1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:06,000 Speaker 1: This is the most dramatic podcast ever. And iHeartRadio podcast. 2 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:10,640 Speaker 1: Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema, I am hot told on 3 00:00:11,039 --> 00:00:12,399 Speaker 1: turning my mic downs. 4 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:13,840 Speaker 2: Yeast are hot? 5 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:15,000 Speaker 1: Is that how we start this? 6 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:15,600 Speaker 2: Sure? 7 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:17,960 Speaker 1: Okay, take a compliment. 8 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:22,240 Speaker 3: Man, He meant hot like the audio was high, which 9 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:23,639 Speaker 3: is an industry term. 10 00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:25,320 Speaker 2: He needed to adjust his volume. 11 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:28,080 Speaker 1: So with that, Chris Harrison, Laurn Zema, We're coming to 12 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,159 Speaker 1: you from the home office in Austin, Texas. LZ. What 13 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:31,160 Speaker 1: are we talking about today? 14 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:35,080 Speaker 3: I wanted to get into something that has been popping 15 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:39,640 Speaker 3: up all over my screens as a Real Housewives watcher 16 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:41,680 Speaker 3: with you, which you kind of also are. Now I've 17 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:43,280 Speaker 3: gotten you into Salt Lake City in New York. 18 00:00:43,479 --> 00:00:46,040 Speaker 1: Not kind of definitely No, I'm in And. 19 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:49,120 Speaker 3: This is coming up on both franchises where they often 20 00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:55,560 Speaker 3: get into couples chatter how long is too long to 21 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:57,680 Speaker 3: not have sex with your partner? 22 00:00:58,760 --> 00:00:59,840 Speaker 1: What has prompted this? 23 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:03,240 Speaker 3: On Real Housewives of New York it has been a 24 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:08,560 Speaker 3: multi episode arc. There's a couple, Pavit and Jessel. Povit 25 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:12,959 Speaker 3: the husband, Jessel the wife. They have not had sex. Now, 26 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:16,760 Speaker 3: she did have twin babies, but they've not had sex 27 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:19,880 Speaker 3: since she had her twin babies, and maybe even for 28 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:23,320 Speaker 3: a while, not when she was pregnant. So basically she's 29 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:25,480 Speaker 3: telling all the women her and her husband haven't had 30 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,800 Speaker 3: sex in like a year and a half to two years. 31 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:33,600 Speaker 3: Let's let that sink in a year and a half 32 00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:39,520 Speaker 3: or maybe even two years in a marriage, Okay, no sex. 33 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:46,400 Speaker 3: And she said nothing else really either, like no oral moments. 34 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:48,960 Speaker 1: Nothing playing around. So I was going to immediately say, 35 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:54,680 Speaker 1: you have to break this down into two categories. There 36 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,480 Speaker 1: is how long has it been since you've had sex? 37 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:01,400 Speaker 1: Have you just had children? Have you not had children? 38 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:03,400 Speaker 1: Because to me, first of all, those are very different 39 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:06,680 Speaker 1: answers for very different reasons. Is there on the show 40 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:10,400 Speaker 1: have they talked about who or why they're not having sex? 41 00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:13,959 Speaker 3: She they definitely say the kids were like kind of 42 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:18,280 Speaker 3: obviously what spurred this, Like she gave birth and obviously 43 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:20,360 Speaker 3: physically you can't for a minute, and it seems like 44 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:23,200 Speaker 3: from there it just kind of got away from them. 45 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:27,680 Speaker 3: And she says now like they just aren't into it, 46 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:31,720 Speaker 3: they're just not She says she doesn't feel comfortable and 47 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:33,800 Speaker 3: all of her friends are kind of telling her, like, 48 00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:34,640 Speaker 3: you just got to do it. 49 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:36,560 Speaker 2: You just need to like break the seal. 50 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:41,400 Speaker 1: It's I find this very interesting because I obviously I've 51 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:44,880 Speaker 1: had kids, I've talked to many parents, and obviously the 52 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:46,720 Speaker 1: job I have people come up and talk to me 53 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:51,240 Speaker 1: about this kind of stuff. Once people have had kids. 54 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,239 Speaker 1: There's there's a couple of different reasons that spurs this. 55 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:59,400 Speaker 1: On number one, like you said, physically, there's reasons that 56 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:01,960 Speaker 1: medically you're just not having sex right at the beginning. 