Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea. I'm very excited today because we
Speaker 1: have a special guest today on the show whose podcast
Speaker 1: I did last week, which was which I was here
Speaker 1: for Glennon Doyle's podcast We could do hard things with
Speaker 1: Abbi wand Back and her sister Amanda, and my sister
Speaker 1: actually just called as I said, sister, do you see
Speaker 1: that I will ignore her. I did Glennon's podcast, which
Speaker 1: was awesome and felt so good, so cathartic. It was
Speaker 1: so cathartic. Yeah, I mean you really went there, you know,
Speaker 1: you unloaded it all and talked about your growth and
Speaker 1: and how where you're at right now, and I thought
Speaker 1: that was so powerful. Well, thank you so much. It
Speaker 1: felt really good. It's so nice to you know, have
Speaker 1: the type of personality that I have in times like
Speaker 1: this because I'm never shy about being real, you know,
Speaker 1: like well over sharing. I love that. I mean that's
Speaker 1: been like the theme of my entire you know, career
Speaker 1: and life, like the two are so intertwined that it
Speaker 1: feels so good to share with so many people because
Speaker 1: you just really don't understand the impact that you can
Speaker 1: have on like the messages and the d m s
Speaker 1: and all of the stuff and the people you know
Speaker 1: who get to hear that, and like, your pain is
Speaker 1: never your own, you can always just like by letting
Speaker 1: it out, you are healing yourself and healing others. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was thinking about this sort of separately, but in
Speaker 1: relation to you, I've been rewatching some Kardashians lightly, just
Speaker 1: as my junk food TV. Why are you rewatching or
Speaker 1: is there a new season there is? I like, I'm
Speaker 1: rewatching it in order chronological, so I'm waiting to watch
Speaker 1: the new season. But I was just like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I just feel like I need to know what's going
Speaker 1: on in the world. But one thing I really appreciate,
Speaker 1: especially as someone who has a couple lot of immune
Speaker 1: issues and these sorts of things, but it is really
Speaker 1: nice to see someone else who seemingly have you know,
Speaker 1: people who have these seemingly wonderful lives and they have
Speaker 1: migraines or sosiasis or whatever the case may be, and
Speaker 1: I just really appreciate them sharing things like their fertility
Speaker 1: journeys and you know, health issues. Yeah, so Open has migraines, Chloe,
Speaker 1: Chloe has migraines, and who had the fertility issues Kim
Speaker 1: and I think Chloe, like I thought she was going
Speaker 1: to have some fertility issues or maybe dead and then
Speaker 1: naturally I didn't know that. Yeah, but Kim had all
Speaker 1: kinds of issues with her first too, pregnancy, that first
Speaker 1: baby that was not Yeah, I remember looking. I think
Speaker 1: we flew somewhere on Ryan Seacrest playing at some point
Speaker 1: and her ankles. I was like, oh, oh, oh, it
Speaker 1: would look too painful what happened to her ankles? Just
Speaker 1: but it's just nice to see that, Like other people
Speaker 1: go through that and they're scared when they get diagnoses,
Speaker 1: and you know, they work through them. And I don't
Speaker 1: know if there's something really reassuring about hearing what somebody
Speaker 1: else has gone through, just like you shared. And it's
Speaker 1: also nice that that whole clan has each other, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like there's so many of them
Speaker 1: with the mother and the five sister you know, every
Speaker 1: day they have someone to lean on all the time. Yeah. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: And I mean there's just like this gaggle of kids
Speaker 1: who are growing up in the limelight and they're going
Speaker 1: to all have each other, which is kind of a
Speaker 1: cool thing. Yeah. Yeah, So I am coming to Vancouver
Speaker 1: two shows Friday, August twelve. I'm coming to Calgary auguste
Speaker 1: and then again August. I am coming to Saratoga, California,
Speaker 1: October one. October eight, I'm gonna be in Niagara Falls,
Speaker 1: and then I'm coming to Long Beach, California, and Bakersfield
Speaker 1: October October one and twenty two, Passa Robles, California, and
Speaker 1: I will be in Vegas October two, Yeah, the Mirage,
Speaker 1: and then October twenty nine Wheatland, California. And then I
Speaker 1: have a whole bunch of other dates. Tampa, Fort Myers,
Speaker 1: Daytona Beach, Florida, Hollywood, Baltimore, Maryland, Riverside, California, Pennsylvania, Wilkes Barry.
Speaker 1: I finally learned how to say that after my fiftieth
Speaker 1: trip there. Anyway, All those tickets and more are available
Speaker 1: at Chelsea handler dot com. So our guest today is
Speaker 1: Glenn and Doyle, Abbey Wambach and her sister Amanda. Amanda
Speaker 1: doesn't have a last name, according to me, Hi, guys, Cissy,
Speaker 1: are you nervous? This is our first podcast we've done together.
Speaker 1: What yeah, like off of our own podcast. This is
Speaker 1: our first ever experience like this. Oh my god, I'm
Speaker 1: so I love to di virginize lesbians. I'm just happy
Speaker 1: to be starting in the minor leagues, you know, for
Speaker 1: my first I feel like it's important to get my
Speaker 1: get my feet wet before I do like some real
Speaker 1: big ones. Oh my god. Well, guys, I mean, we're
Speaker 1: bonded for life forever, okay, because we had an incredible experience,
Speaker 1: all of us together the other day when we did
Speaker 1: we can do hard things, and we talked a lot
Speaker 1: about my life and my personal experience, answers of late
Speaker 1: and all of that fun stuff, which was super cathartic
Speaker 1: and helpful. And the response from everyone is just always
Speaker 1: blows me away. Sometimes I sit there, you know, I
Speaker 1: was this morning. I had all this Mexican food left over,
Speaker 1: and my housekeeper was making me some like delicious Mexican
Speaker 1: breakfast situation. And I was just like scrolling through Instagram
Speaker 1: and my d M s and I was just reading
Speaker 1: and reading one woman after another after another, and you
Speaker 1: just never, ever, you can never overestimate the impact being
Speaker 1: honest and sharing has on other people. It's been magic
Speaker 1: for us today. I mean, I'm I've had I've had
Speaker 1: friends call me today crying. I can't. I've never heard
Speaker 1: someone speak about love like that. I've never heard someone
Speaker 1: talk about not abandoning them. Something magic happened during that hour.
Speaker 1: For real. I actually texted your editor, who you're writing
Speaker 1: your new book with, and I was like, I'm telling you,
Speaker 1: something new is happening with this conversation that Chelsea's starting
Speaker 1: right now. I can feel it. I can feel it.
Speaker 1: Well you've been You've been incremental in having the conversation
Speaker 1: as well as anyone familiar with Glennon's books and Glennon's
Speaker 1: podcast and everything Glennon does as well, because you are
Speaker 1: all about learning about yourself and opening yourself up. So
Speaker 1: I thought today what we could talk about before we
Speaker 1: give advice to strangers, which is my favorite thing in
Speaker 1: the world. I wanted to know from all three of
Speaker 1: you about your relationship together and what you find to
Speaker 1: be the most valuable insight from you to sy see
Speaker 1: about their relationship individually and together that you value in
Speaker 1: each other, and what you've learned about yourself by being
Speaker 1: in this kind of healthy relationship. So Abby, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: start with you. I want you to tell me what
Speaker 1: is the most one of the most, because I'm sure
Speaker 1: there it is endless what is one of the things
Speaker 1: that you admire most about Glenned. I mean, this is tough,
Speaker 1: and I don't mean this in like a Google Gaga way.
Speaker 1: I just think that the way Glennan, the way she
Speaker 1: approaches life in truth is something that I have, First
Speaker 1: of all, I needed to learn when we first met.
Speaker 1: I was like in the pro sports world where I
Speaker 1: didn't let any of the outside world really know what
Speaker 1: was going on with me personally. And when I first
Speaker 1: talked to Glennon, you know, I had just gotten a
Speaker 1: d u I and I was asking her if I
Speaker 1: should put it in my book, and I was like
Speaker 1: freaking out. I was like really having a hard time,
Speaker 1: and she just shamelessly was like, just tell the truth.
Speaker 1: The truth is where the normal people live and where
Speaker 1: they where we want to have good connected conversations. And
Speaker 1: so the way that Glennon lives in her truth and
Speaker 1: her work ethic is something that that I'm marvel at.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm a naptaker and um, she isn't. I'm
Speaker 1: a nap shamer. She's a nap shaker. Yeah. And then
Speaker 1: I would say for a sister for Amanda Doyle, are
Speaker 1: I mean, literally we're all doing life together. You are
Speaker 1: the person in our life that just gets shit done.
Speaker 1: And I know it comes at a personal cost to you.
Speaker 1: It's stressful, it's hard. You you just are the best.
Speaker 1: I feel like all three of us have like really
Speaker 1: fabulous parts of a personality that make up one perfect
Speaker 1: human being. Yeah, you know, like we we feel like
Speaker 1: we're like body, mind, and spirit. But like it's like
Speaker 1: body is Abbey, and mind is Sister and spirit is me.
Speaker 1: So like on our own we're kind of lost, like
Speaker 1: it's it's it's not good. Together we make one fully functioning.
Speaker 1: But sister and I have been Amanda and I have
Speaker 1: been inseparable since she was born three years after I
Speaker 1: was born. I always I feel scared about those three years,
Speaker 1: like what the hell was I going? Except for when
Speaker 1: I was really bad, lost in addiction. She had to
Speaker 1: put up some serious boundaries during that time. So when
Speaker 1: Abby came into my life, it was really interesting because
Speaker 1: when it's a boy, it's like all right, whatever, Like
Speaker 1: there's nothing threatening there to a sisterhood, you know, but
Speaker 1: bringing a woman into our life was like interesting to recalibrate,
Speaker 1: like is this so she she's she part of our
Speaker 1: sisterhood now is she the other sister wives? Sister? What?
Speaker 1: And man, just like, do I have to have sex
Speaker 1: with her too? What's going on? I was never on offer, Chelsea. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I remember that being a tricky time. Do you remember, sister,
Speaker 1: because I feel like I just was. I never knew
Speaker 1: if you were going to feel uncalibrated it during that time.
Speaker 1: I always assumed and and all roads would lead to
Speaker 1: that being the case. And I remember being completely shocked
Speaker 1: that that was never a factor. There was never. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's surprising because that's not my character. I'm jealous, I'm
Speaker 1: jealous of everything, and I it just never was so,
Speaker 1: I mean, for me, I was shocked by Abby. I'm
Speaker 1: always shocked, but um, I was shocked because I never
Speaker 1: knew that I could love someone like I love you, Glennon,
Speaker 1: and I do. I love Abby that much and so
Speaker 1: and Abby plays a very specific role in my life.
