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Speaker 1: Hello Catherine.

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Speaker 2: Oh, hello Chelsea. How's New York City?

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Speaker 3: New York City is blossoming. It's just beautiful. It's almost summertime.

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Speaker 3: Spring is in the air. It was sunny, delightful.

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Speaker 1: I came home.

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Speaker 3: I got here you last night, and I was tempted

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Speaker 3: to go out with some friends, but I decided, you

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Speaker 3: know what, I was going to take the night to myself,

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Speaker 3: and instead I took his annex and I read one

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Speaker 3: of our podcast guest books that we have coming up.

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Speaker 3: And I was just a really responsible adult woman who's

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Speaker 3: fifty years old.

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Speaker 2: My gosh, look at you.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm very responsible, but you do like a night in.

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Speaker 4: You're someone who enjoys their own company, and I think

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Speaker 4: that's very good.

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Speaker 3: Yes, I very much enjoyed my own company. I had

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Speaker 3: a lot of company this week. I went out a

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Speaker 3: lot this week. I saw a lot. I did a

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Speaker 3: lot of socializing in Los Angeles, and I did the

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Speaker 3: La Festival of Books, which was a joy. Oh, it

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Speaker 3: was so fun. I love books. I like being around books,

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Speaker 3: and I like talking about books. That is my passion.

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Speaker 4: They even smell good, like they feel good, like I

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Speaker 4: love when you get a new book, and like the

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Speaker 4: pages might feel a little different than the last one

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Speaker 4: you read.

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Speaker 2: I mean, it's like the little things, you know.

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Speaker 3: I'm reading about seven books right now, so I could,

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Speaker 3: and I like to read them a hard copy. So

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Speaker 3: it's hard to travel with seven books because I'm on

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Speaker 3: my way. I'm bouncing around. I'm done with La for

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Speaker 3: a bit. I won't be in La for two months now,

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Speaker 3: so I go from here, I think, to Whistler, and

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Speaker 3: then somewhere in Chicago, then New York.

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Speaker 1: And then Rekuvic and then Belfast.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna spend a couple of days at Belfast because

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Speaker 3: I feel like there's gonna be some good history shit

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Speaker 3: going on down up there over there.

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Speaker 4: I'm reading actually a book right now about the IRA.

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Speaker 4: I believe it's Say Nothing, and there's a Hulu series

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Speaker 4: about it now, so it's thrilling.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. I'm very interested in that history. I don't know

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Speaker 3: enough about it, so I'm just gonna i'll lend it

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Speaker 3: to you. My cousin's good like me. She likes shit

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Speaker 3: like that. Okay, So our guests today, we have two

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Speaker 3: episodes we're dropping today. One is with our guest, who

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Speaker 3: is a New York Times bestselling author, and host of

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Speaker 3: It's me Tinks on Sirius XM. Her newest book is

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Speaker 3: called Hotter in the Hamptons and it's out May sixth.

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Speaker 3: Please welcome Tinks Hi, Tinksy, Winksy. It's the one. It's

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Speaker 3: the only It's Tins with a bigger microphone.

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Speaker 5: Oh hell yeah, bigger, the bigger, the better size matters, baby.

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Speaker 1: I know, but when I met you, you were using

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Speaker 1: a little.

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Speaker 3: Vienna sausage microphone, and I know sometimes you sometimes go

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Speaker 3: back to that. You do sometimes have the little microphone,

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Speaker 3: but I love seeing you with a big black mic

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Speaker 3: in your hand.

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Speaker 1: Big dat.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, this is a big This is more my size.

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Speaker 5: I've upgraded, but I do still keep mini mic around

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Speaker 5: for the bit. But everybody else started doing mini mic, so.

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Speaker 3: I still saw that. And I did see that you

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Speaker 3: started a trend. You're a trend center. Yes, oh my god, congratulations.

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Speaker 3: Tinks has a new book out. Everybody. It's a new book.

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Speaker 3: And guess what. It's fiction this time, and it's called

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Speaker 3: Hotter in the Hamptons. And I'm going to guess that

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Speaker 3: it's not autobiographical at all.

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Speaker 1: Well, it's you know, they say, to write what you know.

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Speaker 5: It's about an influencer who gets canceled and then goes

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Speaker 5: to the Hamptons to get her groove back. Maybe some

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Speaker 5: of that I experienced, Maybe some of it I didn't.

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Speaker 3: You know, it feels like it's very eerily similar to

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Speaker 3: the truth. But listen, every work of fiction is based

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Speaker 3: on authors, on some truth from the author. It's impossible

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Speaker 3: to I mean, it's not impossible. I guess there are

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Speaker 3: lots of authors who could write fiction, who've been trained

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Speaker 3: in writing fiction. But I think when a celebrity writes fiction,

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Speaker 3: and many people write fiction, you have to bring stuff

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Speaker 3: in from your life. So that's totally understandable and actually

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Speaker 3: more enticing in my opinion.

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Speaker 1: I want to know. I want to know what's real

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Speaker 1: what's not.

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Speaker 3: First of all, It Takes is already a New York

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Speaker 3: Times bestseller because she had her first book, which was

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Speaker 3: called Shelled the Shift.

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Speaker 1: Which was a New York Times bestseller.

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Speaker 3: So this is her second foray into the book industry.

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Speaker 1: And this is like.

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Speaker 3: A weird love story that takes place in the Hamptons, Yes,

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Speaker 3: and that starts out as enemy. They start out as

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Speaker 3: enemies and then slowly, actually not that slowly, because that

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Speaker 3: is when things start to come out of people's pants.

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Speaker 5: It's a classic enemies to lovers situation. And yeah, I

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Speaker 5: mean I kind of like whenever I'm reading a smut

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Speaker 5: erotica book, I'm like, get to.

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Speaker 1: The sex already.

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Speaker 5: So yes, it starts pretty early on because I feel

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Speaker 5: like that's why people are reading it, So you've got

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Speaker 5: to give them a little juiciness early, early, up front.

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Speaker 1: Otherwise you're like, I don't care, I'll get to the

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Speaker 1: sex part.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, that's actually very formulaic, right. You were saying, Catherine,

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Speaker 3: that that romance books typically, I just want you to

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Speaker 3: know ticks.

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Speaker 1: This is the ticks.

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Speaker 3: I can't even fucking talk today. I want you to

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Speaker 3: know tics that this is the first fucking romance novel

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Speaker 3: I've read in my entire huge.

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Speaker 1: Only because it's you.

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Speaker 3: Yes, I've never I can't read romance because I just

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Speaker 3: find it so ridiculous. And this was very entertaining and

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Speaker 3: Stevie and yeah, well, very steamy, very steamy. I have

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Speaker 3: to ask you, when you write so much about queer sex,

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Speaker 3: have you experienced queer sex?

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Speaker 1: This book is about Lola, not about me, but.

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Speaker 5: That question is have you experienced my diplomatic answer.

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Speaker 1: This is about Lola. It's it's about her journey.

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Speaker 5: A lot of straight women follow me, and I want

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Speaker 5: this book to be a fantasy for them, or you know,

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Speaker 5: I want it. I want them to experience new fantasies

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Speaker 5: because of this book. And the reason I love reading,

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Speaker 5: not just in general, not just smut or erotica, but

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Speaker 5: reading in general is it's like one of the only

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Speaker 5: times that we imagine as an adult, like we're going

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Speaker 5: about our day, we have work, we have a million

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Speaker 5: things to do, da da da, and our creativity and

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Speaker 5: our imagination just gets smaller and smaller because we don't

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Speaker 5: have room to play. And when you read, you imagine,

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Speaker 5: and that's why I'm so obsessed with reading.

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Speaker 1: So I hope this.

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Speaker 5: Book opens people up and makes them really horny. That

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Speaker 5: is my number one goal is to make people horny

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Speaker 5: this summer. I think horniness is very, very criminally undervalued

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Speaker 5: in society today. I think it's important to be horny,

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Speaker 5: whether you're in a relationship, whether you're single, whether your

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Speaker 5: marriage doesn't matter.

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Speaker 1: So that is what I want to achieve with this book.

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Speaker 3: Vagina's opening everywhere from the East to the West. I

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Speaker 3: also endorse horniness and I think it is a very

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Speaker 3: healthy way to go through life is to be horny,

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Speaker 3: to go after what you want, to be open to

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Speaker 3: different kinds of sexual experiences and escapades if you will,

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Speaker 3: and to get after it. I mean, what's the point

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Speaker 3: of being a woman if you're not going to have

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Speaker 3: fun with your body?

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Speaker 5: Like literally, just get after it, have fun. Don't close

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Speaker 5: yourself off to anything. I think we really all need

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Speaker 5: to just be open to anything. Being a woman, being

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Speaker 5: in your sexuality is so powerful when you own it,

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Speaker 5: when you say yeah, actually I am horny today, or

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Speaker 5: when you say yeah, that person turns me on, or

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Speaker 5: this thing I read turns me on, whatever, that's so powerful.

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Speaker 5: I feel like being sexual as a woman has been

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Speaker 5: so villainized in so many ways, and it's not about

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Speaker 5: necessarily being slutty. This is a huge difference, and I

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Speaker 5: feel like that's what they want you to us to believe, like, oh,

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Speaker 5: if you're if you you know you're horny, you're a

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Speaker 5: bad woman and you're sludy.

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Speaker 1: That's not true at all.

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Speaker 5: We as women are our sexuality is like connected to

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Speaker 5: the cosmos. It's very powerful, and the more that you're

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Speaker 5: in that, the more powerful you'll.

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Speaker 3: Be, and slutty is just a word created by men

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Speaker 3: to categorize women who want to sleep with more than them.

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean exactly.

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Speaker 3: First of all, it's so empowering to be sexually free

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Speaker 3: and sexually liberated. It's especially if you're a single woman

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Speaker 3: and you haven't committed yourself to anyone yet.

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Speaker 1: It's like, it's exploration.

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Speaker 3: It's finding out not only what you like, it's finding

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Speaker 3: out what you're attracted to, what your standards are, what

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Speaker 3: you desire like. It's so much better to be open

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Speaker 3: minded than to be narrow minded in terms of sexuality.

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Speaker 1: So it's a nice exploration of that in this book. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: let's talk about Well, I mean, are you in New

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Speaker 1: York right now?

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Speaker 3: It looks like your background. Yeah, that doesn't look like

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Speaker 3: an LA background. I just saw Tanks recently on my

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Speaker 3: book tour, and she was nice enough to host me

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Speaker 3: at the ninety second Street Why and interviewed me fun

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Speaker 3: and then we went to my birthday party, and then

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Speaker 3: you were we were talking about New York in LA,

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Speaker 3: and in this book there's a lot of New York

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Speaker 3: in LA comparisons. So basically you were saying, how much

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Speaker 3: you love New York and your desire to be there

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Speaker 3: more permanently.

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Speaker 1: Talk to me about that a little bit.

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Speaker 5: I'm just in a season of my life where I

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Speaker 5: like to be in New York. You know, I found

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Speaker 5: it far easier more sex in New York for sure,

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Speaker 5: to more sex for sure and more community just where

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Speaker 5: I am in my life. I am single, and I

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Speaker 5: like a very full social life. I like to see

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Speaker 5: my friends every week. I like to do things spontaneously.

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Speaker 5: I like to say, Hey, let's go get a martini

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Speaker 5: at Finale's right now. And I want to have ten

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Speaker 5: friends who can do that. And the truth is I

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Speaker 5: couldn't do that in La. You know, it's just not

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Speaker 5: set up for that.

