WEBVTT - The Playbook: Dry Spell 0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:06.000 This is the most dramatic podcast ever. And iHeartRadio podcast. 0:00:07.920 --> 0:00:10.640 Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema, I am hot told on 0:00:11.039 --> 0:00:12.399 turning my mic downs. 0:00:12.520 --> 0:00:13.840 Yeast are hot? 0:00:14.120 --> 0:00:15.000 Is that how we start this? 0:00:15.280 --> 0:00:15.600 Sure? 0:00:15.840 --> 0:00:17.960 Okay, take a compliment. 0:00:18.040 --> 0:00:22.240 Man, He meant hot like the audio was high, which 0:00:22.280 --> 0:00:23.639 is an industry term. 0:00:23.920 --> 0:00:25.320 He needed to adjust his volume. 0:00:25.480 --> 0:00:28.080 So with that, Chris Harrison, Laurn Zema, We're coming to 0:00:28.120 --> 0:00:30.159 you from the home office in Austin, Texas. LZ. What 0:00:30.160 --> 0:00:31.160 are we talking about today? 0:00:32.040 --> 0:00:35.080 I wanted to get into something that has been popping 0:00:35.200 --> 0:00:39.640 up all over my screens as a Real Housewives watcher 0:00:39.680 --> 0:00:41.680 with you, which you kind of also are. Now I've 0:00:41.720 --> 0:00:43.280 gotten you into Salt Lake City in New York. 0:00:43.479 --> 0:00:46.040 Not kind of definitely No, I'm in And. 0:00:45.880 --> 0:00:49.120 This is coming up on both franchises where they often 0:00:49.159 --> 0:00:55.560 get into couples chatter how long is too long to 0:00:55.840 --> 0:00:57.680 not have sex with your partner? 0:00:58.760 --> 0:00:59.840 What has prompted this? 0:01:00.640 --> 0:01:03.240 On Real Housewives of New York it has been a 0:01:03.360 --> 0:01:08.560 multi episode arc. There's a couple, Pavit and Jessel. Povit 0:01:08.600 --> 0:01:12.959 the husband, Jessel the wife. They have not had sex. Now, 0:01:13.000 --> 0:01:16.760 she did have twin babies, but they've not had sex 0:01:17.080 --> 0:01:19.880 since she had her twin babies, and maybe even for 0:01:19.920 --> 0:01:23.320 a while, not when she was pregnant. So basically she's 0:01:23.400 --> 0:01:25.480 telling all the women her and her husband haven't had 0:01:25.520 --> 0:01:28.800 sex in like a year and a half to two years. 0:01:30.280 --> 0:01:33.600 Let's let that sink in a year and a half 0:01:34.040 --> 0:01:39.520 or maybe even two years in a marriage, Okay, no sex. 0:01:39.600 --> 0:01:46.400 And she said nothing else really either, like no oral moments. 0:01:45.120 --> 0:01:48.960 Nothing playing around. So I was going to immediately say, 0:01:49.120 --> 0:01:54.680 you have to break this down into two categories. There 0:01:54.800 --> 0:01:57.480 is how long has it been since you've had sex? 0:01:58.240 --> 0:02:01.400 Have you just had children? Have you not had children? 0:02:01.440 --> 0:02:03.400 Because to me, first of all, those are very different 0:02:03.400 --> 0:02:06.680 answers for very different reasons. Is there on the show 0:02:06.680 --> 0:02:10.400 have they talked about who or why they're not having sex? 0:02:10.919 --> 0:02:13.959 She they definitely say the kids were like kind of 0:02:14.000 --> 0:02:18.280 obviously what spurred this, Like she gave birth and obviously 0:02:18.320 --> 0:02:20.360 physically you can't for a minute, and it seems like 0:02:20.400 --> 0:02:23.200 from there it just kind of got away from them. 0:02:23.240 --> 0:02:27.680 And she says now like they just aren't into it, 0:02:27.720 --> 0:02:31.720 they're just not She says she doesn't feel comfortable and 0:02:32.280 --> 0:02:33.800 all of her friends are kind of telling her, like, 0:02:33.840 --> 0:02:34.640 you just got to do it. 0:02:34.720 --> 0:02:36.560 You just need to like break the seal. 0:02:38.160 --> 0:02:41.400 It's I find this very interesting because I obviously I've 0:02:41.400 --> 0:02:44.880 had kids, I've talked to many parents, and obviously the 0:02:44.960 --> 0:02:46.720 job I have people come up and talk to me 0:02:47.480 --> 0:02:51.240 about this kind of stuff. Once people have had kids. 0:02:52.840 --> 0:02:55.239 There's there's a couple of different reasons that spurs this. 0:02:55.360 --> 0:02:59.400 On number one, like you said, physically, there's reasons that 0:02:59.520 --> 0:03:01.960 medically you're just not having sex right at the beginning. 