WEBVTT - What to Do When You Don't Know What to Do 0:00:01.920 --> 0:00:05.359 Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio Podcast. 0:00:06.559 --> 0:00:10.040 All Right, everyone, welcome to another week of Wine Down. 0:00:10.119 --> 0:00:13.240 How you doing, Cat good, how are you? I'm good. 0:00:13.320 --> 0:00:19.640 I just got back from therapy. It was so good today. Good. Yeah, 0:00:19.680 --> 0:00:21.280 it was. I mean, every day is good. I love 0:00:21.320 --> 0:00:24.320 my therapist, but it was it was just really nice 0:00:24.360 --> 0:00:26.680 because she gave me kind of like this list of 0:00:28.720 --> 0:00:33.120 things to kind of look out for for like in 0:00:33.159 --> 0:00:35.960 the dating world. And then when we were reading it's 0:00:36.000 --> 0:00:38.280 basically like types of abusers, and I was like wow, 0:00:38.440 --> 0:00:40.200 and you start to kind of think back on past 0:00:40.240 --> 0:00:44.360 relationships and you just it's like, man, maybe I wasn't 0:00:44.400 --> 0:00:48.880 like crazy, you know in certain relationships like red flags 0:00:48.920 --> 0:00:51.879 to look for like when you're doing. It was just 0:00:51.960 --> 0:00:55.760 it was, it was just it was I know, I know, 0:00:55.920 --> 0:00:57.560 maybe I'll share it one time. It'd be fun to 0:00:57.600 --> 0:01:02.040 have her back on for that. But so, I know, 0:01:02.160 --> 0:01:04.400 last week we had, we had some fun. This week 0:01:04.920 --> 0:01:07.440 it's kind of going in a different direction. Um, but 0:01:07.640 --> 0:01:13.040 I I'm really really really proud of um what's about 0:01:13.080 --> 0:01:17.319 to happen because um, first and foremost, we've got gig 0:01:17.880 --> 0:01:22.480 on with us right now. Hi Gigi, Hello, So back 0:01:22.800 --> 0:01:27.880 you're back, so Um, a lot of people felt I 0:01:27.880 --> 0:01:29.960 mean not a lot of people. Everybody fell in love 0:01:30.000 --> 0:01:36.839 with Gigi when we were in Connecticut. Gigi is um 0:01:36.920 --> 0:01:40.080 she helps sit the kids, watch the kids whenever she's 0:01:40.120 --> 0:01:45.319 home from L s U. And she was able to 0:01:45.360 --> 0:01:48.800 come with me on set um for a few weeks 0:01:48.840 --> 0:01:52.800 while I was filming the Holiday fix up, and people 0:01:52.920 --> 0:01:55.360 just fell in love with you, Gigi, like in love 0:01:55.440 --> 0:01:57.360 and you know it, you know it, Like people like 0:01:57.720 --> 0:02:00.720 took a photo of you at the airport, didn't they? Yes, 0:02:01.080 --> 0:02:03.120 But I was nervous from that happened. I was like, 0:02:03.160 --> 0:02:05.200 are they are they taking a picture of me? And 0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:08.640 it it was of me? But um. We ended up 0:02:08.680 --> 0:02:10.200 sitting next to each other on the plane and she 0:02:10.240 --> 0:02:12.120 was like, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. 0:02:12.240 --> 0:02:14.480 I was just sending a picture of you to my 0:02:14.520 --> 0:02:21.000 brother and I was like why, But as I think 0:02:21.000 --> 0:02:23.800 what people loved about you and what I love about 0:02:23.800 --> 0:02:25.880 you is your energy and you're just so fun and 0:02:26.080 --> 0:02:28.919 you're just like you have like such an amazing spirit 0:02:29.000 --> 0:02:34.519 and life to you. And but something happened in um Connecticut, 0:02:35.320 --> 0:02:40.640 well yeah, New York, and that um you you texted 0:02:40.680 --> 0:02:41.959 me I don't know, a few weeks ago and you 0:02:41.960 --> 0:02:45.000 said that you wanted to talk about it. Yeah I know. 0:02:45.480 --> 0:02:47.679 Um I texted you that I was going to write 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:51.160 a book and then you said you should come on 0:02:51.160 --> 0:02:53.840 the podcast and I was like, yeah, that's probably a 0:02:53.840 --> 0:03:00.560 good start, but um yes. So while we were in Connecticut, um, 0:03:00.600 --> 0:03:03.760 I took a solo trip to New York and you know, 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:06.480 I ordered my cute little outfit like I was. I 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:09.400 was so excited to do it because you know, I'm nineteen. 