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Speaker 1: Ola, Mie. Yeah, welcome to this week's episode of your

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Speaker 1: favorite podcast, Cheek Is in Chill, where you come to learn, Grow,

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Speaker 1: and glow. Guys, I'm just going to jump right into

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Speaker 1: it and say that this is an episode you should

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Speaker 1: listen to from start to finish. One of my best

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Speaker 1: friends in the entire world, Judy Sepetra, is going to

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Speaker 1: be sharing what it's like being married to a narcissist

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Speaker 1: and what kind of mental, emotional and financial damage it's cost.

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Speaker 1: And I know firsthand it's affected her self esteem, future relationships,

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Speaker 1: and even her business, so I'm really glad she's here

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Speaker 1: with us today to share more about it.

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Speaker 2: Hello, Amiga, how are you, Ola, Mia Comosus mo Vian.

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Speaker 1: I'm so happy that you're here, and honestly thank you

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Speaker 1: so much. I know how how much it's taken from

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Speaker 1: you to get to this point where you can actually

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Speaker 1: talk about this, so I'm very proud of you, first

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Speaker 1: of all, and I feel very honored that you chose

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Speaker 1: Cheese and Chill to talk about this topic that I

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Speaker 1: think is very important. I know, firstan I also dated

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Speaker 1: a narcissist and I know how difficult that was for me.

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Speaker 1: But also I think a lot of people don't even

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Speaker 1: know that they might be dealing with a narcissist. So

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Speaker 1: that's what this episode is going to be all about.

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Speaker 1: So first and foremost, when do you think you realized

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Speaker 1: I'm dealing with a narcissist?

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Speaker 3: I knew this a long time ago, and that's one

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Speaker 3: of the things that I that I tell myself now, like.

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Speaker 2: Why did I go back?

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Speaker 3: Why did I go back knowing that it wasn't going

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Speaker 3: to get any better?

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Speaker 2: But I had hope. I had hope, and.

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Speaker 3: I knew it because he was a manipulator, mental abuse

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Speaker 3: or I don't know, how.

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Speaker 1: Do you say it, like a verbally abusive as well, Yeah, as.

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Speaker 3: Of mentally abuse of like manipulative. But I always had hope,

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Speaker 3: and I would always tell myself, you know what, like

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Speaker 3: as long as I could stay until they're eighteen. We

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Speaker 3: technically lived in separate rooms, and I think I could

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Speaker 3: handle it, so I could give my children that opportunity.

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Speaker 3: At the end of the day, everything is based off

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Speaker 3: of my kids, Like my kids are my world, and

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Speaker 3: I wanted to put myself aside to do that for them.

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Speaker 2: So I knew what I was getting myself into.

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Speaker 3: I just didn't think I was gonna get as bad

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Speaker 3: as it did towards the end.

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Speaker 1: Towards the end, Why do you think that you stayed

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Speaker 1: in the relationship for so long? How long were you

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Speaker 1: married to him?

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Speaker 2: Technically, technically legally twenty four years?

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. Every time I think about that, it's like, wow,

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Speaker 1: twenty four years. Yeah, that's a big chunk of your life.

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Speaker 3: Amiya Yes, it's a big chunk of my life. But

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Speaker 3: obviously there was in between's where separated for four years

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Speaker 3: and then got back together and then been separated for

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Speaker 3: seven years. But legally it has been that long. But

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Speaker 3: I would say, even though I haven't been with the

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Speaker 3: person you know for so long, it's still doing a

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Speaker 3: lot of damage to me. Yeah, just because it's not

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Speaker 3: completely over exact. But the reason why I stayed for

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Speaker 3: a long time it does have to do a lot

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Speaker 3: with my family values, because I do come from a

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Speaker 3: very traditional Hispanic family, and because I believe and I

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Speaker 3: wanted to give my children a family.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so you felt I'm doing the right thing. It

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Speaker 1: doesn't matter what happens, because that happens a lot in

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Speaker 1: our culture. My grandma did it. She stayed in her

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Speaker 1: marriage even if my Grandpa was disrespectful, was cheating. Her

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Speaker 1: whole thing was don't have another child outside of the marriage,

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Speaker 1: and I can deal with everything else. Yeah, to me,

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Speaker 1: you know, like that's a lot, but that's something that

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Speaker 1: it's very common in our culture.

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Speaker 2: It is very common.

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Speaker 3: Unfortunately, you know, we think that we're doing the good

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Speaker 3: thing by staying because of the kids. And that's one

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Speaker 3: of the reasons that I stayed, because I wanted to

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Speaker 3: give my children a father, but not like I didn't

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Speaker 3: realize that I was actually harming them. And I feel

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Speaker 3: a lot of women stay, you know, for the wrong reasons,

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Speaker 3: and at the end of the day, we end up

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Speaker 3: harming our children sore right more. And that's one of

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Speaker 3: the things that I've had to deal with.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I will tell you, I think you have

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Speaker 1: amazing children, not just because I know them personally, but

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Speaker 1: I know what they've been through and I think you've

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Speaker 1: done a very good job with them. So you should

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Speaker 1: be very proud of both of them. I appreciate that, yeah,

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Speaker 1: because I know I know it's been hard. Did he

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Speaker 1: ever in your relationship, even before kids, did he ever

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Speaker 1: like treat you like a queen?

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Speaker 3: I would say at the beginning, you know, because it

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Speaker 3: was so long ago. Yes, I would get he would

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Speaker 3: just buy me gifts. You know, he would buy me gifts.

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Speaker 3: So I thought, Okay, he's for me. It was like

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Speaker 3: he's a provider, right, He's a provider. And I didn't

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Speaker 3: know what love was. I was seventeen. Do we really

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Speaker 3: know what love is at seventeen?

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Speaker 2: We don't know?

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Speaker 1: Damn you were seventeen.

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Speaker 3: We go based off of, you know, what we were

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Speaker 3: taught in, like being raised in a traditional family.

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Speaker 2: So this is my first boyfriend. I have to marry

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Speaker 2: the first boyfriend.

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Speaker 3: I know people wouldn't think that I thought like this,

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Speaker 3: but that's the way my mentality was at seventeen.

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Speaker 2: So I'm married for all the wrong reasons.

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Speaker 3: I mean, now I understand it, you know, at the

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Speaker 3: age that I'm at, But I'm married for all the

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Speaker 3: wrong reasons because there was a lot of red flags

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Speaker 3: at the beginning, which was infidelity. But I still went

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Speaker 3: ahead and did it because I'm like, he's going to

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Speaker 3: change and he's my first boyfriend, and this is how

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Speaker 3: it's going to work out.

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Speaker 1: So way, he cheated on you before even getting married,

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Speaker 1: two weeks before stop it. Yes, a girl and you've

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Speaker 1: probably felt the pressure of like I already the bread for.

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Speaker 3: Like the wedding, and it's gonna be okay, It's gonna

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Speaker 3: be okay. I would always tell myself that it's just

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Speaker 3: it's it's mind blowing to believe that my younger self.

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Speaker 2: Thought like that.

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Speaker 1: But meyeah, you were seventeen. There's no way, Like That's

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Speaker 1: why I'm a firm believer. And if you feel you're

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Speaker 1: ready at that age or whatever to get married, I

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Speaker 1: think people are starting to get married a little older

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Speaker 1: because like that those are like your you know, you're

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Speaker 1: still developing, You're still talk about yourself. You know. I

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Speaker 1: feel like at that age, no offense to anyone, but

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Speaker 1: I feel like no one has, like no one has like.

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Speaker 2: What was he saying, they're not in the right mindset?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Like you know, it's like you shouldn't be, in

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Speaker 1: my opinion, getting married that young.

