Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine.
Speaker 2: Oh hello Chelsea. Thanksgiving Day today.
Speaker 3: Oh, Happy Thanksgiving, guys, Happy Thanksgiving. I am in the
Speaker 3: process of picking out a new dog, a rescue, a
Speaker 3: half chow rescue. I'm dealing with this chow chow company
Speaker 3: in Houston that only has chows. I'm forgetting a dog
Speaker 3: for Whistler. I'm bringing one dog to Whistler. Bernice does
Speaker 3: not like Whistler, so she's going to stay back with
Speaker 3: my Belle and her lover, Fernando, who's my Bell's son.
Speaker 3: They send me illicted pictures of them multiple times a day,
Speaker 3: of her in bed with Fernando under his arms, sleeping
Speaker 3: under the covers, which is a joke because she doesn't
Speaker 3: fucking do that, so obviously they're staging these photos. Anyway,
Speaker 3: I am leaving her behind because I feel like it's
Speaker 3: abuse of making her come to Whistler with me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sometimes just don't travel.
Speaker 3: I don't want her to have to travel, so, but
Speaker 3: I do need a dog, so I'm gonna pick one
Speaker 3: up and get a winter dog.
Speaker 1: And I am choosing between three male dogs.
Speaker 3: One is named Doug, one is named Albi, and one
Speaker 3: is named Jim and I there are all between one
Speaker 3: to two years and they're not like the most they're not.
Speaker 3: I really want a full full chow. I want the
Speaker 3: full blown Yeah, but I don't want to buy a dog.
Speaker 3: I think that's gross. I probably will do it anyway
Speaker 3: at some point, but I'm gonna rescue now. Good for you,
Speaker 3: and I'm gonna yeah. So I'm just gonna keep you
Speaker 3: posted on that. I'm just they're not the cutest dogs
Speaker 3: in the world. Like, I have a type a face,
Speaker 3: and these are all very cute.
Speaker 1: Dogs, but they're not.
Speaker 3: I just want to say, that's how great of a
Speaker 3: parent I am. I'm still gonna get a dog, but
Speaker 3: I don't think is perfect.
Speaker 1: Don't judge a dog, Bay, it's cover, No, I know.
Speaker 1: I learned that the hard way.
Speaker 3: I sat next to somebody at an event recently and
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, no, I'm sitting next to this person,
Speaker 3: and then we had a fucking blast and I'm.
Speaker 1: Like, oh, I like you.
Speaker 4: Sometimes people are surprising, Yeah they are.
Speaker 3: It's hard not to judge a book by its cover,
Speaker 3: because sometimes people make it so hard to not judge
Speaker 3: them by the way they look, because they're the way
Speaker 3: they look is so ridiculous, right, or.
Speaker 5: Like they they look like a specific kind of person
Speaker 5: you already have sort of a groove for in your brain,
Speaker 5: and you're like, oh, they're gonna be like this, and
Speaker 5: then sometimes.
Speaker 2: They just like shock you.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: I remember growing up like I was always afraid to
Speaker 5: go into hot topic. But that's like where they had
Speaker 5: all the stuff that I wanted to buy, and I
Speaker 5: finally braved it and went in. Well, I was like
Speaker 5: in sixth grade, and then everyone in there was so nice,
Speaker 5: and I was like, wait, all.
Speaker 2: The nicest people are actually in hot topic?
Speaker 1: What is hot topic?
Speaker 5: Oh, it's like the goth teenagers at them all. That's
Speaker 5: why I haven't heard of it back.
Speaker 2: When we had malls. You are headed to Whistler soon.
Speaker 4: How long are you going for I'm going for winter, yes,
Speaker 4: like four months.
Speaker 1: Yeah, is December through.
Speaker 3: I have all my Canadian dates there, so I'm doing
Speaker 3: I'm basing myself out of Whistler.
Speaker 1: My house is still not ready. It'll never be ready.
Speaker 1: I guess your house here.
Speaker 3: And I just came from a meeting again. I'm constantly
Speaker 3: going to meetings and then I'm constantly picking out things.
Speaker 3: I'm like, didn't we already pick this out? I really
Speaker 3: can't even express how long this has taken.
Speaker 5: No, truly, Like when we met, you were shopping for
Speaker 5: a house and then you bought one and it's still
Speaker 5: being ready me.
Speaker 3: I mean, I would love the time frame because it
Speaker 3: was supposed to be ready in August.
Speaker 1: Before that, it was supposed to be ready in June. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Now we're in at the end of November and they're
Speaker 1: saying December.
Speaker 5: So we started record I think in February twenty twenty one.
Speaker 3: Well, and I spent two years in a rental house,
Speaker 3: so that's to raisis to twenty three.
Speaker 2: Here we are two and a half years later.
Speaker 3: Couldn't happen to a better person, you guys, couldn't happen
Speaker 3: to a better person?
Speaker 2: So true, Chelsea. We have a pretty exciting guest today.
Speaker 3: Please welcome co host of the Hawk Versus Wolf podcast
Speaker 3: and skateboarding the Legend, Tony Hawk.
Speaker 2: Hi, Hi, Tony Hawk.
Speaker 1: Tony Hawk is with here.
Speaker 3: Tony Hawk is with here today. Everybody okay, and I'm
Speaker 3: here too with us?
Speaker 1: Tony. How are you nice to meet you?
Speaker 6: You too, Thank you? Thanks for having me. I'm good.
Speaker 1: I don't think we've ever met before.
Speaker 6: I feel like we know a lot of the same people,
Speaker 6: but I don't think we've officially met. So nice to
Speaker 6: meet you. Thank you. Yeah, I'm a big fan.
Speaker 1: Oh well, thank you.
Speaker 3: Likewise, I mean, I'm a very big admirer of everything
Speaker 3: you've accomplished in your life in your sport. I know
Speaker 3: that you came big on the scene with skateboarding. You
Speaker 3: were like it was the eighties and you invented it's
Speaker 3: called the nine hun. Can you explain to our female
Speaker 3: listeners what that is in case any of them don't know.
Speaker 6: Yeah, well, that refers to degrees of rotation, So it
Speaker 6: is basically a two and a half spin in the air,
Speaker 6: kind of like what you would see on a trapeze,
Speaker 6: but from a ramp and coming back down the ramp
Speaker 6: without anything to catch you.
Speaker 3: How does it compare to what Simone Biles has been
Speaker 3: up to these last few weeks.
Speaker 6: I it would be like if Simone Biles was trying
Speaker 6: a trick for five or ten years and then she
Speaker 6: finally made it once.
Speaker 1: Yeah okay, and then also landed on wheels. Well yeah,
Speaker 1: well she might not be far behind you.
Speaker 6: I'm not discounting what she does at all. I'm a
Speaker 6: huge fan of Simone Biles. I'm just saying like, this
Speaker 6: was more of a thing that I had been trying
Speaker 6: off and on for the better part of ten years
Speaker 6: of my life and then finally made it during the
Speaker 6: X Games in nineteen ninety nine. So it resonated a
Speaker 6: lot and it was a big deal for me because
Speaker 6: it was it was sort of the end of my
Speaker 6: competition era, so it was a good out.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Seriously, I did a bunch of people mimic you after
Speaker 3: or tried to. Were they able to also?
Speaker 6: Yeah? Yeaheah. Actually within that same year, two other guys
Speaker 6: did it, and nowadays, honestly, like it's not very commonplace,
Speaker 6: but there is a dozen or so people that can
Speaker 6: do it, and now they have managed to surpass that
Speaker 6: with extra spins all the way up to a twelve sixty,
Speaker 6: So now we have three and a half spins. It's
Speaker 6: on a bigger ramp, so it's a different it's a
Speaker 6: different setup, but it's amazing to me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that is amazing.
Speaker 3: So when you when you're able to perfect something like that,
Speaker 3: how many more times are you able to do it?
Speaker 3: After you were able to pull it off at the
Speaker 3: X Games.
Speaker 6: I could after that, I could do it pretty regularly.
