WEBVTT - Work in Progress: JURNEE SMOLLETT 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:14.520 Hey, everyone, it's Sophia. Welcome to Work in Progress. Welcome 0:00:14.560 --> 0:00:17.720 back to Work in Progress friends. This week we are 0:00:17.920 --> 0:00:22.360 joined by an actor who I admire so much. Today's 0:00:22.400 --> 0:00:26.040 guest is none other than Janny Smale. She is an 0:00:26.040 --> 0:00:30.360 American actress born here in New York, one of six siblings, 0:00:30.760 --> 0:00:34.080 and she has been working in film and television since 0:00:34.240 --> 0:00:38.599 she was a little girl. Known for her roles in Lovecraft, Country, 0:00:38.680 --> 0:00:42.320 Birds of Prey, Underground, and True Blood, she is here 0:00:42.360 --> 0:00:46.720 to discuss her brand new Apple TV show, Smoke. The 0:00:46.840 --> 0:00:50.559 show centers around an arson investigator who begrudgingly teams up 0:00:50.600 --> 0:00:54.880 with a police detective as they race to stop two arsonists. 0:00:55.440 --> 0:01:00.120 It is a twisted game of secrets and suspicions, and 0:01:00.200 --> 0:01:05.720 journey stars opposite tarn Edgerton in this incredible thriller. Today 0:01:05.720 --> 0:01:07.120 we're going to talk about what it was like to 0:01:07.160 --> 0:01:11.920 film the show, work with the iconic Dennis Lahne, and 0:01:12.000 --> 0:01:14.880 a lot about what it means to juggle this life 0:01:15.400 --> 0:01:20.600 performing and acting and traveling and creating with motherhood and 0:01:20.880 --> 0:01:24.280 self discovery. And you'll hear a little bit about the 0:01:24.319 --> 0:01:26.600 lessons the two of us have learned along the way. 0:01:26.840 --> 0:01:41.119 Let's dive in with my friend Journey. Hi, honey, I'm 0:01:41.160 --> 0:01:44.560 so happy you're here, my love. How are you. 0:01:45.120 --> 0:01:46.120 I'm happy to see you. 0:01:46.160 --> 0:01:46.920 It's been forever. 0:01:47.080 --> 0:01:48.520 I know, it's been a long time. 0:01:48.720 --> 0:01:51.160 You look fabulous. Thank you so much. 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:54.280 You look fabulous. This press tour is working. 0:01:54.840 --> 0:02:00.120 Oh well, you know, I got a team of experts 0:02:00.000 --> 0:02:00.840 helping it work. 0:02:00.960 --> 0:02:03.160 We need it, especially when you got little ones at home. 0:02:03.240 --> 0:02:06.080 It's like somebody helped me. Look like I've. 0:02:05.920 --> 0:02:09.799 Slept right right, And then you know, the press to word, 0:02:09.919 --> 0:02:11.960 it's almost like you're running a marathon. As you know, 0:02:12.040 --> 0:02:15.760 you just sit in that room and you get asked a. 0:02:15.800 --> 0:02:19.400 Lot, and you got to make them feel fresh every time. Yeah, 0:02:19.600 --> 0:02:22.160 oh I feel it. Well, I'm excited about the projects. 0:02:22.200 --> 0:02:24.960 But before we talk about, you know, what's happening in 0:02:25.000 --> 0:02:27.920 life at the moment, I want to go backwards a 0:02:27.919 --> 0:02:28.359 little bit. 0:02:28.600 --> 0:02:30.920 Okay, how far back are we go? 0:02:31.120 --> 0:02:32.040 Like all the way back? 0:02:32.120 --> 0:02:32.400 Okay? 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:35.960 Which is fun for you, especially because you've been working 0:02:36.000 --> 0:02:39.120 since you were a baby. But I always wonder, like 0:02:39.600 --> 0:02:41.600 when I sit with somebody, whether I know them or 0:02:41.639 --> 0:02:44.959 I'm just meeting them, whoever sits in that chair has 0:02:45.040 --> 0:02:48.480 an impressive resume, Some cool new project like something in 0:02:48.520 --> 0:02:51.200 the world. And I wonder if you could go back 0:02:51.240 --> 0:02:55.360 in time and hang out with your little self at 0:02:55.840 --> 0:02:58.560 seven or eight years old, do you think the woman 0:02:58.600 --> 0:03:01.800 you are today would see herself in