0:03:02.360 --> 0:03:06.680 Then after that there's an anxiety, sometimes from the woman, 0:03:07.160 --> 0:03:11.840 sometimes from the man. Things have changed, things have shifted, 0:03:11.880 --> 0:03:16.959 things are mentally and emotionally different. So this is something 0:03:16.960 --> 0:03:19.079 that a lot of people deal with. I'm glad we're 0:03:19.080 --> 0:03:21.360 actually talking about this because I think there's a lot 0:03:21.360 --> 0:03:23.040 of people out there that have dealt with this or 0:03:23.080 --> 0:03:24.600 feel this. You're not alone. 0:03:24.760 --> 0:03:27.440 I've also heard from friends of mine that their husbands 0:03:28.040 --> 0:03:29.840 were too afraid to have sex with them while they 0:03:29.840 --> 0:03:32.200 were pregnant. The women wanted to have sex, and the 0:03:32.280 --> 0:03:34.280 husbands were like, I'm way too scared, I'm going. 0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:35.040 To hurt the baby. 0:03:35.600 --> 0:03:38.760 I'm sure doctors tell you that's not a real concern. 0:03:38.920 --> 0:03:44.160 At the risk of way too much TM I that 0:03:44.280 --> 0:03:45.480 I didn't have a problem. 0:03:45.200 --> 0:03:47.480 With okay, so you were fined all right. 0:03:47.600 --> 0:03:50.960 So, and in fact, the doctors will say that is 0:03:51.000 --> 0:03:52.880 if you are ready to give birth, if you're a 0:03:52.920 --> 0:03:53.880 little bit passed. 0:03:53.600 --> 0:03:55.280 To a way. And I remember this episode of Friends, 0:03:55.400 --> 0:03:56.920 Rachel's trying to get Ross to have sex with her 0:03:57.000 --> 0:03:57.840 so she can have the baby. 0:03:57.880 --> 0:03:59.400 A lot of times that will spur. 0:04:01.280 --> 0:04:03.760 If you have just had a baby. 0:04:03.840 --> 0:04:06.280 If you are having a medical issue, your partner should 0:04:06.320 --> 0:04:09.880 support you and sex should not become an issue when 0:04:10.240 --> 0:04:14.400 there's medical and physical concerns at play. Now, it does 0:04:14.440 --> 0:04:18.640 seem to me in this case it's gotten away from them. Yeah, 0:04:18.760 --> 0:04:22.000 the kids are almost two, and a lot of the 0:04:22.040 --> 0:04:24.839 women on the show are saying like they're saying what 0:04:25.040 --> 0:04:28.679 I would say, that physical intimacy is a very important 0:04:28.680 --> 0:04:32.440 part of a relationship. And I don't think there's a 0:04:32.440 --> 0:04:35.600 better solution then you just got to do it. Like 0:04:35.720 --> 0:04:39.520 sometimes I know, even for you or I, you and 0:04:39.560 --> 0:04:42.680 I and look, we don't always talk about our sex life, 0:04:42.680 --> 0:04:45.719 but there are times when, like if we've been traveling 0:04:45.800 --> 0:04:47.960 or we've gotten really busy, I'll say to you, like 0:04:48.400 --> 0:04:52.440 we need to connect lesson and sometimes life just gets 0:04:52.480 --> 0:04:54.159 away from you and you just need to make the 0:04:54.240 --> 0:04:57.919 time to make sure you physically reconnect. And it amazes 0:04:57.960 --> 0:05:01.520 me how that physical connection will spur intimate connection. I 0:05:01.560 --> 0:05:04.080 think a lot of the time, you know, especially for women, 0:05:04.080 --> 0:05:07.680 and I understand this, you need emotional intimacy to have 0:05:07.760 --> 0:05:13.120 physical intimacy. But sometimes almost just pushing through awkwardness and 0:05:13.200 --> 0:05:17.839 forcing and saying let's get physically intimate brings emotional connection back. 0:05:18.160 --> 0:05:20.240 Well, I think you just you said something really early 0:05:20.279 --> 0:05:22.239 on in this episode that I think is very interesting. 