WEBVTT - Hotter in the Hamptons with Tinx 0:00:00.800 --> 0:00:01.960 Hello Catherine. 0:00:02.080 --> 0:00:04.680 Oh, hello Chelsea. How's New York City? 0:00:05.280 --> 0:00:09.560 New York City is blossoming. It's just beautiful. It's almost summertime. 0:00:09.920 --> 0:00:12.920 Spring is in the air. It was sunny, delightful. 0:00:13.240 --> 0:00:13.960 I came home. 0:00:14.120 --> 0:00:16.960 I got here you last night, and I was tempted 0:00:17.640 --> 0:00:19.639 to go out with some friends, but I decided, you 0:00:19.640 --> 0:00:21.400 know what, I was going to take the night to myself, 0:00:21.480 --> 0:00:25.360 and instead I took his annex and I read one 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:28.000 of our podcast guest books that we have coming up. 0:00:28.520 --> 0:00:32.400 And I was just a really responsible adult woman who's 0:00:32.440 --> 0:00:33.240 fifty years old. 0:00:33.280 --> 0:00:34.199 My gosh, look at you. 0:00:34.680 --> 0:00:39.120 Yeah, I'm very responsible, but you do like a night in. 0:00:39.200 --> 0:00:41.239 You're someone who enjoys their own company, and I think 0:00:41.240 --> 0:00:42.000 that's very good. 0:00:42.520 --> 0:00:46.760 Yes, I very much enjoyed my own company. I had 0:00:46.880 --> 0:00:48.960 a lot of company this week. I went out a 0:00:49.000 --> 0:00:50.920 lot this week. I saw a lot. I did a 0:00:51.000 --> 0:00:53.880 lot of socializing in Los Angeles, and I did the 0:00:54.520 --> 0:00:57.160 La Festival of Books, which was a joy. Oh, it 0:00:57.280 --> 0:01:00.600 was so fun. I love books. I like being around books, 0:01:00.880 --> 0:01:04.000 and I like talking about books. That is my passion. 0:01:04.319 --> 0:01:07.320 They even smell good, like they feel good, like I 0:01:07.360 --> 0:01:08.800 love when you get a new book, and like the 0:01:08.800 --> 0:01:10.600 pages might feel a little different than the last one 0:01:10.640 --> 0:01:10.920 you read. 0:01:10.959 --> 0:01:12.520 I mean, it's like the little things, you know. 0:01:13.000 --> 0:01:15.360 I'm reading about seven books right now, so I could, 0:01:15.560 --> 0:01:17.440 and I like to read them a hard copy. So 0:01:17.440 --> 0:01:19.240 it's hard to travel with seven books because I'm on 0:01:19.280 --> 0:01:21.800 my way. I'm bouncing around. I'm done with La for 0:01:21.840 --> 0:01:23.840 a bit. I won't be in La for two months now, 0:01:23.959 --> 0:01:26.640 so I go from here, I think, to Whistler, and 0:01:26.680 --> 0:01:29.160 then somewhere in Chicago, then New York. 0:01:29.319 --> 0:01:31.560 And then Rekuvic and then Belfast. 0:01:31.560 --> 0:01:33.440 I'm gonna spend a couple of days at Belfast because 0:01:33.440 --> 0:01:35.640 I feel like there's gonna be some good history shit 0:01:35.720 --> 0:01:38.240 going on down up there over there. 0:01:38.319 --> 0:01:41.120 I'm reading actually a book right now about the IRA. 0:01:41.959 --> 0:01:46.000 I believe it's Say Nothing, and there's a Hulu series 0:01:46.000 --> 0:01:48.080 about it now, so it's thrilling. 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:51.200 Yeah. I'm very interested in that history. I don't know 0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:53.280 enough about it, so I'm just gonna i'll lend it 0:01:53.280 --> 0:01:55.440 to you. My cousin's good like me. She likes shit 0:01:55.560 --> 0:01:58.560 like that. Okay, So our guests today, we have two 0:01:58.600 --> 0:02:01.880 episodes we're dropping today. One is with our guest, who 0:02:01.920 --> 0:02:04.600 is a New York Times bestselling author, and host of 0:02:04.840 --> 0:02:08.280 It's me Tinks on Sirius XM. Her newest book is 0:02:08.280 --> 0:02:11.160 called Hotter in the Hamptons and it's out May sixth. 