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Speaker 1: This is the Ben and Ashley I almost famous podcast

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Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio.

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Speaker 2: It's almost for his podcast. We are here with I

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Speaker 2: can't even say this high enough Bachelor Nation favorite Charity, Welcome.

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Speaker 3: Hello, Thank you.

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Speaker 2: All right, Charity, We're gonna dive in right away.

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Speaker 3: It was good too.

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Speaker 2: You're a busy human and I want to respect your time.

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Speaker 2: Thank you. You're sitting here in San Francisco with us

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Speaker 2: at went Tea Wineries. Yeah, we're having a great evening.

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Speaker 2: We are a fantastic, great dinner, great wine. Everybody's downstairs.

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Speaker 2: I can hear them downstairs, like doing whatever they're doing.

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Speaker 2: I hope the music's going. They're probably dancing, and that

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Speaker 2: brings me the first question. Dance with the Stars. Yes,

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Speaker 2: you've been public recently about your time on Dancing with

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Speaker 2: the Stars. Kind of what that meant for you. Here's

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Speaker 2: the interesting thing, and I want to say this, I'm

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Speaker 2: not just asking this question based on nothing. When I

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Speaker 2: got off of the Bachelor, one of the advice and

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Speaker 2: I won't say who, Yeah, one of the advice I

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Speaker 2: got from a past bachelor was don't do it because

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Speaker 2: it's really hard on a relationship. It's like really hard,

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Speaker 2: and I didn't really believe it at the time, but

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Speaker 2: I didn't do it, yeah, because I just could see

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Speaker 2: that it would maybe push me in a direction I

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Speaker 2: wasn't ready for. Yeah, I want to hear from you personally,

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Speaker 2: like why did you say yes to it? And did

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Speaker 2: you ever get that same advice?

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Speaker 4: Okay, yes to both of those questions. We'll start with

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Speaker 4: the first one. Why did I say yes? I was

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Speaker 4: very much like you in that position of where I

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Speaker 4: was extremely hesitant to do it, and I was probably

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Speaker 4: the one out of our relationship me and Dawton was

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Speaker 4: the one that was leaning more towards no, and for

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Speaker 4: that same reason.

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Speaker 2: Because Down was like, hey, you should do it.

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Speaker 3: He definitely pushed me.

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Speaker 4: And you know, like obviously you talked to like for

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Speaker 4: I talked to like Caitlin, I talked to Hannah, I

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Speaker 4: talked to Gabby, and obviously, like they had at the time,

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Speaker 4: were in different like positions that I was in in

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Speaker 4: terms of like couples and where they were ad but

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Speaker 4: they all said like, obviously it's extreme hard and so

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Speaker 4: like take your relationship into consideration. And for me, like

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Speaker 4: I had two weeks in between like when my season

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Speaker 4: rapped until I left to go train for Dancing with

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Speaker 4: the Stars. So like that's a lot on our relationship.

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Speaker 4: You're like becoming public, You're trying to celebrate your engagement.

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Speaker 4: Like there's so many things happening, and like I sat

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Speaker 4: on my contract for like months, Like I had my

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Speaker 4: contract like obviously when they first like brought it up,

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Speaker 4: but like I like I didn't sign it, and they

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Speaker 4: were like trying to get it in because I was

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Speaker 4: one of the last ones to like get cast it

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Speaker 4: for it, but I didn't want to because I was

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Speaker 4: like so scared. And so I remember like asking Dot

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Speaker 4: and we were in Vegas at the time. I was

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Speaker 4: like everyone's telling me like obviously, like take your relationship

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Speaker 4: into consideration, don't do it or like think you know,

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Speaker 4: think a lot about it. And he was like chruity, honestly,

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Speaker 4: like this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Like

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Speaker 4: I am going to support you every single step of

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Speaker 4: the way, Like this should be the last thing that

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Speaker 4: you're worried about, and so like because I knew like

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Speaker 4: obviously where we stood in our relationship and how much

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Speaker 4: like like strength and how secure he was, I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 4: I'm trusting you, and like I really just went on

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Speaker 4: a whim and I was like, you know what, whatever happens,

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Speaker 4: Like I'm hoping for the best, but it was terrifying

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Speaker 4: because I was like, I don't I don't want to

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Speaker 4: walk away from this like with a filled relationship because

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Speaker 4: I said yes to another opportunity.

