WEBVTT - Bryan Cranston & Robin Dearden 0:00:14.836 --> 0:00:29.396 Pushkin. Hi, I'm Phil Donahue and I'm Marlowe Thomas, and 0:00:29.516 --> 0:00:32.476 we're going on a series of double dates to find 0:00:32.476 --> 0:00:40.836 out what makes a marriage last. What a crazy afternoon 0:00:40.876 --> 0:00:44.196 in New York the day we met Brian Cranston and 0:00:44.436 --> 0:00:48.636 Robin Dearden. Oh god, I remember Brian was starring in 0:00:48.676 --> 0:00:51.596 the hit Broadway production of Network and the curtain was 0:00:51.636 --> 0:00:53.556 going up in just a few hours. So we had 0:00:53.556 --> 0:00:56.396 a very narrow window of time to visit with them 0:00:56.396 --> 0:00:59.236 at their apartment. And then our cab driver took us 0:00:59.236 --> 0:01:02.236 to the wrong address and it was rush hour. We 0:01:02.236 --> 0:01:04.876 were almost a full hour late. It was just the worst, 0:01:05.476 --> 0:01:08.636 no time to kind of warm up to each other. Wonderful. 0:01:09.116 --> 0:01:11.316 Pugged into the room. You plugged into that. Yes, I 0:01:11.436 --> 0:01:18.876 noticed that an idiot completely. She's discombobulated. You were rattled, 0:01:18.916 --> 0:01:26.156 but Brian was so relaxed. Lift yeah, yeah, so let's 0:01:26.196 --> 0:01:29.676 talk once we got our act together. We dove in 0:01:29.796 --> 0:01:35.036 by talking about their parents' marriages. All seven of my parents' 0:01:35.116 --> 0:01:41.556 marriages were wonderful. My mom was married four times, my 0:01:41.676 --> 0:01:45.156 dad was married three times. They had numerous boyfriends and girlfriends, 0:01:45.196 --> 0:01:50.436 and yeah, so in many ways my parents taught me 0:01:50.556 --> 0:01:54.236 what not to do? This kind of lais a fair 0:01:54.316 --> 0:01:59.596 attitude into marriage? Didn't work? Um, where were you from 0:01:59.596 --> 0:02:04.116 from la born and raised out there? And uh so 0:02:04.196 --> 0:02:07.916 were you kind of against marriage? No? I was married 0:02:07.956 --> 0:02:11.676 once before I was twenty three, and then I got 0:02:11.716 --> 0:02:15.756 married again when I was thirty five. I think I 0:02:15.796 --> 0:02:17.756 was thirty five. You were there. I was thirty three, 0:02:17.796 --> 0:02:24.316 so ten years after my trial marriage. So didn't scare 0:02:24.316 --> 0:02:26.876 you off marriage? The fact that there were all those marriages. No, No, 0:02:27.076 --> 0:02:30.476 because the woman that I married wasn't a bad person. 0:02:30.596 --> 0:02:34.796 She was a lovely person. It was the wrong time 0:02:34.996 --> 0:02:38.836 and I wasn't in love with her, and I think 0:02:38.876 --> 0:02:44.036 I took a very casual look at it. It wasn't 0:02:44.076 --> 0:02:46.516 fair to her, wasn't fair to me. Fortunately, we didn't 0:02:46.556 --> 0:02:49.476 have any children, and she went her separate way and 0:02:49.636 --> 0:02:52.676 remarried and has a life and the life she wanted. 0:02:52.916 --> 0:02:55.756 What about you, Robin, What about your family? I came 0:02:55.796 --> 0:02:59.156 from the complete opposite of his. I had to leave 0:02:59.196 --> 0:03:02.836 it to beaver. I was raised in Whittier, little tiny town, 0:03:03.236 --> 0:03:06.836 Nixon's hometown. I'm a native of California too. I never 0:03:06.916 --> 0:03:11.116 wanted to get married. It wasn't high on my list, 0:03:10.876 --> 0:03:15.996 and my parents never instilled in me the need to 0:03:16.116 --> 0:03:20.196 be married. We grew up in the mostly our formative 0:03:20.356 --> 0:03:25.076 years in the seventies, and the sexual revolution in the 0:03:25.156 --> 0:03:29.476 sixties busted it open, and the seventies sort of celebrated 0:03:29.516 --> 0:03:34.676 that kind of looseness, and you got waylaid and off track. 