57 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:06,680 Speaker 1: Then after that there's an anxiety, sometimes from the woman, 58 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:11,840 Speaker 1: sometimes from the man. Things have changed, things have shifted, 59 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:16,959 Speaker 1: things are mentally and emotionally different. So this is something 60 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,079 Speaker 1: that a lot of people deal with. I'm glad we're 61 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,360 Speaker 1: actually talking about this because I think there's a lot 62 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,040 Speaker 1: of people out there that have dealt with this or 63 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:24,600 Speaker 1: feel this. You're not alone. 64 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:27,440 Speaker 3: I've also heard from friends of mine that their husbands 65 00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:29,840 Speaker 3: were too afraid to have sex with them while they 66 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:32,200 Speaker 3: were pregnant. The women wanted to have sex, and the 67 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,280 Speaker 3: husbands were like, I'm way too scared, I'm going. 68 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:35,040 Speaker 2: To hurt the baby. 69 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:38,760 Speaker 3: I'm sure doctors tell you that's not a real concern. 70 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:44,160 Speaker 1: At the risk of way too much TM I that 71 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:45,480 Speaker 1: I didn't have a problem. 72 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,480 Speaker 2: With okay, so you were fined all right. 73 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:50,960 Speaker 1: So, and in fact, the doctors will say that is 74 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,880 Speaker 1: if you are ready to give birth, if you're a 75 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:53,880 Speaker 1: little bit passed. 76 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,280 Speaker 3: To a way. And I remember this episode of Friends, 77 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:56,920 Speaker 3: Rachel's trying to get Ross to have sex with her 78 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:57,840 Speaker 3: so she can have the baby. 79 00:03:57,880 --> 00:03:59,400 Speaker 1: A lot of times that will spur. 80 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:03,760 Speaker 2: If you have just had a baby. 81 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:06,280 Speaker 3: If you are having a medical issue, your partner should 82 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:09,880 Speaker 3: support you and sex should not become an issue when 83 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:14,400 Speaker 3: there's medical and physical concerns at play. Now, it does 84 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:18,640 Speaker 3: seem to me in this case it's gotten away from them. Yeah, 85 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:22,000 Speaker 3: the kids are almost two, and a lot of the 86 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:24,839 Speaker 3: women on the show are saying like they're saying what 87 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:28,679 Speaker 3: I would say, that physical intimacy is a very important 88 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:32,440 Speaker 3: part of a relationship. And I don't think there's a 89 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:35,600 Speaker 3: better solution then you just got to do it. Like 90 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:39,520 Speaker 3: sometimes I know, even for you or I, you and 91 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:42,680 Speaker 3: I and look, we don't always talk about our sex life, 92 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:45,719 Speaker 3: but there are times when, like if we've been traveling 93 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,960 Speaker 3: or we've gotten really busy, I'll say to you, like 94 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:52,440 Speaker 3: we need to connect lesson and sometimes life just gets 95 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,159 Speaker 3: away from you and you just need to make the 96 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:57,919 Speaker 3: time to make sure you physically reconnect. And it amazes 97 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:01,520 Speaker 3: me how that physical connection will spur intimate connection. I 98 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:04,080 Speaker 3: think a lot of the time, you know, especially for women, 99 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:07,680 Speaker 3: and I understand this, you need emotional intimacy to have 100 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:13,120 Speaker 3: physical intimacy. But sometimes almost just pushing through awkwardness and 101 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:17,839 Speaker 3: forcing and saying let's get physically intimate brings emotional connection back. 102 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,240 Speaker 1: Well, I think you just you said something really early 103 00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:22,239 Speaker 1: on in this episode that I think is very interesting. 104 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:25,440 Speaker 1: It got away from them. It's gotten away from them, 105 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:28,800 Speaker 1: and I think, and I don't know these people, but 106 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:33,920 Speaker 1: at some point somebody needs to stop and start communicating. 