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Speaker 1: My husband thinks I cheated and he's not the father

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Speaker 1: of our baby. Now he's demanding a paternity test. It

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Speaker 1: might destroy our marriage. Am I the a whole again?

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Speaker 1: Something John and I have said over and over. Paternity

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Speaker 1: test at birth, you know, just it just like sure,

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Speaker 1: no one, no one has any weird thoughts or suspicions. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: get a paternity test at birth and at least you

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Speaker 1: know it's your kid. And the number of idiots we've

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Speaker 1: seen who it just was their child, but they their.

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Speaker 2: Life just snowballd and destroyed their life or not. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: for nothing. And if we had a paternity test at

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Speaker 2: the beginning of every you know of every birth, bam,

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Speaker 2: problem solved, boom, no one would get divorced.

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Speaker 1: But Sam, we do not have that in a scenary doubt,

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Speaker 1: So we have to see what happens. I twenty eight female,

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Speaker 1: and my husband, thirty two male, have a three year

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Speaker 1: old son together. There has never been any doubt that

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Speaker 1: my husband is the father. I've never given him any

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Speaker 1: cause for concern that I cheated on him, and he acknowledges.

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Speaker 2: All of this.

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Speaker 1: Okay, last week he came to me and said that

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Speaker 1: for the last few months he has been plagued his

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Speaker 1: word with this anxiety that our.

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Speaker 2: Son is not his.

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Speaker 1: They don't look identical, granted, but they definitely share similar features.

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Speaker 1: And I see my husband whenever I look at my son.

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Speaker 1: Why all of a sudden hmm, that's that's a suspicion, right,

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Speaker 1: three years cheating, cheating, cheating, cheating. Well, uh, we'll see.

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Speaker 1: I was obviously blindsided by this. I had no idea

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Speaker 1: he was having these thoughts. I asked him to explain

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Speaker 1: why he thought that our son wasn't his, and he

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Speaker 1: couldn't really provide any answer other than a gut feeling.

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Speaker 2: That's it. But like, where does a gut feeling just

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Speaker 2: doesn't appear out of nowhere? Probably was something that happened.

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Speaker 2: I'm suspecting that there's some like infidelity going on. There

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Speaker 2: is something fishy in here, something fishy in these waters,

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Speaker 2: and I'm gonna reel it up more than your feely

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Speaker 2: gut bro. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: He asked me if I would be okay if he

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Speaker 1: got opportunity test done so it could ease his mind.

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Speaker 1: I initially said absolutely not. Yeah, kind of weird. It's tough,

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Speaker 1: especially if he I mean, like, like, why that's the

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Speaker 1: thing when you when you know reason. Yeah, it's kind

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Speaker 1: of like it just it's a it's offensive, is a

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Speaker 1: thing because it applies that you cheated and lied. That's

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Speaker 1: your sign. That's a big, big no way in hell.

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Speaker 1: I was very very offended. He told me that he

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Speaker 1: could just do it without my permission, and I said

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Speaker 1: that if he did that, I would never forgive him

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Speaker 1: for it. My husband does not have a history of

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Speaker 1: a anxiety, but he did lose his job at the

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Speaker 1: start of the pandemic, so he's been with our son

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Speaker 1: most of the time.

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Speaker 2: Well, I work full time from home. He's like, damn,

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Speaker 2: I've been spending all this time with my son and

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Speaker 2: fuck he just sucks. So he can't be my kid.

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Speaker 2: There's no way. Like he's not. He try to run

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Speaker 2: a shock man. He can't even throw a football, a

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Speaker 2: dozzle big skid around. Is a fucking nerd.

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Speaker 1: He's always like, Daddy helped me walk, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: you should be running, bro one.

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Speaker 2: He always just like, Daddy will play Minecraft with me,

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, no, when I smash his iPad and

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Speaker 2: give him an old football instead, Yeah, teach him, teach

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Speaker 2: him the hard way. Yeah, like my dad taught me.

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Speaker 2: I tried. I tried to sign up.