Speaker 1: I was talking to my therapist the other day and
Speaker 1: I'm very I made it into a therapy exactly for
Speaker 1: the good reasons. I'm not usually the reasons people make
Speaker 1: it into therapy. And I'm a hyper monitor, so I'm
Speaker 1: always like looking for problems. I never I never rest
Speaker 1: because I'm always just anticipating three steps ahead and figuring
Speaker 1: out what the world and situation needs for me. And
Speaker 1: my therapist was like, can you think of any time Well,
Speaker 1: she meant like times, like wide swats of time, and
Speaker 1: I was like no, She's like, can you think of
Speaker 1: any particular moment where you haven't felt like that? And
Speaker 1: I said yes. With my sister in law, when I'm
Speaker 1: with Abby, she is this perfect blend of having things
Speaker 1: under control, of knowing what's going on, but without being
Speaker 1: manic or anxious about it. And so it's this secret
Speaker 1: sauce of the only time that I can feel like, oh,
Speaker 1: she's got it, and it's the only time I'm like RESTful. Ever, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that sounds like you guys are just I mean, it's
Speaker 1: like your everybody is right where they belong. It does
Speaker 1: feel that way, and and for me and I kind
Speaker 1: of don't under and how we got along sister with
Speaker 1: before Abby like she's such a delightful had so much
Speaker 1: delight and lightness. Well, we got along, but we weren't
Speaker 1: having fun. We were That's what it was. We were miserable.
Speaker 1: Loved each other, but we were miserable, and we hated
Speaker 1: our lives. Misery is our comfort zone. That's so funny
Speaker 1: because that's what exactly when I referenced watching one of
Speaker 1: your Instagram posts the other day, Abby of you, and
Speaker 1: when Glennan was just like, I have my feelings suck.
Speaker 1: Everything sucks. I suck. I've never been happy. I was like,
Speaker 1: I thought that that very thing, Like, thank God for
Speaker 1: the lightness of her filming this to take away, you know,
Speaker 1: to lessen the blow of the seriousness of your feelings,
Speaker 1: you know, and the despair, like her presence alone takes
Speaker 1: brings a little bit more light to the situation. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we did a camera in your face. I'm like, can
Speaker 1: you what could you be? Really? She's like, based, people
Speaker 1: are going to believe this ship when I have to
Speaker 1: listen to so can I just use this at least?
Speaker 1: So great? It's like taking up a collection for herself.
Speaker 1: Every time she posted something like that, she's got a
Speaker 1: whole library, She's got an editor on her own. She's like,
Speaker 1: can you get through this ship? Because I don't have time.
Speaker 1: There's not a time in a day. But sister, what
Speaker 1: do you what do you have you seen in your
Speaker 1: sister that has blown you open? From her relationship with Abby,
Speaker 1: just the audacity and the courage to go for it
Speaker 1: continues to blow me away because she was in you know,
Speaker 1: all of her little baby ducks were in a row,
Speaker 1: and it was a little bit you know, they weren't
Speaker 1: ideal ducks, but they were still quite in a row,
Speaker 1: and she just went in and blew it all up.
Speaker 1: Two on a hunch, by the way, on a hunch
Speaker 1: that it would be better, like they weren't together. They weren't.
Speaker 1: She just had had this experience of meeting Abby and
Speaker 1: knowing that she couldn't go back to be in her
Speaker 1: marriage that she knew was so much less than that.
Speaker 1: And so sometimes, frankly, it scares me because I'm a
Speaker 1: very logical thinker and not a feel feeler, And so
Speaker 1: I think all the time, what are all of us
Speaker 1: as I see them today, five years, six years later,
Speaker 1: what is the thing that seems absurd that none of
Speaker 1: us are doing, and how does that change the course
Speaker 1: of our lives? Because it seems impossible that they would
Speaker 1: not be who they are and living the life they
Speaker 1: have now. But actually that was the least likely thing
Speaker 1: he looked back six years ago. So I just admire
Speaker 1: her courage and I admire her just presence and confidence
Speaker 1: in herself to be like I understand this looks ridiculous
Speaker 1: to everyone around me. It only matters that it doesn't
Speaker 1: feel ridiculous to me. I think that is always in
Speaker 1: the back of my mind. Yeah, we are going to
Speaker 1: take a quick break so you can hear an ad
Speaker 1: and then we'll be right back. Lennon, I've read and
Speaker 1: spoken to you firsthand to hear about your experience meeting Abby,
Speaker 1: but I've never had heard Abbey's version of it. Would
Speaker 1: you mind sharing that with us? Sure? So we um.
Speaker 1: I was releasing my first memoir, and I doubt that
Speaker 1: I'm going to write a second month. So I was
Speaker 1: releasing my memoir. I'm not like you people who like
Speaker 1: to write books six number one New York Times bestsellers.
Speaker 1: I know. That's how I introduced myself, you guys, I
Speaker 1: would too. I ended up showing up late to this
Speaker 1: gathering that we were supposed to go do this book
Speaker 1: event to sell our books to the librarians of America,
Speaker 1: and we were going to go on stage. You got
Speaker 1: to say, you know a little speech about what your
Speaker 1: books about. The librarians will buy up your books, and
Speaker 1: I walked back stage age and I looked at the
Speaker 1: roster of like other authors who were going to be there,
Speaker 1: and I was struggling with alcoholism. I was like a
Speaker 1: month sober at the time, and I saw that she
Speaker 1: was a recovered alcoholic and I was like, oh, that's
Speaker 1: super interesting. I want to talk to her. So when
Speaker 1: I walked into the room, all I see is this
Speaker 1: vision across the room just like standing up and like
Speaker 1: stretching her arms out into a t And by the way,
Speaker 1: this room is like really small. There was tables inside
Speaker 1: people were eating, and so now this one person stands
Speaker 1: up in the other side of the room and I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: now this is super awkward. I have to go greet
Speaker 1: this one person who's acknowledged me. Everybody else is just
Speaker 1: kind of like eating, and so I have to like
Speaker 1: scoot around the entirety of all of the other people
Speaker 1: who are eating, all the other authors, and I we
Speaker 1: hug and I was like, wow, like something was different
Speaker 1: for sure, Like my blood pressure went up. I got
Speaker 1: like the little, you know, butterflies in my stomach, and
Speaker 1: then I couldn't get over the fact that I wanted
Speaker 1: to sit next to her the whole time, and I
Speaker 1: got seated next to this like children's book author, which
Speaker 1: was like, he was great, but I was really wanted
Speaker 1: to sit next to Glennon. And then when we found
Speaker 1: ourselves up on stage, we ended up sitting right next
Speaker 1: to each other and that was wonderful because I was
Speaker 1: so nervous for some reason, I couldn't really figure it out.
Speaker 1: And then that night I went home and I read
Speaker 1: Love Warrior and I got to the end of Love
Speaker 1: Warrior and I was like, what because we stayed together
Speaker 1: at the end, How can this be? I like, I
Speaker 1: shut the book. It was like two o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 1: I was so pissed. I was like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: And then two days later I got an email from Glennon.
Speaker 1: I found her, I found her assistant. Well, her assistant
Speaker 1: came up to me at the little table in front
Speaker 1: of the thousand librarians, leaned over with tears in her
Speaker 1: eyes and said, I don't know what's happening right now,
Speaker 1: but I feel like Abby needs you in her life.
Speaker 1: Like all these weirdass things happened that at I know
Speaker 1: everyone needs that. That's your sister working your magic for you.
Speaker 1: You know, seither your sister or your wingman, like I
Speaker 1: don't know. Apparently it's your assistant too. I hope my
Speaker 1: fucking assistance listening to this. Yeah, so I just like
Speaker 1: found her assistance email and sent an email that I
Speaker 1: had written out for Abby, and I wrote it with
Speaker 1: like lots of spiritual wisdom about recovery and everything. But
Speaker 1: I think it was like my I don't think I
Speaker 1: for sure no, that it was my way of being like, Hi,
Speaker 1: would you like to start something, but it was couched
Speaker 1: in a lot of mentorship and friendship in the beginning, right, yes,
Speaker 1: And I was like, yes, I want to be friends
Speaker 1: with you, like, yes, I want to be mentored by
Speaker 1: you immediately, that's right. In the matter of Glennan, did
Speaker 1: you write did you acknowledge the book? Or you're the
Speaker 1: status of your situation because you were still with him,
Speaker 1: right were we were? Yeah? Absolutely no, it was just
Speaker 1: all about recovery. And I do know when we look
Speaker 1: back at the email, subtly the first sentences, I have
Speaker 1: never watched soccer before, maybe some guys games, but I'm
Speaker 1: really over men. Yeah, in the first paragraph, I was
Speaker 1: like my lesbian Gaitar was like, it doesn't take a
Speaker 1: lot of gaydar right to say, she just I'm over men. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so subtle as usual, a little crack you can squeeze
Speaker 1: through there, yea yeah. And then we started emailing back
Speaker 1: and forth so much, just letters and letters, and oh,
Speaker 1: that's so much fun, isn't It's so much fun to
Speaker 1: be excited about an email and opening up an email
Speaker 1: when you're gonna have crushing on someone. It's like, it's
Speaker 1: the best zone in life. It's the best. Wake up
Speaker 1: the five in the morning to see if there's anything
Speaker 1: they're like, oh my god, before coffee even that's how
Speaker 1: you know. And then I don't know if you know this,
Speaker 1: but we didn't. We decided we were in love and
Speaker 1: told that to each other via email and like text messages. Right,
Speaker 1: So I told Craig that our marriage was over. We
Speaker 1: never we're together again. Besides that first evening when we
Speaker 1: were just in the same room with a bunch of librarians.
Speaker 1: We were never together again. She until after I broke
Speaker 1: up my marriage, until I flew to you months and
Speaker 1: months later in l a And it was the night
Speaker 1: of the SPS and she but nobody knew. I had
Speaker 1: to wait back in a hotel room and she had
Speaker 1: to go do her sp thing where she got her
Speaker 1: and I got to watch her on the television. It
Speaker 1: was all very romantic, but I had never kissed a girl,
Speaker 1: never touched a girl, never, and I had broken up
Speaker 1: this marriage and we were starting this thing, and I
Speaker 1: had to go to a hotel room and be like,
Speaker 1: I guess we need to try this now. I hope
Speaker 1: it works. Yes, so I guess last night was the
Speaker 1: anniversary of our first sex. Yes you've heard You've heard
Speaker 1: it here first on Chelsea Handler. We can call it
Speaker 1: of July. I mean it was like for the first
Speaker 1: ever real sex for me. I feel like it. I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I see what the hubbub is about.
