WEBVTT - MFM Minisode 488 0:00:16.640 --> 0:00:20.200 Hello, and welcome to my favorite murder the minisode. 0:00:20.280 --> 0:00:23.560 Read you your stories. You should go first, Okay, I will. 0:00:23.680 --> 0:00:25.560 Okay, great this one. 0:00:26.600 --> 0:00:28.160 I'm not going to tell you the subject line. But 0:00:28.200 --> 0:00:33.320 it's serious. Okay, but it's good. Okay, Hey girl. Hey 0:00:34.240 --> 0:00:38.680 starts Chicago, twenty sixteen. I had just left an abusive relationship, 0:00:38.800 --> 0:00:41.879 moved into a new apartment, and I had no idea 0:00:41.920 --> 0:00:44.440 this was one of the most crime ridden neighborhoods of Chicago. 0:00:45.320 --> 0:00:48.479 I was in nursing school, exhausted, just trying to survive. 0:00:49.159 --> 0:00:52.199 After class downtown, I made the incredibly smart decision to 0:00:52.240 --> 0:00:56.120 buy a giant, heavy over the toilet storage unit from 0:00:56.200 --> 0:00:59.280 Target and carry onto the packed rush hour train for 0:00:59.320 --> 0:01:03.520 an hour long commute back home. Yeahdiot, that just sucks. 0:01:04.360 --> 0:01:07.120 Like I need this really bad. I have no storage 0:01:07.120 --> 0:01:09.440 in this apartment. There's nowhere near me that sells this. 0:01:09.640 --> 0:01:10.840 No one's gonna do it for me. 0:01:10.880 --> 0:01:12.320 I'm not a car I'm in Chicago. 0:01:12.600 --> 0:01:14.520 Just got to get it done. 0:01:14.000 --> 0:01:16.639 We hear you, Yea. The entire time people kept asking 0:01:16.680 --> 0:01:18.600 me if I needed help. I had my headphones in 0:01:18.680 --> 0:01:21.240 listening to MFM, and I was like, nope, I got it. 0:01:21.360 --> 0:01:24.280 Leave me alone. Finally I get off at my stop. 0:01:24.680 --> 0:01:28.200 Train's mostly empty. Now I'm hauling this massive box down 0:01:28.200 --> 0:01:32.039 the stairs when a guy like the hundredth guy asks 0:01:32.080 --> 0:01:34.479 if I need help. I say no, I live right 0:01:34.520 --> 0:01:37.720 here and gesture toward my apartment building and he goes, oh, 0:01:37.760 --> 0:01:40.840 I live there too. Cool. Great. Fine. He comes back 0:01:40.840 --> 0:01:43.040 and says, my mom would kill me if I didn't 0:01:43.080 --> 0:01:46.880 help you, and just takes the box. I'm exhausted. He 0:01:46.880 --> 0:01:49.520 seems charming enough, and honestly I wanted to help, so 0:01:49.560 --> 0:01:52.520 I let him. We get into the courtyard. He points 0:01:52.560 --> 0:01:55.320 to his entrance on the left, asks which one is mine. 0:01:55.480 --> 0:01:57.240 I point to the door on the right, across the 0:01:57.240 --> 0:02:01.360 courtyard from his. We walk over. For context, Chicago buildings 0:02:01.400 --> 0:02:04.120 have that double door set up outside door, then small 0:02:04.200 --> 0:02:06.840 vestibule than an inside door to keep the cold out. 0:02:07.760 --> 0:02:10.960 I'm unlocking the first door when suddenly he shoves me 0:02:10.960 --> 0:02:15.040 inside door, slams my keys with my pepper spray and 0:02:15.080 --> 0:02:18.960 my stabby thing are still in the lock outside. He 0:02:19.040 --> 0:02:21.160 pins me against the wall and puts a gun under 0:02:21.160 --> 0:02:24.400 my chin. Oh no, give me all your cash, and 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:26.799 here's where I'd like to thank you both, because instead 0:02:26.800 --> 0:02:32.000 of panicking I just started laughing. No, not in a 0:02:32.160 --> 0:02:34.360 this is funny way, but in it. I know better 0:02:34.360 --> 0:02:37.040 than to fight this way. I told him, I'm a 0:02:37.080 --> 0:02:40.600 broke nursing student. I literally have nothing. I opened my 0:02:40.680 --> 0:02:44.799 fanny pack, empty wallet, train card, debit card ID, that's it. 0:02:45.240 --> 0:02:48.160 He takes my train card, rip to one hundred dollars 0:02:48.160 --> 0:02:51.720 I just loaded onto it, rips off my necklace forever 0:02:51.760 --> 0:02:53.720 twenty one, but he didn't need to know that, and 0:02:53.760 --> 0:02:56.320 then tells me to take off my ring, my grandma's 0:02:56.360 --> 0:02:59.720 pearl ring that hadn't come off my finger in five years. 