WEBVTT - Rob & Michele Reiner 0:00:14.836 --> 0:00:29.436 Pushkin. Hi, I'm Phil Donahue and I'm Marlowe Thomas, and 0:00:29.556 --> 0:00:32.476 we're going on a series of double dates to find 0:00:32.516 --> 0:00:40.876 out what makes a marriage last. Some couples you feel 0:00:40.876 --> 0:00:43.676 like you could just sit around the table with forever. 0:00:44.356 --> 0:00:49.636 Case in point, Rob and Michelle Reiner interesting, smart, and 0:00:50.036 --> 0:00:53.796 very very funny. We visited Robin Michelle at their stunning 0:00:53.876 --> 0:00:57.596 New England type home in Brentwood, California, where they've lived 0:00:57.596 --> 0:01:00.756 for close to thirty years. Before them, it was owned 0:01:00.756 --> 0:01:04.316 by Norman Lear, whose series All in the Family was 0:01:04.476 --> 0:01:08.996 Rob's first real acting vehicle, and before that, Henry Fond 0:01:09.276 --> 0:01:13.356 lived there. His beautiful rose garden still flowers there each year. 0:01:14.556 --> 0:01:18.196 Rob's whole life is so steeped in classic Hollywood it 0:01:18.196 --> 0:01:20.876 would have been impossible for me not to ask about 0:01:20.876 --> 0:01:25.116 his famous father, Carl and his mom Mastelle. Your folks 0:01:25.116 --> 0:01:28.676 were married for a long time, Yes, almost sixty five years. 0:01:28.716 --> 0:01:31.436 Oh my gosh. Yeah, so that has to have an 0:01:31.436 --> 0:01:36.316 influence on well, yeah, I mean, my mother said, And 0:01:36.476 --> 0:01:40.796 this was when they had their sixtieth anniversary and they 0:01:40.836 --> 0:01:44.676 asked her what the secret was, and she said, find 0:01:44.756 --> 0:01:48.676 someone who can stand you, not somebody you can put 0:01:48.716 --> 0:01:50.516 up with somebody who can put up with you. And 0:01:50.596 --> 0:01:52.996 I think that's the key when you see a role 0:01:52.996 --> 0:01:55.156 model them. And I remember your parents very well. They 0:01:55.156 --> 0:01:58.396 were in our house a lot and you and your 0:01:58.396 --> 0:02:02.196 father loved your mother singing and he supported it. Him. 0:02:02.276 --> 0:02:04.996 He was he was like her roadie. He really would 0:02:05.036 --> 0:02:08.756 set up the music stand. He would you invite the friends. 0:02:08.836 --> 0:02:11.316 He was like, he was like our manage. Yeah, and 0:02:11.356 --> 0:02:13.876 we went and it was it was adorable. I just 0:02:14.236 --> 0:02:16.716 had to love him for it. Yeah. And what about 0:02:16.756 --> 0:02:19.196 your family? Well, your parents, did you have come from 0:02:19.276 --> 0:02:23.476 a strong marriage? You know, but we're marriage really Well, 0:02:23.556 --> 0:02:26.396 my mother was in Auschwitz and lost her entire family 0:02:26.556 --> 0:02:30.276 and moved to the States, to Oklahoma of all places, 0:02:30.436 --> 0:02:33.276 and then moved to New York and met my father. 0:02:33.316 --> 0:02:35.516 They got married very very quickly, and it was not 0:02:35.596 --> 0:02:38.276 a good marriage. So well, she must have had a 0:02:38.316 --> 0:02:42.156 lot of scars. Yeah, I mean, my god, but not 0:02:42.156 --> 0:02:46.196 not good role models. Yeah, and this is this your 0:02:46.236 --> 0:02:50.396 first marriage? Yeah, so how did you get the courage 0:02:50.396 --> 0:02:54.476 to do it? Um? The beginning didn't start around so 0:02:54.516 --> 0:02:57.836 well because we were we were going to meet each 0:02:57.836 --> 0:03:00.236 other and then it didn't happen. We have a good 0:03:00.276 --> 0:03:04.196 story though of how it's a really good story. Well 0:03:04.236 --> 0:03:06.836 because I, like I said, I've been single for ten 0:03:06.916 --> 0:03:11.796 years and making a complete and utter mess of my 0:03:13.036 --> 0:03:17.956 romantic life in and out of different relationships. And that 0:03:18.396 --> 0:03:21.036 really became the basis for one Harry Matzali was the 0:03:21.076 --> 0:03:23.396 whole idea of men and women and how do you know, 0:03:23.436 --> 0:03:25.596 how do they