Speaker 6: I would say I probably did it forty to fifty
Speaker 6: times after that. It's kind of like when you when
Speaker 6: you know it's possible. Yeah, it's a little easier to navigate.
Speaker 1: Uh huh. And when was the last time you were
Speaker 1: able to pull that off?
Speaker 6: I did it about five years ago, six years ago,
Speaker 6: and it was so hard to do at that I
Speaker 6: mean I was forty it was forty eight at the time,
Speaker 6: and it was so hard to do. I was like,
Speaker 6: that's definitely the last one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I liked what I read about you.
Speaker 3: About you so skateboarding, you were kind of it was
Speaker 3: like very hot during a certain period of time, and
Speaker 3: then it kind of dulled a little bit. Then it
Speaker 3: blew up again when your video game came out, and
Speaker 3: that's how a lot of people were introduced back into
Speaker 3: skateboarding and it became hot again. So what was tell
Speaker 3: me about that, And you had a hand in your
Speaker 3: video game, I'm assuming, Oh, no, I was.
Speaker 6: I was very much involved.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I think there was a perfect storm of events happening.
Speaker 6: At the time. Skating was in a lull of popularity,
Speaker 6: it was still progressing, and there was still obviously very
Speaker 6: passionate people doing it, but all the parks were closed.
Speaker 6: It was more like a street element, street culture thing.
Speaker 6: And then the X games came around in ninety five.
Speaker 6: They built up some momentum for skating, and then our
Speaker 6: video game was released in nineteen ninety nine. We had
Speaker 6: worked on it for nearly two years up to that point,
Speaker 6: and it was kind of like skateboarding was hitting Astride
Speaker 6: the video game hit, and then that was the tipping point,
Speaker 6: and then skating was just kind of in the mainstream.
Speaker 3: Talk to me a little bit about recently. Didn't you
Speaker 3: have a you broke your femur, right, I did. How
Speaker 3: was that during skateboarding?
Speaker 6: I was during skateboarding, yes, uh.
Speaker 1: And that was more recent. That was like a year
Speaker 1: or always.
Speaker 6: That was last March. Yeah.
Speaker 3: First of all, let's talk about mental health during an injury,
Speaker 3: because especially when you're an athlete, I want to talk
Speaker 3: about being an athlete and your mental health space transitioning
Speaker 3: kind of out of being at the top of your game,
Speaker 3: meaning your youth, and what that does because you have children.
Speaker 3: I know you have children who and one of them
Speaker 3: is a pro skateboarder, correct, So talk to me about
Speaker 3: what that is like a let's start from transitioning out
Speaker 3: of your career, because you, I mean, there is no
Speaker 3: one who's more famous for skateboarding than you are.
Speaker 1: And so what did that feel like.
Speaker 6: When you say transitioning out of being at the top
Speaker 6: of your game. That was a very hard and fast
Speaker 6: transition for me because I felt like I was still
Speaker 6: skating up to my potential at that time. And then
Speaker 6: I fucked around and found out, like I, you know,
Speaker 6: that was it. I was doing a trick that I
Speaker 6: had done thousands of times. I didn't have enough speed
Speaker 6: or I didn't have the usual amount of speed. I
Speaker 6: came down on the ramp sooner than expected and just
Speaker 6: couldn't adjust for it. And this thing, I know, my
Speaker 6: leg is pointing the other direction. And the recovery for
Speaker 6: that was very difficult. I've actually had sort of a
Speaker 6: failed round of recovery because I got back on my
Speaker 6: skateboard too soon, so I had to have surgery again
Speaker 6: about eight months later. And ever since then, I've been
Speaker 6: humbled in terms of what I expect of my skating,
Speaker 6: what I expect of myself, what it means to be
Speaker 6: a professional, what it means to be even relevant on
Speaker 6: a skateboard, and I've definitely toned down all my expectations
Speaker 6: since then and just happy to be skating again. So
Speaker 6: mentally it was it was really difficult for me because
Speaker 6: I felt like that was my identity, even though I
Speaker 6: have a lot of other things that I do, and
Speaker 6: I advocate for skating and public skate parks and the like,
Speaker 6: but I was always wrapped up in walking the walk,
Speaker 6: and when that was taken away from me for my
Speaker 6: own fault, I had to wrestle with all that. And
Speaker 6: I've come to a place where I'm just glad to
Speaker 6: be able to do it at all and it doesn't
Speaker 6: have to be at that level, but I did it
Speaker 6: at that level for so long that it was it
Speaker 6: was very difficult to let go of.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I find it fascinating with athletes, you know, when
Speaker 3: they retire, when they have to kind of transition out
Speaker 3: of their sport because of age and because of their
Speaker 3: body just isn't willing to cooperate anymore. What that must
Speaker 3: what that must mean for them, Because I know how
Speaker 3: much irrelevancy I get from work, you know, and if
Speaker 3: someone said, oh you can't you know, you're not allowed to.
Speaker 1: Talk anymore, or what, I don't know how I would
Speaker 1: compute that.
Speaker 3: Now, is that something you dealt with, like on your
Speaker 3: own did you deal with did you have to go
Speaker 3: to therapy for this?
Speaker 6: I do see a therapists regularly, and he definitely helped
Speaker 6: with giving me that perspective. My wife was really the
Speaker 6: one who was the most helpful, because she's the one
Speaker 6: who gives it to me straight and is like, look,
Speaker 6: you represent more than just riding your skateboard, and you
Speaker 6: should embrace that more and be thankful for that and
Speaker 6: lean into it. And she's right. And so when I go, like,
Speaker 6: for instance, if I go to do a skate exhibition,
Speaker 6: now I am not so hyper fixated on my own performance.
Speaker 6: I'm just soaked to be in the mix. Yeah, and
Speaker 6: I'm happy that people want to see me even so,
Speaker 6: I've lowered my expectation and it's more enjoyable that way.
Speaker 6: I think that's what it is. I was always so
Speaker 6: driven and so motivated to do the absolute best I
Speaker 6: could possibly do that I lost sight of just the
Speaker 6: enjoyment of the act of it and the scenarios where
Speaker 6: I get to be like I get to travel the
Speaker 6: world and ride my skateboard and people pay me to
Speaker 6: do that that's just wild. I'm fifty five.
Speaker 1: I know it's crazy.
Speaker 3: It's crazy that you're still skateboarding at fifty five years old.
Speaker 3: I mean, hopefully that's a new norm that people will,
Speaker 3: you know, be able to.
Speaker 6: I'm the guinea pig for how far you can try everybody.
Speaker 3: But I think what you're describing is missing gratitude for
Speaker 3: what you're doing in the.
Speaker 1: First place, right, Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 3: In place of the competitive spirit become you become like
Speaker 3: a little bit more spiritually awake and aligned and realize
Speaker 3: how grateful you should be to be here in the
Speaker 3: first place, with everything you've accomplished, right, and then you're
Speaker 3: able to kind of show up in a different way.
Speaker 6: Yeah, absolutely, and take it in more, you know, because
Speaker 6: it's more just swallowing your pride and realizing, look, you're
Speaker 6: not gonna you're not going to be killing it, you're
Speaker 6: not the best out there, and have fun. And I'm
Speaker 6: learning to have a lot more fun.
Speaker 3: And so how are you with your son that is
Speaker 3: a pro skateboarder, Like, how do you guide him?
Speaker 1: Shall I say?
Speaker 3: And instill in him some of the things that maybe
Speaker 3: you wished you had known or learned at that time.
Speaker 6: I think I just help him to navigate the business
Speaker 6: aspects of it more. He really has his own flare,
Speaker 6: his own style, and he's very creative and he's always
Speaker 6: motivated to do new things. So that I feel like
Speaker 6: is something that was just more inherent to him. But
Speaker 6: in terms of making good business moves and what will
Speaker 6: resonate more, what will have more long term effect for him,
Speaker 6: are the things that he needs help with. And but
Speaker 6: I trust his sensibilities and so I think he just
Speaker 6: sees me as sort of Okay, that's one way to
Speaker 6: do it, and I can grab parts from that. It's
Speaker 6: a little bit more challenging for him because he's not
Speaker 6: on social media anymore because that was really messing with
Speaker 6: his mental health. And he is engaged to Francis Bean Cobaine,
Speaker 6: so that there was a lot of scrutiny for them,
Speaker 6: and so they both bounced from social media just for
Speaker 6: their own their own health.