Speaker 1: I love I love that you officially became a lesbian
Speaker 1: on the night of the SPS. That perfect, I mean,
Speaker 1: is there anything more perfect? First of all, I have
Speaker 1: my hand is on my arm is standing out because
Speaker 1: it's such a beautiful story for all three of you
Speaker 1: and for your whole family and everything you've created together
Speaker 1: is just so heartwarming and beautiful, and and it really
Speaker 1: does is such a strong reminder to people that your
Speaker 1: person is out there, you know, and when you have
Speaker 1: feeling to not ignore that feeling. But people are always
Speaker 1: saying to me why I think it's so interesting? And
Speaker 1: I've been thinking about you NonStop, literally NonStop, But people
Speaker 1: always ask me, would you have it's wonderful that you've
Speaker 1: left you're good enough and found your person because that
Speaker 1: was a courgeous didn't it was? But would you have
Speaker 1: done that if there were no abbey? Would you have
Speaker 1: You're good enough if there was not something else to
Speaker 1: jump to? Because for certain I had that knowing right
Speaker 1: that this isn't this can't be all there is, that
Speaker 1: that I was made for something different than this, and
Speaker 1: I don't think it's always better. It's not like I
Speaker 1: don't think of settling as like I'm a turn and
Speaker 1: he'sn't for and so I'm not going to settle. Settling
Speaker 1: is like I know this isn't exactly right for me,
Speaker 1: and I'm doing it anyway because I'm more afraid of
Speaker 1: being alone than i am of being with the wrong
Speaker 1: person right. So anyway, I think it's a new thing
Speaker 1: to expect the more want, the more want the right,
Speaker 1: and leave the what's not it even when there's nothing
Speaker 1: else to jump to. That's the most brave, amazing thing
Speaker 1: and That's what I keep thinking about with you this week, right, right,
Speaker 1: and I think that you would have done the same
Speaker 1: thing without abby, even though there's always you know, sometimes
Speaker 1: we need a catalyst. And that's what that's what energy is,
Speaker 1: and that's what magnetism is, you know, that's why the
Speaker 1: things happen. That's why you can be in the middle
Speaker 1: of an airport in New Delhi and walk into a
Speaker 1: bathroom and and somebody's walking out of a stall in
Speaker 1: the same exact moment that you went to high school
Speaker 1: with and you bumped right into them. It's like, that's
Speaker 1: a magnetic thing that is supposed to happen, because there's
Speaker 1: too many people in this world for that coincidence to
Speaker 1: happen on its own, you know what I mean. There's
Speaker 1: like a charge of electricity that we're all surrounded by.
Speaker 1: And you know, the less in touch you are with that,
Speaker 1: you know, the less in touch you are with that.
Speaker 1: But when you realize, like, oh, keep your eyes open,
Speaker 1: you know, looking at look, make sure you're always looking,
Speaker 1: because you don't know what you're supposed to see, you know,
Speaker 1: and when you're supposed to see it. And accidents are
Speaker 1: just not accidents, you know. I mean some of them are.
Speaker 1: I don't believe everything happens for a reason. And when
Speaker 1: people say that, I'm like that that's a little bit much.
Speaker 1: But a lot of things happen for a lot of things.
Speaker 1: The reason great title for a to check and make
Speaker 1: sure that for a reason to check and make sure
Speaker 1: that one's not taken. Okay, but I'm not gonna let
Speaker 1: you off the Hooklen And you have to tell me
Speaker 1: what you what an Abbey brings you the most joy? Joy? Sure,
Speaker 1: I mean my life. Sometimes when I walk into a
Speaker 1: place I just told you this recently and Abbey has
Speaker 1: has not been able to come to the thing, I
Speaker 1: feel like such a disappointment. I feel like the whole
Speaker 1: rooms like looking behind me and it's like, oh hi,
Speaker 1: Like she's the joy and she you know, the last
Speaker 1: night we were sitting at our our family at our
Speaker 1: dinner table, and there was this moment, sister, I told
Speaker 1: you about this this morning where Abby just started she
Speaker 1: looked at our youngest and she started asking her like
Speaker 1: really pointed questions and it was about like drinking and
Speaker 1: like all the all these things. And I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is uncomfortable and weird, and we shouldn't be talking
Speaker 1: about this just all my like out of my comfort zone.
Speaker 1: We ended up having a two hour conversation where all
Speaker 1: three of these kids opened up in ways that they
Speaker 1: have never I mean, it was it was like a
Speaker 1: family shifting conversation. Would you agree. She just has a
Speaker 1: way of making every single person she's talking to, whether
Speaker 1: they're ten years old, eighty years old, whatever, feel completely seen,
Speaker 1: completely safe, and because of that, people open up to her.
Speaker 1: And as that, you just it's like I never knew
Speaker 1: people before they sit down with her, and so because
Speaker 1: of that, every experience is better for for for even
Speaker 1: just people that are watching or hanging out right, it's
Speaker 1: like and then I don't know, she's just like you
Speaker 1: know how they have those soda streamer things where you
Speaker 1: just like put the bubbles in. She's just like the
Speaker 1: putting the bubbles in. Like I'm just always like the whoa, whoa.
Speaker 1: That's still true. That's not true. I actually I have
Speaker 1: to push back a little bit because we talked about
Speaker 1: this on our walk the other day. After our conversation
Speaker 1: with Chelsea about her housekeeper sitting her her staff sitting
Speaker 1: here down and saying like you're our person, that made
Speaker 1: me cry. It made us We've talked, we've been, we've
Speaker 1: been non stopped talking about it because I was like,
Speaker 1: that's how I feel. I feel like everybody loves you
Speaker 1: more and and everybody only loves me because of us.
Speaker 1: You're the solar system that our little world's revolve within.
Speaker 1: And the same with Chelsea. Yeah, that's what she said
Speaker 1: on the walk. That's that's the way it is. I
Speaker 1: love that I can totally relate to what you're saying, Glennon.
Speaker 1: I mean, but yeah, exactly. Everyone is their own well
Speaker 1: we're all our own little galaxies. That's just the way
Speaker 1: it is. But you know, when we can team up
Speaker 1: with another galaxy and work off of each other, like
Speaker 1: Abby you said the other day, like a Venn diagram,
Speaker 1: that is where the magic comes in. Then it becomes
Speaker 1: a magical experience, not just a one on one. And
Speaker 1: I think you know that gift that you have, Abby,
Speaker 1: of letting people be seen and heard. It's just so
Speaker 1: heartwarming to even hear about that because so many people
Speaker 1: don't feel that way. They don't feel seen and as
Speaker 1: children especially you know, and they don't feel heard. And
Speaker 1: it's amazing what you can discover about the people who've
Speaker 1: been in your lives forever when somebody else has a
Speaker 1: different line of questioning, Yes, yes, exactly exactly that. Well,
Speaker 1: on that note, Captaine, what do you have to say
Speaker 1: for yourself? Oh my goodness, well I haven't. We have
Speaker 1: callers today, tell us what we're in for so many
Speaker 1: different things. A lot of these questions are well they're
Speaker 1: all in each of your whalehouses, but a lot of
Speaker 1: them have really specific things that apply to you, know,
Speaker 1: the things each of you have written about. And so
Speaker 1: I'm very excited to get some awesome we love collars.
Speaker 1: We'll take a quick break and we'll be right back
Speaker 1: with collars. Okay, we're all going to take a virtual
Speaker 1: bath and we're back. I can't believe you two snuck
Speaker 1: into Los Angeles and didn't let me know. What funk
Speaker 1: is that about? When did you move that for a year.
Speaker 1: We'll talk about that in another pandemic move That sounds
Speaker 1: like a slight. You've been in love. I know, I know,
Speaker 1: you know it's like time consuming. Love is kind of
Speaker 1: a big deal. I know it is. It's a very time,
Speaker 1: a lot of free time. Now, so hit me up,
Speaker 1: perfect now, enter perfect, Well, our first question comes from Alex.
Speaker 1: Alex says, do we get married or save the money?
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, my name is Alex. I'm a gay man
Speaker 1: living in western Pennsylvania. Please stop introducing yourself as gay men.
Speaker 1: There are no straight men writing into this show. Okay,
Speaker 1: now one needs to say you're gay. My favorite is
Speaker 1: when people will be like, I'm a male or I'm
Speaker 1: a female. Like we can just say like guyer gal,
Speaker 1: that's I doesn't have to be so medical. I'm twenty
Speaker 1: nine years old and work as a real estate agent.
Speaker 1: I've been with my partner, Johnny for almost seven years.
Speaker 1: He's kind, patient, and truly my best friend. Almost four
Speaker 1: years ago, I proposed to Johnny while on a cruise.
Speaker 1: I was planning on a nice dinner and an elaborate
Speaker 1: show of affection, but I was so excited that as
Speaker 1: soon as we got on the ship, I took him
Speaker 1: to the bow, got on one knee, and he said yes.
Speaker 1: Johnny and I live in a beautiful lake community and
Speaker 1: are very fortunate to have purchased our home before the
Speaker 1: market went crazy. Needless to say, buying a simple home
Speaker 1: was extremely excited for us. We've delayed planning a wedding
Speaker 1: for some time. We love slowly putting money into our
Speaker 1: home and enjoying life. We're also not picturing a traditional
Speaker 1: wedding growing up. We were both raised in Christian households,
Speaker 1: so never in our wildest dreams did we think that
Speaker 1: we could be able to get married and live out
Speaker 1: and proud as we are. We both feel it's silly
Speaker 1: to spend thousands of dollars on one day and don't
Speaker 1: have the means to commit that much money. We both
Speaker 1: feel that a non traditional, fun wedding is what we want. Anyway,
Speaker 1: We continuously toss around the idea of a destination wedding,
Speaker 1: but are afraid that it would put a financial stress
Speaker 1: on our families and friends. They're continuously asking us when
Speaker 1: we're getting married and wonder why we're delaying a good
Speaker 1: thing when clearly we want to be together forever. Should
Speaker 1: we have a destination wedding with family and friends in
Speaker 1: Mexico despite some not being able to attend, or should
Speaker 1: we continue to invest money into our home, delay the
Speaker 1: wedding and hopefully get a return on our investment. All
Speaker 1: the best, Alex, this is a serious financial question. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love it, you take it go abby, I mean,
Speaker 1: get married in your backyard, have all your guests, bring
Speaker 1: some food that ship, like you'll be done and done,
Speaker 1: like it'll be beautiful. Like the thing about for me,
Speaker 1: I've had two weddings now, and I did the destination
Speaker 1: wedding first go around, flew my whole family out there.
