WEBVTT - Single Ladies, All The Single Ladies 0:00:14.760 --> 0:00:19.080 Hey, Hey, it's your favorite non celebrity real life besties. 0:00:19.480 --> 0:00:22.960 We're still struggling and having fun in the dating scene, 0:00:23.640 --> 0:00:27.240 and we love to sit here and chat with all 0:00:27.240 --> 0:00:31.000 of you listeners and swap war stories as we are 0:00:31.120 --> 0:00:35.000 all in the same trenches, and we just want to 0:00:35.040 --> 0:00:38.400 dive deep into a real topic, which is something Thelma 0:00:38.440 --> 0:00:41.000 and I talk about regularly, which is how do you 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:44.199 fill the time or the gray area when you're not 0:00:44.840 --> 0:00:47.480 involved in a relationship. And I just want to point 0:00:47.479 --> 0:00:50.040 out that at the end of the day, Thelma is 0:00:50.080 --> 0:00:52.800 my soulmate and I will always choose all me and 0:00:52.920 --> 0:00:55.600 any other guy I date is going to be number two. 0:00:56.000 --> 0:00:59.320 And tomorrow Thelma is leaving me for two weeks, and 0:00:59.400 --> 0:01:01.120 I have to say we are entering into a long 0:01:01.120 --> 0:01:03.880 distance relationship, and I begin to get panicked, but heart 0:01:04.200 --> 0:01:06.560 have no fear I have showing up on our doorstep 0:01:06.640 --> 0:01:09.560 for New Year's Eve because we can't possibly not be together. 0:01:10.040 --> 0:01:13.440 But the truth, the truth to be told is is 0:01:13.560 --> 0:01:17.520 Thelma and I are really good at looking at our 0:01:17.600 --> 0:01:20.760 life like a huge a huge pizza, and dating is 0:01:20.760 --> 0:01:23.000 a slice of it. But we have worked really hard 0:01:23.040 --> 0:01:26.600 to find fulfillment and lots of things that find us 0:01:26.760 --> 0:01:29.720 joy and dating is just part of it, and our 0:01:29.760 --> 0:01:33.600 whole life is not about finding that partner. So, Thelma, 0:01:33.800 --> 0:01:35.880 what are your thoughts on this? Do you concur that 0:01:35.959 --> 0:01:38.479 this is something that you and I have succeeded in doing. 0:01:38.840 --> 0:01:42.479 I completely agree, and I think that, I mean, this 0:01:42.800 --> 0:01:49.040 might just be me, but I feel like often I 0:01:49.080 --> 0:01:52.320 when I think about the times where I might be 0:01:52.960 --> 0:01:57.480 wishing that I had somebody, or I'm lonely or just 0:01:57.600 --> 0:02:00.360 wondering why I'm not in a relationship, it's often a 0:02:00.400 --> 0:02:03.960 sign of something far bigger going on within me, and 0:02:04.000 --> 0:02:07.200 it really has nothing to do with dating or finding 0:02:07.240 --> 0:02:10.160 the person. It's that something in my life is either 0:02:10.240 --> 0:02:15.240 off or I'm not I'm trying to think. I'm thinking 0:02:15.320 --> 0:02:17.960 that if I find someone, it might be the solution 0:02:18.120 --> 0:02:21.200 to something that I'm not really approaching in the right 0:02:21.240 --> 0:02:24.320 way in my own like in my own way. So 0:02:24.800 --> 0:02:30.639 for example, I think sometimes it's I'm bored and I'm bored, 0:02:30.800 --> 0:02:33.359 and so instead of saying Okay, I'm bored, what am 0:02:33.360 --> 0:02:36.320 I going to do about it and taking steps to 0:02:36.960 --> 0:02:40.760 address that, that's when your mind or my mind might 0:02:40.800 --> 0:02:42.600 be like, oh, well, if I was dating somebody, it 0:02:42.600 --> 0:02:45.720 would look different. And I think the truth is it's 0:02:45.880 --> 0:02:50.000 usually I have it within me to make a change 0:02:50.440 --> 0:02:52.320 so that I don't feel bored, or that I don't 0:02:52.320 --> 0:02:55.840 feel lonely, or that I am being proactive, and so 0:02:56.000 --> 0:02:59.600 often it's about just taking action. And then I find 0:02:59.600 --> 0:03:02.160 that it's not even about missing someone. 