0:05:22.520 --> 0:05:25.440 It got away from them. It's gotten away from them, 0:05:25.520 --> 0:05:28.800 and I think, and I don't know these people, but 0:05:28.920 --> 0:05:33.920 at some point somebody needs to stop and start communicating. 0:05:34.240 --> 0:05:36.720 Somebody needs to have that speech or that comment that 0:05:36.760 --> 0:05:40.279 you just had. Babe, this has gotten away from us. 0:05:40.720 --> 0:05:44.920 I miss that intimacy. We need to connect again and 0:05:45.040 --> 0:05:47.520 go have a romantic night, knowing that it's going to 0:05:47.680 --> 0:05:50.040 end up in sex. It's going to go there, and 0:05:50.440 --> 0:05:53.320 like you said, you're going to be you're both going 0:05:53.360 --> 0:05:55.720 to be overthinking it now because it's been so long, 0:05:55.760 --> 0:05:59.040 but you need to push through this. And and again 0:05:59.080 --> 0:06:02.279 I'm not saying, you know, this is the best circumstance 0:06:03.240 --> 0:06:05.360 that we're talking about I'm not saying anyone should push 0:06:05.360 --> 0:06:08.159 through something they're not comfortable with, but in this case, 0:06:08.440 --> 0:06:12.320 you're both going to be overthinking the situation. Especially I 0:06:12.360 --> 0:06:15.560 would say the woman, you've got to be there for her, 0:06:15.600 --> 0:06:17.440 and you've got to get through this moment you have 0:06:17.520 --> 0:06:19.560 to Two years is way too long. 0:06:20.320 --> 0:06:23.160 Well, that's what I was going to ask you, is 0:06:23.160 --> 0:06:27.560 is there ever a situation where a relationship can be 0:06:27.640 --> 0:06:29.599 sexless for that long and still be healthy? 0:06:30.000 --> 0:06:30.600 What do you think? 0:06:32.760 --> 0:06:33.599 No? 0:06:33.600 --> 0:06:36.080 No, I don't think so either. I have a friend 0:06:36.120 --> 0:06:37.000 who I thought. 0:06:36.760 --> 0:06:38.440 You were going to say six or eight months, and 0:06:38.480 --> 0:06:39.440 I'm like, okay. 0:06:39.200 --> 0:06:41.200 You know what, when's the line? What's the thirst? 0:06:41.320 --> 0:06:45.000 Well again again? When when the woman feels fully healthy 0:06:45.040 --> 0:06:48.279 and happy and you can go there again? And you 0:06:48.320 --> 0:06:53.320 know again, things childbirth is very different for every person, 0:06:53.880 --> 0:06:56.760 and so things with your body can be very different. 0:06:57.000 --> 0:06:58.960 So we're trying to paint with a very broad brush. 0:06:59.000 --> 0:07:02.479 I understand there are definitely there's a spectrum here we're 0:07:02.480 --> 0:07:05.560 dealing with. But let's just say all things are normal 0:07:05.720 --> 0:07:09.280 and everybody's back to working shape in that you know, 0:07:09.800 --> 0:07:13.200 you get to that year mark. Okay, is that it? No? No, 0:07:13.240 --> 0:07:14.880 I'm just saying when you get to that year mark, 0:07:14.920 --> 0:07:16.080 you need to start asking questions. 0:07:16.080 --> 0:07:17.560 No, I mean, I think that's longer than I would 0:07:17.560 --> 0:07:17.960 have thought I. 0:07:18.320 --> 0:07:20.280 Would too, But that's where you really started got you 0:07:20.360 --> 0:07:21.680 got to start having that conversation. 0:07:21.920 --> 0:07:23.200 I think you have to have it before that. 0:07:23.360 --> 0:07:26.560 When would everybody start to be like, something's going on here, 0:07:26.920 --> 0:07:28.360 like if it was you or I or if you 0:07:28.360 --> 0:07:30.280 think about your guy friends, maybe you want you need 0:07:30.320 --> 0:07:32.640 to ask them for advice. When would you start saying 0:07:32.680 --> 0:07:34.760 how many weeks or months would it be before you 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:35.680 when you'd go. 0:07:36.680 --> 0:07:37.520 I'm concerned. 