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Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea. I'm very excited today because we

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Speaker 1: have a special guest today on the show whose podcast

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Speaker 1: I did last week, which was which I was here

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Speaker 1: for Glennon Doyle's podcast We could do hard things with

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Speaker 1: Abbi wand Back and her sister Amanda, and my sister

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Speaker 1: actually just called as I said, sister, do you see

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Speaker 1: that I will ignore her. I did Glennon's podcast, which

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Speaker 1: was awesome and felt so good, so cathartic. It was

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Speaker 1: so cathartic. Yeah, I mean you really went there, you know,

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Speaker 1: you unloaded it all and talked about your growth and

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Speaker 1: and how where you're at right now, and I thought

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Speaker 1: that was so powerful. Well, thank you so much. It

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Speaker 1: felt really good. It's so nice to you know, have

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Speaker 1: the type of personality that I have in times like

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Speaker 1: this because I'm never shy about being real, you know,

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Speaker 1: like well over sharing. I love that. I mean that's

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Speaker 1: been like the theme of my entire you know, career

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Speaker 1: and life, like the two are so intertwined that it

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Speaker 1: feels so good to share with so many people because

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Speaker 1: you just really don't understand the impact that you can

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Speaker 1: have on like the messages and the d m s

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Speaker 1: and all of the stuff and the people you know

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Speaker 1: who get to hear that, and like, your pain is

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Speaker 1: never your own, you can always just like by letting

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Speaker 1: it out, you are healing yourself and healing others. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I was thinking about this sort of separately, but in

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Speaker 1: relation to you, I've been rewatching some Kardashians lightly, just

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Speaker 1: as my junk food TV. Why are you rewatching or

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Speaker 1: is there a new season there is? I like, I'm

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Speaker 1: rewatching it in order chronological, so I'm waiting to watch

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Speaker 1: the new season. But I was just like, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I just feel like I need to know what's going

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Speaker 1: on in the world. But one thing I really appreciate,

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Speaker 1: especially as someone who has a couple lot of immune

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Speaker 1: issues and these sorts of things, but it is really

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Speaker 1: nice to see someone else who seemingly have you know,

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Speaker 1: people who have these seemingly wonderful lives and they have

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Speaker 1: migraines or sosiasis or whatever the case may be, and

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Speaker 1: I just really appreciate them sharing things like their fertility

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Speaker 1: journeys and you know, health issues. Yeah, so Open has migraines, Chloe,

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Speaker 1: Chloe has migraines, and who had the fertility issues Kim

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Speaker 1: and I think Chloe, like I thought she was going

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Speaker 1: to have some fertility issues or maybe dead and then

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Speaker 1: naturally I didn't know that. Yeah, but Kim had all

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Speaker 1: kinds of issues with her first too, pregnancy, that first

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Speaker 1: baby that was not Yeah, I remember looking. I think

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Speaker 1: we flew somewhere on Ryan Seacrest playing at some point

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Speaker 1: and her ankles. I was like, oh, oh, oh, it

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Speaker 1: would look too painful what happened to her ankles? Just

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Speaker 1: but it's just nice to see that, Like other people

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Speaker 1: go through that and they're scared when they get diagnoses,

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Speaker 1: and you know, they work through them. And I don't

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Speaker 1: know if there's something really reassuring about hearing what somebody

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Speaker 1: else has gone through, just like you shared. And it's

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Speaker 1: also nice that that whole clan has each other, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like there's so many of them

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Speaker 1: with the mother and the five sister you know, every

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Speaker 1: day they have someone to lean on all the time. Yeah. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: And I mean there's just like this gaggle of kids

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Speaker 1: who are growing up in the limelight and they're going

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Speaker 1: to all have each other, which is kind of a

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Speaker 1: cool thing. Yeah. Yeah, So I am coming to Vancouver

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Speaker 1: two shows Friday, August twelve. I'm coming to Calgary auguste

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Speaker 1: and then again August. I am coming to Saratoga, California,

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Speaker 1: October one. October eight, I'm gonna be in Niagara Falls,

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Speaker 1: and then I'm coming to Long Beach, California, and Bakersfield

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Speaker 1: October October one and twenty two, Passa Robles, California, and

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Speaker 1: I will be in Vegas October two, Yeah, the Mirage,

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Speaker 1: and then October twenty nine Wheatland, California. And then I

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Speaker 1: have a whole bunch of other dates. Tampa, Fort Myers,

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Speaker 1: Daytona Beach, Florida, Hollywood, Baltimore, Maryland, Riverside, California, Pennsylvania, Wilkes Barry.

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Speaker 1: I finally learned how to say that after my fiftieth

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Speaker 1: trip there. Anyway, All those tickets and more are available

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Speaker 1: at Chelsea handler dot com. So our guest today is

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Speaker 1: Glenn and Doyle, Abbey Wambach and her sister Amanda. Amanda

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Speaker 1: doesn't have a last name, according to me, Hi, guys, Cissy,

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Speaker 1: are you nervous? This is our first podcast we've done together.

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Speaker 1: What yeah, like off of our own podcast. This is

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Speaker 1: our first ever experience like this. Oh my god, I'm

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Speaker 1: so I love to di virginize lesbians. I'm just happy

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Speaker 1: to be starting in the minor leagues, you know, for

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Speaker 1: my first I feel like it's important to get my

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Speaker 1: get my feet wet before I do like some real

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Speaker 1: big ones. Oh my god. Well, guys, I mean, we're

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Speaker 1: bonded for life forever, okay, because we had an incredible experience,

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Speaker 1: all of us together the other day when we did

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Speaker 1: we can do hard things, and we talked a lot

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Speaker 1: about my life and my personal experience, answers of late

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Speaker 1: and all of that fun stuff, which was super cathartic

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Speaker 1: and helpful. And the response from everyone is just always

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Speaker 1: blows me away. Sometimes I sit there, you know, I

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Speaker 1: was this morning. I had all this Mexican food left over,

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Speaker 1: and my housekeeper was making me some like delicious Mexican

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Speaker 1: breakfast situation. And I was just like scrolling through Instagram

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Speaker 1: and my d M s and I was just reading

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Speaker 1: and reading one woman after another after another, and you

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Speaker 1: just never, ever, you can never overestimate the impact being

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Speaker 1: honest and sharing has on other people. It's been magic

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Speaker 1: for us today. I mean, I'm I've had I've had

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Speaker 1: friends call me today crying. I can't. I've never heard

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Speaker 1: someone speak about love like that. I've never heard someone

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Speaker 1: talk about not abandoning them. Something magic happened during that hour.

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Speaker 1: For real. I actually texted your editor, who you're writing

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Speaker 1: your new book with, and I was like, I'm telling you,

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Speaker 1: something new is happening with this conversation that Chelsea's starting

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Speaker 1: right now. I can feel it. I can feel it.

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Speaker 1: Well you've been You've been incremental in having the conversation

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Speaker 1: as well as anyone familiar with Glennon's books and Glennon's

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Speaker 1: podcast and everything Glennon does as well, because you are

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Speaker 1: all about learning about yourself and opening yourself up. So

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Speaker 1: I thought today what we could talk about before we

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Speaker 1: give advice to strangers, which is my favorite thing in

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Speaker 1: the world. I wanted to know from all three of

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Speaker 1: you about your relationship together and what you find to

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Speaker 1: be the most valuable insight from you to sy see

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Speaker 1: about their relationship individually and together that you value in

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Speaker 1: each other, and what you've learned about yourself by being

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Speaker 1: in this kind of healthy relationship. So Abby, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: start with you. I want you to tell me what

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Speaker 1: is the most one of the most, because I'm sure

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Speaker 1: there it is endless what is one of the things

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Speaker 1: that you admire most about Glenned. I mean, this is tough,

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Speaker 1: and I don't mean this in like a Google Gaga way.

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Speaker 1: I just think that the way Glennan, the way she

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Speaker 1: approaches life in truth is something that I have, First

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Speaker 1: of all, I needed to learn when we first met.

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Speaker 1: I was like in the pro sports world where I

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Speaker 1: didn't let any of the outside world really know what

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Speaker 1: was going on with me personally. And when I first

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Speaker 1: talked to Glennon, you know, I had just gotten a

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Speaker 1: d u I and I was asking her if I

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Speaker 1: should put it in my book, and I was like

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Speaker 1: freaking out. I was like really having a hard time,

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Speaker 1: and she just shamelessly was like, just tell the truth.

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Speaker 1: The truth is where the normal people live and where

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Speaker 1: they where we want to have good connected conversations. And

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Speaker 1: so the way that Glennon lives in her truth and

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Speaker 1: her work ethic is something that that I'm marvel at.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm a naptaker and um, she isn't. I'm

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Speaker 1: a nap shamer. She's a nap shaker. Yeah. And then

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Speaker 1: I would say for a sister for Amanda Doyle, are

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Speaker 1: I mean, literally we're all doing life together. You are

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Speaker 1: the person in our life that just gets shit done.

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Speaker 1: And I know it comes at a personal cost to you.

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Speaker 1: It's stressful, it's hard. You you just are the best.

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Speaker 1: I feel like all three of us have like really

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Speaker 1: fabulous parts of a personality that make up one perfect

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Speaker 1: human being. Yeah, you know, like we we feel like

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Speaker 1: we're like body, mind, and spirit. But like it's like

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Speaker 1: body is Abbey, and mind is Sister and spirit is me.

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Speaker 1: So like on our own we're kind of lost, like

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Speaker 1: it's it's it's not good. Together we make one fully functioning.

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Speaker 1: But sister and I have been Amanda and I have

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Speaker 1: been inseparable since she was born three years after I

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Speaker 1: was born. I always I feel scared about those three years,

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Speaker 1: like what the hell was I going? Except for when

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Speaker 1: I was really bad, lost in addiction. She had to

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Speaker 1: put up some serious boundaries during that time. So when

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Speaker 1: Abby came into my life, it was really interesting because

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Speaker 1: when it's a boy, it's like all right, whatever, Like

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Speaker 1: there's nothing threatening there to a sisterhood, you know, but

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Speaker 1: bringing a woman into our life was like interesting to recalibrate,

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Speaker 1: like is this so she she's she part of our

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Speaker 1: sisterhood now is she the other sister wives? Sister? What?

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Speaker 1: And man, just like, do I have to have sex

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Speaker 1: with her too? What's going on? I was never on offer, Chelsea. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I remember that being a tricky time. Do you remember, sister,

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Speaker 1: because I feel like I just was. I never knew

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Speaker 1: if you were going to feel uncalibrated it during that time.

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Speaker 1: I always assumed and and all roads would lead to

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Speaker 1: that being the case. And I remember being completely shocked

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Speaker 1: that that was never a factor. There was never. I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's surprising because that's not my character. I'm jealous, I'm

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Speaker 1: jealous of everything, and I it just never was so,

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Speaker 1: I mean, for me, I was shocked by Abby. I'm

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Speaker 1: always shocked, but um, I was shocked because I never

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Speaker 1: knew that I could love someone like I love you, Glennon,

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Speaker 1: and I do. I love Abby that much and so

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Speaker 1: and Abby plays a very specific role in my life.

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Speaker 1: I was talking to my therapist the other day and

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Speaker 1: I'm very I made it into a therapy exactly for

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Speaker 1: the good reasons. I'm not usually the reasons people make

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Speaker 1: it into therapy. And I'm a hyper monitor, so I'm

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Speaker 1: always like looking for problems. I never I never rest

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Speaker 1: because I'm always just anticipating three steps ahead and figuring

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Speaker 1: out what the world and situation needs for me. And

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Speaker 1: my therapist was like, can you think of any time Well,

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Speaker 1: she meant like times, like wide swats of time, and

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Speaker 1: I was like no, She's like, can you think of

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Speaker 1: any particular moment where you haven't felt like that? And

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Speaker 1: I said yes. With my sister in law, when I'm

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Speaker 1: with Abby, she is this perfect blend of having things

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Speaker 1: under control, of knowing what's going on, but without being

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Speaker 1: manic or anxious about it. And so it's this secret

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Speaker 1: sauce of the only time that I can feel like, oh,

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Speaker 1: she's got it, and it's the only time I'm like RESTful. Ever, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that sounds like you guys are just I mean, it's

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Speaker 1: like your everybody is right where they belong. It does

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Speaker 1: feel that way, and and for me and I kind

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Speaker 1: of don't under and how we got along sister with

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Speaker 1: before Abby like she's such a delightful had so much

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Speaker 1: delight and lightness. Well, we got along, but we weren't

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Speaker 1: having fun. We were That's what it was. We were miserable.

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Speaker 1: Loved each other, but we were miserable, and we hated

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Speaker 1: our lives. Misery is our comfort zone. That's so funny

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Speaker 1: because that's what exactly when I referenced watching one of

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Speaker 1: your Instagram posts the other day, Abby of you, and

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Speaker 1: when Glennan was just like, I have my feelings suck.

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Speaker 1: Everything sucks. I suck. I've never been happy. I was like,

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Speaker 1: I thought that that very thing, Like, thank God for

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Speaker 1: the lightness of her filming this to take away, you know,

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Speaker 1: to lessen the blow of the seriousness of your feelings,

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Speaker 1: you know, and the despair, like her presence alone takes

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Speaker 1: brings a little bit more light to the situation. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we did a camera in your face. I'm like, can

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Speaker 1: you what could you be? Really? She's like, based, people

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Speaker 1: are going to believe this ship when I have to

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Speaker 1: listen to so can I just use this at least?

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Speaker 1: So great? It's like taking up a collection for herself.

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Speaker 1: Every time she posted something like that, she's got a

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Speaker 1: whole library, She's got an editor on her own. She's like,

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Speaker 1: can you get through this ship? Because I don't have time.

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Speaker 1: There's not a time in a day. But sister, what

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Speaker 1: do you what do you have you seen in your

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Speaker 1: sister that has blown you open? From her relationship with Abby,

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Speaker 1: just the audacity and the courage to go for it

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Speaker 1: continues to blow me away because she was in you know,

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Speaker 1: all of her little baby ducks were in a row,

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Speaker 1: and it was a little bit you know, they weren't

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Speaker 1: ideal ducks, but they were still quite in a row,

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Speaker 1: and she just went in and blew it all up.

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Speaker 1: Two on a hunch, by the way, on a hunch

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Speaker 1: that it would be better, like they weren't together. They weren't.

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Speaker 1: She just had had this experience of meeting Abby and

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Speaker 1: knowing that she couldn't go back to be in her

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Speaker 1: marriage that she knew was so much less than that.

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Speaker 1: And so sometimes, frankly, it scares me because I'm a

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Speaker 1: very logical thinker and not a feel feeler, And so

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Speaker 1: I think all the time, what are all of us

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Speaker 1: as I see them today, five years, six years later,

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Speaker 1: what is the thing that seems absurd that none of

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Speaker 1: us are doing, and how does that change the course

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Speaker 1: of our lives? Because it seems impossible that they would

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Speaker 1: not be who they are and living the life they

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Speaker 1: have now. But actually that was the least likely thing

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Speaker 1: he looked back six years ago. So I just admire

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Speaker 1: her courage and I admire her just presence and confidence

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Speaker 1: in herself to be like I understand this looks ridiculous

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Speaker 1: to everyone around me. It only matters that it doesn't

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Speaker 1: feel ridiculous to me. I think that is always in

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Speaker 1: the back of my mind. Yeah, we are going to

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Speaker 1: take a quick break so you can hear an ad

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Speaker 1: and then we'll be right back. Lennon, I've read and

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Speaker 1: spoken to you firsthand to hear about your experience meeting Abby,

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Speaker 1: but I've never had heard Abbey's version of it. Would

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Speaker 1: you mind sharing that with us? Sure? So we um.

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Speaker 1: I was releasing my first memoir, and I doubt that

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Speaker 1: I'm going to write a second month. So I was

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Speaker 1: releasing my memoir. I'm not like you people who like

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Speaker 1: to write books six number one New York Times bestsellers.