0:03:02.400 --> 0:03:05.880 I think finding a partner has to be totally additive, right, 0:03:06.000 --> 0:03:08.519 Like I think if we make our whole life about 0:03:08.840 --> 0:03:11.960 finding our soulmate or finding our husband or finding our boyfriend, 0:03:12.000 --> 0:03:14.840 it's kind of always looking out like tomorrow and the 0:03:14.880 --> 0:03:17.720 next stop on the train, right, And I think we 0:03:17.760 --> 0:03:19.720 need to focus on the day ahead of us and say, 0:03:19.919 --> 0:03:22.640 how can we find joy? What's going to make us 0:03:22.639 --> 0:03:24.920 feel good? We don't need to fill a hole within 0:03:24.960 --> 0:03:27.400 ourselves with another person. 0:03:27.520 --> 0:03:29.959 Right, That's never going to work. I mean we both 0:03:29.960 --> 0:03:30.520 talked about that. 0:03:30.600 --> 0:03:32.880 Also, shopping buying a new pair of shoes isn't going 0:03:32.960 --> 0:03:36.240 to fill a hole, right, Like, it's finding joy within ourselves. 0:03:36.240 --> 0:03:38.160 And I think you know what you and I do 0:03:38.600 --> 0:03:41.560 is sure we have our five minutes of saying like, oh, 0:03:41.560 --> 0:03:43.360 it would be so great if somebody was taking us 0:03:43.360 --> 0:03:45.040 out on a Saturday night, But like we can take 0:03:45.040 --> 0:03:48.000 ourselves out on a Saturday night completely and we enjoy 0:03:48.080 --> 0:03:50.800 ourselves doing it right. And as you and I both know, 0:03:51.320 --> 0:03:54.240 I would rather bet on our known, our unknown, than 0:03:54.280 --> 0:03:57.080 are known. And I look around at eighty five percent 0:03:57.400 --> 0:03:59.560 of the people in my lives who are in marriages 0:03:59.600 --> 0:04:03.080 and relationships and they're unhappy, right, and the grass is 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:05.800 not greener. But I have to say that every day 0:04:05.840 --> 0:04:07.480 you and I wake up, we are the architects of 0:04:07.560 --> 0:04:11.920 our own life period and it's exciting and it's an opportunity. 0:04:12.040 --> 0:04:14.600 The unknown is an opportunity, and I just think we 0:04:14.720 --> 0:04:16.400 have to look at this period of time in our 0:04:16.440 --> 0:04:21.680 life as there is a reason why we are I'm 0:04:21.720 --> 0:04:23.920 not saying alone, because we're not alone. We have each other, 0:04:24.040 --> 0:04:25.800 we have our children, we have our friends, we have 0:04:25.920 --> 0:04:28.880 whatever it is in our life. We've got the Starbucks barista, right, 0:04:28.960 --> 0:04:32.840 like our value is not determined because we have a 0:04:32.839 --> 0:04:35.359 partner period completely. 0:04:35.800 --> 0:04:39.000 And it's not about playing the waiting game. It's about 0:04:39.640 --> 0:04:43.000 what do you want in your life and taking steps 0:04:43.040 --> 0:04:47.480 today to make that happen, and you, as you said, 0:04:47.520 --> 0:04:49.640 being the architect of your own life. So I think 0:04:49.680 --> 0:04:54.400 that a big, huge piece also is recognizing that like 0:04:54.880 --> 0:04:59.240 it's not one thing or one person that really meets 0:04:59.279 --> 0:05:00.559 all of your emotions needs. 0:05:00.600 --> 0:05:03.239 Well, why are we giving that person, that unknown person, 0:05:03.560 --> 0:05:04.160 that power. 0:05:04.440 --> 0:05:06.560 But I think it's a common misconception. I think a 0:05:06.560 --> 0:05:09.520 lot of people when they get unhappy, go to, oh, well, 0:05:09.560 --> 0:05:12.039 it would look so different if I had somebody. But 0:05:12.680 --> 0:05:15.840 if you're unhappy, it's because you're unhappy or lonely in 0:05:15.880 --> 0:05:19.000 your own life. It's not because somebody else is going 0:05:19.080 --> 0:05:19.839 to provide that for you. 0:05:20.240 --> 0:05:22.320 Well, it's no different than when somebody's like, oh, if 0:05:22.320 --> 0:05:24.720 I had a million dollars more, i'd be happier. It's like, no, 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:29.000 be happy with what you have and how you've achieved it. Right, 0:05:29.160 --> 0:05:31.359 So