Speaker 1: Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 1: All Right, everyone, welcome to another week of Wine Down.
Speaker 1: How you doing, Cat good, how are you? I'm good.
Speaker 1: I just got back from therapy. It was so good today. Good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was. I mean, every day is good. I love
Speaker 1: my therapist, but it was it was just really nice
Speaker 1: because she gave me kind of like this list of
Speaker 1: things to kind of look out for for like in
Speaker 1: the dating world. And then when we were reading it's
Speaker 1: basically like types of abusers, and I was like wow,
Speaker 1: and you start to kind of think back on past
Speaker 1: relationships and you just it's like, man, maybe I wasn't
Speaker 1: like crazy, you know in certain relationships like red flags
Speaker 1: to look for like when you're doing. It was just
Speaker 1: it was, it was just it was I know, I know,
Speaker 1: maybe I'll share it one time. It'd be fun to
Speaker 1: have her back on for that. But so, I know,
Speaker 1: last week we had, we had some fun. This week
Speaker 1: it's kind of going in a different direction. Um, but
Speaker 1: I I'm really really really proud of um what's about
Speaker 1: to happen because um, first and foremost, we've got gig
Speaker 1: on with us right now. Hi Gigi, Hello, So back
Speaker 1: you're back, so Um, a lot of people felt I
Speaker 1: mean not a lot of people. Everybody fell in love
Speaker 1: with Gigi when we were in Connecticut. Gigi is um
Speaker 1: she helps sit the kids, watch the kids whenever she's
Speaker 1: home from L s U. And she was able to
Speaker 1: come with me on set um for a few weeks
Speaker 1: while I was filming the Holiday fix up, and people
Speaker 1: just fell in love with you, Gigi, like in love
Speaker 1: and you know it, you know it, Like people like
Speaker 1: took a photo of you at the airport, didn't they? Yes,
Speaker 1: But I was nervous from that happened. I was like,
Speaker 1: are they are they taking a picture of me? And
Speaker 1: it it was of me? But um. We ended up
Speaker 1: sitting next to each other on the plane and she
Speaker 1: was like, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.
Speaker 1: I was just sending a picture of you to my
Speaker 1: brother and I was like why, But as I think
Speaker 1: what people loved about you and what I love about
Speaker 1: you is your energy and you're just so fun and
Speaker 1: you're just like you have like such an amazing spirit
Speaker 1: and life to you. And but something happened in um Connecticut,
Speaker 1: well yeah, New York, and that um you you texted
Speaker 1: me I don't know, a few weeks ago and you
Speaker 1: said that you wanted to talk about it. Yeah I know.
Speaker 1: Um I texted you that I was going to write
Speaker 1: a book and then you said you should come on
Speaker 1: the podcast and I was like, yeah, that's probably a
Speaker 1: good start, but um yes. So while we were in Connecticut, um,
Speaker 1: I took a solo trip to New York and you know,
Speaker 1: I ordered my cute little outfit like I was. I
Speaker 1: was so excited to do it because you know, I'm nineteen.
Speaker 1: Nineteen year olds think that they're really independent, but just
Speaker 1: just hear me out. Um. So I went to the
Speaker 1: train station. It was a Sunday, and I got on
Speaker 1: a train to New York and I didn't really have
Speaker 1: a plan for the day. I was just kind of
Speaker 1: walking in literally all the stores that I could not
Speaker 1: afford anything at, but I pretended like I could, a
Speaker 1: little pretty woman actions yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. It was
Speaker 1: just to feel like important, like I did whatever. But
Speaker 1: um so it's a really fun day. I faced times
Speaker 1: all my friends from home. I was like, look where
Speaker 1: I am. Whatever. So I went to a restaurant and
Speaker 1: I was sitting by myself and it was, um, I
Speaker 1: can't remember the name of it, but it was an
Speaker 1: Italian restaurant. On look, I don't know exactly where it
Speaker 1: was Lower Lower East or something like that. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I was told way after the fact where it was.
Speaker 1: But um, I went to dinner, UM met these two
Speaker 1: really cute girls and they were like, yeah, like, let's
Speaker 1: let's go out together. And I was like, okay, great,
Speaker 1: Like they were super sweet, super cute, and we went
Speaker 1: to um this bar. Um. I'm not gonna name drop
Speaker 1: it just it doesn't add that much to the story.
Speaker 1: But um, the last thing I remember was I was
Speaker 1: at that bar and I woke up in a bed
Speaker 1: with my contacts out. I did not have my contacts,
Speaker 1: and I couldn't see anything. Um my parents were on
Speaker 1: the other side of the room, and my shirt was
Speaker 1: still on, and I got up out of the bed
Speaker 1: and my purse is luckily next to me and my
Speaker 1: phone still like thank god my phone still had battery
Speaker 1: and my purse was next to me because I don't
Speaker 1: know what I would have done if they weren't. So
Speaker 1: I snuck out of the apartment and I couldn't see anything,
Speaker 1: like I'm I don't have good eyes at all, Like
Speaker 1: I can't see far away from me. So I I
Speaker 1: saw someone, but they weren't They were in like the
Speaker 1: other side of the apartment. I couldn't even like describe
Speaker 1: the apartment layout to you. They were like literally in
Speaker 1: this hallway at the back and their back was facing me.
