WEBVTT - Intimate Knowledge with Julianne Hough 0:00:00.920 --> 0:00:04.400 This is how men think with brooks Like and Gavin 0:00:04.440 --> 0:00:09.560 to grow and I heard radio podcast. Welcome to the show, everybody. 0:00:09.600 --> 0:00:12.560 My name is brooks Like, and this is how men think. 0:00:12.600 --> 0:00:15.160 A podcast where we dive into all sorts of topics 0:00:15.200 --> 0:00:17.560 that men and women deal with, and we kind of 0:00:17.760 --> 0:00:19.440 jump up into the brain of a man and we 0:00:19.480 --> 0:00:22.240 open source that for everybody to hear. I'm here with 0:00:22.280 --> 0:00:25.240 my good buddy with the nice fresh hat on today, 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:28.520 Mr Gavin de Gros, So new and so fresh, so fresh. 0:00:28.600 --> 0:00:32.640 That's sure too. That violet is that violet you're wearing. 0:00:32.640 --> 0:00:37.520 I'm celebrating right now. Yeah, talk into the mic. I'm sorry, 0:00:37.520 --> 0:00:42.360 but you know what I mean. You're a singer with 0:00:42.360 --> 0:00:44.920 getting to the hype. This is actually a great Mike technique. 0:00:45.080 --> 0:00:47.400 When I get louder, I lean away from the mic. 0:00:48.000 --> 0:00:52.440 But it doesn't work here in the studio, it doesn't buddy. Sorry, guys, 0:00:52.880 --> 0:00:55.800 and you have brilliant things to say. I want everybody 0:00:55.800 --> 0:00:58.400 to hear that wisdom. How are you doing today, Boddy? 0:00:58.440 --> 0:01:00.720 I'm good man, I'm great. I got here on time today, 0:01:00.800 --> 0:01:02.840 so I'm feeling a little bit better about myself. Yeah, 0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:04.560 I got here so early that I went and got 0:01:04.640 --> 0:01:09.240 a bite to eat and came back late. He's not 0:01:09.360 --> 0:01:12.240 good to be back. That's good, it's good to have you. 0:01:13.000 --> 0:01:15.280 And you also you also had z food at a 0:01:15.280 --> 0:01:18.440 steak restaurant. I did. That's right, that's right. I even 0:01:18.480 --> 0:01:22.440 was incredibly bad influence and recruited the other two guys 0:01:22.480 --> 0:01:26.880 out here to come down, and uh, they didn't fight. 0:01:27.360 --> 0:01:31.200 I said, anybody wants something to eat downstairs at the restaurant. 0:01:31.760 --> 0:01:34.520 Immediately like yeah, hell yeah, I'll be right down. The 0:01:34.520 --> 0:01:37.039 worst party was showed up. It was three minutes before 0:01:37.080 --> 0:01:38.720 we're supposed to be here, and he's like, oh, I'm early, 0:01:38.720 --> 0:01:44.040 I'm gonn get a snack. Who paid? Who picked up 0:01:44.040 --> 0:01:47.680 the check? Gaff? We just left the check And what 0:01:47.760 --> 0:01:50.680 happened was funny because, uh, I guess by the time 0:01:50.720 --> 0:01:54.120 Dmitri first walked in, I wasn't sitting at the bar 0:01:54.160 --> 0:01:57.480 where I had said I would be, and um, I 0:01:57.520 --> 0:01:59.160 came back out and there was nobody there, and of 0:01:59.160 --> 0:02:00.880 course they walked in. If you Mini Starcio, where we 0:02:00.920 --> 0:02:02.520 maybe we walked in here, you weren't in here? I said, well, 0:02:02.520 --> 0:02:04.240 actually I was in the bathroom because I'm wearing this 0:02:04.320 --> 0:02:06.640 linen shirt and I just unpacked it and had wrinkles 0:02:06.640 --> 0:02:08.520 all over it. So I was in there throwing water 0:02:08.600 --> 0:02:10.200 on the wrinkles. I walked out looking like I was 0:02:10.360 --> 0:02:13.880 breastfeeding all that a miracle baby, you know. So there, 0:02:13.880 --> 0:02:16.200 why good question for you because there's no cameras in 0:02:16.240 --> 0:02:19.760 here currently. What was were you worried about just walking 0:02:19.760 --> 0:02:21.720 in the ten steps from Morton's that I heard here 0:02:21.800 --> 0:02:23.519 that somebody might see your wrinkled shirt. And I was 0:02:23.560 --> 0:02:26.120 afraid actually that I would walk in here and then 0:02:26.160 --> 0:02:28.240 they'd have cameras in here and they go, hey, let's 0:02:28.280 --> 0:02:30.600 take a couple of pictures for the show, you know, like, oh, man, 0:02:30.639 --> 0:02:33.399 here's the guy with the I just unfolded my laundry 0:02:33.480 --> 0:02:38.000 from my luggage, you know, defeats the whole kind of purpose, Like, 0:02:38.040 --> 0:02:41.440 who's the slob? That's all right, buddy, you look fresh, 0:02:41.480 --> 0:02:44.120 you look clean, and you've got a big smile. So 0:02:44.360 --> 0:02:46.760 I thought he was pumping me because I walk in there. 