Speaker 1: Now here's a highlight from Coast to Coast AM on iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2: And welcome back to Coast to Coast George Dory with you,
Speaker 2: Doctor Judith Orloff with us. The book is called The
Speaker 2: Genius of Empathy. Tell me about the title, Judas ah.
Speaker 3: Well, I wanted to incorporate empathy with genius because it
Speaker 3: is a genius form of healing and way to be
Speaker 3: with each other. And I wanted to communicate like what
Speaker 3: kind of genius that everyone could tap into with regard
Speaker 3: to it being a healing energy, and how I could
Speaker 3: just transform relationships with yourself included no self empathy. The
Speaker 3: genius of self empathy is just incredible, I know, being
Speaker 3: a psychiatrist. No, many people beat themselves up all the time,
Speaker 3: you know, rather than showing this beautiful, positive, loving energy
Speaker 3: of self empathy, you know, of saying and this is
Speaker 3: a difficult situation, you got through it all right, instead
Speaker 3: of saying negative things and putting yourself down, and that
Speaker 3: increases your healing energy. And there's a certain genius to
Speaker 3: that to be able to shift your thought patterns to
Speaker 3: treat yourself with that kind of empathy. With self empathy,
Speaker 3: it changes everything. It opens up the heart. It changes
Speaker 3: how people relate to you. It increases your energy. When
Speaker 3: you beat yourself up all the time or there's a
Speaker 3: lot of negative thinking, it depletes your energy, and empathy
Speaker 3: can help raise your energy, just through the sheer kindness
Speaker 3: of it.
Speaker 2: Years ago, when I was first hearing about empathy, I
Speaker 2: didn't know if it was a good thinking or a
Speaker 2: bad thing. Do people get it confused?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Sometimes people think empathy is a weakness because they
Speaker 3: feel like if they have empathy, they're going to experience
Speaker 3: empathy overload and compassion burnout, which is true until you
Speaker 3: can learn learn techniques such as taking care of yourself
Speaker 3: and self empathy and a lot of empaths get addicted
Speaker 3: to the news and it drains them. For an EmPATH
Speaker 3: or sensitive people to keep watching the news, it's too stressful,
Speaker 3: and so part of learning how to express empathy is
Speaker 3: sending limits and boundaries and only watching a little bit
Speaker 3: of the news. And when you want to help the world,
Speaker 3: you want to do something with you getting miserable, that's
Speaker 3: not going to help. That's just another miserable person. But
Speaker 3: if you spend just a short time sending people or
Speaker 3: region in the world beautiful empathic heart energy in the
Speaker 3: quietness of your own home. It can travel very far.
Speaker 3: Energy can travel, and it can help people that you
Speaker 3: don't even know. So I'm a big believer in sending
Speaker 3: this sympathic energy to create a distant kind of.
Speaker 2: Healing as well, know, doctor Orloff. Can you be an
Speaker 2: EmPATH and be successful in business?
Speaker 3: Oh, definitely, you could be an EmPATH, You could be
Speaker 3: an intuitive. You can use those skills in business as
Speaker 3: long as you take care of your energy. Unfortunately, a
Speaker 3: lot of narcissists and sociopaths have been drawn to power positions,
Speaker 3: and they're just all over the news in the last
Speaker 3: few years and all over the place. So it's a
Speaker 3: collective lesson on the detrimental effects that narcissists can have
Speaker 3: on the world. But being an EmPATH in a powerful
Speaker 3: position is a wonderful thing. And having people who model
Speaker 3: empathy rather than narcissism. People are getting so sick of
Speaker 3: these narcissistic bosses who do not stand them and don't
Speaker 3: have any empathy that there's a change that I've seen.
Speaker 3: There's a chapter in the book on Empathic Leadership on
Speaker 3: how leaders can be empaths. But also strong powerful people.
