Speaker 1: Hand Me My Purse is a production of iHeart Podcasts.
Speaker 1: So I was perusing Karen Wheeler's Internet, and let me
Speaker 1: just be clear, some of you may not even know
Speaker 1: who Karen Wheeler is. A first shout out to Karen Wheeler.
Speaker 2: Let me just educate you.
Speaker 1: Karen Wheeler is the female solo artist of the group's
Speaker 1: Soul to Soul from the late eighties early nineties that
Speaker 1: brought you hits like back to Life and however do
Speaker 1: you want it? It's that the same song back, Yes,
Speaker 1: it is. Who is sol to Soul? I mean, like
Speaker 1: you know, if you don't know those songs, just google
Speaker 1: Soul to Soul, their uk R and B Soul banned
Speaker 1: And anyway, as I perused Miss Karen Wheeler and she
Speaker 1: still looks amazing and still sounds amazing. By the way,
Speaker 1: Ms Karen Wheeler's Internet, I found this little quote and
Speaker 1: it says a gentle reminder, do not let your empathy
Speaker 1: for others stop you from maintaining the boundaries that you
Speaker 1: set to protect yourself. Now, for some reason, I feel
Speaker 1: like I've read that before to open the show, but
Speaker 1: my God said to read it again if I have
Speaker 1: already read it, So I'm going to read it again
Speaker 1: because somebody needs to hear it again, and it might
Speaker 1: be me. Wait a minute, it might be me. One
Speaker 1: more time for your mind. It's a gentle reminder, do
Speaker 1: not let your empathy for others stop you from maintaining
Speaker 1: the boundaries that you set to protect yourself. Boundaries. You know,
Speaker 1: that's a show in and of itself wherein you talk
Speaker 1: about boundaries and how to establish them, how to maintain them,
Speaker 1: how to honor them, how to respect them, how to
Speaker 1: create them for yourself, and how to navigate the world respecting, honoring,
Speaker 1: and understanding other boundaries. But for now, for today, we
Speaker 1: are just going to remind ourselves that our own empathy
Speaker 1: for other people should not impede how we maintain our
Speaker 1: own boundaries that we set to make sure that we
Speaker 1: are safe, secure, and protected.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm, that's it. I can't see that.
Speaker 1: Okay, what's up, y'all? Welcome to having My Purse the Podcast.
Speaker 1: I am Mimi Walker, and I will be your forever
Speaker 1: host each and every single time you tune into this podcast.
Speaker 2: So go ahead and get comfortable.
Speaker 1: Get yourself a glass of your favorite beverage, whether that's
Speaker 1: an ice cold Canada Dry, some hot fenal Tea, or
Speaker 1: Samuel Adams Octoberfest Ale, which in fact I've never tasted,
Speaker 1: but I figure I should since I am October's very
Speaker 1: own queen. Okay, I'm not really big on beer, talked
Speaker 1: about that several times before, but you know, I want
Speaker 1: to taste it because it's called Octoberfest. So maybe I
Speaker 1: will or maybe I won't, but I probably will eventually. Anyway,
Speaker 1: go ahead and light yourself a candle some in stop stop, stop.
Speaker 2: Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Speaker 1: I want to say that neither Canada Dry nor Samuel
Speaker 1: Adams are paying me for this little plug, but you
Speaker 1: know what, I'm gonna pay it fuward, and I'm going
Speaker 1: to manifest these sponsorships and not hold on to their
Speaker 1: names because saying their names gives this greeting a little flavor.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna go ahead and say it. I'm not
Speaker 1: going to edit it out. I almost did, but I'm
Speaker 1: not because I'm working on not matching energy because it
Speaker 1: is not beneficial to my spirit.
Speaker 2: So anyway, stick to the game plan.
Speaker 1: Go like yourself a candle, some incense, or burn some
Speaker 1: sage and please, friends and kin, just get ready to
Speaker 1: chill out and have yourself a good time. What's up,
Speaker 1: friends and can it's MEMI resident Auntie Supreme here at
Speaker 1: handing my purse and today I am sipping on a
Speaker 1: cup of hot tea and it's my current favorite hot
Speaker 1: tea combo and that is a fennel ty and peppermint tea.
Speaker 1: When I tell you that this combo has been a
Speaker 1: bomb in Gilead, Jesus, Jesus Jesus for my digestive issues
Speaker 1: and my tummy issues. It is very soothing. It feels
Speaker 1: really good going down to me. It tastes amazing. But
Speaker 1: if you don't like the concept of black licorice or
Speaker 1: tasting black liquorice, you probably wouldn't like it. I don't
Speaker 1: eat black licorice candy, but fenalty does not bother me.
Speaker 1: Fenyl does not bother me. But if you have stomach issues,
Speaker 1: I highly recommend it try it. All you need is
Speaker 1: a peppermint tea bag. I personally prefer traditional medicinals. Another plug, guys,
Speaker 1: another one, okay, but it's okay, we're not matching energy.
Speaker 1: You remember that traditional medicinals. That's where I get most
Speaker 1: of my tea's from. Peppermint and traditional medicinals finyl tea.
Speaker 1: So you get one tea bag of each. Nothing else.
Speaker 1: Ain't no honey, ain't no lemon, none of that. About
Speaker 1: eight to ten ounces of hot, boiling hot water. Steep
Speaker 1: it for about five minutes covered if you can, and
Speaker 1: then drink it. It doesn't need to be like scorching
Speaker 1: hot to drink it, but it should be warm.
Speaker 2: You don't want it to be cold.
Speaker 1: You don't want it to be an iced tea, but
Speaker 1: an iced peppermint and fenel tea would be very refreshing.
Speaker 1: But that's not what we're going for. Oh wait a minute,
Speaker 1: peppermint and fenyl in an alcoholic beverage could be very delightful.
Speaker 1: Somebody figure that out. But anyway, drink it at least
Speaker 1: warm to hot. And if you drink it regularly, I
Speaker 1: have a hard time saying that regularly, it does a
Speaker 1: thing in your belly. It makes you feel a lot better,
Speaker 1: and it actually makes you feel a lot better in
Speaker 1: that moment. So try it out, So friends, and ken
Speaker 1: Ford today's jam. I went down to the South. I
Speaker 1: went to Dallas, Texas, and I picked a song that
Speaker 1: ever since I heard it for the very very first time.