Speaker 1: So I snuck out of the apartment and I sprinted
Speaker 1: down the hallway trying to find the elevator, trying to
Speaker 1: find something. I just I could not, like, my head
Speaker 1: was spinning. I didn't even think it was real life.
Speaker 1: I can't explain to you the feeling of what I felt.
Speaker 1: And I was in such a panic because I was
Speaker 1: alone in a big city and I had no idea
Speaker 1: what to do. So I called an uber and I
Speaker 1: got in the uber and I was like, look, I
Speaker 1: have to go back to Connecticut. Can you take me?
Speaker 1: And he could tell that something bad had happened to
Speaker 1: me because he was like, yeah, I can I go
Speaker 1: to the bank and you can just pay me cash
Speaker 1: for it. And I was like whatever, just like go, go,
Speaker 1: like go, and he was like what happened? And I
Speaker 1: was like I don't know. And he was like, were
Speaker 1: you with someone? And I was like I don't know,
Speaker 1: and like that thing, like everything after getting in the
Speaker 1: uber like does not feel like real life, Like I
Speaker 1: still can't believe this happened to me, and that like
Speaker 1: I'm sitting here today talking about it. So I got
Speaker 1: to the bank and I withdrew four dollars, which is
Speaker 1: what he had asked me for, which is also just
Speaker 1: so messed up in it of itself, because he had
Speaker 1: already like he had clearly known what had happened. Like
Speaker 1: I wasn't I wasn't coherent. There was nothing about me
Speaker 1: that looked like I was okay in the slightest. I
Speaker 1: started bawling crying the second I get in his car,
Speaker 1: and like, I'm so blessed that I made it out
Speaker 1: of the apartment. And I still don't know what had
Speaker 1: happened to me at the apartment, like I know nothing.
Speaker 1: And we're driving and I get on the phone with
Speaker 1: one of my best friends from Nashville, and she can
Speaker 1: clearly tell that I'm out of sorts. I'm not my
Speaker 1: sentences aren't making sense. It's just very I sounded chaotic,
Speaker 1: is how she explained it. She was like, you just
Speaker 1: sounded like you didn't have anything put together. And it
Speaker 1: was one in the morning in New York and I
Speaker 1: was in a random uber. After I was great and um,
Speaker 1: the uber took me to the nearest hospital, which was
Speaker 1: thirty five minutes away from New York and forty five
Speaker 1: minutes away from where I was staying. And it was
Speaker 1: two in the morning, so nothing was open. I sent
Speaker 1: Janna into a full on heart attack at two in
Speaker 1: the morning. Um, my friends were not my friends. My
Speaker 1: one friend that I had called was blowing up the
Speaker 1: hospital phones and that sent me into a I don't
Speaker 1: even know. When you were at the hospital, they they
Speaker 1: they ran some labs on you and would remember we
Speaker 1: said the police officer said to you the amount of
Speaker 1: drugs that they put in your system. I should not
Speaker 1: have made it out of the apartment or to the
Speaker 1: hospital because it was a date rape drug that they
Speaker 1: put in a drug I don't know the proper name
Speaker 1: of it. Um, it's just generic roofy it is, I
Speaker 1: don't know the name of it. And I and when
Speaker 1: I talked to the nurse, UM, you know, there was
Speaker 1: just like she's she had a high dose of rufie
Speaker 1: and she's not coherent. Because when I got the call
Speaker 1: it was at Yeah, I was somewhere between two in
Speaker 1: the morning and I had to work at six am,
Speaker 1: UM that next or that that day, and I was
Speaker 1: I was supposed to be home at a loven so
Speaker 1: you had thought that I had already been home. But yeah,
Speaker 1: so anyways, so you find out, you know, the police
Speaker 1: come in and talk to me, take my and go
Speaker 1: through everything. I get as much information as they could. UM.
Speaker 1: I had a rape kit test UM done on me,
Speaker 1: which was UM. I was convinced at that point that
Speaker 1: nothing had happened to me because I would not let
Speaker 1: myself believe that I had just been raped. But fast forward,
Speaker 1: because I the hospital experience, I just that's a lot,
Speaker 1: that's super heavy, and I don't even know half of
Speaker 1: what had happened. May because I finally got there and
Speaker 1: I felt like I was safe m Um, somewhat safe,
Speaker 1: I guess. But I made it home the next morning
Speaker 1: at seven and I slept and then the kids came back,
Speaker 1: and UM. Luckily I had some help by day, which
Speaker 1: was really good. UM. But I felt so normal, and
Speaker 1: then I started beating myself up for feeling normal about it.
Speaker 1: But I knew I had a great support system. Everyone.
Speaker 1: Everyone was there for me. UM. You know, my friends
Speaker 1: were checking up on me like every hour, Like everyone's like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, Like what do you need, Like how
Speaker 1: can I help? Like do you need to go home?