0:02:11.639 --> 0:02:17.480 Please welcome Tinks Hi, Tinksy, Winksy. It's the one. It's 0:02:17.480 --> 0:02:21.200 the only It's Tins with a bigger microphone. 0:02:21.560 --> 0:02:25.200 Oh hell yeah, bigger, the bigger, the better size matters, baby. 0:02:25.360 --> 0:02:27.160 I know, but when I met you, you were using 0:02:27.200 --> 0:02:27.720 a little. 0:02:27.520 --> 0:02:31.080 Vienna sausage microphone, and I know sometimes you sometimes go 0:02:31.240 --> 0:02:33.799 back to that. You do sometimes have the little microphone, 0:02:33.880 --> 0:02:36.359 but I love seeing you with a big black mic 0:02:36.400 --> 0:02:36.960 in your hand. 0:02:37.360 --> 0:02:37.880 Big dat. 0:02:37.960 --> 0:02:40.160 Yeah, this is a big This is more my size. 0:02:40.280 --> 0:02:42.880 I've upgraded, but I do still keep mini mic around 0:02:42.919 --> 0:02:45.639 for the bit. But everybody else started doing mini mic, so. 0:02:45.639 --> 0:02:47.360 I still saw that. And I did see that you 0:02:47.400 --> 0:02:51.799 started a trend. You're a trend center. Yes, oh my god, congratulations. 0:02:51.960 --> 0:02:55.280 Tinks has a new book out. Everybody. It's a new book. 0:02:55.320 --> 0:02:58.760 And guess what. It's fiction this time, and it's called 0:02:58.840 --> 0:03:02.400 Hotter in the Hamptons. And I'm going to guess that 0:03:02.440 --> 0:03:05.519 it's not autobiographical at all. 0:03:06.880 --> 0:03:09.400 Well, it's you know, they say, to write what you know. 0:03:09.600 --> 0:03:13.040 It's about an influencer who gets canceled and then goes 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:16.200 to the Hamptons to get her groove back. Maybe some 0:03:16.240 --> 0:03:18.760 of that I experienced, Maybe some of it I didn't. 0:03:18.919 --> 0:03:21.800 You know, it feels like it's very eerily similar to 0:03:21.880 --> 0:03:24.720 the truth. But listen, every work of fiction is based 0:03:24.760 --> 0:03:28.120 on authors, on some truth from the author. It's impossible 0:03:28.120 --> 0:03:30.120 to I mean, it's not impossible. I guess there are 0:03:30.200 --> 0:03:32.400 lots of authors who could write fiction, who've been trained 0:03:32.440 --> 0:03:35.720 in writing fiction. But I think when a celebrity writes fiction, 0:03:36.040 --> 0:03:38.560 and many people write fiction, you have to bring stuff 0:03:38.560 --> 0:03:41.720 in from your life. So that's totally understandable and actually 0:03:42.520 --> 0:03:44.120 more enticing in my opinion. 0:03:44.240 --> 0:03:46.000 I want to know. I want to know what's real 0:03:46.040 --> 0:03:46.440 what's not. 0:03:46.880 --> 0:03:48.480 First of all, It Takes is already a New York 0:03:48.520 --> 0:03:51.480 Times bestseller because she had her first book, which was 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:53.440 called Shelled the Shift. 0:03:53.240 --> 0:03:54.960 Which was a New York Times bestseller. 0:03:55.240 --> 0:03:58.960 So this is her second foray into the book industry. 0:03:59.040 --> 0:03:59.720 And this is like. 0:03:59.680 --> 0:04:04.680 A weird love story that takes place in the Hamptons, Yes, 0:04:04.760 --> 0:04:07.080 and that starts out as enemy. They start out as 0:04:07.200 --> 0:04:11.960 enemies and then slowly, actually not that slowly, because that 0:04:12.880 --> 0:04:15.480 is when things start to come out of people's pants. 0:04:15.840 --> 0:04:20.279 It's a classic enemies to lovers situation. And yeah, I 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:23.039 mean I kind of like whenever I'm reading a smut 0:04:23.120 --> 0:04:24.640 erotica book, I'm like, get to. 0:04:24.600 --> 0:04:25.359 The sex already. 