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Speaker 1: I tried to I tried to sign up him for

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Speaker 1: high school football, but they said he's only one and

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Speaker 1: a half feet all. My boy should be able to

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Speaker 1: blow through those boys when I was three.

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Speaker 2: I was on varsity football my freshman year when I

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Speaker 2: was three.

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Speaker 1: Come on, now, they don't make him like they used to.

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Speaker 1: Am I right or am I right now? I know

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Speaker 1: this hasn't been easy on him. I'm not a psychiatrist

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Speaker 1: or anything, but maybe he is starting to resent our

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Speaker 1: son or something from just having to be around him constantly.

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Speaker 2: That that wad rough.

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Speaker 1: After our first heated conversation, I spoke with some friends

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Speaker 1: about it, and they said that he was probably having

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Speaker 1: some psychiatric problems due to the stress of not having

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Speaker 1: a job. I came back to my husband and said

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Speaker 1: that if he went to therapy and maybe started taking

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Speaker 1: some anti anxiety meds, that I would consider getting the test.

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Speaker 1: He was very upset at this and said that once

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Speaker 1: he got back the results of the test, he wouldn't

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Speaker 1: be anxious anymore, and that I wasn't being fair by

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Speaker 1: making him go through this whole rigamarole again.

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Speaker 2: His word is didn't he putting her through a rigamarole?

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Speaker 2: He kind of is. I feel the one who is

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Speaker 2: being rigged and rolled is OPI she's being very rolled

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Speaker 2: and very rigged. Yeah, it's pretty shit. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And just to get his piece of mind, which again

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Speaker 1: was a phrase to use a lot during this, he

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Speaker 1: again threatened to just get the test without my permission,

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Speaker 1: and I said that would effectively end our relationship. So OP,

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Speaker 1: he's really putting.

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Speaker 2: Her foot down this.

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Speaker 1: I think there's something more serious going on here. I

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Speaker 1: thought that my solution here is as fair as I'm

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Speaker 1: willing to be. My friends are divided. Some think that

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Speaker 1: I should just take the test, and others are saying

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Speaker 1: he's being insane and that if I cave to this

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Speaker 1: there's going to be something else. I need a more

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Speaker 1: neutral perspective here. Am I the a hole? And there's

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Speaker 1: edits and updates honestly quite quite a bit of.

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Speaker 2: Of of juicy and gd details, But.

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Speaker 1: As of right now, I want to know what are

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Speaker 1: you all thinking? Is OP being the a hole?

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Speaker 2: Here? Is the husband being the a hole here? I

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Speaker 2: think the husband's being the ale here? Op. He was

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Speaker 2: like even gave a consolations, like, hey, just like, you know,

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Speaker 2: go to some therapy, talk about it, and then I

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Speaker 2: will get the paternity test. Yeah, you know, like that's

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Speaker 2: like a very nice middle ground for request. That's crazy, totally.

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Speaker 2: The one thing I will say, and it's like kind

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Speaker 2: of a nitpick, is like seeming like a pretty firm

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Speaker 2: suggestion on the anti anxiety meds. It's like, Okay, maybe

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Speaker 2: he just wants to start therapy and like whatever else. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I feel like the anti anxiety medication is a little.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like he would probably therapy, a professional

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Speaker 1: would help him talk through that.

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Speaker 2: But you know, but Sam, we have a lot of.

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Speaker 1: Media details to squeeze through this Juice update.

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Speaker 2: The bottom line is we are heading towards the force.

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Speaker 2: Oh no.

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Speaker 1: I took some of the commenter's advice to go to

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Speaker 1: couple's therapy, which we did that same week as my

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Speaker 1: first post. I had to push him a bit to

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Speaker 1: get him to agree to the therapy, but I told

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Speaker 1: him it was either this or I was never going

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Speaker 1: to give in to the test. The first Zoom session

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Speaker 1: was a little awkward since neither of us had done

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Speaker 1: therapy before. After listening to both of us, she basically

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Speaker 1: said that she thought that we should do the test

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Speaker 1: to see if it eases his anxiety, and that if

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Speaker 1: it doesn't, which at the time was my concern, that

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Speaker 1: we could go from there. So my husband was thrilled

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Speaker 1: and I agreed, but I wanted to be on zoom

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Speaker 1: with the therapist when we received the results so we

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Speaker 1: could talk it out with her, which he was fine with.