Speaker 1: I was like no, because I don't know what happened.
Speaker 1: I don't know what happened, Like there's no way to
Speaker 1: cope with a trauma of that night and make it
Speaker 1: feel real the next day, not like it didn't feel
Speaker 1: real until weeks after. Because at the time I had
Speaker 1: a boyfriend, and um, he was very much half of
Speaker 1: my support system, which I've never been codependent on anyone
Speaker 1: because just in my family situation and everything, I have
Speaker 1: a lot going on in my life, a lot. Um.
Speaker 1: Some people think I'm scatter brained. I am, but but
Speaker 1: you're also going to last school and you have a
Speaker 1: dad who has dementia or Alzheimer's and so like you
Speaker 1: have a lot going on in your I have a
Speaker 1: lot going on in my life. Like actually getting raped
Speaker 1: alone in New York was the last thing that I
Speaker 1: would have ever needed ever, Like I didn't need any
Speaker 1: more stress anymore anything. So I you know, my support
Speaker 1: system was big. My boyfriend ex boyfriend was a huge
Speaker 1: part of it. UM, And then I get back to school.
Speaker 1: He had flown out to Nashville the day that I
Speaker 1: got back from Connecticut so that I, um didn't have
Speaker 1: to be alone because I was with the kids, and
Speaker 1: the kids made me feel a lot better, and I
Speaker 1: was with Jano, so I was fine, Like everything was
Speaker 1: fine for the most part. Well, I had asked you too,
Speaker 1: and when that happened, I was like, look, I mean
Speaker 1: at two in the morning, when I was like, all right,
Speaker 1: I gotta get to work at six, like I obviously
Speaker 1: wanted to be there for you, but at the same time,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I have to work too. So I called
Speaker 1: my ex. I was calling, you know, I called. I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm like, I don't know what to do,
Speaker 1: like because it's like trying to be there for for you,
Speaker 1: to support you, but also knowing I have to show
Speaker 1: up to work with you know, both my kids and
Speaker 1: I ended up confiding in one of the producers and
Speaker 1: you know, she's like, just bring them and we will
Speaker 1: figure it out. Um. And then when you when I
Speaker 1: got back that day, I asked you. I was like,
Speaker 1: what do you need because I will get you on
Speaker 1: a flight today, Like do you do you want to stay?
Speaker 1: Like I can have someone just I can fly someone
Speaker 1: else into help, Like I don't even worry about me,
Speaker 1: don't worry about the kids, don't I was like, I like,
Speaker 1: I was just so focused on like what does g
Speaker 1: G need? And you had said that You're like, I'm
Speaker 1: not ready to face it. I'd like to stay for
Speaker 1: a few more days. And I really battled with like,
Speaker 1: I like, is that really what she like? But I'm like,
Speaker 1: I have to listen to what you know. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you would have done anything different
Speaker 1: than that moment, Like I can't be like, no, you're
Speaker 1: going home, because it's like, how am I to say
Speaker 1: what you need? Right? But also it was like and
Speaker 1: but the last I think it was like three days longer,
Speaker 1: were super fun. I still felt normal. I didn't really
Speaker 1: have you know, what can we can we bring Susan
Speaker 1: and she's a trauma specialist therapist. I'd love to bring
Speaker 1: her in um in continuous conversation. But first of all, Giugi, I,
Speaker 1: I'm just so proud of you. Thank you. I'm really
Speaker 1: proud of you for sharing your story because that takes
Speaker 1: a lot of that's very brave of you to share it.
Speaker 1: This I was really I was actually I didn't know
Speaker 1: about today, Like I was kind of nervous coming into it,
Speaker 1: but actually it kind of feels like a way it's
Speaker 1: ben lifted off my shoulders and you're gonna help a
Speaker 1: lot of people, I hope. So all right, let's bring
Speaker 1: Susan and hey, Susan, Hi, how are you okay? Welcome
Speaker 1: to wind down? Um? Janna, Catherine, Gigi Hi. Nice. So
Speaker 1: we just well just shared with us very bravely her
Speaker 1: story that happened in New York. Um, and you know,
Speaker 1: we're just kind of talking about it now. And I
Speaker 1: think one of the we wanted to bring you in
Speaker 1: obviously because you're a trauma specialist. You're you know this
Speaker 1: this world and all the emotions that go with it.
Speaker 1: And I think one of the things that when when
Speaker 1: everything happened in New York, um that feeling of like
Speaker 1: should the person go straight to like like is it
Speaker 1: okay to like not face it in that moment or
Speaker 1: is that and then face it later on? You know that?
Speaker 1: Or to like because she ended up staying a few
Speaker 1: more days in Connecticut where I was filming, but like,
Speaker 1: in hindsight, like what is it like? Is that is
Speaker 1: that normal? To do that or is it something where
Speaker 1: it's like when people are in that situation, like they
Speaker 1: just have to go at their own pace. It's such
Speaker 1: an important question, and I think that so many people
Speaker 1: don't report for years and years and years simply because
Speaker 1: they feel like they're going to be blamed for it
Speaker 1: or they did something wrong and the stigma associated with that.