0:02:46.760 --> 0:02:48.480 I'm like, I'm on my way. I walk in and 0:02:48.520 --> 0:02:50.440 I look around and the woman at the front desk 0:02:50.480 --> 0:02:52.520 is just looking at me, and I just I look around. 0:02:52.560 --> 0:02:54.359 I'm standing there. She gets a call, so I wait 0:02:54.400 --> 0:02:56.200 and then she you know, hangs up the phone. I go, 0:02:56.400 --> 0:02:58.560 is there anyone here? And she goes, you mean, like 0:02:59.280 --> 0:03:01.959 for service a server and I'm like no, no, like 0:03:01.960 --> 0:03:03.920 I'm supposed to meet somebody and she's like, no, no, 0:03:03.960 --> 0:03:06.080 You're the only one here. So I left and I 0:03:06.120 --> 0:03:07.600 went back and I bumped it. I bumped in a 0:03:07.680 --> 0:03:09.280 rick and he's like, let's go back and check. So 0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:11.720 we go back, come around the same corner and there's 0:03:11.760 --> 0:03:16.360 Gavin Jumbo shrimp cartail it, tacos, the whole spread. I 0:03:16.360 --> 0:03:18.399 was like, how did I miss him? Because the last 0:03:18.400 --> 0:03:20.360 time he told me to meet him somewhere. We're at 0:03:20.400 --> 0:03:22.520 this hotel up in Oakland and he's like, I'm gonna 0:03:22.520 --> 0:03:23.799 go back down the bar and gonna drink. I was like, 0:03:23.840 --> 0:03:25.640 all right, I'm in. So I go up to my 0:03:25.680 --> 0:03:27.320 room and I come back down and there he has. 0:03:27.400 --> 0:03:29.720 The bar's empty, He's sitting at the bar, he's got 0:03:29.720 --> 0:03:30.959 a beer in front of him, and he's got a 0:03:31.000 --> 0:03:33.040 beer in front of an empty seat. And I walked in. 0:03:33.120 --> 0:03:35.160 It was it was the most special feeling. It was 0:03:35.160 --> 0:03:38.640 like a tinder date. What a gentleman. He had a 0:03:38.720 --> 0:03:41.000 drink from me already? Was this time was just a 0:03:41.040 --> 0:03:43.720 complete opposite, Rick, how are you doing today? But well? 0:03:44.200 --> 0:03:47.480 Doing well Brooks? Yeah, you look good too, thank you. Yeah. 0:03:47.520 --> 0:03:49.760 I'm just a busy work day and I made it 0:03:49.760 --> 0:03:51.880 through the traffic and I'm happy to be here. I 0:03:51.960 --> 0:03:55.320 really excited to get this going. Yeah, so this topic today, 0:03:55.560 --> 0:03:58.880 Rick is not admitting that he also showered for you guys. 0:03:59.000 --> 0:04:02.520 I w so I walked in the day, said Demetri 0:04:02.600 --> 0:04:04.360 said Ricks. Here he's in the shower. I'm like, does 0:04:04.400 --> 0:04:07.240 he have a corporate like office? Rick? Like, how did 0:04:07.240 --> 0:04:08.680 I did you get that in your deal? I didn't 0:04:08.720 --> 0:04:11.040 get that in my deal? This is a shower here? 0:04:10.320 --> 0:04:12.720 Did you get there was a shower downstairs? And I 0:04:12.760 --> 0:04:14.720 was so excited. Amy hooked it all up and I 0:04:14.760 --> 0:04:16.640 went walking like, you know I had to pay fifteen 0:04:16.680 --> 0:04:20.920 dollars for that shower? Did you use? It was the 0:04:21.560 --> 0:04:25.479 you can travel with that? It's the gym downstairs. So 0:04:25.480 --> 0:04:27.160 I had to get Rick a fifteen dollar ship. But 0:04:27.279 --> 0:04:30.400 I was watching down there and I walked you in 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:32.480 the gym, and on the on the wall and going 0:04:32.520 --> 0:04:34.839 into the gym is a gigantic poster of this dude 0:04:34.839 --> 0:04:37.839 who's just absolutely ripped. And I turned to to Tor 0:04:37.920 --> 0:04:44.039 and I said, is that Brooks, It was the gym. 0:04:44.839 --> 0:04:49.960 Let's superpose a picture. It's one of those poster things 0:04:50.000 --> 0:04:51.560 you put up in your kid's room. That's just the 0:04:51.600 --> 0:04:55.120 giant baseball player. Rather, I appreciate it once a day. 0:04:55.160 --> 0:04:57.360 Tell me that's ones to day. I appreciate you, my man. 0:04:57.760 --> 0:05:01.279 That's what we're here for. So today's topic is something 0:05:01.560 --> 0:05:04.200 I'm really excited for this and it's something that maybe 0:05:04.240 --> 0:05:06.480 a lot of men might be shy to talk about. 