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Speaker 3: No One wants to have a martini in the middle

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Speaker 3: of the day in La no one.

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Speaker 1: No no one wants to have a martina out of

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Speaker 1: Friday night. They say, oh, you know, we can't. The traffic.

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Speaker 1: The uber this is that.

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Speaker 3: When every ray is sober, and everyone is sober here,

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Speaker 3: everyone's sober.

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Speaker 5: Oh I don't the calories this and that. I'm like,

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Speaker 5: oh my god, Like I just I want to have fun.

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Speaker 5: I'm in a very big fun era of my life

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Speaker 5: and I want the place that I live to reflect.

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Speaker 5: That doesn't mean that there's not great things about LA.

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Speaker 5: There are fantastic things about La. If you are very

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Speaker 5: wealthy and you have a family, LA is a nice.

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Speaker 1: Place to live.

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Speaker 5: There's a lot of great place things to do in LA.

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Speaker 5: It's just not if you're single and horny and like

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Speaker 5: want to go out all the time. It's kind of

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Speaker 5: a little difficult.

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Speaker 3: I've been trying to move to New York for about

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Speaker 3: five years now, and this house in LA that will

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Speaker 3: never be finished that I'm under construction on once again.

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Speaker 3: I'm out of my house once again, callers. I am

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Speaker 3: living at a friend's house without my dog dog.

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Speaker 1: Not for long, though.

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Speaker 3: I'm heading back to Whistler in a couple of days.

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Speaker 3: But I cannot wait to finish this house. Fucking sell

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Speaker 3: it rent. I don't give a shit what happens, but

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Speaker 3: I cannot wait to get an apartment in New York

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Speaker 3: City and start living the life that you're describing.

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Speaker 1: I'm so late. I'm fifty.

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Speaker 3: I should have done this when I was forty, but whatever,

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Speaker 3: I don't care about time. I'm even hotter now than

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Speaker 3: I was at forty, so it's gonna be even more exciting.

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Speaker 3: And everybody's divorced now, so like this is the time

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Speaker 3: to get back to wait.

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Speaker 1: For my friends to get divorced.

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Speaker 5: I know that's evil, but I cannot wait for them

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Speaker 5: to come back to me right now.

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Speaker 1: I'm in the phase where.

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Speaker 5: They're all like hunkering down and like having the kids,

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Speaker 5: and I'm like, just I'll bide my time.

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Speaker 1: I'll wait, I'll wait. You're gonna, yeah, you're gonna come

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Speaker 1: back to me.

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Speaker 3: And also men break up with their wives at this time,

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Speaker 3: Like there's a lot of divorce that happens between the

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Speaker 3: ages of forty and fifty, so it's good to catch

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Speaker 3: someone on the tail end of their divorce, you know

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Speaker 3: what I mean, If you're looking for someone who's not

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Speaker 3: ready for a commitment and you're looking to have fun.

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Speaker 5: Or if you are looking for a commitment, I feel

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Speaker 5: like a divorce guy could be great for me. That

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Speaker 5: doesn't scare me at all. In fact, it sounds actually

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Speaker 5: like it could be good. Like a guy who's, you know,

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Speaker 5: in his early forties, he's been divorced, maybe he has

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Speaker 5: one kid, so he's not stressed about having more. Because

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Speaker 5: I'm not sure that I want kids, so I don't

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Speaker 5: want that pressure on me.

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Speaker 1: And I think that could be great for me. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: but he's gotta want to have fun.

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Speaker 5: It doesn't sound fun to me to just like be

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Speaker 5: in a in a nuclear family unit or whatever.

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Speaker 1: That's not that doesn't appeal to me.

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Speaker 5: I want someone who's like, let's go to Mexico City

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Speaker 5: this weekend and like, I don't know, take mushrooms at

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Speaker 5: SOHO house. Like that's the kind of basic shit that

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Speaker 5: really gets me off. And I want a guy who

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Speaker 5: wants to do that with me.

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Speaker 3: We're on the same page things. We're on the exact

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Speaker 3: same page actually apparently exactly apparently of the exact same

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Speaker 3: book Hotter in the Hampton's another thing you said to

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Speaker 3: me when we spoke last time. I think this was

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Speaker 3: on your podcast or I don't know, maybe it was private,

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Speaker 3: but we'll talk about it. It was about how annoying

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Speaker 3: men are and how bored you are. Now was that

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Speaker 3: directed just at La or is that just an overall

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Speaker 3: sentiment because it's you're not alone, obviously, I'm sure you're

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Speaker 3: well aware.

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Speaker 5: I my problem with data is not that I go

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Speaker 5: on all these dates and nobody likes me.

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Speaker 1: And whatever.

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Speaker 5: I find the conversation so boring. I'm almost boords tears.

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Speaker 5: And I'm not saying that in a rude way or

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Speaker 5: to be a bit or whatever. But the most of

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Speaker 5: the men I meet, I find them to be very

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Speaker 5: one dimensional.

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Speaker 1: And when I meet women.

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Speaker 5: Every time I meet a woman, she's like, oh, this morning,

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Speaker 5: I woke up and I ran a ten k and

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Speaker 5: then I baked some vegan muffins for my dog because

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Speaker 5: he's going through some health issues. And then I went

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Speaker 5: to my job, and then I did this and that

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Speaker 5: ed and I'm like, wow, I want to be your

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Speaker 5: best friend and I want to know everything about you.

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Speaker 5: And when I meet men, they're like, it's just it's

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Speaker 5: so hard to like get in there.

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Speaker 1: And look, I've loved men in the past.

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Speaker 5: I've found men interesting in the past, but as I

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Speaker 5: get older, I do find it more and more difficult

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Speaker 5: to find men who are super dimensional. And that is

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Speaker 5: a problem I'm having with dating right now, because every

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Speaker 5: time I go on a date, I'm like, oh, I'd

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Speaker 5: rather be with my friends.

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Speaker 3: I thought I liked this guy, and we were facetiming,

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Speaker 3: and there were a couple of moments of silent like

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Speaker 3: awkward silence.

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Speaker 1: I mean, face time is a pretty awkward when you

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Speaker 1: don't know somebody.

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Speaker 3: Well, I actually prefer not to have that happened, but

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Speaker 3: this person assaulted me with a FaceTime a few times,

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Speaker 3: and I just I'm at the place in my life

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Speaker 3: where I just I'm not filling in gaps of silence,

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Speaker 3: like I don't care if it's awkward. Then you talk

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Speaker 3: like I don't have anything to tell you, or I'm

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Speaker 3: pretty confident with who I am and that the moments

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Speaker 3: of silence just were just I just was like, it's

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Speaker 3: a fun experiment to like look at somebody and go, what, okay,

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Speaker 3: are you going to say something? Because I'm actually not

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Speaker 3: going to say something, And to be on the phone

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Speaker 3: and have that happen.

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Speaker 1: You're like, this is so ridiculous. It's like ridiculous. You

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Speaker 1: don't have anything to do. I just met you, you

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Speaker 1: don't have anything to tell me. No, It's it's wild.

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Speaker 5: And a lot of men also like I don't like

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Speaker 5: to man bash too much because then I feel like

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Speaker 5: it kind of makes my points less powerful.

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Speaker 1: I'm truly not man bashing.

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Speaker 5: But something that I have found very broadly with dating

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Speaker 5: today is like men don't ask you questions. And because

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Speaker 5: I have my call in show, this is something that

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Speaker 5: happens to a lot of young women right now.

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Speaker 1: Women we go on these dates and we're like, well,

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Speaker 1: where did you go and what did you see?

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Speaker 5: And whata da da da, and like we will fill

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Speaker 5: the silence and we will ask questions because we're genuinely

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Speaker 5: curious about the other person. If you're on the other

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Speaker 5: on a date or if you're on a FaceTime, surely

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Speaker 5: you must have something to ask the person.

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Speaker 1: But they but they don't.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, no, No, it's unreal that how they will talk

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Speaker 3: about themselves and then fail to ask you a question

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Speaker 3: about yourself. You're trying to date me, you're not curious

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Speaker 3: about anything? I mean, I know it's all pretty public,

345
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Speaker 3: but don't you want to know anything personal about me?

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Speaker 6: No?

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Speaker 5: I went on a Hinge date last year and I

348
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Speaker 5: actually I was in a really low point in dating.

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Speaker 5: So I was like, whatever, I'm going to do an experiment,

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Speaker 5: and I actually asked him a lot of questions, Like

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Speaker 5: I was really on my shit, you know, not in

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Speaker 5: a crazy way, but I was very, very forthcoming with

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Speaker 5: my questions. We went for forty two minutes before he

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Speaker 5: asked me a question about myself forty two What was

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00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,400
Speaker 5: the question? He was like, what do you I don't

356
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Speaker 5: actually know what your job is? And I was forty

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Speaker 5: two minutes we were in and at that point my

358
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Speaker 5: martini was done. I go, you know what, I'm gonna

359
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Speaker 5: be real with you. I'm not feeling it. I'm going

360
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Speaker 5: to go home. And I went home.

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Speaker 1: Oh, good for you. I love saying that. I love

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Speaker 1: saying that.

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Speaker 5: I'm like, how insane is that? Forty two minutes and

364
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:09,720
Speaker 5: you don't think, Oh, this is a conversation. It goes

365
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Speaker 5: back and forth, and I should be interested in this person.

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Speaker 2: Well, and like that's the question that he came up with.

367
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Speaker 1: I don't know what you do for a living? Like

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Speaker 1: that's yeah. And by the way, it's not even a question.

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Speaker 1: It's not even a question. Like if the date automatically

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Speaker 1: goes to, oh what do you do? Where are you from?

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Speaker 5: It's just like, come on, be more interesting, say oh,

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Speaker 5: I saw this thing today, or I'll have you watched

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Speaker 5: that show.

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Speaker 3: Up something that's unrelated to both of you. Talk about

375
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Speaker 3: a subject of matter. That's what I want to hear about.

376
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Speaker 3: I went on a date the other night somebody would

377
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Speaker 3: set me up.

378
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Speaker 1: That was nice.

379
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Speaker 3: And I walked into the bar and this guy was

380
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Speaker 3: wearing a bomber jacket and drinking chardonnay, and I just thought,

381
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Speaker 3: what honestly, And I sat down and I said, I

382
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Speaker 3: don't have a lot of time. I probably only have

383
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Speaker 3: fifteen minutes. And I ordered a tankerrey and soda and

384
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Speaker 3: then I he was like, I'm going to get another

385
00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:03,520
Speaker 3: glass of charonay, and I said, well, enjoy it because

386
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Speaker 3: I'm leaving. And I left and it was literally fifteen minutes,

387
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:09,200
Speaker 3: because that's how much time I have to spend with

388
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Speaker 3: people like I am not in the business.

389
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Speaker 1: As you're not in the business.

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Speaker 3: At a certain age, you stop pretending that you have

391
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Speaker 3: to make people feel good. It doesn't matter. I need

392
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Speaker 3: to feel good. I need to go home and get sleep.

393
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Speaker 3: I don't need to waste this take away and soda

394
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Speaker 3: on you. I'd rather go home and take an edible

395
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Speaker 3: and go to bed, like I don't.

396
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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the thing.

