
00:54:53,719 --> 00:54:56,719
Speaker 3: do matter. For example, he doesn't cook, so I do

1231
00:54:56,880 --> 00:54:59,560
Speaker 3: all the cooking, but he has never criticized my meals,

1232
00:54:59,680 --> 00:55:00,919
Speaker 3: even when they weren't great.

1233
00:55:01,120 --> 00:55:01,560
Speaker 1: I love that.

1234
00:55:01,719 --> 00:55:04,240
Speaker 3: The first thing is like, he's great with the behaviors

1235
00:55:04,239 --> 00:55:07,479
Speaker 3: that do matter. He doesn't cook, ever, but he also

1236
00:55:07,560 --> 00:55:12,160
Speaker 3: doesn't criticize my cooking, so that's great. Instead of demanding,

1237
00:55:12,280 --> 00:55:15,040
Speaker 3: he'd simply asked, did you have the time to cook today?

1238
00:55:15,160 --> 00:55:18,239
Speaker 2: And if not, he'd handle dinner himself. Well, that's a

1239
00:55:18,320 --> 00:55:21,040
Speaker 2: nice way to go about it. I think it sounds

1240
00:55:21,040 --> 00:55:21,920
Speaker 2: like a bare minimum.

1241
00:55:22,560 --> 00:55:24,399
Speaker 3: Instead of demanding.

1242
00:55:23,920 --> 00:55:26,080
Speaker 2: Dinner, he asks if I made dinner.

1243
00:55:26,800 --> 00:55:27,040
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1244
00:55:27,840 --> 00:55:30,960
Speaker 3: To him, cooking isn't my duty, It's something I choose

1245
00:55:31,080 --> 00:55:34,799
Speaker 3: to do. This is the batrimnium, Like, yeah, it's great, it's.

1246
00:55:34,719 --> 00:55:38,360
Speaker 2: Great, it's great. Sure, yeah great, But yeah, I agree,

1247
00:55:39,280 --> 00:55:41,600
Speaker 2: it's not necessarily something to be praise. It's more of

1248
00:55:41,760 --> 00:55:46,080
Speaker 2: like defending his character, and he believes.

1249
00:55:45,719 --> 00:55:48,319
Speaker 3: We'll always make sure the kids are fed together. It's

1250
00:55:48,360 --> 00:55:50,920
Speaker 3: one of many ways he shows what truly matters and

1251
00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:53,800
Speaker 3: why he's such a wonderful, supportive spouse. He backed me

1252
00:55:53,880 --> 00:55:56,400
Speaker 3: when I went back to school, took paternity leave so

1253
00:55:56,520 --> 00:55:59,480
Speaker 3: I could keep studying after an unexpected pregnancy, and is

1254
00:55:59,560 --> 00:56:02,440
Speaker 3: great with my parents. I also have an amazing relationship

1255
00:56:02,480 --> 00:56:05,040
Speaker 3: with his sisters, and I adored my father in law.

1256
00:56:05,360 --> 00:56:08,080
Speaker 3: My grandmother told me, you marry the family too, and

1257
00:56:08,239 --> 00:56:10,839
Speaker 3: I truly did. My father in law, who passed two

1258
00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:13,680
Speaker 3: years ago, lived with us before he passed away and

1259
00:56:13,960 --> 00:56:17,640
Speaker 3: became my best friend and greatest champion. I never vented

1260
00:56:17,680 --> 00:56:20,360
Speaker 3: about my husband to my parents, but I could confide

1261
00:56:20,520 --> 00:56:23,239
Speaker 3: in his father, who loved me like his own and

1262
00:56:23,480 --> 00:56:26,759
Speaker 3: was so proud of his son and grandchildren. Losing him

1263
00:56:26,920 --> 00:56:29,839
Speaker 3: was a huge blow for all of us. My relationship

1264
00:56:29,920 --> 00:56:32,800
Speaker 3: with my mother in law started out rocky. She didn't

1265
00:56:32,800 --> 00:56:34,919
Speaker 3: want me to marry her son, so I went about

1266
00:56:34,960 --> 00:56:38,080
Speaker 3: putting all my energy into building a relationship. Like many

1267
00:56:38,200 --> 00:56:42,080
Speaker 3: retired Canadians, his mother is a snowbird. She spends half

1268
00:56:42,160 --> 00:56:44,920
Speaker 3: the year in Canada and the other half someplace warmer.

1269
00:56:45,120 --> 00:56:47,719
Speaker 3: I naively thought that if I never said no to her,

1270
00:56:47,960 --> 00:56:51,080
Speaker 3: I would cultivate a loving relationship with this woman. When

1271
00:56:51,120 --> 00:56:52,280
Speaker 3: she would visit, I would.