107 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:36,720 Speaker 1: Somebody needs to have that speech or that comment that 108 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:40,279 Speaker 1: you just had. Babe, this has gotten away from us. 109 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:44,920 Speaker 1: I miss that intimacy. We need to connect again and 110 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,520 Speaker 1: go have a romantic night, knowing that it's going to 111 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:50,040 Speaker 1: end up in sex. It's going to go there, and 112 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:53,320 Speaker 1: like you said, you're going to be you're both going 113 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:55,720 Speaker 1: to be overthinking it now because it's been so long, 114 00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:59,040 Speaker 1: but you need to push through this. And and again 115 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:02,279 Speaker 1: I'm not saying, you know, this is the best circumstance 116 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:05,360 Speaker 1: that we're talking about I'm not saying anyone should push 117 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:08,159 Speaker 1: through something they're not comfortable with, but in this case, 118 00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:12,320 Speaker 1: you're both going to be overthinking the situation. Especially I 119 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:15,560 Speaker 1: would say the woman, you've got to be there for her, 120 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:17,440 Speaker 1: and you've got to get through this moment you have 121 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:19,560 Speaker 1: to Two years is way too long. 122 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:23,160 Speaker 3: Well, that's what I was going to ask you, is 123 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:27,560 Speaker 3: is there ever a situation where a relationship can be 124 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,599 Speaker 3: sexless for that long and still be healthy? 125 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:30,600 Speaker 2: What do you think? 126 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:33,599 Speaker 1: No? 127 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:36,080 Speaker 2: No, I don't think so either. I have a friend 128 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:37,000 Speaker 2: who I thought. 129 00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:38,440 Speaker 1: You were going to say six or eight months, and 130 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:39,440 Speaker 1: I'm like, okay. 131 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,200 Speaker 2: You know what, when's the line? What's the thirst? 132 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:45,000 Speaker 1: Well again again? When when the woman feels fully healthy 133 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:48,279 Speaker 1: and happy and you can go there again? And you 134 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:53,320 Speaker 1: know again, things childbirth is very different for every person, 135 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,760 Speaker 1: and so things with your body can be very different. 136 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,960 Speaker 1: So we're trying to paint with a very broad brush. 137 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:02,479 Speaker 1: I understand there are definitely there's a spectrum here we're 138 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:05,560 Speaker 1: dealing with. But let's just say all things are normal 139 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:09,280 Speaker 1: and everybody's back to working shape in that you know, 140 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:13,200 Speaker 1: you get to that year mark. Okay, is that it? No? No, 141 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:14,880 Speaker 1: I'm just saying when you get to that year mark, 142 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:16,080 Speaker 1: you need to start asking questions. 143 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,560 Speaker 2: No, I mean, I think that's longer than I would 144 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:17,960 Speaker 2: have thought I. 145 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:20,280 Speaker 1: Would too, But that's where you really started got you 146 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:21,680 Speaker 1: got to start having that conversation. 147 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:23,200 Speaker 2: I think you have to have it before that. 148 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:26,560 Speaker 3: When would everybody start to be like, something's going on here, 149 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:28,360 Speaker 3: like if it was you or I or if you 150 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,280 Speaker 3: think about your guy friends, maybe you want you need 151 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:32,640 Speaker 3: to ask them for advice. When would you start saying 152 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:34,760 Speaker 3: how many weeks or months would it be before you 153 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:35,680 Speaker 3: when you'd go. 154 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:37,520 Speaker 2: I'm concerned. 155 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:41,400 Speaker 1: So here's what I find interesting that if we were 156 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:45,480 Speaker 1: going down this road, I would have started having this 157 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:49,920 Speaker 1: conversation already at six months, seven months, eight months, as 158 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:52,520 Speaker 1: you're going through your checkups and stuff like that, you know, 159 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:55,280 Speaker 1: even playfully just hey, when you know, when can we 160 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:58,120 Speaker 1: be together again? Or when can we or is it 161 00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:01,560 Speaker 1: okay if I just do this or do this? And 162 00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:07,080 Speaker 1: so the sexuality and the romance, I would have already 163 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:10,520 Speaker 1: been having that conversation like just not talking about it, 164 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:12,280 Speaker 1: letting this get so far down the road. 165 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:15,480 Speaker 2: That's what is a little I agree. 