397
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Speaker 5: Also is like, if you are a person who's in

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Speaker 5: command of their own life and who lives intentionally and

399
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Speaker 5: has a lot of fun, which isn't a lot of people,

400
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,520
Speaker 5: no shade, but you know, a lot of people don't

401
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:37,880
Speaker 5: have command of their own emotions, Like I just don't

402
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:41,440
Speaker 5: want to waste my time with something that isn't good

403
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:43,920
Speaker 5: for either of us. And I think that people need

404
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,520
Speaker 5: to be more forthcoming. But I also think people need

405
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:48,680
Speaker 5: to not take it so personally. If you go on

406
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Speaker 5: a date and it ends quickly, sometimes girls will write

407
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Speaker 5: to me and they'll be like, I'm so upset.

408
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Speaker 1: And I'm like, you didn't like him either.

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Speaker 5: It's okay to just cut your losses and be like,

410
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Speaker 5: all right, we tried cool, see you next time. Time

411
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Speaker 5: is so precious. Time is the only limited resource we have.

412
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Speaker 5: Is the only thing we can't get back. You can

413
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,560
Speaker 5: get back everything else, you can never get back time.

414
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:10,600
Speaker 5: And the way that we throw time away in our

415
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:13,639
Speaker 5: twenties just on these like endless dates on you know,

416
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:16,000
Speaker 5: the apps and da da da, sitting there dating someone

417
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,639
Speaker 5: for three months when you know that they're a loser,

418
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Speaker 5: Like you're better to go home and read a book

419
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Speaker 5: and take an edible and go to bed. Your time

420
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Speaker 5: on earth is genuinely better spent on that, because you know,

421
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:28,240
Speaker 5: people need to get over the fact that, like, you're

422
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,680
Speaker 5: not going to die if you're single. You could die

423
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Speaker 5: of boredom in some of these fucking dates because they're

424
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Speaker 5: so bad.

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Speaker 1: Well, I think a.

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Speaker 3: Lot of our listeners are listening thinking, okay, so what

427
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,720
Speaker 3: happens when Okay, So when you said that to that guy,

428
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Speaker 3: I'm not feeling it?

429
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Speaker 5: What was his response? Hand to God, I maybe didn't say, oh,

430
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Speaker 5: I'm not feeling it. I think I said, you know what,

431
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:49,800
Speaker 5: I'm really tired of got to call it and go

432
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Speaker 5: to bed, you know whatever, but which is code for

433
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:54,959
Speaker 5: I'm not having fun. But I remember specifically that I

434
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Speaker 5: was back at my apartment within the hour.

435
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Speaker 1: I remember that I was, you know whatever. Next day

436
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Speaker 1: he texts me and goes, hey, I'm and he fucking

437
00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,280
Speaker 1: walked me home. It was in New York. He walked

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Speaker 1: me home, and I was like Jesus Christ. I couldn't

439
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:07,760
Speaker 1: believe it.

440
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:09,239
Speaker 5: The next morning he texted me, he goes, hey, I'm

441
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:11,280
Speaker 5: actually going to a party in the building next to

442
00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:14,159
Speaker 5: yours tonight if you wanted to come. And I was

443
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,040
Speaker 5: just thinking, and then I texted him and I said,

444
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:18,199
Speaker 5: I'm sorry. I really don't feel an emotional connection.

445
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,159
Speaker 1: But the mostly the.

446
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,280
Speaker 5: Sane part is even when I'm at my worst. Even

447
00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:24,760
Speaker 5: when I'm running a fucking science experiment, I'm still more

448
00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:26,400
Speaker 5: fun than most of these dudes.

449
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:27,200
Speaker 1: I mean.

450
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:29,720
Speaker 5: But by the way, it makes sense because if someone

451
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:33,040
Speaker 5: lets you speak about yourself for forty two minutes, he

452
00:18:33,119 --> 00:18:34,280
Speaker 5: had the best time of his life.

453
00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:35,160
Speaker 1: He didn't even.

454
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:38,359
Speaker 5: Realize he was a free therapy and like a little

455
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:41,280
Speaker 5: light stand up for me, and you got to I'm

456
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:41,920
Speaker 5: a martini.

457
00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:44,320
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, I'm exhausted. I should have sent him a bill.

458
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:47,199
Speaker 3: The guy that I left with the chardonnay texted me

459
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:48,879
Speaker 3: the next day and said, I know you have a

460
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,280
Speaker 3: pretty busy weekend coming up, so I just want to

461
00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:53,199
Speaker 3: let you know, you know, don't work too hard, have

462
00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:55,199
Speaker 3: a fun weekend. I was going to like south By

463
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,720
Speaker 3: Southwest or something, and I said, I said, thanks so

464
00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:58,520
Speaker 3: much for the drink.

465
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:03,160
Speaker 1: Have all the fun weekends period, Like fuck off on lamla.

466
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:05,440
Speaker 3: Well, just like I want to be direct because I

467
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,440
Speaker 3: don't want to waste anyone's time. I don't want to

468
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,040
Speaker 3: be mean, but I want to be direct. It's just

469
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:14,680
Speaker 3: like we as women have to retrain ourselves the way

470
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:18,880
Speaker 3: that we exist in relation to men. We're not there

471
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,439
Speaker 3: to be liked, We're there to like them, and we're

472
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,919
Speaker 3: we get confused about being liked and liking them. And

473
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,560
Speaker 3: if you can't just be worried about what someone thinks

474
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,960
Speaker 3: of you, because that can't be the only prerequisite to

475
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:30,800
Speaker 3: a relationship is.

476
00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:32,040
Speaker 1: Someone liking you.

477
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:34,640
Speaker 3: You have to like them and then back it up

478
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,720
Speaker 3: twenty feet and find out if you do so. Yes,

479
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:39,840
Speaker 3: I think that's obviously very common.

480
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:41,800
Speaker 5: With women fuck who they want, men fuck who they

481
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,760
Speaker 5: can and I stand on that do Actually I have.

482
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:48,080
Speaker 4: A caller who like would dovetail really nicely with us should.

483
00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:50,080
Speaker 1: We get into it or ready to break? And we'll

484
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:51,000
Speaker 1: be right back with tanks.

485
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,840
Speaker 4: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, right into us at

486
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:57,280
Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. We'd love to

487
00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,919
Speaker 4: hear your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice,

488
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:03,439
Speaker 4: and this week we're specifically looking for questions related to

489
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:06,679
Speaker 4: meditation and personal and spiritual growth, So if you have

490
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:09,880
Speaker 4: any questions, please write in at Dear Chelsea podcast at

491
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:14,960
Speaker 4: gmail dot com.

492
00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:16,680
Speaker 1: And we're back with tanks and we have a call.

493
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,160
Speaker 1: We have a pressing caller.

494
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:21,520
Speaker 3: Apparently according to Catherine, okay, great, bring it in well.

495
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,919
Speaker 2: Speaking of men wasting everybody's time.

496
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:28,280
Speaker 4: Lilah writes, Dear Chelsea, my partner and I need some

497
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:31,960
Speaker 4: advice on how to handle a really tough situation. Over

498
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:35,159
Speaker 4: two years ago, my partner's brother was unexpectedly diagnosed with

499
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:38,320
Speaker 4: epilepsy at around age thirty five. At the time, we

500
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:39,960
Speaker 4: had just bought our house and we're in the middle

501
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:41,199
Speaker 4: of renovating it with the.

502
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:42,679
Speaker 2: Mindset that it would just be the two of us

503
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:43,200
Speaker 2: living there.

504
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:45,639
Speaker 4: But when he started having seizures, we took him in

505
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:48,040
Speaker 4: so he wouldn't have to live alone while adjusting to

506
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:51,159
Speaker 4: his diagnosis. Since then, we've done our best to support

507
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:53,240
Speaker 4: him and he's in a much better place now. His

508
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:56,879
Speaker 4: seizures are under control with medication. He sees a psychologist

509
00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:59,639
Speaker 4: and he likes his new neurologist. He's just shy of

510
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:03,320
Speaker 4: one seizure free. The problem is living with him has

511
00:21:03,359 --> 00:21:06,840
Speaker 4: been really difficult. He's constantly in a bad mood, barely

512
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:10,400
Speaker 4: interacts with us, and is incredibly passive aggressive. He makes

513
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,879
Speaker 4: it clear when he doesn't like something we enjoy, to

514
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:15,080
Speaker 4: the point where it feels like we're wrong for liking it.

515
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:17,720
Speaker 4: We feel like we're walking on eggshells in our own

516
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,600
Speaker 4: home and Honestly, it doesn't feel like our space anymore.

517
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:21,399
Speaker 2: It feels like his.

518
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:24,160
Speaker 4: Our house is small for three adults, and at one

519
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,560
Speaker 4: point we even considered buying a bigger home just to

520
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:29,359
Speaker 4: make things more manageable. But we've realized that we'ld just

521
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:31,960
Speaker 4: be putting a band aid on the situation. What we

522
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:33,840
Speaker 4: really need is for him to move out. But we

523
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:36,760
Speaker 4: know this conversation is not going to go well. He

524
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:39,440
Speaker 4: doesn't handle things like this in an emotionally mature way,

525
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:42,639
Speaker 4: and we're anticipating a lot of negativity, tension, and passive

526
00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:46,719
Speaker 4: aggressiveness in the aftermath. We want to be clear, firm,

527
00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:49,119
Speaker 4: and kind when we tell him, but also stand up

528
00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:51,199
Speaker 4: for ourselves and our needs. How do we have this

529
00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:54,080
Speaker 4: conversation in a way that sets a boundary while minimizing

530
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:54,720
Speaker 4: the fallout?

531
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:58,520
Speaker 1: Lila, Hi, La La, Hi, Hi, say hi to our

532
00:21:58,520 --> 00:21:59,840
Speaker 1: special guest Tanks today.

533
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:01,920
Speaker 7: Hi specially thanks Hello.

534
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:02,640
Speaker 4: Hi.

535
00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:05,600
Speaker 3: Okay, So, Tanks, do you want to start or shall

536
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:06,879
Speaker 3: I you start?

537
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:07,520
Speaker 1: Okay?

538
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,399
Speaker 3: I mean, this is obviously going to be a difficult conversation,

539
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:11,600
Speaker 3: but it's necessary.

540
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:13,000
Speaker 1: So you and your.

541
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,879
Speaker 3: Husband are I'm assuming Lela are on the same page.

542
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:18,560
Speaker 7: Yeah, my partner is also a female.

543
00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:21,399
Speaker 1: Oh okay, so great, she's on the same page as you.

544
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,520
Speaker 1: Okay great. So yeah, you guys are going to have

545
00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:25,080
Speaker 1: to sit down.

546
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:27,679
Speaker 3: I mean, honestly, I actually think this is more of

547
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,240
Speaker 3: her responsibility than yours.

548
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:31,440
Speaker 1: But if you want to be a caring partner, then

549
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:33,120
Speaker 1: you can. I mean, it is your house.

550
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,199
Speaker 3: You've had the experience with him, and it is a

551
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:36,959
Speaker 3: little bit of a cop out to say, no, you

552
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:38,360
Speaker 3: handle it because it's your sibling.

553
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:40,360
Speaker 1: Do you feel the same way or.

554
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:43,040
Speaker 2: Do you Yeah, for sure, we have said that.

555
00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:46,000
Speaker 7: I think that she should handle that conversation, but I

556
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,320
Speaker 7: do think I should probably be at least be there

557
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:48,720
Speaker 7: for that.

558
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:49,840
Speaker 1: Yeah.

559
00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:52,359
Speaker 3: I think that first of all, you have to firmly

560
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:55,000
Speaker 3: state what is going to happen, and a time frame.

561
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:57,600
Speaker 3: You always have to give people a timeframe that is

562
00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:00,280
Speaker 3: not negotiable, and it can be a generous time frame.