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Speaker 1: I know. That's how I introduced myself, you guys, I

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Speaker 1: would too. I ended up showing up late to this

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Speaker 1: gathering that we were supposed to go do this book

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Speaker 1: event to sell our books to the librarians of America,

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Speaker 1: and we were going to go on stage. You got

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Speaker 1: to say, you know a little speech about what your

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Speaker 1: books about. The librarians will buy up your books, and

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Speaker 1: I walked back stage age and I looked at the

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Speaker 1: roster of like other authors who were going to be there,

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Speaker 1: and I was struggling with alcoholism. I was like a

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Speaker 1: month sober at the time, and I saw that she

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Speaker 1: was a recovered alcoholic and I was like, oh, that's

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Speaker 1: super interesting. I want to talk to her. So when

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Speaker 1: I walked into the room, all I see is this

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Speaker 1: vision across the room just like standing up and like

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Speaker 1: stretching her arms out into a t And by the way,

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Speaker 1: this room is like really small. There was tables inside

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Speaker 1: people were eating, and so now this one person stands

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Speaker 1: up in the other side of the room and I'm like, well,

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Speaker 1: now this is super awkward. I have to go greet

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Speaker 1: this one person who's acknowledged me. Everybody else is just

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Speaker 1: kind of like eating, and so I have to like

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Speaker 1: scoot around the entirety of all of the other people

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Speaker 1: who are eating, all the other authors, and I we

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Speaker 1: hug and I was like, wow, like something was different

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00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:00,800
Speaker 1: for sure, Like my blood pressure went up. I got

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Speaker 1: like the little, you know, butterflies in my stomach, and

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Speaker 1: then I couldn't get over the fact that I wanted

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Speaker 1: to sit next to her the whole time, and I

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00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,880
Speaker 1: got seated next to this like children's book author, which

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Speaker 1: was like, he was great, but I was really wanted

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Speaker 1: to sit next to Glennon. And then when we found

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Speaker 1: ourselves up on stage, we ended up sitting right next

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Speaker 1: to each other and that was wonderful because I was

295
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Speaker 1: so nervous for some reason, I couldn't really figure it out.

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Speaker 1: And then that night I went home and I read

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Speaker 1: Love Warrior and I got to the end of Love

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Speaker 1: Warrior and I was like, what because we stayed together

299
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Speaker 1: at the end, How can this be? I like, I

300
00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:43,840
Speaker 1: shut the book. It was like two o'clock in the morning.

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Speaker 1: I was so pissed. I was like, oh my gosh.

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Speaker 1: And then two days later I got an email from Glennon.

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Speaker 1: I found her, I found her assistant. Well, her assistant

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00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:00,840
Speaker 1: came up to me at the little table in front

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Speaker 1: of the thousand librarians, leaned over with tears in her

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00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:05,640
Speaker 1: eyes and said, I don't know what's happening right now,

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Speaker 1: but I feel like Abby needs you in her life.

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Speaker 1: Like all these weirdass things happened that at I know

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00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:17,200
Speaker 1: everyone needs that. That's your sister working your magic for you.

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Speaker 1: You know, seither your sister or your wingman, like I

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Speaker 1: don't know. Apparently it's your assistant too. I hope my

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00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:30,280
Speaker 1: fucking assistance listening to this. Yeah, so I just like

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00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:34,080
Speaker 1: found her assistance email and sent an email that I

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Speaker 1: had written out for Abby, and I wrote it with

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00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:41,399
Speaker 1: like lots of spiritual wisdom about recovery and everything. But

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Speaker 1: I think it was like my I don't think I

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Speaker 1: for sure no, that it was my way of being like, Hi,

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Speaker 1: would you like to start something, but it was couched

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Speaker 1: in a lot of mentorship and friendship in the beginning, right, yes,

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Speaker 1: And I was like, yes, I want to be friends

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Speaker 1: with you, like, yes, I want to be mentored by

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Speaker 1: you immediately, that's right. In the matter of Glennan, did

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Speaker 1: you write did you acknowledge the book? Or you're the

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00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:17,200
Speaker 1: status of your situation because you were still with him,

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00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:20,679
Speaker 1: right were we were? Yeah? Absolutely no, it was just

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00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:24,760
Speaker 1: all about recovery. And I do know when we look

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00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:30,480
Speaker 1: back at the email, subtly the first sentences, I have

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00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:33,520
Speaker 1: never watched soccer before, maybe some guys games, but I'm

329
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:38,840
Speaker 1: really over men. Yeah, in the first paragraph, I was

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Speaker 1: like my lesbian Gaitar was like, it doesn't take a

331
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:49,280
Speaker 1: lot of gaydar right to say, she just I'm over men. Yeah,

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00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:54,240
Speaker 1: so subtle as usual, a little crack you can squeeze

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00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,960
Speaker 1: through there, yea yeah. And then we started emailing back

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00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,560
Speaker 1: and forth so much, just letters and letters, and oh,

335
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:02,600
Speaker 1: that's so much fun, isn't It's so much fun to

336
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:05,600
Speaker 1: be excited about an email and opening up an email

337
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:08,840
Speaker 1: when you're gonna have crushing on someone. It's like, it's

338
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:12,080
Speaker 1: the best zone in life. It's the best. Wake up

339
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:13,879
Speaker 1: the five in the morning to see if there's anything

340
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:17,880
Speaker 1: they're like, oh my god, before coffee even that's how

341
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,560
Speaker 1: you know. And then I don't know if you know this,

342
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:25,760
Speaker 1: but we didn't. We decided we were in love and

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00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:29,840
Speaker 1: told that to each other via email and like text messages. Right,

344
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:32,480
Speaker 1: So I told Craig that our marriage was over. We

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00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:36,680
Speaker 1: never we're together again. Besides that first evening when we

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00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:38,920
Speaker 1: were just in the same room with a bunch of librarians.

347
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:44,320
Speaker 1: We were never together again. She until after I broke

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Speaker 1: up my marriage, until I flew to you months and

349
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:51,959
Speaker 1: months later in l a And it was the night

350
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,800
Speaker 1: of the SPS and she but nobody knew. I had

351
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,880
Speaker 1: to wait back in a hotel room and she had

352
00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:58,719
Speaker 1: to go do her sp thing where she got her

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Speaker 1: and I got to watch her on the television. It

354
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,280
Speaker 1: was all very romantic, but I had never kissed a girl,

355
00:21:03,359 --> 00:21:06,959
Speaker 1: never touched a girl, never, and I had broken up

356
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,320
Speaker 1: this marriage and we were starting this thing, and I

357
00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:10,800
Speaker 1: had to go to a hotel room and be like,

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00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:12,360
Speaker 1: I guess we need to try this now. I hope

359
00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:16,439
Speaker 1: it works. Yes, so I guess last night was the

360
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:21,440
Speaker 1: anniversary of our first sex. Yes you've heard You've heard

361
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:24,520
Speaker 1: it here first on Chelsea Handler. We can call it

362
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,680
Speaker 1: of July. I mean it was like for the first

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00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,199
Speaker 1: ever real sex for me. I feel like it. I

364
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:33,280
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I see what the hubbub is about.

365
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:36,600
Speaker 1: I love I love that you officially became a lesbian

366
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:39,880
Speaker 1: on the night of the SPS. That perfect, I mean,

367
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:42,560
Speaker 1: is there anything more perfect? First of all, I have

368
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:44,960
Speaker 1: my hand is on my arm is standing out because

369
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,680
Speaker 1: it's such a beautiful story for all three of you

370
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,439
Speaker 1: and for your whole family and everything you've created together

371
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:54,560
Speaker 1: is just so heartwarming and beautiful, and and it really

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00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,240
Speaker 1: does is such a strong reminder to people that your

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00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:59,760
Speaker 1: person is out there, you know, and when you have

374
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:04,800
Speaker 1: feeling to not ignore that feeling. But people are always

375
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,360
Speaker 1: saying to me why I think it's so interesting? And

376
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:13,200
Speaker 1: I've been thinking about you NonStop, literally NonStop, But people

377
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 1: always ask me, would you have it's wonderful that you've

378
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:21,280
Speaker 1: left you're good enough and found your person because that

379
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:25,639
Speaker 1: was a courgeous didn't it was? But would you have

380
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:30,000
Speaker 1: done that if there were no abbey? Would you have

381
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:33,240
Speaker 1: You're good enough if there was not something else to

382
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:38,280
Speaker 1: jump to? Because for certain I had that knowing right

383
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,680
Speaker 1: that this isn't this can't be all there is, that

384
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,280
Speaker 1: that I was made for something different than this, and

385
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,480
Speaker 1: I don't think it's always better. It's not like I

386
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:47,919
Speaker 1: don't think of settling as like I'm a turn and

387
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:51,240
Speaker 1: he'sn't for and so I'm not going to settle. Settling

388
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,840
Speaker 1: is like I know this isn't exactly right for me,

389
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:57,280
Speaker 1: and I'm doing it anyway because I'm more afraid of

390
00:22:57,320 --> 00:23:01,680
Speaker 1: being alone than i am of being with the wrong

391
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,680
Speaker 1: person right. So anyway, I think it's a new thing

392
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:10,160
Speaker 1: to expect the more want, the more want the right,

393
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:14,880
Speaker 1: and leave the what's not it even when there's nothing

394
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:21,240
Speaker 1: else to jump to. That's the most brave, amazing thing

395
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:27,200
Speaker 1: and That's what I keep thinking about with you this week, right, right,

396
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,680
Speaker 1: and I think that you would have done the same

397
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:32,920
Speaker 1: thing without abby, even though there's always you know, sometimes

398
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:35,680
Speaker 1: we need a catalyst. And that's what that's what energy is,

399
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:38,080
Speaker 1: and that's what magnetism is, you know, that's why the

400
00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:40,120
Speaker 1: things happen. That's why you can be in the middle

401
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,920
Speaker 1: of an airport in New Delhi and walk into a

402
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:45,119
Speaker 1: bathroom and and somebody's walking out of a stall in

403
00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:47,359
Speaker 1: the same exact moment that you went to high school

404
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:49,920
Speaker 1: with and you bumped right into them. It's like, that's

405
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:52,880
Speaker 1: a magnetic thing that is supposed to happen, because there's

406
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,320
Speaker 1: too many people in this world for that coincidence to

407
00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 1: happen on its own, you know what I mean. There's

408
00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:01,360
Speaker 1: like a charge of electricity that we're all surrounded by.

409
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:03,760
Speaker 1: And you know, the less in touch you are with that,

410
00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:05,399
Speaker 1: you know, the less in touch you are with that.

411
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:07,960
Speaker 1: But when you realize, like, oh, keep your eyes open,

412
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,720
Speaker 1: you know, looking at look, make sure you're always looking,

413
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,399
Speaker 1: because you don't know what you're supposed to see, you know,

414
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:16,120
Speaker 1: and when you're supposed to see it. And accidents are

415
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,919
Speaker 1: just not accidents, you know. I mean some of them are.

416
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:20,880
Speaker 1: I don't believe everything happens for a reason. And when

417
00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:22,920
Speaker 1: people say that, I'm like that that's a little bit much.

418
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:25,400
Speaker 1: But a lot of things happen for a lot of things.

419
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:31,359
Speaker 1: The reason great title for a to check and make

420
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:33,320
Speaker 1: sure that for a reason to check and make sure

421
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:35,919
Speaker 1: that one's not taken. Okay, but I'm not gonna let

422
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:37,359
Speaker 1: you off the Hooklen And you have to tell me

423
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:43,440
Speaker 1: what you what an Abbey brings you the most joy? Joy? Sure,

424
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:47,760
Speaker 1: I mean my life. Sometimes when I walk into a

425
00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:50,880
Speaker 1: place I just told you this recently and Abbey has

426
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:55,400
Speaker 1: has not been able to come to the thing, I

427
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:59,600
Speaker 1: feel like such a disappointment. I feel like the whole

428
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:03,439
Speaker 1: rooms like looking behind me and it's like, oh hi,

429
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 1: Like she's the joy and she you know, the last

430
00:25:09,359 --> 00:25:12,840
Speaker 1: night we were sitting at our our family at our

431
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:16,800
Speaker 1: dinner table, and there was this moment, sister, I told

432
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:19,560
Speaker 1: you about this this morning where Abby just started she

433
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:21,879
Speaker 1: looked at our youngest and she started asking her like

434
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:25,520
Speaker 1: really pointed questions and it was about like drinking and

435
00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:27,399
Speaker 1: like all the all these things. And I was like, Okay,

436
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:31,680
Speaker 1: this is uncomfortable and weird, and we shouldn't be talking

437
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,720
Speaker 1: about this just all my like out of my comfort zone.

438
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:39,480
Speaker 1: We ended up having a two hour conversation where all

439
00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:41,560
Speaker 1: three of these kids opened up in ways that they

440
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:43,960
Speaker 1: have never I mean, it was it was like a

441
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:48,200
Speaker 1: family shifting conversation. Would you agree. She just has a

442
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:51,760
Speaker 1: way of making every single person she's talking to, whether

443
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:55,520
Speaker 1: they're ten years old, eighty years old, whatever, feel completely seen,

444
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:58,920
Speaker 1: completely safe, and because of that, people open up to her.

445
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:02,399
Speaker 1: And as that, you just it's like I never knew

446
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:06,119
Speaker 1: people before they sit down with her, and so because

447
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:08,920
Speaker 1: of that, every experience is better for for for even

448
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,160
Speaker 1: just people that are watching or hanging out right, it's

449
00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:14,199
Speaker 1: like and then I don't know, she's just like you

450
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:16,720
Speaker 1: know how they have those soda streamer things where you

451
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:18,960
Speaker 1: just like put the bubbles in. She's just like the

452
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:22,960
Speaker 1: putting the bubbles in. Like I'm just always like the whoa, whoa.

453
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:27,040
Speaker 1: That's still true. That's not true. I actually I have

454
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:28,920
Speaker 1: to push back a little bit because we talked about

455
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 1: this on our walk the other day. After our conversation

456
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:34,600
Speaker 1: with Chelsea about her housekeeper sitting her her staff sitting

457
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:37,200
Speaker 1: here down and saying like you're our person, that made

458
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:39,680
Speaker 1: me cry. It made us We've talked, we've been, we've

459
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:41,720
Speaker 1: been non stopped talking about it because I was like,

460
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:44,040
Speaker 1: that's how I feel. I feel like everybody loves you

461
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:49,080
Speaker 1: more and and everybody only loves me because of us.

462
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 1: You're the solar system that our little world's revolve within.

463
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:58,359
Speaker 1: And the same with Chelsea. Yeah, that's what she said

464
00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:00,600
Speaker 1: on the walk. That's that's the way it is. I

465
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:02,959
Speaker 1: love that I can totally relate to what you're saying, Glennon.

466
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:06,160
Speaker 1: I mean, but yeah, exactly. Everyone is their own well

467
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,600
Speaker 1: we're all our own little galaxies. That's just the way

468
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,080
Speaker 1: it is. But you know, when we can team up

469
00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:13,520
Speaker 1: with another galaxy and work off of each other, like

470
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:16,000
Speaker 1: Abby you said the other day, like a Venn diagram,

471
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 1: that is where the magic comes in. Then it becomes

472
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 1: a magical experience, not just a one on one. And

473
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:24,120
Speaker 1: I think you know that gift that you have, Abby,

474
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:28,080
Speaker 1: of letting people be seen and heard. It's just so

475
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:31,960
Speaker 1: heartwarming to even hear about that because so many people

476
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:34,640
Speaker 1: don't feel that way. They don't feel seen and as

477
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:38,080
Speaker 1: children especially you know, and they don't feel heard. And

478
00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:41,400
Speaker 1: it's amazing what you can discover about the people who've

479
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:45,040
Speaker 1: been in your lives forever when somebody else has a

480
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:50,879
Speaker 1: different line of questioning, Yes, yes, exactly exactly that. Well,

481
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:53,760
Speaker 1: on that note, Captaine, what do you have to say

482
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:57,080
Speaker 1: for yourself? Oh my goodness, well I haven't. We have

483
00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:01,399
Speaker 1: callers today, tell us what we're in for so many

484
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:05,120
Speaker 1: different things. A lot of these questions are well they're

485
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:07,280
Speaker 1: all in each of your whalehouses, but a lot of

486
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:11,240
Speaker 1: them have really specific things that apply to you, know,

487
00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:13,119
Speaker 1: the things each of you have written about. And so

488
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:17,360
Speaker 1: I'm very excited to get some awesome we love collars.

