Speaker 1: Yes, here's Nikki. Hello here I am It's a Nick
Speaker 1: Layer podcast. Everyone Happy Valentine's Day. I'm wearing heart shaped
Speaker 1: glasses and it's not because it's Valentine's Day. It's because
Speaker 1: my eyes are super swollen from so I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm a swollen bitch this weekend and I'm trying to
Speaker 1: stay None of my clothes fit. I saw some pictures
Speaker 1: yesterday on myself that I really really hate, like that,
Speaker 1: If like that are truly something is different with my body.
Speaker 1: I've definitely changed, and I just want to say, if
Speaker 1: you relate to that, it's okay. My body needs to
Speaker 1: be this way right now. I need to be not
Speaker 1: fitting in all my clothes. There is a reason for it,
Speaker 1: and it's none of my business what my body is
Speaker 1: doing right now. And I'm perfect the way I am.
Speaker 1: It's the way that I was meant to be. And
Speaker 1: that's what's getting me through today, because it is very
Speaker 1: hard when your clothes feel tight. It is so uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: and when you already feel like you look down at
Speaker 1: yourself and you don't really something happened in my body
Speaker 1: in the past couple of days, and I don't recognize
Speaker 1: my lower half. It's just changing. I don't know if
Speaker 1: it's like this is the time as a woman where
Speaker 1: you just go from like I I'm on a tangent here.
Speaker 1: I want to interview you. And so I've been watching
Speaker 1: last night, I've been watching the Playboy UM documentary Secrets
Speaker 1: of Playboy, and I've also You've got to watch we
Speaker 1: need to talk about Cosby Believe. It's on Hulu. I
Speaker 1: watched it on Showtime. It's so good. I'll talk about
Speaker 1: it in depth in the way that we should later,
Speaker 1: but I just want to say that there's so many
Speaker 1: you see women that were like the hottest women of
Speaker 1: their time in the seventies, sixties, Like all these women
Speaker 1: that you they see, you see pictures and they couldn't
Speaker 1: be tinier and more like the object of what I,
Speaker 1: uh my, my sick brain says is perfection. And then
Speaker 1: you cut to them, as you know, fifty sixty year
Speaker 1: old women when they're coming out with these stories and
Speaker 1: this is the sickest thing to even be paying attention
Speaker 1: to this. They look, there's so many of them, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, first of all, all all these women are so
Speaker 1: strong that I'm like, you don't even pay attention to that.
Speaker 1: But I'm I just noticed, like there's no there's no
Speaker 1: stopping what will happen to my body When you get older,
Speaker 1: your metabolism slows and your body just gets softer because
Speaker 1: you are more prone to falling and your bones need
Speaker 1: to be protected. You're it's not good to be thin
Speaker 1: when you're tiny. When you're uh, you know, more prone
Speaker 1: to falling, and like your body needs to protect yourself
Speaker 1: from breaking a hip otherwise you need fat on you.
Speaker 1: That's why women get bigger and you slow down and
Speaker 1: all that stuff, or like your metabolism so done. I
Speaker 1: don't know if it's happening to me, like this is
Speaker 1: a weekend it decided to like your it's your time
Speaker 1: or something like that. But whatever it is, I woke up.
Speaker 1: I was really in a bad mood this morning. I
Speaker 1: was taking it out on whoever I was around, just
Speaker 1: kind of being grumpy. It was giving me a headache.
Speaker 1: It was just and it was all because of how
Speaker 1: my clothes fit and how I looked in these pictures
Speaker 1: last night. That just truly changed my mood in such
Speaker 1: a way that it's just I before I saw those pictures.
Speaker 1: By the way, the pictures that were taken when I
Speaker 1: was happy, and then hours after I was happy with
Speaker 1: that same body that was in the pictures, and then
Speaker 1: I see the pictures and then I'm unhappy. Whereas I'm happy,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm and I'm unhappy because that's what I look
Speaker 1: like right now. But really I was happy that whole
Speaker 1: time when I wasn't thinking about that, and I was
Speaker 1: you know, I went to the pool area today and
Speaker 1: I see all these women with bodies that I was like, God,
Speaker 1: I used to look like that, or I'll never look
Speaker 1: like that. I'm just going to all these places in
Speaker 1: my head which might be true, like I could be
Speaker 1: hit by car tomorrow being a wheelchair and I'll never
Speaker 1: look like that girl again. There's no chance that I
Speaker 1: ever will. Or maybe right now, legs get smaller when
Speaker 1: you get paralyzed, that's true, you know, fingers crossed, um.
Speaker 1: But I just have to say that I am truly
Speaker 1: okay with it, and I am I don't I don't care,
Speaker 1: and bring it on, like no matter what my body
Speaker 1: wants to do, bring it on and it's meant to be.
Speaker 1: And I'm not going to diet, I'm not going to exercise.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do fucking anything to mess with
Speaker 1: just try to control it, because when I do that,
Speaker 1: things get wonky. What I did realize is that this
Speaker 1: is kind of correlated. I'm trying to pay attention to
Speaker 1: things in my life that are like I'm not feeling healthy.
Speaker 1: Is essentially what's going on here. I'm feeling itchy and
Speaker 1: my own skin. I just don't feel healthy. I don't
Speaker 1: look like myself when I feel my healthiest, and I
Speaker 1: think I gotta stop doing diet coke, which is just
Speaker 1: that's the only thing that's changed in my diet. I'm
Speaker 1: just like living on diet coke and it's not supplementing
Speaker 1: for food. I'm not I'm just gonna go. Nikki, E've
Speaker 1: noticed something. You had your fun with diet coke. You
Speaker 1: had a little relapse. It's time to go. So that's
Speaker 1: all I'm going to do, I have to say. I
Speaker 1: and that's the different me than has been in the
Speaker 1: past of like when I have these in the past,
Speaker 1: when I had these moments, and this has been my
Speaker 1: whole life of waking up one day and being like, wow,
Speaker 1: I've gained so much weight. It's all in my head,
Speaker 1: you know. But like I just feel so different, and
Speaker 1: it feels out of control. It feels like this is
Speaker 1: the beginning of whatever. My body will never be what
Speaker 1: I wanted to be, no one will ever be attracted
Speaker 1: to me any again, all these things. I better hold
Speaker 1: onto whatever I have now, because he seems to like me,
Speaker 1: and no one else would you know, like and and
Speaker 1: and and not feeling sexy around him. Whatever it is,
Speaker 1: I no now. I used to just go okay. I
Speaker 1: used to drop a diet plan and start counting my
Speaker 1: collaries and start starving myself on this day. I used
Speaker 1: to go to the gym and go, I'm gonna spend
Speaker 1: two hours there and I'm gonna spend so much time
Speaker 1: in the gym that I don't have to eat eat
Speaker 1: and I'm not gonna do that this time, Like, because
Speaker 1: I'm feeling this is the first time in my eating
Speaker 1: sort of recovery that I've really felt like so uncomfortable
Speaker 1: in my skin, and I felt like, wow, this whole
Speaker 1: no exercise eating what I want is like actually starting
Speaker 1: to backfire. But it's not. I just whatever caused me
Speaker 1: to gain a little weight is what I needed to
Speaker 1: get through the past couple of weeks. I didn't do
Speaker 1: anything wrong, And I'm not gonna fucking diet or exercise
Speaker 1: at all unless I want to get exercise for my
Speaker 1: he like mental health, and I want to just sweat
Speaker 1: and have some fun, or because I'm just not hungry.
Speaker 1: That's the only two reasons I'm not going to eat.
Speaker 1: And I just want to say that because I just
Speaker 1: know this feeling that I'm feeling this morning. I just
Speaker 1: am so familiar with it, and I haven't felt it
Speaker 1: for years because it just hasn't come up, and I
Speaker 1: haven't been wearing jeans for years. But these cheene storts
Speaker 1: I put on today were just like lubly um. And
Speaker 1: I know it's common for fucking everyone listening, literally everyone
Speaker 1: listening feels this way. You don't have to do a
Speaker 1: one eight with how you've been doing things. You can
Speaker 1: just do a small thing like this diet coke thing.
Speaker 1: I know it's not healthy, it doesn't make me feel
Speaker 1: that much better. I'm doing way too many of them.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's the thing to cut out of instead of
Speaker 1: punishing myself with exercise and making myself uncomfortable for starving.
Speaker 1: Not having a diet coke isn't going to make me
Speaker 1: sad whereas if I starve myself, that's sad um. So
Speaker 1: that's all I wanted to say. I wanted to get
Speaker 1: that out there. Someone out there might need it. I
Speaker 1: know I need to just be accountable for that and
Speaker 1: say it out loud. No, I completely what you're saying. Funny,
Speaker 1: when I get in an elevator with a mirror, huh,
Speaker 1: a mirror. He's a really fit guy, that's on. That's
Speaker 1: one of our pas On percentage. He's a great guy,
Speaker 1: but he's just that's such a good body, and it
Speaker 1: makes you feel insecure. It does go God, if I
Speaker 1: could just be a mirror. When you get into an
Speaker 1: elevator with a reflection, yeah, I constantly like, even if
Speaker 1: it was five minutes before I got in the elevator
Speaker 1: and I already saw my reflection, Oh I look different
Speaker 1: or something's different, or I'll look better or I'll look worse.
