1 00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:04,320 Speaker 1: My husband's ex thought he would be a dead beat dad. 2 00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:09,520 Speaker 1: She was dead Wrongo throwaway because I have identifying info 3 00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:14,040 Speaker 1: on my main I female twenty seven, married my husband, 4 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:17,120 Speaker 1: male twenty nine, about a year ago and we've been 5 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:19,600 Speaker 1: together for about four years and he has a four 6 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:23,720 Speaker 1: year old from a past marriage. Sorry for the upcoming length, 7 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:27,159 Speaker 1: but I think all the context is important. Things. Da 8 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:28,320 Speaker 1: Coda says before his days. 9 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:30,000 Speaker 2: You don't have to apologize for the length. 10 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:32,560 Speaker 1: No, you don't. 11 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:34,120 Speaker 2: We accept it. However it is. 12 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:38,000 Speaker 1: However it is. Wait, I met that in a good way. 13 00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:41,040 Speaker 1: By the way, I have the longness because it's a 14 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,400 Speaker 1: long story. 15 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:43,640 Speaker 2: You didn't have to explain it. 16 00:00:44,159 --> 00:00:44,680 Speaker 1: You don't have to. 17 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:45,920 Speaker 2: You don't have to explain yourself. 18 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,000 Speaker 1: I realized I could have come off as it does. 19 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,560 Speaker 2: But I've read they don't have to explain yourself. Read 20 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:58,800 Speaker 2: you're fine, dude. Read the story. Read, look at the timer, read. 21 00:00:57,760 --> 00:01:05,520 Speaker 1: Read by the way it was, I took it as 22 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:07,839 Speaker 1: good as you should. He did good. 23 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:11,440 Speaker 2: And now we're moving forward. Now we're gonna read. 24 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:14,800 Speaker 1: There we go. Pinky the sayers says, we all need 25 00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:23,800 Speaker 1: to code his leg. But by the way, this comes 26 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:27,800 Speaker 1: from thin a Kent The k two five to two 27 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:30,680 Speaker 1: on the our slash Okay story times I read it. 28 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:34,880 Speaker 1: Here's where we already get a little messy. Both my 29 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:37,640 Speaker 1: husband and his ex admit they got married too young 30 00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:41,600 Speaker 1: and for the wrong reasons, and then emotionally it ended 31 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:45,319 Speaker 1: before they officially said it. I mean, okay, they're like, yeah, 32 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:46,960 Speaker 1: we cheated, but it was already. 33 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:47,680 Speaker 2: They can acknowledge that. 34 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:50,480 Speaker 1: And she also cheated on him with different partners for 35 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:52,600 Speaker 1: a large part of their marriage. 36 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:54,000 Speaker 2: Okay, that's not as fine. 37 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:55,920 Speaker 1: All around, just not the right people for each other, 38 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:59,360 Speaker 1: which happens. She got pregnant after they had started to 39 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:01,960 Speaker 1: think about ending things, and to make a long story short, 40 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:05,240 Speaker 1: he and his family and frankly myself are convinced that 41 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:12,000 Speaker 1: she got pregnant entirely on purpose, like the cliche, poked 42 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:17,440 Speaker 1: a hole in the wrapper and initiated spicy sleep while 43 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:21,240 Speaker 1: actively tracking her period. Don't know how it went down, 44 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:23,480 Speaker 1: but while she was pregnant, she said she wanted a 45 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:26,639 Speaker 1: divorce fast forward. She had the baby. He tried to 46 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,200 Speaker 1: stay and make it work for their son, but in 47 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:30,480 Speaker 1: the end they got a divorce and he and I 48 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:33,280 Speaker 1: got together. I did not know him when they were married. 49 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,880 Speaker 1: To be clear, I love him and his son so deeply, 50 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:39,200 Speaker 1: and he and I have a very open conversation on 51 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:42,600 Speaker 1: my role as a step mom. He fought for her 52 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:45,880 Speaker 1: to accept a fifty to fifty custody schedule. Good scheduling 53 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:48,320 Speaker 1: is up to them, not a judge. After he and 54 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:51,320 Speaker 1: I moved in together, after only having him for weekends 55 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:54,720 Speaker 1: and paying crazy high child support and still giving her 56 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:57,520 Speaker 1: money anytime she said she needed it for their son, 57 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,799 Speaker 1: I am able to do daycare pickup and drop off, 58 00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:03,600 Speaker 1: while his work schedule didn't allow for that, which is 59 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:06,800 Speaker 1: why he only did weekends. So it seems like he 60 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:08,119 Speaker 1: kind of got screwed over. 61 00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:13,639 Speaker 2: He did not get the fair end of the bargain. 