Speaker 1: Hey, Hey, it's your favorite non celebrity real life besties.
Speaker 1: We're still struggling and having fun in the dating scene,
Speaker 1: and we love to sit here and chat with all
Speaker 1: of you listeners and swap war stories as we are
Speaker 1: all in the same trenches, and we just want to
Speaker 1: dive deep into a real topic, which is something Thelma
Speaker 1: and I talk about regularly, which is how do you
Speaker 1: fill the time or the gray area when you're not
Speaker 1: involved in a relationship. And I just want to point
Speaker 1: out that at the end of the day, Thelma is
Speaker 1: my soulmate and I will always choose all me and
Speaker 1: any other guy I date is going to be number two.
Speaker 1: And tomorrow Thelma is leaving me for two weeks, and
Speaker 1: I have to say we are entering into a long
Speaker 1: distance relationship, and I begin to get panicked, but heart
Speaker 1: have no fear I have showing up on our doorstep
Speaker 1: for New Year's Eve because we can't possibly not be together.
Speaker 1: But the truth, the truth to be told is is
Speaker 1: Thelma and I are really good at looking at our
Speaker 1: life like a huge a huge pizza, and dating is
Speaker 1: a slice of it. But we have worked really hard
Speaker 1: to find fulfillment and lots of things that find us
Speaker 1: joy and dating is just part of it, and our
Speaker 1: whole life is not about finding that partner. So, Thelma,
Speaker 1: what are your thoughts on this? Do you concur that
Speaker 1: this is something that you and I have succeeded in doing.
Speaker 2: I completely agree, and I think that, I mean, this
Speaker 2: might just be me, but I feel like often I
Speaker 2: when I think about the times where I might be
Speaker 2: wishing that I had somebody, or I'm lonely or just
Speaker 2: wondering why I'm not in a relationship, it's often a
Speaker 2: sign of something far bigger going on within me, and
Speaker 2: it really has nothing to do with dating or finding
Speaker 2: the person. It's that something in my life is either
Speaker 2: off or I'm not I'm trying to think. I'm thinking
Speaker 2: that if I find someone, it might be the solution
Speaker 2: to something that I'm not really approaching in the right
Speaker 2: way in my own like in my own way. So
Speaker 2: for example, I think sometimes it's I'm bored and I'm bored,
Speaker 2: and so instead of saying Okay, I'm bored, what am
Speaker 2: I going to do about it and taking steps to
Speaker 2: address that, that's when your mind or my mind might
Speaker 2: be like, oh, well, if I was dating somebody, it
Speaker 2: would look different. And I think the truth is it's
Speaker 2: usually I have it within me to make a change
Speaker 2: so that I don't feel bored, or that I don't
Speaker 2: feel lonely, or that I am being proactive, and so
Speaker 2: often it's about just taking action. And then I find
Speaker 2: that it's not even about missing someone.
Speaker 1: I think finding a partner has to be totally additive, right,
Speaker 1: Like I think if we make our whole life about
Speaker 1: finding our soulmate or finding our husband or finding our boyfriend,
Speaker 1: it's kind of always looking out like tomorrow and the
Speaker 1: next stop on the train, right, And I think we
Speaker 1: need to focus on the day ahead of us and say,
Speaker 1: how can we find joy? What's going to make us
Speaker 1: feel good? We don't need to fill a hole within
Speaker 1: ourselves with another person.
Speaker 2: Right, That's never going to work. I mean we both
Speaker 2: talked about that.
Speaker 1: Also, shopping buying a new pair of shoes isn't going
Speaker 1: to fill a hole, right, Like, it's finding joy within ourselves.
Speaker 1: And I think you know what you and I do
Speaker 1: is sure we have our five minutes of saying like, oh,
Speaker 1: it would be so great if somebody was taking us
Speaker 1: out on a Saturday night, But like we can take
Speaker 1: ourselves out on a Saturday night completely and we enjoy
Speaker 1: ourselves doing it right. And as you and I both know,
Speaker 1: I would rather bet on our known, our unknown, than
Speaker 1: are known. And I look around at eighty five percent
Speaker 1: of the people in my lives who are in marriages
Speaker 1: and relationships and they're unhappy, right, and the grass is
Speaker 1: not greener. But I have to say that every day
Speaker 1: you and I wake up, we are the architects of
Speaker 1: our own life period and it's exciting and it's an opportunity.
Speaker 1: The unknown is an opportunity, and I just think we
Speaker 1: have to look at this period of time in our
Speaker 1: life as there is a reason why we are I'm
Speaker 1: not saying alone, because we're not alone. We have each other,
Speaker 1: we have our children, we have our friends, we have
Speaker 1: whatever it is in our life. We've got the Starbucks barista, right,
Speaker 1: like our value is not determined because we have a
Speaker 1: partner period completely.
Speaker 2: And it's not about playing the waiting game. It's about
Speaker 2: what do you want in your life and taking steps
Speaker 2: today to make that happen, and you, as you said,
Speaker 2: being the architect of your own life. So I think
Speaker 2: that a big, huge piece also is recognizing that like
Speaker 2: it's not one thing or one person that really meets
Speaker 2: all of your emotions needs.
Speaker 1: Well, why are we giving that person, that unknown person,
Speaker 1: that power.
Speaker 2: But I think it's a common misconception. I think a
Speaker 2: lot of people when they get unhappy, go to, oh, well,
Speaker 2: it would look so different if I had somebody. But
Speaker 2: if you're unhappy, it's because you're unhappy or lonely in
Speaker 2: your own life. It's not because somebody else is going
Speaker 2: to provide that for you.