0:04:25.400 --> 0:04:28.240 So yes, it starts pretty early on because I feel 0:04:28.240 --> 0:04:30.080 like that's why people are reading it, So you've got 0:04:30.120 --> 0:04:33.400 to give them a little juiciness early, early, up front. 0:04:33.440 --> 0:04:35.279 Otherwise you're like, I don't care, I'll get to the 0:04:35.320 --> 0:04:35.880 sex part. 0:04:36.000 --> 0:04:39.839 So yeah, that's actually very formulaic, right. You were saying, Catherine, 0:04:39.880 --> 0:04:43.080 that that romance books typically, I just want you to 0:04:43.120 --> 0:04:43.440 know ticks. 0:04:43.520 --> 0:04:44.520 This is the ticks. 0:04:44.760 --> 0:04:47.240 I can't even fucking talk today. I want you to 0:04:47.279 --> 0:04:50.360 know tics that this is the first fucking romance novel 0:04:50.400 --> 0:04:53.240 I've read in my entire huge. 0:04:52.400 --> 0:04:53.359 Only because it's you. 0:04:53.600 --> 0:04:55.960 Yes, I've never I can't read romance because I just 0:04:55.960 --> 0:04:59.560 find it so ridiculous. And this was very entertaining and 0:04:59.600 --> 0:05:02.919 Stevie and yeah, well, very steamy, very steamy. I have 0:05:03.000 --> 0:05:05.920 to ask you, when you write so much about queer sex, 0:05:06.200 --> 0:05:07.880 have you experienced queer sex? 0:05:08.480 --> 0:05:11.920 This book is about Lola, not about me, but. 0:05:11.839 --> 0:05:15.800 That question is have you experienced my diplomatic answer. 0:05:15.839 --> 0:05:19.000 This is about Lola. It's it's about her journey. 0:05:19.160 --> 0:05:23.919 A lot of straight women follow me, and I want 0:05:23.960 --> 0:05:26.680 this book to be a fantasy for them, or you know, 0:05:26.720 --> 0:05:29.800 I want it. I want them to experience new fantasies 0:05:29.839 --> 0:05:31.880 because of this book. And the reason I love reading, 0:05:31.960 --> 0:05:34.200 not just in general, not just smut or erotica, but 0:05:34.279 --> 0:05:36.520 reading in general is it's like one of the only 0:05:36.640 --> 0:05:39.640 times that we imagine as an adult, like we're going 0:05:39.640 --> 0:05:41.000 about our day, we have work, we have a million 0:05:41.000 --> 0:05:42.880 things to do, da da da, and our creativity and 0:05:42.920 --> 0:05:45.320 our imagination just gets smaller and smaller because we don't 0:05:45.360 --> 0:05:48.560 have room to play. And when you read, you imagine, 0:05:48.640 --> 0:05:50.400 and that's why I'm so obsessed with reading. 0:05:50.440 --> 0:05:51.400 So I hope this. 0:05:51.320 --> 0:05:55.159 Book opens people up and makes them really horny. That 0:05:55.240 --> 0:05:57.200 is my number one goal is to make people horny 0:05:57.200 --> 0:06:01.240 this summer. I think horniness is very, very criminally undervalued 0:06:01.240 --> 0:06:03.840 in society today. I think it's important to be horny, 0:06:03.960 --> 0:06:05.960 whether you're in a relationship, whether you're single, whether your 0:06:06.000 --> 0:06:06.839 marriage doesn't matter. 0:06:07.120 --> 0:06:09.159 So that is what I want to achieve with this book. 0:06:09.560 --> 0:06:13.200 Vagina's opening everywhere from the East to the West. I 0:06:13.520 --> 0:06:16.400 also endorse horniness and I think it is a very 0:06:16.440 --> 0:06:19.279 healthy way to go through life is to be horny, 0:06:19.520 --> 0:06:21.880 to go after what you want, to be open to 0:06:21.960 --> 0:06:26.160 different kinds of sexual experiences and escapades if you will, 0:06:26.640 --> 0:06:28.520 and to get after it. I mean, what's the point 0:06:28.520 --> 0:06:29.919 of being a woman if you're not going to have 0:06:30.000 --> 0:06:30.880 fun with your body? 0:06:31.279 --> 0:06:35.200 Like literally, just get after it, have fun. Don't close 0:06:35.240 --> 0:06:38.680 yourself off to anything. I think we really all need 0:06:38.720 --> 0:06:41.520 to just be open to anything. Being a woman, being 0:06:41.640 --> 0:06:45.080 in your sexuality is so powerful when you own it, 0:06:45.120 --> 0:06:48.000 when you say yeah, actually I am horny today, or 0:06:48.040 --> 0:06:50.280 when you say yeah, that person turns me on, or 0:06:50.320 --> 0:06:53.880 this thing I read turns me on, whatever, that's so powerful. 