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Speaker 1: I just told my wife's family that we're in an

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Speaker 1: open marriage, and now they and my wife are furious.

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Speaker 2: So am I the a hole?

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Speaker 1: Oh, let's digging this big bowl of hot pe of

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Speaker 1: hot gss got goss Okay?

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Speaker 2: So I twenty eight male, have been with my wife, Rebecca,

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Speaker 2: twenty nine female, for four years. Rebecca comes from a

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Speaker 2: very religious family, and we have hidden a lot of

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Speaker 2: aspects about our marriage. We have some contact with them

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Speaker 2: and only see them in holidays and special occasions like

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Speaker 2: weddings or baby showers. And one of the biggest things

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Speaker 2: they disapprove of is not having our wedding in a church.

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Speaker 2: It was such a big deal that we now have

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Speaker 2: to hide aspects of our marriage, like the fact that

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Speaker 2: we are going to be child free nice, which is

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Speaker 2: not a great place for any marriage to start.

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Speaker 3: No, it's not.

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Speaker 4: But also I just want to say, I'm like, if

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Speaker 4: someone's mad at you for not having kids, that's like

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Speaker 4: really messed up. Like you're not obligated to give someone

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Speaker 4: a kid.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't have to contribute to open a child.

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Speaker 3: Wonderful.

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Speaker 2: All religious families, I imagine, are like at they're They're like,

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Speaker 2: I need a first boor.

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Speaker 3: Now it must be a sun. I'm like it.

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Speaker 2: I must make the blood sacrifice, give me a tot Okay.

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Speaker 2: So one thing the family does not know about is

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Speaker 2: that Rebecca and I have an open marriage and have

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Speaker 2: had an open marriage ever since we started dating. So

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Speaker 2: I was meeting up with another girl at the bar

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Speaker 2: a few days ago. It was going well and I

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Speaker 2: didn't notice anything strange. Well, today we went to Rebecca's

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Speaker 2: sister's baby shower. The large baby shower is canceled since

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Speaker 2: the plague, and it was really just dinner with family.

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Speaker 2: We got there and everyone's glaring daggers at me. The

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Speaker 2: whole thing is tense until we get to a slideshow

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Speaker 2: on her sister showing off pictures is of the nursery

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Speaker 2: and other baby stuff. In the slide show, there was

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Speaker 2: a picture of me with the girl at the bar.

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Speaker 4: Show.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, they're like and this is a picture of

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Speaker 2: the babies and where it's gonna be staying, and the

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Speaker 2: little like sonographing and chitter. We we got you, we.

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Speaker 3: Got you, and here's the gender review.

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Speaker 2: And they're back to your regular schedule programming. So it

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Speaker 2: wasn't an innocent picture, and it looked like I was cheating.

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Speaker 2: So the whole family starts yelling at me, calling me

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Speaker 2: a cheater. How dare I do this to Rebecca? Shame?

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Speaker 2: Look at what?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so I He's looking at Rebecca for help and

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Speaker 1: she just stays quiet.

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Speaker 3: Same more words right now.

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Speaker 2: Same more words like this is your chance to speak like.

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Speaker 3: This would be the biggest wow, Oh my god.

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Speaker 4: I have so many thoughts, but I'm fighting my tongue

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Speaker 4: until I get more choose the information.

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Speaker 1: I try to get them to calm down, but nothing

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Speaker 1: is working, so I just yell out Rebecca and I

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Speaker 1: have an open marriage, and.

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Speaker 2: This causes everyone to start freaking out even more, and

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Speaker 2: we quickly leave. I'm in the car with Rebecca and

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Speaker 2: she starts to yell at me about how could I

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Speaker 2: tell her family that that I completely betrayed her trust

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Speaker 2: and this is probably going to ruin her relationship with

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Speaker 2: the family. I'm angry now and say, so what you

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Speaker 2: would rather make me out to be a cheater than

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Speaker 2: tell the truth. The argument continues for the rest of

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Speaker 2: the car ride, and she won't talk to me anymore.

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Speaker 2: I am sleeping on the couch, So am I the

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Speaker 2: a hole? What do you think?

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Speaker 4: Like, wow, okay, I have so many thoughts. First off, first,

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Speaker 4: I could not fathom the idea of me live being

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Speaker 4: in an open marriage. There is zero ounce of me

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Speaker 4: maybe that could ever deal with that?

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Speaker 2: Give me, give me the I would just.

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Speaker 3: Feel like I'm being cheated on. I couldn't deal with it.