get together in all this? And we're 0:03:25.596 --> 0:03:28.796 in pre production and Barry Snenfeld was sitting there with 0:03:28.836 --> 0:03:31.036 me and I look at this copy of Premier magazine 0:03:31.036 --> 0:03:33.076 that's sitting on the table there, and there's a picture 0:03:33.316 --> 0:03:38.276 on the cover of Michelle Pfeiffer, And I said, you know, 0:03:38.356 --> 0:03:40.396 I heard she's getting divorced. You know, I had had 0:03:40.476 --> 0:03:43.676 lunch with her like six months earlier on a professional thing, 0:03:43.756 --> 0:03:47.516 nothing and yeah, lunch. And I said, you know, maybe 0:03:47.556 --> 0:03:49.356 I'll give her a call. I don't you know, I'm 0:03:49.396 --> 0:03:51.236 like grasping at straws. I don't know what the hell 0:03:51.276 --> 0:03:53.396 I'm doing. So maybe I give her a call. And 0:03:53.476 --> 0:03:55.316 Barry says, no, no, no, no, you're not going to 0:03:55.396 --> 0:03:57.356 call her. He says, I've a friend in New Yorker 0:03:57.436 --> 0:04:00.236 name as Michelle Singer. You're going to marry her. He 0:04:00.316 --> 0:04:03.876 says that like that, and I said, who is She 0:04:03.916 --> 0:04:06.996 says a friend of mine. She's a photographer, I know. 0:04:07.876 --> 0:04:10.436 And I said, does she's smoke? That's all I said, 0:04:11.436 --> 0:04:14.436 because Penny was a big smoker. She smoked like four 0:04:14.476 --> 0:04:16.596 packs that I mean, she was I couldn't stand it around. 0:04:16.956 --> 0:04:19.276 And he said yes, and I said, I don't want 0:04:19.276 --> 0:04:20.996 to meet her. You know, she has a smoke thirty 0:04:21.036 --> 0:04:22.996 years but at the time, she did smoke. And that 0:04:23.156 --> 0:04:25.756 was that. And he came back to me and he said, 0:04:25.756 --> 0:04:28.476 do you want to meet Rob Browner. I was like, okay, yeah, 0:04:28.516 --> 0:04:31.116 And I mean I didn't have an opinion one way 0:04:31.196 --> 0:04:32.636 or the other. And then he came back and he said, 0:04:32.996 --> 0:04:34.796 you know, well he's not interested because you smoke her. 0:04:34.836 --> 0:04:37.236 I was like, I fuck it, you know, I'm serious. 0:04:37.236 --> 0:04:40.276 That that was that. So then months goes by, and 0:04:40.276 --> 0:04:42.956 now we're going through the picture and we're about three 0:04:43.036 --> 0:04:45.836 quarters away through shooting and I'm doing this scene on 0:04:45.876 --> 0:04:48.956 the Upper West Side outdoors and I look over across 0:04:48.996 --> 0:04:51.716 the street and I see Susan Barry's at that time girlfriend. 0:04:51.716 --> 0:04:54.076 Now they're married, and I said, and there's a very 0:04:54.116 --> 0:04:57.196 attractive woman standing with I said, who's that woman there 0:04:57.236 --> 0:05:00.876 and says that that's Michelle Singer. I said, that's cheer smoker. 0:05:01.076 --> 0:05:03.116 I said that one. I said, what's she doing? He says, 0:05:03.116 --> 0:05:05.116 We're just going to go have lunch when we break 0:05:05.556 --> 0:05:08.516 in five minutes, we're gonna go lunch. I said, okay, 0:05:08.516 --> 0:05:10.996 maybe I'll join you. And I really I wormed myself 0:05:10.996 --> 0:05:13.796 into lung worm my way in. And now we're sitting 0:05:13.836 --> 0:05:16.796 at this place docks on the upper west side. Michelle 0:05:16.876 --> 0:05:20.116 is sitting next to Nora Ephron and I hear over 0:05:20.156 --> 0:05:23.036 there Michelle is saying, well, I can make better vishy 0:05:23.076 --> 0:05:26.796 swas than this, you know whatever. And I'm thinking, Jesus, Jess, 0:05:26.996 --> 0:05:30.116 what a bitch, you know. But I'm really attracted to her, 0:05:30.316 --> 0:05:32.916 you know. And so we walk back to the set 0:05:32.916 --> 0:05:34.516 and I could kind of chat her up a little 0:05:34.516 --> 0:05:37.476 bit and talk and that, and then you know, she 0:05:37.596 --> 0:05:39.676 goes and then I say, with Barry, ask her. Maybe 0:05:39.676 --> 0:05:42.556 I'll ask her if she wants to go out. He says, okay. 