Speaker 1: Like I do that same ship too, So I definitely
Speaker 1: relate to like just one constantly questioning what my body
Speaker 1: looks like today? Did I have too much sodium last
Speaker 1: like last night? You know, super Bowl, You're gonna eat
Speaker 1: shitty like it's in your brain, it's your addition. You
Speaker 1: gotta destroy. It's like the holidays, you know you don't
Speaker 1: have total Well, you're fucking asshole thinks it is today. God,
Speaker 1: it really does. You're putting down dips layers of things.
Speaker 1: I got a Monty Crystal sandwich, which is, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I think he died because that guy. There's no way
Speaker 1: that was a sandwich. What is the Monty crysto. It's
Speaker 1: like I'm picturing cheese salami, like ham turkey cheese or
Speaker 1: brioche bread. You want to see how many animals we
Speaker 1: can up? Yeah, that we can kill in one sandwich. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's weird. They don't even kill the animal. You have
Speaker 1: to eat the whole thing. Um um yeah. So I
Speaker 1: ate that and then I got pizza too. I was like,
Speaker 1: it's super like you just you convince yourself that it's
Speaker 1: it's okay. Everything on TV is telling you to drink
Speaker 1: and eat and it's and it's fine, and it's first
Speaker 1: of all, it's one day. It's not the holiday seas
Speaker 1: in which so many people just justify that kind of
Speaker 1: behavior for you know, weeks kind of. But I just
Speaker 1: everyone dieting is just it doesn't fucking work, and you know,
Speaker 1: making healthier choices works, but did not. Pretty much, dieting
Speaker 1: equals denying yourself and exercising to burn calories or like
Speaker 1: burn fat when it's painful, like when you are just taught,
Speaker 1: when your body is tired. I understand pushing through for
Speaker 1: like mental fortitude, but if you're looking at the calories
Speaker 1: on a treadmill, you're not You're are looking up how
Speaker 1: many calories you burn. You're you're trying to fuck You're
Speaker 1: trying to punish yourself because none of that is something
Speaker 1: you would do to your child. You know what I do?
Speaker 1: I started lifting again and I just found a great
Speaker 1: point of like where I don't destroy myself, but I
Speaker 1: see results that I'm happy about just in like whatever
Speaker 1: one my mental is so much better. I mean lifting,
Speaker 1: they say, I mean and by day I mean. Sam
Speaker 1: Harris said, is like doing you know, Awaits regimen for
Speaker 1: your whole life is the best thing you can do
Speaker 1: for your your mental and physical health. Yeah, and I
Speaker 1: just need to keep it like where it's manageable, where
Speaker 1: you don't get sad when either you miss it and
Speaker 1: you feel like, oh no, I'm missing out, or just
Speaker 1: do it when you when you feel like you want
Speaker 1: to and not make it about this. We are so base,
Speaker 1: we're so obsessed with streaks. I missed wordle one day
Speaker 1: in my streak of playing wordle every day and not
Speaker 1: it's broken. And I've had this little pang of like,
Speaker 1: you fucked up, glaze now that feeling of you fucked up.
Speaker 1: Any type of feeling where you're disappointing yourself is going
Speaker 1: to lead to abusive behavior towards yourself that can you know,
Speaker 1: um snowball into uh, really hurting yourself rather with you know,
Speaker 1: physical fitness, like injuring yourself like I any type of
Speaker 1: self not being nice to yourself is going to incrementally
Speaker 1: add up. And I think you're so right, like the
Speaker 1: missing one day saying like I go to the gym
Speaker 1: every day and then you miss one day, and it's
Speaker 1: like then then it's done. Then you stop where I
Speaker 1: ate shitty. Last night, I was like, fuck, dude, I
Speaker 1: was doing so fucking you get that thought, like I
Speaker 1: was doing so fucking good man eating sucking egg whites.
Speaker 1: I had a poke and then I'm like, fun, and
Speaker 1: that's such a common thing. I'm just like, okay, throw
Speaker 1: in the towel, like I feel so flabby, and gross today,
Speaker 1: Like for me, I feel like out of shape, I
Speaker 1: feel like just I feel lumbering, I feel slow. The
Speaker 1: last thing I want to do is work out. But
Speaker 1: if later today I feel like I want to just
Speaker 1: like get my blood pump in, not to like I'll
Speaker 1: do it. But if I don't, and if I don't
Speaker 1: change anything I do besides not like you know what
Speaker 1: I do change. I'm not saying that if you feel
Speaker 1: like upset about the way your body looks or feels,
Speaker 1: truly do nothing, because that wasn't my solution. My solution
Speaker 1: was talk about it like this. First of all, this
Speaker 1: is part of my solution is being very honest about
Speaker 1: what's happening and how I'm feeling, because you need to
Speaker 1: put it into words, either whether whether it is in
Speaker 1: a journal or just talking to yourself or leaving a
Speaker 1: voice note for a friend. Fucking leave me a voice
Speaker 1: message on my on my I G I will maybe
Speaker 1: not even listen to it. But the fact that you
Speaker 1: stayed out loud, um, it will help you get honest
Speaker 1: and then see what you can change. First of all,
Speaker 1: that's already a change if you decide to journal or
Speaker 1: say your feelings out loud. That is a huge change
Speaker 1: that can lead to you feeling better in your body tomorrow,
Speaker 1: whether it is it actually physically manifests, which it probably will.
Speaker 1: But the change does not have to be taking on
Speaker 1: reading a new diet book, going to a spin class
Speaker 1: um unless that makes you feel good, and you're not
Speaker 1: doing it but for any other reason than to feel good. Now,
Speaker 1: this is like stuff that I've worked on extensively and
Speaker 1: eating disorder recovery. So and if obviously I always put
Speaker 1: this out there, if anyone wants to know what I
Speaker 1: did to get recovered, you could always uh DM me
Speaker 1: and just write you know, eating disorder help on all
Speaker 1: caps and I'll hopefully see it. But I just want
Speaker 1: to say that it's a long road to feeling this way.
Speaker 1: But I'm so grateful today that my I had a
Speaker 1: little self loathing today, which is okay, like even that
Speaker 1: I'm like, you need to feel sorry for yourself because
Speaker 1: your jeans are tight. You need to be a little
Speaker 1: sad and go I'm fat. You know, I don't like,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to look good on perfect strangers too.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna look different than perfect strangers one and people
Speaker 1: are gonna call me things. It was yea, and it
Speaker 1: just put I just want to say that, like, this
Speaker 1: is just such a win for me to say today
Speaker 1: that I'm not going to diet or abuse myself with exercise.
Speaker 1: That is a fucking win for my body from my mind,
Speaker 1: more so than any diet could give me, is that
Speaker 1: I'm not going to hurt myself. You think, next time
Speaker 1: you see a phote you how long did it take
Speaker 1: you to because it sounded like initially you were well.
Speaker 1: There were multiple photos from different angles, so it was
Speaker 1: confirmed from every angle, and I was. I remember feeling
Speaker 1: very my best self in the picture. I was wanting
Speaker 1: to swim suit and I was, um, just like sucking it.
Speaker 1: I remember feeling knowing that that photo was gonna matter
Speaker 1: to me later how I looked so trying my best,
Speaker 1: and it really was, I want to say, different than
Speaker 1: I thought it would be. So I'm not seeing myself correctly. Um,
Speaker 1: But what I know to be true is that I
Speaker 1: have been that size. I have been that before and
Speaker 1: I was loved, happy, successful, all the things. So if
Speaker 1: I stay that size or even get bigger, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be fine. But the truth is I fluctuate and I
Speaker 1: need to be that size. Right now, I was in
Speaker 1: a boat. Maybe I needed extra weight in the boat
Speaker 1: because it would have flipped over if if not, Like,
Speaker 1: who knows what I needed that for you today, But
Speaker 1: I fucking needed it. I mean with Wales, maybe they
Speaker 1: thought you were I wanted to be one of them.