Speaker 3: Oh cheez, I can only imagine, Oh my god, And
Speaker 3: are they still engaged?
Speaker 6: Do you get married?
Speaker 1: Oh oh fantastic, Great, that's a success.
Speaker 3: Then get away from social media if you want to
Speaker 3: salvage your relationship, I mean, and many other things. So
Speaker 3: since this is kind of like sort of a sensitive
Speaker 3: it's not a sensitive podcast, but you know, we try
Speaker 3: and talk about meaningful things. I would love to hear
Speaker 3: from you about yourself, Like, what are the things that
Speaker 3: you've learned about yourself since you've had to discover this
Speaker 3: kind of different style of life where it was skateboarding
Speaker 3: isn't necessarily at the center all the time.
Speaker 1: What are the things that you like that you've learned
Speaker 1: about yourself.
Speaker 6: I think that I'm good at more domestic routines better
Speaker 6: than I thought I was, and a good parent in
Speaker 6: terms of being available, being supportive, always being ready to
Speaker 6: drive wherever and whenever, and so I think those things
Speaker 6: I knew I was good at them, but they were
Speaker 6: but I was always just home for a couple of
Speaker 6: days and doing these things and then off on tour
Speaker 6: and whatnot. So it was hard to keep that balance.
Speaker 6: And I think that I have a much healthier sense
Speaker 6: of that balance. And I know that my kids can
Speaker 6: turn to me and I will be available to them
Speaker 6: at any given time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've heard a lot of really famous men talk
Speaker 3: about this. I heard something Bruce Springsteen said, and then
Speaker 3: there was another.
Speaker 1: Maybe it was Dave Grohl.
Speaker 3: There and then there was another man who's talking about
Speaker 3: they were only really tested to do the domestic aspects
Speaker 3: of their life or participate in the domestic aspects of
Speaker 3: their life.
Speaker 1: When their wife was like, listen, you're going to miss
Speaker 1: all of this.
Speaker 3: Either participate in this, be up in the mornings that's
Speaker 3: when they're at their best, or you've got to be
Speaker 3: doing the school runs. You've got to be with them
Speaker 3: when it's not the thing to be with them, like
Speaker 3: when it's not an event in the real life moments.
Speaker 1: And the benefit that that.
Speaker 3: Seems to have on men is just it's really a
Speaker 3: beautiful thing.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I think so. I think that I was doing
Speaker 6: those things, but I was doing them in pockets and
Speaker 6: not in a truly long assistance since, like I said,
Speaker 6: because I was a home here and there and then
Speaker 6: then not. But then now I have made a much
Speaker 6: more concerted effort to be home for long stretches at
Speaker 6: a time. So there is that consistency, and it's it's great,
Speaker 6: you know. It's it's exhausting, just like anything any parenting
Speaker 6: would be. And I feel for the moms that are
Speaker 6: doing it alone. But it's it's it's rewarding, it's the
Speaker 6: most rewarding thing.
Speaker 1: I believe you.
Speaker 3: I believe when people say it's rewarding, I can see
Speaker 3: that it's rewarding. It just seems unfathobble to someone like
Speaker 3: me who has zero children, that any person or two
Speaker 3: people even could raise four children. It seems crazy, like
Speaker 3: I just don't even understand how. And I'm from a
Speaker 3: family of six children. But we were kind of left,
Speaker 3: you know, to do whatever the hell we felt like it.
Speaker 3: But we still survived and we're all working and living.
Speaker 3: So it's pretty amazing when you think about bringing that
Speaker 3: many people into the world and then just kind of
Speaker 3: ushering them through life.
Speaker 6: Right, it is, but you get better at it. So unfortunately,
Speaker 6: your first one or two kids, you know, they're sort
Speaker 6: of the tests for how it's going to go, right,
Speaker 6: but everyone knows that that's how it goes, and you know,
Speaker 6: sometimes they become the caretakers of sorts. But I agree
Speaker 6: with you. We actually my wife in between us, we
Speaker 6: have six oh and so there were years where it
Speaker 6: was like four kids in school mode but going to
Speaker 6: different schools, and that got very challenging, but you figure
Speaker 6: it out. It's hard when you see it from a
Speaker 6: different perspective, and the most rewarding thing is when you
Speaker 6: see them make good choices. It sounds cliche, but it is.
Speaker 6: It's true, Like you see that you've given them at
Speaker 6: least a sense of values and the tools to make
Speaker 6: a good decision in a challenging time. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I always am very surprised by my nieces who always
Speaker 3: show extraordinary strength and like their philosophy on life. I'm like,
Speaker 3: or they know how to make a decision. I'm like,
Speaker 3: how did you know that? I didn't know that at
Speaker 3: that age. It's like kids, Kids are smarter from social
Speaker 3: media and dummer from social media, but also smarter just
Speaker 3: because of evolution, right, everybody keeps getting smarter.
Speaker 1: It seems like I know that you open like nine
Speaker 1: hundred skate parks? Is that right?
Speaker 6: Through our foundation we've helped to you know, we've helped
Speaker 6: to open I think over seven or eight hundred now
Speaker 6: with a lot more in the works.
Speaker 1: That's incredible in lower sociate economic neighborhoods, right.
Speaker 6: Yeah, just underserved areas. It all started with the idea
Speaker 6: that it was like around two thousand and two, I
Speaker 6: believe skating was really starting to explode and there were
Speaker 6: very few facilities and I saw that firsthand, and I
Speaker 6: ended up getting invited to a few big grand openings
Speaker 6: of skate parks, and there was one in particular that
Speaker 6: I went to and the city council was so excited
Speaker 6: because they thought that they were cool, they thought they
Speaker 6: were progressive. They made a skate park for their their community.
Speaker 6: And the park was so so par because it was
Speaker 6: built by a sidewalk contractor that got the lowest bid
Speaker 6: to do the work, didn't know how to make a
Speaker 6: skate park. And I went to the park and I
Speaker 6: got to be the first one to ride it, and
Speaker 6: they were all up against the fence I got. I
Speaker 6: went the night before us and no one was watching
Speaker 6: me except for the city council members, and they all like,
Speaker 6: what do you think of the park? What do you
Speaker 6: think of the park? And I said, Oh, it's terrible. It's
Speaker 6: not fun, it's not functional. You've got stairs leading up
Speaker 6: to a wall, like I don't understand who designed it.
Speaker 6: And they said, well, you know what, that's what all
Speaker 6: the kids were saying when we were building it. But
Speaker 6: then we said, wait till Tony Hawk gets here and
Speaker 6: I'll show you how to ride it. And in that
Speaker 6: moment I thought like, this is just a bad cycle
Speaker 6: that has to be turned. And I thought, if that's
Speaker 6: what they're telling, you know, they're saying that I'm the
Speaker 6: one that they're leaning on to ride it properly. Maybe
Speaker 6: I'm the one that they that people would listen to
Speaker 6: and say, look, this is not how you do it.
Speaker 6: You've got to include the local skaters, You've got to
Speaker 6: include the local community. You have to go with experience
Speaker 6: skate park builders. And I went on who Wants to
Speaker 6: Be a Millionaire with Regis within that same month and
Speaker 6: one one hundred and twenty five thousand dollars and that
Speaker 6: was the seed money for what became the skate park project.
Speaker 3: It's incredible, and yeah, that's incredible, incredible contribution.
Speaker 1: Nice.
Speaker 3: Is this something you envisioned to do at some point
Speaker 3: in your life?
Speaker 6: Oh? Absolutely, I mean todate, we've given away over nine
Speaker 6: million dollars and I'm here advocating for it as much
Speaker 6: as I can. I'm always a big part of it.
