1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,560 Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda land Audio 2 00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:08,960 Speaker 1: in partnership with I Heart Radio. To me, labor and 3 00:00:09,039 --> 00:00:16,319 Speaker 1: pregnancy and childbirth is like booches and dust getting kicked 4 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:19,120 Speaker 1: up by a sacred dance and you have like shakers 5 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:32,840 Speaker 1: on you. That's like the real ish, its actually happening. Hi, everybody, 6 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:36,040 Speaker 1: and welcome back to Katie's Crib. I am so excited 7 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:39,440 Speaker 1: for today's episode because we have a guy on the podcast. People, 8 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:44,400 Speaker 1: We've got a guy on the podcast Father's Day celebrations, 9 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:46,960 Speaker 1: all of that. Although he's not really into Father's Day. 10 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:51,159 Speaker 1: You will know him probably before we are on the 11 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:54,720 Speaker 1: air together as TV husband and wife because I get 12 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:58,960 Speaker 1: to play his wife Jen Smallwood to his Tom's Smallwood. 13 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:02,960 Speaker 1: The one and only comedian, writer, actor, cartoonist podcast host 14 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:07,319 Speaker 1: Pete Holmes. His podcast is called You Made It Weird 15 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:10,039 Speaker 1: and it's a comedic exploration of the meaning of life. 16 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:12,880 Speaker 1: And on Fridays it's called We Made It Weird because 17 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:16,319 Speaker 1: it's a podcast with him and his wife, Valerie Holmes. 18 00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:19,560 Speaker 1: I get to have both of them on the podcast 19 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:24,920 Speaker 1: today and we're talking all about their incredible daughter, Leela Jane, 20 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:27,839 Speaker 1: and we really get into it, guys. We get into 21 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:31,600 Speaker 1: the meaning of life, labor and pregnancy and postpartum and 22 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:36,319 Speaker 1: all of that, but we really get into the transformational 23 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:40,639 Speaker 1: shift that happens because of getting to be a parent. 24 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:45,080 Speaker 1: So here they are the amazing Pete Holmes, who created 25 00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:48,400 Speaker 1: and started the semi autobiographical HBO show Crashing. You might 26 00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:51,720 Speaker 1: know him because he executive produced it alongside Judd Apataw. 27 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:55,080 Speaker 1: He's hugely accomplished when it comes up to stand up, 28 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:59,080 Speaker 1: three hour long television specials, late night appearances. He tours 29 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:02,440 Speaker 1: regularly as old out crowds. Again, you're going to catch 30 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,840 Speaker 1: him very soon on CBS because we co start together 31 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:11,200 Speaker 1: on Smallwood. And his wife, Valerie Holmes. Val She's incredible. 32 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:14,440 Speaker 1: She's a mindfulness coach, and she is someone who I 33 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:17,359 Speaker 1: just want to be like my best friend. Starting yesterday, 34 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:21,440 Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, Vale and Pete. I'm gonna be 35 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:23,360 Speaker 1: honest Pete Holmes, which I'm always only going to call 36 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:25,640 Speaker 1: you by your whole name. We even we don't have 37 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:29,760 Speaker 1: dudes on this show, like you're barely having one today. 38 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:36,680 Speaker 1: He's a great gateway dude. Yes, I feel really excited 39 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:38,919 Speaker 1: about this and I think it will be Father's Day, 40 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,520 Speaker 1: so we can talk about if that means anything to you, 41 00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:43,920 Speaker 1: if you guys have any plans. But I was like, 42 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:46,800 Speaker 1: we're going to make the exception for Pete Holmes. Um, 43 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:50,440 Speaker 1: I'll throw you a quick No, it doesn't mean anything 44 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:55,360 Speaker 1: to you. Everything, Katie in society, that's that's built to 45 00:02:55,639 --> 00:03:04,280 Speaker 1: give people attention, Karaoke, Halloween, birthdays, Father's Day is completely 46 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:10,360 Speaker 1: null for someone whose job is getting attention. So I 47 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:15,800 Speaker 1: would be I'm already associopath. I go on stage, I 48 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:18,680 Speaker 1: did a show last night, and they clap for me 49 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:23,320 Speaker 1: before I've done anything that does something to your psyche. 50 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:27,200 Speaker 1: It's I guess I've arrived. I'm here, I drove here, 51 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:32,079 Speaker 1: and everyone loves you already crazy is my brain goes, 52 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:36,400 Speaker 1: this is right, this is right. So like if there's 53 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:40,560 Speaker 1: anything we can turn the volume down on the specialness dial, 54 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:45,480 Speaker 1: uh it is thing now. For Mother's Day, we did 55 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:49,960 Speaker 1: nice things. We had pancakes and all those things. But 56 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:52,000 Speaker 1: I don't I'm not saying I don't need it. I'm 57 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:56,640 Speaker 1: saying I'm already flush in that category. So on Father's Day, 58 00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:59,480 Speaker 1: all I ever want to do for Father's Day, Birthday, 59 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:01,160 Speaker 1: all those two it's the things that just kind of 60 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:04,200 Speaker 1: relax and hang out and just be home with everybody 61 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:07,840 Speaker 1: and chill. So val, do you already know this about 62 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:10,120 Speaker 1: your husband or do you go behind his back and 63 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:12,400 Speaker 1: do anything anyway or you're like no, no, no, no, 64 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:15,119 Speaker 1: I I know that about him, and I it's it's 65 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:18,800 Speaker 1: really nice on my ends, like I just have to well, 66 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:21,560 Speaker 1: you're that way too, Like I didn't get you anything 67 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:25,000 Speaker 1: from mother's right not to put it down. But if 68 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:27,719 Speaker 1: I was like I have to get her a gold 69 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:31,240 Speaker 1: heart necklace or she won't know that I love her, 70 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:36,320 Speaker 1: then I'm not. Now I really sound on my high horse, 71 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,640 Speaker 1: but then I'm not doing a good God, I don't 72 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:41,400 Speaker 1: understand and and and it is the hallmark of it 73 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:43,840 Speaker 1: all also like there's something that it makes it you 74 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:47,680 Speaker 1: highlight other days as being shitty, like like I used 75 00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:51,200 Speaker 1: to get upset where I was like, I'm confused why 76 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,960 Speaker 1: my husband only opens up the door for me, and 77 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 1: look like not that that means anything, but it's like 78 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:59,159 Speaker 1: on a special day, it's sort of highlights like oh 79 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:00,400 Speaker 1: that he doesn't do it all the time. And then 80 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:01,640 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I don't give a ship that 81 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,080 Speaker 1: he ever does that. For me. Plus, we're both taking 82 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:08,760 Speaker 1: care of Leela, right, We're in this together, we co parent, 83 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:12,320 Speaker 1: we're in it together. And if I have a special day, 84 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:14,800 Speaker 1: maybe I'm the one that doesn't get up with the baby. 85 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:18,039 Speaker 1: And then that's pretty much in the morning. Maybe that's 86 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:22,640 Speaker 1: the end of it. Yeah, actually is you're reminding me 87 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,599 Speaker 1: that for Mother's Day you got up with her two 88 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:29,000 Speaker 1: days in a row, and that's like the best gift ever, 89 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:32,960 Speaker 1: because two days in a row sleep, it's so much 90 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:35,720 Speaker 1: better that one. Yeah. I've actually heard I think from 91 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:38,440 Speaker 1: a therapist that when I was like I was losing 92 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:40,400 Speaker 1: my mind after so and she was like, no, no, no, 93 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:44,680 Speaker 1: just getting one night of sleep without breastfeeding isn't like enough. 94 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:46,560 Speaker 1: I think you have to log like two nights in 95 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:50,040 Speaker 1: a row and now we're cooking with gas. Did you 96 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:53,440 Speaker 1: guys always know you were going to be parents? Did 97 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:57,200 Speaker 1: you always want to be a mom? That? Yeah, most 98 00:05:57,240 --> 00:05:59,000 Speaker 1: of the time. There was a There was like a 99 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:02,160 Speaker 1: period of time in my twenties where I was like, 100 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,920 Speaker 1: maybe I don't maybe I could just party all the time. 101 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:09,480 Speaker 1: And then you know, like by nine I was totally 102 00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:13,600 Speaker 1: exhausted and was like thinking about a family again. But 103 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:16,560 Speaker 1: I feel like when we first started dating, it was 104 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:19,680 Speaker 1: just very much like maybe we'll be one of those 105 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:24,160 Speaker 1: couples that just always travels and doesn't have kids and uh. 106 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:27,440 Speaker 1: And then we bought this house and we were like, 107 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:31,480 Speaker 1: there's two perfect little upstairs rooms for like two kids. 108 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:34,240 Speaker 1: And then we just started kind of talking about it 109 00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:37,679 Speaker 1: more and more. Before that, even when we saw the house, 110 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:40,599 Speaker 1: we have a very cozy it's not modern. It's like 111 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:46,440 Speaker 1: what a kid would draw, if you like draw a house. Yes, 112 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:49,920 Speaker 1: a rectangle with a triangle on top, with a fute 113 00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:52,240 Speaker 1: door and a little walk way up to it. There's 114 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:58,120 Speaker 1: like a flower with dolow blocks. And I remember looking 115 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:00,400 Speaker 1: at it and going, this is where you raise a family. 116 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,160 Speaker 1: They're like the houses that are like and we love 117 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:05,320 Speaker 1: these houses. We airbnb in a house like this all 118 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:08,560 Speaker 1: the time. You know, the heated floors and the white 119 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:11,760 Speaker 1: granite countertops and all that stuff. Everything's sleek and sharp, 120 00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:14,800 Speaker 1: a lot of things for a kid to bunk into. 121 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:17,360 Speaker 1: And we stayed in a place with a hard cement 122 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:21,680 Speaker 1: floor and Leela fell backwards and bopped her head. No, 123 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:24,280 Speaker 1: that's not hoose for that's not a house for building 124 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:26,680 Speaker 1: a family. That's why you should see our couch now. 125 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,680 Speaker 1: Our couches just permise stained. Valmy not like that. I'm 126 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:32,440 Speaker 1: sharing that, I'm making peace with it. It was, yeah, 127 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:34,840 Speaker 1: we gotta let it all go, guys. I just for 128 00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:38,040 Speaker 1: the first time, we just had someone come and steam 129 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:45,400 Speaker 1: clean our couch. Biggest, stupidest guess what, sparkly blue silly putty. 130 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,280 Speaker 1: It just fus your couch up and it's never coming out. 131 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:53,920 Speaker 1: It's just I mean there are huge electric blue glittery 132 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:56,040 Speaker 1: stains or whatever. And you know what my dad, My 133 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:59,400 Speaker 1: dad was like, just mess it all up. It's a monument. 134 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:03,680 Speaker 1: It's the kids being safe and bye bye to the 135 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:08,000 Speaker 1: white couch. But that's it's it's American beauty. You remember 136 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:10,400 Speaker 1: Kevin Spacey's going to spill the beer on the couch 137 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,400 Speaker 1: and he's trying to kiss his wife and she goes 138 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:15,600 Speaker 1: the couch and he's like, it's just a couch. That's 139 00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:18,920 Speaker 1: just my style. One of our parenting things is like 140 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:24,480 Speaker 1: the baby is almost always right, meaning you're in the bathtub, 141 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:29,240 Speaker 1: she's splashing and I catch myself getting tight and I 142 00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:34,200 Speaker 1: wanted to stop. And then whenever you just really look 143 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:37,840 Speaker 1: at it and say, like, what's really going on and 144 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:41,240 Speaker 1: kind of step aside from the role of parent. You know, 145 00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:44,119 Speaker 1: you start almost like you're reading lines in a play. 146 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:47,280 Speaker 1: I'm supposed to tell you to stop splashing. Um And 147 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,360 Speaker 1: at a certain point I wouldn't let her. I wouldn't 148 00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:51,400 Speaker 1: want her to drench me because you could that's legit. 