Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to my favorite murder the minisode.
Speaker 2: Read you your stories. You should go first, Okay, I will.
Speaker 1: Okay, great this one.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to tell you the subject line. But
Speaker 2: it's serious. Okay, but it's good. Okay, Hey girl. Hey
Speaker 2: starts Chicago, twenty sixteen. I had just left an abusive relationship,
Speaker 2: moved into a new apartment, and I had no idea
Speaker 2: this was one of the most crime ridden neighborhoods of Chicago.
Speaker 2: I was in nursing school, exhausted, just trying to survive.
Speaker 2: After class downtown, I made the incredibly smart decision to
Speaker 2: buy a giant, heavy over the toilet storage unit from
Speaker 2: Target and carry onto the packed rush hour train for
Speaker 2: an hour long commute back home. Yeahdiot, that just sucks.
Speaker 1: Like I need this really bad. I have no storage
Speaker 1: in this apartment. There's nowhere near me that sells this.
Speaker 1: No one's gonna do it for me.
Speaker 2: I'm not a car I'm in Chicago.
Speaker 1: Just got to get it done.
Speaker 2: We hear you, Yea. The entire time people kept asking
Speaker 2: me if I needed help. I had my headphones in
Speaker 2: listening to MFM, and I was like, nope, I got it.
Speaker 2: Leave me alone. Finally I get off at my stop.
Speaker 2: Train's mostly empty. Now I'm hauling this massive box down
Speaker 2: the stairs when a guy like the hundredth guy asks
Speaker 2: if I need help. I say no, I live right
Speaker 2: here and gesture toward my apartment building and he goes, oh,
Speaker 2: I live there too. Cool. Great. Fine. He comes back
Speaker 2: and says, my mom would kill me if I didn't
Speaker 2: help you, and just takes the box. I'm exhausted. He
Speaker 2: seems charming enough, and honestly I wanted to help, so
Speaker 2: I let him. We get into the courtyard. He points
Speaker 2: to his entrance on the left, asks which one is mine.
Speaker 2: I point to the door on the right, across the
Speaker 2: courtyard from his. We walk over. For context, Chicago buildings
Speaker 2: have that double door set up outside door, then small
Speaker 2: vestibule than an inside door to keep the cold out.
Speaker 2: I'm unlocking the first door when suddenly he shoves me
Speaker 2: inside door, slams my keys with my pepper spray and
Speaker 2: my stabby thing are still in the lock outside. He
Speaker 2: pins me against the wall and puts a gun under
Speaker 2: my chin. Oh no, give me all your cash, and
Speaker 2: here's where I'd like to thank you both, because instead
Speaker 2: of panicking I just started laughing. No, not in a
Speaker 2: this is funny way, but in it. I know better
Speaker 2: than to fight this way. I told him, I'm a
Speaker 2: broke nursing student. I literally have nothing. I opened my
Speaker 2: fanny pack, empty wallet, train card, debit card ID, that's it.
Speaker 2: He takes my train card, rip to one hundred dollars
Speaker 2: I just loaded onto it, rips off my necklace forever
Speaker 2: twenty one, but he didn't need to know that, and
Speaker 2: then tells me to take off my ring, my grandma's
Speaker 2: pearl ring that hadn't come off my finger in five years.
Speaker 2: I'm struggling to get it off, and he puts the
Speaker 2: gun against my hand and says, if you don't take
Speaker 2: it off, I'll get it off, like he was going
Speaker 2: to all caps shoot my hand and take my finger. So, yeah,
Speaker 2: I got the ring off, skin, dignity, everything included. He leaves.
Speaker 2: I collapse on the floor, crying, shaking fully in shock,
Speaker 2: and then I hear laughter, soft at first, then clear,
Speaker 2: and I genuinely thought, okay, cool, I've lost my mind.
Speaker 2: But no, it was you two. Oh god, she's still
Speaker 2: playing in my headphones. No, just chatting, laughing about something,
Speaker 2: completely unaware that you were actively in my ear during
Speaker 2: one of the scariest moments of my life, and weirdly
Speaker 2: it grounded me because I did exactly what you always say.