Speaker 1: It did something to me. I don't know what. I
Speaker 1: don't know what to say or how to explain what
Speaker 1: it did, but it did a thing to me. And
Speaker 1: I tell you all the time that when it comes
Speaker 1: to music, music is definitely connected to my spirit center,
Speaker 1: but it's also in my bones, my backbone and my
Speaker 1: blood stream. Okay, And so when I heard it, it's
Speaker 1: a song by a gentleman. His name is Doro, and
Speaker 1: it's called ice Cream Paint Job. If you know it,
Speaker 1: you know it. But the song starts out with a
Speaker 1: little bit of drums and it says, yeah, buddy rolling
Speaker 1: like a big shot Chevy, tuned up like a NASCAR
Speaker 1: pit stop. Listen, and then the beat breaks down, and
Speaker 1: it's something about when he says that that it has
Speaker 1: to be ancestral. It has to be because the first
Speaker 1: time I heard it, I was like, oh, okay, and
Speaker 1: it's just a feel good song. Is it the best
Speaker 1: rap song ever in the history of rap songs? No,
Speaker 1: I don't believe so. But is it one of my
Speaker 1: favorite songs to hear and dance to?
Speaker 2: Absolutely?
Speaker 1: It feels good, it's fun, it's not heavy, it's not
Speaker 1: talking about selling drugs and you know, I got hoes
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna be a hoe. And it's not any
Speaker 1: of that. It's just a feel good song and it's
Speaker 1: fun and I love his voice. What I didn't know
Speaker 1: is that Deurou, who is from Dallas, he went to
Speaker 1: Prairie View, A and M shout out to HBCUs. He
Speaker 1: went to Prairie View and he didn't finish because his
Speaker 1: music career took off and so he started, you know, rapping,
Speaker 1: which I'm glad for because I love that song. He
Speaker 1: also is if I'm not mistaken, I believe I've read
Speaker 1: this is the first rapper to secure a deal with
Speaker 1: an NFL team for like all of their music and
Speaker 1: like promo music and stuff with the Dallas Cowboys. That's
Speaker 1: dope as shit. Shout out to contracts, secure.
Speaker 2: The bag door row.
Speaker 1: But anyway, check the song out, really feel good music.
Speaker 1: I want you to hear how it comes in so
Speaker 1: you can understand what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2: But I also want you to hear the chorus. Actually,
Speaker 2: you know what.
Speaker 1: I just want you to hear the chorus and you
Speaker 1: can go and listen to the whole song for yourself,
Speaker 1: because you've got to hear how it kicks off, So
Speaker 1: just go ahead and sit back, listen to this little
Speaker 1: clip from the song, and then go listen to it yourself.
Speaker 1: Of course, the link is going to be in the
Speaker 1: show notes. You already know how I get down, so
Speaker 1: check it.
Speaker 2: Out exact.
Speaker 1: Exactly, ice.
Speaker 2: Ex I know you were bopping your head. I know
Speaker 2: you were.
Speaker 1: It's no way that you couldn't have been. But anyway,
Speaker 1: make sure you go to the show notes, listen to the.
Speaker 2: Song and just get into it. It's good. Now you
Speaker 2: know what time it is.
Speaker 1: Let's go ahead and get this porty story, yell. I
Speaker 1: have I've had since I was a toddler, and when
Speaker 1: I lived in California and high school. I can totally
Speaker 1: relate to some of the things that you're saying because
Speaker 1: my eczema was horrendous and it was like ninth tenth grade,
Speaker 1: maybe between tenth and eleventh grade, excuse me, it got
Speaker 1: really really bad. And when you just mentioned peeling your
Speaker 1: clothes off, I remember living in California, and I lived
Speaker 1: in southern California, and I always wore pants because I
Speaker 1: didn't want to wear shorts because I didn't want people
Speaker 1: to see my legs. And I would wear pants, and
Speaker 1: when I came home at night, I would have to
Speaker 1: like peel the fibers of my denim out of my.
Speaker 2: Raw skin because it was raw. Yeah, yeah, so I
Speaker 2: get it.
Speaker 1: People think the exzema is just like, oh, it's just
Speaker 1: your hands are, but I mean it's inflamed and it
Speaker 1: sometimes it would weep, you know, it would not puss,
Speaker 1: but it would be open flesh and I would have
Speaker 1: to like sit and like peel because I couldn't use
Speaker 1: a washcloth because that would irritate it too much, so
Speaker 1: I would have to peel it or take like a
Speaker 1: paper towel that was wet under running water and kind
Speaker 1: of just like pat it and kind of try to
Speaker 1: pull it off. So I definitely can relate to that.
Speaker 1: But for me, nobody really knew. It was still my
Speaker 1: little shameful secret because people didn't see my legs.
Speaker 2: They did see my neck.
Speaker 1: It was on my eyelids, it was on my neck,
Speaker 1: my arms, and my legs, so they could see my arms,
Speaker 1: my neck, and my eyelids. But the peeling of the
Speaker 1: fibers like that was like my little seat. I've actually
Speaker 1: never mentioned it. I haven't mentioned it ever to anybody, actually,
Speaker 1: until this moment.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, any chronic scam condition can be very just disruptive
Speaker 3: to our lives, you know, and it's tough when you
Speaker 3: are going through specifically like a society that has such
Speaker 3: a hyper focused on the way that we look. You know,
Speaker 3: we talked about culturally, but just as a whole, and
Speaker 3: that's what creates the shame for you know, for people
Speaker 3: living with this condition, is the hyper focus on what
Speaker 3: our bodies look like. And so you know, there are
Speaker 3: some individuals that can cover their you know, put their
Speaker 3: shirts on and you won't see the HS, but there
Speaker 3: are some individuals who have it on their head or
Speaker 3: on their face or on their neck, and you can
Speaker 3: see exactly what they're going through. There's a gentleman by
Speaker 3: the name of Paul Taylor on TikTok who is a
Speaker 3: representation of that experience.