563
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,280
Speaker 3: It could be thirty days, it could be sixty days,

564
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,000
Speaker 3: whatever you think is generous.

565
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:04,520
Speaker 8: You know what.

566
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,359
Speaker 3: I mean, to give him the benefit of the doubt

567
00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:09,160
Speaker 3: because he's getting information that is unexpected in his brain,

568
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,679
Speaker 3: but because of all of the behaviors and because he's

569
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:15,400
Speaker 3: gotten himself into a healthier place he no longer needs

570
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:16,840
Speaker 3: to be living with the two of you, So that's

571
00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:20,000
Speaker 3: just a practical matter. He's got his medication, he's not

572
00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:22,360
Speaker 3: having seizure. Is he having any seizures at all?

573
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:23,199
Speaker 7: No?

574
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:24,440
Speaker 1: No, no, okay.

575
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:26,840
Speaker 3: So there was no plan ever for you two to

576
00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:29,200
Speaker 3: have a third party living with you, so you went

577
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:29,720
Speaker 3: out of your way.

578
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,280
Speaker 1: How long has he been living with you, guys?

579
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:32,320
Speaker 7: Two years?

580
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:32,960
Speaker 1: Okay?

581
00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:34,840
Speaker 3: First of all, he should have been gone a year ago.

582
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:38,439
Speaker 3: So that you've been overly generous. And I can just

583
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:40,600
Speaker 3: tell by the tone of your voice that you might

584
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:41,800
Speaker 3: be a little bit nicer.

585
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:43,240
Speaker 1: Than you're going to need to be in this situation

586
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:45,160
Speaker 1: for sure. Yeah.

587
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:48,480
Speaker 3: So, and you guys actually should sit down together, you

588
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:52,400
Speaker 3: and your partner before you do this, and really like meditate,

589
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:55,240
Speaker 3: intentionalize what you're going to say, how you're going to

590
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:57,399
Speaker 3: say it that you are going to be unwavering, and

591
00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:59,240
Speaker 3: you're going to give him I don't know what sounds

592
00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:01,160
Speaker 3: good to you, or sixty.

593
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:04,000
Speaker 7: Days, honestly, I guess you're I'm too nice.

594
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:04,760
Speaker 2: I would give him like.

595
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:08,800
Speaker 3: Six months, no, no, no, two months, two months or

596
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:12,080
Speaker 3: three months max? Max? Now two and a half years,

597
00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:15,280
Speaker 3: you're going to live with your brother, your relationship. Your

598
00:24:15,359 --> 00:24:19,040
Speaker 3: relationship might not survive that, Like your relationship is being

599
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:22,000
Speaker 3: fractured by this interloper. And by the way, he's not

600
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,879
Speaker 3: an intlope. Listen, something bad happened. You guys helped him.

601
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,600
Speaker 3: You did the right thing. It's family. Family helps family.

602
00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:29,919
Speaker 3: You would probably do it for a friend too, But

603
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:32,680
Speaker 3: two years is an exhausting amount of time to share

604
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:35,760
Speaker 3: a space with somebody who's passive, aggressive, who's insulting to

605
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:38,359
Speaker 3: your opinions or your likes or all of these things,

606
00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:40,879
Speaker 3: and it's just an unpleasant person to be around. So

607
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,200
Speaker 3: you just have to state it that way. Listen, we've

608
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:46,080
Speaker 3: been here, we've helped you, and now we feel like

609
00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:49,960
Speaker 3: it's been two years and we're ready to be, you know,

610
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:52,479
Speaker 3: living by ourselves again. You're up on your feet, you

611
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:56,040
Speaker 3: can do your you can handle this sickness and illness

612
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:58,160
Speaker 3: with the meds now and it's time.

613
00:24:58,200 --> 00:24:59,680
Speaker 1: Does hee work, yes?

614
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:00,159
Speaker 3: Yes?

615
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,040
Speaker 1: Great? So what's he doing with his money? Is he

616
00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:05,359
Speaker 1: paying rent to you guys at all? A little?

617
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 7: I mean if he's seven hundred, but other than that,

618
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 7: like we kind of just did this to like help

619
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:12,720
Speaker 7: him get on his feet, have him save money and

620
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:14,840
Speaker 7: like give him an opportunity to like buy something for

621
00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:17,560
Speaker 7: himself and like actually do something with his life that

622
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:20,520
Speaker 7: he likes. But it just feel like he has no plan.

623
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,119
Speaker 7: He says he's going to go do these things, and

624
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:26,440
Speaker 7: he just doesn't comes up with excuses constantly.

625
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:28,959
Speaker 3: Right, Okay, So I think you should have write all

626
00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:31,239
Speaker 3: of these points down too, so that you can give

627
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:34,280
Speaker 3: him a list of things after so that there isn't

628
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:37,560
Speaker 3: any confusion in the conversation and any twisting of the words.

629
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:40,199
Speaker 3: Like we wanted to help you out you were in

630
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:40,880
Speaker 3: a bad way.

631
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:41,640
Speaker 1: We did that.

632
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:43,680
Speaker 3: We wanted you to get on your feet, we wanted

633
00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:46,440
Speaker 3: you to seek the right medical care. You've done all

634
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:48,480
Speaker 3: of these things. Look at all of the things that

635
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:50,800
Speaker 3: you've done in the past two years, which he's not

636
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:53,720
Speaker 3: looking at right, He's not thinking about how far he's come.

637
00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:56,280
Speaker 3: But you need to remind him about all of the

638
00:25:56,359 --> 00:25:58,560
Speaker 3: like things that are better than they were.

639
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:00,200
Speaker 1: And now is a good time.

640
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:02,160
Speaker 3: And even if you say for the next couple months,

641
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:03,840
Speaker 3: you don't have to pay us rent while you save

642
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:05,879
Speaker 3: money to find your own place. You don't have to

643
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:07,880
Speaker 3: pay us seven hundred unless you really need that money

644
00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:08,280
Speaker 3: from him.

645
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:11,640
Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean, I feel like it's a very generous

646
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:13,800
Speaker 7: amount considering like the type of job that he has.

647
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:17,480
Speaker 7: He can absolutely support himself. So yeah, we definitely do

648
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:20,320
Speaker 7: need the money because I'm in school right now and

649
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:23,000
Speaker 7: I'm okay, I'm only working part time, but I'm almost done.

650
00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:25,919
Speaker 3: Great, totally fair. Another thing you could point out, you

651
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:28,160
Speaker 3: make a great living. You could totally afford to live

652
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,840
Speaker 3: on your own. Our relationship, we never intended to have

653
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:33,120
Speaker 3: a third person. And while we love you and totally

654
00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:36,480
Speaker 3: would never take this time back, blah blah blah, it's

655
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:38,960
Speaker 3: now time for us to figure out a transition plan

656
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:39,640
Speaker 3: for you to leave.

657
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:41,000
Speaker 1: But you have to give him.

658
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:44,639
Speaker 3: A time frame, Yeah, like with a date, a specific date, tanks,

659
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:45,280
Speaker 3: what do you think?

660
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:48,600
Speaker 1: I completely agree. I think a time frame is super helpful.

661
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:52,040
Speaker 5: I think being firm, I think laying it out with

662
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:54,880
Speaker 5: your partner what you're going to say beforehand, will be

663
00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:57,760
Speaker 5: helpful because I agree with Chelsea, you sound very, very nice,

664
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:00,440
Speaker 5: and sometimes you get in those situations and if he's

665
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:02,919
Speaker 5: already a bit passive aggressive, he's going to be like.

666
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:05,320
Speaker 1: Well, you know what about this, and that you need

667
00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:05,960
Speaker 1: to be firm.

668
00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:09,840
Speaker 5: You need to be kind and firm and brief and

669
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:11,520
Speaker 5: just lay down the law.

670
00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:13,040
Speaker 1: And yeah, it's time.

671
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:16,240
Speaker 5: I feel like you probably don't even realize like how

672
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,400
Speaker 5: much this is weighing on your relationship in your life,

673
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 5: Like you deserve to have a great life with your partner.

674
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,320
Speaker 1: You guys have been more than generous. It's time for

675
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:24,000
Speaker 1: the next chapter.

676
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:27,439
Speaker 3: Now, two years is way too long. You are way

677
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:29,160
Speaker 3: past your expiration date.

678
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 1: Yeah.

679
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:33,280
Speaker 7: Yeah, Well the first year he was having seizures on

680
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:35,560
Speaker 7: and off, so it kind of kept pushing the time

681
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:37,879
Speaker 7: and pushing it. But like now we're getting in a

682
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:40,439
Speaker 7: better spot and he has almost been seizure free for

683
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 7: a year, so I kind of feel like we're waiting

684
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:45,920
Speaker 7: for these like medications to actually like work well and

685
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:49,160
Speaker 7: be comfortable where he's at. And like now he's seeing

686
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:52,320
Speaker 7: a psychologist and he seems to be like working things

687
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 7: out from their childhood that has been tough.

688
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:58,200
Speaker 3: So great, great, all of these things being that he's made,

689
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 3: Like these are things you should list down for him,

690
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:02,840
Speaker 3: like all of his milestones that he's made. You know,

691
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:05,640
Speaker 3: sometimes people don't remember how far they've come and they

692
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:08,320
Speaker 3: still think they're struggling, struggling, struggling, and it's like, wait,

693
00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:11,119
Speaker 3: a second you did this, this, and this. Look at

694
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:13,639
Speaker 3: how far you've come. You're resilient, you're strong, and you're

695
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:16,600
Speaker 3: ready to be on your own again. And seriously, make

696
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:18,760
Speaker 3: a list of all of the things he's accomplished so

697
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:20,919
Speaker 3: that he can reflect on that too. You know, that

698
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:22,959
Speaker 3: could kind of take some of this sting out and

699
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:24,879
Speaker 3: he may not have a great reaction. It sounds like

700
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:27,520
Speaker 3: he probably won't, But don't worry about that. That's not

701
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:32,719
Speaker 3: your problem. You have demonstrated loving, kindness and compassion and

702
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:35,760
Speaker 3: now you are taking your ownership back of your life

703
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:38,120
Speaker 3: and there is nothing to be sorry about for that.

704
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:40,680
Speaker 4: And I feel like if there are some tantrums, if

705
00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:43,920
Speaker 4: there's some passive aggressiveness, like expect that, and I think

706
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:45,920
Speaker 4: you can just be like okay, Like if he makes

707
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,320
Speaker 4: us an, I'd comment like, Okay, don't let him bait

708
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,720
Speaker 4: you into stuff. Don't let him turn this transition period

709
00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:54,640
Speaker 4: ugly and weird and awkward, Like let stuff roll off

710
00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:56,720
Speaker 4: your back because you know there's a date when it's

711
00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:57,360
Speaker 4: going to be over.

712
00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:00,280
Speaker 7: Yep, yep, that makes a lot of sense. It really

713
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:02,600
Speaker 7: has a lot of stress in our relationship.

714
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:05,000
Speaker 1: We of course, are sure quite a bit.

715
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:07,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course, nobody wants to live with their fucking

716
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:11,880
Speaker 3: family member. Nobody in a marriage wants their brother or

717
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:15,440
Speaker 3: sister living there. That's just not an ideal situation. Many

718
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 3: people do it out of the goodness of their heart

719
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:19,480
Speaker 3: and their bonds to their family, but it's not ideal.

720
00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:23,040
Speaker 3: So I mean, and two year, that's enough. It's enough already,

721
00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:26,520
Speaker 3: And I would really impress upon you to say, make

722
00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:29,680
Speaker 3: it a two or three month situation, not a six month.