149 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,160 Speaker 1: You could be like, oh, that makes me sad, I 150 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:55,920 Speaker 1: have to change my clothes. But she's just splashing and 151 00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:59,160 Speaker 1: it's getting a little bit on the floor and I'm like, baby, 152 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:05,400 Speaker 1: stop Just is that's not normal grown up for me? 153 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:08,080 Speaker 1: I do this all the time where it's like your 154 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:10,160 Speaker 1: kid wants to splash, Like I don't know a kid 155 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,240 Speaker 1: that doesn't want to splash, Like why is why have 156 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:16,080 Speaker 1: we put that splashing? The floor is tile, and the 157 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:19,240 Speaker 1: reason the floor is tile is because it can get wet. 158 00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:23,360 Speaker 1: So you just have this like you just get to go. 159 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,720 Speaker 1: You're right, life is joyful and that's what we love 160 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:29,640 Speaker 1: about kids. They're so free were I'm certainly not giving 161 00:09:29,679 --> 00:09:31,840 Speaker 1: a tip, but something that was helpful for me was 162 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:36,600 Speaker 1: just going to give a tip. Here's a tip. Was 163 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:39,240 Speaker 1: just like looking at the child sort of like as 164 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:44,240 Speaker 1: a legitimate and dignified member of reality, not somebody that 165 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,520 Speaker 1: I have to like constantly be sculpting that we hear 166 00:09:47,559 --> 00:09:49,080 Speaker 1: all the time. It's like, what can I learn from you? 167 00:09:49,559 --> 00:09:53,959 Speaker 1: Just going like why am I stopping her from coloring 168 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:57,360 Speaker 1: on my books? All of my books have crayons and 169 00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,800 Speaker 1: them who cares? You can still read him. One of 170 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,839 Speaker 1: my teachers was like, you know what, like a pen 171 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:05,160 Speaker 1: really isn't a great toy for like a two year old. 172 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,800 Speaker 1: He drew all over the table and I was like, okay, 173 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,760 Speaker 1: I could lose my ship that he drew all over 174 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:12,800 Speaker 1: the table. By the way, again, this table is a 175 00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:15,360 Speaker 1: piece of ship whatever from my keya hundred years ago. 176 00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:18,440 Speaker 1: It's who cares? But the problem was that I gave 177 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:20,440 Speaker 1: him the pen, and you know what I mean, it's 178 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:24,880 Speaker 1: not him. I'm like, why am I giving a pen? Yeah, 179 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,800 Speaker 1: like I could give him They make ship for kids 180 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:29,960 Speaker 1: now that's like they could draw all over and it 181 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:34,800 Speaker 1: comes right off like I gave him an adult pen. Okay, um. 182 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:36,520 Speaker 1: I want to hear two things. When you found out 183 00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:42,240 Speaker 1: you were pregnant, what did you both feel and how 184 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:47,880 Speaker 1: was the pregnancy for you? So we knew we wanted 185 00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:52,280 Speaker 1: to have kids early on, before we even really were married, 186 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:56,719 Speaker 1: and then the we first started trying, like on our honeymoon, 187 00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:00,480 Speaker 1: and I'm really lucky that like we got mint. We 188 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:03,880 Speaker 1: tried three months, you know, and like the third try 189 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:06,600 Speaker 1: we got pregnant. So we got pregnant pretty fast, wonder 190 00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:10,560 Speaker 1: but it was so like training for parenting and how 191 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:15,160 Speaker 1: like nothing goes how you expected to go. Meaning even 192 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:16,680 Speaker 1: though it was only three months, it was it was 193 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:21,400 Speaker 1: already hard on uh Val. Not to sound like I'm 194 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:23,640 Speaker 1: I'm so easy breezy, but it was less hard on me. 195 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:27,200 Speaker 1: I was excited, but I think Val was really as 196 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,440 Speaker 1: as I'm glad. You were like ingesting it and being 197 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:31,680 Speaker 1: like this is it. It's happening. And then you're the 198 00:11:31,679 --> 00:11:34,200 Speaker 1: one that gets the period. You get the news, you 199 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:36,440 Speaker 1: know what I mean, and you're like, yeah, so like 200 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,920 Speaker 1: you feel like it's something wrong, and it's just in 201 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:41,360 Speaker 1: us as women, it's awful, but also as people who 202 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,920 Speaker 1: have been careful your whole life. Suddenly you're having unprotected 203 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:47,240 Speaker 1: leave the greeto in the oven kind of sex and 204 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:51,120 Speaker 1: you're like, we're gonna get pregnant immediately, and then you're like, 205 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:54,040 Speaker 1: oh my god, I was being way too careful. That's 206 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:57,760 Speaker 1: a joke by the way you can get pregnant on 207 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:03,160 Speaker 1: one try. But then are you remembering we know when 208 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:08,000 Speaker 1: we yeah? Yeah, so then we we I knew Like 209 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:13,120 Speaker 1: when no I just was using the copulation, we tried 210 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:18,000 Speaker 1: to do it minimum amount those ovulation sticks. We did 211 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,800 Speaker 1: the same thing. It was amazing. I feel like you 212 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,880 Speaker 1: and I are very connected. But once I decided that 213 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:25,200 Speaker 1: I was right I wanted to get pregnant, I was 214 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:29,720 Speaker 1: so fucking piste like when it didn't work out, which 215 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:32,640 Speaker 1: is what I understand. Like if you're at all, uh, 216 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:35,640 Speaker 1: you know, an overachiever, and all of a sudden you're like, 217 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:38,080 Speaker 1: I've made the decision to work really hard at getting pregnant, 218 00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:42,920 Speaker 1: and now, oh, it's not happening. So the three months 219 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,960 Speaker 1: feel really long. And I think it's really relatable for 220 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:48,079 Speaker 1: people listening because you immediately go to I'm going to 221 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:49,480 Speaker 1: be one of those people. I'm going to be one 222 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,559 Speaker 1: of those people that it's impossible, where your brain is 223 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:55,040 Speaker 1: already going to IVF like you're already like something's wrong, 224 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:58,840 Speaker 1: something's wrong, something's wrong. Yet absolutely that's so true. And 225 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:02,920 Speaker 1: the waiting, there's so much waiting because you're like you're 226 00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:06,079 Speaker 1: waiting until you ovulate and then you're waiting two more 227 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:07,920 Speaker 1: weeks to see if you get your period, and those 228 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:11,200 Speaker 1: two weeks feel so long. And every time I was 229 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,760 Speaker 1: like hungry, I was like, maybe I'm pregnant because I'm 230 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:18,319 Speaker 1: so hungry. That was just your That was just emotions. 231 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:21,040 Speaker 1: But who knows. Okay, so tell me that you guys 232 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,800 Speaker 1: like know when you can see. Yeah, So we use 233 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:26,880 Speaker 1: ovulation stick and we I do feel like this is 234 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:38,200 Speaker 1: significant with oh my god, pick more good mood. Don't 235 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:42,920 Speaker 1: look at you can only come out two hours every month. Um. 236 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:48,960 Speaker 1: But we cleared out the room that was gonna be 237 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:52,239 Speaker 1: the baby room. We like it was a jump room. 238 00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:54,080 Speaker 1: And it was New Year's Eve and I was like, 239 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:56,520 Speaker 1: we're starting this new year. We're making this space for 240 00:13:56,559 --> 00:13:59,760 Speaker 1: the baby. And I was ovulating. We obviously didn't know 241 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:02,000 Speaker 1: that it I was pregnant. Then what we did kind 242 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,520 Speaker 1: of try to conceive, and we had made plans to 243 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:09,959 Speaker 1: on New Year's Day. But you're what, you're skipping skipping what? Okay? 244 00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:12,440 Speaker 1: We usually have sex during the day, Like I just 245 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:16,800 Speaker 1: like day sex. This is the detail I'm interrupting. I don't. 246 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:19,920 Speaker 1: I like to help people feel less alone. And I'm 247 00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:23,120 Speaker 1: a person who at night. I like to unwind, but 248 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:25,680 Speaker 1: we would have sex on light at night for like 249 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:29,320 Speaker 1: date nights, like because that's very sexy to get dressed 250 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:31,000 Speaker 1: up and go on a date. And that's what happened 251 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,800 Speaker 1: is it was New Year's Eve. Yeah, and we dressed 252 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:35,840 Speaker 1: up and we went to this party and then we 253 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:38,720 Speaker 1: had sex that night and that's when we conceived. So 254 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,680 Speaker 1: it was all the other attempts had been day sex 255 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,840 Speaker 1: attempts or afternoon sex attempts, and now we're doing it 256 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:47,600 Speaker 1: like one in the morning. So funny to me that 257 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:51,040 Speaker 1: I'm like trying to give the key details to make 258 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:53,600 Speaker 1: this story quick, and you're talking so much about how 259 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:57,720 Speaker 1: we had sex at night instead of during the day. 260 00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:02,120 Speaker 1: So yeah, but it's so great. I'm contributing people turn 261 00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:07,240 Speaker 1: in for those juicy one am unwined sex because what 262 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:11,120 Speaker 1: were you doing? I was? We weren't. It was New 263 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:13,080 Speaker 1: Year's it was New Year's Eve, so we went to 264 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:16,200 Speaker 1: the party. And time is different on New Year's Eve. 265 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:19,280 Speaker 1: For whatever reason, it's like a very time is weird. 266 00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:25,280 Speaker 1: It's either because we knew it was that time. I 267 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,960 Speaker 1: think I'm pretty sure yes it was. We knew that, 268 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:31,600 Speaker 1: but we didn't know obviously that day that it had taken, 269 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:35,080 Speaker 1: so we had made plans for the next day to 270 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:43,000 Speaker 1: do mushrooms us together, and I had had like good 271 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:47,120 Speaker 1: experiences only exclusively with that, but for a lot of 272 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:50,000 Speaker 1: reasons and theories that I have, this was like a 273 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:52,840 Speaker 1: very bad trip. I don't know if it was the 274 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:56,000 Speaker 1: mushroom trip. I actually think it was like the spark 275 00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,200 Speaker 1: of life that was happening in me. Like I like 276 00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:01,120 Speaker 1: to think that Leela was like this light that just 277 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:04,640 Speaker 1: kind of shone in my light, my body and like 278 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:07,240 Speaker 1: shown all of this like trauma that I was holding 279 00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:10,040 Speaker 1: that I didn't know I had. It's like that trip 280 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:13,920 Speaker 1: like reignited a trauma which then I was flooded with 281 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:16,640 Speaker 1: and incapable of dealing with, which kind of created its 282 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:21,280 Speaker 1: own trauma. So then in the following weeks, I was 283 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:26,440 Speaker 1: having like six hour panic attacks every day, followed by 284 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:29,800 Speaker 1: like the deepest, darkest depression where I felt like I 285 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:33,400 Speaker 1: was having the bad trip again. Um, but I wasn't 286 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:37,240 Speaker 1: on anything, and I was so scared because I've never 287 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:41,240 Speaker 1: dealt with anything like that, and and like nobody brought 288 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:44,960 Speaker 1: up trauma or PTSD or anything, So all I thought 289 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:48,680 Speaker 1: was I broke my brain with drugs