0:03:00.760 --> 0:03:02.520 I'm struggling to get it off, and he puts the 0:03:02.560 --> 0:03:04.560 gun against my hand and says, if you don't take 0:03:04.600 --> 0:03:06.760 it off, I'll get it off, like he was going 0:03:06.760 --> 0:03:11.119 to all caps shoot my hand and take my finger. So, yeah, 0:03:11.160 --> 0:03:16.440 I got the ring off, skin, dignity, everything included. He leaves. 0:03:16.560 --> 0:03:19.680 I collapse on the floor, crying, shaking fully in shock, 0:03:20.000 --> 0:03:24.080 and then I hear laughter, soft at first, then clear, 0:03:24.360 --> 0:03:27.200 and I genuinely thought, okay, cool, I've lost my mind. 0:03:27.680 --> 0:03:32.400 But no, it was you two. Oh god, she's still 0:03:32.400 --> 0:03:36.200 playing in my headphones. No, just chatting, laughing about something, 0:03:36.240 --> 0:03:38.920 completely unaware that you were actively in my ear during 0:03:38.960 --> 0:03:41.480 one of the scariest moments of my life, and weirdly 0:03:41.600 --> 0:03:45.080 it grounded me because I did exactly what you always say. 0:03:45.160 --> 0:03:48.440 I stayed calm, I didn't escalate, and I stayed sexy 0:03:48.480 --> 0:03:51.720 and didn't get murdered. Also, for the record, I got 0:03:51.800 --> 0:03:54.480 mugged three more times in the next four months at 0:03:54.480 --> 0:03:57.400 that apartment, so four muggings total. So I broke my 0:03:57.480 --> 0:04:00.040 lease and got the hell out of it. Jesus. I 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:02.080 don't live in Chicago anymore, but I still love that 0:04:02.120 --> 0:04:06.040 city in a deeply unwell, possibly Stockholm syndrome way. And 0:04:06.080 --> 0:04:08.920 now I'm about to graduate as a forensic nurse wow, 0:04:09.000 --> 0:04:12.560 with plans to become a pediatric saying sexual assault, to 0:04:12.600 --> 0:04:16.160 collect evidence examiner, and eventually work with a DA's office 0:04:16.200 --> 0:04:19.560 to help push legislation to classify violence against women as 0:04:19.560 --> 0:04:20.360 a hate crime. 0:04:20.680 --> 0:04:22.800 Nice, amazing, so good. 0:04:22.960 --> 0:04:25.800 So truly thank you for the laughs, the awareness, and 0:04:25.839 --> 0:04:28.360 for literally being in my ear when I needed you 0:04:28.480 --> 0:04:31.599 most stay sexy and listen to your gut. And also 0:04:31.600 --> 0:04:32.560 to Karen and Georgia. 0:04:33.200 --> 0:04:36.440 Love Hannah, God, Hanna, I'm sorry that happened to you. 0:04:36.640 --> 0:04:39.159 That's like one of the most intense ones we've ever gotten. 0:04:39.240 --> 0:04:44.520 I know, well we've gotten I mean, yeah, but like firsthand. 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:45.599 Yeah, you're right, you're right. But also I think that 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:48.520 thing of like, it's not Stockholm syndrome. Chicago is an 0:04:48.520 --> 0:04:51.760 amazing city and there's many many things happening there. It's 0:04:51.800 --> 0:04:52.680 like that's that. 0:04:52.680 --> 0:04:54.120 Could happen literally anywhere. 0:04:54.320 --> 0:04:57.480 But I am and does and does and wow. 0:04:57.600 --> 0:05:00.880 But staying calm in that moment, like what what a 0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:01.840 heroic thing to do? 0:05:02.320 --> 0:05:02.480 Right? 