Speaker 1: Well, it's no different than when somebody's like, oh, if
Speaker 1: I had a million dollars more, i'd be happier. It's like, no,
Speaker 1: be happy with what you have and how you've achieved it. Right,
Speaker 1: So at the end of the day, Look, you and
Speaker 1: I do a lot of stuff. You know. Here's what
Speaker 1: I do when I'm unhappy or I'm feeling lonely. I
Speaker 1: pick up the phone and I FaceTime you. I know
Speaker 1: you hate my face time, but we FaceTime. We laugh. Right,
Speaker 1: I read a book. There is nothing better than actually
Speaker 1: reading a book and getting lost in a story. It
Speaker 1: feels really good, putting on a TV show, going on
Speaker 1: a walk. I mean, you and I have I'll speak
Speaker 1: for myself osteoporosis now, so I have to work weight
Speaker 1: ad best right one for Chris I did. That was
Speaker 1: a good gift, you know. But I just feel like
Speaker 1: there are so many ways to create fulfillment within ourselves
Speaker 1: that has nothing to do with finding a partner, right
Speaker 1: Like there all this is a chapter when we are
Speaker 1: all searching for people. We need to just look. I
Speaker 1: think it's two bold. I think you energetically have to
Speaker 1: put it out there that you want to meet somebody, right,
Speaker 1: but at the same time, you can't make your entire
Speaker 1: focus about meeting somebody and coming from this like desperate
Speaker 1: place about it. It's kind of like walking a tight rope, right, Like,
Speaker 1: it would be great to meet somebody. I am open
Speaker 1: to meeting somebody, but at the same time, I'm living
Speaker 1: my best life. And because I'm living my best life,
Speaker 1: that is the energy that we're giving out there, and
Speaker 1: it's going to come back to us.
Speaker 2: Andrew, you spending the time I think being your best
Speaker 2: version of yourself, and I mean I mean on a
Speaker 2: deeper level and trying new things. I meant getting your
Speaker 2: self comfortable being uncomfortable. I feel like I always am
Speaker 2: saying to my kids, like when they say, Oh, I
Speaker 2: don't want to do that. You know, I'm scared to
Speaker 2: do it. I'm scared to run for student body. I'm
Speaker 2: scared to do this. Like I spend so much time
Speaker 2: and my kids are older now, but pushing and encouraging
Speaker 2: my kids to get out there and do things that
Speaker 2: they they kind of want to do, but then within
Speaker 2: five seconds have already talked themselves out of it. And
Speaker 2: it's it's about taking my own advice and pushing myself
Speaker 2: to do things and operating not out of I mean
Speaker 2: not out of fear, but being proactive. And I feel
Speaker 2: like I'm really trying to say yes to more things
Speaker 2: that are unique and different and not the usual things
Speaker 2: that I do.
Speaker 1: So to that point, right, and this is something we've
Speaker 1: talked about and I think it's a lot easier to
Speaker 1: do it. And we're not in our own city, right,
Speaker 1: but you know, it would be amazing to sit at
Speaker 1: a bar by ourselves, because we all know guys don't
Speaker 1: approach tables of women. Don't people get approached when they're
Speaker 1: either by themselves or maybe with one other person. So
Speaker 1: traveling alone, going on and eat prey love trip, which
Speaker 1: puts us out of our comfort zone, sitting at a
Speaker 1: hotel bar and having you know, a pork chop and
Speaker 1: a glass of wine by yourself, right, not on your phone,
Speaker 1: just with a big smile on your face, right saying
Speaker 1: like I'm approachable, Come talk to me.
Speaker 2: We're saying oh to people in the street, I mean,
Speaker 2: or when an elevator or a gym, Hey, you know nice,
Speaker 2: how are you? How's your day? I mean, it's all
Speaker 2: of those things. It's like signing up for a pickleball
Speaker 2: class without a friend and doing it by yourself, and
Speaker 2: going and meeting random people that you would never have
Speaker 2: met before and showing up in that way, you know,
Speaker 2: or saying yes when people invite you to things that
Speaker 2: you generally would say no to or you don't think
Speaker 2: you're going to know anybody. It's like that's what you
Speaker 2: have to do.
Speaker 1: Well, there's the reason why these opportunities are presented to us.
Speaker 1: We don't know why, right, Like, we have no idea.
Speaker 1: Somebody might say, oh, I need you to drop off
Speaker 1: you know this this thing at the whatever, and all
Speaker 1: of a sudden you walk in and your soulmate is there.
Speaker 1: We just have to be open and say yes to opportunities.
Speaker 1: I mean, look, don't forget. You were in Atlanta and
Speaker 1: I think you were dropping one of her kids off
Speaker 1: and you went down to the Four Seasons bar and
Speaker 1: you had sat down and had dinner. And I was
Speaker 1: so struck by the story because it was you sat
Speaker 1: there and you started talking to somebody, and I remember
Speaker 1: thinking like, oh, well, you and I had this whole
Speaker 1: business idea. Remember what we were going to do still
Speaker 1: not off the table, right, We're going to go hotel
Speaker 1: bar to hotel bar, city to city and you know,
Speaker 1: kind of talk about all the different people we meet,
Speaker 1: and it's like, it's very fun. I had a friend
Speaker 1: here and I was really she actually had a Saturday night,
Speaker 1: had to drop her son off at like a bar
Speaker 1: mitzeat and sat at the bar at Brentwood, Catsia by
Speaker 1: herself on a Saturday night. I was like, oh, that's.