and I might 290 00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:51,600 Speaker 1: be pregnant, and it was truly the darkest time in 291 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:55,200 Speaker 1: my life, just the time before finding out that was like, yeah, 292 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,960 Speaker 1: in the two weeks between conception and now, that has 293 00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:00,480 Speaker 1: to have been from that trip. It has do right, 294 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:03,560 Speaker 1: it was the trip. If I agree with your diagnosis 295 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:08,040 Speaker 1: that the trip opened up things, you know what I'm saying, Like, 296 00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:11,159 Speaker 1: I don't want to say it wasn't the drugs. The 297 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:15,760 Speaker 1: drugs reacted to something that was repressed inside of her 298 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:19,719 Speaker 1: that did need to be cleansed. Again, mushrooms aren't for everybody, 299 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:21,120 Speaker 1: I don't. I don't mean to say that they don't 300 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:24,840 Speaker 1: sometimes have terrible consequences. They absolutely can. But in this case, 301 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:27,800 Speaker 1: I'm like, you sort of see how they are these 302 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:31,360 Speaker 1: sacred medicines that are like, Okay, you're about to do this, well, 303 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,160 Speaker 1: we're gonna look in the box that you don't want 304 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:36,800 Speaker 1: to look in. That being said, it was really rough. Yeah, 305 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:39,920 Speaker 1: and I actually had like I see this healer, raiky woman, 306 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:42,240 Speaker 1: and she was like, this stuff was going to come 307 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:45,560 Speaker 1: out anyway in your pregnancy, because that's just like what 308 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:48,800 Speaker 1: this soul that was in you was meant was here 309 00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:52,000 Speaker 1: to do UM, but like maybe it just came out 310 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:56,760 Speaker 1: really way too fast and extreme um. And so by 311 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,360 Speaker 1: the time I was like peeing on a stick, I 312 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:02,600 Speaker 1: was in the lowest mental state I've ever been in. 313 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:06,720 Speaker 1: I didn't feel like myself was really scared, but I 314 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:10,159 Speaker 1: also still wanted to be pregnant, and it was just 315 00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:14,239 Speaker 1: all very confusing, and um Pete was asleep and I 316 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:18,040 Speaker 1: took the pregnancy test, and when I saw the word pregnant, 317 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:22,280 Speaker 1: it was like I just felt like, oh my god, 318 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:28,159 Speaker 1: I'm I'm making someone be alive. I am making I'm it. 319 00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:30,879 Speaker 1: Just like the responsibility instantly hit me and I was 320 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:34,400 Speaker 1: like I just woke up a soul, like wake up, 321 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,800 Speaker 1: do you want to exist? Which is what that Chris 322 00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:39,560 Speaker 1: Pratt movie. You know that Chris Pratt science fiction movie 323 00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:42,160 Speaker 1: where they're on a long haul. I haven't seen it either, 324 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,879 Speaker 1: but they're in a spaceship. It's in a long haul 325 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,520 Speaker 1: and he's woken up and it's like he knows, he 326 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:50,840 Speaker 1: knows he's going to die before they get to the 327 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:56,480 Speaker 1: point passengers, right, Yeah, what's her name, Jennifer? Jennifer Lawrence 328 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:59,720 Speaker 1: Lawrence up. He wakes her up and then he breaks 329 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:02,680 Speaker 1: it or like I woke you up because I was lonely. 330 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:06,240 Speaker 1: That's sort of not only what parents are doing, like 331 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:10,760 Speaker 1: you're bringing something in even though you know it's complicated 332 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,800 Speaker 1: and and life involves death and all these things, but 333 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:17,000 Speaker 1: it's also what God was doing. Yeah, Like God was like, 334 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:20,359 Speaker 1: I'm going to make creation and they're going to suffer 335 00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:22,159 Speaker 1: and they're going to die, but it's worth it to 336 00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:24,720 Speaker 1: commune with them in any way. That's I don't have 337 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:40,280 Speaker 1: to see the movie to enjoy its mess. It sounds 338 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,879 Speaker 1: like you felt massive amounts of responsibility. Did you feel 339 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:46,560 Speaker 1: like your whole pregnancy you struggled with that. I was excited. 340 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,320 Speaker 1: I just felt everything. It was like, all of a sudden, 341 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:52,560 Speaker 1: I felt so much about it. And I had bought 342 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:56,679 Speaker 1: like a little onesie that said the Adventure Begins or 343 00:19:56,720 --> 00:20:01,639 Speaker 1: something like that, You're fucking I think, No, you're lucky. 344 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:05,800 Speaker 1: I mean, pete, I get it, Like, wow, thank you. 345 00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:08,080 Speaker 1: So I like put that in a gift bag with 346 00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:12,080 Speaker 1: the positive pregnancy test and I woke him up and 347 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:14,639 Speaker 1: he was like kind of sleepy but opened it and 348 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,240 Speaker 1: was like, are you serious? And then you can take 349 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:20,439 Speaker 1: over how you felt? And that did your I loved 350 00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:26,200 Speaker 1: telling you. I actually I totally understand that. The story 351 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:30,000 Speaker 1: is that you had this dark thing the day after 352 00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:34,480 Speaker 1: we conceived, and this very difficult thing that I remember. 353 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:37,159 Speaker 1: We were doing a press tour for for Crashing, and 354 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,880 Speaker 1: we had to leave, we had to go to the doctor, 355 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:43,520 Speaker 1: and she was having this basically this lingering, twenty four 356 00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:46,600 Speaker 1: hour panic attack. I'm walking around with her and it's 357 00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,760 Speaker 1: like she wasn't home. It was really scary, and I 358 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:52,199 Speaker 1: was trying, I could I was telling her all of 359 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:56,199 Speaker 1: my metaphysical woo woo, and it wasn't really helping. And 360 00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:59,280 Speaker 1: I could tell it wasn't helping. And I know what 361 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:02,680 Speaker 1: it's like when someone's trying to comfort you and it's 362 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,960 Speaker 1: just not getting through. Yeah, And when you're having panic attacks, no, 363 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:09,040 Speaker 1: there's no getting in there. They have to end and 364 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:11,200 Speaker 1: you have to like go through it. They're the fucking worst, 365 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:13,560 Speaker 1: don't They're the worst. But what's funny is, even though 366 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:17,200 Speaker 1: all of that is what was happening, when I think 367 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,439 Speaker 1: of you telling me in that time in our lives, 368 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,760 Speaker 1: the headline in my memory is how how happy we were. 369 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,639 Speaker 1: I sort of I'm not saying I forgot about all 370 00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:28,240 Speaker 1: the other stuff, but I separated them. It's almost like 371 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:31,160 Speaker 1: that was resolved, even though it wasn't. They bled into 372 00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:34,200 Speaker 1: one another, but it felt sort of resolved. I know 373 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:38,000 Speaker 1: we were still fixing you. In fact, the worst was 374 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:41,520 Speaker 1: to come. Yeah, the coming back from the press tour 375 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,760 Speaker 1: was after we knew she was pregnant. That's why they 376 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:46,480 Speaker 1: couldn't give her anything, which was also a scene from 377 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,920 Speaker 1: a horror movie, like help, I feel like I'm dying 378 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:52,560 Speaker 1: but I'm pregnant. Well, we we can't give you anything. 379 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,040 Speaker 1: The doctor told me to take ben a drill just 380 00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:57,680 Speaker 1: so that I would like sleep through it, which later 381 00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:01,119 Speaker 1: I found out that like there are on antidepressants that 382 00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,960 Speaker 1: are health that are milk thistle would have been great, 383 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:07,080 Speaker 1: Like there's so many homeopathic things that can help you 384 00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:09,520 Speaker 1: calm down. So you were having panic attacks even after 385 00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:12,360 Speaker 1: you found out you were pregnant. Yeah, did they end 386 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:15,120 Speaker 1: at a certain point? They did? Yeah. I did take 387 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:18,280 Speaker 1: a ton of supplements like five htp l f ain 388 00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:21,200 Speaker 1: you know, Oh my god, who is the supplement person? 389 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:25,320 Speaker 1: I'm confused. So in San Francisco, which is where we 390 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:28,480 Speaker 1: were right, which is our love city, it's the city 391 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:33,000 Speaker 1: we met in and now we're having this horrible nightmare. 392 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:35,440 Speaker 1: Our wedding vows by the way, where me I told Val. 393 00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:37,480 Speaker 1: I was like, I just vowed to keep Val Val. 394 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,360 Speaker 1: I was like, I love Val and I'll just I'm 395 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,119 Speaker 1: just here to help Val be Vale. Cut to like 396 00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:46,879 Speaker 1: a month and I am dead on the floor. So 397 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:50,879 Speaker 1: then cut to four months into our marriage and I'm like, 398 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:54,240 Speaker 1: let's take mushrooms. And then she goes away and like, well, fuck, 399 00:22:55,119 --> 00:23:01,800 Speaker 1: I really really is gone. Vale is gone east of vow. So. 400 00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:06,760 Speaker 1: But long story short is like I was thrilled even 401 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,520 Speaker 1: when I was a kid I wanted to have kids. 402 00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:13,240 Speaker 1: I was watching how I was being parented and I 403 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:15,320 Speaker 1: didn't have notes for them. I wasn't old enough to 404 00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:16,800 Speaker 1: get that, but I was like, oh, I can't wait 405 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:19,960 Speaker 1: till I'm I think if there's one thing I can 406 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:22,720 Speaker 1: compliment myself on is that I really feel still in 407 00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:24,520 Speaker 1: touch with what it feels like to be a kid. 408 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:27,159 Speaker 1: And it's similar to being with somebody who's on a 409 00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:29,919 Speaker 1: psychedelic Yeah. I tried to do a joke about that 410 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:31,480 Speaker 1: on stage. It is like I feel like I'm a 411 00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:33,960 Speaker 1: good dad because I have trip set people. You'd be 412 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:38,560 Speaker 1: a trip sitter, and like it's the same thing. Maybe 413 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:41,800 Speaker 1: it's that you're a superstar. My child's only ever been 414 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:46,560 Speaker 1: like comforted by um, what's his name? You know? Oh 415 00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:53,760 Speaker 1: god guys, no no, keep going, no no, no, no, 416 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:59,199 Speaker 1: you know, super hot Philly Brad not Brad Brad goodbye 417 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:06,640 Speaker 1: Brad like per thank god. But Bradley Cooper held my son, 418 00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:12,760 Speaker 1: and my son got lost in his soul. Yeah for babies. 419 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:21,760 Speaker 1: He slipped, he slipped him limitless and we you know, wow, 420 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:24,840 Speaker 1: this is gonna be the theme the episode. So um, 421 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:29,040 Speaker 1: there's perinatal depression and perinatal anxiety, which are real diagnosed 422 00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:33,160 Speaker 1: things that come about during pregnancy because of the hormones. 