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Speaker 3: I am with you on that when and that's what

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Speaker 3: I tell my children too, like please don't comit the

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Speaker 3: same mistake, like prepare yourself, because you really don't know

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Speaker 3: who you are at seventeen, not even in your early twenties, right,

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Speaker 3: regardless of you're successful in your early twenties, but a relationship,

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Speaker 3: I just it's it's not what we all think it is.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so that's that's definitely a big red ass flag.

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Speaker 1: I didn't even know that that he had been unfaithful

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Speaker 1: two weeks before getting married. How old was he? You

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Speaker 1: were seventeen and he was held.

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Speaker 3: He let me see, he's about six years older, so

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Speaker 3: like twenty twenty four so or something like that, like

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Speaker 3: around their early twenties. He was in his early twenties,

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Speaker 3: in his early twenties.

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Speaker 1: What other flags did did you see?

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Speaker 2: See? What other red flags?

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Speaker 3: Just like the manipulation, Like god, you know what, when

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Speaker 3: I think back at it, it's I'm so numb to

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Speaker 3: like when I was seventeen. Yeah, I could tell you

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Speaker 3: more towards like when we got back together, or when

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Speaker 3: the first time after having my son that I found

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Speaker 3: out he was he was he cheated again.

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Speaker 1: So he was just unfaithful throughout the whole marriage.

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Speaker 3: Throughout the whole marriage. Throughout the whole marriage, he was unfaithful.

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Speaker 3: And I know it's very hard because a lot of

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Speaker 3: women could be like well after once, like why did

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Speaker 3: you go back?

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Speaker 2: You don't know until you're in it to be honest.

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Speaker 1: With exactly, and not only that, you had the pressure

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Speaker 1: of your family with you know, it was just tradition.

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Speaker 2: That is something that I will say it.

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Speaker 3: I love my family so much, but I always felt

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Speaker 3: a lot of pressure. And it's nothing against them, it's yeah,

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Speaker 3: it's just you know, and because I didn't want to fail,

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Speaker 3: I didn't want to fail the family traditions. I didn't

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Speaker 3: want to fail my family at which I look up

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Speaker 3: to so much. You know, I come from parents that

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Speaker 3: have been married for forty eight years and they've been through,

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Speaker 3: you know, many hard times. So I'm like, maybe I

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Speaker 3: could get through it myself too.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 3: I just wanted to make my family proud, you know,

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Speaker 3: since and you know that you or my family personally

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Speaker 3: as well, and they're amazing, they are amazing. It's just

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Speaker 3: the traditions were really implemented into me.

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Speaker 1: No, one hundred percent. And I think a lot of

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Speaker 1: women that are listening are going to be able to

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Speaker 1: understand that. And I can say that now I see

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Speaker 1: you choosing yourself and I commend you and I admire

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Speaker 1: you for staying in that relationship for your children. You know,

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Speaker 1: you were really trying to do the right thing. Until

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Speaker 1: you couldn't anymore because he just wasn't even he wasn't

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Speaker 1: doing his part. So it's like, how in the hell

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Speaker 1: this is so imbalanced? How am I going to continue

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Speaker 1: to want to make this work? And I'm forgiving you,

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Speaker 1: but you're not doing your part. You're taking it clearly granted,

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Speaker 1: you're taking my kindness for weakness, you know.

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Speaker 3: Yes, until until I had a breaking point where I

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Speaker 3: couldn't no more because I was sinking into his black,

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Speaker 3: dark world. You know where I started like getting depressed,

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Speaker 3: where sadly I started to get suicidal thoughts. I remember

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Speaker 3: clearly one time where I told my mom, and I've

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Speaker 3: been there was even times where I told you, like

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Speaker 3: I can't more, you know, And it's hard. It's hard

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Speaker 3: when when you prefer to like I would think, like

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Speaker 3: my kids are gonna be fine with my mom, you know, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: And it's hard. It's hard to it's hard to like

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Speaker 3: remember that because it's it was hard.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, of course, of course I know. I know how

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Speaker 1: much this has affected you, and that's why I'm so

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Speaker 1: grateful that you're talking to us about this semming up,

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Speaker 1: because I know it has affected you. But I think

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Speaker 1: you're getting out of that whole you know era, it's

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Speaker 1: like you are glowing like no other and and that's amazing.

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Speaker 1: It takes a lot of hard work. It takes a

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Speaker 1: lot of courage, a lot of courage.

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Speaker 3: A lot of courage to get out of such a

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Speaker 3: dark place and on your own and not medication or

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Speaker 3: and I don't it's not me judging anybody who decides

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Speaker 3: to take medication, but to actually try to do it

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Speaker 3: on your own to get out of that mental you know,

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Speaker 3: situation is it does take a lot in years, like

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Speaker 3: I've been healing for like I want to say, a

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Speaker 3: good solid four years where I've really been doing a

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Speaker 3: lot of work on myself because I want to be

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Speaker 3: good for my children.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I don't want to take you back to

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Speaker 1: these moments, but like, especially like earlier on, we can

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Speaker 1: talk about, like if you feel comfortable what happened when

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Speaker 1: you guys got back together later since you get a

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Speaker 1: little bit more fresh, But do you remember, because one

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Speaker 1: of the biggest traits of a narcissist is a love bombing.

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Speaker 1: Do you remember him love bombing?

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Speaker 2: I would say his love bombing was gifts.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so he would for instance, if he did something bad.

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Speaker 1: He would buy you something or no.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, or trips or trips like let's go to

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Speaker 2: New York.

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Speaker 3: And I would be like, and I remember clearly one incident,

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Speaker 3: I was like, I don't want to go.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to go. And then he came, he

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Speaker 2: came into my room.

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Speaker 3: He's all like, let's go, let's work this out, like

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Speaker 3: let's go have a good time, like you know, staying

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Speaker 3: at the Ritz Carlton, like in New York.

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Speaker 2: And and I just like said I didn't feel it,

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Speaker 2: but I still went ahead with it.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, Okay, well I'm already in it, like let's

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Speaker 3: see if this trip will change anything, you know. And

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Speaker 3: so it was that like like if situations would happen

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Speaker 3: like let me, let me take you here, or let's

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Speaker 3: do this like by you a ring, you know, it's

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Speaker 3: always gifts, and it was always material things.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and there were always strings attached to those things.

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Speaker 2: Alcoholism a lot a lot as well.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Also yes, yeah, you can see and I'm not

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Speaker 1: going to say his name, but you know, one of them,

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Speaker 1: well you know, my whole life. But that narcissist that

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Speaker 1: I was talking about, he would do the same thing.

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Speaker 1: He would piss me off and do something really messed

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Speaker 1: up or flirt with girls or whatever it is he

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Speaker 1: was doing. He would send me crazy flowers and then

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Speaker 1: like okay, here go singer a song, Maueroquero. He would

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Speaker 1: buy me like my rings the months. The month is uhh,

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Speaker 1: the a month is Yeah. It's like they feel that

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Speaker 1: they can't buy their way out of everything.

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Speaker 2: And it's like, and that's one of the major red flags.

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Speaker 3: I know there's a lot of little ones, and I

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Speaker 3: know everybody has a different definition for narcissism and every

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Speaker 3: situation is different.

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Speaker 2: But I feel like, you know, like if that's going

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Speaker 2: to change anything.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, not really even taking accountability for what they did.

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Speaker 1: It's more like, you know, let's just get over it,

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Speaker 1: let's go on a trip, let me buy you this,

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Speaker 1: and then they do it again and then and then

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Speaker 1: they tell you when you guys get in another fight,

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Speaker 1: be like, well, you're not happy. I just took you

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Speaker 1: to freaking Gabo Lucas or I just took you to

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Speaker 1: I just brought you this car. Like what that doesn't

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Speaker 1: show you that I love you? Like, No, what I

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Speaker 1: want to hear is let's go to therapy. I am sorry.