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Speaker 5: I could not, like like even if we agreed, like like, yeah,

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Speaker 5: this isn't cheating, this is fine, Like my heart would

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Speaker 5: be so just like like and I genuinely would and

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Speaker 5: maybe people yeah like workers seven eight, yeah, Harry, I

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Speaker 5: couldn't know, but genuinely, like if I was married, which

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Speaker 5: I'm not obviously, if given everything about me, if I

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Speaker 5: was married, like some people would be like, oh, but

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Speaker 5: if it was an open marriage, like you could also

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Speaker 5: talk to other people.

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Speaker 4: And I just want to be like if I'm married,

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Speaker 4: like I am zone obsessed with this guy. I'm obsessed

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Speaker 4: with this dude for real, Like I cannot fathom looking.

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Speaker 3: At someone else while being like married.

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Speaker 4: So that's just my own personal like beliefs about open marriage,

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Speaker 4: and just like I think it just.

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Speaker 3: It complicates things.

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Speaker 2: It makes a lot of things, it makes it tough,

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Speaker 2: and like I also I think for me, like I

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Speaker 2: don't have any examples of a successful open marriage at

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Speaker 2: least oh interesting knowledge, So it's like, like, what do

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Speaker 2: you even base that, Like, I know what like has

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Speaker 2: worked for monogamous marriages, and like what are the rules

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Speaker 2: that create like a like a solid marriage, But you're

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Speaker 2: inventing your own rules.

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Speaker 3: Are you married? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: I'm not married.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: So I don't know how they could do it, but

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Speaker 4: that was their decision. So now moving forward with the

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Speaker 4: fact that they have both agreed to be in an

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Speaker 4: open marriage, I think that is weird for the wife,

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Speaker 4: Like that feels like she is I'm going to use

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Speaker 4: way too strong a word, like betraying her husband in that.

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Speaker 2: Moment strong a word. I think she would rather.

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Speaker 4: Him take take the blame and take the fall and

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Speaker 4: have her whole family be like, you're a cheater, and

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Speaker 4: then she's gonna get mad at him for revealing what's true.

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Speaker 2: It's got kind of like I don't like the idea,

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Speaker 2: and I realize that, you know, some families are not

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Speaker 2: as understanding, but like the idea of like completely misrepresenting

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Speaker 2: your relationship to your family feels like just a really

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Speaker 2: hard thing to enter, especially for a person who like

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Speaker 2: maybe doesn't have that. I remember I was. I was

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Speaker 2: dating this girl and her family was super religious. And

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Speaker 2: for her birthday she had like this was when I

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Speaker 2: was in college, and you know, like like a couple

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Speaker 2: hundred dollars is a lot for me at the time,

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Speaker 2: and I remember I.

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Speaker 3: Got like seven hundred dollars from.

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Speaker 1: Seven hundred dollars with a slot. But she was a

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Speaker 1: lot is a lot live. But I was, uh for her.

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Speaker 1: She said she wanted to go to Vegas. She had

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Speaker 1: never gone to Vegas, and like I, she was at

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Speaker 1: our graduate was a couple of she was a couple

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Speaker 1: of years older than me, and it was at our

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Speaker 1: graduation party, and I'm like, you know, I know you've

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Speaker 1: been wanting to go here. So I got us like,

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Speaker 1: you know, two tickets and like, you know, a place

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Speaker 1: to stay in Vegas, right, And I thought I was

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Speaker 1: making some big romantic gesture.

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Speaker 2: And then later the that like the mom comes over

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Speaker 2: and she's like, are you trying to fuck my daughter

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Speaker 2: in front of our whole family, because she's like that yeah,

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Speaker 2: and she's and she's like uh because because like I

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Speaker 2: of like saying I got us a place to say

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Speaker 2: and and like this girl hadn't communicated that we were,

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Speaker 2: and we were living together at that point too.

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Speaker 3: And it was like they didn't know that.

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Speaker 2: They didn't know that, and I didn't know. I didn't know,

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Speaker 2: and so I was like so confused because I like,

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Speaker 2: like she's living this like double life that I have

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Speaker 2: no idea, like like what I'm She's got.

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Speaker 4: To bring you into that, like if if you're gonna

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Speaker 4: date this person, especially like.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to be I don't want to tell

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Speaker 1: me if you were like cooperator, if you were.