489
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:20,000
Speaker 1: We'll take a quick break and we'll be right back

490
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,119
Speaker 1: with collars. Okay, we're all going to take a virtual

491
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:32,240
Speaker 1: bath and we're back. I can't believe you two snuck

492
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:35,080
Speaker 1: into Los Angeles and didn't let me know. What funk

493
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 1: is that about? When did you move that for a year.

494
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:43,000
Speaker 1: We'll talk about that in another pandemic move That sounds

495
00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:48,640
Speaker 1: like a slight. You've been in love. I know, I know,

496
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 1: you know it's like time consuming. Love is kind of

497
00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:54,760
Speaker 1: a big deal. I know it is. It's a very time,

498
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:58,040
Speaker 1: a lot of free time. Now, so hit me up,

499
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:04,200
Speaker 1: perfect now, enter perfect, Well, our first question comes from Alex.

500
00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:07,520
Speaker 1: Alex says, do we get married or save the money?

501
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:10,600
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, my name is Alex. I'm a gay man

502
00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:14,000
Speaker 1: living in western Pennsylvania. Please stop introducing yourself as gay men.

503
00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:16,720
Speaker 1: There are no straight men writing into this show. Okay,

504
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:20,920
Speaker 1: now one needs to say you're gay. My favorite is

505
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 1: when people will be like, I'm a male or I'm

506
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:24,880
Speaker 1: a female. Like we can just say like guyer gal,

507
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:27,920
Speaker 1: that's I doesn't have to be so medical. I'm twenty

508
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:30,280
Speaker 1: nine years old and work as a real estate agent.

509
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 1: I've been with my partner, Johnny for almost seven years.

510
00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:37,120
Speaker 1: He's kind, patient, and truly my best friend. Almost four

511
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 1: years ago, I proposed to Johnny while on a cruise.

512
00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:42,560
Speaker 1: I was planning on a nice dinner and an elaborate

513
00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:44,960
Speaker 1: show of affection, but I was so excited that as

514
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:46,680
Speaker 1: soon as we got on the ship, I took him

515
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:49,560
Speaker 1: to the bow, got on one knee, and he said yes.

516
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:53,040
Speaker 1: Johnny and I live in a beautiful lake community and

517
00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 1: are very fortunate to have purchased our home before the

518
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:58,840
Speaker 1: market went crazy. Needless to say, buying a simple home

519
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:02,479
Speaker 1: was extremely excited for us. We've delayed planning a wedding

520
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:05,720
Speaker 1: for some time. We love slowly putting money into our

521
00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:08,880
Speaker 1: home and enjoying life. We're also not picturing a traditional

522
00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:12,240
Speaker 1: wedding growing up. We were both raised in Christian households,

523
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:14,760
Speaker 1: so never in our wildest dreams did we think that

524
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:16,760
Speaker 1: we could be able to get married and live out

525
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:19,720
Speaker 1: and proud as we are. We both feel it's silly

526
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:22,240
Speaker 1: to spend thousands of dollars on one day and don't

527
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 1: have the means to commit that much money. We both

528
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:28,440
Speaker 1: feel that a non traditional, fun wedding is what we want. Anyway,

529
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:31,479
Speaker 1: We continuously toss around the idea of a destination wedding,

530
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:33,920
Speaker 1: but are afraid that it would put a financial stress

531
00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:37,280
Speaker 1: on our families and friends. They're continuously asking us when

532
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:39,960
Speaker 1: we're getting married and wonder why we're delaying a good

533
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:43,160
Speaker 1: thing when clearly we want to be together forever. Should

534
00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:45,360
Speaker 1: we have a destination wedding with family and friends in

535
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:48,640
Speaker 1: Mexico despite some not being able to attend, or should

536
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:51,040
Speaker 1: we continue to invest money into our home, delay the

537
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:53,760
Speaker 1: wedding and hopefully get a return on our investment. All

538
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:57,440
Speaker 1: the best, Alex, this is a serious financial question. Yeah,

539
00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:02,040
Speaker 1: I love it, you take it go abby, I mean,

540
00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:06,120
Speaker 1: get married in your backyard, have all your guests, bring

541
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:10,880
Speaker 1: some food that ship, like you'll be done and done,

542
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 1: like it'll be beautiful. Like the thing about for me,

543
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:18,840
Speaker 1: I've had two weddings now, and I did the destination

544
00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:22,000
Speaker 1: wedding first go around, flew my whole family out there.

545
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:26,240
Speaker 1: It was a big hullabaloo for fucking nothing. What a

546
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:31,240
Speaker 1: waste of money. And then you know, we just like

547
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:35,680
Speaker 1: we just completely did it totally differently. And I don't know,

548
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:39,040
Speaker 1: I I think of our marriage now like we we

549
00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:41,720
Speaker 1: talked about it. It's like this is second marriage ship,

550
00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:44,960
Speaker 1: Like we have learned stuff that we're bringing into the

551
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:49,000
Speaker 1: second marriage. And the wedding is about the love. It's

552
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:52,960
Speaker 1: not about where you're doing it. It's not about and

553
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:58,480
Speaker 1: they love their how they love home twelve times home, backyard,

554
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:01,720
Speaker 1: pot look, backyard out look. And then when you're making

555
00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:04,000
Speaker 1: the list, this is what we did. Okay, we wrote

556
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:07,040
Speaker 1: down we had like everybody we love for something, everybody

557
00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:09,440
Speaker 1: we love, and there was like hundred and fifty people

558
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:11,440
Speaker 1: on it. And then we were like, okay, no, now

559
00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:13,360
Speaker 1: we got to take it to everybody we love and like.

560
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:16,760
Speaker 1: And then there was like forty people on it, and

561
00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 1: as the one of them was, we both had to

562
00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:22,560
Speaker 1: know everybody, yes that came. We didn't want any strangers there,

563
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:24,680
Speaker 1: and that took it down quite a bit. Yeah, and

564
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:27,760
Speaker 1: then it was everybody we like, love and trust and

565
00:32:27,800 --> 00:32:30,040
Speaker 1: we ended up having twenty people and it was twenty

566
00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:32,600
Speaker 1: people and it was the freaking best and there was

567
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 1: no stress and there was not a million bazillion details.

568
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:39,760
Speaker 1: And sister, remember when you came and how calm we

569
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:42,600
Speaker 1: actually were. It was eerie. It was so weird. And

570
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:45,360
Speaker 1: this was what they said. I was freaking out because

571
00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:48,760
Speaker 1: nothing was done. It was it was nothing. They were like,

572
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:51,280
Speaker 1: we're all getting together just for like a beach weekend,

573
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:54,120
Speaker 1: and it was spirit and body, all right, we had

574
00:32:54,440 --> 00:33:00,200
Speaker 1: mind had not that applied to the template. And she

575
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:04,600
Speaker 1: and Glenna just said, you know what, we've decided it's

576
00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:08,320
Speaker 1: not going to be perfect, so we can be happy.

577
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:12,080
Speaker 1: We are going to be happy so it will be perfect.

578
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:19,000
Speaker 1: And wow, that is a great way, because nothing's ever

579
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:21,120
Speaker 1: going to be perfect. And if you're waiting, if your

580
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:24,760
Speaker 1: happiness is contingent on it being perfect, you will always

581
00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:27,360
Speaker 1: be very, very sad. But if you just decide that

582
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:32,000
Speaker 1: you're happy and therefore it will be perfect. That's that's

583
00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:33,800
Speaker 1: a nice way to do it. I'm going to write

584
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:37,000
Speaker 1: that down from my book. Write it down for from

585
00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:42,280
Speaker 1: from from something's happened for a reason. That can be

586
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:47,320
Speaker 1: your apeth. I would like to one of what these

587
00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:51,240
Speaker 1: girls all said and say, have this. Have a blowout

588
00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:54,479
Speaker 1: in your backyard, Have a great, big, fun, casual affair

589
00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:57,560
Speaker 1: in your backyard, just like these two had as many

590
00:33:57,600 --> 00:33:59,200
Speaker 1: people as you want. You can have twenty, you can

591
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:01,320
Speaker 1: have six or whatever you guys are down with. You

592
00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:03,400
Speaker 1: want to celebrate with your whole family and invite a

593
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:06,440
Speaker 1: hundred people, go for it, and then take that Mexico

594
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:09,200
Speaker 1: trip just the two of you as your honeymoon. Just

595
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:13,440
Speaker 1: go away together and and then celebrate your love alone together.

596
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:16,120
Speaker 1: That is where love should be celebrated. You're not on

597
00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:19,080
Speaker 1: parade for everybody. You don't have to have a big

598
00:34:19,120 --> 00:34:21,880
Speaker 1: show of a wedding. I think everyone who goes to

599
00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 1: a wedding appreciates so much more the genuine vibe of

600
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:29,440
Speaker 1: two people and being happy for them. You know that

601
00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:32,160
Speaker 1: no one likes a formal I mean, some people like

602
00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:34,880
Speaker 1: a formal affair, but these guys don't sound like they do.

603
00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:38,480
Speaker 1: And I don't think anybody here that is. You don't

604
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:42,640
Speaker 1: want to be a presentation, you want to be a celebration. Uh,

605
00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:48,439
Speaker 1: let me write that, souf. We're just like writing Charlse book.

606
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:52,080
Speaker 1: We're gonna be at chapter two by the next question.

607
00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:57,520
Speaker 1: This is great, but at home you can be absolutely yourself.

608
00:34:57,560 --> 00:34:59,920
Speaker 1: You can make it so much more about who the

609
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:02,520
Speaker 1: two of you are, rather than you know, the same

610
00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:05,400
Speaker 1: chair as everybody used for their last wedding at some location,

611
00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:07,440
Speaker 1: the same flower as the last person had. Does it

612
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:13,080
Speaker 1: make it exactly you? You could just pick one thing

613
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:17,920
Speaker 1: that you and Johnny love about the wedding generally, like

614
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:20,839
Speaker 1: what's your one thing, and then just do that like

615
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:24,960
Speaker 1: for our I also had two weddings, and I very

616
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:29,800
Speaker 1: much recommend that people have two weddings because the second

617
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:33,080
Speaker 1: one you get to just everyone says, like, what you're

618
00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:35,560
Speaker 1: not inviting You're inviting one uncle and not the other uncle,

619
00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 1: and you just get to say, oh, it's a second wedding,

620
00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:41,279
Speaker 1: and everyone's like, oh, I guess, I guess you could

621
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:44,880
Speaker 1: do whatever. But my favorite thing about weddings is the

622
00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:47,920
Speaker 1: night before the rehearsal dinner and the toasts and so

623
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 1: we just said, our whole wedding is going to be

624
00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:53,319
Speaker 1: that we're just doing the actual wedding night. We're doing

625
00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:57,719
Speaker 1: whoever wants to give a toast does it. And it

626
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:00,319
Speaker 1: was so special because that was my favorite part of

627
00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:04,320
Speaker 1: anybody's wedding, except when sister you got up and spoke

628
00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:08,040
Speaker 1: first at our wedding, and you did so good that

629
00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:11,359
Speaker 1: everybody else was so scared to stand up after. My

630
00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:15,440
Speaker 1: family was like, Nope, not me, not going to follow

631
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:21,719
Speaker 1: that ship. Most beautiful wedding toast I've ever heard. I

632
00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:25,440
Speaker 1: would love to hear that. That sounds great. You can

633
00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:28,719
Speaker 1: put it in your book. Chelsea actually sending me a

634
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:31,319
Speaker 1: link so I can add that to my book. Just

635
00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:33,759
Speaker 1: a lot of things happen for a reason. Also, I

636
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:35,399
Speaker 1: guess our advice is for both of you to get

637
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:38,960
Speaker 1: married once before and then do this. Make sure that

638
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:47,280
Speaker 1: that is an addendum. Well. Our next question comes from Katie.

639
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:50,520
Speaker 1: Katie says, Dear Chelsea, I tend to want to get

640
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:53,040
Speaker 1: intimate with a man after three to four great dates

641
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:55,840
Speaker 1: and then end up getting ghosted. If I feel a

642
00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:58,440
Speaker 1: connection with a guy, it's utter bs that I can't

643
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:01,480
Speaker 1: explore that intimacy without looking like a slut. After a

644
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:04,520
Speaker 1: few great dates, I end up feeling tricked and also

645
00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:07,640
Speaker 1: disappointed in my own self destruction the one to two

646
00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:10,400
Speaker 1: times a year I actually like a guy. I'm on

647
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:13,000
Speaker 1: a year sabbatical from alcohol, and one of my goals

648
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:15,200
Speaker 1: this year was to not sleep with guys so early.

649
00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:18,759
Speaker 1: But recently, I did get more intimate after the third

650
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:20,839
Speaker 1: date with a guy I was really excited about and

651
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:23,359
Speaker 1: he had seemed excited about me. I'd love to hear

652
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:26,480
Speaker 1: your advice and thoughts on this topic as a fellow

653
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:29,440
Speaker 1: openly sexual woman. It may just be that I need

654
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:31,880
Speaker 1: to learn to control myself more and hold out longer

655
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:34,200
Speaker 1: to see if a guy wants to stick around. But

656
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:36,920
Speaker 1: sex is important to me and the double standard drives

657
00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:40,320
Speaker 1: me insane. For context, I'm a thirty year old single

658
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:43,120
Speaker 1: woman who's never been in a relationship. I date a lot,

659
00:37:43,200 --> 00:37:46,839
Speaker 1: but feel this self destruction I caused myself around date three,

660
00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:49,719
Speaker 1: four five is likely why I've never had a relationship.

661
00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:52,080
Speaker 1: This most recent guy, I think might be the final

662
00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:55,440
Speaker 1: straw to break the cycle. I'm sad about what almost was,

663
00:37:55,719 --> 00:37:58,840
Speaker 1: disappointed myself for feeding into desires in the moment and

664
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:01,680
Speaker 1: looking like someone I'm not two men who might have

665
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:07,160
Speaker 1: wanted a relationship with me otherwise. Thoughts Katie, M Hi Katie,

666
00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:10,600
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Katie. Oh this is a real life

667
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:15,759
Speaker 1: She's like Deil. We have so many people for her

668
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:19,280
Speaker 1: to talk to you today. I'm so excited. So Glennon

669
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:23,000
Speaker 1: and Abby and Amanda say hello to Katie. There are

670
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:26,680
Speaker 1: guests today. And Catherine you've spoken to so nice to

671
00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:32,080
Speaker 1: see your pretty smiling face. Thank you. Okay, So this

672
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:35,719
Speaker 1: is a perfect question for all of us, I think

673
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:41,680
Speaker 1: except Abby. So I mean, listen, I understand you're being

674
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:44,439
Speaker 1: sober for a year, Like I think that's probably you.

675
00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:46,680
Speaker 1: You know that you knew yourself well enough that that

676
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:49,360
Speaker 1: needs to happen. I don't have a lot of judgment

677
00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:52,879
Speaker 1: about sexual behavior. I think there's probably behavior that's coming

678
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:56,319
Speaker 1: along with that sexual behavior that's coupled together that you

679
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:59,800
Speaker 1: might not be aware of. That's kind of sabotaging whatever

680
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:01,799
Speaker 1: you're trying to accomplish, which it sounds like you really

681
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:05,879
Speaker 1: want a loving relationship, right, so let's talk about that,

682
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:08,480
Speaker 1: like what happens around date three or four for you?