Speaker 2: Quite old when you know people. And that's why I
Speaker 2: think it's so much easier when you're somewhere outside of
Speaker 2: your day to day because it's easier being anonymous and
Speaker 2: not feeling so uncomfortable kind of being alone. Right, I mean,
Speaker 2: not many people in their hometown are willing to do that,
Speaker 2: but I think like getting in the car driving to
Speaker 2: Santa Barbara, like, it doesn't have to be anything major.
Speaker 2: I mean talk about major. You remember I told you
Speaker 2: about what my sister and I did. We got divorced
Speaker 2: within six months of each other, and we were both
Speaker 2: just like, oh my gosh, what does our chapter two
Speaker 2: look like? Where do we pick up and start our lives?
Speaker 2: Like everything we thought and knew our life to be
Speaker 2: completely you know, was not no longer. And we planned
Speaker 2: a trip to a visa. The two of us literally
Speaker 2: gone on a plane, went to a visa and traveled
Speaker 2: for two weeks together. And I seriously think that was
Speaker 2: like the best trip I've ever had in my entire life.
Speaker 1: No, you want me to do with my sister? Who's
Speaker 1: I just said that to you?
Speaker 2: The idea you did? Have you done that with your sister?
Speaker 2: It's just it was so fun. I mean, we wore
Speaker 2: clothes we never would have worn, right, We talked to
Speaker 2: people we never would have talked to. We stayed out
Speaker 2: until five am. It was like it was such a high.
Speaker 2: It was such a high, well it was.
Speaker 1: It was something completely different than your normal greatest tips
Speaker 1: or what's in your playbook? You know. Look, I will
Speaker 1: say it's hard sometimes and to sit there and I
Speaker 1: go down the rabbit hole of like, why am I
Speaker 1: sol alone? I've been divorced nine years, I've dated, I've
Speaker 1: had boyfriends, but like, why haven't I found my unicorn? Like?
Speaker 1: And sometimes you begin to say to yourself, like what's
Speaker 1: wrong with me? Like why can that person get themselves
Speaker 1: into a long term relationship or get themselves remarried. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'll never forget when I was going through my divorce
Speaker 1: proceedings and my ex husband said to me, oh, you'll
Speaker 1: be remarried at no time, and I was like, Okay, great,
Speaker 1: well that hasn't happened. And I'm like and meanwhile he's
Speaker 1: like engaged and living his best life. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: is something wrong with me? And you know, I sometimes
Speaker 1: it makes me feel badly about myself. And then I thought, no,
Speaker 1: I'm going to not come from that place like I
Speaker 1: just haven't found my right person. And this has been
Speaker 1: a time where I'm becoming the best version of myself.
Speaker 1: And I know I have changed so much from the
Speaker 1: person I was when I was married to the early
Speaker 1: years of being divorced to who I am today. And
Speaker 1: I'm proud of that. Person and the work I've done,
Speaker 1: and I know I'm better for it, and each person
Speaker 1: that we date, whether it's one date, whether it's one month,
Speaker 1: whether it's three years, it's part of our journey so
Speaker 1: we get to our final destination. And I believe it's happening,
Speaker 1: and it maybe took a little bit longer, but I'm
Speaker 1: but I'm also happy that you and I have been
Speaker 1: on the same timeline.
Speaker 2: Well, but you might have not and you might not
Speaker 2: have evolved as much had you met somebody right away,
Speaker 2: right because as soon as you get in a relationship,
Speaker 2: that's when compromise starts. And I'm not saying it's not
Speaker 2: a great thing, because I think you become less stuck
Speaker 2: in your ways and all the rest. That's the danger
Speaker 2: of being single for too long, is do I elect
Speaker 2: to actually have a partner in my life, because it
Speaker 2: is so good without having to make those compromises and sacrifices.
Speaker 2: But I do think that attitude is everything right, and
Speaker 2: your attitude, I mean, let's be honest, I mean, there's
Speaker 2: an ass for every seat. If we wanted a boyfriend,
Speaker 2: or anyone wanted a boyfriend or a girlfriend, you could
Speaker 2: have one. And it's like every I mean, everybody could
Speaker 2: be taken or I mean, I don't want to say everybody.
Speaker 1: For sure, but we don't want to settle, and we'd
Speaker 1: like it. I'm the queen of trying to fit a
Speaker 1: square peg into a round hole, right because you know,
Speaker 1: and so I think you're better at cutting bait sooner
Speaker 1: than I do, right because I'm like, oh, like they're
Speaker 1: nice or it is or that or good enough. But
Speaker 1: I don't want good enough because first of all, the
Speaker 1: scary thing is is they say a lot of second
Speaker 1: marriages greater percentage of ending up in divorced than first marriages.
Speaker 1: So it would I don't want to get divorced again, right,
Speaker 1: or I don't it's scary.
Speaker 2: Or you want to get married. I mean I also
Speaker 2: think that, like you look at people today, and I
Speaker 2: think how I view marriage and and commitment and partnership
Speaker 2: is so different as a fifty one year old than
Speaker 2: as a twenty year old. You know, I used It's
Speaker 2: not that I spent time sitting there dreaming about like, oh,
Speaker 2: a white picket fence and you know, getting married. I
Speaker 2: wasn't really one of those, but I just assumed that
Speaker 2: that's kind of what you did, and I think today.
Speaker 1: Well, you also watch a great example in your parents.
Speaker 2: I mean, my parents have been married for over sixty years,
Speaker 2: my siblings. You know, I was the first in my
Speaker 2: family to get divorced, and it took me a really
Speaker 2: long time to not feel like there was this stigma.
