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Speaker 1: Hey lady, have you ever felt like the world just

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Speaker 1: doesn't get you? Well we do.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, the podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 2: and empowering women like you.

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Speaker 1: We're your hosts, doctor Dominique Brussard, and educator and psychologists.

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Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and transformational speaker.

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Speaker 1: Join us every week for authentic conversations about everything from

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Speaker 1: fibroids to fake friends as we create space for black

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Speaker 1: women to just be.

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Speaker 2: Before we dive in, make sure you hit that follow

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Speaker 2: button and leave us a quick five star review. Lady,

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Speaker 2: We are black founded and black owned, and your support

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Speaker 2: will help us reach even more women like you.

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Speaker 1: Now, let's get into this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 1: Hey lady, is doctor dom here from the Cultivating her

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Speaker 1: Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the state

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Speaker 1: of California in contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so,

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Speaker 1: please reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.

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Speaker 1: That's d R D O M I N I q

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Speaker 1: U E B R O U S s r D

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Speaker 1: dot com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I

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Speaker 1: look forward to hearing from you. Our quote of the

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Speaker 1: day don't live the same year seventy five times and

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Speaker 1: call it a life by Robin Sharman. Now, lady, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna read that quote one more time, maybe two more

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Speaker 1: times for the folks in the back, to make sure

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Speaker 1: you really heard this quote. Don't live the same year

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Speaker 1: seventy five times and call it a life. I gotta

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Speaker 1: do it once more. Close your eyes and really hear this,

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Speaker 1: don't live the same year seventy five times and call

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Speaker 1: it a life. Ooh, all right, t you already know

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Speaker 1: I'm coming to you or what are your thoughts on

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Speaker 1: this quote?

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Speaker 2: Okay, So when you read this quote, Dom, I feel

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Speaker 2: like there was this deep I don't know, there was

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Speaker 2: something that happened to my stomach. It was just like

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Speaker 2: this deep feeling of like ough because this is one

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Speaker 2: of my greatest fears. And a couple of things came

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Speaker 2: up from me. I to take a little note as

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Speaker 2: you said that. So one it makes me think about

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Speaker 2: how when I first have my daughter, many other moms

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Speaker 2: will say the days are long, but the years are short,

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Speaker 2: where it feels like, oh, things are Oh it's so long,

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Speaker 2: I have so much to do. But then you look

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Speaker 2: up and every time another year passes, we're all like, damn,

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Speaker 2: that was fast, right. Time will buy so fast and

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Speaker 2: you look at the next five years, ten years, time

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Speaker 2: goes verly fast, right, especially in hindsight. So it makes

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Speaker 2: me think about that. It makes me think about how

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Speaker 2: sometimes it's easy to sort of live your life on autopilot,

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Speaker 2: where you're sort of like in this rat race, I

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Speaker 2: kind of envision it being like you're asleep and you're

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Speaker 2: just kind of you look up one day and you're

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Speaker 2: seventy five and you're like, damn, I didn't really I

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Speaker 2: didn't really do the things I wanted to do. So

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Speaker 2: for me, it's just it's a very great quote that

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Speaker 2: I think reminds us to live life with purpose, intentionality,

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Speaker 2: and being true to ourselves because, like you know, like

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Speaker 2: we said, the time is going to pass anyway, and

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Speaker 2: you'd hate to just look up and have nothing to

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Speaker 2: show for this life that you've had on this earth.

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Speaker 2: What about you? What comes up for you when you

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Speaker 2: hear when you read that quote?

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Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know what I'm supposed to ask

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Speaker 1: to that, because you covered it all like everything that

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Speaker 1: I was thinking, Like you said it, like it's right

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Speaker 1: on point right that, like, you know, we can spend

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Speaker 1: so much time focusing on things that in the grand

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Speaker 1: scheme are trivial, right, and before you know it, you

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Speaker 1: look up and yeah, like a life has flown by

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Speaker 1: and it's like, okay, well, what what do you have?

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Speaker 1: Like you said, what do you have to show for it?

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Speaker 1: And show ford not in the material sense, right, I

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Speaker 1: know that that's it's important for some people, but show

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Speaker 1: forward in terms of your growth and evolution as a person.

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Speaker 1: Like for me personally, I don't want to be look

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Speaker 1: look up. If I'm blessed to live to seventy five

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Speaker 1: eighty years old and function in the exact same way

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Speaker 1: that I function right now, I would hope that there's

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Speaker 1: a lot of wisdom that I would have gained through

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Speaker 1: additional life experiences, more than I've already experienced in these

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Speaker 1: forty plus years that I've been around.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, right, because age doesn't necessarily, you know, mean that

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Speaker 2: you're wise or you're mature, as many of us. Many

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Speaker 2: of us know because we know some people who are

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Speaker 2: up in age and it ain't given Okay, but I

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Speaker 2: will say, dom this is one of my favorite times

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Speaker 2: a year, and it's not just because you know, it's

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Speaker 2: our birthday season this time of year, right, But it's

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Speaker 2: because it's such a beautiful time to just sit reflect

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Speaker 2: and really just think about like what's happened in this

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Speaker 2: past year. You know, how do I feel about where

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Speaker 2: I am in life? I know not for everyone, right,

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Speaker 2: but typically I think the winter is a time period

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Speaker 2: where things typically slow down. I think there are season

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Speaker 2: in life often reflects the typical you know, if you

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Speaker 2: live in a place with four seasons, it typically reflects

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Speaker 2: the winter season of things kind of slowing down, you

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Speaker 2: hibernating and again that reflection period and thinking about what

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Speaker 2: you can release, what's important to you. And I know,

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Speaker 2: for me, with all the life changes that I've had recently,

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Speaker 2: one of the things for me dom I found myself

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Speaker 2: telling myself a story that wasn't necessarily serving me. And

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Speaker 2: what I realized is I kept saying to myself, I

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Speaker 2: just need X, Y Z, and then I'll be able

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Speaker 2: to build my ideal life. I'll be able to do

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Speaker 2: all this, Like I kept, I find myself learning this

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Speaker 2: relearning this lesson depending on what phase I'm in where

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Speaker 2: I'm waiting for X to happen in order for me

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Speaker 2: to do z right. So I'm waiting for more time

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Speaker 2: so that then I can wake up and I can

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Speaker 2: do my meditation, and I can stretch and then I

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Speaker 2: can work like all the things. But what I'm reminded

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Speaker 2: of is that the time is never going to be perfect,

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Speaker 2: and we all know that something's always going to come up.

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Speaker 2: So it's really up to us to take the moment

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Speaker 2: and either make it perfect or take the moment and

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Speaker 2: make the most out of it. And so I'm just

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Speaker 2: being a bit more conscious about howme and spending my time.

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Speaker 2: And the truth is we have to start somewhere, right,

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Speaker 2: and so I think this is a great time for

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Speaker 2: us to pause and reset. And Lady, one of the

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Speaker 2: things we want to talk about today, or two things

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Speaker 2: we want to talk about. One is a year in review,

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Speaker 2: so sort of looking back before we move forward, and

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Speaker 2: then goal mapping for the next year. So no matter

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Speaker 2: when you listen to this episode, we hope that this

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Speaker 2: is content you can revisit. So it's not really specific

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Speaker 2: to the year and particular, but more so the process

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Speaker 2: and the phase that we're in in this season of

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Speaker 2: reflection and regrouping and recalibrating. And so today we're going

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Speaker 2: to be reviewing. I'm going to show you if you're

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Speaker 2: watching the video and you can see us on screen,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to show you a little preview. But it's

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Speaker 2: my goal map, like a pro workbook, which is something

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Speaker 2: I've been creating for the past, like staying there seventeen

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Speaker 2: years since I was in college, and it's basically a

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Speaker 2: reflection journal that helps you to review the past year,

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Speaker 2: but then also goal map for the next year. And

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Speaker 2: I've done this over the past couple of years. But

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Speaker 2: I think what makes us different this year is that

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Speaker 2: there's a heavy emphasis on mindset because I've learned so

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Speaker 2: much more about mindset these days, attending like meditation retreats

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Speaker 2: and learning more about how our brain works and reprogramming

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Speaker 2: my own mind, and so I wanted to add a

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Speaker 2: bit more of that in there, because of our foundation

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Speaker 2: is unstable, right, if you don't have if you don't

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Speaker 2: have the belief in yourself. If you have, you know

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Speaker 2: patterns that are counterproductive to be really challenging to reach

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Speaker 2: the goals that you have. Right, And so lady, if

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Speaker 2: you want to get access to this full work book

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Speaker 2: and the weekly check ins and prompts, you can visit

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Speaker 2: goal Map like apro dot com and get access files

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Speaker 2: on sale. We'll also put a link in the show notes.

