1 00:00:14,836 --> 00:00:29,396 Speaker 1: Pushkin. Hi, I'm Phil Donahue and I'm Marlowe Thomas, and 2 00:00:29,516 --> 00:00:32,476 Speaker 1: we're going on a series of double dates to find 3 00:00:32,476 --> 00:00:40,836 Speaker 1: out what makes a marriage last. What a crazy afternoon 4 00:00:40,876 --> 00:00:44,196 Speaker 1: in New York the day we met Brian Cranston and 5 00:00:44,436 --> 00:00:48,636 Speaker 1: Robin Dearden. Oh god, I remember Brian was starring in 6 00:00:48,676 --> 00:00:51,596 Speaker 1: the hit Broadway production of Network and the curtain was 7 00:00:51,636 --> 00:00:53,556 Speaker 1: going up in just a few hours. So we had 8 00:00:53,556 --> 00:00:56,396 Speaker 1: a very narrow window of time to visit with them 9 00:00:56,396 --> 00:00:59,236 Speaker 1: at their apartment. And then our cab driver took us 10 00:00:59,236 --> 00:01:02,236 Speaker 1: to the wrong address and it was rush hour. We 11 00:01:02,236 --> 00:01:04,876 Speaker 1: were almost a full hour late. It was just the worst, 12 00:01:05,476 --> 00:01:08,636 Speaker 1: no time to kind of warm up to each other. Wonderful. 13 00:01:09,116 --> 00:01:11,316 Speaker 1: Pugged into the room. You plugged into that. Yes, I 14 00:01:11,436 --> 00:01:18,876 Speaker 1: noticed that an idiot completely. She's discombobulated. You were rattled, 15 00:01:18,916 --> 00:01:26,156 Speaker 1: but Brian was so relaxed. Lift yeah, yeah, so let's 16 00:01:26,196 --> 00:01:29,676 Speaker 1: talk once we got our act together. We dove in 17 00:01:29,796 --> 00:01:35,036 Speaker 1: by talking about their parents' marriages. All seven of my parents' 18 00:01:35,116 --> 00:01:41,556 Speaker 1: marriages were wonderful. My mom was married four times, my 19 00:01:41,676 --> 00:01:45,156 Speaker 1: dad was married three times. They had numerous boyfriends and girlfriends, 20 00:01:45,196 --> 00:01:50,436 Speaker 1: and yeah, so in many ways my parents taught me 21 00:01:50,556 --> 00:01:54,236 Speaker 1: what not to do? This kind of lais a fair 22 00:01:54,316 --> 00:01:59,596 Speaker 1: attitude into marriage? Didn't work? Um, where were you from 23 00:01:59,596 --> 00:02:04,116 Speaker 1: from la born and raised out there? And uh so 24 00:02:04,196 --> 00:02:07,916 Speaker 1: were you kind of against marriage? No? I was married 25 00:02:07,956 --> 00:02:11,676 Speaker 1: once before I was twenty three, and then I got 26 00:02:11,716 --> 00:02:15,756 Speaker 1: married again when I was thirty five. I think I 27 00:02:15,796 --> 00:02:17,756 Speaker 1: was thirty five. You were there. I was thirty three, 28 00:02:17,796 --> 00:02:24,316 Speaker 1: so ten years after my trial marriage. So didn't scare 29 00:02:24,316 --> 00:02:26,876 Speaker 1: you off marriage? The fact that there were all those marriages. No, No, 30 00:02:27,076 --> 00:02:30,476 Speaker 1: because the woman that I married wasn't a bad person. 31 00:02:30,596 --> 00:02:34,796 Speaker 1: She was a lovely person. It was the wrong time 32 00:02:34,996 --> 00:02:38,836 Speaker 1: and I wasn't in love with her, and I think 33 00:02:38,876 --> 00:02:44,036 Speaker 1: I took a very casual look at it. It wasn't 34 00:02:44,076 --> 00:02:46,516 Speaker 1: fair to her, wasn't fair to me. Fortunately, we didn't 35 00:02:46,556 --> 00:02:49,476 Speaker 1: have any children, and she went her separate way and 36 00:02:49,636 --> 00:02:52,676 Speaker 1: remarried and has a life and the life she wanted. 37 00:02:52,916 --> 00:02:55,756 Speaker 1: What about you, Robin, What about your family? I came 38 00:02:55,796 --> 00:02:59,156 Speaker 1: from the complete opposite of his. I had to leave 39 00:02:59,196 --> 00:03:02,836 Speaker 1: it to beaver. I was raised in Whittier, little tiny town, 40 00:03:03,236 --> 00:03:06,836 Speaker 1: Nixon's hometown. I'm a native of California too. I never 41 00:03:06,916 --> 00:03:11,116 Speaker 1: wanted to get married. It wasn't high on my list, 42 00:03:10,876 --> 00:03:15,996 Speaker 1: and my parents never instilled in me the need to 43 00:03:16,116 --> 00:03:20,196 Speaker 1: be married. We grew up in the mostly our formative 44 00:03:20,356 --> 00:03:25,076 Speaker 1: years in the seventies, and the sexual revolution in the 45 00:03:25,156 --> 00:03:29,476 Speaker 1: sixties busted it open, and the seventies sort of celebrated 46 00:03:29,516 --> 00:03:34,676 Speaker 1: that kind of looseness, and you got waylaid and off track. 