Speaker 2: And so, you know, I think I.
Speaker 1: Saw him when I was looking, because I've been ever
Speaker 1: since we started discussing doing this, I started you know,
Speaker 1: doing some didac Yeah, and I think I saw him
Speaker 1: as I went through your like Instagram. He's a black man, yeah, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: I watched a few of his posts or I've seen
Speaker 1: a few of his posts.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, but what I was saying is that.
Speaker 1: They have linked ezema to the nervous system and it
Speaker 1: being a condition that's connected to your nervous system. And
Speaker 1: I was wondering if there were any studies, but you
Speaker 1: said you would you didn't really know. But I remember
Speaker 1: being an adult, right, an adult in hearing that ezema
Speaker 1: or either my doctor telling me that exzemma is a
Speaker 1: condition that is connected to your nervous system, and for
Speaker 1: a long time they didn't really know that, And I
Speaker 1: was just wondering if HS was connected, if there was
Speaker 1: any information about it being connected to a certain system
Speaker 1: in the body.
Speaker 2: I'm not sure about that.
Speaker 3: HS is something that we're still unsure where it resionate's
Speaker 3: from or how. They have a somewhat of an idea
Speaker 3: of how it develops, but not exactly what causes it, right,
Speaker 3: so they have Yeah, the root is very much I know.
Speaker 3: And that's yeah, And so that's why we don't have
Speaker 3: a cure, honestly, absolutely.
Speaker 1: So the scar tissue we were talking about what it
Speaker 1: looks like like actually physically looks like there's a scar tissue.
Speaker 1: You mentioned that there is a smell. I would imagine
Speaker 1: that that would come from the smell of like plus yeah, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: So how does one when you have a flare up
Speaker 1: and you said you had the most severe level or
Speaker 1: early level three?
Speaker 2: What kind of precautions do you have to take if you're.
Speaker 1: Going out or you know, do you have like this
Speaker 1: is my HS emergency kit bag that I'm going to
Speaker 1: put in my purse when I go out, Like what
Speaker 1: kind of precautions do you have to take? How does
Speaker 1: it affect your quality of life? You know, on a
Speaker 1: very low scale, because you know, I think that people
Speaker 1: can understand, like how it affects you, you know, on
Speaker 1: a more grand scale, but on a more simple scale.
Speaker 1: You know, we talked about like our outfits, but like
Speaker 1: things like that, like how does it affect like you
Speaker 1: just being able to run out to go to target
Speaker 1: versus I can't just run out.
Speaker 2: I have to be prepared for anything.
Speaker 3: I love that you mentioned this because my mom, who's
Speaker 3: been my caregiver forever, she didn't realize how much HS
Speaker 3: impacted me, even though she's been through this journey with
Speaker 3: me since the beginning. And I explained to her, I was, like,
Speaker 3: I think about HS twenty four to seven and sometimes
Speaker 3: it's so sick that I dream about it, so you know,
Speaker 3: it permeates everything in my life. And so for an example,
Speaker 3: if I go out, I will have to get gauze.
Speaker 3: I will have to wrap myself up, make sure that
Speaker 3: I'm secure me personally so that if I do have
Speaker 3: any leakage that you know, I'm taken care of. Sometimes
Speaker 3: if I don't have anything with me, I'm rolling paper
Speaker 3: towel in the bathroom and by cleaning myself off and
Speaker 3: things of that nature. So it's it, really, you know,
Speaker 3: and I'm not sure. I'm not sure how to articulate
Speaker 3: exactly like the mental process, because a lot of the
Speaker 3: time when I was dealing with this condition, I disassociated
Speaker 3: to protect myself because that was the only way I
Speaker 3: was able to like get through the moments and actually
Speaker 3: like be where I'm at right now, which is not healthy,
Speaker 3: but that's what that's that's what I did to cope
Speaker 3: in that moment. But it's definitely you know, getting gauze
Speaker 3: for myself and also getting taped for myself so that
Speaker 3: I can be able to just feel like I'm not
Speaker 3: like draining and dripping all over the place that was
Speaker 3: my own personal like, uh, secure.
Speaker 2: Method that I get that.
Speaker 1: I get that, and it totally makes sense that you
Speaker 1: would say, like people like take that kind of stuff
Speaker 1: for granted or don't can't identify with the fact that
Speaker 1: if I want to go to Target, I can just
Speaker 1: jump up, brush my teeth if it's an emergency, and
Speaker 1: run and go. But it impacts your life so much
Speaker 1: that there is no just to get up and go
Speaker 1: because I have to be prepared in case. You know,
Speaker 1: you got to if you stay ready, you ain't got
Speaker 1: to get ready that kind of thing. I need to
Speaker 1: make sure that I'm always prepared and covered literally and
Speaker 1: figuratively at.
Speaker 2: All at all times.
Speaker 1: How has it impacted your relationships and not just romantic
Speaker 1: ones are dating, but like your relationships with like friends,
Speaker 1: co workers, but also dating because you are still a
Speaker 1: young woman, you know, you're thirty.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, So my personal relationships have been severely impacted
Speaker 3: because a lot of the time I isolated myself because
Speaker 3: I was just like I convinced myself nobody would number
Speaker 3: one know how to deal with it or help me
Speaker 3: or support me through it, and only my family could,
Speaker 3: and even that was limited, you know, because they weren't
Speaker 3: living it. So they couldn't really they only could empathize
Speaker 3: with me, they couldn't really know what I was physically
Speaker 3: dealing with. So a lot of my relationships did suffer
Speaker 3: because I suffered in silence and then bearing that emotional
Speaker 3: weight and feeling resentful towards my friends because I'm just like, well,
Speaker 3: you're not helping me.
Speaker 2: But it's also like, okay, but you're not asking for help.
Speaker 3: So it was just a cycle that just really broke
Speaker 3: me down and created this like, you know, space of
Speaker 3: just being limited, like not having access to my community,
Speaker 3: which is I personally think is a huge part of
Speaker 3: dealing with any chronic illness as finding a community of
Speaker 3: individuals to support you in personal life and within the
Speaker 3: community of individuals that you you know, you're sharing this
Speaker 3: condition with. And so my friendships definitely suffered. You know,
Speaker 3: I acted out a lot when I was a kid
Speaker 3: because of what I was dealing with and because I
Speaker 3: didn't know how to articulate how it was impacting me.