0:05:06.600 --> 0:05:09.200 Maybe it might be uncomfortable for a lot of men. 0:05:09.640 --> 0:05:12.240 I think a lot of women listening are certainly more 0:05:12.320 --> 0:05:18.280 comfortable discussing it. And that topic is intimacy intimacy. So 0:05:18.320 --> 0:05:24.800 what is intimacy? Intimacy versus sex? These guys look at 0:05:24.800 --> 0:05:28.760 me like you can't see. I'm gonna go back down 0:05:28.800 --> 0:05:33.680 and see if I can find Gavin back. I'm quite 0:05:33.680 --> 0:05:36.840 excited to get into this though, um, because it's an 0:05:36.839 --> 0:05:39.280 area I certainly need to grow. I'll admit that first 0:05:39.279 --> 0:05:41.200 and foremost. I certainly need to grow is the key 0:05:41.200 --> 0:05:46.200 word there. And also what's unique about this is we 0:05:46.279 --> 0:05:49.960 have four guys that are in different stages of their life. 0:05:50.120 --> 0:05:53.000 Gavin is single, so what's intimacy to a single man? 0:05:53.040 --> 0:05:55.080 How do you build that when looking for a partner? 0:05:55.120 --> 0:05:57.560 Young man or women who is single and looking to 0:05:57.560 --> 0:06:00.520 build intimacy with a partner. I'm freshly, area, have been 0:06:00.560 --> 0:06:03.800 married two years, so what is intimacy to me now? Then? Dmitri, 0:06:03.880 --> 0:06:07.240 you've been married, uh fourteen years? Fourteen years? And Rick? 0:06:07.960 --> 0:06:10.160 So you guys have been married fourteen fifteen years? How 0:06:10.200 --> 0:06:13.800 has intimacy changed? How do you keep intimacy in your relationship? What? 0:06:13.800 --> 0:06:16.080 What fuels intimacy for you guys? And I'm sure for 0:06:16.160 --> 0:06:18.800 all of us it's very different. So I'll pose this 0:06:18.880 --> 0:06:21.560 question to you guys to kick it off. Gavin, what 0:06:21.800 --> 0:06:26.280 picked your mind? You have? Let's start with you? What 0:06:26.560 --> 0:06:31.480 is intimac people who know about it? Short answer? What 0:06:31.720 --> 0:06:38.760 to you is intimacy? Buddy? Oh? Tough question? But um, 0:06:38.960 --> 0:06:40.560 do I have to go first? I mean you don't. 0:06:40.960 --> 0:06:43.839 I mean intimacy is a lot of different things. Intimacy 0:06:43.960 --> 0:06:49.920 is the the initial spark um. Um. We can skip 0:06:49.960 --> 0:06:53.479 with all that means, the initial spark um. But ultimately, 0:06:53.600 --> 0:06:58.480 I think I think you you have to um figure 0:06:58.480 --> 0:07:01.400 out if there's a long term goal there with the 0:07:01.440 --> 0:07:04.159 person that you're intimate with I think the culture changed 0:07:04.200 --> 0:07:06.960 and it became sort of a you know, we're trying 0:07:06.960 --> 0:07:10.520 to People got more religious, and they got into the 0:07:10.520 --> 0:07:13.520 whole marital status of things, which essentially where all that 0:07:13.560 --> 0:07:18.240 stuff stem from, right, Having like a monogamous relationship, um, 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:19.920 which is a long term thing. You're looking for a 0:07:19.920 --> 0:07:21.960 life partner if you're lucky to find that. But I 0:07:22.000 --> 0:07:24.280 think that's a different thing than somebody who's just kind 0:07:24.280 --> 0:07:27.760 of out in the world floating around looking for something 0:07:27.800 --> 0:07:30.000 that's actually gonna work at all. You know, you guys, 0:07:30.040 --> 0:07:33.720 have found your your life partner, You love your life, 0:07:33.720 --> 0:07:38.400 you're the stars aligned, etcetera. You