0:03:34.756 --> 0:03:38.076 I think a lot by fun, yeah, by fun right, 0:03:38.196 --> 0:03:42.596 and by freedom and convincing yourself that you may be 0:03:42.676 --> 0:03:45.436 in love with someone when you're really not and you 0:03:45.516 --> 0:03:48.476 may not have that much in common with them, and 0:03:48.556 --> 0:03:50.716 now you're in so deep, be like, oh, how do 0:03:50.716 --> 0:03:56.076 I extract myself? I got married very young, and then 0:03:56.116 --> 0:04:01.036 afterward I realized, oh, I've made a mistake, and I realized, 0:04:01.116 --> 0:04:05.876 then if I do this again, I really have to 0:04:05.916 --> 0:04:09.996 know what I'm doing and be in love of So 0:04:10.036 --> 0:04:13.876 then you met on a set, right, Yeah, we met 0:04:13.956 --> 0:04:18.356 on a on a really terrible television show called Airwolf, 0:04:19.156 --> 0:04:23.076 which starred a helicopter and uh, and I was a 0:04:23.116 --> 0:04:26.076 bad guy of the week on this episode. She was 0:04:26.196 --> 0:04:29.396 the victim of the week. I kidnapped her and held 0:04:29.436 --> 0:04:33.076 her for ransom, and along with a few other women, 0:04:34.316 --> 0:04:37.796 I was going to say, how sexy you met a 0:04:37.836 --> 0:04:41.756 gun on her who is threatened to kill her or 0:04:41.876 --> 0:04:46.556 dat her, which we met on Airwolf. We didn't start 0:04:46.676 --> 0:04:49.276 dating then. It was a year later that we ran 0:04:49.316 --> 0:04:53.956 into each other in an improv comedy class um and 0:04:53.956 --> 0:04:57.716 and got to know each other and got to be friends. 0:04:58.236 --> 0:05:00.676 But I think we were we were lucky. We were 0:05:00.716 --> 0:05:04.956 guided to this the year at the time that we met. 0:05:07.956 --> 0:05:10.476 I had a girlfriend too, had a boyfriend, so we 0:05:10.476 --> 0:05:14.916 were able to just not have the tension I should 0:05:15.036 --> 0:05:16.756 make a move and ask her out and all this 0:05:17.076 --> 0:05:19.076 and fun. We were able to just have fun and 0:05:19.196 --> 0:05:23.436 flirt and and end Oh that's nice. And we just 0:05:23.516 --> 0:05:28.436 kind of slowed into it, as opposed to h over 0:05:28.876 --> 0:05:32.836 extending yourself physically making that commitment and then having the 0:05:32.996 --> 0:05:36.636 backtrack to figure out who this person is, who you 0:05:36.756 --> 0:05:44.836 just had relations with, and you are yes, exactly. We 0:05:45.276 --> 0:05:48.236 fool ourselves and we go, oh my god, I'm doing 0:05:48.276 --> 0:05:52.196 this again. And then I went to Oxford for a 0:05:52.236 --> 0:05:57.396 summer and he came over and he stopped at Oxford 0:05:57.996 --> 0:06:02.756 and I went, oh, it's you. And I've never felt 0:06:02.756 --> 0:06:06.516 that way in my life. Oh it's you mean. I 0:06:06.956 --> 0:06:10.076 can't explain it except that it was just this reaction 0:06:10.116 --> 0:06:12.876 to oh, I do. I do want to get married 0:06:12.916 --> 0:06:16.196 and I want to marry you. That's so you knew that. 0:06:16.396 --> 0:06:18.836 I knew pretty fast and I had never felt that 0:06:18.876 --> 0:06:22.516 way before. And you were you thinking that she could 0:06:22.516 --> 0:06:26.316 be the one? Or yeah, I was. I was very 0:06:26.596 --> 0:06:30.796 keen on this. We had the most romantic date in 0:06:31.156 --> 0:06:34.396 at Stratford upon Avon. I rented a punch over and 0:06:34.436 --> 0:06:38.036 we were we had sandwiches, a beautiful day, like looked 0:06:38.036 --> 0:06:42.436 like this wine and we found a little shady