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Speaker 1: You guys, it's almost that time. We are going to

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Speaker 1: Costa Rica. Woo woo.

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Speaker 2: That's right, The Good Vibe Retreat is approaching, and you

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Speaker 2: We've just announced that Trap Yoga Bay is going to

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Speaker 2: be joining us week one and Samaya of Sexual Essentials

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Speaker 2: will be joining us week two. They are going to

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Speaker 2: be leading an intimate, amazing workshop in the jungle. This

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Speaker 2: is an all inclusive retreat. We've literally handled every fucking

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Speaker 2: detail for you. Just come lay back and enjoy the ride.

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Speaker 1: That's right. We've literally handled everything that's food, transportation, adventures,

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Speaker 1: yoga every morning, and so much more. This experience, you guys,

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Speaker 1: is really life changing, and I mean you fucking deserve it.

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Speaker 1: When's the last time you took a vacation. If you're

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Speaker 1: waiting for a sign, this is your sign.

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Speaker 2: So make sure you click the episode description and click

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Speaker 2: book ba because this shit will sell out and you

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Speaker 2: will regret it. I promise you that. If you're looking

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Speaker 2: for sisterhood, if you're looking for tribe, check out the

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Speaker 2: Good Vibe Retreat.

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Speaker 1: See you in the jungle.

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Speaker 2: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.

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Speaker 1: I'm Erica and I'm milahi. Hey, what's that? Nothing? What's

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Speaker 1: going on?

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Speaker 2: Just you know, drinking water. Same.

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Speaker 1: It's so hard to remember to do right.

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Speaker 2: It's really hard, especially when you stay up at night

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Speaker 2: eating eight s'mores alone. Ere's gonna be pissed when she

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Speaker 2: finds out there's no more chocolate left, and then I've

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Speaker 2: eaten all of her marshmallows and Graham crackers. There are

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Speaker 2: still gram crackers, but yeah, I ate s'mores. I woke

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Speaker 2: up this morning and I felt like, shit it you

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Speaker 2: always do this. I literally was like, why do I

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Speaker 2: feel hungover? I was like, sugar sugar hungover. Oh no, dear,

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Speaker 2: that's been during the moment. You couldn't have asked me

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Speaker 2: to stop like I would have cursed you out. It

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Speaker 2: was fucking amazing. It's more to the ship, extra crispy.

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Speaker 2: Melt the chocolate before I put the chocolate either the

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Speaker 2: microwave or pot. This is just a life hack. Melt

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Speaker 2: it before. Don't try to melt the chocolate with I

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Speaker 2: don't like they hate when the chocolate is hard.

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Speaker 1: It's because the boiling temperatures for both are different.

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Speaker 2: Different. You gotta like the chocolate's gotta melt longer. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: And I've tried to like make my own technique where

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Speaker 2: like I cut a stuff, I tell you that it

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Speaker 2: falls out every time, it just doesn't do it. And

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Speaker 2: so what I do is I just take one extra step,

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Speaker 2: melt the chocolate, glaze it all over, grind cracker, and

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Speaker 2: then I make it extra crispy. Okay, I'm really passionate

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Speaker 2: about this. It was really good, That's all I know.

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Speaker 2: But I hope it was worth your hand. It was,

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Speaker 2: it was, it was, But you know, starting tomorrow, I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna start working out with my trainer and Hollywood is

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Speaker 2: that his name?

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Speaker 1: No name is six Oh okay, sorry, Cammy, He's okay,

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Speaker 1: he's the Hollywood Abs though, right.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Cammy Crawford our guests from relationship. She recommended him

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Speaker 2: to me and he's actually a block from here, so

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Speaker 2: it works out. But he told me I can't drink coffee,

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Speaker 2: which is absolutely not fucking happening. And I told him

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Speaker 2: that and he was like, how bad do you want coffee?

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Speaker 1: And I was like what I need?

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Speaker 2: I was like, what does coffee have to do with

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Speaker 2: my six pack?

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Speaker 1: Wait? What is this consultation where he yell at you

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Speaker 1: in this voice, he cannot do it.

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Speaker 2: He was like, I drink tea. I drink green tea,

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Speaker 2: and I don't like the way it tastes. But about

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Speaker 2: what we put in our body, it's the input. I said, Nigga, listen,

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Speaker 2: one cup of coffee is not gonna like derail my

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Speaker 2: workout plan. Do the rest of your job, and I

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Speaker 2: will drink my one cup of coffee. Weed coffee, non negotiable,

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Speaker 2: non negotiable.

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Speaker 1: Well, okay, speaking of putting things in your body, I

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Speaker 1: think I need to go plant based because I already

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Speaker 1: knew this because I don't believe we're supposed to be

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Speaker 1: consuming animals and I'm karmically not well my lip literally,

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Speaker 1: let you talk about fucking passionately about true. This is

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Speaker 1: our first fight. Shut the fuck up. I have important

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Speaker 1: things to say. Okay, if you want to talk about

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Speaker 1: marshmallows and talking, I wait.

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Speaker 2: To see you on this journey. Go ahead continue.

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Speaker 1: First of all, let the record show fuck you. Second

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Speaker 1: of all, like I was saying two things, Okay, first

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Speaker 1: thing is I forget to drink water because my bladder

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Speaker 1: is very weak. Does anyone else get like very close

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Speaker 1: to the bathroom? And then like pee a little bit

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Speaker 1: in their panties because you're glad. I won't make it.

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Speaker 1: That happens to me often. Okay. Two, I was online

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Speaker 1: Instagram and I saw this video of a whale. There's

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Speaker 1: people on a boat. They dropped their phone in the ocean,

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Speaker 1: and a little orca whale swims up to the boat

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Speaker 1: and gives the phone back.

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Speaker 2: Yes, that's crazy. I know.

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Speaker 1: That's why I'm not gonna eat fishy man, because wow,

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Speaker 1: my terrible.

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Speaker 2: But why orcan? Who's eating Orchand why was that the

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Speaker 2: determining flax?

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Speaker 1: It wasn't.

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Speaker 2: It wasn't like it was a and feeding a baby

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Speaker 2: pig to fucking his snake. Did you see that video?

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Speaker 2: That video literally traumatized me on the internet last week.

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Speaker 2: It was I didn't even watch the video. It was like,

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Speaker 2: you know, like on reels, it'll just be like a squish.

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Speaker 1: Actually was.

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Speaker 2: It was like a screenshot of a baby pig and

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Speaker 2: his snake looking at it and he was holding it

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Speaker 2: over and he was like, y'all eat pig every day?

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Speaker 2: What's the problem with my nature's natural progression?

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Speaker 1: Fine with I'm fine with nature doing its nature. I

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Speaker 1: feed my snake mice.

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Speaker 2: Wonder snake's fine pigs where.

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Speaker 1: In the wild, bitch.

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Speaker 3: Oh.

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Speaker 1: Also, somebody told me that she had a snake or

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Speaker 1: who I don't know, what the fuck tell me is

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Speaker 1: they had a snake that in the snake cage there

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Speaker 1: was a little bowl of fish and the snake would

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Speaker 1: just come grab the fish and eat the fish out

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Speaker 1: of the little I was like, okay, whatever, right.

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Speaker 2: So anyway, the orca, because you need.

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Speaker 1: To be plant based, it wasn't an orca. It was

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Speaker 1: let me tell you the right, vanite. No, it wasn't

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Speaker 1: a manateea. It was a beluga whale. You guys want

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Speaker 1: to see it.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, wait.

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Speaker 1: Wow, I told you not your caption.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: I'm going plant based. And the point and the point

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Speaker 1: is I'm not eating beluga. The point is animals, sea creatures.

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Speaker 1: All animals have spirits and they are conscious.

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Speaker 2: You just figure that out.

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Speaker 1: No, bitch, I've gone in my whole life. It's been

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Speaker 1: a struggle because I'm greedy. But the point of the

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Speaker 1: matter is I saw this beautiful video this morning, and

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Speaker 1: this is what the internet is for.

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Speaker 2: So now, so now when I want to go to

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Speaker 2: vegetarian restaurants, you're not going to give me shit. Nope, yeah,

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Speaker 2: because every time I want to do that, Jamiala's like, well,

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Speaker 2: you know what, you guys.

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Speaker 1: I grew up vegetarian, and it was so insisted upon

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Speaker 1: in my household that as an adult I wanted to

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Speaker 1: eat meat. And so now I'm crazy.

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Speaker 2: Both your parents vegetarian.

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Speaker 1: My mom eats like chicken, but my dad has never so,

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Speaker 1: and he's the primary cook in my household. So growing

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Speaker 1: up I was forbidden because it was they were like,

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Speaker 1: that's disgusting. And so when I would go to people's houses,

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Speaker 1: I'd be bacon. And now there's me. You're like the

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Speaker 1: fried chicken maker of the world.

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Speaker 2: Any time there's a meal that's going to be made,

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Speaker 2: it's Jamila's making fried chicken.

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Speaker 4: You guys.

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Speaker 1: I just want everyone to know, if any husbands potential

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Speaker 1: husbands are listening, I'm a great cook. I can fry chicken,

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Speaker 1: I can make macara and cheese, cornbread, greens, this is pratcakes.

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Speaker 1: Anything you want me to make I can make. I'm

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Speaker 1: very domesticated. If anyone was listening like, wow, they're so wild,

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Speaker 1: Jamila is also domesticated. This is an advertisement.

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Speaker 2: I'm not, but I can give me a massage and

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Speaker 2: I can order Postmates.

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Speaker 1: Okay, anyway, let's.

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Speaker 2: You guys.

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Speaker 1: We're not even high. We're just not talking about shit. Okay, anyway,

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Speaker 1: moving along.

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Speaker 2: Ah, Hi, we have a guest here. You can mind

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Speaker 2: hear giggling in the background. She's like, these bitches, don't

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Speaker 2: shut up.

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Speaker 3: I love it.

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Speaker 2: We have less from Balanced Black Girl Podcast. Thank you

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Speaker 2: for joining us, Thank you for joining us.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for sitting to that ridiculous conversation.

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Speaker 2: Are you plant based?

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Speaker 4: No, I'm not.

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Speaker 2: Are you right now? No? Are you married? Do you

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Speaker 2: have anything to offer any.

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Speaker 1: Listener you want to do you want to put out

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Speaker 1: your audition tape? Because I just did.

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Speaker 2: Are you in a relationsip? No, I'm not dating.

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Are you from LA?

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Speaker 4: I'm not Seattle here now.

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Speaker 1: I'm always interested in black people from Seattle, Like, what

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Speaker 1: are we doing over there? Being terrible?

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Speaker 4: That's why I live here.

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Speaker 1: My girlfriend just moved there. Oh, I know she's from there.

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Speaker 1: Though she is from there, I guess because I'm a

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Speaker 1: black girl from a white area. I'm always wondering, like

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Speaker 1: it's typocriticals. I'm like, black people are there. It's like, bitch,

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Speaker 1: black people are barely where you're from and you came

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Speaker 1: out just okay, yeah, okay, you don't have kids, right?

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Speaker 1: I do not know what's your sign?

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Speaker 2: Leo?

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Speaker 1: My son is a Leo.

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Speaker 2: Do you know your whole good time, your whole thing?

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Speaker 2: What is it?

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Speaker 3: Taurus Moon, Libre rising, what else? Mercury, Virgo, Venus, Libra, Saturn, Capricorn.

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Speaker 4: That really tears me up. It's the only ones I

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Speaker 4: can remember.

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Speaker 2: You're very like grounded, a lot of earth.

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Speaker 3: I have a whole lot of a lot of Virgo,

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Speaker 3: a lot of Capricorn, Taurus.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I love them. Sick my daughter she's very earthy

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Speaker 2: as well, and I'm very water fire.

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Speaker 1: I need to figure out the rest of my shit.

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Speaker 1: I need to know my vetus and shite.

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Speaker 2: My venus is a Scorpio.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I have like everything. It's not balanced.

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Speaker 1: It's just crazy. I don't have enough water though. I

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Speaker 1: feel like I could use a little bit more water. Well,

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Speaker 1: here we are, baby, I'm feelings. Here's your water, it's us.

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Speaker 1: Come hang out with us. You'll eventually channel your inner water.

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Speaker 4: Perfect.

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Speaker 2: That's what I need.

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Speaker 4: I need more like feelings.

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Speaker 1: We have feelings, but sometimes we don't.

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Speaker 2: I feel like I have too many feelings, and so

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Speaker 2: I just have had to learn how to like chill

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Speaker 2: them the fuck out. Yeah, so then it comes off

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Speaker 2: as if I have none.

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Speaker 1: That's a good one. I think when you have too

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Speaker 1: many feelings, you're just like this is too much. Fuck

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Speaker 1: them all. That's how I feel like too much. Fuck it,

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Speaker 1: get it away from me. I won't never mind.

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Speaker 4: But it's a scorpio though.

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Speaker 3: I feel like scorpios are good at appearing a loof,

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Speaker 3: even if that's not how they really feel.

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Speaker 2: For sure, you think I'm a loof, you think I

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Speaker 2: appear loof.

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Speaker 1: I feel like you can wear a better poker face

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Speaker 1: if you don't want someone to know that you're affected,

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Speaker 1: whereas I can. But first I have to really be

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Speaker 1: pushed to a limit to my ego comes out, because

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Speaker 1: at first I'll be like why what have come back?

