1 00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:09,200 Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:12,000 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,119 --> 00:00:15,880 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:24,360 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, or welcome back to 5 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:28,960 Speaker 1: the show, or welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, 6 00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:32,440 Speaker 1: old listeners, wherever you are in the world, I am 7 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:36,879 Speaker 1: so glad that you are here. Thank you for tuning in, 8 00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:39,199 Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us for another episode of the 9 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:42,959 Speaker 1: Psychology of Your Twenties. This week, we're going to talk 10 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:46,320 Speaker 1: about something that is highly personal to me at the moment, 11 00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:50,400 Speaker 1: and something that I have never spoken about on the 12 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:55,680 Speaker 1: show before, despite it being a massive part of my 13 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:59,720 Speaker 1: value set, despite it being a massive belief of mine, 14 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:03,600 Speaker 1: a massive ethos. And that is why we should take 15 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:07,679 Speaker 1: risks in our twenties, Why it is so important to 16 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:11,800 Speaker 1: step out of our comfort zone, to push the boundaries 17 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:15,400 Speaker 1: of what we think we are capable of, to just 18 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:20,319 Speaker 1: see what happens, to explore the possibilities that this life 19 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:24,400 Speaker 1: and this earth and this decade really provides us. This 20 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:28,080 Speaker 1: has been really on my mind recently. For those of 21 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:31,720 Speaker 1: you who don't know, I don't do this podcast full time. 22 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:34,080 Speaker 1: I have a job. I have a full time job. 23 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:39,640 Speaker 1: I work nine to five in an office, and that 24 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:43,920 Speaker 1: was until recently I have quit my job. I resigned, 25 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:50,440 Speaker 1: and it has really made me rethink my relationship with 26 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:56,480 Speaker 1: risk and reinforce how important it is to take advantage 27 00:01:56,600 --> 00:02:00,840 Speaker 1: of the opportunity that this decade provides, and that is 28 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:04,520 Speaker 1: to make mistakes, that is, to really go out into 29 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:08,600 Speaker 1: the world and try as many things as possible. And 30 00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:10,840 Speaker 1: I think it's important to note that it's not just 31 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:14,840 Speaker 1: me saying this from a personal perspective, but so much 32 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:20,160 Speaker 1: of the psychology and the science and the unconscious explanations 33 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:25,440 Speaker 1: that science provides us really justifies this, and it justifies 34 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:30,160 Speaker 1: this pattern of behavior to take control of your twenties 35 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:33,320 Speaker 1: and use it, and use this time, and use these 36 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:37,880 Speaker 1: opportunities to take risks and see what's out there. I 37 00:02:37,919 --> 00:02:41,720 Speaker 1: think it's such a valuable decade for many reasons, one 38 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:45,360 Speaker 1: of them being that our twenties is so unique in 39 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:48,399 Speaker 1: that the only person when normally and I would say 40 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:53,240 Speaker 1: usually only accountable to is ourselves. We don't have children, 41 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:59,360 Speaker 1: most of us don't have mortgages. There are no looming responsibilities, 42 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:01,840 Speaker 1: I would say for most of us. Of course, there 43 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:06,440 Speaker 1: are instances in which people get houses young, or they 44 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:09,960 Speaker 1: have financial debt from taking out student loans, or they 45 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:12,280 Speaker 1: need to look after a parent who was ill. But 46 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:16,920 Speaker 1: I would say in general, this decade is defined, it 47 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:21,919 Speaker 1: is characterized by freedom. So I really want to explore 48 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:25,040 Speaker 1: that today, and I really want to encourage people through 49 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:28,919 Speaker 1: this podcast, through what I'm going to speak on, to 50 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:34,640 Speaker 1: take risks, to embrace being uncomfortable in this decade, to 51 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:38,640 Speaker 1: embrace the unknown. I want to talk about why it's 52 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:44,280 Speaker 1: absolutely crucial that during this decade we embrace the opportunity 53 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:49,720 Speaker 1: of freedom, we embrace the opportunity of being I think, 54 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:54,120 Speaker 1: not tied down. We're going to talk about identity, about 55 00:03:54,320 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 1: unbounded versus bounded risk, existential dread as your friend end 56 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:05,200 Speaker 1: rather than your enemy, and about regret and how the 57 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:10,120 Speaker 1: psychology of regret actually should compel us to take risks 58 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:14,240 Speaker 1: rather than avoid them. Like I said, it's just such 59 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:18,240 Speaker 1: a pertinent topic for me. It's