Speaker 1: And so everyone's journey is going to be their own
Speaker 1: journey and their own process. If you're talking about a
Speaker 1: technical issue from a reporting perspective, from a criminal the
Speaker 1: in criminal importance is usually it's important to go to
Speaker 1: any er immediately in order to have a rape test
Speaker 1: done in order to have any evidence, and that would
Speaker 1: be if you don't take a shower um and go
Speaker 1: straight to the R E. R. And there's there's advocates
Speaker 1: there that can really help you through that process and
Speaker 1: really talk you through kind of what that looks like.
Speaker 1: So if someone is actually experienced a crime, that is
Speaker 1: really the most important thing to do in order to
Speaker 1: gather evidence. However, everyone is going to go through it differently,
Speaker 1: and no two persons experiences the same and it doesn't
Speaker 1: mean years later that you can't decide to change your
Speaker 1: mind and make reporting or ten days or three days
Speaker 1: or whatever it may be. Because this crime happened to you.
Speaker 1: You were violated, and we all process trauma differently, and
Speaker 1: no two people who are going to do with the
Speaker 1: same I think one of the things, and then Gig,
Speaker 1: I'll let you ask Susan some questions. But I think
Speaker 1: what I was I was trying to like get help
Speaker 1: for Gigi in that moment in Connecticut, and I wanted
Speaker 1: her to connect to some people. But the one person
Speaker 1: that I know had she's like, well, I didn't remember it,
Speaker 1: and she's like and thank god. So everyone's like, well,
Speaker 1: thank god she doesn't remember it. I'm like, but that's
Speaker 1: even more of a violation, like not remembering what happened.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, Gi, like that must like hurt you too.
Speaker 1: When people are like, well, I'm so glad you didn't
Speaker 1: remember it, it's like, well that that to me, it
Speaker 1: sounds just as traumatic to feel so violent that you
Speaker 1: don't even know what happened to your body or what
Speaker 1: you know. It was nice saving grace, um. I like,
Speaker 1: had I not then drugged in the weirdest way, I
Speaker 1: feel like it would have been that much more traumatic
Speaker 1: for me. It's still a traumatic event. I wonder what
Speaker 1: did happen to me? A lot. It's not every day anymore,
Speaker 1: but it's a lot. But like I said, like nothing
Speaker 1: felt real, nothing felt like anything had happened to me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like I went to the hospital immediately, I got the
Speaker 1: rape kit done, but I didn't. I honestly didn't process
Speaker 1: it until, um, I found out that my boyfriend at
Speaker 1: the time had been with this girl all summer and
Speaker 1: that night, right before I had faced time to him
Speaker 1: from the er, he had been with her. That's when
Speaker 1: literally everything this was a couple of weeks ago, that's
Speaker 1: when literally everything hit me like a bus. Like I
Speaker 1: was having panic attacks every four hours. I could not sleep,
Speaker 1: I wasn't I was in a terrible, terrible spot solely
Speaker 1: because mhm, my security blanket of the whole situation, like
Speaker 1: it was kind of a trauma bomb, like that got
Speaker 1: taken away from me, and then I was kind of
Speaker 1: left by myself. I don't know, and i've I've never
Speaker 1: um called it a crime. What language did you use
Speaker 1: that that you feels right for you? Um, just that
Speaker 1: I was raped. Mhmm. Yeah. Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: sharing your story and your bravery to share in this
Speaker 1: public way too, because oftentimes people are silenced and for
Speaker 1: you to step forward really gives other people the courage
Speaker 1: that they can talk about their own stories too. And
Speaker 1: one in six women in the United States have experienced
Speaker 1: the same thing that you've gone through too as well.
Speaker 1: And I think it's your language, your story, the way
Speaker 1: that you want to tell it, what kind of what
Speaker 1: parts of it you want to share, what parts you don't.