at the end of the day, Look, you and 0:05:31.400 --> 0:05:33.480 I do a lot of stuff. You know. Here's what 0:05:33.520 --> 0:05:36.520 I do when I'm unhappy or I'm feeling lonely. I 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:38.400 pick up the phone and I FaceTime you. I know 0:05:38.440 --> 0:05:41.640 you hate my face time, but we FaceTime. We laugh. Right, 0:05:42.400 --> 0:05:45.760 I read a book. There is nothing better than actually 0:05:45.800 --> 0:05:49.279 reading a book and getting lost in a story. It 0:05:49.400 --> 0:05:52.839 feels really good, putting on a TV show, going on 0:05:52.880 --> 0:05:54.760 a walk. I mean, you and I have I'll speak 0:05:54.760 --> 0:05:57.400 for myself osteoporosis now, so I have to work weight 0:05:57.480 --> 0:06:01.240 ad best right one for Chris I did. That was 0:06:01.240 --> 0:06:03.520 a good gift, you know. But I just feel like 0:06:03.680 --> 0:06:08.119 there are so many ways to create fulfillment within ourselves 0:06:08.440 --> 0:06:11.240 that has nothing to do with finding a partner, right 0:06:11.520 --> 0:06:15.080 Like there all this is a chapter when we are 0:06:15.120 --> 0:06:18.359 all searching for people. We need to just look. I 0:06:18.360 --> 0:06:21.000 think it's two bold. I think you energetically have to 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:23.240 put it out there that you want to meet somebody, right, 0:06:23.360 --> 0:06:26.559 but at the same time, you can't make your entire 0:06:26.760 --> 0:06:30.440 focus about meeting somebody and coming from this like desperate 0:06:30.880 --> 0:06:34.280 place about it. It's kind of like walking a tight rope, right, Like, 0:06:34.560 --> 0:06:36.800 it would be great to meet somebody. I am open 0:06:36.839 --> 0:06:39.840 to meeting somebody, but at the same time, I'm living 0:06:39.880 --> 0:06:43.080 my best life. And because I'm living my best life, 0:06:43.279 --> 0:06:46.080 that is the energy that we're giving out there, and 0:06:46.120 --> 0:06:48.159 it's going to come back to us. 0:06:48.480 --> 0:06:50.839 Andrew, you spending the time I think being your best 0:06:50.960 --> 0:06:54.719 version of yourself, and I mean I mean on a 0:06:54.760 --> 0:06:59.920 deeper level and trying new things. I meant getting your 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:03.280 self comfortable being uncomfortable. I feel like I always am 0:07:03.279 --> 0:07:05.840 saying to my kids, like when they say, Oh, I 0:07:05.880 --> 0:07:07.680 don't want to do that. You know, I'm scared to 0:07:07.720 --> 0:07:09.520 do it. I'm scared to run for student body. I'm 0:07:09.520 --> 0:07:12.320 scared to do this. Like I spend so much time 0:07:12.400 --> 0:07:15.160 and my kids are older now, but pushing and encouraging 0:07:15.200 --> 0:07:17.960 my kids to get out there and do things that 0:07:18.480 --> 0:07:21.360 they they kind of want to do, but then within 0:07:21.400 --> 0:07:23.840 five seconds have already talked themselves out of it. And 0:07:23.880 --> 0:07:27.880 it's it's about taking my own advice and pushing myself 0:07:27.880 --> 0:07:30.680 to do things and operating not out of I mean 0:07:30.840 --> 0:07:34.800 not out of fear, but being proactive. And I feel 0:07:34.840 --> 0:07:38.600 like I'm really trying to say yes to more things 0:07:38.760 --> 0:07:41.520 that are unique and different and not the usual things 0:07:41.520 --> 0:07:42.640 that I do. 0:07:42.360 --> 0:07:45.280 So to that point, right, and this is something we've 0:07:45.320 --> 0:07:47.640 talked about and I think it's a lot easier to 0:07:47.680 --> 0:07:49.720 do it. And we're not in our own city, right, 0:07:49.800 --> 0:07:55.360 but you know, it would be amazing to sit at 0:07:55.400 --> 0:07:58.080 a bar by ourselves, because we all know guys don't 0:07:58.120 --> 0:08:03.360 approach tables of women. Don't people get approached when they're 0:08:03.360 --> 0:08:07.240 either by themselves or maybe with