Speaker 1: I won't let my body out the outway everything that
Speaker 1: I'm made do. Won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 1: I'm learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong,
Speaker 1: I feel free, I know who every part of me.
Speaker 1: It's beautiful and I will always out way. If you
Speaker 1: feel it with your hands in the air, She'll some
Speaker 1: love to the poop by get there, Let's say good
Speaker 1: day and time did you and die out? Welcome back
Speaker 1: to Outweigh today. It's Lisa Amy and we're joined by
Speaker 1: our amazing guest, Ali Bonner, who is an influencer, a
Speaker 1: food blogger turned food manufacturer. She's got her own brand
Speaker 1: of a Queen and Coke granola butter, and she also
Speaker 1: hosts a podcast that you'll want to check out called
Speaker 1: The Alley Cast, where she talks all about the stuff
Speaker 1: we talk about here, so body image, food relationships, and
Speaker 1: even a of entrepreneurial ship stuff which I really love
Speaker 1: your podcast, so everyone I know here will love it too.
Speaker 1: Thanks for being here. Yeah, I'm so excited to be here,
Speaker 1: and I mean, as you know, I'm a total open book,
Speaker 1: so happy to chat entrepreneur side, body image stuff and
Speaker 1: you've just been such an inspiration for me too on
Speaker 1: all things body image, because as you know, it's just
Speaker 1: such a journey, so excited to dive right in. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's a journey. And you've been very forthcoming with
Speaker 1: your Instagram account to really share the struggle as you
Speaker 1: went through it and as you make your way through it.
Speaker 1: I feel like the thickness of it, you're kind of past.
Speaker 1: But what inspired you to start sharing on Instagram? I
Speaker 1: think similar to probably when you started to you know,
Speaker 1: I didn't even know that, you know, being an influencer
Speaker 1: was really a thing, to be honest, when I started,
Speaker 1: I really use Instagram as you know, sort of a
Speaker 1: healing modality and a healing platform for me that I
Speaker 1: didn't really expect that to happen. So when I started posting,
Speaker 1: I really was in the depths of my orthorexia. So
Speaker 1: I was really obsessed with, you know, eating perfectly clean
Speaker 1: all the time. Um I had just graduated my undergrad
Speaker 1: I was a nutrition student, so you know, I really
Speaker 1: was in this dark place with food and my body,
Speaker 1: and you know, really started posting on Instagram because I
Speaker 1: was using it as a way to hold me accountable
Speaker 1: for you know, what I was eating. So it started
Speaker 1: from a really negative, sort of fear based place, and
Speaker 1: then as it progressed and as my relationship with food
Speaker 1: sort of evolved, I started to use it more and
Speaker 1: more in tandem with, you know, working with my nutritional
Speaker 1: therapist as a way to play with my food again.
Speaker 1: So I, you know, for so long, was so terrified
Speaker 1: of food and ridgid around it, and so I really
Speaker 1: used it as you know, sort of an art form
Speaker 1: in a way. I was doing these like crazy over
Speaker 1: the top, you know, drippy smoothies which are just completely
Speaker 1: unrealistic in hindsight, and you know, took hours in the kitchen,
Speaker 1: but it really was a great starting point for me
Speaker 1: to you know, bring a little fun, bring a little
Speaker 1: play back into what I was eating, and just kind
Speaker 1: of loosen up and not be so rigid around it.
Speaker 1: It sounds to me like it's therapeutic for you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it totally was. And I just actually talked about this
Speaker 1: on my page yesterday. But I was restricting myself, you know,
Speaker 1: in all of the ways, emotionally, physically, mentally, and so
Speaker 1: I remember being you know, in high school and I
Speaker 1: was just scrolling food blogs and just looking at these
Speaker 1: like decadent, you know, dessert recipes because I wouldn't allow
Speaker 1: myself to consume them, and so I would just for
Speaker 1: hours late at night, you know, after my parents would
Speaker 1: go to bed, I would just read food blogs, look
Speaker 1: at these amazing, you know, mouth watering pictures, and so
Speaker 1: at that time, you know, it wasn't healthy for me.