0:03:10.160 --> 0:03:17.000 Nineteen year olds think that they're really independent, but just 0:03:17.000 --> 0:03:21.560 just hear me out. Um. So I went to the 0:03:21.720 --> 0:03:25.800 train station. It was a Sunday, and I got on 0:03:25.800 --> 0:03:29.920 a train to New York and I didn't really have 0:03:30.040 --> 0:03:31.720 a plan for the day. I was just kind of 0:03:31.760 --> 0:03:35.280 walking in literally all the stores that I could not 0:03:35.360 --> 0:03:38.600 afford anything at, but I pretended like I could, a 0:03:38.640 --> 0:03:42.000 little pretty woman actions yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. It was 0:03:42.080 --> 0:03:46.440 just to feel like important, like I did whatever. But 0:03:46.680 --> 0:03:49.520 um so it's a really fun day. I faced times 0:03:49.520 --> 0:03:51.360 all my friends from home. I was like, look where 0:03:51.400 --> 0:03:56.640 I am. Whatever. So I went to a restaurant and 0:03:57.120 --> 0:04:01.400 I was sitting by myself and it was, um, I 0:04:01.440 --> 0:04:03.800 can't remember the name of it, but it was an 0:04:03.840 --> 0:04:11.600 Italian restaurant. On look, I don't know exactly where it 0:04:11.680 --> 0:04:15.800 was Lower Lower East or something like that. I don't know. 0:04:15.920 --> 0:04:19.039 I was told way after the fact where it was. 0:04:19.120 --> 0:04:23.440 But um, I went to dinner, UM met these two 0:04:23.480 --> 0:04:26.680 really cute girls and they were like, yeah, like, let's 0:04:26.880 --> 0:04:28.960 let's go out together. And I was like, okay, great, 0:04:29.080 --> 0:04:32.920 Like they were super sweet, super cute, and we went 0:04:33.080 --> 0:04:40.800 to um this bar. Um. I'm not gonna name drop 0:04:40.839 --> 0:04:44.640 it just it doesn't add that much to the story. 0:04:44.960 --> 0:04:48.880 But um, the last thing I remember was I was 0:04:48.920 --> 0:04:58.280 at that bar and I woke up in a bed 0:04:59.480 --> 0:05:02.760 with my contacts out. I did not have my contacts, 0:05:02.760 --> 0:05:07.280 and I couldn't see anything. Um my parents were on 0:05:07.320 --> 0:05:10.200 the other side of the room, and my shirt was 0:05:10.200 --> 0:05:14.320 still on, and I got up out of the bed 0:05:15.040 --> 0:05:17.200 and my purse is luckily next to me and my 0:05:17.240 --> 0:05:20.400 phone still like thank god my phone still had battery 0:05:20.680 --> 0:05:23.280 and my purse was next to me because I don't 0:05:23.279 --> 0:05:26.240 know what I would have done if they weren't. So 0:05:28.160 --> 0:05:33.800 I snuck out of the apartment and I couldn't see anything, 0:05:34.080 --> 0:05:37.000 like I'm I don't have good eyes at all, Like 0:05:37.040 --> 0:05:41.440 I can't see far away from me. So I I 0:05:41.480 --> 0:05:44.240 saw someone, but they weren't They were in like the 0:05:44.279 --> 0:05:47.799 other side of the apartment. I couldn't even like describe 0:05:47.839 --> 0:05:50.120 the apartment layout to you. They were like literally in 0:05:50.160 --> 0:05:53.760 this hallway at the back and their back was facing me. 0:05:54.440 --> 0:05:59.240 So I snuck out of the apartment and I sprinted 0:05:59.240 --> 0:06:01.640 down the hallway trying to find the elevator, trying to 0:06:01.640 --> 0:06:05.240 find something. I just I could not, like, my head 0:06:05.600 --> 0:06:09.239 was spinning. I didn't even think it was real life. 0:06:09.320 --> 0:06:13.520 I can't explain to you the feeling of what I felt. 0:06:13.960 --> 0:06:15.960 And I was in such a panic because I was 0:06:16.000 --> 0:06:20.000 alone in a big city and I had no idea 0:06:20.040 --> 0:06:22.919 what to do. So I called an uber and I 0:06:22.960 --> 0:06:25.599 got in the uber