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Speaker 2: Love me?

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Speaker 1: Whereas the air coup be like fuck you, and then

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Speaker 1: she like call me like that's true.

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Speaker 2: I'm like you believe you said that to me. I

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Speaker 2: feel like I feel like my poker face is pretty

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Speaker 2: much consistent throughout the day all the time, so I'm

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Speaker 2: trying to like unpoker my face more. I'm not unpoker,

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Speaker 2: un poking my face. I'm want to see the pole

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Speaker 2: podcast like this.

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Speaker 1: Don't do that. I don't like it's kind of scaredy

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Speaker 1: oh my god.

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Speaker 2: Wish we should do a podcast where I'm you and you're me.

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Speaker 4: That would be hunia.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how to do that. Like I'm Mila, Hey, relax,

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Speaker 1: but you're titty away.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: See, you're always showing that titty. It's fine. Everyone's seen

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Speaker 1: that titty, even on Instagram.

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Speaker 4: It's just who I am.

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Speaker 2: I just love it.

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Speaker 1: It just like it just wants to fight it. I

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Speaker 1: don't know that titty is not camouflage. I am nice,

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Speaker 1: I'm smiling. I love women. I'm a retreat leader.

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Speaker 2: I just wanted to like all just like be free

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Speaker 2: and like love each other and like just like who

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Speaker 2: cares been naked?

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Speaker 1: I just want to be naked and like who cares?

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Speaker 2: It's my pussy? Everyone has one.

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Speaker 1: It's okay to be naked, but everyone doesn't want to

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Speaker 1: be naked with you. People aren't gonna like you, but

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Speaker 1: they will like you. It's not their problem. But maybe

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Speaker 1: put your titties away. Jimmy loves speak up. I'm the

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Speaker 1: only one speaking loud. Even though I'm very loof and cool.

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Speaker 2: Well, I don't know, I'm just chillan all right, well

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Speaker 2: we did it.

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Speaker 1: What the fuck is wrong with this?

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Speaker 2: It's where we're not high? Wow, oh my god. Okay, anyway, information.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, time, and today our dear guest is going to

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Speaker 1: shut us the fuck up by bringing us a good affirmation.

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Speaker 3: Very much entertained by this conversation. The role of result

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Speaker 3: is funny, no affirmation. I've actually been thinking a lot.

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Speaker 3: I saw this meme yesterday that said something along the

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Speaker 3: lines of like loving myself is also loving my experiences,

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Speaker 3: and I have a very hard time with that. So

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Speaker 3: I feel like my affirmation would be something along the

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Speaker 3: lines of, like when I honor my experiences, I honor

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Speaker 3: myself or something.

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Speaker 1: When I honor my experiences, I honor myself.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I mean it's like not judging yourself through the journey

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Speaker 2: of experiencing yourself, and that can be really challenging. I

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Speaker 2: think in the perfect world, a social media world, everyone

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Speaker 2: is like I am who even on this podcast, like whatever,

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Speaker 2: I did it, fuck it, you know, even on this podcast,

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Speaker 2: I did it, fucking you know. But there's definitely Literally

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Speaker 2: the other day we posted this like, uh, this clip

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Speaker 2: about our this like experience goddess sexual experience we had

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Speaker 2: together in Costa Rica, and we posted it and like

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Speaker 2: I was like feeling like wow, this is so funny.

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Speaker 2: It's so great. And then like the next day, I

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Speaker 2: was like, Jamila, should we take it down? Like I

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Speaker 2: don't know, like is it too much? I'm never gonna

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Speaker 2: find a husband who's in respect.

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Speaker 1: For Wait, actually I'm gonna post. She put it in

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Speaker 1: voice no, So I'm gonna post the voice no and

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Speaker 1: Patreon because it was so fucking hilarious. She was like hello,

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Speaker 1: She's like I don't know, I'm looking at this clip.

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Speaker 1: Is it too much? And she's like I reget wait

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Speaker 1: for me.

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Speaker 2: Hello.

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Speaker 1: Anyway, what I was saying is she's like, good away

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Speaker 1: from me. It's like this.

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Speaker 2: Bitch is going was trying to listen to my conversation.

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Speaker 2: It was like almost like she knew I was judging

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Speaker 2: myself and she wanted to have like a first seat

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Speaker 2: to my insecurity, like my child knew that I was

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Speaker 2: going through this dilemma. And she literally was.

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Speaker 1: Just like she was like she's like the part about

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Speaker 1: us having that three go away, I don't know, is

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Speaker 1: it too much to just say we're I'm like, this

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Speaker 1: is I can visualize you running from her us.

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Speaker 2: I was running all over the house, like trying to

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Speaker 2: talk and voice hoo switch meal, and I was like,

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Speaker 2: should we archive it? Let's just archive it. We don't

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Speaker 2: have to delete it. Maybe just take it off our

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Speaker 2: feet and keep it in reels. I was like, and

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Speaker 2: then it's still up, still up, I know.

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Speaker 1: A couple of hours later, I looked, I'm like, I

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Speaker 1: guess she's I guess she's fine.

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Speaker 2: I was like, we posted four times. It's down the feed.

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Speaker 1: No one can ever find it again.

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Speaker 2: But what I say that to say is like, even

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Speaker 2: though I enjoyed this experience like I had and I

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Speaker 2: felt so empowered by it, there's still a like questioning

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Speaker 2: of myself even this far into my journey. And good

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Speaker 2: Moms where like our whole you know, our whole platform

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Speaker 2: is about kind of just living authentically and being honest

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Speaker 2: about where you're at. I still struggle with it, Like

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Speaker 2: it's not I haven't I'm not fully healed, y'all. I

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Speaker 2: didn't like, I'm still doing the work. And I think

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Speaker 2: that that's whether you're talking about threesomes on the internet,

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Speaker 2: or you know, just dating someone that like didn't serve you,

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Speaker 2: and you're like, how the fuck did I do that?

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Speaker 2: Why did I do that? What did I wasted my time?

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Speaker 2: How could I do this to myself? And it's like, well,

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Speaker 2: we learned something, right, But I think that that's a

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Speaker 2: challenge that I think all of us continue to face.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think especially women. And I was I was

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Speaker 1: having these thoughts recently too, like this exact thing. I

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Speaker 1: was like judging myself about something and I was talking

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Speaker 1: myself out of the judgment, like this is a lesson.

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Speaker 1: It's more of a like reflect on how you feel.

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Speaker 1: But then I got high and then I had this

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Speaker 1: like deep hime thought and I was like telling Orlando,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, what if we what if the journey is

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Speaker 1: not like linear, it's not vertical, it doesn't like start

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Speaker 1: here and stop here?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 1: What if the journey? What if we imagine the journey

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Speaker 1: to be a spear shape like the earth?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 1: So, cause it started because I was like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: because I'm grown and I don't make those decisions anymore.

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Speaker 1: And then I was and He's like, or you do,

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Speaker 1: and we laughed, and I was like and then I

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Speaker 1: got deep in my head, and I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: what if we stopped thinking of the journey starting A

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Speaker 1: and ending at B, but we started thinking of the

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Speaker 1: journey of the shape of the world world, right, and like,

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Speaker 1: maybe you're from a small town, but then you're going

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Speaker 1: to go to Greece and have that experience, and maybe

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Speaker 1: you might pop back in to your small town and

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Speaker 1: you'll be like, ah, that's cool, I don't really like

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Speaker 1: it here. And then you go to Africa and then

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Speaker 1: you'll come back. And I was like, but we're never

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Speaker 1: judging ourselves about the places we go back to visit, right,

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Speaker 1: because we're just visiting it, and maybe we'll never go back,

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Speaker 1: maybe only the places one time. I'm like, but as

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Speaker 1: we travel this in this shape of the world, then

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Speaker 1: the judgment I was like in my mind, I was like,

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Speaker 1: this is so smart. I am a fucking analyst. I'm

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Speaker 1: a fucking philosopher. And he was like, yeah, I always

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Speaker 1: say that, babe. I was like, okay, but you don't

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Speaker 1: get this philosophy like when you look at it like that.

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Speaker 1: In my mind, when it's round, it's better like I

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Speaker 1: haven't gone back, I've just gone a different place. So

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Speaker 1: I hope everybody understands that visual and it helps you

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Speaker 1: not judge yourself, because it's helped me thinking of my

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Speaker 1: journey round and not straight.

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Speaker 2: What are some of the ways in which like that

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Speaker 2: affirmation has come up for you?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Honestly, just the other day, I was like on

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Speaker 3: the phone crying to my mom because I just was like,

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Speaker 3: my life is like not what I want and I'm

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Speaker 3: the one who did it, Like I made these decisions

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Speaker 3: and now they've got me here, and like I wish

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Speaker 3: I had a time machine, you know all that, and

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Speaker 3: I just had to be like, I don't and this

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Speaker 3: is where I am. So what am I gonna do

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Speaker 3: about it? Like am I gonna beat myself up over it?

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Speaker 3: Or am I gonna move through it? And there are

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Speaker 3: some things that I have control over and can change,

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Speaker 3: and there are some things that I can't, and I

397
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Speaker 3: just have to accept it and move forward.

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Speaker 1: And also kind of finding trying to find the silver

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Speaker 1: lining and the joy and the things that you can't

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Speaker 1: change or like the things that you've judged yourself about, right,

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Speaker 1: because the judgment, you have to kind of think about

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Speaker 1: where in my mind have I made this thing bad? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was talking to my Homegirl today Capricorn, and she's

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Speaker 1: been doing some like ho shit in her mind, and

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Speaker 1: she was like the shit we prioritize on our show

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Speaker 1: ordering weed at the moment of videotaping, and anyway, she

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Speaker 1: was like, she was doing some things that I think

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Speaker 1: I know that she would traditionally judge someone about or

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Speaker 1: would traditionally be quick to be like, I would never

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Speaker 1: do that. I don't do that. And I was like, well,

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Speaker 1: did you enjoy it? And she was like, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: enjoyed it. I was like, girl, maybe this is your

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Speaker 1: season to be a houp. Yes. I was like, and

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Speaker 1: since it's your season, you might as well enjoy it. Yes.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, sometimes you guys, like everything's not perfect, Like

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Speaker 1: and if you know you're a good person, you don't

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Speaker 1: really have to worry about it, right if you're just

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Speaker 1: an overall terrible human being and you want to see

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Speaker 1: people hurt. But if you're not hurting anyone, dude, what

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Speaker 1: the fuck you need to do? And like, whatever traditionally

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Speaker 1: is thought of as bad, I mean, welcome to good

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Speaker 1: mom's bad choices. Bitches. It may not be bad, It

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Speaker 1: actually may be bomb, and actually may be exactly what

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Speaker 1: you needed.

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Speaker 3: Or need mentioning why do we think things are good

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Speaker 3: or bad? Whose definitions are those who.

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Speaker 1: Set the tone for these decisions?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 4: Right does not even align with what we want.

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Speaker 1: Exactly, And nothing's bad honestly, I mean obviously, like murder

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Speaker 1: is bad, war is bad, but rape is bad. But

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Speaker 1: I think like in the journey of life, there are

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Speaker 1: really no bad decisions because every single decision that you've made,

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Speaker 1: I don't even know what decisions you were talking to

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Speaker 1: your mom about are actually what led you to this

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00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,080
Speaker 1: moment to be like, I actually don't I'm not feeling this,

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Speaker 1: And had you not gone this route one turn differently,

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Speaker 1: you may not, you know, have come to this conclusion

439
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:15,479
Speaker 1: this at this time, and it's exactly where you're supposed

440
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:18,440
Speaker 1: to be. I love that, and I love that we

441
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:22,080
Speaker 1: can have this conversation about not judging yourself. I think

442
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:25,600
Speaker 1: me and Erica really wanted to talk about today accepting

443
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:30,840
Speaker 1: yourself and loving yourself through your fuck ups because we're

444
00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:35,000
Speaker 1: going to fuck up and you know, probably daily, and

445
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:37,439
Speaker 1: I think like getting stuck on the fuck ups is

446
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:39,640
Speaker 1: what really fucks us up. You have to be able

447
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:43,120
Speaker 1: to obviously be self aware and don't do the same

448
00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:44,879
Speaker 1: shit over and over and over and over and over

449
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:47,040
Speaker 1: and over and then do or do but like but

450
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,000
Speaker 1: then complain about it and bitch about it. And I'm

451
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:51,200
Speaker 1: one of those people, like I'll do some shit five

452
00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:53,439
Speaker 1: times and then cry because I knew better, you know,

453
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:57,080
Speaker 1: but and it takes people longer, but eventually you're gonna

454
00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:58,880
Speaker 1: stop doing the shit that you said you didn't want

455
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:01,120
Speaker 1: to do. So I think it's a very important lesson,

456
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:05,639
Speaker 1: especially for women, especially for moms, to chill out on

457
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:08,560
Speaker 1: yourself and like forgive yourself like you'd forgive your toddler.