62 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:18,280 Speaker 1: No, so now we have him fifty percent of the time. Yeah, 63 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:20,640 Speaker 1: and brain says, is it his son, Yeah, it's not 64 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:24,360 Speaker 1: Ope's son, but it's uh Ope's partner son. Yep. He 65 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:27,359 Speaker 1: still pays the child support but does not send her money, 66 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:29,639 Speaker 1: and she and I communicate a lot as I take 67 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:34,480 Speaker 1: on a relatively traditional mother role. The biological parents still 68 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:38,160 Speaker 1: handle all major decisions, but my husband regularly consults with 69 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:41,920 Speaker 1: me on them, especially because I have higher education in 70 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 1: child development. But every decision in Milestone starts a fight 71 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:48,760 Speaker 1: between them. She was mad when I gave him a 72 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:51,600 Speaker 1: haircut during his time with us, nothing drastic, just a trim, 73 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:54,000 Speaker 1: because it was in his eyes and it wasn't his first. 74 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:56,960 Speaker 1: She was upset when we took him to an event 75 00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:59,640 Speaker 1: on our time because she wanted to take him but 76 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:01,760 Speaker 1: we had no idea and it was during our regular 77 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:02,400 Speaker 1: schedule time. 78 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:03,480 Speaker 2: Oh no, not one of these. 79 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:06,080 Speaker 1: She got mad where my husband got him his first bike, 80 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:10,840 Speaker 1: because she should have been able to do that with him. Uh, 81 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:13,960 Speaker 1: like my husband isn't allowed to have core memories with 82 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:17,880 Speaker 1: his own son as well. They are mostly uh there, 83 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:21,000 Speaker 1: there are, There are honestly more, even her getting mad 84 00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:24,359 Speaker 1: when he called their son's doctor just to ask a 85 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:28,120 Speaker 1: general question. And she gets upset when she finds out 86 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:30,279 Speaker 1: about me doing anything motherly. 87 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:33,800 Speaker 3: This is literally the exact same energy as like like 88 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:38,720 Speaker 3: the like the divorced dad that like shows up, you know, 89 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:42,120 Speaker 3: because and he's like, instead of instead of just being 90 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 3: happy that someone is like having a positive impact or 91 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:47,919 Speaker 3: relationship with their child, Yeah, they just feel. 92 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:50,200 Speaker 2: Like you shouldn't be doing that. That's my thing, that's 93 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:51,200 Speaker 2: my job. Stop it. 94 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:53,360 Speaker 1: Like, who do you think you are. It's like jealous 95 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:58,360 Speaker 1: of his child's happiness. Yeah, it's ridiculous. A recent fight 96 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:01,280 Speaker 1: between them was when he asked to lower child support, 97 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,720 Speaker 1: not even get rid of it, because he and I 98 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:06,799 Speaker 1: are both in well paying jobs, and agreed, we could 99 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:10,480 Speaker 1: afford helping her since we have equally split customer custody. 100 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:14,880 Speaker 1: Oh so basically he would be paying less, but she 101 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:18,599 Speaker 1: would be paying more, So they would split the custody. 102 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:22,320 Speaker 1: They would split the child support between OP and op 103 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:23,120 Speaker 1: significant other. 104 00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:26,200 Speaker 2: Wait, how is how does that make sense? 105 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,880 Speaker 1: I think they just want to because OPI feels like 106 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:30,920 Speaker 1: the kid is hers too. 107 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:34,080 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, oh so she was like offering. 108 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:37,120 Speaker 4: In Yeah, that's that's an angel move. 109 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:41,280 Speaker 1: Yeah. She lost it and said she is the primary 110 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:46,159 Speaker 1: parent and deserves the support. 111 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:49,720 Speaker 2: Wait, or it just deserves to give the support. 