47 00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:38,076 Speaker 1: I think a lot by fun, yeah, by fun right, 48 00:03:38,196 --> 00:03:42,596 Speaker 1: and by freedom and convincing yourself that you may be 49 00:03:42,676 --> 00:03:45,436 Speaker 1: in love with someone when you're really not and you 50 00:03:45,516 --> 00:03:48,476 Speaker 1: may not have that much in common with them, and 51 00:03:48,556 --> 00:03:50,716 Speaker 1: now you're in so deep, be like, oh, how do 52 00:03:50,716 --> 00:03:56,076 Speaker 1: I extract myself? I got married very young, and then 53 00:03:56,116 --> 00:04:01,036 Speaker 1: afterward I realized, oh, I've made a mistake, and I realized, 54 00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:05,876 Speaker 1: then if I do this again, I really have to 55 00:04:05,916 --> 00:04:09,996 Speaker 1: know what I'm doing and be in love of So 56 00:04:10,036 --> 00:04:13,876 Speaker 1: then you met on a set, right, Yeah, we met 57 00:04:13,956 --> 00:04:18,356 Speaker 1: on a on a really terrible television show called Airwolf, 58 00:04:19,156 --> 00:04:23,076 Speaker 1: which starred a helicopter and uh, and I was a 59 00:04:23,116 --> 00:04:26,076 Speaker 1: bad guy of the week on this episode. She was 60 00:04:26,196 --> 00:04:29,396 Speaker 1: the victim of the week. I kidnapped her and held 61 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:33,076 Speaker 1: her for ransom, and along with a few other women, 62 00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:37,796 Speaker 1: I was going to say, how sexy you met a 63 00:04:37,836 --> 00:04:41,756 Speaker 1: gun on her who is threatened to kill her or 64 00:04:41,876 --> 00:04:46,556 Speaker 1: dat her, which we met on Airwolf. We didn't start 65 00:04:46,676 --> 00:04:49,276 Speaker 1: dating then. It was a year later that we ran 66 00:04:49,316 --> 00:04:53,956 Speaker 1: into each other in an improv comedy class um and 67 00:04:53,956 --> 00:04:57,716 Speaker 1: and got to know each other and got to be friends. 68 00:04:58,236 --> 00:05:00,676 Speaker 1: But I think we were we were lucky. We were 69 00:05:00,716 --> 00:05:04,956 Speaker 1: guided to this the year at the time that we met. 70 00:05:07,956 --> 00:05:10,476 Speaker 1: I had a girlfriend too, had a boyfriend, so we 71 00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:14,916 Speaker 1: were able to just not have the tension I should 72 00:05:15,036 --> 00:05:16,756 Speaker 1: make a move and ask her out and all this 73 00:05:17,076 --> 00:05:19,076 Speaker 1: and fun. We were able to just have fun and 74 00:05:19,196 --> 00:05:23,436 Speaker 1: flirt and and end Oh that's nice. And we just 75 00:05:23,516 --> 00:05:28,436 Speaker 1: kind of slowed into it, as opposed to h over 76 00:05:28,876 --> 00:05:32,836 Speaker 1: extending yourself physically making that commitment and then having the 77 00:05:32,996 --> 00:05:36,636 Speaker 1: backtrack to figure out who this person is, who you 78 00:05:36,756 --> 00:05:44,836 Speaker 1: just had relations with, and you are yes, exactly. We 79 00:05:45,276 --> 00:05:48,236 Speaker 1: fool ourselves and we go, oh my god, I'm doing 80 00:05:48,276 --> 00:05:52,196 Speaker 1: this again. And then I went to Oxford for a 81 00:05:52,236 --> 00:05:57,396 Speaker 1: summer and he came over and he stopped at Oxford 82 00:05:57,996 --> 00:06:02,756 Speaker 1: and I went, oh, it's you. And I've never felt 83 00:06:02,756 --> 00:06:06,516 Speaker 1: that way in my life. Oh it's you mean. I 84 00:06:06,956 --> 00:06:10,076 Speaker 1: can't explain it except that it was just this reaction 85 00:06:10,116 --> 00:06:12,876 Speaker 1: to oh, I do. I do want to get married 86 00:06:12,916 --> 00:06:16,196 Speaker 1: and I want to marry you. That's so you knew that. 87 00:06:16,396 --> 00:06:18,836 Speaker 1: I knew pretty fast and I had never felt that 88 00:06:18,876 --> 00:06:22,516 Speaker 1: way before. And you were you thinking that she could 89 00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:26,316 Speaker 1: be the one? Or yeah, I was. I was very 90 00:06:26,596 --> 00:06:30,796 Speaker 1: keen on this. We had the most romantic date in 91 00:06:31,156 --> 00:06:34,396 Speaker 1: at Stratford upon Avon. I rented a punch over and 92 00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:38,036 Speaker 1: we were we had sandwiches, a beautiful day, like looked 93 00:06:38,036 --> 00:06:42,436 Speaker 1: like this wine and we found a little shady place 94 00:06:42,556 --> 00:06:44,956 Speaker 1: under a tree in the water and it was like 95 00:06:45,436 --> 00:06:50,716 Speaker 1: we kissed like male like bandits. Oh how lovely, how great? Yeah, 96 00:06:50,796 --> 00:06:56,116 Speaker 1: your proposal received a lot of ink. Was that is 97 00:06:56,156 --> 00:06:59,196 Speaker 1: that bathtub in London? Or with that? No, he owned 98 00:06:59,196 --> 00:07:02,196 Speaker 1: a cabin with a friend of his two actors. They 99 00:07:02,236 --> 00:07:06,836 Speaker 1: bought a cabin up in Big Bear. It was hilarious 100 00:07:06,876 --> 00:07:10,316 Speaker 1: because the bathroom was a standard sized bag in a 101 00:07:10,396 --> 00:07:14,716 Speaker 1: crappy cabin in the mountains. So there wasn't any room 102 00:07:15,396 --> 00:07:24,036 Speaker 1: for me to face him facing the spout. Your back 103 00:07:24,156 --> 00:07:31,556 Speaker 1: was against his chifts. Yes, so I kept thinking, guard 104 00:07:32,276 --> 00:07:36,636 Speaker 1: I designed it this way because I thought that if 105 00:07:36,716 --> 00:07:39,196 Speaker 1: I was to face her and trying to get these 106 00:07:39,236 --> 00:07:41,996 Speaker 1: lines out, we would cry, I would crack. I did. 107 00:07:42,316 --> 00:07:44,316 Speaker 1: I relate did so. I thought, Man, how am I 108 00:07:44,316 --> 00:07:45,436 Speaker 1: going to do this? How am I going to do this? 109 00:07:45,956 --> 00:07:49,396 Speaker 1: A champagne? I have little music going, and I'm going, 110 00:07:49,476 --> 00:07:51,796 Speaker 1: what the hell is this? And every time I start 111 00:07:51,876 --> 00:07:54,316 Speaker 1: to talk and she starts to turn around to look, 112 00:07:54,356 --> 00:07:57,916 Speaker 1: and I pushed her face back towards the front so 113 00:07:57,956 --> 00:08:00,996 Speaker 1: that I could let me just get this out. Was 114 00:08:01,036 --> 00:08:05,436 Speaker 1: that a surprise at that moment? It wasn't a surprise 115 00:08:05,836 --> 00:08:07,436 Speaker 1: because I was like, oh, I know where this is 116 00:08:07,476 --> 00:08:12,996 Speaker 1: going kind of now. The other thing was the ring. Yeah, 117 00:08:13,276 --> 00:08:18,316 Speaker 1: I'm we're nude as one is in a bathtub? Right 118 00:08:19,236 --> 00:08:23,756 Speaker 1: Where would I put the ring? So I thinking, no, 119 00:08:23,876 --> 00:08:26,836 Speaker 1: she'll see it. There's if I put it. No, that's 120 00:08:27,116 --> 00:08:30,196 Speaker 1: down the drain, and I said, I thought, oh, I 121 00:08:30,236 --> 00:08:33,716 Speaker 1: put it on my baby toe. I put it all 122 00:08:33,756 --> 00:08:36,756 Speaker 1: the way on my and submerged the foot. That's so great, 123 00:08:36,996 --> 00:08:44,476 Speaker 1: So that she then this foot and did this because 124 00:08:44,596 --> 00:08:48,396 Speaker 1: I couldn't reach it. Is this a horror movie? No, 125 00:08:48,516 --> 00:08:51,316 Speaker 1: it sounds like a sounds like an improv. It was, Yeah, 126 00:08:52,956 --> 00:08:56,876 Speaker 1: that's very worked out. It's a good thing. She said, Yes, 127 00:08:56,876 --> 00:09:00,436 Speaker 1: how embarrassing. How do you get out of that you know, 128 00:09:00,436 --> 00:09:03,276 Speaker 1: there's a lot of sincerity in that, you know, you're 129 00:09:03,316 --> 00:09:10,316 Speaker 1: not just another girl. Yeah, and it worked. So what what? Well, 130 00:09:10,476 --> 00:09:13,076 Speaker 1: let me put it, how do you fight? Everybody has 131 00:09:13,116 --> 00:09:15,316 Speaker 1: their way that they fight and how they make up 132 00:09:15,316 --> 00:09:19,996 Speaker 1: from a fight. Because I'm Italian and Lebanese and he's Irish, 133 00:09:20,036 --> 00:09:23,116 Speaker 1: we have a very different way of fighting. We've had 134 00:09:23,156 --> 00:09:27,036 Speaker 1: to learn over years how actually to fight. So without 135 00:09:27,116 --> 00:09:29,796 Speaker 1: you know, something going out the window. I used to 136 00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:31,556 Speaker 1: say to him, I have a feeling that someday that 137 00:09:31,636 --> 00:09:34,156 Speaker 1: we do nothing left but an eyelash and some white hair. 138 00:09:36,236 --> 00:09:45,076 Speaker 1: They were here. So how would you say you're a stylist? 