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Speaker 4: Like really into this girl, let's say this girl you

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Speaker 4: were like this is my soulmate, like this is my person,

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Speaker 4: Like you gotta she's got to let you enter into that,

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Speaker 4: into her dynamic.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 2: It's so hard to know because it's like like she

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Speaker 2: might know what what the line is and like what

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Speaker 2: you tell these people, But like for someone who's like

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Speaker 2: I tell my parents.

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Speaker 4: Everything, I was about to say, I can't relate to

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Speaker 4: any of this because I tell my mom every day

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Speaker 4: everything every like you'll never guess I saw a dog

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Speaker 4: at the park today.

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Speaker 3: She's like, that's great, sweetie, I've got.

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Speaker 2: Coffee with this. I need to go to sleep. I

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Speaker 2: went on a coffee date with my mom this morning

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Speaker 2: and it was wayy serious.

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Speaker 3: That's one of she lives out here.

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Speaker 2: I'm so jealous because my family.

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Speaker 3: My family lives in Colorado.

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Speaker 4: I would give anything to have my family lived near

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Speaker 4: me so I could just be like, literally, I'm the only.

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Speaker 2: Member of my family all the time.

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Speaker 3: Can I join so I can get some like mom and.

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Speaker 2: You're welcome, but my mom is freaking awesome. Missus Sam's

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Speaker 2: Missus Sam's mom.

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Speaker 3: Australian accent?

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Speaker 2: Australian accent? Are you Australian? Yeah, I'm Australian citizen.

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Speaker 3: What that's so cool? Are you also a US citizen

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Speaker 3: or citizens?

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Speaker 4: Duels? Dude, that's so cool. Can you do a really

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Speaker 4: good as the accent?

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Speaker 2: I cannot. It's actually my worst accent. It's so bad.

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Speaker 2: It's so I don't know why, like I cannot do Australia,

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Speaker 2: Like I'm gonna do a bad ones but please please Uh.

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Speaker 2: It's because it's like when you go to when you

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Speaker 2: go to Melbourne, it's like it it's not like a

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Speaker 2: like an intense accent. It's like it's just a it's

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Speaker 2: just a slight affectation. Because when you go to the cities.

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Speaker 2: It's it's an illable like let Less played out, but

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Speaker 2: like they comes right, my, my, my, my grandpa will

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Speaker 2: all this, Bobby, you know we're gonna get some of.

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Speaker 4: It.

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Speaker 2: Sounded like gravels, right, That's that's literally how we talked.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so I got the full full scope of the

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Speaker 2: Australian accent.

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Speaker 3: Wow this.

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Speaker 4: I thought there wasn't anything that could make me like

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Speaker 4: you more, and there.

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Speaker 3: Was thank you.

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Speaker 2: I am going to flush.

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Speaker 4: I know Australian accent. That's Australian family.

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Speaker 2: That's what sucks though. I had a thick Australian accent

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Speaker 2: when I came back from US because I was living

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Speaker 2: there and I was in middle school and I got

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Speaker 2: bullied and so I practiced an American accent and then

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Speaker 2: got rid of it.

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Speaker 3: That's so sad. That's such a tragedy.

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Speaker 2: Was dude. I know, I know it would have been

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Speaker 2: so amazing, would have been so amazing.

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Speaker 3: But thats that sounds.

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Speaker 2: But you know what, we're very grateful for what live

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Speaker 2: being on this podcast Live Where can people find You?

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Speaker 3: That was such a beautiful segue. Wow, you know we

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Speaker 3: are going.

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Speaker 4: Before I was like, what, like, what's he gonna say,

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Speaker 4: oh my gosh, it was me all alone.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, within you the whole time.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, this this ops story, This one was wild to me.

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Speaker 4: The fact that the family put it in the slide

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Speaker 4: show I'm not even gonna lie, girl boss like kind.

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Speaker 2: Of kind of right thing. I mean, I hope was phenomenal.

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Speaker 4: Yet, if my family thought that my husband was cheating

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Speaker 4: on me, I hope that they.

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Speaker 2: Would like, they would come, they would come after, come

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Speaker 2: after him, like.

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Speaker 3: How dare you so?

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Speaker 4: The moral of the story today is, uh, love your

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Speaker 4: family and family is not always blood.

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Speaker 2: And love yourself, love yourself. Yeah, we'll see us soon. Base.

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Speaker 3: Thanks tuning in.