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Speaker 2: So now you guys, say, how many months removed from

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Speaker 2: like the end of.

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Speaker 4: The show almost so we wrapped the finale was in

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Speaker 4: December twenty twenty three, so we're about like almost six

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Speaker 4: seven months out, so over that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, have you do you feel like you're stronger today

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Speaker 2: than you were then?

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Speaker 3: Not really?

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Speaker 4: Actually yeah, yeah, it's crazy because it's like I don't

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Speaker 4: want to like say, like the experience wasn't like good,

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Speaker 4: because there was good moments in it, but it's really

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Speaker 4: like a let alone from just like the physical like

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Speaker 4: you know, exhaustion and how much it is on you.

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Speaker 4: It's a lot mentally and emotionally. And so I think

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Speaker 4: because I was in the unique position of having a

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Speaker 4: juggle and like foster a new relationship and engagement and

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Speaker 4: try to like spend as much time as I could

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Speaker 4: with Dotton and like give being part of myself to him.

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Speaker 4: For that I was also like exerting a lot of

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Speaker 4: like my energy to like the whole experience. And I

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Speaker 4: think that like just completely like broke me down. Not

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Speaker 4: in a bad way, but it's just like it's a

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Speaker 4: lot and like I'm one person. I only have so

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Speaker 4: much to give to all these areas of my life.

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Speaker 4: And I really do feel like I walked away from

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Speaker 4: that like more drained obviously than when I came in,

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Speaker 4: and it took a minute for me to kind of

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Speaker 4: just get my mental and everything back on track.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, what have you guys learned as a couple

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Speaker 2: then going through that? Yeah, kind of like where you

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Speaker 2: sit even now going through that and then coming out

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Speaker 2: of it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think like it's just like there's so many

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Speaker 4: elements and parts of that. But like my thing like

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Speaker 4: when obviously Dowton came to La to stay with me,

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Speaker 4: and he sacrificed so much, so I realize how much,

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Speaker 4: like you know, obviously he was sacrificing, but like also

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Speaker 4: for me, like I think communication was like a huge piece,

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Speaker 4: which is so cliche to say communication, But in what

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Speaker 4: ways did that look? Like Like I was gone a lot,

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Speaker 4: Like I was gone the majority of the day, but

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Speaker 4: also like him being at home, him working a lot,

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Speaker 4: and then like trying to find time to like obviously

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Speaker 4: make you know, make time for date nights things like that.

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Speaker 4: I think like we reached a point where we had

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Speaker 4: to like start just like communicating our needs and like

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Speaker 4: it was something that we learned in couples therapy of

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Speaker 4: like not expecting like the other partner to read each

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Speaker 4: other's minds, of like where you feel like you're at,

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Speaker 4: or like what you expect your partner to like read

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Speaker 4: or know about you. And that was something that I

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Speaker 4: think I had to like start telling more like to

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Speaker 4: dot and of like Okay, I'm tired today, or like

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Speaker 4: today I'm just not in the best headspace because practice

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Speaker 4: was so hard and I just feel like I'm not

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Speaker 4: myself or whatever that is, and it's not you. You know.

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Speaker 4: It just required a lot more like attentiveness in that

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Speaker 4: area than I expected. And I think that was something

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Speaker 4: that we both like learned together. But like it wasn't

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Speaker 4: a bad hurdle. It was like a good one in

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Speaker 4: a way because it helped us like obviously learn more

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Speaker 4: about each other.

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Speaker 3: So that makes sense.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. Yeah, And I

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Speaker 2: want to transition a little bit here because you're in

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Speaker 2: a unique season right now where you're getting ready to

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Speaker 2: you know, well, the new Bachelorette season is a promise, right,

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Speaker 2: and people will know Jin as the last bachelor, the

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Speaker 2: most recent Yeah. I remember when I was a bachelor

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Speaker 2: and that next season came about, and like you're ready

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Speaker 2: for it, and there's an excitement because you're ready to

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Speaker 2: give it up. But then at times I missed it,

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Speaker 2: like I missed the idea that like, hey, people are

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Speaker 2: really interested in what I was doing. You're also in

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Speaker 2: a unique season because I think at this point people

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Speaker 2: start to know if the relationship they're in is either

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Speaker 2: going to work or it's not. Yes, if I was

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Speaker 2: to ask you just straight up, like do you believe

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Speaker 2: that Dotton is the one still for you? What would

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Speaker 2: you say?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? I would. I definitely would say yes.