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Speaker 1: Like like, really with your even if you got to cry,

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Speaker 1: it's like, I'm sorry, I'm never going to put you

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Speaker 1: through that again. Like that is a real apology. It's

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Speaker 1: not just hey, let me buy you something. Of course

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Speaker 1: those things are nice, don't get me wrong, But there's

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Speaker 1: something so much deeper than that.

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Speaker 3: They don't take accountability of their actions, and they want

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Speaker 3: to then switch things and make you like you're going crazy,

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Speaker 3: like they're the victim and because of you this happened.

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Speaker 2: And when you stay, when when you stay.

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Speaker 3: So long in a relationship like this, you start to

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Speaker 3: think you are the problem. Yeah, it's crazy, it's a

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Speaker 3: it's a mind.

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Speaker 1: It's mind fucking Yeah, it's yes, it is so my

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Speaker 1: fucking That's one of the biggest things is gaslighting with them,

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Speaker 1: it's you made me do this. If you did this,

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Speaker 1: then I wouldn't act like that.

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Speaker 2: No, And then yeah, that was.

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Speaker 1: Because he would do something to upset you, and then

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden he would turn it on you

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Speaker 1: like now I'm not going to talk to you and

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Speaker 1: make you like I remember you would tell me like

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Speaker 1: he just passed by me, like I don't even exist exactly,

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Speaker 1: and you're like, what am I the problem. You would

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Speaker 1: question yourself of like you would even forget about why

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Speaker 1: you were mad at the like in the first place,

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Speaker 1: because he would turn it around so much exactly.

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Speaker 3: It created so much anxiety and created so much like concern,

301
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Speaker 3: like like like just being like just it was.

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Speaker 1: It was a lot of mental and emotional torture.

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Speaker 2: It was. It was.

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Speaker 1: So talk to us and tell us a little bit

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Speaker 1: about when you guys left each other the first time,

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Speaker 1: whatever details you want to get into or not. But

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Speaker 1: how that because you were older.

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Speaker 3: I was a little older, a little older, but I

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Speaker 3: still feel I was a little naive, and I still

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Speaker 3: feel I didn't know what was going to happen with

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Speaker 3: my life. Yeah, because I was still like in my

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Speaker 3: what was it. I was in my I want to say,

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Speaker 3: in my late twenties, like when that happened. So I

314
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Speaker 3: was still young, so young, because I got married at

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Speaker 3: twenty guys, I got married at twenty, So I got

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Speaker 3: married at a very young age. And when I found

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Speaker 3: out the thing is this is crazy. It took me

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Speaker 3: a year to gather all intel and data to be

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Speaker 3: able to confront him.

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Speaker 2: But he was in another full on blown relationship for

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Speaker 2: five years it was five years that he was in

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Speaker 2: a full blown relationship. It's crazy.

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Speaker 3: And I met the person and she was very in

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Speaker 3: love and I didn't cry, And it is what I needed,

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Speaker 3: that confirmation for my self because I wanted to know details.

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Speaker 3: I'm a person that I want to know what happened

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Speaker 3: and what went wrong because I thought I was a problem,

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Speaker 3: you know, for so many years, because they made you

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Speaker 3: think you are the problem. Yeah, and then you realize

330
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Speaker 3: I was never the problem. You know, it was it

331
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Speaker 3: was their dark world, you know, that they drag you into.

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Speaker 3: But the first time when that happened, it was I

333
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Speaker 3: was living in Arizona. So it was very difficult because

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Speaker 3: my kids were My daughter wasn't even one years old.

335
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Speaker 3: So so I left Arizona. Obviously not like the first

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Speaker 3: day or anything like that, but it took me some time,

337
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Speaker 3: and so I left and I came to live with

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Speaker 3: my parents.

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Speaker 2: But it was a very difficult process the first time.

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Speaker 1: And you guys were separated? How long?

341
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Speaker 2: Four years?

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Speaker 1: Four years? Okay, so you guys were separated four years?

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Speaker 1: And why did you go back? Was it the kids again?

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Speaker 1: Did you love him?

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Speaker 2: No? I stopped loving him sixteen years ago.

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Speaker 1: Shit, yeah, So it was solely for the kids.

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Speaker 3: And because solely for the kids, I didn't want to

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Speaker 3: be living under my parents' household.

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Speaker 2: Then I didn't like for my parents to see like,

350
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Speaker 2: what is she like, what is she doing? And I don't.

351
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Speaker 3: I just always felt like I was just sinking and sinking.

352
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Speaker 3: So I thought to myself, Okay, he's telling me that

353
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Speaker 3: he's changing. He's telling me that he wants to go back.

354
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Speaker 3: He's told me that he wants his family back, So

355
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Speaker 3: I believed him.

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Speaker 1: Were you guys already had you started the process of

357
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Speaker 1: the divorce.

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Speaker 2: I never filed.

359
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Speaker 3: Oh, I never filed at all because I was a housewife.

360
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Speaker 3: I didn't know what I was going to do with

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Speaker 3: my life.

362
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Speaker 2: I didn't know.

363
00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:34,120
Speaker 3: I started school, and I was just so confused. Honestly,

364
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:37,240
Speaker 3: it's like when you're so taken care of and then

365
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Speaker 3: all of a sudden you're thrown to the world at

366
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Speaker 3: twenty something years old. You know, it's just like, well, yeah,

367
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Speaker 3: my late twenties.

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Speaker 2: I didn't know. I was so confused.

369
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Speaker 1: I was confused because you were a housewife. So you

370
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:52,480
Speaker 1: take this is what blows my mind, guys. This man,

371
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:56,240
Speaker 1: in my eyes, had an amazing woman, thank you. This

372
00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:58,720
Speaker 1: is the only guy she's ever been with. She was

373
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Speaker 1: seventeen pure when he first met her, has two kids

374
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Speaker 1: with her house, clean, food made, and she would look hot,

375
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Speaker 1: high heels in everything.

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Speaker 2: I would dress up.

377
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:11,760
Speaker 1: I know she would dress up for him to come

378
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:15,080
Speaker 1: home and eat dinner every single day. And he still

379
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:18,360
Speaker 1: cheated and he still did this. And to me, it's because,

380
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,560
Speaker 1: in my opinion, he never loved himself, like he never

381
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:26,280
Speaker 1: definitely healed some unresolved things that he had from his childhood.

382
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:27,760
Speaker 1: He has things that he needs to take care of

383
00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:29,679
Speaker 1: and he never took the time to do that. So

384
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,239
Speaker 1: what would he do. He would use Judy as his

385
00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:36,080
Speaker 1: punching bag and project on her. And it was just

386
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:39,320
Speaker 1: like had a beautiful trophy wife at home and wasn't

387
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:40,880
Speaker 1: giving her what she needed. And that, to me, I'm

388
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,359
Speaker 1: just like, what the hell? Because you didn't work, Your

389
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:46,280
Speaker 1: home and your family was your job.

390
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Speaker 3: And I always had to be home by a certain time.

391
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Speaker 3: He would get very upset if I wasn't home by six.

392
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Speaker 3: So by the time he was home, I had to

393
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Speaker 3: be home.

394
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:55,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, Oh my gosh.

395
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:59,720
Speaker 3: And that there is narcissism, that there is controlling. They

396
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:03,119
Speaker 3: love to control you. And when they when they and

397
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:05,600
Speaker 3: when they see you down, when they see you suffering,

398
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:06,959
Speaker 3: they feed off of that.

399
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Speaker 2: It's like.

400
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:15,919
Speaker 3: You know, it's like, see, it's so like my ego,

401
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:17,159
Speaker 3: Like my ego.

402
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,800
Speaker 1: Is here exactly, let me suck everything out of you.

403
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,840
Speaker 2: Yes, they want to suck everything out of you.

404
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,960
Speaker 1: And see this is the thing you were. You were

405
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,040
Speaker 1: you did the right thing, what felt right in the moment,

406
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:32,000
Speaker 1: what you had seen in your household. So you put

407
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:34,600
Speaker 1: all your eggs in one basket. You weren't working or anything.