one other person. So 0:08:07.840 --> 0:08:12.000 traveling alone, going on and eat prey love trip, which 0:08:12.080 --> 0:08:14.320 puts us out of our comfort zone, sitting at a 0:08:14.320 --> 0:08:16.680 hotel bar and having you know, a pork chop and 0:08:16.720 --> 0:08:19.800 a glass of wine by yourself, right, not on your phone, 0:08:20.000 --> 0:08:22.240 just with a big smile on your face, right saying 0:08:22.280 --> 0:08:23.920 like I'm approachable, Come talk to me. 0:08:24.120 --> 0:08:25.880 We're saying oh to people in the street, I mean, 0:08:25.960 --> 0:08:29.280 or when an elevator or a gym, Hey, you know nice, 0:08:29.560 --> 0:08:32.439 how are you? How's your day? I mean, it's all 0:08:32.480 --> 0:08:35.160 of those things. It's like signing up for a pickleball 0:08:35.200 --> 0:08:38.839 class without a friend and doing it by yourself, and 0:08:38.840 --> 0:08:42.360 going and meeting random people that you would never have 0:08:42.480 --> 0:08:45.840 met before and showing up in that way, you know, 0:08:46.080 --> 0:08:47.960 or saying yes when people invite you to things that 0:08:48.320 --> 0:08:50.280 you generally would say no to or you don't think 0:08:50.320 --> 0:08:53.360 you're going to know anybody. It's like that's what you 0:08:53.400 --> 0:08:53.880 have to do. 0:08:54.240 --> 0:08:57.240 Well, there's the reason why these opportunities are presented to us. 0:08:57.280 --> 0:09:00.400 We don't know why, right, Like, we have no idea. 0:09:00.480 --> 0:09:03.520 Somebody might say, oh, I need you to drop off 0:09:03.880 --> 0:09:06.440 you know this this thing at the whatever, and all 0:09:06.440 --> 0:09:08.600 of a sudden you walk in and your soulmate is there. 0:09:08.640 --> 0:09:11.920 We just have to be open and say yes to opportunities. 0:09:11.960 --> 0:09:16.679 I mean, look, don't forget. You were in Atlanta and 0:09:16.760 --> 0:09:18.640 I think you were dropping one of her kids off 0:09:18.720 --> 0:09:21.679 and you went down to the Four Seasons bar and 0:09:21.720 --> 0:09:24.240 you had sat down and had dinner. And I was 0:09:24.320 --> 0:09:27.080 so struck by the story because it was you sat 0:09:27.120 --> 0:09:29.600 there and you started talking to somebody, and I remember 0:09:29.640 --> 0:09:31.960 thinking like, oh, well, you and I had this whole 0:09:32.000 --> 0:09:34.240 business idea. Remember what we were going to do still 0:09:34.240 --> 0:09:36.400 not off the table, right, We're going to go hotel 0:09:36.440 --> 0:09:39.200 bar to hotel bar, city to city and you know, 0:09:39.480 --> 0:09:42.000 kind of talk about all the different people we meet, 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:45.400 and it's like, it's very fun. I had a friend 0:09:45.440 --> 0:09:50.120 here and I was really she actually had a Saturday night, 0:09:50.160 --> 0:09:51.800 had to drop her son off at like a bar 0:09:51.840 --> 0:09:55.200 mitzeat and sat at the bar at Brentwood, Catsia by 0:09:55.240 --> 0:09:57.960 herself on a Saturday night. I was like, oh, that's. 0:09:57.880 --> 0:09:59.640 Quite old when you know people. And that's why I 0:09:59.679 --> 0:10:03.439 think it's so much easier when you're somewhere outside of 0:10:03.480 --> 0:10:07.520 your day to day because it's easier being anonymous and 0:10:07.559 --> 0:10:12.559 not feeling so uncomfortable kind of being alone. Right, I mean, 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:15.360 not many people in their hometown are willing to do that, 0:10:15.559 --> 0:10:18.280 but I think like getting in the car driving to 0:10:18.320 --> 0:10:21.120 Santa Barbara, like, it doesn't have to be anything major. 0:10:21.600 --> 0:10:23.800 I mean talk about major. You remember I told you 0:10:23.800 --> 0:10:25.559 about what my sister and I did. We got divorced 0:10:25.559 --> 0:10:28.880 within six months of each other, and we were both 0:10:29.000 --> 0:10:31.560 just like, oh my gosh, what does our chapter two 0:10:31.600 --> 0:10:34.199 look like? Where do we pick up and start our lives? 