423 00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:36,280 Speaker 1: I one percent just had it with my daughter and 424 00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:41,280 Speaker 1: I did nothing about it, and it is a massive regret. Um, 425 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:44,800 Speaker 1: it was awful. I had panic attacks, and again Val 426 00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:46,920 Speaker 1: wasn't Val, Katie wasn't Katie. My husband was like, we've 427 00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:49,240 Speaker 1: been together seventeen years. He was like, I have truly 428 00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:52,920 Speaker 1: never I mean, I was gone. Um. The worst part 429 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,479 Speaker 1: was that I was that for my son, you know, 430 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:58,720 Speaker 1: and just pray, pray, pray that he's he's fine, He's 431 00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:01,760 Speaker 1: all right, I think, but you know, it was panic 432 00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:05,120 Speaker 1: attacks are absolutely horrible. How do you think you finally 433 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:10,919 Speaker 1: came to peace more they went away, Well, so it 434 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,560 Speaker 1: was kind of a long haul, they did go away. 435 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:17,159 Speaker 1: I the supplements I think helped in just letting my 436 00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:21,639 Speaker 1: brain like recalibrate. Um, we spent like a lot of 437 00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:25,359 Speaker 1: time in nature. Um really were we were able to 438 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:28,520 Speaker 1: have that time to like really just be home and 439 00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:33,359 Speaker 1: together and kind of slowed down. And I was so sick, 440 00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:38,040 Speaker 1: Like it really was literally like I was purging this 441 00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:41,760 Speaker 1: stuff out. So I was throwing up multiple times a 442 00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:45,040 Speaker 1: day for the first fourteen weeks and it really was 443 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,720 Speaker 1: like I was cleaning myself out. And then the rest 444 00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:52,040 Speaker 1: of the pregnancy, I had a lot of anxiety that now, 445 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:55,840 Speaker 1: again my understanding of it was like trauma related anxiety, 446 00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:58,399 Speaker 1: Like I had this trauma right at the beginning, and 447 00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:00,879 Speaker 1: I was dealing with PTSD, but I come to know 448 00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:04,280 Speaker 1: it as that until Leela was like a few months old, 449 00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:07,560 Speaker 1: and I was dealing with that, but mindfulness, which now 450 00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,840 Speaker 1: I teach mindfulness. So like, all of this led to 451 00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:14,520 Speaker 1: kind of my career path and not to mention, an 452 00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,840 Speaker 1: immense amount of personal healing. So it's one of those 453 00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:19,800 Speaker 1: things where it's like, yes, it was the darkest time 454 00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:22,119 Speaker 1: in my life, but now you're so grateful for it, 455 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:26,880 Speaker 1: exactly your whole life. That's that's the full the full 456 00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:29,560 Speaker 1: range of the spectrum, right, It's like, oh my God. 457 00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:32,600 Speaker 1: And I really felt like my A lot of the 458 00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:36,880 Speaker 1: anxiety I was experiencing was the anxiety that my mom 459 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:39,320 Speaker 1: was experiencing when I was in the womb with her. 460 00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:43,520 Speaker 1: Just basically, any kind of anxiety and depression and mental illness, 461 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,280 Speaker 1: just like still was not being really talked about by 462 00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:49,360 Speaker 1: our parents, and especially if you have a baby, you're 463 00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:52,920 Speaker 1: supposed to be happy you're pregnant, like what's the problem. 464 00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:56,240 Speaker 1: And my mom had had a miscarriage before me at 465 00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:59,359 Speaker 1: five months, and then at six months when she was 466 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:03,120 Speaker 1: pregnant with me, at six months, she started going into 467 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:07,119 Speaker 1: early labor and had to bed rest. So of course 468 00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:11,400 Speaker 1: her body was reacting with so much anxiety. But if 469 00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:13,679 Speaker 1: you ask her. I asked her, like, Mom, were you 470 00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:15,840 Speaker 1: anxious during that time? That must have been so hard, 471 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:18,679 Speaker 1: And she was like, you know, I don't know. I 472 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:21,920 Speaker 1: just life is hard. And you're like, oh, you didn't 473 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:25,119 Speaker 1: do any processing of this. It was just living in 474 00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:28,840 Speaker 1: your body with me. So when I was pregnant, I 475 00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:31,959 Speaker 1: would just have these huge waves of anxiety, but I 476 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:35,600 Speaker 1: understood them to be like, Okay, but I am the 477 00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:38,879 Speaker 1: bridge between my mother and my daughter, and I'm like 478 00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:43,520 Speaker 1: filtering this stuff out. My god, you did so much 479 00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:47,760 Speaker 1: work during your pregnantive, so much were rest Like that's 480 00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:51,440 Speaker 1: a lot of work. That's very impressive, Like not only 481 00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:56,040 Speaker 1: were your physically building a human being, but like mentally 482 00:27:56,320 --> 00:28:00,359 Speaker 1: looking at your whole and you know the generation is 483 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,040 Speaker 1: before you and what kind of mom and pregnancy you 484 00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:07,800 Speaker 1: were going to have unbelievable. La was a searchlight and 485 00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:11,200 Speaker 1: it was all bright inside of her, and I think 486 00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:14,800 Speaker 1: instead of resisting that you you went with it. It 487 00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:17,560 Speaker 1: wasn't just the labor, which is a whole other thing 488 00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:20,080 Speaker 1: that was like a death and rebirth. It's like even 489 00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:23,440 Speaker 1: the pregnancy was like a changing of who you were, 490 00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:27,240 Speaker 1: because before Val got pregnant, I hope you don't mind 491 00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:33,040 Speaker 1: me saying, she was pretty habitual weed smoker and I 492 00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:37,800 Speaker 1: was a pretty habitual drinker. Um, and when you got 493 00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:42,160 Speaker 1: actually when we got married, I quit drinking actually a 494 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:44,960 Speaker 1: week before we got married, which was I remember at 495 00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:48,000 Speaker 1: the time, Val was like, really, your parents are about 496 00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:51,360 Speaker 1: to come when we're are you sure, and she was 497 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:54,400 Speaker 1: really worried that it would ruin the wedding. Now it's 498 00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:57,800 Speaker 1: for me, for me because you didn't know, you didn't 499 00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:59,680 Speaker 1: know if it was just like another one of my 500 00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:03,600 Speaker 1: i'm a tweaker, I'll be like this week, I'm only 501 00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:06,760 Speaker 1: eat gluten or whatever, you know, like a trying new things. 502 00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:08,680 Speaker 1: And she's like, yeah, I just want you to enjoy 503 00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:10,880 Speaker 1: the wedding. And I know you know this. I enjoyed 504 00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:15,360 Speaker 1: our wedding so much. And it's not a blurry memory, 505 00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:18,120 Speaker 1: it's like a present memory. And that was so. But 506 00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:21,000 Speaker 1: it started when you got pregnant. You stopped smoking weed. 507 00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:23,240 Speaker 1: I didn't do anything for thirty days I was already 508 00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:26,560 Speaker 1: or not, I mean for ten months, and then you 509 00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:29,800 Speaker 1: went with that too. It was like the new val 510 00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:33,480 Speaker 1: doesn't smoke weed. No judgment to people who smoke weed 511 00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:39,680 Speaker 1: um at all, but it's like you were accepting feedback 512 00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:43,320 Speaker 1: from the experience. You weren't imposing yourself on the experience. 513 00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:46,640 Speaker 1: You were letting it impose on you, which really sounds 514 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:51,080 Speaker 1: similarly to your parenting style, but it's letting the baby's flash. Yeah, 515 00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:53,960 Speaker 1: did you know you were having a daughter early? Did 516 00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:56,840 Speaker 1: you find out? Yeah? We found out early, and I 517 00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:59,840 Speaker 1: really felt like she was a girl before that, which 518 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:03,240 Speaker 1: is like, even though it's like, okay, gender is complicated 519 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:05,200 Speaker 1: and maybe she isn't a girl, but but I really 520 00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:07,600 Speaker 1: felt like she was going to be born with the 521 00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:11,120 Speaker 1: female until she told you otherwise, she was born with 522 00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:16,000 Speaker 1: And that experience became even though it was really hard, 523 00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:20,040 Speaker 1: it became like this, I felt this deep connection to 524 00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:23,960 Speaker 1: my mother on like a soul level. I had that too, 525 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,520 Speaker 1: because my second a girl, Oh my god, my first 526 00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:28,560 Speaker 1: as a boy. And Pete and I talked about this 527 00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:32,280 Speaker 1: when we first met, and I was fucking devastated when 528 00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:35,240 Speaker 1: I found out I was having a boy. Um, but 529 00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:39,400 Speaker 1: my daughter, I did feel immediate connection to my mother 530 00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:41,600 Speaker 1: as soon as I found out I knew it was 531 00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:43,880 Speaker 1: a girl. I knew the minute I conceived her that 532 00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:49,239 Speaker 1: it was a girl. I felt her so strongly and um, 533 00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:51,160 Speaker 1: and it made me feel very connected to my mom. 534 00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:53,920 Speaker 1: So when you found out it was a girl, I 535 00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:55,760 Speaker 1: want to know how you felt, and Pete, I want 536 00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:58,120 Speaker 1: to know how you felt. And we could just yes, 537 00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:02,000 Speaker 1: understanding that gender is a construct and blah blah blah, 538 00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:05,880 Speaker 1: but let's just go old school. How did you feel yeah, 539 00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:10,120 Speaker 1: we'll go old school. Um. Yeah. I definitely felt like 540 00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:14,000 Speaker 1: it was confirmation that the early connection that I felt 541 00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:16,640 Speaker 1: to her was true and not just in my head, 542 00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:20,280 Speaker 1: because I was like, I feel like I have such 543 00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:25,160 Speaker 1: a sense of this being's energy, and I feel very 544 00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:28,200 Speaker 1: strongly that she's a girl. So if she isn't, then 545 00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:32,400 Speaker 1: I'm going to question everything. Everything. Yeah, even Pete. I mean, 546 00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:37,080 Speaker 1: we're just like, we're very feminine in this house. That's 547 00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:40,800 Speaker 1: why we've allowed Pete on Katie's That's right, that's why 548 00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:44,840 Speaker 1: he's let in. How did you feel, Pete, Pete, you're 549 00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:47,640 Speaker 1: such a girl dad to me, That's what I felt 550 00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:52,000 Speaker 1: like too. And I feel like, for some reason, there 551 00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:55,680 Speaker 1: are dads that are just like, oh, it's perfect. Sometimes 552 00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:58,080 Speaker 1: it is like a really macho, like a bear of 553 00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:00,960 Speaker 1: a man, and you're just like, yeah, but still you 554 00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:05,160 Speaker 1: you need baby girls. And I actually had a dream 555 00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:09,560 Speaker 1: before we knew Val was pregnant, that Val was pregnant. 556 00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:12,280 Speaker 1: It was in the time after we had conceived, but 557 00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:14,640 Speaker 1: before we knew I was pregnant. Uh huh, you had 558 00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:17,680 Speaker 1: a dream. The dream was she was pregnant. Val had 559 00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:20,200 Speaker 1: a big pregnant belly, and I it sounds it sounds dark, 560 00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:23,240 Speaker 1: but it wasn't dark. Meaning I put my hands in 561 00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:27,800 Speaker 1: her belly and I lifted the baby up, but the 562 00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:30,040 Speaker 1: skin of val was still over the baby, but you 563 00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:32,640 Speaker 1: could see it like a bed sheet, like like a 564 00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:35,560 Speaker 1: top sheet on a bed. Lifting up the baby, and 565 00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:38,760 Speaker 1: I looked at the baby and it was Leela like 566 00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:42,000 Speaker 1: it was what Lela ended up looking like and being. 567 00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:48,920 Speaker 1: So it was like piercing sparkling eyes, which she does, 568 00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:52,320 Speaker 1: you guys in the photos. Leela's eyes, I don't know 569 00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:54,360 Speaker 1: if I've ever seen them on like a human being. 