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Speaker 2: And have you all have you believed that since the

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Speaker 2: moment you got engaged or has this been like an

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Speaker 2: like have you gotten to a point now because of

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Speaker 2: these hurdles, because of the things you've gone through where

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Speaker 2: you're like, no, it was great back then. It was

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Speaker 2: that euphoria. Is that new kind of like puppy love

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Speaker 2: but now we got something that I know.

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Speaker 3: That's the thing.

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Speaker 4: I think it's like you come off the show you

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Speaker 4: in like in an engagement, you're on this high and

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Speaker 4: it's like yeah, like this is it and you're kind

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Speaker 4: of still in that little bit of what we call

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Speaker 4: like the bubble love. But I think for us, which

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Speaker 4: is again what I was scared about, like starting Dancing

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Speaker 4: with the Stars and doing all these opportunities so soon,

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Speaker 4: was like, oh, that's going to come like crashing down

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Speaker 4: so fast. But I think if anything, like since Dancing

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Speaker 4: with the Stars and then moving to New York and

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Speaker 4: having all these like actual life adjustments, like being able

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Speaker 4: to tackle those but tackle those in a way that

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Speaker 4: for us was so healthy and it wasn't something that

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Speaker 4: like scared me about this person or like doing or

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Speaker 4: learning these things. I was like, wait a minute, like

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Speaker 4: this is actually really good for us, Like we're doing

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Speaker 4: these things now and it's not scaring me from you.

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Speaker 4: If anything, it's making us stronger and like we're learning

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Speaker 4: how to navigate these things. So I think, like like

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Speaker 4: I said, it brought us closer in that way, but

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Speaker 4: like it's reality for me, and I think that's like

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Speaker 4: been the grounding thing of like we're not actually like

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Speaker 4: still like you know, we still do stuff and we're

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Speaker 4: able to like have fun. But like there's this beauty

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Speaker 4: of like just being in reality and like doing all

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Speaker 4: these things that is actually a part of life. It's

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Speaker 4: not like what people see obviously on social media. We

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Speaker 4: share the good parts, but like we're experiencing all these

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Speaker 4: like real life tests, and I think that has helped us.

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Speaker 2: It's like so incredible. I mean, being married, there is

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Speaker 2: a beauty in that, like slow down, yeah, and to

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Speaker 2: where like, yes, we're still doing things intentionally to connect

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Speaker 2: with each other, but just that like you can wake

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Speaker 2: up every day and be like, no, I got my

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Speaker 2: partner here. So you've still been very much involved with

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Speaker 2: the show here recently too, Like they've really like you. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it actually come and I know that works, right, They

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Speaker 2: have to call you and you're like, yeah, I'll come back.

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Speaker 2: It's cool that you want me to show up on

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Speaker 2: TV again, even though I'm you know, removed from the

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Speaker 2: show at this point. So I want to hear about that.

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Speaker 2: I also want to hear what I guess to start, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: what is your view of the show as you sit

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Speaker 2: here today?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, okay, starting with the first one, obviously, like

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Speaker 4: them calling me up. I am very close with like

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Speaker 4: a lot of the producers still, and that's like been

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Speaker 4: the nice part of it. It's like I haven't or

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Speaker 4: there wasn't any fracture in relationships which I can say

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Speaker 4: I walked away from my experience saying like that's probably

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Speaker 4: one of the best things that I did, and I'm

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Speaker 4: really grateful for that because it could have looked very differently. So, yeah,

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Speaker 4: like obviously being close with the producers like and you know,

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Speaker 4: them wanting to like utilize my voice in certain things.