Speaker 1: But then as I sort of started to heal my
Speaker 1: relationship with food, you know, it did become sort of
Speaker 1: therapeutic and yeah, just sort of an outlet. This is
Speaker 1: so interesting because we know this anecdotally through stories like yours,
Speaker 1: but also from research. One of the earliest studies on
Speaker 1: starvation looked at what happens to the mind when people
Speaker 1: are starving, and it was meant to understand what was
Speaker 1: going to happen when people returned back from I think
Speaker 1: it was World War two, it could have been World
Speaker 1: War One anyway. The research basically found that when the
Speaker 1: men were there was a men were the population, but
Speaker 1: when they were calorically restricted, everything that they talked about
Speaker 1: and and could think about was all about food. So
Speaker 1: they were they became obsessed with cooking, with talking about recipes,
Speaker 1: and it basically just took over their life and so
Speaker 1: we don't realize when we're restricting how food becomes the
Speaker 1: fixation from a place of survival. But I think that's
Speaker 1: something that we hear all the time, that you can
Speaker 1: be thinking about food all the time, and that that
Speaker 1: could be a sign of disordered eating. Absolutely, yeah, And
Speaker 1: for me it was. You know, that's it's such a
Speaker 1: great point because I really, you know, growing up, I
Speaker 1: liked food, you know, but I wasn't someone who was
Speaker 1: a huge foodie, you know. I was kind of just
Speaker 1: like eat to live type of thing. And it was
Speaker 1: like as soon as I started restricting, I mean that
Speaker 1: is when I just I looked at my friends and
Speaker 1: I was like, how and you guys not think about
Speaker 1: food all the time. And that's why I talked about
Speaker 1: my page too. I'm like, I was just in awe
Speaker 1: of people that you know, forgot to eat or just
Speaker 1: you know, it slipped their mind, because it really was
Speaker 1: on my mind. Like as I was eating breakfast, I
Speaker 1: was planning and calculating and you know, just preparing what
Speaker 1: I was going to have for lunch, which just is
Speaker 1: the most exhausting thing ever. And that's part of the
Speaker 1: reason why I decided to really embark on you know,
Speaker 1: healing my relationship with food because I was just so over,
Speaker 1: you know, thinking about all the gutta time. So, Ali,
Speaker 1: I actually pulled up this post on your Instagram and
Speaker 1: I want to read it because I think it's pretty impactful.
Speaker 1: And if people want to follow you, your alley A
Speaker 1: L I, B O N A R. So that's where
Speaker 1: they can find you there. And here's what you put up.
Speaker 1: And it was a post says, what percentage of your
Speaker 1: day do you spend thinking about food? A few years ago,
Speaker 1: I would have answered upwards of to while I was
Speaker 1: eating breakfast, I was planning lunch, while I was out
Speaker 1: to dinner, I was calculating how many calories are in
Speaker 1: my meal? Instead of who I was with At night,
Speaker 1: I would scroll through food Instagram accounts and watch Food
Speaker 1: Network for hours on end. Why because I was restricting emotionally, mentally,
Speaker 1: and physically, and so food occupied my every waking thought.
Speaker 1: I was in all of those who quote forgot to eat?
Speaker 1: How could someone go their day without food crossing their mind?
Speaker 1: Until the other day, when I was so engrossed in
Speaker 1: work that I almost forgot to eat lunch, I realized,
Speaker 1: holy shit, I'm that person. This isn't to glamorize for
Speaker 1: getting to eat, but to highlight that once I stopped
Speaker 1: restricting and started to heal my relationship with food, it
Speaker 1: was no longer the main character. I still love food,
Speaker 1: I look forward to meals and enjoy every goddamn fight,
Speaker 1: but food is a supporting role in my life rather
Speaker 1: than the main event. So I just wanted to read
Speaker 1: through that because I thought it was It's such a
Speaker 1: great sentiment to exactly what we experience when we restrict
Speaker 1: and then end up on a binge or obsess or
Speaker 1: what we like to talk about on the podcast here
Speaker 1: is your world ends up so small? Absolutely yeah. And
Speaker 1: the biggest thing too, you know that I really want
Speaker 1: to make a point to talk about and I think, Lisa,
Speaker 1: you do a great job of sharing about this is
Speaker 1: just that, you know, disordered eating as a spectrum, like
Speaker 1: I think, for so long, I didn't reach out for
Speaker 1: help because you know, even though I had these warning signs,
Speaker 1: these check engine lights, you know, I was, I was
Speaker 1: thinking about food seven I really looked, you know, physically,
Speaker 1: the same way that I do today, And so I
Speaker 1: always thought, you know, people who have eating disorders are
Speaker 1: those who are frail and underweight and sort of that stereotypical,
Speaker 1: you know, anorexic looking person and what I read, and
Speaker 1: I also was like, I'm not throwing up my food,
Speaker 1: you know, so I'm not believing and so I really
Speaker 1: didn't feel like I fit into any of these boxes.
Speaker 1: And so part of it, really, you know, what prevented
Speaker 1: me from getting help was because I didn't feel like
Speaker 1: I had a problem. And in hindsight, you know, thinking
Speaker 1: about food and ninety percent at the time is a problem.
Speaker 1: So yeah, so I just I wanted to, you know,
Speaker 1: reiterate that because that's something that again, Lisa, I think
Speaker 1: you do a great job of talking about, is just
Speaker 1: that you know, disordered eating the spectrum first of all,
Speaker 1: and also it doesn't have a look or an appearance.