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Speaker 2: But dom, I think this is time for us to

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Speaker 2: all just do a personal reflection of this current year

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Speaker 2: and maybe just talk about some highs, lows and lessons

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Speaker 2: learn Do you want to start us off?

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Speaker 1: Okay? So, well, I think lady, as you're listening, so

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Speaker 1: let's let me put out a few interactive questions for you. Right,

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Speaker 1: So we're going to be Terry and I are going

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Speaker 1: to share our highs, lows and some lessons learned from

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Speaker 1: this year. And so as we're doing that, we want

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Speaker 1: you to take a second and think back across your

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Speaker 1: own twenty twenty four or what was this year like

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Speaker 1: for you? Right, what's one win you're really proud of,

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Speaker 1: whether it's personal, professional, What's something that happened that you

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Speaker 1: would consider to be a high. Now, let's take a

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Speaker 1: moment and let's think about something that didn't go so

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Speaker 1: well or didn't go as planned, something that you consider

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Speaker 1: to be a low, whether it was something that directly

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Speaker 1: happened to you or something that you witnessed occurring for

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Speaker 1: others that had an impact on you. All Right, as

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Speaker 1: you're doing that, let's think about what's one lesson from

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Speaker 1: this year that's shaping your next move, what you want

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty five to look like. Write all of that down.

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Speaker 1: And so now while you're thinking of that and you're

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Speaker 1: writing that down, now Terry and I are going to share.

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Speaker 1: So I think, for me, do we want to start

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Speaker 1: where do we want to start? Do we want to

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Speaker 1: start with highs or lows?

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Speaker 2: Let's say let's start with that. Let's start with lows.

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Speaker 2: Were getting done a positive note?

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Speaker 1: Okay, Yes, I like that.

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Speaker 3: I like that.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So I think for me, one of the lows

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Speaker 1: of this year was recognizing and witnessing there were a

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Speaker 1: number of women that I know who lost their moms

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Speaker 1: this year, and like I can just think right off

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Speaker 1: hand four or five women that I know that lost

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Speaker 1: their moms over the course of this year, and thinking

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Speaker 1: about the impact that that loss has on them. For me,

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Speaker 1: it was witnessing grief multiple times throughout this year. And

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Speaker 1: while it wasn't me who was directly impacted, I'm a

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Speaker 1: person who was supporting some of them going through this journey.

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Speaker 1: And that's not an easy thing to navigate at all.

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Speaker 2: Really quick Tom, I want to double tap into that

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Speaker 2: and one like just acknowledge that that sounds very challenging,

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Speaker 2: especially when these are people that are close to you.

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Speaker 2: And it made me think about something that one of

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Speaker 2: our listeners shared in our survey, and they talked about

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Speaker 2: compassion fatigue. So just curious, like, I want to know

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Speaker 2: where does compassion fatigue fit into I don't even know

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Speaker 2: if that's the word we want to use, but it

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Speaker 2: made me think of that. So where does that fit

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Speaker 2: into the experiences that you've had? And then what did

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Speaker 2: you what did you do to support yourself as you

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Speaker 2: were in the midst of watching other people grieve and

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Speaker 2: supporting them.

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Speaker 1: So I think part of it is knowing what my

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Speaker 1: role was in that person's life. So there were a

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Speaker 1: couple of people that I'm not as close to, so

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Speaker 1: it was offering condolences, offering support, checking in to see

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Speaker 1: how they needed support, and determining my own capacity and

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Speaker 1: that in that ability to support them. There were a

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Speaker 1: couple of people who I was working with, a couple

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Speaker 1: of clients who I was working with, and so it's

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Speaker 1: creating that space in the therapy room for them, like

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Speaker 1: really being that container in the therapy space to help

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Speaker 1: them navigate their grief. And then for a couple of

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Speaker 1: people who I am close to, it really was identifying, Okay,

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Speaker 1: how best can I show up for them not only

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Speaker 1: in the moments when when they got the news, but

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Speaker 1: also for those small things that months after, right like

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Speaker 1: checking in on no, how are you really particularly around

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Speaker 1: the holidays and birthdays and things like that. And so

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Speaker 1: I think for me, in terms of compassion fatigue, how

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Speaker 1: I prevent that from happening is making sure that I

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Speaker 1: I still allow myself to experience my own joy.

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Speaker 2: Mm hm oh that's really good.

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Speaker 1: Wow, Because the way I look at it is it's

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Speaker 1: like a cup. And we've talked I've talked about this before,

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Speaker 1: right that, like every time I had, every time I

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Speaker 1: experience joy, my cup is being filled. Every time I'm

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Speaker 1: offering something, giving of myself in some way to someone else,

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Speaker 1: I'm pouring from my cup. If my cup is constantly

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Speaker 1: being refilled with joy, then I have capacity to pour

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Speaker 1: into other people. And so I prioritize finding joy.

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Speaker 2: I love that so much. That was such a good answer. Yes, okay,

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Speaker 2: so let's see, So we're gonna kind of go back

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Speaker 2: and forth. So you want me to share a low

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Speaker 2: now or do you? Okay? Yes, So when it comes

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Speaker 2: to my low doll. It's funny, is I was reflecting

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Speaker 2: on it, I'm like, I can't think of one. But

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Speaker 2: I think it's because I feel like I'm in such

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Speaker 2: a good space right now. But I know we've probably

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Speaker 2: had conversations over the year. I mean, obviously there were loads, right,

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Speaker 2: We've had conversations over the past year. But the one

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Speaker 2: that comes up for me is that as a creative

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Speaker 2: as a creative person, that really like, I feel like

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Speaker 2: part one of my ministries is like expression self expression,

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Speaker 2: so telling stories about my life and lessons learned and

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Speaker 2: things like that with my community. And it's something I've

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Speaker 2: done for the past twelve years on social media, which

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Speaker 2: is so wild, like whether it's been in different support

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Speaker 2: forums or different brands I've created, and so over the

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Speaker 2: past year and a half two years or so of

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Speaker 2: being separated, going through divorce, there was just it was

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Speaker 2: a time and space for me to be in solitude

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Speaker 2: and as a creative person, I had so many downloads

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Speaker 2: and revelations and things I wanted to share. I just

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Speaker 2: felt like I was in a space where it was

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Speaker 2: not the time for me to share, and as a

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Speaker 2: creative person, that was just very, very challenging to get

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Speaker 2: these downloads. I have hundreds of voice notes in my

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Speaker 2: phone in journal interests and things of me like processing

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Speaker 2: and getting things out, but not being able to share

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Speaker 2: them with my community in real time. That was very

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Speaker 2: hard for me. So I would say that is the

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Speaker 2: low that I'm going to choose for this activity.