139 00:09:45,156 --> 00:09:47,836 Speaker 1: I would first say that I'm the moodier of the 140 00:09:47,876 --> 00:09:50,676 Speaker 1: two of us. He's crankier than I am. Yeah, I 141 00:09:50,716 --> 00:09:56,836 Speaker 1: am not. She is perfect, much steadier in her comportment 142 00:09:56,956 --> 00:10:02,236 Speaker 1: and personality than I am. Hans bounds, I pound hyeah 143 00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:07,116 Speaker 1: as she is learning to not take things too seriously 144 00:10:07,476 --> 00:10:13,116 Speaker 1: and to let things go. I have learned to identify 145 00:10:13,316 --> 00:10:16,356 Speaker 1: when the train is going on the wrong track early, 146 00:10:16,796 --> 00:10:19,596 Speaker 1: so that it's not so far down the road that 147 00:10:19,636 --> 00:10:23,076 Speaker 1: you go, oh, I've made a mistake, and I am sorry, 148 00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:25,596 Speaker 1: And now we need to back up. A train to 149 00:10:25,636 --> 00:10:29,156 Speaker 1: go to get on the right now. I need to 150 00:10:29,276 --> 00:10:34,116 Speaker 1: learn to go. Oh that's the switch. Uh, start start 151 00:10:34,156 --> 00:10:39,036 Speaker 1: making adjustments now as opposed to holding onto that and 152 00:10:39,156 --> 00:10:41,396 Speaker 1: letting it go too far down the road. That's a 153 00:10:41,436 --> 00:10:45,076 Speaker 1: great visual to think about. There's a switch that you 154 00:10:45,116 --> 00:10:48,596 Speaker 1: can stop this now. Yeah, that's a big deal. Yeah, 155 00:10:48,636 --> 00:10:51,356 Speaker 1: you know, Alan Alda said in the middle of a fight, 156 00:10:51,876 --> 00:10:54,476 Speaker 1: he has to say to himself, but she's the one 157 00:10:54,516 --> 00:10:56,836 Speaker 1: I love. I have to like back off of this. 158 00:10:57,356 --> 00:11:03,356 Speaker 1: You know, I actually love her. I don't need to 159 00:11:03,476 --> 00:11:06,916 Speaker 1: choose this. I asked Billy Graham once, have you ever 160 00:11:06,956 --> 00:11:17,396 Speaker 1: considered divorce? Never murder? Have you, guys, ever thrown that 161 00:11:17,476 --> 00:11:21,756 Speaker 1: divorce word around? Never? So, because then you're you're you're 162 00:11:21,796 --> 00:11:28,556 Speaker 1: holding upon and if you're thinking that, then there's a problem, right, 163 00:11:28,916 --> 00:11:32,396 Speaker 1: But to use it, go get help as a couple. Yeah, 164 00:11:32,516 --> 00:11:36,636 Speaker 1: we firmly believe in getting help as a couple. Oh yeah, absolutely. 165 00:11:36,636 --> 00:11:42,156 Speaker 1: And have you earlier later both be late? Really yeah, 166 00:11:42,196 --> 00:11:45,636 Speaker 1: before you were married, because you thought what because we 167 00:11:45,636 --> 00:11:49,436 Speaker 1: were both in our thirties. Because I recognize that I 168 00:11:49,516 --> 00:11:55,316 Speaker 1: had gotten myself into situations where I'm in a relationship 169 00:11:55,836 --> 00:11:58,876 Speaker 1: and I don't want to be again and again and again, 170 00:11:58,996 --> 00:12:02,156 Speaker 1: and I'm thinking, wait a minute, what why is this 171 00:12:02,236 --> 00:12:07,156 Speaker 1: pattern happening to me? Slow down and pull it back. 172 00:12:07,716 --> 00:12:10,916 Speaker 1: But if you do find some one who you really know, 173 00:12:11,436 --> 00:12:14,236 Speaker 1: as I did with Robin, Okay, now, I don't want 174 00:12:14,236 --> 00:12:17,276 Speaker 1: to mess this up. So I'm impressed with your insight 175 00:12:17,356 --> 00:12:20,396 Speaker 1: at that time of your life. Where did that come from? 176 00:12:20,396 --> 00:12:23,396 Speaker 1: When we went into therapy, it was before we're married, 177 00:12:23,436 --> 00:12:26,596 Speaker 1: because Brian used to say to me, I love you. 178 00:12:26,716 --> 00:12:28,516 Speaker 1: I know I want to marry you. I just don't 179 00:12:28,516 --> 00:12:31,876 Speaker 1: know when I was thirty four, so there was a 180 00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:34,516 Speaker 1: part of me that was going, but you're assuming I'll 181 00:12:34,556 --> 00:12:38,396 Speaker 1: still be here, right? And that made me mad because 182 00:12:38,396 --> 00:12:42,996 Speaker 1: it was like, even thought it was ready, I got 183 00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:45,716 Speaker 1: it right. So right? What else should I say? No? No, 184 00:12:46,196 --> 00:12:49,116 Speaker 1: You're lucky that she cared enough. I mean, isn't it 185 00:12:49,156 --> 00:12:53,316 Speaker 1: amazing that the timing of any couple can work out? 186 00:12:53,436 --> 00:12:57,476 Speaker 1: I know. I was on Phil's show promoting something and 187 00:12:57,916 --> 00:13:00,116 Speaker 1: he said to me on his show, how does a 188 00:13:00,236 --> 00:13:02,636 Speaker 1: girl like you not get married? I was like thirty 189 00:13:02,676 --> 00:13:04,116 Speaker 1: six or so at the time, and I said, I'm 190 00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:07,636 Speaker 1: never getting married, no intention of getting married, and he said, really, yeah, 191 00:13:07,636 --> 00:13:16,156 Speaker 1: it's all right. So we started dating getting married a 192 00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:20,676 Speaker 1: perfect woman. So I don't know about seven eight months 193 00:13:20,676 --> 00:13:22,356 Speaker 1: in he asked me to marry him and I said, 194 00:13:22,556 --> 00:13:25,876 Speaker 1: you're crazy. I just I'm not ever getting married. So 195 00:13:25,916 --> 00:13:28,916 Speaker 1: that he never brought it up again, and like three 196 00:13:28,956 --> 00:13:31,236 Speaker 1: years old, buy and I said, I kind of like 197 00:13:31,396 --> 00:13:34,796 Speaker 1: to get married. You know. It was like he was 198 00:13:34,836 --> 00:13:36,716 Speaker 1: smart enough to like, okay, fine, I just want to 199 00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:39,676 Speaker 1: get married, right, because you weren't saying I don't want 200 00:13:39,716 --> 00:13:41,996 Speaker 1: to have a relationship with you. No. I was crazy 201 00:13:41,996 --> 00:13:44,676 Speaker 1: about him. I was what you call candy Burger and 202 00:13:44,676 --> 00:13:47,436 Speaker 1: I used to say about our boyfriends, I'm crazy about him. 203 00:13:47,636 --> 00:13:50,076 Speaker 1: But we never said I'm in love with anybody. I 204 00:13:50,116 --> 00:13:54,196 Speaker 1: didn't admit the love part until we actually broke up 205 00:13:54,236 --> 00:13:56,276 Speaker 1: for three months because it was so hard. I was 206 00:13:56,316 --> 00:13:58,636 Speaker 1: in LA he was in Chicago with his show, and 207 00:13:59,116 --> 00:14:01,396 Speaker 1: it was so much trouble to get together. It was 208 00:14:01,476 --> 00:14:03,996 Speaker 1: exciting as hell. I mean we would, you know, we 209 00:14:04,036 --> 00:14:06,836 Speaker 1: would make out in the airport, but it was it 210 00:14:06,876 --> 00:14:08,916 Speaker 1: was terrible in many ways, and said, you know what, 211 00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:11,276 Speaker 1: this is just too much, and so we did. We 212 00:14:11,316 --> 00:14:14,196 Speaker 1: broke up, and in those three months of being apart, 213 00:14:15,436 --> 00:14:18,716 Speaker 1: I thought there's nobody but him, and he called me 214 00:14:18,756 --> 00:14:21,596 Speaker 1: in the middle of the night and he said, I 215 00:14:21,676 --> 00:14:25,916 Speaker 1: never thought anybody could be this irreplaceable. And then we 216 00:14:26,036 --> 00:14:28,396 Speaker 1: both cried on the phone, and that was ye know, 217 00:14:28,556 --> 00:14:34,996 Speaker 1: you allowed yourselves to slow down, right separate and really 218 00:14:35,796 --> 00:14:39,996 Speaker 1: experienced the loss right what you had to lose if 219 00:14:40,036 --> 00:14:44,396 Speaker 1: you weren't together right early on, because we both wanted 220 00:14:44,436 --> 00:14:51,836 Speaker 1: it to work, I came up with an idea that 221 00:14:52,596 --> 00:14:57,716 Speaker 1: would take the decision making out and that is, if 222 00:14:57,756 --> 00:15:00,876 Speaker 1: either one of us said I want us to go 223 00:15:00,996 --> 00:15:04,836 Speaker 1: in to see the therapist, there is no discussion to it. 224 00:15:04,916 --> 00:15:08,756 Speaker 1: And we agreed upon that early on. So whenever anyone 225 00:15:08,796 --> 00:15:12,316 Speaker 1: says it's really important to me, okay, you're back off, 226 00:15:12,436 --> 00:15:14,396 Speaker 1: it's like, let's set it up. What are you doing? 227 00:15:14,636 --> 00:15:17,036 Speaker 1: And she is almost always the one to say, I 228 00:15:17,076 --> 00:15:22,036 Speaker 1: think we need to go in, And it surprises me. Really, Yes, 229 00:15:22,156 --> 00:15:25,956 Speaker 1: it's important to me, And just the idea of being 230 00:15:26,036 --> 00:15:29,956 Speaker 1: in that environment and offering up a thought, a notion 231 00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:32,876 Speaker 1: of feeling that comes to you and ensuring it right 232 00:15:32,916 --> 00:15:38,716 Speaker 1: and having somebody who's who's not impartial basically in looking 233 00:15:38,756 --> 00:15:41,716 Speaker 1: at both sides and how I receive information, how he 234 00:15:41,756 --> 00:15:49,436 Speaker 1: receives information. Yeah, interpreters. The thing is, mental health has 235 00:15:49,516 --> 00:15:54,236 Speaker 1: always been viewed as a weakness. Yeah, sure that if 236 00:15:54,276 --> 00:15:58,676 Speaker 1: you need therapy, Oh, your character is in question. If 237 00:15:58,676 --> 00:16:00,716 Speaker 1: you need therapy, it must be it must be crazy. 