and I was like, look, I 0:06:25.640 --> 0:06:29.720 have to go back to Connecticut. Can you take me? 0:06:30.440 --> 0:06:32.839 And he could tell that something bad had happened to 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:36.159 me because he was like, yeah, I can I go 0:06:36.400 --> 0:06:38.400 to the bank and you can just pay me cash 0:06:38.440 --> 0:06:41.840 for it. And I was like whatever, just like go, go, 0:06:42.240 --> 0:06:45.040 like go, and he was like what happened? And I 0:06:45.080 --> 0:06:46.680 was like I don't know. And he was like, were 0:06:46.720 --> 0:06:48.400 you with someone? And I was like I don't know, 0:06:49.480 --> 0:06:53.479 and like that thing, like everything after getting in the 0:06:53.600 --> 0:06:56.240 uber like does not feel like real life, Like I 0:06:56.279 --> 0:06:58.200 still can't believe this happened to me, and that like 0:06:58.240 --> 0:07:04.640 I'm sitting here today talking about it. So I got 0:07:04.680 --> 0:07:09.200 to the bank and I withdrew four dollars, which is 0:07:09.240 --> 0:07:11.520 what he had asked me for, which is also just 0:07:11.840 --> 0:07:14.720 so messed up in it of itself, because he had 0:07:14.760 --> 0:07:18.680 already like he had clearly known what had happened. Like 0:07:18.840 --> 0:07:23.000 I wasn't I wasn't coherent. There was nothing about me 0:07:23.080 --> 0:07:26.160 that looked like I was okay in the slightest. I 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:28.840 started bawling crying the second I get in his car, 0:07:29.200 --> 0:07:34.640 and like, I'm so blessed that I made it out 0:07:34.640 --> 0:07:39.400 of the apartment. And I still don't know what had 0:07:39.480 --> 0:07:42.200 happened to me at the apartment, like I know nothing. 0:07:43.840 --> 0:07:48.600 And we're driving and I get on the phone with 0:07:48.880 --> 0:07:51.840 one of my best friends from Nashville, and she can 0:07:51.960 --> 0:07:55.120 clearly tell that I'm out of sorts. I'm not my 0:07:55.200 --> 0:08:02.600 sentences aren't making sense. It's just very I sounded chaotic, 0:08:02.880 --> 0:08:05.360 is how she explained it. She was like, you just 0:08:05.360 --> 0:08:10.040 sounded like you didn't have anything put together. And it 0:08:10.160 --> 0:08:12.400 was one in the morning in New York and I 0:08:12.440 --> 0:08:22.120 was in a random uber. After I was great and um, 0:08:22.240 --> 0:08:24.640 the uber took me to the nearest hospital, which was 0:08:24.680 --> 0:08:28.720 thirty five minutes away from New York and forty five 0:08:28.760 --> 0:08:31.520 minutes away from where I was staying. And it was 0:08:31.720 --> 0:08:38.320 two in the morning, so nothing was open. I sent 0:08:38.400 --> 0:08:41.320 Janna into a full on heart attack at two in 0:08:41.360 --> 0:08:47.840 the morning. Um, my friends were not my friends. My 0:08:47.920 --> 0:08:50.160 one friend that I had called was blowing up the 0:08:50.200 --> 0:08:54.840 hospital phones and that sent me into a I don't 0:08:54.840 --> 0:08:58.760 even know. When you were at the hospital, they they 0:08:59.200 --> 0:09:02.120 they ran some labs on you and would remember we 0:09:02.200 --> 0:09:04.880 said the police officer said to you the amount of 0:09:05.320 --> 0:09:08.640 drugs that they put in your system. I should not 0:09:08.720 --> 0:09:10.960 have made it out of the apartment or to the 0:09:11.040 --> 0:09:15.840 hospital because it was a date rape drug that they 0:09:15.880 --> 0:09:18.600 put in a drug I don't know the proper name 0:09:18.640 --> 0:09:23.280 of it. Um, it's just generic roofy it is, I 0:09:23.320 --> 0:09:26.280 don't know the name of it. And I and when 0:09:26.320 --> 0:09:28.880 I talked to the nurse, UM, you know, there was 0:09:28.920 --> 0:09:31.400 just like she's she had a high dose of rufie 0:09:31.559 --> 0:09:36.720 and she's not coherent. Because when I got the call 0:09:38.000 --> 0:09:39.640 it was at Yeah, I was somewhere between