Speaker 1: This is all about you taking back your power. Now
Speaker 1: what does she do with that? Like, because when like
Speaker 1: the feeling of that that bond with her ex and
Speaker 1: now being feeling now the PTSD of the rape is
Speaker 1: now even now she's like feeling all of that. So
Speaker 1: it's like, how does she deal with that? Because I
Speaker 1: would say I would say that that part of it
Speaker 1: um lasted about two weeks, but like the biggest thing
Speaker 1: was that, like he chose to be with someone else
Speaker 1: over the summer, the entire summer. We had been dating
Speaker 1: for five months. I did not have a choice, and
Speaker 1: I don't know, it killed me. I don't know, I
Speaker 1: didn't have a choice and he did and he still
Speaker 1: did that. And that's honestly probably the only reason that
Speaker 1: I'm not still with him, but I don't I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think often times when people friends or even family
Speaker 1: are trying to support someone who's been through a rape
Speaker 1: or sexual assault or a crime, and that they don't
Speaker 1: know what to do. They don't know what to say,
Speaker 1: they don't know how to act, they don't know how
Speaker 1: to be. Sort of and consciously or unconsciously, they sort
Speaker 1: of avoid because they don't know how to say. What's
Speaker 1: going to help you get through your PTSD or the
Speaker 1: trauma or all the other mental health symptoms that you
Speaker 1: sort of mentioned, the hyper vigilance, that not being able
Speaker 1: to sleep. I don't know if you're starting to get
Speaker 1: memories back or flashbacks or anything like that, but that
Speaker 1: is also really compounds the trauma as well, because you
Speaker 1: feel so alone in that process and feel like, how
Speaker 1: do I trust or can I keep myself safe? Or
Speaker 1: am I safe? Those questions keep coming up, and it
Speaker 1: sounds like that was a little bit of your experience
Speaker 1: that your ex boyfriend was that support for you, that
Speaker 1: you felt safe with him and you felt like you
Speaker 1: could share what was going on, and then to have
Speaker 1: that taken away is really really challenging, and I would
Speaker 1: really suggest for you to get into there's so many
Speaker 1: amazing free services if you're in law, so angels, every
Speaker 1: crisis center in Santa Monica is incredible, or other places
Speaker 1: around the United States that have all different types of
Speaker 1: groups or individual therapy. And I've been I've been in
Speaker 1: therapy for five years, so the therapy aspect of it
Speaker 1: was totally covered. Like I'm I'm really good at being
Speaker 1: emotionally mindful, I would say, just from previous traumas, unfortunately,
Speaker 1: but now I'm I'm definitely in a step towards the
Speaker 1: right direction. I feel better. I'm not weighted down by
Speaker 1: my security blanket that could have been a weighted blanket
Speaker 1: in a lot of ways. Um, you know most of
Speaker 1: my friends know about it. Um my mom has held
Speaker 1: me through all of it. Sisters, every like everyone's helped
Speaker 1: me like build my foundation of like emotional security through myself.
Speaker 1: Like I have emotional security through myself now and I
Speaker 1: have that foundation back. So let's definitely step in the
Speaker 1: right direction. And I feel a lot better. And um,
Speaker 1: it's not as hard to talk about. It's still hard,
Speaker 1: but I can do it. And you're bravely doing it
Speaker 1: now too. And I think the important thing that oftentimes
Speaker 1: I just want to remind you that often when people
Speaker 1: have been raped or they've experienced an assault, that they
Speaker 1: feel like they're never going to be themselves again and
Speaker 1: everything has been taken away from them. But the amazing
Speaker 1: thing about our bodies and our brain is that we
Speaker 1: have this tremendous ability to rewire our brain after trauma
Speaker 1: and to heal, and you will have a beautiful relationship
Speaker 1: in the future. You will have a beautiful life and
Speaker 1: in your future. And as you said, you've been through
Speaker 1: some things before that have been challenging that you know
Speaker 1: you're going to get to the other side of this
Speaker 1: and start feeling the way that you want to. It's
Speaker 1: going to take work in commitment, and it sounds like
Speaker 1: you have a tremendous support community that's really helping you
Speaker 1: through it day by day, because it's going to change.
Speaker 1: One day you could feel amazing and the next day
Speaker 1: you may get triggered and something kind of derails you
Speaker 1: a little bit. But just keep staying mindful in your
Speaker 1: recovery and really allowing your body and your brain to
Speaker 1: start to heal and getting back into to feel whole again.
Speaker 1: That way she was really important, and I think that's
Speaker 1: good for everyone because anyone who has, you know, some
Speaker 1: kind of traumatic experience that's happened to him or just um, like,
Speaker 1: what do you do in those moments when that trigger
Speaker 1: does come up, because that's you know, you don't want
Speaker 1: it to take over, but at the same time, you
Speaker 1: you have to like let it go through your body
Speaker 1: and feel it. Right, you know, emotions are just predictions
Speaker 1: for action to take. And so when we've had something
Speaker 1: happened to us that's been traumatic, we get triggered with
Speaker 1: a scent or smell or a you know, a vision
Speaker 1: of something. We all gets imprinted through our our senses.