238 00:16:00,916 --> 00:16:04,836 Speaker 1: I tell people all the time when there's really when 239 00:16:04,876 --> 00:16:07,476 Speaker 1: you go to therapy, it's like, yeah, I said, let me, 240 00:16:07,596 --> 00:16:09,956 Speaker 1: let me ask you a question. You drive a car. 241 00:16:10,396 --> 00:16:13,196 Speaker 1: If you're if the red light on your car said 242 00:16:13,396 --> 00:16:18,676 Speaker 1: engine trouble, would you stop, open up the hood and 243 00:16:18,876 --> 00:16:23,076 Speaker 1: start decorating? Of course not. He's like, I don't know 244 00:16:23,076 --> 00:16:27,436 Speaker 1: where to begin. What makes you think that you can 245 00:16:27,516 --> 00:16:31,316 Speaker 1: fix your marriage if that warning light is on? Right? 246 00:16:31,356 --> 00:16:34,036 Speaker 1: And that's all it is, right, just the caution light 247 00:16:34,116 --> 00:16:39,996 Speaker 1: going hey. And so we actually use the phrase we 248 00:16:40,036 --> 00:16:43,516 Speaker 1: need a tuneup. That's great, let's just go get a tunup. 249 00:16:43,996 --> 00:16:46,716 Speaker 1: Most people go to a life completely unconscious, and they 250 00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:49,196 Speaker 1: don't understand why they run into a bus, right, and 251 00:16:49,236 --> 00:16:51,156 Speaker 1: that and you run into a bus in your marriage, 252 00:16:51,156 --> 00:16:53,436 Speaker 1: you run into a bus raising children? You have a 253 00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:56,996 Speaker 1: daughter daughter? Yeah, and did you were you good co 254 00:16:57,196 --> 00:16:59,836 Speaker 1: parenting or did you argue about that or did you 255 00:16:59,836 --> 00:17:02,676 Speaker 1: have to find a pattern for that? Now we didn't know. 256 00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:08,156 Speaker 1: We've never we haven't really had. How do you find 257 00:17:08,196 --> 00:17:12,076 Speaker 1: that style? You know too well? You know it's making 258 00:17:12,076 --> 00:17:14,796 Speaker 1: it sound like we haven't had any knockdown, drag out fights, 259 00:17:14,796 --> 00:17:17,836 Speaker 1: and believe me, we have. That's you do. We've been 260 00:17:17,876 --> 00:17:22,476 Speaker 1: married thirty years. Of course, Brian wanted more children and 261 00:17:22,636 --> 00:17:40,596 Speaker 1: I didn't. We'll have more. After a quick break, we're 262 00:17:40,636 --> 00:17:44,956 Speaker 1: back to our interview with actors Brian Cranston and Robin Dearden. 263 00:17:45,716 --> 00:17:49,956 Speaker 1: After having one child, Robin and Brian faced a tough dilemma. 264 00:17:50,356 --> 00:17:55,436 Speaker 1: He had hopes for more children. Robin was done. Really 265 00:17:55,476 --> 00:17:58,356 Speaker 1: so that was a big therapy thing. Wow, I'll bet 266 00:17:59,156 --> 00:18:03,716 Speaker 1: I think I really would have resented having two kids 267 00:18:04,516 --> 00:18:06,796 Speaker 1: when he would be gone like six months or go 268 00:18:06,876 --> 00:18:10,156 Speaker 1: off into a movie or right, And how did you 269 00:18:10,196 --> 00:18:16,996 Speaker 1: get through that? Well? Um, as a progressive, enlightened male, 270 00:18:17,836 --> 00:18:21,436 Speaker 1: I said, well, I think it's fair that you should 271 00:18:21,516 --> 00:18:27,076 Speaker 1: have two votes and I'll have one vote. So because 272 00:18:27,116 --> 00:18:34,596 Speaker 1: of the biological so I said, I said, well maybe 273 00:18:34,916 --> 00:18:37,876 Speaker 1: when Taylor is one years old, I'll bring it up. 274 00:18:37,996 --> 00:18:40,196 Speaker 1: When she's two years old, I'll bring it up, and 275 00:18:40,876 --> 00:18:44,876 Speaker 1: after that I won't bring it up. But we like no, okay, 276 00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:48,196 Speaker 1: but we did go to therapy for that, and I 277 00:18:48,316 --> 00:18:52,636 Speaker 1: learned something really interesting about you at that because I 278 00:18:52,676 --> 00:18:58,436 Speaker 1: had Yes, we were getting deep into him wanting more 279 00:18:58,516 --> 00:19:01,836 Speaker 1: children so much and me being fine with not. The 280 00:19:01,836 --> 00:19:04,916 Speaker 1: therapist asked, Brian, why do you think this is so important? 