know. Um. So it's 0:07:38.440 --> 0:07:40.560 hard for me to say that I know anything about 0:07:40.800 --> 0:07:45.680 intimacy other than wow, look at that. That's amazing. It 0:07:45.760 --> 0:07:48.200 just hasn't quite worked out for me long term, you 0:07:48.200 --> 0:07:51.320 know what I mean. So intimacy falls I think falls 0:07:51.360 --> 0:07:54.120 in line with the relationship things. So I'm not really 0:07:54.160 --> 0:07:56.000 an expert on any of that stuff, and I don't 0:07:56.000 --> 0:07:58.440 think any of us are. But I'll go to YouTube. Guys, 0:07:58.480 --> 0:08:01.040 you've been married fourteen fifteen years, me treat for you 0:08:01.080 --> 0:08:04.160 and your wife. What would you say intimacy? Well, one, 0:08:04.320 --> 0:08:06.160 how would you define intimacy and then how is it 0:08:06.240 --> 0:08:10.400 present in your relationship? Intimacy to me is the when 0:08:10.440 --> 0:08:14.040 you find that person that everything else kind of melts away. 0:08:14.040 --> 0:08:16.160 You can be at your raw state with each other, 0:08:16.520 --> 0:08:19.720 and you can feel vulnerable and you can feel like 0:08:20.480 --> 0:08:23.040 with this person, I feel safe and you're like and 0:08:23.080 --> 0:08:24.840 you're sharing. So a lot of people I think confused 0:08:24.880 --> 0:08:28.000 intimacy and sects, and I think there is a sexual 0:08:28.040 --> 0:08:30.440 aspect to intimate intimacy, but it doesn't mean that all 0:08:30.640 --> 0:08:32.679 just having sex with someone is intimate. So I think 0:08:32.679 --> 0:08:35.280 it's when you feel like you're with someone that you 0:08:35.320 --> 0:08:38.199 feel vulnerable, but you still feel safe and you feel trusted. 0:08:38.240 --> 0:08:40.480 And I think that that both of you feel that way, 0:08:40.679 --> 0:08:44.319 and I think you have someone that you feel Listen, 0:08:44.400 --> 0:08:46.480 all the other stuff in the world, all the other 0:08:46.480 --> 0:08:49.000 stuff that can happen right now, this is this is 0:08:49.000 --> 0:08:52.040 my safe zone. So how how how is it present 0:08:52.040 --> 0:08:54.559 in your relationship today? How do you and your wife 0:08:54.600 --> 0:08:57.840 make sure that you are intimate with each other? Obviously 0:08:57.880 --> 0:09:03.000 there's physically, but uh, how emotionally or connection wise? How 0:09:03.000 --> 0:09:05.080 do you make sure that you are present and intimate 0:09:05.160 --> 0:09:09.200 on a daily basis? Yeah, we don't know I'm kidding. Um, 0:09:09.240 --> 0:09:11.320 I guess basically, we just make sure that we that 0:09:11.400 --> 0:09:15.240 we communicate so and I think you have to I 0:09:15.240 --> 0:09:18.120 think you have to go and do things that Obviously 0:09:18.160 --> 0:09:19.760 there's the physical aspect of it, but I think you 0:09:19.760 --> 0:09:22.679 have to do things that remind each other that that 0:09:22.679 --> 0:09:25.240 that you have that relationship. So it's like you'll have 0:09:25.280 --> 0:09:27.880 conversations with each other and you'll keep each other, you know, 0:09:28.000 --> 0:09:29.920 up to date on your feelings or not up to date. 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:31.840 Sounds so business e, but you know you'll you'll be 0:09:31.880 --> 0:09:33.439 open about your feelings in this now. But I think 0:09:33.480 --> 0:09:37.600 you have to remind each other that that you do 0:09:37.679 --> 0:09:41.040 have that relationship. So you know, if someone had a 0:09:41.160 --> 0:09:43.160 crazy day, or if someone's going through something, or if 0:09:43.160 --> 0:09:46.680 there's someone in the families anything you remind you know, 0:09:46.720 --> 0:09:49.120 you have to remind that person and spend a little time. 0:09:49.360 --> 0:09:51.720 It could be something as simple as as holding a hand. 