Speaker 2: And I think I told you, like everyone in my
Speaker 2: world and my purview, everyone I saw was married, and
Speaker 2: it wasn't until I got divorced that I realized how
Speaker 2: many people were actually divorced. But I also think that
Speaker 2: a huge, a huge piece for me is that like
Speaker 2: back to kind of emotional needs being met by different people.
Speaker 2: I don't think that one person in it needs to
Speaker 2: be my be all and all you know, as you said,
Speaker 2: it's additive, it enhances your life. But the truth is
Speaker 2: like we and have somebody, but it doesn't have to
Speaker 2: look the same. They can be you know, and out
Speaker 2: of town like friends.
Speaker 1: Right like, say we have ten friends and one person
Speaker 1: is the person you laugh with, one person is the
Speaker 1: one you talk about, make up the genes with one
Speaker 1: person you tell them your deepest, darkest secret and can
Speaker 1: be your most vulnerable self. Right like that goes back
Speaker 1: to the whole point of what we think. I think
Speaker 1: this podcast is is finding a partner is just supposed
Speaker 1: to be part of your life. There are so many more.
Speaker 1: There's so many equally amazing and important aspects of one's life,
Speaker 1: right Like, it's career, it's passions, it's hobbies, it's friends,
Speaker 1: it's family, it's being a parent, it's professional, it's spiritual,
Speaker 1: right like, what turns us on spiritual? Like I love
Speaker 1: my crystals, I love manifestation, I love listening to Gabby Bernstein,
Speaker 1: I love my eleven eleven numbers, right Like, it's a
Speaker 1: very big it's a big landscape. And so I think
Speaker 1: you know, you and I are really good not making
Speaker 1: finding our partner of the utmost important. Our life is
Speaker 1: never going to be defined by that. Look, when you're twenty,
Speaker 1: twenty five, thirty, you know, we do want to find
Speaker 1: our husband, we want to get married, we want to
Speaker 1: have children, Like those are important things. But to your point,
Speaker 1: when you're in your fifties, a partner is very different
Speaker 1: at fifty than at twenty, right Like, we're looking for
Speaker 1: a companion.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it can be a once in a month partner.
Speaker 2: I mean I think we differ a little bit. I
Speaker 2: think you ultimately would like to find one person. But
Speaker 2: for me, I don't know. I kind of feel like
Speaker 2: it's this archaic, archaic tradition of like, and it's not
Speaker 2: that I'm opposed to monogamy, but like, I don't know
Speaker 2: if I need somebody full time in my life, and
Speaker 2: like you know, for me, it might be finding somebody
Speaker 2: that enjoys the same things that I do and hooking up.
Speaker 2: And I don't mean literally hooking up, but like hooking
Speaker 2: you hooking up. I mean that's never well, that's my
Speaker 2: long distance.
Speaker 1: For you, you're very open and comfortable with the concept
Speaker 1: of a long business relationship because think about it, you're
Speaker 1: getting the best of both worlds, right, Like you get
Speaker 1: your life here, you get your time to beat Thelma,
Speaker 1: you get your time with your fun girls dinners, but
Speaker 1: then you would be able to go away and spend
Speaker 1: your time with your boyfriend at that time.
Speaker 2: For me, it's like getting a fix and then after
Speaker 2: I've gotten it, I'm like, I feel good.
Speaker 1: I will say, the best thing to do in this
Speaker 1: for me, which there's nothing I love more than our
Speaker 1: girls trips, Like I think packing up with your friends,
Speaker 1: taking a drive, or hopping on a plane to go
Speaker 1: to New York. Like, I just got back from a
Speaker 1: girls trip in New York for four days. It was
Speaker 1: the most fun. We felt so good about ourselves. And
Speaker 1: it also when you change your environment and you come back,
Speaker 1: you just have a fresh kind of rejuvenated energy about you.
Speaker 1: And I don't know, like we're all going to the
Speaker 1: pro am in January to sell We're going to have
Speaker 1: such a blast.
Speaker 2: You realize the world's also a bigger place, kind of
Speaker 2: what you said, It's like it's so small, but it
Speaker 2: is big, And like, how do you start doing things
Speaker 2: that aren't the usual things that you do to create
Speaker 2: excitement and novelty and you know, have butterflies again when
Speaker 2: you're going out.
Speaker 1: But I also think we need to look at dating
Speaker 1: like fun. Like it's like it's an opportunity, right, and
Speaker 1: for example, like you know, and it was hard to
Speaker 1: get you to start doing it, right, Like I really
Speaker 1: get to push you, and I really kind of look
Speaker 1: at it as an opportunity even like the anticipation of
Speaker 1: getting ready and like the coordination of the date is
Speaker 1: far more fun and exciting than the actual date itself. Right,
Speaker 1: It's like the wedding prep and then you have the
Speaker 1: wedding right, so you know, eight times out of ten,
Speaker 1: the date is like a hard pass, but the fun
Speaker 1: that we have doing it. But for me, look, dating
Speaker 1: is hard in LA for me because I grew up here.
Speaker 1: I feel like I know one won't want a dating
Speaker 1: app because I see everyone I know on it. But
Speaker 1: there are some really funny dating stories. I mean, I
Speaker 1: just have to tell you it's dating fun like I
Speaker 1: got remember the story I told you this weekend. This
Speaker 1: story is I was telling my kids last night. So
Speaker 1: I have a friend who's going through a divorce, and
Speaker 1: I've been pushing her to go on the dating apps,
Speaker 1: and she's set her age range to mid sixties because
Speaker 1: she's like, I don't want anyone with young kids, like
Speaker 1: I just want somebody who's like a man, who can
Speaker 1: like up and go okay. Fine, So she matches with
Speaker 1: this guy. She sends me the picture and he's handsome.