458
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,119
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that if you're not a mom, though,

459
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:15,600
Speaker 2: the reparenting yourself conversation almost feels a little bit more

460
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,160
Speaker 2: difficult because I mean, I knew you as someone who's

461
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,520
Speaker 2: not a parent, like you haven't had to give a

462
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:25,840
Speaker 2: child that grace almost and that unconditional love yet. And

463
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,920
Speaker 2: so if you don't have, like I guess, like a

464
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:32,280
Speaker 2: blueprint to like, what does unconditional love feel like? Besides

465
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:35,159
Speaker 2: like my parent, like the one that my parent like,

466
00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:39,399
Speaker 2: it's almost harder almost. I see the challenges on both sides,

467
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,040
Speaker 2: Like I see like it's really hard for parents to

468
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,840
Speaker 2: give themselves grace because like they have this responsibility of

469
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:45,719
Speaker 2: taking care of this kid and there's so much pressure

470
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:49,080
Speaker 2: to rise to the occasion. And then on the other side,

471
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:52,680
Speaker 2: it's like, but you have this person that you love unconditionally,

472
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:56,280
Speaker 2: and you're like, wow, I now really understand the idea

473
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:59,840
Speaker 2: of unconditional love because like you are like a man

474
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:02,199
Speaker 2: of festation of that, whereas like if you don't have

475
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:05,400
Speaker 2: a child, you don't really know exactly not. I don't

476
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:08,560
Speaker 2: want to say everyone feels this way. I'm please interrupt

477
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,000
Speaker 2: me if I'm wrong, because I've had a child now

478
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:13,320
Speaker 2: for seven years. But I know before I had a child,

479
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,840
Speaker 2: it would be really difficult for me to reparent myself.

480
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:19,359
Speaker 2: It would be really difficult for me to give myself

481
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:23,679
Speaker 2: this grace that I might give myself now. Honestly, I

482
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:26,320
Speaker 2: think having my daughter has made me really more aware

483
00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:28,800
Speaker 2: of how important it is. And I think back on,

484
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:31,440
Speaker 2: like before I had a child, when I was also

485
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:35,480
Speaker 2: in my early twenties, how hard I was on myself

486
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:39,399
Speaker 2: all the fucking time. I read my diary entries and

487
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:42,560
Speaker 2: from my past, I'm like, you were so mean to yourself,

488
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:47,560
Speaker 2: like all the time. Every year me and me Al

489
00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:49,840
Speaker 2: are writing this book and so I guess every year,

490
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:52,720
Speaker 2: I always write on New Year's Every New Year's I

491
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,840
Speaker 2: was such a bitch to myself, like I didn't accomplish

492
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:57,760
Speaker 2: any of the goals I want to do. But this year,

493
00:21:57,800 --> 00:21:59,560
Speaker 2: I swear I'm going to do it. I'm going to

494
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:02,000
Speaker 2: get my shit together. I swear to God, this is

495
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:03,760
Speaker 2: going to be the year of like I'm not going

496
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:08,320
Speaker 2: to fuck up anymore. And it's like, yeah, I had

497
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:12,040
Speaker 2: no like I guess foundation on how to do that.

498
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:15,399
Speaker 2: So I guess my question for you is how do

499
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,679
Speaker 2: you do that? Like, what are some of the ways.

500
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:19,960
Speaker 2: I mean, obviously, I know we're all we're all speaking

501
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:22,320
Speaker 2: from a work in progress place, but like, what are

502
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:24,280
Speaker 2: some of the ways that you do give yourself grace?

503
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:25,639
Speaker 2: What are some of the ways that like you have

504
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:27,800
Speaker 2: that conversation with your mom and you kind of like

505
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:31,400
Speaker 2: have to accept it and move forward, but like it's

506
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:33,760
Speaker 2: that's easier than done. Oh totally, you know.

507
00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:35,720
Speaker 3: I mean, what's been helpful for me and I'm going

508
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:38,960
Speaker 3: through this like real time, right, So what's been helpful

509
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,280
Speaker 3: for me is also letting myself feel it. I mean,

510
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:43,720
Speaker 3: as earlier when I was like water scigns helped me

511
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:46,119
Speaker 3: have feelings. I was joking, but also like not joking

512
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,840
Speaker 3: because I'm not the most like emotional person. So even

513
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:52,560
Speaker 3: talking to my mom and like letting her know what

514
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:55,760
Speaker 3: was going on for me, and like crying to her.

515
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:59,160
Speaker 3: I mean, in thirty two years, I could probably count

516
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:00,760
Speaker 3: on one hand number of times.

517
00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:02,600
Speaker 4: In my life that I've done that. I was gonna

518
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:03,199
Speaker 4: ask you about that.

519
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:04,679
Speaker 1: I was like, that's so how beautiful you have a

520
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:07,040
Speaker 1: relationship with your mom where you felt like you can

521
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:10,360
Speaker 1: do that, because it's odd that people don't necessarily feel

522
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,879
Speaker 1: that vulnerable with their parent to do that.

523
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:16,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I don't know if I have had that

524
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:17,560
Speaker 3: relationship and not because of her.

525
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:19,280
Speaker 4: I think a lot of it has been because of me.

526
00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:22,439
Speaker 3: Because my mom is someone who is amazing, and she

527
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:25,479
Speaker 3: is very emotionally expressive, and so from a young age,

528
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:27,479
Speaker 3: I felt this pressure to be a little bit more

529
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,720
Speaker 3: stoic to kind of balance her out, and so I

530
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,639
Speaker 3: started holding things in at a very young age until

531
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:34,399
Speaker 3: I finally got to the point where now I'm like,

532
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:36,520
Speaker 3: I can't anymore. I just need to let myself feel it.

533
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:39,480
Speaker 3: And also not like I am an overall and pretty

534
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:41,639
Speaker 3: positive person, but also sometimes it's not the time for

535
00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:43,800
Speaker 3: a silver lining. Sometimes you're just feeling it and you

536
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,760
Speaker 3: want to feel what it is and let yourself cry

537
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:48,520
Speaker 3: it out and then you can move on to the

538
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:50,919
Speaker 3: silver lining. But if at the peak of you being upset,

539
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,360
Speaker 3: someone is like that's the positive, it's.

540
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:53,919
Speaker 1: Like, shut up.

541
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:55,720
Speaker 2: I don't want to have that motherfucker positive.

542
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:56,200
Speaker 1: I'm sad.

543
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:57,640
Speaker 2: Text to me tomorrow about.

544
00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,000
Speaker 3: It sad, and then we can pretend to be happy tomorrow.

545
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:02,639
Speaker 3: Right Let me be sad right now. And so I

546
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:05,640
Speaker 3: think that's kind of where I'm at of just actually

547
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:09,080
Speaker 3: letting myself feel the feelings Earth sign energy.

548
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:12,199
Speaker 2: It's not good about that, you know though, Like speaking

549
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:16,399
Speaker 2: of astrology and just like the agreements we make about

550
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:19,440
Speaker 2: ourselves and our personalities, this is something that like I've

551
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,719
Speaker 2: been confronting more and more. And we have this conversation

552
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:24,520
Speaker 2: with this podcast called Around the Way Curls shout out

553
00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 2: to Antoinette.

554
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,199
Speaker 1: And Shanty Shaunty.

555
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:29,560
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's like she loaves Shanty my bad girl.

556
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,360
Speaker 2: I was just saying, how most of my life I've

557
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,720
Speaker 2: heard first of all, you tell some of your scorpio, the

558
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:39,399
Speaker 2: immediate reaction is it's either oh my God, I love scorpios,

559
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:39,879
Speaker 2: or it's.

560
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:42,040
Speaker 1: Like, ooh, trauma.

561
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 2: But what I've heard is just like, oh, Erica's so serious,

562
00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:48,879
Speaker 2: or she's so so hard to read and so or

563
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:52,160
Speaker 2: like she has this very big presence when she comes

564
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:55,280
Speaker 2: to the room that's intimidating. And so some of these

565
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,560
Speaker 2: things are compliments to me in ways, but some of

566
00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,680
Speaker 2: them are like things identities that I don't really want

567
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:03,439
Speaker 2: to have, and I'm like, I don't like, yes, I

568
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:05,359
Speaker 2: know that I can be serious. There is a serious

569
00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:07,440
Speaker 2: side to me, but there's also like a very large

570
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:10,199
Speaker 2: playful side to me, and like, and I feel like

571
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:13,840
Speaker 2: I've made these agreements about myself who I am emotionally

572
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:17,520
Speaker 2: that I don't necessarily want to identify with anymore. And

573
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:19,280
Speaker 2: same like with you, you saying that like you feel

574
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:21,960
Speaker 2: like you're not emotional and that Earth signs can be

575
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:24,840
Speaker 2: like unemotional, which I don't disagree with, but I think

576
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:27,760
Speaker 2: that ultimately some of these things are choices, and some

577
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,879
Speaker 2: of these things are these expectations that people have labeled

578
00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:33,119
Speaker 2: us with and that we carry, yeah, and they're not

579
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:35,720
Speaker 2: even ours to carry. And then so then we navigate

580
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:38,600
Speaker 2: through life in these ways like Okay, well, I'm gonna

581
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:41,880
Speaker 2: put on my scorpio badge now. And don't get me wrong,

582
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:44,320
Speaker 2: It's helped in ways for sure. Like I've you know,

583
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:46,719
Speaker 2: had boundaries with people that I really didn't need to

584
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,639
Speaker 2: get close to me. But then there's opportunities that I've

585
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:53,280
Speaker 2: missed with people because of how they might have perceived

586
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:56,720
Speaker 2: me or how I showed up because how I thought

587
00:25:57,040 --> 00:26:00,719
Speaker 2: they were perceiving me. And I just feel like one

588
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,960
Speaker 2: of the big things that like I'm trying to work

589
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:06,000
Speaker 2: on presently right now is like stripping those things away,

590
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:12,560
Speaker 2: stripping some of these like scorpio scorpionic things away because

591
00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:15,720
Speaker 2: I feel like they don't serve me anymore. Yeah, you know,

592
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:18,680
Speaker 2: so I encourage you to like really evaluate that part

593
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:21,679
Speaker 2: of yourself and like ask yourself, am I not emotional?

594
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:24,479
Speaker 2: Or am I just suppressing? Like do I suppress because

595
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:26,800
Speaker 2: this is what people have told me I'm supposed to

596
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 2: do and show up this way, oh yeah, you.

597
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:32,840
Speaker 1: Know, without giving yourself permission to actually like move in

598
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:36,080
Speaker 1: a different way. And also I think for women especially,

599
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 1: I know we've been talking about the divine feminine a lot,

600
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:42,679
Speaker 1: but showing up in your feminine and your femininity, you know,

601
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:48,359
Speaker 1: and like not associating feelings with weakness because for a

602
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:51,159
Speaker 1: long time that's how I felt, you know, or you know,

603
00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:55,159
Speaker 1: feelings with weakness and why I felt that way, you know,

604
00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:59,040
Speaker 1: and allowing yourself to feel it without judgment. And even

605
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:02,320
Speaker 1: you know, there's the astrology thing, Oh I'm a cancer,

606
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:04,160
Speaker 1: I want to be hyper sensitive or I'm this. It's

607
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:07,280
Speaker 1: even with things people and friends have told you, even

608
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:09,920
Speaker 1: people who are very close to you, you know. Like

609
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:11,320
Speaker 1: I was, I was saying something to somebody the other

610
00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:13,119
Speaker 1: day and I was like, you know, because I'm wild

611
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:15,280
Speaker 1: and da da da dah. And in my mind, I

612
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:16,959
Speaker 1: would told myself, like, stop saying that.

613
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:18,919
Speaker 2: Why'd you say that?

614
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:21,520
Speaker 1: What does that mean? Who told you that that? You're

615
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:25,119
Speaker 1: repeating that? Because then you're repeating that behavior, you know

616
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:28,359
Speaker 1: what I mean. And as women, we have the capacity

617
00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:32,360
Speaker 1: to be so many things, and it's not fair for us.

618
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 2: You know.

619
00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:35,159
Speaker 1: Obviously we all know ourselves, but we're all evolving and

620
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:38,679
Speaker 1: the thirties, bitch, I'm evolving so fast. I'm not even

621
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:39,920
Speaker 1: the same bitch I was last week.

622
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:44,119
Speaker 2: Literally, we're like, our team is like we should just

623
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,920
Speaker 2: pre record till Like may I said, Jamille was like bitch.

624
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:48,400
Speaker 2: I might be a different person in May. I don't

625
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:50,080
Speaker 2: know if we should record that right now, because in

626
00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:51,639
Speaker 2: May I might listen to this episode and be like,

627
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:54,760
Speaker 2: who the fuck is that? And it's true. I mean,

628
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 2: obviously there's like foundational things about who we are that

629
00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:59,919
Speaker 2: are just core. But then there's things like I can

630
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:03,240
Speaker 2: I'm open to changing my mind even about myself, even

631
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:06,360
Speaker 2: about like these agreements that I've made about who I am.

632
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:10,520
Speaker 1: And you can show up based on how you feel

633
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:14,280
Speaker 1: that day, you know, like I don't feel fucking friendly today.