0:10:34.240 --> 0:10:36.800 Like everything we thought and knew our life to be 0:10:37.400 --> 0:10:41.600 completely you know, was not no longer. And we planned 0:10:41.600 --> 0:10:44.280 a trip to a visa. The two of us literally 0:10:44.320 --> 0:10:46.960 gone on a plane, went to a visa and traveled 0:10:47.000 --> 0:10:49.880 for two weeks together. And I seriously think that was 0:10:49.920 --> 0:10:51.640 like the best trip I've ever had in my entire life. 0:10:51.720 --> 0:10:53.680 No, you want me to do with my sister? Who's 0:10:54.120 --> 0:10:55.400 I just said that to you? 0:10:55.520 --> 0:10:57.839 The idea you did? Have you done that with your sister? 0:10:58.200 --> 0:11:00.520 It's just it was so fun. I mean, we wore 0:11:00.559 --> 0:11:02.760 clothes we never would have worn, right, We talked to 0:11:02.800 --> 0:11:04.520 people we never would have talked to. We stayed out 0:11:04.559 --> 0:11:07.680 until five am. It was like it was such a high. 0:11:07.760 --> 0:11:09.440 It was such a high, well it was. 0:11:09.520 --> 0:11:12.320 It was something completely different than your normal greatest tips 0:11:12.360 --> 0:11:14.720 or what's in your playbook? You know. Look, I will 0:11:14.760 --> 0:11:19.040 say it's hard sometimes and to sit there and I 0:11:19.120 --> 0:11:22.360 go down the rabbit hole of like, why am I 0:11:22.400 --> 0:11:25.200 sol alone? I've been divorced nine years, I've dated, I've 0:11:25.240 --> 0:11:28.040 had boyfriends, but like, why haven't I found my unicorn? Like? 0:11:28.240 --> 0:11:30.000 And sometimes you begin to say to yourself, like what's 0:11:30.040 --> 0:11:33.079 wrong with me? Like why can that person get themselves 0:11:33.080 --> 0:11:35.960 into a long term relationship or get themselves remarried. I mean, 0:11:35.960 --> 0:11:38.079 I'll never forget when I was going through my divorce 0:11:38.200 --> 0:11:41.120 proceedings and my ex husband said to me, oh, you'll 0:11:41.120 --> 0:11:43.559 be remarried at no time, and I was like, Okay, great, 0:11:43.600 --> 0:11:46.560 well that hasn't happened. And I'm like and meanwhile he's 0:11:46.679 --> 0:11:48.760 like engaged and living his best life. And I'm like, 0:11:49.000 --> 0:11:51.520 is something wrong with me? And you know, I sometimes 0:11:51.520 --> 0:11:55.480 it makes me feel badly about myself. And then I thought, no, 0:11:55.840 --> 0:11:57.880 I'm going to not come from that place like I 0:11:57.960 --> 0:11:59.880 just haven't found my right person. And this has been 0:11:59.880 --> 0:12:02.320 a time where I'm becoming the best version of myself. 0:12:02.360 --> 0:12:05.320 And I know I have changed so much from the 0:12:05.360 --> 0:12:08.000 person I was when I was married to the early 0:12:08.080 --> 0:12:10.680 years of being divorced to who I am today. And 0:12:10.760 --> 0:12:13.160 I'm proud of that. Person and the work I've done, 0:12:13.160 --> 0:12:15.880 and I know I'm better for it, and each person 0:12:15.920 --> 0:12:18.160 that we date, whether it's one date, whether it's one month, 0:12:18.200 --> 0:12:21.120 whether it's three years, it's part of our journey so 0:12:21.240 --> 0:12:25.720 we get to our final destination. And I believe it's happening, 0:12:25.880 --> 0:12:27.920 and it maybe took a little bit longer, but I'm 0:12:28.000 --> 0:12:29.440 but I'm also happy that you and I have been 0:12:29.440 --> 0:12:30.439 on the same timeline. 0:12:30.640 --> 0:12:32.320 Well, but you might have not and you might not 0:12:32.400 --> 0:12:35.120 have evolved as much had you met somebody right away, 0:12:35.160 --> 0:12:37.040 right because as soon as you get in a relationship, 0:12:37.480 --> 0:12:39.599 that's when compromise starts. And I'm not saying it's not 0:12:39.640 --> 0:12:42.240 a great thing, because I think you become less stuck 0:12:42.240 --> 0:12:44.080 in your ways and all the rest. That's the danger 0:12:44.080 --> 0:12:46.920 of being single for too long, is do I elect 0:12:46.920 --> 0:12:49.040 to actually have a partner in my life, because it 0:12:49.120 --> 0:12:53.560 is so good without having to make those compromises and sacrifices. 