Speaker 3: So my parents, my relationship with my parents suffered as
Speaker 3: well because of the way that I was acting, And
Speaker 3: so my romantic relationships, for an example, I didn't date
Speaker 3: until I was in college and that was very far
Speaker 3: and few in between, and it really weighed down on
Speaker 3: my self esteem. So I didn't I didn't really think
Speaker 3: of anything above myself. So I took the bottom of
Speaker 3: the barrel, was just like, oh, this person's interested great,
Speaker 3: Like it was no standard. And then eventually, you know,
Speaker 3: at this point now I'm just like, well, just because
Speaker 3: I have a chronic illness doesn't mean I'm not apprized.
Speaker 3: Like that's that's right girl, you know. And so I've
Speaker 3: had to kind of like shift those things. But my
Speaker 3: relationships on every level have been impacted by this condition,
Speaker 3: just because of the severity, the symptoms, the presentation, and
Speaker 3: just the overall like just the mental barriers that it
Speaker 3: creates as well.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, and I would imagine that you talked about isolation
Speaker 1: and like just choosing to isolate yourself as a result
Speaker 1: of how you feel about yourself. But you definitely talked
Speaker 1: you hit the nail on the head when you said
Speaker 1: you have to find a community even within your community,
Speaker 1: of people who are dealing with this condition in addition
Speaker 1: to your personal community, right, And I think you also
Speaker 1: said something that's really important. You have to ask for
Speaker 1: help because nobody knows you know, nobody else knows what
Speaker 1: you're going.
Speaker 2: Through, right. I remember when I was sixteen, I had
Speaker 2: a neighbor. His name was Corey.
Speaker 1: He was eighteen, and Corey had a crush on me
Speaker 1: and I was devastated because one of my friends started
Speaker 1: dating one of my ex boyfriends. I was devastated, and
Speaker 1: he said something to me that I will never let
Speaker 1: go of for the rest of my life. He said, well,
Speaker 1: did you talk to her about it? And I said, no,
Speaker 1: she's my friend. She should know. Friends should not do
Speaker 1: this to each other. And he said, you have to
Speaker 1: treat everybody like they're stupid.
Speaker 2: And I said, wall, what do you mean?
Speaker 1: He said, people cannot read your mind. People don't know
Speaker 1: what you're going through. They don't know how you feel.
Speaker 1: They can only gauge by how you present and what
Speaker 1: you tell them. So if you don't tell them, they
Speaker 1: can always say, well, you never said anything, so I
Speaker 1: didn't know.
Speaker 2: So I will never forget that.
Speaker 1: And it's kind of along the same vein as you know,
Speaker 1: if you don't tell your friends, they know you have
Speaker 1: a condition, they don't know it hurts, they don't know
Speaker 1: the inconveniences you have to deal with, and they definitely
Speaker 1: don't know the mental anguish and the emotional anguish that
Speaker 1: the toll that it takes on you, because you know,
Speaker 1: who's walking around saying, oh, my self esteem is being
Speaker 1: affected by this condition. Like people typically don't do things
Speaker 1: like that because that is a very vulnerable state.
Speaker 2: Right exactly. Yeah, And you know, I've had both.
Speaker 3: Sides of support and then also individuals who didn't understand
Speaker 3: and distance themselves, and so it's not gonna you know,
Speaker 3: I think I really wanted a lot of my friends
Speaker 3: and a lot of community to rally around me, and
Speaker 3: I do have that. At the same time, I did
Speaker 3: lose friends as well. I did lose connections to people,
Speaker 3: and that's just a part of dealing with anything that
Speaker 3: is less glamorizing, you know, absolutely, So that made that
Speaker 3: that was a part of my experience and I had
Speaker 3: to sit with that, and that's also a part of
Speaker 3: the emotional weight that I've had to deal with. As
Speaker 3: an adult, I've gotten a lot better at this, but
Speaker 3: you know, as a child, it was very complicated to navigate.
Speaker 1: And I would imagine as a young woman when you
Speaker 1: got to college and you're starting to you know, blossom
Speaker 1: into womanhood, like I'm sure that you know that was
Speaker 1: a lot to deal with.
Speaker 2: And dealing with that.
Speaker 1: I am curious because a lot of the things that
Speaker 1: you mentioned, and you said emotional and mental anguish and
Speaker 1: or stress and you know, isolation, a lot of like
Speaker 1: words that like made my intenne go up or my
Speaker 1: intenta go up. Intenday, because I'm talking about two because
Speaker 1: I have to you guys can't see me, but to
Speaker 1: put two fingers up on the.
Speaker 2: Side of my hand from my antennas.
Speaker 1: About how you deal with that, because it's one thing
Speaker 1: to deal with the physical aspect of the condition, But
Speaker 1: you know, how are you dealing with or how have
Speaker 1: you dealt or what healing modalities have you incorporated in
Speaker 1: your life to help you deal with feeling isolated, feeling lonely,
Speaker 1: feeling undesirable, dealing with the breakdown of your relationships, not
Speaker 1: knowing how that that emotional and mental.
Speaker 2: Anguish, Like what have you done to.
Speaker 1: Like kind of start or incorporate that kind of healing
Speaker 1: into your life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So it has been a journey to get to
Speaker 2: this point.
Speaker 3: You know, I first had to ask for help because
Speaker 3: that isolation and suffering on my own was getting to
Speaker 3: and this is a trigger warning, a very dangerous place,
Speaker 3: and I needed help. And it wasn't until I went
Speaker 3: to my dermatologist. And I had a very rare dermatologist
Speaker 3: that treated me, one of the best in the country.
Speaker 3: I was very privileged dealing with this condition, I have
Speaker 3: to admit. And he looked at me one day and
Speaker 3: he asked, he was like, how are you doing mentally?
Speaker 3: I broke down. I broke down right in front of him.
Speaker 3: I couldn't hold it back. I was at my last
Speaker 3: wits end. I was at the end of my rope.