0:05:02.640 --> 0:05:03.760 Not everyone would do that. 0:05:04.000 --> 0:05:06.400 It's a tough thing. I also was so afraid you 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:08.400 were going to say when the laughter came through that 0:05:08.440 --> 0:05:10.680 it was like a prank. Oh or in just like 0:05:11.240 --> 0:05:16.840 good lord, Okay, this one got pulled because it's new, 0:05:17.760 --> 0:05:20.040 like we just got it in the last couple of days. 0:05:20.600 --> 0:05:26.520 But it's relevant. The subject line is my brush with FLDS, 0:05:27.480 --> 0:05:29.880 and so it says, hello, Karen and Georgia, your talk 0:05:29.920 --> 0:05:33.640 with trust me made me remember my brush with the FLDS, which, 0:05:33.680 --> 0:05:38.560 if you don't know, is the fundamentalist arm of the LDS, 0:05:38.600 --> 0:05:40.960 the Church of the Latter the Church of the Latter 0:05:41.000 --> 0:05:45.200 day Saints we call them Mormonists, but the Fundamentalist group 0:05:45.360 --> 0:05:49.599 is an offshoot I was working as a park ranger 0:05:49.640 --> 0:05:52.240 in Grand Canyon, and once a year the FLDS would 0:05:52.240 --> 0:05:54.920 come from Colorado City with a bunch of their youth 0:05:55.120 --> 0:05:58.840 and do a giant rim to rim hike. This is 0:05:58.880 --> 0:06:01.760 where you doesn't say hike, but we're assuming. Yeah, this 0:06:01.839 --> 0:06:03.720 is where you walk from one side of the canyon 0:06:03.720 --> 0:06:06.719 to the other. It's about twenty four miles and extremely grueling. 0:06:06.960 --> 0:06:08.920 Have you ever done anything at the Grand Canyon? 0:06:09.080 --> 0:06:10.640 We went camping when I was a kid there. My 0:06:10.680 --> 0:06:12.560 brother went down. I was like a fucking eleven year 0:06:12.600 --> 0:06:14.200 old and like didn't come back till the middle of 0:06:14.240 --> 0:06:14.560 the night. 0:06:14.800 --> 0:06:15.200 Oh no. 0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:17.160 I wrote about it in the book, was say out 0:06:17.160 --> 0:06:18.719 of the forest. That's the way I read it. 0:06:18.760 --> 0:06:20.720 Was he by himself? Yeah, as sure. 0:06:20.960 --> 0:06:22.880 It was such a fucking I was. I'm sure he 0:06:22.960 --> 0:06:23.279 was dead. 0:06:23.560 --> 0:06:27.600 He was so punk rock, even in the Grand Canyon. Okay. 0:06:28.839 --> 0:06:32.080 As they did the trip, they would break countless park rules. 0:06:31.880 --> 0:06:35.080 First rule, you have to be holding a permit if 0:06:35.080 --> 0:06:37.000 you're going to do a hike. Over twelve people in 0:06:37.040 --> 0:06:40.320 the canyon. This group knew this. They would break into 0:06:40.320 --> 0:06:44.080 smaller groups of about six to seven kids, with one 0:06:44.120 --> 0:06:46.640 fourteen year old at the helm, and then a bunch 0:06:46.680 --> 0:06:49.760 of children, probably between the ages from eight to fourteen. 0:06:50.320 --> 0:06:52.640 The young teens would always say that they were eighteen, 0:06:52.839 --> 0:06:55.120 knowing very well that they should have an adult with 0:06:55.160 --> 0:06:57.839 them they were not eighteen. They would also claim that 0:06:57.880 --> 0:06:59.720 they weren't with other groups that were walking through the 0:06:59.760 --> 0:07:02.800 can at the exact same time, just five or ten 0:07:02.839 --> 0:07:05.560 minutes ahead. This is a pretty bad lie because they 0:07:05.680 --> 0:07:09.440 all dress very similarly. The girls would be in standard 0:07:09.520 --> 0:07:12.240 FLDS dresses, boys would be in jeans and slacks and 0:07:12.280 --> 0:07:15.480 a button up shirt, not hiking attire. The adults would 0:07:15.480 --> 0:07:17.600 be on horses, which are not allowed at the bottom 0:07:17.600 --> 0:07:19.800 of the canyon as they were typically very aggressive and 0:07:19.840 --> 0:07:23.160 would startle the mules that bring necessary food and supplies 0:07:23.200 --> 0:07:26.360 down to the rangers in the canyon. There's usually only 0:07:26.400 --> 0:07:30.679 two adults for fifty kids. My favorite part is every 0:07:30.680 --> 0:07:32.600 time they would do this, there would always be a 0:07:32.680 --> 0:07:34.920 ranger up top at the rim just waiting to write 0:07:34.960 --> 0:07:38.720 the entire group some fines. This really didn't stop the group, 0:07:38.720 --> 0:07:40.880 as they tend to do this every single year. I'm 0:07:40.880 --> 0:07:42.880 not gonna lie though. I