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:54.440 It could be you know, spooning while you're in bed, 0:09:54.480 --> 0:09:56.199 and it could just be having a conversation. But it's 0:09:56.200 --> 0:09:59.080 like you have to remind that person or remind each 0:09:59.080 --> 0:10:02.520 other that that you have that relationship and when all 0:10:02.600 --> 0:10:05.560 this other stuff is there, that you're strong at the core. 0:10:06.120 --> 0:10:08.719 And that's that's what I think, that's where it comes from. 0:10:09.160 --> 0:10:12.960 That's what I meant to say earlier. Actually answer I 0:10:13.040 --> 0:10:16.040 was reading that from his text. I was like, I'm 0:10:16.040 --> 0:10:17.719 gonna take one for the team here, and here's the 0:10:17.760 --> 0:10:19.880 answer you should give. I like that you set them 0:10:19.920 --> 0:10:24.280 up to succeed. Good for you, But uh, I mean 0:10:25.880 --> 0:10:28.240 to be honest, it's hard. You know, when you've been 0:10:28.280 --> 0:10:31.720 married for fifteen plus years or fifteen years or whatever, 0:10:31.840 --> 0:10:34.040 maybe it's even two years, or maybe it's nine or whatever. 0:10:34.080 --> 0:10:36.920 I do believe that it's a very hard thing to 0:10:36.960 --> 0:10:41.360 maintain um and two people have to or your partner, 0:10:41.520 --> 0:10:43.840 you really have to work at it. It's not just something. 0:10:43.960 --> 0:10:46.719 You know, falling in love is falling in love and you're, 0:10:47.080 --> 0:10:49.800 like Dmitri saying, you're kind of everything goes away and 0:10:49.840 --> 0:10:51.720 you're just with each other and you're engaged with that person. 0:10:51.760 --> 0:10:53.600 I think that's kind of the early stages of that. 0:10:54.040 --> 0:10:57.640 And then as you grow older or you're married longer, 0:10:57.720 --> 0:10:59.560 and then you have kids, and there's other things that 0:10:59.600 --> 0:11:01.960 come in your life that not to say or more 0:11:02.000 --> 0:11:04.439 of a priority, but for the both of you are 0:11:04.520 --> 0:11:07.280 more of a priority, you know, raising your kids, getting 0:11:07.320 --> 0:11:10.360 them to school, you know, whatever that may be, they 0:11:10.400 --> 0:11:12.680 take up more of that space. And I think reaching 0:11:12.760 --> 0:11:17.000 back into that person, um, you know, after fifteen years 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:19.480 is it's very challenging, you know. And those are some 0:11:19.559 --> 0:11:20.960 of the face those are some of the things that 0:11:21.000 --> 0:11:22.840 my wife and I face, you know. And whether that's 0:11:23.160 --> 0:11:25.280 trying to make it it's it's as hard for us 0:11:25.559 --> 0:11:28.600 or me to to schedule a dinner date, you know. 0:11:28.720 --> 0:11:30.160 I mean it's like, well, when do you want to 0:11:30.160 --> 0:11:33.640 do that? Um? And but it has to be done, 0:11:33.679 --> 0:11:36.000 and that's how important it is. And I think even 0:11:36.040 --> 0:11:37.920 with my wife and I, we really try to make 0:11:37.960 --> 0:11:40.400 those dates, whether it's a dinner date or maybe it's 0:11:40.679 --> 0:11:43.680 dropping you know, going together to one of the kids games, 0:11:43.679 --> 0:11:45.840 you know, right right now where we split ways and 0:11:45.960 --> 0:11:48.079 you know, I'm with my son or she's with my son, 0:11:48.120 --> 0:11:50.440 and I'm like, you know, it's like, hey, where where 0:11:50.440 --> 0:11:52.320 do we connect back? You know, And a lot of 0:11:52.320 --> 0:11:55.400 that times it's it's let's make our favorite meal together, 0:11:55.920 --> 0:11:58.840 let's you know whatever that is. You know. So I 0:11:58.880 --> 0:12:03.200 think it's really trying to find the things that you 0:12:03.440 --> 0:12:06.760 fell in love with each other back at day one 0:12:07.360 --> 0:12:10.480 and rehashing some of that stuff and being like remember 0:12:10.480 --> 0:12:12.720 that time we were down to Newport Beach and and 0:12:12.800 --> 0:12:15.240 you know, we jumped off the Leado Pier and in 0:12:15.280 --> 0:12:17.160 our bathing suits on the fourth of July. And then 0:12:17.160 --> 0:12:19.160 we drove home and we went to my parents house 0:12:19.160 --> 0:12:21.440 and we were like dating for about two weeks and 0:12:21.480 --> 0:12:24.839 it was