Speaker 6: In fact, we just raised over seven hundred thousand dollars
Speaker 6: this year with this online competition that we did through Colossal,
Speaker 6: and so I'm still very much involved.
Speaker 3: Something that you talk about that, I can relate to
Speaker 3: a lot is envisioning what you want to happen happening,
Speaker 3: Like when you focus on the negative, that can become bigger,
Speaker 3: and when you focus on the positive, then that can
Speaker 3: become your reality.
Speaker 1: So will you speak to me a little bit about
Speaker 1: that in terms of competition or in regular life.
Speaker 6: I think my best parallel to that is how how
Speaker 6: I approach learning new tricks. And my approach to learning
Speaker 6: new tricks is that it is possible, and I have
Speaker 6: visualized it to completion and the success of it, and
Speaker 6: I don't go at it going man, I hope I
Speaker 6: don't get hurt. You know, oh, I just might go wrong,
Speaker 6: because if those things are in my head, those are
Speaker 6: the ones that end up coming to fruition. So I'm
Speaker 6: always on in the moment, even if it's like extremely
Speaker 6: difficult and I'm exhausted, I'm still there, going, this is possible.
Speaker 6: You got to make it happen. And sometimes it doesn't
Speaker 6: happen that day, but eventually it does happen. And so
Speaker 6: I have the same approach to life in terms of
Speaker 6: how we raise our kids, what we wish for them,
Speaker 6: We help them through our positivity and through our not expectations,
Speaker 6: but hopes for them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well your your visions of positive it's like a
Speaker 3: positive like, you know, envisioning positive outcomes for everything is
Speaker 3: a really great way to go through life, to go
Speaker 3: through anything.
Speaker 1: I mean to constantly worry, worry, worry.
Speaker 3: I mean, just had this experience with a friend who
Speaker 3: was so worried about the situation, so worried, so worried,
Speaker 3: so worried, and I'm like, I couldn't get to her
Speaker 3: to explain to her, like the worrying is actually making
Speaker 3: the problem bigger than it needs to be. This is
Speaker 3: an unlikely outcome, and you are focusing on the most
Speaker 3: unlikely outcome rather than.
Speaker 6: The most extreme scenario.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, rather what the most positive outcome could be.
Speaker 3: And sure enough, we just found out this weekend that
Speaker 3: the most positive outcome happened exactly what she had been
Speaker 3: worried about happening, you know, the opposite thing happened. And
Speaker 3: I know it's hard to tell people not to worry,
Speaker 3: you know, because it's that's like in your it's like
Speaker 3: in part of your DNA and your genetic makeup, I think,
Speaker 3: but there is a practice that to be learned of
Speaker 3: thinking positive lee about things, and positivity does have definitely
Speaker 3: breeds more positivity. There's no doubt about that that can
Speaker 3: be scientifically proven at this point. Do you do any
Speaker 3: sort of meditation or anything like that, Tony.
Speaker 6: I don't. I feel like my skating has always been
Speaker 6: my meditation, and I sense that more now than ever.
Speaker 6: For instance, we were just traveling a bunch and going
Speaker 6: to much events. I did not get to skate for
Speaker 6: almost two weeks, and I felt very on edge and realized,
Speaker 6: you know, I wouldn't have connected that before. I would
Speaker 6: just have related it to stress or whatever, or a
Speaker 6: crazy schedule. But I realized, like, I haven't skated, and
Speaker 6: I went skated for a couple hours the other day,
Speaker 6: and all that anxiety just washed away. And I wasn't
Speaker 6: pushing it hard. I wasn't trying anything extravagant or dangerous.
Speaker 6: It was just more that I got out there and
Speaker 6: that was my meditation.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's interesting when you talk about, like, you know,
Speaker 3: athletes and like the tremendous pressure you I'm sure experienced
Speaker 3: as a younger competitor, the pressure that you put on
Speaker 3: yourself attached to the very thing you love the most
Speaker 3: to do and even at that time, being able to
Speaker 3: imagine a time where you could enjoy it without the pressure.
Speaker 6: It is, yeah, and I don't. And he used to
Speaker 6: always be I needed a directive, I needed a goal,
Speaker 6: like I need. I needed something to aspire to when
Speaker 6: I'd go skate and I and now it's just like,
Speaker 6: I just want to go out there and play the
Speaker 6: hits and cruise and have fun and see my friends
Speaker 6: and laugh and then go home sweaty. That's what I'm
Speaker 6: aspiring to cute.
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 3: Okay, Well, we're going to take a quick break and
Speaker 3: then we're going to be right back and we're going
Speaker 3: to take.
Speaker 1: Some calls and we're back.
Speaker 2: We're back. Are you ready to give some advice? Tony?
Speaker 6: Oh, I don't know. Are my kids calling in? If so, yes,
Speaker 6: they are not.
Speaker 1: We blocked them from calling. Don't worry. They wanted to,
Speaker 1: but we said no, absolutely not.
Speaker 5: Wet's start with a caller. Our first email comes from Chris.
Speaker 5: Chris says, Dear Chelsea. When my kids were grown, I
Speaker 5: went back to college during a nasty divorce. I started
Speaker 5: taking ski lessons through the school to deal with the stress,
Speaker 5: and I loved it. There was something about writing to
Speaker 5: the top and feeling the freedom of looking down the
Speaker 5: mountain or the bunny slope in the beginning, and I
Speaker 5: felt great every time I made it to the bottom.
Speaker 2: As I started to get better, the man.
Speaker 5: I was dating at the time decided I should go
Speaker 5: skiing with him, which to this day I regret. He
Speaker 5: had skied his whole life and had me moving across
Speaker 5: the mountain from the beginner slopes to the harder ones
Speaker 5: without even looking back to see how I was doing.
Speaker 5: When I was coming down a harder slope, someone hit
Speaker 5: me and I fell. He left me in the injury
Speaker 5: hut and continued to ski, and yes, we broke up
Speaker 5: shortly after that. I needed surgery and was in recovery
Speaker 5: for a while.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, yeah, Oh my god.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 5: My question is I've gone skiing since this happened, but
Speaker 5: I'm still afraid that someone is going to run into me.
Speaker 5: Do you have any advice or tricks that could help
Speaker 5: me in overcoming my fear. I want to have that
Speaker 5: feeling of freedom and that sense of accomplishment I had
Speaker 5: in the beginning without being afraid.
Speaker 4: Thanks Chris, and she'll join us here.
Speaker 1: Oh is that Chris? She looks like a beautiful meadow. Hi, Chris, Hi,
Speaker 1: CHRISI Hi, how are you?
Speaker 8: Thank you? I am in the beautiful meadow.
Speaker 1: That's a nice background. Well, our special guest here is
Speaker 1: Tony Hawk. Tony, I'm going to let.
Speaker 3: You start with this since it's a overcoming a fear
Speaker 3: kind of question, and then I will chime in.
Speaker 6: Well, I'm sorry that happened to you, and just know
Speaker 6: that it is very unlikely for that sort of thing
Speaker 6: to happen, especially when you're on the sort of beginner
Speaker 6: intermediate slopes. Generally, people are all sort of looking out
Speaker 6: for each other unless someone is very beginner and out
Speaker 6: of control. But I think that you survived a worst
Speaker 6: case scenario for the most part, and it's you know,
Speaker 6: the old, the old cliche, get back on the horse.
Speaker 6: If you get back out there and you really just
Speaker 6: start to enjoy it and enjoy the freedom of it,
Speaker 6: I think you'll gain that confidence back and also you'll
Speaker 6: be able to be more aware of your surroundings.
Speaker 7: Right, thank you.
Speaker 8: Yes, I do want that freedom back to enjoy because
Speaker 8: I loved it. I loved every second of it until
Speaker 8: that happen, and now I have like this gripping fear,
Speaker 8: and now I'm like so tense and I want to
Speaker 8: get back to where I was.
Speaker 6: But you're also being led by someone with great experience
Speaker 6: and not considering that maybe you shouldn't be in those
Speaker 6: areas or and that kind of thing can really be
Speaker 6: a recipe for disaster.