just so crazy how 60 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:20,680 Speaker 1: life works out. You know. The job that I was 61 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:24,039 Speaker 1: previously working was my dream job. It was the thing 62 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:26,760 Speaker 1: that I always thought that I wanted, and it kind 63 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,119 Speaker 1: of got to a point where I realized it wasn't 64 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:32,880 Speaker 1: my dream anymore doing this show full time, being able 65 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:37,279 Speaker 1: to have amazing conversations with people using this platform, that 66 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:41,160 Speaker 1: was my dream. And life changes in an instant and 67 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:45,440 Speaker 1: sometimes you need to really have the courage to grasp 68 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:50,040 Speaker 1: and grab and cling on to the opportunities that life 69 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:53,839 Speaker 1: throws you. I also think that because of the pandemic, 70 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:57,080 Speaker 1: because of COVID, a lot of us in our twenties 71 00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:03,440 Speaker 1: lost valuable years to lockdown and to this disease that 72 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:06,480 Speaker 1: was running rampant across the globe and wanting to be safe. 73 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:12,040 Speaker 1: And we've had this realization that we've lost valuable years, 74 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:14,840 Speaker 1: valuable years of our twenties that we want to make up. 75 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:19,760 Speaker 1: And part of that is a reframing of our narrative 76 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:23,760 Speaker 1: and our perspective towards our lives to be more risk taking. 77 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:27,719 Speaker 1: So I really want to discuss and I want to 78 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:31,560 Speaker 1: break down all of the psychology, all of the science 79 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:35,160 Speaker 1: behind why it is that we should take risks in 80 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:43,960 Speaker 1: our twenties. I think a huge part of our twenties, 81 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,920 Speaker 1: a huge job that we have to do in this 82 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:51,560 Speaker 1: decade is figuring out who we are, figuring out what 83 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:55,599 Speaker 1: we want from our lives, figuring out our identity, and 84 00:05:55,640 --> 00:06:00,680 Speaker 1: that doesn't always come easy. I think previously, in past 85 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:05,240 Speaker 1: decades and past generations, it was very easy to look 86 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:08,560 Speaker 1: in our lives in a very linear sense. You know, 87 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:12,680 Speaker 1: we graduated high school, maybe we went to university, we 88 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:15,159 Speaker 1: met someone that we wanted to have kids with, we 89 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:18,159 Speaker 1: bought a home, we had children with them, We worked 90 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:21,239 Speaker 1: till the age of sixty five, and then we retired 91 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:24,720 Speaker 1: and we were kind of done. And it's really interesting 92 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:28,279 Speaker 1: that a lot of people are pushing back against that 93 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:34,440 Speaker 1: narrative and pushing back against that conventional, traditional way of 94 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:39,559 Speaker 1: going about life. And part of that reaction and part 95 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,039 Speaker 1: of that pattern of behavior that we're seeing more of, 96 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:47,080 Speaker 1: is a propensity to take risk. More individuals are putting 97 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:51,440 Speaker 1: themselves out there and doing things that I think previously 98 00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:56,000 Speaker 1: would have been not so much unacceptable but risky, would 99 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:59,120 Speaker 1: have been seen as a bit dangerous. And those decisions 100 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:01,880 Speaker 1: have become a lot more common and a lot more popular. 101 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:06,000 Speaker 1: It's so interesting to me to think about the people 102 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:07,880 Speaker 1: in my life, to think about the friends that I 103 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:12,880 Speaker 1: have who I have made the leap, who have made 104 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:17,920 Speaker 1: the decision to do things in an untraditional way, who 105 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:21,360 Speaker 1: have decided to travel, who have decided to put off 106 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:25,120 Speaker 1: going to UNI and do something, do something different, to 107 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:29,600 Speaker 1: explore their passions, and to move to different cities in 108 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:34,080 Speaker 1: different countries just to see what it's like. I think 109 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:40,000 Speaker 1: that those decisions are so valuable during this decade. I 110 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:42,600 Speaker 1: talk about this a lot on the show, But the 111 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:46,480 Speaker 1: reason why our twenties are so formative and so important 112 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:50,480 Speaker 1: is it's because when a lot of our identity is established, 113 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:55,240 Speaker 1: our brain does not fully develop until the age of 114 00:07:55,400 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 1: twenty five. So that early part of our twenties, especially 115 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:03,400 Speaker 1: for the people between the ages of twenty and twenty five, 116 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:08,280 Speaker 1: that period is when your brain is still developing, and 117 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:13,520 Speaker 1: your brain is still fully forming to create the person 118 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:16,760 Speaker 1: that you are going to become. Part of that development 119 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:20,520 Speaker 1: is making decisions that you think are going to best 120 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:23,800 Speaker 1: impact your life. Those decisions, like I said, are not 121 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:27,160 Speaker 1: always going to be easy this decade, and I think 122 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:32,920 Speaker 1: especially this generation has been afforded with so many more opportunities. 