Speaker 3: Empaths aren't weak people. They just need to strengthen themselves
Speaker 3: by taking care of themselves a little bit better and
Speaker 3: setting the limits and boundaries and grounding and saying no
Speaker 3: to certain behaviors rather than just listening to someone. If
Speaker 3: they berate you or you're around energy vampires, you don't
Speaker 3: want to keep being around this. You want to set
Speaker 3: a limit with that and be attracted to more empathic people.
Speaker 2: And empaths don't hide who they are, unlike narcissists, who
Speaker 2: kind of trick you.
Speaker 3: It's true. Narcissists create a false front. They can seem
Speaker 3: so intelligent and charming and they love bombing you and
Speaker 3: you know they gaz There are all kinds of things
Speaker 3: they do, but in the beginning they can seem very
Speaker 3: very charming, whereas an EmPATH and you can't see their
Speaker 3: real selves, but an EmPATH can really show themselves because
Speaker 3: they're vulnerable to begin with. They're open, and they're loving,
Speaker 3: and they're good people to begin with, maybe too much
Speaker 3: so sometimes, so that's why they have to learn how
Speaker 3: to bring it in, bring their energy in a little
Speaker 3: bit more, and also to spot narcissists. There's a chapter
Speaker 3: in the book on Narcissists, sociopaths, and Psychopaths and how
Speaker 3: that is called an empathy deficient disorder, meaning those people
Speaker 3: don't have empathy as we know it. They're not neurologically
Speaker 3: wired to have empathy, and empaths think everyone have empathy
Speaker 3: and they don't. These empathy deficient people don't have empathy.
Speaker 3: They're just wired differently. So it's important for sensetive empathic
Speaker 3: people to know that so they can avoid these relationships
Speaker 3: as possible, or lower their expectations if they must be
Speaker 3: in those relationships, and learn many methods of how to
Speaker 3: deal with them, including the gray rock method, where you
Speaker 3: actually visualize yourself as a gray rock, meaning not emotional.
Speaker 3: You don't feed the supply of the narcissists. You're very
Speaker 3: rock like and non emotional and non reactive, and then
Speaker 3: the narcissist doesn't get their supply then, and so you
Speaker 3: want that because then they'll go to somebody else.
Speaker 2: What are the four types of empathy?
Speaker 3: Ah, they're different kinds of empathy that you might identify with,
Speaker 3: and I go through each type in the book, and
Speaker 3: one is cognitive empathy, where people show empathy simply through
Speaker 3: their minds. The really intellectual people you know a lot
Speaker 3: of them prefer that. Then there's the emotion empathy, where
Speaker 3: you actually feel what's going on in other people. You
Speaker 3: can feel their sadness, you can feel their joy, you
Speaker 3: can resonate with them, attuned to them in a very
Speaker 3: deep way. And then there's an intuitive impath. People who
Speaker 3: are extremely intuitive and can read others. You can be
Speaker 3: around them and you can read their energy. You can
Speaker 3: get flashes, you can get knowings, you can feel various
Speaker 3: energy changes in your body if you're an intuitive EmPATH,
Speaker 3: and so you can be one or many types. Then
Speaker 3: the last type is the spiritual impath, where spiritual empaths
Speaker 3: see you through the most positive lens and they can
Speaker 3: see your spiritual connection, the growth of your heart, how
Speaker 3: giving you are as a person, and they see that.
Speaker 3: The downside of being a spiritual impath is that they
Speaker 3: may not see the dark side of others as well.
Speaker 3: They just see the best in people. So they're four types.
Speaker 2: What great message would you like your readers to bring
Speaker 2: away with themselves when they read the book The Genius
Speaker 2: of Empathy.