166 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:18,720 Speaker 3: And I had a friend who not long ago hadn't 167 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:21,280 Speaker 3: had sex with her husband in about a year and 168 00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:23,840 Speaker 3: she told me they hadn't talked about it, and that 169 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,920 Speaker 3: kind of blew my mind. I'm like, well, that's more 170 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:29,200 Speaker 3: than a physical issue. You have a communication issue there, 171 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:32,560 Speaker 3: because how have you not talked about it? At least 172 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:34,520 Speaker 3: be talking through it, be trying to figure out what 173 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:36,160 Speaker 3: the issues are. Even if you haven't been able to 174 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:38,840 Speaker 3: get to that place of having sex again yet, you 175 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:41,119 Speaker 3: need to have an open line of communication. 176 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:43,679 Speaker 2: Now we are giving. 177 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:47,880 Speaker 3: The context here of being new parents for this couple 178 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:51,440 Speaker 3: from this show. What if it's just like my friend, Yeah, 179 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:55,560 Speaker 3: what if it's just sex hasn't happened? Then, as a 180 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:58,240 Speaker 3: straight male, when does it start to become a thing 181 00:08:58,240 --> 00:08:59,720 Speaker 3: for you? Because I'll tell you, as a woman, I 182 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:03,560 Speaker 3: would say, we don't have kids. If for us it 183 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:12,440 Speaker 3: had been I'm going to say three weeks, I'd be like, m. 184 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:16,440 Speaker 1: I don't think that's unreasonable, that's not crazy. And again, 185 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:19,920 Speaker 1: you're talking about a couple that's already been intimate, You've 186 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,520 Speaker 1: already had sex, you have a decent sex life, and 187 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:27,160 Speaker 1: then all of a sudden you just don't what causes 188 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:29,200 Speaker 1: that dry spell? And again I'm glad we're talking about this, 189 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:31,720 Speaker 1: because this is something couples go through, and I think 190 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:35,960 Speaker 1: things just start again using that phrase getting away from people, 191 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:39,080 Speaker 1: and then everyone just stops talking about it, and you 192 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:39,960 Speaker 1: don't communicate. 193 00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:43,080 Speaker 3: And I think the longer people are together, the harder 194 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:46,280 Speaker 3: and the easierness for things to get away from you, 195 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:49,000 Speaker 3: and the less you prioritize that communication. 196 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,680 Speaker 1: Uork travel things, and then all of a sudden you 197 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,800 Speaker 1: just don't, and then you haven't, and then no one 198 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:57,640 Speaker 1: stops and just says, hey, I need that or I 199 00:09:57,760 --> 00:09:59,520 Speaker 1: want that, like let's connect again. 200 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:15,360 Speaker 3: Okay for your I'm going back to this, huh. I'm 201 00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:19,280 Speaker 3: just curious. I'm picking your brain. Yeah, four guys. Generally, 202 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,360 Speaker 3: what do you think that that number would be like 203 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:23,080 Speaker 3: if you and your guy friends are talking about it. 204 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,040 Speaker 2: Would it be less it'd be like a week? 205 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:28,400 Speaker 1: No, I think weeks. You know again, all my friends 206 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:31,960 Speaker 1: are married, they all have kids, and so I think 207 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,800 Speaker 1: they just I get it when they're traveling and driving 208 00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:36,480 Speaker 1: kids around and da da da da dah. You get 209 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:38,840 Speaker 1: done with dinner and everyone's exhausted and you're. 210 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,920 Speaker 2: On different like drove baseball practice. 211 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:44,439 Speaker 1: I get that a week can get away from you quickly. 212 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:47,200 Speaker 1: When you have kids, and when you're any and let's 213 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,880 Speaker 1: just take kids away. When you're just married and you're 214 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:52,400 Speaker 1: working and you're just exhausted. I get that, But when 215 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:57,800 Speaker 1: several weeks go by, whether I think most guys will 216 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:02,480 Speaker 1: be like, okay, I I would like that again. But definitely, 217 00:11:02,559 --> 00:11:04,720 Speaker 1: I think there's there's a conversation that needs to be had, 218 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:07,920 Speaker 1: like it's not healthy, you need to connect more. 219 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:11,840 Speaker 3: There's another couple on Real House Sizes of Salt Lake 220 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:15,480 Speaker 3: City who is dealing a bit with this we're not 221 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:20,120 Speaker 3: having sex issue. And one thing the guy said Justin 222 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:24,559 Speaker 3: to Whitney, which makes you think of from Justin to 223 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:29,640 Speaker 3: to Kelly the movie Sorry American Idol reference. He says 224 00:11:29,679 --> 00:11:32,000 Speaker 3: to her, well, I don't want to always be the 225 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:36,320 Speaker 3: one initiating sex, and she says, well, I don't feel 226 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,040 Speaker 