123 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:35,120 Speaker 1: We talked about this a couple of weeks ago, about 124 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:39,080 Speaker 1: choice overload and about kind of being paralyzed by the 125 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:41,720 Speaker 1: decisions that we have to make in this decade. But 126 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:47,080 Speaker 1: often some of those decisions will involve risk, and that 127 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:51,040 Speaker 1: risk is sometimes calculated to be bringing us the best 128 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:55,720 Speaker 1: reward when it comes to kind of weighing up the 129 00:08:55,760 --> 00:09:00,720 Speaker 1: benefits versus the costs of a risk, a risk that 130 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:04,839 Speaker 1: we want to take. There is this idea of utilitarianism 131 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:09,360 Speaker 1: that I think is really valuable. It's used and talked 132 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:12,160 Speaker 1: about a lot in philosophy, but I do think it 133 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:15,080 Speaker 1: still is really important when we talk about the psychology 134 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:18,720 Speaker 1: of our twenties. Essentially, the idea is that our brain 135 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:23,320 Speaker 1: will come to the most logical and rational decision for 136 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:28,360 Speaker 1: us based on an assessment of risk versus reward, or 137 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 1: cost versus benefit. It's something to really consider, especially when 138 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:40,319 Speaker 1: we talk about making grand and exciting and risky decisions 139 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 1: in our twenties. For example, deciding to quit your job 140 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:48,280 Speaker 1: to pursue your passion. Our brain will sometimes do this 141 00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:53,240 Speaker 1: unconscious equation based on its own assessment of risk, in 142 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:56,640 Speaker 1: which it will weigh up the rewards or the expected 143 00:09:56,720 --> 00:10:03,320 Speaker 1: benefits versus the costs is kind of the risk essentially, 144 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:07,800 Speaker 1: and it's really interesting because there are people who will 145 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:11,920 Speaker 1: look at a situation and their brains will automatically be 146 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:16,320 Speaker 1: risk adverse. Essentially, what this means is that they are 147 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:20,360 Speaker 1: less likely to take a risk. They are more likely 148 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:25,720 Speaker 1: to focus on the potential consequences or the potential downsides 149 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:31,319 Speaker 1: versus the potential reward. There are also people who are 150 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:36,120 Speaker 1: risk positive. This is the friend that you know who 151 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:39,960 Speaker 1: is always moving to a new city, is always prepared 152 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 1: to quit their job at the click of a finger, 153 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:46,880 Speaker 1: always prepared to move homes, to travel the world, to 154 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,679 Speaker 1: do something that I think normally a lot of us 155 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:53,960 Speaker 1: would feel scared to do and would be I think 156 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:57,880 Speaker 1: hesitant to undertake. And then of course there are people 157 00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:00,640 Speaker 1: who are risk neutral, who would see things I would 158 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:05,120 Speaker 1: say quite objectively. They weigh up the versus the rewards 159 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:08,760 Speaker 1: pretty evenly. And it's interesting to think about the people 160 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:11,600 Speaker 1: in our lives and the decisions that they make on 161 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:15,679 Speaker 1: this spectrum of risk adverse, risk neutral, and risk positive. 162 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:20,199 Speaker 1: It doesn't matter where you sit on this spectrum. Maybe 163 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:23,600 Speaker 1: you're thinking about those descriptions and being like, oh, I'm 164 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:27,720 Speaker 1: someone who's really risk adverse. This episode doesn't really relate 165 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:30,560 Speaker 1: to me because I'm not someone who likes to partake 166 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:33,440 Speaker 1: in risky behavior. But I do genuinely think that that 167 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:36,760 Speaker 1: doesn't really matter that it's not a question of determination. 168 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:40,920 Speaker 1: Regardless of where you sit on the spectrum of propensity 169 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:45,360 Speaker 1: to take risk, you can still be someone who is 170 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:48,840 Speaker 1: able to push themselves out of their comfort zone and 171 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:54,000 Speaker 1: it was able to grasp onto opportunities that may be scary, 172 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:58,480 Speaker 1: that may be terrifying, but also could potentially change your life. 173 00:11:58,679 --> 00:12:03,760 Speaker 1: I love talking about the benefits of pushing yourself beyond 174 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,800 Speaker 1: where you are comfortable. And I don't mean in the 175 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:11,000 Speaker 1: sense of allowing people to cross your boundaries or pushing 176 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,839 Speaker 1: yourself to the point where you're in danger or where 177 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:17,800 Speaker 1: you're scared. But I see it more as this bubble 178 00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:23,040 Speaker 1: right where we sit in this very secluded and I 179 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:29,000 Speaker 1: would say central and contained zone of being comfortable. And 180 00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:35,240 Speaker 1: comfortability is amazing. But you cannot grow whilst being comfortable. 