112 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:52,440 Speaker 1: Wait. A recent fight between them was when he asked 113 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:55,880 Speaker 1: the lower child support. So OP asked the lower child 114 00:05:55,920 --> 00:06:01,760 Speaker 1: support that he's paying uh uh for to his previous partner. Oh, 115 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,120 Speaker 1: not even get rid of it because he and I 116 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:06,680 Speaker 1: are both in well paying jobs, and agreed, oh we 117 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:08,279 Speaker 1: could afford helping her. So not getting rid of it, 118 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:12,880 Speaker 1: but basically lower the child support. Sorry. So she's not 119 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:15,000 Speaker 1: trying to help, okay, whether he's just trying to lower it. 120 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,560 Speaker 1: She lost it and said she is the primary parent 121 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,599 Speaker 1: and deserves the support. Unkind words were shared and nothing 122 00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:23,479 Speaker 1: was really resolved. This is such a common trend in 123 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:27,000 Speaker 1: our co parenting and when venting to my best friends, 124 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:29,920 Speaker 1: she suggested that his ex thought he'd be a dead 125 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:33,680 Speaker 1: beat and she got pregnant to guarantee being a mom 126 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:36,440 Speaker 1: and get financial support from him, but didn't expect to 127 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:39,800 Speaker 1: have to co parent or share because she thought he'd 128 00:06:39,839 --> 00:06:42,400 Speaker 1: be a dead beat. Dat. Wow, he's very far from it. 129 00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:43,880 Speaker 1: He's very he's very involved. 130 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:45,240 Speaker 2: It was like he's the polar. It sounds like if 131 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:46,400 Speaker 2: anyone was the dead beat, it's her. 132 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:49,839 Speaker 1: Yeah, it made so much sense when she said it 133 00:06:49,839 --> 00:06:52,000 Speaker 1: out loud. We both do our best husband and I 134 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,960 Speaker 1: to be supportive and help alleviate the strain of being 135 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:58,839 Speaker 1: a single parent, even though his ex has a partner. 136 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,880 Speaker 1: But that's a whole other story. Worry things like always 137 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,480 Speaker 1: making sure as X knows, we can be flexible with 138 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:08,440 Speaker 1: work to help with childcare with childcare needs, no matter 139 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:11,120 Speaker 1: whose time it is. We're very flexible with holidays and 140 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 1: are always willing to go off the schedule for special events. 141 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:17,560 Speaker 1: We'll send photos when he's with us with us and 142 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:20,480 Speaker 1: always do face times if he's missing his mom, But 143 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:27,119 Speaker 1: he has stopped asking lately. Is the mom doing something? Maybe? Why? 144 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:30,200 Speaker 2: I bet you's a mom's horrific. 145 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:35,520 Speaker 3: Toxicity is maybe seeping out of her without her realizing 146 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:37,800 Speaker 3: it in front of the kid, and her own kid 147 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:41,239 Speaker 3: has now just clocked it and been like, oh, she sucks. 148 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:45,680 Speaker 1: I think desperation and security show up in odd ways generally, 149 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:48,160 Speaker 1: and like, the more insecure you are, you're going to 150 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:51,360 Speaker 1: subtly show that to everyone around you. And like children 151 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:56,920 Speaker 1: are extremely emotionally perceptive, yes, but not necessarily can't necessarily 152 00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:58,880 Speaker 1: intellectualize it, right, but. 153 00:07:58,520 --> 00:07:59,920 Speaker 2: Will they pick up on the vibe? 154 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:04,000 Speaker 1: Can pick up on the vibe and will distance themselves, right? 155 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:05,760 Speaker 1: And so I think that might be what was happening 156 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,720 Speaker 1: with the kid. But maybe that's looking in too much 157 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:08,800 Speaker 1: to this already. 158 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:10,240 Speaker 2: But I mean, I don't think you're wrong. 159 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:14,640 Speaker 3: You're probably right because she's the parent who's like, how 160 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:17,080 Speaker 3: dare you have a relationship with my child? 161 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:17,680 Speaker 2: That's my job? 162 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:19,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, Like you can't. You're not allowed to be the 163 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:23,720 Speaker 1: insecure thing to say especially it doesn't seem like they're 164 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,360 Speaker 1: stepping on any any toes here. 165 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:27,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just so self centered. 166 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,400 Speaker 1: So self centered. It's like, do you not want what's 167 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:30,520 Speaker 1: best for your child? 168 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:33,320 Speaker 3: You have to I always say, this is my line. 169 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:37,640 Speaker 3: You have to think of the children, Think of the children. 170 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:39,040 Speaker 1: Think of the children. That's his line. 171 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:41,920 Speaker 2: No, I'll leave it at that. But and he's an 172 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:43,520 Speaker 2: advocate for women's wrongs. 