3: connected to you right now, so I don't feel like 227 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:41,120 Speaker 3: initiating sex. And the result is it seems they're not 228 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:46,319 Speaker 3: really having that much sex. I totally hear him and her. 229 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,880 Speaker 3: I think it's important for both people to initiate. I 230 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:54,800 Speaker 3: think making your partner feel wanted and you feeling wanted, 231 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:57,480 Speaker 3: that's very important to me. It's it's kind of the 232 00:11:57,559 --> 00:12:00,600 Speaker 3: element of continuing to date your partner can continuing to 233 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:04,040 Speaker 3: make them feel desired, and you also want to be desired, 234 00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:06,719 Speaker 3: because I think when we don't feel desired and pursued, 235 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,840 Speaker 3: that's when we start to look outside of our relationships. 236 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:13,400 Speaker 1: Well, I guess you know, even if you know your 237 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:17,920 Speaker 1: significant other says I don't feel like having sex or 238 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,280 Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not up for tonight or whatever, if 239 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:23,960 Speaker 1: you know, if you could still express that, say I 240 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:28,160 Speaker 1: love you, I find you attractive, I want to I 241 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:31,240 Speaker 1: owe you one, or let's know, I owe you, yeah, like, hey, 242 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:33,839 Speaker 1: let's you know this weekend or or you know, like 243 00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:35,840 Speaker 1: put put it on the put it on the calendar, 244 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:39,560 Speaker 1: like and again I get it. Life gets crazy, and 245 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:42,880 Speaker 1: you know, when you're working five jobs and you're mired 246 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,320 Speaker 1: in debt and all that, yeah, you don't feel so sexy. 247 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:48,679 Speaker 1: So if you can even plan it out and I 248 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:51,400 Speaker 1: know that doesn't seem that romantic, but if your significant 249 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,920 Speaker 1: other show's interest that they want that and you're just 250 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,719 Speaker 1: not there mentally and emotionally, if you just say, hey, 251 00:12:56,720 --> 00:13:00,240 Speaker 1: look like let's connect this weekend, well. 252 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:03,120 Speaker 3: That's so interesting you say that because I've heard people 253 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:06,960 Speaker 3: say before like I want spontaneity, and scheduling isn't sexy. 254 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:09,680 Speaker 3: But I was thinking about it the other day because 255 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:13,120 Speaker 3: as we head into getting married, someone gave me the 256 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:17,839 Speaker 3: advice treat every date like it's the first date, and 257 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:22,120 Speaker 3: I was thinking about scheduling. Before you get into a 258 00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:25,640 Speaker 3: long term relationship, everything is scheduled. I feel like I 259 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:28,280 Speaker 3: have a date next Friday, right we are we have 260 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:31,040 Speaker 3: you know, I'm meeting this person for coffee. So I 261 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:33,760 Speaker 3: don't know why we change our opinion. In the beginnings 262 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:36,520 Speaker 3: of relationships, when sexiness is probably at an all time 263 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:39,520 Speaker 3: high and sparks are flying, we are scheduled so. 264 00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:42,320 Speaker 1: Much so that even when you really start kind of 265 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:46,160 Speaker 1: going out and get serious, you start talking about staying 266 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:47,760 Speaker 1: over at someone's house. You and I used to have 267 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:49,960 Speaker 1: this conversation should we stay because you were living in 268 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:52,640 Speaker 1: kind of in the city. I was out in the suburbs. Like, hey, babe, 269 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:54,560 Speaker 1: after you know, after the date tonight, how about I 270 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:55,880 Speaker 1: just crashing your place. 271 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:57,240 Speaker 2: Or so you're you're scheduling. 272 00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:00,720 Speaker 1: That's scheduling. Yeah, that's scheduling. And by the way, you 273 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:04,959 Speaker 1: know what's fun and sexy anticipation, Yes, talk about it. 274 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:07,800 Speaker 3: I read the other day a study that people are 275 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,520 Speaker 3: happier when they have something to look forward to. 276 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,199 Speaker 2: Yeah, so let's look forward to. 277 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:14,760 Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. If you tell me that 278 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,400 Speaker 1: I'm going to be looking forward to that tonight or tomorrow, 279 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:21,840 Speaker 1: what am I thinking about constantly? So it is sexy 280 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:25,120 Speaker 1: and you can have fun with it and shoot a text, 281 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:27,360 Speaker 1: leave a note I'm looking forward to tonight or I'm 282 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,160 Speaker 1: looking forward to this weekend. There are ways to connect 283 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:34,000 Speaker 1: even in your exhaustion, and it does take a little effort. 