634
00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:17,439
Speaker 1: I don't have to because you think that I'm so friendly,

635
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 1: you know, like I am, so I don't really have

636
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:21,479
Speaker 1: to perform in a way that you know that I'm friendly,

637
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:24,800
Speaker 1: but like just honoring that, like I don't feel like

638
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:28,560
Speaker 1: doing that, and that's okay, Like it's okay to shift

639
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:31,840
Speaker 1: in where you're at. And also even when you feel

640
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:35,520
Speaker 1: yourself like rejecting some emotions. I tell people all the

641
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 1: time if I'm feeling like I need to be tougher

642
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:39,200
Speaker 1: or I need to be this, or that, I'll channel

643
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:41,920
Speaker 1: my friends that I feel like have those traits, Like damn,

644
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:45,440
Speaker 1: what Erica did right now, Like don't say shit shut

645
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:49,280
Speaker 1: the fuck up, you know, But like there's self reflection

646
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:53,080
Speaker 1: is so such an interesting like introspection is such an

647
00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:56,240
Speaker 1: interesting like journey. It's like you can get lost in it,

648
00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:58,840
Speaker 1: you know. And it's just when I realize we're constantly

649
00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:02,360
Speaker 1: evaluating ourselves, I am, it's fucking nuts. I'm like, I

650
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:04,920
Speaker 1: feel this. Why is it from your childhood? No? Are

651
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 1: you sad? Maybe? Why? I don't know? Feel it? Am

652
00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:10,720
Speaker 1: I feeling it? Should I cry? Can't cry?

653
00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:12,040
Speaker 3: Like?

654
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:15,960
Speaker 1: It's just like I think we're so programmed to analyze shit,

655
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:20,080
Speaker 1: make come to a conclusion, have this expectation, which is

656
00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:23,880
Speaker 1: it's really just judgment. We are constantly trying to evaluate

657
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:27,240
Speaker 1: a situation ourselves, apply it to our experience, and then

658
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:30,040
Speaker 1: make sense of it. But some shit just don't make sense.

659
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:33,800
Speaker 1: People don't make sense. We're all different, we're all having

660
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:37,360
Speaker 1: separate existences, separate experiences, and they all can be the truth.

661
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:42,440
Speaker 2: So, yeah, speaking on what you mentioned at the top

662
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:46,240
Speaker 2: about like the divine feminine and stuff I was reading today,

663
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:51,800
Speaker 2: I follow Do you know Draca Gates's Dreka Dreka Dreka, She's.

664
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:53,480
Speaker 1: She's a rapper's wife.

665
00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:56,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, but like I hate that, Like she's her own person.

666
00:29:57,600 --> 00:29:58,880
Speaker 1: She's a wellness farmer.

667
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:02,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, she lives on a farm and like just like

668
00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:04,920
Speaker 2: has kind of like left I don't want to say society,

669
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:07,280
Speaker 2: but kind of is living life on her own terms

670
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:10,600
Speaker 2: on this farm, living off the land, creating like products

671
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:12,440
Speaker 2: and shit. I really want her to come on the show, girl,

672
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:15,080
Speaker 2: if you're listening, If anybody knows Drika, tell her. I

673
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:16,520
Speaker 2: want her to come on the show.

674
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:19,040
Speaker 1: Don't tell her I said she's a wrapper's wife.

675
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:23,200
Speaker 2: Though it's okay. I get that too, like, oh baby, mom,

676
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:24,080
Speaker 2: your dead, baby dead.

677
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 3: I know.

678
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:27,480
Speaker 1: I know that's what Trigger Dreaded mean as she.

679
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 2: Wrote this post, and it was, she said, my entire life,

680
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:35,000
Speaker 2: I mainly operated in my masculine, not realizing the power

681
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:37,720
Speaker 2: in my feminine, in being a woman and embracing all

682
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 2: that comes with that. I understand now that I am

683
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 2: a cyclical being. It's right for me to experience different

684
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,680
Speaker 2: emotions throughout the month. It's right for me to embrace

685
00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:49,040
Speaker 2: all those emotions. It's right for me to be the

686
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:51,960
Speaker 2: receiver rather than the giver. And it's okay for me

687
00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:54,920
Speaker 2: to be loving, to be nurturing, to also receive love,

688
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:58,479
Speaker 2: to be soft and still get shit done. I'm still

689
00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 2: what some may refer to as as a boss. May

690
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 2: I guess this is like her make name Boss Maine Direct.

691
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 2: I don't know boss Maniac, but I just prefer to

692
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:13,000
Speaker 2: be called Drika. I'm more balanced, but find that I

693
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:15,400
Speaker 2: operate out of my feminine more these days. This is

694
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:17,920
Speaker 2: not to downplay my masculine because there has to be

695
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:20,440
Speaker 2: a balance, but I feel powerful and being true to

696
00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:23,560
Speaker 2: my feminine nature so much power in that, And I

697
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:25,960
Speaker 2: was like, damn, Like that's kind of where I'm at too,

698
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:32,160
Speaker 2: is like as women, we have had to show up

699
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 2: as more masculine a lot, especially to be taken seriously,

700
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 2: to get shit done, to assert ourselves, to survive as

701
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:46,360
Speaker 2: black women, you know, and especially like single moms playing

702
00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:50,440
Speaker 2: both roles, like even not having kids, just wanting to

703
00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:53,360
Speaker 2: just be respected in ways and feeling like we have

704
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:55,600
Speaker 2: to like have this, like I feel like a lot

705
00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:58,120
Speaker 2: of times. And we have this conversation too in Costa

706
00:31:58,200 --> 00:32:02,280
Speaker 2: Rica with this woman Vanessa, about how the feminist movement

707
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:06,040
Speaker 2: can be very problematic because it really is like you're

708
00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:08,240
Speaker 2: a boss, I don't need no one, and in fact,

709
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:10,480
Speaker 2: when you do that, you're really tapping a lot into

710
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 2: this masculine energy and you're leaving the feminine out of it.

711
00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:16,520
Speaker 2: And I never really looked at it that way, and

712
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:19,840
Speaker 2: I was like, damn, that's fucking profound. Wow. I never

713
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:24,800
Speaker 2: really thought about how much masculine energy I'm carrying, and

714
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:29,360
Speaker 2: how even that masculine energy is why people think certain

715
00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:32,680
Speaker 2: things about even the qualities about me. What I'm talking about,

716
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:36,640
Speaker 2: like as a scorpio woman, like intimidation, hard to read,

717
00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:40,760
Speaker 2: like some of those things are like masculine tendencies and ways,

718
00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:43,800
Speaker 2: and I think that me stripping away some of a

719
00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:46,840
Speaker 2: working now to kind of strip away some of those things.

720
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:49,680
Speaker 2: I'm excited to see how I really show up as

721
00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:54,200
Speaker 2: my full feminine force that I know I am. But

722
00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:56,800
Speaker 2: I'm like, shit, I don't even know. It's so ingrained

723
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 2: in me. I don't even realize I'm doing it half

724
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:00,600
Speaker 2: the time. You know. It's like a lot of checking

725
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:02,840
Speaker 2: myself and hoping that like my other friends that are

726
00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 2: working on their shit are like, hey, bitch, you're doing

727
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:08,920
Speaker 2: it again, and like having your friends being really accountability

728
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:11,840
Speaker 2: partners for yourself. Do you have like a core girl

729
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 2: group or a friend group that like kind of you

730
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:16,200
Speaker 2: guys have like checks and balances in ways.

731
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 1: So you know, as moms, we're so busy. We make

732
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:24,880
Speaker 1: sure our kids are fed, they're going to school, they're

733
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:28,840
Speaker 1: staying healthy, happy, safe. We do all this while working,

734
00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:31,400
Speaker 1: earning a living, and taking care of the home, and

735
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:35,280
Speaker 1: I'm fucking pooped, like I have no time and space.

736
00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:38,000
Speaker 1: It really gives me anxiety, and lately I've been taking

737
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:42,239
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738
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:45,040
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739
00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:48,760
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740
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,560
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741
00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:54,000
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742
00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:57,400
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743
00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,640
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744
00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:04,840
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745
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:09,600
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746
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:15,480
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747
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748
00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:21,280
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749
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750
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751
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752
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753
00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:42,800
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754
00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:46,920
Speaker 1: The link is also in the episode description Happy Wet

755
00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:51,279
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756
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:55,320
Speaker 2: You guys, You guys have heard us talk about therapy

757
00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:59,239
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758
00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:02,400
Speaker 2: a lot of people are weary about therapy. Don't be.

759
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:06,120
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760
00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:08,840
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761
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762
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764
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766
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767
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768
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769
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776
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:08,520
Speaker 4: I do. I have a couple, thankfully.

777
00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:12,279
Speaker 3: And yeah, I think as we've all gotten older and

778
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:14,560
Speaker 3: we've all evolved, and life has kind of taken us

779
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:17,359
Speaker 3: in different places but keeps us connected, we're all kind

780
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:20,520
Speaker 3: of in different parts of our journey, and the more

781
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:22,880
Speaker 3: comfortable we get with ourselves, I think, the more comfortable

782
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:26,560
Speaker 3: we get kind of being honest with one another versus

783
00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:28,680
Speaker 3: I feel like when you're younger, you just kind of

784
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:31,640
Speaker 3: everybody is going with it. Everybody's trying to kind of,

785
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:34,640
Speaker 3: I don't know, be accepted versus. As we get older,

786
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:37,440
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm having an easier time like calling

787
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 3: in a friend when they needed of like hey girl,

788
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:43,040
Speaker 3: I noticed this, and also being able to receive that

789
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:46,000
Speaker 3: when they do it for me. So that's something that's

790
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:46,800
Speaker 3: been really helpful.

791
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:50,280
Speaker 2: I get. The receiving part is that's very difficult. Yeah,

792
00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 2: it's hard, especially when like if you have water, not

793
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:56,520
Speaker 2: water to the bridge with that friend, but like you

794
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:59,960
Speaker 2: might be holding your friend to a certain like expectation

795
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:02,680
Speaker 2: of who they are and like not letting them grow either.

796
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:05,800
Speaker 2: Because I always talk about how like people we really

797
00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:09,319
Speaker 2: like to like hold people hostage to like wherever they

798
00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:10,439
Speaker 2: were even last year.

799
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:13,400
Speaker 1: Yes, and when you people were, you said this last year,

800
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:16,879
Speaker 1: So that's who you are now forever. I'm guilty of it.

801
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:19,560
Speaker 2: I mean, I think about how I think society does that,

802
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:22,239
Speaker 2: especially with people in the public eye, like you know,

803
00:37:22,719 --> 00:37:25,120
Speaker 2: digging through tweets and saying like you said this shait

804
00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:28,919
Speaker 2: when you are fourteen, so you're racist. You know, it's

805
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:33,200
Speaker 2: like gotta be racist now forever. And I want to

806
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:37,080
Speaker 2: do away with that, even especially within you know, my friendships.

807
00:37:37,719 --> 00:37:40,480
Speaker 1: I'm guilty of that. I just stop completely listening to

808
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:43,920
Speaker 1: Sabrina Claudio after I have found out she had racist tweets,

809
00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 1: totally took her off the playlist. I miss her. I

810
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:51,879
Speaker 1: wish she didn't tweet those things.

811
00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:54,360
Speaker 2: Well. Also, it's hard to know because we don't know Sabrina.

812
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:56,840
Speaker 1: She might still be racist, right I'm joking and not joking,

813
00:37:56,880 --> 00:37:59,480
Speaker 1: But I also think the longer that you've had friends,

814
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:02,600
Speaker 1: it's easy to do that both ways. Yeah, and for me,

815
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:06,759
Speaker 1: I think I'm so emotional and attached and shit, my

816
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,759
Speaker 1: defense mechanism is like, fuck them. I can hold a

817
00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:11,759
Speaker 1: grudge that cancer shit and what kind of crab shit

818
00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:15,319
Speaker 1: I have going on. I can hold a grudge, and

819
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:17,719
Speaker 1: it's really evaluating because I think when you do that,

820
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:20,960
Speaker 1: we tend to do that to ourselves too. But it's

821
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:25,799
Speaker 1: just like allowing people like, Okay, I have a lot

822
00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:28,279
Speaker 1: of friends. Each one of them is who they are.

823
00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:31,759
Speaker 1: They have their shit that irritates me. You know, we

824
00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:34,319
Speaker 1: all have different friends that have their things. Me and

825
00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:36,800
Speaker 1: Eric have mostly the same friends. But it's like you

826
00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:38,400
Speaker 1: would you rather keep how much do you value the

827
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:40,520
Speaker 1: friendship or do you need to cut pitches off Sometimes

828
00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:43,160
Speaker 1: people can't stay or maybe you know, I love you,

829
00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:44,960
Speaker 1: but like maybe this is too close to love you.

830
00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:47,759
Speaker 1: Maybe you just sit in this house over there, you know,

831
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:50,120
Speaker 1: and like kind of like structuring it that way and

832
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:54,600
Speaker 1: allowing that those cycles to happen and not you know,

833
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:57,080
Speaker 1: holding onto it. I'm a holder on to shit. I

834
00:38:57,120 --> 00:38:59,080
Speaker 1: know that I'm working on that. Like I was mad

835
00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:00,960
Speaker 1: at my grandma from last year and we're about to

836
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:02,360
Speaker 1: go on a family vacation. I was like, bitch, you

837
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:06,759
Speaker 1: need to release that. She's eighty so sad right, Like

838
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:09,920
Speaker 1: why why am I you know, like who knows what

839
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:11,799
Speaker 1: she's gone through in her life or like all of

840
00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:14,680
Speaker 1: the shit everyone's gone through. Shit, we're all suffering and

841
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:16,759
Speaker 1: showing up as this person because of the things that

842
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:19,160
Speaker 1: we've been through. So how can we honor each other

843
00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:20,960
Speaker 1: in the way like I love you, I know you

844
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,920
Speaker 1: and I understand you so like I can communicate what

845
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:26,719
Speaker 1: bothers me and still love you past it, work through

846
00:39:26,719 --> 00:39:29,000
Speaker 1: it instead of just letting you go because I'm good

847
00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:30,680
Speaker 1: for like never mind, don't like you anymore.