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Speaker 1: So where she actually agreed to do the test, wow

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Speaker 1: at this point. So we did the test, and we

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Speaker 1: did our Zoom session when our results were in and

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Speaker 1: big surprise, the paternity test says he's ninety nine percent

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Speaker 1: likely to be the father. Aka, he's the percent. Maybe

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Speaker 1: he's not the father. Oh oh oh, so that's not

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Speaker 1: one hundred percent. If you bang one hundred dudesh, what's

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Speaker 1: going to happen?

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Speaker 2: You might have the same that's right. But yeah, I've

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Speaker 2: made two hundred dudes, and then you'll have two that

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Speaker 2: are the same visited and then yeah, true, my boy

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Speaker 2: knows math.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but basically he's the dad.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So he didn't appear relieved or happy or anything of

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Speaker 1: what I expected. Maybe this was unfair, but I did

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Speaker 1: expect him to cry and maybe apologize to me for

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Speaker 1: his lack of trust. This wasn't just my imagination though,

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Speaker 1: because the therapist asked him in our first session how

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Speaker 1: he would feel if the test came back saying that

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Speaker 1: he was the father, and he said that he would

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Speaker 1: feel relieved, but he was angry. What I think he's

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Speaker 1: cheating or suspicion. I think he's cheating. I think he's

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Speaker 1: looking for an excuse to break up. Yeah, this is

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Speaker 1: entirely too much and zero logic. Yeah whatsoever. He kept

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Speaker 1: saying that it was over and that he didn't want

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Speaker 1: to talk about it. He kept repeating it's it's done,

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Speaker 1: over and over when the therapist would try to ask

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Speaker 1: a question about how he was feeling, and he was

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Speaker 1: obviously not listening. When I tried to talk about my

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Speaker 1: feelings and I told him I wanted to talk about it,

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Speaker 1: he yelled at me, which he never does. What else

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Speaker 1: is there to effing talk about? I was mortified that

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Speaker 1: he was talking to me this way in front of

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Speaker 1: a therapist, which also bro that is going to earn

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Speaker 1: you very negative points, like with the therapist.

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Speaker 2: Because I anyone know his therapy is a scoreboard between

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Speaker 2: the first couple and the second couple. Two points for

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Speaker 2: a husband.

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Speaker 1: Uh, I gotta get my points back up, and the

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Speaker 1: therapist said that we should schedule a new session once

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Speaker 1: he had time to process.

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Speaker 2: Of course, the therapist said that trying to get more money, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: they can be taken over. Come on.

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Speaker 1: After the session, he wouldn't look at me or speak

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Speaker 1: to me.

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Speaker 2: Well, it seems I feel like that would be good news.

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Speaker 2: This is making no cheating. There's no way he's not cheating.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely, that he was so upset that he was our

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Speaker 1: wonderful son's father made me absolutely lose my mind understandable.

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Speaker 1: We screamed at each other and it ended with me

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Speaker 1: saying that I can't do this anymore.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: He's at his brother's apartment now, finally away from our son,

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Speaker 1: which is obviously what he wanted all along, and my

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Speaker 1: mom is now staying at my place to help me

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Speaker 1: out around the house. I texted him this weekend asking

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Speaker 1: if he wanted to do another therapy session, and he

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Speaker 1: asked if I really thought that that would help, and

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Speaker 1: I had to admit that I didn't think it would help.

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Speaker 2: What happened, Yeah, this is I don't understand what happened.

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Speaker 2: I also do not you, and I I mean like

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Speaker 2: it sucks that we don't have resolution, but my money's

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Speaker 2: on on on some kind of cheating, and he feels

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Speaker 2: bad and is looking for a reason to just like

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Speaker 2: exit the relationship. I think.

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Speaker 1: So there's a little bit more, but I don't think

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Speaker 1: too much more. The speed at which this whole thing

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Speaker 1: happened just a month ago, I would have said I

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Speaker 1: was in a happy marriage is still completely shocking to me.