Speaker 1: I wanted it. Um. So it's just that is my
Speaker 1: gift to myself and you, is that I really want
Speaker 1: for everyone to stop dieting, and I just don't want
Speaker 1: anyone to be People shouldn't be hungry. You know what's
Speaker 1: interesting about like, like bodies and stuff and what we
Speaker 1: look at our bodies. We we we always obviously the
Speaker 1: problem areas you know, where you make the fucking sharpie marks,
Speaker 1: like oh you could work here, work here, and like
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say, I have great calves. Right when I
Speaker 1: think about my body, I should go I should start
Speaker 1: with calves and probably and with like, I should focus
Speaker 1: on like what's great about my body, not what we
Speaker 1: go I want you. You've been quiet this time, just
Speaker 1: taking all this in. You're someone who I really I
Speaker 1: feel like we've talked a little bit about body image
Speaker 1: in the past, you and I and like, and you're
Speaker 1: someone who's like even the other day when we were
Speaker 1: talking about the best compliment we can get, You're like,
Speaker 1: you know, I know what I am. I'm not like
Speaker 1: a fucking supermodel, but I accept myself. When do you
Speaker 1: have days, as we all do, where you feel like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm not what I want to be and what do
Speaker 1: you what do you do? Um? When when you're feeling
Speaker 1: like bad in your own skin bad body image day? Okay,
Speaker 1: I literally had this last night because I was trying
Speaker 1: to put on something that I had him to put
Speaker 1: on in like two years and it just didn't even
Speaker 1: go up like halfway through my thigh, like like up
Speaker 1: my thoughts and uh and so like as a result,
Speaker 1: I had to miss something because of it. And um,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I just feel really bad in the moment,
Speaker 1: and I do have a lot of negative self talk
Speaker 1: and I can't help it. Um. But then, like, I've
Speaker 1: never been one to be obsessed with what my body
Speaker 1: looks like, so I think it's a little bit easier
Speaker 1: for me to let go of it and just to stepped. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: I know what I have to do in order to
Speaker 1: fit in those pants again, um, and I'll do it.
Speaker 1: And what you have to do. Is it a drastic
Speaker 1: measure that's going to like make your life less enjoyable? Uh?
Speaker 1: Is it going to make my life? No? I just
Speaker 1: have to be like, Yeah, so I just have to
Speaker 1: be more disciplined. I think that when I look back
Speaker 1: when I was training jiu jitsu like every day, and
Speaker 1: I was um like a very strict of vegetarian diet,
Speaker 1: and I was watching everything that I ate, and I
Speaker 1: didn't really pay attention to how obsessive I was. When
Speaker 1: I look back at those photos, I don't like the
Speaker 1: way that I look because I just like, I just
Speaker 1: remember how obsessed with everything I was instead of just
Speaker 1: being present and like enjoying the moment. So now I
Speaker 1: just want to enjoy the things that I like, not
Speaker 1: really care about what I eat. I eat healthy anyway,
Speaker 1: just you know, yeah, and just just just be more aware.
Speaker 1: Were burning those pants because I did that. I got
Speaker 1: rid of you burnt on your frat house. So you
Speaker 1: lost a lot of clothes in that, Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: it was because of just a bad Yeah, fit into
Speaker 1: these thirty twos that I will fit in. You've parked
Speaker 1: on the Yeah, so I killed like nine people, But whatever,
Speaker 1: R I p Levies the comedian anyway, or the comedian
Speaker 1: the Frapp brother um. But yeah, no, I did because
Speaker 1: I got rid of like like because they were skinny,
Speaker 1: and I think when I washed them they got even skinny,
Speaker 1: and it was like how did I even? And I
Speaker 1: laughed about it, but it was also like a mine. Fun.
Speaker 1: Sometimes pants that you don't wear in a while and
Speaker 1: you put them in the dryer that change the game
Speaker 1: for sure. And I hold onto them because sometimes I
Speaker 1: get too thin, not on purpose, but in the same
Speaker 1: way that I accidentally get a little more bigger for
Speaker 1: my for what I feel comfed bull in. And so
Speaker 1: I just know that I might end up in those
Speaker 1: because honestly, someone in my life might die and I
Speaker 1: might like lose my apple, Like honestly, I might need
Speaker 1: something to where if something triggers me to lose a
Speaker 1: bunch of weight for a reason that I don't know,
Speaker 1: and it's not around to be like those are my
Speaker 1: girl jeans, because you're right now, like looking back on
Speaker 1: when I've been running five miles a day, watching everything
Speaker 1: I eat, having a very the word strict comes to mind,
Speaker 1: being strict with myself being putting a lot of rules
Speaker 1: on myself, everyone knows. When you have a lot of
Speaker 1: rules imposed on you by other people, someday you're going
Speaker 1: to break them, and you're gonna break them big and
Speaker 1: you it's and you resent whoever is imposing these rules
Speaker 1: on you. So being strict with yourself is not the solution.
Speaker 1: It's about being good to yourself and making choices that
Speaker 1: honestly you would make for if you're gonna start eating differently, literally,
Speaker 1: think about how you would treat your daughter, and like
Speaker 1: what you would feed your daughter, and I would you
Speaker 1: make your daughter if she if she needed to lose
Speaker 1: some weight, would you make her? Like? Being hungry is
Speaker 1: the worst feeling in the world. Don't ever do that
Speaker 1: to yourself. And it is not the solution, because on
Speaker 1: the other side of hunger is eating too much. Is
Speaker 1: a Monte Cristo waiting for you. Break. We gotta go
Speaker 1: to the break, but um, we'll come back with um.
Speaker 1: Let's talk about we didn't even get to whales, but
Speaker 1: we have so much week to get through. And I'm
Speaker 1: glad we talked about all this. I think it's gonna
Speaker 1: help some people. It certainly helped me. Andrew I'm coming now,
Speaker 1: We're back. Andrews news is coming. Apparently here it comes first.
Speaker 1: Oh boy, I hope you had a great weekend. We
Speaker 1: had a great weekend, folks. Apparently we all had fun.
Speaker 1: Apparently some people were mad. We haven't been saying apparently
Speaker 1: enough barely. Oh I had so much fun. I I
Speaker 1: will say that I tried to go swimming with whale sharks.
Speaker 1: My friend Ben Gleeb, Um he found out. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: all the swells you guys. Um. Ben Gleib found out.
Speaker 1: I was in Cabo, and he goes, hey, he knows everyone.
Speaker 1: He ran for fucking president at a time. He just
Speaker 1: has a guy everywhere he goes. I got a guy, Lorenzo.
Speaker 1: He'll take you out. He'll do whatever you want to do.
Speaker 1: He'll give you a better rate, and they'll be a private,
Speaker 1: little experience. Yeah, you're a whale shark guy, same as
Speaker 1: this cocaine guy. Oddly enough, Um and Lorenzo took us out.
Speaker 1: And I have so much to say about Lorenzo, but
Speaker 1: let me just say I know that you only go
Speaker 1: swim with whale sharks in Little Pause, which is about
Speaker 1: two hours away. And I didn't even put two and
Speaker 1: two together that I was like, I want to go
Speaker 1: whale whale sharking, and he was like, sure, I got you.
Speaker 1: I got you. And the next day he's like, meet
Speaker 1: me in uh downtown Carbo and we'll go out. And
Speaker 1: so we on the way there, I'm like, wait, the
Speaker 1: whale sharks aren't here, like we'd have to go. So
Speaker 1: I haven't seen any whale sharks today And I just
Speaker 1: started laughing and I'm like, oh no, And so yeah,
Speaker 1: no whale sharks were seen. I'm going out next weekend.
Speaker 1: But what did you see? So many fucking whales, humpbacks, seals, fish.
Speaker 1: Did you swim storks or pelicans? Uh? Yeah, I snarkled
Speaker 1: with fish. Um, I did not swim with the whales.
Speaker 1: But man, I saw in Hawaii, y'all know that I
Speaker 1: saw tons of whales. This was like the next face.
Speaker 1: It was so much closer up, so much more activity.
Speaker 1: I saw my first breach, which is when a whale
Speaker 1: like shoots up and then falls. But it was a
Speaker 1: little baby calf and it don't know what it was doing.
Speaker 1: It just kind of was like like it was just
Speaker 1: like its first breach. It was like just born. It
Speaker 1: was very tiny, little humpback calf, so cute. So many
Speaker 1: sounds of you hear very you know, if you see
Speaker 1: it from far off, These big spouts come up like
Speaker 1: a fire hydrants going off in the middle of ocean.
Speaker 1: You go towards the spout and they come up, and
Speaker 1: then you go over to them. I did not know
Speaker 1: how easy it was to see fucking whales in this world.
Speaker 1: Take a trip, take a flight to Tabo and then
Speaker 1: go look at the ocean. Yeah, I mean, but it's
Speaker 1: between like fucking November in May. You're gonna And I
Speaker 1: gotta say the coolest part was when we got close enough.
Speaker 1: All of a sudden, you go to where these whales
Speaker 1: are and then you'd wait because they go down for
Speaker 1: like fifteen minutes, and you wait and just hope they're
Speaker 1: going to come up in the same spot again. And
Speaker 1: sometimes you're just talking bah blah, and all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: five feet the way, we hear like the sound of
Speaker 1: the blowhole coming out that closet. No, it was me, Um,
Speaker 1: it was me doing an ass. I was holding my
Speaker 1: ask to do a silent fart. We just stalked about
Speaker 1: the other day behind the scenes. But um, then I
Speaker 1: was so this sound is such a great sound to
Speaker 1: hear them come up and do that blowhole. And I
Speaker 1: heard so much of it yesterday that yesterday when I
Speaker 1: was walking to my hotel, I heard someone dumping trash
Speaker 1: and it sat. I turned my head like there was
Speaker 1: a whale next to me, and I was so excited.