0:06:53.960 --> 0:06:57.080 I feel like being sexual as a woman has been 0:06:57.880 --> 0:07:02.760 so villainized in so many ways, and it's not about 0:07:02.800 --> 0:07:06.080 necessarily being slutty. This is a huge difference, and I 0:07:06.120 --> 0:07:08.400 feel like that's what they want you to us to believe, like, oh, 0:07:08.440 --> 0:07:10.920 if you're if you you know you're horny, you're a 0:07:10.960 --> 0:07:12.200 bad woman and you're sludy. 0:07:12.400 --> 0:07:13.680 That's not true at all. 0:07:13.520 --> 0:07:16.800 We as women are our sexuality is like connected to 0:07:16.840 --> 0:07:19.800 the cosmos. It's very powerful, and the more that you're 0:07:19.840 --> 0:07:22.040 in that, the more powerful you'll. 0:07:21.920 --> 0:07:24.720 Be, and slutty is just a word created by men 0:07:24.800 --> 0:07:28.600 to categorize women who want to sleep with more than them. 0:07:28.800 --> 0:07:30.160 You know what I mean exactly. 0:07:30.360 --> 0:07:32.880 First of all, it's so empowering to be sexually free 0:07:32.920 --> 0:07:36.640 and sexually liberated. It's especially if you're a single woman 0:07:36.680 --> 0:07:38.640 and you haven't committed yourself to anyone yet. 0:07:38.640 --> 0:07:39.880 It's like, it's exploration. 0:07:40.160 --> 0:07:42.880 It's finding out not only what you like, it's finding 0:07:42.880 --> 0:07:45.840 out what you're attracted to, what your standards are, what 0:07:45.880 --> 0:07:49.119 you desire like. It's so much better to be open 0:07:49.160 --> 0:07:51.880 minded than to be narrow minded in terms of sexuality. 0:07:51.920 --> 0:07:55.880 So it's a nice exploration of that in this book. Yeah, yeah, 0:07:56.000 --> 0:07:58.200 let's talk about Well, I mean, are you in New 0:07:58.240 --> 0:07:58.680 York right now? 0:07:58.720 --> 0:08:00.760 It looks like your background. Yeah, that doesn't look like 0:08:00.800 --> 0:08:04.920 an LA background. I just saw Tanks recently on my 0:08:05.000 --> 0:08:07.120 book tour, and she was nice enough to host me 0:08:07.200 --> 0:08:10.040 at the ninety second Street Why and interviewed me fun 0:08:10.120 --> 0:08:12.440 and then we went to my birthday party, and then 0:08:13.360 --> 0:08:15.600 you were we were talking about New York in LA, 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:17.280 and in this book there's a lot of New York 0:08:17.320 --> 0:08:22.080 in LA comparisons. So basically you were saying, how much 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:24.480 you love New York and your desire to be there 0:08:24.520 --> 0:08:25.320 more permanently. 0:08:26.040 --> 0:08:27.560 Talk to me about that a little bit. 0:08:28.160 --> 0:08:30.240 I'm just in a season of my life where I 0:08:30.400 --> 0:08:32.880 like to be in New York. You know, I found 0:08:32.920 --> 0:08:35.800 it far easier more sex in New York for sure, 0:08:35.960 --> 0:08:39.520 to more sex for sure and more community just where 0:08:39.559 --> 0:08:41.800 I am in my life. I am single, and I 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:43.880 like a very full social life. I like to see 0:08:43.880 --> 0:08:47.000 my friends every week. I like to do things spontaneously. 