181 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:39,280 Speaker 1: It's just not possible because you're not providing your brain, 182 00:12:39,679 --> 00:12:43,200 Speaker 1: or your identity, or just your general self with the 183 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:47,480 Speaker 1: opportunities to challenge yourself and therefore grow. Taking a risk 184 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:52,400 Speaker 1: that may potentially turn out bad, it may potentially blop 185 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:57,000 Speaker 1: in your face. Whatever you think the worst catastrophic outcome is, 186 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:02,040 Speaker 1: it could also turn out incredibly well. You could end 187 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:06,280 Speaker 1: up making the best decision of your life, not just 188 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:09,400 Speaker 1: on a whim, but in the face of all caution. 189 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:12,800 Speaker 1: And it's something I do genuinely believe. In the times 190 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:15,960 Speaker 1: of my life where I've grown the most, where I 191 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:21,000 Speaker 1: have seen the greatest changes in myself, in the quality 192 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:24,720 Speaker 1: of my life, in the quality of my relationships, in 193 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:29,559 Speaker 1: my overall happiness, have been after the periods where I've 194 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:34,079 Speaker 1: experienced the greatest fear, because I've been willing and I've 195 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:38,440 Speaker 1: forced myself to approach the unknown and not be scared 196 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:41,640 Speaker 1: of it but excited. There is an idea here that 197 00:13:41,679 --> 00:13:44,280 Speaker 1: I really want to talk about, and it's the idea 198 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:48,320 Speaker 1: of existential dread. We've talked about this before, and I 199 00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:53,360 Speaker 1: know that people will be thinking existential dread is really scary. 200 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:59,120 Speaker 1: It's about contemplating our mortality, how we are finite, how 201 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:02,920 Speaker 1: we really only limited time on this earth. It's about 202 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:07,120 Speaker 1: contemplating the fact that we will die and questioning our 203 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,360 Speaker 1: meaning and our place in this world. I think that's 204 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:16,439 Speaker 1: one perspective we can approach the finality of our life 205 00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:22,200 Speaker 1: with fear, but it is also an incredible enabler and 206 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:29,560 Speaker 1: an incredible motivator towards taking that risk, taking a leap 207 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:32,840 Speaker 1: of faith. We can consider the fact that we are 208 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:35,680 Speaker 1: all only on this planet for a limited amount of time, 209 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,640 Speaker 1: that our purpose is not always provided to us. It's 210 00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:44,680 Speaker 1: not always easy to understand that death is inevitable, and 211 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:49,920 Speaker 1: that realization can be really scary. That's existential dread. And 212 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:52,800 Speaker 1: as someone who has experienced that, I know how terrible 213 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:56,600 Speaker 1: it can be, and how consuming and overwhelming and exhausting 214 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:59,680 Speaker 1: it can be. But something that I realized is that 215 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:04,600 Speaker 1: by flipping that narrative, we can actually be excited by 216 00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:08,600 Speaker 1: the prospect that what we do in this life really 217 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:12,120 Speaker 1: doesn't matter. And I know it's kind of depressing to 218 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:16,520 Speaker 1: suggest that and maybe a bit demoralizing, but what you 219 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:21,560 Speaker 1: do on this earth, it really doesn't matter. And isn't 220 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:25,800 Speaker 1: that the most liberating idea, the most liberating thought you 221 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:29,120 Speaker 1: can have, Because no matter how many mistakes you make, 222 00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:32,520 Speaker 1: no matter how many risks you take that don't work 223 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:36,240 Speaker 1: out in your favor, the end is still going to 224 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:38,120 Speaker 1: be the end. We're all going to end up in 225 00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:41,040 Speaker 1: the same place. So why not just take the risk? 226 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:46,080 Speaker 1: Why not just do it? You literally have nothing to lose, 227 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:50,280 Speaker 1: genuinely nothing. And I find that when I think about 228 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:54,360 Speaker 1: my life choices. In that sense, it makes it so 229 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:57,720 Speaker 1: much easier to make a decision that I am often 230 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:01,480 Speaker 1: very happy about in the future. I think essentially what 231 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:05,000 Speaker 1: I'm trying to say is that existential dread can be 232 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:10,000 Speaker 1: really scary, but it's also about perspective, and this whole 233 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:13,200 Speaker 1: episode is about why you should take risks in your twenties. 