683
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:12,640
Speaker 1: I truly, this is what I'm struggling with understanding. Is

684
00:39:12,719 --> 00:39:15,040
Speaker 1: I seem to have a trend of being love bombed

685
00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:19,040
Speaker 1: and then ghosted, just like future talk. Let's I'd love

686
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:22,440
Speaker 1: to help you move furniture, Let's get coffee, and then

687
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:25,360
Speaker 1: it's a full ghost. So I I've played around with

688
00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:28,160
Speaker 1: the idea of like, maybe I'm attracted to narcissists that

689
00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:31,600
Speaker 1: are very good at tricking me, But I'm also aware

690
00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 1: of that the constant in these is me. So this

691
00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:36,840
Speaker 1: year I've been trying to turn the mirror on myself

692
00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:39,600
Speaker 1: and figure it out. So I don't know if that

693
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:42,000
Speaker 1: answers your question. Well, no, I think well, in part

694
00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:44,040
Speaker 1: it does because good for you, because that it does

695
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:47,799
Speaker 1: sound like a type of person. What's the book Attachment? Yeah,

696
00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:50,879
Speaker 1: attached Actually just thought that I haven't read it yet. Yeah,

697
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:54,360
Speaker 1: that that's all about avoidance, anxious, you know, attracting the

698
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:56,920
Speaker 1: same kind of person, and and you have to just

699
00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:58,799
Speaker 1: disrupt the pattern, you know what I mean, you have

700
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:01,080
Speaker 1: to disrupt that pattern be because that's that is a

701
00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:03,920
Speaker 1: youth thing. Yeah, the love bombing is a narcissistic thing.

702
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:05,960
Speaker 1: People love bomb, blah blah blah, bomb and then pull

703
00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:10,160
Speaker 1: away and withhold right, So I mean when you're looking inward,

704
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:12,320
Speaker 1: you sound like you're already on the right track to

705
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:15,120
Speaker 1: figuring this out for yourself. It's just going to take.

706
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:18,320
Speaker 1: In my experience, you really have to take the weight

707
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:22,239
Speaker 1: off of dating somebody and that early on, like you

708
00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 1: have to take the weight off of yourself to try

709
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:26,719
Speaker 1: to make this and predict the future and make it

710
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 1: something permanent, because really that is what that beginning nascent

711
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:34,400
Speaker 1: period is about, is about falling in love, flirting, and

712
00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:37,520
Speaker 1: getting to know who a person really is. And sometimes

713
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:39,600
Speaker 1: that doesn't come to the four right away, you know,

714
00:40:39,719 --> 00:40:41,680
Speaker 1: sometimes that could happen six months down the road. You

715
00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:43,120
Speaker 1: think you know somebody and then all of a sudden

716
00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:45,839
Speaker 1: you're like, wait, what's going on here? So I mean,

717
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:47,920
Speaker 1: I feel like you're already on your way to doing

718
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:50,520
Speaker 1: the work, and I don't want you to tie your

719
00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:54,920
Speaker 1: identity up with being valued by some guy that you

720
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:57,600
Speaker 1: barely know. Like who gives a ship If somebody doesn't

721
00:40:57,640 --> 00:40:59,839
Speaker 1: call you back after three or four days his law?

722
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:03,880
Speaker 1: Now next, what's up next? You know? Yeah, what do

723
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:06,800
Speaker 1: you girls think, Katie? Do you have a religious background

724
00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:09,120
Speaker 1: or something that? I mean, I grew up Jewish, but

725
00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:12,719
Speaker 1: that's more cultural than religious, because there just seems to

726
00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:15,560
Speaker 1: be so much like inner. You seem to be so

727
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 1: judgmental of yourself about giving you're about having sex at all.

728
00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:25,759
Speaker 1: Is that something you feel? No, I think it's that.

729
00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:27,839
Speaker 1: I mean, Chelsea's right. I've done a lot of work

730
00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:30,320
Speaker 1: this year, and I'm really proud of who I've become,

731
00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:34,160
Speaker 1: and it's still just not working out. You know, I

732
00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:37,000
Speaker 1: do know, I do know what sobriety been like for you.

733
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:40,120
Speaker 1: This the first year is often fresh hell so well.

734
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:41,920
Speaker 1: And so here's what I'll say. I don't think I

735
00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:45,600
Speaker 1: had a drinking problem. I wanted to re establish my relationships,

736
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:47,560
Speaker 1: so I've kind of been drinking like a pregnant lady.

737
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:50,600
Speaker 1: I have SIPs here and there. I'm mostly sober. I

738
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:53,000
Speaker 1: still smoke, I still do mushrooms, but I just and

739
00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:55,680
Speaker 1: I have re established my relationship, but I just kind

740
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:58,200
Speaker 1: of want to finish up the year. And dating sober

741
00:41:58,239 --> 00:42:01,160
Speaker 1: has been awesome, like telling guy, I'll get drinks with you,

742
00:42:01,239 --> 00:42:03,800
Speaker 1: but you know I'm gonna get a mocktail and watching

743
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:05,960
Speaker 1: guys be like let's go for a hike or let's

744
00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:09,399
Speaker 1: go to the park, or really just seeing that has

745
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:11,840
Speaker 1: been great. So I may continue to not do drinks

746
00:42:11,880 --> 00:42:14,759
Speaker 1: as the first date to really spend that sober time

747
00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:18,000
Speaker 1: with someone. But I guess I'm just reeling back from

748
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:21,479
Speaker 1: like partying, drinking, or happy hour three days a week,

749
00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:25,560
Speaker 1: all of that stuff that's cultural in our society. It

750
00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:27,839
Speaker 1: sounds like you're maturing a little bit. And the way

751
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:30,279
Speaker 1: that I am hearing it is it's got to be

752
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:34,160
Speaker 1: a change in the perspective of not just like who

753
00:42:34,239 --> 00:42:37,680
Speaker 1: you're attracted to, but what about them? Like what about

754
00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:41,560
Speaker 1: that attraction? What is that saying about me? What am

755
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:46,440
Speaker 1: I needing in this person? Who? Over time, I know

756
00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:49,920
Speaker 1: that this keeps happening, they keep love bombing and then

757
00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:54,400
Speaker 1: ghosting me. Maybe like date somebody that is totally opposite

758
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 1: of what you've normally dated before. Maybe go down that

759
00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:04,680
Speaker 1: route like a woman hadn't. I'll never say never. I've

760
00:43:04,719 --> 00:43:08,399
Speaker 1: thought about it so much and I just don't think yet.

761
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:14,200
Speaker 1: But you know what, who knows? Yeah, seriously, who does know? Nobody? Never?

762
00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:17,319
Speaker 1: No money. But I also want to say what you

763
00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:20,320
Speaker 1: said was, it's not happening. You're making all these changes

764
00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:22,720
Speaker 1: and you're expecting to see the results of those changes.

765
00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:25,719
Speaker 1: That is a number one that doesn't happen when you

766
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:28,319
Speaker 1: want it to. Happen. The results of your efforts and

767
00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:30,600
Speaker 1: the work that you put into yourself doesn't show up

768
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:33,600
Speaker 1: at the end of that work. It shows up way later,

769
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:36,879
Speaker 1: and it phases and in phases and then again later,

770
00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:40,799
Speaker 1: and you're like, oh, Ship, you're constantly relearning what you've

771
00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:43,680
Speaker 1: already learned, and then you have to apply it to

772
00:43:43,760 --> 00:43:47,560
Speaker 1: your life over and over again, and then by repetition,

773
00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:51,600
Speaker 1: your life becomes different. That's right. And I also just

774
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:55,319
Speaker 1: feel like it's so sad that there's just culturally so

775
00:43:55,520 --> 00:44:03,000
Speaker 1: pervasive this idea that there's an change of value in sexuality.

776
00:44:03,040 --> 00:44:05,239
Speaker 1: Like what what I hear you saying, Katie, is what

777
00:44:05,360 --> 00:44:08,320
Speaker 1: I want. What's a value to me is a meaningful

778
00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:12,040
Speaker 1: relationship where someone continues to show up with a real connection,

779
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:15,240
Speaker 1: and what I presume to be a value to them

780
00:44:15,880 --> 00:44:20,399
Speaker 1: is sex. Because after they've retrieved that value from me,

781
00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:24,960
Speaker 1: they go away. And so there's a real reason that

782
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:28,400
Speaker 1: you feel that way, because our world is built around

783
00:44:28,440 --> 00:44:31,680
Speaker 1: the idea that women's value is in their sexuality, and

784
00:44:31,719 --> 00:44:36,279
Speaker 1: therefore they lose value, they lose their virginity, they you know.

785
00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:39,799
Speaker 1: So I just think, if it's possible to really think

786
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:43,560
Speaker 1: about that for a second and like, think about what

787
00:44:43,719 --> 00:44:46,359
Speaker 1: if that wasn't your value? What if you just took

788
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:48,560
Speaker 1: the currency of sex out and say, when I want

789
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:52,160
Speaker 1: sex and when I want pleasure, I'm going to get that.

790
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:56,640
Speaker 1: That is a separate thing from this relationship structure where

791
00:44:56,680 --> 00:44:59,840
Speaker 1: I am going what I want over there is someone

792
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:03,600
Speaker 1: for a real connection, and those things can parallel track.

793
00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:08,160
Speaker 1: But it isn't that your currency is beyond your sexuality.

794
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:11,480
Speaker 1: And I think by cultivating and bringing to the forefront,

795
00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:15,719
Speaker 1: realizing what really believing in your currency being your brain

796
00:45:15,800 --> 00:45:19,480
Speaker 1: and your spirit and what you're doing with yourself, then

797
00:45:19,520 --> 00:45:22,360
Speaker 1: that value will come to the forefront and you what

798
00:45:22,520 --> 00:45:25,160
Speaker 1: will be attracted to you is the people who value

799
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:28,279
Speaker 1: that currency. But go ahead and get some over here,

800
00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:33,560
Speaker 1: if that's what you're looking Very doom man, sister, a man,

801
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:38,719
Speaker 1: great sucking advice. Yes, Chelsea, did you get that? Oh?

802
00:45:38,760 --> 00:45:41,959
Speaker 1: My got it? Got it? Are you kidding me? First?

803
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:44,719
Speaker 1: Of I mean, that is so well said and just

804
00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:48,160
Speaker 1: so poignant because it's so true. It's like, of course,

805
00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:50,640
Speaker 1: don't deprive yourself of sex like I'm so I'm so

806
00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:53,879
Speaker 1: sick of that too, you know, and judging ourselves like no,

807
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:57,440
Speaker 1: we can't judge yourself Chase. Yeah, you want to get

808
00:45:58,200 --> 00:46:03,319
Speaker 1: two months. Yeah, I don't need eight dates. I want

809
00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:06,440
Speaker 1: to feel your penis and feel if it feels good.

810
00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:10,719
Speaker 1: That pretend to pretend like I'm not gonna have sex

811
00:46:10,719 --> 00:46:12,680
Speaker 1: with you, so you can, oh, now we're gonna have sex.

812
00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:14,640
Speaker 1: Done with that, Just go get what you are. And

813
00:46:14,640 --> 00:46:16,960
Speaker 1: I'm thirty years old. We've gone to dinner three times,

814
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:19,399
Speaker 1: We've done fun things, we enjoy each other. Let's see

815
00:46:19,440 --> 00:46:21,640
Speaker 1: if this Because sometimes you have sex and you're like,

816
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:25,600
Speaker 1: oh god, no exactly. That's why that's why it's important

817
00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:26,880
Speaker 1: to get it out of the way right away, to

818
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:29,680
Speaker 1: see if there's anything else to talk about. You know,

819
00:46:30,440 --> 00:46:33,000
Speaker 1: like I always like to have sex immediately because if

820
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:35,120
Speaker 1: your penis doesn't work with my Pikachu, then we don't

821
00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:37,840
Speaker 1: have anything to say anyway. You know, if you're into

822
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:40,160
Speaker 1: some six ship, I want to know about that too.

823
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:41,719
Speaker 1: You know, I don't want to find out later that

824
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:43,640
Speaker 1: like you're gonna expecting me to put a ball gag

825
00:46:43,640 --> 00:46:45,440
Speaker 1: in my mouth or some ship, Like I'm not down.

826
00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:48,480
Speaker 1: I'm not down with that. So it's important, you know,

827
00:46:48,520 --> 00:46:49,960
Speaker 1: for a lot of reasons, but I think for your

828
00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:53,359
Speaker 1: own sexual health, like you know, and psychologically. I think

829
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:55,200
Speaker 1: what she said is so right on for you, Like

830
00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:57,160
Speaker 1: you need to go out there and empower yourself and

831
00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:59,640
Speaker 1: know that that's not attached to your value at all.

832
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:01,839
Speaker 1: And the guy that is going to be the guy

833
00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:03,239
Speaker 1: for you isn't going to give a ship whether or

834
00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:04,640
Speaker 1: not you have sex with him on the first date

835
00:47:04,719 --> 00:47:08,000
Speaker 1: or the third date. Yeah, yeah, that's right. And also,

836
00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 1: is anyone worried about Katie was worried about you? Just

837
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:17,279
Speaker 1: like full of joy and transparency and presence and your

838
00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:20,560
Speaker 1: precious as the day is long, and so just worry,

839
00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:22,520
Speaker 1: just do A sister said, I think she said have

840
00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:26,200
Speaker 1: sex and then don't worry about it. You said basically

841
00:47:27,239 --> 00:47:32,040
Speaker 1: that you could be on your date and then you

842
00:47:32,040 --> 00:47:34,200
Speaker 1: could go meet somebody for sex after your date. You

843
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:36,839
Speaker 1: can have a whole choice of activities lined up. Yes,

844
00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:41,400
Speaker 1: sounds great to me if it helps at all. My

845
00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:43,960
Speaker 1: husband was a first date and here we are sixteen

846
00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:49,879
Speaker 1: years later. H yeah, there we go. Love that. I mean, technically,

847
00:47:50,000 --> 00:47:53,080
Speaker 1: so we're abby and glenned that first time they were

848
00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:56,479
Speaker 1: ever together after they met. I feel like that's also

849
00:47:56,520 --> 00:47:58,600
Speaker 1: a trend. I know like ten people who have said

850
00:47:58,600 --> 00:48:00,399
Speaker 1: I slept with my husband on the first date, so

851
00:48:00,680 --> 00:48:02,719
Speaker 1: maybe I should just be sleeping on the first date

852
00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:06,120
Speaker 1: instead of the third. You just throw out any rules

853
00:48:06,160 --> 00:48:07,920
Speaker 1: around any of it, you know what I mean? Just

854
00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:10,759
Speaker 1: throw out rules and paaradigms like and just do what

855
00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:13,439
Speaker 1: you feel you should be doing in the moment. You're

856
00:48:13,640 --> 00:48:16,400
Speaker 1: clear headed right now. You know you have a clarity

857
00:48:16,440 --> 00:48:19,359
Speaker 1: of mine. Use it, use your instinct. You know when

858
00:48:19,400 --> 00:48:21,719
Speaker 1: to do something and when not to do something. You know,

859
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:24,879
Speaker 1: So just trust yourself a little bit more and you're

860
00:48:24,880 --> 00:48:28,920
Speaker 1: going to be fine. Katie, Thank you, I appreciate it.

861
00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:35,480
Speaker 1: Thanks for keep us Hie, Katie Bye. She's so cute.

862
00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:37,120
Speaker 1: She's like, who the funk are Glenn and Abbey in

863
00:48:37,160 --> 00:48:42,200
Speaker 1: a man's I can have my money back just talking

864
00:48:42,239 --> 00:48:47,800
Speaker 1: to Chelsea. Charge people? Oh my god, that's a great

865
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:54,759
Speaker 1: revenue stream. Why do we charge callers? Who needs ads? Yeah?