408
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,800
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of women don't realize that,

409
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:41,399
Speaker 1: like you just said, control, they if it's not the

410
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:46,000
Speaker 1: right person, then they feel that this is their way

411
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:48,359
Speaker 1: of controlling. And they control the money because they're not

412
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,720
Speaker 1: making their own money. So and that was your that

413
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:54,480
Speaker 1: was your position you you were making your own money.

414
00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:56,800
Speaker 1: You depended on him fully like you were, like I

415
00:19:56,840 --> 00:20:01,760
Speaker 1: got married to do my duties as a wife and

416
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,879
Speaker 1: I'm basically in a way, it feels like I'm at

417
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,960
Speaker 1: your disposal. And that's how he felt. That's what he

418
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,080
Speaker 1: wanted to make you feel.

419
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Speaker 2: And it's like I have to do everything because.

420
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Speaker 3: So I'm thankful, I'm grateful you know what, he's under

421
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:17,520
Speaker 3: a lot of stress.

422
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:18,280
Speaker 2: You know, it's okay.

423
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,720
Speaker 3: When I got pregnant with Alfredo, he started going to

424
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:23,160
Speaker 3: another room because you know what, Like he would cry

425
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:24,960
Speaker 3: so and I'm like, I have to be understanding because

426
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,439
Speaker 3: he wakes up so early to go to work and

427
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:30,240
Speaker 3: then come back and then let me be the understanding wife.

428
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:34,600
Speaker 3: You know it's sami, and but little do you know,

429
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,320
Speaker 3: it's because he was doing what he was doing.

430
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:39,919
Speaker 1: It's yeah, oh my gosh, that sounds so famire. The

431
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:41,640
Speaker 1: same thing happened to me. I know, give it went

432
00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:44,040
Speaker 1: sat but you know what I mean, actually, no, no,

433
00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:45,640
Speaker 1: give it went soap because at the end of the day,

434
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:50,240
Speaker 1: I learned and that helped me learn what I didn't

435
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:52,040
Speaker 1: want and what I did want in a relationship. I

436
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:54,000
Speaker 1: had to go through that. We had to go through

437
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:58,880
Speaker 1: this in order to grow and appreciate what we have now,

438
00:20:59,280 --> 00:20:59,840
Speaker 1: you know what I mean.

439
00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:00,720
Speaker 2: Definitely.

440
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:06,320
Speaker 1: Yeah. And so when you guys got back together and

441
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,400
Speaker 1: you trusted him and he's like, I want this back,

442
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:12,239
Speaker 1: and you know, I want my family. What happened, Like,

443
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,600
Speaker 1: you guys got back together, what were the red flags? Then?

444
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:18,080
Speaker 1: Do you remember? So the financials is that when you

445
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:20,520
Speaker 1: had already when you guys were separated, did you open

446
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,600
Speaker 1: Victoria's Boutique or was it?

447
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,679
Speaker 2: Yes, Yeah, Victoria's Moutique was already open.

448
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:27,200
Speaker 1: But I you were a thriving girl.

449
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:28,239
Speaker 2: I was.

450
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:32,480
Speaker 3: I was, And that's something that I opened just from

451
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,639
Speaker 3: the despite of everything that I was going through, you know,

452
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:37,080
Speaker 3: But that's a whole different story. All that all started,

453
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:40,720
Speaker 3: but it had to. That came from the pain. Victoria's

454
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:41,720
Speaker 3: Boutique came from the pain.

455
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,160
Speaker 1: Oh I see. So for you, it was like I'm

456
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:47,120
Speaker 1: going to start something because you probably do you remember

457
00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:49,040
Speaker 1: feeling like that, Like when you guys got separated, you

458
00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:51,320
Speaker 1: felt like, oh my gosh, like I gave all my

459
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:53,879
Speaker 1: life to this person. He didn't appreciate it. Now what

460
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:55,600
Speaker 1: do I have? So you're like, I need to build

461
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:56,560
Speaker 1: something for myself.

462
00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:00,560
Speaker 3: Yes, because he's always been a very successful he has

463
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:02,080
Speaker 3: a very successful career.

464
00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:04,840
Speaker 2: So he's always had something to lean on. I never did.

465
00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:07,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, so that's why I had to create something out

466
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:08,399
Speaker 3: of nothine.

467
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:11,880
Speaker 1: And yeah, it's called Victoria's Boutique twenty twelve guys, because

468
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:15,040
Speaker 1: she opened it in twenty twelve. Victoria's their daughter. That's

469
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:18,680
Speaker 1: my goddaughter. And that's how we met, you guys. Just

470
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,520
Speaker 1: to give you guys a little bit of backstory, Like, so,

471
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:23,320
Speaker 1: Judia and I met through, thank god, through Victoria's boutique.

472
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:25,439
Speaker 1: So I'm always going to be grateful to Victoria's boutique

473
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,040
Speaker 1: because we met in LA. She's like, hey, I want

474
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:29,399
Speaker 1: to send you some clothes, and I'm like, heck you.

475
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:30,160
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my god.

476
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:31,919
Speaker 1: And then her and I she brought it to me

477
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:35,600
Speaker 1: personally looking fabulous, and I was like, damn, this gross

478
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:39,280
Speaker 1: being WAPPI. You know, she's very good looking and very professional,

479
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:40,960
Speaker 1: and she brought me all kinds of clothes and I

480
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,160
Speaker 1: was like, oh my goodness. She I could just see

481
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:46,439
Speaker 1: like she was a hustler, you know. And so we

482
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:48,440
Speaker 1: hit it off and we became friends and the friendship

483
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:51,040
Speaker 1: started developing, and then I met him and I met

484
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:54,720
Speaker 1: the kids and everything, and it was the first online

485
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:57,280
Speaker 1: boutique that I ever recognized. I didn't even know online

486
00:22:57,280 --> 00:23:00,639
Speaker 1: boutiques existed. I could tell you, guys, Victoria's boutique was

487
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:03,800
Speaker 1: one of the first. And you were doing really well.

488
00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:08,000
Speaker 1: So I think, in my opinion, that was one of

489
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:10,600
Speaker 1: the things of like, oh, she's doing well, she could

490
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:12,280
Speaker 1: do it without me. Let me go back in there

491
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:15,720
Speaker 1: and fuck with her a little bit and convince her

492
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:18,960
Speaker 1: that I want her back. And I think that's when

493
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:21,439
Speaker 1: he started tormenting you because you were working so much. Right,

494
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,359
Speaker 1: you guys got back together, and he didn't like it.

495
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,719
Speaker 3: He was never happy for me, like we had separate accounts,

496
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:28,640
Speaker 3: but we I would always tell him like, oh my god,

497
00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:31,360
Speaker 3: like I'm doing so good, I'm doing so good, and

498
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:34,520
Speaker 3: I always felt that the happiness wasn't genuine. And there

499
00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 3: came a point where he said, well, you need to

500
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:39,200
Speaker 3: you need to figure out how you're going to manage

501
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:41,560
Speaker 3: like when I get home, like I need my wife

502
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:45,200
Speaker 3: right and like stop working. But I'm like I was thriving,

503
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:47,080
Speaker 3: do you know what I mean? And I try to

504
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:50,520
Speaker 3: make that work until like I saw him like not

505
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:52,639
Speaker 3: doing his job as a husband. So I'm like, you

506
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:53,679
Speaker 3: know what, I'm gonna go back to work in my

507
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:56,200
Speaker 3: garage and it's fine, Like kids are taking care of myself.

508
00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:57,960
Speaker 3: I still take care of the kids, like and he

509
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:00,520
Speaker 3: kind of just like I wasn't going to let him

510
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:04,560
Speaker 3: bring me down, but sometimes he would, and for a

511
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:06,560
Speaker 3: couple of months, sometimes the business wouldn't do good because

512
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,760
Speaker 3: I was trying to take care of the marriage, you

513
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 3: get me.