723
00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:31,760
Speaker 3: Six months will go on. You have to assume it's

724
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:33,280
Speaker 3: going to go over a month that you ask for,

725
00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 3: So just say two months is a fair amount of

726
00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:37,560
Speaker 3: time for you to start looking for a place. If

727
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:39,760
Speaker 3: it takes a little bit longer, fine, but we would

728
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:42,480
Speaker 3: really love for you to have a plan within two months,

729
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:43,560
Speaker 3: a living plan.

730
00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:45,200
Speaker 7: It makes a lot of sense for sure.

731
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:46,600
Speaker 1: And one more thing.

732
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 3: Don't engage if he is if he does start an argument,

733
00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:52,240
Speaker 3: if he does want to get into it, do not

734
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:54,960
Speaker 3: engage with that. Just say I'm so sorry. We're not

735
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:57,400
Speaker 3: going to talk to you in this kind of tone.

736
00:29:57,640 --> 00:29:59,800
Speaker 3: This is not healthy for us, and we don't want

737
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:03,640
Speaker 3: to like when there's one person arguing by themselves, there's

738
00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:06,440
Speaker 3: not a big argument happening for very long. So as

739
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 3: long as you don't get into it with him, and

740
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:11,080
Speaker 3: you don't allow your partner, you know, like instruct her

741
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:13,720
Speaker 3: to do the same thing, don't get mired in the

742
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:16,440
Speaker 3: back and forth and all of that and like you

743
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 3: did this and you didn't do this. It's like, no,

744
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:21,680
Speaker 3: we're simply stating what our boundary is. This is a boundary.

745
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:24,360
Speaker 3: People don't like that word, but it's going to bring

746
00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:26,840
Speaker 3: out the best in him at some point, just maybe

747
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:27,520
Speaker 3: not right away.

748
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:29,320
Speaker 7: Yep, totally, for sure.

749
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:30,600
Speaker 2: I agree with that.

750
00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:31,719
Speaker 4: All right.

751
00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:33,120
Speaker 2: Will you keep us posted, Lila?

752
00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:36,200
Speaker 7: I will, Yeah, I will check back in for sure.

753
00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:40,400
Speaker 1: All right, good luck, be strong, Yeah, be strong, Leilah.

754
00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 7: I will thank you so much.

755
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:45,720
Speaker 3: I wish I knew about boundaries earlier on in my life.

756
00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:49,440
Speaker 3: You know, I'm boundaryless. I had no boundaries. I mean,

757
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:51,400
Speaker 3: I still am a little bit murky on the boundary

758
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:53,720
Speaker 3: stuff because sometimes I just can't help myself, you know,

759
00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:56,240
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, you know, I want to give my

760
00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:58,600
Speaker 3: driver a massage inside my house.

761
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 1: I mean not for me, but do you know what

762
00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:00,600
Speaker 1: I mean?

763
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:01,160
Speaker 8: Right?

764
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:02,960
Speaker 1: And I have so many friends who are like, don't

765
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:05,880
Speaker 1: you can't Chelsea that is a line that you cannot cross,

766
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:08,240
Speaker 1: and it always bites me an ass. It does bite

767
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:09,760
Speaker 1: me an ass well.

768
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:13,959
Speaker 4: Our next question comes from Claire, says, Dear Chelsea, I

769
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:17,640
Speaker 4: need some advice, wisdom, clarity, anything at this point. My

770
00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:19,920
Speaker 4: partner of ten years cheated on me and left me

771
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:21,960
Speaker 4: for his coworker about a year and a half ago.

772
00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 4: The relationship wasn't perfect, but it turns out I was

773
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:26,720
Speaker 4: the only one trying to make it work, since he

774
00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:29,440
Speaker 4: was lying about his feelings, lying about going to therapy,

775
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:32,640
Speaker 4: and apparently this woman. I've been working with my therapist

776
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:35,160
Speaker 4: to rebuild, but there's one thing that I think you'd

777
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:37,800
Speaker 4: have some helpful insight on. I'm turning thirty five and

778
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:39,520
Speaker 4: it's been a scary age for me because I'm on

779
00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:42,160
Speaker 4: the fence about kids. I'm worried that I won't find

780
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:44,680
Speaker 4: someone else because they're either all taken or crazy or

781
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:47,440
Speaker 4: think I'm too old, and that whether I want kids

782
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 4: or not, I'll just run out of time for the option.

783
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 4: I've looked into egg freezing, but it's so cost prohibitive

784
00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:55,600
Speaker 4: and the current political climate makes it scary. I was

785
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:57,320
Speaker 4: never one of those people who thought I needed a

786
00:31:57,360 --> 00:31:59,360
Speaker 4: man to feel happy and the whole marriage, two point

787
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:02,200
Speaker 4: five kids, pick a fence thing. But I do know

788
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:04,480
Speaker 4: after this experience that I want to partner, something I

789
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:06,960
Speaker 4: didn't know before I met him. Now I feel like

790
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:09,480
Speaker 4: I'm too old and it's too late, even though everyone

791
00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:11,080
Speaker 4: tells me it's not. But I know a lot of

792
00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:12,920
Speaker 4: women in their forties and fifties who went through what

793
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:14,719
Speaker 4: I did at this age and have pretty much been

794
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:17,200
Speaker 4: single ever since. I think I have to accept the

795
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 4: possibility that it will just be me and my dog,

796
00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:20,920
Speaker 4: but I'm not sure how to do that. Do you

797
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:22,640
Speaker 4: have any advice for getting to the point where you

798
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:25,680
Speaker 4: like yourself enough that being alone is okay and releasing

799
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:28,600
Speaker 4: the heteronormative, misogynistic idea that doing.

800
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:31,680
Speaker 2: So would make me a failure. Sincerely, yours, Claire.

801
00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:37,520
Speaker 3: Hi Claire, Hi, Hi, this is our special guest Tanks.

802
00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 1: Hi Claire. You have to have some healthier conversations with yourself.

803
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:42,920
Speaker 1: Do you have a therapist?

804
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:44,720
Speaker 2: Yeah?

805
00:32:44,760 --> 00:32:47,200
Speaker 3: Okay, Well you need to start. First of all, you

806
00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:49,680
Speaker 3: need to start getting up every day and writing positive

807
00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:52,320
Speaker 3: things about yourself. Start writing things that you're grateful for

808
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 3: about your in your life. It could be your dog,

809
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,080
Speaker 3: it could be the air that you're breathing. It could

810
00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:58,680
Speaker 3: be your face, it could be your skin, it could

811
00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:00,960
Speaker 3: be your sister, it could be any Just get up

812
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:03,080
Speaker 3: every morning and write down ten things that you're happy about,

813
00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:05,920
Speaker 3: because you need a vibe shift, and in about fifteen

814
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:08,520
Speaker 3: days of doing that, your vibeal shift. And you need

815
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:11,280
Speaker 3: to get into the attitude of gratitude instead of looking.

816
00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:12,920
Speaker 1: At what you don't have and what you lost.

817
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:15,959
Speaker 3: While I don't want to negate anything that happened to you,

818
00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 3: that is heartbreaking that your husband left you for somebody

819
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:21,800
Speaker 3: he worked with and all of that is heartbreaking, but

820
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:24,479
Speaker 3: you're also free from that. That wasn't the person for

821
00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:26,120
Speaker 3: you. You're free from that.

822
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:26,840
Speaker 1: That is a gift.

823
00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:30,320
Speaker 3: You're thirty five years young. Thirty five years old is nothing.

824
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:33,800
Speaker 3: Do not worry about what your age is. Worry about

825
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:36,240
Speaker 3: your state of happiness and your state of self love.

826
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:39,280
Speaker 3: You need to work on really really getting to know

827
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:42,600
Speaker 3: who you are and what you want instead of meeting

828
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:45,800
Speaker 3: the expectations that you think the outside world has for you,

829
00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:48,000
Speaker 3: marriage and children. That's fine, you need to find out

830
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:50,240
Speaker 3: do you really even want that or is that something

831
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:51,280
Speaker 3: that you've been taught to want?

832
00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:54,200
Speaker 8: Yeah, this is something that I've been working on with

833
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:56,640
Speaker 8: my therapist, and like you know, right after he left,

834
00:33:56,720 --> 00:33:59,520
Speaker 8: I got a gratitude journal. I was like, this isn't working,

835
00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:01,680
Speaker 8: and this was like nothing is gonna work right now

836
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:04,360
Speaker 8: because of the trauma you just went through. So I've

837
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:06,760
Speaker 8: been thinking about taking that back up and trying to

838
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:09,439
Speaker 8: do like listening to self affirmations. It's just so hard

839
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:12,480
Speaker 8: to like believe them kind of at this point.

840
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:15,799
Speaker 5: It takes time to start the engine of gratitude. Like

841
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:18,279
Speaker 5: it takes like Chelsea said, a few days, It takes

842
00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:21,560
Speaker 5: some consistency, but I promise you, like I'm in a

843
00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:23,239
Speaker 5: similar I mean ish boat.

844
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:24,919
Speaker 1: I'm thirty, I'm about to be thirty five.

845
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 5: I'm single, and I have to tell you a vibe

846
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:30,680
Speaker 5: shift is possible because I'm thirty five and single and

847
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:32,880
Speaker 5: I'm like, oh my god, I could do anything, Like

848
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:34,000
Speaker 5: I literally could do anything.

849
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:37,480
Speaker 1: I'm so young. I don't know what I want. I'm open.

850
00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:40,880
Speaker 5: Is that exciting, And like Chelsea said, you're free now

851
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:43,680
Speaker 5: to start again, and that is the most beautiful thing

852
00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:47,000
Speaker 5: is like you have the autonomy to make your life

853
00:34:47,239 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 5: what you love. And for me, I really resonate with

854
00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:51,960
Speaker 5: a lot of what you say. You're like, Oh, I

855
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,160
Speaker 5: don't know, maybe it will just be me. Am I okay?

856
00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:54,400
Speaker 8: On that?

857
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:57,359
Speaker 5: And anytime I get into that fuzzy space, I'm like,

858
00:34:57,440 --> 00:34:59,880
Speaker 5: how can I make myself happier? That's not a s

859
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,279
Speaker 5: selfish thought. That is the most important thing that we

860
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:04,759
Speaker 5: don't teach ourselves in this world. You have to make

861
00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:07,160
Speaker 5: yourself happy. You have to say, Okay, what am I

862
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:08,840
Speaker 5: grateful for? What am I going to do this weekend

863
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:09,200
Speaker 5: for me?

864
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:09,799
Speaker 1: What am I?

865
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:12,200
Speaker 5: How am I going to reframe my life and my

866
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:15,319
Speaker 5: energy to give myself love? Because you're right, you have

867
00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:17,719
Speaker 5: been through something traumatic. To be cheated on, to be

868
00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:20,319
Speaker 5: left like that is a traumatic thing. But it's over

869
00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:23,400
Speaker 5: now and now you need to focus on yourself because

870
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:26,560
Speaker 5: this is so much good ahead of you. The best

871
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:29,440
Speaker 5: is one hundred percent yet to come. You just have

872
00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:30,800
Speaker 5: to start living in that space.

873
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:32,760
Speaker 2: And I do agree.

874
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:35,560
Speaker 4: There is something about affirmations that, like you do, kind

875
00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:37,440
Speaker 4: of have to fake it till you make it. You

876
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:39,920
Speaker 4: say them and they sound like bullshit until you say

877
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:42,040
Speaker 4: them enough times and they start to sound true, and

878
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:44,359
Speaker 4: then you feel it like you've seen it in a hundred.