place 0:06:42.556 --> 0:06:44.956 under a tree in the water and it was like 0:06:45.436 --> 0:06:50.716 we kissed like male like bandits. Oh how lovely, how great? Yeah, 0:06:50.796 --> 0:06:56.116 your proposal received a lot of ink. Was that is 0:06:56.156 --> 0:06:59.196 that bathtub in London? Or with that? No, he owned 0:06:59.196 --> 0:07:02.196 a cabin with a friend of his two actors. They 0:07:02.236 --> 0:07:06.836 bought a cabin up in Big Bear. It was hilarious 0:07:06.876 --> 0:07:10.316 because the bathroom was a standard sized bag in a 0:07:10.396 --> 0:07:14.716 crappy cabin in the mountains. So there wasn't any room 0:07:15.396 --> 0:07:24.036 for me to face him facing the spout. Your back 0:07:24.156 --> 0:07:31.556 was against his chifts. Yes, so I kept thinking, guard 0:07:32.276 --> 0:07:36.636 I designed it this way because I thought that if 0:07:36.716 --> 0:07:39.196 I was to face her and trying to get these 0:07:39.236 --> 0:07:41.996 lines out, we would cry, I would crack. I did. 0:07:42.316 --> 0:07:44.316 I relate did so. I thought, Man, how am I 0:07:44.316 --> 0:07:45.436 going to do this? How am I going to do this? 0:07:45.956 --> 0:07:49.396 A champagne? I have little music going, and I'm going, 0:07:49.476 --> 0:07:51.796 what the hell is this? And every time I start 0:07:51.876 --> 0:07:54.316 to talk and she starts to turn around to look, 0:07:54.356 --> 0:07:57.916 and I pushed her face back towards the front so 0:07:57.956 --> 0:08:00.996 that I could let me just get this out. Was 0:08:01.036 --> 0:08:05.436 that a surprise at that moment? It wasn't a surprise 0:08:05.836 --> 0:08:07.436 because I was like, oh, I know where this is 0:08:07.476 --> 0:08:12.996 going kind of now. The other thing was the ring. Yeah, 0:08:13.276 --> 0:08:18.316 I'm we're nude as one is in a bathtub? Right 0:08:19.236 --> 0:08:23.756 Where would I put the ring? So I thinking, no, 0:08:23.876 --> 0:08:26.836 she'll see it. There's if I put it. No, that's 0:08:27.116 --> 0:08:30.196 down the drain, and I said, I thought, oh, I 0:08:30.236 --> 0:08:33.716 put it on my baby toe. I put it all 0:08:33.756 --> 0:08:36.756 the way on my and submerged the foot. That's so great, 0:08:36.996 --> 0:08:44.476 So that she then this foot and did this because 0:08:44.596 --> 0:08:48.396 I couldn't reach it. Is this a horror movie? No, 0:08:48.516 --> 0:08:51.316 it sounds like a sounds like an improv. It was, Yeah, 0:08:52.956 --> 0:08:56.876 that's very worked out. It's a good thing. She said, Yes, 0:08:56.876 --> 0:09:00.436 how embarrassing. How do you get out of that you know, 0:09:00.436 --> 0:09:03.276 there's a lot of sincerity in that, you know, you're 0:09:03.316 --> 0:09:10.316 not just another girl. Yeah, and it worked. So what what? Well, 0:09:10.476 --> 0:09:13.076 let me put it, how do you fight? Everybody has 0:09:13.116 --> 0:09:15.316 their way that they fight and how they make up 0:09:15.316 --> 0:09:19.996 from a fight. Because I'm Italian and Lebanese and he's Irish, 0:09:20.036 --> 0:09:23.116 we have a very different way of fighting. We've had 0:09:23.156 --> 0:09:27.036 to learn over years how actually to fight. So without 0:09:27.116 --> 0:09:29.796 you know, something going out the window. I used to 0:09:29.836 --> 0:09:31.556 say to him, I have a feeling that someday that 0:09:31.636 --> 0:09:34.156 we do nothing left but an eyelash and some white hair. 0:09:36.236 --> 0:09:45.076 They were here. So how would you say you're a stylist? 