866
00:48:54,840 --> 00:48:57,040
Speaker 1: I don't need to read anywhere ads for fucking better help.

867
00:48:57,120 --> 00:49:00,399
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start charging callers. That's that's that's the phone.

868
00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:06,520
Speaker 1: That's the way to put my best foot forward. Well,

869
00:49:06,600 --> 00:49:10,000
Speaker 1: our next call is from A and Brad. Do we

870
00:49:10,080 --> 00:49:13,160
Speaker 1: have a on the line? She came back, Yep, I'm

871
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:16,280
Speaker 1: ready to go. Okay, great. It was having some technical

872
00:49:16,320 --> 00:49:20,480
Speaker 1: difficulties and Brad over here was texting me and he said, oh,

873
00:49:20,560 --> 00:49:22,840
Speaker 1: she dropped off. I said, well, yeah, she's having issues.

874
00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:28,480
Speaker 1: He goes, isn't that why they're all writing in almost

875
00:49:28,520 --> 00:49:31,759
Speaker 1: lost it? Good job, Brad. You know what, before we

876
00:49:31,800 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 1: get to this call, let's take a really quick break

877
00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:41,600
Speaker 1: and we'll be right back with Glennon, Abbey, Amanda, and Chelsea.

878
00:49:42,360 --> 00:49:46,319
Speaker 1: Well A says dear Chelsea, I'm fearful about moving back

879
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:48,800
Speaker 1: to my home city, somewhere I really want to live,

880
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:51,120
Speaker 1: because it means I will almost certainly have to face

881
00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:54,080
Speaker 1: someone who have been successfully able to avoid for almost

882
00:49:54,080 --> 00:49:57,120
Speaker 1: twenty years, someone who used to abuse me as a child.

883
00:49:58,239 --> 00:50:00,560
Speaker 1: I am in therapy for this, and I still have

884
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:02,400
Speaker 1: a lot of work to do. My day to day

885
00:50:02,520 --> 00:50:05,399
Speaker 1: is not significantly impacted by the terrible things they did

886
00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:08,640
Speaker 1: to me. That being said, I'm feeling very anxious about

887
00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:10,759
Speaker 1: the possibility of seeing them when I move home, and

888
00:50:10,800 --> 00:50:13,239
Speaker 1: it's tainting my excitement about being back in a city

889
00:50:13,280 --> 00:50:16,120
Speaker 1: I really want to live in again. This person is

890
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:18,720
Speaker 1: in my extended family, and I've never told a single

891
00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:23,000
Speaker 1: other family member, only close friends and my therapist about

892
00:50:23,040 --> 00:50:25,800
Speaker 1: what they did to me. I'm anticipating having to navigate

893
00:50:25,840 --> 00:50:28,480
Speaker 1: more holidays and other family get togethers with this person

894
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:31,719
Speaker 1: because we'll be so geographically close after decades of not

895
00:50:31,760 --> 00:50:35,000
Speaker 1: seeing them. My family is very small, and I'm afraid

896
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:37,880
Speaker 1: it would completely sever the family. There are people close

897
00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:40,960
Speaker 1: to my abuser who I do care for. I feel

898
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:44,120
Speaker 1: so torn well. One side of me finally wants to

899
00:50:44,120 --> 00:50:45,719
Speaker 1: come out with all of it. The other side of

900
00:50:45,760 --> 00:50:48,600
Speaker 1: me wants to just try to continue to avoid situations

901
00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:50,719
Speaker 1: where this person will be, even if it makes me

902
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:53,759
Speaker 1: look like a bad family member. I have also considered

903
00:50:53,760 --> 00:50:56,279
Speaker 1: writing my abuser and email telling them that if we're

904
00:50:56,280 --> 00:50:57,960
Speaker 1: ever in a situation where we have to be in

905
00:50:57,960 --> 00:51:00,400
Speaker 1: the same place in the future, to not talk to

906
00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:03,160
Speaker 1: me or engage with me. Am I just keeping the

907
00:51:03,160 --> 00:51:06,360
Speaker 1: peace for everyone else's protection and comfort. How would you

908
00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:08,760
Speaker 1: come out with news like this? And if I decided

909
00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:10,719
Speaker 1: to keep this to myself for a bit longer, how

910
00:51:10,719 --> 00:51:13,840
Speaker 1: would you go about gracefully avoiding family situations where this

911
00:51:13,880 --> 00:51:17,280
Speaker 1: person will be in attendance, especially during holidays like Christmas,

912
00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:20,160
Speaker 1: where I can't really blame it on work. If I

913
00:51:20,200 --> 00:51:22,400
Speaker 1: eventually get stuck having to attend to function where this

914
00:51:22,440 --> 00:51:27,360
Speaker 1: person will be would you confront them? Sincerely? A oh god,

915
00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:33,160
Speaker 1: Hi A Hi, Hi, Hi everyone, Hi to meet you all.

916
00:51:33,200 --> 00:51:35,960
Speaker 1: This is amazing. I know it's a huge support group

917
00:51:36,080 --> 00:51:40,520
Speaker 1: for you. Yeah, so many people. Thank you for having me. Well,

918
00:51:40,560 --> 00:51:44,600
Speaker 1: thank you, thanks for calling in. I'm delighted that you did. Okay,

919
00:51:44,640 --> 00:51:51,600
Speaker 1: so let's talk what uh we're talking about sexual abuse? Yeah? Yeah, okay, girls, Glada,

920
00:51:51,719 --> 00:51:53,799
Speaker 1: I know you have a little bit of experience with

921
00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:57,560
Speaker 1: this discussing. Yeah, do you want to take the lead

922
00:51:57,600 --> 00:52:01,360
Speaker 1: on this and I'll follow up? Oh, if you're comfortable

923
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:03,160
Speaker 1: with that. One of the things I thought of right

924
00:52:03,200 --> 00:52:06,799
Speaker 1: away was, first of all, A, I'm so sorry. I

925
00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:11,200
Speaker 1: think that one of the possible reasons that you're feeling

926
00:52:11,239 --> 00:52:14,360
Speaker 1: so much fear and anxiety is because, of course, this

927
00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:17,120
Speaker 1: is taking you right back to being a kid and

928
00:52:17,200 --> 00:52:21,920
Speaker 1: not having any way to protect yourself, right, and so

929
00:52:22,040 --> 00:52:25,319
Speaker 1: that is not what's happening right now. Okay, So you're

930
00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:30,920
Speaker 1: returning as an adult. Okay, so you are going to

931
00:52:30,960 --> 00:52:34,279
Speaker 1: be able to protect yourself. You do get to do

932
00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:37,360
Speaker 1: things that nobody did for you as a kid, and

933
00:52:37,440 --> 00:52:39,960
Speaker 1: you do get to use your voice, and you do

934
00:52:40,040 --> 00:52:43,960
Speaker 1: get to make yourself safe, and one of the ways,

935
00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:47,040
Speaker 1: there's there's several ways that you could do that, right,

936
00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:50,160
Speaker 1: there's there's no way that you're going to not be safe.

937
00:52:50,960 --> 00:52:53,200
Speaker 1: We have to figure out you have to figure out

938
00:52:53,239 --> 00:52:57,000
Speaker 1: how to re enter this situation in a way where

939
00:52:57,040 --> 00:53:00,560
Speaker 1: you have built what your little self did not have, right,

940
00:53:01,840 --> 00:53:05,359
Speaker 1: But I think there are many different ways. One thing

941
00:53:05,400 --> 00:53:07,960
Speaker 1: to know is that when there is a sexual abuser

942
00:53:08,000 --> 00:53:12,000
Speaker 1: in a family, there's usually not only one victim mhmm.

943
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:17,520
Speaker 1: Every time somebody is certain that they are the only

944
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:21,719
Speaker 1: victim in a family, it very rarely is. Okay. So

945
00:53:21,760 --> 00:53:24,239
Speaker 1: when you say, if I tell the truth, it will

946
00:53:24,280 --> 00:53:26,319
Speaker 1: sever my family, what you need to know is that

947
00:53:26,400 --> 00:53:31,200
Speaker 1: your family is already severed. Okay, your family, that's not

948
00:53:31,320 --> 00:53:35,040
Speaker 1: You're not protecting a whole, healthy family right now. You're

949
00:53:35,040 --> 00:53:39,600
Speaker 1: protecting a family where you have been severed. M hm.

950
00:53:40,400 --> 00:53:45,280
Speaker 1: So if you do decide to bring the one part

951
00:53:45,640 --> 00:53:49,920
Speaker 1: of life that protects us, which is truth, to this situation,

952
00:53:51,400 --> 00:53:55,920
Speaker 1: you very well might be saving somebody else in your

953
00:53:55,960 --> 00:53:59,319
Speaker 1: family who then gets to come forward and say me too,

954
00:53:59,360 --> 00:54:03,239
Speaker 1: and me too. And this is how this works mm hmm. So,

955
00:54:04,880 --> 00:54:09,160
Speaker 1: when you think about taking the ideal future scenario for

956
00:54:09,239 --> 00:54:13,719
Speaker 1: this extremely less than ideal situation. What does that look

957
00:54:13,760 --> 00:54:18,000
Speaker 1: like if if you weren't afraid of anything of any

958
00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:22,040
Speaker 1: consequence of any buddy's feelings, if anybody, what would it

959
00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:24,439
Speaker 1: look like to step back into this and have your

960
00:54:24,480 --> 00:54:29,520
Speaker 1: ideal outcome? It would? I think it would be kind

961
00:54:29,520 --> 00:54:34,160
Speaker 1: of a combination of things. Both a confrontation where I

962
00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:38,000
Speaker 1: feel like I'm the person with the power and in control.

963
00:54:40,120 --> 00:54:44,160
Speaker 1: Also telling a few family members, maybe not everyone in

964
00:54:44,200 --> 00:54:47,200
Speaker 1: the family, but a few who are particularly close to me.

965
00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:53,040
Speaker 1: And then I don't know, some sort of maybe a

966
00:54:53,080 --> 00:54:57,160
Speaker 1: strange that sounds forgiveness in the sense that I just

967
00:54:57,239 --> 00:55:01,160
Speaker 1: want to let it all go and feels may feel

968
00:55:01,200 --> 00:55:05,960
Speaker 1: best for me, But not until confrontation and some truth.

969
00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:11,240
Speaker 1: Because there's a process right forgiveness. It can't happen until

970
00:55:11,239 --> 00:55:15,560
Speaker 1: we've re established the boundary that was crossed. Right, we

971
00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:19,520
Speaker 1: cannot feel forgiveness at all. It doesn't come because forgiveness

972
00:55:19,520 --> 00:55:23,720
Speaker 1: comes with safety. You will never ever feel forgiveness until

973
00:55:23,800 --> 00:55:26,840
Speaker 1: you have safety, done what you need to do to

974
00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:31,399
Speaker 1: make yourself safe. Mm hmm. Are there people? Is there

975
00:55:31,440 --> 00:55:35,080
Speaker 1: someone in your family that you would start with? Probably

976
00:55:35,080 --> 00:55:40,200
Speaker 1: my siblings, even my brother, my one brother doesn't know,

977
00:55:40,800 --> 00:55:44,000
Speaker 1: and then probably my parents. But then it just seems like,

978
00:55:44,239 --> 00:55:47,279
Speaker 1: get there. I couldn't tell my parents without them having

979
00:55:47,320 --> 00:55:51,480
Speaker 1: to tell some other people. It just seems like a

980
00:55:51,560 --> 00:55:56,040
Speaker 1: never ending sort of trickle down stream situation, which is

981
00:55:56,080 --> 00:56:01,480
Speaker 1: not your responsibility. Just the fact that you would be

982
00:56:01,719 --> 00:56:07,920
Speaker 1: starting that drop of water does not make you responsible

983
00:56:09,000 --> 00:56:12,560
Speaker 1: for the waterfall that happens. The person that's responsible for

984
00:56:12,640 --> 00:56:16,840
Speaker 1: that is the person that hurt you. All of the

985
00:56:16,960 --> 00:56:20,480
Speaker 1: things that are impacting you. I think you said, I

986
00:56:20,560 --> 00:56:22,399
Speaker 1: just want to let it all go, and I think

987
00:56:22,400 --> 00:56:27,040
Speaker 1: it's important to just take a moment and identify and

988
00:56:27,440 --> 00:56:30,600
Speaker 1: moren all that you have had to carry because of this.

989
00:56:31,320 --> 00:56:36,560
Speaker 1: You're a person who was hurt so much so early,

990
00:56:37,239 --> 00:56:40,200
Speaker 1: could not tell your parents, could not tell your siblings.

991
00:56:40,600 --> 00:56:44,480
Speaker 1: You were carrying that burden and that secret as a kid,

992
00:56:45,239 --> 00:56:49,920
Speaker 1: and you undoubtedly brought it into other relationships. Undoubtedly that's

993
00:56:50,040 --> 00:56:52,719
Speaker 1: an integral part of why you're not living in the

994
00:56:52,760 --> 00:56:55,280
Speaker 1: place that where you want to live right now, because

995
00:56:55,360 --> 00:56:58,080
Speaker 1: you alone are carrying the burden of someone else's actions.

996
00:56:58,800 --> 00:57:01,799
Speaker 1: Everybody else is acting the way they always have. They

997
00:57:01,840 --> 00:57:04,640
Speaker 1: gave it to you to carry, and now you have it,

998
00:57:04,719 --> 00:57:08,040
Speaker 1: and that is just deeply, deeply unfair, and you changing

999
00:57:08,040 --> 00:57:10,920
Speaker 1: the status quo is not you causing a problem for

1000
00:57:10,960 --> 00:57:13,799
Speaker 1: that family. That family has already has a major problem,

1001
00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:15,719
Speaker 1: and you're just the only one who's been carrying it.

1002
00:57:17,000 --> 00:57:20,880
Speaker 1: H And that's just I don't have a solution for it.

1003
00:57:21,120 --> 00:57:25,400
Speaker 1: But it is deeply, deeply tragic that you have carried

1004
00:57:25,440 --> 00:57:28,280
Speaker 1: that and that you still view this as your problem

1005
00:57:28,320 --> 00:57:31,800
Speaker 1: that you have to solve when it was never your problem.

1006
00:57:31,800 --> 00:57:35,560
Speaker 1: It was somebody else's the whole time. And I also think, like, hey,

1007
00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:39,120
Speaker 1: this is your story, and you give him power by

1008
00:57:39,240 --> 00:57:42,840
Speaker 1: withholding it. You're giving that person the power and the

1009
00:57:42,880 --> 00:57:46,160
Speaker 1: protection by withholding your story. You're not trying to blow

1010
00:57:46,200 --> 00:57:48,680
Speaker 1: your family up. But this is your truth, and you

1011
00:57:48,720 --> 00:57:51,120
Speaker 1: can't be responsible for what happens when you share your

1012
00:57:51,160 --> 00:57:54,600
Speaker 1: truth because the family members that love you and know

1013
00:57:54,800 --> 00:57:57,040
Speaker 1: you are going to be with you and are going

1014
00:57:57,120 --> 00:58:00,880
Speaker 1: to be horrified by what happened. Hopeful you know that

1015
00:58:00,920 --> 00:58:04,320
Speaker 1: would be the normal reaction. And I think that you're

1016
00:58:04,400 --> 00:58:07,480
Speaker 1: suffering by not telling the closest people to you at

1017
00:58:07,480 --> 00:58:11,520
Speaker 1: the very least. But you definitely don't owe this whole family,

1018
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:15,760
Speaker 1: and you know, relative in community anything but the truth.

1019
00:58:16,280 --> 00:58:20,160
Speaker 1: This is your truth. You are suffering by yourself. You know. Yes,

1020
00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:22,160
Speaker 1: you've told some friends, and I'm sure you've been to

1021
00:58:22,240 --> 00:58:26,000
Speaker 1: therapy at some point, right right, Okay, good, that's great.