0:08:47.080 --> 0:08:49.240 I like to say, Hey, let's go get a martini 0:08:49.679 --> 0:08:52.320 at Finale's right now. And I want to have ten 0:08:52.360 --> 0:08:54.720 friends who can do that. And the truth is I 0:08:54.760 --> 0:08:56.600 couldn't do that in La. You know, it's just not 0:08:56.720 --> 0:08:57.439 set up for that. 0:08:57.800 --> 0:08:59.600 No One wants to have a martini in the middle 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:01.120 of the day in La no one. 0:09:01.240 --> 0:09:02.880 No no one wants to have a martina out of 0:09:02.920 --> 0:09:06.480 Friday night. They say, oh, you know, we can't. The traffic. 0:09:06.840 --> 0:09:08.240 The uber this is that. 0:09:08.240 --> 0:09:11.240 When every ray is sober, and everyone is sober here, 0:09:11.520 --> 0:09:12.400 everyone's sober. 0:09:12.440 --> 0:09:14.440 Oh I don't the calories this and that. I'm like, 0:09:14.559 --> 0:09:17.800 oh my god, Like I just I want to have fun. 0:09:17.880 --> 0:09:20.840 I'm in a very big fun era of my life 0:09:20.880 --> 0:09:23.440 and I want the place that I live to reflect. 0:09:23.440 --> 0:09:25.080 That doesn't mean that there's not great things about LA. 0:09:25.080 --> 0:09:28.840 There are fantastic things about La. If you are very 0:09:28.880 --> 0:09:31.520 wealthy and you have a family, LA is a nice. 0:09:31.240 --> 0:09:31.800 Place to live. 0:09:31.840 --> 0:09:34.800 There's a lot of great place things to do in LA. 0:09:34.960 --> 0:09:37.160 It's just not if you're single and horny and like 0:09:37.240 --> 0:09:38.920 want to go out all the time. It's kind of 0:09:38.920 --> 0:09:39.720 a little difficult. 0:09:40.200 --> 0:09:42.199 I've been trying to move to New York for about 0:09:42.240 --> 0:09:44.480 five years now, and this house in LA that will 0:09:44.480 --> 0:09:47.600 never be finished that I'm under construction on once again. 0:09:47.640 --> 0:09:49.959 I'm out of my house once again, callers. I am 0:09:49.960 --> 0:09:52.400 living at a friend's house without my dog dog. 0:09:52.600 --> 0:09:53.240 Not for long, though. 0:09:53.240 --> 0:09:54.800 I'm heading back to Whistler in a couple of days. 0:09:54.840 --> 0:09:59.360 But I cannot wait to finish this house. Fucking sell 0:09:59.400 --> 0:10:02.360 it rent. I don't give a shit what happens, but 0:10:02.480 --> 0:10:04.760 I cannot wait to get an apartment in New York 0:10:04.760 --> 0:10:07.160 City and start living the life that you're describing. 0:10:07.400 --> 0:10:08.960 I'm so late. I'm fifty. 0:10:09.000 --> 0:10:11.520 I should have done this when I was forty, but whatever, 0:10:11.720 --> 0:10:14.520 I don't care about time. I'm even hotter now than 0:10:14.520 --> 0:10:16.760 I was at forty, so it's gonna be even more exciting. 0:10:16.760 --> 0:10:19.280 And everybody's divorced now, so like this is the time 0:10:19.880 --> 0:10:21.359 to get back to wait. 0:10:21.080 --> 0:10:22.520 For my friends to get divorced. 0:10:22.559 --> 0:10:24.520 I know that's evil, but I cannot wait for them 0:10:24.600 --> 0:10:26.160 to come back to me right now. 0:10:26.200 --> 0:10:27.160 I'm in the phase where. 0:10:27.040 --> 0:10:29.440 They're all like hunkering down and like having the kids, 0:10:29.440 --> 0:10:31.080 and I'm like, just I'll bide my time. 0:10:31.120 --> 0:10:34.080 I'll wait, I'll wait. You're gonna, yeah, you're gonna come 0:10:34.120 --> 0:10:34.440 back to me. 0:10:34.520 --> 0:10:36.760 And also men break up with their wives at this time, 0:10:36.840 --> 0:10:38.679 Like there's a lot of divorce that happens between the 0:10:38.720 --> 0:10:40.960 ages of forty and fifty, so it's good to catch 0:10:40.960 --> 0:10:42.920 someone on the tail end of their divorce, you know 0:10:42.960 --> 0:10:45.280 what I mean, If you're looking for someone who's not 0:10:45.360 --> 0:10:47.439 ready for a commitment