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Speaker 1: Appreciate you sharing that because I think what that highlights

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Speaker 1: is that one, we never know what people are going

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Speaker 1: through based on what they post on social media. That

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Speaker 1: social media is a reminder that social media is not

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Speaker 1: an accurate reflection of what someone might be going through

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Speaker 1: in the moment, right, Yes, And two that because most

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Speaker 1: of us are not sharing everything that we're navigating, like

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Speaker 1: out there in the world as it's happening, that it

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Speaker 1: is so important to still find ways to like process

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Speaker 1: and reflect on what you're experiencing.

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Speaker 2: Yes, that is spot on. I could not agree with

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Speaker 2: you more. And I think it's a reminder to to

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Speaker 2: like just be compassionate and have more just more kindness.

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Speaker 2: Like you said, you never know what someone's going through.

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Speaker 2: They supposed to picture smiling and all hell is breaking

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Speaker 2: loose in real life? Right, So yes, right, great reminder there.

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Speaker 2: Now before we jump into the lessons learned, which I'm

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Speaker 2: so excited to hear about from you as well, what

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Speaker 2: about some fighs that you experienced this here.

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Speaker 1: For me, the highs were tapping into that joy and

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Speaker 1: tapping into things that I value. Right, So, we know

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Speaker 1: that I love to travel, and so this year I

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Speaker 1: took a number of trips. I feel like I probably

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Speaker 1: went somewhere once a month, and over the course of

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Speaker 1: this year, a lot of those trips were with family,

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Speaker 1: like spending expended time like with family, and so that

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Speaker 1: always feels good because I don't my family's not like

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Speaker 1: close by, and so to be able to have that

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Speaker 1: time really feels good. And then also this year, I've

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Speaker 1: actually been able to visit with part of my travels,

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Speaker 1: I've been able to spend time with friends that I

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Speaker 1: don't get to see as often. So there were a

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Speaker 1: couple of trips where I'm seeing I was able to

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Speaker 1: spend time with friends that either I haven't seen in

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Speaker 1: several years or I only get to see like once

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Speaker 1: a year, and so those times always are like okay

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Speaker 1: oooh okay, got a limited amount of time, but we're

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Speaker 1: gonna soak it up and it it feels like it

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Speaker 1: was just yesterday that we last saw each other. But

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Speaker 1: let's let's maximize on this time, like let's really like

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Speaker 1: just be in the moment with each other. And so

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Speaker 1: I would say that those really like that time that

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Speaker 1: I really get to spend with friends and family, like

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Speaker 1: those are those are always highs for me.

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Speaker 2: I love that, Yes, and you definitely was traveling, you

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Speaker 2: was just setting. I love that for you, vacations to

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Speaker 2: rat vacation and being able to be with family and friends.

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Speaker 2: I love that. Go ahead, girl, all right and lady,

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Speaker 2: as we're sharing and we hope you have your notebook

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Speaker 2: and your or your journal and you're writing all your

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Speaker 2: stuff down with us as we reflect on our gear. Okay, down,

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Speaker 2: let's talk about some of these highs. So I would

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Speaker 2: say one high for me is I feel like there

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Speaker 2: were so many things down when I was younger that

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Speaker 2: I wanted to do and that I was very interested in,

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Speaker 2: but I just didn't have the capacity. I didn't have

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Speaker 2: the support or the re sources, and I was a

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Speaker 2: little fearful about doing them. And I feel like in

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Speaker 2: this stage that I'm in life, I am revisiting that

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Speaker 2: inner child and like she's healing on the whole other level,

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Speaker 2: especially being a mother of a childer. I'm like, this

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Speaker 2: has been this is a healing journey for me, indeed.

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Speaker 2: But in addition to that, I've been able to revisit

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Speaker 2: some childhood dreams and passions, regardless of if they make

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Speaker 2: sense to other people, because I feel like sometimes society

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Speaker 2: says that we have to kind of fit into this

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Speaker 2: box and once you find your career, you do this

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Speaker 2: thing and that's what you stick with for life, and

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Speaker 2: that's it. But I've seen so many mentors of mine

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Speaker 2: like recreate themselves and reinvent themselves over the years, and

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Speaker 2: so I'm kind of in this phase now and I'm like,

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Speaker 2: i don't care if it makes sense to other people.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to do the things that lighten my heart

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Speaker 2: up and they bring me joy, as you said. And

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Speaker 2: so something I did for my birthday was I scheduled

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Speaker 2: a studio session because I've been writing music since I

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Speaker 2: was a kid, but I never had the confidence to

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Speaker 2: like actually go and put with that shit all wet,

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Speaker 2: and so I literally went into the studio with this engineer,

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Speaker 2: and some of the songs I wrote was able to

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Speaker 2: I guess wrap them or sing them. I don't even

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Speaker 2: know what it's called whatever I did, but I did

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Speaker 2: something I'm like, oh okay, and it was so it

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Speaker 2: was so cool to do that down and I just

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Speaker 2: feel like my inner child was like, finally we get

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Speaker 2: to do this thing that we wanted to do. So

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Speaker 2: I would say that I also did this birthday photo

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Speaker 2: shoot where I feel like I had a chance to

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Speaker 2: finally sort of just like illustrate for myself, like what

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Speaker 2: it means to be bougie, classy ratchets. So I kind

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Speaker 2: of had to look for each one of those vibes

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Speaker 2: and I never I don't think I've done a sexy

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Speaker 2: photo like a photo shoot that was like that illustrated

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Speaker 2: each aspect of me in that way and that intentional,

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Speaker 2: and I was very bold and confident. So that's one.

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Speaker 2: And then I also say what you shared, like being

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Speaker 2: able to travel and spend time with friends. I think

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Speaker 2: about when you came up here and we went out dancing.

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Speaker 2: That was one or twice right in the past couple

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Speaker 2: of months. Okay, so when we just like chilled on

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Speaker 2: the couch and just watched and it was like no pressure.

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Speaker 2: You know, sometimes people visit you're like, oh, we got

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Speaker 2: to do all these things that we were just like,

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Speaker 2: let's just chew on the college and watch TV. And

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Speaker 2: then we decided to go out and so we had

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Speaker 2: such a good time and I cherished those moments. So

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Speaker 2: that was also a high for me.

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Speaker 1: I love that. I love that you are really cultivating

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Speaker 1: these moments of joy and just you know, and I

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Speaker 1: can't stress enough how important joy is, particularly thinking about

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Speaker 1: like where we are in the world right now in

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Speaker 1: this moment, and okay, and black women like the way

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Speaker 1: the world is. Yeah, whole other topic for a whole

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Speaker 1: other day, grew us safe focus.

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Speaker 3: On the joy.

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Speaker 1: Okay, all right, So the next piece is thinking about

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Speaker 1: the lessons that we learned from these experiences, right, and

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Speaker 1: so for me, one of the biggest lessons that I

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Speaker 1: learned is the importance of taking time to rest and

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Speaker 1: refill my cup. So I think when I reflect back

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Speaker 1: on twenty three after like when I had to take

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Speaker 1: medical leave because I had the hysterectomy and I was

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Speaker 1: forced to really like rest, like rest is and I

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Speaker 1: ain't doing shit right, and how hard that was for me,

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Speaker 1: but then also on the back end how rewarding that

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Speaker 1: turned out to be. And so throughout this past year,

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Speaker 1: I have tried to make sure that I am making

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Speaker 1: time to rest and doing it unapologetically, so recognizing that

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Speaker 1: there were moments where there were a lot of things

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Speaker 1: that still needed to be checked off the to do list,

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Speaker 1: but I knew that if I pushed through, it was

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Speaker 1: either gonna lead to burnout or I was gonna say so.

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Speaker 4: My my mood would not be the normal calm demeanor

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Speaker 4: that people are used to, and so I to protect myself.

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Speaker 1: And those around me, I made sure that I took

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Speaker 1: time to rest, right, I think the thing that what

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Speaker 1: I'm working the next step in that phase is releasing

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Speaker 1: the guilt that I feel around taking rest at certain times.