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Speaker 1: Am I then a hole for ghosting my mom for

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Speaker 1: two years. Maybe let's hear it, let's find out. This

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Speaker 1: one comes courtesy of the Reddit user queer Freksa queer

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Speaker 1: freksa freak frickx freaky freaky a Yes Frekia Yes, thank

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Speaker 1: you for your story.

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Speaker 2: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: If any of you guys want to submit a story,

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Speaker 1: send them to our slash okop show. We're taking them,

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Speaker 1: We're reading them. We love hearing from you guys.

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Speaker 2: We love it. We love it.

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Speaker 1: Also, if you just have any suggestions at all, just

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Speaker 1: like message us, throw it on our like, throw it

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Speaker 1: in the page, Like I feel like we really want

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Speaker 1: to build this community where you guys can talk to

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Speaker 1: each other.

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Speaker 2: You know, Yes, So let's let's dive in. Hey, okop,

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Speaker 2: what's good. That's us. That's us.

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Speaker 1: Hey, that's us. My name is Chloe, twenty six female Choe.

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Speaker 2: How's it going?

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Speaker 1: And a few years ago I came out my family

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Speaker 1: as trans male to female, and while most of my

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Speaker 1: family was super supportive, my mother was another story. Okay,

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Speaker 1: her and I were really close when I was growing up,

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Speaker 1: but when I came out, she self harmed and blamed

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Speaker 1: it on me.

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Speaker 2: Oh fuck geez coming out swinging with the story, that's insane. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that's crazy.

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Speaker 1: So we got into a few arguments, which led to

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Speaker 1: us not speaking for about a year. We reconciled and

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Speaker 1: reconnected for about a year, and I thought everything was fine.

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Speaker 1: I moved out of state to California, but it got worse.

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Speaker 1: I had my first gender affirming surgery about a year

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Speaker 1: after I had moved, and being happy in my new body,

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Speaker 1: I posted some ludes on the bird app. Oh imagine

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Speaker 1: that's Twitter, right, twitch showing you know, showing off the

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Speaker 1: little bow day.

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Speaker 2: I seen.

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Speaker 1: Okay, are you charging iss? There a subscriptive model for this,

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Speaker 1: the good girl. You should get paid for that. Uh oh.

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Speaker 1: And about two months later, my mom called me and

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Speaker 1: told me she had a friend anonymously following me on

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Speaker 1: social media and berated me for posting leude pictures of

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Speaker 1: myself online and calling me a whore. Real talk, why

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Speaker 1: is that friend looking at your photos?

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Speaker 4: Now?

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Speaker 2: That's a question, yeah, is it? You know? How do

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Speaker 2: they find it? Why are they? Why are they snooping?

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Speaker 1: Really, honestly, I think they're I think they're appreciating the art.

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Speaker 1: I think they maybe I think they maybe maybe they

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Speaker 1: can't admit it to themselves, but it seems like they're

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Speaker 1: admitting it through their actions.

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Speaker 2: Yep.

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Speaker 1: So then I promptly called her a hypocrite because when

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Speaker 1: I was growing up, she was a stripper.

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Speaker 2: Look, yeah, lady.

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Speaker 1: Mom, that is the pot call and the kettle black black,

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Speaker 1: or the stripper calling the photo a whore, That is

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Speaker 1: the There's honestly, probably no better example of a hypocrite

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Speaker 1: than this.

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Speaker 2: Right, you can't get great stripper, can't get mad at

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Speaker 2: someone else for stripping down.

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Speaker 1: And also it's a picture like a stripper. You just

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Speaker 1: you just out here your titties is out shaking. That

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Speaker 1: wrong with that, But you can't be out here calling.

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Speaker 2: If you're a stripper. Yeah for posting a sensual photo.

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Speaker 1: Good God. Fast forward to two years ago. I moved

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Speaker 1: back to my hometown. She found out through family and

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Speaker 1: has been practically begging me to come see her. Am

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Speaker 1: I the a hole for not going to see her

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Speaker 1: and trying to repair this toxic and messy relationship?

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Speaker 2: Okay, you're not the a hole for in this slight. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: you don't. You don't have to go see people who

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Speaker 2: are toxic. Like, sometimes you just have to cut people

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Speaker 2: out and like you can revisit it maybe after a while. Like,

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Speaker 2: don't hold grudges, but if they're actively hurting your quality

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Speaker 2: of life. Mm hmm, you need you need to make

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Speaker 2: sure that you are taking care of first, because if

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Speaker 2: you don't take care of yourself, you're not going to

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Speaker 2: be able to take care of anyone else.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I actually have someone close to me and I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: share this if this was like a general story, but

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Speaker 1: because Op, you're directly hearing this and you're this is

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Speaker 1: a direct connection I want to share this with you.