0:09:45.156 --> 0:09:47.836 I would first say that I'm the moodier of the 0:09:47.876 --> 0:09:50.676 two of us. He's crankier than I am. Yeah, I 0:09:50.716 --> 0:09:56.836 am not. She is perfect, much steadier in her comportment 0:09:56.956 --> 0:10:02.236 and personality than I am. Hans bounds, I pound hyeah 0:10:02.636 --> 0:10:07.116 as she is learning to not take things too seriously 0:10:07.476 --> 0:10:13.116 and to let things go. I have learned to identify 0:10:13.316 --> 0:10:16.356 when the train is going on the wrong track early, 0:10:16.796 --> 0:10:19.596 so that it's not so far down the road that 0:10:19.636 --> 0:10:23.076 you go, oh, I've made a mistake, and I am sorry, 0:10:23.156 --> 0:10:25.596 And now we need to back up. A train to 0:10:25.636 --> 0:10:29.156 go to get on the right now. I need to 0:10:29.276 --> 0:10:34.116 learn to go. Oh that's the switch. Uh, start start 0:10:34.156 --> 0:10:39.036 making adjustments now as opposed to holding onto that and 0:10:39.156 --> 0:10:41.396 letting it go too far down the road. That's a 0:10:41.436 --> 0:10:45.076 great visual to think about. There's a switch that you 0:10:45.116 --> 0:10:48.596 can stop this now. Yeah, that's a big deal. Yeah, 0:10:48.636 --> 0:10:51.356 you know, Alan Alda said in the middle of a fight, 0:10:51.876 --> 0:10:54.476 he has to say to himself, but she's the one 0:10:54.516 --> 0:10:56.836 I love. I have to like back off of this. 0:10:57.356 --> 0:11:03.356 You know, I actually love her. I don't need to 0:11:03.476 --> 0:11:06.916 choose this. I asked Billy Graham once, have you ever 0:11:06.956 --> 0:11:17.396 considered divorce? Never murder? Have you, guys, ever thrown that 0:11:17.476 --> 0:11:21.756 divorce word around? Never? So, because then you're you're you're 0:11:21.796 --> 0:11:28.556 holding upon and if you're thinking that, then there's a problem, right, 0:11:28.916 --> 0:11:32.396 But to use it, go get help as a couple. Yeah, 0:11:32.516 --> 0:11:36.636 we firmly believe in getting help as a couple. Oh yeah, absolutely. 0:11:36.636 --> 0:11:42.156 And have you earlier later both be late? Really yeah, 0:11:42.196 --> 0:11:45.636 before you were married, because you thought what because we 0:11:45.636 --> 0:11:49.436 were both in our thirties. Because I recognize that I 0:11:49.516 --> 0:11:55.316 had gotten myself into situations where I'm in a relationship 0:11:55.836 --> 0:11:58.876 and I don't want to be again and again and again, 0:11:58.996 --> 0:12:02.156 and I'm thinking, wait a minute, what why is this 0:12:02.236 --> 0:12:07.156 pattern happening to me? Slow down and pull it back. 0:12:07.716 --> 0:12:10.916 But if you do find some one who you really know, 0:12:11.436 --> 0:12:14.236 as I did with Robin, Okay, now, I don't want 0:12:14.236 --> 0:12:17.276 to mess this up. So I'm impressed with your insight 0:12:17.356 --> 0:12:20.396 at that time of your life. Where did that come from? 0:12:20.396 --> 0:12:23.396 When we went into therapy, it was before we're married, 0:12:23.436 --> 0:12:26.596 because Brian used to say to me, I love you. 0:12:26.716 --> 0:12:28.516 I know I want to marry you. I just don't 0:12:28.516 --> 0:12:31.876 know when I was thirty four, so there was a 0:12:31.876 --> 0:12:34.516 part of me that was going, but you're assuming I'll 0:12:34.556 --> 0:12:38.396 still be here, right? And that made me mad because 0:12:38.396 --> 0:12:42.996 it was like, even thought it was ready, I got 0:12:42.996 --> 0:12:45.716 it right. So right? What else should I say? No? No, 0:12:46.196 --> 0:12:49.116 You're lucky that she cared enough. I mean, isn't it 0:12:49.156 --> 0:12:53.316 amazing that the timing of any couple can work out? 0:12:53.436 --> 0:12:57.476 I know. I was on Phil's show promoting something and 0:12:57.916 --> 