Speaker 2: I stayed calm, I didn't escalate, and I stayed sexy
Speaker 2: and didn't get murdered. Also, for the record, I got
Speaker 2: mugged three more times in the next four months at
Speaker 2: that apartment, so four muggings total. So I broke my
Speaker 2: lease and got the hell out of it. Jesus. I
Speaker 2: don't live in Chicago anymore, but I still love that
Speaker 2: city in a deeply unwell, possibly Stockholm syndrome way. And
Speaker 2: now I'm about to graduate as a forensic nurse wow,
Speaker 2: with plans to become a pediatric saying sexual assault, to
Speaker 2: collect evidence examiner, and eventually work with a DA's office
Speaker 2: to help push legislation to classify violence against women as
Speaker 2: a hate crime.
Speaker 1: Nice, amazing, so good.
Speaker 2: So truly thank you for the laughs, the awareness, and
Speaker 2: for literally being in my ear when I needed you
Speaker 2: most stay sexy and listen to your gut. And also
Speaker 2: to Karen and Georgia.
Speaker 1: Love Hannah, God, Hanna, I'm sorry that happened to you.
Speaker 2: That's like one of the most intense ones we've ever gotten.
Speaker 2: I know, well we've gotten I mean, yeah, but like firsthand.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're right, you're right. But also I think that
Speaker 1: thing of like, it's not Stockholm syndrome. Chicago is an
Speaker 1: amazing city and there's many many things happening there. It's
Speaker 1: like that's that.
Speaker 2: Could happen literally anywhere.
Speaker 1: But I am and does and does and wow.
Speaker 2: But staying calm in that moment, like what what a
Speaker 2: heroic thing to do?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: Not everyone would do that.
Speaker 1: It's a tough thing. I also was so afraid you
Speaker 1: were going to say when the laughter came through that
Speaker 1: it was like a prank. Oh or in just like
Speaker 1: good lord, Okay, this one got pulled because it's new,
Speaker 1: like we just got it in the last couple of days.
Speaker 1: But it's relevant. The subject line is my brush with FLDS,
Speaker 1: and so it says, hello, Karen and Georgia, your talk
Speaker 1: with trust me made me remember my brush with the FLDS, which,
Speaker 1: if you don't know, is the fundamentalist arm of the LDS,
Speaker 1: the Church of the Latter the Church of the Latter
Speaker 1: day Saints we call them Mormonists, but the Fundamentalist group
Speaker 1: is an offshoot I was working as a park ranger
Speaker 1: in Grand Canyon, and once a year the FLDS would
Speaker 1: come from Colorado City with a bunch of their youth
Speaker 1: and do a giant rim to rim hike. This is
Speaker 1: where you doesn't say hike, but we're assuming. Yeah, this
Speaker 1: is where you walk from one side of the canyon
Speaker 1: to the other. It's about twenty four miles and extremely grueling.
Speaker 1: Have you ever done anything at the Grand Canyon?
Speaker 2: We went camping when I was a kid there. My
Speaker 2: brother went down. I was like a fucking eleven year
Speaker 2: old and like didn't come back till the middle of
Speaker 2: the night.
Speaker 1: Oh no.
Speaker 2: I wrote about it in the book, was say out
Speaker 2: of the forest. That's the way I read it.
Speaker 1: Was he by himself? Yeah, as sure.
Speaker 2: It was such a fucking I was. I'm sure he
Speaker 2: was dead.
Speaker 1: He was so punk rock, even in the Grand Canyon. Okay.
Speaker 1: As they did the trip, they would break countless park rules.
Speaker 1: First rule, you have to be holding a permit if
Speaker 1: you're going to do a hike. Over twelve people in
Speaker 1: the canyon. This group knew this. They would break into
Speaker 1: smaller groups of about six to seven kids, with one
Speaker 1: fourteen year old at the helm, and then a bunch
Speaker 1: of children, probably between the ages from eight to fourteen.