1272
00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:52,760
Speaker 2: Take her everywhere.

1273
00:56:52,920 --> 00:56:55,680
Speaker 3: I became her chauffeur. She did whatever she wanted in

1274
00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:57,759
Speaker 3: my house when she stayed with us, and I even

1275
00:56:57,840 --> 00:57:00,000
Speaker 3: gave her use of my car or whenever she pleased

1276
00:57:00,400 --> 00:57:03,600
Speaker 3: because she doesn't have a car. I literally did everything

1277
00:57:03,719 --> 00:57:06,680
Speaker 3: for her. I stupidly did not heed my husband's warning

1278
00:57:06,800 --> 00:57:09,719
Speaker 3: of do not bother doing too much for it won't matter.

1279
00:57:10,200 --> 00:57:12,239
Speaker 3: For the majority of the time I have known them,

1280
00:57:12,480 --> 00:57:14,320
Speaker 3: my father in law and mother in law did not

1281
00:57:14,520 --> 00:57:18,440
Speaker 3: live together. They weren't separated, but didn't live together except

1282
00:57:18,560 --> 00:57:22,880
Speaker 3: every now and then. That sounds like the definition of separated. Yeah,

1283
00:57:23,400 --> 00:57:26,960
Speaker 3: I mean, they're not divorced, but they are like physically separated,

1284
00:57:27,480 --> 00:57:30,720
Speaker 3: literally physically separated. When my father in law moved in

1285
00:57:30,880 --> 00:57:32,880
Speaker 3: with us years ago, my mother in law moved in

1286
00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:35,200
Speaker 3: with my sister in law in the same city. She

1287
00:57:35,240 --> 00:57:37,200
Speaker 3: would come stay with us every now and then, and

1288
00:57:37,360 --> 00:57:39,880
Speaker 3: typically when she argued with my sister in law and

1289
00:57:39,960 --> 00:57:42,560
Speaker 3: would go back after she argued with either her husband

1290
00:57:42,680 --> 00:57:45,120
Speaker 3: or son. She didn't argue with me because I'm a

1291
00:57:45,240 --> 00:57:48,760
Speaker 3: people pleaser, proudly recovered now thanks to her. Also, I

1292
00:57:48,960 --> 00:57:52,040
Speaker 3: loved my father in law and loved my husband so much.

1293
00:57:52,360 --> 00:57:54,400
Speaker 3: I didn't want to make things more difficult for them,

1294
00:57:54,480 --> 00:57:57,960
Speaker 3: so I just sucked it up when she complained, criticized

1295
00:57:58,000 --> 00:58:01,720
Speaker 3: my cooking, criticized my parenting. The only thing I didn't

1296
00:58:01,720 --> 00:58:05,440
Speaker 3: put up with is criticizing my children. As I mentioned,

1297
00:58:05,520 --> 00:58:08,959
Speaker 3: my father in law passed FYI she did very little

1298
00:58:09,080 --> 00:58:11,720
Speaker 3: caring for him when he was ill. It was mostly

1299
00:58:11,840 --> 00:58:14,840
Speaker 3: my husband with some help from me. Suddenly, my mother

1300
00:58:14,880 --> 00:58:16,120
Speaker 3: in law was complaining that she.

1301
00:58:16,240 --> 00:58:17,640
Speaker 1: Was alone in the world.

1302
00:58:18,080 --> 00:58:20,880
Speaker 3: I didn't understand this because, as I said, it wasn't

1303
00:58:20,960 --> 00:58:22,920
Speaker 3: like they were together a lot, and when they were

1304
00:58:23,120 --> 00:58:25,920
Speaker 3: she was arguing with them. She was grieving, so I

1305
00:58:26,080 --> 00:58:28,440
Speaker 3: sort of attributed it to that. To help her with

1306
00:58:28,560 --> 00:58:30,880
Speaker 3: the grieving process, I told her that she's not alone,

1307
00:58:31,040 --> 00:58:33,040
Speaker 3: that whenever she was in Canada, she would have a

1308
00:58:33,160 --> 00:58:36,320
Speaker 3: room in our house designated to her. When she isn't

1309
00:58:36,400 --> 00:58:39,040
Speaker 3: in Canada, our guests could use it. She agreed, she

1310
00:58:39,160 --> 00:58:41,640
Speaker 3: had a room. She went back and forth between us

1311
00:58:41,760 --> 00:58:44,480
Speaker 3: and my sister in law, but had her space. Then

1312
00:58:44,640 --> 00:58:48,280
Speaker 3: came time for her snowbirding. Is that even a term? Well,

1313
00:58:48,360 --> 00:58:50,240
Speaker 3: it should be if it isn't. She found out I

1314
00:58:50,400 --> 00:58:52,840
Speaker 3: was putting your stuff into storage while she was away.