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Speaker 1: And so there were moments where I was like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't have no fucks to give, like the rest

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Speaker 1: is happening, and then there were more moments where the

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Speaker 1: rest needs to happen, but I feel guilty about not

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Speaker 1: being able to do ABC and D, and so I

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Speaker 1: would say, like, the takeaway is that rest is so

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Speaker 1: important because once I got that rest, the energy that

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Speaker 1: I had that I could then pour the energy that

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Speaker 1: I gained that I could then pour into moving forward.

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Speaker 1: And I want to be clear, I'm not I wasn't resting.

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Speaker 1: The thing that I had to really work on is

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Speaker 1: I'm not resting so that I could then get up

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Speaker 1: and be more productive, Like I can add ten more

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Speaker 1: things to my to do list. I'm resting so that

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Speaker 1: for sometimes for the sake of rusting, and then other

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Speaker 1: times I'm resting so that I can show up for

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Speaker 1: the things that are already on my I played in

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Speaker 1: a more refreshed, authentic way.

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Speaker 2: I just gotta take a deep breath on that one.

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Speaker 2: That was good, Don, that was really good. I definitely

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Speaker 2: need to work on that more. And I love that

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Speaker 2: you said, just you said resting for the sake of

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Speaker 2: resting that part. What does it look like to when

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Speaker 2: it comes to you, like working on the guilt part

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Speaker 2: of it, What does that look like for you? Like personally?

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Speaker 1: So for me, what it really is about is reminding

435
00:27:36,119 --> 00:27:41,280
Speaker 1: myself that to trust the process and that things work

436
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:47,240
Speaker 1: out in the timing that they're supposed to. Yeah, that

437
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:51,960
Speaker 1: there are things that if I do them in the

438
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:55,680
Speaker 1: moment that they're supposed to be done, or that they're

439
00:27:55,720 --> 00:28:00,119
Speaker 1: expected to be done if I'm not, if I'm feeling

440
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:05,359
Speaker 1: worn out or burned out, if I haven't had rest,

441
00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:08,680
Speaker 1: if I know I'm in need of rest, then how

442
00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:14,080
Speaker 1: I show up is not my fullest self. Yeah, And

443
00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:17,240
Speaker 1: so it's a reminder when I start feeling guilty, it's

444
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:24,840
Speaker 1: a reminder of Like that piece, it's also a reminder

445
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:30,919
Speaker 1: that I'm only one person. Yes, and if God forbid,

446
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 1: something were to happen to me and I'm not able

447
00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 1: to do this thing, It'll get figured out. Somebody else

448
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:42,560
Speaker 1: will be able to come in and do it. May

449
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:45,000
Speaker 1: it may not be the same way that I would,

450
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:48,760
Speaker 1: but somebody else is going to come in and do it, Yes,

451
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:52,880
Speaker 1: And I would much rather still be here. So so

452
00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:58,760
Speaker 1: and so I remind myself of those things so that

453
00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:04,080
Speaker 1: I can release the guilt. The other piece, too, that

454
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:10,640
Speaker 1: I'm working on is remembering to prioritize right so then okay,

455
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:14,760
Speaker 1: and reflecting on why am I procrastinating on this If

456
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:18,520
Speaker 1: it's something that I'm procrastinating on, Why am I procrastinating

457
00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:19,200
Speaker 1: on this thing?

458
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:20,720
Speaker 2: Yes?

459
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 1: And how long would it really take for me to

460
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:28,920
Speaker 1: do this? Can I can I realistically do this right now?

461
00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 1: And knock it out the way in ten to fifteen

462
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:35,880
Speaker 1: minutes and give it my all, or do I really

463
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:44,200
Speaker 1: need to wait and wait until I'm feeling refreshed where

464
00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:46,200
Speaker 1: I know I can give it one hundred percent.

465
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:51,160
Speaker 2: I love that because it leads back to what we

466
00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:54,840
Speaker 2: were talking about earlier, and that's the pausing to reflect

467
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:57,360
Speaker 2: because sometimes life is like go go, go, do do do.

468
00:29:57,920 --> 00:29:59,880
Speaker 2: It's just like it's so intense, and it's like if

469
00:29:59,880 --> 00:30:03,920
Speaker 2: you just sit still, you can have that realization or revelation.

470
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:06,080
Speaker 2: And so I appreciate you sharing that dome. I think

471
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:10,640
Speaker 2: that is super super important. Now, when it comes to lessons,

472
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:12,200
Speaker 2: I have a couple quotes I was writing down, so

473
00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:13,640
Speaker 2: I was like, all right, how can I sum this up?

474
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 2: So I think the first one for me as far

475
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:22,040
Speaker 2: as lessons this year, would be that you can't manifest

476
00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 2: abundance or love or goodness while clinging onto connections that

477
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 2: diminish your worth.

478
00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:32,400
Speaker 1: And so with me say that again.

479
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:35,000
Speaker 2: Let's say that again, y'all all right, So you cannot

480
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 2: manifest abundance, love, or goodness while clinging to connections that

481
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:44,840
Speaker 2: diminish your worth. So y'all coming close for this one, Okay?

482
00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:48,840
Speaker 2: I feel like for me, dom I thought right, because

483
00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 2: because outwardly, you know, I had achieved the success and

484
00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:54,800
Speaker 2: you know in my career we got the podcast and

485
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:56,440
Speaker 2: all these things. And I think in this on this

486
00:30:56,520 --> 00:31:00,960
Speaker 2: healing journey and really being deep deeper into soliditude and

487
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:04,600
Speaker 2: having alone time because of my divorce and just having

488
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:06,760
Speaker 2: more found time, especially like when my daughter is with

489
00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:10,920
Speaker 2: her dad. I was paying attention to the behavior that

490
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:13,520
Speaker 2: I had when it came to dating and the men

491
00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:16,240
Speaker 2: that I was with, the men that I attracted, and

492
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:19,440
Speaker 2: there were just a few of these men where I

493
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:23,760
Speaker 2: was like, no, this is not matt like you. If

494
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:27,280
Speaker 2: I say that I value myself and I am worthy,

495
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 2: I would not be tolerating this and putting up with

496
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:32,200
Speaker 2: this type of connection because you know what I mean.

497
00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:35,200
Speaker 2: So it was a lot of me going back and

498
00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:38,560
Speaker 2: forth within these connections, and then finally I was like,

499
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:40,560
Speaker 2: I gotta stop this cause I'm trying to manifest this.

500
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:45,080
Speaker 2: This is in total, it's like a total objection to

501
00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:48,480
Speaker 2: what I'm trying to bring to fruition, and so letting

502
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:51,240
Speaker 2: go of those things and also asking myself like why

503
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:56,040
Speaker 2: are we tolerating this and also realizing that sometimes something

504
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 2: that we desire, or sometimes we think we desire something,

505
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:01,720
Speaker 2: but it's not that we desire it. It's just that

506
00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:02,440
Speaker 2: it's familiar.

507
00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:03,000
Speaker 3: Right.

508
00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:05,760
Speaker 2: So if I know that I have abandonment issues, and

509
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:09,400
Speaker 2: I know that I'm accustomed to having to, you know,

510
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:12,280
Speaker 2: fight for attention and trying to get attention from you know,

511
00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:15,520
Speaker 2: the adults that are raising me, but they're not there

512
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:18,480
Speaker 2: and they're inconsistent. And then I meet a man who's

513
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:21,320
Speaker 2: showing me that same pattern and putting me sort of

514
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:25,360
Speaker 2: in that same cycle. It's not that I'm even attracted

515
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:27,800
Speaker 2: to him or all the other things, it's that it's

516
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:31,360
Speaker 2: that familiarity, right, because like this is similar. I know

517
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:34,040
Speaker 2: what this is. It's familiar to me, it's comfortable, and

518
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:36,520
Speaker 2: so I had to realize that for myself. So that

519
00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:38,840
Speaker 2: was a big one. That was very challenging. But sometimes

520
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:41,200
Speaker 2: we have to release what no longer no longer serves

521
00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:43,960
Speaker 2: us to make space for what we deserve. So that

522
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:46,640
Speaker 2: was one, I would say. The other one for me

523
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:49,000
Speaker 2: was just this reminder. I've been saying this quote for years,

524
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:51,240
Speaker 2: but it just hits so different this here, and it's

525
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:54,920
Speaker 2: that everything you need is already within And so as

526
00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:58,800
Speaker 2: an introvert as someone who does love to be alone.