Speaker 1: The young teens would always say that they were eighteen,
Speaker 1: knowing very well that they should have an adult with
Speaker 1: them they were not eighteen. They would also claim that
Speaker 1: they weren't with other groups that were walking through the
Speaker 1: can at the exact same time, just five or ten
Speaker 1: minutes ahead. This is a pretty bad lie because they
Speaker 1: all dress very similarly. The girls would be in standard
Speaker 1: FLDS dresses, boys would be in jeans and slacks and
Speaker 1: a button up shirt, not hiking attire. The adults would
Speaker 1: be on horses, which are not allowed at the bottom
Speaker 1: of the canyon as they were typically very aggressive and
Speaker 1: would startle the mules that bring necessary food and supplies
Speaker 1: down to the rangers in the canyon. There's usually only
Speaker 1: two adults for fifty kids. My favorite part is every
Speaker 1: time they would do this, there would always be a
Speaker 1: ranger up top at the rim just waiting to write
Speaker 1: the entire group some fines. This really didn't stop the group,
Speaker 1: as they tend to do this every single year. I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna lie though. I always thought the young girls
Speaker 1: who were doing the hike were pretty badass. They would
Speaker 1: be in really heavy dresses, covered neck to toe, and
Speaker 1: they would do an entire rim to rim. This is
Speaker 1: a hike. I would constantly see fully grown, fit adult
Speaker 1: males cry on and beg to be helicoptered out.
Speaker 2: Holy shit.
Speaker 1: I would regularly tell the girls they're really strong for
Speaker 1: doing this. I secretly wish they had the same strength
Speaker 1: to live the life they want when they're older, whatever
Speaker 1: that may be. One more story I want to tell
Speaker 1: you is completely unrelated, but my coworker was raised in
Speaker 1: the Mooney's cult. He doesn't talk about this and just
Speaker 1: says he was raised in a Christian group that would
Speaker 1: be considered a cult by some. I immediately said, like,
Speaker 1: what the Moonies, and his face turned pale white. He
Speaker 1: asked me how the heck I knew about them? Apparently,
Speaker 1: knowing about the Moonies is not common knowledge, untrue, and
Speaker 1: that was the first person he'd ever encountered who outwrite
Speaker 1: guests day.
Speaker 2: I think it's murderinos who know about that?
Speaker 1: Thanks Karen and Georgia. Yes, but you know what it is.
Speaker 1: I think it's gen X and above and older because
Speaker 1: the Moonies were like on the seven o'clock news.
Speaker 2: When I was growing it's all about them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sure they were. I think they were always being
Speaker 1: kind of seated as like there's this problem cult like
Speaker 1: waiting with what they're doing now. And then it says,
Speaker 1: you guys are the best, thanks for all you do,
Speaker 1: but you know that already. Much love kkkk a kk ok.
Speaker 1: That's a very interesting perspective of like and this was
Speaker 1: just basically thrown in because Trust Me the False Prophet
Speaker 1: is now streaming on Netflix, which our Lola from Trust
Speaker 1: Me the podcast here on earm. Her mother is one
Speaker 1: of the subjects of that documentary and apparently it's incredible
Speaker 1: watched it.
Speaker 2: This is called Panic with Purpose, Divine Intervention story. Hi.
Speaker 2: I've been along for the ride since the beginning, and
Speaker 2: I'm so proud of you celebrating ten years. It's amazing
Speaker 2: what you have used your voices for. Your authenticity has
Speaker 2: truly started an evolution for good within the podcasting world
Speaker 2: through storytelling and advocacy. That's nice. I hope you're proud
Speaker 2: of yourselves for what you've created. They meant that in
Speaker 2: a nice way. I hope you're proud of yourself.
Speaker 1: I hope you're proud of yourself.
Speaker 2: Back in twenty ten, I was living in a shitty
Speaker 2: house in a rowdy college neighborhood. Almost every night of
Speaker 2: the week, one of the houses on our cul de
Speaker 2: sac was throwing a rager with kegs, beer pong, DJs,
Speaker 2: fog machine like any classy shin dig. I've never been
Speaker 2: to a frat party, have you? Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah?
Speaker 2: Have I never been to a frat Well, I guess
Speaker 2: that makes sense. I mean I can go to college.