0:07:37.720 --> 0:07:41.400 So here's what I find interesting that if we were 0:07:41.920 --> 0:07:45.480 going down this road, I would have started having this 0:07:45.560 --> 0:07:49.920 conversation already at six months, seven months, eight months, as 0:07:49.920 --> 0:07:52.520 you're going through your checkups and stuff like that, you know, 0:07:52.640 --> 0:07:55.280 even playfully just hey, when you know, when can we 0:07:55.360 --> 0:07:58.120 be together again? Or when can we or is it 0:07:58.160 --> 0:08:01.560 okay if I just do this or do this? And 0:08:01.600 --> 0:08:07.080 so the sexuality and the romance, I would have already 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:10.520 been having that conversation like just not talking about it, 0:08:10.600 --> 0:08:12.280 letting this get so far down the road. 0:08:13.040 --> 0:08:15.480 That's what is a little I agree. 0:08:15.520 --> 0:08:18.720 And I had a friend who not long ago hadn't 0:08:18.720 --> 0:08:21.280 had sex with her husband in about a year and 0:08:21.320 --> 0:08:23.840 she told me they hadn't talked about it, and that 0:08:23.920 --> 0:08:26.920 kind of blew my mind. I'm like, well, that's more 0:08:26.960 --> 0:08:29.200 than a physical issue. You have a communication issue there, 0:08:29.240 --> 0:08:32.560 because how have you not talked about it? At least 0:08:32.800 --> 0:08:34.520 be talking through it, be trying to figure out what 0:08:34.520 --> 0:08:36.160 the issues are. Even if you haven't been able to 0:08:36.200 --> 0:08:38.840 get to that place of having sex again yet, you 0:08:38.960 --> 0:08:41.119 need to have an open line of communication. 0:08:41.600 --> 0:08:43.679 Now we are giving. 0:08:43.440 --> 0:08:47.880 The context here of being new parents for this couple 0:08:47.880 --> 0:08:51.440 from this show. What if it's just like my friend, Yeah, 0:08:51.480 --> 0:08:55.560 what if it's just sex hasn't happened? Then, as a 0:08:55.600 --> 0:08:58.240 straight male, when does it start to become a thing 0:08:58.240 --> 0:08:59.720 for you? Because I'll tell you, as a woman, I 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:03.560 would say, we don't have kids. If for us it 0:09:03.640 --> 0:09:12.440 had been I'm going to say three weeks, I'd be like, m. 0:09:13.600 --> 0:09:16.440 I don't think that's unreasonable, that's not crazy. And again, 0:09:16.480 --> 0:09:19.920 you're talking about a couple that's already been intimate, You've 0:09:19.960 --> 0:09:23.520 already had sex, you have a decent sex life, and 0:09:23.520 --> 0:09:27.160 then all of a sudden you just don't what causes 0:09:27.160 --> 0:09:29.200 that dry spell? And again I'm glad we're talking about this, 0:09:29.240 --> 0:09:31.720 because this is something couples go through, and I think 0:09:31.800 --> 0:09:35.960 things just start again using that phrase getting away from people, 0:09:36.360 --> 0:09:39.080 and then everyone just stops talking about it, and you 0:09:39.080 --> 0:09:39.960 don't communicate. 0:09:40.040 --> 0:09:43.080 And I think the longer people are together, the harder 0:09:44.200 --> 0:09:46.280 and the easierness for things to get away from you, 0:09:46.360 --> 0:09:49.000 and the less you prioritize that communication. 0:09:49.120 --> 0:09:51.680 Uork travel things, and then all of a sudden you 0:09:51.800 --> 0:09:54.800 just don't, and then you haven't, and then no one 0:09:54.960 --> 0:09:57.640 stops and just says, hey, I need that or I 0:09:57.760 --> 0:09:59.520 want that, like let's connect again. 