Speaker 1: He's cute, right, and so she's like okay. So they
Speaker 1: make a plan to wow this Tuesday night, and so
Speaker 1: she sends the picture to another one of our friends.
Speaker 1: And then our friend was at John and Vinnie's having
Speaker 1: lunch on Sunday and she sees this guy on another date,
Speaker 1: but the one that my friend is going to meet.
Speaker 1: So she takes a picture of him and she says
Speaker 1: it to my friend and goes, guess he's really on
Speaker 1: the dating circuit. So he's like a total dating machine.
Speaker 1: So those are the stories that you have to laugh
Speaker 1: at and have fun with. And then the currency and
Speaker 1: the laughter. We've dined out on this story all wee
Speaker 1: get them out of shared it with you like it's
Speaker 1: so funny.
Speaker 2: And that's the same thing. Actually, when my sister and
Speaker 2: I were in a Biza, we got on the dating apps,
Speaker 2: and remember I told you that we would. I mean,
Speaker 2: our profiles were very similar, but we were also seeking
Speaker 2: similar in return, and so we were texting the same
Speaker 2: people and then taking notes on like who was responding
Speaker 2: with what and were they like the same response were
Speaker 2: they different responses? Remember I would take her phone put
Speaker 2: her on dates with other people.
Speaker 1: Well, it's what I'm doing on your pun But look,
Speaker 1: as you know, your friend Louise is very woo woo, right,
Speaker 1: like you had to take some of the crystals.
Speaker 2: Out of my place, and you believe everything the sign,
Speaker 2: but I.
Speaker 1: Do, but I believe in manifestation and I believe in
Speaker 1: vision boards. So, for example, every year on January one,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you know this about me, I
Speaker 1: do a vision board, and I keep it in a
Speaker 1: space that I can see. Sometimes it's in my bathroom,
Speaker 1: sometimes it's in whatever it is, because again, I believe
Speaker 1: in manifestation. As you know, when I see eleven eleven
Speaker 1: on a license plate or a clock or a receipt,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm busy crossing myself and making wishes and
Speaker 1: all that. So what are you manifesting for twenty twenty
Speaker 1: five me?
Speaker 2: I funny that you asked that. I feel like this
Speaker 2: sounds really superficial, but it's something that I know really
Speaker 2: affects my mood, and it's it's basically feeling good about
Speaker 2: myself physically and esthetically. And I know that that sounds superficial,
Speaker 2: but you know how we joke around about the brawn
Speaker 2: and underwear, how the matching raw and underwear. I feel
Speaker 2: like when I know this sounds really light to your
Speaker 2: big question, because I actually have deeper ones. But I
Speaker 2: feel like you get ready because you see clients all
Speaker 2: the time, and so you always kind of feel well.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you feel good about yourself, but
Speaker 2: you look good, you present well, and I think in turn,
Speaker 2: it makes you feel good. And I think for me
Speaker 2: working from home, not having to present and be around people,
Speaker 2: do you know what I mean in a formal setting
Speaker 2: on a day to day basis, can really start to
Speaker 2: impact my psyche. And I feel like getting dressed and
Speaker 2: liking what I see in the mirror makes me approach
Speaker 2: my day so differently. And you know, remember you joked
Speaker 2: around with me. We were in a dressing room one
Speaker 2: time and you're like, oh, I like your bron underwear.
Speaker 2: And this is one thing that's always a non negotiable
Speaker 2: for me. But like I put on matching braun and
Speaker 2: underwear every single day. I do not do it for
Speaker 2: anybody else. I do it for me. You wear underwear,
Speaker 2: I know not everyone does, but anyway, I do it
Speaker 2: for me because I often think, you know, we joke
Speaker 2: around where it's like, well, if you don't like yourself,
Speaker 2: and if you don't like what you see in the mirror,
Speaker 2: why do you expect somebody else to? And I really
Speaker 2: do take that to her.
Speaker 1: I think it's a metaphor if you feel good about yourself,
Speaker 1: or at least you're faking it till you make it.
Speaker 1: Then that's the energy you're putting out there. So even
Speaker 1: when I'm going to yoga, you're gonna think this is weird.
Speaker 1: But I have a sephor a store in my place.
Speaker 1: I put a little cream blush on before I go
Speaker 1: to yoga.
Speaker 2: Oh, I know I didn't it, and I always feel terrible,
Speaker 2: but I have nothing.
Speaker 1: It makes me feel so much better. And I always
Speaker 1: I love two. I love getting I'm so girly like that,
Speaker 1: right like I boys, like could you imagine my daughters?
Speaker 1: But like I love putting myself together, right like it
Speaker 1: makes me feel good about myself and I can put
Speaker 1: my best foot forward. So I think that's actually a
Speaker 1: really good New Year's resolution for you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I think, on a lighter note, it's that.
Speaker 2: I also think it's like what am I doing on
Speaker 2: a day to day basis to that support my goals
Speaker 2: and what I want my life to look like, Because
Speaker 2: it's really about what's the bigger goal and then what
Speaker 2: are you doing to actually reach it? And I think
Speaker 2: for me, we always talk about gratitude is so important,
Speaker 2: and you've had a gratitude journal forever. I feel like
Speaker 2: I live in a very grateful space, but I need
Speaker 2: more of a day to day reminder.
Speaker 1: I'm going to value that journal because honestly, it is.