173 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:46,280 Speaker 1: And women's wrongs and children. Stand up for women, stand 174 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:53,320 Speaker 1: up for women. Look at them, look at them. So 175 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:56,319 Speaker 1: no visual humor, the cod of. 176 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:58,840 Speaker 2: Just I stood up for those listening. I stood up. 177 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:03,240 Speaker 1: If he's missing his mom, but he has stopped asking lately. 178 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:05,720 Speaker 1: If anyone has advice on how to navigate this co 179 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:08,040 Speaker 1: parenting relationship so our son can grow up with as 180 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:12,679 Speaker 1: little trauma from split households as possible, I greatly appreciate it. 181 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,480 Speaker 1: I think the hard thing about this is like, I 182 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:17,520 Speaker 1: don't know if there's much you can do unless you 183 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:23,239 Speaker 1: legally do something like I feel like she's not reasonable, 184 00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:25,640 Speaker 1: she can't really be talked to. 185 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:29,120 Speaker 2: I mean you can try like a like a joint 186 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:30,360 Speaker 2: therapy therapy session. 187 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:31,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think joint. 188 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,280 Speaker 2: Therapy kind of break down some of the walls. 189 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:36,880 Speaker 1: I think, I think you need to understand, like obviously 190 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:42,040 Speaker 1: she is not trying to I don't think she's trying 191 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:44,680 Speaker 1: to understand her own insecurity and so she's just lashing 192 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:47,080 Speaker 1: out in these these weird ways. So I think you 193 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:50,240 Speaker 1: have to maybe try to understand why she's insecure and 194 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:54,880 Speaker 1: try to help her be more secure so it doesn't 195 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:58,400 Speaker 1: get taken out on the child. It's totally not Op's 196 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:00,839 Speaker 1: responsibility to do that. I think for the sake of 197 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:05,160 Speaker 1: the kid, like doing couple's therapy, figuring out what like 198 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:10,160 Speaker 1: what's going on internally might help, might help the kid. 199 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:10,880 Speaker 1: I don't know. 200 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, she's got to figure out what she's doing. I mean, 201 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,600 Speaker 3: because they had a toxic relationship. 202 00:10:15,679 --> 00:10:19,360 Speaker 2: We'll cheat on each other. Yeah, like they weren't. You know, 203 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,160 Speaker 2: it wasn't it wasn't a fit. 204 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:24,240 Speaker 3: So I don't know if maybe you know she's holding 205 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:28,360 Speaker 3: onto any negativity from that, you know, their their marriage, 206 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:31,839 Speaker 3: but like you got to. 207 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,440 Speaker 2: Move on from it for the kid, for the children. Yeah, 208 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:37,320 Speaker 2: for the children. You have to figure out how to 209 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:40,840 Speaker 2: not be a monster for your children. She probably doesn't 210 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:41,640 Speaker 2: even know she is one. 211 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:45,640 Speaker 1: So we got an update, We got an update, Let's go, 212 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:53,880 Speaker 1: Let's dig. Also six minutes, six minutes for food six 213 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:57,560 Speaker 1: You're Ready update. This will likely be why this will 214 00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,720 Speaker 1: likely be my one and only update. 215 00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:04,920 Speaker 4: Oh, especially since it's a throwaway only. 216 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:08,640 Speaker 1: It's a long one, and we'll probably leave people angry 217 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:15,080 Speaker 1: and with more assumptions. Oh all right, My husband read 218 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,640 Speaker 1: a lot of these comments as well, and he did 219 00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:21,480 Speaker 1: talk about and he did talk about just about and 220 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:25,160 Speaker 1: he did talk just about everything that we brought up. 221 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,880 Speaker 1: He decided to call his X and while recording it, 222 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,679 Speaker 1: since that's one of the most heavily recommended things, he 223 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:32,640 Speaker 1: asked if she would be open to getting together to 224 00:11:32,679 --> 00:11:35,920 Speaker 1: talk about co parenting in general. He also told her 225 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,600 Speaker 1: he was recording this call and asked if it was okay, 226 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:42,840 Speaker 1: and she admitted to recording their last phone call as well. Okay. 227 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:45,880 Speaker 1: She asked if I was there because she wanted me 228 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,120 Speaker 1: on the call as well, and I was since I 229 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:51,520 Speaker 1: was recording on my phone. She said their son was 230 00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:54,600 Speaker 1: with her mom at the moment, and asked if we 231 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:58,000 Speaker 1: could all talk a little about it now and then yes, 232 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:00,520 Speaker 1: they could all meet, but she wanted me me there 233 00:12:00,559 --> 00:12:03,160 Speaker 1: as well as her current partner. I think that's okay. 234 00:12:03,559 --> 00:12:05,319 Speaker 1: Both partners are there, Yeah. 235 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:11,480 Speaker 2: That both all haves all parts. Yes, are together. 