281 00:19:04,956 --> 00:19:09,636 Speaker 1: And you had this epiphany of because I only think 282 00:19:09,756 --> 00:19:14,036 Speaker 1: of a family as my siblings, because his parents were 283 00:19:14,036 --> 00:19:18,356 Speaker 1: so fractured that us only having one was not a family. 284 00:19:18,916 --> 00:19:21,636 Speaker 1: I really relied on my brother, who's two years older 285 00:19:21,636 --> 00:19:24,196 Speaker 1: than me, during the fracture of the family. He was 286 00:19:24,316 --> 00:19:29,796 Speaker 1: like he was running defense and blocking for me and 287 00:19:29,916 --> 00:19:33,276 Speaker 1: figuring things out together. And we're very, very close. For 288 00:19:33,316 --> 00:19:37,516 Speaker 1: a long long time, I thought, boy, I really needed 289 00:19:37,556 --> 00:19:40,916 Speaker 1: my brother. Our little sister needed us two at times 290 00:19:40,956 --> 00:19:42,956 Speaker 1: to take care of her, to babysit when mom was 291 00:19:43,196 --> 00:19:46,436 Speaker 1: drinking too much or whatever, you know. So that's what 292 00:19:46,556 --> 00:19:49,796 Speaker 1: I kept thinking. It's not for me, it's for Taylor. 293 00:19:50,636 --> 00:19:53,676 Speaker 1: I thought it's better for Taylor to have a sibling. 294 00:19:54,316 --> 00:19:56,636 Speaker 1: I don't disagree with you. I think that that's true. 295 00:19:56,636 --> 00:20:08,916 Speaker 1: I want to go, what do you think? Sure now? Sure, sure, now, 296 00:20:09,596 --> 00:20:15,116 Speaker 1: big big deal. That's amazing having had to change your 297 00:20:15,116 --> 00:20:22,156 Speaker 1: marriage a lot by having a baby. Bye oh oh yeah, Well, 298 00:20:22,476 --> 00:20:24,156 Speaker 1: because I did Haven when I was forty because I 299 00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:27,796 Speaker 1: did have major complications. It took me a year to 300 00:20:28,076 --> 00:20:33,116 Speaker 1: even feel quasi normal again. He just wrecked me. It 301 00:20:33,236 --> 00:20:35,636 Speaker 1: just totally wrecked me. And that was part of it. Two. 302 00:20:35,676 --> 00:20:37,116 Speaker 1: I just don't want to go through that again. It 303 00:20:37,196 --> 00:20:40,316 Speaker 1: was just so it deprived you of the joy of motherhood. 304 00:20:40,556 --> 00:20:44,356 Speaker 1: Didn't for a while. Yeah, I mean not from two, 305 00:20:44,476 --> 00:20:46,596 Speaker 1: not from two on, from two years old on. But 306 00:20:46,676 --> 00:20:49,836 Speaker 1: that first year was really really hard. It was really hard. 307 00:20:50,796 --> 00:20:53,756 Speaker 1: But Brian was home then, he wasn't gone. I wasn't, 308 00:20:53,916 --> 00:20:56,956 Speaker 1: you know, going through myself. Oh yeah, and it's like, 309 00:20:57,076 --> 00:20:58,956 Speaker 1: we'll just do this, We'll just get through this. That's 310 00:20:58,996 --> 00:21:02,116 Speaker 1: who he is that in everything, he's like that. There 311 00:21:02,196 --> 00:21:07,716 Speaker 1: was another point. His grandmother was in dementia in a 312 00:21:07,796 --> 00:21:12,716 Speaker 1: home and she had to go to the bathroom and 313 00:21:12,836 --> 00:21:15,356 Speaker 1: he said, I'll help you, grandma, and she said, oh no, okay. 314 00:21:15,356 --> 00:21:18,276 Speaker 1: She wasn't really sure who he was and she said, 315 00:21:18,276 --> 00:21:19,876 Speaker 1: oh no, no no, I'd be two bears. He goes, oh, Grahama, 316 00:21:19,916 --> 00:21:22,156 Speaker 1: don't you know I'm a doctor now? And she went, okay, 317 00:21:24,036 --> 00:21:26,796 Speaker 1: that's so good. And how and what was it about 318 00:21:27,596 --> 00:21:31,196 Speaker 1: about Robin that made you? I think part of it 319 00:21:31,316 --> 00:21:36,916 Speaker 1: was just the the person that she is, that she 320 00:21:37,116 --> 00:21:43,196 Speaker 1: still has a joyous appreciation for simple things, for just life, 321 00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:49,396 Speaker 1: a good positive outlook. She wasn't cynical or sarcastic. Yet 322 00:21:49,476 --> 00:21:54,796 Speaker 1: she was funny. She was beautiful, still is, and the 323 00:21:54,916 --> 00:22:00,076 Speaker 1: character of a person is what you