Speaker 1: You know, any anybody can struggle with those thoughts in
Speaker 1: that relationship with food. And I love that you made
Speaker 1: the important nuance to not glamorize forgetting to eat. And
Speaker 1: it's an important one because I feel like I've said
Speaker 1: stuff on my Instagram similarly, and some people will call
Speaker 1: out things like if I said I didn't finish all
Speaker 1: my food and or um, I forgot to eat, something
Speaker 1: like that, and it's a good distinction to explain that
Speaker 1: that's a rare occurrence when you heal your relationship to food.
Speaker 1: But it's so foreign to where you came from, where
Speaker 1: every waking thought was stolen from your purpose and your
Speaker 1: passion and given towards food. And so when your knee
Speaker 1: deep in a project that you're so passionate about and
Speaker 1: you forget to eat once in a while, right, you're
Speaker 1: really highlighting something very different than forgetting to eat. And
Speaker 1: I think it was really responsible of you to include
Speaker 1: that note in your Instagram caption. Yeah, no, and that's huge.
Speaker 1: I mean, I want to be very crystal clear, like
Speaker 1: that was I never forget to eat. I mean, it
Speaker 1: was just like you said, it was one of those
Speaker 1: moments where I was like, I have come so far
Speaker 1: with my relationship with food that you know, I'm not anticipating,
Speaker 1: I'm not counting down the minutes until my next meal.
Speaker 1: And yeah, you're so right. I mean, I think it's
Speaker 1: obviously hard to to nuance that in an Instagram caption,
Speaker 1: but I didn't. Making those little points is important because
Speaker 1: you know, it's easy to just, you know, subconsciously even
Speaker 1: glamorize it too. When you're kind of recovering. You've done
Speaker 1: a really good job on your Instagram of highlighting some
Speaker 1: of the parts of our stories that I think we
Speaker 1: all have these really shameful moments that I don't think
Speaker 1: we mean to not talk about. But I think some
Speaker 1: of my moments, at least I have subconsciously repressed. And
Speaker 1: one of them that you talk about that I think
Speaker 1: really highlights how crazy it can get up in your
Speaker 1: brain when these things are going on, is how you
Speaker 1: would eat food out of the trash. And that's not
Speaker 1: something sexy to talk about. It's a dark place to go.
Speaker 1: Why did that happen to you? And what's it like
Speaker 1: for you to share that? First of all, I mean,
Speaker 1: it's just wild that I'm at the place now. And again,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't I talked about this a lot,
Speaker 1: like I don't say this to brag or anything, but
Speaker 1: just to give people hope, because I truly was at
Speaker 1: the place where I was like, I'm going to struggle
Speaker 1: with this forever. Like I looked at you know, people
Speaker 1: that had normal relationships with food quote unquote normal just
Speaker 1: I guess, non emotional, you know, not thinking about it
Speaker 1: all the time. And I was just I didn't feel
Speaker 1: like I could ever get to a normal place with
Speaker 1: food and talking about the things that I share today.
Speaker 1: Years ago, I would have been just so shameful, so
Speaker 1: filled with shame, so filled with guilt and embarrassment and regret.
Speaker 1: And of course, whenever you share something a little bit vulnerable,
Speaker 1: you sort of have that, you know, vulnerability hangover for
Speaker 1: a little bit. But really I've never regret add it
Speaker 1: sharing moments like that because the second that I do,
Speaker 1: I mean just the outpouring not only of just support,
Speaker 1: but people that have also done that and said, you know,
Speaker 1: holy sh it, Like I thought I was the only
Speaker 1: person that had done that, and I felt so shameful
Speaker 1: about it, and just hearing that someone else has done
Speaker 1: that it makes me feel seen and not alone, because
Speaker 1: I think a big issue with you know, disordered eating
Speaker 1: is it's such an isolating thing, like when you're going
Speaker 1: through it, you're not you know, running gallivanting throughout the streets,
Speaker 1: you know, telling people that you're struggling with food, like
Speaker 1: you really will do everything to try and hide it.
Speaker 1: So I just wanted to preface it with that. But
Speaker 1: you know the reason I really struggled with it, and
Speaker 1: The reason I decided to share about it was because
Speaker 1: I thought, you know, it was the most embarrassing and
Speaker 1: shameful moment of probably my entire life. And so I thought,
Speaker 1: you know, if I can share this on the internet
Speaker 1: with complete strangers and you know, not that I have
Speaker 1: millions of followers, but the people who follow me, then
Speaker 1: it was almost sort of like ripping off a band
Speaker 1: aid and you know, what else could I talk about?
Speaker 1: And what you know, I almost wanted to create the
Speaker 1: space for other people to share their vulnerabilities and you know,
Speaker 1: their most shameful moments and just normalize it and make
Speaker 1: it okay, because you know, at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: we're all human and we all go through this stuff.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I mean to tell a little backstory about
Speaker 1: why it happened, um or you know, one of the
Speaker 1: moments when it happened. So again, you know, I was
Speaker 1: restricting not only emotionally, physically, mentally, just every aspect of
Speaker 1: my relationship with food really, and so you know, oftentimes
Speaker 1: I would eat a lot in secret. I think part
Speaker 1: of it was, you know, I was a people pleaser,
Speaker 1: and I wanted to look a certain way. I wanted
Speaker 1: to appear like I had my ship together again. I
Speaker 1: was studying nutrition, you know for my undergrad so everyone
Speaker 1: sort of um viewed me as just this really healthy,
Speaker 1: you know eater. Oh Ali, she eats salads all the
Speaker 1: time because she's a nutrition student, so what she does.