0:05:42.636 --> 0:05:45.036 So we make a date. We make a date to 0:05:45.116 --> 0:05:48.836 go to Cafe Luxembourg because I was going to shoot 0:05:48.836 --> 0:05:51.636 the next day on Monday. This was a Sunday. We 0:05:51.796 --> 0:05:56.956 get there and wed seated, and the first thing she 0:05:56.996 --> 0:05:59.476 says is, look, if this doesn't work out, I don't 0:05:59.516 --> 0:06:02.516 want this to hurt your relationship with Barry, your friendship 0:06:02.556 --> 0:06:04.876 with Barry. And I'm thinking we didn't even order drink, 0:06:04.916 --> 0:06:08.396 so it's already not working out, and I'm sweating. I'm 0:06:08.436 --> 0:06:12.236 so nervous. She's running to the bathroom every fifteen minutes 0:06:12.276 --> 0:06:14.916 because she knows I don't want smoking, and she's going 0:06:14.956 --> 0:06:17.516 to smoke over there, and back and forth like this. 0:06:17.956 --> 0:06:20.236 So it was crazy. Anyway, we got through that, and 0:06:20.276 --> 0:06:22.316 then we started seeing each other a little bit through it. 0:06:22.516 --> 0:06:24.436 But it's like that he's shooting one night and they 0:06:24.556 --> 0:06:26.636 finished shooting and I go, let's go to this bar 0:06:26.716 --> 0:06:28.836 on Canal Street and we go to bar. He's forty 0:06:28.876 --> 0:06:31.396 one years old. He's never had a drink in his life, 0:06:31.396 --> 0:06:33.036 and he's never ordered a drink in a bar. He 0:06:33.076 --> 0:06:34.676 didn't know what to order, and I'm thinking, what am I? 0:06:34.796 --> 0:06:37.276 What's going on here? You know? So he ordered a 0:06:37.356 --> 0:06:40.316 port I don't know. I don't know what it is. 0:06:40.516 --> 0:06:42.956 I mean, I've been to bars, but I don't drink, 0:06:43.076 --> 0:06:45.996 you know, so anybody. So then after that, it just 0:06:46.076 --> 0:06:48.636 I don't know, it just clicked and we never looked back. 0:06:48.676 --> 0:06:51.476 I mean seriously, I never had any downs about it. 0:06:51.516 --> 0:06:53.436 But also you change at the end of the movie. 0:06:53.476 --> 0:06:56.316 I did because in the way we had it, initially 0:06:56.356 --> 0:06:58.876 it was going to be just they were never going 0:06:58.956 --> 0:07:00.636 to get together. They were going to see each other 0:07:00.636 --> 0:07:03.036 and then go their separate ways. And then because I 0:07:03.076 --> 0:07:05.156 couldn't figure out how you ever got one anybody, And 0:07:05.196 --> 0:07:07.356 then once we started again, I changed it so that 0:07:07.436 --> 0:07:10.956 they wind up together. The Oh that's so romantic. Yeah, 0:07:11.116 --> 0:07:13.156 what a Nora? Did you say to Nora, let's rewrite 0:07:13.156 --> 0:07:17.116 the end. Yeah, yeah, we rewrote Yeah, to go back 0:07:17.156 --> 0:07:19.476 to La. And then I said to her, come out, 0:07:19.516 --> 0:07:23.156 you'll come out and and visit, you know, And so 0:07:24.036 --> 0:07:25.756 she came out to visit. I think it was around 0:07:25.756 --> 0:07:28.916 Thanksgiving or something like that. I can't remember. But you know, 0:07:28.916 --> 0:07:31.596 it's the weird thing where we talked every day, you know, 0:07:31.716 --> 0:07:34.356 every day, we would talk, you know, every night. But 0:07:34.396 --> 0:07:37.516 then there's a thing where you haven't seen it somebody 0:07:37.516 --> 0:07:40.956 in like a month, you know, and your mind is 0:07:40.996 --> 0:07:43.396 your image, you don't know what. The minute you walked 0:07:43.396 --> 0:07:45.396 off the plane, I was that I was madly in 0:07:45.436 --> 0:07:48.556 love because I know that's that person, that same person. 0:07:48.636 --> 0:07:53.156 So that's when I was going to be Okay, it's lovely. Yeah, 0:07:53.276 --> 0:07:56.476 How did you know he was the right one, because 0:07:56.716 --> 0:07:58.636 I don't know, I just knew it just felt right. 