848
00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:35,319
Speaker 2: I think the premise of your podcast, which is, you know,

849
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:38,160
Speaker 2: balanced black girl, I think we're all trying to balance.

850
00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:40,120
Speaker 2: I would love to know, like what inspired you to

851
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:42,839
Speaker 2: start your podcast? And I mean obviously because we're all

852
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:46,320
Speaker 2: still we're sitting here talking about that we're imperfect humans

853
00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:48,920
Speaker 2: and we don't have it all figured out. I mean

854
00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:52,600
Speaker 2: the name says it all good Mom's bad choices. But

855
00:39:52,719 --> 00:39:55,359
Speaker 2: I mean your podcast is you know, if you look

856
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:58,160
Speaker 2: at that, you would think, oh, she must have balanced

857
00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:01,000
Speaker 2: it all. She's got it all balanced. Things balanced over there.

858
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 2: She must be a libra of some sort.

859
00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:05,040
Speaker 4: Rising and venus.

860
00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:08,080
Speaker 2: Yes, but yeah, can you tell me a little bit

861
00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:10,680
Speaker 2: about you know what inspired your podcast? I know you've

862
00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:13,760
Speaker 2: been doing it for three years now, right, Yeah.

863
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:16,560
Speaker 4: I mean, honestly, I'm just a nerd.

864
00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:19,759
Speaker 3: I'm a wellness nerd, and I have been for a

865
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:22,560
Speaker 3: really long time now. Like I just geek out over

866
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:26,360
Speaker 3: learning anything about health, anything about personal development, Like I

867
00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:29,240
Speaker 3: just I can't get enough of it, and I love

868
00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:32,480
Speaker 3: being a student of it, like I love learning about it.

869
00:40:32,520 --> 00:40:35,239
Speaker 3: And I realized that a lot of the resources or

870
00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:40,120
Speaker 3: platforms for wellness information were really led and catered towards

871
00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:42,239
Speaker 3: white people, and so I would listen to it and

872
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:44,640
Speaker 3: I'd be like, Okay, some of this information is relevant,

873
00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:48,520
Speaker 3: but most of it isn't. And I really wanted a

874
00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:51,880
Speaker 3: space where I could learn from black women who had

875
00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:55,600
Speaker 3: experiences that I felt like I could relate to, who

876
00:40:56,080 --> 00:40:59,560
Speaker 3: had wellness expertise that felt relevant to my life, and

877
00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:01,840
Speaker 3: I wanted to learn from them. And I felt like

878
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 3: the best way to do that was to create a

879
00:41:03,560 --> 00:41:05,200
Speaker 3: platform around it and share it.

880
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:06,240
Speaker 2: That's amazing.

881
00:41:06,280 --> 00:41:09,240
Speaker 1: Congratulations, you should come to the Good Vibe Retreat.

882
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:12,120
Speaker 2: I would love to You should I think a lot

883
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:14,040
Speaker 2: of people too, A lot of people think that the

884
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:16,760
Speaker 2: good Vibe treat is for mothers, which it's not. Obviously

885
00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:19,279
Speaker 2: our demographic is there's a lot of moms. Yeah, there's

886
00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:20,120
Speaker 2: a lot of not moms.

887
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:20,520
Speaker 3: Yeah.

888
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:23,719
Speaker 1: And I mean first for women, you know, before we

889
00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:26,920
Speaker 1: had kids, we're just mom I mean, just shit, we're

890
00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:27,680
Speaker 1: just women, you know.

891
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:30,480
Speaker 2: So yeah, and that and that in itself as a

892
00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:33,720
Speaker 2: whole a lot for sure.

893
00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:38,479
Speaker 1: Yeah. And I feel like that retreat our retreats made

894
00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:43,760
Speaker 1: me recognize the power we have as teacher and as student, yes,

895
00:41:44,480 --> 00:41:48,200
Speaker 1: and the power in the femininity, and that it's not

896
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:50,759
Speaker 1: like I think the patriarchy makes us think that the

897
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:54,200
Speaker 1: feminine is this like submissive.

898
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:59,960
Speaker 2: Overly emotional, sensitive, impulsive sensitive, like needs to be guided

899
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:01,160
Speaker 2: taken care of.

900
00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:09,000
Speaker 1: Cult right right, right, like a weakness. Yeah, but like

901
00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:11,640
Speaker 1: actually we're the ocean, you know, like, actually we're water.

902
00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:14,440
Speaker 1: Actually it could go both ways, because you don't want

903
00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:16,720
Speaker 1: to fuck with me either. I can be very strong

904
00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:19,400
Speaker 1: and very cold and all these things. But it's like

905
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:23,680
Speaker 1: I never received that message so clear than being amongst

906
00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:27,239
Speaker 1: women I was learning from and also giving to like

907
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:30,640
Speaker 1: that and just from podcasting talking to you know like

908
00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:32,840
Speaker 1: I feel like I've come into my power in the

909
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:35,759
Speaker 1: last like four years so much because I've had the

910
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:40,239
Speaker 1: opportunity to exchange with so many women, which we didn't

911
00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:43,120
Speaker 1: start this. I don't think we were thinking as a

912
00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:45,680
Speaker 1: wellness brand. We weren't even thinking of a brand. We're

913
00:42:45,719 --> 00:42:52,719
Speaker 1: just like, let's talk. But like it is like authenticity, sisterhood, friendship,

914
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:58,080
Speaker 1: genuine real friendship that like we can criticize, like constructive criticize,

915
00:42:58,239 --> 00:43:02,320
Speaker 1: except hold that is like that is what we're supposed

916
00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:03,720
Speaker 1: to be doing, and that is how we thrive.

917
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:08,439
Speaker 3: I think something else that I've learned too that's been

918
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:11,040
Speaker 3: a shift in thinking for me is that when I

919
00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:14,040
Speaker 3: first started getting interested in wellness, interested in content, all

920
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:16,200
Speaker 3: of those things, it was very much about me. It

921
00:43:16,239 --> 00:43:19,279
Speaker 3: was very much about what I was eating, what workouts

922
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:22,160
Speaker 3: I was doing, how I felt about my body, which

923
00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:24,640
Speaker 3: is like a whole that's a podcast episode and of itself.

924
00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:26,239
Speaker 2: But how do you feel about your book?

925
00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:27,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, how do you feel about I feel good about

926
00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:29,759
Speaker 3: it now, But I'm saying when I was twenty and

927
00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:32,520
Speaker 3: started all this, I didn't. I now I feel great

928
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:35,840
Speaker 3: at least for now. It's always changing, but I know

929
00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:38,840
Speaker 3: it's a journey all exactly. But what I've learned, and

930
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:41,880
Speaker 3: especially through podcasting and over the last few years, is

931
00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:46,080
Speaker 3: just that care and well being doesn't happen individually. It

932
00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:50,239
Speaker 3: really does happen collectively. M And it's so like me

933
00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:53,319
Speaker 3: being well a lot and matter if you're not well,

934
00:43:53,360 --> 00:43:55,279
Speaker 3: and if you're not, like we all need to be

935
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:59,399
Speaker 3: well together, yeah, in order and to support each other.

936
00:43:59,560 --> 00:44:01,680
Speaker 2: And yeah, wow, I never looked at it that way.

937
00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:04,560
Speaker 2: I was just having this conversation with my friend yesterday,

938
00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:08,040
Speaker 2: I shout out to Ashley. She we were talking about

939
00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:10,520
Speaker 2: how I was just saying, how like a lot of

940
00:44:10,560 --> 00:44:13,480
Speaker 2: the things that I do and work that work are

941
00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:16,319
Speaker 2: because like I want to try them because like they're

942
00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:19,239
Speaker 2: part of like I don't feel well. Maybe this will

943
00:44:19,239 --> 00:44:22,080
Speaker 2: make me feel better, and maybe it'll make you feel better.

944
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:26,120
Speaker 2: Let's find out together. And when you come from it

945
00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:28,440
Speaker 2: almost sounds selfish because it's like I don't want to

946
00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:32,200
Speaker 2: this alone, or like try it this way, this shit

947
00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:35,040
Speaker 2: might be better for you, bitch. But I think when

948
00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:37,000
Speaker 2: you come from a place of like I don't know,

949
00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:40,640
Speaker 2: just like your own guided intuition of like what your

950
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:44,000
Speaker 2: spirit is calling you to do, you're inevitably going to

951
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:48,720
Speaker 2: tap into other people's spirits because we all are connected,

952
00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:51,080
Speaker 2: and especially women, especially men too, I don't want to

953
00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:53,800
Speaker 2: exclude them from the conversation either. I think that's another

954
00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:55,600
Speaker 2: thing that like kind of has come up to in

955
00:44:55,640 --> 00:44:58,920
Speaker 2: this work that I'm doing regarding like my femininity and

956
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:01,200
Speaker 2: like how much of it excluded the man out of it,

957
00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:04,720
Speaker 2: but also like taken from him in ways his masculinity,

958
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:09,239
Speaker 2: for one, like really embodying what I think men do

959
00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:13,160
Speaker 2: to get shit done and not wanting them to do

960
00:45:13,239 --> 00:45:16,479
Speaker 2: it around me, you know, like I can do this

961
00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:19,239
Speaker 2: thing that you do, but don't do that shit to me.

962
00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:22,000
Speaker 2: And it's like, what the fuck? How am I going

963
00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:24,560
Speaker 2: to invite in? First of all, how do I make

964
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:28,320
Speaker 2: them feel not excluded from my life and the party,

965
00:45:28,719 --> 00:45:32,200
Speaker 2: but also like also analyzing the fact that I, like

966
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:34,480
Speaker 2: why am I single, not because like there's something wrong

967
00:45:34,520 --> 00:45:36,879
Speaker 2: with me, but like, am I actually inviting anybody into

968
00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:39,240
Speaker 2: my space in that way? Am I actually leaving space

969
00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:39,520
Speaker 2: for that?

970
00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:40,600
Speaker 3: You know?

971
00:45:40,800 --> 00:45:45,480
Speaker 2: And so I feel like, too, it's important for women,

972
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:48,719
Speaker 2: like the women in this collective who are really doing

973
00:45:48,760 --> 00:45:52,000
Speaker 2: the work of like tapping into the femininity but also

974
00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:55,560
Speaker 2: not excluding humanity from the conversation, and men are included

975
00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:57,399
Speaker 2: in that conversation. Yeah, you know.

976
00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:03,000
Speaker 1: Goes with the saying in order to heal the world,

977
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:05,960
Speaker 1: you have to heal yourself. You know, like when you

978
00:46:06,040 --> 00:46:08,719
Speaker 1: start to want to raise your vibration in a way,

979
00:46:09,080 --> 00:46:11,600
Speaker 1: you're going to emit that. You know, you're going to

980
00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:14,200
Speaker 1: attract that, You're going to give that, and you're going

981
00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 1: to love more because you're loving and accepting yourself more.

982
00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:20,680
Speaker 1: And like even in finding a mate and finding a lover,

983
00:46:21,560 --> 00:46:24,520
Speaker 1: exploring like what is it that I actually want? And

984
00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:27,400
Speaker 1: is it because I've been taught this? Or is it

985
00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:29,400
Speaker 1: because like I'm seeing you in a way and showing

986
00:46:29,440 --> 00:46:31,799
Speaker 1: you love in a capacity that like I would only

987
00:46:31,840 --> 00:46:34,000
Speaker 1: want to receive it, because sometimes I think we ask

988
00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:38,640
Speaker 1: for things without actually really actualizing what that means to

989
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:41,319
Speaker 1: embody it all the way through. So when you have

990
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:44,520
Speaker 1: a collective of people where you're on the same mindset

991
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:47,160
Speaker 1: and on the same thing, like a when you receive it,

992
00:46:47,200 --> 00:46:49,600
Speaker 1: you know, it's like from a gentle, real, true loving

993
00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:52,800
Speaker 1: place and vice versa, and it empowers you to continue

994
00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:55,799
Speaker 1: to do that walk through your life that way, and

995
00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:58,719
Speaker 1: it's true, like what are we doing like, are you

996
00:46:58,800 --> 00:47:02,319
Speaker 1: healing if you like, even if you're not publicly doing

997
00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:05,520
Speaker 1: like if in your everyday actions you're not trying to

998
00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:09,799
Speaker 1: embody someone else in it, you know, like how we're

999
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:12,359
Speaker 1: going to leave the world if I can't like caring

1000
00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:12,960
Speaker 1: about your.

1001
00:47:12,800 --> 00:47:14,960
Speaker 2: Own health and your own shit and your own bank

1002
00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 2: account and your own healing. Yeah. Yeah, Yeah.