that little girl? 0:03:02.480 --> 0:03:06.679 Oh? Yes, because I actually meditate on that little girl 0:03:06.720 --> 0:03:11.280 a lot. Really, Yeah, because I do believe so much 0:03:11.280 --> 0:03:15.799 of what we're doing is in response to our childhood, 0:03:16.080 --> 0:03:19.440 you know. And I'm one of those nerds who you know, 0:03:19.480 --> 0:03:23.839 I'm reading books on attachment theory and you know me too, Yeah, 0:03:24.040 --> 0:03:27.800 so you feel me, you know. And so like all 0:03:27.880 --> 0:03:34.640 of the primary attachments we had and the core memories 0:03:34.680 --> 0:03:37.360 we had during those moments, I think about, you know, 0:03:38.480 --> 0:03:41.160 just in how I see the world. It's also how 0:03:41.160 --> 0:03:45.600 I construct characters, you know, when I'm approaching them in 0:03:46.080 --> 0:03:52.440 my work. But yeah, that little girl, I mean, she 0:03:52.440 --> 0:03:54.560 she was. She was a lot of fun. She was. 0:03:55.400 --> 0:03:56.600 She was a lot of fun. There was a lot 0:03:56.600 --> 0:03:59.160 going on around me when I was six or seven, 0:03:59.400 --> 0:04:05.560 how so, Okay, so I think around that age my 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:10.200 famly I was I was doing full House, or I 0:04:10.240 --> 0:04:13.160 had just finished doing Full House, and my family had 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:18.800 been I had been offered by the producers of Full House, offered, 0:04:18.960 --> 0:04:23.119 you know, your seven to do a spinoff of Full House. 0:04:23.360 --> 0:04:25.840 You know, my character resonated with. 0:04:25.839 --> 0:04:29.479 Folks for some reason, I you know, but. 0:04:29.640 --> 0:04:33.719 My pay grade. And so my mom said no to 0:04:34.600 --> 0:04:37.480 the spinoff, and she said, I've got six kids at 0:04:37.520 --> 0:04:39.760 the time, she had five and one on the way. 0:04:39.920 --> 0:04:42.520 And she was like, I ain't doing no more damn 0:04:42.560 --> 0:04:45.920 TV unless they're all in the same show, because y'all 0:04:45.960 --> 0:04:48.560 got me running around with all these different kids, and 0:04:48.600 --> 0:04:50.760 I'm trying to be everywhere with all of them. She 0:04:50.800 --> 0:04:53.320 was very protective, very hands on. We never had a 0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:57.200 nanny or anyone else watch us other than her, and 0:04:57.640 --> 0:05:02.080 she was stretched thin. And so the producers, Bob Boyette, 0:05:02.080 --> 0:05:05.520 Miller Boyette, they said, wait, there's more, bring them all in, 0:05:06.760 --> 0:05:10.040 and so they gave us all our own TV show. 0:05:10.600 --> 0:05:13.479 She had us go into this meeting that happened. Yes, 0:05:13.560 --> 0:05:17.640 she had us go into this meeting. We performed Shut 0:05:17.680 --> 0:05:19.000 Him Down by Public Enemy. 0:05:20.040 --> 0:05:24.760 I was Flavor flav Oh, I did the Flavor Flav verse. 0:05:27.240 --> 0:05:29.120 I don't even know. Maybe I had a clock around 0:05:29.120 --> 0:05:33.040 my neck. I don't know. A room full of white 0:05:33.080 --> 0:05:38.880 men at Warner Brothers, and she had us perform this 0:05:39.000 --> 0:05:42.640 very militant song and they gave us our own TV show, 0:05:43.240 --> 0:05:46.080 all six even the baby that was Bacon in the oven. 0:05:46.279 --> 0:05:48.840 Oh my god, this is amazing. 0:05:49.480 --> 0:05:51.800 Yeah. So there was a lot a lot going on 0:05:51.839 --> 0:05:54.080 around me, a lot of excitement during that time, a 0:05:54.600 --> 0:05:57.600 lot of newness for the first time, Like we moved 0:05:57.640 --> 0:06:03.040 into a house that was really nice, remember that, you know. So, yeah, 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:06.640 that's snapshot of my life during that time. 0:06:06.960 --> 0:06:10.440 Wow. And did you love it? Did you love acting? Performing? 