Speaker 1: So when we get triggered, all of a sudden, it
Speaker 1: takes us back to that moment and then we start
Speaker 1: to relive it again in that moment as it's as
Speaker 1: if it's happening now and our body and that's what
Speaker 1: becomes so terrifying is because we get disregulated and all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, it's like, oh my gosh, this is
Speaker 1: happening right now. How do I make this stop? This
Speaker 1: is overwhelming, But our mind knows it's not happening. So
Speaker 1: it's sort of this sort of trick that happens within
Speaker 1: our body and our brain. But the important thing to
Speaker 1: do is to really use skills to calm down your
Speaker 1: nervous system and those emotions in that moment, because we
Speaker 1: can get sort of carried away with that and allow
Speaker 1: ourselves to get more and more disregulated to the point
Speaker 1: that it really starts to create all kinds of dysfunction
Speaker 1: in our lives. So I know it sounds really simple,
Speaker 1: but really the power of the breath and I really
Speaker 1: feel like it's super important to actually breathe through our
Speaker 1: hearts because that's a tremendously grounding practice of actually just
Speaker 1: inhaling through our nose and then exhaling out as if
Speaker 1: it's coming out of your heart. And really, what the
Speaker 1: important thing is to do is always have this shorter
Speaker 1: inhale than the exhale, because the exhale actually allows your
Speaker 1: blood flow to your heart to decrease, which actually decreases
Speaker 1: your anxiety and stress. And that's a way for us
Speaker 1: to trick what's called the amygdala in our brain, which
Speaker 1: is sort of the alarm system when something has gone
Speaker 1: wrong and what we feel in danger um but other
Speaker 1: things too, of being out in nature, calling a friend, uh,
Speaker 1: going for a walk. Actually, that bilateral stimulation of actually
Speaker 1: walking is tremendously calming on our nervous system. Anything that
Speaker 1: can sort of bring joy, because when we have a
Speaker 1: negative emotion and experience, we can trick our brains and
Speaker 1: our bodies by actually pulling to something that's really positive
Speaker 1: like pet petting a puppy, or calling your best friend
Speaker 1: or getting out in sunshine, and that can decrease all
Speaker 1: those feelings and emotions of stress in our bodies in
Speaker 1: the now and make us feel a lot more calm. Gig,
Speaker 1: is there an area where you feel, not unless it's stuck,
Speaker 1: but that where it's still um like it's whether it's
Speaker 1: a question or a fear or a doubt that you're
Speaker 1: still um And it could be about your ex too,
Speaker 1: that you feel kind of like heavy in um it's
Speaker 1: all heavy, But is there something where it's still like
Speaker 1: it's it's still bit like, it's it's harder than others. Honestly,
Speaker 1: it was a three week breakup for me and finally
Speaker 1: when I got the closure and we ended on good terms,
Speaker 1: um Like, finally when I got the closure and he
Speaker 1: got the closure, And now it's been a few weeks
Speaker 1: since we've talked. I feel so much better because I'm
Speaker 1: moving on, and I feel like moving on independently is
Speaker 1: a lot more strong willed per se and I could
Speaker 1: actually feel the emotions from the trauma and work through them.
Speaker 1: And so now I'm in a really good place. Um,
Speaker 1: and I'm really invested in school. And you know, why
Speaker 1: did you want to share your story? Because I I
Speaker 1: don't know, because it just I mean, hopefully I can
Speaker 1: help another person, but it's like I'm not broken anymore.
Speaker 1: You can. I mean, part of me probablyly won't ever
Speaker 1: be fully pieced back together, but I'm certainly not broken.
Speaker 1: I'm capable of doing anything. And you don't have to
Speaker 1: like look down on trauma as this almost disability. And
Speaker 1: if I can't get out of bed one day, respect it,
Speaker 1: because we're all going through our own things and you
Speaker 1: could be going through the worst thing in your life
Speaker 1: and I could be going through the worst thing in
Speaker 1: mind and they're not comparable at all, and my reaction
Speaker 1: may be way different than nerrors. So seriously, don't look
Speaker 1: down on someone just because they're going through stuff. Like
Speaker 1: I'm still gonna do everything that I was going to
Speaker 1: do before this, before the breakup before everything, like, honestly,
Speaker 1: I loved my boyfriend so much and I still do
Speaker 1: love him, but not in the same way. And I'm
Speaker 1: ready to move on. I'm ready to start new relationships.
Speaker 1: And I don't know, it's just like there's so much
Speaker 1: to unpack, but you know I've already. I don't know.
Speaker 1: You've said so many beautiful things and that statement, and
Speaker 1: the one thing that I really want to remind you is, yes,
Speaker 1: the pieces are never going to go back the same
Speaker 1: as they were before. They're going to be different. But
Speaker 1: in this moment, you sharing your truth and you stepping
Speaker 1: out and normalizing trauma because it happens to every single
Speaker 1: one of us, and after this pandemic, it has to
Speaker 1: happen to every single one of us. That you're really
Speaker 1: being an advocate for other people to say that I'm
Speaker 1: not broken, I'm not defective, I'm not anything. I'm just
Speaker 1: me and I'm going through my process and this is
Speaker 1: going to allow you to get to the other side
Speaker 1: of something so much more beautiful and stronger. And I
Speaker 1: really commend you for stepping forward and using this platform
Speaker 1: to share your narrative in a story that so many
Speaker 1: women and men can relate to and it really hopefully
Speaker 1: it's going to make you feel stronger because of that.
Speaker 1: And you're right, every day is going to be different.