0:07:59.196 --> 0:08:00.876 I think we just fell in love right a way 0:08:00.916 --> 0:08:03.116 and never looked, like I said, never looked back. And 0:08:03.196 --> 0:08:05.596 I can't explain it. There's nothing in my history that 0:08:06.036 --> 0:08:07.796 you know, showed I was going to have you know, 0:08:07.796 --> 0:08:10.796 I had terrible relationships before that, and I was already 0:08:11.196 --> 0:08:13.316 like three, three years old. You know, it wasn't looking 0:08:13.356 --> 0:08:18.556 good for me. So I don't know. I can't explain it. 0:08:19.356 --> 0:08:21.956 When you got married, you were married within seven months 0:08:21.996 --> 0:08:24.996 of meeting each other, right, and then it just happened 0:08:24.996 --> 0:08:27.676 on the spur of the moment because we went to 0:08:27.716 --> 0:08:31.756 Hawaii just to go on vacation, and you know, we're 0:08:31.796 --> 0:08:34.356 sitting there said you know, maybe we should just get 0:08:34.396 --> 0:08:37.476 married here was like that. It was very spur of 0:08:37.476 --> 0:08:40.516 the moment. It's a it was a really big I mean, 0:08:40.596 --> 0:08:42.516 I had to move from New York to California, which 0:08:42.556 --> 0:08:46.116 is that was the worst thing ever. We were standing 0:08:46.116 --> 0:08:49.356 there in Hawaii and we say said, oh, okay, you know, 0:08:49.596 --> 0:08:52.116 let's uh, maybe we'll do this, and of course then 0:08:52.116 --> 0:08:55.436 I got a terrible stomach ache and drink a lot 0:08:55.436 --> 0:08:58.676 of pepto bismol after that. But then we said, well, 0:08:58.716 --> 0:09:01.036 what do you do? I mean, don't we need witnesses 0:09:01.156 --> 0:09:05.116 or something? And as we're talking about witnesses, an elderly 0:09:05.156 --> 0:09:09.556 woman in a motorized cart comes up and looks at 0:09:09.556 --> 0:09:13.476 me and goes The Princess Pride was a delight from 0:09:13.516 --> 0:09:16.636 start to finish. I said, you want to witness a wedding? 0:09:17.196 --> 0:09:19.756 And she was there having a vacation with a friend 0:09:19.756 --> 0:09:22.516 of hers from Liverpool, another old lady, and they stood 0:09:22.596 --> 0:09:25.756 up for us on the beat, these two women. She 0:09:25.876 --> 0:09:30.996 was a retired professor from Stanford. After you did that, 0:09:31.436 --> 0:09:35.556 was there anything underneath that you still felt? I'm not 0:09:35.716 --> 0:09:38.436 quite sure about. No. It's not to say they weren't 0:09:38.516 --> 0:09:41.476 problems at the beginning, you know, you know, family stuff 0:09:41.476 --> 0:09:43.516 and whatever that we had to go through. What didn't 0:09:43.556 --> 0:09:49.636 work with the families, Well, she wasn't fully accepted. I mean, 0:09:49.756 --> 0:09:53.036 I mean they family, yes, by my family, And why 0:09:53.156 --> 0:09:57.036 was that you know, jealous? I don't know what it is. 0:09:57.116 --> 0:09:59.356 I mean, you know, and I tried for like twenty 0:09:59.436 --> 0:10:01.596 years to make it work. And it just did. My 0:10:01.716 --> 0:10:04.876 father was never like that. Well, the Phil's mother was 0:10:05.316 --> 0:10:09.876 a very nasty woman, and she was nasty to you. 0:10:10.156 --> 0:10:13.636 She was nasty like around me. You know, she wouldn't 0:10:13.676 --> 0:10:15.876 be mean to me. Would she'd say that she hated 0:10:15.956 --> 0:10:20.676 my house? You know? Well, of course what I say 0:10:20.716 --> 0:10:23.676 to Phil, I don't care, honest to God. And he 0:10:23.796 --> 0:10:25.756 was sensitive enough to say, you know, did that hurt 0:10:25.756 --> 0:10:28.436 your feelings? And I'd say it, really, it really didn't, 0:10:28.796 --> 0:10:31.716 because I thought she was so mean to him, so critical. 