Speaker 1: I think if my sister and I weren't like friends
Speaker 1: the way that we were, and I also had a
Speaker 1: bunch of cousins that we all went to SOAC State together. Okay,
Speaker 1: so it was like we went to I remember going
Speaker 1: to a gigantic frat party in Davis and my cousin
Speaker 1: Johnny was there. I went with my sister. There were
Speaker 1: cousins in town, like it was a whole thing. So
Speaker 1: it wasn't like me and my friend walking into a
Speaker 1: frat party.
Speaker 2: Okay, I've never been my We all went to community college,
Speaker 2: so like my siblings, and I.
Speaker 1: Don't think normally I would have gone because I was
Speaker 1: a bit more on the gothy side and it's not
Speaker 1: like they want to be there, but right're all like
Speaker 1: hey party.
Speaker 2: All right, yeah, amazing, So someone invite me to their keegar? Please?
Speaker 2: On our hosted party night, we would take hours prepping
Speaker 2: the house, removing valuables, pushing furniture against the walls, and
Speaker 2: preparing for the nightly rage. We proudly lined the top
Speaker 2: of our cabinets with our empty Burnett bottles, got the
Speaker 2: shittiest beer kegs, and stalk the fridge with original recipe
Speaker 2: for locos. Remember those. The following day was always a
Speaker 2: bad hangover while cleaning gene marks from the walls, vomit
Speaker 2: and sticky substances from all surfaces.
Speaker 1: Why so disgusting?
Speaker 2: I tell you these details because it reflects our poor
Speaker 2: judgment and priorities.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 2: On a night off from hosting, I went out to
Speaker 2: bars and had a bad fight with my boyfriend. Instead
Speaker 2: of sleeping at his house, like most nights, I opted
Speaker 2: to stay at my own house and mope since all
Speaker 2: my roommates were gone. In the middle of the night,
Speaker 2: I was awoken to the shrill of fire alarms opening
Speaker 2: my bedroom door. I was immediately engulfed in black smoke.
Speaker 2: I couldn't see an inch in front of my face.
Speaker 2: I made my way through the smoke to the living room,
Speaker 2: where my roommate's friend was passed out on the couch
Speaker 2: and completely unresponsive to my yelling. I ran to the
Speaker 2: kitchen and my roommate was sitting on our futon, yes
Speaker 2: very classy kitchen futon, and appeared to be hunched over texting.
Speaker 2: I was screaming his name as I saw our stove
Speaker 2: engulfed in flames right next to him. He had completely
Speaker 2: passed out while texting and making his post bar noodles
Speaker 2: in my underwear and brawliss state. I panicked with purpose.
Speaker 2: I found the fire extinguisher and remembered pass pass, pull, aim, squeeze, sweep,
Speaker 2: and put out the flames. I then ran around the
Speaker 2: house and opened every window and door to air out
Speaker 2: the smoke. I was eventually able to shake him awake,
Speaker 2: and the first thing he said to me was was
Speaker 2: not thanks for saving my life, but what very annoyed
Speaker 2: then asked where his noodles were. His friend was also
Speaker 2: okay and not dead. If I were not there that night,
Speaker 2: I don't know what would have happened because they weren't
Speaker 2: responding to a fucking fire alarm.
Speaker 1: Yeah they were passed out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would have lit the whole goddamn place down.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Not surprisingly, we did not get our deposit back when
Speaker 2: we moved out due to quote burn marks and smoke damage.
Speaker 2: But I am grateful for whatever divine intervention helped me
Speaker 2: be there that night. I also can't believe how quickly
Speaker 2: my fight or flight kicked in post sleep, and I'm
Speaker 2: proud I was able to panic with purpose. Sorry for
Speaker 2: the lengthy story, but sharing these stories makes me amazed
Speaker 2: I survived those years. Now I can barely stay awake
Speaker 2: past nine pm, and I'm raising three smart, kind kids.
Speaker 2: I'm sure they'll make many mistakes like I did, but
Speaker 2: I try my best to remind them to be humble
Speaker 2: and kind. In this world. We need that more than ever.
Speaker 2: I am a traveling speech therapist and you're with me
Speaker 2: daily as I visit patients in their homes. Thank you
Speaker 2: for all your love and humor. It keeps us all going.
Speaker 2: Love Carrie pronounce kr e Carrie?