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Speaker 1: But I don't see us recovering from this. This felt

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Speaker 1: cathartic to type out, though, So thanks. I guess wow. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm very curious on everyone's thoughts in the comments,

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Speaker 1: and maybe I don't know you've seen like a similar

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Speaker 1: situation or something like that.

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Speaker 2: I'm just very curious to hear what you all think

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Speaker 2: about this.

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Speaker 1: But my guess too, if it isn't cheating, is maybe

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Speaker 1: being with the son so much he was just like

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Speaker 1: I do not want to be a father.

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Speaker 2: I want to get out of that completely not cheating.

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Speaker 2: It's it's it's probably he just wasn't ready for fatherhood. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: and which sucks, like it's like, what daddy, mommy, why

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Speaker 2: did you go through the force? Will you? It was

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Speaker 2: your fault? Son? I kind of hate you. So there

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Speaker 2: you go.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this is that this guy just he's majorly the asshole,

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Speaker 1: especially because we have no idea what's actually going on.

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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah yeah, but regardless of what's going on, he's

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Speaker 2: the asshole. Yeah. Oh, you can't see a way out

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Speaker 2: of him being an asshole? No, no, there is no way,

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Speaker 2: no path. Do you have a time where like an

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Speaker 2: ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend or current significant other uh

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Speaker 2: oh was lying to you and it was obvious. I

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Speaker 2: do have one. I don't think I may have told

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Speaker 2: you this story before, but this was an ex girlfriend,

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Speaker 2: like my first major, my first like longtime girlfriend. She

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Speaker 2: cheated on me, sold me. It was spider bites on

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Speaker 2: her neck. It was Hiickey's. I thought they were spider

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Speaker 2: bites because I was a naive child. But anyway, broke

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Speaker 2: up with her when I found out dated another girl.

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Speaker 2: We broke up and then I started seeing this the

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Speaker 2: spider bite roll again. Yeah, and it was going like

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Speaker 2: pretty well and we were having fun, like not putting

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Speaker 2: any labels on it, and then like there I was

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Speaker 2: like interviewing this guy who had this like clothing company,

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Speaker 2: and I was like, oh, you should get one of

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Speaker 2: his like tennis skirts and she's like, cool, I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: buy it right now, right, and like she seemingly buys

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Speaker 2: the tennis skirt right and it's supposed to come and like,

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Speaker 2: you know, a couple of days and a couple of

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Speaker 2: days later, I'm like, hey, did you get your tennis skirt?

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Speaker 2: I think would look really great on you, blah blah blah,

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Speaker 2: and she's like, oh, like it's still like in the

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Speaker 2: mail or something. A couple of days later, like hey,

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Speaker 2: did the tennis skirt come? And she's like, oh no,

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Speaker 2: I don't know why. And then like a couple of

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Speaker 2: days later, like it should have arrived in like three

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Speaker 2: days when she bought it. Was it clicking with you

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Speaker 2: at this point? And oh no, you're just at that point.

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Speaker 2: I'm just like, did you buy the tennis skirt? And

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Speaker 2: she's like, yeah, yeah, I'll send you the receipt and

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Speaker 2: I'm like, that's weird. She sends me an email with

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Speaker 2: this receipt and it is like the most terrible photo

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Speaker 2: ever with like the date change or whatever, and I'm

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Speaker 2: like this is obviously photoshops. Why are you lying to

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Speaker 2: me about this i' and she's like just a compulsive liar. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and so I'm like, hey, I'm really sorry we have

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Speaker 2: to end this relationship over you not buying a tennis skirt.

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Speaker 2: But this is there's a bigger issue here. Yeah, and

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Speaker 2: so we broke up.

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Speaker 1: Dang, well, Sam, you missed out on a real keeper.

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Speaker 2: That I did. Now she lives in North o, Wyoming

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Speaker 2: and is a writer for a small town newspaper.

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Speaker 1: Well, there you go, there you go, there you go.