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Speaker 4: I've been grateful for that, but it's also been hard

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Speaker 4: because I feel like, you know, we all know, like

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Speaker 4: usually the history with leads, like you either are on

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Speaker 4: the good side or you're not. And yeah, I feel

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Speaker 4: like for the last few years, maybe a few of

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Speaker 4: the bachelorettes have kind of just like walked away from

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Speaker 4: the franchise or just are not as involved. And obviously

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Speaker 4: for me, like I feel like my role in that

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Speaker 4: is like I've been very vocal about like advocating for

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Speaker 4: certain things and like the changes in the show of

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Speaker 4: like you know what, we need a change over the

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Speaker 4: years and how we can like improve or make this better.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, like yeah, it's like I don't know. It's

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Speaker 4: it's a good thing, but I don't know.

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Speaker 2: How have they handled that? Like what do those conversations

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Speaker 2: look like to you?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like in this I talked about this

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Speaker 4: recently on another like podcast. I feel like for me,

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Speaker 4: a lot of the things that I have seen changed

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Speaker 4: was I don't want to say it's because am I doing,

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Speaker 4: but I definitely like like I brought up a lot

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Speaker 4: of things to them ahead of time and then like

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Speaker 4: just speaking for instance, like obviously with Joey season, like

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Speaker 4: I advocated a lot for a lot of the things

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Speaker 4: that we saw at like the woman tell all like

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Speaker 4: what like with the Rachel situation, Like she was going

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Speaker 4: through a lot and she like actually reached out to me,

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Speaker 4: and I think like at the time, like she was

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Speaker 4: very hesitan and to like even talk to the producers

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Speaker 4: about it obviously because of you know, the history of

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Speaker 4: how certain things have been handled in the past. But

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Speaker 4: I basically totally yeah, you know, like encouraging her like

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Speaker 4: here's how to go about this, but also like saying,

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Speaker 4: you know what, I will also speak to them on

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Speaker 4: your behalf and see if there's anything like I can do.

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Speaker 4: So it's like things like that I'm grateful to be

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Speaker 4: a part of. And I feel like the show is

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Speaker 4: trying to like make you know, efforts in like making

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Speaker 4: things better, which I will say like they have since

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Speaker 4: my season at least, I feel like they've gotten a

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Speaker 4: lot better. But like still, you know, we always know

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Speaker 4: there's still ways to go with all of this in

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Speaker 4: the change.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, so.

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Speaker 2: How would you, like, how are you navigating that personally?

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Speaker 2: Mm hmmm, because it is a show you're still associated with,

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Speaker 2: You're still going on, You're still trying to have these

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Speaker 2: conversations at the end of it all, like what is

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Speaker 2: your kind of like goal.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's exhausting. It's like it's one of those things.

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Speaker 4: And that's what I was trying to say. It's like

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Speaker 4: I feel like I'm not I'm one of the only

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Speaker 4: leads that actually are like remaining that still is like

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Speaker 4: actively involved in speaking and doing all these things. So

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Speaker 4: it is exhausting. I feel like at times for me

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Speaker 4: to like do that and feel like I have to

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Speaker 4: do that. But I also just like am the type

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Speaker 4: of person at my heart just I want like whoever

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Speaker 4: it comes behind me to have a better experience or

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Speaker 4: to like be like, oh, I remember at this time

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Speaker 4: this was like this, and now you know you can

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Speaker 4: look back and be like a year later, like we've

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Speaker 4: made this much change. So I guess like that's like

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Speaker 4: my overall thing. I know, like I'm one person and

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Speaker 4: I can't do it all. Like it's going to take

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Speaker 4: like a collaborative effort. But I think if the only

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Speaker 4: way for me to still like kind of remain active

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Speaker 4: in that sense and be as involved as I am

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Speaker 4: is like hoping that I can like somehow just improve

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Speaker 4: or help improve things. So that's kind of my goal,

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Speaker 4: is just like making it better for the next person after.

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Speaker 2: Are you doing this because you care about the show

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Speaker 2: or you think the show has a platform that could

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Speaker 2: be better? Yeah, and make make a change that like

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Speaker 2: would affect millions. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Both.

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Speaker 4: I care about the show in the sense that because

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Speaker 4: it worked out for me, I probably feel like if

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Speaker 4: I didn't get so much from it, or if I

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Speaker 4: didn't like meet Don or if it didn't work out

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Speaker 4: for me, and I feel like, again the producers were

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Speaker 4: really hands on in that sense and really heard like

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Speaker 4: my heart during my season I want to believe that,

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Speaker 4: and so.