236 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:14,360 Speaker 1: My husband planned on just asking if they could switch 237 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:17,960 Speaker 1: their communication to a coparenting app and letting her know 238 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:21,240 Speaker 1: that he would be having a mediator reaching out to her. Shortly, 239 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:24,920 Speaker 1: he decided on one of the three he has already 240 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:27,360 Speaker 1: talked to. Okay, So he did just that and she 241 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,920 Speaker 1: agreed to change their communication on an app and they 242 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:34,360 Speaker 1: agree on that and this would also be admissible in court. 243 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:38,520 Speaker 1: But initially rejected the idea of a mediator. He asked why, 244 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:41,000 Speaker 1: and she said that they do it the way he 245 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:45,800 Speaker 1: first tried to. That they that they did it that way, 246 00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:50,839 Speaker 1: that they do it that she first tried to that. 247 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,480 Speaker 1: She asked that they do it that way he first 248 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:56,680 Speaker 1: tried to because she knew her child support would likely 249 00:12:56,720 --> 00:13:00,960 Speaker 1: go away fully based on their first court or her Okay, 250 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:01,680 Speaker 1: so she's. 251 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:04,080 Speaker 3: Like, I want let's just do it the first way 252 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:06,160 Speaker 3: because let's not get a mediator. 253 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:08,120 Speaker 1: So I want to keep my child support. Yeah, so 254 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,960 Speaker 1: uh reject the ideas meet her. He asked why, and 255 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:14,200 Speaker 1: she asked that they do it that way. Yeah. Basically, 256 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:17,120 Speaker 1: she's worried about he child support going well. She went 257 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:19,559 Speaker 1: on to say that she really doesn't have a problem 258 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:22,320 Speaker 1: with me, not not with me being a step mom, 259 00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:25,480 Speaker 1: or how my husband and I got together and actually 260 00:13:25,559 --> 00:13:27,800 Speaker 1: likes me, and how I chose to love their son 261 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:31,040 Speaker 1: and be involved rather than just be an involved wife. 262 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:32,480 Speaker 1: This seems really healthy so far. 263 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:34,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, man, I don't know if I believe that. That 264 00:13:34,559 --> 00:13:36,440 Speaker 3: just sounds like she's saying the thing that needs to 265 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:41,480 Speaker 3: be said. Yeah, because her behavior is because heart too. 266 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:42,559 Speaker 2: Yeah. 267 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:45,439 Speaker 1: Initially she didn't care about me doing things like getting 268 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:48,280 Speaker 1: him close or doing things with him and my husband 269 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:51,320 Speaker 1: overall being involved when it was only weekends, but her 270 00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:54,640 Speaker 1: shift came when it was changed to a week on 271 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:58,160 Speaker 1: week off. That's when she admitted she struggled and was 272 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:01,160 Speaker 1: angry because she never expected my husband to want that 273 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:04,480 Speaker 1: much time with her son, despite him telling her he would. 274 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,880 Speaker 1: At the time that they officially agreed on a divorce, 275 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:10,000 Speaker 1: my husband admitted that he could have offered a gradual 276 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:12,920 Speaker 1: shift to the new conversation, or a gradual shift to 277 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,240 Speaker 1: the new schedule, or a conversation like this at the time, 278 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:18,080 Speaker 1: he did hold firm on the mediator and said it 279 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:21,160 Speaker 1: was in everyone's best interest to map out a parenting 280 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:25,440 Speaker 1: plan to include things like what big milestones and decisions 281 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:28,920 Speaker 1: will we commit to discussing beforehand, like when does he 282 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:31,240 Speaker 1: get a cell phone? And what things are fine to 283 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:34,440 Speaker 1: make decisions on without consulting the other parent. And an 284 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:38,760 Speaker 1: agreement that I am a parental figure with the awareness 285 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:42,560 Speaker 1: that I am not and will never be a biological mom. Okay, 286 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:45,120 Speaker 1: it will be very comprehensive, and it will be submitted 287 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:47,720 Speaker 1: when the child support goes to a judge, as that 288 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,360 Speaker 1: is the next step, and all the rules that apply 289 00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:53,680 Speaker 1: to my role in that agreement would also apply to 290 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,800 Speaker 1: her partner in the future once they are married. The 291 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,680 Speaker 1: entire agreement is to be revisited every two years at 292 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:04,000 Speaker 1: least until he is eighteen. This seems incredibly balanced. I'm 293 00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,840 Speaker 1: ready for the other two to drop. 294 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,560 Speaker 3: Yeah for real. It's like it's like you said this 295 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:11,480 Speaker 3: was gonna make us angry. Dude, where where's the anger? 