should hitch your 324 00:22:00,076 --> 00:22:04,356 Speaker 1: wagons too. What are the choices you make when times 325 00:22:04,356 --> 00:22:10,836 Speaker 1: are tough? Is there an example? Well, it's interesting because 326 00:22:13,436 --> 00:22:17,556 Speaker 1: one of our first fights was when she had this 327 00:22:17,756 --> 00:22:23,956 Speaker 1: boyfriend and we were now getting together, and she hadn't 328 00:22:24,036 --> 00:22:28,236 Speaker 1: officially told the boyfriend that he didn't live in Los Angeles, 329 00:22:28,276 --> 00:22:32,276 Speaker 1: that this was not going to go any further. And 330 00:22:32,436 --> 00:22:38,756 Speaker 1: I thought, you know, this is I'm sensing something here. 331 00:22:38,996 --> 00:22:44,836 Speaker 1: I'm sensing something here. I lost my voice. I physically 332 00:22:45,116 --> 00:22:50,276 Speaker 1: lost my voice. It was such a psychological wow. It 333 00:22:50,356 --> 00:22:56,036 Speaker 1: was like I got laryngitis. I couldn't speak. Yes, so 334 00:22:56,556 --> 00:23:00,036 Speaker 1: did you believe it? Well? I was having a difficult 335 00:23:00,036 --> 00:23:05,156 Speaker 1: time and right so rightfully so yes, thank you for 336 00:23:05,236 --> 00:23:09,116 Speaker 1: saying so. I was in the right on here completely. 337 00:23:10,236 --> 00:23:11,836 Speaker 1: But they were asking, what is it about me that 338 00:23:11,876 --> 00:23:19,036 Speaker 1: you love so much? Mistake? I don't think I'm gonna 339 00:23:19,076 --> 00:23:27,796 Speaker 1: do any better than you You're probably right. What would 340 00:23:27,796 --> 00:23:31,356 Speaker 1: your pass on to a young couple who's about to 341 00:23:31,356 --> 00:23:35,316 Speaker 1: be married that you've learned being able to laugh? It's 342 00:23:35,396 --> 00:23:38,876 Speaker 1: really important to me, m And then the other thing 343 00:23:38,996 --> 00:23:42,596 Speaker 1: is just I'll say sometimes I'm your best friend. I've 344 00:23:42,636 --> 00:23:48,156 Speaker 1: gotten your back, don't forget that. And I think if 345 00:23:48,196 --> 00:23:53,036 Speaker 1: you can both remember that. What about you, mister? You 346 00:23:53,156 --> 00:23:57,676 Speaker 1: have to know that you've fallen in love before you 347 00:23:57,996 --> 00:24:02,716 Speaker 1: attempt this. Now's it sounds overly simplistic, because well, of course, 348 00:24:03,316 --> 00:24:07,316 Speaker 1: but really be in love and take the time to 349 00:24:08,076 --> 00:24:14,436 Speaker 1: really desire that person, to miss that person. Sometimes separation 350 00:24:14,796 --> 00:24:17,956 Speaker 1: is not necessarily a bad thing, and to find out 351 00:24:18,876 --> 00:24:21,756 Speaker 1: how you truly feel at your core if this is 352 00:24:21,796 --> 00:24:30,636 Speaker 1: a relationship that can endure. And with that nugget, it 353 00:24:30,716 --> 00:24:33,556 Speaker 1: was time for Brian to get going for his stage 354 00:24:33,596 --> 00:24:37,676 Speaker 1: performance that night. It was incredible with the performance to 355 00:24:37,796 --> 00:24:41,116 Speaker 1: give and the clock ticking, they didn't rush us. They 356 00:24:41,196 --> 00:24:43,876 Speaker 1: gave it their all. I love them for that and 357 00:24:43,956 --> 00:24:46,836 Speaker 1: they were fun to be with. I'd match you guys 358 00:24:46,876 --> 00:24:55,996 Speaker 1: up anytime. Robin, You've got to meet this guy. Until 359 00:24:56,076 --> 00:25:02,996 Speaker 1: next time. I'm Phil Donahue and I'm Marlow Thomas are fabulous. 360 00:25:03,836 --> 00:25:07,556 Speaker 1: Double Day there's a production of Pushkin Industries. The show 361 00:25:07,596 --> 00:25:11,476 Speaker 1: was created by US and produced by Sarah Lily. Michael 362 00:25:11,516 --> 00:25:15,876 Speaker 1: Bahari is associate producer. Musical adaptations of It Had to 363 00:25:15,916 --> 00:25:21,796 Speaker 1: Be You by Selwagen, Simfinette, Marlo and I are executive producers, 364 00:25:21,836 --> 00:25:27,236 Speaker 1: along with Mia Lobell and Letal Molad from Pushkin. Special 365 00:25:27,276 --> 00:25:32,796 Speaker 1: thanks to Jacob Wiseburg, Malcolm Gladwell, Heather Faine, John Snars, 366 00:25:33,236 --> 00:25:39,836 Speaker 1: Carly Migliori, Eric Sandler, Emily Rostek, Jason Gambrel, Paul Williams, 367 00:25:40,076 --> 00:25:44,476 Speaker 1: and Bruce Klugger. If you like our show, please remember 368 00:25:44,516 --> 00:25:48,476 Speaker 1: to share, rate, and review. Thanks for listening.