514
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:10,240
Speaker 2: So it was a lot of back and forth.

515
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:12,280
Speaker 1: Do you feel like if you had his full on,

516
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:16,280
Speaker 1: honest support it would have been easier to juggle both.

517
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:20,280
Speaker 3: Of course, right, But but a person like that doesn't

518
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:23,320
Speaker 3: see those things. A person like that, their energy is

519
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,560
Speaker 3: very negative and it ends up actually energy is everything,

520
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 3: and it ends up actually affecting your business as well.

521
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:33,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, and he was jealous. I think he was just

522
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,920
Speaker 1: jealous that you found your own you know.

523
00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:42,000
Speaker 3: I honestly feel he was jealous and modamvien, you know,

524
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:51,520
Speaker 3: like they want you to depend on them, like because

525
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:52,639
Speaker 3: that's the way they control you.

526
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:55,199
Speaker 2: You know.

527
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,920
Speaker 3: I remember many times, like when things were like gonna end,

528
00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:00,480
Speaker 3: he would use the health insurance and and I'm like.

529
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:01,400
Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, that's right.

530
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:03,440
Speaker 3: Like I don't know why I would believe him about

531
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:06,719
Speaker 3: health insurance, Like, no, it is not a like like

532
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,320
Speaker 3: was like health insurance, you know what I mean, Like

533
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:11,440
Speaker 3: was going to take It's so weird.

534
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:13,800
Speaker 1: Like because he paid for your guys a health insurance. Ye,

535
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:19,359
Speaker 1: Like it's okay. I mean you he was your first,

536
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:21,960
Speaker 1: he was your first. Everything you believed him like he

537
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:23,440
Speaker 1: was surprised you.

538
00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:24,960
Speaker 2: But I wasn't even in love with him.

539
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:26,840
Speaker 3: But I'm like, but I have two kids with him,

540
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:29,480
Speaker 3: so he would want to take care of us, right,

541
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:37,640
Speaker 3: because it's like it's your blood. No, guys, it's it's.

542
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:38,359
Speaker 1: And you know what now in retrospect, and and and

543
00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:42,480
Speaker 1: and and I mean this so respectfully, I think, and

544
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:45,359
Speaker 1: I could be wrong, but I think like in a

545
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:50,159
Speaker 1: narcissist's mind, they're always planning and thinking and always like

546
00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 1: have like h an agenda. So I feel like, not

547
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:56,159
Speaker 1: that he didn't, I don't know. I don't think that

548
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:57,800
Speaker 1: he ever loved you the right way, but I think

549
00:25:57,840 --> 00:25:59,560
Speaker 1: that when he saw that you were doing well with

550
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:02,200
Speaker 1: Victoria Boutique, He's like, I'm going to get myself in there,

551
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:06,679
Speaker 1: and like he knew that whatever is yours is his

552
00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:09,880
Speaker 1: and vice versa. So I think he was almost had

553
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:11,880
Speaker 1: like a freaking plan because it's not like he came

554
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:14,760
Speaker 1: back and was like miraculously a better person.

555
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:17,840
Speaker 3: No, And there's a reason why First Boutique is closed

556
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:20,399
Speaker 3: right now, you know, it's it's it is. That's a

557
00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:30,880
Speaker 3: whole different story as well. But none of us, you know, okay,

558
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:33,080
Speaker 3: because I was the house hurt me a lot too,

559
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:34,720
Speaker 3: So it's just like.

560
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:39,640
Speaker 2: I feel he would be really happy, like to see

561
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:41,880
Speaker 2: me on the streets, you know. And it's it's sad.

562
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:44,359
Speaker 3: It is sad because he has put me through so

563
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:47,639
Speaker 3: much and currently still is, you know, and and I'm

564
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:50,200
Speaker 3: at the end of it. But it's just like until when,

565
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,800
Speaker 3: you know, like what else when I when I go.

566
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:55,119
Speaker 3: I've always told myself and it's it's been hard, but

567
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:57,359
Speaker 3: it's the one thing that you cannot take is my light.

568
00:26:57,440 --> 00:26:59,439
Speaker 3: When God gives you l like you're always going to

569
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:02,480
Speaker 3: be light and when even wants to get to you,

570
00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:04,800
Speaker 3: like regardless of how many times you fall, you're always

571
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:06,880
Speaker 3: going to get up. And I feel that that's been

572
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:09,080
Speaker 3: my thing, you know, like when I feel depressed, like

573
00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:11,520
Speaker 3: I always get up and thank God I have such

574
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:16,000
Speaker 3: a good family support and good friends, you know, and

575
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:18,159
Speaker 3: you have always been there for me. So I'm always

576
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:20,119
Speaker 3: going to be grateful for the rest of my life

577
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:22,720
Speaker 3: for all that you have done for us, and for

578
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 3: being there for me, and for being the shoulder to

579
00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:26,240
Speaker 3: cry on when I need.

580
00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:28,600
Speaker 1: To always, I mean, I'm here. I will always be

581
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:32,639
Speaker 1: here for you, I know how much. Even closing Victoria's

582
00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:35,000
Speaker 1: boutique has hurt you, you know, because that's your baby.

583
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:38,840
Speaker 1: But you're just it's a pause, it's not a closing,

584
00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:41,320
Speaker 1: it's a pause for now until we get through this

585
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:46,679
Speaker 1: divorce that's been seven years, because he hasn't been nice

586
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:50,040
Speaker 1: and to me, I just feel like you did so

587
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:52,600
Speaker 1: much damage and she took care of the household and

588
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:54,400
Speaker 1: the kids and took care of you for so many years,

589
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:54,880
Speaker 1: Like why are.

590
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 2: You and he's not even part of the kid's life.

591
00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:59,600
Speaker 1: Yeah at all, part of didn't even children?

592
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:02,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, has it even seen the children? So that's more.

593
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 3: That's more like I can't process. I know I'm not

594
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:10,679
Speaker 3: the only woman that goes through this, and I know

595
00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:12,560
Speaker 3: a lot of women will be able to relate to

596
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:15,159
Speaker 3: this because there's all there's a lot of us that

597
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:16,800
Speaker 3: that go through this, you know, and.

598
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:19,399
Speaker 1: Absolutely and may not even know that you're that you

599
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:21,640
Speaker 1: are married or you're dating a narcissist.

600
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:24,480
Speaker 3: And I've lived a very private life, so this is

601
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 3: this is something big for me to open up. And

602
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:30,160
Speaker 3: but I feel I feel ready because I feel that's

603
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:34,480
Speaker 3: also part of breaking generational is it generational curses? You know,

604
00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:36,480
Speaker 3: to be able to speak about it because before it's

605
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:41,760
Speaker 3: like umilia, no, because.

606
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 1: And this is your story to tell and this is

607
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 1: your truth. And now that you're healing, and you said

608
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:58,680
Speaker 1: you've been on this healing process for about four or

609
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:01,120
Speaker 1: five years. Now, what what does this look like? What

610
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,480
Speaker 1: is it that is different about you from the judy

611
00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:07,120
Speaker 1: today than the duty that was in a marriage with

612
00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:07,840
Speaker 1: a narcissist?

613
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:12,960
Speaker 3: Like actively peace, I have so much peace, something that

614
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 3: I haven't felt and for years. It's like I would say,

615
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:20,720
Speaker 3: in the past two years, regardless of the divorce, but

616
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:23,000
Speaker 3: ever since I moved out from that previous home that

617
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:24,760
Speaker 3: the past two years, like, I feel so much peace

618
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:27,320
Speaker 3: where I'm at now, you know, having my children and

619
00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:30,640
Speaker 3: even though times can be difficult, you know, you learn

620
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:32,440
Speaker 3: how to navigate through through life.