296 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:12,640 Speaker 3: I'm not angry yet. 297 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, but if you want to assuage your anger, you 298 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,080 Speaker 1: can join us live every weekday at three pm PSD. 299 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:20,360 Speaker 1: Just have her profile tap right here on YouTube tap 300 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:24,640 Speaker 1: tap uh Fario william says she still wants him back, 301 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,000 Speaker 1: so if not him, then his money. 302 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,200 Speaker 3: I don't trust a word that has been said by 303 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:33,680 Speaker 3: her so far, because it's all been exactly what needs 304 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:35,040 Speaker 3: to be said in the moment. 305 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:37,760 Speaker 1: I'm hoping this is just like cod ending. I don't know. 306 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:39,560 Speaker 1: Let's see, let's see, we got a little bit more 307 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:42,200 Speaker 1: of the story. So this conversation has been needed for 308 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:44,800 Speaker 1: some time, and I've been feeling there will be some 309 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:48,040 Speaker 1: more coming with the mediator and in general, but they're 310 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,600 Speaker 1: all in the best interest of our son, and I 311 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:55,120 Speaker 1: believe they're pretty capable of being civil and healthy. Civil 312 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,080 Speaker 1: and healthy. We'll see how it goes. I feel like 313 00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:58,960 Speaker 1: I've answered a lot of the questions and some are 314 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,920 Speaker 1: frankly just wrong about things I said or didn't say. 315 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,080 Speaker 1: On the other hand, I really appreciate some of the 316 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:08,000 Speaker 1: things said in this comment section. Co Parenting is different 317 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:11,520 Speaker 1: from every situation, for every situation, and we are working 318 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:15,480 Speaker 1: on finding what is best for hours what and that's it. 319 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:19,160 Speaker 2: Well, I guess I'm glad that that's it. Else bad happened. 320 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:20,560 Speaker 2: That's usually doesn't work like that. 321 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:22,800 Speaker 1: I was waiting for that second shoe, was waiting for 322 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,040 Speaker 1: the second shoe. I guess there was no second shoe 323 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:26,720 Speaker 1: and they were completely fine. 324 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:28,960 Speaker 3: I mean, I guess at the beginning, it wasn't fine. 325 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:32,760 Speaker 3: Like the beginning was kind of anger inducing. I was like, 326 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:37,920 Speaker 3: I guess the ex partner being like just aggressively, like 327 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:39,480 Speaker 3: you can't do that. 328 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,960 Speaker 2: Don't cut my child's hair. You're not her mom or 329 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:42,400 Speaker 2: you know. 330 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:44,840 Speaker 1: But I guess she did explain like she was just 331 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:48,240 Speaker 1: like she was just not prepared for him to be 332 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:50,360 Speaker 1: so involved, and so there was resistance. Then I guess 333 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:53,120 Speaker 1: she eventually felt better about it. 334 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,640 Speaker 2: What a wild thing to just assume, like. 335 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:58,160 Speaker 1: Out of hand, just that he wouldn't be involved. 336 00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:01,280 Speaker 3: And he's like, I can tell this guy's not gonna 337 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,720 Speaker 3: want to spend any time with this kid. Yeah, it's like, 338 00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:05,480 Speaker 3: whoa jokes on you? 339 00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:08,719 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, my holy she totally just used him 340 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:12,320 Speaker 1: as like a sperm bank and a regular bank. Yeah, Matt, 341 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:14,480 Speaker 1: that's what it sounds like at the beginning, that the. 342 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,240 Speaker 3: Actual intention just like I'm gonna have this guy make 343 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:19,719 Speaker 3: a baby with me and then I'm just gonna keep 344 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:20,320 Speaker 3: it all on myself. 345 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:22,639 Speaker 2: He's not even gonna want it because he's a deadbeat. 