Speaker 1: How do you pronounce this crazy name? I love that
Speaker 1: she was like, I wonder what would have happen? Is
Speaker 1: like the house to burn?
Speaker 2: You save their lives?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you did it, full credit. It doesn't sound like
Speaker 1: you panic at all. It amoked like you woke up
Speaker 1: and handled shit.
Speaker 2: Totally.
Speaker 1: Congratulations. Okay, this is a trash parents story and it
Speaker 1: starts high All. I was introduced to your podcast during
Speaker 1: a job interview in twenty seventeen. Well spread the word right.
Speaker 1: It says didn't get the job, but found you two
Speaker 1: win For me, that job would have been awful. You've
Speaker 1: asked for pretty much any story at this point, so
Speaker 1: I felt I needed to write in. I am one
Speaker 1: of eight children, and yes, my parents believed in birth
Speaker 1: control but wanted a big family. My dad was a
Speaker 1: pastor and we spent a lot of time at church.
Speaker 1: One Wednesday evening after service, the adults were chatting about
Speaker 1: God or something, and all the kids decided to play
Speaker 1: hide and seek. Being the competitive middle child that I am,
Speaker 1: I was determined to win. I squeezed my tiny five
Speaker 1: year old body into a thick set of bushes, No
Speaker 1: not bushes that line the church. I did this once too,
Speaker 1: in a big backyard. We've played a hide and seek
Speaker 1: at night a bunch of adults, most of them were drunk,
Speaker 1: it was not and I wedged myself kind of under
Speaker 1: a hedge and no one found me. I won like
Speaker 1: hands down. But everyone got really mad because they were like,
Speaker 1: will you where I'm like, I wasn't the whole idea.
Speaker 1: It was like I was supposed to just be slightly
Speaker 1: behind a tree or something. It's really funny, so it says.
Speaker 1: I sat patiently as others were found, smirking at my
Speaker 1: brilliance that no one had spotted me what seemed like ours.
Speaker 1: Probably fifteen minutes, things got quieter, and I started to
Speaker 1: hear doors shutting and.
Speaker 2: Cars pulling away.
Speaker 1: Feeling very proud that no one found my spot, I
Speaker 1: emerged from the bushes only to see my family's van
Speaker 1: pull out of the parking lot.
Speaker 2: Because there's eight of them, there's too many to count.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, the very last car to leave, I yelled,
Speaker 1: but they didn't see or hear me. I immediately burst
Speaker 1: into tears. Holy Now, I know what you're thinking. A church,
Speaker 1: surely someone will come by and see a five year
Speaker 1: old crying on the front steps. But reader, you are wrong.
Speaker 1: This church was on a highway in the middle of nowhere.
Speaker 1: I was sure I was going to die or be
Speaker 1: eaten by mountain lion. As luck or God or the
Speaker 1: universe or whatever would have it. One of the other
Speaker 1: pastor's wives forgot something in the church and she and
Speaker 1: her husband turned around to retrieve it. A five year old,
Speaker 1: that's so yeah, a little baby, little baby. They found
Speaker 1: me crying on the front step.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. They wouldn't have known until like bedtime,
Speaker 2: I bet yes, when everyone's in bed and there's an
Speaker 2: empty bed and it's like, when was the last time you.
Speaker 1: Saw Oh oh, I know I've told this story, but
Speaker 1: this happened to me in kindergarten. The whole car, watching
Speaker 1: the carpool drive away. As a five year old, you're like,
Speaker 1: they this isn't a mistake. They're choosing to go.
Speaker 2: And I'm alone for the rest of the I'm alone forever.
Speaker 1: This sucks. I don't want to eat that weird pizza
Speaker 1: and the cafeteria again. They found me crying on the
Speaker 1: front steps, left a note for my parents on the
Speaker 1: front door. This was before pages or cell phones, and
Speaker 1: took me to their house not too far away. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: my family had a quiet drive back to their homes
Speaker 1: an hour away with a van full of sleepy children.
Speaker 1: When everyone came inside and began the bedtime routine of
Speaker 1: pajamas and teeth brushing. My mom realized she was missing
Speaker 1: a kid. Can you imagine I'm a whole way home.