always thought the young girls 0:07:42.920 --> 0:07:45.400 who were doing the hike were pretty badass. They would 0:07:45.440 --> 0:07:48.560 be in really heavy dresses, covered neck to toe, and 0:07:48.680 --> 0:07:51.280 they would do an entire rim to rim. This is 0:07:51.320 --> 0:07:55.120 a hike. I would constantly see fully grown, fit adult 0:07:55.160 --> 0:07:58.720 males cry on and beg to be helicoptered out. 0:07:58.800 --> 0:07:59.520 Holy shit. 0:08:00.160 --> 0:08:02.560 I would regularly tell the girls they're really strong for 0:08:02.640 --> 0:08:05.960 doing this. I secretly wish they had the same strength 0:08:06.040 --> 0:08:08.960 to live the life they want when they're older, whatever 0:08:09.000 --> 0:08:11.640 that may be. One more story I want to tell 0:08:11.640 --> 0:08:15.280 you is completely unrelated, but my coworker was raised in 0:08:15.400 --> 0:08:18.800 the Mooney's cult. He doesn't talk about this and just 0:08:18.880 --> 0:08:21.440 says he was raised in a Christian group that would 0:08:21.480 --> 0:08:24.760 be considered a cult by some. I immediately said, like, 0:08:24.800 --> 0:08:28.680 what the Moonies, and his face turned pale white. He 0:08:28.800 --> 0:08:31.040 asked me how the heck I knew about them? Apparently, 0:08:31.160 --> 0:08:35.280 knowing about the Moonies is not common knowledge, untrue, and 0:08:35.360 --> 0:08:39.080 that was the first person he'd ever encountered who outwrite 0:08:39.200 --> 0:08:39.679 guests day. 0:08:39.720 --> 0:08:41.679 I think it's murderinos who know about that? 0:08:42.120 --> 0:08:46.040 Thanks Karen and Georgia. Yes, but you know what it is. 0:08:46.559 --> 0:08:49.440 I think it's gen X and above and older because 0:08:49.559 --> 0:08:51.880 the Moonies were like on the seven o'clock news. 0:08:51.679 --> 0:08:53.160 When I was growing it's all about them. 0:08:53.240 --> 0:08:55.920 Yeah, sure they were. I think they were always being 0:08:56.040 --> 0:08:58.560 kind of seated as like there's this problem cult like 0:08:58.679 --> 0:09:02.320 waiting with what they're doing now. And then it says, 0:09:02.360 --> 0:09:03.959 you guys are the best, thanks for all you do, 0:09:04.120 --> 0:09:09.360 but you know that already. Much love kkkk a kk ok. 0:09:10.160 --> 0:09:14.960 That's a very interesting perspective of like and this was 0:09:15.120 --> 0:09:18.720 just basically thrown in because Trust Me the False Prophet 0:09:18.800 --> 0:09:23.280 is now streaming on Netflix, which our Lola from Trust 0:09:23.360 --> 0:09:26.439 Me the podcast here on earm. Her mother is one 0:09:26.480 --> 0:09:29.640 of the subjects of that documentary and apparently it's incredible 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:30.400 watched it. 0:09:34.160 --> 0:09:38.960 This is called Panic with Purpose, Divine Intervention story. Hi. 0:09:39.440 --> 0:09:41.280 I've been along for the ride since the beginning, and 0:09:41.320 --> 0:09:44.800 I'm so proud of you celebrating ten years. It's amazing 0:09:44.840 --> 0:09:47.240 what you have used your voices for. Your authenticity has 0:09:47.280 --> 0:09:51.079 truly started an evolution for good within the podcasting world 0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:54.600 through storytelling and advocacy. That's nice. I hope you're proud 0:09:54.640 --> 0:09:57.480 of yourselves for what you've created. They meant that in 0:09:57.480 --> 0:09:59.079 a nice way. I hope you're proud of yourself. 0:09:59.120 --> 0:10:00.280 I hope you're proud of yourself. 0:10:00.520 --> 0:10:02.400 Back in twenty ten, I was living in a shitty 0:10:02.400 --> 0:10:05.280 house in a rowdy college neighborhood. Almost every night of 0:10:05.320 --> 0:10:06.679 the week, one of the houses on our cul de 0:10:06.800 --> 0:10:10.839 sac was throwing a rager with kegs, beer pong, DJs, 0:10:11.040 --> 0:10:14.600 fog machine like any classy shin dig. I've never been 0:10:14.640 --> 0:10:16.480 to a frat party, have you? Oh? 0:10:16.600 --> 0:10:17.720 Yeah, yeah, yeah? 0:10:17.760 --> 0:10:19.240 Have I never been to a frat Well, I guess 0:10:19.280 --> 0:10:21.240 that makes sense. I mean I can go to college. 