Speaker 1: It was a big hullabaloo for fucking nothing. What a
Speaker 1: waste of money. And then you know, we just like
Speaker 1: we just completely did it totally differently. And I don't know,
Speaker 1: I I think of our marriage now like we we
Speaker 1: talked about it. It's like this is second marriage ship,
Speaker 1: Like we have learned stuff that we're bringing into the
Speaker 1: second marriage. And the wedding is about the love. It's
Speaker 1: not about where you're doing it. It's not about and
Speaker 1: they love their how they love home twelve times home, backyard,
Speaker 1: pot look, backyard out look. And then when you're making
Speaker 1: the list, this is what we did. Okay, we wrote
Speaker 1: down we had like everybody we love for something, everybody
Speaker 1: we love, and there was like hundred and fifty people
Speaker 1: on it. And then we were like, okay, no, now
Speaker 1: we got to take it to everybody we love and like.
Speaker 1: And then there was like forty people on it, and
Speaker 1: as the one of them was, we both had to
Speaker 1: know everybody, yes that came. We didn't want any strangers there,
Speaker 1: and that took it down quite a bit. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: then it was everybody we like, love and trust and
Speaker 1: we ended up having twenty people and it was twenty
Speaker 1: people and it was the freaking best and there was
Speaker 1: no stress and there was not a million bazillion details.
Speaker 1: And sister, remember when you came and how calm we
Speaker 1: actually were. It was eerie. It was so weird. And
Speaker 1: this was what they said. I was freaking out because
Speaker 1: nothing was done. It was it was nothing. They were like,
Speaker 1: we're all getting together just for like a beach weekend,
Speaker 1: and it was spirit and body, all right, we had
Speaker 1: mind had not that applied to the template. And she
Speaker 1: and Glenna just said, you know what, we've decided it's
Speaker 1: not going to be perfect, so we can be happy.
Speaker 1: We are going to be happy so it will be perfect.
Speaker 1: And wow, that is a great way, because nothing's ever
Speaker 1: going to be perfect. And if you're waiting, if your
Speaker 1: happiness is contingent on it being perfect, you will always
Speaker 1: be very, very sad. But if you just decide that
Speaker 1: you're happy and therefore it will be perfect. That's that's
Speaker 1: a nice way to do it. I'm going to write
Speaker 1: that down from my book. Write it down for from
Speaker 1: from from something's happened for a reason. That can be
Speaker 1: your apeth. I would like to one of what these
Speaker 1: girls all said and say, have this. Have a blowout
Speaker 1: in your backyard, Have a great, big, fun, casual affair
Speaker 1: in your backyard, just like these two had as many
Speaker 1: people as you want. You can have twenty, you can
Speaker 1: have six or whatever you guys are down with. You
Speaker 1: want to celebrate with your whole family and invite a
Speaker 1: hundred people, go for it, and then take that Mexico
Speaker 1: trip just the two of you as your honeymoon. Just
Speaker 1: go away together and and then celebrate your love alone together.
Speaker 1: That is where love should be celebrated. You're not on
Speaker 1: parade for everybody. You don't have to have a big
Speaker 1: show of a wedding. I think everyone who goes to
Speaker 1: a wedding appreciates so much more the genuine vibe of
Speaker 1: two people and being happy for them. You know that
Speaker 1: no one likes a formal I mean, some people like
Speaker 1: a formal affair, but these guys don't sound like they do.
Speaker 1: And I don't think anybody here that is. You don't
Speaker 1: want to be a presentation, you want to be a celebration. Uh,
Speaker 1: let me write that, souf. We're just like writing Charlse book.
Speaker 1: We're gonna be at chapter two by the next question.
Speaker 1: This is great, but at home you can be absolutely yourself.
Speaker 1: You can make it so much more about who the
Speaker 1: two of you are, rather than you know, the same
Speaker 1: chair as everybody used for their last wedding at some location,
Speaker 1: the same flower as the last person had. Does it
Speaker 1: make it exactly you? You could just pick one thing
Speaker 1: that you and Johnny love about the wedding generally, like
Speaker 1: what's your one thing, and then just do that like
Speaker 1: for our I also had two weddings, and I very
Speaker 1: much recommend that people have two weddings because the second
Speaker 1: one you get to just everyone says, like, what you're
Speaker 1: not inviting You're inviting one uncle and not the other uncle,
Speaker 1: and you just get to say, oh, it's a second wedding,
Speaker 1: and everyone's like, oh, I guess, I guess you could
Speaker 1: do whatever. But my favorite thing about weddings is the
Speaker 1: night before the rehearsal dinner and the toasts and so
Speaker 1: we just said, our whole wedding is going to be
Speaker 1: that we're just doing the actual wedding night. We're doing
Speaker 1: whoever wants to give a toast does it. And it
Speaker 1: was so special because that was my favorite part of
Speaker 1: anybody's wedding, except when sister you got up and spoke
Speaker 1: first at our wedding, and you did so good that
Speaker 1: everybody else was so scared to stand up after. My
Speaker 1: family was like, Nope, not me, not going to follow
Speaker 1: that ship. Most beautiful wedding toast I've ever heard. I
Speaker 1: would love to hear that. That sounds great. You can
Speaker 1: put it in your book. Chelsea actually sending me a
Speaker 1: link so I can add that to my book. Just
Speaker 1: a lot of things happen for a reason. Also, I
Speaker 1: guess our advice is for both of you to get
Speaker 1: married once before and then do this. Make sure that
Speaker 1: that is an addendum. Well. Our next question comes from Katie.
Speaker 1: Katie says, Dear Chelsea, I tend to want to get
Speaker 1: intimate with a man after three to four great dates
Speaker 1: and then end up getting ghosted. If I feel a
Speaker 1: connection with a guy, it's utter bs that I can't
Speaker 1: explore that intimacy without looking like a slut. After a
Speaker 1: few great dates, I end up feeling tricked and also
Speaker 1: disappointed in my own self destruction the one to two
Speaker 1: times a year I actually like a guy. I'm on
Speaker 1: a year sabbatical from alcohol, and one of my goals
Speaker 1: this year was to not sleep with guys so early.
Speaker 1: But recently, I did get more intimate after the third
Speaker 1: date with a guy I was really excited about and
Speaker 1: he had seemed excited about me. I'd love to hear
Speaker 1: your advice and thoughts on this topic as a fellow
Speaker 1: openly sexual woman. It may just be that I need
Speaker 1: to learn to control myself more and hold out longer
Speaker 1: to see if a guy wants to stick around. But
Speaker 1: sex is important to me and the double standard drives
Speaker 1: me insane. For context, I'm a thirty year old single
Speaker 1: woman who's never been in a relationship. I date a lot,
Speaker 1: but feel this self destruction I caused myself around date three,
Speaker 1: four five is likely why I've never had a relationship.
Speaker 1: This most recent guy, I think might be the final
Speaker 1: straw to break the cycle. I'm sad about what almost was,
Speaker 1: disappointed myself for feeding into desires in the moment and
Speaker 1: looking like someone I'm not two men who might have
Speaker 1: wanted a relationship with me otherwise. Thoughts Katie, M Hi Katie,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Katie. Oh this is a real life
Speaker 1: She's like Deil. We have so many people for her
Speaker 1: to talk to you today. I'm so excited. So Glennon
Speaker 1: and Abby and Amanda say hello to Katie. There are
Speaker 1: guests today. And Catherine you've spoken to so nice to
Speaker 1: see your pretty smiling face. Thank you. Okay, So this
Speaker 1: is a perfect question for all of us, I think
Speaker 1: except Abby. So I mean, listen, I understand you're being
Speaker 1: sober for a year, Like I think that's probably you.
Speaker 1: You know that you knew yourself well enough that that
Speaker 1: needs to happen. I don't have a lot of judgment
Speaker 1: about sexual behavior. I think there's probably behavior that's coming
Speaker 1: along with that sexual behavior that's coupled together that you
Speaker 1: might not be aware of. That's kind of sabotaging whatever
Speaker 1: you're trying to accomplish, which it sounds like you really
Speaker 1: want a loving relationship, right, so let's talk about that,
Speaker 1: like what happens around date three or four for you?
Speaker 1: I truly, this is what I'm struggling with understanding. Is
Speaker 1: I seem to have a trend of being love bombed
Speaker 1: and then ghosted, just like future talk. Let's I'd love
Speaker 1: to help you move furniture, Let's get coffee, and then
Speaker 1: it's a full ghost. So I I've played around with
Speaker 1: the idea of like, maybe I'm attracted to narcissists that
Speaker 1: are very good at tricking me, But I'm also aware
Speaker 1: of that the constant in these is me. So this
Speaker 1: year I've been trying to turn the mirror on myself
Speaker 1: and figure it out. So I don't know if that
Speaker 1: answers your question. Well, no, I think well, in part
Speaker 1: it does because good for you, because that it does
Speaker 1: sound like a type of person. What's the book Attachment? Yeah,
Speaker 1: attached Actually just thought that I haven't read it yet. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that that's all about avoidance, anxious, you know, attracting the
Speaker 1: same kind of person, and and you have to just
Speaker 1: disrupt the pattern, you know what I mean, you have
Speaker 1: to disrupt that pattern be because that's that is a
Speaker 1: youth thing. Yeah, the love bombing is a narcissistic thing.
Speaker 1: People love bomb, blah blah blah, bomb and then pull
Speaker 1: away and withhold right, So I mean when you're looking inward,
Speaker 1: you sound like you're already on the right track to
Speaker 1: figuring this out for yourself. It's just going to take.
Speaker 1: In my experience, you really have to take the weight
Speaker 1: off of dating somebody and that early on, like you
Speaker 1: have to take the weight off of yourself to try
Speaker 1: to make this and predict the future and make it
Speaker 1: something permanent, because really that is what that beginning nascent
Speaker 1: period is about, is about falling in love, flirting, and
Speaker 1: getting to know who a person really is. And sometimes
Speaker 1: that doesn't come to the four right away, you know,
Speaker 1: sometimes that could happen six months down the road. You
Speaker 1: think you know somebody and then all of a sudden
Speaker 1: you're like, wait, what's going on here? So I mean,
Speaker 1: I feel like you're already on your way to doing
Speaker 1: the work, and I don't want you to tie your
Speaker 1: identity up with being valued by some guy that you
Speaker 1: barely know. Like who gives a ship If somebody doesn't
Speaker 1: call you back after three or four days his law?