Speaker 1: M absolutely listen.
Speaker 3: Part of your fear that you've already walked through the
Speaker 3: door of it, because you're already back out there trying
Speaker 3: to ski again.
Speaker 1: So that's half of it.
Speaker 3: Okay, you've already stepped through that doorway, and you don't
Speaker 3: have to live in that fear because you're not going
Speaker 3: to put yourself in that situation again. You're not going
Speaker 3: to put yourself on a mountain or a run that
Speaker 3: doesn't feel comfortable to you. You're going to take it
Speaker 3: easy and you're going to enjoy the very thing you
Speaker 3: loved about skiing, which was the open air and the
Speaker 3: freedom within it and going down a hill at whatever
Speaker 3: speed you feel comfortable in without overdoing it. I had
Speaker 3: been dragged down a mountain by a man before. I
Speaker 3: have ended up in a gully by myself that I
Speaker 3: had to climb out of my ski boots with and
Speaker 3: I never spoke to that man again either. So there
Speaker 3: can be a lack of conscientiousness regarding others, especially when
Speaker 3: you are around men and sports. They think, just keep up,
Speaker 3: if you're worth your assault, you'll be able to find
Speaker 3: me at the bottom of the hill. And the answer
Speaker 3: to that is fuck off. So I'm glad that you
Speaker 3: never spoke to him again. I'm glad that you're healthy
Speaker 3: enough to be using your body again to ski and
Speaker 3: do the very thing that he introduced you to. So
Speaker 3: there is a silver lining. You know, the person that
Speaker 3: kind of gave you a bad experience is also the
Speaker 3: one who introduced you to the experience.
Speaker 1: Correct, No, he was not.
Speaker 8: I started skiing after a divorce and I wanted to
Speaker 8: try something new and something free, and that's what I
Speaker 8: started with. It just that he just came along after that.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well think of that as a second divorce. And
Speaker 1: now you can party. Okay.
Speaker 3: So you've gotten those two people out of your way
Speaker 3: and now you can have a good time. And I
Speaker 3: think you should just say a little mantra to yourself
Speaker 3: when you are skiing down the mountain. I am safe,
Speaker 3: I am okay, I am careful, I am safe.
Speaker 1: I'm okay. I'm careful. Just don't put yourself in a
Speaker 1: situation where you're out of your element.
Speaker 3: And even if you do, even if you end up
Speaker 3: on a scarier run than you're used to, you're still safe.
Speaker 3: You just proceed with caution, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: You have more skills now and then you did then,
Speaker 3: And you proceed with caution, and just remind yourself you're
Speaker 3: gonna be okay.
Speaker 1: You're gonna be okay. And I think if you repeat.
Speaker 3: That to yourself while you're skiing, it starts to kind
Speaker 3: of live in your body in a little bit more
Speaker 3: of a deep, more meaningful way.
Speaker 5: And I think taking a step that's a little easier
Speaker 5: than what you think is sort of your max. You know,
Speaker 5: one step easier than what you're you feel comfortable with
Speaker 5: might get you back doing.
Speaker 2: It a little bit more.
Speaker 5: But if you aren't finding that you're able to get
Speaker 5: past this fear, you might try some EMDR therapy. I
Speaker 5: think for an event like this, that can help you
Speaker 5: process the trauma and also sort of reframe it.
Speaker 2: Especially for something that's.
Speaker 5: So physical and hadst long recovery time, which I know
Speaker 5: Tony went through just recently as well, that can help
Speaker 5: with this lingering fear in the back of your mind
Speaker 5: of like, oh my gosh, there's somebody going to crash
Speaker 5: into me.
Speaker 6: It'll get easier, though each time you might not notice
Speaker 6: how incremental it is. But at some point you'll be
Speaker 6: on the on the slopes thinking, oh, I'm not worried
Speaker 6: about that anymore, and it'll happen.
Speaker 8: Great, because I'd like to hit up Blake Placid this
Speaker 8: year if I'm lucky.
Speaker 1: Do it, do it, do it well? Then come on,
Speaker 1: let's do it.
Speaker 2: Go you got it, Chris, send us a picture from
Speaker 2: the slopes.
Speaker 8: Okay, I will definitely do that. I thank you and
Speaker 8: thank you so much for your time and help today.
Speaker 8: I really really appreciate it.
Speaker 1: Oh, you're so welcome. Thanks for calling in.
Speaker 7: Thanks Chris, thank you.
Speaker 1: Right bye, guys, good bye. That was easy. Problem solved.
Speaker 1: To see how easy that was, we'll see.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 5: No, but I do think what you said, you know
Speaker 5: about having those reps and just doing it several times,
Speaker 5: it's like you have less of a fear of like
Speaker 5: this is the time I'm going to get hurt, because
Speaker 5: you have more experience of like, oh I'm not getting hurt.
Speaker 3: I was once skiing with this guy that I was dating,
Speaker 3: Andre Bilage. I'm starting to just drop all my exes
Speaker 3: names in public life so they can all But I
Speaker 3: was one.
Speaker 1: Skiing with him.
Speaker 3: I think we were an Aspen some film festivals, so
Speaker 3: maybe it was Sundance and we were the Kennedys, a
Speaker 3: group of the Kennedys, and they started skiing and I
Speaker 3: just I had skied my childhood, but never like, you know,
Speaker 3: to a very strong degree, so I could ski, but
Speaker 3: I didn't know how to get down, you know, something
Speaker 3: hard easily, and I had no technique. And they all
Speaker 3: made a write and as soon as I just saw
Speaker 3: what was going on, I'm like, I don't want any
Speaker 3: part of this, Like there's no way I'm going to
Speaker 3: be able to get down what they're going down. There
Speaker 3: was a jump they had to jump into the next run,
Speaker 3: and I was like, I just stopped, took my skis off,
Speaker 3: and then like three other people came and they're like,
Speaker 3: what the fuck is that. I was like, I'm not
Speaker 3: doing that, Will you guys please do not.
Speaker 6: Do it with me?
Speaker 1: And they're like yeah. And I remember when we came down.
Speaker 3: To the bottom of the hill, we all met up
Speaker 3: for whatever lunch or whatever. I was like, hey, asshole,
Speaker 3: we're on a date, Like, how could you ditch me
Speaker 3: like that? And he said, any woman worth her salt
Speaker 3: would be able to get down the mountain.
Speaker 1: That's when he said to me, nope, And I was
Speaker 1: like what anyway?
Speaker 3: And that's my story where I got ditched and that
Speaker 3: relationship was a hot mess because I got ditched too.
Speaker 6: Yeah, So my experiences with dates or significant others were
Speaker 6: just me teaching them. So it was it was a
Speaker 6: mutual frustration, but it was never right right, you know.
Speaker 6: It was never I'm out of here. It was more like,
Speaker 6: we're going to get down the mountain. It's going to happen.
Speaker 3: Nothing worse than a man who has no regard for
Speaker 3: a female safety when you're on a date.
Speaker 1: There's nothing more.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I can imagine.
Speaker 3: Disturbing and you snowboard right, Tony, Yes, Yeah.
Speaker 5: This next question is a little bit of a tricky one,
Speaker 5: but Tony, I thought you could help us with this
Speaker 5: since you are sort of known for tweeting about these
Speaker 5: like awkward interactions that.
Speaker 2: You have with folks who are like you look just
Speaker 2: like Tony Hawk.
Speaker 4: But don't think that you're Tony Hawk. Et cetera.
Speaker 5: So this is an awkward social media quandary. Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 5: please help me with this very modern TikTok social media nightmare.