0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:57.240 But I do think that attitude is everything right, and 0:12:58.480 --> 0:13:01.360 your attitude, I mean, let's be honest, I mean, there's 0:13:01.400 --> 0:13:03.559 an ass for every seat. If we wanted a boyfriend, 0:13:03.679 --> 0:13:06.640 or anyone wanted a boyfriend or a girlfriend, you could 0:13:06.640 --> 0:13:10.120 have one. And it's like every I mean, everybody could 0:13:10.120 --> 0:13:12.280 be taken or I mean, I don't want to say everybody. 0:13:12.040 --> 0:13:13.720 For sure, but we don't want to settle, and we'd 0:13:13.760 --> 0:13:17.640 like it. I'm the queen of trying to fit a 0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:20.640 square peg into a round hole, right because you know, 0:13:20.679 --> 0:13:24.920 and so I think you're better at cutting bait sooner 0:13:24.920 --> 0:13:27.960 than I do, right because I'm like, oh, like they're 0:13:28.040 --> 0:13:31.160 nice or it is or that or good enough. But 0:13:31.480 --> 0:13:33.760 I don't want good enough because first of all, the 0:13:33.800 --> 0:13:35.760 scary thing is is they say a lot of second 0:13:35.760 --> 0:13:40.199 marriages greater percentage of ending up in divorced than first marriages. 0:13:40.600 --> 0:13:43.320 So it would I don't want to get divorced again, right, 0:13:43.440 --> 0:13:44.960 or I don't it's scary. 0:13:45.200 --> 0:13:47.000 Or you want to get married. I mean I also 0:13:47.080 --> 0:13:50.440 think that, like you look at people today, and I 0:13:50.480 --> 0:13:55.920 think how I view marriage and and commitment and partnership 0:13:56.000 --> 0:13:59.120 is so different as a fifty one year old than 0:13:59.240 --> 0:14:01.520 as a twenty year old. You know, I used It's 0:14:01.520 --> 0:14:03.800 not that I spent time sitting there dreaming about like, oh, 0:14:03.840 --> 0:14:06.360 a white picket fence and you know, getting married. I 0:14:06.440 --> 0:14:09.040 wasn't really one of those, but I just assumed that 0:14:09.040 --> 0:14:11.960 that's kind of what you did, and I think today. 0:14:12.280 --> 0:14:15.079 Well, you also watch a great example in your parents. 0:14:15.200 --> 0:14:18.040 I mean, my parents have been married for over sixty years, 0:14:18.080 --> 0:14:20.440 my siblings. You know, I was the first in my 0:14:20.640 --> 0:14:22.760 family to get divorced, and it took me a really 0:14:22.800 --> 0:14:27.280 long time to not feel like there was this stigma. 0:14:27.480 --> 0:14:29.600 And I think I told you, like everyone in my 0:14:29.720 --> 0:14:33.240 world and my purview, everyone I saw was married, and 0:14:33.280 --> 0:14:35.200 it wasn't until I got divorced that I realized how 0:14:35.200 --> 0:14:38.360 many people were actually divorced. But I also think that 0:14:38.440 --> 0:14:41.720 a huge, a huge piece for me is that like 0:14:42.440 --> 0:14:45.440 back to kind of emotional needs being met by different people. 0:14:46.560 --> 0:14:50.600 I don't think that one person in it needs to 0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:53.560 be my be all and all you know, as you said, 0:14:53.600 --> 0:14:57.680 it's additive, it enhances your life. But the truth is 0:14:58.520 --> 0:15:01.520 like we and have somebody, but it doesn't have to 0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:03.680 look the same. They can be you know, and out 0:15:03.680 --> 0:15:04.840 of town like friends. 