1003
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:26,000
Speaker 3: I've also realized the relationship in all forms, be it romantic, platonic, family, friends, whatever,

1004
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:31,000
Speaker 3: are actually some of the greatest places for learning. I

1005
00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:33,879
Speaker 3: feel like through my relationships with other people and how

1006
00:47:33,880 --> 00:47:36,160
Speaker 3: I relate to other people is how I learn everything.

1007
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:40,240
Speaker 1: We learn ourselves as we relate to other people. Different

1008
00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:44,640
Speaker 1: versions of ourselves come out based on different people. Yeah,

1009
00:47:44,920 --> 00:47:48,400
Speaker 1: And it's necessary sometimes to meet certain people specifically for

1010
00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:51,000
Speaker 1: that lesson for you to grow. And sometimes we'll meet

1011
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:53,760
Speaker 1: people very similar because there's a lesson that you're supposed

1012
00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:56,120
Speaker 1: to evolve, and instead of looking at it that way,

1013
00:47:56,640 --> 00:47:59,279
Speaker 1: then you're looking at it as something else. You're hating it,

1014
00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:02,520
Speaker 1: Like I was this fucking guy I was dating. It

1015
00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:05,320
Speaker 1: was hurting me, Like I've been hurt on the inside

1016
00:48:05,320 --> 00:48:07,520
Speaker 1: about it. And I told my therapist and I was

1017
00:48:07,520 --> 00:48:09,680
Speaker 1: like I had to stop I had to start looking

1018
00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:11,759
Speaker 1: at it differently because I was like, why the fuck

1019
00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:16,560
Speaker 1: do you see thinking about this scammer bitch? What the

1020
00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:19,360
Speaker 1: fuck is wrong with you? Literally I was like beating

1021
00:48:19,360 --> 00:48:21,640
Speaker 1: myself up for it, but it was because I wasn't

1022
00:48:21,680 --> 00:48:24,640
Speaker 1: looking at it correctly, like I. That was that lesson

1023
00:48:24,719 --> 00:48:26,880
Speaker 1: for me at that time. And the lesson in that

1024
00:48:27,080 --> 00:48:29,359
Speaker 1: is like, why did I feel so connected and why

1025
00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:33,120
Speaker 1: I feel so hurt about it? And that is really

1026
00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:36,480
Speaker 1: why it's profound and something is pulling me to it

1027
00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:38,759
Speaker 1: because there's work that I need to do, you know

1028
00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:41,080
Speaker 1: what I mean. And so instead of looking at relationships

1029
00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:44,280
Speaker 1: all of them that way, you know, like just people

1030
00:48:44,320 --> 00:48:47,120
Speaker 1: that you can dispose of or whatever, people who've hurt you.

1031
00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:49,719
Speaker 1: But a lot of times, all of that hurt, all

1032
00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:51,920
Speaker 1: that pain, the trauma that people cause you is so

1033
00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:54,480
Speaker 1: that you can evolve to be the person you're supposed

1034
00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:54,640
Speaker 1: to be.

1035
00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:59,719
Speaker 3: Yes, And our relationships are often mirrors in a lot

1036
00:48:59,760 --> 00:49:02,200
Speaker 3: of ways. And a lot of times where I've had

1037
00:49:02,200 --> 00:49:04,239
Speaker 3: a hard time with somebody or I didn't like something

1038
00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:07,160
Speaker 3: about somebody, I had to really think, like, actually, this

1039
00:49:07,160 --> 00:49:11,600
Speaker 3: person is reflecting something within myself that needs a little

1040
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:12,360
Speaker 3: bit of addressing.

1041
00:49:14,320 --> 00:49:17,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's very true. Actually, I'm thinking about

1042
00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:22,200
Speaker 2: someone specifically that I was like, I just had a persony.

1043
00:49:22,239 --> 00:49:24,239
Speaker 2: I was like, is that why he that Niga annoys me?

1044
00:49:24,360 --> 00:49:26,520
Speaker 2: I'm like, because I do that shit, honestly, I don't

1045
00:49:26,560 --> 00:49:28,680
Speaker 2: want to have to deal with it because I want

1046
00:49:28,680 --> 00:49:30,080
Speaker 2: to be the only one that gets to do it.

1047
00:49:30,560 --> 00:49:31,600
Speaker 4: Oh I've been there, you know.

1048
00:49:31,840 --> 00:49:33,239
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Yeah, I'm big on that lege. I

1049
00:49:33,239 --> 00:49:33,839
Speaker 1: don't want to date.

1050
00:49:33,960 --> 00:49:36,480
Speaker 2: I want to date that, but I get to do that.

1051
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:38,560
Speaker 1: I can do that. You've stay in your line. Yeah,

1052
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:39,560
Speaker 1: that's what.

1053
00:49:39,400 --> 00:49:42,960
Speaker 2: The fuck round there. Yeah, and in ways like I

1054
00:49:43,120 --> 00:49:46,040
Speaker 2: don't do that for sure, but then there's still those ways.

1055
00:49:46,120 --> 00:49:48,480
Speaker 2: And that's why this is life, and this is why

1056
00:49:48,480 --> 00:49:50,960
Speaker 2: we're all still the work in progress. No one's got

1057
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:54,200
Speaker 2: it figured all the way outward. Like just I don't know,

1058
00:49:54,239 --> 00:49:56,600
Speaker 2: I feel like honing in on certain parts of us

1059
00:49:56,640 --> 00:49:59,399
Speaker 2: throughout our journey in life. And I mean, I don't

1060
00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:01,920
Speaker 2: know if there's a ever like I show up and

1061
00:50:01,960 --> 00:50:04,400
Speaker 2: I say I'm healed everyone.

1062
00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:05,040
Speaker 4: It's never gonna happen.

1063
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:08,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, guess what, it's my initiation day. I'm healed forever.

1064
00:50:08,560 --> 00:50:11,319
Speaker 2: I'm buda now, Like while.

1065
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:15,239
Speaker 3: Like living that's not possible because everything is changing all

1066
00:50:15,280 --> 00:50:15,720
Speaker 3: the time.

1067
00:50:16,120 --> 00:50:18,319
Speaker 2: We're in the metaverse. We've been there, we've been in

1068
00:50:18,360 --> 00:50:21,000
Speaker 2: the metaverse. We have been in the metaverse already, y'all.

1069
00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:24,520
Speaker 2: But we're here again. Here, we are in this extremely

1070
00:50:24,840 --> 00:50:27,719
Speaker 2: like there's a cosmic shift happening. I think. I think

1071
00:50:27,760 --> 00:50:30,200
Speaker 2: in two hundred years they will look back on this

1072
00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:32,560
Speaker 2: time and we will be in the history books of

1073
00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:34,759
Speaker 2: like there was a shift that happened during this time,

1074
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:38,560
Speaker 2: There was a pandemic, there were all these things that change.

1075
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:42,560
Speaker 1: A conscious like evolution, revolution of like women, yeah, women

1076
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:46,160
Speaker 1: and how visuality I want to be more vulnerable maybe

1077
00:50:46,239 --> 00:50:52,520
Speaker 1: and just like yeah, like transparency over transparency.

1078
00:50:52,280 --> 00:50:55,719
Speaker 2: Like actual it just it's just it's all changing. So

1079
00:50:56,160 --> 00:50:58,719
Speaker 2: I don't think that there's ever like this place you

1080
00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:00,279
Speaker 2: land on, I know.

1081
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:03,839
Speaker 1: Is having that like that thought about fuck, and that's

1082
00:51:03,840 --> 00:51:04,320
Speaker 1: why you'd.

1083
00:51:04,160 --> 00:51:04,880
Speaker 2: Have to just enjoy it.

1084
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:06,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was gotta be doing this all the time,

1085
00:51:06,760 --> 00:51:08,520
Speaker 1: and that's why you just have to enjoy it.

1086
00:51:08,560 --> 00:51:11,520
Speaker 3: But yeah, yes, I feel so strongly about that because

1087
00:51:11,640 --> 00:51:14,520
Speaker 3: I also can recognize in myself when you're talking about

1088
00:51:14,520 --> 00:51:16,799
Speaker 3: being serious, I can definitely relate to that, and I

1089
00:51:16,840 --> 00:51:18,719
Speaker 3: don't actually think that I'm a serious person, but I

1090
00:51:18,719 --> 00:51:21,280
Speaker 3: can definitely come across as a serious person even balance.

1091
00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:23,160
Speaker 3: Black Girl, as much as I love it and as

1092
00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:25,600
Speaker 3: proud as I am of it, is a little more

1093
00:51:25,640 --> 00:51:28,880
Speaker 3: stuffy than I would like, because that's just kind of

1094
00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:31,319
Speaker 3: how it's evolved to be. And I would love to

1095
00:51:31,400 --> 00:51:35,239
Speaker 3: also show that healing and these things can also be fun.

1096
00:51:35,480 --> 00:51:38,279
Speaker 3: It can also be play, and you can laugh through

1097
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:42,240
Speaker 3: it and you can enjoy it because so many conversations,

1098
00:51:42,239 --> 00:51:44,600
Speaker 3: and I think so many conversations, especially in our community,

1099
00:51:44,880 --> 00:51:47,040
Speaker 3: are just so centered around all the things and all

1100
00:51:47,040 --> 00:51:48,360
Speaker 3: the ways we suffer.

1101
00:51:48,000 --> 00:51:51,800
Speaker 4: And that's real. We can't only focus on that.

1102
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:54,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, well it's healing is about the pleasure, baby, let's

1103
00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:59,359
Speaker 1: be honest. Like healing is sex, you know, like can

1104
00:51:59,480 --> 00:52:02,640
Speaker 1: be Yeah, yeah, Birth's something new, you know, and it's

1105
00:52:02,680 --> 00:52:05,560
Speaker 1: about being childlike. It's about going back to that place

1106
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:08,719
Speaker 1: that you you existed before the world imprinted on you

1107
00:52:09,080 --> 00:52:11,800
Speaker 1: and gave you trauma, and you loved from this place,

1108
00:52:12,080 --> 00:52:15,840
Speaker 1: you know, without condition, and that is truly what healing is.

1109
00:52:15,880 --> 00:52:17,759
Speaker 1: And people take it so seriously and you have to

1110
00:52:17,760 --> 00:52:18,799
Speaker 1: go do this and do that.

1111
00:52:18,840 --> 00:52:22,040
Speaker 2: But like it's like people it's because people will feel

1112
00:52:22,040 --> 00:52:24,600
Speaker 2: like they have to show up as whoever they've been

1113
00:52:24,640 --> 00:52:27,200
Speaker 2: showing up as. So, like if to tomorrow you wanted

1114
00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:29,799
Speaker 2: to like start posting yourself dancing around the internet, like

1115
00:52:29,840 --> 00:52:31,520
Speaker 2: dance with your living room on the internet, I don't

1116
00:52:31,520 --> 00:52:32,399
Speaker 2: know if you do that, but.

1117
00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:35,120
Speaker 4: I'm just saying, like I embarrass myself.

1118
00:52:35,160 --> 00:52:37,560
Speaker 2: But see, you would feel embarrassed when maybe that's really

1119
00:52:37,560 --> 00:52:39,640
Speaker 2: what you do, and that's actually what you want to exude,

1120
00:52:39,719 --> 00:52:41,359
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, That's actually how I want

1121
00:52:41,400 --> 00:52:44,000
Speaker 2: to be perceived. That's how I feel, why, you know,

1122
00:52:44,480 --> 00:52:46,759
Speaker 2: But like we it's hard though, because it's like, is

1123
00:52:46,760 --> 00:52:48,440
Speaker 2: that how I feel? Do I have to do that

1124
00:52:48,480 --> 00:52:50,879
Speaker 2: in order to like prove to someone that that's how

1125
00:52:50,880 --> 00:52:52,960
Speaker 2: I feel? You start getting in your head, friend, if

1126
00:52:52,960 --> 00:52:53,719
Speaker 2: you're me and.

1127
00:52:55,520 --> 00:52:57,840
Speaker 1: Everyone's gonna think me for attention? Are you looking for attention?

1128
00:52:57,920 --> 00:52:58,279
Speaker 1: Don't do it?

1129
00:52:58,280 --> 00:52:58,600
Speaker 2: Don't do it.

1130
00:52:59,160 --> 00:53:02,440
Speaker 1: I'm like bad, I look pretty now I don't look pretty?

1131
00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:04,120
Speaker 1: This is stupid. Never mind, just fuck the whole thing.

1132
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:06,680
Speaker 2: Or is this important?

1133
00:53:06,719 --> 00:53:07,640
Speaker 1: What are people that like?

1134
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:08,080
Speaker 3: Right?

1135
00:53:08,320 --> 00:53:09,160
Speaker 1: Or is this important?

1136
00:53:09,239 --> 00:53:09,520
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1137
00:53:09,600 --> 00:53:11,439
Speaker 1: The other day, you guys, I was sitting in the kitchen.

1138
00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:13,280
Speaker 1: Someone was talking to me and I was literally about

1139
00:53:13,280 --> 00:53:15,720
Speaker 1: to post this picture that I posted with me and Orlando.

1140
00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:17,279
Speaker 1: I don't look you. I was early in the morning.