1315
00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:55,440
Speaker 3: I reminded her that this room would be used by

1316
00:58:55,480 --> 00:58:57,960
Speaker 3: guests when she wasn't here. She accused me of lying

1317
00:58:58,120 --> 00:59:00,680
Speaker 3: and punting her out of the house. By explained that

1318
00:59:00,960 --> 00:59:04,120
Speaker 3: wasn't my intention. My intention was to keep her stuff

1319
00:59:04,160 --> 00:59:07,200
Speaker 3: protected so she wouldn't worry about people fooling around with

1320
00:59:07,280 --> 00:59:09,880
Speaker 3: her stuff. I reminded her that she had previously accused

1321
00:59:09,920 --> 00:59:12,959
Speaker 3: my cleaner, who is super trustworthy and has tiny feet,

1322
00:59:13,400 --> 00:59:16,760
Speaker 3: of stealing her size ten women's shoes. The shoes turned

1323
00:59:16,800 --> 00:59:18,720
Speaker 3: up later in a bag that she stored them in.

1324
00:59:18,880 --> 00:59:21,400
Speaker 3: And accused my daughter of spilling orange juice in her

1325
00:59:21,440 --> 00:59:24,760
Speaker 3: closet and onto her clothes. Turns out she had juice

1326
00:59:24,800 --> 00:59:27,280
Speaker 3: stored in her closet and she threw something on one

1327
00:59:27,320 --> 00:59:29,840
Speaker 3: of the juice packs and it burst. You didn't think

1328
00:59:30,200 --> 00:59:32,360
Speaker 3: about the juice packs that you had in your closet

1329
00:59:32,760 --> 00:59:35,720
Speaker 3: when you accused Opie's daughter. You were like, Oh, where

1330
00:59:35,800 --> 00:59:38,760
Speaker 3: could that have come from? Maybe from the juice packets

1331
00:59:38,800 --> 00:59:39,240
Speaker 3: I keep it.

1332
00:59:39,600 --> 00:59:42,600
Speaker 7: Yeah, it must be from a child spilling it because

1333
00:59:42,680 --> 00:59:45,600
Speaker 7: who keeps juice boxes in their closet?

1334
00:59:46,280 --> 00:59:47,600
Speaker 2: Strange? Strange.

1335
00:59:47,840 --> 00:59:49,480
Speaker 3: We need the mom from the last story to come

1336
00:59:49,520 --> 00:59:52,320
Speaker 3: in yeah and be like, here, I'm gonna walk you

1337
00:59:52,480 --> 00:59:53,360
Speaker 3: through all of this.

1338
00:59:53,920 --> 00:59:54,240
Speaker 1: Right right.

1339
00:59:54,320 --> 00:59:56,600
Speaker 2: This really helped me. Now I need to help you.

1340
00:59:57,120 --> 00:59:59,640
Speaker 3: That's just to name a few things I gently told

1341
00:59:59,640 --> 01:00:01,160
Speaker 3: her I did. I didn't want her to worry about

1342
01:00:01,160 --> 01:00:03,640
Speaker 3: her stuff, but she was not listening. She had her

1343
01:00:03,760 --> 01:00:06,880
Speaker 3: narrative and was going with it. She made my husband

1344
01:00:06,920 --> 01:00:09,720
Speaker 3: and his sister's lives miserable as a result of this.

1345
01:00:10,040 --> 01:00:12,560
Speaker 3: But my husband and his sisters took my side. Great

1346
01:00:12,720 --> 01:00:14,800
Speaker 3: told her she was unreasonable and that I didn't do

1347
01:00:14,880 --> 01:00:17,520
Speaker 3: anything wrong. They added that I have done so much

1348
01:00:17,640 --> 01:00:20,360
Speaker 3: for her in the past, and so much good. Why

1349
01:00:20,400 --> 01:00:22,760
Speaker 3: would she assume that I'm punting her out? There was

1350
01:00:22,880 --> 01:00:25,720
Speaker 3: no reasoning with her. My husband then looked at me

1351
01:00:25,840 --> 01:00:28,400
Speaker 3: and said, remember when I told you it would not

1352
01:00:28,520 --> 01:00:29,080
Speaker 3: matter how.

1353
01:00:29,040 --> 01:00:29,840
Speaker 2: Much you do for her.