two in 0:09:39.640 --> 0:09:41.839 the morning and I had to work at six am, 0:09:41.960 --> 0:09:46.120 UM that next or that that day, and I was 0:09:46.280 --> 0:09:48.640 I was supposed to be home at a loven so 0:09:48.679 --> 0:09:54.080 you had thought that I had already been home. But yeah, 0:09:54.120 --> 0:09:58.360 so anyways, so you find out, you know, the police 0:09:58.400 --> 0:10:00.280 come in and talk to me, take my and go 0:10:00.360 --> 0:10:04.120 through everything. I get as much information as they could. UM. 0:10:04.160 --> 0:10:08.600 I had a rape kit test UM done on me, 0:10:08.760 --> 0:10:13.920 which was UM. I was convinced at that point that 0:10:14.000 --> 0:10:16.439 nothing had happened to me because I would not let 0:10:16.440 --> 0:10:22.960 myself believe that I had just been raped. But fast forward, 0:10:23.080 --> 0:10:27.040 because I the hospital experience, I just that's a lot, 0:10:27.160 --> 0:10:29.360 that's super heavy, and I don't even know half of 0:10:29.400 --> 0:10:31.680 what had happened. May because I finally got there and 0:10:31.720 --> 0:10:38.120 I felt like I was safe m Um, somewhat safe, 0:10:38.160 --> 0:10:41.120 I guess. But I made it home the next morning 0:10:41.160 --> 0:10:45.720 at seven and I slept and then the kids came back, 0:10:46.080 --> 0:10:50.760 and UM. Luckily I had some help by day, which 0:10:50.800 --> 0:10:56.680 was really good. UM. But I felt so normal, and 0:10:56.720 --> 0:10:59.840 then I started beating myself up for feeling normal about it. 0:11:00.880 --> 0:11:05.760 But I knew I had a great support system. Everyone. 0:11:06.000 --> 0:11:10.480 Everyone was there for me. UM. You know, my friends 0:11:10.480 --> 0:11:13.880 were checking up on me like every hour, Like everyone's like, 0:11:13.920 --> 0:11:15.760 oh my gosh, Like what do you need, Like how 0:11:15.800 --> 0:11:17.320 can I help? Like do you need to go home? 0:11:17.360 --> 0:11:20.760 I was like no, because I don't know what happened. 0:11:20.880 --> 0:11:23.800 I don't know what happened, Like there's no way to 0:11:23.960 --> 0:11:29.240 cope with a trauma of that night and make it 0:11:29.280 --> 0:11:33.079 feel real the next day, not like it didn't feel 0:11:33.160 --> 0:11:38.200 real until weeks after. Because at the time I had 0:11:38.200 --> 0:11:43.520 a boyfriend, and um, he was very much half of 0:11:43.559 --> 0:11:46.920 my support system, which I've never been codependent on anyone 0:11:47.080 --> 0:11:50.320 because just in my family situation and everything, I have 0:11:50.360 --> 0:11:54.240 a lot going on in my life, a lot. Um. 0:11:54.320 --> 0:11:58.280 Some people think I'm scatter brained. I am, but but 0:11:58.320 --> 0:12:00.319 you're also going to last school and you have a 0:12:00.400 --> 0:12:02.840 dad who has dementia or Alzheimer's and so like you 0:12:02.880 --> 0:12:05.200 have a lot going on in your I have a 0:12:05.240 --> 0:12:11.000 lot going on in my life. Like actually getting raped 0:12:11.040 --> 0:12:13.160 alone in New York was the last thing that I 0:12:13.200 --> 0:12:18.040 would have ever needed ever, Like I didn't need any 0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:22.000 more stress anymore anything. So I you know, my support 0:12:22.040 --> 0:12:26.199 system was big. My boyfriend ex boyfriend was a huge 0:12:26.240 --> 0:12:30.600 part of it. UM, And then I get back to school. 