Speaker 1: But it's it's my favorite sound, as a blowhole coming
Speaker 1: up in the water next to me, and I just
Speaker 1: man in another world that was a marine biologist, and uh,
Speaker 1: that's yeah. I always had the joke that I wanted
Speaker 1: to be a marine when I was a little girl.
Speaker 1: I wanted to be a marine bologist because I thought
Speaker 1: it was just petting whales. I didn't know you had
Speaker 1: to measure them and blood, yeah, and like tag them
Speaker 1: and like learn about like knots and their course of
Speaker 1: Oh my god, the best marine biologist teacher ever in
Speaker 1: high school, miss mcahaney. She was like, I'm not kidding.
Speaker 1: She was like a hundred and forty eight years old.
Speaker 1: She was older than marine marine animals. Yeah, she had
Speaker 1: seen the evolution of something. She might have evolved from
Speaker 1: an actual small whale and wales were wolves. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: she knew what was happening. And she would smoke cigarettes
Speaker 1: in between each she'd go out and have a break
Speaker 1: and no filter and one puff whole cigarette like a
Speaker 1: whale taken in water to breathe down below. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: then she'd blow it out her in the back of
Speaker 1: her in her throat, the blow holes. And day someday
Speaker 1: I hope to have my own blood and like fall
Speaker 1: asleep for a good two minutes and then come back
Speaker 1: and go so class the you know, the spun the sponge. Um,
Speaker 1: let's get sorry. Yeah, so just in time for Valentine today.
Speaker 1: Men posing with big fish on dating apps is a
Speaker 1: new trend. I feel like it's a new old trend,
Speaker 1: but still it is. It's almost like so cliche at
Speaker 1: this point that I don't even make those jokes because
Speaker 1: it's so like that joke has been made a million
Speaker 1: times of guys on dating apps posing with fish. I mean,
Speaker 1: out of a hundred young men on Tinder in Virginia eighteen. Okay,
Speaker 1: so what what part of Virginia you know? Are we
Speaker 1: looking at a coastal? I'm thinking coastal? Yeah, have a
Speaker 1: picture with the fish. I'm a great joke that I
Speaker 1: haven't put in a special yet, and I don't want
Speaker 1: to burn it here. I haven't put that in a special.
Speaker 1: Yet it's like, honestly, the it was my best joke
Speaker 1: for a while and Mike particularly actually helped me write it.
Speaker 1: But um yeah, I have a joke about that in
Speaker 1: my in my set, and I don't want to I
Speaker 1: don't want to do it now, but I will say that,
Speaker 1: um yeah, it's now. It almost feels like hack to
Speaker 1: make fun of it. So I mean, I'll do a
Speaker 1: parts of it because I don't want to give away
Speaker 1: the big chunk. But it's I I used to make
Speaker 1: a joke of like, oh, what does that tell me
Speaker 1: about you that your friend had a boat one day?
Speaker 1: Like you went on you went on a bachelor party
Speaker 1: one weekend in the Ozarks, or like it doesn't tell
Speaker 1: me you have a boat. It tells me your friend
Speaker 1: has one, and it tells me. Oh, I used to
Speaker 1: compare it to I know, but I can't say that
Speaker 1: big part. No, No, it's okay, Uh truly you can
Speaker 1: leave it in uh hand drop for my next special
Speaker 1: that'll probably not do that joke in either. But the
Speaker 1: thing that I men don't take a lot of pictures,
Speaker 1: and that's why their profiles suck. And this is the
Speaker 1: kind of the whole thesis of my chunk about this
Speaker 1: in my act is that men's profiles suck because women
Speaker 1: take so many pictures of themselves. They're always like dolled up,
Speaker 1: they know how to pose, and men just take one
Speaker 1: picture of your and it's always you holding a fish,
Speaker 1: because that's the only time you're like, oh, I want
Speaker 1: to document meant this. It's like your guys school picture
Speaker 1: after you graduate. It's once a year and you are
Speaker 1: just it's straight on. It's by the only picture a
Speaker 1: man will take a loan is with a fish. Is
Speaker 1: with a fish. And I don't know what you're trying
Speaker 1: to tell me. I'm like that you can provide for me.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, he can go out and and you know,
Speaker 1: he doesn't have to slaughter a chicken tonight. He brought
Speaker 1: home dinner. Like it's just to me. I I first
Speaker 1: of all, if I see a fish in a picture,
Speaker 1: I don't want it because it's just I don't like
Speaker 1: my parents fish, and I don't talk about it with them.
Speaker 1: I don't want to hear about the thing that I
Speaker 1: read about fishing is that everyone goes, oh, catch a release.
Speaker 1: You know, if you take the hook out and just
Speaker 1: throw it back. I think there's there's a big percentage.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm not good at remembering stats that I've read. Yeah,
Speaker 1: a big percentage of those fish. Guy, the fish, So
Speaker 1: do you think? Um, you know what? I think it
Speaker 1: is too. It's like it's great lighting, like and a
Speaker 1: way for a man to get perfect sun lighting with
Speaker 1: the water, you know, paint, you know, and they feel
Speaker 1: confident because they've been drinking all day so they're not
Speaker 1: like that ashamed to take a picture. Yeah. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: it's a way for them to look as sexy as possible.
Speaker 1: But it's like I'm holding a fish, but it's like, no,
Speaker 1: you're you got good like you know what if any
Speaker 1: of you guys out there know we have Sorry, no,
Speaker 1: I was going to say. In the article, um, they
Speaker 1: asked women like witch fish they found the most attractive
Speaker 1: hilarious want to like? What did they say? Yeah? Okay,
Speaker 1: so Andrew bigger right? You want you can read? Oh yeah, so,
Speaker 1: it says a survey also as each fish. The biggest
Speaker 1: catch was the hog fish, a colorful critter. We love
Speaker 1: the guy with a big hog. Oh my god, no,
Speaker 1: that would make me so sad. I mean, what is
Speaker 1: going on? With the mouth that's a huge fish in
Speaker 1: its mouth is coming out of its mouth. It almost
Speaker 1: looks like predator with multiple mouths, double mouth. It looks
Speaker 1: like it's doing that Pringles thing where you like go
Speaker 1: like on the commercials in it's exactly like that. You guys,
Speaker 1: So this is the love child of a snappers. I
Speaker 1: don't care, honestly, no, I don't. I just don't care.
Speaker 1: Can I just say that? Um, any guys out there
Speaker 1: who are looking for advice on your dating profile go
Speaker 1: to the subreddit dating underscore advice and men will put
Speaker 1: up their profiles on there and have women help them
Speaker 1: make it as like appealing as possible and give advice.
Speaker 1: And it's really a sweet community of women like trying
Speaker 1: to help these guys who are just so sincere. And
Speaker 1: you can get a sense not by putting your own
Speaker 1: up there, but by reading what these women have advised
Speaker 1: other guys what can help. And And generally, you want
Speaker 1: a picture where you're with friends, not too many selfies.
Speaker 1: You want smiling obviously animals is always a good thing,
Speaker 1: but around people, and I would really say, uh, not
Speaker 1: more than one picture where you're drinking. It just is
Speaker 1: it's too much of of your lifestyle and and also
Speaker 1: avoid negative things of like, don't swipe on me if
Speaker 1: you like, try no negative talk of um hey if
Speaker 1: if if you're a girl that likes drama, look the
Speaker 1: other way. Like, just try to stay positive. Even if
Speaker 1: you're not a positive guy. You can say I tend
Speaker 1: to be pretty cynical and sarcastic, but you can say
Speaker 1: that in a positive way because it's just sometimes guys
Speaker 1: are already so they do the same thing convenience do,
Speaker 1: and they get ahead of the rejection by rejecting themselves.
Speaker 1: And by the way, that horizontal stripes because it'll just
Speaker 1: look yeah story, these are all, by the way, Valentine's
Speaker 1: Day related. I used to have a joke that I'm
Speaker 1: sure I've done on the show that when I was intorectic,
Speaker 1: I got so thin that you could see my ribs
Speaker 1: and then I had to gain weight because my ribs
Speaker 1: are horizontal stripes and it looks so fat, so stupid. Okay,
Speaker 1: and help that you painted them black? Okay, Okay, forget height. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I got canceled black rob My, God, wait, we're gonna
Speaker 1: talk about super Bowl at all? We can what's the
Speaker 1: next new story? Though? Uh? Forget height differentials are vast
Speaker 1: age differences. Small face big face is the news. Yeah,
Speaker 1: odd fish stripe, bad face, big face, small face. So
Speaker 1: head sizes differ wildly based on factors like race, gender,
Speaker 1: and nationality, but they have been getting bigger over time.
Speaker 1: Big face small face relationships come with their own specific challenges.