1022
00:58:26,600 --> 00:58:29,960
Speaker 1: But you're only protecting him. You know you're protecting him.

1023
00:58:30,160 --> 00:58:34,600
Speaker 1: I mean, you're gonna have a huge catharsis by even

1024
00:58:34,640 --> 00:58:38,160
Speaker 1: sharing this with your brothers or your sisters or your siblings.

1025
00:58:38,200 --> 00:58:40,480
Speaker 1: That's gonna be maybe might be even enough. You'll never

1026
00:58:40,520 --> 00:58:42,320
Speaker 1: know until you do it, but you should do that.

1027
00:58:42,400 --> 00:58:44,960
Speaker 1: At the very minimum. Talk to your brothers and sisters.

1028
00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:47,040
Speaker 1: You have close relationships with them. You can trust them.

1029
00:58:47,280 --> 00:58:49,600
Speaker 1: They will be there for you. And if you if

1030
00:58:49,600 --> 00:58:51,480
Speaker 1: you guys all decide together that it's too much for

1031
00:58:51,520 --> 00:58:54,479
Speaker 1: your parents or whatever, fine, but I bet you it's

1032
00:58:54,480 --> 00:58:57,320
Speaker 1: probably not. You know what I mean. It's if this

1033
00:58:57,400 --> 00:58:59,960
Speaker 1: is your story, this is not for you to suffer alone.

1034
00:59:00,360 --> 00:59:02,680
Speaker 1: That's not fair. Because somebody did something to you that

1035
00:59:02,720 --> 00:59:05,520
Speaker 1: you carry it with you and protect him. That's the

1036
00:59:05,600 --> 00:59:08,760
Speaker 1: dynamic of what's happening, you know, and you have every

1037
00:59:08,840 --> 00:59:10,480
Speaker 1: right to not want to be in the presence of

1038
00:59:10,560 --> 00:59:12,680
Speaker 1: him ever again. Why should you ever have to face

1039
00:59:12,720 --> 00:59:15,840
Speaker 1: that person when he violated you? You shouldn't and your

1040
00:59:15,840 --> 00:59:19,400
Speaker 1: family should know that. That's how I feel. You're not

1041
00:59:19,440 --> 00:59:23,520
Speaker 1: a burden. You aren't a burden. And I think so

1042
00:59:23,640 --> 00:59:29,080
Speaker 1: much of what we try to protect our family from

1043
00:59:29,200 --> 00:59:32,120
Speaker 1: we feel like it's a protection mechanism for them, but

1044
00:59:32,240 --> 00:59:35,280
Speaker 1: really it's a blockage of connection. And I think that

1045
00:59:35,360 --> 00:59:39,480
Speaker 1: your family would prefer to know you fully truly. They

1046
00:59:39,520 --> 00:59:44,680
Speaker 1: know something families know. We all think, we all think

1047
00:59:44,760 --> 00:59:49,080
Speaker 1: that it's the truth will destroy our family, but it's

1048
00:59:49,200 --> 00:59:54,880
Speaker 1: always the secrets that destroy families because trauma, these stories,

1049
00:59:54,920 --> 00:59:57,680
Speaker 1: they're passed down generation to generation, even when they're not

1050
00:59:57,880 --> 01:00:03,200
Speaker 1: spoken right. Secrets families affect everybody. We all we know

1051
01:00:03,360 --> 01:00:06,240
Speaker 1: something's up, we know something's up, and then the truth

1052
01:00:06,320 --> 01:00:09,360
Speaker 1: is revealed and suddenly things make sense. It might hurt,

1053
01:00:09,920 --> 01:00:13,120
Speaker 1: but things make sense and we are more connected. I mean,

1054
01:00:13,560 --> 01:00:15,200
Speaker 1: my friend Liz said to me at one point when

1055
01:00:15,200 --> 01:00:16,959
Speaker 1: I was deciding whether or not to tell the truth

1056
01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:18,760
Speaker 1: to my family that was going to blow everything up.

1057
01:00:18,800 --> 01:00:22,200
Speaker 1: She said, every truth you tell is a kindness, even

1058
01:00:22,240 --> 01:00:25,920
Speaker 1: if it makes other people uncomfortable, and every truth you

1059
01:00:25,960 --> 01:00:31,040
Speaker 1: don't tell is an unkindness, even if it keeps everybody comfortable. Right,

1060
01:00:31,080 --> 01:00:34,960
Speaker 1: because the truth moves everybody forward, even when it upsets

1061
01:00:34,960 --> 01:00:38,880
Speaker 1: everybody first. But also, ay, you don't owe anybody the

1062
01:00:38,920 --> 01:00:42,440
Speaker 1: truth either. You don't owe anybody a goddamn thing. The

1063
01:00:42,480 --> 01:00:45,800
Speaker 1: only thing that you owe is to yourself and your

1064
01:00:45,840 --> 01:00:49,040
Speaker 1: safety and your health. And if you decide that not

1065
01:00:49,200 --> 01:00:51,800
Speaker 1: sharing this is what is going to keep you safe

1066
01:00:51,840 --> 01:00:54,280
Speaker 1: and healthy, and you know that is the truth. You

1067
01:00:54,320 --> 01:00:58,040
Speaker 1: don't owe anybody a goddamn thing. Like you are supposed

1068
01:00:58,080 --> 01:01:00,919
Speaker 1: to take care of you. And so if you think

1069
01:01:00,960 --> 01:01:02,520
Speaker 1: your family at the end of the day is not

1070
01:01:02,600 --> 01:01:05,160
Speaker 1: trustworthy of this is going to weaponize this against you,

1071
01:01:05,560 --> 01:01:08,680
Speaker 1: is going to gaslight and confuse things. You don't owe

1072
01:01:08,720 --> 01:01:12,400
Speaker 1: them that either, Like you just have to know that

1073
01:01:12,520 --> 01:01:15,439
Speaker 1: you are doing what you need to do and you're

1074
01:01:15,520 --> 01:01:18,600
Speaker 1: not paying the price by staying away from that town

1075
01:01:18,600 --> 01:01:20,920
Speaker 1: where you want to live in order to keep everybody

1076
01:01:20,960 --> 01:01:24,840
Speaker 1: they're comfortable. Yeah, those are all great points. I think

1077
01:01:24,840 --> 01:01:28,320
Speaker 1: I need to reflect a little bit more because I

1078
01:01:28,320 --> 01:01:31,720
Speaker 1: do see this, this fork of decisions, and I'm still

1079
01:01:31,720 --> 01:01:35,440
Speaker 1: stuck at the base of which feels right to me,

1080
01:01:36,040 --> 01:01:40,120
Speaker 1: whether it is coming out with everything and potentially losing

1081
01:01:40,320 --> 01:01:42,720
Speaker 1: even some people close to him that I that I

1082
01:01:42,760 --> 01:01:45,280
Speaker 1: do like and care for. They probably wouldn't stay in

1083
01:01:45,320 --> 01:01:48,440
Speaker 1: my life either, or, like you were saying, keeping it

1084
01:01:48,480 --> 01:01:53,200
Speaker 1: to myself because it feels safer for me. I'm still

1085
01:01:54,280 --> 01:01:56,120
Speaker 1: I'm still stuck at that base of the fork, and

1086
01:01:56,160 --> 01:01:57,920
Speaker 1: I think I just need to keep reflecting on what

1087
01:01:58,040 --> 01:02:01,520
Speaker 1: feels best. Yeah, I know you told me on our

1088
01:02:01,520 --> 01:02:04,400
Speaker 1: pre interview that the move is is set in place,

1089
01:02:04,520 --> 01:02:06,840
Speaker 1: and I think it's happening in a few weeks. So

1090
01:02:07,120 --> 01:02:10,560
Speaker 1: I would just say, don't put yourself in any positions

1091
01:02:10,640 --> 01:02:13,280
Speaker 1: to make any decisions or have to have those conversations

1092
01:02:13,360 --> 01:02:15,960
Speaker 1: until you're ready, even if you're in town, even if

1093
01:02:15,960 --> 01:02:18,600
Speaker 1: everybody wants to have a big party for you, you know,

1094
01:02:18,960 --> 01:02:21,600
Speaker 1: take the time that you need and let me ask

1095
01:02:21,600 --> 01:02:23,680
Speaker 1: you one more question, a do you what does it

1096
01:02:23,720 --> 01:02:25,920
Speaker 1: look like to you? Like when you think about revealing

1097
01:02:25,920 --> 01:02:28,360
Speaker 1: this to your family members, Like, what does that look

1098
01:02:28,400 --> 01:02:30,280
Speaker 1: like to you? Does that scare the ship out of you?

1099
01:02:30,760 --> 01:02:34,400
Speaker 1: Does that feel like it does? Yeah? Yeah, I mean

1100
01:02:34,520 --> 01:02:39,560
Speaker 1: not so much my siblings, but my parents absolutely, and

1101
01:02:39,600 --> 01:02:42,320
Speaker 1: then ultimately some of the other family members that would

1102
01:02:42,360 --> 01:02:45,760
Speaker 1: need to know. Yeah, it's it's I don't even know

1103
01:02:45,960 --> 01:02:48,600
Speaker 1: where to start except for with my siblings, and I

1104
01:02:48,640 --> 01:02:52,320
Speaker 1: guess it is maybe one step at a time. Definitely,

1105
01:02:52,360 --> 01:02:54,840
Speaker 1: one step at a time. That's definitely how you have

1106
01:02:54,920 --> 01:02:57,520
Speaker 1: to test the waters, you know, because I know that

1107
01:02:57,520 --> 01:03:00,080
Speaker 1: if my sister was going through something like this that

1108
01:03:00,160 --> 01:03:03,200
Speaker 1: did it tell me, I would be devastated, you know,

1109
01:03:03,640 --> 01:03:07,360
Speaker 1: I would be so upset. So I know if you

1110
01:03:07,400 --> 01:03:09,920
Speaker 1: have a close relationship with your siblings like that is

1111
01:03:09,960 --> 01:03:13,400
Speaker 1: the place to start. And to remember what Glennan said.

1112
01:03:13,440 --> 01:03:16,480
Speaker 1: You know, you're probably not the only victim in this scenario,

1113
01:03:16,680 --> 01:03:20,760
Speaker 1: and that's something to consider. Also, what do you all

1114
01:03:20,800 --> 01:03:26,040
Speaker 1: think about confronting him? I mean, I'll go first. Who

1115
01:03:26,040 --> 01:03:28,120
Speaker 1: cares about him? You know what I mean? I care

1116
01:03:28,120 --> 01:03:30,560
Speaker 1: about you. You're gonna say all the things that you

1117
01:03:30,600 --> 01:03:33,400
Speaker 1: wanted to say, like you're talking to a doormat. In

1118
01:03:33,440 --> 01:03:36,480
Speaker 1: my opinion, he doesn't even deserve your time. I care

1119
01:03:36,520 --> 01:03:39,400
Speaker 1: more about how you're gonna walk through this feeling secure

1120
01:03:39,440 --> 01:03:41,560
Speaker 1: and safe at every family gathering that you go to.

1121
01:03:42,280 --> 01:03:45,800
Speaker 1: And a confrontation while you know, we can all fantasize

1122
01:03:45,800 --> 01:03:47,480
Speaker 1: about the thing we're gonna say, and da da da,

1123
01:03:47,520 --> 01:03:50,760
Speaker 1: You're not going to change somebody. You know, You're not

1124
01:03:50,800 --> 01:03:54,400
Speaker 1: gonna change him or make him see the light. I mean,

1125
01:03:54,440 --> 01:03:56,640
Speaker 1: who knows he's probably he could be scared shitless that

1126
01:03:56,680 --> 01:03:59,240
Speaker 1: you're moving back. You know, he might be like, oh

1127
01:03:59,280 --> 01:04:02,680
Speaker 1: fun funk fun. But like confronting him, if it's therapeutic

1128
01:04:02,760 --> 01:04:04,560
Speaker 1: for you, like how do you feel about that? What

1129
01:04:04,640 --> 01:04:06,520
Speaker 1: do you what do you think when you think of that?

1130
01:04:06,560 --> 01:04:11,120
Speaker 1: What would you say? It does feel therapeutic, but it

1131
01:04:11,240 --> 01:04:14,040
Speaker 1: could also be just as therapeutic to write a very

1132
01:04:14,040 --> 01:04:17,600
Speaker 1: long letter that I never said. But there is a

1133
01:04:17,640 --> 01:04:20,000
Speaker 1: sense of me that wants to have this sort of

1134
01:04:20,040 --> 01:04:22,960
Speaker 1: almost face to face this is what you've put me

1135
01:04:23,000 --> 01:04:28,520
Speaker 1: through type of interaction. As long as that interaction and

1136
01:04:28,560 --> 01:04:31,920
Speaker 1: the value that you imagine getting out of that interaction

1137
01:04:32,040 --> 01:04:36,040
Speaker 1: is not predicated on any particular response of his, then

1138
01:04:36,120 --> 01:04:40,080
Speaker 1: go for it. But if you're interaction you imagine him

1139
01:04:40,080 --> 01:04:45,360
Speaker 1: saying or doing something that then leaving that would make

1140
01:04:45,440 --> 01:04:48,560
Speaker 1: you feel more vulnerable or upset than before you win

1141
01:04:48,600 --> 01:04:52,440
Speaker 1: in that I think being really honest with yourself that

1142
01:04:52,440 --> 01:04:56,120
Speaker 1: that everything you have to say has no relation to

1143
01:04:56,200 --> 01:05:00,479
Speaker 1: how he might respond. Mhm right, because the it's likely

1144
01:05:00,920 --> 01:05:03,440
Speaker 1: response is going to be gaslighting and and all of

1145
01:05:03,880 --> 01:05:09,680
Speaker 1: those denying. I think a therapist, a trained therapist, in

1146
01:05:09,720 --> 01:05:12,400
Speaker 1: this way, we'll probably have really good answers here on

1147
01:05:13,160 --> 01:05:15,280
Speaker 1: what the best script is to talk to your family

1148
01:05:15,280 --> 01:05:17,640
Speaker 1: about and how to talk to your family about this.

1149
01:05:17,840 --> 01:05:19,640
Speaker 1: I think that that would be really helpful to like

1150
01:05:19,720 --> 01:05:23,000
Speaker 1: work workshop that with a therapist. And I don't know

1151
01:05:23,040 --> 01:05:25,160
Speaker 1: what it's like to be you in the circumstance and

1152
01:05:25,800 --> 01:05:28,280
Speaker 1: you just have to make the call about confronting this. Dude,

1153
01:05:28,640 --> 01:05:31,080
Speaker 1: if you have one person in your family that's your

1154
01:05:31,200 --> 01:05:33,520
Speaker 1: that could be your closest ally in this, is there

1155
01:05:33,560 --> 01:05:37,480
Speaker 1: one sibling that you could start with? Yes, my brother

1156
01:05:38,280 --> 01:05:42,120
Speaker 1: maybe that's the next straight thing is the one and

1157
01:05:42,160 --> 01:05:46,240
Speaker 1: then it's the two of you, right making the next

1158
01:05:46,320 --> 01:05:51,880
Speaker 1: steps together, because this can't be just you and the waterfall,

1159
01:05:52,000 --> 01:05:58,080
Speaker 1: right like slowly one brother maybe and then figuring out

1160
01:05:58,120 --> 01:06:01,680
Speaker 1: the first sentence you're going to say, mm hmm, that's

1161
01:06:01,760 --> 01:06:04,520
Speaker 1: probably the one person in the one sentence is where

1162
01:06:04,520 --> 01:06:10,080
Speaker 1: I would start. Okay, I think I think that's right.