0:12:31.080 --> 0:12:34.120 He had flown out to Nashville the day that I 0:12:34.160 --> 0:12:38.560 got back from Connecticut so that I, um didn't have 0:12:38.600 --> 0:12:40.360 to be alone because I was with the kids, and 0:12:40.400 --> 0:12:42.000 the kids made me feel a lot better, and I 0:12:42.040 --> 0:12:44.600 was with Jano, so I was fine, Like everything was 0:12:44.640 --> 0:12:48.800 fine for the most part. Well, I had asked you too, 0:12:48.880 --> 0:12:50.559 and when that happened, I was like, look, I mean 0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:52.160 at two in the morning, when I was like, all right, 0:12:52.160 --> 0:12:54.280 I gotta get to work at six, like I obviously 0:12:54.400 --> 0:12:56.240 wanted to be there for you, but at the same time, 0:12:56.280 --> 0:12:59.400 I'm like, I have to work too. So I called 0:12:59.440 --> 0:13:01.240 my ex. I was calling, you know, I called. I 0:13:01.280 --> 0:13:03.280 was like, I'm like, I don't know what to do, 0:13:03.480 --> 0:13:06.480 like because it's like trying to be there for for you, 0:13:06.520 --> 0:13:09.080 to support you, but also knowing I have to show 0:13:09.160 --> 0:13:11.480 up to work with you know, both my kids and 0:13:11.520 --> 0:13:14.920 I ended up confiding in one of the producers and 0:13:15.080 --> 0:13:17.520 you know, she's like, just bring them and we will 0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:20.400 figure it out. Um. And then when you when I 0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:22.200 got back that day, I asked you. I was like, 0:13:22.240 --> 0:13:24.280 what do you need because I will get you on 0:13:24.320 --> 0:13:29.120 a flight today, Like do you do you want to stay? 0:13:29.160 --> 0:13:31.160 Like I can have someone just I can fly someone 0:13:31.200 --> 0:13:33.800 else into help, Like I don't even worry about me, 0:13:33.920 --> 0:13:35.840 don't worry about the kids, don't I was like, I like, 0:13:35.880 --> 0:13:37.640 I was just so focused on like what does g 0:13:37.840 --> 0:13:40.679 G need? And you had said that You're like, I'm 0:13:40.720 --> 0:13:42.360 not ready to face it. I'd like to stay for 0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:46.000 a few more days. And I really battled with like, 0:13:46.040 --> 0:13:47.920 I like, is that really what she like? But I'm like, 0:13:47.960 --> 0:13:49.679 I have to listen to what you know. I'm like, 0:13:49.720 --> 0:13:51.360 I don't know if you would have done anything different 0:13:51.360 --> 0:13:52.839 than that moment, Like I can't be like, no, you're 0:13:52.880 --> 0:13:55.199 going home, because it's like, how am I to say 0:13:55.840 --> 0:14:01.160 what you need? Right? But also it was like and 0:14:01.520 --> 0:14:04.800 but the last I think it was like three days longer, 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:10.240 were super fun. I still felt normal. I didn't really 0:14:10.320 --> 0:14:14.920 have you know, what can we can we bring Susan 0:14:14.960 --> 0:14:18.000 and she's a trauma specialist therapist. I'd love to bring 0:14:18.000 --> 0:14:23.160 her in um in continuous conversation. But first of all, Giugi, I, 0:14:23.920 --> 0:14:27.880 I'm just so proud of you. Thank you. I'm really 0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:29.640 proud of you for sharing your story because that takes 0:14:29.640 --> 0:14:32.240 a lot of that's very brave of you to share it. 0:14:32.320 --> 0:14:35.280 This I was really I was actually I didn't know 0:14:36.400 --> 0:14:39.320 about today, Like I was kind of nervous coming into it, 0:14:39.360 --> 0:14:41.760 but actually it kind of feels like a way it's 0:14:41.800 --> 0:14:45.320 ben lifted off my shoulders and you're gonna help a 0:14:45.320 --> 0:14:49.560 lot of people, I hope. So all right, let's bring 0:14:49.640 --> 0:15:06.720 Susan and hey, Susan, Hi, how are you okay? Welcome 0:15:06.760 --> 0:15:13.640 to wind down? Um? Janna, Catherine, Gigi Hi. Nice. So 0:15:13.960 --> 0:15:17.720 we just well just shared with us very bravely her 0:15:17.760 --> 0:15:21.160 story that happened in New York. Um, and you know, 0:15:21.160 --> 0:15:23.280 we're just kind of talking about it now. And I 0:15:23.320 --> 0:15:25.240 think one of the we wanted to bring you in 0:15:25.280 --> 0:15:29.200 obviously because you're a trauma specialist. You're you know this 0:15:29.200 --> 0:15:31.840 this world and all the emotions that go with it. 0:15:32.080 --> 0:15:37.600 And I think one