234 00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:17,080 Speaker 1: And if you're listening to this thinking, you know, there's 235 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:19,360 Speaker 1: something that I really want to do. There's this risk 236 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,880 Speaker 1: that I really want to take. I really want to 237 00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:25,400 Speaker 1: go and travel. I really want to text this person 238 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:27,960 Speaker 1: who I think that I like, and I want to 239 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:30,520 Speaker 1: see if they're interested in me. I really want to 240 00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:35,200 Speaker 1: go and pursue my dreams. There is no reason why 241 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:39,240 Speaker 1: you shouldn't do that. There is absolutely none. Because your 242 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:42,600 Speaker 1: life is short, but your life is also valuable, and 243 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,680 Speaker 1: you are in charge of your destiny. If you take 244 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:48,720 Speaker 1: a risk and it fails, you're going to be in 245 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:51,040 Speaker 1: the exact same place at the end of the day 246 00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:53,000 Speaker 1: as you will be if you didn't take that risk. 247 00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:55,760 Speaker 1: We're all going to end up in the same place, 248 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:58,840 Speaker 1: but the thing that will be different is your quality 249 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:02,320 Speaker 1: of life. And the thing that will be different is 250 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:06,399 Speaker 1: your acknowledgement and your recognition that you gave it a go, 251 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,679 Speaker 1: that you tried it, that you are confident enough that 252 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:13,680 Speaker 1: you are willing enough to really invest in yourself and 253 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,320 Speaker 1: invest in the idea of what could have been and 254 00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:19,159 Speaker 1: what will be. I think this really links to the 255 00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:22,679 Speaker 1: idea of regret. Regret is something that I think we 256 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:26,360 Speaker 1: are all naturally very fearful of, and when we think 257 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,280 Speaker 1: about our future, we really don't want it to be 258 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:33,040 Speaker 1: defined by regretting the decisions that we've made. As humans, 259 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:38,360 Speaker 1: we are naturally opposed to uncomfortable and negative feelings. Regret 260 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:42,119 Speaker 1: is a pretty profound and negative feeling, So we have 261 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:48,560 Speaker 1: evolutionarily and innately become a species that wants to avoid 262 00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:52,960 Speaker 1: situations in which we will experience this feeling, in which 263 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:55,560 Speaker 1: we will look back at our decisions and regret them. 264 00:17:55,840 --> 00:18:01,800 Speaker 1: But regret is a really complex reaction and a complex Essentially, 265 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:06,000 Speaker 1: it's an emotional state that involves blaming ourselves for a 266 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:10,440 Speaker 1: bad outcome, feeling a sense of loss at what might 267 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:13,720 Speaker 1: have been, or really wishing that we could undo previous 268 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:17,840 Speaker 1: choices that we've made. When I talk to people about 269 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:21,159 Speaker 1: why they should take that risk, why it's important that 270 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:24,880 Speaker 1: they put themselves out there, that they push themselves beyond 271 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:28,440 Speaker 1: their comfort zone. A big thing that I often hear 272 00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:32,199 Speaker 1: is what if I regret it? What if, at the 273 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:35,000 Speaker 1: age of seventy, I look back at the decisions I've 274 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:39,720 Speaker 1: made in my life and I'm filled with regret. It's 275 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:42,960 Speaker 1: so interesting to me that we can fear the potential 276 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:47,359 Speaker 1: emotional reaction that we may have to our current choices, 277 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,600 Speaker 1: because I just think that it's so multifaceted, like the 278 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:53,080 Speaker 1: fact that not only are we worried about our future, 279 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,600 Speaker 1: but we're worried about how we're going to feel in 280 00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:58,959 Speaker 1: our future. There is no way of knowing that, and 281 00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,520 Speaker 1: there's no way of knowing whether the decision that you 282 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,800 Speaker 1: want to make is going to lead to regret or 283 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:07,880 Speaker 1: whether it's going to lead to gratefulness and a sense 284 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:11,800 Speaker 1: of thankfulness that we did what we did, that we 285 00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:16,960 Speaker 1: made the decisions that we did. I think regret, although 286 00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:23,080 Speaker 1: painful to experience, can also be a helpful emotion, particularly 287 00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:26,040 Speaker 1: when we're young. The pain of regret can really help 288 00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:29,560 Speaker 1: us refocus and understand exactly what we want from our 289 