570 00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:58,880 Speaker 1: It's like she it is truly windows to like another dimension, 571 00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:04,320 Speaker 1: you know. And anyway, I know it's tricky to sort 572 00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:08,760 Speaker 1: of talk about gender, but Lela is actually has a 573 00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:11,560 Speaker 1: lot of like powerful or for lack of a better word, 574 00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:16,240 Speaker 1: like masculine energy. She's very decisive, she's very strong, she's 575 00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:21,600 Speaker 1: very fearless, and she's very cooperative too. She's very like, 576 00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:25,640 Speaker 1: she's empathetic and she wants to play with you. When 577 00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:28,040 Speaker 1: we went to this birthday party and it was me 578 00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:31,960 Speaker 1: and her cousin and these other little baby girls, and 579 00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:34,640 Speaker 1: I just got in the kiddie pool with my pants 580 00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:37,120 Speaker 1: rolled up and I'm soaking wet and and just having 581 00:33:37,120 --> 00:33:38,880 Speaker 1: so much fun holding two of them at a time. 582 00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:41,200 Speaker 1: I'm throwing them on the slide, just having the best time, 583 00:33:41,440 --> 00:33:44,840 Speaker 1: and everybody's collaborating. If they're saying something, they're like, you 584 00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:47,320 Speaker 1: and me are on a team, or if Pete is 585 00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:51,240 Speaker 1: a monster, we're agreeing that I'm a monster. And it's 586 00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:53,040 Speaker 1: not so you can like hurt me. It's so you 587 00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:55,400 Speaker 1: can sort of run for me and then splash me. 588 00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:58,120 Speaker 1: And but if I go, okay, now Lela is the monster, 589 00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:00,440 Speaker 1: like they listen to that, and now we're and then 590 00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:04,800 Speaker 1: like one boy came in the pool, one fucking boy, 591 00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,760 Speaker 1: this is mine? What do you do? What do you do? 592 00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:09,520 Speaker 1: And I love these boys. I've known a lot of 593 00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:12,080 Speaker 1: them since they were babies. They get in the pool 594 00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:16,120 Speaker 1: and suddenly the game is just shoot Pete in the 595 00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:21,000 Speaker 1: face with a constant stream of powerful super socer and 596 00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:23,840 Speaker 1: I'll take a shot of super socer to my face 597 00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:26,319 Speaker 1: and I'll go, ah, you got me, and I'll fall 598 00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:30,279 Speaker 1: down and play with it doesn't stop. The blast just 599 00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:34,560 Speaker 1: kept coming coming. And another boy gets in and this boy, 600 00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:36,560 Speaker 1: by the way, was a sweet boy and had been 601 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:39,120 Speaker 1: playing nicely sees that he's shooting me in the face 602 00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:41,120 Speaker 1: and now he's shooting me in the face, and I'm 603 00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:44,960 Speaker 1: just you try to reason. I go like, okay, that 604 00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:49,200 Speaker 1: that was fun like and I literally just said like, okay, 605 00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:56,479 Speaker 1: you're ruining this, like I'm gonna leave. And you see, 606 00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:58,680 Speaker 1: this is why none of the grown ups are playing 607 00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:01,120 Speaker 1: with you. I'm the only one that's sing And if 608 00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:03,879 Speaker 1: you've noticed, it's more fun when I'm playing and I'm 609 00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:06,000 Speaker 1: offering other suggestions. I'm like, do you want me to 610 00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:08,040 Speaker 1: pick you up and throw you on the slut blasts 611 00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:09,560 Speaker 1: and the fact the whole time the blasts in the 612 00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:13,839 Speaker 1: face is happening. And I just went okay, not even 613 00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:16,279 Speaker 1: that frustrated, just went okay, and I just got out. 614 00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:21,120 Speaker 1: It was like, dude, not all boys and not all 615 00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:25,440 Speaker 1: girls girls and these boys, I was just like, fuck boys. 616 00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:29,160 Speaker 1: I fucking hate this. And I can really appreciate if 617 00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:32,279 Speaker 1: you want to wrestle. I I again, I remember what 618 00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:35,359 Speaker 1: it was like being a boy. And you you have 619 00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:39,400 Speaker 1: to make peace with these two sides of yourself. You 620 00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:42,719 Speaker 1: are sweet. I was really close to my mom. I was, 621 00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:46,360 Speaker 1: and hope hopefully still am, empathetic and kind, but like 622 00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:50,000 Speaker 1: you also want to punch and roll and everything's a gun. 623 00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:52,720 Speaker 1: And but these boys that we know in l a 624 00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:55,840 Speaker 1: uh not to make a geographical but these boys that 625 00:35:55,880 --> 00:36:00,160 Speaker 1: we happen to know here play better. They get that 626 00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:03,279 Speaker 1: I'm on their side, and they don't just shoot me 627 00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:07,440 Speaker 1: in the face with dead black eyes. Just they're not 628 00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:12,440 Speaker 1: even enjoying it. Just dead. My sons go jet black, 629 00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:15,680 Speaker 1: and I'm like, did I Berth satan himself? I am terrified. 630 00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:18,560 Speaker 1: It's not just you. I go, this is a dark 631 00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:21,560 Speaker 1: soul right now. But it's not. It's just like a 632 00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:24,200 Speaker 1: weird One of the kids, one of the other boys, 633 00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:27,080 Speaker 1: we were playing this game. There's a little kitchen. To me, 634 00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:30,720 Speaker 1: it's it's and three girls and we're having so much fun. 635 00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:32,719 Speaker 1: It was their idea, took me by the hand. Let's 636 00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:35,319 Speaker 1: go play cooked. And I was playing a game where 637 00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:37,200 Speaker 1: I would eat what they take what they said, and 638 00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:39,759 Speaker 1: I said, now it's not spicy, is it? And they'd 639 00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:41,680 Speaker 1: be like what, I'm like this, I don't like spicy food. 640 00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:43,279 Speaker 1: And they'll be like, no, it's not spicy that I 641 00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:46,359 Speaker 1: eat it, and I go, but spicy, it's spicy. They're 642 00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:49,960 Speaker 1: dying lad. Now they're they're running back to the kitchen 643 00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:52,040 Speaker 1: and then come up. Leela would come with a plastic 644 00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:54,520 Speaker 1: piece of cheese and go, it's not spicy, it's not 645 00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:58,120 Speaker 1: spicy that I'd eat it, and I'd go spicy pleading. 646 00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:02,600 Speaker 1: They laugh. One boy, different boy enters the game. Now 647 00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:06,000 Speaker 1: he's shoving it in my face. He's going, eat it, 648 00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:09,600 Speaker 1: eat it, eat it. It's not spicy, like hurting me, 649 00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,800 Speaker 1: eat it. I'm like, why are you making me feel 650 00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:17,040 Speaker 1: so degraded? Now? It was a game where I'm kind 651 00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:23,239 Speaker 1: of haplessly eating the spicy thing, and that's funny, piece 652 00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:25,319 Speaker 1: of ship. Eat it. You know. I have this book 653 00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:27,040 Speaker 1: next to my bed. I haven't read. It's called The 654 00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:29,960 Speaker 1: Wonder of Boys. I've been people have told me to 655 00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:32,479 Speaker 1: read it on this podcast for four years at this point. 656 00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:38,560 Speaker 1: Still haven't touched it. Um. I think there's something I 657 00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:41,120 Speaker 1: don't know, if it's like an impulse thing like, I 658 00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:44,839 Speaker 1: don't know, But there is a difference, and we're making 659 00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:48,080 Speaker 1: a sweeping generalization to boys and girls. We understand that 660 00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:50,200 Speaker 1: there are girls that are exceptance to rules, there's boys 661 00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:53,799 Speaker 1: that are exceptions to rules. Blah blah blah. But you 662 00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:58,839 Speaker 1: guys were gifted a girl with feminine energy who has 663 00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:01,880 Speaker 1: masculine energy to but is one to not throw a 664 00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:05,120 Speaker 1: super soaker in your face? Do you guys have to 665 00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:08,640 Speaker 1: discipline her for lack of a better word, and how 666 00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:11,959 Speaker 1: do you do that? Yeah? Okay, Well I'm so glad 667 00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:14,399 Speaker 1: you said that and that this came up, because this 668 00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:16,080 Speaker 1: is what I was going to say originally when you 669 00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:18,319 Speaker 1: were like, I feel like you guys are like such 670 00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:21,720 Speaker 1: great parents, and I messed things up. Um, it's easy 671 00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:23,560 Speaker 1: to look like you're good parents when you have an 672 00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:29,359 Speaker 1: easy kid, Like so if we had a type of kid, 673 00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:32,759 Speaker 1: I mean, you saw like Pete was like, okay, this 674 00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:35,480 Speaker 1: is why nobody wants to play with you? Or I 675 00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:37,520 Speaker 1: get Ben knows all the time. Like literally, the person 676 00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:40,880 Speaker 1: who came to steam clean the couch saw what it 677 00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:42,640 Speaker 1: takes for me to get my son into the car 678 00:38:42,719 --> 00:38:45,719 Speaker 1: to get dropped off for preschool. She saw it. She 679 00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:47,799 Speaker 1: looked at me. I've never met this person. She said, well, 680 00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:50,440 Speaker 1: you better nip that in the bud. Now. I get 681 00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:53,439 Speaker 1: comments like this ship all the time because my son 682 00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:56,600 Speaker 1: is a negotiating I mean, because she had witnessed what 683 00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:59,799 Speaker 1: our morning looks like, which is me how many times 684 00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:03,200 Speaker 1: can to negotiate to put on your shoes, brush your teeth, 685 00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:06,759 Speaker 1: eat something, you know, all of these things. And he 686 00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:10,120 Speaker 1: loves a test. He loves to push boundaries. He loves 687 00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:12,440 Speaker 1: to like, Okay, you said three, but can I have 688 00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:14,359 Speaker 1: you know you said too, but can I have three? 689 00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:18,080 Speaker 1: Let's bring three cars? And again my hippie self is like, sure, 690 00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:19,799 Speaker 1: you can bring the toys in the car. I don't 691 00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:23,319 Speaker 1: give a ship, like who cares? But my son is like, well, 692 00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:26,480 Speaker 1: if I can bring car toys in the car, I 693 00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:29,120 Speaker 1: want to bring. You know these about a card? You 694 00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:30,400 Speaker 1: guys get it, you get it, you get it, you 695 00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:33,960 Speaker 1: get it. But yes, my kid is a challenger like 696 00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:36,200 Speaker 1: his dad. So yes, a lot of times I look 697 00:39:36,239 --> 00:39:39,600 Speaker 1: like a bad parent. So it sounds like Leila is 698 00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:43,680 Speaker 1: um for for also lack of a better word. Easy. 699 00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:46,760 Speaker 1: She can be really strong willed. We can really relate 700 00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:50,560 Speaker 1: to the like it takes forever to get her, like 701 00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:53,239 Speaker 1: every day it's a battle to get her dress, to 702 00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:56,560 Speaker 1: put clothes on. She never wants to put clothes on. Um. 703 00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:59,680 Speaker 1: She is doing very much in that two year old 704 00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:02,840 Speaker 1: thing where if you make it clear that you want 705 00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:06,120 Speaker 1: her to do something, then that's enough for her to 706 00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:08,240 Speaker 1: be like, nope, I don't want to do that same 707 00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:11,399 Speaker 1: same So it is a lot of manipulating to be like, 708 00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:13,880 Speaker 1: you know, do you want to take a bath or 709 00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:18,320 Speaker 1: a shower? Like constant choices um or trying to word 710 00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:20,399 Speaker 1: it in some way where it seems like it's her 711 00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:23,480 Speaker 1: own idea. But then she's sweet, it's I wonder if 712 00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:25,880 Speaker 1: your son is not like this. I don't know, but 713 00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:28,680 Speaker 1: like she's resisting a tub. She's resisting a tub. She's 714 00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:31,439 Speaker 1: resisting a tub. I get in the tub. She comes 715 00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:33,000 Speaker 1: in with me, you know what I mean. There's always 716 00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:39,640 Speaker 1: like playing with her power, which is great. But then 717 00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:41,000 Speaker 1: like if I'm like, okay, I'm going to take a 718 00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:43,160 Speaker 1: bath and she's like I'm getting the tub, I get it, 719 00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:44,960 Speaker 1: and then she wants to get in because she does 720 00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:48,000 Speaker 1: want to connect and play and all that sort of stuff. 