879
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:47,239
Speaker 3: Movies, right It's absolutely true that it can feel for

880
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:49,879
Speaker 3: It's the same with meditation, it's the same with affirmations,

881
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:52,200
Speaker 3: it's same as writing down. Every morning, I look in

882
00:35:52,239 --> 00:35:54,880
Speaker 3: the mirror and say, hello, beautiful, what kind of shenanigans

883
00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:56,600
Speaker 3: are we going to get up to today? I say

884
00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:58,880
Speaker 3: that to the mirror every single day, and I fucking

885
00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:00,560
Speaker 3: believe it, because I'm like, who fucking knows what you're

886
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:03,839
Speaker 3: gonna get up to today? And the thing is, yes,

887
00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:07,400
Speaker 3: your trauma is your trauma. Everyone has their trauma. You

888
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 3: something terrible happens to you.

889
00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:12,640
Speaker 1: Every disaster in your life is a gift and you

890
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:15,000
Speaker 1: have to look at it like the gift is ahead

891
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:15,200
Speaker 1: of you.

892
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:17,640
Speaker 3: Don't you want to get it? Don't you want to

893
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:19,759
Speaker 3: get after it and find out what's waiting for you?

894
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:20,400
Speaker 1: Because there is.

895
00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:22,879
Speaker 3: A whole other life for you. Now, there's a whole

896
00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:25,400
Speaker 3: other self exploration. I didn't find out who I was

897
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:27,719
Speaker 3: until I was like forty two years old, Like I

898
00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:30,360
Speaker 3: didn't really get down to business until I really, I

899
00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:33,320
Speaker 3: mean and really went to therapy and started to understand

900
00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:36,160
Speaker 3: my pain and started to understand. Oh, I don't even

901
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:37,920
Speaker 3: want to I mean, and I'm not saying this is

902
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:40,040
Speaker 3: going to be you. But I'm like, wait, I don't

903
00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:41,920
Speaker 3: even want a long term partner.

904
00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:42,839
Speaker 1: I want lots.

905
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:45,880
Speaker 3: Like I had to admit that I wanted multiple partners,

906
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:48,360
Speaker 3: that I wanted lots of lovers that I wanted you know,

907
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:50,680
Speaker 3: I never wanted children, so that wasn't an issue that

908
00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 3: I had to contend with.

909
00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:54,439
Speaker 1: But like, this is a growth curve for you.

910
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:57,879
Speaker 3: Like this is a huge growth experience and you need

911
00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:00,440
Speaker 3: to lean into it instead of being scared to go

912
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:02,279
Speaker 3: into it, you know what I mean. You need to

913
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:04,239
Speaker 3: like dive head first and be like, this is all

914
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:06,680
Speaker 3: about me. The next six months are all about me,

915
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:09,040
Speaker 3: what I like to do, when I want to do it.

916
00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:10,600
Speaker 3: If you want to lie in bed all day and

917
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:12,480
Speaker 3: watch TV, do that. If you want to go out,

918
00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:15,200
Speaker 3: you know, with your friends and go on some crazy vacation,

919
00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:16,040
Speaker 3: do that.

920
00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:17,160
Speaker 1: If you want to spend.

921
00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:19,719
Speaker 3: Your you know, join clubs or book clubs or a

922
00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:21,640
Speaker 3: bowling club, whatever the fuck.

923
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:23,719
Speaker 1: You want to do, do it. You know what I mean.

924
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:26,319
Speaker 3: You're free to do whatever you want. You don't have

925
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:28,520
Speaker 3: a partner limiting or prohibiting anything.

926
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:31,279
Speaker 8: Yeah, I've been doing all that. I've gone on a

927
00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:34,279
Speaker 8: couple of vacations, this year and been trying to do.

928
00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:37,280
Speaker 8: I've joined some groups that I've been volunteering with and stuff.

929
00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:39,279
Speaker 8: I think the hardest part for me is the mind

930
00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:41,400
Speaker 8: shift thing. It's like, while I'm doing those things, my

931
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:44,520
Speaker 8: brain is still ruminating on like, well, you're doing this

932
00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:46,800
Speaker 8: alone kind of thing. And I think that's the.

933
00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:47,799
Speaker 1: Hardest hurdle for me.

934
00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:51,000
Speaker 8: And you're right, I just have to keep trying with

935
00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:54,319
Speaker 8: the gratitude and the and the affirmations and stuff and

936
00:37:54,360 --> 00:37:55,040
Speaker 8: the mind shift.

937
00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:57,880
Speaker 1: But even moreover, I want you to picture that you

938
00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:00,160
Speaker 1: have a daughter in like five years, you have a

939
00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:02,960
Speaker 1: daughter and she gets to see this whole version of you.

940
00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:06,359
Speaker 1: What do you want to show her? You know what?

941
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:08,719
Speaker 3: Do you want to demonstrate for her that you grab

942
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:10,600
Speaker 3: life by the balls and that you went after it

943
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 3: and that you didn't sit there thinking about your ex

944
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:14,760
Speaker 3: and what his girlfriend are doing.

945
00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:15,440
Speaker 1: That's none of.

946
00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:18,399
Speaker 3: Your business anymore. Okay, he's out of your life. And yes,

947
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:21,960
Speaker 3: while that is heartbreaking and traumatizing you, once you get

948
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:25,480
Speaker 3: through all of that murkiness, there is a whole big

949
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:29,400
Speaker 3: rainbow waiting for you, I promise you, so, like, just

950
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:31,400
Speaker 3: think about this little girl that is going to come

951
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:33,759
Speaker 3: into your life at some point, okay, And how do

952
00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:35,719
Speaker 3: you want her to see her mother and how do

953
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:37,239
Speaker 3: you want her to look at that time that she

954
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:41,600
Speaker 3: spent after this, Yeah, and then make your decisions based

955
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:42,920
Speaker 3: on that.

956
00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:44,200
Speaker 2: That's really helpful, thank you.

957
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:47,359
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah? And how long ago was your breakup? By

958
00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:48,960
Speaker 1: the way, about a year?

959
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:52,759
Speaker 3: A year okay, so that's a fair amount of time

960
00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:56,279
Speaker 3: to kind of wallow and feel you know, shitty. Take

961
00:38:56,320 --> 00:38:59,919
Speaker 3: this year mark and this phone call, and like, let's

962
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:04,200
Speaker 3: turn it around and start with the gratituding every morning

963
00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:07,040
Speaker 3: ten write it down ten times. Write it on paper,

964
00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:09,360
Speaker 3: don't write it in your note section or on your computer.

965
00:39:09,719 --> 00:39:12,759
Speaker 3: Write it down and leave it out, and every once

966
00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:15,040
Speaker 3: in a while go back and look, you know, and

967
00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:17,839
Speaker 3: then you're going to see this like progression of how

968
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:21,160
Speaker 3: you get you become happier, and you know, start meditating,

969
00:39:21,239 --> 00:39:23,359
Speaker 3: even if it's just three minutes a day, just add

970
00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:25,600
Speaker 3: it to your repertoire. Like I want to be My

971
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:28,480
Speaker 3: pursuit is to be a happier person. My pursuit is

972
00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:30,320
Speaker 3: to fall more and more in love with myself.

973
00:39:30,719 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 1: And don't worry about the men. Just worry about yourself.

974
00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:35,719
Speaker 4: Right now, Yeah, you said something a couple of minutes

975
00:39:35,719 --> 00:39:38,439
Speaker 4: ago about like I'm going through this alone, and it

976
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:41,920
Speaker 4: was a negative. But when things like that come out

977
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:43,680
Speaker 4: of your mouth, find a way to turn it into

978
00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:44,280
Speaker 4: a positive.

979
00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:45,880
Speaker 1: You get to go through.

980
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:48,080
Speaker 4: This next year alone, You get to do whatever.

981
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:48,520
Speaker 2: The hell you want.

982
00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:50,800
Speaker 4: You get to make all of the decisions for yourself

983
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:54,440
Speaker 4: and do what makes you happy. So like take opportunities

984
00:39:54,480 --> 00:39:56,600
Speaker 4: to like turn stuff like that on its head when

985
00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:57,920
Speaker 4: you hear it in your head, when you hear it

986
00:39:57,920 --> 00:39:59,759
Speaker 4: come out of your mouth, turn it around.

987
00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:02,440
Speaker 1: That the thinking of like you know, the X is

988
00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:03,280
Speaker 1: and all that stuff.

989
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:06,040
Speaker 3: I promise you down the road that will all come

990
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:09,200
Speaker 3: around for full circle and you're and you're gonna and

991
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:11,520
Speaker 3: you and you're not going to care when it does. Yeah,

992
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:14,640
Speaker 3: and so just imagine that time, because it will happen.

993
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:18,279
Speaker 3: It always does. That's the way the world works. And

994
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:22,960
Speaker 3: karma is a real thing. So keep yours healthy and

995
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:24,000
Speaker 3: be on your own team.

996
00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:26,799
Speaker 8: Okay, thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

997
00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:31,120
Speaker 3: Okay, thanks love, shut up, be happy, you start smiling.

998
00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:32,919
Speaker 8: I'm a good one.

999
00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:33,360
Speaker 2: Thank you.

1000
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:37,240
Speaker 1: Okay to buy Yeah she seems sad.

1001
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:40,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think this, I think this will be the

1002
00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:41,399
Speaker 4: jump start she needs.

1003
00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:43,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, lots of people need a jump start.

1004
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:44,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true.

1005
00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:46,640
Speaker 3: Okay, we'll take a quick quick break and we're going

1006
00:40:46,719 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 3: to come back with one more caller and wrap up.

1007
00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:57,200
Speaker 1: With TINXI WAKSI, and we're back. Oh ship. She always

1008
00:40:57,200 --> 00:41:00,200
Speaker 1: have the sorry, sorry, I forgot well.

1009
00:41:00,239 --> 00:41:03,120
Speaker 2: Our last caller today is Ava. She is twenty three.

1010
00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:06,120
Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea, I'm twenty three years old and I live

1011
00:41:06,239 --> 00:41:09,920
Speaker 4: in California. I'm California born and raised. I moved to

1012
00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:12,680
Speaker 4: LA about a month ago. I have a childhood friend

1013
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:14,440
Speaker 4: whose life has taken a lot of the same turns

1014
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:16,640
Speaker 4: as mine. We went to the same college and are

1015
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:20,239
Speaker 4: now both living in LA. Not together though, and not intentionally.

1016
00:41:20,719 --> 00:41:23,200
Speaker 4: She's a dear friend, and her good qualities are amazing,

1017
00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:25,600
Speaker 4: but her bad qualities often feel detrimental.

1018
00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:27,640
Speaker 2: She's a bit clingy and jealous.

1019
00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:29,640
Speaker 4: She gets butt hurt when I have plans with other

1020
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:32,560
Speaker 4: friends that do not include her, even going as far

1021
00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:35,879
Speaker 4: as tracking my location and asking what I'm doing all

1022
00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:38,200
Speaker 4: the time. I want to be inclusive, but I want

1023
00:41:38,239 --> 00:41:40,080
Speaker 4: to carve my own way in this new city and

1024
00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:41,600
Speaker 4: do not want to feel like I have a jealous

1025
00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:44,279
Speaker 4: boyfriend looking over my every move. I do not think

1026
00:41:44,280 --> 00:41:47,000
Speaker 4: her behavior is ill intended, just a bit immature and

1027
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:49,680
Speaker 4: lingering effects of some past issues of being left out.