Speaker 1: I just sent it to a friend. It's this like
Speaker 1: dear Universe manifestation journal, and it is. It's a quick
Speaker 1: morning exercise and a quick night time exercise. But it
Speaker 1: is so valuable and it is so centering for me
Speaker 1: as I start my day, and centering for me as
Speaker 1: I go to sleep at night. It's super reflective. It
Speaker 1: takes zero time, and it talks about like what are
Speaker 1: you manifesting for the day, what are you grateful for
Speaker 1: from the night before? And look, you know, I spend
Speaker 1: a lot of time. For example, in the first of
Speaker 1: every month, I have a journal where I write, what
Speaker 1: do I have this month that I didn't have last month?
Speaker 1: What did I accomplish this month that I didn't accomplish
Speaker 1: last month? And I really believe in manifesting. And I
Speaker 1: could sit here and tell you, which would negate our
Speaker 1: entire podcast, that I am manifesting a husband, but I'm not.
Speaker 1: I think what I'm manifesting for twenty twenty five is
Speaker 1: the ability to stay a little more. Even holidays are
Speaker 1: tough for me, right like it's Stephan my childhood. You know,
Speaker 1: I did not grow up in the environment that you did, right.
Speaker 1: I had parents who had a really ugly divorced Holidays
Speaker 1: were hard for me. Christmas was hard for me. And
Speaker 1: I think what I'm really learning, what I want to
Speaker 1: manifest is staying even right. Like it's a lot of
Speaker 1: black and white with me right, not a lot of gray.
Speaker 1: And I think that that's my biggest, my biggest lesson
Speaker 1: that I need to do, and you're really good at it,
Speaker 1: and you really talk me off the ledge. I had
Speaker 1: some tears this week, and that's what I really that's
Speaker 1: what my lesson is, right, Like I can put myself together,
Speaker 1: I can load the face up of makeup, I can
Speaker 1: do all that. It's for me more of the kind
Speaker 1: of internal sturdiness.
Speaker 2: And that's so funny because I think that's why I
Speaker 2: think we are such good friends, is that we our
Speaker 2: strengths and weaknesses are very different and for me, which
Speaker 2: I admire about you. Yeah, and that's I think. Another
Speaker 2: question is who are we surrounding ourselves with which I'll
Speaker 2: finish my point, but I think that that's a big
Speaker 2: piece of this. But is like you, I want to
Speaker 2: start saying yes to more things. And so for me,
Speaker 2: I am looking forward like one month and say, okay,
Speaker 2: what am I doing this month? That makes me feel
Speaker 2: a little uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: So start that like what I do. Start it and
Speaker 1: I have your notes section and hold yourself accountable.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm going on a ski trip with these girls
Speaker 2: in February that It's totally not my usual scene. It's
Speaker 2: a different group. They're all really really close friends. They
Speaker 2: invite me every year, and this year I said yes,
Speaker 2: And you.
Speaker 1: Never know what can happen. I always say to my
Speaker 1: kids too, like just say yes, don't limit yourself, right,
Speaker 1: But I think to go back to your point, like
Speaker 1: we are who we surround yourself with. And I've had
Speaker 1: to make a lot of changes in friendships over the
Speaker 1: last few years, which has been super super painful for me.
Speaker 1: But instead of looking at the whole or the change
Speaker 1: or the lack, I sit there and I look at
Speaker 1: my table at five ten, whatever it is, and I
Speaker 1: feel so grateful because you guys all light me up
Speaker 1: and fill me up. That if I never found a
Speaker 1: husband again and I just had all of you to
Speaker 1: live in an old age home, I could not love
Speaker 1: my friends, more, I have cleared house, I have the
Speaker 1: greatest group of women in my life surrounding me that
Speaker 1: make me a way better version of myself. And I
Speaker 1: am beyond grateful. And I think that the whole point
Speaker 1: of life, other than health is gratitude, right, Like, focus
Speaker 1: on what we do have, not what we don't have. Right.
Speaker 1: And then the more you focus on what we do have,
Speaker 1: the more blessings that are going to come our way.
Speaker 1: And just be a kind and a good person and
Speaker 1: be nice to people. It's amazing to me in this
Speaker 1: world how people just don't think about other people. It
Speaker 1: feels good to give, It feels good to be.
Speaker 2: Thoughtful completely, and there's so much power in that, right
Speaker 2: when you are helping other people or reaching out to
Speaker 2: other people or giving a compliment. I mean so often
Speaker 2: my kids always make fun of me because I'll be somewhere,
Speaker 2: I'll be at this grocery store, I'll be somewhere, I'll
Speaker 2: be like, oh my gosh, you have amazing eyes. And
Speaker 2: they're always like that is so creepy, Like why did
Speaker 2: you tell that woman that she has, you know, beautiful eyes?
Speaker 2: And I was like, because you know what, I felt it,
Speaker 2: I saw it and I and you see how people
Speaker 2: react when you give a genuine compliment. I'm not saying
Speaker 2: compliment people for no reason, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: I agree, I mean especially women complimenting other women and
Speaker 1: supporting women. But I feel like, you know, doing for others.
Speaker 1: I mean, I will tell you Thanksgiving. I live in
Speaker 1: a building, as you know, and I have doorman and ballets,
Speaker 1: and I love these guys so much. And it was
Speaker 1: Thanksgiving and there's there's two there's a turn there's the
Speaker 1: day turnover and then the night turnover. And so I
Speaker 1: went down on Thanksgiving during the day and I said
Speaker 1: to the guys, said hey, I want to order you,
Speaker 1: you know, brunch, you know, for working on Thanksgiving. And
Speaker 1: they're like, oh my god, that's so nice. Whatever, And
Speaker 1: then I sent Thanksgiving dinner to the dinner crew. And
Speaker 1: the next morning, when I went down to get my car,
Speaker 1: they came up to me and they said, you're the
Speaker 1: only person in this building who offered to send us
Speaker 1: anything for Thanksgiving. I was, first of all, I was
Speaker 1: so sad that in a building of one hundred people,
Speaker 1: nobody else thought to send these people Thanksgiving dinner and
Speaker 1: show them our gratitude for all that they do for us.