Speaker 5: This sum my dad mentioned he was getting bored, so
Speaker 5: I told him all about TikTok and how he can
Speaker 5: use it to watch funny videos and search for things
Speaker 5: he's interested in. A few days later, he called to
Speaker 5: say how much he loves TikTok and I've been sending
Speaker 5: all of the family. My mother and sister included funny videos,
Speaker 5: and I told him to send some to me. The
Speaker 5: next day, he sent me a cute video of dogs
Speaker 5: getting washed and sinks. Something made me curious about the
Speaker 5: other accounts he follows. The problem my father exclusively follows
Speaker 5: swinger accounts, ultra skinny women with gigantic boobs, and accounts
Speaker 5: of women eating bananas digestively my eyes. Good for him,
Speaker 5: I guess, albeit I wish I hadn't seen the list.
Speaker 5: The problem is he's sending these videos to everyone he
Speaker 5: knows without realizing the accounts he follows are.
Speaker 2: Easy to see.
Speaker 5: So he's basically sending my mom, sister, and all of
Speaker 5: his aunts a direct database of all his fetishes for
Speaker 5: all to see. Please God give me a way of
Speaker 5: addressing this with him so he stops sending everyone links
Speaker 5: to his kinks in a way that will also make
Speaker 5: sure he doesn't get funny with me or annoyed.
Speaker 4: Help Robert from the UK, I mean, that's pretty straightforward.
Speaker 1: Just show your father exactly what he's doing. Going this
Speaker 1: is how this comes up on my phone.
Speaker 6: This is very transparent. Yeah, it's so obvious to everyone,
Speaker 6: and like it's one thing. I mean, it's a little
Speaker 6: too late, but at least he gets saved some phase.
Speaker 3: But it's also like it's also like, first of all,
Speaker 3: it's so upsetting that I even have to know about this,
Speaker 3: and now I have to explain to you that you
Speaker 3: have to keep it to yourself, which is a disgusting
Speaker 3: thing that I now have to know you're doing in
Speaker 3: your private time. I know, which I guess everyone has
Speaker 3: the right for their own fetishes as long as it's
Speaker 3: not harming anybody else. But it is emotionally harmful to
Speaker 3: know that your father's into some sick shit.
Speaker 5: The women eating bananas, that one really gets me, honestly.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you just you have to confront him and show
Speaker 3: him and go Dad, you've got to stop forwarding this stuff.
Speaker 3: If you want to do follow this stuff, great, I
Speaker 3: mean not great. But if you want to follow this stuff,
Speaker 3: that's up your own right, but you can you have
Speaker 3: to stop sharing with it because you're giving everybody a
Speaker 3: day base of what you're doing.
Speaker 4: Right, Tony, would you just like tell him, uh.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I think so. It's you know, it's my simple
Speaker 6: parallel would be like, you got some mustard right here,
Speaker 6: like everyone can see it, everyone can see this issue.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 5: See me as someone who is like more of a
Speaker 5: people pleaser, I would probably be like, look at my account,
Speaker 5: here's where you can see all the accounts I follow,
Speaker 5: and like, hope he puts two and two together that
Speaker 5: everyone can see who he follows.
Speaker 3: But no, you just be direct, so twissy cat around
Speaker 3: all these fucking people.
Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, you're doing him a favor.
Speaker 6: It's like, I'm not gonna I think that's it. You're
Speaker 6: doing a favor by being the most obvious about it. Absolutely.
Speaker 6: I think that you know, I respect people that we'll
Speaker 6: just tell you even when you're out in public or whatever.
Speaker 6: It's like, hey man, your flies down, like thank you,
Speaker 6: because no one everyone's embarrassed to do that or whatever
Speaker 6: it is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, where it's like I agreed with you, that guy
Speaker 1: saved you.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and you know, I know I'm making up these comparisons,
Speaker 6: but it would just benefit him so much more. And
Speaker 6: it's like, Dad, everyone could see that you're into this
Speaker 6: banana thing swingers, like everyone can see it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, so just be direct, Yes, direct, direct is
Speaker 3: the best way forward. Everybody, See, it's everybody a lot
Speaker 3: of time in agony.
Speaker 1: For sure.
Speaker 5: Our next caller is Jennifer. She's a police officer in Canada.
Speaker 5: Dear Chelsea, I'm writing to you because my doctor recommended
Speaker 5: I see a therapist. You sadly did not make the
Speaker 5: list of recommended therapists in my area, but I thought
Speaker 5: i'd reach out anyway. I'm thirty one and I'm five
Speaker 5: years into being a police officer in Canada. Until last year,
Speaker 5: I loved being a police officer and found purpose in it.
Speaker 5: But now I just keep thinking about quitting. In twenty
Speaker 5: twenty one, my boyfriend and I welcome to daughter. She
Speaker 5: was planned into the world. I thought I would still
Speaker 5: be the same person I was before she was born.
Speaker 5: Career driven, striving to be the best police officer I
Speaker 5: could be, but after maternity leave last year, my heart's
Speaker 5: not in it anymore. I feel guilty leaving my daughter
Speaker 5: at our various childcare arrangements while working twelve hour shifts. Basically,
Speaker 5: I'm feeling that my career is taking all of my energy,
Speaker 5: and I want to put all of my energy into
Speaker 5: my daughter's life and activities.
Speaker 2: I don't want her.
Speaker 5: At eighteen hating us, thinking her parents put their all
Speaker 5: into everyone else's problems instead of focusing on her. I
Speaker 5: want healthy meals on the table. I want time to
Speaker 5: work out. I want my relationship with my boyfriend to
Speaker 5: be strong. I want to ski the Rockies and not
Speaker 5: feel like it's a chore because I'm mentally and physically
Speaker 5: exhausted from work and I want to have one more baby.
Speaker 5: I've talked to my boyfriend and he doesn't want me
Speaker 5: to quit. For the income and benefits such as a
Speaker 5: guaranteed pension at twenty five years of service, I'd retire
Speaker 5: at fifty, medical coverage, maternity leave up to eighteen months, etc.
Speaker 5: So Chelsea, do I quit my job? Because my day
Speaker 5: to day is an exhausting grind and I feel like
Speaker 5: i'm not the mom I want to be, or do
Speaker 5: I stick it out, risk missing out on these younger
Speaker 5: years of my kids' lives, and hope I work my
Speaker 5: way up to a nine to five position by the
Speaker 5: time they hit their high school years. A working mom
Speaker 5: listening on my commute to work.
Speaker 1: Jennifer, Hi, Jennifer, I tell cy Catherine, I'd say Hi,
Speaker 1: Tony Hawk. He's our special guest today.
Speaker 7: Hi, Tony Hawk. Carry you Hi.
Speaker 3: He specializes in maternal advice. So you've got you call it.
Speaker 6: It's something similar. I have many children, so I do
Speaker 6: have plenty of experience.
Speaker 7: Awesome, that's what I'm looking for.
Speaker 1: So let me ask you a question.
Speaker 3: Financially, would you be stable without working as a police officer?
Speaker 7: We would be because the idea is not that I
Speaker 7: would be like a stay at home Mom'm not bringing
Speaker 7: in income. I would ideally be replacing that income with
Speaker 7: something else that's more conducive to like the work life balance.
Speaker 6: Right.
Speaker 3: Well, then, I just don't think there's any question. It's like,
Speaker 3: you have to follow your heart and your gut. And
Speaker 3: as a mother, I understand the inkling. I mean, I
Speaker 3: don't understand because I'm not a mother, but I can
Speaker 3: pretend to understand and empathize with the idea that you
Speaker 3: want to spend time with your child while they're growing up.
Speaker 3: You're never going to get those years back, and you're
Speaker 3: pretty dispassionate about being a police officer, so that would
Speaker 3: be a waste of time to continue to pursue that
Speaker 3: just for as a means to an end. In my opinion,
Speaker 3: I think that all women and men should always listen
Speaker 3: to their intuition, and you know their instinct, and your
Speaker 3: instinct is telling you that you want to be there
Speaker 3: for your child and to create some sort of revenue
Speaker 3: and career that would bring you a lot more joy
Speaker 3: and would keep you around.
Speaker 1: A lot longer.
Speaker 3: You know, more hours in the day to spend with
Speaker 3: your daughter. Something probably more part time.
Speaker 7: It sounds like, yeah, probably something similar to that.
Speaker 1: So I don't think there's any question.