721 00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:51,719 Speaker 1: I'll tell you what what like we're trying to do, 722 00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:54,000 Speaker 1: and then I'll tell you what we actually end up doing. 723 00:40:54,719 --> 00:41:00,759 Speaker 1: I love you, love you because yeah, and I have 724 00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:03,000 Speaker 1: a problem with I've had a couple of parents telling 725 00:41:03,239 --> 00:41:05,719 Speaker 1: like making comments like the whole you better nip that 726 00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:07,719 Speaker 1: in the butt, and I'm like, when your kid is 727 00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:11,399 Speaker 1: being hard the only appropriate when like another person's kid 728 00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:15,520 Speaker 1: is being difficult. The only appropriate response as a fellow 729 00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:18,919 Speaker 1: parent is to tell a story about when your kid 730 00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:21,880 Speaker 1: was also difficult to play. That's not the time to 731 00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:25,160 Speaker 1: give advice. Don't don't tell me your methods on it. 732 00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:27,759 Speaker 1: Maybe if I ask, you can do that later. But 733 00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:31,480 Speaker 1: like we're in this together, we gotta give solidarity. It's 734 00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:34,440 Speaker 1: it's hard and we all have like really bad moments. 735 00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:40,240 Speaker 1: So um, thank you Val for saying that. Oh my gosh, 736 00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:44,000 Speaker 1: well so we Um, we're trying to do kind of 737 00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:46,920 Speaker 1: like it's hand in hand parenting, which is like one 738 00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:51,520 Speaker 1: of the yeah in hand parenting something I haven't heard 739 00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:54,319 Speaker 1: of it, and I'm what tell me when I know? 740 00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:56,560 Speaker 1: And you I mean, I think it might be a 741 00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:59,239 Speaker 1: little bit. I don't know if it's old school, but um, 742 00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:01,440 Speaker 1: I don't know that much about it. I just know 743 00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:04,960 Speaker 1: that we are doing like these sessions with this friend 744 00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:08,439 Speaker 1: of a friend who specializes in it, and um, there's 745 00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:11,000 Speaker 1: a lot that's aligned like I've seen you know, it's 746 00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:14,279 Speaker 1: a lot like a whole brain child stuff and it's 747 00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:17,839 Speaker 1: very light with that and it's very much like if 748 00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:22,760 Speaker 1: there's off track behavior, Uh, that is your your child 749 00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:27,399 Speaker 1: signaling to you that there's been a disconnect somewhere and 750 00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:31,360 Speaker 1: that connection is the key, and that There are several 751 00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:34,480 Speaker 1: ways to do that. The most common one is to 752 00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:38,520 Speaker 1: set a boundary, let them have very big feelings about that, 753 00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:40,960 Speaker 1: and you just sit with them while they're having those 754 00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:43,800 Speaker 1: big feelings, and you're like, I'm here. I'm not afraid 755 00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:46,000 Speaker 1: of your rage. You don't say this, but you're kind 756 00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:48,880 Speaker 1: of showing like I see you, I hear you, and 757 00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:50,839 Speaker 1: I'm just sitting here and I'm sitting here and I'm 758 00:42:50,880 --> 00:42:55,959 Speaker 1: here for you, Like that's it, and likening them out. Sure, yeah, 759 00:42:57,000 --> 00:43:00,640 Speaker 1: what would be an example of a boundary in that situation? 760 00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:03,960 Speaker 1: So like, if she saw this pen, she would grab 761 00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:06,799 Speaker 1: this pen and she would draw all over everything, so 762 00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:09,279 Speaker 1: she would want the pen, and I would say, I 763 00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:11,839 Speaker 1: would say, Leela, we can't have that pen. We can 764 00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:15,160 Speaker 1: go have your washable marker. And then she'll say no, pin, pin, pin, 765 00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:18,000 Speaker 1: And I'll go, I'm sorry, I know you want the pin, 766 00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:20,000 Speaker 1: but you can't have it. Do you want to give 767 00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:22,239 Speaker 1: it to mom? Or do you want me to take it? 768 00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:25,719 Speaker 1: And then what whichever way that goes, She's gonna have 769 00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:28,640 Speaker 1: a tantrum about it about not having the pin, and 770 00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:31,520 Speaker 1: then I just sit there with her and go, yeah, 771 00:43:31,600 --> 00:43:35,360 Speaker 1: you really wanted that pen. It's that's you really upset, 772 00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:37,839 Speaker 1: sound really upset. You didn't want me to dry your 773 00:43:37,920 --> 00:43:40,240 Speaker 1: legs getting out on the tub and you're like running 774 00:43:40,239 --> 00:43:43,279 Speaker 1: around and you have to grab her like a little 775 00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:47,680 Speaker 1: baby squid. She's flailing, and you just I learned that's 776 00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:50,719 Speaker 1: such a great lesson. It's like, sometimes they just need 777 00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:54,640 Speaker 1: to process feelings, and sometimes they need to process trauma 778 00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:56,880 Speaker 1: that could even just be from being born, like the 779 00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:59,920 Speaker 1: trauma they were basically born in a weird car crash, 780 00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:03,239 Speaker 1: and there's still like ducks after a fight, they're still 781 00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:06,600 Speaker 1: shaking their feathers from that. And that's why we it's 782 00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:10,200 Speaker 1: really true. I'll see her do something, ask for something 783 00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:13,160 Speaker 1: that she knows she can't have so she can have 784 00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:18,160 Speaker 1: a meltdown. And that's really modern parenting to me, because 785 00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:20,680 Speaker 1: you know, some of you know, we see other grown ups, 786 00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:23,279 Speaker 1: meaning people are older than us, we're not grown ups, 787 00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:26,600 Speaker 1: pick up the baby, but she shouldn't distract them and 788 00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:30,239 Speaker 1: turn on the TV, and we're really like, let's have it. 789 00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:34,560 Speaker 1: Sometimes I have She'll be crying and you'll be like, oh, 790 00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:36,600 Speaker 1: like I'll howl with her and you'd be like, yeah, 791 00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:51,160 Speaker 1: this secks. Can you tell me very okay? Leela the name? 792 00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:56,640 Speaker 1: And also how was labor um for you guys both 793 00:44:56,719 --> 00:44:59,120 Speaker 1: and how did you feel when you met your daughter? 794 00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:03,920 Speaker 1: Both of you heat um? Well, her name. It's funny 795 00:45:03,960 --> 00:45:09,400 Speaker 1: because both Val and I are are woo woo and 796 00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:15,280 Speaker 1: as if you couldn't tell. Yeah, in our sacred mushroom 797 00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:22,759 Speaker 1: ceremony where we invited a soul into her love exactly. Um. 798 00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:26,560 Speaker 1: My passion is spirituality. I love at Cartole, I love 799 00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:29,239 Speaker 1: Byron Katie. We talked about the sunset and I love 800 00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:33,160 Speaker 1: around us, and we we were very deliberate with her name. 801 00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:36,160 Speaker 1: She can believe whatever she wants and that's beautiful and 802 00:45:36,280 --> 00:45:40,960 Speaker 1: valid and important and special and that's for her. I 803 00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:42,920 Speaker 1: do think it's kind of fun that we named her Lela, 804 00:45:43,160 --> 00:45:46,400 Speaker 1: which is one of the answers to the meaning of life. 805 00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:50,920 Speaker 1: Whether or not she believes it is totally relevant or 806 00:45:51,040 --> 00:45:54,400 Speaker 1: up to her, but Lela is. It's in both Buddhism 807 00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:58,040 Speaker 1: and Hinduism, and it means the dance of the universe, 808 00:45:58,120 --> 00:46:01,719 Speaker 1: meaning life is a leila, like fis a dance. It's 809 00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:07,040 Speaker 1: all just one thing, sort of undulating for its own growth, 810 00:46:07,080 --> 00:46:09,359 Speaker 1: for its own enjoyment, for its own all of it, 811 00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:13,440 Speaker 1: even its own suffering. To use it in a sentence, 812 00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:16,600 Speaker 1: which I do, if you're on shooting a show and 813 00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:19,480 Speaker 1: it's going late and it's or it's traffic jam or 814 00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:21,040 Speaker 1: whatever it might be, you just go, it's all Leila. 815 00:46:21,080 --> 00:46:23,520 Speaker 1: It's all just a dance. It's the other interpretation. It's 816 00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:26,680 Speaker 1: it's all the play of God the dance or the 817 00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:29,840 Speaker 1: play of the mystery. So that's Lela. But then we 818 00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:33,279 Speaker 1: named her Lela Jane, and we did that very deliberately 819 00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:34,680 Speaker 1: because I was like, if she doesn't want to be 820 00:46:34,760 --> 00:46:36,799 Speaker 1: a hippie child, she can be Jane, which is like 821 00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:41,319 Speaker 1: a smoky sort of dark purple dress artist. She can 822 00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:45,440 Speaker 1: be Jane. Then if she's sporty, she can be Ljuh. 823 00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:49,960 Speaker 1: And wow, you guys really gave her nice options. And 824 00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:52,640 Speaker 1: then with Lela, we also call her Lee, which is 825 00:46:52,680 --> 00:46:55,439 Speaker 1: really nice, and that's a little bit that's open too, 826 00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:59,279 Speaker 1: and that's also like masculine feminine. It's like very if 827 00:46:59,320 --> 00:47:01,319 Speaker 1: she's feeling here that way, it's like a Lee. But 828 00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:04,200 Speaker 1: we call her Lee j We call her all those 829 00:47:04,239 --> 00:47:06,080 Speaker 1: great things. So there's a lot of thought went into 830 00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:10,520 Speaker 1: the name UM and a name with options, because I 831 00:47:10,560 --> 00:47:14,480 Speaker 1: remember where I was when I somebody told me it 832 00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:17,000 Speaker 1: was up to me if I wanted to be Peter 833 00:47:17,239 --> 00:47:20,680 Speaker 1: or Pete, and I just thought that was a mind 834 00:47:20,719 --> 00:47:24,480 Speaker 1: blowing revelation. It is the first thing that I remember 835 00:47:24,680 --> 00:47:29,040 Speaker 1: feeling real agency over reality, meaning I can tell you 836 00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:33,520 Speaker 1: the giant grown ups to call me Pete, Hello, Peter, 837 00:47:33,880 --> 00:47:35,800 Speaker 1: it's Pete, Like that's up to me. So it was 838 00:47:35,840 --> 00:47:37,960 Speaker 1: really powerful. So I wanted to give her like a 839 00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:42,560 Speaker 1: Rubik's cube kind of name UM. Then when I met her, 840 00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:47,560 Speaker 1: it was it was. It didn't disappoint the thing that 841 00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:50,920 Speaker 1: I say, Val can tell the story of her. But 842 00:47:51,080 --> 00:47:54,680 Speaker 1: like what I tell new parents is always like it's 843 00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:58,360 Speaker 1: the realist thing you'll ever do. And it's the opposite 844 00:47:58,360 --> 00:48:01,560 Speaker 1: of looking at your phone, like or watching a movie, 845 00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:04,560 Speaker 1: which is literally fake and your phone is fake and 846 00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:07,839 Speaker 1: Instagram is fake, and doing this thing like to me, 847 00:48:08,160 --> 00:48:13,880 Speaker 1: labor and pregnancy and childbirth is like boop. It's like 848 00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:17,320 Speaker 1: corches and dust getting kicked up by a sacred dance 849 00:48:17,320 --> 00:48:20,719 Speaker 1: and you have like shakers on yours and that's like 850 00:48:20,760 --> 00:48:26,400 Speaker 1: the real ish. Actually I'm thinking about every live like 851 00:48:26,560 --> 00:48:29,160 Speaker 1: dance performance I've ever seen when I've been fortunate enough 852 00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:31,840 Speaker 1: to like travel and see people like really doing something 853 00:48:31,880 --> 00:48:36,680 Speaker 1: that's like that, that is the best. Yeah, that's exactly 854 00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:42,399 Speaker 1: what it's like. If I could just have you, it's 855 00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:46,000 Speaker 1: a drum circle. It feels like a Yeah, it's sacred 856 00:48:46,120 --> 00:48:50,359 Speaker 1: and ancient, ancient doing something that they've all done. And 857 00:48:50,440 --> 00:48:53,600 Speaker 1: if you can tap into that, and Val was so 858 00:48:53,680 --> 00:48:57,960 Speaker 1: good at saying yes to it. Um, you know, there's 859 00:48:58,000 --> 00:49:00,600 Speaker 1: pain and then they're suffering, and suffering is pain with 860 00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:03,800 Speaker 1: a story. The story is usually this shouldn't be happening 861 00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:07,319 Speaker 1: to me. Uh, this will never end. These are all things. 862 00:49:07,360 --> 00:49:09,920 Speaker 1: These are all sort of lies that our brains cost 863 00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:12,960 Speaker 1: that make pain in the suffering. And that was very 864 00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:18,040 Speaker 1: good at feeling pain. But just one contraction at a time, 865 00:49:18,280 --> 00:49:20,080 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, you were very good at that. 866 00:49:20,120 --> 00:49:23,799 Speaker 1: You can speak to that more the I'm gonna really 867 00:49:23,800 --> 00:49:25,680 Speaker 1: give it to you. So I'm just gonna answer all three. 868 00:49:26,560 --> 00:49:28,919 Speaker 1: I remember. I hope it's not an overshare. Lela's head 869 00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:33,560 Speaker 1: was crowning and I we both touched her head, which too, 870 00:49:33,719 --> 00:49:36,839 Speaker 1: it's like that time of day where it's not night 871 00:49:36,880 --> 00:49:39,239 Speaker 1: and it's not day and we all love that in 872 00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:42,440 Speaker 1: between space and here. It wasn't yet Leela, and it 873 00:49:42,520 --> 00:49:46,320 Speaker 1: wasn't not Valorie, and it wasn't not Lela. It was this. Really, 874 00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:50,759 Speaker 1: it's like touching. I'm not trying to be funny. I 875 00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:53,160 Speaker 1: was gonna say a black hole, but like something cosmic. 