Speaker 1: Selfies are a big one. Perspective is an issue in
Speaker 1: photos with partners. I don't understand what you're saying. So
Speaker 1: women are apparently really into dudes with wide faces. According
Speaker 1: to a two thousand fourteen study of speed dating participants,
Speaker 1: guys with wide faces are thought as of aggressive, powerful,
Speaker 1: and more financially successful. A woman in a long term
Speaker 1: relationship with another woman with a big face said big
Speaker 1: faces are trustworthy, friendly, and expressive. So people like a
Speaker 1: wide face. Maybe that is also it could be like
Speaker 1: a guy who's smiling his face is going to measure
Speaker 1: wider on you know, if you're smiling, your face gets wider, luck, wider, skinnier, wider,
Speaker 1: like by even a little millimeter. I do want to
Speaker 1: say though, that um, it reminds me of one of
Speaker 1: the Super Bowl ads last night that I really loved
Speaker 1: the Dion Sanders one where he's with his kid. Did
Speaker 1: you see that? Oh yeah, because you were Mexico. Well,
Speaker 1: I gotta, I gotta the American feed and I streamed
Speaker 1: it on my TV and Andrew chose to not come
Speaker 1: to my room to watch it. I was like, you're
Speaker 1: missing the commercial, dude. But Sanders and his son, who
Speaker 1: I guess is also an athlete because I know everything
Speaker 1: about them, you do, Okay, So they're both in this
Speaker 1: commercial for a fucking I don't need some like a
Speaker 1: dip or something like Toritos or something. And then at
Speaker 1: the end of it, they're like can you handle it?
Speaker 1: They were both like kind of competitive, like being like
Speaker 1: who's the toughest? Who? Who would who of us is
Speaker 1: the toughest. I'm more tough. No, I'm more tough. And
Speaker 1: then at the end it goes to their dion Sanders
Speaker 1: mom obviously and his grandmother, other kids grandmother, and she
Speaker 1: goes says something to the fact of like, no, I'm
Speaker 1: the toughest, and they go you and she's like, you
Speaker 1: think I gave broth to that head or something like that.
Speaker 1: It was really it was a comment on her squeezing
Speaker 1: out his big head through her tiny vagina. It was
Speaker 1: so funny. And um, I have to say that, uh,
Speaker 1: black older women killed it on the on the Super
Speaker 1: Bowl commercials, there were a lot of older black women
Speaker 1: that came in at the end and had a great
Speaker 1: punchline last night and all the commercials and and and
Speaker 1: Snoop Dog also looked like one to last night. No,
Speaker 1: he looked awesome. Actually, I was like, I was trying
Speaker 1: to search for someone in my mind during the show
Speaker 1: that looked like an older black woman, but no one did.
Speaker 1: Dr Oh he looked fat. Bat came down. Oh come on,
Speaker 1: I couldn't tell he was muscular or f a t
Speaker 1: And I really don't give a ship. I just know
Speaker 1: he was somewhere in between. I don't know. He just
Speaker 1: hadn't performed in a while. That's all I could tell.
Speaker 1: Someone wrote a tweet like how long was Yeah? I
Speaker 1: was worried about him getting down, but he just came
Speaker 1: down like a bat. I was like, oh, this is
Speaker 1: but that was in the music video, right, he's upside down? Yeah,
Speaker 1: getting COVID. I think, um getting COVID, I don't know.
Speaker 1: And no, I UM, I loved. I have a lot
Speaker 1: of thoughts about the Super Bowl halftime show because I'm
Speaker 1: not someone who grew up in that generation, and like,
Speaker 1: obviously I love um eminem so much and all like
Speaker 1: the classic songs that they played, I know, but I wasn't.
Speaker 1: It wasn't like a formative part of my growing my adolescence.
Speaker 1: Not I know boys, I think boys like I was into,
Speaker 1: like you know, Dave Matthews band, and it just skipped me.
Speaker 1: But I understand the I don't understand it, but I
Speaker 1: can understand how impactful and so much of what it
Speaker 1: meant to me. I was underwhelmed by this. The set
Speaker 1: design was cool, obviously, it looked like a white battleship
Speaker 1: a house in the middle of the field, and I
Speaker 1: think it did not behoove this entire performance to Haven
Speaker 1: still be light outside during halftime. I think it would
Speaker 1: have been much cooler in the dark. But for me,
Speaker 1: I was a little underwhelmed by. I wanted more close
Speaker 1: ups and I think that we lost a lot of
Speaker 1: like how cool these performances was were by doing the
Speaker 1: whole wide shot of this set piece that it could
Speaker 1: have gone to each room and got done close up
Speaker 1: to the room. Whenever I saw close up to the room,
Speaker 1: the living room with all the guys hanging out, even
Speaker 1: eminem when everyone rushes the stage and goes lose yourself,
Speaker 1: and you saw how cool would have been to see
Speaker 1: that as a tight shot where it looks like more
Speaker 1: impressive with all these people with a wide shot. You
Speaker 1: just saw there was just this little group of condensed people.
Speaker 1: Do you agree with me? I know, I see what
Speaker 1: you're saying. It's like looking at a whole Barbie. It
Speaker 1: felt like a Barbie house to me, and it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: which was cool. It was a great idea. I agree
Speaker 1: a lot with that because I think, you know, all
Speaker 1: these guys are such characters too, and you want to
Speaker 1: get the way Kendricks was shot. And I was talking
Speaker 1: to Chris about this because we had a disagreement about
Speaker 1: whether or not it was like the best they could do,
Speaker 1: and he thought, you know, he had a good argument of, like, Nikki,
Speaker 1: you don't understand you're getting together these people who all
Speaker 1: have huge egos and know exactly what they want in
Speaker 1: terms of artistic style. To make anything of that amount
Speaker 1: of people that are expecting to get what they want
Speaker 1: artistically done, to agree on one concept is hard. But
Speaker 1: my point was I give that to you. I just
Speaker 1: wanted more close up shots. I thought Kendricks was amazing
Speaker 1: the way they did that cool thing at the beginning
Speaker 1: where they would zoom in and then it would come
Speaker 1: down and you were I like the Weekends um last
Speaker 1: year where you were close up. You follow them around
Speaker 1: and Chris said, you know, it's important to have a
Speaker 1: sense of the magnitude of how big this is, and
Speaker 1: I said, I get that, but I know it is
Speaker 1: because we're at the fucking super Bowl. I know it's big.
Speaker 1: I went close up, and I want to see these
Speaker 1: people close up. I did think. Um, I thought Kendricks
Speaker 1: was so cool. I was, you know, on the edge
Speaker 1: of my seat, eminem I wanted just to see him
Speaker 1: more close up and um fifty cents, I thought hadn't
Speaker 1: performed in a while, but I was excited to see him.
Speaker 1: And then I thought, um, Mary J. Blige was incredible.
Speaker 1: After she danced so hard in the first part where
Speaker 1: it's a little bit less um vocally straining to do
Speaker 1: the um let's get it, cronk up. You know that
Speaker 1: it's like easier to be winded and sing that. But
Speaker 1: then she saved the belting song for right after that,
Speaker 1: when this bitch has gotta be winded. After dancing that
Speaker 1: hard and she hit every note, you could tell it
Speaker 1: was live, and I just thought it was incredible and
Speaker 1: she looked so good and she must be in her
Speaker 1: fucking fifties. People are going off about Eminem's eyebrows. Apparently
Speaker 1: they definitely got tinted tinted browse and to tinted beer.
Speaker 1: I mean, he's going on so to know he looked
Speaker 1: young and hot. Sorry, Eminem cares about the way he looks,
Speaker 1: as does fucking everyone. Get over it. He always has
Speaker 1: always a hoodie with a hat. He looks so good
Speaker 1: and he sounded good. They just yeah, I saw that.
Speaker 1: They told him not to and it's like, he's not
Speaker 1: being paid for this, do you know? He what are
Speaker 1: they gonna do take away his chance to perform? He's
Speaker 1: performing and no one does the super Bowl twice I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I won't do it. Okay, I thought it. Noah,
Speaker 1: did you have any thoughts? I didn't watch all of it,
Speaker 1: but I liked um dr dre playing the piano and
Speaker 1: the musicians. I like that there was actual musicians on there.
Speaker 1: It was so cool. I thought, I just I want
Speaker 1: to watch it again. But I thought, um, yeah, I
Speaker 1: just wanted more. I wanted to see it more close up.
Speaker 1: But I really want instead of hanging just to fly
Speaker 1: in like Lady Gaga. That would have been I don't
Speaker 1: remember Lady gagas flying once that came in from the roof.
Speaker 1: I don't remember. It was like the Rocketeers and even
Speaker 1: drinking during that time. I gotta go back and watch
Speaker 1: all Super Bowl performances because they are they're just such spectacles.