Speaker 1: So when I would eat something you know that was
Speaker 1: quote unquote un unhealthy or not clean, you know, in
Speaker 1: my mind, I always did and see scrit And at
Speaker 1: the time, I was living in a storty house, you know,
Speaker 1: in college, so I'm just constantly surrounded by other women,
Speaker 1: which was you know, a recipe for disaster probably. And
Speaker 1: I remember one time, you know, my roommate at the
Speaker 1: time walked in and I don't know if you remember
Speaker 1: those quest bars, but like quest bars were something where
Speaker 1: I felt like it was safe enough quote unquote safe
Speaker 1: enough for me to eat. But they sort of tasted
Speaker 1: a little decadent, which is just so crazy thing about
Speaker 1: it now, because it's like I would never go for
Speaker 1: a quest bar when I was looking for something decadent,
Speaker 1: and I got a box, like a variety pack of
Speaker 1: all these different flavors, and you know, I opened one
Speaker 1: and I thought, oh, I'll just have one, you know,
Speaker 1: and it tasted so good. So then I had another one,
Speaker 1: and then I had another one, and I just was
Speaker 1: taking bites out of all of these different quest bars,
Speaker 1: and I thought my roommate was at you know, her
Speaker 1: lecture some class, and she, I guess, got out earlier,
Speaker 1: got canceled, and she walked in on me in the
Speaker 1: middle of eating all of these bars, and there was
Speaker 1: rappers everywhere, and it was I mean the most like
Speaker 1: just embarrassing moment of you know, to that point of
Speaker 1: my life, because anyone who's ever binged or you know,
Speaker 1: eaten in secret knows that just someone walking in on
Speaker 1: them is the worst. And of course she's so aloof
Speaker 1: you know, she had like a totally easy, breezy relationship
Speaker 1: with food, so she was just like, oh wow, like
Speaker 1: Ali's hungry, you know, guess you know, she's having a snack.
Speaker 1: But I was just so mortified, and I like shoved
Speaker 1: them all, you know, into the trash can in our
Speaker 1: little room under the bed wherever I could, and you know,
Speaker 1: when she went to the bathroom and then later, you know,
Speaker 1: when she went out with friends or went out to dinner,
Speaker 1: I had all of these different you know bars sitting
Speaker 1: in the trash and I looked at them, and you know,
Speaker 1: this wasn't like our personal trash can. It was the communal,
Speaker 1: you know, in the hallway trash can. And I was like, well,
Speaker 1: it's just kind of like sitting on top, you know,
Speaker 1: like it's fine. And then the other part of me
Speaker 1: was like, like, oh my god, are you kidding, Like
Speaker 1: you're not going to take that out of the trash
Speaker 1: because there was you know, if you didn't been in
Speaker 1: there for a couple of hours. And then you know,
Speaker 1: it was kind of late, everyone had kind of gone
Speaker 1: to bed, maybe like eleven PM. And I was like, screw,
Speaker 1: you know, and I grabbed it and I kind of
Speaker 1: like wiped it off and I started eating it. And
Speaker 1: the feeling of just you know, so much, so much
Speaker 1: feeling right like there was this urgency about having to
Speaker 1: eat it before anyone else caught me. There was this
Speaker 1: shame of you know, I can't believe I'm doing this
Speaker 1: sort of a little endorphin rush of like getting away
Speaker 1: with something. So it was just a very confusing blend
Speaker 1: of emotions. And then of course I never told anyone
Speaker 1: until I started talking about it openly to strangers on
Speaker 1: the internet. But yeah, I mean I think I just
Speaker 1: you know, for anyone listening who number one has done that, like,
Speaker 1: you're not alone clearly. And also I think you know,
Speaker 1: it's a good time for you to just reflect and
Speaker 1: you know, realize that something is going on. And I think,
Speaker 1: you know, had I had the skills and the tools
Speaker 1: to deal with, you know, my issues with food or
Speaker 1: just know that you know, this wasn't a normal occurrence
Speaker 1: that people you know who don't restrict food in other
Speaker 1: ways typically eat things out of the trash. Then it
Speaker 1: would have been a good check engine light for me
Speaker 1: to you know, reach out to someone a therapist or
Speaker 1: a loved one. But at the time I just felt
Speaker 1: really shameful about it. Okay, well, in light of you
Speaker 1: sharing that story, I'll just offer some of our listeners
Speaker 1: comfort and that I have eaten out of the trash
Speaker 1: as well, and so I think that that is a
Speaker 1: common cycle that can happen. But again, yes, it's so
Speaker 1: isolating and there's so much shame. I would feel my
Speaker 1: lowest of lows. I had a binge and purge relationship,
Speaker 1: like purging with exercise or you know, choosing to throw up,
Speaker 1: and I felt like these are my lowest of lows
Speaker 1: private moments that no one will ever know about because
Speaker 1: I don't want them to know. I don't want anybody
Speaker 1: to picture me doing any of these activities. But I
Speaker 1: appreciate you sharing that story. And and yeah, I think
Speaker 1: the reason why we talk and why we share is
Speaker 1: so that people don't feel alone, and so they can
Speaker 1: know that there is hope because you are offering them
Speaker 1: that hope by showing them, Hey, I'm to the other side.