0:06:10.480 --> 0:06:12.240 Even from a young age. 0:06:12.000 --> 0:06:15.839 I always did. I was always performing at home. My 0:06:15.920 --> 0:06:20.880 mom loved musicals and old films. Sound of music probably 0:06:21.600 --> 0:06:25.320 was on repeat throughout my childhood. American in Paris. You 0:06:25.360 --> 0:06:29.799 know Gene Kelly, fred Astaire sid Cherise. I always wanted 0:06:29.800 --> 0:06:32.080 to be, said Cherise with those long legs, you know. 0:06:32.680 --> 0:06:38.280 And so she would put she would put down plywood 0:06:38.640 --> 0:06:42.839 on the floor in our apartment in Elmhurst, Queens, and 0:06:42.880 --> 0:06:45.320 she got me some tap dance shoes. Me and my 0:06:45.360 --> 0:06:48.120 brother Jesse was just tap dance all the time to 0:06:48.200 --> 0:06:51.680 these musicals. So, I know, I always loved the art 0:06:51.720 --> 0:06:56.080 of performing and that exchange that you get when you're 0:06:56.080 --> 0:06:58.680 performing for someone, right, you know. 0:06:59.200 --> 0:07:02.120 Oh, it's so interesting because especially I think for a 0:07:02.200 --> 0:07:06.640 kid learning any skill like that that really puts you 0:07:06.680 --> 0:07:09.680 in your body. It gives you a sense of agency 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:13.920 really early. You know, you understand that you are capable 0:07:14.400 --> 0:07:15.280 similar to sport. 0:07:16.360 --> 0:07:19.040 And I like it to sports too. Yeah, I like 0:07:19.080 --> 0:07:19.960 in it to little league. 0:07:20.160 --> 0:07:24.520 Yeah, absolutely, little league AISO, like whatever it is. I 0:07:24.560 --> 0:07:28.600 think what we know that maybe folks who don't work 0:07:28.600 --> 0:07:31.920 in this industry might be a little misled about, is 0:07:31.920 --> 0:07:36.280 that when you are an actor or a performer, a musician, 0:07:36.400 --> 0:07:38.000 you know, whatever you do like you're part. 0:07:37.880 --> 0:07:38.680 Of a team. 0:07:39.000 --> 0:07:41.560 You're in a cast, you work with a whole big. 0:07:41.400 --> 0:07:43.320 Crew of collaborators. 0:07:43.480 --> 0:07:46.800 Yes, like it's team sports, and you've got to learn 0:07:46.840 --> 0:07:49.000 how to support the team, but also stay in your lane. 0:07:49.480 --> 0:07:51.280 You need to be able to fill in for somebody 0:07:51.320 --> 0:07:53.960 if you're you know, not able to do their job 0:07:54.000 --> 0:07:57.120 one day. And so I don't know, I think it's 0:07:57.120 --> 0:08:01.760 pretty cool to hear about how you were finding yourself 0:08:01.800 --> 0:08:02.760 in that work. 0:08:03.000 --> 0:08:05.520 I completely agree with your perspective on it. And it's 0:08:05.520 --> 0:08:09.600 funny because I find myself gaining so much inspiration from 0:08:09.640 --> 0:08:15.360 sports from athletes. I watch it religiously. My son now 0:08:15.840 --> 0:08:19.840 has taken the sports obsession to a whole nother level. 0:08:20.080 --> 0:08:25.040 But I gained and I always have gained inspiration from 0:08:25.080 --> 0:08:29.080 the way athletes push their bodies, how mentally tough they are, 0:08:29.440 --> 0:08:32.800 the way they have to work with other personalities and collaborate, 0:08:33.240 --> 0:08:36.520 and the flow that athletes have to be in. You 0:08:36.559 --> 0:08:40.520 can when you're watching a tennis match, you're watching Coco, right, 0:08:40.679 --> 0:08:44.080 and you're just like, ooh, she's in the flow right now, right, 0:08:44.679 --> 0:08:48.920 That's what we try to achieve on set or on stage. 0:08:49.559 --> 0:08:51.880 You know, you try to find that rhythm. It's like 0:08:51.920 --> 0:08:57.520 a musician, you know, a jazz band. Yes, they're improving, 0:08:57.559 --> 0:09:01.840 they're in tune with their partner, you know. The pianist 0:09:01.920 --> 0:09:04.960 can't go too far off without being in vibe with 0:09:05.000 --> 0:09:08.920 the basis, right, Like, So there is something about that 0:09:09.080 --> 0:09:12.200 dance that that you have to be in with the 0:09:12.240 --> 0:09:16.240 cameraman or camera woman, right, like the with your fellow actor. 