Speaker 2: She's so exhausted from having eight kids, and then it's
Speaker 2: an hour away. She feels so guilty.
Speaker 1: She played all that hide and seek. She had a
Speaker 1: great time herself, finally as a mom. My dad assured
Speaker 1: her that I probably fell asleep in the van and
Speaker 1: he'd go get me. A minute later, he ran in
Speaker 1: face white, grabbed the keys, muttering, we forgot Janis. He
Speaker 1: began the hour long journey trying to rescue me. Halfway there,
Speaker 1: a state trooper pulled him over for speeding. When he
Speaker 1: rolled down his window, he said, I know I was speeding.
Speaker 1: I promised to come back and receive a ticket, but
Speaker 1: I forgot my five year old daughter at church and
Speaker 1: she's all alone. The trooper looked at him and said, well,
Speaker 1: you'd better hurry when my dad's no police escort like
Speaker 1: the movie. When my dad finally arrived, he saw the
Speaker 1: note and found me at the other pastor's house. I
Speaker 1: was surrounded by all their grandkid's toys, and I had
Speaker 1: every snack from their pantry nearly see. When he arrived,
Speaker 1: I said, Hi, Dad, thanks for coming, but I think
Speaker 1: I wanted to live here now. Don't worry, I'll visit
Speaker 1: you often. After some coaxing and bribing me with bringing
Speaker 1: all the snacks with us, we headed home. On the
Speaker 1: way home, my dad stopped at where he was pulled
Speaker 1: over by the state trooper originally, but the guy wasn't there.
Speaker 1: Maybe the trooper figured out he'd had enough punishment for
Speaker 1: one night. After that, my parents made it a rule
Speaker 1: to count each kid before they left anywhere. Stay sexy,
Speaker 1: and please make sure all your kids are in the
Speaker 1: car before leaving. Janie janius with an E. So Jennie
Speaker 1: kind of sounds the same, maybe janis and then it
Speaker 1: says ps. My oldest kid was at trivia night and
Speaker 1: a question came up about a true crime comedy podcast
Speaker 1: by Karen Colgareff and Georgia Hartstart he scored a point
Speaker 1: for his team instantly, thanks for making me cool for
Speaker 1: a moment with my kid.
Speaker 2: Love that that's like to be the highest, Like like
Speaker 2: that's success. Yes, you're on fucking quiz nights. Yes, that's
Speaker 2: so true. And then how many kids do you think
Speaker 2: at what point you like lose track of them? Because
Speaker 2: you really knew that.
Speaker 1: I really believe it. You can see three three is
Speaker 1: really hard, but they're like in front of you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, this is my last one. Why I was
Speaker 2: never allowed to babysit again? Hey all, well you asked
Speaker 2: at the age of seventeen, I was watching two boys
Speaker 2: ages three and one. That is a baby.
Speaker 1: Yeah, those are babies' new.
Speaker 2: And you're seventeen during their spring break. I have been
Speaker 2: babysitting these kids for about a year, so I felt
Speaker 2: pretty comfortable staying with them while their parents were at work.
Speaker 2: Since the weather was nice, their mom had suggested I
Speaker 2: take them to the zoo for the day. Again, I'm
Speaker 2: seventeen and very unqualified to be in public with children
Speaker 2: this young. The day started off well enough. The boys
Speaker 2: were excited and cooperative.
Speaker 1: Intel well enough is a tough way to be like.
Speaker 1: The days started off well enough. You're babysitting and like
Speaker 1: you're staying home. Yeah you know, Oh my god, everything
Speaker 1: could go wrong.
Speaker 2: It's like the.
Speaker 1: TV snacks and like your own house with a bathroom,
Speaker 1: totally no no reason to go anywhere.
Speaker 2: The three year old will call him Kyle. Fucking Kyle
Speaker 2: became overcome with illogical emotion kids fucking do that. That's
Speaker 2: another reason adults. When I told him he couldn't have
Speaker 2: a second lemon ice pop, he started crying, which turned
Speaker 2: into screaming, which turned into me being hauled off to
Speaker 2: the zoo jail until his mom could come and verify
Speaker 2: that her children were in my care. Oh you may
Speaker 2: be wondering how things went south so quickly. Kyle had
Speaker 2: become so inconsolable that he started running away from me, screaming.