0:10:21.280 --> 0:10:24.080 I think if my sister and I weren't like friends 0:10:24.120 --> 0:10:26.760 the way that we were, and I also had a 0:10:26.760 --> 0:10:29.560 bunch of cousins that we all went to SOAC State together. Okay, 0:10:29.640 --> 0:10:32.120 so it was like we went to I remember going 0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:35.360 to a gigantic frat party in Davis and my cousin 0:10:35.440 --> 0:10:38.280 Johnny was there. I went with my sister. There were 0:10:38.320 --> 0:10:40.400 cousins in town, like it was a whole thing. So 0:10:40.440 --> 0:10:42.679 it wasn't like me and my friend walking into a 0:10:42.760 --> 0:10:43.360 frat party. 0:10:43.400 --> 0:10:45.680 Okay, I've never been my We all went to community college, 0:10:45.720 --> 0:10:46.880 so like my siblings, and I. 0:10:47.400 --> 0:10:49.040 Don't think normally I would have gone because I was 0:10:49.040 --> 0:10:51.560 a bit more on the gothy side and it's not 0:10:51.600 --> 0:10:53.360 like they want to be there, but right're all like 0:10:53.520 --> 0:10:54.520 hey party. 0:10:54.440 --> 0:10:57.800 All right, yeah, amazing, So someone invite me to their keegar? Please? 0:10:58.520 --> 0:11:01.400 On our hosted party night, we would take hours prepping 0:11:01.440 --> 0:11:05.160 the house, removing valuables, pushing furniture against the walls, and 0:11:05.240 --> 0:11:08.520 preparing for the nightly rage. We proudly lined the top 0:11:08.559 --> 0:11:12.000 of our cabinets with our empty Burnett bottles, got the 0:11:12.000 --> 0:11:15.240 shittiest beer kegs, and stalk the fridge with original recipe 0:11:15.280 --> 0:11:19.240 for locos. Remember those. The following day was always a 0:11:19.280 --> 0:11:22.880 bad hangover while cleaning gene marks from the walls, vomit 0:11:22.960 --> 0:11:25.280 and sticky substances from all surfaces. 0:11:25.720 --> 0:11:27.160 Why so disgusting? 0:11:27.400 --> 0:11:29.680 I tell you these details because it reflects our poor 0:11:29.760 --> 0:11:31.120 judgment and priorities. 0:11:31.200 --> 0:11:31.600 That's right. 0:11:32.559 --> 0:11:34.920 On a night off from hosting, I went out to 0:11:35.000 --> 0:11:37.480 bars and had a bad fight with my boyfriend. Instead 0:11:37.520 --> 0:11:39.679 of sleeping at his house, like most nights, I opted 0:11:39.720 --> 0:11:42.040 to stay at my own house and mope since all 0:11:42.080 --> 0:11:44.640 my roommates were gone. In the middle of the night, 0:11:44.679 --> 0:11:47.760 I was awoken to the shrill of fire alarms opening 0:11:47.760 --> 0:11:50.800 my bedroom door. I was immediately engulfed in black smoke. 0:11:51.080 --> 0:11:53.079 I couldn't see an inch in front of my face. 0:11:53.240 --> 0:11:55.280 I made my way through the smoke to the living room, 0:11:55.559 --> 0:11:58.160 where my roommate's friend was passed out on the couch 0:11:58.200 --> 0:12:01.920 and completely unresponsive to my yelling. I ran to the 0:12:02.000 --> 0:12:04.760 kitchen and my roommate was sitting on our futon, yes 0:12:05.000 --> 0:12:08.880 very classy kitchen futon, and appeared to be hunched over texting. 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:11.360 I was screaming his name as I saw our stove 0:12:11.480 --> 0:12:15.280 engulfed in flames right next to him. He had completely 0:12:15.320 --> 0:12:18.880 passed out while texting and making his post bar noodles 0:12:19.679 --> 0:12:23.080 in my underwear and brawliss state. I panicked with purpose. 