346 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:25,639 Speaker 1: It seemed like money. Yeah, I mean, that seems like 347 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:28,480 Speaker 1: what that was the that was the kind of fine 348 00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:34,000 Speaker 1: print at the beginning, or you know the context. But yeah, 349 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:35,520 Speaker 1: i'd love to know what you think. Do you think 350 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:38,560 Speaker 1: she's being legit because she is being recorded right now, 351 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,120 Speaker 1: so she has she kind of has to be. 352 00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't take it legit at all, Like I 353 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:48,480 Speaker 3: still would not trust her, but to be the cool, calm, 354 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,080 Speaker 3: collective person she's trying to be. 355 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:52,040 Speaker 2: Wow, she's being recorded. 356 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:56,200 Speaker 1: But I think honestly, like if she even if she 357 00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:58,600 Speaker 1: is worried about her paycheck and worried about the phone recording, 358 00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:02,720 Speaker 1: the end result is now you're talking to a rational, 359 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:07,120 Speaker 1: like even keeled person and that's a win. So we're 360 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:09,160 Speaker 1: we ended up in the story like and the story 361 00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:11,679 Speaker 1: in a much better place than we had we started. 362 00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:12,600 Speaker 1: It is a win. 363 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:16,479 Speaker 3: I mean, she's officially recognized as a parental figure. 364 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:18,160 Speaker 2: That's not like a Bilo mother. 365 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:21,520 Speaker 1: But still Kimberly find says, No, she said that was 366 00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:24,159 Speaker 1: her assumption to justify why she felt the need to 367 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,720 Speaker 1: double down and keep the bag. Yeah, so she knew 368 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,720 Speaker 1: she was being recorded. Maybe her intentions are still not great, 369 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:31,320 Speaker 1: but hey, win. 370 00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:37,200 Speaker 3: Regardless, they're more positive and you've you're getting the you're 371 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,600 Speaker 3: getting all the benefits out of the situation. 372 00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:42,800 Speaker 1: Feel like you're getting the sweet juices, sweet juices, sweet nectar. 373 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:46,000 Speaker 1: I want to read some of your sweet juices about 374 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:47,480 Speaker 1: your any donations. 375 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:49,240 Speaker 2: Trying to swim in the sweet juices. 376 00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:50,800 Speaker 1: I'm trying to look at your sweet juices. 377 00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:54,560 Speaker 2: Should we eat? Should we eat our meal? On stream? 378 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:57,359 Speaker 1: It is well streams almost over stop. 379 00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,840 Speaker 2: I think I think she should eat it on stream? 380 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:02,639 Speaker 1: All right, well, let's let's read these dots. 381 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:03,720 Speaker 2: No response? 382 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:04,320 Speaker 1: Those are these? 383 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:08,040 Speaker 3: All? Right? Umm? 384 00:19:09,359 --> 00:19:13,879 Speaker 1: Awkward Turtle, remember for one months it happened. I've seen 385 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:17,480 Speaker 1: all lives and videos thirteen oh six. Each of your 386 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:20,239 Speaker 1: uploads have a like for me. That's the way I 387 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:24,960 Speaker 1: kept track. I made double check my work. You're joking, 388 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:31,080 Speaker 1: no way, Awkward Turtle. You've watched every single I love. Wow, 389 00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:33,320 Speaker 1: I love when I see that. I appreciate you. 390 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:37,160 Speaker 2: Yeah for real? The the okay megafan. 391 00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:41,720 Speaker 1: That is, if you've done that, you know more about 392 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:45,720 Speaker 1: me than anyone in my life. Just like, like, just 393 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:48,760 Speaker 1: know that. That's crazy. We need to build like we 394 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:49,280 Speaker 1: appreciate it. 395 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:50,600 Speaker 2: Made for Awkward Turtle. 396 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, this is the shrine. Yeah, you've you've earned you 397 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:54,720 Speaker 1: earn a trophy. 398 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:57,520 Speaker 2: You've earned to be memorialized for all time. You deserve 399 00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:58,080 Speaker 2: a turtle. 400 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:03,040 Speaker 1: Alyssa Monday, thanks so the five gifted memberships. Carly Ann. 401 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:05,240 Speaker 1: Thanks for the two bucks. Y'all are the only channel 402 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:10,000 Speaker 1: I've ever donated to. We appreciate you. Zori Pistacia, Thanks 403 00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:13,080 Speaker 1: being a member for five months. Buddha received enlightenment under 404 00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:17,920 Speaker 1: the body tree. We got it, Ah Bodi sot is 405 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:21,160 Speaker 1: a Buddha who works with others to relieve more suffering 406 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:25,680 Speaker 1: versus a stone Buddha. And Amy thanks for the one 407 00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:28,720 Speaker 1: Buckeroony Crow Queen, thanks for being a member for eight months. 