0:13:00.116 he said to me on his show, how does a 0:13:00.236 --> 0:13:02.636 girl like you not get married? I was like thirty 0:13:02.676 --> 0:13:04.116 six or so at the time, and I said, I'm 0:13:04.116 --> 0:13:07.636 never getting married, no intention of getting married, and he said, really, yeah, 0:13:07.636 --> 0:13:16.156 it's all right. So we started dating getting married a 0:13:16.396 --> 0:13:20.676 perfect woman. So I don't know about seven eight months 0:13:20.676 --> 0:13:22.356 in he asked me to marry him and I said, 0:13:22.556 --> 0:13:25.876 you're crazy. I just I'm not ever getting married. So 0:13:25.916 --> 0:13:28.916 that he never brought it up again, and like three 0:13:28.956 --> 0:13:31.236 years old, buy and I said, I kind of like 0:13:31.396 --> 0:13:34.796 to get married. You know. It was like he was 0:13:34.836 --> 0:13:36.716 smart enough to like, okay, fine, I just want to 0:13:36.716 --> 0:13:39.676 get married, right, because you weren't saying I don't want 0:13:39.716 --> 0:13:41.996 to have a relationship with you. No. I was crazy 0:13:41.996 --> 0:13:44.676 about him. I was what you call candy Burger and 0:13:44.676 --> 0:13:47.436 I used to say about our boyfriends, I'm crazy about him. 0:13:47.636 --> 0:13:50.076 But we never said I'm in love with anybody. I 0:13:50.116 --> 0:13:54.196 didn't admit the love part until we actually broke up 0:13:54.236 --> 0:13:56.276 for three months because it was so hard. I was 0:13:56.316 --> 0:13:58.636 in LA he was in Chicago with his show, and 0:13:59.116 --> 0:14:01.396 it was so much trouble to get together. It was 0:14:01.476 --> 0:14:03.996 exciting as hell. I mean we would, you know, we 0:14:04.036 --> 0:14:06.836 would make out in the airport, but it was it 0:14:06.876 --> 0:14:08.916 was terrible in many ways, and said, you know what, 0:14:08.916 --> 0:14:11.276 this is just too much, and so we did. We 0:14:11.316 --> 0:14:14.196 broke up, and in those three months of being apart, 0:14:15.436 --> 0:14:18.716 I thought there's nobody but him, and he called me 0:14:18.756 --> 0:14:21.596 in the middle of the night and he said, I 0:14:21.676 --> 0:14:25.916 never thought anybody could be this irreplaceable. And then we 0:14:26.036 --> 0:14:28.396 both cried on the phone, and that was ye know, 0:14:28.556 --> 0:14:34.996 you allowed yourselves to slow down, right separate and really 0:14:35.796 --> 0:14:39.996 experienced the loss right what you had to lose if 0:14:40.036 --> 0:14:44.396 you weren't together right early on, because we both wanted 0:14:44.436 --> 0:14:51.836 it to work, I came up with an idea that 0:14:52.596 --> 0:14:57.716 would take the decision making out and that is, if 0:14:57.756 --> 0:15:00.876 either one of us said I want us to go 0:15:00.996 --> 0:15:04.836 in to see the therapist, there is no discussion to it. 0:15:04.916 --> 0:15:08.756 And we agreed upon that early on. So whenever anyone 0:15:08.796 --> 0:15:12.316 says it's really important to me, okay, you're back off, 0:15:12.436 --> 0:15:14.396 it's like, let's set it up. What are you doing? 0:15:14.636 --> 0:15:17.036 And she is almost always the one to say, I 0:15:17.076 --> 0:15:22.036 think we need to go in, And it surprises me. Really, Yes, 0:15:22.156 --> 0:15:25.956 it's important to me, And just the idea of being 0:15:26.036 --> 0:15:29.956 in that environment and offering up a thought, a notion 0:15:29.996 --> 0:15:32.876 of feeling that comes to you and ensuring it right 0:15:32.916 --> 0:15:38.716 and having somebody who's who's not impartial basically in looking 0:15:38.756 --> 0:15:41.716 at both sides and how I receive information, how he 0:15:41.756 --> 0:15:49.436 receives information. Yeah, interpreters. The thing is, mental health has 0:15:49.516 --> 0:15:54.236 always been viewed as a weakness. Yeah, sure that if 0:15:54.276 --> 0:15:58.676 you need therapy, Oh, your character is in question. If 0:15:58.676 --> 0:16:00.716 you need therapy, it must be it must be crazy. 