Speaker 1: But it was so cool to see people that you
Speaker 1: just don't worry about. You know, they've done it all
Speaker 1: these songs, they've sung and wrapped so many times. They're
Speaker 1: in California. I never worry about massive talents. But it's
Speaker 1: there's just something about watching someone who has been at
Speaker 1: it for five plus years, some of those thirty forty
Speaker 1: years at this point, and you just go, this is
Speaker 1: nothing to them. They're not nervous. This is like any
Speaker 1: other thing, and there's something really fun about that. And
Speaker 1: they were. They seem to be having fun. I do
Speaker 1: think we should like send Snoop Dogg to talk to
Speaker 1: Russia about not attacking Ukraine. Like I feel like there's
Speaker 1: a presence of Snoop Dogg that's so cool and calm
Speaker 1: in any like he could be in any situation. Maybe
Speaker 1: he went to jail for so long or like you know,
Speaker 1: he's dealt with someone jail, I think of a day
Speaker 1: or two. Um, but yeah, yeah, it was daylight in
Speaker 1: Snoop Dogg years. That's seven. That was pretty good jail. Thanks. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so he You know, I don't know, there's something about
Speaker 1: him like talks like this and his hile a the time.
Speaker 1: Do you think he was really fucking I wonder because
Speaker 1: you know how I was telling you about Bill Maher,
Speaker 1: how he never smokes pot before a real time taping
Speaker 1: or TV taping, but Bill Maher will smoke a ton
Speaker 1: of weed before performing stand up in any way because
Speaker 1: stand up is different to him. I wonder what, Because
Speaker 1: I think there's people that really make being a pothead
Speaker 1: as their lifestyle work have a little bit of you know,
Speaker 1: rules about it where they you can't be a weed
Speaker 1: addict and be as successful and look as good as
Speaker 1: he is for many years. I feel I definitely think
Speaker 1: he's addicted. But you know, I think in some way,
Speaker 1: I don't think Snoop is like, well, this is for
Speaker 1: this and this is for that. Would anything he is,
Speaker 1: you don't become successful different strains. But I bet you
Speaker 1: like I loved. In terms of commercials, I just want
Speaker 1: to say I loved the Paul Rudd Seth Rogan one.
Speaker 1: I thought that was really fun. I Um, yes, a
Speaker 1: lot of like being yelled at about not getting into
Speaker 1: crypto and feeling the pressure there. Maybe That's what I'll
Speaker 1: do today. I'll quit dye coke and get into crypto.
Speaker 1: I feel shamed that I'm not involved with it. Um
Speaker 1: And I missed. I missed the part of the game
Speaker 1: where the fucking Bengals lost. I I fell asleep. I
Speaker 1: was so tired, I had I had was so sleep deprived.
Speaker 1: And um and I also like didn't care. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: that was a major factor too. But I'll tell you what.
Speaker 1: Joe Burrow, it's so cute. He's a little culkin Joe Burrow,
Speaker 1: a little kick for the Bengals, who's the kicker for
Speaker 1: the boy. He is a cute. And so is the
Speaker 1: the guy who's the main guy that they kept showing
Speaker 1: for for the Rams. He's cute too. Yeah, he's very handsome.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, what is with so very handsome? I
Speaker 1: don't remember him. Cooper cup looks like, um, what's the guy? Amish?
Speaker 1: Like a hot Amish man. But I will say that
Speaker 1: I hate Chris collins worse voice more than I can't
Speaker 1: And then we looked it up and he dated twelve
Speaker 1: year olds ready with dwet. I can't stand his voice.
Speaker 1: I don't know what it is. It's just it sounds
Speaker 1: like it's on the brink of going out. And I
Speaker 1: wish Joe Buck would have been doing the super Bowl.
Speaker 1: We gotta go to break. We're gonna come back with
Speaker 1: top one, bottom one, and it's a special Valentine. I
Speaker 1: had something to talk about the half, damn it and
Speaker 1: we're back. Andrew, what did you want to say about
Speaker 1: the halftime show? Let's get it in just every celebrity
Speaker 1: in the crowd trying to make the halftime performance about them.
Speaker 1: Did you see Bieber? And then they were all loving it.
Speaker 1: They were all loving it, and they were making it
Speaker 1: about them because they were enjoying it, but not just
Speaker 1: enjoying it, like literally, like they were like they were
Speaker 1: part of that. Hap you got the audience and there
Speaker 1: I want what would you just a little we gotta
Speaker 1: get come up with a title for you. This guy
Speaker 1: who thinks everyone. I mean, obviously Justin, I don't, You're not.
Speaker 1: But would you if you had a camera right in
Speaker 1: your face knowing it's going to cut to you at
Speaker 1: some point in the performance, what would you have been doing,
Speaker 1: Andrew Colin during that performance? What would you have been doing?
Speaker 1: Differently knows how to party California? Everybody, it's more about me.
Speaker 1: Can we cut to the picture of the jumbo Tron
Speaker 1: that when Andrew and I got on the jumbo Tron
Speaker 1: and it was my name and Andrew got into my shot.
Speaker 1: Can we cut to that right now and see if
Speaker 1: Andrew would not make it about him. Let's get to
Speaker 1: top one bottle. Yeah, okay, Top one. Bottom one today
Speaker 1: is romantic gesture category romance, classic romantic gestures, and and
Speaker 1: for Halloween, for Halloween, for Valentine's Day, whoek um. There's
Speaker 1: so many cliche things that men do for women, women
Speaker 1: do for men, But it's more about, like, you know,
Speaker 1: heterosexual relationships and you know what is done for I'll say,
Speaker 1: in any relationship, what is done for the female energy,
Speaker 1: person um our top thing that we like personally, it's bottom.
Speaker 1: So let's start with the bottom. Our least favorite romantic gesture,
Speaker 1: which may or may not be something that happens a
Speaker 1: lot and frequently on you know, on Instagram, on on
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day, Andrew, do you have one? Because I could
Speaker 1: get us started, Get us started, get started. Um, I
Speaker 1: think that um rose petals on the bed first of
Speaker 1: all flowers. I'll just say flowers bottom for me, and
Speaker 1: and listen, I'm not considering every like way an animal
Speaker 1: could be anytime an animal is involved with some kind
Speaker 1: of message or delivery men know, like, but I will
Speaker 1: say flowers for me. I do love them when I
Speaker 1: get them. I think they're gigantic waste of money, though,
Speaker 1: and I would honestly prefer a card that said, instead
Speaker 1: of flowers, I picked you this fucking I picked something
Speaker 1: in the guard. I picked up three leaf clover for you.
Speaker 1: It doesn't even have to be four leaf and tap
Speaker 1: it to a card and say this is your flower.
Speaker 1: Or if you want some kind of plant that has
Speaker 1: been destroyed, here you go. And I've donated the sixty
Speaker 1: dollars to the St. Louis Stray Rescue, Like that is
Speaker 1: so much. And I know flower shops need to stay
Speaker 1: in business. Don't worry, this isn't going to threaten them girls,
Speaker 1: they will never go to business. They up they up
Speaker 1: charged so much and flowers are beautiful, um, but they
Speaker 1: are so expensive and I just think that I would
Speaker 1: rather people waste their money on literally anything. And we'll
Speaker 1: get to what I think that could be in the
Speaker 1: top one. Andrew, do you have a bottom? I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess it's more about like what I do, what
Speaker 1: I've done in the past, because I don't feel like
Speaker 1: girls get as many presents for the guy. You know,
Speaker 1: we're talking about things that have done for female energy, okay,
Speaker 1: for female like it doesn't it to be things you've done. Well,
Speaker 1: what I did do one time? Uh no, rose petals,
Speaker 1: I did from like the door to the bed in
Speaker 1: college with my college girlfriend. And I honestly, I don't
Speaker 1: even know if she slept in the hotel room that night.
Speaker 1: I think I don't even know she came. So it's
Speaker 1: just setting yourself up. Yes, Hansel and Gretel to the bed. Dude. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was like it was like and it was just
Speaker 1: Handsel alone in bed. Crime. I almost went with that
Speaker 1: as my bottom because it is so stupid. And honestly,
Speaker 1: the other day on my bed here at my hotel.
Speaker 1: They put rose petals all over the bed and did
Speaker 1: a big heart And she know, the woman who cleans
Speaker 1: my room knows I'm here alone. She's cleaning up after
Speaker 1: I mean she probably cleans up enough fucking diet coke
Speaker 1: that she thinks I supporting a family of eighteen. But um,
Speaker 1: they put and I'm just like, now I have to
Speaker 1: clean this ship up. I just think that flowers are
Speaker 1: in the vase. For flowers is such a burden because
Speaker 1: you just get end up with this thing that you
Speaker 1: put on top of your cabinets. The water gets moldy, yes,
Speaker 1: and the water gets moldy. So what should we do
Speaker 1: instead of flower? Get to that for the top one? Okay?
Speaker 1: No a bottom for you? Okay. Anything that's a surprise
Speaker 1: like um that involves like a big like gestures like
Speaker 1: with like for other people in the public. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: like a surprise engagement with like a group of people
Speaker 1: with your friends and family jumbo tron. Uh. You know,
Speaker 1: it's like just like anything big and public like that.
Speaker 1: Oh I love that. I want everyone to know, like
Speaker 1: I hate that. I hate a public engagement. I love it.