1163
01:06:10,280 --> 01:06:12,320
Speaker 1: I think that's right. I think you should at least

1164
01:06:12,360 --> 01:06:14,920
Speaker 1: reach out to one person because I can see the

1165
01:06:14,960 --> 01:06:18,360
Speaker 1: heaviness in you. You know, you're carrying this too much

1166
01:06:18,400 --> 01:06:20,920
Speaker 1: of this on your own, and family is meant to

1167
01:06:20,920 --> 01:06:23,280
Speaker 1: share share the grief, the pain, the love and the joy.

1168
01:06:23,520 --> 01:06:25,760
Speaker 1: All of it is supposed to be spread evenly throughout

1169
01:06:25,800 --> 01:06:27,840
Speaker 1: all of our lives and all the people in your life.

1170
01:06:28,080 --> 01:06:33,520
Speaker 1: Are you in a relationship? No, not anymore? Okay, well yeah,

1171
01:06:33,560 --> 01:06:35,960
Speaker 1: I think that you should really strongly consider talking to

1172
01:06:36,000 --> 01:06:40,040
Speaker 1: your brother as your first move. And I think you're

1173
01:06:40,040 --> 01:06:42,640
Speaker 1: gonna be really surprised with how therapeutic that's going to

1174
01:06:42,720 --> 01:06:45,800
Speaker 1: be for you. I can see you're in pain, and

1175
01:06:45,840 --> 01:06:48,600
Speaker 1: you have every right to be and there's no reason

1176
01:06:48,640 --> 01:06:52,400
Speaker 1: to suffer through that by yourself. Yeah. Yeah, your family

1177
01:06:52,480 --> 01:06:55,080
Speaker 1: can't come alongside you and lift you up until they

1178
01:06:55,120 --> 01:06:59,360
Speaker 1: know so does that? One step is is all you

1179
01:06:59,360 --> 01:07:03,080
Speaker 1: need to think about right now. We're with you. Thank

1180
01:07:03,120 --> 01:07:05,360
Speaker 1: you so much. Hey, will you keep us posted and

1181
01:07:05,480 --> 01:07:08,240
Speaker 1: let us know what happens please whenever you do it.

1182
01:07:08,440 --> 01:07:11,320
Speaker 1: You know, no rush obviously, but whatever happens, let us know.

1183
01:07:11,720 --> 01:07:14,840
Speaker 1: Check in with us. Okay, yep, I definitely will. So

1184
01:07:14,920 --> 01:07:17,479
Speaker 1: grateful for all of you. Thank you. I'll be thinking

1185
01:07:17,520 --> 01:07:22,360
Speaker 1: about you. It was great to meet you. Bye bye.

1186
01:07:23,040 --> 01:07:25,680
Speaker 1: What a sweetheart. Oh my god, you guys. I hate

1187
01:07:25,680 --> 01:07:28,840
Speaker 1: to see people that are suffering the heaviness in the

1188
01:07:29,240 --> 01:07:32,600
Speaker 1: you know, all of it is just like palpable and

1189
01:07:32,640 --> 01:07:34,160
Speaker 1: I know her brother is going to be there for

1190
01:07:34,200 --> 01:07:36,440
Speaker 1: her obviously. You know, I can understand not wanting to

1191
01:07:36,480 --> 01:07:39,200
Speaker 1: tell your parents because some parents aren't going to be

1192
01:07:39,200 --> 01:07:41,440
Speaker 1: able to deal with that at all, you know, and

1193
01:07:41,480 --> 01:07:43,360
Speaker 1: the blame game and all of that things that go

1194
01:07:43,480 --> 01:07:45,320
Speaker 1: with it. But your siblings, if you have a close

1195
01:07:45,360 --> 01:07:47,960
Speaker 1: relationship with your siblings like that, is they first stop.

1196
01:07:48,640 --> 01:07:51,080
Speaker 1: So yeah, hopefully we will hear back from her at

1197
01:07:51,120 --> 01:07:54,800
Speaker 1: some point about her taking her power back. One of

1198
01:07:54,800 --> 01:07:57,520
Speaker 1: the strangest things was the week that she wrote in

1199
01:07:58,200 --> 01:08:01,240
Speaker 1: I had an almost identical email from someone else as well.

1200
01:08:01,480 --> 01:08:04,960
Speaker 1: It just was so interesting. We haven't gotten a question

1201
01:08:05,000 --> 01:08:07,400
Speaker 1: really like that before. And then in the same within

1202
01:08:07,440 --> 01:08:10,120
Speaker 1: two days, I think to almost ident like, I'm moving

1203
01:08:10,160 --> 01:08:13,520
Speaker 1: back to my hometown. My abuser is there. And I

1204
01:08:13,600 --> 01:08:16,240
Speaker 1: told a that and she was like, wow, it actually

1205
01:08:16,240 --> 01:08:17,960
Speaker 1: makes me feel so much better to know I'm not

1206
01:08:18,000 --> 01:08:20,559
Speaker 1: the only one going through this, that there's someone else

1207
01:08:20,600 --> 01:08:24,439
Speaker 1: who even wrote in you know, yeah, she also might

1208
01:08:24,600 --> 01:08:26,320
Speaker 1: want to consider getting into I just thought of this,

1209
01:08:26,439 --> 01:08:30,160
Speaker 1: getting into a support group. Yeah, absolutely, support groups. I

1210
01:08:30,200 --> 01:08:34,480
Speaker 1: mean we're big, we're big support group people. And nowadays,

1211
01:08:34,560 --> 01:08:36,880
Speaker 1: like everything is online, you can get on Zoom, you

1212
01:08:36,880 --> 01:08:38,880
Speaker 1: can turn the video off and you can just listen

1213
01:08:39,280 --> 01:08:42,480
Speaker 1: to a lot of support groups online thinking about secrets

1214
01:08:42,560 --> 01:08:45,680
Speaker 1: and like, it's just so whatever the secret is. You know,

1215
01:08:45,760 --> 01:08:50,360
Speaker 1: if if a only ends up with truthful, honest relationship

1216
01:08:50,400 --> 01:08:55,799
Speaker 1: with that one sibling, that's enough, right, right, We actually

1217
01:08:55,800 --> 01:08:58,320
Speaker 1: don't freaking need our whole families to put we don't

1218
01:08:58,360 --> 01:09:00,800
Speaker 1: need Most of us don't have that. And it's a

1219
01:09:00,920 --> 01:09:05,679
Speaker 1: rare family that is healthy enough to handle that well anything, well, yes,

1220
01:09:06,520 --> 01:09:10,679
Speaker 1: handle Christmas much less that. And also having that teammate,

1221
01:09:10,840 --> 01:09:13,240
Speaker 1: like you guys said, you know, having that teammate you like,

1222
01:09:13,280 --> 01:09:15,439
Speaker 1: once you tell one person, then it's the two of you.

1223
01:09:15,439 --> 01:09:18,040
Speaker 1: You're not by yourself navigating. You've got another set of

1224
01:09:18,080 --> 01:09:20,080
Speaker 1: eyes and another set of ears looking out for you

1225
01:09:20,160 --> 01:09:23,880
Speaker 1: as well. And that feeling is so much less isolating

1226
01:09:23,880 --> 01:09:28,519
Speaker 1: than what she must be feeling now thinking about going back. Yeah, sure,

1227
01:09:28,920 --> 01:09:32,760
Speaker 1: Well we'll take a quick break right now and be

1228
01:09:33,280 --> 01:09:44,160
Speaker 1: right back after this little break and we're back. Well,

1229
01:09:44,680 --> 01:09:46,200
Speaker 1: I'm not sure how you want to do this, but

1230
01:09:46,280 --> 01:09:48,880
Speaker 1: we usually have our guests we see if they would

1231
01:09:48,880 --> 01:09:55,240
Speaker 1: like any advice from Chelsea. We all have questions to you.

1232
01:09:55,320 --> 01:09:59,519
Speaker 1: Go first, is yours gonna be about we'd oh no,

1233
01:09:59,680 --> 01:10:05,439
Speaker 1: but okay, okay, I don't know if I can't believe

1234
01:10:05,439 --> 01:10:08,280
Speaker 1: you aren't going to ask about we Okay, go ahead, okay,

1235
01:10:08,320 --> 01:10:11,080
Speaker 1: because you said a couple of things on our podcast

1236
01:10:11,160 --> 01:10:13,759
Speaker 1: a couple of days ago that I can't stop thinking about. Chelsea.

1237
01:10:14,240 --> 01:10:19,600
Speaker 1: You described this personal evolution that has improved your relationships

1238
01:10:19,760 --> 01:10:22,800
Speaker 1: and your life, and you said you used to have

1239
01:10:22,880 --> 01:10:27,320
Speaker 1: this perspective that if someone disagreed with you, they didn't

1240
01:10:27,320 --> 01:10:29,880
Speaker 1: know what they were talking about until they agreed with you,

1241
01:10:29,960 --> 01:10:32,000
Speaker 1: and then you would explain to them some more truths,

1242
01:10:33,080 --> 01:10:35,920
Speaker 1: which I understand on a cellular level because that is

1243
01:10:36,120 --> 01:10:38,679
Speaker 1: a little bit how I am. But then you moved

1244
01:10:38,720 --> 01:10:42,280
Speaker 1: away from that to be more bentable. But then later

1245
01:10:42,479 --> 01:10:46,120
Speaker 1: on in the pod, you said you have a very

1246
01:10:46,200 --> 01:10:49,479
Speaker 1: strong relationship with telling the truth even if it hurts,

1247
01:10:49,720 --> 01:10:53,080
Speaker 1: and that's something you're not willing to modify because it's

1248
01:10:53,120 --> 01:10:57,519
Speaker 1: part of who you are. And my question is, how

1249
01:10:57,560 --> 01:11:01,599
Speaker 1: do we determine whether our truth that we're feeling as

1250
01:11:01,680 --> 01:11:06,360
Speaker 1: part of the first bucket this kind of unevolved in

1251
01:11:06,439 --> 01:11:10,360
Speaker 1: transigence that the way you described it, or the second bucket,

1252
01:11:10,439 --> 01:11:12,519
Speaker 1: which is like this is an important part of my

1253
01:11:12,640 --> 01:11:15,160
Speaker 1: character and I need to hold onto it for my

1254
01:11:15,240 --> 01:11:18,240
Speaker 1: own integrity. How can you tell the difference, Well, I

1255
01:11:18,280 --> 01:11:20,960
Speaker 1: think when you're when you're when you have a need

1256
01:11:21,000 --> 01:11:23,719
Speaker 1: to be right all the time, it's because you're not listening.

1257
01:11:24,479 --> 01:11:27,640
Speaker 1: When you're telling the truth, it's because you've listened. You

1258
01:11:27,680 --> 01:11:30,479
Speaker 1: know what I mean, and you've heard. So I think

1259
01:11:30,479 --> 01:11:33,640
Speaker 1: the two things, while they can be confusing and sound analogous,

1260
01:11:33,680 --> 01:11:38,120
Speaker 1: they're different because you can bend, because that's everyone should

1261
01:11:38,120 --> 01:11:39,720
Speaker 1: be able to bend a little. You don't want to

1262
01:11:40,000 --> 01:11:42,559
Speaker 1: bend over and break your back for somebody, but you

1263
01:11:42,600 --> 01:11:44,640
Speaker 1: want to be able to bend and manipulate so that

1264
01:11:44,680 --> 01:11:47,880
Speaker 1: you're not just stuck right like you want to move

1265
01:11:48,120 --> 01:11:49,960
Speaker 1: for people and be like, yeah, I could do that.

1266
01:11:50,040 --> 01:11:52,400
Speaker 1: I could go to a shopping mall in the middle

1267
01:11:52,400 --> 01:11:55,120
Speaker 1: of the day, Joe Koy, of course. I mean, I'm

1268
01:11:55,120 --> 01:11:57,880
Speaker 1: from New Jersey, so it's a bit too soon, but sure,

1269
01:11:58,000 --> 01:12:00,599
Speaker 1: I'll go to a fucking shopping mall because it brings

1270
01:12:00,600 --> 01:12:04,000
Speaker 1: you joy. You know. I can bend a little and

1271
01:12:04,280 --> 01:12:06,639
Speaker 1: do you know what I'm saying. But I'm not going

1272
01:12:06,720 --> 01:12:10,960
Speaker 1: to change the core character of who I am. I

1273
01:12:10,960 --> 01:12:13,439
Speaker 1: can change my actions, and yes, telling people the truth

1274
01:12:13,520 --> 01:12:16,439
Speaker 1: in a loving way, not yelling at them and going

1275
01:12:16,479 --> 01:12:19,200
Speaker 1: why don't you listen to me? I mean saying it

1276
01:12:19,240 --> 01:12:22,120
Speaker 1: in a fair handed way, like this is the truth

1277
01:12:22,200 --> 01:12:26,320
Speaker 1: of the situation, always being available for that. So I

1278
01:12:26,320 --> 01:12:29,360
Speaker 1: think the two are kind of different in that way.

1279
01:12:29,640 --> 01:12:32,479
Speaker 1: If if I explained that, well, I love Mr. Chelsea's

1280
01:12:32,479 --> 01:12:34,800
Speaker 1: gonna go to the mall. She's gonna go to the mall,

1281
01:12:34,840 --> 01:12:37,000
Speaker 1: she's gonna bend, She's gonna go to the mall. But

1282
01:12:37,040 --> 01:12:38,960
Speaker 1: as she's walking through the mall, she's gonna be saying,

1283
01:12:39,000 --> 01:12:43,439
Speaker 1: I fucking hate this. The truth is malls or trash. Yeah,

1284
01:12:43,479 --> 01:12:46,640
Speaker 1: I've listened to the I'm gonna say, yeah, I'll go

1285
01:12:46,720 --> 01:12:48,640
Speaker 1: through the mall and I'll be like, like, here's a

1286
01:12:48,640 --> 01:12:51,120
Speaker 1: great example. Joe's birthday party. I threw him a birthday

1287
01:12:51,120 --> 01:12:53,600
Speaker 1: party in Vegas when we were together. It was a

1288
01:12:53,640 --> 01:12:56,799
Speaker 1: three day bonanza. I do not like to go to Vegas.

1289
01:12:57,240 --> 01:13:00,439
Speaker 1: We went. I had activities like it's you to day.

1290
01:13:00,520 --> 01:13:03,519
Speaker 1: We had dune buggying for everybody. It's like a hundred

1291
01:13:03,560 --> 01:13:06,479
Speaker 1: people or whatever it ended up being. We and we

1292
01:13:06,520 --> 01:13:09,280
Speaker 1: went dune bugging. And I don't have enough sports bras

1293
01:13:09,320 --> 01:13:13,640
Speaker 1: for that activity. And I. We were Joe and I

1294
01:13:13,680 --> 01:13:16,160
Speaker 1: were due bugging and he's like, God, you're amazing that

1295
01:13:16,200 --> 01:13:17,960
Speaker 1: you're out here doing this. And he's like, are you

1296
01:13:18,000 --> 01:13:20,519
Speaker 1: having a good time? I go, absolutely not, you know,

1297
01:13:20,760 --> 01:13:23,640
Speaker 1: but I'll go I'm not gonna bitch and moan, but

1298
01:13:23,680 --> 01:13:25,719
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest about it. I'm not gonna pretend

1299
01:13:25,800 --> 01:13:28,800
Speaker 1: I'm having a good time when I'm miserable wondering like

1300
01:13:28,880 --> 01:13:30,880
Speaker 1: what was going to happen to my body after I

1301
01:13:30,880 --> 01:13:33,439
Speaker 1: get out of that dune buggy? You know, like where

1302
01:13:33,520 --> 01:13:35,640
Speaker 1: did my boob go? Because it's no longer attached to

1303
01:13:35,680 --> 01:13:38,720
Speaker 1: the front of me. Also a really stupid activity. Just

1304
01:13:38,760 --> 01:13:43,280
Speaker 1: want to put and skip that anyone. Not that anyone

1305
01:13:43,400 --> 01:13:46,120
Speaker 1: listening to this is going dune bugging, but uh, you

1306
01:13:46,120 --> 01:13:47,760
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like, I just think, you know,

1307
01:13:47,800 --> 01:13:49,800
Speaker 1: you have to be open to compromise, but you guy

1308
01:13:49,880 --> 01:13:54,120
Speaker 1: can't compromise your character. I love it. It's good I

1309
01:13:54,160 --> 01:13:56,439
Speaker 1: have advice that I want to know. I love it.