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Speaker 3: I'm going to tell myself that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but like yeah, because it worked out for me,

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Speaker 4: like I do have like it's like a deep spot

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Speaker 4: in my heart for them, but like, yeah, I just

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Speaker 4: also think like their platform could be so much better

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Speaker 4: and utilized better in different ways.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's such an interesting point. Yeah, like it brought

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Speaker 2: you so much, like it brought you the love of

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Speaker 2: your life. Yeah, and I've got to see you guys

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Speaker 2: together and see you a couple of times together. I mean,

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Speaker 2: it's an incredible dude. Yeah, but like it is something

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Speaker 2: special when the show, for all the faults and the

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Speaker 2: failures and all the things that happened, it is still

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Speaker 2: wild that it can work exactly.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I know we think about that every day.

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Speaker 4: It's like it's we like to say we got lucky,

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Speaker 4: but also it's like, no, like I feel like we

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Speaker 4: just were in the right place at the right time.

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Speaker 4: And you know, Dotton being like you said, just a

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Speaker 4: very intentional guy in person. It's crazy that our past

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Speaker 4: cross the way it did. But yeah, very fortunate, and

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Speaker 4: it's every day we were like, how did we end

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Speaker 4: up here?

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Speaker 3: But it's because of the show, which is nuts.

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Speaker 2: But so what's next then, Like what do you guys

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Speaker 2: look at as a couple, Like what are you excited about?

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Speaker 2: I mean I have on my notes here that I

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Speaker 2: don't know if you've mentioned anywhere, but like, you know,

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Speaker 2: wedding planning, those types of things that obviously come with

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Speaker 2: the territory and the common questions that get asked when

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Speaker 2: you get engaged on the show, Yeah, like just what

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Speaker 2: does life look like now in your ideal world moving forward?

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Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah, So obviously when we got off the show,

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Speaker 4: we like kind of hit the ground running, I think.

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Speaker 4: I mean obviously it was like a little pause because

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Speaker 4: I went on Dancing with the Stars, But right after

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Speaker 4: that we kind of dove like a little bit right

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Speaker 4: into wedding planning. But then and we announced like the timeframe,

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Speaker 4: which is still the same, but the more we looked

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Speaker 4: about looked at it, it was like, why are we like

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Speaker 4: rushing right now a wedding like right off the bat,

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Speaker 4: like we have like almost like almost two years. It's

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Speaker 4: like a year and like a few months in between.

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Speaker 4: So I was like, we have time, and like we

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Speaker 4: don't have we don't want like super big weddings. Besides

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Speaker 4: the Nigerian one. So I think we collectively just both

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Speaker 4: kind of talked it over. I was like, we just

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Speaker 4: want to enjoy this. We don't want it to be

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Speaker 4: like this haushle still, And it kind of took a

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Speaker 4: minute for us to kind of hop back into normal life.

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Speaker 3: Like I went on tour and did Dance with the

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Speaker 3: Stars tour, so.

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Speaker 4: Just like me like getting my grounding again, taking time

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Speaker 4: to like work on my mental health following this show

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Speaker 4: and then Dotton just working a lot.

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Speaker 3: We were just like, let's just enjoy each other.

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Speaker 4: There's like not a rush, and I think that has

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Speaker 4: like probably served us better. And like I said, just

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Speaker 4: like navigating life on top of it. It's a lot,

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Speaker 4: and like when you start wedding planning, you want to

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Speaker 4: devote everything to it because it's such a big day.

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Speaker 4: But you know, we're happy where we're at and like

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Speaker 4: just taking a moment and just taking a beat. So

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Speaker 4: we're gonna dive back into it sooner, but just taking

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Speaker 4: time for us now.

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Speaker 2: I might this might be naive, but I think I'm

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Speaker 2: hearing this right. Yeah you said you don't want big

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Speaker 2: weddings except the.

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Speaker 3: Nigerian I know, Yeah, yes, I know.

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Speaker 2: There's multiple wedding.

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Speaker 4: Yes, yes, yes, yeah, So we're doing like two. But

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Speaker 4: when I say too, it's not like two big weddings.

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Speaker 4: One of them is going to be a traditional wedding

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Speaker 4: American wedding, which is going to be like a smaller size,

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Speaker 4: like guest list. But the Nigerian wedding, it's you can't

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Speaker 4: have a Nigerian wedding and say I want like fifty guests.