of the things that when when 0:15:37.640 --> 0:15:41.640 everything happened in New York, um that feeling of like 0:15:43.840 --> 0:15:47.040 should the person go straight to like like is it 0:15:47.080 --> 0:15:49.640 okay to like not face it in that moment or 0:15:49.720 --> 0:15:51.800 is that and then face it later on? You know that? 0:15:51.960 --> 0:15:53.880 Or to like because she ended up staying a few 0:15:53.920 --> 0:15:57.200 more days in Connecticut where I was filming, but like, 0:15:57.440 --> 0:15:59.480 in hindsight, like what is it like? Is that is 0:15:59.520 --> 0:16:01.240 that normal? To do that or is it something where 0:16:01.280 --> 0:16:03.320 it's like when people are in that situation, like they 0:16:03.360 --> 0:16:07.480 just have to go at their own pace. It's such 0:16:07.480 --> 0:16:11.080 an important question, and I think that so many people 0:16:11.360 --> 0:16:14.800 don't report for years and years and years simply because 0:16:14.880 --> 0:16:18.200 they feel like they're going to be blamed for it 0:16:18.360 --> 0:16:22.160 or they did something wrong and the stigma associated with that. 0:16:22.280 --> 0:16:25.040 And so everyone's journey is going to be their own 0:16:25.120 --> 0:16:28.760 journey and their own process. If you're talking about a 0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:35.080 technical issue from a reporting perspective, from a criminal the 0:16:35.120 --> 0:16:38.040 in criminal importance is usually it's important to go to 0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:42.080 any er immediately in order to have a rape test 0:16:42.720 --> 0:16:45.960 done in order to have any evidence, and that would 0:16:45.960 --> 0:16:48.880 be if you don't take a shower um and go 0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:51.680 straight to the R E. R. And there's there's advocates 0:16:51.680 --> 0:16:54.400 there that can really help you through that process and 0:16:54.440 --> 0:16:56.800 really talk you through kind of what that looks like. 0:16:56.880 --> 0:17:00.400 So if someone is actually experienced a crime, that is 0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:02.560 really the most important thing to do in order to 0:17:02.600 --> 0:17:06.879 gather evidence. However, everyone is going to go through it differently, 0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:10.240 and no two persons experiences the same and it doesn't 0:17:10.280 --> 0:17:13.359 mean years later that you can't decide to change your 0:17:13.400 --> 0:17:16.600 mind and make reporting or ten days or three days 0:17:16.680 --> 0:17:23.080 or whatever it may be. Because this crime happened to you. 0:17:23.080 --> 0:17:27.639 You were violated, and we all process trauma differently, and 0:17:27.640 --> 0:17:29.320 no two people who are going to do with the 0:17:29.359 --> 0:17:31.680 same I think one of the things, and then Gig, 0:17:31.760 --> 0:17:34.000 I'll let you ask Susan some questions. But I think 0:17:34.080 --> 0:17:37.080 what I was I was trying to like get help 0:17:37.160 --> 0:17:40.520 for Gigi in that moment in Connecticut, and I wanted 0:17:40.520 --> 0:17:44.199 her to connect to some people. But the one person 0:17:44.280 --> 0:17:46.560 that I know had she's like, well, I didn't remember it, 0:17:46.560 --> 0:17:48.280 and she's like and thank god. So everyone's like, well, 0:17:48.320 --> 0:17:50.120 thank god she doesn't remember it. I'm like, but that's 0:17:50.119 --> 0:17:53.080 even more of a violation, like not remembering what happened. 