0:10:31.956 --> 0:10:35.236 Did that bother you that she would do that? Did 0:10:35.276 --> 0:10:37.596 you feel, let me put it this way, did you 0:10:37.756 --> 0:10:42.276 feel caught in the middle between your mother and Marlowe? No? 0:10:42.596 --> 0:10:47.236 I was hurt a lot by my mother. Nothing I anybody, 0:10:47.596 --> 0:10:53.276 especially her children. Nothing we said was ever validated, you know. 0:10:53.556 --> 0:10:57.476 I mean you could say I'm I'm tired and my 0:10:57.516 --> 0:11:00.556 mother would say we're all tired. That's like normally. Or 0:11:00.596 --> 0:11:03.156 when he first got when they had the first induction 0:11:03.236 --> 0:11:05.596 into the Television Hall of Fame and it was Walter 0:11:05.676 --> 0:11:08.556 Cronkite and Lucille Ball and he was in that group 0:11:08.636 --> 0:11:10.956 and he told his mother, you know, I'm getting this 0:11:11.036 --> 0:11:13.756 induction into the Hall of Famous mothers as well, if 0:11:13.796 --> 0:11:17.036 that's what they want to do. You know, it's like, 0:11:17.316 --> 0:11:20.716 you know, there's never any kind of acknowledgment. I would say, though, 0:11:20.956 --> 0:11:23.236 because the reason I asked that question because for years 0:11:23.276 --> 0:11:27.716 I try to broker rock roche momp between you know, 0:11:27.836 --> 0:11:31.716 my original family and now Michelle and all that, and 0:11:31.916 --> 0:11:34.516 I just could never do it. I could never do it. 0:11:37.796 --> 0:11:52.876 We'll have more after a quick break. We're back to 0:11:52.956 --> 0:11:57.036 our conversation with Rob and Michelle Reiner. They've been together 0:11:57.156 --> 0:12:00.516 for more than three decades, which is no small feat 0:12:00.596 --> 0:12:03.396 in Hollywood, so we wanted to know some of their 0:12:03.476 --> 0:12:07.196 biggest challenges as a couple. I would say it's, you know, 0:12:07.716 --> 0:12:10.916 certain issues with the kids. I mean that, you know, 0:12:11.156 --> 0:12:13.076 we have different ways of going about it. I mean 0:12:13.116 --> 0:12:15.156 we try, we're on the same page a lot of times, 0:12:15.156 --> 0:12:18.116 but a lot of times we have different approaches, and 0:12:18.676 --> 0:12:22.556 that can be a source of you know, discipline, approaches, 0:12:22.796 --> 0:12:26.196 discipline and yeah, those kind of things. I give you 0:12:26.236 --> 0:12:29.236 the perfect example. I'm like the grandfather. When the boys 0:12:29.236 --> 0:12:31.236 were a little they were like I don't know, four 0:12:31.236 --> 0:12:33.876 and six before our daughter was born. I said, we 0:12:33.956 --> 0:12:35.756 really need to make, you know, teach them how to 0:12:35.756 --> 0:12:38.396 make a bed and are all of a sudden, Jake goes, 0:12:38.756 --> 0:12:41.036 but Daddy, you don't make your bed, and Rob went. 0:12:41.396 --> 0:12:45.076 You know, He's right, all right, that's it. That was 0:12:45.196 --> 0:12:49.436 that's the discipline history of this household, right, And even 0:12:49.436 --> 0:12:52.156 the kids complain that there's there aren't enough boundarieson that 0:12:52.196 --> 0:12:54.516 they weren't disciplined enough. And that's something that I got 0:12:54.556 --> 0:12:57.476 from my parents. My parents didn't discipline me either. But 0:12:57.596 --> 0:12:59.636 maybe you know, I didn't act out or whatever. I mean, 0:12:59.756 --> 0:13:01.996 I don't know what it was, but I never got disciplined, 0:13:02.356 --> 0:13:06.116 really no, And so you just don't understand how why 0:13:06.636 --> 0:13:09.676 light needed. No. You got your kids, You love your kids, 0:13:09.676 --> 0:13:12.876 and you know hopefully they do the right thing. Are 0:13:12.916 --> 0:13:17.116 you are your boy slabs? No? No, they're not. Really. 0:13:17.756 --> 0:13:20.756 My husband is a slab. You know. It's amazing still 0:13:20.876 --> 0:13:25.116 to this day, Oh yeah, to this day, the towel 0:13:25.156 --> 0:13:28.396 doesn't get picked up off the floor. I'm better at that. 0:13:29.716 --> 0:13:32.316 I mean I was, I'm pretty neat. But she said, 0:13:32.676 --> 0:13:35.716 she said to me, put the towel back, fold it back, 0:13:35.756 --> 0:13:38.436 and put it on the thing. So I do that, right, 0:13:38.756 --> 0:13:41.276 I mean, the little things. Well, his parents would come 0:13:41.316 --> 0:13:43.756 into the house, never say hello, never say goodbye. I 0:13:43.756 --> 