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,760 Speaker 1: lives and what we want to do, because essentially it's 290 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:38,320 Speaker 1: our value system reacting to our decisions. It's our value 291 00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:41,520 Speaker 1: set telling us I don't like where we are, I 292 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:44,040 Speaker 1: don't like the decision that we made for whatever reason, 293 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:47,400 Speaker 1: and I'm going to react against that. But the thing 294 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:49,800 Speaker 1: is that every time we challenge the way we think 295 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:52,280 Speaker 1: and we see the world, every time we challenge our 296 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:56,520 Speaker 1: value set, we reinforce it and we're better able to 297 00:19:56,640 --> 00:20:00,240 Speaker 1: understand exactly what we want from our lives and we 298 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:03,800 Speaker 1: make the decisions that we do. Interestingly, I want to 299 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:06,160 Speaker 1: look at this study and I want to talk about 300 00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:11,040 Speaker 1: this study that looked at regret. Importantly, it looked at 301 00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:16,199 Speaker 1: people who had made risky decisions, who had taken a 302 00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:19,760 Speaker 1: risk at some point in their life, compared to those 303 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:23,200 Speaker 1: who hadn't, and not only those who hadn't, but those 304 00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:26,840 Speaker 1: who had been provided with the opportunity at some stage 305 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:30,280 Speaker 1: in their life to take the road less traveled to 306 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:35,200 Speaker 1: do something that was unconventional. Essentially, it looked at both 307 00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:40,119 Speaker 1: these groups and it measured their level of regret in 308 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:45,320 Speaker 1: regards to this risky situation, in regards to this decision, 309 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:50,439 Speaker 1: and what it found I think is incredibly compelling and 310 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:53,840 Speaker 1: incredibly persuasive as to why we should take risks in 311 00:20:53,880 --> 00:21:00,720 Speaker 1: our twenties. Essentially, what they realized was that more likely 312 00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:04,159 Speaker 1: to regret the things you do not do than the 313 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:08,719 Speaker 1: actions you do take. Amongst these individuals, the people who 314 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:14,040 Speaker 1: actually displayed the highest levels of regret were the ones 315 00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:17,639 Speaker 1: who didn't do anything about their dreams. It was the 316 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:21,440 Speaker 1: people who were inactive, the people who didn't make a decision. 317 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:25,640 Speaker 1: Whereas the people who did take a risk, who did 318 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:28,320 Speaker 1: decide to go out on their own or do something 319 00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:31,680 Speaker 1: that was unconventional or untraditional, they were the ones who 320 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:35,800 Speaker 1: were not only happiest, but displayed the least amount of regret. 321 00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:38,879 Speaker 1: And I think that is the most persuasive argument we 322 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:42,240 Speaker 1: can make when we talk about the psychology behind why 323 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:45,480 Speaker 1: we should take risks in our twenties. We can learn 324 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,000 Speaker 1: so much from the people that have come before us, 325 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:52,400 Speaker 1: and this study shows that most of the time, it's 326 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:55,400 Speaker 1: the people who didn't take the risk that are the 327 00:21:55,400 --> 00:22:01,040 Speaker 1: ones who experience the most long term unpleasant emotional outcomes. 328 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:03,440 Speaker 1: Of course, that doesn't mean that you should take every 329 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:06,240 Speaker 1: risk that comes across your plate and that you should 330 00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:10,160 Speaker 1: do anything that you desire and act on a whim. 331 00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:14,520 Speaker 1: There are obviously some risks that are more calculated or 332 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:18,919 Speaker 1: more conservative or practical than others. And there are some 333 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:22,720 Speaker 1: that are just plane ridiculous, Like it's a risk to 334 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:27,480 Speaker 1: jump out of a plane having never skydived before. That's 335 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:31,480 Speaker 1: not a smart risk, right, It's not one that is practical. 336 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:34,280 Speaker 1: But there are some risks that we would call bounded. 337 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:39,159 Speaker 1: Bounded risks are great. The idea is that these type 338 00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:44,919 Speaker 1: of risks, they have limited downsides but an unbounded upside. 339 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:49,560 Speaker 1: So essentially what that means is that it might cost 340 00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:52,920 Speaker 1: you upfront. You know, you might have to invest time 341 00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:58,880 Speaker 1: or money or potentially lose out on things like other opportunities, 342 00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:04,800 Speaker 1: but there is no ceiling on the potential upside. Essentially, 343 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:09,600 Speaker 1: what that means is that although there is limited costs 344 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:13,040 Speaker 1: that will be incurred, such as having to quit your 345 00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:16,199 Speaker 1: job or having to give up on other opportunities or 346 00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:20,000 Speaker 1: invest a certain amount of time to get this idea 347 00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:24,240 Speaker 1: off the ground, the benefit is that there is no 348 00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:28,119 Speaker 1: limit on the benefit. These are the risks that you 349 00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:31,800 Speaker 1: should take. I think about it in terms of this podcast. 