284 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:38,120 Speaker 1: And I know at times i've again, I get it, 285 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:41,640 Speaker 1: you don't feel like it take that extra measure to 286 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:45,320 Speaker 1: leave that note, to make that to make that noticed. 287 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:48,000 Speaker 3: Now I have to ask the big question that the 288 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,400 Speaker 3: women are debating on Real Housewives of New. 289 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:51,320 Speaker 2: York about this couple. 290 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:53,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, I know what's coming. 291 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:56,640 Speaker 3: They have not had sex in a year and a half. Right, 292 00:14:57,240 --> 00:15:01,400 Speaker 3: some added context, He has been the husband has been 293 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 3: taking trips to Vietnam, multiple trips to Vietnam, and he 294 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:10,440 Speaker 3: goes for a day and then comes back. He says 295 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:14,920 Speaker 3: it's to accrue airline miles. But all the other women, 296 00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:17,440 Speaker 3: all the other cast members on the show are very 297 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:20,840 Speaker 3: suspicious of this. And are posing the question is he cheating? 298 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:24,400 Speaker 3: And are asking any situation where you haven't had sex 299 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:28,080 Speaker 3: in a year and a half will cheating happen? Is 300 00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:31,200 Speaker 3: that almost a guarantee? And when there's no sex on 301 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:35,000 Speaker 3: the horizon, will there be cheating? And would that be 302 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,160 Speaker 3: justified if your partner wouldn't have sex with you for 303 00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:37,840 Speaker 3: a year and a half. 304 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,080 Speaker 1: I don't know this dude, so I'm not going to 305 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:42,600 Speaker 1: back the bus over him because I know nothing about him. 306 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:45,200 Speaker 1: But if you just came to me with this random 307 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:47,360 Speaker 1: story that this person has not had sex in almost 308 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:51,680 Speaker 1: two years and they take random, not business trips, random 309 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,280 Speaker 1: solo trips to Vietnam? 310 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:57,040 Speaker 3: Is the airline mile akruage not enough of a justification team. 311 00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:59,440 Speaker 1: Why isn't he flying to Europe? Why isn't he going 312 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:01,960 Speaker 1: to Canada? Why isn't he going to Poughkeepsie? Why is 313 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:02,920 Speaker 1: he going to Vietnam? 314 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:04,760 Speaker 2: It's a confusing thing. 315 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,720 Speaker 3: He says something about how he had bought a ticket 316 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,360 Speaker 3: to Vietnam before COVID. 317 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:09,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, now he's got it. 318 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:10,720 Speaker 3: I feel like I want to call that guy, the 319 00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:12,880 Speaker 3: points guy who tells you about your list. 320 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:15,800 Speaker 1: I know that raised. Yeah, I get the red flags, 321 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:17,800 Speaker 1: and I get the radar going up, especially for these 322 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:21,960 Speaker 1: women to be like, hey girl, because I do think 323 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:27,160 Speaker 1: it's fair not to assume, but to think about if 324 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:28,800 Speaker 1: it's been a year and a half and he's not 325 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:33,200 Speaker 1: getting it from you, or vice versa, she's not getting 326 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:36,760 Speaker 1: it from you, you're probably gonna seek it at some 327 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:40,800 Speaker 1: point elsewhere. You're gonna seek that connection because it's needed, 328 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:44,040 Speaker 1: it's wanted, and you know he's not dead, she's not dead. 329 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,080 Speaker 1: And by the way, I'm shocked she's not seeking it 330 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:47,320 Speaker 1: elsewhere at this point. 331 00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:50,200 Speaker 3: I'm gonna say straight up and again, I hope this 332 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:55,160 Speaker 3: isn't true for these two's marriage, but I think if 333 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:57,560 Speaker 3: you haven't, if you've been trying to have sex with 334 00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,160 Speaker 3: your partner and you haven't had sex and he year 335 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,880 Speaker 3: and a half, I wouldn't even blame you for cheating 336 00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:03,320 Speaker 3: at that point. 