Speaker 1: Now next, what's up next? You know? Yeah, what do
Speaker 1: you girls think, Katie? Do you have a religious background
Speaker 1: or something that? I mean, I grew up Jewish, but
Speaker 1: that's more cultural than religious, because there just seems to
Speaker 1: be so much like inner. You seem to be so
Speaker 1: judgmental of yourself about giving you're about having sex at all.
Speaker 1: Is that something you feel? No, I think it's that.
Speaker 1: I mean, Chelsea's right. I've done a lot of work
Speaker 1: this year, and I'm really proud of who I've become,
Speaker 1: and it's still just not working out. You know, I
Speaker 1: do know, I do know what sobriety been like for you.
Speaker 1: This the first year is often fresh hell so well.
Speaker 1: And so here's what I'll say. I don't think I
Speaker 1: had a drinking problem. I wanted to re establish my relationships,
Speaker 1: so I've kind of been drinking like a pregnant lady.
Speaker 1: I have SIPs here and there. I'm mostly sober. I
Speaker 1: still smoke, I still do mushrooms, but I just and
Speaker 1: I have re established my relationship, but I just kind
Speaker 1: of want to finish up the year. And dating sober
Speaker 1: has been awesome, like telling guy, I'll get drinks with you,
Speaker 1: but you know I'm gonna get a mocktail and watching
Speaker 1: guys be like let's go for a hike or let's
Speaker 1: go to the park, or really just seeing that has
Speaker 1: been great. So I may continue to not do drinks
Speaker 1: as the first date to really spend that sober time
Speaker 1: with someone. But I guess I'm just reeling back from
Speaker 1: like partying, drinking, or happy hour three days a week,
Speaker 1: all of that stuff that's cultural in our society. It
Speaker 1: sounds like you're maturing a little bit. And the way
Speaker 1: that I am hearing it is it's got to be
Speaker 1: a change in the perspective of not just like who
Speaker 1: you're attracted to, but what about them? Like what about
Speaker 1: that attraction? What is that saying about me? What am
Speaker 1: I needing in this person? Who? Over time, I know
Speaker 1: that this keeps happening, they keep love bombing and then
Speaker 1: ghosting me. Maybe like date somebody that is totally opposite
Speaker 1: of what you've normally dated before. Maybe go down that
Speaker 1: route like a woman hadn't. I'll never say never. I've
Speaker 1: thought about it so much and I just don't think yet.
Speaker 1: But you know what, who knows? Yeah, seriously, who does know? Nobody? Never?
Speaker 1: No money. But I also want to say what you
Speaker 1: said was, it's not happening. You're making all these changes
Speaker 1: and you're expecting to see the results of those changes.
Speaker 1: That is a number one that doesn't happen when you
Speaker 1: want it to. Happen. The results of your efforts and
Speaker 1: the work that you put into yourself doesn't show up
Speaker 1: at the end of that work. It shows up way later,
Speaker 1: and it phases and in phases and then again later,
Speaker 1: and you're like, oh, Ship, you're constantly relearning what you've
Speaker 1: already learned, and then you have to apply it to
Speaker 1: your life over and over again, and then by repetition,
Speaker 1: your life becomes different. That's right. And I also just
Speaker 1: feel like it's so sad that there's just culturally so
Speaker 1: pervasive this idea that there's an change of value in sexuality.
Speaker 1: Like what what I hear you saying, Katie, is what
Speaker 1: I want. What's a value to me is a meaningful
Speaker 1: relationship where someone continues to show up with a real connection,
Speaker 1: and what I presume to be a value to them
Speaker 1: is sex. Because after they've retrieved that value from me,
Speaker 1: they go away. And so there's a real reason that
Speaker 1: you feel that way, because our world is built around
Speaker 1: the idea that women's value is in their sexuality, and
Speaker 1: therefore they lose value, they lose their virginity, they you know.
Speaker 1: So I just think, if it's possible to really think
Speaker 1: about that for a second and like, think about what
Speaker 1: if that wasn't your value? What if you just took
Speaker 1: the currency of sex out and say, when I want
Speaker 1: sex and when I want pleasure, I'm going to get that.
Speaker 1: That is a separate thing from this relationship structure where
Speaker 1: I am going what I want over there is someone
Speaker 1: for a real connection, and those things can parallel track.
Speaker 1: But it isn't that your currency is beyond your sexuality.
Speaker 1: And I think by cultivating and bringing to the forefront,
Speaker 1: realizing what really believing in your currency being your brain
Speaker 1: and your spirit and what you're doing with yourself, then
Speaker 1: that value will come to the forefront and you what
Speaker 1: will be attracted to you is the people who value
Speaker 1: that currency. But go ahead and get some over here,
Speaker 1: if that's what you're looking Very doom man, sister, a man,
Speaker 1: great sucking advice. Yes, Chelsea, did you get that? Oh?
Speaker 1: My got it? Got it? Are you kidding me? First?
Speaker 1: Of I mean, that is so well said and just
Speaker 1: so poignant because it's so true. It's like, of course,
Speaker 1: don't deprive yourself of sex like I'm so I'm so
Speaker 1: sick of that too, you know, and judging ourselves like no,
Speaker 1: we can't judge yourself Chase. Yeah, you want to get
Speaker 1: two months. Yeah, I don't need eight dates. I want
Speaker 1: to feel your penis and feel if it feels good.
Speaker 1: That pretend to pretend like I'm not gonna have sex
Speaker 1: with you, so you can, oh, now we're gonna have sex.
Speaker 1: Done with that, Just go get what you are. And
Speaker 1: I'm thirty years old. We've gone to dinner three times,
Speaker 1: We've done fun things, we enjoy each other. Let's see
Speaker 1: if this Because sometimes you have sex and you're like,
Speaker 1: oh god, no exactly. That's why that's why it's important
Speaker 1: to get it out of the way right away, to
Speaker 1: see if there's anything else to talk about. You know,
Speaker 1: like I always like to have sex immediately because if
Speaker 1: your penis doesn't work with my Pikachu, then we don't
Speaker 1: have anything to say anyway. You know, if you're into
Speaker 1: some six ship, I want to know about that too.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't want to find out later that
Speaker 1: like you're gonna expecting me to put a ball gag
Speaker 1: in my mouth or some ship, Like I'm not down.
Speaker 1: I'm not down with that. So it's important, you know,
Speaker 1: for a lot of reasons, but I think for your
Speaker 1: own sexual health, like you know, and psychologically. I think
Speaker 1: what she said is so right on for you, Like
Speaker 1: you need to go out there and empower yourself and
Speaker 1: know that that's not attached to your value at all.
Speaker 1: And the guy that is going to be the guy
Speaker 1: for you isn't going to give a ship whether or
Speaker 1: not you have sex with him on the first date
Speaker 1: or the third date. Yeah, yeah, that's right. And also,
Speaker 1: is anyone worried about Katie was worried about you? Just
Speaker 1: like full of joy and transparency and presence and your
Speaker 1: precious as the day is long, and so just worry,
Speaker 1: just do A sister said, I think she said have
Speaker 1: sex and then don't worry about it. You said basically
Speaker 1: that you could be on your date and then you
Speaker 1: could go meet somebody for sex after your date. You
Speaker 1: can have a whole choice of activities lined up. Yes,
Speaker 1: sounds great to me if it helps at all. My
Speaker 1: husband was a first date and here we are sixteen
Speaker 1: years later. H yeah, there we go. Love that. I mean, technically,
Speaker 1: so we're abby and glenned that first time they were
Speaker 1: ever together after they met. I feel like that's also
Speaker 1: a trend. I know like ten people who have said
Speaker 1: I slept with my husband on the first date, so
Speaker 1: maybe I should just be sleeping on the first date
Speaker 1: instead of the third. You just throw out any rules
Speaker 1: around any of it, you know what I mean? Just
Speaker 1: throw out rules and paaradigms like and just do what
Speaker 1: you feel you should be doing in the moment. You're
Speaker 1: clear headed right now. You know you have a clarity
Speaker 1: of mine. Use it, use your instinct. You know when
Speaker 1: to do something and when not to do something. You know,
Speaker 1: So just trust yourself a little bit more and you're
Speaker 1: going to be fine. Katie, Thank you, I appreciate it.
Speaker 1: Thanks for keep us Hie, Katie Bye. She's so cute.
Speaker 1: She's like, who the funk are Glenn and Abbey in
Speaker 1: a man's I can have my money back just talking
Speaker 1: to Chelsea. Charge people? Oh my god, that's a great
Speaker 1: revenue stream. Why do we charge callers? Who needs ads? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I don't need to read anywhere ads for fucking better help.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start charging callers. That's that's that's the phone.
Speaker 1: That's the way to put my best foot forward. Well,
Speaker 1: our next call is from A and Brad. Do we
Speaker 1: have a on the line? She came back, Yep, I'm
Speaker 1: ready to go. Okay, great. It was having some technical
Speaker 1: difficulties and Brad over here was texting me and he said, oh,
Speaker 1: she dropped off. I said, well, yeah, she's having issues.
Speaker 1: He goes, isn't that why they're all writing in almost
Speaker 1: lost it? Good job, Brad. You know what, before we
Speaker 1: get to this call, let's take a really quick break
Speaker 1: and we'll be right back with Glennon, Abbey, Amanda, and Chelsea.
Speaker 1: Well A says dear Chelsea, I'm fearful about moving back
Speaker 1: to my home city, somewhere I really want to live,
Speaker 1: because it means I will almost certainly have to face
Speaker 1: someone who have been successfully able to avoid for almost
Speaker 1: twenty years, someone who used to abuse me as a child.