0:13:45.316 had to teach him how to say hello, how to 0:13:45.316 --> 0:13:47.356 go and goodbye. I had to teach him how to tip. 0:13:47.916 --> 0:13:50.436 I mean, all right, tip a lot, but how you do? 0:13:50.596 --> 0:13:54.116 Sometimes I forget. I mean, you know, she basically helped 0:13:54.196 --> 0:13:57.036 raise me. That's such a nice thing to say she did. 0:13:57.316 --> 0:14:01.716 She did. So. So how do you fight? When you fight? How? 0:14:01.876 --> 0:14:05.996 How very loud? Loud? Very loud? Yeah, too loud. Jews 0:14:06.916 --> 0:14:11.596 that can go because a big it is a big 0:14:11.636 --> 0:14:14.836 important thing. When people say, well, we never fight, I go, oh, well, 0:14:14.836 --> 0:14:18.356 then you're probably so repressed, yeah, and probably not have 0:14:18.436 --> 0:14:21.276 a good marriage, right because you do fight. I mean 0:14:21.356 --> 0:14:24.916 that's what happens. We don't fight a lot, but we do. 0:14:25.356 --> 0:14:28.956 So when you fight, you both screaming yeah, yeah, there's 0:14:28.956 --> 0:14:32.356 a there's a quick escalation. You know, it goes from 0:14:32.436 --> 0:14:38.556 zero sixty year very quick. And who makes up? I 0:14:38.596 --> 0:14:42.316 think it's it's probably even I would think, don't you think. 0:14:43.556 --> 0:14:46.276 But we get through it. Usually I walk out of 0:14:46.316 --> 0:14:48.076 the room. I'll walk out of the room. That's the 0:14:48.156 --> 0:14:51.236 big complaint. So that's how I go cool off. And 0:14:51.276 --> 0:14:54.276 then I come back in and you're saying, there's no 0:14:54.356 --> 0:14:59.156 way you could like if if I'm set off, there's 0:14:59.196 --> 0:15:01.756 no way to know. Once I'm set off, that's it. 0:15:01.836 --> 0:15:05.636 I mean, then I feel horrible afterwards. And then what 0:15:05.756 --> 0:15:09.276 happens to me is I feel like I don't want 0:15:09.116 --> 0:15:12.196 want to not be with this person. I can't. That's 0:15:12.196 --> 0:15:17.436 a horrible thought, you know. So sometimes I have crossed 0:15:17.436 --> 0:15:21.236 the line. It's a horrible thing because you can't unring 0:15:21.356 --> 0:15:23.476 the bell, you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. 0:15:23.476 --> 0:15:25.716 All you can do is say how much you love 0:15:25.756 --> 0:15:29.636 somebody and be sorry that that you did what you did. 0:15:29.676 --> 0:15:32.876 And that's another misnomer. Love is never having to say 0:15:32.876 --> 0:15:37.676 you're sorry. Bullshit is always having to say you're sorry 0:15:37.756 --> 0:15:41.116 if you are right when you say you crossed the line. 0:15:41.156 --> 0:15:46.116 Do you ever throw out the divorce word? Um? No, 0:15:46.316 --> 0:15:49.356 I mean she will say, what do you want a divorce? 0:15:49.756 --> 0:15:52.956 She'll say that, right, you know, to stop you from 0:15:52.956 --> 0:15:56.476 being crazy? Yeah? Yeah, And then I'll go, I'm not 0:15:56.516 --> 0:16:03.076 saying that right now, but that's good. Yeah. Yeah, that's emotion, 0:16:03.196 --> 0:16:07.036 that's fashion, that's that's that's alive. We wake up at 0:16:07.036 --> 0:16:09.876 three in the morning and start yelling about but assassin. Yeah, 0:16:09.916 --> 0:16:13.716 we're both obsessed with the Kennedy assassination for over fifty 0:16:13.796 --> 0:16:18.796 years now. Yes, it was, no, no, it was. I mean, 0:16:18.836 --> 0:16:20.596 we've done a lot of reasons. We actually had a 0:16:20.676 --> 0:16:23.076 project that we're trying to you know, put together, you know, 0:16:23.436 --> 0:16:25.236 but we'll get up at three o'clock and the more no, 0:16:25.316 --> 0:16:28.516 wait a minute, the entrance fool, wasn't you know, the 0:16:28.596 --> 0:16:31.276 grassy and we're we're into it, you know, at three 0:16:31.276 --> 0:16:33.316 in the morning, go to sleep. Well you have no no, 0:16:33.356 --> 0:16:36.196 wait a minute, I'm thinking about that. Couldn't that shot 0:16:36.276 --> 0:16:41.116 couldn't have come from the book