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Speaker 1: So I have a person close to me that came

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Speaker 1: out as trans, and in attempting to reconnect with her,

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Speaker 1: she was basically like, Hey, you know, I need some

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Speaker 1: time to kind of like we're childhood friends and reconnecting

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Speaker 1: kind of brings up some trauma and I'm working on

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Speaker 1: some things and stuff like that. So I wonder you

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Speaker 1: know you said that this is a toxic and messy relationship.

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Speaker 2: Well like that, you don't have to.

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Speaker 1: You're not an a hole for not putting yourself back

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Speaker 1: into place, opening up like wounds, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: opening it up for a toxic situation, You know what

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Speaker 1: I mean. So I think you're a thousand percent in

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Speaker 1: the right and that and your mom should come correct,

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Speaker 1: you know, maybe maybe and maybe she is, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: but well sometimes also I think you need like but

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Speaker 1: kind of what you're saying is like, sometimes you need

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Speaker 1: like a completely new community that accept you, yes, and

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Speaker 1: like that they're that you know, they're they're increasingly becoming

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Speaker 1: more and more places that exactly that will do that.

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Speaker 2: I interviewed.

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Speaker 1: I sat down with uh a couple. Actually, I sat

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Speaker 1: down with one female to male trans person and then

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Speaker 1: Male to Female Flame Monroe. So I talked to you.

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Speaker 1: I saw it on your calendar once. Really yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: so we just released that episode, and man, like, did

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Speaker 1: it sound like it was tough when you like imagine

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Speaker 1: being like black trans and doing comedy like like in

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Speaker 1: the nineties.

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Speaker 2: But the thing is, like you know, now it's there.

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Speaker 1: There are a lot of places that you can go

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Speaker 1: that are that are are trans friendly and then all

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Speaker 1: so we'll accept you with open arms and there'll be

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Speaker 1: people that are going through your same experience. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: sometimes that's kind of what you need to just validate, like, hey,

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Speaker 1: like I'm human, I'm having like like other people have

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Speaker 1: had this journey too, and I can learn what it's

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Speaker 1: like to go through this journey myself. And so like

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Speaker 1: going to some of like I don't know, I don't

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Speaker 1: really I'm not super involved in those communities, but I

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Speaker 1: know there's like drag king and drag queen shows that

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Speaker 1: seem to be super accepting and yeah, also fire.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, also Fire. I've gone to a couple it'd say.

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Speaker 1: Drag shows are amazing, but yeah, there's there's no reason

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Speaker 1: to go go go to the places where people are

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Speaker 1: not bringing this toxic message.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what I mean. Go to the places

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Speaker 2: where you feel accepted and loved. Follow the love.

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Speaker 1: Really yes, And there's is this a comment that you

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Speaker 1: Is that a comment that's a comment from someone else

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Speaker 1: in our separate Oh I love it. You wanted to

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Speaker 1: read it right? Yeah, so this is a comment from

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Speaker 1: long jumping load oh three nine to nine, not the

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Speaker 1: a hole. But you can try and see talk to her.

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Speaker 1: If the convo derails, you can put up a stop

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Speaker 1: and leave. I think in a situation like this there's

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Speaker 1: always a mix of reactions, and I might be biased

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Speaker 1: because when I came out as gay, something similar happened

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Speaker 1: with my mom and my oldest sister. The rest of

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Speaker 1: the family took it better than I expected. It took

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Speaker 1: us four years of distance and polite hellos on social

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Speaker 1: media until we formed a bond again. So from my experience,

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Speaker 1: it may take time and you may need to distance yourself.

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Speaker 1: But if your mom reaches out, just try to talk.

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Speaker 1: If she starts toxic convos, then just make sure she

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Speaker 1: knows you need to distance yourself and you're able to

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Speaker 1: talk as grown up when she feels up to it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's super great.

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Speaker 1: That's that's great advice obviously, like you know, if you

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Speaker 1: don't feel ready, then I wouldn't. But yeah, it does

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Speaker 1: seem like, all right, you know what, what does she

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Speaker 1: have to say? You know, maybe maybe she's changing her tune.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, this is great, Op, thanks for sharing your story.

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Speaker 1: And anyone else listening has a story that they want

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Speaker 1: to share about anything at all, please submit it and

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Speaker 1: KOP shall see you guys next time.