Speaker 3: And he recommended that I see a therapist that was
Speaker 3: specialized in treating HS patients, with which there are not
Speaker 3: a lot of I want to say there may be one,
Speaker 3: but I don't know. I definitely know the one that
Speaker 3: I saw, and that was you know. So I went
Speaker 3: to go see her and we started going through and
Speaker 3: unpacking my trauma and things of that nature, really talking
Speaker 3: about some of the experiences that I dealt with. And
Speaker 3: one of the things that she mentioned was that maybe advocacy,
Speaker 3: we're just telling my story would heal me. And she
Speaker 3: was like, maybe this would be you know, being a
Speaker 3: part of support groups. Maybe one day you'll be able
Speaker 3: to like talk about your story publicly, maybe you'll be
Speaker 3: able to be an advocate. And so she was the
Speaker 3: person who planned the seed of what I'm doing today,
Speaker 3: and she probably would not take all of this credit whatsoever,
Speaker 3: but she really was the person.
Speaker 2: Who planned the seed.
Speaker 3: And where I'm going with this this is that you know,
Speaker 3: the first step is always asking for help. For me personally,
Speaker 3: I was like, I had to get outside of myself
Speaker 3: and find resources. And then the second thing was figuring
Speaker 3: out how to connect community. And so I looked online
Speaker 3: and I found groups on face Facebook, I found support
Speaker 3: groups on social media. And then the next step for
Speaker 3: me was really figuring out how to tell my story.
Speaker 3: And it wasn't easy because I was I dealt with
Speaker 3: so much. I played like mental gymnastics. I was like, well,
Speaker 3: if I tell my story, then what is the boy
Speaker 3: that I have a crush I'm going to think when
Speaker 3: I posted on social media, like he's going to think
Speaker 3: it's like, you know, all of these things.
Speaker 2: And so.
Speaker 3: Then I started becoming an advocate and actually telling my
Speaker 3: story on more and more platforms and being a part
Speaker 3: of more and more awareness campaigns, and it got easier
Speaker 3: and easier but you know, that was what I did
Speaker 3: to kind of like cope into heal. And I don't
Speaker 3: want to say that like this is like a crescendo
Speaker 3: of like, oh, I'm healed, I'm finished dealing with this.
Speaker 3: This is something I know for a fact I'm going
Speaker 3: to be healing from for the rest of my life
Speaker 3: just because of the nature of this condition and trauma
Speaker 3: that I've lived through as a child comes up every
Speaker 3: single and I'm just like, dang, I did not know.
Speaker 3: I pushed that to the back of my head. That's crazy,
Speaker 3: you know. And so that's really what I've done to cope.
Speaker 3: And then also, you know, I'm huge into somatic practices
Speaker 3: and things of that nature. So I have friends who
Speaker 3: are very much energetic healers and things of that nature.
Speaker 3: So I've leaned into different modalities from spiritual to mental,
Speaker 3: to emotional to physical to help and get that holistic,
Speaker 3: spiritual healing for myself.
Speaker 2: And that's what's helped me. Honestly.
Speaker 1: That is I'm so glad you mentioned that because I
Speaker 1: think that when it comes to trauma and I'm going
Speaker 1: to ask you a question about trauma in a second,
Speaker 1: but when it comes to trauma or when it comes.
Speaker 2: To healing period.
Speaker 1: I think that so many people assume that healing is
Speaker 1: a destination, you know, and it's like, Okay, I can
Speaker 1: see it, it's over there. I'm going to be healed
Speaker 1: from this thing and then I'll be fine. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: doesn't really work that way, because once you get to
Speaker 1: that spot, something else is gonna pop up. Because trauma
Speaker 1: impacts our entire bodies, from our brains, our hair, follicles,
Speaker 1: our sweat glands, our toenails, you know, our teeth, our heart,
Speaker 1: you know, not our gut. And I don't think that
Speaker 1: people really understand that trauma doesn't just make us sad
Speaker 1: or angry or confused. It is affecting everything on our bodies.
Speaker 1: So on our bodies and in our bodies. So it's
Speaker 1: not a destination. It's a journey, and it's a never
Speaker 1: ending journey, and it's gonn. I tell my therapists all
Speaker 1: the time, and I totally can relate to what she
Speaker 1: said about you feeling very privileged because your therapist it
Speaker 1: was dynamic or amazing.
Speaker 2: My therapist is a god to me.
Speaker 1: She that woman, I know for a fact that God
Speaker 1: was like, you know what, I'm gonna just go ahead
Speaker 1: and give you this, lady, because.
Speaker 2: This is what you need.
Speaker 1: I mean, she is a God send and she is
Speaker 1: a God to me.
Speaker 2: And so.
Speaker 1: I want you to speak more too, because some people
Speaker 1: with small minds or who are not as open minded
Speaker 1: me hear you talk about trauma and not understand what
Speaker 1: that means.
Speaker 2: Like, oh she didn't experience this.
Speaker 1: Oh no, because they can't relate what was traumatic for.
Speaker 2: You as a child or what you know.
Speaker 1: Talk to me a little bit about what that looks
Speaker 1: like in terms of trauma.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So dealing with trauma as a child, like I was
Speaker 3: saying before, I did a lot of disassociation and I
Speaker 3: really leaned onto my healthcare professional to kind of like
Speaker 3: help me and assist me. And once again, I was
Speaker 3: very privileged in my experience to be able to do that.
Speaker 3: But when I was a child, I really didn't have
Speaker 3: anything to be truthfully on us with you.
Speaker 2: It was a.
Speaker 3: Lot of just kind of isolating myself. It was a
Speaker 3: lot of test trial and error, and there was really
Speaker 3: nothing to test to be trufully honest. Unfortunately, it wasn't
Speaker 3: until I was an adult that I really was able
Speaker 3: to utilize resources and really like figure out some ways
Speaker 3: to like effectively heal myself. My parents did put me
Speaker 3: into therapy, but that was for other things that was
Speaker 3: unrelated to my condition. That was the result of me
Speaker 3: just acting out. So a lot of it was just
Speaker 3: me lashing out in ways that you know, we're very
Speaker 3: much unhealthy, right, Yeah, unfortunately.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, but I mean we're human, and I
Speaker 1: think that sometimes people forget that children are just little humans, right,
Speaker 1: And so when you think about how we act out
Speaker 1: as adults to things something as small as driving down
Speaker 1: the street, somebody cuts you off, and immediately the first
Speaker 1: thing you do is say.