527
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 2: Over the past twelve years of being in a relationship

528
00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 2: and then you know, being a mom, and then you know,

529
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:07,760
Speaker 2: I was married and all that, I didn't really have

530
00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:11,360
Speaker 2: the same type of solitude that I have now and

531
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:14,000
Speaker 2: so when I had this new found time, it was

532
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:15,680
Speaker 2: a little uncomfortable. I didn't really know what to do

533
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,240
Speaker 2: with it. But then I realized that I just had to.

534
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:19,760
Speaker 2: Sometimes you have to just sit with it, like you

535
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:23,600
Speaker 2: just have to sit and you know, stop trying to

536
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:26,080
Speaker 2: let noise in, stop trying to let people in or

537
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:28,400
Speaker 2: any warm body to fill the space, and just be

538
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:31,200
Speaker 2: with yourself so that the things that need to come

539
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:33,440
Speaker 2: through can come through. And so sometimes you may not

540
00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 2: see anything right away, you may not hear anything right away,

541
00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:41,240
Speaker 2: but just showing up for yourself in private. So yeah,

542
00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 2: those are the two. Those are big ones for me.

543
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:50,600
Speaker 1: Those are huge, And you know, I think the revelation

544
00:33:51,080 --> 00:34:00,640
Speaker 1: of or realization that it's important to release the things

545
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:05,360
Speaker 1: that are familiar that aren't serving you right and also

546
00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:14,960
Speaker 1: how hard that can truly be death girl, Despite what

547
00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 1: anybody says, we're always changing, but we don't like change people,

548
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:29,120
Speaker 1: do I don't know. I cannot think of a person

549
00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:34,840
Speaker 1: who I could ask that would say I enjoy being uncomfortable.

550
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:44,239
Speaker 1: I know people who dive into it because they know

551
00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:47,840
Speaker 1: what's greater, you know, what's on the other side is greater,

552
00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:55,239
Speaker 1: but they don't like that shit. They do it, but

553
00:34:55,280 --> 00:35:01,160
Speaker 1: they don't like it. And so I think it's so

554
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:10,719
Speaker 1: huge being able to be in that space of letting go,

555
00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:16,680
Speaker 1: like releasing, truly releasing the things that are no longer

556
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 1: serving you, the things that are familiar but aren't working

557
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:22,440
Speaker 1: in the way that they need to in your life.

558
00:35:25,239 --> 00:35:27,239
Speaker 2: And just know that when you start releasing shit, you

559
00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:31,400
Speaker 2: know somebody, something, some opportunity is going to try to

560
00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:33,759
Speaker 2: spend a block and it's just a test to see

561
00:35:33,840 --> 00:35:36,799
Speaker 2: like did you believe on a lesson or where are

562
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:39,840
Speaker 2: we at? You know? And so the other thing to

563
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 2: lead on to what you were saying, or to kind

564
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:44,279
Speaker 2: of to piggyback off of that down. I think the

565
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:50,040
Speaker 2: other thing is if we are accepting something that that

566
00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:53,640
Speaker 2: doesn't correspond with what we're trying to manifest, we're literally

567
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:55,719
Speaker 2: telling the universe, oh, I'm available for this. That's what

568
00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:57,600
Speaker 2: I was talking about in therapy. It was like Okay,

569
00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:02,120
Speaker 2: if you're tolerating this person's oh shit, then the universe

570
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:04,920
Speaker 2: is objective. It's like, oh, okay, this is what Terry

571
00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:07,040
Speaker 2: is available for, this is what she's accepting. Let me

572
00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:08,480
Speaker 2: send her more of that. And it's like, no, I

573
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:11,040
Speaker 2: don't want that. Actually, like, let me get away from that.

574
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:13,560
Speaker 2: So I think just being mindful of what we entertain

575
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:16,520
Speaker 2: and what we're letting into our space and having boundaries

576
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:19,040
Speaker 2: so important, lady, as we move into this next year.

577
00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:24,480
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, well I think it's about that. It's

578
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:25,480
Speaker 1: about that time.

579
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:28,439
Speaker 2: Let's do it. So what we're going to do now, lady,

580
00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:30,520
Speaker 2: We're just going to share with you seven tips for

581
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:33,799
Speaker 2: making the next year your best year. And Domini are

582
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:35,759
Speaker 2: just going to share some of our best practices, things

583
00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:38,480
Speaker 2: that we would highly recommend. If you have additional feedback,

584
00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:42,000
Speaker 2: follow us on Instagram, at her Space podcast, send us

585
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:45,160
Speaker 2: a DM comment on our most recent post. But number

586
00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:51,120
Speaker 2: one here is set clear purposeful goals. Okay, so start

587
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,839
Speaker 2: the year by defining what does success look like for you.

588
00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:56,040
Speaker 2: I love the downpoint of this out at the beginning,

589
00:36:56,080 --> 00:37:00,640
Speaker 2: when we talked about having a life quote don't live

590
00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:02,640
Speaker 2: the same year seventy five times in call of life.

591
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:05,319
Speaker 2: So having a life or something to show for the

592
00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:07,520
Speaker 2: life that you've lived right, and again that's going to

593
00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:10,920
Speaker 2: be catered to you. What you value, what you are

594
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:13,359
Speaker 2: here on this earth to do. But get clear on

595
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:15,759
Speaker 2: what does success look like for you? Right, break those

596
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:19,720
Speaker 2: goals up into smaller actionable steps, and track your progress

597
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:21,160
Speaker 2: throughout the year. I think that's the main thing that

598
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:23,560
Speaker 2: people miss A lot of times. We set these goals

599
00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:25,399
Speaker 2: and like I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that,

600
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:27,359
Speaker 2: I'm gonna do and it's like, okay, well, when are

601
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:29,040
Speaker 2: you checking in with yourself? Do you have a date

602
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:31,719
Speaker 2: on the calendar to check in and say, oh, how

603
00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:34,120
Speaker 2: am I progressing toward my goal? What do I need

604
00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:36,719
Speaker 2: to improve? Did the goal change? Like, we need to

605
00:37:36,719 --> 00:37:38,560
Speaker 2: have the checks and balances right, because if we're not

606
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:42,560
Speaker 2: measuring it, how are we going to maintain it right?

607
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:44,759
Speaker 1: Exactly exactly. I love that.

608
00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:45,279
Speaker 2: And so.

609
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:50,480
Speaker 1: As you are setting your goals and being clear on

610
00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:53,359
Speaker 1: your goals, I think that takes us to number two.

611
00:37:53,560 --> 00:38:00,880
Speaker 1: And it's like the importance of prioritizing your well being. Now, lady,

612
00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:05,080
Speaker 1: we know that the term self care has been commodified

613
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:10,400
Speaker 1: and there are all kinds of things that talk about

614
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:14,240
Speaker 1: self care but don't really address your overall well being.

615
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:18,600
Speaker 1: And so when we say prioritize well being, what we

616
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:26,000
Speaker 1: mean is that you address your physical, mental, emotional health.