and you're looking to have fun. 0:10:47.320 --> 0:10:49.360 Or if you are looking for a commitment, I feel 0:10:49.400 --> 0:10:51.400 like a divorce guy could be great for me. That 0:10:51.440 --> 0:10:54.160 doesn't scare me at all. In fact, it sounds actually 0:10:54.360 --> 0:10:56.400 like it could be good. Like a guy who's, you know, 0:10:56.480 --> 0:10:59.400 in his early forties, he's been divorced, maybe he has 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:01.839 one kid, so he's not stressed about having more. Because 0:11:01.920 --> 0:11:03.560 I'm not sure that I want kids, so I don't 0:11:03.600 --> 0:11:04.600 want that pressure on me. 0:11:05.080 --> 0:11:07.320 And I think that could be great for me. But yeah, 0:11:07.480 --> 0:11:09.000 but he's gotta want to have fun. 0:11:09.440 --> 0:11:12.480 It doesn't sound fun to me to just like be 0:11:12.800 --> 0:11:15.720 in a in a nuclear family unit or whatever. 0:11:15.760 --> 0:11:17.040 That's not that doesn't appeal to me. 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:19.640 I want someone who's like, let's go to Mexico City 0:11:19.679 --> 0:11:22.240 this weekend and like, I don't know, take mushrooms at 0:11:22.320 --> 0:11:24.880 SOHO house. Like that's the kind of basic shit that 0:11:24.960 --> 0:11:27.160 really gets me off. And I want a guy who 0:11:27.160 --> 0:11:28.080 wants to do that with me. 0:11:28.240 --> 0:11:30.280 We're on the same page things. We're on the exact 0:11:30.320 --> 0:11:35.200 same page actually apparently exactly apparently of the exact same 0:11:35.200 --> 0:11:39.080 book Hotter in the Hampton's another thing you said to 0:11:39.120 --> 0:11:41.199 me when we spoke last time. I think this was 0:11:41.240 --> 0:11:43.720 on your podcast or I don't know, maybe it was private, 0:11:43.760 --> 0:11:47.000 but we'll talk about it. It was about how annoying 0:11:47.080 --> 0:11:50.600 men are and how bored you are. Now was that 0:11:50.720 --> 0:11:54.000 directed just at La or is that just an overall 0:11:54.040 --> 0:11:57.120 sentiment because it's you're not alone, obviously, I'm sure you're 0:11:57.120 --> 0:11:57.720 well aware. 0:11:58.480 --> 0:12:00.679 I my problem with data is not that I go 0:12:00.760 --> 0:12:02.440 on all these dates and nobody likes me. 0:12:02.520 --> 0:12:03.120 And whatever. 0:12:03.600 --> 0:12:06.760 I find the conversation so boring. I'm almost boords tears. 0:12:06.800 --> 0:12:08.240 And I'm not saying that in a rude way or 0:12:08.280 --> 0:12:10.360 to be a bit or whatever. But the most of 0:12:10.360 --> 0:12:12.079 the men I meet, I find them to be very 0:12:12.080 --> 0:12:12.839 one dimensional. 0:12:12.840 --> 0:12:13.720 And when I meet women. 0:12:14.240 --> 0:12:16.240 Every time I meet a woman, she's like, oh, this morning, 0:12:16.240 --> 0:12:18.160 I woke up and I ran a ten k and 0:12:18.160 --> 0:12:20.480 then I baked some vegan muffins for my dog because 0:12:20.480 --> 0:12:21.840 he's going through some health issues. And then I went 0:12:21.840 --> 0:12:22.880 to my job, and then I did this and that 0:12:23.000 --> 0:12:25.040 ed and I'm like, wow, I want to be your 0:12:25.080 --> 0:12:26.600 best friend and I want to know everything about you. 0:12:26.880 --> 0:12:29.520 And when I meet men, they're like, it's just it's 0:12:29.760 --> 0:12:32.560 so hard to like get in there. 0:12:33.120 --> 0:12:35.760 And look, I've loved men in the past. 0:12:36.440 --> 0:12:38.520 I've found men interesting in the past, but as I 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:40.760 get older, I do find it more and more difficult 0:12:40.800 --> 0:12:44.800 to find men who are super dimensional. And that is 0:12:45.080 --> 0:12:47.400 a problem I'm having with dating right now, because every 0:12:47.400 --> 0:12:48.600 time I go on a date, I'm like, oh, I'd 0:12:48.720 --> 0:12:49.760 rather be with my friends. 