Speaker 2: Get the fuck out of the way.
Speaker 1: Like children are just smaller versions of adults, right, And
Speaker 1: so if some adults don't have the tools that they
Speaker 1: need to know how to heal, then imagine a child
Speaker 1: not knowing all. Imagine a child not knowing how to
Speaker 1: move forward or how to deal with certain things. I
Speaker 1: want you to tell me about the series and how
Speaker 1: people can access it and how to get to it.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, I love that you asked that question. So the
Speaker 3: series is available now online and you can go on
Speaker 3: to Shine a Light on hs dot com. And that
Speaker 3: is it sounds exactly how it's spelled or spelled exactly
Speaker 3: how it sounds. Sorry, So shine a light on HS
Speaker 3: dot com and it's the Beacons Illuminating HS Stories and
Speaker 3: that is the name of the series. And so you'll
Speaker 3: be able to see the six docuseries that are just
Speaker 3: views of HS from six different individuals dealing with it.
Speaker 3: So you'll learn about relationships, learn about advocacy, learn about
Speaker 3: you know, working with HS, things of that nature. It's
Speaker 3: just a very powerful, well rounded docu series. I'm very,
Speaker 3: very proud to be a part of it.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's awesome. And how can people find you? On
Speaker 2: social media?
Speaker 3: Absolutely so on socials, I am who is Avana and
Speaker 3: that is who I S I V A N N A.
Speaker 3: And then I also have a nonprofit for hydrogenized superativa
Speaker 3: and inflammatory diseases and that's called the Association of Hydrogenized
Speaker 3: Supertiva and Inflammatory Diseases or ahs I D. And so
Speaker 3: that's the HSI D T H E A H S
Speaker 3: I D on social media platforms and that's where you
Speaker 3: can follow me.
Speaker 1: Okay, awesome, and I will put links to all of those,
Speaker 1: to your social media, your foundation, your nonprofit, and to
Speaker 1: the docuseries.
Speaker 2: So people can check it out.
Speaker 1: I'll put those in my show notes and tell me
Speaker 1: where people can Like. Let's say I'm listening to this
Speaker 1: and I'm like, wait a minute. Sometimes I have abscesses
Speaker 1: or you know, I deal with that, and they've just
Speaker 1: never talked to anybody about that.
Speaker 2: What should they do?
Speaker 3: Yeah, So I would always recommend to see a dermatologist,
Speaker 3: find an HS specialist, see your primary care physician to
Speaker 3: get an official diagnosis. I want to plug one of
Speaker 3: the foundations that I feel like is a good resource
Speaker 3: for finding a specialist, and that's the HS Foundation. And
Speaker 3: excuse me and the HS Foundation. You can go on
Speaker 3: their website and you can find a specialist by looking
Speaker 3: at their map, and then you'll be able to select
Speaker 3: where you live and maybe find a specialist in your area.
Speaker 1: Okay, awesome, And I will put a link to that
Speaker 1: as well in the show notes for you, friends and ken.
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful to have been able to be in
Speaker 1: conversation with Jasmine today because again, this is a story
Speaker 1: that does not get told often in general, but particularly
Speaker 1: in our community. So I'm grateful that you took the
Speaker 1: time out to speak with me today, Jasmine, and I
Speaker 1: wish you all of the luck on your upcoming endeavors.
Speaker 1: Hopefully the docuseries goes to the con Film Festival.
Speaker 2: Would that be awesome?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: Or sun Dance. And I am grateful as a person
Speaker 1: in the black community and as a woman, a black woman,
Speaker 1: I'm grateful for the advocacy work that you are doing.
Speaker 2: I'm grateful for that for us. I appreciate that.
Speaker 1: And I'm glad that you took the time to talk
Speaker 1: to me today.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me if all of
Speaker 3: this work is very much a passion of mine, and
Speaker 3: you know this is what I live for, so thank
Speaker 3: you so much for taking the time to talk about
Speaker 3: this and to share a platform with us.
Speaker 2: We really deeply appreciate it.
Speaker 1: Of course, of course, so again, thank you, and I
Speaker 1: will make sure to put in the show notes all
Speaker 1: of the things that Jasmine mentioned, so that if anyone
Speaker 1: listening knows anyone who could be dealing with some of
Speaker 1: the symptoms, or knows anyone who definitely has already been diagnosed,
Speaker 1: they can pass the information on. If it's not you yourself, again,
Speaker 1: thank you and peace.
Speaker 2: Friends. In Kim, today's.
Speaker 1: Straight fact question, it is a little strange. I'm not
Speaker 1: sure who sent it in, but it's a little strange
Speaker 1: to me, and it's a little strange because it is
Speaker 1: a little too close to.
Speaker 2: Some personal things that I've experienced before.
Speaker 1: But either way, I'm going to get into the question
Speaker 1: and hopefully I will answer it and be helpful to
Speaker 1: the person who sent it in. And we all know
Speaker 1: I'm going to answer it to the best of my ability,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to be as honest as possible. So
Speaker 1: the question says, Hi, Mimi, I think I know how
Speaker 1: you will answer this, but still would appreciate your opinion.
Speaker 1: One of my closest and best friends had a friend
Speaker 1: that she was close to. Her other friend let's call her.
Speaker 1: Let's call her Candace, was quite an interesting character. Candace
Speaker 1: and my friend weren't on speaking terms anymore, but not
Speaker 1: because my friend didn't want that. Candace didn't want any
Speaker 1: contact with her. This is so weird. This was not
Speaker 1: unusual for Candace, as she had a family member she
Speaker 1: also cut off. She also cut off mutual friends that
Speaker 1: remained in contact with my friend. Okay, get in the
Speaker 1: local peace. When Candace and my friend were just getting
Speaker 1: to know each other years ago, maybe twenty eleven, I
Speaker 1: met Candace in person. We only met one time, and
Speaker 1: in my mind it wasn't anything remarkable because I can
Speaker 1: barely remember what.