Speaker 1: It took a lot of work to get where we are.
Speaker 1: Like if anybody's listening right now and maybe they just
Speaker 1: had an episode this morning or last night and you're
Speaker 1: kind of just thinking you're you're lost and you don't
Speaker 1: know what your your next move is. I just hope
Speaker 1: that they feel encouraged that there is hope and that
Speaker 1: there is another way and you don't have to be
Speaker 1: obsessed with the food and you don't have to restrict
Speaker 1: and you don't have to eat out of the trash.
Speaker 1: There is another way. And that's why Lisa and I
Speaker 1: started out wigh and Lisa has been a huge encouragement
Speaker 1: to me as well, and so I'm excited to start
Speaker 1: following you to Ali just because I love everything that
Speaker 1: you've shared so far, adding another important perspective as to
Speaker 1: how powerful that share is. You also help somebody who,
Speaker 1: like you didn't know and I didn't know in my
Speaker 1: low moment, and Amy, you didn't know in your low
Speaker 1: moment that that was as you called it, Ali, that
Speaker 1: check engine light a warning sign that you need help.
Speaker 1: And so for the listener that may not have experienced
Speaker 1: something like that yet, it's now on their radar of
Speaker 1: if that happens, the check engine light is on, You're
Speaker 1: not broken, but there's something to assess. As well as
Speaker 1: for the listener that listens because they have a daughter
Speaker 1: or a son, or a sister or a brother, and
Speaker 1: when they see this behavior, instead of being like, oh,
Speaker 1: what the heck was that she just I just caught
Speaker 1: her him eating from the trash, it's like, okay, this
Speaker 1: is telling me that there's something beneath the behavior that
Speaker 1: needs to be examined totally. Yeah, and separating it from
Speaker 1: it's not I love that. Yeah, it's it's not you
Speaker 1: that's broken. You know, it's not something that's wrong with you.
Speaker 1: Because I really felt that so deep in my core
Speaker 1: that I was messed up, you know, I was like,
Speaker 1: there's something so wrong with me, and it really scared me, right,
Speaker 1: but it's not, It's just the behavior that you're doing
Speaker 1: is like you said, yeah, it's a great check engine
Speaker 1: light or just you know a red flag that you
Speaker 1: know something is just a little off, and you know,
Speaker 1: you easily can kind of get back to baseline and
Speaker 1: heal that relationship with food. Well, let's talk about carbophobia
Speaker 1: and you're healing from that. I'll try and keep it short,
Speaker 1: but essentially, I mean for a very long time, I
Speaker 1: was totally carbophobic. So I mean I would even opt
Speaker 1: you know, as I mentioned, I struggled with orthorexia, which
Speaker 1: I'm sure your listeners know is just obsession with you know,
Speaker 1: the purity of a food or just how clean it
Speaker 1: is or the ingredients. Um. And so for me, carbs
Speaker 1: were a big no note for a long time, and
Speaker 1: I really would even opt for these massive salads that
Speaker 1: were just much bigger than you know, my body needed
Speaker 1: at the time, but I would opt for them instead
Speaker 1: of just you know, a smaller kind of normal or
Speaker 1: you know, a size sandwich that my body you know,
Speaker 1: actually needed, just because I was so terrified of the carbs.
Speaker 1: So I was always sort of you know, picking food
Speaker 1: choices based on the carb content, and that really stuck
Speaker 1: with me for a long time. Even well into my recovery,
Speaker 1: where you know, I started to really relax around food
Speaker 1: and eat you know, higher quantity of food, I still
Speaker 1: really struggled with this, you know, carb phobia. And it
Speaker 1: wasn't until I started, you know, realizing I haven't gotten
Speaker 1: my period in years and I always had had an
Speaker 1: irregular period. Um, I have hashimotos. So I feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, I was only diagnosed a few years ago.