1028
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:52,719
Speaker 4: Due to her immaturity level, I would find it hard

1029
00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:56,160
Speaker 4: to have an honest conversation with her about this. Since

1030
00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:58,640
Speaker 4: she's intertwined with my childhood and college friends, which is

1031
00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:00,879
Speaker 4: basically all of my friends. I do not see letting

1032
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:04,360
Speaker 4: the friendship slip as an option. Please advise Ava.

1033
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:07,560
Speaker 6: Hi, thanks for having me. This is the best day ever.

1034
00:42:08,239 --> 00:42:11,720
Speaker 1: Oh, Hi cutie, how cute you are. This is Tanks

1035
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 1: our special guest today.

1036
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:16,040
Speaker 6: Hi, huge fan of both of you. Thanks for having

1037
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:16,600
Speaker 6: me today.

1038
00:42:17,239 --> 00:42:19,560
Speaker 3: Sure, thanks your thing. So, I mean you're going to

1039
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:22,480
Speaker 3: have to have a conversation with her. It's just a

1040
00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:26,120
Speaker 3: matter of how truthful the conversation will be. So why

1041
00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:27,520
Speaker 3: is she tracking your location?

1042
00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:32,560
Speaker 6: I know we lived together at once and so that's

1043
00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:36,439
Speaker 6: kind of where the location thing came in. But yeah,

1044
00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:38,359
Speaker 6: it's tricky. I mean, I want to do my own

1045
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:42,279
Speaker 6: thing and I want to, you know, carve my own way,

1046
00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:45,600
Speaker 6: and it's just it makes it very difficult. And I

1047
00:42:45,640 --> 00:42:48,000
Speaker 6: think that's what's hard, is having that kind of conversation

1048
00:42:48,520 --> 00:42:51,799
Speaker 6: with honesty but also with kindness. I just don't know

1049
00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:52,840
Speaker 6: how to find that balance.

1050
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:54,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, I hear you.

1051
00:42:54,760 --> 00:42:56,600
Speaker 3: I mean it has to come from a very very

1052
00:42:56,640 --> 00:42:58,920
Speaker 3: loving place with somebody who's delicate.

1053
00:42:59,520 --> 00:42:59,840
Speaker 1: Tanks.

1054
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,360
Speaker 5: What are your thoughts, I don't know. I feel like

1055
00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:05,920
Speaker 5: this is so like I completely understand. I've been in

1056
00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:08,560
Speaker 5: similar situations like this. Also, when you're twenty three, your

1057
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:10,160
Speaker 5: friendships feel heightened, and.

1058
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:12,239
Speaker 1: She's just like, she just loves you.

1059
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:13,960
Speaker 5: She just wants to be around you all the time.

1060
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:15,840
Speaker 5: But you know that's not your problem. You need to

1061
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:19,520
Speaker 5: set this boundary. I think for me, I always try

1062
00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:22,439
Speaker 5: to approach conversations like this with at least a little

1063
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:25,319
Speaker 5: bit of humor and lightness. So maybe it's like the

1064
00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:28,560
Speaker 5: next time she's like, why are you at this coffee

1065
00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:30,799
Speaker 5: shop without me? I think maybe the next time you

1066
00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:33,160
Speaker 5: see her, just go, you know, like, I, dude, I

1067
00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:36,440
Speaker 5: love you, but I can see other people without you,

1068
00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:38,800
Speaker 5: and it doesn't mean I love you any less. Sometimes

1069
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:41,640
Speaker 5: I just I go places without you, you know, kind

1070
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:44,360
Speaker 5: of saying it in that way, lighthearted, so that she

1071
00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:47,400
Speaker 5: doesn't feel like it's some big, like sit down attack thing,

1072
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:49,840
Speaker 5: because again it sounds like she is a little bit delicate.

1073
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:54,280
Speaker 6: Yeah, absolutely, I love that, Thank you, Chelsea.

1074
00:43:54,360 --> 00:43:56,520
Speaker 3: What do you think I would say, because yeah, I mean,

1075
00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:58,840
Speaker 3: if the sit down conversation, I think that's great advice.

1076
00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:01,279
Speaker 3: I think if the sit down common conversation, if she's

1077
00:44:01,320 --> 00:44:04,319
Speaker 3: too immature for that, which she probably is, then it's

1078
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:06,359
Speaker 3: probably gonna hurt her feelings and it's gonna blow up

1079
00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:07,839
Speaker 3: to a point where you're going to start to feel

1080
00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:11,080
Speaker 3: guilty about how you made her feel, which is like

1081
00:44:11,239 --> 00:44:13,799
Speaker 3: getting back to square one. So yeah, I would drop

1082
00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:16,480
Speaker 3: little hints like that the way Tanks is suggesting, you know,

1083
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:19,640
Speaker 3: in a humorous way, and be like, oh, okay, I

1084
00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:19,960
Speaker 3: don't know.

1085
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:22,280
Speaker 2: We can't be attached to the hip, you know, Yeah.

1086
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:25,080
Speaker 3: We don't live together anymore, like you know you actually

1087
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:26,920
Speaker 3: you don't need to track me. I don't want to

1088
00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:29,239
Speaker 3: like stress you out by me. I don't want to

1089
00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:31,879
Speaker 3: stress you out by you seeing like what I'm doing

1090
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:34,160
Speaker 3: all day. But obviously I have other people in my life, honey.

1091
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:36,160
Speaker 3: I think the great line is it doesn't make me

1092
00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:39,960
Speaker 3: love you any less, but we're not like I actually

1093
00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:43,480
Speaker 3: don't know how to sell someone who's so neat, Like

1094
00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:45,840
Speaker 3: I just could never fucking tolerate that shit.

1095
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:46,560
Speaker 8: You know what I mean?

1096
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:49,120
Speaker 5: I'm so young twenties, like I had the eye because

1097
00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:52,319
Speaker 5: I lived with girls like all throughout my twenties and

1098
00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:54,640
Speaker 5: we had such relationships like that where it was like

1099
00:44:54,920 --> 00:44:56,960
Speaker 5: you get in the pattern of doing everything with them

1100
00:44:56,960 --> 00:44:58,879
Speaker 5: and then and then one day someone's like, oh, I'm

1101
00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:01,320
Speaker 5: going to get for you, and everyone's like, oh.

1102
00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:03,160
Speaker 1: Call the royal guard, like what's happening.

1103
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:05,640
Speaker 5: So it's just like I think that the more like

1104
00:45:05,960 --> 00:45:09,320
Speaker 5: light and goofy you can do it is better because again,

1105
00:45:09,520 --> 00:45:12,719
Speaker 5: it's just it does feel like an intense situation. So yeah,

1106
00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:15,680
Speaker 5: I think saying something like that or saying or like

1107
00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:18,200
Speaker 5: joking and being like, dude, if you don't stop tracking me,

1108
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:20,920
Speaker 5: I am going to stop sharing my location, just like

1109
00:45:20,960 --> 00:45:23,239
Speaker 5: in a kind of a jokey like tone like that,

1110
00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:26,560
Speaker 5: and just be like like, you know, sometimes I just

1111
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:29,400
Speaker 5: got to see the other people, you know, and be

1112
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:31,239
Speaker 5: like I have to go make memory so that I

1113
00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:33,080
Speaker 5: have gossip to tell you when I come to see

1114
00:45:33,080 --> 00:45:35,840
Speaker 5: you next. You know, always light, light, light with the tone,

1115
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,160
Speaker 5: and you know, if she doesn't get the hint, if

1116
00:45:38,160 --> 00:45:40,879
Speaker 5: she takes it really seriously, then you know it's time

1117
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:42,560
Speaker 5: to go to square two.

1118
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:45,160
Speaker 3: What about the idea of tanks. Let me know what

1119
00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:48,160
Speaker 3: you girls think about this? Catherine's youtuo, Like, what do

1120
00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:51,759
Speaker 3: you think about complaining about this?

1121
00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:54,680
Speaker 1: Is very passive aggressive? But what do you think about

1122
00:45:54,719 --> 00:45:59,799
Speaker 1: complaining about her her qualities pretending they're about someone else

1123
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:02,080
Speaker 1: to her? Like what about that?

1124
00:46:02,280 --> 00:46:04,400
Speaker 3: What if you're like, oh my god, this guy you

1125
00:46:04,400 --> 00:46:06,200
Speaker 3: know or one of my girlfriends. She's on me all

1126
00:46:06,239 --> 00:46:08,120
Speaker 3: the time, she texted me all the time, Like what

1127
00:46:08,280 --> 00:46:09,000
Speaker 3: is that approach?

1128
00:46:09,160 --> 00:46:11,000
Speaker 4: Like, can you believe she only wants me to hang

1129
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:12,400
Speaker 4: out with her? That's crazy?

1130
00:46:12,800 --> 00:46:14,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's horrible.

1131
00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:16,399
Speaker 6: I think I've done that before and I don't think

1132
00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:19,520
Speaker 6: that I don't think the hint was really going through.

1133
00:46:20,080 --> 00:46:22,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's not pretty straightforward advice. I'm usually against kind

1134
00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:26,040
Speaker 1: of being passive aggressive, but like, sometimes with people you

1135
00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:27,759
Speaker 1: have to be so special, like you know, you have

1136
00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:30,120
Speaker 1: to handle so delicately. It's exhausting.

1137
00:46:31,040 --> 00:46:31,520
Speaker 3: Totally.

1138
00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:34,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, I love that, though not a whole intervention, I

1139
00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:35,520
Speaker 6: think that feels super approachable.

1140
00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:36,200
Speaker 1: That feels great.

1141
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:38,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, like address it when it comes up.

1142
00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:40,600
Speaker 4: And I also think, like, maybe today is the day

1143
00:46:40,640 --> 00:46:41,720
Speaker 4: we stop sharing location?

1144
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:42,680
Speaker 2: What do we think?

1145
00:46:42,719 --> 00:46:45,360
Speaker 1: Girls? I don't know, how do you say no? She'll

1146
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:45,879
Speaker 1: freak out?

1147
00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:48,439
Speaker 5: If you just if you just remove it, then she'll

1148
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:50,200
Speaker 5: freak out like that's too much.

1149
00:46:50,520 --> 00:46:53,640
Speaker 3: Well maybe maybe you just know, I don't know, maybe

1150
00:46:53,640 --> 00:46:56,440
Speaker 3: you just say you removed everyone's like sharing location, Like

1151
00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:59,160
Speaker 3: you just realize that not everybody needs it except for your.

1152
00:46:59,040 --> 00:47:00,480
Speaker 1: Mom or your dad or whatever.

1153
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:01,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, like I did a refresh.

1154
00:47:01,880 --> 00:47:03,839
Speaker 3: I just did a refresh ago. I didn't even think

1155
00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:05,480
Speaker 3: about it. I just was looked at it. I was

1156
00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:07,560
Speaker 3: sharing locations with so many people. I just was like,

1157
00:47:07,640 --> 00:47:09,080
Speaker 3: why this is not necessary?

1158
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:13,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, awesome, I love that. Yeah, yeah, that's easy

1159
00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:15,480
Speaker 1: I think to do. I have to check out my.

1160
00:47:15,440 --> 00:47:17,600
Speaker 3: Locations because someone said something like that to me the

1161
00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:19,080
Speaker 3: other day and I'm like, how many people am I

1162
00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 3: sharing locations with? And then I looked and it's like

1163
00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:24,760
Speaker 3: fucking four hundred people, like three ex boyfriends.

1164
00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:28,680
Speaker 1: I'm so so stupid. I know. Well, I mean, obviously

1165
00:47:28,719 --> 00:47:29,640
Speaker 1: no one's coming to get me.