0:09:17.840 --> 0:09:21.080 It's very true, and I love that you you have 0:09:21.160 --> 0:09:22.319 that same experience. 0:09:22.480 --> 0:09:25.880 Yeah, totally, And I think there's something really interesting too. 0:09:28.679 --> 0:09:31.480 All these little connections are firing in my brain. Like 0:09:32.000 --> 0:09:34.720 you talking about the way you love to research, you know, 0:09:34.840 --> 0:09:39.120 for roles, but also for yourself as a person. You know, 0:09:39.280 --> 0:09:42.920 reading books on attachment theory figuring out as an adult 0:09:43.320 --> 0:09:47.200 where your patterns come from from your childhood. Like, I 0:09:47.200 --> 0:09:51.560 think that's especially important for anyone who's a performer, whether 0:09:51.559 --> 0:09:54.760 you're a performance artist or a performance athlete, because you 0:09:54.840 --> 0:09:59.160 do learn to push yourself to extremes, you do learn 0:09:59.240 --> 0:10:04.880 to put the work above all else, and eventually you 0:10:04.960 --> 0:10:06.960 have to come to terms with at some point in 0:10:07.000 --> 0:10:10.760 your life like, oh, I'm so good at performing, I 0:10:10.840 --> 0:10:15.080 might not be feeling and I got to figure out 0:10:15.080 --> 0:10:17.760 how to recalibrate that. 0:10:18.200 --> 0:10:21.400 Or it might be only allowing myself to feel when 0:10:21.520 --> 0:10:22.680 when I'm made for me. 0:10:22.880 --> 0:10:28.600 Oh that yeah. And it's interesting, not that I want 0:10:28.640 --> 0:10:32.480 this conversation to be about this topic, but I just 0:10:32.600 --> 0:10:35.880 hear something in you that something in me recognizes. And 0:10:35.920 --> 0:10:38.520 I'm like, I don't know if it's when you've built 0:10:38.520 --> 0:10:42.040 your whole beautiful life and then you realize you're not happy. 0:10:42.920 --> 0:10:46.480 I think there's a wisdom that comes when women take 0:10:46.559 --> 0:10:49.840 up their agency and go through a divorce, as we 0:10:49.920 --> 0:10:53.280 both have, Yes, we have, And I'm like, oh, whatever, 0:10:53.320 --> 0:10:57.479 the thing is that I've really learned through this construction 0:10:57.640 --> 0:11:02.720 and then deconstruction process. I see in you, I see 0:11:02.760 --> 0:11:06.520 in you, and I know it's hard, but not to 0:11:06.559 --> 0:11:08.880 be cheesy, I'm like, I'm proud of us. We've clearly 0:11:08.880 --> 0:11:10.400 done some work. Yeah. 0:11:10.480 --> 0:11:12.920 Yeah, Yeah, I'm proud of us too, because it takes 0:11:13.000 --> 0:11:17.600 courage to say I actually need more and I want more, 0:11:17.760 --> 0:11:21.480 I deserve more. Yeah, And society doesn't always hold space 0:11:21.640 --> 0:11:25.160 for those of us who feel that we're entitled to more, 0:11:26.320 --> 0:11:28.320 because it's like, well, you got this, this and this 0:11:29.120 --> 0:11:32.000 sit down, shut up, be happy like what you're complaining about, right, 0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:35.320 And so it does take a lot of courage to 0:11:35.360 --> 0:11:38.920 say I know what my worth is and I know 0:11:39.640 --> 0:11:44.200 what I deserve to receive in return. So it's a risk. 0:11:45.200 --> 0:11:47.199 I don't know if I'll actually get it in this lifetime, 0:11:47.280 --> 0:11:52.400 but I'm I feel that it's I'm worthy enough to try. 0:11:52.280 --> 0:11:53.920 To try that part. 0:11:54.520 --> 0:11:55.040 Yeah. 0:11:55.080 --> 0:11:57.160 And I don't know if you know. I don't want 0:11:57.200 --> 0:12:01.920 to project my experience onto you, but I think, especially 0:12:01.960 --> 0:12:04.200 when you do the kind of work that requires so 0:12:04.320 --> 0:12:08.200 much of you