Speaker 3: I would like them to come away with the knowledge
Speaker 3: that they could be empathic with themselves, they could be
Speaker 3: more empathic with their loved ones rather than fighting or
Speaker 3: polarizing or needing to be right all the time, that
Speaker 3: they can have empathy for people even if you have
Speaker 3: different beliefs than they do, that you don't all have
Speaker 3: to have the same beliefs, and that you can show
Speaker 3: empathy in the world and model a new way to
Speaker 3: be so that we as human beings can change this
Speaker 3: horrific state that we're in now and begin to model
Speaker 3: and embody empathy in a different way. And this will
Speaker 3: only give you more energy and let you enjoy life more.
Speaker 2: If you're not an EmPATH, if you're not a narcissist,
Speaker 2: then what are you.
Speaker 3: You're probably midway in the empathic spectrum where you have
Speaker 3: regular empathy, which is beautiful and wonderful. You don't have
Speaker 3: to be an EmPATH to be an empathic person. You
Speaker 3: could just be a very caring person who cares about
Speaker 3: the world, who's kind, who wants to do good, and
Speaker 3: wants to develop their empathy. But they aren't necessarily empaths.
Speaker 3: As empaths tend to absorb the energy of others. The
Speaker 3: people who have just had a natural empathy, they don't
Speaker 3: necessarily absorb, so you can be anywhere on this empathy
Speaker 3: spectrum and develop it. And that's the message of the book,
Speaker 3: that you can use practical tools to develop empathy so
Speaker 3: that you don't get drained by having it, and you
Speaker 3: can develop compassion for yourself and for us. It's just
Speaker 3: a better way to live than torturing yourself or getting
Speaker 3: too much in your mind where you're overthinking all the time,
Speaker 3: because the mind could come up with all kinds of
Speaker 3: reasons not to show empathy. And so you want to
Speaker 3: come down to your heart to ask yourself if you
Speaker 3: want to show empathy, because the heart will understand the
Speaker 3: language of empathy more and so just so people know
Speaker 3: that and can treat themselves better, just from this moment, Dawn,
Speaker 3: from this conversation on to think about yourself in a
Speaker 3: more loving way.
Speaker 2: What are empaths like in a relationship?
Speaker 3: Well, that's often one of their greatest challenges. It certainly
Speaker 3: was for me because as an EmPATH, I like to
Speaker 3: be alone a lot, and I've written a lot of
Speaker 3: books and so I'd love to be alone and write.
Speaker 3: And in a relationship, your partner need is understand that
Speaker 3: you know, if you need to be alone if you
Speaker 3: need quiet time, that needs to be understood. And so
Speaker 3: empaths are sometimes afraid of expressing their needs in relationships
Speaker 3: because they want to people please, They want people to
Speaker 3: be happy all the time, and the EmPATH needs to
Speaker 3: learn to assert his or her needs and then it's
Speaker 3: relationships are easier because I know for years I would
Speaker 3: be in short term relationships or a couple of years
Speaker 3: or long distance relationships because as an EmPATH that felt
Speaker 3: a little bit more familiar or comfortable, so I can
Speaker 3: have my own time. But I learned that in a relationship,
Speaker 3: when I can assert my own needs and have conversations
Speaker 3: about this and be with somebody who is sympathetic and
Speaker 3: understanding rather than oh you're too sensitive, don't express your
Speaker 3: sensitivities to me, then a really deep connection is possible.
Speaker 3: But empaths need to learn to identify your needs first
Speaker 3: of all and begin to open your mouth to express them.
Speaker 3: And even if your partner doesn't understand and being an
Speaker 3: EmPATH exactly, they can at least respect it. And that's
Speaker 3: what you can look for in a relationship.
Speaker 2: Judea, do you talk about a technique to soothe the
Speaker 2: nervous system? Why is that and what is that?
Speaker 3: Well, that is empathy. Empathy can soothe the nervous system
Speaker 3: by stimulating the parasympathetic nervous system and the vagus nerve,
Speaker 3: which is the main nerve in the parasympathetic or calming system,
Speaker 3: and it could calm you down versus sphear which gets
Speaker 3: the nora adrenaline going and the cortisol, which is terrible
Speaker 3: for you in terms of your immunity and your happiness
Speaker 3: and your blood pressure.