Speaker 1: And just honor that in your own process and know
Speaker 1: what's going to make you feel a little bit better
Speaker 1: and stronger and use those tools and skills and not
Speaker 1: allow the trauma to just keep happening to you, but
Speaker 1: for you to feel more agency and control. I do
Speaker 1: want to ask you a question to how do you
Speaker 1: how does someone not let that define them any through
Speaker 1: anything that's happened, whether it's divorce or abuse or any
Speaker 1: situation that can be Um that would that one would
Speaker 1: feel um yeah they yeah, please. I Like everyone goes
Speaker 1: through their own adversities, okay, and we all come together
Speaker 1: in group therapy like you talk about it. I've never
Speaker 1: been a group therapy, but like you talk in a
Speaker 1: collective group and you see how similar everyone's experiences are
Speaker 1: and how they can help help you through what you're
Speaker 1: going through. And that's part of the reason I wanted
Speaker 1: to come on today and share. And like, my situation
Speaker 1: was one situation, You're like, other people's situations might be
Speaker 1: that much worse or that much more controlling of their thoughts,
Speaker 1: their actions, there everything, But it doesn't matter. If we
Speaker 1: can relate in some sort of way, we could help
Speaker 1: each other, like we build off of each other, and
Speaker 1: I would not Nothing defines me. The d s M
Speaker 1: five is literally, for those of you that don't know,
Speaker 1: it's the diagnostic book for um psychological disorders, although um
Speaker 1: most of them aren't disorders. They're all UM induced as
Speaker 1: some sort of trauma UM. The ds IN five is
Speaker 1: essentially a way for pharmaceutical companies to put their brand
Speaker 1: into a category. Well, I'm so sick of being in
Speaker 1: a category, like nothing can define me, Like I'm just
Speaker 1: Gig that's my real name on my birth or to Bigot,
Speaker 1: that's just who I am and labels. I don't care
Speaker 1: what you have, anxiety, depression, bipolar, PTSD, UM, insomnia, whatever
Speaker 1: you have, I don't care. Like that doesn't define you,
Speaker 1: That doesn't change you. And if you have PTSD from
Speaker 1: an incident, that doesn't define you either. Why would you
Speaker 1: let your PTSD take control of you when you can
Speaker 1: navigate through these motions and work through your experiences using
Speaker 1: other people's experiences to walk out on the end just
Speaker 1: knowing you're the name on your birth certificate and that
Speaker 1: you don't have to fit any mold or category or
Speaker 1: diagnosis right absolutely, And I think you get to live
Speaker 1: a joyful life no matter what's happened in your past.
Speaker 1: It's that's something that's so important. But I think often
Speaker 1: times that people are afraid of letting go of their
Speaker 1: trauma or the definition of things because they're unsure of
Speaker 1: what is going to happen on the other side of that.
Speaker 1: So if I identify or over identify as someone that's
Speaker 1: gone through something particular, like you mentioned divorce or a breakup,
Speaker 1: and then letting go of that and healing and processing
Speaker 1: the trauma and the experience of that, there's fear. And
Speaker 1: fear is what oftentimes keeps us in the labels or
Speaker 1: keeps us stuck and sort of telling that same narrative
Speaker 1: over and over again, because we're wired for story and
Speaker 1: stories are a beginning, middle, and ment and off, and
Speaker 1: times we get stuck in that in between. Yeah. And
Speaker 1: actually I saw something um because I follow this person
Speaker 1: on Instagram, the Narcissist Survivor, and they said oversharing is
Speaker 1: a trauma response, And for some reason it just hit
Speaker 1: me so hard because I'm like, man, I'm like, yes,
Speaker 1: I've definitely overshared with my um life and um, you
Speaker 1: know the abuse that I've had, and but I'm also
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's just that just like hit me
Speaker 1: because I was like wow, I'm like, I never looked
Speaker 1: at it as a trauma response. Well, I think that
Speaker 1: you have to look. There's there's a spectrum of everything,
Speaker 1: and I don't want you to read something and then
Speaker 1: assume that you're the one that's contributing to that. I
Speaker 1: think that what happens is is when people can't read
Speaker 1: the experience of someone else. So if you and I
Speaker 1: are having a conversation and you're telling me every single
Speaker 1: detail of something that happened, that's really horrific, and your
Speaker 1: nervous system is affecting my nervous system and I'm getting
Speaker 1: really flooded by your narrative of and you're not aware
Speaker 1: of it, and you're just keep going on and on
Speaker 1: because you're not regulated in your own system. Right, that
Speaker 1: would be worthy. Over sharing would really sort of affect
Speaker 1: another human and dis regulate them. Like if you've ever
Speaker 1: been with someone you felt exhausted after being with them
Speaker 1: because they talk so much, or they whatever, whatever, happened.
Speaker 1: So I think be mindful of keep sharing your story
Speaker 1: and connecting with people on a real human way and
Speaker 1: being authentic because that's you and and people really have
Speaker 1: to be vulnerable to connect and feel the depths of
Speaker 1: love and connection with one another. That's what makes this human.
Speaker 1: So there's a very big difference between traumatizing someone and
Speaker 1: oversharing that way and and really just connecting. Well, Susan,
Speaker 1: I can't thank you enough for coming on the show.