Speaker 1: But I actually just recently talked to my mom on
Speaker 1: the phone the other day and she was sort of
Speaker 1: telling me, you know, I always had cold, very cold,
Speaker 1: clammy hands and feet. I had you know, really up
Speaker 1: and down blood sugar. I would get shaky, and I
Speaker 1: feel like I've had it for a really long time,
Speaker 1: just undiagnosed. So I think that also contributed to not
Speaker 1: having a period. But you know, I realized I hadn't
Speaker 1: had it for a couple of years. This is not okay,
Speaker 1: And you know, I'm not ready to have kids right
Speaker 1: this moment, but I want the option hopefully you know,
Speaker 1: down the line. And so I really and obviously not
Speaker 1: having a period is you know, a huge red flag.
Speaker 1: And so I was working with my doctor and she
Speaker 1: really recommended just i mean, ramping up the carbs. And
Speaker 1: I talked about this, you know, I know, tracking is
Speaker 1: sort of a topic that's debated but and some people, um,
Speaker 1: you know, don't really obviously use it. But for me,
Speaker 1: it was really helpful just to get a sense of,
Speaker 1: you know, how many carbs in my actually consuming. And
Speaker 1: I was vastly under consuming carbs because just for so
Speaker 1: long I had really you know, it become a pattern
Speaker 1: of mine just to sort of, oh, I'll go for
Speaker 1: the you know, the avocado and the salmon and veggies,
Speaker 1: and it was just sort of in my patterns in
Speaker 1: my habits. And so as I started to be more
Speaker 1: you know, intentional about adding carbs into every single meal
Speaker 1: and really you know, adding those back in I mean
Speaker 1: number one, I started feeling so much better. Just for
Speaker 1: my workouts, I felt, you know, my recovery time was shorter,
Speaker 1: and I just overall felt more balanced. You know. I
Speaker 1: felt like I still had this part of me that
Speaker 1: was always sort of craving you know, a little sweet
Speaker 1: thing at the end of every meal, or I was
Speaker 1: always thinking about dessert or thinking about at you know,
Speaker 1: ending my meal with something a little sweet, and I
Speaker 1: just felt like, you know, not that there's anything wrong
Speaker 1: with dessert, but part of it, you know, it was
Speaker 1: just this lack, like my soul wasn't being fulfilled, you know,
Speaker 1: and it wasn't being complete by my meals. And so
Speaker 1: when I started to add that carb source back into
Speaker 1: my meals, I really felt like, Okay, wow, you know,
Speaker 1: my soul feels nourished, I feel kind of calm and
Speaker 1: my complete with my meals. So that was huge. I
Speaker 1: got my period back within I mean just a few
Speaker 1: months of adding carbs back into my diet, which was insane.
Speaker 1: Obviously I was, you know, doing some other supplements and everything,
Speaker 1: working with my doctor, but it was a huge thing
Speaker 1: for me. And it's real, I think, you know, with
Speaker 1: Keto and a lot of these diets on the rise,
Speaker 1: people really have a deep rooted carb fear. So you know,
Speaker 1: if you're listening and you have that, like number one,
Speaker 1: you're not alone, but number two, you know, there's nothing
Speaker 1: to be afraid of because only you know, you can
Speaker 1: only feel better, or I did at least, So yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, it was real, but I'm so glad that
Speaker 1: I'm sort of I've added them back in at this point.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad that you have too. I'm so glad
Speaker 1: that you got your period back, and just really showing
Speaker 1: the power of food. And I love how you brought
Speaker 1: up that tracking food. You said, you know, I feel
Speaker 1: like you're a little nervous just to even say it,
Speaker 1: But I think there's a huge difference between tracking your
Speaker 1: food to try and limit your intake and stay between
Speaker 1: a arbitrary green light number, amount, whatever it is, versus
Speaker 1: using it as a tool to honestly look at what
Speaker 1: you're consuming and not use it to manipulate, especially when
Speaker 1: working with a professional that can help you, um, really
Speaker 1: take inventory. I know you've got a nutrition background, so
Speaker 1: maybe you didn't need one, but for other people listening,
Speaker 1: to really have somebody take a look at what you're
Speaker 1: actually eating and recognize that there's a deficit of carb, protein,
Speaker 1: fat might explain why you don't have your period, why
Speaker 1: your blood sugars up and down, why you have headaches,
Speaker 1: brain fog, you know, all these different things. So not
Speaker 1: to say that you should start tracking to anybody listening,
Speaker 1: but to say that there's a time and a place
Speaker 1: for that as well as tracking what you're eating, not
Speaker 1: necessarily the stripped down calories, protein, fat, carbs from it.
Speaker 1: Let the professional do that part exactly. Yeah, and there's again,
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure so many different ways to skin
Speaker 1: a cat, right, Like, I'm sure you could, you know,
Speaker 1: work on, oh, adding a handful of keen to your
Speaker 1: next meal or whatever. But for me, I'm just such
Speaker 1: a numbers person that I know for some people that
Speaker 1: could be triggering, but for me, it was like, okay,
Speaker 1: I you know, I saw the number of cards that
Speaker 1: I was eating and my doctor, you know, my nutritions
Speaker 1: was like, yo, you're gonna have to hit this number.