Speaker 1: It all goes.
Speaker 3: Blood pressure goes up, the heart rate goes up, and
Speaker 3: empathy can sue that. And what's so interesting is something
Speaker 3: called the Mother Teresa effect, where if you watch somebody
Speaker 3: do an empathic act and you're just a witness to it,
Speaker 3: if I were to draw your blood right, then your
Speaker 3: immunity would go up, your blood indices would improve, and
Speaker 3: your biochemistry would generally get more positive and you could
Speaker 3: see those changes in the blood itself if you analyze it.
Speaker 3: And that's just by virtue of watching somebody be very
Speaker 3: kind to somebody else. But imagine if you could be
Speaker 3: kind to yourself or others and have empathy and create
Speaker 3: all of that positive biological change in yourself it's just
Speaker 3: an amazing feeling, and it's very good for your health.
Speaker 3: It's good for your happiness, good for your mood. If
Speaker 3: you're in a bad state. One of the greatest things
Speaker 3: you can do is go out and try and help
Speaker 3: somebody else, even when you don't feel like it, because
Speaker 3: it will make you feel better, right, And that's It's
Speaker 3: just something really important to learn about your own life.
Speaker 3: But I think the biochemistry backs it all up, where
Speaker 3: there's so many positive changes from empathy that you deserve
Speaker 3: to kind of harness your neurobiology with empathy and create
Speaker 3: a more positive environment for your own health.
Speaker 2: Judah's what happens when an EmPATH meets up with a narcissist.
Speaker 2: What happens? Who wins?
Speaker 3: Who wins? Usually the narcissist wins, unfortunately. And I always
Speaker 3: try and warn my EmPATH patients away from getting involved
Speaker 3: with narcissists, but you know a lot of them still do,
Speaker 3: and you know I help them through that process. But
Speaker 3: the narcissist knows how to reel you in. They know
Speaker 3: how to say things that make you happy and make
Speaker 3: you feel wanted and appreciated. And this is just in
Speaker 3: the beginning. And they love bomb use, so they know
Speaker 3: how to give off all this love and the EmPATH
Speaker 3: is so open to this, and the EmPATH just wants
Speaker 3: to give and receive love. I mean, that's something that
Speaker 3: makes them very happy. And so it isn't until you
Speaker 3: don't do something according to the narcissists plans that they
Speaker 3: begin to show their true colors. That's why I suggest
Speaker 3: that everyone who is suspecting their partner might be in
Speaker 3: a relation might be a narcissist, to do something that
Speaker 3: conflicts with them. To do something such as I'm not
Speaker 3: available tonight, to go out with you and see how
Speaker 3: they respond, because narcissists do not like it when you
Speaker 3: don't do things according to their plans.
Speaker 1: Well, they get.
Speaker 3: Mean and their narcissistic nature comes out. So I recommend
Speaker 3: doing that just to bring it out. If you have
Speaker 3: any doubts, just try this. It will work. Just do
Speaker 3: something not according to their plan and test out the relationship.
Speaker 2: We had I guess a couple of weeks ago, we
Speaker 2: talked about narcissism and she was married to one and
Speaker 2: it was obviously ended at a brutal ending.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, it is brutal, and trying to get out
Speaker 3: of those relationships, particularly if you're empathic and sensitive. After
Speaker 3: years of being beaten down by you know all the
Speaker 3: things that narcissists do, you people have to crawl out
Speaker 3: of these relationships and build a new life and cut
Speaker 3: off the relationship cold turkey if possible, and never look back.
Speaker 3: And if you need to have any kind of interaction
Speaker 3: with these people, to do it by text or make
Speaker 3: it very short that don't let yourself get emotionally triggered
Speaker 3: by them, because they get fed by your emotions.
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