0:16:00.916 --> 0:16:04.836 I tell people all the time when there's really when 0:16:04.876 --> 0:16:07.476 you go to therapy, it's like, yeah, I said, let me, 0:16:07.596 --> 0:16:09.956 let me ask you a question. You drive a car. 0:16:10.396 --> 0:16:13.196 If you're if the red light on your car said 0:16:13.396 --> 0:16:18.676 engine trouble, would you stop, open up the hood and 0:16:18.876 --> 0:16:23.076 start decorating? Of course not. He's like, I don't know 0:16:23.076 --> 0:16:27.436 where to begin. What makes you think that you can 0:16:27.516 --> 0:16:31.316 fix your marriage if that warning light is on? Right? 0:16:31.356 --> 0:16:34.036 And that's all it is, right, just the caution light 0:16:34.116 --> 0:16:39.996 going hey. And so we actually use the phrase we 0:16:40.036 --> 0:16:43.516 need a tuneup. That's great, let's just go get a tunup. 0:16:43.996 --> 0:16:46.716 Most people go to a life completely unconscious, and they 0:16:46.756 --> 0:16:49.196 don't understand why they run into a bus, right, and 0:16:49.236 --> 0:16:51.156 that and you run into a bus in your marriage, 0:16:51.156 --> 0:16:53.436 you run into a bus raising children? You have a 0:16:53.596 --> 0:16:56.996 daughter daughter? Yeah, and did you were you good co 0:16:57.196 --> 0:16:59.836 parenting or did you argue about that or did you 0:16:59.836 --> 0:17:02.676 have to find a pattern for that? Now we didn't know. 0:17:03.556 --> 0:17:08.156 We've never we haven't really had. How do you find 0:17:08.196 --> 0:17:12.076 that style? You know too well? You know it's making 0:17:12.076 --> 0:17:14.796 it sound like we haven't had any knockdown, drag out fights, 0:17:14.796 --> 0:17:17.836 and believe me, we have. That's you do. We've been 0:17:17.876 --> 0:17:22.476 married thirty years. Of course, Brian wanted more children and 0:17:22.636 --> 0:17:40.596 I didn't. We'll have more. After a quick break, we're 0:17:40.636 --> 0:17:44.956 back to our interview with actors Brian Cranston and Robin Dearden. 0:17:45.716 --> 0:17:49.956 After having one child, Robin and Brian faced a tough dilemma. 0:17:50.356 --> 0:17:55.436 He had hopes for more children. Robin was done. Really 0:17:55.476 --> 0:17:58.356 so that was a big therapy thing. Wow, I'll bet 0:17:59.156 --> 0:18:03.716 I think I really would have resented having two kids 0:18:04.516 --> 0:18:06.796 when he would be gone like six months or go 0:18:06.876 --> 0:18:10.156 off into a movie or right, And how did you 0:18:10.196 --> 0:18:16.996 get through that? Well? Um, as a progressive, enlightened male, 0:18:17.836 --> 0:18:21.436 I said, well, I think it's fair that you should 0:18:21.516 --> 0:18:27.076 have two votes and I'll have one vote. So because 0:18:27.116 --> 0:18:34.596 of the biological so I said, I said, well maybe 0:18:34.916 --> 0:18:37.876 when Taylor is one years old, I'll bring it up. 0:18:37.996 --> 0:18:40.196 When she's two years old, I'll bring it up, and 0:18:40.876 --> 0:18:44.876 after that I won't bring it up. But we like no, okay, 0:18:44.916 --> 0:18:48.196 but we did go to therapy for that, and I 0:18:48.316 --> 0:18:52.636 learned something really interesting about you at that because I 0:18:52.676 --> 0:18:58.436 had Yes, we were getting deep into him wanting more 0:18:58.516 --> 0:19:01.836 children so much and me being fine with not. The 0:19:01.836 --> 0:19:04.916 therapist asked, Brian, why do you think this is so important? 