Speaker 1: Where can our listeners find you on Instagram? On that
Speaker 1: Susan zen Z I n ND Therapy, and also my
Speaker 1: website is Susan zin Therapy And actually have a book
Speaker 1: out this week. I's called The Empiphanies Projects and it
Speaker 1: just hit five best selling categories and they're all about
Speaker 1: moments of people overcoming adversity and trauma. And so definitely
Speaker 1: make sure to check that out because there's a lot
Speaker 1: of healing stories in that then hopefully will be helpful
Speaker 1: for you to I love that well. Thank you so much, Susan,
Speaker 1: appreciate you coming on line down, Thank you, thank you
Speaker 1: for everything you're doing. How you feeling bad? I just
Speaker 1: like I just want to make it abundantly clear that
Speaker 1: like I am okay, I'm not I'm not still stuck
Speaker 1: in my last relationship. And I hope, I hope that
Speaker 1: this is not in the wrong message out to anyone.
Speaker 1: It could be pursuing me or um. But like, I'm
Speaker 1: really okay, and it's okay if you weren't okay, and
Speaker 1: it's okay that you I wasn't for a minute. I
Speaker 1: feel like you're a little hesitant to say you're okay
Speaker 1: because I feel like people will hear this and then
Speaker 1: they're gonna be like, oh my god, like she's got
Speaker 1: some stuff going on, Like like you feel like you
Speaker 1: shouldn't be okay, right but I am. In this moment
Speaker 1: you are and that's amazing. And tomorrow you might not
Speaker 1: and tomorrow you might eat. You might never like you know,
Speaker 1: and it's like you you're going to go through days.
Speaker 1: But that's amazing that you're okay right now, that's amazing
Speaker 1: and that should be celebrated. And you're doing your work
Speaker 1: that you've got your head screwed on. You know you're
Speaker 1: not going to go back to you now you know
Speaker 1: the flags of a cheater and when you're not going
Speaker 1: to go back there, No, I'm really excited for a
Speaker 1: healthy relationship, good and someone that actually respects me and
Speaker 1: my body as much as I'm learning to respect it.
Speaker 1: I have a new like, I have a totally new
Speaker 1: outlook on dating. That was my first boyfriend and your
Speaker 1: nineteen I told her. I was like, let me just
Speaker 1: write don't I'm gonna be I'm gonna be your big
Speaker 1: sister and be like, just don't do any of these
Speaker 1: things and then you won't end up like me, Like
Speaker 1: you know, well, I divorce something. I called you. I
Speaker 1: called you literally five minutes after I found out. I
Speaker 1: was like, Janna, we were right, Like we had suspicions
Speaker 1: over the listen to your gut, but look, a nineteen
Speaker 1: year old gut and the thirty seven year old gut
Speaker 1: is the same gut as a fifteen year old and
Speaker 1: a moment not maybe who knows in an eight year
Speaker 1: old Our girl, listen your gut. You know we're all
Speaker 1: the same women's intuition exactly, so superpower and I'm so
Speaker 1: proud of you, and I love you. Thank you, I
Speaker 1: love you too, And I'm gonna we're gonna have you
Speaker 1: back on sometime in the next few months, and we're
Speaker 1: gonna have a really fun like catch up bungig, what's
Speaker 1: going on in the dating world of the nineteen year old?
Speaker 1: Because we love spicy g She's fun. Maybe we'll have
Speaker 1: some updates by then. Have my um grubbed this weekend,
Speaker 1: and then I'm going to see me. That means, is
Speaker 1: that like a story because you know me and story stuff.
Speaker 1: I don't know what. I just want to be your
Speaker 1: big sis. That's about it. Well, guess what I'll be
Speaker 1: back in Nashville, Uh next week. Perfect, We'll see you then.
Speaker 1: I love you, but thanks for coming on wind then
Speaker 1: I love you too, Thank you so much. Okay bye.
Speaker 1: I love her. She's like the smartest nineteen year old time.
Speaker 1: I know, she's literally she's literally Elwoods like, she's she's
Speaker 1: gonna go to Harvard like law like, and she's and
Speaker 1: she is the smartest I mean she is. Her IQ
Speaker 1: is insane. Oh yeah, that's surprised me. Like she's so
Speaker 1: smart and she's beautiful, she's modeled like, I mean, she's
Speaker 1: literally Elwoods. But I think what was what was so
Speaker 1: sad to like witness was I mean, she and anyone
Speaker 1: that followed me during the Connecticut she was just her
Speaker 1: light and how fun she is. And I remember the
Speaker 1: next day just being like her light was taken away
Speaker 1: and it like that like broke me to see and
Speaker 1: it was you know, Ryan obviously knew, and the one
Speaker 1: producer and we kind of we a little power out
Speaker 1: and it was just like so sad because we were
Speaker 1: like we loo like we lost the spark of Gigi
Speaker 1: and it's like seeing that come back now has been
Speaker 1: a beautiful thing. And I'm really proud of her for
Speaker 1: sharing her story and um, yeah you're you're not alone.
Speaker 1: So um, I hope y'all have a good week and
Speaker 1: hope this out saying Luke