Speaker 2: She looks like or what we talked about.
Speaker 1: Anyway, from that one encounter, Candace decided that she didn't
Speaker 1: like me. I found this out when I went to
Speaker 1: visit my friend who was living in the same city
Speaker 1: as Candace at the time. Candace didn't want me in
Speaker 1: her house and didn't hang with us at all while
Speaker 1: I was there. I didn't really feel any type of
Speaker 1: way about it because I barely remembered meeting her, and
Speaker 1: I was always just very curious if I did something
Speaker 1: to offend her or how I may have come off
Speaker 1: to her. My friend keeps reminding me that everyone doesn't
Speaker 1: have to like.
Speaker 2: Me, and I have to learn to accept that.
Speaker 1: Unfortunately, Candace recently passed away Suddenly. My friend seems to
Speaker 1: be coping as she has made her peace with them
Speaker 1: not being in each other's lives when Candas cut off communication.
Speaker 1: My question is, if my friend goes to the funeral,
Speaker 1: would it be inappropriate for me to go in support
Speaker 1: of my friend? Should I go to the funeral of
Speaker 1: someone who I know didn't like me? And this is
Speaker 1: from Monica, who she says she's from the East Coast. Okay, Monica,
Speaker 1: this is kind of how this goes, and I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna you know this. The question was long, so I'm
Speaker 1: not My response is not going to be long because
Speaker 1: it's real simple. You do what you want to do,
Speaker 1: like you do what you want to do. If your
Speaker 1: spirit is saying that you should go to the funeral,
Speaker 1: not for Candace, but to support your friend, then you
Speaker 1: go because it's not about Candace. Not to be rude,
Speaker 1: but she did. She ain't even here no more right,
Speaker 1: So it's not about her when it comes to you,
Speaker 1: for your friend, it's about going because Candace was her friend,
Speaker 1: even though kndas cut her off. For your friend, it's
Speaker 1: about going to grieve her friend. For you, though, Monica,
Speaker 1: it is about going to support your friend. It's not
Speaker 1: like Candace is going to be there and she's gonna
Speaker 1: you know you out for coming to her funeral. That's
Speaker 1: not going to happen. It is about you going to
Speaker 1: support your friend. And a friend is going to support
Speaker 1: a friend, especially in times of need, especially when they
Speaker 1: are grieving, especially when they are sad or they are
Speaker 1: down depressed, when they're in the dumps when they're not
Speaker 1: doing well, you support your friend.
Speaker 2: And so.
Speaker 1: Personally, if it were me, I would go to support
Speaker 1: my friend.
Speaker 2: Who cares.
Speaker 1: If she didn't like you, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like that fucking doesn't mean that that holds no weight
Speaker 1: in your life, because realistically she cut you off, and
Speaker 1: she cut the friend off, like I mean, not cut
Speaker 1: you off, but she don't fool with you, but she
Speaker 1: cuts your friend off too, so and that was her friend.
Speaker 2: So you know, that doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: What matters is how we show up for the people
Speaker 1: we love and we care about. And so I think
Speaker 1: that it is important as a friend of the young
Speaker 1: lady who is grieving the loss of her friend who
Speaker 1: did pass Candae, I think it's important for you to
Speaker 1: go to support her.
Speaker 2: Now. If it makes you uncomfortable to go, excuse me.
Speaker 1: If it makes you uncomfortable to go, then I would say,
Speaker 1: don't go to plan, don't plan to go and spend
Speaker 1: a lot of time. But sometimes I do believe, although
Speaker 1: I push, don't do anything you don't want to do
Speaker 1: and do the things you want to do, sometimes it
Speaker 1: is you have to make compromise. There has to be
Speaker 1: a compromise or you have to sacrifice something. And I
Speaker 1: think that in this moment, your friend really needs you,
Speaker 1: and I would suggest that you go and support her. Now,
Speaker 1: if your spirit is telling you, no, bitch, don't go, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: then don't go. But I think that it would be
Speaker 1: the right thing to do to go to support your friend.
Speaker 1: And remember that that is your focus. Your focus is
Speaker 1: not going in memory of someone who didn't like you,
Speaker 1: or going to the funeral of someone who doesn't like you,
Speaker 1: or who didn't like you. She probably don't like you
Speaker 1: in post mortem either, to be honest, but it's not
Speaker 1: about going to the funeral someone who doesn't like you.
Speaker 1: It's about going to the funeral to support your friend
Speaker 1: who lost someone that she loves and cares about, even
Speaker 1: though she may have cut her off. And that's all
Speaker 1: I got for you, Monica, good luck with that. That's tough.
Speaker 1: Friendship stuff can get tough. Man, this is very creepy though. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is weird, but anyway, we ain't gonna horror.
Speaker 2: On this friends in him for today's we got to
Speaker 2: do better. I went to.
Speaker 1: One of our community's most beloved jazz artists. I Fellness
Speaker 1: in this book that I have and for me, this article.
Speaker 2: Excuse me, article, this quote excuse me.
Speaker 1: It hit me in the back of my head when
Speaker 1: I read it yesterday, and I said, you know what,
Speaker 1: this is the one for me for this episode because
Speaker 1: it's really about how I'm feeling. And it's funny when
Speaker 1: I choose these quotes. It's just really about what my
Speaker 1: spirit says. A lot of these things, the music, the drinks,
Speaker 1: you know, it's about what my spirit says. This is
Speaker 1: a very spirit led show. Hand me my purses. And
Speaker 1: so the quote, like I said, it hit me. It
Speaker 1: was all in my business and it says it's from
Speaker 1: the legendary John Coltrane.
Speaker 2: Shout out to John Coltrane.
Speaker 1: But it says, forget the rules because you have to
Speaker 1: play all twelve notes of your solo anyway.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 1: Forget the rules because you have to play all twelve
Speaker 1: notes of your solo anyway, because ain't that the truth.
Speaker 2: You gotta do it.