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Speaker 2: It's not like they elaborate, like tell me all about it.

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Speaker 2: I don't know anything about.

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Speaker 4: They party like it's it's like a three day like thing.

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Speaker 3: It's it's a lot of people. It's a big thing.

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Speaker 4: So that's why I was like, that's going to be

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Speaker 4: the big wedding, and we're going to say that, and

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Speaker 4: we're trying to time it to where it's not spaced

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Speaker 4: out like super like I get married like three months

384
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Speaker 4: before and then we have to come back and do

385
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Speaker 4: another wedding. We're trying to do it to where it's

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Speaker 4: kind of like just like a wedding week, it's all together.

387
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Speaker 4: But yeah, I'm like trying to gear up for the

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Speaker 4: Nigeria one for just going to be like four hundred people.

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Speaker 4: It's like insane. They have like so many people there

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Speaker 4: and it's it's not yeah, what is.

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Speaker 2: Like what is if? Yeah go ahead somebody, It's like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: unaware what happens at these weddings.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, So traditionally it's like three days like over the course,

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Speaker 4: it can be as long as you want it, but

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Speaker 4: like usually it's like a weekend or two days at least.

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Speaker 4: And the first like the first set of it is

397
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Speaker 4: just like the traditional part of it. But then like

398
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Speaker 4: they have like this whole day where it's just like

399
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Speaker 4: truly the reception, and the reception.

400
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Speaker 2: Is like the big party.

401
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Speaker 4: So like when you see it's like everyone's in traditional garments,

402
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:33,320
Speaker 4: like the bridal parties, everyone is in the guests or

403
00:17:33,359 --> 00:17:36,439
Speaker 4: in traditional garments, and it's just really you think about it,

404
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,000
Speaker 4: it's like I'm trying to explain it, but it's just

405
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Speaker 4: like when you I don't want to say, like when

406
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Speaker 4: you go out, but like just think of it like

407
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:44,159
Speaker 4: a big celebration and you have everybody, like all of

408
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Speaker 4: your family. It's not just like oh, mom and dad

409
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Speaker 4: and sisters. It's like everyone extended family.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, literally everybody.

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Speaker 4: And one of the really fun parts that I've learned,

412
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Speaker 4: which I got to like kind of experience it at

413
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Speaker 4: Dawton's brother when he was graduating from med school this

414
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Speaker 4: past spring. Is that they throw money, so like there's

415
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Speaker 4: like money showers. No, he was like, yeah, I want

416
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:07,840
Speaker 4: to be there, but it's like for the bride and

417
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Speaker 4: groom and you just like let people just not like

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Speaker 4: shower you with money.

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Speaker 3: And it's crazy. It's like a whole thing.

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Speaker 2: So well, both these happen here in the US.

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Speaker 4: No, the Nigerian when we're trying to like plan it

422
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Speaker 4: in Nigeria, like that's locking in the date.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's the crazy part. We're going to Nigeria.

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Speaker 2: No, wonder you're taking some time. No, I know, it's

425
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Speaker 2: a lot, a lot to do. Yeah, but this excites you.

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Speaker 2: I mean I think that's the most The thing I

427
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Speaker 2: would love for people to hear as we close up

428
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Speaker 2: here is the sentiment of where you're at today. Like

429
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Speaker 2: if I was to ask you the question how are

430
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Speaker 2: you doing, and like where are you at? Your response would.

431
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Speaker 4: Be I'm probably in the best place that I could

432
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Speaker 4: be at following everything that I've just went through, just

433
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Speaker 4: taking time for myself, taking time to just continue fostering

434
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Speaker 4: my relationship with Dowton for me getting like my career

435
00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:57,840
Speaker 4: goals back in line and like figuring out just like

436
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Speaker 4: what's next with that. But like right now I'm just like, yeah,

437
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Speaker 4: enjoying life, Like I think that's the best thing for me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a great thing. Yeah, you're thriving.

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Speaker 3: Thank you.

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Speaker 2: This is really fun season. I'm excited for you. Thank you,

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Speaker 2: thanks for coming here.

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Speaker 3: And thank you guys, No, thank you guys for having me.

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Speaker 3: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast on

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Speaker 1: iHeartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.