0:17:53.119 --> 0:17:56.000 So I'm like, Gi, like that must like hurt you too. 0:17:56.040 --> 0:17:57.840 When people are like, well, I'm so glad you didn't 0:17:57.840 --> 0:18:01.280 remember it, it's like, well that that to me, it 0:18:01.320 --> 0:18:04.920 sounds just as traumatic to feel so violent that you 0:18:04.960 --> 0:18:07.120 don't even know what happened to your body or what 0:18:07.240 --> 0:18:13.879 you know. It was nice saving grace, um. I like, 0:18:14.440 --> 0:18:20.800 had I not then drugged in the weirdest way, I 0:18:20.840 --> 0:18:23.440 feel like it would have been that much more traumatic 0:18:23.520 --> 0:18:26.480 for me. It's still a traumatic event. I wonder what 0:18:26.600 --> 0:18:30.800 did happen to me? A lot. It's not every day anymore, 0:18:30.880 --> 0:18:33.920 but it's a lot. But like I said, like nothing 0:18:34.000 --> 0:18:37.359 felt real, nothing felt like anything had happened to me. Yeah, 0:18:37.440 --> 0:18:40.080 Like I went to the hospital immediately, I got the 0:18:40.200 --> 0:18:45.320 rape kit done, but I didn't. I honestly didn't process 0:18:45.359 --> 0:18:50.639 it until, um, I found out that my boyfriend at 0:18:50.680 --> 0:18:54.239 the time had been with this girl all summer and 0:18:54.320 --> 0:18:58.120 that night, right before I had faced time to him 0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:02.000 from the er, he had been with her. That's when 0:19:02.080 --> 0:19:04.560 literally everything this was a couple of weeks ago, that's 0:19:04.560 --> 0:19:08.000 when literally everything hit me like a bus. Like I 0:19:08.040 --> 0:19:12.760 was having panic attacks every four hours. I could not sleep, 0:19:13.000 --> 0:19:17.000 I wasn't I was in a terrible, terrible spot solely 0:19:17.040 --> 0:19:22.080 because mhm, my security blanket of the whole situation, like 0:19:22.119 --> 0:19:24.320 it was kind of a trauma bomb, like that got 0:19:24.400 --> 0:19:27.320 taken away from me, and then I was kind of 0:19:27.400 --> 0:19:32.880 left by myself. I don't know, and i've I've never 0:19:33.440 --> 0:19:38.920 um called it a crime. What language did you use 0:19:39.040 --> 0:19:50.080 that that you feels right for you? Um, just that 0:19:50.200 --> 0:19:56.320 I was raped. Mhmm. Yeah. Thank you so much for 0:19:56.400 --> 0:20:00.280 sharing your story and your bravery to share in this 0:20:00.440 --> 0:20:05.400 public way too, because oftentimes people are silenced and for 0:20:05.480 --> 0:20:08.680 you to step forward really gives other people the courage 0:20:08.680 --> 0:20:11.119 that they can talk about their own stories too. And 0:20:11.160 --> 0:20:15.040 one in six women in the United States have experienced 0:20:16.080 --> 0:20:18.160 the same thing that you've gone through too as well. 0:20:19.400 --> 0:20:22.680 And I think it's your language, your story, the way 0:20:22.720 --> 0:20:25.119 that you want to tell it, what kind of what 0:20:25.320 --> 0:20:27.560 parts of it you want to share, what parts you don't. 0:20:28.119 --> 0:20:30.800 This is all about you taking back your power. Now 0:20:32.280 --> 0:20:35.879 what does she do with that? Like, because when like 0:20:35.960 --> 0:20:39.479 the feeling of that that bond with her ex and 0:20:39.520 --> 0:20:43.800 now being feeling now the PTSD of the rape is 0:20:43.800 --> 0:20:46.399 now even now she's like feeling all of that. So 0:20:46.440 --> 0:20:50.800 it's like, how does she deal with that? Because I 0:20:50.840 --> 0:20:54.199 would say I would say that that part of it 0:20:54.560 --> 0:21:03.360 um lasted about two weeks, but like the biggest thing 0:21:03.560 --> 0:21:08.560 was that, like he chose to be with someone else 0:21:08.920 --> 0:21:11.320 over the summer, the entire summer. We had been dating 0:21:11.320 --> 0:21:18.280 for five months. I did not have a choice, and 0:21:22.800 --> 0:21:25.000 I don't know, it killed me. I don't know, I 0:21:25.000 --> 0:21:27.359 didn't have a choice and he did and he still 0:21:27.440 --> 0:21:31.720 did that. And that's honestly probably the only reason that 0:21:31.720 --> 0:21:38.160 I'm not still with him, but I don't I don't know. 0:21:39.840 --> 0:21:45.240 I think often times when people friends or even family 0:21:47.359 --> 0:21:50.600 are trying to support someone who's been through a rape 0:21:50.680 --> 0:21:55.600 