and you do show up in big ways, 0:12:08.320 --> 0:12:12.839 in big spaces, when you know what a high bar 0:12:13.120 --> 0:12:18.199 you have forgiving and you realize that bar is not 0:12:18.240 --> 0:12:22.640 being met in return, I actually think it's a really 0:12:22.760 --> 0:12:27.360 brave thing to say it's not about entitlement, it's not 0:12:27.480 --> 0:12:32.199 about it's not even necessarily about that deserving right. It's 0:12:32.240 --> 0:12:40.240 about I believe that I'm worse what I give, and 0:12:40.280 --> 0:12:44.120 if someone doesn't, you know, how do you let that 0:12:44.160 --> 0:12:46.319 person be the closest person to you in your life? 0:12:46.640 --> 0:12:47.000 You can't. 0:12:47.040 --> 0:12:50.760 And that could be, that could be a toxic relationship. 0:12:50.800 --> 0:12:54.760 That can be your co workers, that can be your 0:12:54.800 --> 0:12:59.920 agents or your lawyers, right, you know. I've found things 0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:03.440 like that have actually shown up and manifested in several 0:13:03.520 --> 0:13:06.839 different ways. Sometimes I find like, oh, it's so hard 0:13:06.840 --> 0:13:10.040 for me to let go of people past their exploration date. 0:13:10.880 --> 0:13:14.599 It's really hard to just go hard, Oh this relationship 0:13:14.960 --> 0:13:19.680 has actually run its course. That was very hard for me. 0:13:19.800 --> 0:13:21.360 It's still hard, but it's less hard. 0:13:21.400 --> 0:13:27.040 I've gotten I've walked it out enough, you know, to 0:13:27.160 --> 0:13:32.920 be able to detach. But in studying attachment theory, I 0:13:33.360 --> 0:13:39.080 noticed my patterns were the inability to detach yes you know, 0:13:40.559 --> 0:13:43.280 and go wait, why is that? Like? 0:13:43.360 --> 0:13:44.040 What's that? 0:13:44.200 --> 0:13:47.200 You know? And you do do your own self a 0:13:47.200 --> 0:13:55.800 disservice because not everyone is built for a lifetime walk 0:13:55.840 --> 0:13:59.000 with you. Sometimes it's a season, or it's a reason. 0:13:58.960 --> 0:14:01.960 Or it's a lifetime life done. Yeah, and now a 0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:04.400 word from our sponsors that I really enjoy and I 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:14.160 think you will too. I had to really think about 0:14:14.160 --> 0:14:19.240 that a lot because I realized, and it's weird, right, 0:14:19.280 --> 0:14:22.280 there's something you can love about yourself and also it 0:14:22.320 --> 0:14:25.560 can hurt you, Like I don't like to give up 0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:30.680 on people, but sometimes that means I'm trying to hold 0:14:30.680 --> 0:14:32.640 on to something that no longer exists. 0:14:32.880 --> 0:14:36.560 Do you feel that it's holding onto a potential? Like, yeah, 0:14:36.680 --> 0:14:38.920 believing the potential and maybe not. 0:14:39.440 --> 0:14:44.080 Sometimes And sometimes I think it can be. Really I 0:14:44.120 --> 0:14:48.920 think there's a difference between dreaming with someone and the 0:14:49.040 --> 0:14:54.240 dream being attainable in this life. You know, I really 0:14:54.280 --> 0:14:56.120 did a lot of work around what do I want 0:14:56.160 --> 0:14:57.640 the future to feel like? What do I want a 0:14:57.640 --> 0:15:01.360 family to feel like? What do I want to build? 0:15:02.160 --> 0:15:07.000 And then I built it? But I realized like it 0:15:07.000 --> 0:15:08.680 almost I almost felt like I built a house, but 0:15:08.720 --> 0:15:10.800 the house was empty, you know. 0:15:11.560 --> 0:15:12.800 And it. 0:15:14.880 --> 0:15:16.560 Was a house and it was great. It was like 0:15:17.080 --> 0:15:24.000 Pinterest's perfect house. But I think, particularly again as performers 0:15:24.120 --> 0:15:27.480 and also as women, like, at least for me, I 0:15:28.080 --> 0:15:30.400 can see all that stuff. I can see the attachment theory. 