337 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,120 Speaker 1: I don't know why they're your partner. They're not. They're 338 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:06,840 Speaker 1: not your partner. That's your roommate, right. 339 00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:08,920 Speaker 2: We all need physical affection. 340 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, there's that study that says you need eight hugs 341 00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:14,320 Speaker 3: a day, you need to have sex in a year 342 00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:15,120 Speaker 3: and a half of your life. 343 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:18,040 Speaker 2: Like, guess that's that's not love. 344 00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:21,640 Speaker 3: That's not romance, that's not intimate connection. And you know, 345 00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:24,320 Speaker 3: I mean, on the one hand, whatever works for them. 346 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,919 Speaker 3: But on the other hand, I'm just saying, if you 347 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:28,639 Speaker 3: just took these facts a year and a half of 348 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:32,120 Speaker 3: no sex in any relationship, I wouldn't I wouldn't blame 349 00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:33,600 Speaker 3: a person if I found out they were cheating. 350 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:39,200 Speaker 1: Sex is a funny thing. It's the connection, the physical activity, 351 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:42,400 Speaker 1: because it really does run the gamut. And we all 352 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:46,399 Speaker 1: have friends. There is the you know, sexually active couple 353 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:50,600 Speaker 1: that's like maybe every day, every other whatever, however many 354 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:53,160 Speaker 1: times a week. And then your friends that hear that say, 355 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:56,040 Speaker 1: oh my god, what we don't even do it once 356 00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,480 Speaker 1: a week, We do it every other week or whatever 357 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:02,359 Speaker 1: because we're so busy or we just don't. And then 358 00:18:02,359 --> 00:18:05,720 Speaker 1: there's the guy that talks about the wife that just well, 359 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,880 Speaker 1: I don't know, it's on major holidays or big events 360 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:12,240 Speaker 1: like birthdays or anniversaries, and that's about it. So there 361 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:17,200 Speaker 1: really is this massive spectrum in the intimacy department when 362 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:19,520 Speaker 1: it comes to couples. I think it's a fascinating topic 363 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:22,000 Speaker 1: because there are so many different opinions and there's so 364 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:23,160 Speaker 1: many different lifestyles. 365 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 3: But the advice I will give is, if you're not 366 00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:28,520 Speaker 3: having sex for a year. 367 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,080 Speaker 1: And a half, yeah there's a problem. 368 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:33,200 Speaker 2: I think you have a I think you should be suspicious. 369 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:35,919 Speaker 2: I would be. It's a red flag to me, straight up. 370 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:38,760 Speaker 1: So especially if it's been a year and a half 371 00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:41,960 Speaker 1: and he's not knocking down the door or vice versa, 372 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,560 Speaker 1: you're not either. And by the way, if it's been 373 00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:46,040 Speaker 1: a year and a half and you're content and you're like, 374 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:50,160 Speaker 1: I don't really care, then there's a problem with your relationship. 375 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:53,239 Speaker 1: You're missing a huge key component to that relationship. This 376 00:18:53,280 --> 00:19:00,440 Speaker 1: person essentially is just a really good friend of yours. 377 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:08,359 Speaker 2: Let me blow your mind. 378 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:11,040 Speaker 3: This couple has said that they started off as friends 379 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:15,680 Speaker 3: and actually even as platonic roommates before then becoming. 380 00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:17,640 Speaker 1: Okay, well you know what. That makes sense though. 381 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:19,440 Speaker 2: Maybe they're back in roommates in roommate mode. 382 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:22,880 Speaker 1: Then they've fallen back into something that's very comfortable for them, 383 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:28,200 Speaker 1: which is their original recipe. They're great roommates, they're good friends. 384 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:31,679 Speaker 1: They know how to cohabitate together and get along together. 385 00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:35,000 Speaker 1: That's very interesting that that door has been opened and 386 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:38,240 Speaker 1: now they've just gone back to what's comfortable. They're gonna 387 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:39,960 Speaker 1: have to shake that tree. They're gonna have to shake 388 00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,159 Speaker 1: it up to get back to where they want to be. 389 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:43,600 Speaker 1: If that's where they want to be. It sounds like 390 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,960 Speaker 1: maybe they're fine with this, and maybe there's an arrangement. 391 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,280 Speaker 1: There's also a lot of arrangements out there that people 392 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:50,000 Speaker 1: don't know about. 