0:10:11.880 --> 0:10:15.360 Okay for your I'm going back to this, huh. I'm 0:10:15.400 --> 0:10:19.280 just curious. I'm picking your brain. Yeah, four guys. Generally, 0:10:19.400 --> 0:10:21.360 what do you think that that number would be like 0:10:21.400 --> 0:10:23.080 if you and your guy friends are talking about it. 0:10:23.520 --> 0:10:25.040 Would it be less it'd be like a week? 0:10:25.480 --> 0:10:28.400 No, I think weeks. You know again, all my friends 0:10:28.440 --> 0:10:31.960 are married, they all have kids, and so I think 0:10:32.000 --> 0:10:34.800 they just I get it when they're traveling and driving 0:10:34.880 --> 0:10:36.480 kids around and da da da da dah. You get 0:10:36.480 --> 0:10:38.840 done with dinner and everyone's exhausted and you're. 0:10:38.720 --> 0:10:40.920 On different like drove baseball practice. 0:10:41.160 --> 0:10:44.439 I get that a week can get away from you quickly. 0:10:44.880 --> 0:10:47.200 When you have kids, and when you're any and let's 0:10:47.200 --> 0:10:48.880 just take kids away. When you're just married and you're 0:10:48.920 --> 0:10:52.400 working and you're just exhausted. I get that, But when 0:10:52.480 --> 0:10:57.800 several weeks go by, whether I think most guys will 0:10:57.840 --> 0:11:02.480 be like, okay, I I would like that again. But definitely, 0:11:02.559 --> 0:11:04.720 I think there's there's a conversation that needs to be had, 0:11:04.800 --> 0:11:07.920 like it's not healthy, you need to connect more. 0:11:08.480 --> 0:11:11.840 There's another couple on Real House Sizes of Salt Lake 0:11:11.920 --> 0:11:15.480 City who is dealing a bit with this we're not 0:11:15.520 --> 0:11:20.120 having sex issue. And one thing the guy said Justin 0:11:20.320 --> 0:11:24.559 to Whitney, which makes you think of from Justin to 0:11:24.559 --> 0:11:29.640 to Kelly the movie Sorry American Idol reference. He says 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:32.000 to her, well, I don't want to always be the 0:11:32.000 --> 0:11:36.320 one initiating sex, and she says, well, I don't feel 0:11:36.320 --> 0:11:38.040 connected to you right now, so I don't feel like 0:11:38.080 --> 0:11:41.120 initiating sex. And the result is it seems they're not 0:11:41.160 --> 0:11:46.319 really having that much sex. I totally hear him and her. 0:11:47.960 --> 0:11:50.880 I think it's important for both people to initiate. I 0:11:50.920 --> 0:11:54.800 think making your partner feel wanted and you feeling wanted, 0:11:55.240 --> 0:11:57.480 that's very important to me. It's it's kind of the 0:11:57.559 --> 0:12:00.600 element of continuing to date your partner can continuing to 0:12:01.280 --> 0:12:04.040 make them feel desired, and you also want to be desired, 0:12:04.040 --> 0:12:06.719 because I think when we don't feel desired and pursued, 0:12:07.120 --> 0:12:09.840 that's when we start to look outside of our relationships. 0:12:10.240 --> 0:12:13.400 Well, I guess you know, even if you know your 0:12:13.440 --> 0:12:17.920 significant other says I don't feel like having sex or 0:12:18.000 --> 0:12:20.280 I'm not I'm not up for tonight or whatever, if 0:12:20.440 --> 0:12:23.960 you know, if you could still express that, say I 0:12:24.000 --> 0:12:28.160 love you, I find you attractive, I want to I 0:12:28.240 --> 0:12:31.240 owe you one, or let's know, I owe you, yeah, like, hey, 0:12:31.360 --> 0:12:33.839 let's you know this weekend or or you know, like 0:12:34.040 --> 0:12:35.840 put put it on the put it on the calendar, 0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:39.560 like and again I get it. Life gets crazy, and 0:12:39.760 --> 0:12:42.880 you know, when you're working five jobs and you're mired 0:12:42.920 --> 0:12:45.320 in debt and all that, yeah, you don't feel so sexy. 0:12:45.760 --> 0:12:48.679 So if you can even plan it out and I 0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:51.400 know that doesn't seem that romantic, but if your significant 0:12:51.480 --> 0:12:53.920 other show's interest that they want that and you're just 0:12:54.000 --> 0:12:56.719 not there mentally and emotionally, if you just say, hey, 0:12:56.720 --> 0:13:00.240 look like let's connect this weekend, well. 0:13:00.200 --> 0:13:03.120 That's so interesting you say that because I've heard people 0:13:03.160 --> 0:13:06.960 