depositors. Yeah, yeah, we 0:16:41.196 --> 0:16:44.516 have a lot of that. And it's interesting because you know, 0:16:44.596 --> 0:16:49.276 we've worked on political things together. We have very similar 0:16:49.396 --> 0:16:53.196 exactly the same political take on things. And she's more 0:16:53.236 --> 0:16:57.756 the driving force than me. I mean, she is, she's what, 0:16:58.236 --> 0:17:03.836 she's an irate citizen. Basically, there's just too much injustice 0:17:03.836 --> 0:17:06.916 in the world and she wants to fix it all. 0:17:07.516 --> 0:17:09.796 And you know, I'm you know, we work together. We 0:17:09.876 --> 0:17:12.116 try to find the things we can actually work on. 0:17:12.236 --> 0:17:16.556 But but that's where we've always worked very closely together. 0:17:16.556 --> 0:17:18.796 Where there was marriage equality, which we saw, you know, 0:17:18.836 --> 0:17:23.996 we start start the first yeah, the first yeah, the 0:17:24.076 --> 0:17:27.916 first federal lawsuit on that, or on early childhood where 0:17:27.956 --> 0:17:31.316 we passed some legislation here in California to start investment 0:17:31.356 --> 0:17:35.556 in early childhood. We stopped a city from being built 0:17:35.556 --> 0:17:38.196 in the Santa Monica Mountains. You know, we've done a 0:17:38.236 --> 0:17:41.716 lot of different things, so that's the thing that we 0:17:41.716 --> 0:17:45.556 always we worked well together. I'm impressed with how self 0:17:45.596 --> 0:17:49.356 aware you both are. A lot of therapy, lots and 0:17:49.516 --> 0:17:54.796 lots of therapy. Really, that's oh yeah, together, We've done 0:17:54.876 --> 0:17:59.636 some together. But mostly what I think is that you 0:17:59.916 --> 0:18:03.996 each person has their problems and their issues, their neurosis 0:18:04.076 --> 0:18:07.516 that they bring to the marriage, and the only way 0:18:07.516 --> 0:18:12.036 you can improve things is to identify your own you know, 0:18:12.156 --> 0:18:14.916 work your side of the street. But then ultimately it's 0:18:14.996 --> 0:18:17.876 up to each of us to work on that so 0:18:17.916 --> 0:18:22.356 that we don't bother each other as much about you know, 0:18:22.516 --> 0:18:25.396 it's not going to be no bother, but it'll be hopefully, 0:18:25.956 --> 0:18:28.276 you know, tempered a little bit. This is a weird thing. 0:18:28.316 --> 0:18:29.836 I don't know what it is, but it's like, there 0:18:29.876 --> 0:18:31.836 are a lot of things that bother me about him, 0:18:31.916 --> 0:18:34.076 and I'm sure if vice versa right, but somehow we 0:18:34.156 --> 0:18:36.636 put up with each other. If it was just a girlfriend. 0:18:36.636 --> 0:18:39.316 I go, I can't take this anymore, and not for this. 0:18:39.556 --> 0:18:41.876 You know, I don't know what that is. I don't 0:18:41.876 --> 0:18:45.316 know what makes that work. But well, because I think 0:18:45.316 --> 0:18:48.756 there's more things that you love about a person than 0:18:49.356 --> 0:18:52.076 bothers you about a person. It's funny because I was 0:18:52.116 --> 0:18:54.236 on the phone with my friend the other day and 0:18:54.636 --> 0:18:56.956 we were in the city and we were talking about 0:18:56.956 --> 0:19:00.196 the fact that her boyfriend and Rob it just it 0:19:00.196 --> 0:19:02.956 doesn't matter what it is. You'll say, I just told 0:19:02.996 --> 0:19:05.836 you that two minutes ago. We were just there five 0:19:05.916 --> 0:19:08.236 minutes ago. What is it? And it's like the same 0:19:08.276 --> 0:19:11.916 thing there there. My sister, first to its domestic, add 0:19:12.476 --> 0:19:14.676 that it's like, you know, they can't remember the writer, 0:19:14.796 --> 0:19:17.476 the producer, the thing, where when who wrote it up? 0:19:17.716 --> 0:19:20.796 And anything like it's like, honey, we're the diapers, you know, 0:19:20.796 --> 0:19:22.916 after the third kid. It's just you know what I mean, 0:19:23.276 --> 0:19:25.556 It's constant like that. And she said, look, you