0:15:30.440 --> 0:15:32.320 I can see what I learned that was good and 0:15:32.360 --> 0:15:36.400 bad from my parents and their relationship, from generational family stuff. 0:15:36.440 --> 0:15:38.720 I can see what I took from societal messaging, and 0:15:38.760 --> 0:15:41.880 I can go, oh, I get I get why I 0:15:41.960 --> 0:15:46.160 really tried to be as like responsible as possible and 0:15:46.240 --> 0:15:49.960 make this plan. But if the if the plan is hollow, 0:15:50.000 --> 0:15:53.800 if the house is empty, like, don't you want to 0:15:53.840 --> 0:15:57.640 go fill it? And so I don't know. I think 0:15:57.840 --> 0:16:03.800 I think there's a really important shift that's happened. Certainly, 0:16:04.880 --> 0:16:07.200 I really see it over the last decade, like we 0:16:07.280 --> 0:16:09.760 could have this conversation, you know, over a bottle of 0:16:09.760 --> 0:16:13.280 wine with friends. Over the last decade, I've seen far 0:16:13.360 --> 0:16:16.800 more people, and I think it had a little to 0:16:16.880 --> 0:16:19.760 do with me too, you know, far more people say 0:16:20.360 --> 0:16:22.720 these things are not right at work. And then a 0:16:22.720 --> 0:16:25.920 lot of people, once they started talking about the right 0:16:25.960 --> 0:16:27.600 and wrong in their life, were like, oh, I might 0:16:27.600 --> 0:16:30.320 actually have to talk about my life. Also, if I 0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:32.400 only send her work and I don't send her my life, 0:16:32.480 --> 0:16:35.680 what am I doing? And so I always think it's 0:16:35.680 --> 0:16:41.600 interesting when us artists hit whatever point we hit where 0:16:41.600 --> 0:16:43.560 we realize, oh, I have to pour into myself the 0:16:43.560 --> 0:16:45.760 way I pour into my work, the way I pour 0:16:45.800 --> 0:16:48.120 into my characters, the way I pour into my people. 0:16:48.680 --> 0:16:49.160 Yeah. 0:16:49.240 --> 0:16:54.360 Yeah. Do you think it's a deeper resonance that desire 0:16:54.520 --> 0:17:00.000 to model worth and what you deserve and the right 0:17:00.160 --> 0:17:02.960 kind of life because you're also doing it for your son. 0:17:03.920 --> 0:17:07.880 Yes, the stakes are definitely higher. I find after having 0:17:07.920 --> 0:17:12.840 a child who learns so much more from your choices 0:17:13.480 --> 0:17:16.160 than what you say to them. He learns so much 0:17:16.240 --> 0:17:18.920 more from how I move through life, how I deal 0:17:18.960 --> 0:17:22.280 with disappointment or sadness, by watching you, by watching me, 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:26.199 he learns so much about work ethic by watching me. 0:17:27.920 --> 0:17:32.680 He has now these goals and these ambitions, and it's 0:17:32.720 --> 0:17:36.320 beautiful because he relates it back and he kind of 0:17:36.760 --> 0:17:39.040 mirrors himself to me. He's starting to do that in 0:17:39.119 --> 0:17:42.639 ways that I was like, oh my gosh, Like I 0:17:42.680 --> 0:17:47.639 don't know why I thought, and it probably is my 0:17:47.720 --> 0:17:50.280 own bias, but I thought, like, oh, if I had 0:17:50.280 --> 0:17:53.960 a daughter, they would probably mirror. But no, I mean, 0:17:54.080 --> 0:17:58.040 like he looks at me and it's like small things, 0:17:58.160 --> 0:18:01.040 you know, Like he wants to get six pack, So 0:18:01.040 --> 0:18:03.240 he's like, Mami, teach me how to get a six pack, 0:18:03.320 --> 0:18:08.280 you know, but he's yeah, he watches my behavior a 0:18:08.320 --> 0:18:13.240 lot and is influenced by that. So the stakes are yes, 0:18:13.960 --> 0:18:18.800 way higher now, and I feel like the greatest gift 0:18:18.840 --> 0:18:21.439 I can give him is being my whole self. Alfred 0:18:21.440 --> 0:18:24.960 Wooded long ago gave me this book called Whole Parent, 