Speaker 2: Someone helped me. That's not my mommy. A little shit, Kyle,
Speaker 2: A little on repeat. By the time I had caught
Speaker 2: him and hooked my arm or his waist, he was
Speaker 2: kicking and screaming, drawing the attention of just about everyone,
Speaker 2: including zoo security.
Speaker 1: I mean, at least they did something totally totally we
Speaker 1: gotta be we gotta upside it a little bit.
Speaker 2: Security took me, well wait till you hear this. Then
Speaker 2: security took me into a separate office and kept the
Speaker 2: boys in the lobby where they all caps gave them
Speaker 2: a fucking ice pop. So with this little shit it worked.
Speaker 2: Kyle Winn, Kyle fucking' is like, this is how I
Speaker 2: get what I want?
Speaker 1: Kyle Win's again he's been to the zoo before.
Speaker 2: It's first rodeo. No, no, well, we waited for their mom.
Speaker 2: She showed up about forty five minutes later, took the
Speaker 2: boys home and never called me again. Just kidding. I
Speaker 2: loved those kids and continued to babysit them until I
Speaker 2: graduated from high school. Their mom thought the above incident
Speaker 2: was hilarious and still gives me shit about it years later.
Speaker 1: Nice, that's so cool.
Speaker 2: I do love that. Ye SSTGM and don't task a
Speaker 2: seventeen year old with watching your kids somewhere other than
Speaker 2: their own home. Yeah, m yeah.
Speaker 1: Because I think kids. I babysat the kid my sister
Speaker 1: like for one time, like she had to get me
Speaker 1: to do it for three hours, and he just immediately
Speaker 1: just start. He knew he couldn't push it with my sister. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and with me. He just immediately was like I think
Speaker 1: I'm gonna slip under these bleachers and just go get
Speaker 1: lost over there. Same with my nephew, Mikah. It was
Speaker 1: just like I don't have to listen to you. No,
Speaker 1: He's like, wait a second, I'm seeing all soft spots here, totally. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're equals.
Speaker 2: I'm going to have fun.
Speaker 1: We're equals. Bye, Okay, Well this actually perfectly dovetails into
Speaker 1: my last story. The subject line says child labor story.
Speaker 1: It says hello Karen, Georgia and fur babies in all caps,
Speaker 1: and then it says Karen, I know it's your favorite.
Speaker 1: And then there's an emoji off someone laughing so hard
Speaker 1: until they cry, And here's me just suffering over here.
Speaker 1: I've been listening since early COVID when my boss recommended
Speaker 1: MFM as a coping mechanism for being a nurse during
Speaker 1: that honored I mean incredible. You two have been my
Speaker 1: emotional support podcast ever since. You recently asked for slightly
Speaker 1: inappropriate childhood job stories and I love.
Speaker 2: About we did that.
Speaker 1: I love it, and wow, do I have one for you.
Speaker 1: I was a fairal adhd child with the energy of
Speaker 1: a caffeinated squirrel. My poor parents, Anne and Rod had
Speaker 1: no idea what to do with me during the summers,
Speaker 1: until one day they had a truly unhinged idea. She
Speaker 1: loves animals. We know the zoo director. Let's just drop
Speaker 1: her off there.
Speaker 2: What the fuck?
Speaker 1: You know? Anne and Rod, They're nuts. And that's how
Speaker 1: in peak nineties parenting fashion, I became a child zoo
Speaker 1: volunteer with what I can only describe as zerra Osha oversight.
Speaker 2: That's not volunteering, that's babysitting.
Speaker 1: That's abandonment in a public place. You pay the ticket
Speaker 1: and you're like, see you need it out along three
Speaker 1: days a week. My mom would drop me off while
Speaker 1: I one. It's a little lisp, but I'll number it.
Speaker 1: One cleaned animal enclosures, two fed various creatures. Three consumed
Speaker 1: my body weight in shock tarts, or apparently flirted with
Speaker 1: death question mark question mark. Some highlights include one cleaning
Speaker 1: the alligator enclosure while alligators were still in it, with
Speaker 1: the guidance if they hiss and get puffy, just hop
Speaker 1: back over the fence.