like craziness, you know. But like those are 0:12:24.840 --> 0:12:26.480 the you know, when we drive over a bridge, it's like, 0:12:26.600 --> 0:12:29.800 let's jump, let's go off. You know, it's not the 0:12:29.840 --> 0:12:32.880 Golden Gate bridge. Let's just drive off the bridge. That's 0:12:32.960 --> 0:12:38.880 I think that's that's not it's reconnecting with those those 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:41.640 times in your life when you were still when you're 0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:44.840 in love. Yeah, because you can't replace history, you can't, 0:12:44.880 --> 0:12:46.360 you know what I mean. If you have a great 0:12:46.720 --> 0:12:50.280 history with somebody, that's essentially becomes part of your DNA 0:12:50.400 --> 0:12:52.760 with each other and some element of your relationship, right, 0:12:52.800 --> 0:12:55.080 so that you know, and there's validation there and there's 0:12:55.120 --> 0:12:57.360 comfort there. And like you're like what you were saying 0:12:57.400 --> 0:13:00.440 to meet you about about having that that person you 0:13:00.480 --> 0:13:03.320 can trust, Well, that can really possibly happen over time, 0:13:03.400 --> 0:13:05.520 right where you have that that person you can trust 0:13:05.520 --> 0:13:08.000 to that degree, right, And I feel like, excuse me, 0:13:08.040 --> 0:13:10.840 I don't want to do a disservice here. I said 0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:14.120 what what intimacy is and what I think it is 0:13:14.160 --> 0:13:16.960 and what it is in my relationship, But after Ricky 0:13:17.000 --> 0:13:18.480 started answering, I think I need to make it clear 0:13:18.559 --> 0:13:21.440 that I'm saying that. But it's very it's extremely challenging. 0:13:21.440 --> 0:13:23.240 You're right, is I'm not saying by any means that 0:13:23.320 --> 0:13:25.280 I have this figured out and we do this every 0:13:25.360 --> 0:13:27.640 day and this is what we do and everything. You know, 0:13:28.160 --> 0:13:31.200 there are there are days where, especially we have four kids, 0:13:31.200 --> 0:13:33.960 there are days where it's just like four weeks weeks 0:13:33.960 --> 0:13:35.680 on end where it's just like you're just running around 0:13:35.679 --> 0:13:37.320 and you don't have that moment. And I think back 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:40.000 to what you were saying. My wife's and my first 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:42.439 official date, we went to Toys r US because I 0:13:42.440 --> 0:13:44.319 had to buy something from my niece and we went 0:13:44.360 --> 0:13:46.679 and we ended up playing four Square in the store, 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:51.400 knocked over display, got kicked out, it's like stuff like 0:13:51.480 --> 0:13:53.920 so it was fun. But yeah, obviously nowadays you don't 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:56.120 have we don't have that type of thing. So you're right. 0:13:56.120 --> 0:13:57.920 I think you said it very well that you can't. 0:13:57.960 --> 0:14:00.559 When you say you can't repeat history places place history, 0:14:00.600 --> 0:14:02.560 so it's it's there. We can't replace it, and you 0:14:02.600 --> 0:14:05.400 can't necessarily we created either. So you can't just rely 0:14:05.520 --> 0:14:08.000 on figure it out. You can't just rely on the 0:14:08.080 --> 0:14:10.560 history that you have with somebody that we've been intimate 0:14:10.600 --> 0:14:14.760 in the past. And that's enough. Yeah, that's the thing 0:14:14.840 --> 0:14:18.240 kind of you know, we we had done another one 0:14:18.240 --> 0:14:20.160 of the last things we we we did one of 0:14:20.160 --> 0:14:22.200 the last episodes we did. We one of the last 0:14:22.200 --> 0:14:25.800 episodes we did. We we spoke about um, you're speaking 0:14:25.800 --> 0:14:29.800 about health, you know, your physical health and saying things like, um, well, 0:14:29.840 --> 0:14:31.720 when you're getting older, you're not going to get back 0:14:31.720 --> 0:14:34.000 that eighteen year old physical self. You're gonna get that 0:14:34.000 --> 0:14:36.480 twenty three year old self whatever that was in your prime. 