Speaker 1: Super Bowl engagement. Last night, by the way, there was
Speaker 1: from the team that lost. No team that one. Really
Speaker 1: I wish they lost to see you know it's I
Speaker 1: hated the adel one because I thought that it was
Speaker 1: stupid that everyone thought adult planned it. That's a different thing.
Speaker 1: But I do love um public displays. And there's one
Speaker 1: Bruno Mars Marry Me is the song, and the guy
Speaker 1: puts his girlfriend in the back of a volvo like
Speaker 1: she's facing out, you know those seats that face out
Speaker 1: in the back, and they leave the trunk up. You
Speaker 1: guys gotta watch it. Marry me Bruno Mars. Know what
Speaker 1: you shouldn't because it'll you'll it's your fucking bottom. But
Speaker 1: I love the ship and they do a whole um dance.
Speaker 1: Like he starts off by being like, um, he puts
Speaker 1: headphones on her so she's listening to the Bruno Mars
Speaker 1: song and then it plays out of the back as well,
Speaker 1: and then the car starts slowly pulling out of the
Speaker 1: down the street and they blocked off the street and
Speaker 1: all of their friends come together along the way and
Speaker 1: in the song it's like, um, it's a beautiful knight.
Speaker 1: You're looking for something fun to do. It's okay, baby,
Speaker 1: I want to marry you. And then there's a part
Speaker 1: where it says or maybe it's the dancing, like dancing
Speaker 1: blues or something, but it sounds like dancing Jews, and
Speaker 1: so they have all these rabbis come in dancing at
Speaker 1: that part, and um, but it's all their friends and
Speaker 1: it's and you can tell they're like musical theater nerds
Speaker 1: because all of their friends are just like loving it
Speaker 1: and walking along and it moves me so much. And
Speaker 1: it's this big proposal at the end. It's like, because
Speaker 1: I want to marry you, And then her family comes
Speaker 1: into then you can tell she didn't expect to see them.
Speaker 1: It's so cute and you should watch it. Um, let's
Speaker 1: go to our top one romantic jesterre I'll start us
Speaker 1: off a card that shares your feelings. Just a simple
Speaker 1: card literally can be a piece of computer paper from
Speaker 1: the printer, You fold an alf, you draw a fucking
Speaker 1: heart on the front, and then you write at least
Speaker 1: one whole page densely of your feelings about someone, with
Speaker 1: a couple of jokes in it, but truly like how
Speaker 1: you really feel and being vulnerable. And it can be
Speaker 1: the cheapest thing. All you need is a pen and
Speaker 1: paper and I think that is that's the best possible
Speaker 1: thing for Valentine's Day, is just or birthdays anything. It's
Speaker 1: always what I give is a try to make a
Speaker 1: card that's really heartfelt that says everything I can't really
Speaker 1: say to this person to their face about them. And
Speaker 1: that's what I like. And I just right here have
Speaker 1: my card from the guy I'm seeing, and it is
Speaker 1: usually he gets me cards that are just like you're hot,
Speaker 1: I love, and then it's like it's usually like a
Speaker 1: one liner inside because he is effusive and very in
Speaker 1: other ways. And I've never told him like I really
Speaker 1: want you to write a full thing. But I just
Speaker 1: opened it up and it's it's pretty dense. I haven't
Speaker 1: Andrew top one me borrowing that card. Chris looks like Andrew.
Speaker 1: If I just I can switch it up and Chris Andrew. Uh.
Speaker 1: I think the nicest thing that that I do, in
Speaker 1: like regarding like money or anything romantic is a massage
Speaker 1: that like where I break out lotion and all that
Speaker 1: ship without expecting sex. Don't touch the vagina, just give
Speaker 1: a real fucking miss, like a real It's not that
Speaker 1: like oh my fingers hit or oh I've been doing
Speaker 1: it for six minutes. Where's my massage? I'm talking like
Speaker 1: a massage. I'm talking oils candles. That is a great
Speaker 1: idea and like and just like really paying attention and
Speaker 1: taking my time. I don't think they're like snowsuit. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I should weary. You should wear a chastity belt, like
Speaker 1: no anti lose the key maybe before it and then
Speaker 1: do it so you know that there's no you know
Speaker 1: that you can and you're like, I don't even think
Speaker 1: I want to sweeze out all my com I love that.
Speaker 1: I love I love doing that because really it is
Speaker 1: like and it's essensual and you get to touch every
Speaker 1: part and it's loving. It really is like or anything
Speaker 1: more loving to get in a head massage, like I
Speaker 1: fucking especial eye. Yeah your third eye, your third eye chakra? Nohehead?
Speaker 1: Oh see. I like um the temples and like the
Speaker 1: like uh like jaw right here where your jaw hinges? Baby?
Speaker 1: Even though I just watched the other day, I'm like
Speaker 1: all of my YouTube suggestions are stories about people with
Speaker 1: like crazy body things like the girl without that was
Speaker 1: born without a jaw, the girl that was born and
Speaker 1: with and can't stop eating, the girl that lost all
Speaker 1: of her skin and it's all these amazing people that
Speaker 1: have like the boy who's made of tumors, and it's
Speaker 1: just like, I don't know why. YouTube just found something
Speaker 1: that I'm into and it's just amazing to see. Um no,
Speaker 1: yes it does. And they teached me important life lessons.
Speaker 1: Um like it might be her children books like the
Speaker 1: Darkest Children books possible, Yeah, to make them learn lessons
Speaker 1: and yeah, yeah, But honestly, I was grateful for my
Speaker 1: fucking jaw the other day because I watched this girl
Speaker 1: who was so amazing and has to like she Um,
Speaker 1: they took one of her ribs and made it into
Speaker 1: a small job, but it will never have a hinge.
Speaker 1: And so it's just that she she I think she
Speaker 1: eats like she has to just eat soft things. And
Speaker 1: she's on TikTok and she just type the girl without
Speaker 1: a born without a jaw. She's so the way her
Speaker 1: brother like almost cries talking about how proud he is
Speaker 1: of her is the sweetest thing. She's very musical because
Speaker 1: she thought she'd never expressed herself vocally because she her
Speaker 1: brother had the same illness but just grew a beard.
Speaker 1: I heard, Oh, that's so fucking funny. God damn it,
Speaker 1: that's funny. No, Uh, what's your what's your top romantic gesture? Um,
Speaker 1: anything that's like kind of like made by hand, so
Speaker 1: it could be like a even like a like a
Speaker 1: macaroni frame for photo. Yes, something drawn, something played, something
Speaker 1: that took time other than handing money to someone at
Speaker 1: a cash Yeah, exactly, and has creativity involved. But you
Speaker 1: could argue that you spent time earning that money to spend.
Speaker 1: So every woman is different. But I do like yeah
Speaker 1: creativity also, Um, I love that made you like an
Speaker 1: iron work like you knew they had to win Bend
Speaker 1: Iron literally makes me. He's he welds and he also
Speaker 1: does stained glass and he one Valentine's he made me
Speaker 1: maybe it was my birthday. He made me a bird
Speaker 1: that I have in my room. And then this Christmas
Speaker 1: he made me um like a uh square Taylor Swift
Speaker 1: like album like her album did. He designed it all
Speaker 1: and made it and um, and I told him, hey, um,
Speaker 1: I want all nine of her albums done like that,
Speaker 1: and I want to display them in my windows because
Speaker 1: they're tiny and they would look so cool, all of them.
Speaker 1: And I was like, but I don't want to wait
Speaker 1: for birthdays in Christmas, like I want you to do it.
Speaker 1: And I was like, can I just like pay it?
Speaker 1: And he's like, no, I'll do it. I'm like and
Speaker 1: he was just like, what do you mean you don't
Speaker 1: want it? And I was like I just want it now,
Speaker 1: like do you have to wait? And I just think, um, yeah,
Speaker 1: anything handcrafted is really nice too, but um, and it's sexy,
Speaker 1: you like envision like the medieval times of them, like
Speaker 1: breaking like fire flowers herself out on a walk or
Speaker 1: like some kind of like or stealing them from your
Speaker 1: neighbor y going to a cemetery some out. My aunt Lynn,
Speaker 1: who died always used to steal flowers from cemeteries, like
Speaker 1: she that was just the thing she did. I know
Speaker 1: it's an awful thing, but it was funny because we
Speaker 1: have not buried her yet because she died when we
Speaker 1: all couldn't be together, so we're kind of figuring out
Speaker 1: what to do with her, like just as a plaque
Speaker 1: or something. And I want to go. I want to
Speaker 1: put her out a cemetery and like I want her
Speaker 1: thing to say, um, take whatever flowers are here, you know,
Speaker 1: like to other way to give back to anytime she
Speaker 1: gets flowers like it will. They will always be taken
Speaker 1: to give back because it's true, like the dead people
Speaker 1: aren't gonna I'm going to get some of Um, she
Speaker 1: had my cousin's ashes. They when she died. My cousin
Speaker 1: who was her son, who's my best friend growing up?