Speaker 1: I am in therapy for this, and I still have
Speaker 1: a lot of work to do. My day to day
Speaker 1: is not significantly impacted by the terrible things they did
Speaker 1: to me. That being said, I'm feeling very anxious about
Speaker 1: the possibility of seeing them when I move home, and
Speaker 1: it's tainting my excitement about being back in a city
Speaker 1: I really want to live in again. This person is
Speaker 1: in my extended family, and I've never told a single
Speaker 1: other family member, only close friends and my therapist about
Speaker 1: what they did to me. I'm anticipating having to navigate
Speaker 1: more holidays and other family get togethers with this person
Speaker 1: because we'll be so geographically close after decades of not
Speaker 1: seeing them. My family is very small, and I'm afraid
Speaker 1: it would completely sever the family. There are people close
Speaker 1: to my abuser who I do care for. I feel
Speaker 1: so torn well. One side of me finally wants to
Speaker 1: come out with all of it. The other side of
Speaker 1: me wants to just try to continue to avoid situations
Speaker 1: where this person will be, even if it makes me
Speaker 1: look like a bad family member. I have also considered
Speaker 1: writing my abuser and email telling them that if we're
Speaker 1: ever in a situation where we have to be in
Speaker 1: the same place in the future, to not talk to
Speaker 1: me or engage with me. Am I just keeping the
Speaker 1: peace for everyone else's protection and comfort. How would you
Speaker 1: come out with news like this? And if I decided
Speaker 1: to keep this to myself for a bit longer, how
Speaker 1: would you go about gracefully avoiding family situations where this
Speaker 1: person will be in attendance, especially during holidays like Christmas,
Speaker 1: where I can't really blame it on work. If I
Speaker 1: eventually get stuck having to attend to function where this
Speaker 1: person will be would you confront them? Sincerely? A oh god,
Speaker 1: Hi A Hi, Hi, Hi everyone, Hi to meet you all.
Speaker 1: This is amazing. I know it's a huge support group
Speaker 1: for you. Yeah, so many people. Thank you for having me. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you, thanks for calling in. I'm delighted that you did. Okay,
Speaker 1: so let's talk what uh we're talking about sexual abuse? Yeah? Yeah, okay, girls, Glada,
Speaker 1: I know you have a little bit of experience with
Speaker 1: this discussing. Yeah, do you want to take the lead
Speaker 1: on this and I'll follow up? Oh, if you're comfortable
Speaker 1: with that. One of the things I thought of right
Speaker 1: away was, first of all, A, I'm so sorry. I
Speaker 1: think that one of the possible reasons that you're feeling
Speaker 1: so much fear and anxiety is because, of course, this
Speaker 1: is taking you right back to being a kid and
Speaker 1: not having any way to protect yourself, right, and so
Speaker 1: that is not what's happening right now. Okay, So you're
Speaker 1: returning as an adult. Okay, so you are going to
Speaker 1: be able to protect yourself. You do get to do
Speaker 1: things that nobody did for you as a kid, and
Speaker 1: you do get to use your voice, and you do
Speaker 1: get to make yourself safe, and one of the ways,
Speaker 1: there's there's several ways that you could do that, right,
Speaker 1: there's there's no way that you're going to not be safe.
Speaker 1: We have to figure out you have to figure out
Speaker 1: how to re enter this situation in a way where
Speaker 1: you have built what your little self did not have, right,
Speaker 1: But I think there are many different ways. One thing
Speaker 1: to know is that when there is a sexual abuser
Speaker 1: in a family, there's usually not only one victim mhmm.
Speaker 1: Every time somebody is certain that they are the only
Speaker 1: victim in a family, it very rarely is. Okay. So
Speaker 1: when you say, if I tell the truth, it will
Speaker 1: sever my family, what you need to know is that
Speaker 1: your family is already severed. Okay, your family, that's not
Speaker 1: You're not protecting a whole, healthy family right now. You're
Speaker 1: protecting a family where you have been severed. M hm.
Speaker 1: So if you do decide to bring the one part
Speaker 1: of life that protects us, which is truth, to this situation,
Speaker 1: you very well might be saving somebody else in your
Speaker 1: family who then gets to come forward and say me too,
Speaker 1: and me too. And this is how this works mm hmm. So,
Speaker 1: when you think about taking the ideal future scenario for
Speaker 1: this extremely less than ideal situation. What does that look
Speaker 1: like if if you weren't afraid of anything of any
Speaker 1: consequence of any buddy's feelings, if anybody, what would it
Speaker 1: look like to step back into this and have your
Speaker 1: ideal outcome? It would? I think it would be kind
Speaker 1: of a combination of things. Both a confrontation where I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm the person with the power and in control.
Speaker 1: Also telling a few family members, maybe not everyone in
Speaker 1: the family, but a few who are particularly close to me.
Speaker 1: And then I don't know, some sort of maybe a
Speaker 1: strange that sounds forgiveness in the sense that I just
Speaker 1: want to let it all go and feels may feel
Speaker 1: best for me, But not until confrontation and some truth.
Speaker 1: Because there's a process right forgiveness. It can't happen until
Speaker 1: we've re established the boundary that was crossed. Right, we
Speaker 1: cannot feel forgiveness at all. It doesn't come because forgiveness
Speaker 1: comes with safety. You will never ever feel forgiveness until
Speaker 1: you have safety, done what you need to do to
Speaker 1: make yourself safe. Mm hmm. Are there people? Is there
Speaker 1: someone in your family that you would start with? Probably
Speaker 1: my siblings, even my brother, my one brother doesn't know,
Speaker 1: and then probably my parents. But then it just seems like,
Speaker 1: get there. I couldn't tell my parents without them having
Speaker 1: to tell some other people. It just seems like a
Speaker 1: never ending sort of trickle down stream situation, which is
Speaker 1: not your responsibility. Just the fact that you would be
Speaker 1: starting that drop of water does not make you responsible
Speaker 1: for the waterfall that happens. The person that's responsible for
Speaker 1: that is the person that hurt you. All of the
Speaker 1: things that are impacting you. I think you said, I
Speaker 1: just want to let it all go, and I think
Speaker 1: it's important to just take a moment and identify and
Speaker 1: moren all that you have had to carry because of this.
Speaker 1: You're a person who was hurt so much so early,
Speaker 1: could not tell your parents, could not tell your siblings.
Speaker 1: You were carrying that burden and that secret as a kid,
Speaker 1: and you undoubtedly brought it into other relationships. Undoubtedly that's
Speaker 1: an integral part of why you're not living in the
Speaker 1: place that where you want to live right now, because
Speaker 1: you alone are carrying the burden of someone else's actions.
Speaker 1: Everybody else is acting the way they always have. They
Speaker 1: gave it to you to carry, and now you have it,
Speaker 1: and that is just deeply, deeply unfair, and you changing
Speaker 1: the status quo is not you causing a problem for
Speaker 1: that family. That family has already has a major problem,
Speaker 1: and you're just the only one who's been carrying it.
Speaker 1: H And that's just I don't have a solution for it.
Speaker 1: But it is deeply, deeply tragic that you have carried
Speaker 1: that and that you still view this as your problem
Speaker 1: that you have to solve when it was never your problem.
Speaker 1: It was somebody else's the whole time. And I also think, like, hey,
Speaker 1: this is your story, and you give him power by
Speaker 1: withholding it. You're giving that person the power and the
Speaker 1: protection by withholding your story. You're not trying to blow
Speaker 1: your family up. But this is your truth, and you
Speaker 1: can't be responsible for what happens when you share your
Speaker 1: truth because the family members that love you and know
Speaker 1: you are going to be with you and are going
Speaker 1: to be horrified by what happened. Hopeful you know that
Speaker 1: would be the normal reaction. And I think that you're
Speaker 1: suffering by not telling the closest people to you at
Speaker 1: the very least. But you definitely don't owe this whole family,
Speaker 1: and you know, relative in community anything but the truth.
Speaker 1: This is your truth. You are suffering by yourself. You know. Yes,
Speaker 1: you've told some friends, and I'm sure you've been to
Speaker 1: therapy at some point, right right, Okay, good, that's great.
Speaker 1: But you're only protecting him. You know you're protecting him.
Speaker 1: I mean, you're gonna have a huge catharsis by even
Speaker 1: sharing this with your brothers or your sisters or your siblings.
Speaker 1: That's gonna be maybe might be even enough. You'll never
Speaker 1: know until you do it, but you should do that.
Speaker 1: At the very minimum. Talk to your brothers and sisters.
Speaker 1: You have close relationships with them. You can trust them.
Speaker 1: They will be there for you. And if you if
Speaker 1: you guys all decide together that it's too much for
Speaker 1: your parents or whatever, fine, but I bet you it's
Speaker 1: probably not. You know what I mean. It's if this
Speaker 1: is your story, this is not for you to suffer alone.
Speaker 1: That's not fair. Because somebody did something to you that
Speaker 1: you carry it with you and protect him. That's the
Speaker 1: dynamic of what's happening, you know, and you have every
Speaker 1: right to not want to be in the presence of
Speaker 1: him ever again. Why should you ever have to face
Speaker 1: that person when he violated you? You shouldn't and your
Speaker 1: family should know that. That's how I feel. You're not
Speaker 1: a burden. You aren't a burden. And I think so
Speaker 1: much of what we try to protect our family from
Speaker 1: we feel like it's a protection mechanism for them, but
Speaker 1: really it's a blockage of connection. And I think that
Speaker 1: your family would prefer to know you fully truly. They
Speaker 1: know something families know. We all think, we all think
Speaker 1: that it's the truth will destroy our family, but it's
Speaker 1: always the secrets that destroy families because trauma, these stories,
Speaker 1: they're passed down generation to generation, even when they're not
Speaker 1: spoken right. Secrets families affect everybody. We all we know
Speaker 1: something's up, we know something's up, and then the truth
Speaker 1: is revealed and suddenly things make sense. It might hurt,
Speaker 1: but things make sense and we are more connected. I mean,
Speaker 1: my friend Liz said to me at one point when
Speaker 1: I was deciding whether or not to tell the truth
Speaker 1: to my family that was going to blow everything up.
Speaker 1: She said, every truth you tell is a kindness, even
Speaker 1: if it makes other people uncomfortable, and every truth you
Speaker 1: don't tell is an unkindness, even if it keeps everybody comfortable. Right,
Speaker 1: because the truth moves everybody forward, even when it upsets
Speaker 1: everybody first. But also, ay, you don't owe anybody the
Speaker 1: truth either. You don't owe anybody a goddamn thing. The
Speaker 1: only thing that you owe is to yourself and your
Speaker 1: safety and your health. And if you decide that not
Speaker 1: sharing this is what is going to keep you safe
Speaker 1: and healthy, and you know that is the truth. You
Speaker 1: don't owe anybody a goddamn thing. Like you are supposed
Speaker 1: to take care of you. And so if you think
Speaker 1: your family at the end of the day is not
Speaker 1: trustworthy of this is going to weaponize this against you,
Speaker 1: is going to gaslight and confuse things. You don't owe
Speaker 1: them that either, Like you just have to know that
Speaker 1: you are doing what you need to do and you're
Speaker 1: not paying the price by staying away from that town
Speaker 1: where you want to live in order to keep everybody
Speaker 1: they're comfortable. Yeah, those are all great points. I think
Speaker 1: I need to reflect a little bit more because I
Speaker 1: do see this, this fork of decisions, and I'm still
Speaker 1: stuck at the base of which feels right to me,
Speaker 1: whether it is coming out with everything and potentially losing
Speaker 1: even some people close to him that I that I
Speaker 1: do like and care for. They probably wouldn't stay in
Speaker 1: my life either, or, like you were saying, keeping it
Speaker 1: to myself because it feels safer for me. I'm still
Speaker 1: I'm still stuck at that base of the fork, and
Speaker 1: I think I just need to keep reflecting on what
Speaker 1: feels best. Yeah, I know you told me on our
Speaker 1: pre interview that the move is is set in place,
Speaker 1: and I think it's happening in a few weeks. So
Speaker 1: I would just say, don't put yourself in any positions
Speaker 1: to make any decisions or have to have those conversations
Speaker 1: until you're ready, even if you're in town, even if
Speaker 1: everybody wants to have a big party for you, you know,
Speaker 1: take the time that you need and let me ask
Speaker 1: you one more question, a do you what does it
Speaker 1: look like to you? Like when you think about revealing
Speaker 1: this to your family members, Like, what does that look
Speaker 1: like to you? Does that scare the ship out of you?