0:14:36.560 --> 0:14:40.120 But and so is there no In some ways I 0:14:40.120 --> 0:14:43.560 think there's danger in applying applying well, I remember what 0:14:43.640 --> 0:14:47.520 we were because you're not going to get that back, right, 0:14:47.560 --> 0:14:49.040 I mean, is it is it dark for me to 0:14:49.120 --> 0:14:52.200 say that doesn't come back? But you remember that there 0:14:52.240 --> 0:14:59.720 were those certain um that those natural uh sort of 0:15:00.080 --> 0:15:02.240 connections that you had, and those are a reflection of 0:15:02.400 --> 0:15:05.800 who you would become ultimately because you click so so 0:15:05.800 --> 0:15:07.560 so quickly at a certain time in your life, and 0:15:07.600 --> 0:15:10.400 therefore there's an element of that that you perhaps will 0:15:10.440 --> 0:15:12.960 grow together in a certain a certain that's not dark. 0:15:13.000 --> 0:15:15.920 I think that's realistic. I mean, you know you don't 0:15:16.120 --> 0:15:17.880 you don't have those like you said, you don't have 0:15:17.880 --> 0:15:19.480 those things in the past to carry you through all 0:15:19.480 --> 0:15:21.840 the way. You have to constantly find new things and 0:15:21.920 --> 0:15:24.080 reinvent them. Life is not the way it was when 0:15:24.080 --> 0:15:26.720 when we were twenty six, and so it's like with 0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:30.440 no kids and no care freeze. So yeah, it's it's 0:15:30.440 --> 0:15:32.520 not dark. It's realistic. But you still have those great 0:15:32.560 --> 0:15:35.280 memories to tempt into to remind you of, Okay, this 0:15:35.320 --> 0:15:36.720 is these are the things that made me fall in 0:15:36.760 --> 0:15:39.360 love to begin with. And essentially do you do you 0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:44.040 do need to remind yourself about about those magical first 0:15:44.040 --> 0:15:47.320 times or whatever? Right, so hold on, So because nobody 0:15:47.400 --> 0:15:49.120 said it yet, So I want to bring it up sex. 0:15:49.800 --> 0:15:54.920 I was just about to So sex and toys are 0:15:55.040 --> 0:16:00.880 us because there's yeah, there's uh, there's jumping off bridge, 0:16:00.920 --> 0:16:04.960 there's these kinds of things. But what about sex and intimacy? 0:16:05.040 --> 0:16:07.200 Because when I when when we talked about doing a 0:16:07.240 --> 0:16:10.120 show about intimacy, my first thought process. Honestly, I went 0:16:10.160 --> 0:16:11.880 home and I started thinking about what is intimacy. The 0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:13.760 first thing that came to mind for me was sex, 0:16:14.280 --> 0:16:17.080 and I started thinking about what sex is, but how 0:16:17.160 --> 0:16:21.160 is intimacy present insects? And then my wife came home 0:16:21.720 --> 0:16:23.480 and I asked my wife. I was like, baby, we're 0:16:23.480 --> 0:16:27.600 gonna do this discussion on the podcast about what is 0:16:27.640 --> 0:16:30.960 intimacy and what do you think intimacy is? And she goes, well, 0:16:31.040 --> 0:16:33.360 let me ask you what do you think intimacy is? 0:16:33.880 --> 0:16:36.480 And I was like, oh my god, I thought of it. 0:16:36.520 --> 0:16:38.760 And I was like, I my first thought process when 0:16:38.800 --> 0:16:42.320 I said what is intimacy? I thought that I thought 0:16:42.320 --> 0:16:44.920 of sex, and that when my partner, when my wife, 0:16:45.000 --> 0:16:49.440 when her needs during sex during intercourse are as important 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:52.960 as mine, that's intimacy. That's what came to my brain, 0:16:53.200 --> 0:16:55.080 which is why I'm so glad my wife is here 0:16:55.080 --> 0:16:58.080 because she is a way better explanation of what intimacy is, 0:16:58.400 --> 0:17:00.440 which we'll get to in a second. But my first 0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:03.120 