say before like I want spontaneity, and scheduling isn't sexy. 0:13:07.400 --> 0:13:09.680 But I was thinking about it the other day because 0:13:09.760 --> 0:13:13.120 as we head into getting married, someone gave me the 0:13:13.160 --> 0:13:17.839 advice treat every date like it's the first date, and 0:13:17.880 --> 0:13:22.120 I was thinking about scheduling. Before you get into a 0:13:22.160 --> 0:13:25.640 long term relationship, everything is scheduled. I feel like I 0:13:25.640 --> 0:13:28.280 have a date next Friday, right we are we have 0:13:28.480 --> 0:13:31.040 you know, I'm meeting this person for coffee. So I 0:13:31.080 --> 0:13:33.760 don't know why we change our opinion. In the beginnings 0:13:33.800 --> 0:13:36.520 of relationships, when sexiness is probably at an all time 0:13:36.600 --> 0:13:39.520 high and sparks are flying, we are scheduled so. 0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:42.320 Much so that even when you really start kind of 0:13:42.320 --> 0:13:46.160 going out and get serious, you start talking about staying 0:13:46.160 --> 0:13:47.760 over at someone's house. You and I used to have 0:13:47.800 --> 0:13:49.960 this conversation should we stay because you were living in 0:13:50.040 --> 0:13:52.640 kind of in the city. I was out in the suburbs. Like, hey, babe, 0:13:52.640 --> 0:13:54.560 after you know, after the date tonight, how about I 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:55.880 just crashing your place. 0:13:55.640 --> 0:13:57.240 Or so you're you're scheduling. 0:13:57.360 --> 0:14:00.720 That's scheduling. Yeah, that's scheduling. And by the way, you 0:14:00.760 --> 0:14:04.959 know what's fun and sexy anticipation, Yes, talk about it. 0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:07.800 I read the other day a study that people are 0:14:07.880 --> 0:14:10.520 happier when they have something to look forward to. 0:14:10.800 --> 0:14:12.199 Yeah, so let's look forward to. 0:14:12.480 --> 0:14:14.760 Let me tell you something. If you tell me that 0:14:14.840 --> 0:14:17.400 I'm going to be looking forward to that tonight or tomorrow, 0:14:17.880 --> 0:14:21.840 what am I thinking about constantly? So it is sexy 0:14:21.960 --> 0:14:25.120 and you can have fun with it and shoot a text, 0:14:25.280 --> 0:14:27.360 leave a note I'm looking forward to tonight or I'm 0:14:27.400 --> 0:14:30.160 looking forward to this weekend. There are ways to connect 0:14:30.240 --> 0:14:34.000 even in your exhaustion, and it does take a little effort. 0:14:34.040 --> 0:14:38.120 And I know at times i've again, I get it, 0:14:38.560 --> 0:14:41.640 you don't feel like it take that extra measure to 0:14:41.720 --> 0:14:45.320 leave that note, to make that to make that noticed. 0:14:45.680 --> 0:14:48.000 Now I have to ask the big question that the 0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:50.400 women are debating on Real Housewives of New. 0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:51.320 York about this couple. 0:14:52.320 --> 0:14:53.200 Yeah, I know what's coming. 0:14:54.440 --> 0:14:56.640 They have not had sex in a year and a half. Right, 0:14:57.240 --> 0:15:01.400 some added context, He has been the husband has been 0:15:01.440 --> 0:15:07.080 taking trips to Vietnam, multiple trips to Vietnam, and he 0:15:07.360 --> 0:15:10.440 goes for a day and then comes back. He says 0:15:10.520 --> 0:15:14.920 it's to accrue airline miles. But all the other women, 0:15:14.920 --> 0:15:17.440 all the other cast members on the show are very 0:15:17.480 --> 0:15:20.840 suspicious of this. And are posing the question is he cheating? 