Speaker 1: Does that feel like it does? Yeah? Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: not so much my siblings, but my parents absolutely, and
Speaker 1: then ultimately some of the other family members that would
Speaker 1: need to know. Yeah, it's it's I don't even know
Speaker 1: where to start except for with my siblings, and I
Speaker 1: guess it is maybe one step at a time. Definitely,
Speaker 1: one step at a time. That's definitely how you have
Speaker 1: to test the waters, you know, because I know that
Speaker 1: if my sister was going through something like this that
Speaker 1: did it tell me, I would be devastated, you know,
Speaker 1: I would be so upset. So I know if you
Speaker 1: have a close relationship with your siblings like that is
Speaker 1: the place to start. And to remember what Glennan said.
Speaker 1: You know, you're probably not the only victim in this scenario,
Speaker 1: and that's something to consider. Also, what do you all
Speaker 1: think about confronting him? I mean, I'll go first. Who
Speaker 1: cares about him? You know what I mean? I care
Speaker 1: about you. You're gonna say all the things that you
Speaker 1: wanted to say, like you're talking to a doormat. In
Speaker 1: my opinion, he doesn't even deserve your time. I care
Speaker 1: more about how you're gonna walk through this feeling secure
Speaker 1: and safe at every family gathering that you go to.
Speaker 1: And a confrontation while you know, we can all fantasize
Speaker 1: about the thing we're gonna say, and da da da,
Speaker 1: You're not going to change somebody. You know, You're not
Speaker 1: gonna change him or make him see the light. I mean,
Speaker 1: who knows he's probably he could be scared shitless that
Speaker 1: you're moving back. You know, he might be like, oh
Speaker 1: fun funk fun. But like confronting him, if it's therapeutic
Speaker 1: for you, like how do you feel about that? What
Speaker 1: do you what do you think when you think of that?
Speaker 1: What would you say? It does feel therapeutic, but it
Speaker 1: could also be just as therapeutic to write a very
Speaker 1: long letter that I never said. But there is a
Speaker 1: sense of me that wants to have this sort of
Speaker 1: almost face to face this is what you've put me
Speaker 1: through type of interaction. As long as that interaction and
Speaker 1: the value that you imagine getting out of that interaction
Speaker 1: is not predicated on any particular response of his, then
Speaker 1: go for it. But if you're interaction you imagine him
Speaker 1: saying or doing something that then leaving that would make
Speaker 1: you feel more vulnerable or upset than before you win
Speaker 1: in that I think being really honest with yourself that
Speaker 1: that everything you have to say has no relation to
Speaker 1: how he might respond. Mhm right, because the it's likely
Speaker 1: response is going to be gaslighting and and all of
Speaker 1: those denying. I think a therapist, a trained therapist, in
Speaker 1: this way, we'll probably have really good answers here on
Speaker 1: what the best script is to talk to your family
Speaker 1: about and how to talk to your family about this.
Speaker 1: I think that that would be really helpful to like
Speaker 1: work workshop that with a therapist. And I don't know
Speaker 1: what it's like to be you in the circumstance and
Speaker 1: you just have to make the call about confronting this. Dude,
Speaker 1: if you have one person in your family that's your
Speaker 1: that could be your closest ally in this, is there
Speaker 1: one sibling that you could start with? Yes, my brother
Speaker 1: maybe that's the next straight thing is the one and
Speaker 1: then it's the two of you, right making the next
Speaker 1: steps together, because this can't be just you and the waterfall,
Speaker 1: right like slowly one brother maybe and then figuring out
Speaker 1: the first sentence you're going to say, mm hmm, that's
Speaker 1: probably the one person in the one sentence is where
Speaker 1: I would start. Okay, I think I think that's right.
Speaker 1: I think that's right. I think you should at least
Speaker 1: reach out to one person because I can see the
Speaker 1: heaviness in you. You know, you're carrying this too much
Speaker 1: of this on your own, and family is meant to
Speaker 1: share share the grief, the pain, the love and the joy.
Speaker 1: All of it is supposed to be spread evenly throughout
Speaker 1: all of our lives and all the people in your life.
Speaker 1: Are you in a relationship? No, not anymore? Okay, well yeah,
Speaker 1: I think that you should really strongly consider talking to
Speaker 1: your brother as your first move. And I think you're
Speaker 1: gonna be really surprised with how therapeutic that's going to
Speaker 1: be for you. I can see you're in pain, and
Speaker 1: you have every right to be and there's no reason
Speaker 1: to suffer through that by yourself. Yeah. Yeah, your family
Speaker 1: can't come alongside you and lift you up until they
Speaker 1: know so does that? One step is is all you
Speaker 1: need to think about right now. We're with you. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much. Hey, will you keep us posted and
Speaker 1: let us know what happens please whenever you do it.
Speaker 1: You know, no rush obviously, but whatever happens, let us know.
Speaker 1: Check in with us. Okay, yep, I definitely will. So
Speaker 1: grateful for all of you. Thank you. I'll be thinking
Speaker 1: about you. It was great to meet you. Bye bye.
Speaker 1: What a sweetheart. Oh my god, you guys. I hate
Speaker 1: to see people that are suffering the heaviness in the
Speaker 1: you know, all of it is just like palpable and
Speaker 1: I know her brother is going to be there for
Speaker 1: her obviously. You know, I can understand not wanting to
Speaker 1: tell your parents because some parents aren't going to be
Speaker 1: able to deal with that at all, you know, and
Speaker 1: the blame game and all of that things that go
Speaker 1: with it. But your siblings, if you have a close
Speaker 1: relationship with your siblings like that, is they first stop.
Speaker 1: So yeah, hopefully we will hear back from her at
Speaker 1: some point about her taking her power back. One of
Speaker 1: the strangest things was the week that she wrote in
Speaker 1: I had an almost identical email from someone else as well.
Speaker 1: It just was so interesting. We haven't gotten a question
Speaker 1: really like that before. And then in the same within
Speaker 1: two days, I think to almost ident like, I'm moving
Speaker 1: back to my hometown. My abuser is there. And I
Speaker 1: told a that and she was like, wow, it actually
Speaker 1: makes me feel so much better to know I'm not
Speaker 1: the only one going through this, that there's someone else
Speaker 1: who even wrote in you know, yeah, she also might
Speaker 1: want to consider getting into I just thought of this,
Speaker 1: getting into a support group. Yeah, absolutely, support groups. I
Speaker 1: mean we're big, we're big support group people. And nowadays,
Speaker 1: like everything is online, you can get on Zoom, you
Speaker 1: can turn the video off and you can just listen
Speaker 1: to a lot of support groups online thinking about secrets
Speaker 1: and like, it's just so whatever the secret is. You know,
Speaker 1: if if a only ends up with truthful, honest relationship
Speaker 1: with that one sibling, that's enough, right, right, We actually
Speaker 1: don't freaking need our whole families to put we don't
Speaker 1: need Most of us don't have that. And it's a
Speaker 1: rare family that is healthy enough to handle that well anything, well, yes,
Speaker 1: handle Christmas much less that. And also having that teammate,
Speaker 1: like you guys said, you know, having that teammate you like,
Speaker 1: once you tell one person, then it's the two of you.
Speaker 1: You're not by yourself navigating. You've got another set of
Speaker 1: eyes and another set of ears looking out for you
Speaker 1: as well. And that feeling is so much less isolating
Speaker 1: than what she must be feeling now thinking about going back. Yeah, sure,
Speaker 1: Well we'll take a quick break right now and be
Speaker 1: right back after this little break and we're back. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm not sure how you want to do this, but
Speaker 1: we usually have our guests we see if they would
Speaker 1: like any advice from Chelsea. We all have questions to you.
Speaker 1: Go first, is yours gonna be about we'd oh no,
Speaker 1: but okay, okay, I don't know if I can't believe
Speaker 1: you aren't going to ask about we Okay, go ahead, okay,
Speaker 1: because you said a couple of things on our podcast
Speaker 1: a couple of days ago that I can't stop thinking about. Chelsea.
Speaker 1: You described this personal evolution that has improved your relationships
Speaker 1: and your life, and you said you used to have
Speaker 1: this perspective that if someone disagreed with you, they didn't
Speaker 1: know what they were talking about until they agreed with you,
Speaker 1: and then you would explain to them some more truths,
Speaker 1: which I understand on a cellular level because that is
Speaker 1: a little bit how I am. But then you moved
Speaker 1: away from that to be more bentable. But then later
Speaker 1: on in the pod, you said you have a very
Speaker 1: strong relationship with telling the truth even if it hurts,
Speaker 1: and that's something you're not willing to modify because it's
Speaker 1: part of who you are. And my question is, how
Speaker 1: do we determine whether our truth that we're feeling as
Speaker 1: part of the first bucket this kind of unevolved in
Speaker 1: transigence that the way you described it, or the second bucket,
Speaker 1: which is like this is an important part of my
Speaker 1: character and I need to hold onto it for my
Speaker 1: own integrity. How can you tell the difference, Well, I
Speaker 1: think when you're when you're when you have a need
Speaker 1: to be right all the time, it's because you're not listening.
Speaker 1: When you're telling the truth, it's because you've listened. You
Speaker 1: know what I mean, and you've heard. So I think
Speaker 1: the two things, while they can be confusing and sound analogous,
Speaker 1: they're different because you can bend, because that's everyone should
Speaker 1: be able to bend a little. You don't want to
Speaker 1: bend over and break your back for somebody, but you
Speaker 1: want to be able to bend and manipulate so that
Speaker 1: you're not just stuck right like you want to move
Speaker 1: for people and be like, yeah, I could do that.