0:12:23.320 --> 0:12:29.160 I found the fire extinguisher and remembered pass pass, pull, aim, squeeze, sweep, 0:12:29.559 --> 0:12:31.920 and put out the flames. I then ran around the 0:12:31.920 --> 0:12:34.280 house and opened every window and door to air out 0:12:34.320 --> 0:12:36.680 the smoke. I was eventually able to shake him awake, 0:12:36.720 --> 0:12:39.720 and the first thing he said to me was was 0:12:39.760 --> 0:12:43.360 not thanks for saving my life, but what very annoyed 0:12:43.920 --> 0:12:46.720 then asked where his noodles were. His friend was also 0:12:46.760 --> 0:12:49.480 okay and not dead. If I were not there that night, 0:12:49.520 --> 0:12:51.280 I don't know what would have happened because they weren't 0:12:51.280 --> 0:12:53.040 responding to a fucking fire alarm. 0:12:53.440 --> 0:12:54.360 Yeah they were passed out. 0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:56.440 Yeah, I would have lit the whole goddamn place down. 0:12:56.559 --> 0:12:57.359 Yeah. 0:12:57.400 --> 0:12:59.520 Not surprisingly, we did not get our deposit back when 0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:02.960 we moved out due to quote burn marks and smoke damage. 0:13:03.360 --> 0:13:06.080 But I am grateful for whatever divine intervention helped me 0:13:06.160 --> 0:13:08.679 be there that night. I also can't believe how quickly 0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:11.280 my fight or flight kicked in post sleep, and I'm 0:13:11.280 --> 0:13:14.800 proud I was able to panic with purpose. Sorry for 0:13:14.840 --> 0:13:17.520 the lengthy story, but sharing these stories makes me amazed 0:13:17.559 --> 0:13:20.600 I survived those years. Now I can barely stay awake 0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:23.680 past nine pm, and I'm raising three smart, kind kids. 0:13:24.120 --> 0:13:26.520 I'm sure they'll make many mistakes like I did, but 0:13:26.559 --> 0:13:28.720 I try my best to remind them to be humble 0:13:28.840 --> 0:13:31.560 and kind. In this world. We need that more than ever. 0:13:31.880 --> 0:13:34.440 I am a traveling speech therapist and you're with me 0:13:34.559 --> 0:13:37.520 daily as I visit patients in their homes. Thank you 0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:39.880 for all your love and humor. It keeps us all going. 0:13:40.360 --> 0:13:46.479 Love Carrie pronounce kr e Carrie? 0:13:47.559 --> 0:13:52.200 How do you pronounce this crazy name? I love that 0:13:52.360 --> 0:13:54.160 she was like, I wonder what would have happen? Is 0:13:54.160 --> 0:13:55.360 like the house to burn? 0:13:56.320 --> 0:13:56.960 You save their lives? 0:13:57.080 --> 0:13:59.559 Yeah, you did it, full credit. It doesn't sound like 0:13:59.600 --> 0:14:02.320 you panic at all. It amoked like you woke up 0:14:02.360 --> 0:14:03.120 and handled shit. 0:14:03.400 --> 0:14:03.840 Totally. 0:14:03.880 --> 0:14:09.720 Congratulations. Okay, this is a trash parents story and it 0:14:09.800 --> 0:14:12.400 starts high All. I was introduced to your podcast during 0:14:12.400 --> 0:14:15.959 a job interview in twenty seventeen. Well spread the word right. 0:14:16.080 --> 0:14:18.439 It says didn't get the job, but found you two 0:14:18.840 --> 0:14:22.120 win For me, that job would have been awful. You've 0:14:22.120 --> 0:14:24.400 asked for pretty much any story at this point, so 0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:26.760 I felt I needed to write in. I am one 0:14:26.760 --> 0:14:29.720 of eight children, and yes, my parents believed in birth 0:14:29.760 --> 0:14:32.440 control but wanted a big family. My dad was a 0:14:32.480 --> 0:14:34.680 pastor and we spent a lot of time at church. 