1354
01:00:30,480 --> 01:00:33,840
Speaker 3: All it takes is one perceived wrong and it's game

1355
01:00:33,920 --> 01:00:36,280
Speaker 3: over for her. My mother in law left to Snowbird

1356
01:00:36,360 --> 01:00:37,840
Speaker 3: and promised she would.

1357
01:00:37,760 --> 01:00:39,640
Speaker 2: Never be back in my house.

1358
01:00:40,120 --> 01:00:45,080
Speaker 3: Oh no, whatever will we do without your lovely presence

1359
01:00:45,200 --> 01:00:48,560
Speaker 3: in our house? My husband told her, fine, be that way.

1360
01:00:48,880 --> 01:00:50,760
Speaker 3: One of my sister in laws laughed and said I

1361
01:00:50,960 --> 01:00:54,160
Speaker 3: was blacklisted and should be overtoyed about this and welcome

1362
01:00:54,240 --> 01:00:56,320
Speaker 3: me to the club. I have since been reflecting on

1363
01:00:56,440 --> 01:00:58,800
Speaker 3: my relationship with my mother in law. I realized that

1364
01:00:58,920 --> 01:01:01,200
Speaker 3: she never called me in life she wanted something from me.

1365
01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:03,680
Speaker 3: My husband and I actually never trusted her with our

1366
01:01:03,760 --> 01:01:06,560
Speaker 3: children because my husband told me she barely raised them.

1367
01:01:06,760 --> 01:01:08,720
Speaker 3: It was my father in law who raised them. I

1368
01:01:08,800 --> 01:01:11,520
Speaker 3: will not even start on the self centeredness and the

1369
01:01:11,600 --> 01:01:14,160
Speaker 3: things she does to my sister in laws because that

1370
01:01:14,360 --> 01:01:17,360
Speaker 3: is another long post and this is already too long.

1371
01:01:17,720 --> 01:01:20,120
Speaker 3: I started wondering what I was getting from this relationship

1372
01:01:20,280 --> 01:01:22,360
Speaker 3: except a lot of work and nothing in return. My

1373
01:01:22,520 --> 01:01:26,160
Speaker 3: children actually severely dislike their grandmother because she yells at

1374
01:01:26,200 --> 01:01:29,000
Speaker 3: them and does nothing for them. My oldest refuses to

1375
01:01:29,080 --> 01:01:32,200
Speaker 3: be in any space she is in. She criticizes my cooking,

1376
01:01:32,400 --> 01:01:36,479
Speaker 3: complains NonStop, and it's just overall unpleasant unless she wants something.

1377
01:01:36,560 --> 01:01:39,600
Speaker 2: Do you have any final thoughts? I just the grandkids

1378
01:01:39,640 --> 01:01:41,320
Speaker 2: don't even like her. No one likes her.

1379
01:01:41,680 --> 01:01:43,760
Speaker 3: No one the father doesn't even like her. Oh my god,

1380
01:01:43,760 --> 01:01:46,440
Speaker 3: they're not divorced. But they're separated.

1381
01:01:47,000 --> 01:01:47,160
Speaker 6: Uh.

1382
01:01:47,560 --> 01:01:50,680
Speaker 3: I think the problem here was that OPI was so

1383
01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:54,240
Speaker 3: sure that she could win her mother in law over.

1384
01:01:55,000 --> 01:01:57,440
Speaker 3: She's like, if I'm just nice and a reasonable person,

1385
01:01:58,040 --> 01:02:00,520
Speaker 3: I can totally win over my mother in law because

1386
01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:03,520
Speaker 3: she must be reasonable as well, right, wouldn't you think?

1387
01:02:03,880 --> 01:02:08,320
Speaker 3: And Opie's husband is like, no, I know, my sisters know,

1388
01:02:08,480 --> 01:02:11,120
Speaker 3: my father knows. Yeah, you can't reason with her. And

1389
01:02:11,200 --> 01:02:14,919
Speaker 3: I think Ope is now realizing, oh yeah, the people

1390
01:02:15,000 --> 01:02:16,680
Speaker 3: that know her know best.

1391
01:02:17,400 --> 01:02:17,640
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1392
01:02:17,840 --> 01:02:18,040
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1393
01:02:18,200 --> 01:02:19,840
Speaker 7: So it's like, I mean, at least she's not alone

1394
01:02:19,880 --> 01:02:22,240
Speaker 7: in this. At least she's not the only one being

1395
01:02:22,360 --> 01:02:25,040
Speaker 7: terrorized by this woman. I think it's just you can't

1396
01:02:25,120 --> 01:02:28,440
Speaker 7: try so hard anymore. Uh huh to try and appease

1397
01:02:28,440 --> 01:02:29,840
Speaker 7: a woman who just sucks.