876 00:49:53,239 --> 00:49:55,640 Speaker 1: It was like touching a portal. It is a portal. 877 00:49:57,800 --> 00:50:02,200 Speaker 1: It's a magical portal. It's an interdimensional Did you know 878 00:50:02,280 --> 00:50:05,000 Speaker 1: that moment was going to happen, Like did you discuss 879 00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:08,200 Speaker 1: like if this is happening, or did your doctor whatever 880 00:50:08,239 --> 00:50:10,239 Speaker 1: say do you want to touch her head? Or you 881 00:50:10,320 --> 00:50:13,000 Speaker 1: said you can touch Yeah, we didn't know about that book, 882 00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:15,640 Speaker 1: and we had the mirror, which I also somebody was 883 00:50:15,719 --> 00:50:16,800 Speaker 1: just like, do you want a mirror? And I was 884 00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:19,120 Speaker 1: like yeah, and I hadn't even thought of that, So 885 00:50:19,160 --> 00:50:22,200 Speaker 1: like I could see her head and I was touching it, 886 00:50:22,320 --> 00:50:25,520 Speaker 1: and that really was I'm glad you brought that moment 887 00:50:25,560 --> 00:50:28,520 Speaker 1: up because almost even more than the moment that they 888 00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:35,160 Speaker 1: like chest like that, that was the first touch. I'm 889 00:50:35,400 --> 00:50:37,440 Speaker 1: dying right now. It makes me kind of want to 890 00:50:37,440 --> 00:50:40,759 Speaker 1: have another one. Not really, but I just like to 891 00:50:40,800 --> 00:50:42,719 Speaker 1: get out there because it's really valuable to me as 892 00:50:42,719 --> 00:50:45,320 Speaker 1: a parent, and I think it's valuable to kids too. 893 00:50:45,719 --> 00:50:48,200 Speaker 1: One of the first things I said to her, and 894 00:50:48,239 --> 00:50:51,200 Speaker 1: I said it to her literally last night, not to 895 00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:53,279 Speaker 1: soothe her or anything. I'm just talking to her own 896 00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:56,279 Speaker 1: holding her, I'm like, you're welcome here. I waited so 897 00:50:56,320 --> 00:50:59,560 Speaker 1: long to meet you. And even when she's crying, You're like, 898 00:50:59,600 --> 00:51:02,640 Speaker 1: I waited so long to hear this cry, I waited 899 00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:05,640 Speaker 1: so long to be up too late with you and 900 00:51:05,680 --> 00:51:08,840 Speaker 1: all that stuff. But telling her on the day she's born, like, 901 00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:13,239 Speaker 1: you're welcome here. We you're you're it's good that you're here. 902 00:51:13,280 --> 00:51:16,000 Speaker 1: So that was the first thing after she was born. 903 00:51:17,040 --> 00:51:21,320 Speaker 1: She went right on bel and it was just a bloody, 904 00:51:21,680 --> 00:51:28,400 Speaker 1: very carnal mess. And and then I got to hold her. 905 00:51:28,440 --> 00:51:30,279 Speaker 1: I took the first picture of her when she was 906 00:51:30,280 --> 00:51:33,520 Speaker 1: on the little scale and it was and we sang 907 00:51:33,560 --> 00:51:38,000 Speaker 1: to her. We sang um, sweet baby James, but we 908 00:51:38,080 --> 00:51:40,840 Speaker 1: say good night, sweet Lee La Jane, which is what 909 00:51:40,960 --> 00:51:44,080 Speaker 1: we would sing to her in the womb. And I 910 00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:46,799 Speaker 1: sang all these other songs that I had played for 911 00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:48,880 Speaker 1: her in the womb. A lot of them were like 912 00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:51,839 Speaker 1: spiritual songs and stuff, just things that she would recognize. 913 00:51:52,280 --> 00:51:56,040 Speaker 1: So she's laying again. It's it's like it's an out 914 00:51:56,040 --> 00:51:58,120 Speaker 1: of body experience and she just showed up and we're like, 915 00:51:58,520 --> 00:52:00,680 Speaker 1: let's just do the thing, get her on to Mama, 916 00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:04,319 Speaker 1: no ego there. I did hold her topless a lot 917 00:52:04,360 --> 00:52:07,360 Speaker 1: in the hospital, which people thought was maybe strange, no 918 00:52:07,560 --> 00:52:11,319 Speaker 1: skinned skin. That's where let's let's not jump to my 919 00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:15,160 Speaker 1: weird body. Let's keep you on mom on the space portal. 920 00:52:15,640 --> 00:52:18,120 Speaker 1: And we just sang her and held her little hand 921 00:52:18,920 --> 00:52:24,600 Speaker 1: and and was that planned or all organic plan? Yeah? Yeah, 922 00:52:24,640 --> 00:52:28,200 Speaker 1: And we were saying things like that, we each had 923 00:52:28,600 --> 00:52:31,400 Speaker 1: songs that we wanted to play, like we it was 924 00:52:31,480 --> 00:52:34,240 Speaker 1: very important to us that we communicated her right away, 925 00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:37,720 Speaker 1: like we're the ones you've been hearing. You're not alone, 926 00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:41,920 Speaker 1: We're here for you. Like really trying to imagine what 927 00:52:42,120 --> 00:52:46,280 Speaker 1: it would be like to be born and just try scary, scary, scary, 928 00:52:46,680 --> 00:52:50,239 Speaker 1: super scared. I always think about how traumatic birth is 929 00:52:50,320 --> 00:52:54,760 Speaker 1: because like my daughter is not. She's very very peaceful 930 00:52:54,960 --> 00:52:58,480 Speaker 1: in temperament, and she's not a croy like she she 931 00:52:58,640 --> 00:53:03,360 Speaker 1: doesn't communicate through through loud crying sounds. She's five months, 932 00:53:03,360 --> 00:53:05,640 Speaker 1: so I've yet to know her more. But the most 933 00:53:05,719 --> 00:53:08,360 Speaker 1: she ever cried was the first day of her life. 934 00:53:08,400 --> 00:53:11,399 Speaker 1: Like I when she was born, it was horrifying, like 935 00:53:11,719 --> 00:53:15,479 Speaker 1: she was hysterical, crying, freaking the funk out and could 936 00:53:15,520 --> 00:53:19,120 Speaker 1: not be comforted by me, by my husband, by by 937 00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:23,560 Speaker 1: my boob, like nothing. And that first meeting is nothing 938 00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:26,239 Speaker 1: like who she is. And I always think, my god, 939 00:53:26,320 --> 00:53:34,520 Speaker 1: she was terrified. Yeah, well you just became too imagination. 940 00:53:34,840 --> 00:53:38,160 Speaker 1: Imagine if right now the sky opened up and giant 941 00:53:38,200 --> 00:53:41,839 Speaker 1: hands picked you up, Katie, and oh my god, how 942 00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:48,120 Speaker 1: scared me? So yeah, saying some James Taylor, Katie, I 943 00:53:48,200 --> 00:53:52,520 Speaker 1: can so relate because truly my first memories of her, 944 00:53:52,680 --> 00:53:56,399 Speaker 1: like it was all of those that sweetness, But then 945 00:53:56,480 --> 00:54:00,640 Speaker 1: like the time in the hospital, like for some memories 946 00:54:00,680 --> 00:54:03,960 Speaker 1: of her was like why is she crying so much? 947 00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:07,160 Speaker 1: Like is this a bad sign that she's just I was. 948 00:54:07,239 --> 00:54:10,520 Speaker 1: I remember being so shocked at how much she was crying, 949 00:54:11,120 --> 00:54:14,680 Speaker 1: and she wasn't really like a colice baby after that, 950 00:54:14,719 --> 00:54:16,919 Speaker 1: but the time in the hospital, I was like, what's 951 00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:22,120 Speaker 1: wrong with her? I don't even remember crying, But I 952 00:54:22,239 --> 00:54:27,319 Speaker 1: also was Okay, So my labor very long, I think 953 00:54:27,320 --> 00:54:30,440 Speaker 1: I read it was very My labor was fifty eight hours, 954 00:54:31,719 --> 00:54:34,919 Speaker 1: and like you, I heard that you want You told 955 00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:37,399 Speaker 1: your Duela you wanted to labor at home as long 956 00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:40,360 Speaker 1: as possible. So I was at home for the first 957 00:54:40,520 --> 00:54:44,839 Speaker 1: fifty hours, two full nights up, so so by the 958 00:54:44,840 --> 00:54:48,280 Speaker 1: time she was born, I hadn't slept in nearly three days, 959 00:54:48,360 --> 00:54:52,200 Speaker 1: and like that's the starting of when of your sleep deprivation. 960 00:54:53,080 --> 00:54:56,759 Speaker 1: I just remember it being a very like almost like 961 00:54:56,800 --> 00:55:04,239 Speaker 1: a dream, just so tired that I couldn't really feel like, 962 00:55:04,600 --> 00:55:07,279 Speaker 1: oh my god, I love her so much, I want 963 00:55:07,280 --> 00:55:09,680 Speaker 1: to eat her. I want to It was more like 964 00:55:10,680 --> 00:55:15,399 Speaker 1: I'm very tired, she's crying a lot, and I'm very 965 00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:18,560 Speaker 1: obsessed with her, but not in this like lovey dovey way, 966 00:55:18,680 --> 00:55:22,840 Speaker 1: like so interested in her well being. Right, I didn't 967 00:55:22,880 --> 00:55:24,719 Speaker 1: believe that. They're like, okay, now, go ahead and let 968 00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:27,839 Speaker 1: your guard down and sleep, And I was like, oh, yeah, right, 969 00:55:28,160 --> 00:55:31,000 Speaker 1: I can. It's I actually think your body doesn't let you. 970 00:55:31,040 --> 00:55:33,080 Speaker 1: I remember my body, you know those jold things when 971 00:55:33,120 --> 00:55:34,920 Speaker 1: you like almost fall asleep and then your whole body 972 00:55:34,960 --> 00:55:38,040 Speaker 1: like shakes away. I had that for the first bunch 973 00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:40,160 Speaker 1: of days with Albi. I think it must be some 974 00:55:40,239 --> 00:55:42,920 Speaker 1: primal thing of just making sure that everyone's alive and 975 00:55:42,960 --> 00:55:46,040 Speaker 1: everyone's breathing or whatever the hell it is. Did you 976 00:55:46,080 --> 00:55:49,239 Speaker 1: have an epidural? Did you not have an epidural? Did you? Yeah? 977 00:55:49,280 --> 00:55:52,080 Speaker 1: As soon as I got to the hospital, I was like, okay, 978 00:55:52,080 --> 00:55:56,320 Speaker 1: we're done, Like that's enough laboring. I'll take that epidural 979 00:55:56,840 --> 00:55:59,720 Speaker 1: and not really And then I did actually like sleep 980 00:55:59,760 --> 00:56:02,400 Speaker 1: for a couple hours, but even then I was like 981 00:56:02,480 --> 00:56:07,239 Speaker 1: so wired, I couldn't really sleep. Um And that ended 982 00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:10,200 Speaker 1: up being like my favorite part of the labor because 983 00:56:10,760 --> 00:56:15,200 Speaker 1: we put put Beyonce on. He made the room really nice. 984 00:56:15,560 --> 00:56:19,319 Speaker 1: He was making a laugh. I was pushing for what 985 00:56:19,480 --> 00:56:22,000 Speaker 1: felt like an eternity, but I didn't care because I 986 00:56:22,080 --> 00:56:25,680 Speaker 1: was like, I don't feel anything. Finally, I can't believe 987 00:56:25,719 --> 00:56:28,160 Speaker 1: you did fifty hours at home, Like are you joking? 988 00:56:28,280 --> 00:56:31,399 Speaker 1: That's like and also being that tired. I don't even know. 989 00:56:32,480 --> 00:56:36,520 Speaker 1: So yeah, when the second, not that I was doing it, 990 00:56:36,600 --> 00:56:38,640 Speaker 1: when there was there was a duelash shift, there was 991 00:56:38,680 --> 00:56:41,000 Speaker 1: a duelash. That's when you know. That's when you know 992 00:56:41,160 --> 00:56:44,600 Speaker 1: ship is really like dula. If if one Duela had 993 00:56:44,640 --> 00:56:47,360 Speaker 1: already reached her max of no sleep and then another 994 00:56:47,440 --> 00:56:50,640 Speaker 1: Duela shows up, that's long and that's really long. I 995 00:56:50,719 --> 00:56:52,680 Speaker 1: think you might be the only person on Katie's rip 996 00:56:52,719 --> 00:56:56,520 Speaker 1: that's ever reached that, So congratulations, never heard of that. 997 00:56:57,120 --> 00:56:59,919 Speaker 1: I feel like I've experienced enough of labor to last 998 00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:02,000 Speaker 1: a lifetime. If we have a second one, I'm getting 999 00:57:02,040 --> 00:57:04,880 Speaker 1: a duel as quickly as possible. Yeah. We had Casey 1000 00:57:04,920 --> 00:57:07,960 Speaker 1: Wilson on the podcast UM and she said that she 1001 00:57:08,239 --> 00:57:10,920 Speaker 1: thinks she's the only person that showed up to cedars. 1002 00:57:10,920 --> 00:57:13,560 Speaker 1: She was at zero centimeters dilated and asked for her 1003 00:57:13,600 --> 00:57:15,240 Speaker 1: up a duel and they were like, but you haven't. 1004 00:57:15,440 --> 00:57:16,800 Speaker 1: It was an induction, They're like, you have a certain 1005 00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:18,200 Speaker 1: and she was like, oh I don't. I don't care, 1006 00:57:18,480 --> 00:57:22,280 Speaker 1: Like I don't want to feel anything at all. So 1007 00:57:22,400 --> 00:57:29,720 Speaker 1: just starting an I know you make any choice, but 1008 00:57:29,760 --> 00:57:31,360 Speaker 1: she doesn't care. She's like, I'll lay in this bed 1009 00:57:31,400 --> 00:57:33,960 Speaker 1: for three days and watch TV like I don't give 1010 00:57:33,960 --> 00:57:39,280 Speaker 1: a ship, Like I'm not doing that. Okay, before we 1011 00:57:39,600 --> 00:57:43,840 Speaker 1: um wrap it up, UM, I want to know how 1012 00:57:43,960 --> 00:57:50,000 Speaker 1: being a parent has changed you, Pete. Well back to 1013 00:57:50,080 --> 00:57:52,480 Speaker 1: sort of where we started, where there's so much of 1014 00:57:52,480 --> 00:57:58,000 Speaker 1: my life is being professionally special that can be really 1015 00:57:58,320 --> 00:58:03,720 Speaker 1: toxic and really ugly. Um, if it's left unregulated. And 1016 00:58:03,760 --> 00:58:06,280 Speaker 1: I'm not saying kids is the only way to sort 1017 00:58:06,320 --> 00:58:08,960 Speaker 1: of cut that off at the past, it is a 1018 00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:13,600 Speaker 1: great way for me. Um. There are balanced older comedians 1019 00:58:13,600 --> 00:58:15,560 Speaker 1: that never got married to that kids, but they found 1020 00:58:15,560 --> 00:58:19,400 Speaker 1: other ways. They found other interests, meaning I think it's 1021 00:58:19,440 --> 00:58:23,640 Speaker 1: really really important to have something that's not you, that 1022 00:58:23,720 --> 00:58:27,520 Speaker 1: you care about more than yourself. The Buddhists have an 1023 00:58:27,560 --> 00:58:30,960 Speaker 1: idea of the hungry ghost, meaning they have very thin 1024 00:58:31,080 --> 00:58:34,560 Speaker 1: necks and very big bellies, meaning it's never enough, and 1025 00:58:34,760 --> 00:58:36,439 Speaker 1: I think we can all sort of relate to that. 1026 00:58:36,560 --> 00:58:38,960 Speaker 1: It's like, oh, we're doing the small Wood show, now 1027 00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:42,000 Speaker 1: I can finally retire. It's always it's the heist movie. 1028 00:58:42,200 --> 00:58:44,720 Speaker 1: One more job and I'll retire. But you know watching 1029 00:58:44,720 --> 00:58:46,400 Speaker 1: the heist movie, like these guys are never going to 1030 00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:49,760 Speaker 1: retire their high statics, where we can also be heistatics. 1031 00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:55,439 Speaker 1: So you need that disruption and having something the way 1032 00:58:55,440 --> 00:58:57,040 Speaker 1: that I look at my career, the way that I 1033 00:58:57,080 --> 00:58:59,280 Speaker 1: look at my life, that I take myself way less 1034 00:58:59,280 --> 00:59:04,120 Speaker 1: seriously because you have something external that you care about 1035 00:59:04,120 --> 00:59:07,600 Speaker 1: more than yourself is really really healthy, I think for me, 1036 00:59:08,240 --> 00:59:11,760 Speaker 1: especially when you're in show business. So that's been really great. 1037 00:59:11,840 --> 00:59:15,120 Speaker 1: It's been this great release value. I am so with you. 1038 00:59:15,240 --> 00:59:17,200 Speaker 1: I always like when I had my kid, I was like, 1039 00:59:17,240 --> 00:59:21,160 Speaker 1: do you know how ready and lovely it is to 1040 00:59:21,200 --> 00:59:23,520 Speaker 1: not be the center of my universe as more? It's 1041 00:59:23,520 --> 00:59:29,040 Speaker 1: not healthy become like the risk is. The mythology of 1042 00:59:29,160 --> 00:59:32,640 Speaker 1: dragons is very interesting to me. A dragon is usually 1043 00:59:33,040 --> 00:59:38,439 Speaker 1: in a castle alone on gold. It can't spend. It's 1044 00:59:38,480 --> 00:59:41,480 Speaker 1: always hoarding gold it can't spend, and it usually as 1045 00:59:41,480 --> 00:59:44,600 Speaker 1: a virgin. The myth goes like a princess that it 1046 00:59:44,680 --> 00:59:47,440 Speaker 1: can't have sex with. They don't explain that, but you know, 1047 00:59:47,560 --> 00:59:51,320 Speaker 1: the King Kong can't have sex with the good woman. 