350 00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:34,439 Speaker 1: Right when I began it, I did have to invest 351 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:38,240 Speaker 1: some time in buying a microphone and setting up a 352 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:45,360 Speaker 1: platform and creating these episodes, but there was unlimited benefit, 353 00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:49,439 Speaker 1: unlimited benefit that came from being able to do something 354 00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:54,320 Speaker 1: that I loved and engage with people and share and 355 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:59,760 Speaker 1: converse and really follow my passion. In contrast, there are 356 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:05,040 Speaker 1: these ideas of unbounded risks. These are not so great. 357 00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:09,479 Speaker 1: They're actually pretty terrible and not something that I advise 358 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:14,000 Speaker 1: many of us to take. These risks have no limit 359 00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:18,000 Speaker 1: to how much you could potentially lose, so compared to 360 00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:21,920 Speaker 1: bounded risks, in which really you get to control how 361 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:26,840 Speaker 1: much you lose, unbounded risks there is no limit. So 362 00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:31,159 Speaker 1: no matter what the potential payoff, which is not unlimited, 363 00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:34,600 Speaker 1: it means that you're probably going to lose out on 364 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:38,360 Speaker 1: something pretty valuable. I'd like to use this idea of 365 00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:41,960 Speaker 1: jumping out of a plane, having never skydived before. There 366 00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:44,480 Speaker 1: is no limit to how much you could potentially lose 367 00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:47,879 Speaker 1: in this situation, the limit being that you die, the 368 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:52,520 Speaker 1: limit being your life, and the payoff is not that great. 369 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,439 Speaker 1: So when we think about it from that idea of 370 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:58,600 Speaker 1: utilitarianism that we were talking about before, or from a 371 00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:04,080 Speaker 1: cost benefit analysis, the costs greatly outweigh the benefits. So 372 00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:07,959 Speaker 1: it's important to be rational when we think about our 373 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,840 Speaker 1: approach to taking risks in our twenties. Of course, I 374 00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:15,159 Speaker 1: think this podcast and what I've been talking about is 375 00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:19,600 Speaker 1: very risk positive. I truly do believe that the most 376 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:25,359 Speaker 1: amazing growth will come out of the periods of greatest discomfort, 377 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:29,280 Speaker 1: where we really push ourselves and we really explore what's 378 00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:31,879 Speaker 1: out there. But it doesn't necessarily mean that you have 379 00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:34,000 Speaker 1: to be silly about it, or that you have to 380 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:39,320 Speaker 1: completely abandon all logic. Taking a risk still requires judgment, 381 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:41,919 Speaker 1: and yes, there are people who are more likely to 382 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:45,080 Speaker 1: take risks, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you should. 383 00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:49,439 Speaker 1: I would really encourage you to think through why do 384 00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:53,000 Speaker 1: I want to do this? What is the benefit that 385 00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:57,800 Speaker 1: I might receive? And there's this idea and I don't 386 00:25:57,800 --> 00:25:59,600 Speaker 1: know where it comes from, but someone was telling me 387 00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:01,240 Speaker 1: about it the other day, and I just have to 388 00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:05,600 Speaker 1: say it here. When you feel that inspiration and that 389 00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:10,920 Speaker 1: motivation and passion rising within you, compelling you to act, 390 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:15,080 Speaker 1: compelling you to speak, compelling you to do something, although 391 00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:17,399 Speaker 1: it's intuition, I do think it's a good sign that 392 00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:20,800 Speaker 1: you're ready to take the leap. But if you're very nervous, 393 00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:24,240 Speaker 1: if logically it doesn't make sense for you to do this. 394 00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:28,359 Speaker 1: Maybe think about it a little bit more, maybe sit back, 395 00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:33,119 Speaker 1: contemplate the outcome, the potential outcomes, but don't spend too 396 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:36,000 Speaker 1: much time in that place. Like I said, and like 397 00:26:36,119 --> 00:26:39,960 Speaker 1: that study revealed, if you're worried about regret, if you're 398 00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:43,280 Speaker 1: worried about your future, if you're worried about whether you'll 399 00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:47,840 Speaker 1: look back and really doubt yourself and criticize the decisions 400 00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:51,320 Speaker 1: that you've made, the chances are that you won't, because 401 00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:55,040 Speaker 1: the people who experience the most regret are not those 402 00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:58,959 Speaker 1: who made the decision, that those who didn't. I know 403 00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:01,639 Speaker 1: this was kind of a emile episode, but I really 404 00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:06,000 Speaker 1: do hope that if you have listened this far, that 405 00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:09,000 Speaker 1: you enjoyed it. It was something that's just been really 406 00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:12,040 Speaker 1: playing on my mind recently, something that I've been thinking about. 