0:18:25.000 --> 0:18:29.639 Whole Child, and it's a beautiful book and it talks 0:18:29.800 --> 0:18:34.760 essentially about that of you cannot be able to pour 0:18:34.840 --> 0:18:37.920 into your child and raise them to be their full 0:18:37.960 --> 0:18:40.600 best self if you yourself or not. 0:18:41.040 --> 0:18:43.800 Yes, there is a stat A friend sent me a 0:18:43.880 --> 0:18:50.080 video that actually said that the highest predicting determinator of 0:18:50.119 --> 0:18:53.840 an adult's happiness is how happy their mother was. 0:18:54.280 --> 0:18:56.760 I've read that in their childhood. Yes, I've read that 0:18:56.920 --> 0:19:00.640 somewhere and major. It is major, because you know what 0:19:00.840 --> 0:19:08.960 I found very early in Hunter's childhood, I was dealing 0:19:09.040 --> 0:19:15.440 and struggling with major mom guilt. You know, I nursed 0:19:15.520 --> 0:19:18.240 him for three years. I gave birth to him in 0:19:18.280 --> 0:19:20.879 my bathtub. I was like, yo, I'm a dude, like 0:19:20.960 --> 0:19:24.880 my mom was. She gave birth to all six of us, 0:19:25.000 --> 0:19:28.800 natural childbirth. You know, nursed us, didn't believe in extending 0:19:29.160 --> 0:19:33.160 extended nursing, and so like a lot of her philosophies 0:19:33.200 --> 0:19:36.560 and her standards, right, I was holding myself too. 0:19:38.440 --> 0:19:42.720 My mom's situation was so different and very unique. 0:19:42.800 --> 0:19:47.240 Right. She didn't have to ever have someone on set 0:19:47.320 --> 0:19:50.520 with us watching us because she was behind the camera 0:19:50.520 --> 0:19:52.719 and we were the ones in front. And so in 0:19:52.760 --> 0:19:56.920 my situation, I'm the one in front, and so I'm going, well, 0:19:57.480 --> 0:20:00.200 you know, I want Hunter on set with me. I'm nursing. 0:20:00.240 --> 0:20:04.240 He refused a bottle because he got hype to it, right. 0:20:04.240 --> 0:20:05.160 He got smart too. 0:20:05.280 --> 0:20:07.600 He got him to the fact that, okay, like around 0:20:07.640 --> 0:20:10.919 six months, I remember, it was like, okay, if I 0:20:10.960 --> 0:20:14.480 take this bottle from my aunt, that means mommy might 0:20:14.520 --> 0:20:15.160 go to Target. 0:20:15.320 --> 0:20:20.680 So he started boycotting the bottle, right, smart, really smart. 0:20:20.720 --> 0:20:22.080 It's like, oh, I see how I'm gonna get the 0:20:22.440 --> 0:20:22.720 I want. 0:20:22.760 --> 0:20:25.000 And he's like, I'm not doing this. She's not passing 0:20:25.040 --> 0:20:28.720 me to Aunty, your uncle or to daddy. It's gonna 0:20:28.720 --> 0:20:31.760 be her. I went directly from the source, you know. 0:20:32.000 --> 0:20:36.080 And so he start started refusing the bottle. And so, 0:20:37.040 --> 0:20:40.600 you know, me shooting Lovecraft Country or Birds of Prey 0:20:40.680 --> 0:20:44.280 doing stunt rehearsal, he's right there, you know, in the 0:20:44.359 --> 0:20:49.560 trailer or at rehearsal, and I had to have help, 0:20:50.040 --> 0:20:53.240 and I felt so much guilt about the fact that, like, 0:20:53.320 --> 0:20:55.440 oh my gosh, I got to go and do this scene. 0:20:55.720 --> 0:21:00.320 It's a really emotionally challenging scene. So for the next 0:21:00.359 --> 0:21:02.159 hour or so, I need him to stay in the trailer. 0:21:02.240 --> 0:21:05.320 He can't com on set because he can't see Mommy. 