1310
01:13:57,400 --> 01:14:01,200
Speaker 1: So Chelsea, I've I'm kind of an advocate for equal pay.

1311
01:14:01,400 --> 01:14:04,280
Speaker 1: Women's soccer team didn't make equal pay when I was

1312
01:14:04,520 --> 01:14:08,679
Speaker 1: a player. I didn't make men's pro money. And now

1313
01:14:08,720 --> 01:14:12,439
Speaker 1: that I've stepped away from playing professional sport, I'm making

1314
01:14:12,520 --> 01:14:15,720
Speaker 1: more money than I ever did and nobody. What I

1315
01:14:15,800 --> 01:14:18,600
Speaker 1: like about you is you are fearless and having a

1316
01:14:18,640 --> 01:14:22,960
Speaker 1: conversation about anything. And so now that I'm out of

1317
01:14:23,000 --> 01:14:28,840
Speaker 1: soccer and earning money, I don't know everything, what to

1318
01:14:28,880 --> 01:14:31,240
Speaker 1: do with it, who to talk to. It seems like

1319
01:14:31,880 --> 01:14:34,680
Speaker 1: all the white dudes are behind like this locked door,

1320
01:14:34,960 --> 01:14:37,800
Speaker 1: and they like hold the keys to all the financial

1321
01:14:38,520 --> 01:14:41,880
Speaker 1: questions and information, and they try to make it sound

1322
01:14:41,960 --> 01:14:46,280
Speaker 1: so confusing, and so my question might though it might

1323
01:14:46,400 --> 01:14:49,960
Speaker 1: seem shallow, is you know, I do believe that money

1324
01:14:50,000 --> 01:14:54,360
Speaker 1: and power are very closely related. And so what do

1325
01:14:54,439 --> 01:14:57,800
Speaker 1: you do about your finances and your money? And who

1326
01:14:57,840 --> 01:15:00,439
Speaker 1: do you trust? Like? And where do you what do

1327
01:15:00,479 --> 01:15:02,880
Speaker 1: you How have you learned about it? Because I know

1328
01:15:02,920 --> 01:15:05,080
Speaker 1: that you've had it for a while and you are

1329
01:15:05,240 --> 01:15:10,679
Speaker 1: really independent, strong, successful businesswoman. Well thank you. I mean

1330
01:15:10,960 --> 01:15:13,920
Speaker 1: I first of all, I only have female business managers.

1331
01:15:14,840 --> 01:15:17,160
Speaker 1: I only work with women. Women are only allowed to

1332
01:15:17,200 --> 01:15:20,040
Speaker 1: handle my money, no men, just because I like to

1333
01:15:20,280 --> 01:15:23,240
Speaker 1: work with women period. You know, but I don't know,

1334
01:15:23,479 --> 01:15:25,760
Speaker 1: like I don't know a lot about money either. You know,

1335
01:15:25,920 --> 01:15:28,280
Speaker 1: I'm looped into lots of different groups that t teach

1336
01:15:28,320 --> 01:15:31,080
Speaker 1: you about cryptocurrency or you know, but I'm I don't

1337
01:15:31,120 --> 01:15:33,440
Speaker 1: have that kind of money that I'm throwing around investing

1338
01:15:33,640 --> 01:15:36,439
Speaker 1: hundreds of thousands of dollars into different ventures and stuff

1339
01:15:36,479 --> 01:15:38,320
Speaker 1: like that. The one thing I do know, and the

1340
01:15:38,360 --> 01:15:40,240
Speaker 1: advice that I got a long time ago, is to

1341
01:15:40,280 --> 01:15:42,680
Speaker 1: always invest in real estate because that is never going

1342
01:15:42,720 --> 01:15:45,439
Speaker 1: to ever go away, you know, like the value of that,

1343
01:15:45,600 --> 01:15:48,160
Speaker 1: like the value of the dollar can go away, you know,

1344
01:15:48,200 --> 01:15:49,479
Speaker 1: but I'm not going to sleep with a bunch of

1345
01:15:49,479 --> 01:15:51,800
Speaker 1: gold bars under my bed. I mean, the reality of

1346
01:15:51,800 --> 01:15:56,000
Speaker 1: that is unlikely. Also, So I just buy up properties,

1347
01:15:56,080 --> 01:15:58,400
Speaker 1: you know, when I have a cash flow or an influx,

1348
01:15:58,439 --> 01:16:00,240
Speaker 1: I buy up a property that I can rent out.

1349
01:16:00,320 --> 01:16:02,639
Speaker 1: You know. I have a few houses and a few

1350
01:16:02,680 --> 01:16:05,519
Speaker 1: rental properties, and that's a great source of income and

1351
01:16:05,560 --> 01:16:08,280
Speaker 1: it's a great investment and it's simple. And I invest

1352
01:16:08,320 --> 01:16:10,760
Speaker 1: in companies to like I just invested in the you

1353
01:16:10,760 --> 01:16:14,200
Speaker 1: know you as women's volleyball team. They're starting their thing,

1354
01:16:14,560 --> 01:16:17,160
Speaker 1: you know. I invest in makeup companies or whatever. When

1355
01:16:17,200 --> 01:16:19,439
Speaker 1: I get a good tip from somebody in my circle

1356
01:16:19,479 --> 01:16:21,280
Speaker 1: that says, oh, we're putting money in I'll you know,

1357
01:16:21,360 --> 01:16:24,240
Speaker 1: send it to my people and invest because I think

1358
01:16:24,240 --> 01:16:26,280
Speaker 1: you always have to be investing, right, you don't ever

1359
01:16:26,320 --> 01:16:28,400
Speaker 1: know what's gonna what's gonna hit. And you know you

1360
01:16:28,439 --> 01:16:31,680
Speaker 1: have a financial advisor that you do you not have

1361
01:16:31,720 --> 01:16:35,040
Speaker 1: one of those yet? Financial yeah we do, but like

1362
01:16:35,040 --> 01:16:40,120
Speaker 1: white men right right, make it seem so fucking complicated.

1363
01:16:40,200 --> 01:16:43,280
Speaker 1: It's like, these are not the spreadsheets you're looking for.

1364
01:16:43,479 --> 01:16:46,960
Speaker 1: I know, and I quite honestly, when I talk about finances,

1365
01:16:47,000 --> 01:16:49,280
Speaker 1: like they'll try and update me on a phone call,

1366
01:16:49,360 --> 01:16:52,200
Speaker 1: and like halfway through, I'm like, let's speed speed this

1367
01:16:52,320 --> 01:16:55,040
Speaker 1: up because I am not interested in the ins and outs.

1368
01:16:55,080 --> 01:16:57,280
Speaker 1: Just I have enough money to survive, and I do

1369
01:16:57,320 --> 01:16:59,200
Speaker 1: you have money to buy this house or not? You know,

1370
01:16:59,400 --> 01:17:02,439
Speaker 1: like investing things? I think you know, if you give

1371
01:17:02,520 --> 01:17:05,040
Speaker 1: him a directive like listen, these are the kinds of

1372
01:17:05,080 --> 01:17:09,879
Speaker 1: companies that I'm interested in supporting, female owned, minority owned.

1373
01:17:10,280 --> 01:17:12,840
Speaker 1: You know, like, let's focus and give him something to

1374
01:17:13,000 --> 01:17:15,200
Speaker 1: zero in on so he's not just coming back with

1375
01:17:15,280 --> 01:17:18,000
Speaker 1: you and you're you know, looking at Warren Buffett's portfolio

1376
01:17:18,120 --> 01:17:19,720
Speaker 1: going oh, well, I guess these are all the things

1377
01:17:19,720 --> 01:17:21,559
Speaker 1: that are going to make me money, because you guys

1378
01:17:21,560 --> 01:17:23,960
Speaker 1: are this is an opportunity for you to walk. You walk,

1379
01:17:24,000 --> 01:17:26,080
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. You guys do all these

1380
01:17:26,080 --> 01:17:28,320
Speaker 1: amazing things, and now you have an opportunity to do

1381
01:17:28,400 --> 01:17:30,519
Speaker 1: it with financially and put your money where your mouth

1382
01:17:30,600 --> 01:17:32,719
Speaker 1: is on top of it like that's all the power

1383
01:17:32,720 --> 01:17:37,920
Speaker 1: in the world. Right, Yeah, it's good. That's good. Okay,

1384
01:17:38,160 --> 01:17:44,000
Speaker 1: what's your question? Is there an edible? I feel like

1385
01:17:44,040 --> 01:17:48,280
Speaker 1: you've already asked me this question. I know I want

1386
01:17:48,600 --> 01:17:50,960
Speaker 1: an edible that will calm me down, but it's not

1387
01:17:51,560 --> 01:17:55,280
Speaker 1: doesn't count as drugs, So I cannot not a psychoactive

1388
01:17:56,400 --> 01:18:00,920
Speaker 1: that doesn't count as drugs. What about CBD? Okay, can't

1389
01:18:00,920 --> 01:18:04,160
Speaker 1: you have that? That's doesn't count as th HC th HC.

1390
01:18:04,280 --> 01:18:07,160
Speaker 1: And first of all, a lot of sober people take marijuana,

1391
01:18:07,200 --> 01:18:08,760
Speaker 1: but I know that you don't want to do that.

1392
01:18:09,240 --> 01:18:11,800
Speaker 1: But cb D without the th HC, the th HC

1393
01:18:12,000 --> 01:18:14,840
Speaker 1: is the psychoactive component, right, So that's what you don't

1394
01:18:14,880 --> 01:18:17,120
Speaker 1: want to be around. And with your personality, you don't

1395
01:18:17,120 --> 01:18:19,559
Speaker 1: want to be around that. You want to be calm,

1396
01:18:19,920 --> 01:18:22,200
Speaker 1: something that's going to help you not make you run

1397
01:18:22,200 --> 01:18:24,800
Speaker 1: in the corner and hide anymore, you know, So you

1398
01:18:24,840 --> 01:18:27,280
Speaker 1: need a c b D gummy And actually, you know what,

1399
01:18:27,400 --> 01:18:29,400
Speaker 1: I think I might have something for you because this

1400
01:18:29,479 --> 01:18:32,000
Speaker 1: is my good friend doesn't like that at all, but

1401
01:18:32,040 --> 01:18:34,160
Speaker 1: she had. She just wanted to calm down, because it's

1402
01:18:34,160 --> 01:18:36,720
Speaker 1: a body calm and you know, like it doesn't matter

1403
01:18:36,760 --> 01:18:38,559
Speaker 1: if you're calming down your brain or your body. The

1404
01:18:38,600 --> 01:18:41,800
Speaker 1: other one will follow, right, Like everyone thinks that you

1405
01:18:41,880 --> 01:18:43,760
Speaker 1: have to treat this thing, and it's like, well, you

1406
01:18:43,800 --> 01:18:46,439
Speaker 1: can treat either one because we're it's so interconnected. You

1407
01:18:46,479 --> 01:18:48,639
Speaker 1: have a brain in your stomach, you have a brain

1408
01:18:48,680 --> 01:18:50,320
Speaker 1: in your heart, and you have a brain in your head.

1409
01:18:50,360 --> 01:18:52,479
Speaker 1: You know, there are three brains working in our bodies.

1410
01:18:52,840 --> 01:18:54,800
Speaker 1: So and everyone just thinks this is the only one

1411
01:18:54,880 --> 01:18:57,439
Speaker 1: that matters. It's not, you know, it's our gut, it's

1412
01:18:57,560 --> 01:19:00,000
Speaker 1: all of our things. So but I will put it together.

1413
01:19:00,000 --> 01:19:02,960
Speaker 1: They're an array of things that do not have th HC.

1414
01:19:03,120 --> 01:19:05,800
Speaker 1: A gift basket for you now that your local. A

1415
01:19:05,880 --> 01:19:10,000
Speaker 1: year later, I will put together a gift a basket

1416
01:19:10,040 --> 01:19:14,559
Speaker 1: of things that have no th HC. What about Hemp? Great?

1417
01:19:14,760 --> 01:19:18,160
Speaker 1: Love him? Okay, great, I just I just invested in

1418
01:19:18,160 --> 01:19:21,479
Speaker 1: another company, this Hemp drink company. That's perfect. I'm gonna

1419
01:19:21,479 --> 01:19:22,840
Speaker 1: send you some of that. I'm going to send you

1420
01:19:22,880 --> 01:19:24,519
Speaker 1: a couple of other things. I'll put together a nice

1421
01:19:24,560 --> 01:19:26,559
Speaker 1: care package as soon as I get home today. I

1422
01:19:26,600 --> 01:19:30,439
Speaker 1: have a refrigerator filled with cannabis in my gym from

1423
01:19:30,479 --> 01:19:33,000
Speaker 1: top to bottom for every kind of user. So I

1424
01:19:33,040 --> 01:19:36,479
Speaker 1: will go in there and personally figure it out. Yeah,

1425
01:19:36,720 --> 01:19:40,559
Speaker 1: just make sure it's not it's not psychoact. No, I

1426
01:19:40,600 --> 01:19:43,760
Speaker 1: know what we're dealing with. Abby. Okay, well, because you

1427
01:19:43,880 --> 01:19:47,200
Speaker 1: also have three teenagers in this house who are like this.

1428
01:19:48,240 --> 01:19:50,400
Speaker 1: Yeah right, well, we'll put this in a special case

1429
01:19:50,400 --> 01:19:56,040
Speaker 1: in the bedroom and the big girl's bedroom. This was

1430
01:19:56,080 --> 01:19:58,679
Speaker 1: so delightful you guys. I love all three of you.

1431
01:19:58,760 --> 01:20:02,200
Speaker 1: What a great couple of what a great week we've had. Seriously,

1432
01:20:02,800 --> 01:20:04,640
Speaker 1: I just feel so honored you have been part of

1433
01:20:04,680 --> 01:20:09,519
Speaker 1: this week to week. It was big week. Yeah, it

1434
01:20:09,560 --> 01:20:12,080
Speaker 1: was a very cathartic week for me, and it was transformative.

1435
01:20:12,280 --> 01:20:15,880
Speaker 1: I feel so much lighter after our time together, uh

1436
01:20:15,920 --> 01:20:19,519
Speaker 1: the other day and today again. Same. We love you,

1437
01:20:19,640 --> 01:20:21,519
Speaker 1: We love you. We will be in your corner forever.

1438
01:20:21,920 --> 01:20:23,960
Speaker 1: Me too. Likewise, also, we're going to be in your

1439
01:20:23,960 --> 01:20:27,599
Speaker 1: house soon. I am I inviting us over. Sorry, Okay, well,

1440
01:20:27,640 --> 01:20:29,360
Speaker 1: my house has been built right now, So you'd have

1441
01:20:29,360 --> 01:20:31,200
Speaker 1: to invite me to your house because my house is

1442
01:20:31,320 --> 01:20:33,400
Speaker 1: I'm in a rental and I'm not trying to show

1443
01:20:33,439 --> 01:20:35,880
Speaker 1: that off. Then come to our house. I will. I'll

1444
01:20:35,880 --> 01:20:38,799
Speaker 1: come over for sure. And so nice to meet you, Katherine,

1445
01:20:39,680 --> 01:20:44,479
Speaker 1: Thank you for having us, Thank you bye. If you'd

1446
01:20:44,479 --> 01:20:47,240
Speaker 1: like to ask Chelsea a question, email us at Dear

1447
01:20:47,360 --> 01:20:51,719
Speaker 1: Chelsea Project at gmail dot com