407 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:15,679 Speaker 1: You know, I've made this massive decision in my life. 408 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:19,399 Speaker 1: I really hope that it was the right decision and 409 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,000 Speaker 1: make me This episode was just me trying to convince 410 00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:25,520 Speaker 1: myself that it was and to really look into the 411 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:29,600 Speaker 1: idea of taking risks and regret and provide myself with 412 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:33,120 Speaker 1: the validation that I needed. But I do genuinely think 413 00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:36,440 Speaker 1: that it's an incredibly valuable conversation to have in our twenties. 414 00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:41,679 Speaker 1: This decade is just so amazing, and I do truly 415 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:44,840 Speaker 1: believe that it's our gateway to so much freedom and 416 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:48,480 Speaker 1: so much opportunity and experiences. But you have to be 417 00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:51,320 Speaker 1: prepared to take it. You have to be prepared to 418 00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:55,480 Speaker 1: really grasp on to what has afforded us and provided 419 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:58,679 Speaker 1: to us in this decade, and that means taking a 420 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:02,680 Speaker 1: risk sometimes. So I hope whoever is listening this episode 421 00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:06,240 Speaker 1: has really inspired you to take a risk, to do 422 00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:10,399 Speaker 1: something unconventional, to follow your dreams and your passions and 423 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:13,160 Speaker 1: your hobbies. I just think it's one of the best 424 00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:17,359 Speaker 1: decisions that we can make, and the studies kind of 425 00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:20,439 Speaker 1: prove it as well. So many of the ideas in 426 00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:25,800 Speaker 1: psychology and in this discipline explain why it's important that 427 00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:29,560 Speaker 1: we make these decisions when we're young, at this age. 428 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:32,760 Speaker 1: So I just want to thank you for listening, thank 429 00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:36,280 Speaker 1: you for coming along this ride with me. I also 430 00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:39,880 Speaker 1: want to say none of this would be possible without 431 00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:44,640 Speaker 1: the support of you, my listeners. It's just insane to 432 00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:47,680 Speaker 1: me that I've gotten to this point. It's so crazy 433 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,880 Speaker 1: and wild that I'm able to do the thing that 434 00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:53,960 Speaker 1: I love most all the time, and I do genuinely 435 00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:57,920 Speaker 1: love it. I think there is so much valuable information 436 00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:02,640 Speaker 1: in psychology that we can share and explore as fellow 437 00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:04,960 Speaker 1: twenty year olds. So I want to say thank you 438 00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:09,080 Speaker 1: for enabling me to be able to pursue this. It's 439 00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:11,840 Speaker 1: just it really is mind blowing. I don't think words 440 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:16,040 Speaker 1: could ever properly capture how grateful I am. And if 441 00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:18,880 Speaker 1: you did enjoy this episode. If you enjoy this show, 442 00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:21,800 Speaker 1: please feel free to leave a five star review on 443 00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:26,360 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, Spotify wherever you're listening right now and share 444 00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:28,920 Speaker 1: it with a friend. Maybe your friend is going through 445 00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:32,800 Speaker 1: a period of indecision where they need to decide whether 446 00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:35,920 Speaker 1: to take the road less traveled, so share it with them. 447 00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:40,280 Speaker 1: Maybe they would benefit. And if you want to stay connected, 448 00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:43,680 Speaker 1: if you want to be involved in the community, please 449 00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:47,960 Speaker 1: feel free to follow us at that Psychology podcast. Message 450 00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:51,560 Speaker 1: me if you have any episode suggestions, Just stay in touch. 451 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:54,000 Speaker 1: It would be lovely to have you over there. You'll 452 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:56,160 Speaker 1: be the first to know when your episodes are out. 453 00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:59,840 Speaker 1: What we're talking about this week, when merchandise is really 454 00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:03,280 Speaker 1: and all of those fabulous things so once again, I 455 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:05,760 Speaker 1: just want to say how grateful I am for all 456 00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:09,560 Speaker 1: of your support. I really I can't put it into words. 457 00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:13,080 Speaker 1: I'm so happy, so thank you so much, and I 458 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:16,720 Speaker 1: hope to see you back again next week for another episode.