Speaker 2: I love.
Speaker 1: For me, giving feels way more better than receiving. We
Speaker 1: did our secret sanding yesterday. I love to give, you know,
Speaker 1: and I want my kids to learn this. It's important
Speaker 1: to me because it does feel good. I think volunteering
Speaker 1: is good for the soul. I think giving. You know.
Speaker 1: The other day, you know, we always go to a
Speaker 1: restaurant and the valet, for some reason, remembers us. He
Speaker 1: is the nicest guy, and as we're getting out of
Speaker 1: the car, he said, oh, you know, do they serve
Speaker 1: your dinner every night? And so pulled out here. He's like, no,
Speaker 1: they don't serve us dinner. And I was like oh.
Speaker 1: So in my head I was like, what's your favorite
Speaker 1: thing on the menu and he's like, oh, it's the
Speaker 1: you know, it's the pulled pork. And I was like okay.
Speaker 1: So took the boys into the restaurant, sat down at
Speaker 1: the table we were ordering, and I said to the
Speaker 1: waitress I'd like to get the pulled pork to go.
Speaker 1: And my kids it was like a light bulb went
Speaker 1: off in their heads, like, oh my god, Mom got
Speaker 1: Me's so nice. I walked out, you know, after dinner,
Speaker 1: I handed him the pulled pork and I said, enjoy
Speaker 1: your dinner, and he said, he's like, oh my god.
Speaker 1: I mean it was like and it felt so good.
Speaker 1: Nothing made me feel higher than that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I bet that was the greatest feeling. Probably better
Speaker 2: than any good date.
Speaker 1: You know, it's better than any good date.
Speaker 2: The overall motto for the year for me is if
Speaker 2: nothing changes, nothing changes. And so I think you know,
Speaker 2: eighty percent of the time, ninety percent of time, I
Speaker 2: love my life, gratitude, feel like it's full. I don't
Speaker 2: feel like I'm missing anything. But when I do find
Speaker 2: myself in contemplative or reflective periods where I do feel
Speaker 2: like something is off, I'm really trying to catch myself
Speaker 2: and better identify what is it that I'm really feeling.
Speaker 1: Right, And if you want change, you have to be changed,
Speaker 1: and nothing drops out of sky, like you can't fix it.
Speaker 1: For me, if I'm feeling small or sad, I have
Speaker 1: to think to myself, Thelma, what can I do to
Speaker 1: make myself feel better in this moment? Right Like it
Speaker 1: is a choice for me to either fall apart and
Speaker 1: wallow and feel sad or literally find an action, create
Speaker 1: an action that I can do to then, you know,
Speaker 1: change my mindset and kind of get quote recentered completely.
Speaker 2: And the key word is action. You know, it's proactively
Speaker 2: going through our lives as opposed to reactively or passively
Speaker 2: is even better. You know. I think that we can
Speaker 2: control how we feel and we can control our lens
Speaker 2: and we're not putting it in shame on us. I
Speaker 2: mean shame on us if we have our health.
Speaker 1: Look, guys, nothing is more important than health. Period. We
Speaker 1: can change every single thing in our life anything. And
Speaker 1: I always say to my children too, like when you
Speaker 1: hear about these awful suicides, I say, nothing is worth
Speaker 1: at Like you can change anything in your life. And
Speaker 1: I think that you know, sitting in pain and wallowing
Speaker 1: in pain and depression, like you have to try to
Speaker 1: snap out of it as quickly as you got to
Speaker 1: feel it, right, like you got to experience.
Speaker 2: And acknowledge it. I think it's important for acknowledge.
Speaker 1: It and not shove it under the rug. But at
Speaker 1: the same time, you have to mobilize right and and
Speaker 1: and push yourself. It's like a breakup, right, Like we
Speaker 1: all get our ass handed to us and a breakup
Speaker 1: and it is heartbreaking. You know, I was listening to
Speaker 1: that Mel Robbins Breakup podcast, which is amazing, Like you
Speaker 1: got to feel it, you got to go through it,
Speaker 1: and then you got to pick yourself up by your footstraps.
Speaker 1: And you need to say rejection is redirection. There is
Speaker 1: something better coming for me. I am ready, I am open,
Speaker 1: I am excited.
Speaker 2: Because people feel that and people want to be around that.
Speaker 2: You know. It's like, you know, you always hear about
Speaker 2: these like are you an energy sucker or you know
Speaker 2: what I mean? Or do you give people energy?
Speaker 1: Right? Do you light people up? Or are you a victim?
Speaker 1: Nobody wants to be run a victim all the time.
Speaker 2: No, it's pathetic. And by the way, when I am
Speaker 2: around people that are sitting there complaining or wallowing about
Speaker 2: being single, I literally like, oh my god, like you
Speaker 2: are tragic. And that's what I think.
Speaker 1: I mean, Well, desperation is so obvious, I mean honestly,
Speaker 1: like people pick up on that energy, right, Like you
Speaker 1: have to love yourself so other people can love us.
Speaker 1: We don't fall in love with ourselves.
Speaker 2: Completely, and so looking in the mirror and taking stock
Speaker 2: of like where you could be a better version of yourself,
Speaker 2: Like I think that's important. And while you are so
Speaker 2: called waiting for some or mister right to come along, like,
Speaker 2: there's plenty of time to work on yourself.