Speaker 2: That's good life advice.
Speaker 1: Anything, get puppy it by two wrangling wallabies and then
Speaker 1: in quotes, here's the advice she got. Watch the feet
Speaker 1: they kick, get behind them and grab the tail.
Speaker 2: What is a I'm thinking of a panda bear?
Speaker 1: For some reason, they're like, I believe wallabies I think
Speaker 1: are like little kangaroos. Am I wrong about that? You're correct?
Speaker 1: I win? And then it says totally normal eight year old.
Speaker 1: And then the last one says, hand feeding lemurs things
Speaker 1: called monkey biscuits. Careful the ring tailed one bites, They said,
Speaker 1: of course he does. I loved every second of it,
Speaker 1: all caps, but my crowning achievement. I got to help
Speaker 1: hand raise a baby tiger.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: One of the zoo's tigers had two cubs. One didn't
Speaker 1: make it. They pulled the other to hand raise her.
Speaker 1: I got to bottle feed her every day I volunteered.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, hey goo oh, go to our instagram
Speaker 1: to see the photo.
Speaker 2: That is a stuffed animal. It's not real.
Speaker 1: Literally looks like a perfectly made stuffed animal.
Speaker 2: Look at those.
Speaker 1: I named her tigger because I was ten and working
Speaker 1: with what I had. Yeah, I fed her, played with her,
Speaker 1: did enrichment, basically lived my best tiger king but wholesome life.
Speaker 1: She grew up, thrived, and lived to be seventeen years old.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, did she recognize her when she'd come
Speaker 2: back to the zoo.
Speaker 1: Let's see, we'll find out, okay, and then my career
Speaker 1: abruptly ended. One day I came home smelling especially terrible.
Speaker 1: My dad asked why I smelled worse than usual, And
Speaker 1: then a parentheses says, rude but fair, and I casually
Speaker 1: told him, oh, yeah, a full grown male's Iberian tiger
Speaker 1: pete on me through the chainling fence while I was cleaning.
Speaker 1: Jesus y'all. He did not care that there was a fence.
Speaker 1: My zoo career ended that day. I pivoted volunteering at
Speaker 1: a vet clinic the next summer and stayed there through
Speaker 1: high school. I mean, this is an animal person. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is a This is the one person who can
Speaker 1: say for babies to me in all caps, and I
Speaker 1: accept it fully earned it, right fully earned. And then
Speaker 1: it says thank you for being a constant source of comfort, laughter,
Speaker 1: and just the right amount of chaos. Stay sexy and
Speaker 1: let your kids make wildly unsaved zoo memories.
Speaker 2: Erin Wow Aaron and uh.
Speaker 1: Oh, I think there's a picture of Tigger with Oh.
Speaker 2: Let's see ah, that's your friend.
Speaker 1: That's so many people's dream come true.
Speaker 2: Dude, mine as a kid. Oh amazing.
Speaker 1: And what if, like I want to know if like
Speaker 1: Aaron ever got that moment or she came back to
Speaker 1: the zoo exactly, That's what I want to know. Haggard,
Speaker 1: old college student and that little Tigger was.
Speaker 2: Like, oh, I know you my friend, Oh my god,
Speaker 2: all right, send us your what you did it for
Speaker 2: a job as a child at My Favorite Murder at
Speaker 2: Gmail or whatever else you want to tell us.
Speaker 1: That's right, any kind of lawsuity stuff from childhood. We'd
Speaker 1: love to hear it. That's right. And until then, stay
Speaker 1: sexy and don't get murdered.
Speaker 2: Goodbye, Elvis, do you want to cookie?
Speaker 1: This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 2: Our senior producer is Molly Smith and our associate producer
Speaker 2: is Tessa Hughes.
Speaker 1: Our editor is Aristotle Ascevedo.
Speaker 2: This episode was mixed by Leona Squalocci.
Speaker 1: Email your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2: Follow the show on Instagram at My Favorite Murder.
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Speaker 2: And now you can watch My Favorite Murder on Netflix.
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