1398
01:02:30,080 --> 01:02:31,000
Speaker 2: You can only do so much.

1399
01:02:31,120 --> 01:02:33,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, if she wants to never come back, you say, okay,

1400
01:02:33,880 --> 01:02:36,040
Speaker 3: sorry you feel that way, Yeah, this is the way

1401
01:02:36,080 --> 01:02:39,120
Speaker 3: it's gonna be. We're you know, we're using your room

1402
01:02:39,200 --> 01:02:41,680
Speaker 3: when you're not here exactly. But there's a little bit

1403
01:02:41,760 --> 01:02:44,280
Speaker 3: left to this story. My husband told me the other

1404
01:02:44,400 --> 01:02:47,160
Speaker 3: day she was coming back. I don't want her back,

1405
01:02:47,200 --> 01:02:49,280
Speaker 3: but this is something I'm not willing to tell my

1406
01:02:49,440 --> 01:02:51,920
Speaker 3: husband I know if I asked that he would tell

1407
01:02:51,920 --> 01:02:54,280
Speaker 3: her to stay elsewhere. I also know he promised his

1408
01:02:54,400 --> 01:02:57,040
Speaker 3: father he would look out for his mother because his

1409
01:02:57,160 --> 01:02:59,520
Speaker 3: father is the only real parent he has ever had.

1410
01:02:59,680 --> 01:03:00,160
Speaker 2: I don't no one.

1411
01:03:00,240 --> 01:03:02,480
Speaker 3: I'm living with the guilt of not following through with

1412
01:03:02,600 --> 01:03:05,200
Speaker 3: his promise, knowing what I have told you about my husband,

1413
01:03:05,240 --> 01:03:08,040
Speaker 3: and how wonderfully is I refuse to be the cause

1414
01:03:08,200 --> 01:03:10,600
Speaker 3: of his guilt. My father in law never asked his

1415
01:03:10,720 --> 01:03:13,919
Speaker 3: children for anything except that it was a hard ask.

1416
01:03:14,040 --> 01:03:15,920
Speaker 3: But it doesn't matter, because I will not do that

1417
01:03:16,040 --> 01:03:18,680
Speaker 3: to my husband. If no contact is not an option

1418
01:03:18,840 --> 01:03:21,720
Speaker 3: and she will be in my house, what boundaries would

1419
01:03:21,760 --> 01:03:24,600
Speaker 3: you create and how would you do it? And comments

1420
01:03:24,680 --> 01:03:27,840
Speaker 3: common one says boundaries obviously need to be set. If

1421
01:03:27,880 --> 01:03:29,680
Speaker 3: it were me, I would start off with something like,

1422
01:03:29,920 --> 01:03:32,120
Speaker 3: due to the way things were left before your trip,

1423
01:03:32,240 --> 01:03:34,920
Speaker 3: there will be some changes made. Then proceed to lay

1424
01:03:34,960 --> 01:03:37,080
Speaker 3: out the issues as you have here and let her

1425
01:03:37,160 --> 01:03:39,840
Speaker 3: know that in the future they will not be tolerated,

1426
01:03:40,280 --> 01:03:43,040
Speaker 3: or she can find anywhere else to stay. And make

1427
01:03:43,160 --> 01:03:45,560
Speaker 3: no mistake, her being elsewhere and looking out for her

1428
01:03:45,720 --> 01:03:48,680
Speaker 3: are not mutually exclusive. That's what I was thinking, right

1429
01:03:48,960 --> 01:03:51,120
Speaker 3: I highly doubt your father in law would have wanted you,

1430
01:03:51,400 --> 01:03:54,560
Speaker 3: your husband, or your children to be used and mistreated

1431
01:03:54,640 --> 01:03:56,880
Speaker 3: by her. I also wouldn't give her the car anymore.

1432
01:03:57,080 --> 01:03:59,880
Speaker 3: She can uber lyft or taxi wherever she needs. To

1433
01:04:00,360 --> 01:04:02,400
Speaker 3: comment too, your husband can look out for mother in

1434
01:04:02,520 --> 01:04:04,800
Speaker 3: law without her living with you and making your whole

1435
01:04:04,880 --> 01:04:08,120
Speaker 3: household miserable. Talk to your husband. It sounds like he

1436
01:04:08,240 --> 01:04:11,720
Speaker 3: really loves you and supports you and already understands the situation.

1437
01:04:12,040 --> 01:04:14,280
Speaker 3: To be honest, I'm a bit surprised he just say

1438
01:04:14,400 --> 01:04:15,800
Speaker 3: yes to her moving back at all.