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:07.960 Right like, say we have ten friends and one person 0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:10.360 is the person you laugh with, one person is the 0:15:10.360 --> 0:15:12.280 one you talk about, make up the genes with one 0:15:12.320 --> 0:15:15.000 person you tell them your deepest, darkest secret and can 0:15:15.040 --> 0:15:18.040 be your most vulnerable self. Right like that goes back 0:15:18.040 --> 0:15:20.120 to the whole point of what we think. I think 0:15:20.160 --> 0:15:23.240 this podcast is is finding a partner is just supposed 0:15:23.280 --> 0:15:26.000 to be part of your life. There are so many more. 0:15:26.200 --> 0:15:32.280 There's so many equally amazing and important aspects of one's life, 0:15:32.440 --> 0:15:37.800 right Like, it's career, it's passions, it's hobbies, it's friends, 0:15:37.840 --> 0:15:43.320 it's family, it's being a parent, it's professional, it's spiritual, 0:15:43.560 --> 0:15:46.240 right like, what turns us on spiritual? Like I love 0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:50.440 my crystals, I love manifestation, I love listening to Gabby Bernstein, 0:15:50.520 --> 0:15:53.480 I love my eleven eleven numbers, right Like, it's a 0:15:53.720 --> 0:15:57.800 very big it's a big landscape. And so I think 0:15:58.200 --> 0:16:01.840 you know, you and I are really good not making 0:16:02.280 --> 0:16:06.000 finding our partner of the utmost important. Our life is 0:16:06.080 --> 0:16:09.000 never going to be defined by that. Look, when you're twenty, 0:16:09.160 --> 0:16:13.080 twenty five, thirty, you know, we do want to find 0:16:13.080 --> 0:16:16.400 our husband, we want to get married, we want to 0:16:16.440 --> 0:16:19.520 have children, Like those are important things. But to your point, 0:16:19.560 --> 0:16:22.480 when you're in your fifties, a partner is very different 0:16:22.680 --> 0:16:25.640 at fifty than at twenty, right Like, we're looking for 0:16:25.640 --> 0:16:26.360 a companion. 0:16:26.720 --> 0:16:28.640 Yeah, it can be a once in a month partner. 0:16:28.680 --> 0:16:30.560 I mean I think we differ a little bit. I 0:16:30.600 --> 0:16:33.920 think you ultimately would like to find one person. But 0:16:33.960 --> 0:16:36.280 for me, I don't know. I kind of feel like 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:40.920 it's this archaic, archaic tradition of like, and it's not 0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:43.640 that I'm opposed to monogamy, but like, I don't know 0:16:43.680 --> 0:16:45.800 if I need somebody full time in my life, and 0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:49.320 like you know, for me, it might be finding somebody 0:16:49.320 --> 0:16:53.160 that enjoys the same things that I do and hooking up. 0:16:53.160 --> 0:16:55.360 And I don't mean literally hooking up, but like hooking 0:16:55.520 --> 0:16:58.280 you hooking up. I mean that's never well, that's my 0:16:58.440 --> 0:16:59.160 long distance. 0:16:59.200 --> 0:17:03.160 For you, you're very open and comfortable with the concept 0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:05.680 of a long business relationship because think about it, you're 0:17:05.720 --> 0:17:08.160 getting the best of both worlds, right, Like you get 0:17:08.160 --> 0:17:11.040 your life here, you get your time to beat Thelma, 0:17:11.560 --> 0:17:14.080 you get your time with your fun girls dinners, but 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:16.280 then you would be able to go away and spend 0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:18.840 your time with your boyfriend at that time. 0:17:18.960 --> 0:17:20.880 For me, it's like getting a fix and then after 0:17:20.920 --> 0:17:23.320 I've gotten it, I'm like, I feel good. 0:17:33.440 --> 0:17:35.520 I will say, the best thing to do in this 0:17:35.920 --> 0:17:39.520 for me, which there's nothing I love more than our 0:17:39.520 --> 0:17:44.040 girls trips, Like I think packing up with your friends, 0:17:44.320 --> 0:17:47.280 taking a drive, or hopping on a plane to go 0:17:47.400 --> 0:17:49.520 to New York. Like, I just got back from a 0:17:49.520 --> 0:17:52.719 girls trip in New York for four days. It was 0:17:53.160 --> 0:17:56.399 the most fun. We felt so good about ourselves. And 0:17:56.440 --> 0:18:00.000 it also when you change your environment and you come back, 0:18:00.800 --> 0:18:03.880 you just have a fresh kind of rejuvenated energy about you. 0:18:04.440 --> 0:18:07.080 And I don't know, like we're all going to the 0:18:07.080 --> 0:18:09.840 pro am in January to sell We're going to have 0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:10.560 such a blast. 