Speaker 3: I mean, you know, your boyfriend's probably going to disagree
Speaker 3: with you, but I think your happiness is pretty much
Speaker 3: more important than your financial stability at this point. You know,
Speaker 3: as long as he's working, and your intention is to
Speaker 3: create another job that will bring you more pleasure and
Speaker 3: allow you the time to spend more time with your daughter.
Speaker 1: Then that's what you need to do. Absolutely.
Speaker 7: Yeah. I think the hard part is because like I
Speaker 7: feel like going into it, I like, before having my daughter,
Speaker 7: that was what my passion was. I was really good
Speaker 7: at it. So I feel like I'm worried that shifting
Speaker 7: this mindset because I have my daughter now, and maybe
Speaker 7: I'll go back to thinking that way after like these
Speaker 7: really tough like early years are past, and then regret
Speaker 7: walking away from it instead of just like sticking it out.
Speaker 7: I guess for the few years that are really tough.
Speaker 1: No, I don't think so.
Speaker 3: I think you need to listen to your inner voice,
Speaker 3: because that's your voice telling you that this isn't right
Speaker 3: for you anymore. I don't think you're going to look
Speaker 3: back and be like I wish I had remained a
Speaker 3: police officer and stuck it out.
Speaker 1: I don't think so.
Speaker 3: Like I think that you should be respectful of your
Speaker 3: own feelings. I think women so oftentimes are taught to
Speaker 3: second guests their actual intuition and instinct.
Speaker 1: And you don't need to do that.
Speaker 3: You just said it, you know, you wrote in You're
Speaker 3: taking the time, and even if you did in a
Speaker 3: few years miss that, I'm sure there's an avenue of
Speaker 3: your of a way back in to a police force
Speaker 3: once you once you've become a police officer, you can
Speaker 3: take a leave of absence.
Speaker 1: You can, Hey, i'm a retired I stopped being a
Speaker 1: police officer. You can go back to that vocation.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I guess it's not yeah permanent. It was something
Speaker 7: I wanted to go back to.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think it's I mean, Tony, what do
Speaker 3: you think from a male perspective.
Speaker 6: Oh, I absolutely agree. I was hyper fixated on a
Speaker 6: career like you, with being a police officer, and I
Speaker 6: was just sucked up in it. And then I got
Speaker 6: carried away and I definitely missed milestones and a few
Speaker 6: of my kids' lives and I can't get them back.
Speaker 6: I am there for them much more than ever, but
Speaker 6: there is definitely a sense of regret in their early
Speaker 6: years because I thought that, well, I need to be
Speaker 6: doing this. This is the success, this is what I've
Speaker 6: already dreamed of. I have to chase this to the
Speaker 6: very end. And what is the end? I don't know.
Speaker 6: I guess that's my point is like, if you wanted
Speaker 6: to be the police officer and to be working those
Speaker 6: hard hours, what is the end goal of all of that.
Speaker 6: It feels like you're just chasing the carrot the whole time,
Speaker 6: and you would definitely miss out on a lot of
Speaker 6: things with your daughter, right.
Speaker 7: Yeah, my daughter. And then we actually found out that
Speaker 7: we're expecting second so yay, congrats.
Speaker 6: I feel like that's if that's the sign you're needed,
Speaker 6: that's it right there totally.
Speaker 3: And also you're in a very you're in a lucky
Speaker 3: position because hey, do you know how many mothers feel
Speaker 3: this way and can't do anything about it. You're somebody
Speaker 3: who feels this way and can do something about you.
Speaker 5: Yes, can you take your eighteen months of maternity leave
Speaker 5: before you go?
Speaker 1: That would that would be preemptive maternity leave.
Speaker 6: I like that.
Speaker 7: Yeah, Well, I basically have to sign saying that I'm
Speaker 7: gonna work the amount of time that I've been off,
Speaker 7: So this would be kind of the long game of
Speaker 7: doing it for like a few more years. And then
Speaker 7: if I'm still in the same position, I guess in
Speaker 7: the walking away, then.
Speaker 2: I do wonder too.
Speaker 5: We have had there may not be a parallel for you,
Speaker 5: but we've had a couple people who've called in who've
Speaker 5: worked in the school systems and you know, teaching hasn't
Speaker 5: been right for them anymore, but they've moved into sort
Speaker 5: of like a parallel position like librarian.
Speaker 2: Or something else in the school, so they will still
Speaker 2: qualify for their pension.
Speaker 4: So like that may be something to explore if there
Speaker 4: is any all alternative for you.
Speaker 7: Mm hmm, yeah, that's yeah. I definitely think I have options.
Speaker 7: It's just a matter of like narrowing it down. I'm
Speaker 7: very like type a personality, like I'm not just going
Speaker 7: to jump ship and not know what I'm going to
Speaker 7: I'm gonna you know, research it, figure out what the
Speaker 7: income is and if it fits, like what my needs
Speaker 7: are I guess now versus what my needs and like
Speaker 7: once we're five years ago.
Speaker 1: Sure, Okay, well, well thanks much. You're absolutely welcome. Thank
Speaker 1: you for calling in.
Speaker 3: And I hope you have a clearer conscience moving forward
Speaker 3: about your move.
Speaker 7: And well, I have three more opinions I guess whether Yeah,
Speaker 7: kind of on my side.
Speaker 6: So yeah, it's the best thing. It's the best thing
Speaker 6: you can do. Yeah. Yeah, it's the most rewarding thing
Speaker 6: you could do as well. Yeah.
Speaker 7: Yeah for my kids for sure. And that's the biggest thing,
Speaker 7: right is not looking back and then, like you said,
Speaker 7: like regretting missing those those times for what right, Like
Speaker 7: the I guess on the work side of things, like
Speaker 7: those people you know aren't going to remember that I
Speaker 7: was there that day, but like my kids will remember
Speaker 7: that I wasn't right, So that's it.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, well, and Chelsea said this before, but but you
Speaker 5: know the decision that you make will be the right decision,
Speaker 5: you know, listening to your gut, do what your gut
Speaker 5: tells you. And then when you make that decision, like
Speaker 5: go forward in confidence and if you need to change later,
Speaker 5: you can change later.
Speaker 7: Yeah, for sure. Like where the things come up also
Speaker 7: is like I was listening to your podcast the other
Speaker 7: day where the sister was really struggling with supporting her
Speaker 7: sister who was in an abusive relationship. And so it's
Speaker 7: like things like that that I end up dealing with,
Speaker 7: Like that's where I find meaning and purpose. So I
Speaker 7: guess those are the hard things that I'm I feel
Speaker 7: like i'd be missing out on and walking away from.
Speaker 7: Like I do find purpose in doing that. I do
Speaker 7: think that there is, you know, a space and a
Speaker 7: need for women in policing, and so that's kind of
Speaker 7: what comes into it too, right, is like if I'm
Speaker 7: a woman who's leaving, then it's almost like not like
Speaker 7: they want, but it's almost like, okay, well you're already
Speaker 7: you know, the minority started having kids. That's kind of
Speaker 7: what ends up happening is you walk away from it
Speaker 7: and then what's left right is not as many women
Speaker 7: who should be because they do serve a purpose.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but maybe that can trigger you into finding out, like,
Speaker 3: you know, your next career path, which is could be
Speaker 3: social work or it could be counseling and being there
Speaker 3: for women in a different way, you know, showing up
Speaker 3: for women in ways that they will need that kind
Speaker 3: of support.
Speaker 7: Right, that's not Yeah, I'm mutually explosive to placing.
Speaker 6: That's fair.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 7: Yeah, well thanks so much.
Speaker 2: Yeah, thanks Jennifer.
Speaker 1: Today's career day so off and running.
Speaker 7: Sounds good to have a good one.
Speaker 2: Okay, M supposed it.
Speaker 1: By good luck.
Speaker 7: Thanks.
Speaker 1: I can't believe you got pregnant during that phone call.
Speaker 1: I know that was quick. Maybe it was Tony.
Speaker 3: He's got six kids, he seems pretty.