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Speaker 1: She has plenty of material.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she's lying about every single article. Ouch.

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Speaker 1: My ex wife was sleeping with our divorce lawyer before

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Speaker 1: the divorce. I am beyond furious, am I?

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Speaker 2: The a hole really just stealing the deal there? You

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Speaker 2: know the divorce wasn't already final. The lawyer is really

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Speaker 2: making it final. Bob. We really need a way to

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Speaker 2: drum up business.

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Speaker 1: Oh I got a few ideas, guys, just divorce lawyers

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Speaker 1: sleeping with all of your wives and then drumming up

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Speaker 1: that business. Hey listen, now that's what I call finding leads.

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Speaker 1: So I'm going to try to make this as short

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Speaker 1: as possible. I was in a town with my kids

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Speaker 1: and needed to get my son's stuff, Bunny from his dad's,

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Speaker 1: so I called him several times.

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Speaker 2: You know who else's bunny was stuffed? Is any bunny? Oh?

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Speaker 1: God? I called him several times, didn't answer. I figured

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Speaker 1: I was right there. I would see if he was home.

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Speaker 1: His car was there. I went up to the door,

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Speaker 1: rang the bell, called again, but no answer. But then

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Speaker 1: the door was open. So we walked up to his apartment.

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Speaker 1: I knock and a female answers the door. But not

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Speaker 1: just any female, a female I immediately noticed as being

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Speaker 1: the paralegal who handled our recently mediated divorce.

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Speaker 2: A paralegal who handled our recently mediated divorce.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so she was like part of the process of

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Speaker 1: their divorce.

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Speaker 2: It is not explicitly.

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Speaker 1: Stated, I don't think, but yeah, we don't know for sure.

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Speaker 2: But what we do know is a paralegal, a guy

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Speaker 2: or a girl. The par legal is a woman. Paralegal

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Speaker 2: is a woman, and she comes to the door. Okay,

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Speaker 2: so I'm assuming right now that the wife just went

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Speaker 2: up to the husband's place. Yes, and then it's the

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Speaker 2: paralegal who handled the divorce. We handled the divorce, that

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Speaker 2: is opening the door, and it's like, uh, what you're

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Speaker 2: doing here? Oh, just going over some finalizations from the

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Speaker 2: divorce proceedings.

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Speaker 1: Just going through the paperwork, if you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: She confirmed that that's who she is, and I calmly

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Speaker 1: excuse myself. Come to find out that they had been

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Speaker 1: seeing each other and sleeping together prior to the divorce process,

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Speaker 1: and that was why he insisted we use a law

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Speaker 1: firm that we did.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god. Wait, so they used the same law

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Speaker 2: firm for would you use a different Like, wouldn't you

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Speaker 2: use different law firms if you're getting divorced?

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Speaker 1: I guess it's possible where you could just like jointly

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Speaker 1: choose like a firm to do it. But it's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I would think, like, oh, you get your own lawyers.

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Speaker 2: To make sure there're being represented fair. It sounds like

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Speaker 2: the husband was trying to get the best deal possible.

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Speaker 2: Little did you know he would get a little paralegal

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Speaker 2: thrown in there. Oh goodness, gracious for free.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we can't do any discounts, but there is something

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Speaker 1: else we could do for you, Bob.

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Speaker 2: You got the deal.

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Speaker 1: She was the one who wrote up our paperwork and

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Speaker 1: that I had confided in her things about my ex

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Speaker 1: all while she was sleeping with him. Oh my gosh.

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Speaker 1: To say I feel violated is an understatement. I feel

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Speaker 1: like there was coercion on their part in order to

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Speaker 1: manipulate me into not pursuing certain things, and that it

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Speaker 1: was just morally and ethically wrong that she handled any

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Speaker 1: part of our divorce. I mean, that is conflict of

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Speaker 1: interest to the maas. Oh, my god, she had every

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Speaker 1: incentive to push us through the divorce for her own

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Speaker 1: romantic game. She called me crying and says that she

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Speaker 1: feels bad, and then she's never going to talk to

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Speaker 1: him again, and blah blah, blah blah blah. Maintains that

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Speaker 1: she was a professional and they had never been in

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Speaker 1: a relationship. It's semantic when you're porking your client.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and they started before the divorce is finalized. That

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Speaker 2: means she was working on your case and boning your

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Speaker 2: man and cheating with a married man. I imagined they

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Speaker 2: were getting divorced, and while the divorce was happening, that's

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Speaker 2: highly possible.