1048 00:59:51,880 --> 00:59:54,720 Speaker 1: Dragon can't have sex with a maiden, even though he 1049 00:59:54,840 --> 00:59:58,800 Speaker 1: steals one. So it's this, you have everything you need 1050 00:59:58,880 --> 01:00:02,320 Speaker 1: to experience, but you're a dragon, so you're unable to 1051 01:00:02,360 --> 01:00:04,320 Speaker 1: experience it. So you kind of have to send your 1052 01:00:04,320 --> 01:00:08,760 Speaker 1: own night into slay that dragon, and the baby is 1053 01:00:08,800 --> 01:00:14,040 Speaker 1: a really good dragon slayer, and then you do start, uh, 1054 01:00:14,360 --> 01:00:19,800 Speaker 1: spending money, spending time, actually connecting, actually being a human, 1055 01:00:20,080 --> 01:00:23,760 Speaker 1: you know, not a dragon. Anyway, I'm trying to always 1056 01:00:24,000 --> 01:00:27,360 Speaker 1: ingest this thing, like show biz is so like I 1057 01:00:27,440 --> 01:00:29,560 Speaker 1: remember when I was always like oh, just get the 1058 01:00:29,560 --> 01:00:31,520 Speaker 1: series regular. Get the series regular, get this series, get 1059 01:00:31,560 --> 01:00:32,800 Speaker 1: the lead and the lead, get the lead. And then 1060 01:00:32,800 --> 01:00:35,160 Speaker 1: it was like, oh, just get the lead of the episode. 1061 01:00:35,200 --> 01:00:36,920 Speaker 1: Just geta lead of the episode. And then it was like, okay, 1062 01:00:36,960 --> 01:00:39,440 Speaker 1: just get Jimmy Kim alive, just get whatever it was. 1063 01:00:39,480 --> 01:00:42,200 Speaker 1: And then I and then by season three I was like, oh, ship, 1064 01:00:43,160 --> 01:00:46,520 Speaker 1: this is just and thank god I had people who 1065 01:00:46,520 --> 01:00:48,480 Speaker 1: had already learned this, let you know, carry, I had 1066 01:00:48,520 --> 01:00:50,920 Speaker 1: carry watching all these people who were like, oh, it 1067 01:00:51,000 --> 01:00:55,680 Speaker 1: became just like I'm so psyched with what is and 1068 01:00:55,760 --> 01:00:58,680 Speaker 1: it's all great. I am so with you on this 1069 01:00:58,800 --> 01:01:04,480 Speaker 1: being such a transform bitive, helpful identity shift. Really and 1070 01:01:04,520 --> 01:01:06,520 Speaker 1: then you didn't ask. But the spiritual thing that I 1071 01:01:06,560 --> 01:01:09,480 Speaker 1: find most useful is what you just said is making 1072 01:01:09,520 --> 01:01:12,240 Speaker 1: friends with the present moment and trying not to add 1073 01:01:12,280 --> 01:01:15,280 Speaker 1: a story to things. Because even when we were sleep 1074 01:01:15,320 --> 01:01:21,760 Speaker 1: deprived and rocking Lela bouncing Lelana yoga ball, that's that 1075 01:01:21,840 --> 01:01:24,560 Speaker 1: can be painful. It can be painful to not get 1076 01:01:24,680 --> 01:01:28,600 Speaker 1: enough sleep. But the suffering starts when you go, well, 1077 01:01:28,760 --> 01:01:31,760 Speaker 1: now i'm gonna be tired all day and that thing 1078 01:01:31,760 --> 01:01:34,160 Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to cancel that thing your your brain 1079 01:01:34,200 --> 01:01:37,200 Speaker 1: really wants to build a story. But I do this 1080 01:01:37,320 --> 01:01:40,320 Speaker 1: all the time. You go, I'm sitting in a rocking 1081 01:01:40,400 --> 01:01:43,680 Speaker 1: chair holding my baby that at one point will be 1082 01:01:43,800 --> 01:01:46,880 Speaker 1: old and will not want me to hold her, and 1083 01:01:46,920 --> 01:01:50,560 Speaker 1: I'm sitting just us and I'm feeling her breath like 1084 01:01:50,640 --> 01:01:57,120 Speaker 1: you become embodied. Ah, this is so great. Also, since 1085 01:01:57,160 --> 01:02:00,920 Speaker 1: you're so spiritual, and I love that. Any tips for 1086 01:02:01,080 --> 01:02:04,600 Speaker 1: people listening when your daughter asks you, like what God 1087 01:02:04,720 --> 01:02:06,640 Speaker 1: is and things like that, because I just ran into 1088 01:02:06,720 --> 01:02:10,640 Speaker 1: that for the first time last week and was not prepared. Wow, 1089 01:02:10,960 --> 01:02:14,720 Speaker 1: that's should have done that worth. But so for telling 1090 01:02:14,800 --> 01:02:19,240 Speaker 1: children about spirituality. You get into trouble when you forget 1091 01:02:19,280 --> 01:02:22,120 Speaker 1: that these are metaphors. That metaphor is the only language 1092 01:02:22,160 --> 01:02:24,600 Speaker 1: we have to talk about the infinite mystery. There's no 1093 01:02:24,640 --> 01:02:27,600 Speaker 1: way to talk about it literally. You can't put it 1094 01:02:27,640 --> 01:02:30,440 Speaker 1: in an Amazon Prime box. You can only point at it. 1095 01:02:30,640 --> 01:02:32,560 Speaker 1: And stories are a great way to point at it. 1096 01:02:32,880 --> 01:02:34,840 Speaker 1: So if you ask me what happens when we die, 1097 01:02:35,240 --> 01:02:38,760 Speaker 1: I would say, uh, nothing goes anywhere. The whole the 1098 01:02:38,840 --> 01:02:42,520 Speaker 1: whole thing is one thing thinking itself, just an undulating 1099 01:02:42,880 --> 01:02:46,280 Speaker 1: swarm of molecules that is learning and playing so when 1100 01:02:46,320 --> 01:02:49,280 Speaker 1: you die, I understand it's like a drop of water 1101 01:02:49,400 --> 01:02:51,520 Speaker 1: going into the ocean. I'm sure you've heard that before 1102 01:02:51,960 --> 01:02:54,480 Speaker 1: the drop of water. It's gone, and we can mourn 1103 01:02:54,560 --> 01:02:56,720 Speaker 1: that that it's gone, But where has it gone? Where 1104 01:02:56,800 --> 01:02:59,480 Speaker 1: is there to go? You're just merging into the oneness. 1105 01:02:59,720 --> 01:03:02,440 Speaker 1: That's a little heavy. You could also just say when 1106 01:03:02,440 --> 01:03:04,720 Speaker 1: you die, you go to heaven and you re emerge 1107 01:03:04,720 --> 01:03:08,360 Speaker 1: with what God. That's usually a basic bitch heaven story 1108 01:03:08,840 --> 01:03:13,080 Speaker 1: and all the other dead people. But that's fine. But 1109 01:03:13,200 --> 01:03:16,960 Speaker 1: what I just said is just kind of another, I 1110 01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:20,760 Speaker 1: would say, more interesting way of saying, when you die, 1111 01:03:20,800 --> 01:03:25,080 Speaker 1: you merge into being God and go where all the 1112 01:03:25,120 --> 01:03:27,760 Speaker 1: other dead people are. And we don't have to take 1113 01:03:27,800 --> 01:03:31,480 Speaker 1: that literally, but that's a fine way to start. And 1114 01:03:31,840 --> 01:03:35,480 Speaker 1: even God saying I do not believe in another God. 1115 01:03:35,640 --> 01:03:39,200 Speaker 1: I'm a pan antheist, which means pantheist means everything is God. 1116 01:03:39,520 --> 01:03:42,120 Speaker 1: I believe that God is in everything. To God is 1117 01:03:42,160 --> 01:03:44,360 Speaker 1: looking out your eyes right now. You like to use 1118 01:03:44,400 --> 01:03:47,080 Speaker 1: the water thing. There's a drop of water in you 1119 01:03:47,560 --> 01:03:50,640 Speaker 1: that's giving you awareness, that's giving you consciousness, and the 1120 01:03:50,720 --> 01:03:53,440 Speaker 1: idea of God is the ocean is all of it. 1121 01:03:53,760 --> 01:03:56,640 Speaker 1: So you can be reverent to that, you can worship that, 1122 01:03:56,680 --> 01:03:58,840 Speaker 1: you can be humbled before that and say I am 1123 01:03:58,880 --> 01:04:01,240 Speaker 1: not that, and yet I am that. It's a paradox. 1124 01:04:01,800 --> 01:04:05,280 Speaker 1: It's fine to say. The danger again is when you 1125 01:04:05,320 --> 01:04:09,520 Speaker 1: take it literally. But you can say God is a 1126 01:04:09,680 --> 01:04:11,560 Speaker 1: man if you'd like, this is what a lot of 1127 01:04:11,560 --> 01:04:14,000 Speaker 1: people do. But if you want to say, God is 1128 01:04:14,640 --> 01:04:17,680 Speaker 1: like Jimmy Cricketer, God is sitting on a cloud. What 1129 01:04:17,800 --> 01:04:21,040 Speaker 1: is what is a cloud? It's above, it's participating, but 1130 01:04:21,080 --> 01:04:24,120 Speaker 1: it's above so it sees the big picture. That's a 1131 01:04:24,120 --> 01:04:27,360 Speaker 1: good metaphor. I believe that God is consciousness itself. I 1132 01:04:27,360 --> 01:04:30,120 Speaker 1: believe Leela has way more to teach me about God 1133 01:04:30,120 --> 01:04:32,080 Speaker 1: than I have to teach her about God. So I 1134 01:04:32,120 --> 01:04:34,840 Speaker 1: try to listen a lot of the mystery do you 1135 01:04:34,960 --> 01:04:38,920 Speaker 1: use that? Would you use that word god? Um? We 1136 01:04:39,040 --> 01:04:43,560 Speaker 1: might might. I feel like if Leela asked me, uh, 1137 01:04:43,600 --> 01:04:47,320 Speaker 1: you know, what is God? I would say the same 1138 01:04:47,360 --> 01:04:49,560 Speaker 1: beginning as if she asked me where do you go 1139 01:04:49,760 --> 01:04:52,840 Speaker 1: when you die? Which is no one knows for sure. 1140 01:04:53,000 --> 01:04:58,040 Speaker 1: It's this really great mystery and that's what makes life 1141 01:04:58,080 --> 01:05:02,160 Speaker 1: so exciting. A lot people will have different stories to 1142 01:05:02,240 --> 01:05:05,680 Speaker 1: help them understand that Nana and Papa are going to 1143 01:05:05,760 --> 01:05:09,840 Speaker 1: have this Christian story. So so I do want her 1144 01:05:09,880 --> 01:05:11,520 Speaker 1: to have this idea that like she's going to hear 1145 01:05:11,760 --> 01:05:15,720 Speaker 1: different stories and but nobody knows for sure, and that's 1146 01:05:15,760 --> 01:05:19,400 Speaker 1: what's so exciting about it. One of my favorite books 1147 01:05:19,440 --> 01:05:21,280 Speaker 1: of God is the name of the Blanket. We put 1148 01:05:21,320 --> 01:05:23,520 Speaker 1: over the mystery to give it shape, so it's like 1149 01:05:23,560 --> 01:05:26,600 Speaker 1: a word that we use to talk about life itself. 1150 01:05:27,640 --> 01:05:32,080 Speaker 1: A way to think about it is when you play 1151 01:05:32,120 --> 01:05:35,160 Speaker 1: with your toys, toy stories about God, that the child 1152 01:05:35,280 --> 01:05:39,200 Speaker 1: is God and the toys are animated by God. And 1153 01:05:39,240 --> 01:05:41,160 Speaker 1: we talked about this all the time on our podcast, 1154 01:05:41,160 --> 01:05:44,560 Speaker 1: where like the first awakening Buzz Lightyear has is that 1155 01:05:44,600 --> 01:05:47,840 Speaker 1: he realizes he's a toy. That's the first awakening. But 1156 01:05:47,920 --> 01:05:50,560 Speaker 1: that first awakening when you realize life is Leela and 1157 01:05:50,600 --> 01:05:53,240 Speaker 1: life is a play, can actually lead to paranoia and 1158 01:05:53,320 --> 01:05:55,400 Speaker 1: nihilism where you just go like, well nothing matters, I'm 1159 01:05:55,440 --> 01:05:58,800 Speaker 1: just a toy. I just get right. But the second 1160 01:05:58,840 --> 01:06:01,560 Speaker 1: and important wakening is seeing that the word andy is 1161 01:06:01,560 --> 01:06:04,280 Speaker 1: on the bottom of your foot. That's the more important wakening. 1162 01:06:04,320 --> 01:06:07,320 Speaker 1: Who do you belong to? Are you beloved? Do you 1163 01:06:07,360 --> 01:06:11,720 Speaker 1: belong does somebody care about you. Did somebody play with you? 1164 01:06:11,800 --> 01:06:14,720 Speaker 1: Did someone breathe life into the toys? Story is a 1165 01:06:14,760 --> 01:06:17,360 Speaker 1: great way to think about it, Like Andy is like 1166 01:06:17,520 --> 01:06:21,720 Speaker 1: God to the toys. He's what brings them life. When 1167 01:06:21,760 --> 01:06:24,640 Speaker 1: you play with your toys, that's like giving life to 1168 01:06:24,680 --> 01:06:27,720 Speaker 1: your toys, and God is what's sort of playing with us. 1169 01:06:27,880 --> 01:06:29,440 Speaker 1: Is one way to talk about it. I might just 1170 01:06:29,440 --> 01:06:32,840 Speaker 1: go full old school and be like, it's creation, it's 1171 01:06:32,920 --> 01:06:38,360 Speaker 1: it's it's God is like a man who's playing with toys. 1172 01:06:38,400 --> 01:06:40,480 Speaker 1: We're gonna go traditional. We're going to make her a 1173 01:06:40,480 --> 01:06:45,120 Speaker 1: woman because she created life. All right. She's been saying, yeah, 1174 01:06:45,160 --> 01:06:46,800 Speaker 1: But I love that. We're gonna have to have you 1175 01:06:46,840 --> 01:06:52,160 Speaker 1: back on the podcast because I'm really so excited. Also, 1176 01:06:52,200 --> 01:06:53,640 Speaker 1: we'll be talking about this at work all the time 1177 01:06:53,640 --> 01:06:56,120 Speaker 1: as we're trying to make a multi camp sitcom. But 1178 01:06:57,240 --> 01:07:03,320 Speaker 1: it's just like Katie, it's just as Lela. I'm excited 1179 01:07:03,600 --> 01:07:07,600 Speaker 1: to know you both, and I'm excited to be on 1180 01:07:07,640 --> 01:07:11,880 Speaker 1: this parenthood ride with you both because I'm I can't 1181 01:07:11,920 --> 01:07:16,160 Speaker 1: wait to hear how Leela asks and how you address 1182 01:07:16,760 --> 01:07:22,160 Speaker 1: her curiosities about big stuff. Um, you get so many 1183 01:07:22,240 --> 01:07:25,320 Speaker 1: fucking opportunities, you really can't suck it up because I 1184 01:07:25,400 --> 01:07:29,440 Speaker 1: really know that I can be casual about it because 1185 01:07:29,480 --> 01:07:33,439 Speaker 1: I know that the opportunity will show itself again so 1186 01:07:33,480 --> 01:07:37,560 Speaker 1: many more times. And it's not one a three hour 1187 01:07:37,680 --> 01:07:42,240 Speaker 1: long conversation, it's multiple, It's thousands of one minute conversations 1188 01:07:42,240 --> 01:07:44,560 Speaker 1: with him about God is really what parenting is going 1189 01:07:44,600 --> 01:07:48,680 Speaker 1: to be um and is So I will have this 1190 01:07:48,720 --> 01:07:51,439 Speaker 1: opportunity again next week, and luckily I'll get to see 1191 01:07:51,440 --> 01:07:52,919 Speaker 1: Pete at work and be like, what do you think? 1192 01:07:52,960 --> 01:07:54,800 Speaker 1: And I'll be like, oh, ship, good idea. I'm gonna 1193 01:07:54,840 --> 01:07:59,120 Speaker 1: try that next time. Anyway, blabbing and boring about having 1194 01:07:59,160 --> 01:08:03,120 Speaker 1: the answers and to what you just said, it is 1195 01:08:03,200 --> 01:08:07,160 Speaker 1: just a process of being present. I really think the 1196 01:08:07,200 --> 01:08:09,120 Speaker 1: best thing you can do is be present with them 1197 01:08:09,120 --> 01:08:12,200 Speaker 1: and be be there, and even if you do it wrong, 1198 01:08:12,840 --> 01:08:15,840 Speaker 1: you can be honest in present and fast up when 1199 01:08:15,880 --> 01:08:18,360 Speaker 1: you were wrong or say I don't the best I 1200 01:08:18,479 --> 01:08:21,160 Speaker 1: messed up. I Yeah, I love saying when I like 1201 01:08:21,280 --> 01:08:24,440 Speaker 1: blew a gasket. This weekend, I said that I was like, Albie, 1202 01:08:25,479 --> 01:08:30,760 Speaker 1: I really blew against my parents said, and they were 1203 01:08:30,760 --> 01:08:32,400 Speaker 1: doing their own thing. If they had ever just been 1204 01:08:32,439 --> 01:08:35,240 Speaker 1: like I really lost my cool that didn't have anything 1205 01:08:35,280 --> 01:08:37,599 Speaker 1: to do with you. The reason I'm a creative person 1206 01:08:37,640 --> 01:08:39,959 Speaker 1: was because I was left in the backseat of Evolvo 1207 01:08:40,520 --> 01:08:42,760 Speaker 1: guessing what went wrong? You know what I mean, And 1208 01:08:42,760 --> 01:08:45,240 Speaker 1: that's why I'm writing scripts these days. I'm still guessing 1209 01:08:45,800 --> 01:08:54,479 Speaker 1: and we're grateful to them for that. Um. Parenthood is 1210 01:08:54,560 --> 01:09:00,280 Speaker 1: to me one word each parenthood is I'm gonna as 1211 01:09:00,360 --> 01:09:09,080 Speaker 1: Lela parenting is you? Guys both in Unison can agree 1212 01:09:09,200 --> 01:09:10,960 Speaker 1: that his parents would is Leela, and I'm going to 1213 01:09:11,080 --> 01:09:13,439 Speaker 1: jump on that as well, parents would parenting Well her 1214 01:09:13,520 --> 01:09:15,840 Speaker 1: name is. Isn't just for her to reminder to us 1215 01:09:15,920 --> 01:09:17,960 Speaker 1: you can't have a child named Leela and then be 1216 01:09:18,040 --> 01:09:20,240 Speaker 1: frustrated that it's taking too long to get her. What 1217 01:09:20,400 --> 01:09:24,720 Speaker 1: are you pajamas on? Yeah, that's just another thing to 1218 01:09:24,800 --> 01:09:27,040 Speaker 1: knock you into going like what am I taking this 1219 01:09:27,160 --> 01:09:32,640 Speaker 1: so seriously for? Yeah? I cannot thank you enough for 1220 01:09:32,720 --> 01:09:36,240 Speaker 1: your time and your energy and you're in your experience 1221 01:09:36,280 --> 01:09:42,280 Speaker 1: and sharing your experience and I just a big fan same. 1222 01:09:42,520 --> 01:09:48,280 Speaker 1: It's mutual and like Pete, I really I am so 1223 01:09:48,360 --> 01:09:52,400 Speaker 1: excited that I get to play your TV wife and 1224 01:09:52,600 --> 01:10:06,000 Speaker 1: val You're the fucking ship. Thank you guys so much 1225 01:10:06,000 --> 01:10:10,080 Speaker 1: for listening to today's episode. Please share, like, subscribe, tell 1226 01:10:10,120 --> 01:10:12,920 Speaker 1: your friends, and also always feel free to hit me 1227 01:10:12,960 --> 01:10:15,400 Speaker 1: up Katie's Crib at Shonda land dot com because I 1228 01:10:15,400 --> 01:10:17,320 Speaker 1: want to hear what topics you want me to talk about, 1229 01:10:17,360 --> 01:10:20,880 Speaker 1: what guests we should have on any suggestions, comments, you 1230 01:10:20,920 --> 01:10:25,320 Speaker 1: know where to find me. Thanks guys. Katie's Crib is 1231 01:10:25,320 --> 01:10:27,840 Speaker 1: a production of Shonda land Audio in partnership with I 1232 01:10:27,920 --> 01:10:30,880 Speaker 1: Heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shonda land Audio, visit 1233 01:10:30,920 --> 01:10:33,400 Speaker 1: the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you 1234 01:10:33,439 --> 01:10:48,519 Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows you can. I'm chill you 1235 01:10:48,640 --> 01:10:50,479 Speaker 1: try me