408 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:33,600 Speaker 1: Love y'all for keeping me entertained. But go up, go up, 409 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,600 Speaker 1: love y'all for keeping me entertained. Oh we did read that. 410 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:42,120 Speaker 4: That's true, man, and we do have some We have 411 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:47,520 Speaker 4: some more. We got some more donos from Hannah. Thanks 412 00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:49,760 Speaker 4: for the five bukaroonies. 413 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:51,639 Speaker 1: This is just for being awesome, all of you. In 414 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:55,800 Speaker 1: post meditation, Sam and his newfound wisdom and. 415 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,639 Speaker 2: Fun trick and is fun party tricks. 416 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:01,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll did you know that? 417 00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:04,280 Speaker 3: Another another trick that he learned is that he gave 418 00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:06,359 Speaker 3: birth to himself inside of his mind. 419 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:08,840 Speaker 1: It was the first time that I ever felt like 420 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:12,520 Speaker 1: I accepted all parts of myself and like wasn't judging 421 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:13,479 Speaker 1: any part of myself. 422 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,639 Speaker 2: I was reborn as as a being. I all have 423 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:16,560 Speaker 2: whatever he's having. 424 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:18,359 Speaker 1: It was No, it was actually it was really it 425 00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:20,000 Speaker 1: was like one of the most beautiful experiences. 426 00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:22,800 Speaker 3: I cannot wait for you to t it's actually it's 427 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:25,960 Speaker 3: actually sounds like I know we're like joking about ha ha, 428 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:29,680 Speaker 3: like you full buddy work as him, But like what 429 00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:34,159 Speaker 3: you described really does sound like something that could drastically. 430 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:37,040 Speaker 2: Shift your perception of Like, yeah, dude, all of existence 431 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:39,280 Speaker 2: well and especially yourself. 432 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:40,959 Speaker 1: And I think when you can get deeper into it, 433 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:44,560 Speaker 1: like it, Yeah, what you were describing is like Hannah, 434 00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:46,800 Speaker 1: thanks for the thirty five Oh we read that, and 435 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:49,280 Speaker 1: then Richie Rich or Ricky Rich thanks for the ten 436 00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:54,719 Speaker 1: bucks nom nam ms, Smart Bump an Age, Mother Bumper 437 00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:56,600 Speaker 1: for the five bucks Holy Crop. I've been listening to 438 00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,880 Speaker 1: all your podcasts in Spotify, and all you guys look 439 00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:01,440 Speaker 1: differently in my head. Oh God, I finally. 440 00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:03,920 Speaker 2: Got to enjoy a stream. Isn't it funny how that works? 441 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:06,880 Speaker 2: We're actually good looking. 442 00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:11,560 Speaker 1: I want to know what we look like look worse 443 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:12,240 Speaker 1: or better? 444 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:17,920 Speaker 2: But is it an improvement or or do we go back? 445 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:24,159 Speaker 1: Yeah, please tell us, tell us we're pretty. But with that, 446 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:25,920 Speaker 1: that is the end of the stream. 447 00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:26,680 Speaker 2: We're not gonna eat. 448 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:34,200 Speaker 1: Are go to his date? Maybe? Also this little this 449 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:37,879 Speaker 1: little counter right here, I click it every time I like, 450 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,680 Speaker 1: like lean into joy and I just clicked it because 451 00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:46,600 Speaker 1: I love you guys. That yeah, thank you so much 452 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:48,359 Speaker 1: for supporting the show. It means a lot. Thank you 453 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:50,920 Speaker 1: for staying here with us for so many hours, truly 454 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:51,440 Speaker 1: so much. 455 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:53,240 Speaker 2: Thank you, guys, you guys, it's. 456 00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:56,240 Speaker 1: Such a joy to be with you. Guys with friends 457 00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:57,359 Speaker 1: like this is great. 458 00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:03,360 Speaker 3: There'd be no okay, story time with out, without y'all 459 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:04,320 Speaker 3: to tell the stories to. 460 00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:07,200 Speaker 2: Who would listened to the stories if it wasn't for y'all. 461 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:09,639 Speaker 1: Listen, But if you love us, hold on, hold on. 462 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:11,520 Speaker 2: I was gonna say, listen, I may have a date, 463 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:12,520 Speaker 2: but I love y'all. 464 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:15,719 Speaker 1: And now we can do the close out all right. 465 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:18,720 Speaker 1: But if you love us, make sure to subscribe. We 466 00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:21,360 Speaker 1: love you and see it morrow.