Speaker 1: And I was like, all right, I'm very gold oriented,
Speaker 1: so I was like, let's do it. And so it
Speaker 1: kind of gamified it for me, which was really great.
Speaker 1: And then once I got in the habit of adding
Speaker 1: sweet potatoes, adding whatever, you know, more carb sources to
Speaker 1: each meal, then it became more habitual and it just
Speaker 1: it lessened the fear around it as well. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: were headed in the right direction with the numbers, like
Speaker 1: you weren't going the wrong way. So I think that
Speaker 1: is that is a good distinction to make their Can
Speaker 1: we quickly, just talk about you launching into your own
Speaker 1: food company and what that looked like for you. Yeah. So,
Speaker 1: I mean, really the genesis of Queen of Granola Butter
Speaker 1: came from my eating disorder recovery. So, you know, for
Speaker 1: a long time, as I mentioned, I restricted not only
Speaker 1: you know, certain foods, but entire food groups as we
Speaker 1: mentioned with carbs, um. But a big one that I
Speaker 1: I strangely was really terrified of for a long time
Speaker 1: was nuts and nut butters just because you know, of
Speaker 1: the quote unquote calories and they were so dense and
Speaker 1: all of this. So in my recovery, I started to
Speaker 1: add them back in, you know, and I kind of,
Speaker 1: I would say, probably user error, you know, I went
Speaker 1: like zero to a hundred. I really was in the
Speaker 1: honeymoon phase. I was adding it on too everything, and
Speaker 1: so digestively, my body just wasn't really equipped to handle
Speaker 1: that um all at once because of years of restricting
Speaker 1: and binging. My gut was kind of a mess. So
Speaker 1: my nutrition is was like, okay, you know, for now,
Speaker 1: as we start to heal your gut, let's just maybe
Speaker 1: switch to some nut free spreads, you know, just in
Speaker 1: the meantime. And I was like, all right, like makes sense. Um,
Speaker 1: I was feeling really weigh down. So I go to
Speaker 1: the store and there's like sunflower seed butter and a
Speaker 1: bunch of sort of like soy up butters and stuff,
Speaker 1: and you know, some people love them, but for me, honestly,
Speaker 1: I just I didn't love the taste. They just didn't
Speaker 1: do it for me, you know, like my good old
Speaker 1: almond butter did um. And then on the flip side,
Speaker 1: there was you know, Trader Joe's cookie butter, which was
Speaker 1: absolutely delicious, but you know, again didn't make me feel
Speaker 1: very good. I felt, you know, kind of weighed down
Speaker 1: and everything. So I really had this epiphany where I
Speaker 1: was like, how can I meld the two? You know,
Speaker 1: how can I create something that tastes like a cookie
Speaker 1: butter but doesn't make me feel like trash? And I
Speaker 1: kind of had this epiphany where I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: it was the time of oat milk sort of coming
Speaker 1: onto the scene, and I was like, why has no
Speaker 1: one done an oat based spread. Oats are delicious. I
Speaker 1: digest them pretty well. They're very um neutral in flavor,
Speaker 1: So I could do a bunch of different you know,
Speaker 1: flavors and everything. So I started experimenting in my kitchen.
Speaker 1: I was living in San Francisco at the time, and
Speaker 1: I mean my first iterations were absolutely trash. Like I
Speaker 1: was literally buying Trader Joe's granola and blending it in
Speaker 1: my vitamix with like coconut oil and I had to,
Speaker 1: you know, almost pay people to consume it. It It was
Speaker 1: so bad. Of course, my mom the whole time was like,
Speaker 1: this is amazing. I love you and you're great, you know,
Speaker 1: because she just like praises me for breathing. So I
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, I need to get some unbiased customer feedback.
Speaker 1: And at this time, I'm working in tech. I didn't
Speaker 1: think I was going to be doing this as a
Speaker 1: full time hustle. I had probably like ten thousand followers
Speaker 1: on Instagram, so I was like, I'm just going to
Speaker 1: use this as a great little launchpad. And so Eric,
Speaker 1: my boyfriend and he's now my co founder. He's much
Speaker 1: more sort of entrepreneurial than I am, and he really
Speaker 1: was like this is amazing, Like we need to go
Speaker 1: for this, you know, And I'm very risk averse. I mean,
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm happy with my tech startup paycheck,
Speaker 1: Like I don't wanna, you know, do this entrepreneur thing.
Speaker 1: I never considered myself an entrepreneur, honestly, and so I
Speaker 1: was really hesitant at the beginning. And then I saw
Speaker 1: a huge white space because all of these parents started
Speaker 1: coming out of the woodwork as we did, you know,
Speaker 1: pre orders and just kind of soft launched it on Instagram,
Speaker 1: and they were like, oh my god, we need this.