621
00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:35,680
Speaker 2: So boil is he to keep past? It is sort

622
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:40,320
Speaker 2: of incredibly I protect myself so much more from people. Yeah,

623
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:42,760
Speaker 2: you know, and I've isolated myself from a lot of

624
00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 2: people from my past.

625
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:47,479
Speaker 3: So I don't know if that really answers your question.

626
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:49,280
Speaker 3: You know, it does different.

627
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:53,160
Speaker 1: It does because I think what you've done to heal

628
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:55,960
Speaker 1: is precisely that. Like you mentioned your house, the house

629
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,640
Speaker 1: that you shared with him. It was a very difficult

630
00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:00,440
Speaker 1: decision for you to say I'm going to sell this

631
00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 1: because it was no longer peaceful there. And I think

632
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:06,440
Speaker 1: it was that was part of your feeling, like making

633
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:08,600
Speaker 1: those difficult decisions of like I have to sell this

634
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:12,360
Speaker 1: house because I want to cut this cord, even the

635
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:14,560
Speaker 1: hard decision I tried though.

636
00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:18,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I tried so hard to keep it as

637
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:20,920
Speaker 3: much as I could and to like cutting it, like

638
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:22,400
Speaker 3: it was financially draining me.

639
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 2: I just emotionally couldn't couldn't do it no more. So.

640
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:28,640
Speaker 2: It took a lot.

641
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:30,600
Speaker 3: And I remember that conversation that I told my father,

642
00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:32,040
Speaker 3: I'm going to take the step and I'm going to

643
00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:34,840
Speaker 3: let this go. Talk to my children, I said, we're

644
00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:36,800
Speaker 3: gonna let this house go. They cried a lot, and

645
00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:40,360
Speaker 3: I will remember forever that day when the real estate

646
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:43,160
Speaker 3: ancent left the house and we were standing in the

647
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,080
Speaker 3: living room and me and my kids just hug each

648
00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:47,640
Speaker 3: other and just said, like everything's gonna be okay. Yeah,

649
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:48,800
Speaker 3: you know it was hard.

650
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:52,200
Speaker 1: I know, I know, I know it was hard, but

651
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 1: I think it was very necessary it was for you

652
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:55,680
Speaker 1: and the kids.

653
00:30:56,040 --> 00:30:59,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm so grateful, Like it's it's been tough, but

654
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:01,680
Speaker 3: I know, like I'm at the end and I feel it,

655
00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:04,440
Speaker 3: but I'm grateful for actually those tough moments, believe it

656
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:06,200
Speaker 3: or not, even though they've been difficult, I wouldn't be

657
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:08,520
Speaker 3: the woman that I am if I want to have gone.

658
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:10,560
Speaker 2: Through all that. Absolutely, at the end of the day,

659
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:11,440
Speaker 2: I do, thank God.

660
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:16,719
Speaker 1: And now now that you're dating and stuff like, do

661
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:20,360
Speaker 1: you can you recognize now the red flags? Like now

662
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:22,240
Speaker 1: can you're like, oh wait a second.

663
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:25,320
Speaker 3: Most definitely, But I would say recently, I'm better.

664
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:27,680
Speaker 2: You know. It took me a long time to even

665
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 2: start to date.

666
00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:31,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, because I I've always dedicated myself to

667
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:34,360
Speaker 3: my kids. So now that they're older, now that I

668
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 3: have a son that's in college and I have my

669
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 3: daughter who's a senior and about to go to college,

670
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 3: I feel ready. I feel ready to healthy date, right,

671
00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:45,360
Speaker 3: like healthy date. And when I say say date, it's

672
00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:47,360
Speaker 3: not like, oh my god, you're dating multiple men, you know,

673
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:51,200
Speaker 3: it's not even like that because because I do protect

674
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:54,560
Speaker 3: my energy so much. So that's another thing too, like

675
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:57,440
Speaker 3: if you buy, I'm so intuitive, like you're intuitive, like

676
00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:59,960
Speaker 3: my I always say, like your third eye is open, right,

677
00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:03,760
Speaker 3: So it's like you. You respect your boundaries even more

678
00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:10,280
Speaker 3: boundaries is a big thing. So if you're not aligning

679
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:13,000
Speaker 3: with my values, then I'm not going to waste my time.

680
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:14,760
Speaker 2: And it's okay. And thank you so much, you know,

681
00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:15,440
Speaker 2: for your time.

682
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:18,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm glad you're giving yourself the chance because you

683
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:20,600
Speaker 1: deserve it and you're a great woman. I always tell

684
00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:22,440
Speaker 1: you this, if I was a man, even if I

685
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:23,760
Speaker 1: wasn't a man and I was a married girl, I

686
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:25,560
Speaker 1: would day, chow us, I would have already married you.

687
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:28,120
Speaker 2: What did I tell you? What did I say? We

688
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:29,240
Speaker 2: would have a fucking.

689
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:34,640
Speaker 1: Heck. Yeah, I was like, dude, someone better swoop you up.

690
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:37,520
Speaker 1: Before I got married to a meet, I would tell her.

691
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 1: I would always tell her. I was like, dude, let's

692
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,080
Speaker 1: just get married. Let's get married. We don't have to

693
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 1: be sexual. We'll just get married by a house together,

694
00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:49,520
Speaker 1: get the tax deductions. I know, and that's it, you know,

695
00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:52,120
Speaker 1: Like I really that was like she's a freaking awesome woman.

696
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:53,760
Speaker 1: And I'm not just saying that because she's my best friend,

697
00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:56,200
Speaker 1: but she really is. You guys, and and you thank you.

698
00:32:56,480 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 1: I'm so happy to hear that you're you're freaking open

699
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 1: into this and talking about values because you just said

700
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:03,760
Speaker 1: about like you know, if you're not going to waste

701
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:05,720
Speaker 1: your time or the other person's time. Like, what is

702
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:07,920
Speaker 1: it that you're looking for in a man now? Like

703
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,160
Speaker 1: what are the traits? What are the things that you

704
00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:15,080
Speaker 1: want now? Coming from a very dark place in a

705
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:17,800
Speaker 1: dark marriage, now that you're in the light, what is

706
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:19,080
Speaker 1: it that Judy wants in a man?

707
00:33:19,680 --> 00:33:21,360
Speaker 2: A man that makes you feel safe?

708
00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 1: Mm?

709
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:24,760
Speaker 2: Girl, Yes, a man that makes you feel safe? And

710
00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:25,520
Speaker 2: you know when you.

711
00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:28,479
Speaker 1: Know, you know, And we're not even talking financially, not

712
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:30,040
Speaker 1: about emotionally.

713
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 2: That's the thing.

714
00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:34,040
Speaker 3: Like it's not even talking about financials, right, Like, as

715
00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 3: long as it's a hard, hardworking man, I don't care

716
00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:38,080
Speaker 3: what you do, but as long as you strive to

717
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:42,720
Speaker 3: do better for yourself, like Gattle, that's something to admire, right.

718
00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:46,000
Speaker 3: But someone that makes you feel safe because I've always

719
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:48,520
Speaker 3: had to be I've always had to be in this

720
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:51,800
Speaker 3: like my masculine energy, right, a protector because i have

721
00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:54,560
Speaker 3: my children, i have my home. So if I've done

722
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:56,760
Speaker 3: it on my own and I've been through so many

723
00:33:56,800 --> 00:34:00,040
Speaker 3: trials in life, you best believe.

724
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:02,880
Speaker 2: I'm okay being alone, Like I'm not.

725
00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:05,440
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna try to keep like to try to

726
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:09,080
Speaker 3: keep anybody around for the wrong reasons. So making me

727
00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:13,760
Speaker 3: feel safe is an important thing. Loyalty obviously, like loyalty

728
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:14,959
Speaker 3: in respect.

729
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:17,120
Speaker 1: And honesty even with the ugly stuff.