393 00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:53,720 Speaker 3: Oh gosh, I feel like I'm we we should bring 394 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:56,160 Speaker 3: on some people in situations like this. They can even 395 00:19:56,160 --> 00:20:00,679 Speaker 3: remain anonymous. I'm so fascinated to learn about. Like, you know, 396 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:02,399 Speaker 3: we all grow up with this idea of what a 397 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:04,960 Speaker 3: relationship is supposed to be, but there are a lot 398 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,080 Speaker 3: of subtleties and a lot of things going on behind 399 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,040 Speaker 3: closed doors. And you know what, it's also a good 400 00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:12,000 Speaker 3: lesson and we get the advice a lot of start 401 00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:14,960 Speaker 3: out as friends, but make sure you don't go back 402 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:15,679 Speaker 3: to being friends. 403 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:18,879 Speaker 1: Yeah, I say, I mean start out with friends as friends, 404 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,639 Speaker 1: which you and I did, but passionate, we always had 405 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,200 Speaker 1: the chemistry. That it factor was always there. 406 00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:25,480 Speaker 2: Clearly started at his friends. 407 00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:29,560 Speaker 1: No, it was you. No, I would say that we 408 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:32,159 Speaker 1: were friendly. Well that first date, I think we we 409 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,560 Speaker 1: conversed very well. The second day we so. 410 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:35,879 Speaker 2: For one date. We were friends. 411 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:41,000 Speaker 1: We've always we've always been able to talk no matter what, 412 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,720 Speaker 1: We've always been able to talk and connect in that level. 413 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,640 Speaker 1: But I agree that you know there are and we 414 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:50,080 Speaker 1: can bring people on anonymously because there's a lot of 415 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:53,320 Speaker 1: just arrangements out there where people just want to be 416 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:55,560 Speaker 1: married or want to have that significant other and maybe 417 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,639 Speaker 1: it's just a travel, maybe it's whatever, and you can 418 00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,280 Speaker 1: go do your thing and I'll do mine. 419 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:03,679 Speaker 3: Well. If you all have an arrangement, an arrangement that 420 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:07,240 Speaker 3: works for you, please send a message to at the 421 00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,240 Speaker 3: most dramatic pod ever. 422 00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:10,600 Speaker 2: You will remain. 423 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,560 Speaker 3: Anonymous if you ask to do so, we promise, and 424 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:16,200 Speaker 3: also please dms and let us know what you think 425 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,120 Speaker 3: I might be thinking about this wrong. I might get 426 00:21:18,119 --> 00:21:19,639 Speaker 3: a lot of dms about the fact that I just 427 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,760 Speaker 3: said a year and a half with no sex gives 428 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:25,400 Speaker 3: you justification a cheat, but I stand by it and 429 00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:30,320 Speaker 3: also wishing all the best to this couple. I hope 430 00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:32,080 Speaker 3: we see them break the seal on this season of 431 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:33,240 Speaker 3: your size of New York City. 432 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:36,240 Speaker 1: The cameras will be rolling, and I think the takeaway 433 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:41,679 Speaker 1: for me as always the communication if you are not 434 00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:44,880 Speaker 1: getting what you need in your relationship. Speak up. If 435 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:49,440 Speaker 1: it's sex, if it's intimacy, speak up, and again, don't 436 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:52,840 Speaker 1: be so angry about it that you know it's the 437 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:55,159 Speaker 1: way you approach it. And again, don't be afraid to 438 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:58,159 Speaker 1: schedule it out, plan it out. It's fine. It can 439 00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,520 Speaker 1: be sexy, and it can be fun. We wish you 440 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:04,800 Speaker 1: the best, and we wish you all amazing intimacy and 441 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:06,360 Speaker 1: sex in your life. 442 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:07,520 Speaker 2: Ooh, what an. 443 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:10,320 Speaker 1: Ending, but we do appreciate it. We love opening up 444 00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:12,920 Speaker 1: the playbook, We love talking to you each and every time, 445 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:14,639 Speaker 1: and we'll do it again next time because we have 446 00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:17,760 Speaker 1: a lot more to talk about. Thanks for listening. Follow 447 00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:20,560 Speaker 1: us on Instagram at the most dramatic pod ever, and 448 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:22,439 Speaker 1: make sure to write us a review and leave us 449 00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:24,720 Speaker 1: five stars. I'll talk to you next time.