1141
00:53:17,280 --> 00:53:18,839
Speaker 1: I was like is this necessary? The lighting is bad?

1142
00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:23,200
Speaker 1: But I've caught myself like my body was tensed up

1143
00:53:23,239 --> 00:53:25,600
Speaker 1: as I was like looking at the picture, and then

1144
00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:27,480
Speaker 1: I was like, bitch, relax your body.

1145
00:53:27,640 --> 00:53:29,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was like, what the fuck is.

1146
00:53:33,280 --> 00:53:35,440
Speaker 1: I'm like, the internet just made me fucking I was

1147
00:53:35,520 --> 00:53:38,759
Speaker 1: literally in the kitchen like what the fuck is going on?

1148
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:42,360
Speaker 1: But we don't really like evaluate how much the thoughts

1149
00:53:43,080 --> 00:53:45,000
Speaker 1: give us tension in our body, and like, my god,

1150
00:53:45,120 --> 00:53:48,279
Speaker 1: what it looks like doesn't matter nothing, Like how do

1151
00:53:48,400 --> 00:53:51,440
Speaker 1: you feel? You know, that pleasure, that like gauge of

1152
00:53:51,560 --> 00:53:55,040
Speaker 1: feeling good is like our instinctual place to go. But

1153
00:53:55,080 --> 00:53:58,240
Speaker 1: we're not used to like coming, like moving from that space.

1154
00:53:58,760 --> 00:54:01,560
Speaker 1: So when we do get in that pleasure or that silliness,

1155
00:54:01,760 --> 00:54:04,319
Speaker 1: we like, we've been so used to taking ourselves so

1156
00:54:04,440 --> 00:54:08,080
Speaker 1: serious that it feels like uncomfortable and that people are

1157
00:54:08,080 --> 00:54:10,240
Speaker 1: gonna be looking at you. But in fact, the whole

1158
00:54:10,280 --> 00:54:15,320
Speaker 1: life hack is fucking let that shit go. Feel childlike scream,

1159
00:54:15,520 --> 00:54:17,600
Speaker 1: loosen up, be like bitch, why are you tense?

1160
00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:23,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, like asking questions like who am I like even

1161
00:54:23,200 --> 00:54:24,480
Speaker 3: though I'm recording, I'm like, you're moving on.

1162
00:54:24,600 --> 00:54:29,520
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't know why, you know, I'm like,

1163
00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:32,320
Speaker 1: what the fuck, bitch, just chill out, And like I

1164
00:54:32,360 --> 00:54:34,200
Speaker 1: think that's the thing, Like everybody needs to chill out.

1165
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:37,960
Speaker 1: Everything is Nothing is like linear or serious or adult

1166
00:54:38,040 --> 00:54:41,080
Speaker 1: or childlike. If you need to heal by having a

1167
00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:44,879
Speaker 1: platonic threesome with your friend after a goddess retreat, that's

1168
00:54:44,880 --> 00:54:46,600
Speaker 1: what the fuck you need to do and talk about

1169
00:54:46,640 --> 00:54:50,400
Speaker 1: it whatever. It looks different for everybody, and really the

1170
00:54:50,480 --> 00:54:54,640
Speaker 1: healing comes in not judging how everyone else's healing looks like,

1171
00:54:54,840 --> 00:54:56,880
Speaker 1: but just encouraged for them to do that shit and

1172
00:54:56,920 --> 00:54:58,160
Speaker 1: you do the same shit too.

1173
00:54:58,320 --> 00:55:03,600
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, if it's uncomfortable, it's probably something that like

1174
00:55:03,719 --> 00:55:06,400
Speaker 2: we need to face and we probably do need to

1175
00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:09,520
Speaker 2: do that whatever, do that thing that you're like, let

1176
00:55:09,600 --> 00:55:10,120
Speaker 2: me just do it.

1177
00:55:10,160 --> 00:55:12,560
Speaker 1: Fuck it. Oh no one cared.

1178
00:55:12,560 --> 00:55:15,120
Speaker 2: Oh my god, they liked it. Wait they said me too.

1179
00:55:15,640 --> 00:55:17,960
Speaker 2: I mean that's essentially like what are like, what all

1180
00:55:18,000 --> 00:55:20,279
Speaker 2: of our like why podcasting has led us to like

1181
00:55:20,360 --> 00:55:23,240
Speaker 2: where we are, it's because it's that one person that said,

1182
00:55:23,560 --> 00:55:25,759
Speaker 2: oh my god, I feel that way you know, Oh

1183
00:55:25,760 --> 00:55:27,920
Speaker 2: my god, Like I dance around my apartment naked on

1184
00:55:27,960 --> 00:55:31,280
Speaker 2: the on Thursdays after I drop my kid off, or yeah,

1185
00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:34,200
Speaker 2: like you know, like I masturbate to relieve stress too,

1186
00:55:34,560 --> 00:55:36,600
Speaker 2: you know, or like this is my life hack, or

1187
00:55:36,680 --> 00:55:39,440
Speaker 2: you know, this is what I'm working on. So it

1188
00:55:39,640 --> 00:55:42,879
Speaker 2: just it feels good to be amongst women that understand that.

1189
00:55:43,120 --> 00:55:44,320
Speaker 1: And I love you, guys. I love you.

1190
00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:46,200
Speaker 2: I know we just met, but I love you to

1191
00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:47,759
Speaker 2: love those conversations I do.

1192
00:55:47,920 --> 00:55:50,239
Speaker 1: I'm glad you came. It feels very like on time.

1193
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:52,480
Speaker 1: Oh but we have a card. Okay, I'm gonna need

1194
00:55:52,480 --> 00:55:54,000
Speaker 1: to cut up our I love you dev moment. I

1195
00:55:54,040 --> 00:55:54,399
Speaker 1: love you.

1196
00:55:54,480 --> 00:55:56,960
Speaker 2: I love you. I'm really happy that we've met.

1197
00:55:56,960 --> 00:55:58,520
Speaker 1: I mean, I think we're I think we're the water

1198
00:55:58,600 --> 00:56:02,319
Speaker 1: you've been in search for. I know that's what I need.

1199
00:56:03,239 --> 00:56:05,239
Speaker 1: This is what we all need. This is what we

1200
00:56:05,280 --> 00:56:09,400
Speaker 1: all need, like real vulnerability and love and like safe

1201
00:56:09,400 --> 00:56:12,400
Speaker 1: spaces to share it with, you know, And sometimes you

1202
00:56:12,440 --> 00:56:14,600
Speaker 1: meet that person that day and then you have we

1203
00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:16,399
Speaker 1: do this a lot, thank God, But.

1204
00:56:16,520 --> 00:56:18,319
Speaker 3: I mean anybody, I mean, I feel like some of

1205
00:56:18,360 --> 00:56:22,080
Speaker 3: the most like vulnerable, stappy conversations are with girls in

1206
00:56:22,120 --> 00:56:25,959
Speaker 3: the clubs because you're drunk and let your guard down

1207
00:56:26,239 --> 00:56:28,480
Speaker 3: in the bathroom at the club and met and made

1208
00:56:28,480 --> 00:56:29,160
Speaker 3: a new best friend.

1209
00:56:29,239 --> 00:56:32,600
Speaker 4: So friends, what a same day vulnerable conversation.

1210
00:56:32,680 --> 00:56:38,360
Speaker 1: Hey, exactly, that's true. Have that conversation, make contact, Smile

1211
00:56:38,480 --> 00:56:40,080
Speaker 1: at that girl in the coffee shop, make a friend

1212
00:56:40,080 --> 00:56:41,960
Speaker 1: if you need to make a friend. Girl, I'm the bitch.

1213
00:56:42,239 --> 00:56:44,360
Speaker 1: I was walking by someone in New York and she

1214
00:56:44,520 --> 00:56:46,719
Speaker 1: was crying on the foot on the steps. I was like,

1215
00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:49,759
Speaker 1: are you okay? She's yeah. I was like almost was

1216
00:56:49,800 --> 00:56:51,120
Speaker 1: like do you need a hug? And the nigga I

1217
00:56:51,200 --> 00:56:54,160
Speaker 1: was with us like, let's go, bitch, this is New York.

1218
00:56:54,239 --> 00:56:56,440
Speaker 2: Why are we more inclined to like make eyes at

1219
00:56:56,440 --> 00:56:58,120
Speaker 2: a guy at the coffee shop than the girl that

1220
00:56:58,160 --> 00:56:59,839
Speaker 2: we think is cool. We just want to say, like, hey,

1221
00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:00,320
Speaker 2: what up to?

1222
00:57:00,960 --> 00:57:04,200
Speaker 1: We'd more be like that's how we're trained, We're conditioned.

1223
00:57:04,440 --> 00:57:05,880
Speaker 2: I also like, I don't know.

1224
00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:08,880
Speaker 3: I also feel like if I get rejected by Ian,

1225
00:57:09,120 --> 00:57:11,239
Speaker 3: I'm like whatever, But if I get rejected by someone

1226
00:57:11,280 --> 00:57:14,400
Speaker 3: I want to be friends with, I'm like, oh a little.

1227
00:57:14,640 --> 00:57:17,959
Speaker 1: Bitch, she wasn't cool anyway, it hurts more.

1228
00:57:18,120 --> 00:57:20,280
Speaker 4: Versus I'm like, man, you know, yeah.

1229
00:57:20,400 --> 00:57:23,560
Speaker 2: I think like having low expectations but being open to

1230
00:57:24,040 --> 00:57:28,000
Speaker 2: the endless possibilities of just saying yes, yeah, you know.

1231
00:57:28,400 --> 00:57:32,600
Speaker 1: And if it doesn't work, like all right bye. Yeah.

1232
00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:38,480
Speaker 1: Today's tarot card from us was The Devil. Shout out

1233
00:57:38,520 --> 00:57:42,000
Speaker 1: to uh mahogany Taro for these bomb ass black and

1234
00:57:42,040 --> 00:57:42,880
Speaker 1: brown cards.

1235
00:57:43,280 --> 00:57:45,760
Speaker 2: Tarot deck they are they like, finally it only took

1236
00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:48,280
Speaker 2: us four years, three and a half years to find

1237
00:57:48,600 --> 00:57:51,200
Speaker 2: the tarot deck we've been looking for. This is the one.

1238
00:57:51,320 --> 00:57:53,120
Speaker 2: Do you realize it? Tell us how long it took?

1239
00:57:53,440 --> 00:57:53,760
Speaker 1: You know what?

1240
00:57:53,920 --> 00:57:55,400
Speaker 2: We have it's deck up here and we don't even

1241
00:57:55,440 --> 00:57:57,840
Speaker 2: touch that shit anymore. I just know, I know it's

1242
00:57:57,920 --> 00:57:59,480
Speaker 2: just there. We need to just throw it out.

1243
00:57:59,640 --> 00:57:59,880
Speaker 3: I know.

1244
00:58:00,120 --> 00:58:02,400
Speaker 1: I love those pictures. I'm still so I feel so

1245
00:58:02,560 --> 00:58:05,760
Speaker 1: torn about I need to meet Alice, but now I do.

1246
00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:07,760
Speaker 1: And I saw a deck on my alter today and

1247
00:58:07,760 --> 00:58:08,800
Speaker 1: I was like, I need to throw that away. I

1248
00:58:08,840 --> 00:58:10,680
Speaker 1: did not identify with that, and maybe I should gift

1249
00:58:10,720 --> 00:58:13,480
Speaker 1: it to someone. But yes, we have finally found our

1250
00:58:13,600 --> 00:58:17,520
Speaker 1: deck and it's from our tribe member, so that feels

1251
00:58:17,520 --> 00:58:18,120
Speaker 1: really good too.

1252
00:58:19,200 --> 00:58:19,720
Speaker 2: Cashira.

1253
00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:24,400
Speaker 1: Shout out to Cashira, I love her. Okay, The Devil

1254
00:58:25,280 --> 00:58:28,600
Speaker 1: so uh huh, this is this interesting. This word was

1255
00:58:28,640 --> 00:58:32,280
Speaker 1: coming up, but I didn't say it upright. It's shadow self,

1256
00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:35,200
Speaker 1: the shadow work. This is like really like, you know,

1257
00:58:35,280 --> 00:58:43,240
Speaker 1: the stuff people don't want to really do outwardly, attachment, addiction, restriction, sexuality.

1258
00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:45,680
Speaker 1: So I guess the devil is maybe like what we

1259
00:58:45,720 --> 00:58:49,200
Speaker 1: would traditionally think is darkness or bad or what has

1260
00:58:49,480 --> 00:58:53,840
Speaker 1: traditionally been thought that way, And the devil card shows bafflement.

1261
00:58:53,960 --> 00:58:55,400
Speaker 1: Is that his name baff Mett? I don't know, you

1262
00:58:55,400 --> 00:58:58,680
Speaker 1: know Satan where the horned go of Mendes, a creature

1263
00:58:58,720 --> 00:59:01,880
Speaker 1: that is half man half goat, originally represented the balance

1264
00:59:01,920 --> 00:59:07,880
Speaker 1: between good and evil, male and female and human and animal. Wow. However,

1265
00:59:08,000 --> 00:59:10,320
Speaker 1: more recently this figure has been linked to the occult

1266
00:59:10,360 --> 00:59:13,200
Speaker 1: and has become a scapegoat for all things considered evil.