Speaker 1: Will be missus right yourself? Yeah, I don't know, man,
Speaker 1: the game of life, it's like peaks and valleys. It's
Speaker 1: learning to navigate. It's just learning to deal with the
Speaker 1: curve balls that come our way and the roadblocks and
Speaker 1: the winds and the losses.
Speaker 2: You only get one life, and so we should really
Speaker 2: be living it to the fullest, you know, and.
Speaker 1: At the very least you know that weighted best and
Speaker 1: are whipping around Homebye Park together and laughing. Is you know,
Speaker 1: it gives me a lot of joy. It gives me
Speaker 1: joy to live a parallel life with like you or
Speaker 1: you know, somebody as we're kind of navigating all of
Speaker 1: it together because I don't feel alone. I don't have
Speaker 1: a partner, I don't have a husband, but I am
Speaker 1: not alone because of you or people like you in
Speaker 1: my life.
Speaker 2: You know, it's really funny when you say that. I
Speaker 2: think back to I don't know if you watch The
Speaker 2: Golden Bachelor and Bachelorette, but I did.
Speaker 1: I didn't, and I have to tell you.
Speaker 2: Should because it it is the best lesson in life.
Speaker 2: And I feel like if you line ten people up,
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't want to speak for everybody, but
Speaker 2: I bet large majority of people would say that they
Speaker 2: found it far more intriguing to watch the twenty bachelors,
Speaker 2: you knowamine in the room and how they interacted and
Speaker 2: found one another versus the standalone dates and wondering do
Speaker 2: you mean what guy was going to get the girl?
Speaker 2: It was like it was just it was so representative
Speaker 2: of life, and I feel like the guys that went
Speaker 2: on that show kind of back to the friendships are
Speaker 2: the most important thing. They they found so much. They
Speaker 2: found people that they could empathize with, they could communicate with,
Speaker 2: they had similar interests like the friendships. When they got
Speaker 2: kicked off the show, they were most sad about leaving
Speaker 2: each other, and not that they didn't like the girl,
Speaker 2: do you know what I mean, or like the guy
Speaker 2: when it was the bachelor. That was the experience, and
Speaker 2: I think it helped them get them out of their
Speaker 2: comfort zone to know that in real life they could start,
Speaker 2: you know, taking steps to go on dates. But it
Speaker 2: was like finding kindred spirits and people out there that
Speaker 2: like they could relate to it. It was seriously like
Speaker 2: it was beautiful, Thelma.
Speaker 1: What new things do we want to push ourselves to
Speaker 1: do in twenty twenty five? I can tell you what
Speaker 1: I think we should do. Well, I know what I
Speaker 1: would really like to do if I can somehow swing
Speaker 1: it is. I would love to go live somewhere else
Speaker 1: for a month. I think that would be really good
Speaker 1: for me to experience somewhere new by myself for a
Speaker 1: month and see what changes can come my way. And
Speaker 1: at the very least, I can start by going to
Speaker 1: have dinner at South Beverly World by myself at the bar,
Speaker 1: which will be absolutely terrifying. But I think that would
Speaker 1: be a really good challenge for me.
Speaker 2: And didn't you maybe see your ex boyfriend alone at
Speaker 2: the bar there? So that might be a little awkward.
Speaker 2: I think we might need a new spot.
Speaker 1: Yes, for sure. I mean anything by the way that
Speaker 1: was awful. But I think those kind of challenges we
Speaker 1: need to do. What about you, how are you going
Speaker 1: to challenge yourself?
Speaker 2: Well, I told you, I think I'm gonna I'm going
Speaker 2: to move for the summer right to where we always go,
Speaker 2: but stay stay there for the summer.
Speaker 1: I didn't know this is this true? Yeah? Wait, no,
Speaker 1: I can I come be the.
Speaker 2: A lone purpose. But I've been thinking about doing that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean I talked about it with my young aunt
Speaker 2: and she really wants to work there for the summer,
Speaker 2: and she's able to get a job there, So thinking
Speaker 2: that like picking up and moving for the sun, just rip.
Speaker 1: The rug out from underneath my feet.
Speaker 2: Well, maybe I can visit you in your location and
Speaker 2: you can visit me.
Speaker 1: No, I'm coming with you period, or I might be remarried.
Speaker 1: And I'm joking. This has been so fun. I love
Speaker 1: doing this. I love talking about all of this because
Speaker 1: we are just normal. We're not celebrities. We're normal, we're older,
Speaker 1: we're bumbling along, you know, trying on a bunch of
Speaker 1: different things, winning at some succeeding at other. But I
Speaker 1: have to say, you know, it's all normal, it's all
Speaker 1: par for the course. And at the very least, you know, I.
Speaker 2: Have no regrets.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and hopefully you know, these listeners find us, you know,
Speaker 1: doing what they're doing, and you know, throw us some questions,
Speaker 1: reach out to us. What do you want to hear?
Speaker 1: What do you want to talk about? We're really open books.
Speaker 1: We can be totally self deprecating. We do not take
Speaker 1: our life ourselves too seriously. And we're here so you know,
Speaker 1: real people going through it and you know, not totally
Speaker 1: winning all the time. They are really sometimes, but let's
Speaker 1: be real, there are hard moments.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's why you have your friends.
Speaker 1: Right, So call us, email us, follow us on our socials.
Speaker 1: You know, look at the show notes, all of our
Speaker 1: info is there. Falling in love is the main objective,
Speaker 1: but while you're not in love, loving your life is
Speaker 1: the main objective and loving yourself agree. Happy holidays, take
Speaker 1: care