617
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:36,600
Speaker 1: And so whether that means following up with your medical practitioner,

618
00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:45,359
Speaker 1: whether that means starting therapy or finding a healer that

619
00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:53,680
Speaker 1: works in your modality, it's really about addressing the things

620
00:38:53,840 --> 00:39:03,160
Speaker 1: that allow you to be well overall. So make those appointments,

621
00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:07,880
Speaker 1: because you can't, you won't be able to achieve any

622
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:12,960
Speaker 1: of those goals that you set for the year if

623
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:21,680
Speaker 1: you can literally not function. So prioritize your well being.

624
00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:26,000
Speaker 2: Aim into that and don't let anyone make you feel

625
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:28,160
Speaker 2: guilty about it. And if anyone is shaming you for

626
00:39:28,239 --> 00:39:31,879
Speaker 2: prioritizing yourself and filling your cup, we should question their

627
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:34,920
Speaker 2: role in our lives. Okay, people tend to do that,

628
00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:38,000
Speaker 2: right they can. People feel guilty, all right. So now

629
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:39,480
Speaker 2: we're going to move on to number three, which is

630
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:43,120
Speaker 2: cultivate a growth mindset. And when it comes to cultivating

631
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:45,000
Speaker 2: a growth mindset, I think it really is all about

632
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:49,200
Speaker 2: embracing challenges and setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow

633
00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:53,360
Speaker 2: and focusing on progress over perfection today. For some reason,

634
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:55,000
Speaker 2: I don't know what made me think about this, but

635
00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:59,560
Speaker 2: I was reflecting on Oh. I was thinking about certain

636
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:02,719
Speaker 2: things that I'm having my daughter do right now that

637
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:04,680
Speaker 2: are developing skills in her that she can use for

638
00:40:04,719 --> 00:40:06,799
Speaker 2: a lifetime. So for instance, we're working on speaking up

639
00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:09,239
Speaker 2: for yourself and using your voice, and I often tell her, like,

640
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:11,720
Speaker 2: your voice is your power, right, And so I remember

641
00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:13,160
Speaker 2: it made me think about when my mom and dad

642
00:40:13,239 --> 00:40:14,680
Speaker 2: used to make me do somelf when I was younger,

643
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:17,520
Speaker 2: like speaking in front of the church for like Youth

644
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:19,480
Speaker 2: Sunday and doing something that I did not want to do.

645
00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:21,080
Speaker 2: I used to be so pissed when they would have

646
00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:23,120
Speaker 2: me go up there. And then I'm like, oh, wow,

647
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:25,080
Speaker 2: look at that. Like I ended up moving into a

648
00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:27,680
Speaker 2: motivational speaking career and now we have a podcast and

649
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:29,520
Speaker 2: we'd be talking for a living. And so it makes

650
00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:32,080
Speaker 2: me grateful for those moments in the beginning, but it

651
00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:36,040
Speaker 2: was also very uncomfortable. I remember being so nervous and

652
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:39,640
Speaker 2: like absolutely mortified to get on the stage. And when

653
00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:41,319
Speaker 2: I look back on it, I'm grateful for all the

654
00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:44,680
Speaker 2: failure because when we look at the journey from a

655
00:40:44,719 --> 00:40:47,319
Speaker 2: bird's eye view, or we're you know, far in the

656
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:49,520
Speaker 2: future and we're looking you know back. What do they say,

657
00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:52,960
Speaker 2: hindsight is twenty twenty When we're looking back, that failure

658
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:55,920
Speaker 2: wasn't really failure. It was literally a stepping stone for us, right, Like,

659
00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:59,080
Speaker 2: those are opportunities for us to get better and to improve.

660
00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:02,040
Speaker 2: And you wouldn't want to go from the second grade

661
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:04,759
Speaker 2: to twelfth grade, right You need all the lessons, the

662
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:07,759
Speaker 2: challenges and everything in between. So, as Dom always says, lady,

663
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:12,719
Speaker 2: trust the process, Embrace the process, and know that everything

664
00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:17,840
Speaker 2: you need is within and the universe is conspiring to

665
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:19,880
Speaker 2: ensure that you have everything you need and everything is

666
00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:21,840
Speaker 2: working out for your goods. So keep that in mind

667
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:23,919
Speaker 2: as you are mapping out those goals.

668
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:27,719
Speaker 1: Yes, I love that that embracing that change is inevitable

669
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:33,279
Speaker 1: and that it is for your benefit. And as you

670
00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:36,160
Speaker 1: are navigating these goals, I think that takes us to

671
00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:39,080
Speaker 1: tip number four, which is the importance of building a

672
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:45,279
Speaker 1: supportive network. Now, I want to be clear that when

673
00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:48,680
Speaker 1: I say building a supportive network, I'm not talking about

674
00:41:48,680 --> 00:41:52,840
Speaker 1: having your team of yes people. Because it's easy to

675
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:55,279
Speaker 1: have that. It's easy to have the people who co

676
00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:59,480
Speaker 1: sign everything that you do, including the bullshit. What you

677
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:04,840
Speaker 1: really want in a true supportive network are the people

678
00:42:04,880 --> 00:42:10,919
Speaker 1: who cheer you on and then challenge you as appropriate.

679
00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:14,400
Speaker 1: So you want some You want to have people in

680
00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:22,480
Speaker 1: your life who are celebrating those wins with you, but

681
00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:26,719
Speaker 1: also not afraid to call.

682
00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:27,200
Speaker 2: You in.

683
00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:33,879
Speaker 1: When there's some change that needs to happen, and they

684
00:42:34,040 --> 00:42:37,440
Speaker 1: do it from a space and place of love.

685
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:44,120
Speaker 2: I love that. I love that hands down. I would

686
00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:46,600
Speaker 2: say that I have been really longing for community in

687
00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:48,920
Speaker 2: this new phase in life, right, And so this is

688
00:42:48,960 --> 00:42:51,480
Speaker 2: something lady, I would get intentional, like, get clear on

689
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 2: what is your intention for a supportive network? What does

690
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:57,400
Speaker 2: it look like for you? Dream big? Right? The possibilities

691
00:42:57,400 --> 00:43:00,279
Speaker 2: are endless. Don't limit yourself. Don't try to Oh why

692
00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:02,960
Speaker 2: don't have people in my area? You don't know who's around, right,

693
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:04,520
Speaker 2: Like you don't know what the universe has in store

694
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:06,440
Speaker 2: for you. And so I think that us getting clear

695
00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:08,800
Speaker 2: because I'm literally doing this for myself. So I'm speaking

696
00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:11,440
Speaker 2: to us, right, get clear on what does it look like?

697
00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:13,360
Speaker 2: What does the supportive network look like? What type of

698
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:15,400
Speaker 2: people do you want in that community? And I like

699
00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:17,600
Speaker 2: to write it out as well, and then just start

700
00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:19,520
Speaker 2: to feel the feelings of what does it feel like

701
00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:21,920
Speaker 2: to have the supportive community, right, what does it look

702
00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:23,840
Speaker 2: like in my life and all those good things that

703
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:25,880
Speaker 2: I love What Dom said about having guest people, We

704
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:28,480
Speaker 2: definitely want to have people who will challenge and support

705
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:31,759
Speaker 2: us in love. And so I think getting out there

706
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:34,480
Speaker 2: and like you know, and indulging in new activities where

707
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:37,799
Speaker 2: you can find people that meet that sort of meat,

708
00:43:37,840 --> 00:43:39,400
Speaker 2: that are on the same vibe and energy as you.

709
00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 2: And then also I would say going with your gut,

710
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:43,680
Speaker 2: like if you're around certain groups and people and you're like,

711
00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:46,160
Speaker 2: something doesn't feel right, even if you don't know what

712
00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:49,319
Speaker 2: that is, listen to your body because it's probably telling

713
00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:54,080
Speaker 2: you telling you that for a reason, all right, lady.