0:14:35.080 --> 0:14:37.880 One Wednesday evening after service, the adults were chatting about 0:14:37.920 --> 0:14:40.600 God or something, and all the kids decided to play 0:14:40.680 --> 0:14:44.120 hide and seek. Being the competitive middle child that I am, 0:14:44.320 --> 0:14:47.440 I was determined to win. I squeezed my tiny five 0:14:47.520 --> 0:14:51.080 year old body into a thick set of bushes, No 0:14:51.640 --> 0:14:54.400 not bushes that line the church. I did this once too, 0:14:54.880 --> 0:14:57.160 in a big backyard. We've played a hide and seek 0:14:57.160 --> 0:14:59.760 at night a bunch of adults, most of them were drunk, 0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:03.000 it was not and I wedged myself kind of under 0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:06.640 a hedge and no one found me. I won like 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:09.320 hands down. But everyone got really mad because they were like, 0:15:09.640 --> 0:15:12.480 will you where I'm like, I wasn't the whole idea. 0:15:12.680 --> 0:15:14.640 It was like I was supposed to just be slightly 0:15:14.680 --> 0:15:18.240 behind a tree or something. It's really funny, so it says. 0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:21.560 I sat patiently as others were found, smirking at my 0:15:21.640 --> 0:15:25.000 brilliance that no one had spotted me what seemed like ours. 0:15:25.040 --> 0:15:28.120 Probably fifteen minutes, things got quieter, and I started to 0:15:28.160 --> 0:15:29.160 hear doors shutting and. 0:15:29.200 --> 0:15:30.200 Cars pulling away. 0:15:30.680 --> 0:15:32.880 Feeling very proud that no one found my spot, I 0:15:32.920 --> 0:15:35.920 emerged from the bushes only to see my family's van 0:15:36.120 --> 0:15:37.400 pull out of the parking lot. 0:15:37.640 --> 0:15:41.200 Because there's eight of them, there's too many to count. 0:15:41.720 --> 0:15:44.520 Oh my god, the very last car to leave, I yelled, 0:15:44.520 --> 0:15:47.040 but they didn't see or hear me. I immediately burst 0:15:47.080 --> 0:15:50.840 into tears. Holy Now, I know what you're thinking. A church, 0:15:51.000 --> 0:15:52.920 surely someone will come by and see a five year 0:15:52.920 --> 0:15:56.120 old crying on the front steps. But reader, you are wrong. 0:15:56.760 --> 0:15:59.040 This church was on a highway in the middle of nowhere. 0:15:59.480 --> 0:16:01.640 I was sure I was going to die or be 0:16:01.760 --> 0:16:04.920 eaten by mountain lion. As luck or God or the 0:16:05.000 --> 0:16:07.560 universe or whatever would have it. One of the other 0:16:07.680 --> 0:16:10.920 pastor's wives forgot something in the church and she and 0:16:10.960 --> 0:16:14.000 her husband turned around to retrieve it. A five year old, 0:16:14.160 --> 0:16:18.960 that's so yeah, a little baby, little baby. They found 0:16:19.000 --> 0:16:20.200 me crying on the front step. 0:16:20.240 --> 0:16:23.920 Oh my god. They wouldn't have known until like bedtime, 0:16:23.960 --> 0:16:25.880 I bet yes, when everyone's in bed and there's an 0:16:25.920 --> 0:16:27.640 empty bed and it's like, when was the last time you. 0:16:27.560 --> 0:16:29.840 Saw Oh oh, I know I've told this story, but 0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:32.640 this happened to me in kindergarten. The whole car, watching 0:16:32.680 --> 0:16:36.040 the carpool drive away. As a five year old, you're like, 0:16:36.240 --> 0:16:39.240 they this isn't a mistake. They're choosing to go. 0:16:39.160 --> 0:16:40.960 And I'm alone for the rest of the I'm alone forever. 0:16:41.160 --> 0:16:43.520 This sucks. I don't want to eat that weird pizza 0:16:43.520 --> 0:16:46.720 and the cafeteria again. They found me crying on the 0:16:46.760 --> 0:16:48.560 front steps, left a note for my parents on the 0:16:48.560 --> 0:16:52.760 front door. This was before pages or cell phones, and 0:16:52.880 --> 0:16:55.520 took me to their house not too far away. Meanwhile, 0:16:55.920 --> 0:16:58.600 my family had a quiet drive back to their homes 0:16:58.960 --> 0:17:02.160 an hour away with a van full of sleepy children. 0:17:02.600 --> 0:17:05.119 When everyone came inside and began the bedtime routine of 0:17:05.119 --> 0:17:08.320 pajamas and teeth brushing. My mom realized she was missing 0:17:08.359 --> 0:17:11.320 a kid. Can you imagine I'm a whole way home. 0:17:11.480 --> 0:17:14.600 She's so exhausted from having eight kids, and then it's 0:17:14.640 --> 0:17:16.680 an hour away. She feels so guilty. 