0:15:21.200 --> 0:15:24.400 And are asking any situation where you haven't had sex 0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:28.080 in a year and a half will cheating happen? Is 0:15:28.080 --> 0:15:31.200 that almost a guarantee? And when there's no sex on 0:15:31.240 --> 0:15:35.000 the horizon, will there be cheating? And would that be 0:15:35.200 --> 0:15:37.160 justified if your partner wouldn't have sex with you for 0:15:37.160 --> 0:15:37.840 a year and a half. 0:15:38.120 --> 0:15:40.080 I don't know this dude, so I'm not going to 0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:42.600 back the bus over him because I know nothing about him. 0:15:42.600 --> 0:15:45.200 But if you just came to me with this random 0:15:45.240 --> 0:15:47.360 story that this person has not had sex in almost 0:15:47.400 --> 0:15:51.680 two years and they take random, not business trips, random 0:15:51.800 --> 0:15:53.280 solo trips to Vietnam? 0:15:53.560 --> 0:15:57.040 Is the airline mile akruage not enough of a justification team. 0:15:57.320 --> 0:15:59.440 Why isn't he flying to Europe? Why isn't he going 0:15:59.480 --> 0:16:01.960 to Canada? Why isn't he going to Poughkeepsie? Why is 0:16:01.960 --> 0:16:02.920 he going to Vietnam? 0:16:03.960 --> 0:16:04.760 It's a confusing thing. 0:16:04.800 --> 0:16:06.720 He says something about how he had bought a ticket 0:16:06.800 --> 0:16:08.360 to Vietnam before COVID. 0:16:08.680 --> 0:16:09.520 Yeah, now he's got it. 0:16:09.520 --> 0:16:10.720 I feel like I want to call that guy, the 0:16:10.760 --> 0:16:12.880 points guy who tells you about your list. 0:16:12.920 --> 0:16:15.800 I know that raised. Yeah, I get the red flags, 0:16:15.800 --> 0:16:17.800 and I get the radar going up, especially for these 0:16:17.840 --> 0:16:21.960 women to be like, hey girl, because I do think 0:16:22.000 --> 0:16:27.160 it's fair not to assume, but to think about if 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:28.800 it's been a year and a half and he's not 0:16:28.920 --> 0:16:33.200 getting it from you, or vice versa, she's not getting 0:16:33.200 --> 0:16:36.760 it from you, you're probably gonna seek it at some 0:16:36.880 --> 0:16:40.800 point elsewhere. You're gonna seek that connection because it's needed, 0:16:40.920 --> 0:16:44.040 it's wanted, and you know he's not dead, she's not dead. 0:16:44.080 --> 0:16:46.080 And by the way, I'm shocked she's not seeking it 0:16:46.120 --> 0:16:47.320 elsewhere at this point. 0:16:47.160 --> 0:16:50.200 I'm gonna say straight up and again, I hope this 0:16:50.320 --> 0:16:55.160 isn't true for these two's marriage, but I think if 0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:57.560 you haven't, if you've been trying to have sex with 0:16:57.600 --> 0:17:00.160 your partner and you haven't had sex and he year 0:17:00.160 --> 0:17:02.880 and a half, I wouldn't even blame you for cheating 0:17:02.920 --> 0:17:03.320 at that point. 0:17:03.520 --> 0:17:05.120 I don't know why they're your partner. They're not. They're 0:17:05.160 --> 0:17:06.840 not your partner. That's your roommate, right. 0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:08.920 We all need physical affection. 0:17:09.040 --> 0:17:11.840 Yeah, there's that study that says you need eight hugs 0:17:11.840 --> 0:17:14.320 a day, you need to have sex in a year 0:17:14.320 --> 0:17:15.120 and a half of your life. 0:17:15.200 --> 0:17:18.040 Like, guess that's that's not love. 0:17:18.119 --> 0:17:21.640 That's not romance, that's not intimate connection. And you know, 0:17:21.720 --> 0:17:24.320 I mean, on the one hand, whatever works for them. 0:17:24.400 --> 0:17:26.919 But on the other hand, I'm just saying, if you 0:17:27.040 --> 0:17:28.639 just took these facts a year and a half of 0:17:28.680 --> 0:17:32.120 no sex in any relationship, I wouldn't I wouldn't blame 0:17:32.119 --> 0:17:33.600 a person if I found out they were cheating. 