1166
00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:33,239
Speaker 3: I mean knock on would anyway, Thanks for calling in,

1167
00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:35,960
Speaker 3: and I hope we were able to help. Tanks was

1168
00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:38,799
Speaker 3: able to tink. Tinks Tis is her new name. I've

1169
00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:43,040
Speaker 3: decided it's a tick, like a summer tick, a tick

1170
00:47:43,080 --> 00:47:46,919
Speaker 3: in the Hampton's she uh she helped you though, so.

1171
00:47:46,880 --> 00:47:47,440
Speaker 1: I love it.

1172
00:47:47,520 --> 00:47:48,600
Speaker 6: Thank you both so much.

1173
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:52,280
Speaker 1: Good luck, babe, bye, Thanks.

1174
00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:52,760
Speaker 2: Thanks.

1175
00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:57,280
Speaker 3: There's nothing I bore more than needy friends. I fucking

1176
00:47:57,280 --> 00:48:00,480
Speaker 3: handle it. I am not needy, and I I don't

1177
00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:03,040
Speaker 3: want you to need me. That's why I don't have

1178
00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:03,800
Speaker 3: fucking children.

1179
00:48:04,200 --> 00:48:05,120
Speaker 1: It turns me off.

1180
00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:07,880
Speaker 5: It's so like, yeah, it's just so annoying, like the

1181
00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:10,040
Speaker 5: neediness or insecurity and the friendship.

1182
00:48:10,600 --> 00:48:13,040
Speaker 1: It's really a turnoff for me and friends. I don't

1183
00:48:13,040 --> 00:48:14,120
Speaker 1: have any insecure friends.

1184
00:48:14,320 --> 00:48:17,240
Speaker 3: And the thing that I really hate is when friends

1185
00:48:17,320 --> 00:48:21,160
Speaker 3: get jealous of you the way hanging out with other

1186
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:23,160
Speaker 3: I had a friend who would get mad if I

1187
00:48:23,280 --> 00:48:26,640
Speaker 3: hung out with someone she introduced me to without her.

1188
00:48:26,719 --> 00:48:30,759
Speaker 3: I'm like, that's how people meet, that's how people get introduced.

1189
00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:31,520
Speaker 1: You introduce.

1190
00:48:31,719 --> 00:48:34,120
Speaker 3: Do you don't have many people I've introduced that are

1191
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:37,279
Speaker 3: best friends without me, Like, I fucking love that, which

1192
00:48:37,320 --> 00:48:39,839
Speaker 3: is great. Leave me out of the equation. I don't care,

1193
00:48:40,040 --> 00:48:43,000
Speaker 3: Like it's not a problem. That's what you're supposed to

1194
00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:45,000
Speaker 3: do is connect people in life, Like you're supposed to

1195
00:48:45,040 --> 00:48:46,960
Speaker 3: introduce the people you love to each other and.

1196
00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:49,359
Speaker 1: Hopefully they make a connection. No, I take it as

1197
00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:50,120
Speaker 1: a point of pride.

1198
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:52,840
Speaker 5: When I see people that I've introduced hanging out together,

1199
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:54,160
Speaker 5: that's that's good.

1200
00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:56,920
Speaker 1: Good good people know good people. I love being a connector.

1201
00:48:57,320 --> 00:48:59,640
Speaker 5: But when people get weird about it, I'm like, oh,

1202
00:48:59,680 --> 00:49:01,720
Speaker 5: for God's sakes, we're adults.

1203
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:04,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, people are insecure. A lot of people are insecure.

1204
00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:05,360
Speaker 1: Most people are insecure.

1205
00:49:05,719 --> 00:49:08,640
Speaker 3: What's your love status right now, Tanks, is anything happening

1206
00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:09,640
Speaker 3: in your neck of the woods.

1207
00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:10,280
Speaker 1: I'm single.

1208
00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:12,480
Speaker 5: I mean, I'm going on a few dates, but I'm

1209
00:49:12,480 --> 00:49:13,120
Speaker 5: pretty single.

1210
00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:13,880
Speaker 1: I'm pretty happy.

1211
00:49:13,920 --> 00:49:16,080
Speaker 5: I'm honestly having the time of my life, Like I

1212
00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:18,000
Speaker 5: just got by leaving Miami with my friends.

1213
00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:21,359
Speaker 1: I'm my book's about to come out, Like it's good.

1214
00:49:21,400 --> 00:49:23,520
Speaker 1: I'm having a good time. And are you working with

1215
00:49:23,560 --> 00:49:24,360
Speaker 1: a dating coach?

1216
00:49:25,719 --> 00:49:29,960
Speaker 5: She came on my podcast and she is like this,

1217
00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:33,200
Speaker 5: you know, really famous dating coach. And I said, in

1218
00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:34,799
Speaker 5: the middle of it, oh, why don't you look at

1219
00:49:34,800 --> 00:49:36,520
Speaker 5: my dating profile and like tell me what you think.

1220
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:38,880
Speaker 5: In the middle of my podcast, she read me to filth.

1221
00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:40,840
Speaker 5: She was like, this is the worst dating app profile.

1222
00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:43,880
Speaker 5: Your pictures are too slutty, this is too negative. We

1223
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:46,520
Speaker 5: got to change all this because I said on there,

1224
00:49:46,560 --> 00:49:47,360
Speaker 5: I said, no.

1225
00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:49,680
Speaker 1: One who will be intimidated. I travel a lot for work.

1226
00:49:49,719 --> 00:49:52,160
Speaker 5: I'm looking to have fun and I'm like, you know,

1227
00:49:52,239 --> 00:49:54,279
Speaker 5: blah blah blah, and she was like, God, this is so.

1228
00:49:54,760 --> 00:49:56,000
Speaker 5: But you know, at the end of the day, that's

1229
00:49:56,040 --> 00:49:58,239
Speaker 5: who I am. I do come in a bit like that.

1230
00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:00,600
Speaker 5: I'm very like, yeah, I'm like that. I'm like, don't

1231
00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:00,920
Speaker 5: do that.

1232
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:03,480
Speaker 1: This is me. I like to have fun and I

1233
00:50:03,880 --> 00:50:05,680
Speaker 1: do dress like a slot, so I feel like I

1234
00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:08,719
Speaker 1: should be honest about that. Yeah, I agree with that.

1235
00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:11,160
Speaker 3: I think you put your like right, you put your

1236
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:14,840
Speaker 3: most honest foot forward, even if that foot has two bunions.

1237
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:17,520
Speaker 3: You're like, listen, this is me, this is who I am,

1238
00:50:17,680 --> 00:50:19,560
Speaker 3: and this is how it's going to be, because then

1239
00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:21,719
Speaker 3: there shouldn't be any confusion exactly.

1240
00:50:21,880 --> 00:50:23,120
Speaker 1: I thought I was being honest.

1241
00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:23,680
Speaker 8: Yeah.

1242
00:50:23,719 --> 00:50:25,440
Speaker 3: I don't like people who come in and say, oh, no,

1243
00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:26,319
Speaker 3: you got to do this again.

1244
00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:26,880
Speaker 1: How would you know?

1245
00:50:27,040 --> 00:50:30,160
Speaker 3: Like, are you You're You're not a professional dater obviously

1246
00:50:30,239 --> 00:50:34,960
Speaker 3: because you're running a dating like website or dating coaching

1247
00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:35,879
Speaker 3: whatever it is.

1248
00:50:35,960 --> 00:50:37,200
Speaker 1: But I agree with that.

1249
00:50:37,239 --> 00:50:40,560
Speaker 3: I think the honesty is always the best policy, which

1250
00:50:40,640 --> 00:50:42,080
Speaker 3: is why I just told that girl to lie to

1251
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:42,560
Speaker 3: her friend.

1252
00:50:44,320 --> 00:50:44,640
Speaker 1: Okay.

1253
00:50:44,719 --> 00:50:47,279
Speaker 3: So Hotter in the Hamptons is Tinks's new book. It

1254
00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:49,800
Speaker 3: comes out May sixth. It's going to be available everywhere.

1255
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:53,120
Speaker 3: It's available for pre order, so please pre order your book.

1256
00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:53,879
Speaker 1: Enjoy it.

1257
00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:56,800
Speaker 3: It's time to get frisky in the summertime. Everybody, Okay, ladies,

1258
00:50:57,480 --> 00:51:00,880
Speaker 3: and thank you Tanks. It was always pleasure to see.

1259
00:51:00,680 --> 00:51:03,879
Speaker 5: You, always a pleasure. This was fabulous. Thank you, Thank

1260
00:51:03,960 --> 00:51:04,839
Speaker 5: you guys for having me.

1261
00:51:05,280 --> 00:51:05,879
Speaker 1: Hie day.

1262
00:51:06,400 --> 00:51:08,880
Speaker 2: Hi do do do do do do?

1263
00:51:09,800 --> 00:51:15,359
Speaker 3: Drum roll Catherine please and abroad broad is my European tour.

1264
00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:20,200
Speaker 3: So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad. I

1265
00:51:20,520 --> 00:51:23,240
Speaker 3: need to get the health out of this fucking country

1266
00:51:23,800 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 3: and it's not as easy as you think. So I'm

1267
00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:30,279
Speaker 3: coming to Rekuvik, I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to

1268
00:51:30,719 --> 00:51:34,960
Speaker 3: the UK. I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast.

1269
00:51:34,920 --> 00:51:35,880
Speaker 1: In May and June.

1270
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:41,120
Speaker 3: I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow,

1271
00:51:41,800 --> 00:51:46,520
Speaker 3: New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin,

1272
00:51:46,760 --> 00:51:52,280
Speaker 3: Barcelona and Lisbon. I'm coming abroad is abroad.

1273
00:51:52,120 --> 00:51:54,000
Speaker 2: That sounds like fun. I'm going to go see you abroad.

1274
00:51:54,400 --> 00:51:56,520
Speaker 3: I know I want to go see me abroad and

1275
00:51:56,719 --> 00:51:59,600
Speaker 3: there there all be, there all be excellent.

1276
00:52:00,160 --> 00:52:00,520
Speaker 1: Okay.

1277
00:52:00,640 --> 00:52:03,400
Speaker 3: My remaining dates for Vegas, there are remaining dates for

1278
00:52:03,480 --> 00:52:04,000
Speaker 3: this year.

1279
00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:08,640
Speaker 1: Summertime is coming and.

1280
00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:11,600
Speaker 3: I will be in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my

1281
00:52:11,800 --> 00:52:14,920
Speaker 3: residency on July fifth. We will be the next date

1282
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:19,239
Speaker 3: that I'm there, July fifth, August thirtieth, and then November

1283
00:52:19,320 --> 00:52:23,720
Speaker 3: one and twenty ninth. November one and November twenty ninth,

1284
00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:27,480
Speaker 3: I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing

1285
00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:30,480
Speaker 3: inside Myself at the Chelsea. It's called Chelsea at the

1286
00:52:30,520 --> 00:52:31,520
Speaker 3: Chelsea for a reason.

1287
00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:33,160
Speaker 1: Okay, thank you.

1288
00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:35,560
Speaker 2: Do you want advice from Chelsea?

1289
00:52:35,840 --> 00:52:39,319
Speaker 4: Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find

1290
00:52:39,360 --> 00:52:42,520
Speaker 4: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching

1291
00:52:42,600 --> 00:52:46,400
Speaker 4: at Dear Chelsea pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered

1292
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:50,160
Speaker 4: by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And be sure

1293
00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:54,680
Speaker 4: to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com