0:18:10.680 --> 0:18:12.680 You realize the world's also a bigger place, kind of 0:18:12.680 --> 0:18:14.840 what you said, It's like it's so small, but it 0:18:14.880 --> 0:18:18.159 is big, And like, how do you start doing things 0:18:18.160 --> 0:18:21.000 that aren't the usual things that you do to create 0:18:21.040 --> 0:18:24.479 excitement and novelty and you know, have butterflies again when 0:18:24.480 --> 0:18:25.119 you're going out. 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:27.359 But I also think we need to look at dating 0:18:27.400 --> 0:18:30.159 like fun. Like it's like it's an opportunity, right, and 0:18:30.280 --> 0:18:32.720 for example, like you know, and it was hard to 0:18:32.720 --> 0:18:34.520 get you to start doing it, right, Like I really 0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:36.240 get to push you, and I really kind of look 0:18:36.280 --> 0:18:38.720 at it as an opportunity even like the anticipation of 0:18:38.760 --> 0:18:41.760 getting ready and like the coordination of the date is 0:18:41.840 --> 0:18:45.600 far more fun and exciting than the actual date itself. Right, 0:18:45.640 --> 0:18:47.560 It's like the wedding prep and then you have the 0:18:47.600 --> 0:18:50.359 wedding right, so you know, eight times out of ten, 0:18:50.480 --> 0:18:53.800 the date is like a hard pass, but the fun 0:18:53.880 --> 0:18:56.560 that we have doing it. But for me, look, dating 0:18:56.680 --> 0:18:59.000 is hard in LA for me because I grew up here. 0:18:59.000 --> 0:19:00.720 I feel like I know one won't want a dating 0:19:00.720 --> 0:19:04.119 app because I see everyone I know on it. But 0:19:05.080 --> 0:19:07.360 there are some really funny dating stories. I mean, I 0:19:07.400 --> 0:19:11.320 just have to tell you it's dating fun like I 0:19:11.320 --> 0:19:13.520 got remember the story I told you this weekend. This 0:19:13.600 --> 0:19:15.800 story is I was telling my kids last night. So 0:19:15.840 --> 0:19:18.520 I have a friend who's going through a divorce, and 0:19:18.760 --> 0:19:20.600 I've been pushing her to go on the dating apps, 0:19:21.000 --> 0:19:23.840 and she's set her age range to mid sixties because 0:19:23.840 --> 0:19:25.480 she's like, I don't want anyone with young kids, like 0:19:25.520 --> 0:19:27.760 I just want somebody who's like a man, who can 0:19:27.880 --> 0:19:32.439 like up and go okay. Fine, So she matches with 0:19:32.480 --> 0:19:36.120 this guy. She sends me the picture and he's handsome. 0:19:36.240 --> 0:19:39.080 He's cute, right, and so she's like okay. So they 0:19:39.080 --> 0:19:41.680 make a plan to wow this Tuesday night, and so 0:19:41.920 --> 0:19:45.960 she sends the picture to another one of our friends. 0:19:46.359 --> 0:19:49.760 And then our friend was at John and Vinnie's having 0:19:49.800 --> 0:19:53.520 lunch on Sunday and she sees this guy on another date, 0:19:54.080 --> 0:19:55.520 but the one that my friend is going to meet. 0:19:55.560 --> 0:19:57.280 So she takes a picture of him and she says 0:19:57.280 --> 0:19:59.440 it to my friend and goes, guess he's really on 0:19:59.520 --> 0:20:03.160 the dating circuit. So he's like a total dating machine. 0:20:03.280 --> 0:20:05.520 So those are the stories that you have to laugh 0:20:05.560 --> 0:20:08.159 at and have fun with. And then the currency and 0:20:08.200 --> 0:20:11.040 the laughter. We've dined out on this story all wee 0:20:11.080 --> 0:20:13.159