just 0:19:25.596 --> 0:19:28.196 have to let it go. And you know, don't just 0:19:28.316 --> 0:19:30.036 know that that's what it's like. And I had just 0:19:30.156 --> 0:19:32.796 texted him. I was coming from the Lorrie side. I said, 0:19:32.836 --> 0:19:34.356 can you go ahead and get some coffee. I'll be 0:19:34.396 --> 0:19:36.036 there in a couple of minutes and I walk into 0:19:36.036 --> 0:19:37.876 the apartment. I go, did you get the coffee? And 0:19:37.916 --> 0:19:40.076 goes no, I thought we were going together. It's just 0:19:40.196 --> 0:19:44.236 it's not even it's just not paying attention. I guess 0:19:44.276 --> 0:19:46.916 you just can't get mad about it anymore. Again, I 0:19:46.996 --> 0:19:51.436 don't know how long have you been married? Thirty? Yeah? Yeah, 0:19:51.436 --> 0:19:54.396 that's a lot. Yeah, that's really a lot. This happens 0:19:54.396 --> 0:20:00.116 on a daily basis. Yeah, right. I hate to be 0:20:00.196 --> 0:20:04.836 the person has to edit this. It's fun, it's really fun. 0:20:05.956 --> 0:20:09.516 We've enjoyed it. It's we're learning a lot. Every time 0:20:09.516 --> 0:20:11.956 we walk away from a couple weeks say we should 0:20:11.956 --> 0:20:14.036 do that, that's a really good thing, or let's never 0:20:14.116 --> 0:20:18.596 do like, why did you learn tell me something? Well, 0:20:18.636 --> 0:20:24.116 I had to work on something, which is I am 0:20:23.076 --> 0:20:28.956 a fixer. I want to make everything better, right, even 0:20:28.956 --> 0:20:31.556 if you don't want me to write, So Phil will 0:20:31.596 --> 0:20:33.996 tell me something. We took this took years, I mean 0:20:33.996 --> 0:20:37.036 maybe fifteen of our forty years for him to say 0:20:37.036 --> 0:20:39.356 to me, I'm going to tell you something now. And 0:20:39.396 --> 0:20:42.236 I don't want you to say anything, and I don't 0:20:42.276 --> 0:20:45.276 want you to reach for the phone. Just listen to me. 0:20:45.676 --> 0:20:49.196 I need to tell you this. He just wants you 0:20:49.236 --> 0:20:52.636 to hear what want says. He wants you to hear that, 0:20:52.956 --> 0:20:56.196 and he doesn't ask you anything except to just listen 0:20:56.236 --> 0:20:58.556 to what I am. I don't want any advice, and 0:20:58.636 --> 0:21:01.236 I don't want you to call anybody. I don't want 0:21:01.236 --> 0:21:03.596 you to do anything. I just want to unload this. 0:21:04.156 --> 0:21:07.756 And that was that's extremely hard for me. I mean, 0:21:07.836 --> 0:21:11.676 you know, your impulse is to make things better for him, right, 0:21:12.156 --> 0:21:14.636 And what you have to get to the point is 0:21:15.316 --> 0:21:19.796 that doing that doesn't necessarily make it better for you. 0:21:20.316 --> 0:21:22.036 That what will make it better for him is for 0:21:22.076 --> 0:21:24.476 you not to do exactly. And that's a that's a 0:21:24.676 --> 0:21:28.476 that's counterintuitive in a way, in a way, that's accommodation. 0:21:28.676 --> 0:21:30.916 I think we accommodate all all the time because I 0:21:30.996 --> 0:21:32.716 know that he's very different than me in a lot 0:21:32.716 --> 0:21:37.036 of ways, you know, And I think he can sit 0:21:37.076 --> 0:21:38.956 on the couch all day and not move and I 0:21:38.996 --> 0:21:41.196 have to move constantly and keep doing things and be 0:21:41.276 --> 0:21:43.316 busy all the time. And that's what I like to do. 0:21:43.436 --> 0:21:47.716 And we're like, well like that. Yeah, Milo walks into 0:21:47.796 --> 0:21:53.596 my office, she starts fixing, I mean, putting this year 0:21:53.676 --> 0:21:57.076 and putting this away and talking all the time about 0:21:57.116 --> 0:22:01.876 something else. I mean, she really is a control freak 0:22:01.956 --> 0:22:05.716 in that way. And I'm the I guess nanty irishman. 0:22:05.796 --> 0:22:08.596 You know, I put something down, it's there for four 0:22:08.636 --> 0:22:14.676 and a half, you know where it is there. I 0:22:14.796 --> 0:22:18.556