714
00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:58,000
Speaker 2: Now Number five is embrace flexibility and adaptability. Down We

715
00:43:58,120 --> 00:44:00,640
Speaker 2: was just talking about this when we talked about change

716
00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:03,759
Speaker 2: in life is going to throw throw curveballs. If there's

717
00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:06,719
Speaker 2: nothing I've learned in my thirty plus years on this

718
00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:10,200
Speaker 2: earth is that there's going to be a curve ball. Okay, yes,

719
00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:13,680
Speaker 2: Like it's going to happen okay always, and it's not

720
00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:16,279
Speaker 2: in a negative way. It's just life is unpredictable what happens, right,

721
00:44:16,640 --> 00:44:19,719
Speaker 2: and so being able to pivot, adjust your plans and

722
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:23,319
Speaker 2: stay resilient will keep you moving forward no matter what.

723
00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:26,600
Speaker 2: And I think that having that supportive network, which hopefully

724
00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:30,840
Speaker 2: includes some type of therapeutic support right and community support

725
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:33,239
Speaker 2: that can assist when you do have those changes that

726
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:34,520
Speaker 2: come up in life.

727
00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:38,280
Speaker 1: Yes, I think that's so important. And I think also

728
00:44:38,520 --> 00:44:45,800
Speaker 1: that that willingness, to that willingness to take those pivots

729
00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:50,680
Speaker 1: right in recognizing giving yourself in that willingness, It doesn't

730
00:44:50,719 --> 00:44:54,360
Speaker 1: mean that you have to like it. Like I mentioned before,

731
00:44:56,000 --> 00:45:01,240
Speaker 1: the embracing flexibility really is about acknowledging that it's gonna happen,

732
00:45:03,040 --> 00:45:09,880
Speaker 1: and I might not like it in the moment, but

733
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:12,719
Speaker 1: I trust the process and trust that things will work

734
00:45:12,719 --> 00:45:15,759
Speaker 1: out in my favor, and so I'll allow myself to

735
00:45:16,440 --> 00:45:18,400
Speaker 1: not like it and to make all the faces and

736
00:45:18,440 --> 00:45:20,719
Speaker 1: to complain and do whatever it takes for me to

737
00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:27,040
Speaker 1: get through it, because I know that the outcome on

738
00:45:27,120 --> 00:45:32,480
Speaker 1: the other side is what's more important. And so then

739
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:36,560
Speaker 1: that leads us right into tip number six, which is

740
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:42,480
Speaker 1: focused on progress. One of the things that I remember

741
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:48,600
Speaker 1: my therapist talking to me about years ago, was celebrating

742
00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:53,000
Speaker 1: the small wins, Like I remember being in a being

743
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:57,200
Speaker 1: at a point where I was like, no celebration until

744
00:45:57,239 --> 00:46:03,040
Speaker 1: the whole overall thing has been achieved, right, And so

745
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:09,279
Speaker 1: that meant so, for instance, me getting a PhD. If

746
00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:13,759
Speaker 1: I was focused solely on that particular goal, then what

747
00:46:13,840 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 1: that meant is that I did not I was not

748
00:46:17,239 --> 00:46:22,720
Speaker 1: necessarily celebrating all of the milestones. And trust me, y'all,

749
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:28,680
Speaker 1: there are fifty million milestones along the way to earning

750
00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:35,600
Speaker 1: a doctor. When I reflect back, there were multiple stages

751
00:46:35,680 --> 00:46:41,239
Speaker 1: that I didn't celebrate that. I encourage people who are

752
00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:45,000
Speaker 1: currently on that journey to celebrate.

753
00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:46,120
Speaker 3: That.

754
00:46:48,160 --> 00:46:54,799
Speaker 1: You may celebrate on different levels, but you still celebrate

755
00:46:55,520 --> 00:47:01,000
Speaker 1: because that's what also keeps you moving forward. It gives

756
00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:06,000
Speaker 1: you something to look forward to. It motivates you to

757
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:09,960
Speaker 1: keep going. When you're like, okay, oh wait, okay, so

758
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:14,640
Speaker 1: there's ten steps to achieve this one goal. If I

759
00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:17,680
Speaker 1: have to get through all ten steps before I can

760
00:47:17,719 --> 00:47:22,640
Speaker 1: celebrate what happens at step three. When step three is

761
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:28,080
Speaker 1: really hard and I don't celebrate that, then I might

762
00:47:28,239 --> 00:47:32,200
Speaker 1: lose motivation. When I get to step four, I might

763
00:47:32,239 --> 00:47:34,879
Speaker 1: be like, shit, I'm exhausted from step three, I can't, nah,

764
00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:41,960
Speaker 1: But if I allow myself to celebrate achieving step three,

765
00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:46,839
Speaker 1: then now I poured into my cup, gave myself some

766
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:52,200
Speaker 1: extra dose of joy that I can then pull from

767
00:47:53,080 --> 00:47:54,640
Speaker 1: to get through the next step.

768
00:47:57,320 --> 00:47:59,239
Speaker 2: Amen to that, dom. I feel like I heard a

769
00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:01,040
Speaker 2: quote and correct me if I'm wrong, But I think

770
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:05,439
Speaker 2: they said done is better than perfect? Is that right, right?

771
00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:08,640
Speaker 2: Something like that? Yeah, y'all correct me if I'm wrong,

772
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:10,960
Speaker 2: But I think that's important for us to remember, like

773
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:12,400
Speaker 2: and that that used to be so hard for me

774
00:48:12,480 --> 00:48:15,680
Speaker 2: to to, you know, internalize. I'm like, it has to

775
00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:19,080
Speaker 2: be perfect because we're recovering perfectionist ladies, but perfectionism can

776
00:48:19,120 --> 00:48:23,120
Speaker 2: definitely be a major roadblock. So yes, those incremental improvements

777
00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:26,520
Speaker 2: are super important. All right, lady. We're on to number

778
00:48:26,520 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 2: seven now, which is create space for reflection and rest.

779
00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:35,360
Speaker 2: One of my favorite speakers and business women, Lisa Nichols,

780
00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:38,520
Speaker 2: she said this in a talk that I heard from

781
00:48:38,560 --> 00:48:41,160
Speaker 2: her in an event, and she basically said, it's okay

782
00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:43,960
Speaker 2: to pause and pull over on the side of your journey.

783
00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:46,000
Speaker 2: And I think it's so important to remember to do

784
00:48:46,040 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 2: that because a lot of times in this in the

785
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:50,840
Speaker 2: space that we're in, people are just go go go,

786
00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:52,440
Speaker 2: and I have been a go go go person for

787
00:48:52,480 --> 00:48:55,640
Speaker 2: the longest time, and I'm definitely holding space for more

788
00:48:56,320 --> 00:49:00,240
Speaker 2: rest and slowing down just like chilling a bit more

789
00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:02,759
Speaker 2: and not being a busy bea because that shit is tied.

790
00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:04,960
Speaker 2: I'm tired, Like I'm like, it's time for that. I'm

791
00:49:04,960 --> 00:49:08,160
Speaker 2: trying to have fun. It's all about fun. And yeah,

792
00:49:08,280 --> 00:49:10,480
Speaker 2: it's about fun right now. That's my season of fun.