or sexual assault or a crime, and that they don't 0:21:55.600 --> 0:21:57.880 know what to do. They don't know what to say, 0:21:57.920 --> 0:21:59.480 they don't know how to act, they don't know how 0:21:59.480 --> 0:22:03.880 to be. Sort of and consciously or unconsciously, they sort 0:22:03.920 --> 0:22:08.560 of avoid because they don't know how to say. What's 0:22:08.600 --> 0:22:11.159 going to help you get through your PTSD or the 0:22:11.240 --> 0:22:14.199 trauma or all the other mental health symptoms that you 0:22:14.240 --> 0:22:16.720 sort of mentioned, the hyper vigilance, that not being able 0:22:16.760 --> 0:22:19.280 to sleep. I don't know if you're starting to get 0:22:19.320 --> 0:22:24.080 memories back or flashbacks or anything like that, but that 0:22:24.359 --> 0:22:28.560 is also really compounds the trauma as well, because you 0:22:28.640 --> 0:22:32.000 feel so alone in that process and feel like, how 0:22:32.040 --> 0:22:34.840 do I trust or can I keep myself safe? Or 0:22:34.880 --> 0:22:38.040 am I safe? Those questions keep coming up, and it 0:22:38.119 --> 0:22:40.320 sounds like that was a little bit of your experience 0:22:40.359 --> 0:22:43.879 that your ex boyfriend was that support for you, that 0:22:43.960 --> 0:22:46.800 you felt safe with him and you felt like you 0:22:46.800 --> 0:22:48.560 could share what was going on, and then to have 0:22:48.680 --> 0:22:53.399 that taken away is really really challenging, and I would 0:22:53.400 --> 0:22:57.400 really suggest for you to get into there's so many 0:22:57.440 --> 0:23:00.920 amazing free services if you're in law, so angels, every 0:23:01.080 --> 0:23:05.360 crisis center in Santa Monica is incredible, or other places 0:23:05.720 --> 0:23:08.919 around the United States that have all different types of 0:23:09.000 --> 0:23:13.240 groups or individual therapy. And I've been I've been in 0:23:13.320 --> 0:23:16.480 therapy for five years, so the therapy aspect of it 0:23:16.520 --> 0:23:21.120 was totally covered. Like I'm I'm really good at being 0:23:21.520 --> 0:23:26.680 emotionally mindful, I would say, just from previous traumas, unfortunately, 0:23:26.920 --> 0:23:31.600 but now I'm I'm definitely in a step towards the 0:23:31.680 --> 0:23:38.400 right direction. I feel better. I'm not weighted down by 0:23:39.119 --> 0:23:41.960 my security blanket that could have been a weighted blanket 0:23:42.400 --> 0:23:46.439 in a lot of ways. Um, you know most of 0:23:46.440 --> 0:23:49.920 my friends know about it. Um my mom has held 0:23:49.960 --> 0:23:54.639 me through all of it. Sisters, every like everyone's helped 0:23:54.720 --> 0:23:59.880 me like build my foundation of like emotional security through myself. 0:24:00.680 --> 0:24:03.520 Like I have emotional security through myself now and I 0:24:03.560 --> 0:24:06.840 have that foundation back. So let's definitely step in the 0:24:06.920 --> 0:24:10.440 right direction. And I feel a lot better. And um, 0:24:10.480 --> 0:24:16.320 it's not as hard to talk about. It's still hard, 0:24:16.440 --> 0:24:20.879 but I can do it. And you're bravely doing it 0:24:20.960 --> 0:24:24.720 now too. And I think the important thing that oftentimes 0:24:25.000 --> 0:24:27.359 I just want to remind you that often when people 0:24:27.480 --> 0:24:32.080 have been raped or they've experienced an assault, that they 0:24:32.119 --> 0:24:34.719 feel like they're never going to be themselves again and 0:24:34.760 --> 0:24:38.920 everything has been taken away from them. But the amazing 0:24:38.960 --> 0:24:41.600 thing about our bodies and our brain is that we 0:24:41.680 --> 0:24:45.800 have this tremendous ability to rewire our brain after trauma 0:24:45.880 --> 0:24:50.280 and to heal, and you will have a beautiful relationship 0:24:50.320 --> 0:24:52.680 in the future. You will have a beautiful life and 0:24:52.720 --> 0:24:56.160 in your future. And as you said, you've been through 0:24:56.200 --> 0:24:58.639