thought of when I thought of intimacy was sex. Does 0:17:03.160 --> 0:17:05.119 anybody else not feel that way? Like it sounds like 0:17:05.160 --> 0:17:08.600 you guys think of connection. I think it's both to 0:17:08.680 --> 0:17:11.119 be honest, and I'm not trying to just paint a 0:17:11.200 --> 0:17:14.600 nice picture here, but it there's definitely the connection side 0:17:14.600 --> 0:17:16.320 of it. There's going out to dinner, there's going on 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:19.120 romantic walks or whatever that is whenever there is time 0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:24.359 for that. But recently, we last year and then this summer, 0:17:24.400 --> 0:17:26.360 my kids have been going to camp up in Seattle, 0:17:26.480 --> 0:17:30.040 and so for four weeks, I mean, that's a long 0:17:30.160 --> 0:17:33.400 time to then reconnect a it's a long time because 0:17:33.440 --> 0:17:35.280 you're reconnecting, you're kind of like, wait, how do we 0:17:35.320 --> 0:17:38.280 do this again? Right? How do we reconnect again? And 0:17:38.320 --> 0:17:41.680 then it's like, okay, in my mind, it's how many 0:17:41.680 --> 0:17:43.400 times do we have? Like I played this game where 0:17:43.400 --> 0:17:45.159 they're the very first day we dropped the kids off, 0:17:45.200 --> 0:17:47.120 we got back to the hotel, like, how many times 0:17:47.119 --> 0:17:51.520 are we going to have sex today? You know, like today, 0:17:51.720 --> 0:17:54.040 like I'm going to keep score, we have how many 0:17:54.200 --> 0:17:55.760 was it? And if it was more than four, have 0:17:55.800 --> 0:18:00.680 the name of the camp. This is the best part. 0:18:00.760 --> 0:18:03.480 So the first day it was too and so I'm like, 0:18:03.520 --> 0:18:05.840 I'm going to keep track like a baseball you know, 0:18:05.960 --> 0:18:08.000 like my batting at what's my batting average here? And 0:18:08.040 --> 0:18:10.720 this is gonna sound bad, but like I was four 0:18:10.800 --> 0:18:13.440 for twenty four it was horrible. I was. I was 0:18:13.520 --> 0:18:15.280 four for four of the first three days, and then 0:18:15.320 --> 0:18:18.000 afterwards it was like, Okay, that's sorry. That's where baseball 0:18:18.000 --> 0:18:23.520 there's a sacrifice of chicken something like that. I like 0:18:23.840 --> 0:18:29.960 to try something after um. But yeah, I do think 0:18:30.000 --> 0:18:32.679 sex is a definite part of it. And and like 0:18:32.680 --> 0:18:35.600 you're saying, I think during sex that's that's another very 0:18:35.680 --> 0:18:38.639 key aspect to it of while you're having sex, that 0:18:38.800 --> 0:18:42.280 is the almost intimate time, not saying it's it's just 0:18:42.720 --> 0:18:47.240 intimate defines intimate see itself. Well, I keep asking what 0:18:47.400 --> 0:18:51.679 comes first to you men, intimacy or sex ahead. I 0:18:51.680 --> 0:18:54.200 think sex comes first because if you're talking intimacy the 0:18:54.240 --> 0:18:56.640 way we've been describing it, then you're talking about love 0:18:56.680 --> 0:18:58.880 and a deep relationship. So you're not going to constantly 0:18:58.920 --> 0:19:00.800 have That's why people say, oh they're one person fee 0:19:00.800 --> 0:19:02.320 as there a soul mate. But you're not going to 0:19:02.440 --> 0:19:06.520 constantly have deep intimacy with with people every time you 0:19:06.560 --> 0:19:08.480 meet them. So the chances are you're going to have 0:19:08.520 --> 0:19:12.719 sex and sexual relations or physical stuff first before you 0:19:12.760 --> 0:19:15.520 find that person where that intimacy is the deepest so 0:19:15.640 --> 0:19:18.679 Amy's shaking her head, She's like wanting to probably punch you. 0:19:19.119 --> 0:19:21.879 I think for women, you want to have sex with 0:19:21.960 --> 0:19:24.880 someone you're intimate with. So here's my take on it. 0:19:25.600 --> 0:19:28.159 I think initially, so when you meet somebody new, I 0:19:28.160 --> 0:19:31.440 think initially there's an attraction. You see somebody in your 0:19:31.600 --> 0:19:33.680