1267
00:59:15,360 --> 00:59:18,920
Speaker 2: So that's not scary at all. No, it's not terrifying

1268
00:59:18,960 --> 00:59:19,240
Speaker 2: at all.

1269
00:59:19,360 --> 00:59:22,720
Speaker 1: I think it's saying a lot. I think it's saying, like, look,

1270
00:59:22,760 --> 00:59:26,880
Speaker 1: how the world has created this false narrative about the

1271
00:59:26,960 --> 00:59:28,000
Speaker 1: darkness about sex.

1272
00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:30,720
Speaker 3: And earlier we were talking about questioning why we define

1273
00:59:30,720 --> 00:59:31,760
Speaker 3: things that's good or bad.

1274
00:59:32,040 --> 00:59:36,480
Speaker 1: Yes, this is so fucking on point because I'm a witch. Yeah,

1275
00:59:36,520 --> 00:59:39,040
Speaker 1: and like that, maybe it's not bad, you know, maybe

1276
00:59:39,080 --> 00:59:39,880
Speaker 1: it's necessary.

1277
00:59:40,120 --> 00:59:42,960
Speaker 2: You have to have both. I was having this conversation

1278
00:59:43,080 --> 00:59:45,120
Speaker 2: again with my friend Ashley, and I was saying, how

1279
00:59:45,120 --> 00:59:47,520
Speaker 2: they are there are protectors of evil and we need them.

1280
00:59:47,800 --> 00:59:49,760
Speaker 2: I know that's not a popular thing to say because

1281
00:59:49,800 --> 00:59:52,000
Speaker 2: everyone wants to live in a world of immense peace

1282
00:59:52,000 --> 00:59:54,200
Speaker 2: and love, which I still think that is a possibility,

1283
00:59:54,520 --> 00:59:57,280
Speaker 2: but how would we know peace without darkness? And darkness

1284
00:59:57,360 --> 01:00:01,520
Speaker 2: also doesn't mean negative either, because literally life is born

1285
01:00:01,560 --> 01:00:04,800
Speaker 2: out of darkness the womb, Like we are in dark,

1286
01:00:05,400 --> 01:00:07,560
Speaker 2: in the dark, and then we come to the light.

1287
01:00:07,680 --> 01:00:10,960
Speaker 2: But I think people have obviously villainized it. But I

1288
01:00:11,000 --> 01:00:13,000
Speaker 2: also do believe like you need to have both.

1289
01:00:14,080 --> 01:00:18,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, balance the ying and the yang. The devil card

1290
01:00:18,360 --> 01:00:21,120
Speaker 1: represents your shadow or darker side, and the negative forces

1291
01:00:21,120 --> 01:00:22,919
Speaker 1: that can strain you and hold you back from being

1292
01:00:22,960 --> 01:00:25,640
Speaker 1: the best version of yourself. You may be at the

1293
01:00:25,640 --> 01:00:31,200
Speaker 1: effect of negative habits, dependencies, behaviors, thought patterns, relationships, and addictions.

1294
01:00:31,640 --> 01:00:34,040
Speaker 1: You have found yourself trapped between the short term pleasure

1295
01:00:34,120 --> 01:00:37,800
Speaker 1: you receive and the longer term pleasure you experience. Just

1296
01:00:37,880 --> 01:00:40,880
Speaker 1: as the lever's card speaks to duality and choice, so

1297
01:00:41,120 --> 01:00:43,960
Speaker 1: too does the devil. However, with the devil, you are

1298
01:00:44,080 --> 01:00:47,680
Speaker 1: choosing the path of instant gratification, even if it is

1299
01:00:47,720 --> 01:00:50,720
Speaker 1: at the expense of your long term wellbeing. In effect,

1300
01:00:50,800 --> 01:00:53,479
Speaker 1: you sold yourself to the devil. The devil card often

1301
01:00:53,480 --> 01:00:55,520
Speaker 1: appears when you have been tricked into thinking you have

1302
01:00:55,600 --> 01:00:58,680
Speaker 1: no control over your shadow self or these negative forces

1303
01:00:58,680 --> 01:01:00,760
Speaker 1: and that you can never break free from their hold.

1304
01:01:01,880 --> 01:01:04,200
Speaker 2: We're literally just talking about all this stuff that's crazy

1305
01:01:04,240 --> 01:01:07,640
Speaker 2: and it's it's literally it couldn't be more on time

1306
01:01:07,680 --> 01:01:10,960
Speaker 2: about our conversation about balance. Your podcast is called them

1307
01:01:11,520 --> 01:01:15,520
Speaker 2: Balance Black Girl. And also just that like these ideas

1308
01:01:15,520 --> 01:01:17,680
Speaker 2: that we've held about ourselves that were you know, working

1309
01:01:17,680 --> 01:01:22,560
Speaker 2: to release and finding each other to do so, and

1310
01:01:22,560 --> 01:01:24,800
Speaker 2: how like the natural force will always work in favor

1311
01:01:24,840 --> 01:01:25,000
Speaker 2: of that.

1312
01:01:25,040 --> 01:01:27,240
Speaker 1: When you're doing the work, you'll find the people.

1313
01:01:29,120 --> 01:01:31,840
Speaker 2: So it's just it's a testament that we just have

1314
01:01:31,920 --> 01:01:35,080
Speaker 2: to say yes and just do do the thing, and

1315
01:01:35,640 --> 01:01:38,760
Speaker 2: even if it's uncomfortable, doing fine, doing in spaces where

1316
01:01:38,760 --> 01:01:40,840
Speaker 2: you feel comfortable, you know, and just.

1317
01:01:40,800 --> 01:01:43,920
Speaker 1: Like every time, like these conversations align this, you know,

1318
01:01:44,040 --> 01:01:46,920
Speaker 1: these divine guests align, these cards aligned. I think we're

1319
01:01:46,920 --> 01:01:49,720
Speaker 1: going to start doing taro after the conversation for this reason,

1320
01:01:50,120 --> 01:01:52,680
Speaker 1: just to see how it lines up. I think Eric

1321
01:01:52,760 --> 01:01:56,560
Speaker 1: and I have really transcended this brand because of divine

1322
01:01:56,600 --> 01:01:59,440
Speaker 1: alignment and our continued understanding of what it looks like.

1323
01:02:00,160 --> 01:02:03,080
Speaker 1: Everybody listening, wherever you are, wherever you are in your life,

1324
01:02:03,120 --> 01:02:05,720
Speaker 1: at what point you listen to this episode. Also know

1325
01:02:05,960 --> 01:02:09,360
Speaker 1: that this is not by accident, and whatever you took

1326
01:02:09,440 --> 01:02:13,440
Speaker 1: from this today, it's absolutely the answers that you've been seeking.

1327
01:02:13,920 --> 01:02:16,160
Speaker 1: So I'm helping me to write at the right time.

1328
01:02:16,200 --> 01:02:19,040
Speaker 1: In fact, I know it will. So sending you lots

1329
01:02:19,040 --> 01:02:21,560
Speaker 1: of love and your duality and your shadow work.

1330
01:02:21,960 --> 01:02:24,040
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, a word.

1331
01:02:24,320 --> 01:02:27,280
Speaker 1: I love it.

1332
01:02:27,880 --> 01:02:30,160
Speaker 2: All right, Well, thank you so much for coming on

1333
01:02:30,240 --> 01:02:32,800
Speaker 2: the show. Where can people?

1334
01:02:33,480 --> 01:02:35,880
Speaker 1: I hope to see you at the goodbye or treat Yes.

1335
01:02:35,520 --> 01:02:36,040
Speaker 4: I would love that.

1336
01:02:38,240 --> 01:02:39,760
Speaker 2: You really girl.

1337
01:02:39,960 --> 01:02:41,520
Speaker 1: It's have you been on a retreat before?

1338
01:02:42,240 --> 01:02:42,360
Speaker 3: Oh?

1339
01:02:42,400 --> 01:02:45,480
Speaker 1: You'll love it is. So it's very special, like it

1340
01:02:45,520 --> 01:02:45,960
Speaker 1: has like.

1341
01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:49,080
Speaker 2: So little to do with us and everything to just

1342
01:02:49,280 --> 01:02:54,760
Speaker 2: do with the environment. The women that are called to come,

1343
01:02:54,880 --> 01:02:58,840
Speaker 2: the alignment, the women side to come, Like every group

1344
01:02:58,960 --> 01:03:01,400
Speaker 2: was like, oh my god, this is what this is it?

1345
01:03:01,440 --> 01:03:03,200
Speaker 2: This is this is perfect right here.

1346
01:03:03,680 --> 01:03:07,120
Speaker 1: It's literally the embodiment of exactly what we're discussing. It's

1347
01:03:07,640 --> 01:03:12,959
Speaker 1: divine alignment and community healing on a high level and

1348
01:03:13,360 --> 01:03:17,080
Speaker 1: with like aligned women just like you're listening, Like when

1349
01:03:17,280 --> 01:03:19,240
Speaker 1: you decide to make that choice to go, whenever you

1350
01:03:19,280 --> 01:03:22,360
Speaker 1: get to come, it's always you're with exact the right group.

1351
01:03:22,440 --> 01:03:27,280
Speaker 1: It's the environment is sacred. It's very very very powerful.

1352
01:03:27,440 --> 01:03:32,080
Speaker 2: So yeah, and it's luxury, luxury, and it's fun, and

1353
01:03:32,160 --> 01:03:34,480
Speaker 2: it's the very we are curated bitches.

1354
01:03:34,600 --> 01:03:37,880
Speaker 1: We're very curated bitches. It's very plash, it's very fun,

1355
01:03:37,960 --> 01:03:41,840
Speaker 1: it's very childlike, it's very sexy, and it's very weak friendly.

1356
01:03:42,600 --> 01:03:45,280
Speaker 2: Amen. Where can the people find you?

1357
01:03:45,520 --> 01:03:48,400
Speaker 3: Yes, you can find me my podcast, Balanced Black Girl.

1358
01:03:48,640 --> 01:03:50,680
Speaker 3: Wherever you're listening to this, you can find it in

1359
01:03:50,880 --> 01:03:52,560
Speaker 3: new episodes every Tuesday.

1360
01:03:53,440 --> 01:03:54,680
Speaker 4: I'm also on Instagram.

1361
01:03:54,920 --> 01:03:57,200
Speaker 3: I'm at Balanced Less and then we have at Balanced

1362
01:03:57,200 --> 01:03:58,280
Speaker 3: black Girl podcast.

1363
01:03:59,360 --> 01:04:00,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm hanging out.

1364
01:04:00,680 --> 01:04:03,240
Speaker 2: And make sure you go check us out on her podcast.

1365
01:04:03,400 --> 01:04:06,320
Speaker 2: Make sure you go rate and review her podcast. Make

1366
01:04:06,320 --> 01:04:10,040
Speaker 2: sure you go rate and review our podcast because it

1367
01:04:10,120 --> 01:04:12,439
Speaker 2: is really important. I don't think y'all know it's really

1368
01:04:12,440 --> 01:04:15,600
Speaker 2: important for black creators to get reviewed on these algorithms

1369
01:04:15,840 --> 01:04:16,320
Speaker 2: on these.

1370
01:04:16,160 --> 01:04:19,840
Speaker 1: Platforms, and women and black creators, yes, be recognized on

1371
01:04:20,760 --> 01:04:23,400
Speaker 1: a scale. You do have to just do the free

1372
01:04:23,440 --> 01:04:24,760
Speaker 1: thing by rate and review us.

1373
01:04:24,840 --> 01:04:28,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's free ninety nine and we would greatly appreciate it.

1374
01:04:28,720 --> 01:04:30,880
Speaker 2: Just scroll all the way to the bottom. Just do it.

1375
01:04:31,040 --> 01:04:32,720
Speaker 2: You'll see when you get there. Why I'm telling you.

1376
01:04:32,680 --> 01:04:34,440
Speaker 1: This, don't wait, do it now while you're on a

1377
01:04:34,520 --> 01:04:37,160
Speaker 1: high from the episode. Just say your true feelings vulnerable

1378
01:04:37,200 --> 01:04:38,840
Speaker 1: in our rates and reviews.

1379
01:04:39,120 --> 01:04:41,640
Speaker 2: And if you want more episodes, we have bonus episodes

1380
01:04:41,640 --> 01:04:46,080
Speaker 2: on Patreon. That's patreon dot com. Backslash Good Mom's Bad Choices.

1381
01:04:46,480 --> 01:04:48,080
Speaker 2: We have lessons up there.

1382
01:04:48,520 --> 01:04:52,160
Speaker 1: We have just very personal shit of this.

1383
01:04:52,080 --> 01:04:53,800
Speaker 2: Should we just don't go you know, some of the

1384
01:04:53,840 --> 01:04:56,640
Speaker 2: shit we brushed over today. The deeper shit is over there.

1385
01:04:57,200 --> 01:04:59,360
Speaker 1: You also get access to our close friends, which is

1386
01:04:59,440 --> 01:04:59,920
Speaker 1: kind of popping.

1387
01:05:00,160 --> 01:05:03,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're kind of Yeah, we're hosting the close friends. Anyway,

1388
01:05:04,000 --> 01:05:06,680
Speaker 2: We'll see you next week. Bye bye,