0:12:50.040 --> 0:12:52.240 I thought I liked this guy, and we were facetiming, 0:12:52.320 --> 0:12:55.000 and there were a couple of moments of silent like 0:12:55.400 --> 0:12:56.120 awkward silence. 0:12:56.120 --> 0:12:57.560 I mean, face time is a pretty awkward when you 0:12:57.559 --> 0:12:58.200 don't know somebody. 0:12:58.200 --> 0:13:00.640 Well, I actually prefer not to have that happened, but 0:13:00.800 --> 0:13:03.280 this person assaulted me with a FaceTime a few times, 0:13:03.559 --> 0:13:05.480 and I just I'm at the place in my life 0:13:05.520 --> 0:13:07.760 where I just I'm not filling in gaps of silence, 0:13:07.840 --> 0:13:10.280 like I don't care if it's awkward. Then you talk 0:13:10.440 --> 0:13:13.160 like I don't have anything to tell you, or I'm 0:13:13.200 --> 0:13:16.440 pretty confident with who I am and that the moments 0:13:16.480 --> 0:13:21.679 of silence just were just I just was like, it's 0:13:21.720 --> 0:13:25.120 a fun experiment to like look at somebody and go, what, okay, 0:13:25.400 --> 0:13:27.240 are you going to say something? Because I'm actually not 0:13:27.320 --> 0:13:29.679 going to say something, And to be on the phone 0:13:29.720 --> 0:13:30.520 and have that happen. 0:13:30.600 --> 0:13:34.280 You're like, this is so ridiculous. It's like ridiculous. You 0:13:34.280 --> 0:13:36.400 don't have anything to do. I just met you, you 0:13:36.400 --> 0:13:39.520 don't have anything to tell me. No, It's it's wild. 0:13:39.600 --> 0:13:42.080 And a lot of men also like I don't like 0:13:42.160 --> 0:13:44.360 to man bash too much because then I feel like 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:46.920 it kind of makes my points less powerful. 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:48.320 I'm truly not man bashing. 0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:51.880 But something that I have found very broadly with dating 0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:54.720 today is like men don't ask you questions. And because 0:13:54.760 --> 0:13:56.960 I have my call in show, this is something that 0:13:57.000 --> 0:13:58.800 happens to a lot of young women right now. 0:13:59.120 --> 0:14:01.160 Women we go on these dates and we're like, well, 0:14:01.160 --> 0:14:02.280 where did you go and what did you see? 0:14:02.320 --> 0:14:03.880 And whata da da da, and like we will fill 0:14:03.880 --> 0:14:06.000 the silence and we will ask questions because we're genuinely 0:14:06.000 --> 0:14:07.679 curious about the other person. If you're on the other 0:14:07.840 --> 0:14:10.360 on a date or if you're on a FaceTime, surely 0:14:10.400 --> 0:14:11.839 you must have something to ask the person. 0:14:11.840 --> 0:14:12.720 But they but they don't. 0:14:13.280 --> 0:14:16.000 Yeah, no, No, it's unreal that how they will talk 0:14:16.040 --> 0:14:18.600 about themselves and then fail to ask you a question 0:14:18.640 --> 0:14:21.680 about yourself. You're trying to date me, you're not curious 0:14:21.680 --> 0:14:24.480 about anything? I mean, I know it's all pretty public, 0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:27.240 but don't you want to know anything personal about me? 0:14:27.960 --> 0:14:28.040 No? 0:14:28.160 --> 0:14:30.400 I went on a Hinge date last year and I 0:14:30.440 --> 0:14:32.440 actually I was in a really low point in dating. 