Speaker 1: I could go to a shopping mall in the middle
Speaker 1: of the day, Joe Koy, of course. I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: from New Jersey, so it's a bit too soon, but sure,
Speaker 1: I'll go to a fucking shopping mall because it brings
Speaker 1: you joy. You know. I can bend a little and
Speaker 1: do you know what I'm saying. But I'm not going
Speaker 1: to change the core character of who I am. I
Speaker 1: can change my actions, and yes, telling people the truth
Speaker 1: in a loving way, not yelling at them and going
Speaker 1: why don't you listen to me? I mean saying it
Speaker 1: in a fair handed way, like this is the truth
Speaker 1: of the situation, always being available for that. So I
Speaker 1: think the two are kind of different in that way.
Speaker 1: If if I explained that, well, I love Mr. Chelsea's
Speaker 1: gonna go to the mall. She's gonna go to the mall,
Speaker 1: she's gonna bend, She's gonna go to the mall. But
Speaker 1: as she's walking through the mall, she's gonna be saying,
Speaker 1: I fucking hate this. The truth is malls or trash. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've listened to the I'm gonna say, yeah, I'll go
Speaker 1: through the mall and I'll be like, like, here's a
Speaker 1: great example. Joe's birthday party. I threw him a birthday
Speaker 1: party in Vegas when we were together. It was a
Speaker 1: three day bonanza. I do not like to go to Vegas.
Speaker 1: We went. I had activities like it's you to day.
Speaker 1: We had dune buggying for everybody. It's like a hundred
Speaker 1: people or whatever it ended up being. We and we
Speaker 1: went dune bugging. And I don't have enough sports bras
Speaker 1: for that activity. And I. We were Joe and I
Speaker 1: were due bugging and he's like, God, you're amazing that
Speaker 1: you're out here doing this. And he's like, are you
Speaker 1: having a good time? I go, absolutely not, you know,
Speaker 1: but I'll go I'm not gonna bitch and moan, but
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest about it. I'm not gonna pretend
Speaker 1: I'm having a good time when I'm miserable wondering like
Speaker 1: what was going to happen to my body after I
Speaker 1: get out of that dune buggy? You know, like where
Speaker 1: did my boob go? Because it's no longer attached to
Speaker 1: the front of me. Also a really stupid activity. Just
Speaker 1: want to put and skip that anyone. Not that anyone
Speaker 1: listening to this is going dune bugging, but uh, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like, I just think, you know,
Speaker 1: you have to be open to compromise, but you guy
Speaker 1: can't compromise your character. I love it. It's good I
Speaker 1: have advice that I want to know. I love it.
Speaker 1: So Chelsea, I've I'm kind of an advocate for equal pay.
Speaker 1: Women's soccer team didn't make equal pay when I was
Speaker 1: a player. I didn't make men's pro money. And now
Speaker 1: that I've stepped away from playing professional sport, I'm making
Speaker 1: more money than I ever did and nobody. What I
Speaker 1: like about you is you are fearless and having a
Speaker 1: conversation about anything. And so now that I'm out of
Speaker 1: soccer and earning money, I don't know everything, what to
Speaker 1: do with it, who to talk to. It seems like
Speaker 1: all the white dudes are behind like this locked door,
Speaker 1: and they like hold the keys to all the financial
Speaker 1: questions and information, and they try to make it sound
Speaker 1: so confusing, and so my question might though it might
Speaker 1: seem shallow, is you know, I do believe that money
Speaker 1: and power are very closely related. And so what do
Speaker 1: you do about your finances and your money? And who
Speaker 1: do you trust? Like? And where do you what do
Speaker 1: you How have you learned about it? Because I know
Speaker 1: that you've had it for a while and you are
Speaker 1: really independent, strong, successful businesswoman. Well thank you. I mean
Speaker 1: I first of all, I only have female business managers.
Speaker 1: I only work with women. Women are only allowed to
Speaker 1: handle my money, no men, just because I like to
Speaker 1: work with women period. You know, but I don't know,
Speaker 1: like I don't know a lot about money either. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm looped into lots of different groups that t teach
Speaker 1: you about cryptocurrency or you know, but I'm I don't
Speaker 1: have that kind of money that I'm throwing around investing
Speaker 1: hundreds of thousands of dollars into different ventures and stuff
Speaker 1: like that. The one thing I do know, and the
Speaker 1: advice that I got a long time ago, is to
Speaker 1: always invest in real estate because that is never going
Speaker 1: to ever go away, you know, like the value of that,
Speaker 1: like the value of the dollar can go away, you know,
Speaker 1: but I'm not going to sleep with a bunch of
Speaker 1: gold bars under my bed. I mean, the reality of
Speaker 1: that is unlikely. Also, So I just buy up properties,
Speaker 1: you know, when I have a cash flow or an influx,
Speaker 1: I buy up a property that I can rent out.
Speaker 1: You know. I have a few houses and a few
Speaker 1: rental properties, and that's a great source of income and
Speaker 1: it's a great investment and it's simple. And I invest
Speaker 1: in companies to like I just invested in the you
Speaker 1: know you as women's volleyball team. They're starting their thing,
Speaker 1: you know. I invest in makeup companies or whatever. When
Speaker 1: I get a good tip from somebody in my circle
Speaker 1: that says, oh, we're putting money in I'll you know,
Speaker 1: send it to my people and invest because I think
Speaker 1: you always have to be investing, right, you don't ever
Speaker 1: know what's gonna what's gonna hit. And you know you
Speaker 1: have a financial advisor that you do you not have
Speaker 1: one of those yet? Financial yeah we do, but like
Speaker 1: white men right right, make it seem so fucking complicated.
Speaker 1: It's like, these are not the spreadsheets you're looking for.
Speaker 1: I know, and I quite honestly, when I talk about finances,
Speaker 1: like they'll try and update me on a phone call,
Speaker 1: and like halfway through, I'm like, let's speed speed this
Speaker 1: up because I am not interested in the ins and outs.
Speaker 1: Just I have enough money to survive, and I do
Speaker 1: you have money to buy this house or not? You know,
Speaker 1: like investing things? I think you know, if you give
Speaker 1: him a directive like listen, these are the kinds of
Speaker 1: companies that I'm interested in supporting, female owned, minority owned.
Speaker 1: You know, like, let's focus and give him something to
Speaker 1: zero in on so he's not just coming back with
Speaker 1: you and you're you know, looking at Warren Buffett's portfolio
Speaker 1: going oh, well, I guess these are all the things
Speaker 1: that are going to make me money, because you guys
Speaker 1: are this is an opportunity for you to walk. You walk,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. You guys do all these
Speaker 1: amazing things, and now you have an opportunity to do
Speaker 1: it with financially and put your money where your mouth
Speaker 1: is on top of it like that's all the power
Speaker 1: in the world. Right, Yeah, it's good. That's good. Okay,
Speaker 1: what's your question? Is there an edible? I feel like
Speaker 1: you've already asked me this question. I know I want
Speaker 1: an edible that will calm me down, but it's not
Speaker 1: doesn't count as drugs, So I cannot not a psychoactive
Speaker 1: that doesn't count as drugs. What about CBD? Okay, can't
Speaker 1: you have that? That's doesn't count as th HC th HC.
Speaker 1: And first of all, a lot of sober people take marijuana,
Speaker 1: but I know that you don't want to do that.
Speaker 1: But cb D without the th HC, the th HC
Speaker 1: is the psychoactive component, right, So that's what you don't
Speaker 1: want to be around. And with your personality, you don't
Speaker 1: want to be around that. You want to be calm,
Speaker 1: something that's going to help you not make you run
Speaker 1: in the corner and hide anymore, you know, So you
Speaker 1: need a c b D gummy And actually, you know what,
Speaker 1: I think I might have something for you because this
Speaker 1: is my good friend doesn't like that at all, but
Speaker 1: she had. She just wanted to calm down, because it's
Speaker 1: a body calm and you know, like it doesn't matter
Speaker 1: if you're calming down your brain or your body. The
Speaker 1: other one will follow, right, Like everyone thinks that you
Speaker 1: have to treat this thing, and it's like, well, you
Speaker 1: can treat either one because we're it's so interconnected. You
Speaker 1: have a brain in your stomach, you have a brain
Speaker 1: in your heart, and you have a brain in your head.
Speaker 1: You know, there are three brains working in our bodies.
Speaker 1: So and everyone just thinks this is the only one
Speaker 1: that matters. It's not, you know, it's our gut, it's
Speaker 1: all of our things. So but I will put it together.
Speaker 1: They're an array of things that do not have th HC.
Speaker 1: A gift basket for you now that your local. A
Speaker 1: year later, I will put together a gift a basket
Speaker 1: of things that have no th HC. What about Hemp? Great?
Speaker 1: Love him? Okay, great, I just I just invested in
Speaker 1: another company, this Hemp drink company. That's perfect. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: send you some of that. I'm going to send you
Speaker 1: a couple of other things. I'll put together a nice
Speaker 1: care package as soon as I get home today. I
Speaker 1: have a refrigerator filled with cannabis in my gym from
Speaker 1: top to bottom for every kind of user. So I
Speaker 1: will go in there and personally figure it out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just make sure it's not it's not psychoact. No, I
Speaker 1: know what we're dealing with. Abby. Okay, well, because you
Speaker 1: also have three teenagers in this house who are like this.
Speaker 1: Yeah right, well, we'll put this in a special case
Speaker 1: in the bedroom and the big girl's bedroom. This was
Speaker 1: so delightful you guys. I love all three of you.
Speaker 1: What a great couple of what a great week we've had. Seriously,
Speaker 1: I just feel so honored you have been part of
Speaker 1: this week to week. It was big week. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was a very cathartic week for me, and it was transformative.
Speaker 1: I feel so much lighter after our time together, uh
Speaker 1: the other day and today again. Same. We love you,
Speaker 1: We love you. We will be in your corner forever.
Speaker 1: Me too. Likewise, also, we're going to be in your
Speaker 1: house soon. I am I inviting us over. Sorry, Okay, well,
Speaker 1: my house has been built right now, So you'd have
Speaker 1: to invite me to your house because my house is
Speaker 1: I'm in a rental and I'm not trying to show
Speaker 1: that off. Then come to our house. I will. I'll
Speaker 1: come over for sure. And so nice to meet you, Katherine,
Speaker 1: Thank you for having us, Thank you bye. If you'd
Speaker 1: like to ask Chelsea a question, email us at Dear
Speaker 1: Chelsea Project at gmail dot com