793
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:12,600
Speaker 2: And so pulling over on the side of your journey,

794
00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:15,040
Speaker 2: it's okay to not always be doing something. And I'm

795
00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:17,560
Speaker 2: really saying that to myself, y'all. So yes, I mean

796
00:49:17,840 --> 00:49:20,600
Speaker 2: if it resonates with you, then that's amazing because for real,

797
00:49:20,640 --> 00:49:23,000
Speaker 2: for real, it's okay to not always oh I got

798
00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:24,880
Speaker 2: to do this and do that, and it's okay to

799
00:49:24,920 --> 00:49:27,440
Speaker 2: do that. And so regularly checking in with yourself to

800
00:49:27,560 --> 00:49:31,719
Speaker 2: evaluate where you are, how you feel, what's working, what

801
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:36,000
Speaker 2: adjustments might be needed. Right Resting is essential to avoid

802
00:49:36,360 --> 00:49:39,920
Speaker 2: burnout and it helps us to recharge. So definitely, as

803
00:49:39,920 --> 00:49:42,080
Speaker 2: we said before, we're kind of circling back, making it's

804
00:49:42,080 --> 00:49:46,479
Speaker 2: a full circle episode. Get that rest, prioritize your self care,

805
00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:49,319
Speaker 2: focus on yourself and fill your cup, lady, because if

806
00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:52,200
Speaker 2: we don't feel our cups, then it's really challenging to

807
00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:54,719
Speaker 2: fill the cups of those around us. Right. There have

808
00:49:54,760 --> 00:49:57,920
Speaker 2: been times where I've woken I've like, I woke up

809
00:49:57,960 --> 00:49:59,759
Speaker 2: with like five or five thirty in the morning to

810
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:01,880
Speaker 2: take care of myself before I get my daughter up,

811
00:50:01,880 --> 00:50:04,719
Speaker 2: because once she's up, we hitting the ground running and

812
00:50:04,760 --> 00:50:07,080
Speaker 2: it's time to go do stuff. And so sometimes it

813
00:50:07,160 --> 00:50:09,040
Speaker 2: means going to sleep a little bit earlier, on waking

814
00:50:09,160 --> 00:50:11,359
Speaker 2: up earlier so I can get that pocket of time

815
00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:13,839
Speaker 2: for myself to give me what I need in order

816
00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:15,319
Speaker 2: to be my best self throughout the day.

817
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:18,399
Speaker 1: I will say it makes me think about it makes

818
00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:22,759
Speaker 1: me think about taking a road trip, right, yes, And

819
00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:29,160
Speaker 1: so when you're taking a road trip, you, let's say,

820
00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:31,839
Speaker 1: and I'm thinking most recent because I did a road

821
00:50:31,880 --> 00:50:32,680
Speaker 1: trip this summer.

822
00:50:33,120 --> 00:50:34,719
Speaker 2: I was about saying, you definitely did.

823
00:50:36,160 --> 00:50:38,440
Speaker 1: Yeah. My sister, my sister and.

824
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:43,920
Speaker 3: Brother, No, I love them so because you know, I

825
00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:46,560
Speaker 3: prefer to hop on a plane, but I but I

826
00:50:47,120 --> 00:50:48,640
Speaker 3: help them move.

827
00:50:49,360 --> 00:50:53,080
Speaker 1: And so one of the things with a move like that,

828
00:50:53,480 --> 00:50:55,319
Speaker 1: and even if we weren't moving, even if let's say

829
00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:58,239
Speaker 1: we were just deciding to take a road trip. At

830
00:50:58,320 --> 00:51:00,400
Speaker 1: some point, you're gonna run out of gain, and you

831
00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:06,239
Speaker 1: gotta stop and refill the tank, right and so and

832
00:51:06,280 --> 00:51:09,359
Speaker 1: not just run and not just refill the tank. But

833
00:51:09,560 --> 00:51:12,360
Speaker 1: also I mean, you know, maybe you got an electric vehicle,

834
00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:14,560
Speaker 1: you got to stop and charge that car up, right,

835
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:20,360
Speaker 1: But you also need to stop and take a bathroom break,

836
00:51:22,040 --> 00:51:25,080
Speaker 1: you you know, because most of us really can't go

837
00:51:25,200 --> 00:51:27,640
Speaker 1: a couple of hours without having the pee, right, So

838
00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:30,319
Speaker 1: you've got to stop and take a break. You've got

839
00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:33,640
Speaker 1: to stop and refuel the car. Depending on how long

840
00:51:33,719 --> 00:51:37,560
Speaker 1: that road trip is, you may need to stop overnight

841
00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:42,040
Speaker 1: or stop at some point and get some sleep so

842
00:51:42,080 --> 00:51:45,160
Speaker 1: that you can then actually be able to stay awake

843
00:51:45,239 --> 00:51:50,040
Speaker 1: and alert to make that drive. And so life is

844
00:51:50,200 --> 00:51:54,400
Speaker 1: like that that you cannot continuous You're not gonna be

845
00:51:54,400 --> 00:51:59,000
Speaker 1: able to run on empty. That it is important, it's

846
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:06,120
Speaker 1: in necessity to stop, take breaks and hell reassess. Like

847
00:52:06,160 --> 00:52:09,000
Speaker 1: I think about there have been road trips that I've

848
00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:14,040
Speaker 1: taken in my younger days where I needed to stop,

849
00:52:14,200 --> 00:52:16,520
Speaker 1: like there was an accident on the highway, and so

850
00:52:17,040 --> 00:52:20,239
Speaker 1: you got to stop and reassess. Do I need to

851
00:52:20,280 --> 00:52:23,960
Speaker 1: am I where am I do I need to? Am

852
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:26,600
Speaker 1: I going to be stuck sitting here in this traffic

853
00:52:27,480 --> 00:52:30,120
Speaker 1: or is there another route that I can take?

854
00:52:31,640 --> 00:52:34,480
Speaker 2: I take a detour sometimes, and that's life.

855
00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:37,840
Speaker 1: Yes, accidents happen and you may need to take a

856
00:52:37,880 --> 00:52:40,359
Speaker 1: detour or you got to ride that shit on out

857
00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:46,879
Speaker 1: and so and so. I think, lady, as you are

858
00:52:47,040 --> 00:52:51,600
Speaker 1: listening and you are reflecting on your year twenty twenty

859
00:52:51,640 --> 00:52:57,920
Speaker 1: four and prepping for your year twenty twenty five. Quick

860
00:52:57,960 --> 00:53:03,120
Speaker 1: review of the seven tips to set yourself up for

861
00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:11,600
Speaker 1: a successful year. Number one, set purposeful, clear goals. Number two.

862
00:53:12,200 --> 00:53:20,960
Speaker 1: Prioritize well being number three, cultivate a growth mindset number four,

863
00:53:21,719 --> 00:53:30,080
Speaker 1: Build a supportive network number five, embrace flexibility number six,

864
00:53:30,880 --> 00:53:37,000
Speaker 1: focus on progress, and number seven create space for reflection

865
00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:38,640
Speaker 1: and rest.

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Speaker 2: Lady, I know you got big dreams. I know you

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Speaker 2: got big goals. But you know big dreams need a

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Speaker 2: solid plan and I'm here to help. Hey, lady, is

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Speaker 2: more than a workbook. It's a jumpstart for your dreams

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Speaker 2: break them into actionable steps, and gain the focus you

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Speaker 2: need to make this your best year yet. No matter

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Speaker 2: when you're starting, it's time to stop wishing and start doing.

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Speaker 2: Download your free guide now at Terry Lomax dot com.

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Speaker 2: Because your goals deserve more than wishful thinking. You got this.

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Speaker 1: Girl, Thanks for tuning into Cultivating her Space. Remember that

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Speaker 1: while this podcast is all about healing, empowerment, and resilience,

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Speaker 1: it's not a substitute for therapy. If you or someone

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Speaker 1: you know need support, check out resources like Therapy for

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Speaker 1: Black Girls or Psychology Today. If you love today's episode,

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Speaker 1: do us a favor and share it with a friend

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Speaker 1: who needs some inspiration, or leave us a quick five

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Speaker 1: star review. Your support means the world to us and

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Speaker 1: helps keep this space thriving.

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Speaker 2: And before we meet again, repeat after me. I am

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Speaker 2: the architect of my destiny, shaping every moment with purpose

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Speaker 2: and passion. Keep thriving, lady, and tune in next Friday

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Speaker 2: for more inspiration from Cultivating her Space. In the meantime,

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Speaker 2: be sure to connect with us on Instagram at her

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Speaker 2: Space Podcast.