Speaker 1: Who Andrew? You remind me a lot of because I
Speaker 1: want you to die? Um she uh, she had his No,
Speaker 1: she had his ashes, and we never really knew what
Speaker 1: happened to j D's ashes. And so I'm going to
Speaker 1: get some And I'm so fucking excited about it. I
Speaker 1: don't know what I'm gonna do about it, but just
Speaker 1: having there's something about it that makes me like really excited.
Speaker 1: I don't I know that's dumb, but final thought, Um,
Speaker 1: what do you want to be cremateded? No? No, I
Speaker 1: want to. I saw a funny joke this guy whose
Speaker 1: kid died and the kid got cremated anyways or else? No, no, no,
Speaker 1: so his son got cremated and he's like, how do
Speaker 1: I even know? Like he had a thought? Is that
Speaker 1: really him? In there? Like they could just literally throw
Speaker 1: in anything that reminds me of Cosby, honestly, because Cosby's
Speaker 1: son got murdered, remember, and they were talking about it.
Speaker 1: This documentary is so good again. It's called we Need
Speaker 1: to talk About Cosby and and they don't get into
Speaker 1: like what happened because I don't really remember what happened,
Speaker 1: but they did say that. You know, he was at
Speaker 1: the time doing a show called Cosby. It was after
Speaker 1: the Cosby Show had ended, but he was doing it.
Speaker 1: He was on set and you know, missed a couple
Speaker 1: of days of work, and then he came back and
Speaker 1: he gathered everyone together and walked in. Like one of
Speaker 1: the writers was like, he kind of walked in, like,
Speaker 1: and here's Bill to like talk to everyone about his
Speaker 1: son dying. And he came in and he was like
Speaker 1: it was a little weird because they were like, and
Speaker 1: now Bill Cosby to talk to address the cast and
Speaker 1: crew about his son's passing. That we're all like waiting
Speaker 1: to hear like your daughter got cancer, like because but
Speaker 1: that's the way Buil did. Everything was like he's now
Speaker 1: Bill cos Be and so he just he did a
Speaker 1: whole he did a whole comedy routine essentially about his
Speaker 1: son dying only four days after he died. Because he said,
Speaker 1: you know, that's how he had to flip it. And
Speaker 1: also he's a fucking sociopath. Dear God, you have to
Speaker 1: watch the documentary he is. Yeah, it's for some reason,
Speaker 1: I'm not getting in on Hulu Mexico. I had to
Speaker 1: do it through showtime and I just did the free trial.
Speaker 1: But man, is it worth it? It's um so, I
Speaker 1: mean it's you know what, it is interesting as someone
Speaker 1: who obviously if you like to hear about like how
Speaker 1: people came to fame and like hearing about stories about
Speaker 1: show business careers, I mean, they cover all of that,
Speaker 1: and they cover it's almost like the O. J. Sipson
Speaker 1: documentary where it said, what was the setting, what was
Speaker 1: the time like when this all went down that we
Speaker 1: allowed this to happen, What was the culture? What was
Speaker 1: what he did for Black America? What he then did
Speaker 1: to warrant Hannibal Buris going on stage and completely um,
Speaker 1: you know, Hannibal Burus. The most grainy video you've ever
Speaker 1: seen shot is the one of Hannibal Burus in Philadelphia,
Speaker 1: which is ironic because that's where Cosby is from on
Speaker 1: stage saying, you know, Cosby telling us to pull up
Speaker 1: our pants and that you know, lambasting single mothers for
Speaker 1: not doing enough and and you know, absentee fathers and
Speaker 1: black people need to be better and talk clearly and
Speaker 1: all these things. And he's like, in, motherfucker, we're not
Speaker 1: raping all over the place, why don't you're a rapist?
Speaker 1: And the audience kind of goes on and he goes
Speaker 1: Google it. He goes Google. When you go home, google
Speaker 1: Bill Cosby rape, it definitely has more results than Hannibal Burus.
Speaker 1: And the irony now is that Hannibal Bursus. His name
Speaker 1: is probably in most of those Google results for Bill
Speaker 1: Crosby rape because he was the one that got everyone.
Speaker 1: I saw it before you even he did, like that,
Speaker 1: what's that show? He said? It wasn't a bit. He
Speaker 1: wasn't even like I saw it like a small bar show.
Speaker 1: He just started talking about and everyone's like I was like,
Speaker 1: I saw it live. I just remember being like, whoa
Speaker 1: you know, like because we never sweater he's a doctor.
Speaker 1: It's like calling out, like who would be like that? Now?
Speaker 1: Like where No, Honestly, Bob Sagett I was thinking like
Speaker 1: he the way people are talking about him as like
Speaker 1: America's dad, I mean, as one of my lyrics in
Speaker 1: the song was like you know he was. It would
Speaker 1: be like someone like Bob Saggett, who after after Bob's death,
Speaker 1: obviously every it's come out even more what amazing man
Speaker 1: he was. It would be like that. It would be
Speaker 1: like Mr Rogers. Honestly it is like it was so
Speaker 1: it was, oh, you know who someone compared to because
Speaker 1: at first they said I'm thinking more like the rock
Speaker 1: or yeah, what's absolutely the rock. But they said during
Speaker 1: the documentary that at first, when you became a comedian
Speaker 1: in the nineties, you found out from like there are
Speaker 1: certain certain things when you become in the show in
Speaker 1: show business that you find out that the general public
Speaker 1: doesn't know. I always say that when you land in
Speaker 1: l a and become part of like when when you
Speaker 1: when you moved to Hollywood to make it and you're
Speaker 1: kind of insider, like talking to people who've been around
Speaker 1: a while, you find out Ellen is actually not nice.
Speaker 1: That's one of the first things. They're like, Ellen's a
Speaker 1: count and you're like what, And I compare it to
Speaker 1: like la when you get off the plane in Hawaii,
Speaker 1: they're just like Ellen's a cunt, and they're You're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna bring this back to the Midwest and show
Speaker 1: my mom, and they're like, it's not gonna hold that.
Speaker 1: By the time you get back, it'll it'll all fall apart,
Speaker 1: and she's not gonna believe you. But you know, there
Speaker 1: are certain things, you know, and everyone kind of knows.
Speaker 1: Open secrets obviously is I think what they're called. And
Speaker 1: the one that they say back then was that Bill
Speaker 1: caught or Robin Williams steals jokes and Bill Cosby is
Speaker 1: a notorious philanderer. He cheats on his wife, which was
Speaker 1: crazy back which was already the most crazy thing because
Speaker 1: he's the family guy, you know, And so that was
Speaker 1: the craziest thing to imagine that Bill has we cheats
Speaker 1: let alone is a serial rapist, but he cheats on
Speaker 1: his wife. And someone said, a woman in the documentary
Speaker 1: said that would be like saying Barack Obama cheats on Michelle.
Speaker 1: That's how tarent cindiary that was back then, and and
Speaker 1: and even imagining that made my heart sink. I was like, no,
Speaker 1: he didn't you know about Barack, but oh, but you
Speaker 1: just see that when Bill Cosby gets a little bit older,
Speaker 1: he starts getting more crotchety and he just starts making
Speaker 1: his little fucking bed for them to come through. And
Speaker 1: women were not being believed at any point during all this.
Speaker 1: And by the way, he was a master in getting
Speaker 1: women to not talk about None of these women talked
Speaker 1: about it, even to their closest There's only one woman
Speaker 1: that I can remember who really shared it with her partner,
Speaker 1: maybe two. And in the documentary that it covers, most
Speaker 1: of these women never said a thing about it until
Speaker 1: this all came to be because they truly felt it
Speaker 1: was their fault. And most of them, and almost maybe
Speaker 1: I don't want to say gratefully, can't remember the assault.
Speaker 1: They just woke up naked and they don't. The last
Speaker 1: thing they remember is, you know, falling face first into
Speaker 1: a backgammon board. Um. And I just want to say,
Speaker 1: you should watch the documentary for the most interesting detail
Speaker 1: of the whole thing that I will not spoil. But
Speaker 1: it involves my favorite food, oatmeal. So that's all I'm
Speaker 1: gonna say. So you should go watch it to learn
Speaker 1: what the funk that's all about, because I still don't know,
Speaker 1: and I would love to speculate with you once you
Speaker 1: do watch it. Yeah, Well I'm gonna go have another ball.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us on Valentine's Say,
Speaker 1: I hope you had fun. We've really covered it all
Speaker 1: on here. I love you so much, you guys, thanks
Speaker 1: for being there for us in our lives and and
Speaker 1: so supportive and sweet. And you're just the best fans.
Speaker 1: And we're coming up on a year and we're grateful
Speaker 1: for each and every one of you we've got along
Speaker 1: the way, and we'll be celebrating that as we go on,
Speaker 1: because yeah, you guys make this show possible, and uh
Speaker 1: we're just you're the best. And we got special fun
Speaker 1: announcements coming up as well. Uh so with that, Andrew, Noah,
Speaker 1: great pod, everyone else out there, don't be care. And
Speaker 1: I was gonna say that, but almost a Jack the
Speaker 1: re sure like Jack the Ripper, which wouldn't have been right,
Speaker 1: or the barber