0:19:04.956 --> 0:19:09.636 And you had this epiphany of because I only think 0:19:09.756 --> 0:19:14.036 of a family as my siblings, because his parents were 0:19:14.036 --> 0:19:18.356 so fractured that us only having one was not a family. 0:19:18.916 --> 0:19:21.636 I really relied on my brother, who's two years older 0:19:21.636 --> 0:19:24.196 than me, during the fracture of the family. He was 0:19:24.316 --> 0:19:29.796 like he was running defense and blocking for me and 0:19:29.916 --> 0:19:33.276 figuring things out together. And we're very, very close. For 0:19:33.316 --> 0:19:37.516 a long long time, I thought, boy, I really needed 0:19:37.556 --> 0:19:40.916 my brother. Our little sister needed us two at times 0:19:40.956 --> 0:19:42.956 to take care of her, to babysit when mom was 0:19:43.196 --> 0:19:46.436 drinking too much or whatever, you know. So that's what 0:19:46.556 --> 0:19:49.796 I kept thinking. It's not for me, it's for Taylor. 0:19:50.636 --> 0:19:53.676 I thought it's better for Taylor to have a sibling. 0:19:54.316 --> 0:19:56.636 I don't disagree with you. I think that that's true. 0:19:56.636 --> 0:20:08.916 I want to go, what do you think? Sure now? Sure, sure, now, 0:20:09.596 --> 0:20:15.116 big big deal. That's amazing having had to change your 0:20:15.116 --> 0:20:22.156 marriage a lot by having a baby. Bye oh oh yeah, Well, 0:20:22.476 --> 0:20:24.156 because I did Haven when I was forty because I 0:20:24.156 --> 0:20:27.796 did have major complications. It took me a year to 0:20:28.076 --> 0:20:33.116 even feel quasi normal again. He just wrecked me. It 0:20:33.236 --> 0:20:35.636 just totally wrecked me. And that was part of it. Two. 0:20:35.676 --> 0:20:37.116 I just don't want to go through that again. It 0:20:37.196 --> 0:20:40.316 was just so it deprived you of the joy of motherhood. 0:20:40.556 --> 0:20:44.356 Didn't for a while. Yeah, I mean not from two, 0:20:44.476 --> 0:20:46.596 not from two on, from two years old on. But 0:20:46.676 --> 0:20:49.836 that first year was really really hard. It was really hard. 0:20:50.796 --> 0:20:53.756 But Brian was home then, he wasn't gone. I wasn't, 0:20:53.916 --> 0:20:56.956 you know, going through myself. Oh yeah, and it's like, 0:20:57.076 --> 0:20:58.956 we'll just do this, We'll just get through this. That's 0:20:58.996 --> 0:21:02.116 who he is that in everything, he's like that. There 0:21:02.196 --> 0:21:07.716 was another point. His grandmother was in dementia in a 0:21:07.796 --> 0:21:12.716 home and she had to go to the bathroom and 0:21:12.836 --> 0:21:15.356 he said, I'll help you, grandma, and she said, oh no, okay. 0:21:15.356 --> 0:21:18.276 She wasn't really sure who he was and she said, 0:21:18.276 --> 0:21:19.876 oh no, no no, I'd be two bears. He goes, oh, Grahama, 0:21:19.916 --> 0:21:22.156 don't you know I'm a doctor now? And she went, okay, 0:21:24.036 --> 0:21:26.796 that's so good. And how and what was it about 0:21:27.596 --> 0:21:31.196 about Robin that made you? I think part of it 0:21:31.316 --> 0:21:36.916 was just the the person that she is, that she 0:21:37.116 --> 0:21:43.196 still has a joyous appreciation for simple things, for just life, 0:21:43.636 --> 0:21:49.396 a good positive outlook. She wasn't cynical or sarcastic. Yet 0:21:49.476 --> 0:21:54.796 she was funny. She was beautiful, still is, and the 0:21:54.916 --> 0:22:00.076 character of a person is what you should hitch your 0:22:00.076 --> 0:22:04.356 wagons too. What are the choices you make when times 