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Speaker 1: You were sleeping with my husband. And oh they are

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Speaker 1: still friends, because he's seen her every day since this

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Speaker 1: has happened, My god, which makes sense, which makes me

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Speaker 1: believe that this was more of a manipulation. There is

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Speaker 1: nothing professional about what happened. I don't know what to do.

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Speaker 1: My friend and attorney said to file an ethics complaint,

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Speaker 1: which I've already written up and said to him for review.

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Speaker 2: My ex, who used to abuse me, has.

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Speaker 1: Been threatening that if I do any harm to her,

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Speaker 1: there will be repercussions. Oh my god, he doesn't scare me,

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Speaker 1: but we do have children together, and I don't know

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Speaker 1: what he's capable of. Plus he's refusing to pay child

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Speaker 1: support and said that he will not pay if I

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Speaker 1: pursue anything against her. I'm a single mom of two

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Speaker 1: small children and money is an issue. I have not

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Speaker 1: had a single romantic feeling for that man. I do

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Speaker 1: not feel that I received fair representation based on these

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Speaker 1: morally and ethically dishonest practices.

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Speaker 2: Legally, what can I do?

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Speaker 1: How can I protect myself? This guy's a monster?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so, I'm actually curious when someone gets divorced and like,

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Speaker 2: let's say the one party controls the assets and the money,

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Speaker 2: how does the other person hire a lawyer?

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Speaker 1: My guess would be that, and honestly, everyone in the comments,

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Speaker 1: there's probably a lot of people who could educate us

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Speaker 1: on this, but I would have to imagine that each

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Speaker 1: party could get their own lawyer to represent them in

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Speaker 1: negotiating whatever assets in the terms of the child support.

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Speaker 2: Like what if it's like really bad. Let's say, like

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Speaker 2: what if it's a billionaire and someone they're married to.

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Speaker 2: The billionaire controls all the assets, the other person in

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Speaker 2: the relationship has nothing. Yeah, I imagine a law firm

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Speaker 2: will be like, hey, we'll represent you, and then and

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Speaker 2: we get like half the winnings if we win anything.

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Speaker 1: Oh, you're saying like there could be bad incentives because

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Speaker 1: they're just like, hey, we'll just represent you. It sounds

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Speaker 1: like this scenario like a couple and try and get

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Speaker 1: the whole thing.

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Speaker 2: It doesn't seem like in this specific scenario because the

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Speaker 2: law firms representing them both, it doesn't seem like necessarily

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Speaker 2: be fair to the wife. Yeah, exactly. And he was

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Speaker 2: the one that chose it. Yeah, if he chose it

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Speaker 2: and he was like manipulating you know the situation by

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Speaker 2: bone in the paralegal. I don't know, or the paralegal

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Speaker 2: was manipulating him. I don't know. It's crazy, but yeah.

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Speaker 1: This is absolutely beyond insane, Like, yeah, yeah, how do

400
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Speaker 1: divorce proceedings usually go?

401
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Speaker 2: How do they work? Do lawyers take from off the back.

402
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Speaker 2: You have to pay up front. Anyone who's been divorced

403
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Speaker 2: give us your divorce proceedings story.

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Speaker 1: I imagine there's kind of like ambulance chaser lawyer vibes

405
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Speaker 1: where it's like, hey, we'll represent you and then just

406
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Speaker 1: try to siphon as much money to get a fee

407
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Speaker 1: percentage off of that and maybe a fat one.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but let us know. That's a doozy of a

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Speaker 2: story that sucks. It is it is? Sorry? Op, yeah,

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Speaker 2: very sorry. But you know we love you, guys, We

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Speaker 2: love you and we will see you. Is he soon