Speaker 1: You're gonna have to do it anyway, So forget all
Speaker 1: the rules and just do it your way. And not
Speaker 1: only just do it your way, but do the thing,
Speaker 1: whatever the thing is, do it because you gotta you
Speaker 1: gotta you're gonna have to play your solo, and you're
Speaker 1: gonna have to play all twelve notes. You're gonna have
Speaker 1: to do it out anyway, So do it, and do
Speaker 1: it all and do it right.
Speaker 2: I love that. Come on through Uncle Johnes, friends and Ken.
Speaker 1: First and foremost, I would like to start off by
Speaker 1: saying thank you to God, because God is supreme and
Speaker 1: I recognize and appreciate the grace that God extends to
Speaker 1: me every single day of my black ass life.
Speaker 2: I want to say thank you to my people.
Speaker 1: I want to say thank you to every one of
Speaker 1: you that's been rocking with me since day one, ever
Speaker 1: since March the first of twenty twenty. I appreciate you.
Speaker 1: I'm grateful for you and thank you. I appreciate you
Speaker 1: for being here. And even if excuse me, and even
Speaker 1: if you just started listening today or you just started
Speaker 1: listening in June, I thank you for that as well.
Speaker 2: Either way, I'm grateful. I'm thankful for you.
Speaker 1: I'm thankful for my family, my friends, my friends, and Ken,
Speaker 1: all of my supporters, and of course, most importantly, every
Speaker 1: single one of you guys out there listening. I love
Speaker 1: you guys so much, and it is nothing short of
Speaker 1: an honor and a privilege and a joy to share
Speaker 1: my time and energy with you, especially if you keep
Speaker 1: coming back to.
Speaker 2: Spend time with me.
Speaker 1: I look forward to the next time that we get
Speaker 1: to do this with one another. I also want to
Speaker 1: say today, the day that this is released, is my
Speaker 1: little brother's birthday. Happy birthday, Aja. Now, before you exit
Speaker 1: out of whatever streaming service you're using to listen to this,
Speaker 1: stop what you're doing, and if you haven't already done so,
Speaker 1: look for the subscribe or follow button. Click on that
Speaker 1: if it's an option on the streaming service where you're listening. Next,
Speaker 1: I want you to go over to Instagrams and follow
Speaker 1: me at Handing my Purse Underscore Podcasts. You can also
Speaker 1: follow me on Threads and you can find the link
Speaker 1: to my Threads account on the front of my Instagram profile.
Speaker 1: On Facebook, just search hand Me my Purse podcast. And
Speaker 1: I'm kind of on a break from Twitter because you
Speaker 1: know elon Musk. Anyway, if you listen on a streaming
Speaker 1: service or medium that allows you to do so, please
Speaker 1: take a few minutes to.
Speaker 2: Rate and review the show or give it a thumbs up.
Speaker 1: I want to say a big, fat, old Thank you
Speaker 1: to the people who have been leaving reviews.
Speaker 2: I appreciate you.
Speaker 1: You have no idea, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.
Speaker 2: How much I appreciate you.
Speaker 1: I do like I can't even explain how much I really,
Speaker 1: really am grateful that you took the time out to
Speaker 1: leave them.
Speaker 2: And you know what, I'm gonna read one of them.
Speaker 2: Hold for a second.
Speaker 1: This one says, I am loving this podcast. Auntie Mimi
Speaker 1: is a real is the real Auntie we all wish
Speaker 1: we had. Her topics are always interesting, her voice is
Speaker 1: so soothing.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 1: It's easy to lose track of time and be surprised
Speaker 1: when you've been listening for over an hour and the
Speaker 1: episode is over if you want to escape and just
Speaker 1: hang out with some friends for an hour, so hang
Speaker 1: out with Auntie Mimi. I have enjoyed each and every
Speaker 1: episode I have listened to. And that's from Auntie Tanya
Speaker 1: the Leo. Thank you so much. Shout out to Auntie
Speaker 1: Tanya the Leo.
Speaker 2: I appreciate you. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Friends and can be sure to share hand Me my
Speaker 1: Purse with your friends, your loved ones, and even your enemies,
Speaker 1: because the best way for people to find out about
Speaker 1: this show is by you guys telling them all about it.
Speaker 1: So tell afriend to tell a friend to tell a friend.
Speaker 1: Submit your questions for the straight fact segment to Hello hand,
Speaker 1: I mean mypurse dot com. Not a lot of you
Speaker 1: do it that way, but that's fine with the subject
Speaker 1: line straight facts. Or what you can do is go
Speaker 1: to my Instagram profile. You can click on the link
Speaker 1: there and the profile and the bio and if you
Speaker 1: look on the buttons you will see submit a question
Speaker 1: for straight facts.
Speaker 2: Boom boo yo blackacacale. It's right.
Speaker 1: Therefore, you go ahead and submit your questions. I've got
Speaker 1: some good questions in lately, so I can't wait to
Speaker 1: read them to you guys. Also remember that show notes
Speaker 1: are always available in the episode description. Wherever you are
Speaker 1: listening to the show, be sure to take a look
Speaker 1: at the show notes because that is where I put
Speaker 1: all of the links and other information that I mentioned
Speaker 1: during the show that you may want to check out,
Speaker 1: in addition to some stuff I just want to share
Speaker 1: with you. Also, just so you know, the music for
Speaker 1: Hanving Me my Purse is provided by none other than
Speaker 1: Wes Baltimore's own Gloomy tune, Shout out to Gloomy Tunes
Speaker 1: in the Class of twenty eighteen.
Speaker 2: And last, but noal, I want.
Speaker 1: To give a big old shout out to my production team.
Speaker 2: Together we make up Rando Banjo and the Dirty Throats.
Speaker 1: Shout out to Evan Taylor and a big old shout
Speaker 1: out to Rando Banjo and the Dirty Throats. I look
Speaker 1: forward to you, looking forward to listening to Hand Me
Speaker 1: My Purse the podcast each and every Tuesday, and I'm
Speaker 1: out this bitch peace. Hand Me My Purse is a
Speaker 1: production of iHeart Podcasts. For more shows from iHeart Podcasts,
Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
Speaker 1: to your favorite shows.