730
00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:20,120
Speaker 3: Oh my god, honesty, Like yes, I would say, make

731
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 3: me feel safe, safe, honesty, loyalty, respect, communication obviously like communication.

732
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 3: And there's so many things that we could go into,

733
00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:34,320
Speaker 3: but one of those closes is camargazine keeps like safe persona,

734
00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:36,360
Speaker 3: everything's gonna be okay.

735
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:38,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, like you feel like even if I lived in

736
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:42,240
Speaker 1: a box with this person, Yes, I got it. Yeah, Yeah,

737
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:45,920
Speaker 1: that's a writer die, a writer, a baby ger Okay.

738
00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:48,600
Speaker 1: And what about like a religious person, do you need

739
00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 1: a religious person? Are you okay with a person that

740
00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:52,840
Speaker 1: doesn't believe in God? Like I'm just asking you just

741
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:53,600
Speaker 1: because I'm nosy, you.

742
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:56,719
Speaker 3: Know, no, it's okay as long as they are spiritual

743
00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:59,759
Speaker 3: and they are a good human being. Ten years ago,

744
00:34:59,840 --> 00:35:01,200
Speaker 3: like I have told you, oh, he has to be

745
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:04,800
Speaker 3: Catholic because I was raised Catholic. Going through my healing process,

746
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:08,080
Speaker 3: I'm not going to say that, Oh I'm not Catholic anymore,

747
00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:10,880
Speaker 3: but I became more of a spiritual person. I became

748
00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:13,000
Speaker 3: more about doing right in life because I feel this

749
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:20,560
Speaker 3: world needs more of that and do good in life,

750
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:22,959
Speaker 3: so that's more important to me to have a good heart.

751
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:24,800
Speaker 1: Uh huh. I agree.

752
00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:28,040
Speaker 3: I don't care if the person is Christian, Catholic, Muslim,

753
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:30,319
Speaker 3: whatever the case is, you know, as long as they

754
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:32,840
Speaker 3: are a great human being and they bring value to

755
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:35,000
Speaker 3: my life, because I know what value I could bring

756
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:35,720
Speaker 3: to your life.

757
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:40,120
Speaker 1: Amen, girl, Hell yeah, I love that. And you know what,

758
00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:42,400
Speaker 1: I wrote some things down for you guys because I

759
00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:44,799
Speaker 1: know we talked about it here with with Judy. But

760
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:48,560
Speaker 1: also there is healthy narcissism. I do think that we

761
00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:51,360
Speaker 1: all have a little bit of it in us. We

762
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:53,719
Speaker 1: just have to control it, you know. But a healthy

763
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:58,920
Speaker 1: narcissism looks like confidence, ambition, and self respect. Obviously, anything excessive,

764
00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:03,640
Speaker 1: it becomes the other side, a toxic narcissism. When we

765
00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:07,799
Speaker 1: talked about it is obviously gaslighting, manipulation, blame shifting, which

766
00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:14,720
Speaker 1: we talked about, entitlement. They feel very entitled, no accountability whatsoever. Okay,

767
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:19,360
Speaker 1: common narcissistic behaviors. Just so you guys have some context,

768
00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:22,799
Speaker 1: just in case, you know, like you're questioning you know,

769
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:25,600
Speaker 1: I want to make it very clear. Lack of empathy

770
00:36:25,719 --> 00:36:29,680
Speaker 1: is huge, minimizing your feelings, making everything about them. And

771
00:36:29,719 --> 00:36:32,280
Speaker 1: I'm telling you because I have lived this, you guys,

772
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:36,520
Speaker 1: and how they would switch things on me is crazy.

773
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:42,160
Speaker 1: Like it's insane. Grandosity, okay, exaggerating achievements, that's what. That's

774
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:47,440
Speaker 1: another thing, special treatment, expectations. Judy talks about this a

775
00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:49,920
Speaker 1: little bit like, Okay, you're gonna work, but you better

776
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:51,719
Speaker 1: like turn that off and then you come and take

777
00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:53,640
Speaker 1: care of your husband and make sure that my shoes

778
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:59,480
Speaker 1: are shined, like boy, chill out, need of constant validation,

779
00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:03,799
Speaker 1: fish for compliments, upset when not admired. I used to

780
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:07,040
Speaker 1: deal with that. Again, it's crazy. And you know the

781
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:11,680
Speaker 1: first time I heard this word narcissistic or narcissism was

782
00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:13,920
Speaker 1: from my Mommy. Did I ever tell you that? No.

783
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:16,560
Speaker 1: I didn't even know this word existed until I was

784
00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:20,120
Speaker 1: twenty six years old. My mom told me that I

785
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:23,640
Speaker 1: was narcissistic, and I was like, yes, yeah, she told

786
00:37:23,680 --> 00:37:26,560
Speaker 1: me that, okay, And I was like, what is this?

787
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:29,600
Speaker 1: And I started looking it up. I started looking it

788
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:32,799
Speaker 1: up and I researched and I was like, I went

789
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:34,400
Speaker 1: down a rabbit hole, and I was like, wait, this

790
00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:36,960
Speaker 1: doesn't feel like me. I'm like, I was so hurt

791
00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:39,880
Speaker 1: because obviously all I wanted was my mom's love and approval.

792
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:43,640
Speaker 1: And I started realizing, like right now, when I read

793
00:37:43,719 --> 00:37:47,880
Speaker 1: this part upset when I admired, my mom would get upset,

794
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:50,719
Speaker 1: like if I didn't laugh at the bad things that

795
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 1: I didn't agree with, or certain things that happened in

796
00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:55,160
Speaker 1: her career, like she I don't know if you ever

797
00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:57,959
Speaker 1: saw this video, and she poured She poured the beer

798
00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:01,839
Speaker 1: over some girls head on stage because the girl threw

799
00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:03,440
Speaker 1: a beer at her on stage, which I get.

800
00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:06,319
Speaker 2: I remember seeing like a clip on social media.

801
00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:09,560
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, and then she called her on stage. The

802
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:13,200
Speaker 1: girl was clearly out of her mind drunk. I don't

803
00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:17,359
Speaker 1: excuse what she did, but my mom poured a whole

804
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:20,960
Speaker 1: beer on her head on stage on stage and humiliated her.

805
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:24,880
Speaker 1: And I cannot want to judge my mom because I

806
00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:27,000
Speaker 1: don't like when someone threw something at me on stage.

807
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:29,520
Speaker 1: It pissed me off. But when she came home that

808
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:31,480
Speaker 1: weekend from the show and it was all over social

809
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:33,799
Speaker 1: media and like the whole thing I told my mom,

810
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:35,680
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't agree with that, Mom, like

811
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:38,040
Speaker 1: you're an artist, you have to like control yourself, and

812
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:40,960
Speaker 1: like she was really upset, like she did not like

813
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:43,719
Speaker 1: that I went against everyone else was laughing like oh, yeah,

814
00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:45,399
Speaker 1: you did good and this and that, like yes people,

815
00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:47,000
Speaker 1: and I was like not laughing, and she's like why

816
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:49,680
Speaker 1: aren't you laughing? Like what's wrong with you? Are you mad?

817
00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:51,200
Speaker 1: And I'm like, mom, I just don't agree with that,

818
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:53,480
Speaker 1: Like I don't think that you should do that, like

819
00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:56,080
Speaker 1: you are an artist, and like I get it, like

820
00:38:56,239 --> 00:38:59,040
Speaker 1: have your security handle that kind of stuff. And that's

821
00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:00,560
Speaker 1: why right now, when I read that, I was like,

822
00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:02,680
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, like it just reminded me of her.

823
00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:04,960
Speaker 1: Like I can't say, yeah, I can't say she was

824
00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:07,360
Speaker 1: a narcissist. I could have my opinions. I'm like maybe,

825
00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:09,040
Speaker 1: But when she called me that, I was like, is

826
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:13,440
Speaker 1: she projecting? Because narcissists attended to project. Yes, they project,

827
00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:15,080
Speaker 1: they turned shit around on you.