0:17:33.760 --> 0:17:39.200 Sex is a funny thing. It's the connection, the physical activity, 0:17:39.320 --> 0:17:42.400 because it really does run the gamut. And we all 0:17:42.440 --> 0:17:46.399 have friends. There is the you know, sexually active couple 0:17:46.440 --> 0:17:50.600 that's like maybe every day, every other whatever, however many 0:17:50.640 --> 0:17:53.160 times a week. And then your friends that hear that say, 0:17:53.200 --> 0:17:56.040 oh my god, what we don't even do it once 0:17:56.080 --> 0:17:58.480 a week, We do it every other week or whatever 0:17:58.600 --> 0:18:02.359 because we're so busy or we just don't. And then 0:18:02.359 --> 0:18:05.720 there's the guy that talks about the wife that just well, 0:18:05.760 --> 0:18:08.880 I don't know, it's on major holidays or big events 0:18:08.920 --> 0:18:12.240 like birthdays or anniversaries, and that's about it. So there 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:17.200 really is this massive spectrum in the intimacy department when 0:18:17.240 --> 0:18:19.520 it comes to couples. I think it's a fascinating topic 0:18:19.600 --> 0:18:22.000 because there are so many different opinions and there's so 0:18:22.040 --> 0:18:23.160 many different lifestyles. 0:18:23.960 --> 0:18:27.320 But the advice I will give is, if you're not 0:18:27.359 --> 0:18:28.520 having sex for a year. 0:18:28.440 --> 0:18:30.080 And a half, yeah there's a problem. 0:18:30.160 --> 0:18:33.200 I think you have a I think you should be suspicious. 0:18:33.880 --> 0:18:35.919 I would be. It's a red flag to me, straight up. 0:18:36.320 --> 0:18:38.760 So especially if it's been a year and a half 0:18:38.960 --> 0:18:41.960 and he's not knocking down the door or vice versa, 0:18:42.000 --> 0:18:43.560 you're not either. And by the way, if it's been 0:18:43.560 --> 0:18:46.040 a year and a half and you're content and you're like, 0:18:46.240 --> 0:18:50.160 I don't really care, then there's a problem with your relationship. 0:18:50.200 --> 0:18:53.239 You're missing a huge key component to that relationship. This 0:18:53.280 --> 0:19:00.440 person essentially is just a really good friend of yours. 0:19:07.520 --> 0:19:08.359 Let me blow your mind. 0:19:08.600 --> 0:19:11.040 This couple has said that they started off as friends 0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:15.680 and actually even as platonic roommates before then becoming. 0:19:15.359 --> 0:19:17.640 Okay, well you know what. That makes sense though. 0:19:17.440 --> 0:19:19.440 Maybe they're back in roommates in roommate mode. 0:19:19.520 --> 0:19:22.880 Then they've fallen back into something that's very comfortable for them, 0:19:23.320 --> 0:19:28.200 which is their original recipe. They're great roommates, they're good friends. 0:19:28.280 --> 0:19:31.679 They know how to cohabitate together and get along together. 0:19:31.720 --> 0:19:35.000 That's very interesting that that door has been opened and 0:19:35.040 --> 0:19:38.240 now they've just gone back to what's comfortable. They're gonna 0:19:38.280 --> 0:19:39.960 have to shake that tree. They're gonna have to shake 0:19:39.960 --> 0:19:42.159 it up to get back to where they want to be. 0:19:42.200 --> 0:19:43.600 If that's where they want to be. It sounds like 0:19:43.640 --> 0:19:46.960 maybe they're fine with this, and maybe there's an arrangement. 0:19:47.040 --> 0:19:49.280 There's also a lot of arrangements out there that people 0:19:49.320 --> 0:19:50.000 don't know about. 0:19:50.119 --> 0:19:53.720 Oh gosh, I feel like I'm we we should bring 0:19:53.760 --> 0:19:56.160 on some people in situations like this. They can even 0:19:56.160 --> 0:20:00.679 remain anonymous. I'm so fascinated to learn about. Like, you know, 0:20:00.720 --> 0:20:02.399 we all grow up with this idea of what a 0:20:02.440 --> 0:20:04.960 relationship is supposed to be, but there are a lot 0:20:05.000 --> 0:20:07.080 of subtleties and a lot of things going on behind 0:20:07.080 --> 0:20:09.040 closed doors. And you know what, it's also a good 0:20:09.119 --> 0:20:12.000 lesson and we get the advice a lot of start 0:20:12.040 --> 0:20:14.960