Speaker 1: Like my kids are in nut free schools. They won't
Speaker 1: eat sun butter, and you know, the only thing they
Speaker 1: like is the taste of your product. So that's when
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, this is actually something bigger than
Speaker 1: just like, oh a fun, cool new spread. Because I
Speaker 1: saw the opportunity, so you know, started really working on
Speaker 1: at nights and weekends. I had no social life. My
Speaker 1: friends were like, where the hell did you go? I
Speaker 1: totally disappeared off the face of the earth. And then
Speaker 1: I got to the point, you know, once we got
Speaker 1: into Whole Foods and Press juicery, it was like I
Speaker 1: couldn't do my full time job and this, you know
Speaker 1: either one. Well, so that's when I decided to go
Speaker 1: full time, which was the scariest thing I have ever done. Again,
Speaker 1: just being super risk of first, I was like, how
Speaker 1: am I going to support myself? My parents were like,
Speaker 1: don't worry, You'll never be homeless. You know, you can
Speaker 1: move in with us, which I thought was like a
Speaker 1: total death sentence. Anyways, so I was like, Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do everything I can not to move back into
Speaker 1: my parents. Not that there's anything wrong with that, I
Speaker 1: just you know, for me personally, I'm sure my mom
Speaker 1: is gonna be listening to this, but um, and so
Speaker 1: I really just hey, Leslie, So just really worked my
Speaker 1: ass off. And you know, I think a lot of
Speaker 1: people think that entrepreneurship is super glam super lucrative, really sexy,
Speaker 1: and as you guys know, as you know anyone listening
Speaker 1: who has their own business knows, is the complete opposite.
Speaker 1: But I will say it has been the most i
Speaker 1: mean just rewarding growth opportunity that I've ever had. And
Speaker 1: so you know, we're still small, we're still growing. Um,
Speaker 1: we just moved you cross country to a new facility,
Speaker 1: but welcome to these coasts. Yeah, it's been super fun.
Speaker 1: Um I had my first winter so that was cool. Um,
Speaker 1: sorry about that. Yeah, no, it was cool. But I
Speaker 1: think really, I mean, it's been really beautiful for me
Speaker 1: to just come full circle with food. You know, again,
Speaker 1: I never thought I would have a food company. Like
Speaker 1: my product was something that I would have benched on
Speaker 1: in the past, honestly, Like it's something that really would
Speaker 1: have been a trigger food for me. I never would
Speaker 1: have been able to keep it in the house, you know,
Speaker 1: without housing an entire jar. And now I mean I'm
Speaker 1: just surrounded by it. So it's just a testament to
Speaker 1: you know, healing your relationship with food, getting to a
Speaker 1: place where you know you're not in this sort of
Speaker 1: restrictive mindset and then you know you can kind of
Speaker 1: just you know, have a jar and you don't have
Speaker 1: to eat the whole thing once one bite. So well,
Speaker 1: I'm now on your Queen and Co. Instagram page and
Speaker 1: the cookie Doe Granola Better has dropped. As of us
Speaker 1: recording this, I think you've already done around, but it's
Speaker 1: sold out pretty quickly and now it's back, So Queen
Speaker 1: and Co. People need to go check it out. K
Speaker 1: W E, N and Co. And Amy. That was launched
Speaker 1: with in partnership with Right Yes Yes. So if anyone
Speaker 1: remembers Dale's episode, Dale helped to create that and I
Speaker 1: happened to be a proud owner of a jar and
Speaker 1: I can attest to its amazing nous. Yeah, yeah, I know.
Speaker 1: It was super fun so they, I mean, it was
Speaker 1: just such a natural partnership with them. They have been
Speaker 1: fans since the agetting, they're also investors. But it just
Speaker 1: made sense, you know because really like everyone loves cookie though,
Speaker 1: and we were like, how can we put a fun,
Speaker 1: little super food spin on it, and so we added
Speaker 1: you know, maca Locuma, coccount isbs um and it just
Speaker 1: it's been so fun and you know, I never expected
Speaker 1: I mean, the response, I guess people just love cookie though.
Speaker 1: It is kind of what the conclusion that we came to. Um.
Speaker 1: So yeah, this is our second drop because we sold
Speaker 1: out really quickly the first one, and we're probably going
Speaker 1: to sell it again really, you know, really soon, so
Speaker 1: by the time this is live, it might not be available.
Speaker 1: But um, we have other delicious labors to you. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you Ali for sharing your story with us. We're
Speaker 1: going to have you back on for a second episode
Speaker 1: because there's so much I want to talk to about,
Speaker 1: including how you've overcome disordered eating while being in a relationship,
Speaker 1: because you talk a lot about partner stuff, and I
Speaker 1: know our audience wants to kind of know how to
Speaker 1: navigate this difficult stuff while they have a husband, partner,
Speaker 1: significant other, whatever, So we'll have you back on real soon.
Speaker 1: Thank you, very important good stuff. Thank you m HM