0:21:05.080 --> 0:21:07.480 Like that, right, Like you need to focus and I. 0:21:07.440 --> 0:21:09.360 Need to focus, and I need to do your right, 0:21:09.440 --> 0:21:12.520 I need to do my work. But I dealt with 0:21:12.560 --> 0:21:16.000 a lot of mom guilt that wasn't processed and I 0:21:16.000 --> 0:21:19.679 didn't really know where to put it. And it really 0:21:19.760 --> 0:21:24.520 was that philosophy of that book of giving yourself the 0:21:24.600 --> 0:21:29.439 approval to feed into your well, to do your to 0:21:29.480 --> 0:21:32.840 pursue your passions, to take the bath where you need 0:21:32.880 --> 0:21:35.520 to take the bath, to go to target when you 0:21:35.600 --> 0:21:39.440 need to just have alone time, right or whatever. That 0:21:39.520 --> 0:21:43.200 thing is giving yourself the approval to do that, knowing 0:21:43.280 --> 0:21:48.120 that if you don't, you will run out of gas. 0:21:48.560 --> 0:21:50.800 And that doesn't help him, and that helps no one. 0:21:50.880 --> 0:21:53.720 That serves no one. There's no Mommy Olympics, there's no 0:21:53.800 --> 0:21:56.640 reward that you're winning at the end of the year, 0:21:57.160 --> 0:22:01.480 exactly as it's sacrificing. Yeah, exactly, and it's a marathon, 0:22:01.600 --> 0:22:05.199 it's not a sprint. You need to have endurance in 0:22:05.400 --> 0:22:08.200 order to be present with him and play with him. 0:22:08.720 --> 0:22:12.920 And it's okay, you know, it's okay. 0:22:12.720 --> 0:22:16.040 For him to see me pursue my dreams. It's actually 0:22:16.080 --> 0:22:19.080 a beautiful thing for him to see the sacrifice that 0:22:19.200 --> 0:22:22.240 I make for my work and how hard I work. 0:22:22.680 --> 0:22:24.800 It's okay for him to see the image of a 0:22:24.840 --> 0:22:29.000 woman being the bread winner. It's okay for him to 0:22:29.160 --> 0:22:34.639 see me being ambitious and passionate and going, baby, you 0:22:34.680 --> 0:22:37.199 know what. Right now, Mommy has to go in this 0:22:37.320 --> 0:22:40.040 room and I have to study this scene. But when 0:22:40.040 --> 0:22:43.479 I finish, I'm gonna come out and we're gonna play catch. 0:22:44.000 --> 0:22:47.000 Right Like, giving him those boundaries in the parameters I 0:22:47.040 --> 0:22:51.600 think is healthy. And I've had to process and give 0:22:51.760 --> 0:22:54.320 and be kind to myself over the past few years, 0:22:54.520 --> 0:22:58.160 because of course there's moments where he's like, no, why 0:22:59.240 --> 0:23:03.960 you you know, And there's sacrifices that my work requires 0:23:03.960 --> 0:23:06.240 that he make. Yeah, but there's also a lot of 0:23:06.320 --> 0:23:10.080 benefits that he gained from from what mommy does and 0:23:10.119 --> 0:23:12.720 the kind of life I can provide for him, the 0:23:12.880 --> 0:23:16.760 travel that he's he's been able to be a part 0:23:16.760 --> 0:23:19.000 of I mean, like he went to the Steve Irwin 0:23:19.119 --> 0:23:23.760 Zoo in Australia, got a private tour that's a pet 0:23:23.760 --> 0:23:27.359 of rhino DJ the rhino he got to pet, you know, 0:23:27.480 --> 0:23:31.760 like all these experiences. He got to meet Steph Curry 0:23:31.960 --> 0:23:37.440 last year. Hello, okay. And so as he gets older, 0:23:37.480 --> 0:23:41.760 he's slowly starting to appreciate what I do and actually 0:23:41.840 --> 0:23:45.520 find respect for it and gratitude. And that is a 0:23:45.560 --> 0:23:49.520 real muscle that I'm trying to strengthen in him, which 0:23:49.560 --> 0:23:52.320 is hard in kids, And it's hard in kids who 0:23:52.600 --> 0:23:58.000 grow up with a lot, you know, to understand that yo, 0:23:57.720 --> 0:24:00.919 to whom much is given much as affected. Right, So 0:24:01.720 --> 0:24:04.520 like we gotta give back, we gotta go and volunteer, 0:24:04.640 --> 0:24:08.240 we gotta yeah, we gotta do all these things because 0:24:08.400 --> 0:24:10.560 look how blessed we are. Man. 0:24:10.920 --> 0:24:14.280 It makes me think about something. What a crazy sentence 0:24:14.320 --> 0:24:16.200 I'm about to say. I don't know. A month and 0:24:16.200 --> 0:24:18.560 a half ago, I think we had Michelle Obama on 0:24:18.600 --> 0:24:25.600 the pod. I was literally like, what is happening? And 0:24:25.640 --> 0:24:30.280 I asked her about motherhood and she said that her 0:24:30.320 --> 0:24:33.719 mother had this phrase that you know, has echoed for 0:24:33.760 --> 0:24:38.160