Speaker 6: Uh No, I made sure it doesn't happen again. Oh okay,
Speaker 6: it wasn't me.
Speaker 1: It wasn't.
Speaker 5: Excellent Tony, you may be able to help with us
Speaker 5: since you have had some teenage boys in your house
Speaker 5: for quite some time. Dear Chelsea, I'm the mother of
Speaker 5: eighteen year old boy girl twins. I'm very frustrated with
Speaker 5: my son's lack of good hygiene.
Speaker 2: He does shower, but he.
Speaker 5: Puts his dirty clothes back on. He rarely does laundry
Speaker 5: unless I force him to. He never brushes his teeth
Speaker 5: and somehow doesn't have cavities. His room smells like dirty
Speaker 5: ass constantly. How can I get him to care how
Speaker 5: he smells. He's not depressed, he's just lazy and doesn't care.
Speaker 5: Thanks for Annie help you can offer Tara from Pa.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's tricky. My best approach to that has been
Speaker 6: about how offensive it is to your partner, or your
Speaker 6: potential partners, or your you know, girls at school, the
Speaker 6: girls of school. Yeah, I mean that was it. Like
Speaker 6: I one of my sons was. I think he was
Speaker 6: trying to be more hippie about it, but at some
Speaker 6: point it was just offensive to everyone. And I had
Speaker 6: to tell him, you know, because you got travel with him,
Speaker 6: and I was like, you got to put on the odorant,
Speaker 6: You've got to brush your teeth more often. And at
Speaker 6: one point he brought a girl along to one of
Speaker 6: our trips and I that's when I got serious, m hm,
Speaker 6: because it was like, you're in close quarters with this
Speaker 6: person all the time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean hygiene in general. I understand there's a
Speaker 3: phase within all of our lives. I have had phases
Speaker 3: where I didn't feel the most hygienic in my life,
Speaker 3: where I just like, I like to eat food in bed,
Speaker 3: you know, I don't care if there's like mustard on
Speaker 3: the sheet, I'll go to bed like that. But in
Speaker 3: terms of personal hygiene, there is something very undignified about
Speaker 3: not accessing healthy water, clean water when you have access
Speaker 3: to it, and it is putting on putting on dirty
Speaker 3: clothing after you take a shower is really gross.
Speaker 6: Like there's that is counterintuitive.
Speaker 1: It's counterintuitive.
Speaker 3: And I'm sure there's a lot of masturbating going on
Speaker 3: with this kid too, because he's a teenage boy, so
Speaker 3: who knows what that's he's I mean, Mick put that
Speaker 3: in the mix that we didn't mention, you know, And
Speaker 3: I want to say, like, in these instances, it's it's
Speaker 3: almost more important for someone outside of the family to
Speaker 3: make the point to them rather than someone in the family,
Speaker 3: and not in the sense of like publicly shaming them
Speaker 3: and like, you know, posting pictures of his room or
Speaker 3: whatever on your social platforms. I don't mean like that,
Speaker 3: but I think it would be important if you could
Speaker 3: enlist one of his friends or one of your friends
Speaker 3: or some want to make a comment that would actually
Speaker 3: make him care that he's having an impact not only
Speaker 3: on his inner family life, which he clearly doesn't care about,
Speaker 3: you know, offending, but someone outside the family circle. You know,
Speaker 3: maybe it's a girl, maybe you have one of your
Speaker 3: friend's daughters say something, or and it doesn't have to
Speaker 3: be like a public roasting, but like in a private way,
Speaker 3: like you'd be a lot cuter if you smelled better,
Speaker 3: or who knows, yeah.
Speaker 6: Or just by the accounts of girls and women who
Speaker 6: are like I was not going to go home with
Speaker 6: that guy because he smelled and his place was a
Speaker 6: big style out of there, like that's you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe you can go through TikTok or Instagram and
Speaker 3: just collect a bunch of videos of women talking about
Speaker 3: how gross they find men who don't be.
Speaker 6: Pay sure, and it's always a deal breaker, so and
Speaker 6: not always, but you know, it seems like more often
Speaker 6: than not.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is a deal breaker.
Speaker 3: I mean, I understand teenage boys are one section, but listen, also,
Speaker 3: there is a very very strong chance he will grow
Speaker 3: out of this phase of his life. So while it's
Speaker 3: not fun to deal with, and you have to take
Speaker 3: some comfort in knowing that most people don't go through
Speaker 3: life like that, Yeah.
Speaker 2: I agree.
Speaker 5: I feel like he might grow out of it soon.
Speaker 5: There's also like maybe you can incentivize it.
Speaker 2: It's a little bit, but you know, hopefully he will.
Speaker 3: Just Yeah, I mean, I don't have any problem with
Speaker 3: bribing children to behave better, you know, throwing in an
Speaker 3: extra video game or whatever he's into, if he you know,
Speaker 3: if he cleans.
Speaker 1: His room, washes his clothes, all of those things. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't think there's anything.
Speaker 6: They're almost college age, right, I mean.
Speaker 1: That's yeah, eighteen, Oh he's eighteen. K.
Speaker 6: Yeah, they're going to go off to college. Then it's
Speaker 6: going to be a roommate's problem. The roommates not going
Speaker 6: to bribe them.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I feel like I feel like college, you're
Speaker 5: going to get more peer pressure around, like dude, you
Speaker 5: didn't shower this week or whatever.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's going to get sorted out in college, so
Speaker 3: don't worry.
Speaker 1: Set him free to.
Speaker 2: Be harassed by his peers.
Speaker 3: Okay, we're going to take a quick break and we
Speaker 3: will come back to wrap things up with Tony Hawk.
Speaker 6: And we're bad.
Speaker 3: Tony, thank you so much for joining us today and
Speaker 3: giving maternal paternal life advice, all of the good things.
Speaker 1: It was a pleasure to finally meet you.
Speaker 6: You too, thanks for having me.
Speaker 4: Will you also tell us a little bit about your
Speaker 4: podcast and where people can find that?
Speaker 6: Oh? Sure, it's a Hawk versus Wolf. My friend Jason
Speaker 6: Ellis and I we were both on Serious XM for
Speaker 6: almost twenty years and we decided to do our own
Speaker 6: podcast because it was way more fun and way more freeing,
Speaker 6: and so we get a lot of fun good guests,
Speaker 6: but also we have really funny conversations on our own
Speaker 6: because he is a comedian by nature but also by profession. Awesome.
Speaker 1: I love it. Okay, great, well, thank you Tony, Thanks
Speaker 1: so much.
Speaker 6: Thank you you guys, Bye bye bye.
Speaker 2: Chelsea.
Speaker 4: Do you have some new dates for us?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 6: You know, I do?
Speaker 7: You know?
Speaker 3: I do?
Speaker 1: I have a lot of We added lots.
Speaker 3: Of Canadian cities Canadians. I'm coming. We added about fifteen
Speaker 3: new tour dates. I'm coming to Denver again and Salt
Speaker 3: Lake City, Vancouver, Richmond, Virginia, Santa Rosa, California, Gary and Diana, Baltimore,
Speaker 3: Grown in New York, and about seven dates in Canada.
Speaker 3: So go to Chelseahandler dot com. I am performing everywhere.
Speaker 3: I will be on tour all for the rest of
Speaker 3: the year and through December, and then next year I'm
Speaker 3: going to be touring all year.
Speaker 1: So come and get it, you guys. It's good times
Speaker 1: and it's a very much needed reprieve from all the
Speaker 1: fucking madness that's going on in this world. So I'm
Speaker 1: here to bring joy and sunshine.
Speaker 5: Do you have a holiday themed question for Chelsea? Please
Speaker 5: send us all the questions that you need answered about
Speaker 5: crazy family get togethers, arguing over which cranberry sauce recipe
Speaker 5: to us, and all your holiday drama. Just send your
Speaker 5: questions to Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea is
Speaker 5: Edited and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine law
Speaker 5: And be sure to check out our merch at Chelsea
Speaker 5: Handler dot com.