0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:19.320 She played all that hide and seek. She had a 0:17:19.320 --> 0:17:22.399 great time herself, finally as a mom. My dad assured 0:17:22.440 --> 0:17:24.560 her that I probably fell asleep in the van and 0:17:24.600 --> 0:17:27.320 he'd go get me. A minute later, he ran in 0:17:27.840 --> 0:17:35.320 face white, grabbed the keys, muttering, we forgot Janis. He 0:17:35.440 --> 0:17:38.520 began the hour long journey trying to rescue me. Halfway there, 0:17:38.560 --> 0:17:41.560 a state trooper pulled him over for speeding. When he 0:17:41.640 --> 0:17:43.959 rolled down his window, he said, I know I was speeding. 0:17:44.040 --> 0:17:46.240 I promised to come back and receive a ticket, but 0:17:46.400 --> 0:17:48.439 I forgot my five year old daughter at church and 0:17:48.480 --> 0:17:51.760 she's all alone. The trooper looked at him and said, well, 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:55.800 you'd better hurry when my dad's no police escort like 0:17:55.800 --> 0:17:58.760 the movie. When my dad finally arrived, he saw the 0:17:58.800 --> 0:18:01.560 note and found me at the other pastor's house. I 0:18:01.640 --> 0:18:04.280 was surrounded by all their grandkid's toys, and I had 0:18:04.359 --> 0:18:08.120 every snack from their pantry nearly see. When he arrived, 0:18:08.160 --> 0:18:10.240 I said, Hi, Dad, thanks for coming, but I think 0:18:10.280 --> 0:18:13.120 I wanted to live here now. Don't worry, I'll visit 0:18:13.160 --> 0:18:17.240 you often. After some coaxing and bribing me with bringing 0:18:17.320 --> 0:18:20.040 all the snacks with us, we headed home. On the 0:18:20.040 --> 0:18:22.200 way home, my dad stopped at where he was pulled 0:18:22.240 --> 0:18:24.800 over by the state trooper originally, but the guy wasn't there. 0:18:25.359 --> 0:18:27.840 Maybe the trooper figured out he'd had enough punishment for 0:18:27.920 --> 0:18:30.320 one night. After that, my parents made it a rule 0:18:30.400 --> 0:18:35.200 to count each kid before they left anywhere. Stay sexy, 0:18:35.280 --> 0:18:37.560 and please make sure all your kids are in the 0:18:37.600 --> 0:18:41.840 car before leaving. Janie janius with an E. So Jennie 0:18:42.280 --> 0:18:44.800 kind of sounds the same, maybe janis and then it 0:18:44.880 --> 0:18:47.600 says ps. My oldest kid was at trivia night and 0:18:47.640 --> 0:18:50.320 a question came up about a true crime comedy podcast 0:18:50.320 --> 0:18:53.520 by Karen Colgareff and Georgia Hartstart he scored a point 0:18:53.560 --> 0:18:57.199 for his team instantly, thanks for making me cool for 0:18:57.320 --> 0:18:58.879 a moment with my kid. 0:18:59.280 --> 0:19:03.639 Love that that's like to be the highest, Like like 0:19:03.680 --> 0:19:06.920 that's success. Yes, you're on fucking quiz nights. Yes, that's 0:19:07.160 --> 0:19:09.520 so true. And then how many kids do you think 0:19:09.560 --> 0:19:12.280 at what point you like lose track of them? Because 0:19:14.520 --> 0:19:15.280 you really knew that. 0:19:15.720 --> 0:19:20.040 I really believe it. You can see three three is 0:19:20.080 --> 0:19:21.560 really hard, but they're like in front of you. 0:19:21.760 --> 0:19:27.320 Yeah, okay, this is my last one. Why I was 0:19:27.359 --> 0:19:32.240 never allowed to babysit again? Hey all, well you asked 0:19:32.720 --> 0:19:35.439 at the age of seventeen, I was watching two boys 0:19:35.560 --> 0:19:39.000 ages three and one. That is a baby. 0:19:39.160 --> 0:19:40.640 Yeah, those are babies' new. 0:19:40.560 --> 0:19:43.679 And you're seventeen during their spring break. I have been 0:19:43.680 --> 0:19:45.920 babysitting these kids for about a year, so I felt 0:19:45.960 --> 0:19:48.720 pretty comfortable staying with them while their parents were at work. 0:19:49.119 --> 0:19:51.280