0:14:32.480 --> 0:14:34.200 So I was like, whatever, I'm going to do an experiment, 0:14:34.600 --> 0:14:37.520 and I actually asked him a lot of questions, Like 0:14:37.560 --> 0:14:39.840 I was really on my shit, you know, not in 0:14:39.840 --> 0:14:42.800 a crazy way, but I was very, very forthcoming with 0:14:42.840 --> 0:14:45.920 my questions. We went for forty two minutes before he 0:14:45.960 --> 0:14:49.440 asked me a question about myself forty two What was 0:14:49.520 --> 0:14:51.400 the question? He was like, what do you I don't 0:14:51.440 --> 0:14:54.000 actually know what your job is? And I was forty 0:14:54.000 --> 0:14:56.000 two minutes we were in and at that point my 0:14:56.040 --> 0:14:58.240 martini was done. I go, you know what, I'm gonna 0:14:58.280 --> 0:15:00.640 be real with you. I'm not feeling it. I'm going 0:15:00.720 --> 0:15:01.880 to go home. And I went home. 0:15:02.000 --> 0:15:03.960 Oh, good for you. I love saying that. I love 0:15:04.000 --> 0:15:04.520 saying that. 0:15:04.760 --> 0:15:07.560 I'm like, how insane is that? Forty two minutes and 0:15:07.600 --> 0:15:09.720 you don't think, Oh, this is a conversation. It goes 0:15:09.760 --> 0:15:13.360 back and forth, and I should be interested in this person. 0:15:13.680 --> 0:15:16.120 Well, and like that's the question that he came up with. 0:15:16.240 --> 0:15:18.200 I don't know what you do for a living? Like 0:15:18.400 --> 0:15:21.440 that's yeah. And by the way, it's not even a question. 0:15:21.800 --> 0:15:25.040 It's not even a question. Like if the date automatically 0:15:25.080 --> 0:15:27.000 goes to, oh what do you do? Where are you from? 0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:30.640 It's just like, come on, be more interesting, say oh, 0:15:30.680 --> 0:15:32.360 I saw this thing today, or I'll have you watched 0:15:32.360 --> 0:15:32.920 that show. 0:15:33.200 --> 0:15:36.440 Up something that's unrelated to both of you. Talk about 0:15:36.480 --> 0:15:38.800 a subject of matter. That's what I want to hear about. 0:15:39.040 --> 0:15:40.720 I went on a date the other night somebody would 0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:41.160 set me up. 0:15:41.200 --> 0:15:41.760 That was nice. 0:15:41.800 --> 0:15:43.560 And I walked into the bar and this guy was 0:15:43.600 --> 0:15:48.480 wearing a bomber jacket and drinking chardonnay, and I just thought, 0:15:48.600 --> 0:15:52.600 what honestly, And I sat down and I said, I 0:15:52.640 --> 0:15:54.360 don't have a lot of time. I probably only have 0:15:54.440 --> 0:15:58.720 fifteen minutes. And I ordered a tankerrey and soda and 0:15:58.760 --> 0:16:00.840 then I he was like, I'm going to get another 0:16:00.880 --> 0:16:03.520 glass of charonay, and I said, well, enjoy it because 0:16:03.640 --> 0:16:07.200 I'm leaving. And I left and it was literally fifteen minutes, 0:16:07.240 --> 0:16:09.200 because that's how much time I have to spend with 0:16:09.240 --> 0:16:10.800 people like I am not in the business. 0:16:10.920 --> 0:16:12.040 As you're not in the business. 0:16:12.040 --> 0:16:14.240 At a certain age, you stop pretending that you have 0:16:14.320 --> 0:16:16.280 to make people feel good. It doesn't matter. I need 0:16:16.320 --> 0:16:18.560 to feel good. I need to go home and get sleep. 0:16:18.640 --> 0:16:20.360 I don't need to waste this take away and soda 0:16:20.360 --> 0:16:22.920 on you. I'd rather go home and take an edible 0:16:22.960 --> 0:16:24.040 and go to bed, like I don't. 0:16:24.440 --> 0:16:25.520 Yeah, that's the thing. 0:16:25.560 --> 0:16:27.560 Also is like, if you are a person who's in 0:16:27.600 --> 0:16:29.920 command of their own life and who lives intentionally and 0:16:29.960 --> 0:16:32.200 has a lot of fun, which isn't a lot of people, 0:16:32.360 --> 0:16:34.520 no shade, but you know, a lot of people don't 0:16:34.520 --> 0:16:37.880