0:22:04.356 --> 0:22:10.836 are tough? Is there an example? Well, it's interesting because 0:22:13.436 --> 0:22:17.556 one of our first fights was when she had this 0:22:17.756 --> 0:22:23.956 boyfriend and we were now getting together, and she hadn't 0:22:24.036 --> 0:22:28.236 officially told the boyfriend that he didn't live in Los Angeles, 0:22:28.276 --> 0:22:32.276 that this was not going to go any further. And 0:22:32.436 --> 0:22:38.756 I thought, you know, this is I'm sensing something here. 0:22:38.996 --> 0:22:44.836 I'm sensing something here. I lost my voice. I physically 0:22:45.116 --> 0:22:50.276 lost my voice. It was such a psychological wow. It 0:22:50.356 --> 0:22:56.036 was like I got laryngitis. I couldn't speak. Yes, so 0:22:56.556 --> 0:23:00.036 did you believe it? Well? I was having a difficult 0:23:00.036 --> 0:23:05.156 time and right so rightfully so yes, thank you for 0:23:05.236 --> 0:23:09.116 saying so. I was in the right on here completely. 0:23:10.236 --> 0:23:11.836 But they were asking, what is it about me that 0:23:11.876 --> 0:23:19.036 you love so much? Mistake? I don't think I'm gonna 0:23:19.076 --> 0:23:27.796 do any better than you You're probably right. What would 0:23:27.796 --> 0:23:31.356 your pass on to a young couple who's about to 0:23:31.356 --> 0:23:35.316 be married that you've learned being able to laugh? It's 0:23:35.396 --> 0:23:38.876 really important to me, m And then the other thing 0:23:38.996 --> 0:23:42.596 is just I'll say sometimes I'm your best friend. I've 0:23:42.636 --> 0:23:48.156 gotten your back, don't forget that. And I think if 0:23:48.196 --> 0:23:53.036 you can both remember that. What about you, mister? You 0:23:53.156 --> 0:23:57.676 have to know that you've fallen in love before you 0:23:57.996 --> 0:24:02.716 attempt this. Now's it sounds overly simplistic, because well, of course, 0:24:03.316 --> 0:24:07.316 but really be in love and take the time to 0:24:08.076 --> 0:24:14.436 really desire that person, to miss that person. Sometimes separation 0:24:14.796 --> 0:24:17.956 is not necessarily a bad thing, and to find out 0:24:18.876 --> 0:24:21.756 how you truly feel at your core if this is 0:24:21.796 --> 0:24:30.636 a relationship that can endure. And with that nugget, it 0:24:30.716 --> 0:24:33.556 was time for Brian to get going for his stage 0:24:33.596 --> 0:24:37.676 performance that night. It was incredible with the performance to 0:24:37.796 --> 0:24:41.116 give and the clock ticking, they didn't rush us. They 0:24:41.196 --> 0:24:43.876 gave it their all. I love them for that and 0:24:43.956 --> 0:24:46.836 they were fun to be with. I'd match you guys 0:24:46.876 --> 0:24:55.996 up anytime. Robin, You've got to meet this guy. Until 0:24:56.076 --> 0:25:02.996 next time. I'm Phil Donahue and I'm Marlow Thomas are fabulous. 0:25:03.836 --> 0:25:07.556 Double Day there's a production of Pushkin Industries. The show 0:25:07.596 --> 0:25:11.476 was created by US and produced by Sarah Lily. Michael 0:25:11.516 --> 0:25:15.876 Bahari is associate producer. Musical adaptations of It Had to 0:25:15.916 --> 0:25:21.796 Be You by Selwagen, Simfinette, Marlo and I are executive producers, 0:25:21.836 --> 0:25:27.236 along with Mia Lobell and Letal Molad from Pushkin. Special 0:25:27.276 --> 0:25:32.796 thanks to Jacob Wiseburg, Malcolm Gladwell, Heather Faine, John Snars, 0:25:33.236 --> 0:25:39.836 Carly Migliori, Eric Sandler, Emily Rostek, Jason Gambrel, Paul Williams, 0:25:40.076 --> 0:25:44.476 and Bruce Klugger. If you like our show, please remember 0:25:44.516 --> 0:25:48.476 to share, rate, and review. Thanks for listening.