828
00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:17,040
Speaker 2: Yes, exactly they do.

829
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:19,440
Speaker 1: Yeah. So anyway, I have a lot a lot of

830
00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:23,279
Speaker 1: other things that I wrote, but just you know, you

831
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:25,879
Speaker 1: guys look it up. And also before we close it out,

832
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:27,520
Speaker 1: I do want to ask you a mega if there's

833
00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:31,600
Speaker 1: any advice that you can give women who find themselves

834
00:39:31,719 --> 00:39:37,160
Speaker 1: in these bad situations. And also do you think, looking back,

835
00:39:37,239 --> 00:39:39,279
Speaker 1: if you had the choice right now to do it

836
00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:41,480
Speaker 1: all over again, would you.

837
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:45,080
Speaker 3: Okay, I actually did write something down on the guards

838
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:48,000
Speaker 3: because no, because I feel, you know, like if you're

839
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:51,839
Speaker 3: stuck to really like we're in a relationship where where

840
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:54,319
Speaker 3: you are shining just to keep the peace. You know

841
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:56,520
Speaker 3: you don't have to stay. You know, you don't have

842
00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:59,120
Speaker 3: to lose yourself to keep a family together. Your kids

843
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:03,200
Speaker 3: need hapiness more than your sacrifice. And when I wrote that,

844
00:40:03,239 --> 00:40:06,200
Speaker 3: it's it's I wish, you know, but I know it's

845
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:09,520
Speaker 3: easier said than done. But yeah, you know, just know

846
00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:11,440
Speaker 3: that you're not alone and that you don't have to

847
00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:14,560
Speaker 3: stay for someone you know, because they they'll suck you

848
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:17,600
Speaker 3: into that world. So you know, look for help, talk

849
00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:21,040
Speaker 3: to someone you know to try to get out of

850
00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:23,160
Speaker 3: the situation. Because I know a lot of people say

851
00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:25,960
Speaker 3: for finances as well. No, it's another thing. Sometimes it's

852
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:27,800
Speaker 3: not just because of the kids, it's because of finances.

853
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:29,880
Speaker 3: So just know that you don't have to stay just

854
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:32,000
Speaker 3: so someone else, you know, you have to sacrifice.

855
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:34,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, and do you think that if you would have

856
00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:37,800
Speaker 1: left sooner, it would have been better for your kids.

857
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:41,759
Speaker 3: Maybe, Oh my God, ad one hundred percent, because my

858
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:45,200
Speaker 3: business was thriving. If I I don't like to think

859
00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:48,360
Speaker 3: of the what if anymore because you could, really you

860
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:50,319
Speaker 3: could get lost in it and you cannot proceed in

861
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:53,640
Speaker 3: life and heal. And you know it's like, yep, soul

862
00:40:54,719 --> 00:40:56,960
Speaker 3: I got tonal schools. Mo these think that No, I

863
00:40:56,960 --> 00:41:00,600
Speaker 3: got sal those meat that I say. I have continued

864
00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:02,919
Speaker 3: working hard and I would have been able to buy

865
00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:05,360
Speaker 3: the home by myself because at the day, you know

866
00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:06,680
Speaker 3: what I mean, like would have been able to do

867
00:41:06,719 --> 00:41:10,560
Speaker 3: it on my own, so that I wouldn't have done that, Yeah,

868
00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:11,680
Speaker 3: I wouldn't have so.

869
00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:14,200
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, you learned, you grew,

870
00:41:15,040 --> 00:41:17,160
Speaker 1: and you're learning now and I think that God is

871
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:20,600
Speaker 1: giving you a second chance. And I really do believe

872
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:24,200
Speaker 1: that you can bring back Victoria's boutique. And we're all waiting.

873
00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:27,200
Speaker 2: So I am so grateful.

874
00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:29,440
Speaker 3: I'm so grateful for the community that I have created,

875
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:31,600
Speaker 3: for the respect to that a lot of women give me,

876
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:34,920
Speaker 3: and I'm always going to appreciate that and I'm not

877
00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:37,759
Speaker 3: going to let them down. So when the time is right,

878
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:40,480
Speaker 3: when this is over. I do want to come back

879
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:42,160
Speaker 3: in a different version.

880
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:45,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, and God willing, We're going to come back with

881
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:46,280
Speaker 1: the bank Bank.

882
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:49,439
Speaker 2: Yes, Yes, with the big bank yah, the bank Bank. Yes.

883
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:53,360
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well you're glowing, Amiga. And again I've said it

884
00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:54,960
Speaker 1: like I don't know how many times on right now,

885
00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:57,840
Speaker 1: but I really, I really mean it, like I'm so proud.

886
00:41:58,640 --> 00:41:59,880
Speaker 1: I'm very proud of you, and I'm proud of the

887
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:04,399
Speaker 1: kids too, because of course I love you for.

888
00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:06,839
Speaker 3: Being there for us always. You are a big part

889
00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:09,000
Speaker 3: of our life, so forever grateful.

890
00:42:09,719 --> 00:42:10,160
Speaker 2: I love you.

891
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:11,680
Speaker 1: She's my soul sister.

892
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:14,280
Speaker 2: Guys, I am guys, So you want to know.

893
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:20,400
Speaker 1: Just to make it to you, I said, because in

894
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:22,000
Speaker 1: the beginning of the intro, I was like one of

895
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:23,920
Speaker 1: my best friends. I have a lot of friends, but

896
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:27,280
Speaker 1: like really, my only, only, like hardcore best friend is Judy.

897
00:42:27,520 --> 00:42:29,919
Speaker 1: It's the truth. Like it's not to make anyone feel bad.

898
00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:32,640
Speaker 1: I love all my friends very much, but the one

899
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:35,760
Speaker 1: I run to is Judy. This is my first Okay,

900
00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:45,120
Speaker 1: I said it on the pod. Finally, finally, thank you

901
00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:48,120
Speaker 1: so much for being on and guys, thank you guys

902
00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:52,400
Speaker 1: for listening, thank you for being here. Like Judy said,

903
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:55,399
Speaker 1: if you find yourself in this situation, and now after

904
00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:58,160
Speaker 1: listening to this episode, you realize, oh my goodness, I

905
00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:02,600
Speaker 1: am with a narcissister. My myself, I myself am a narcissist.

906
00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:05,480
Speaker 1: We can all change. And I've told you guys this

907
00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:08,279
Speaker 1: before in medio. My husband always says that he was

908
00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:11,279
Speaker 1: a narcissist, and I think through therapy and wanting to

909
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:13,640
Speaker 1: do the right thing and not wanting to repeat patterns,

910
00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:16,120
Speaker 1: he made the choice to change. And I do see

911
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:18,360
Speaker 1: that he has changed. And obviously I'm experiencive and I

912
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:21,799
Speaker 1: wouldn't have married him. But people can change. And that's

913
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:23,600
Speaker 1: not to say, Okay, leave your husband you're in this

914
00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:28,440
Speaker 1: bad situation, but definitely recognizing it, finding help, going to therapy,

915
00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:32,120
Speaker 1: reading books on it, doing your research therapy, Yes, will

916
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:35,840
Speaker 1: definitely help a lot. Guys, So thank you for listening.

917
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:38,600
Speaker 1: I love you and Amiga Damo. Thank you for coming on,

918
00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:41,520
Speaker 1: and I'll catch you guys on the next episode of

919
00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:48,600
Speaker 1: Cheeky's and Chill. This is a production of iHeartRadio and

920
00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:52,319
Speaker 1: the Michael Dura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at

921
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:56,640
Speaker 1: Michael Doura Podcasts, then follow me Cheeky's that's Chiqui s.

922
00:43:57,160 --> 00:44:00,680
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeart Radio, Apple

923
00:44:00,760 --> 00:44:03,920
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast