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Speaker 1: This is how men think with brooks Like and Gavin

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Speaker 1: to grow and I heard radio podcast. Welcome to the show, everybody.

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Speaker 1: My name is brooks Like, and this is how men think.

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Speaker 1: A podcast where we dive into all sorts of topics

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Speaker 1: that men and women deal with, and we kind of

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Speaker 1: jump up into the brain of a man and we

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Speaker 1: open source that for everybody to hear. I'm here with

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Speaker 1: my good buddy with the nice fresh hat on today,

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Speaker 1: Mr Gavin de Gros, So new and so fresh, so fresh.

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Speaker 1: That's sure too. That violet is that violet you're wearing.

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Speaker 1: I'm celebrating right now. Yeah, talk into the mic. I'm sorry,

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Speaker 1: but you know what I mean. You're a singer with

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Speaker 1: getting to the hype. This is actually a great Mike technique.

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Speaker 1: When I get louder, I lean away from the mic.

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Speaker 1: But it doesn't work here in the studio, it doesn't buddy. Sorry, guys,

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Speaker 1: and you have brilliant things to say. I want everybody

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Speaker 1: to hear that wisdom. How are you doing today, Boddy?

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Speaker 1: I'm good man, I'm great. I got here on time today,

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Speaker 1: so I'm feeling a little bit better about myself. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I got here so early that I went and got

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Speaker 1: a bite to eat and came back late. He's not

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Speaker 1: good to be back. That's good, it's good to have you.

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Speaker 1: And you also you also had z food at a

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Speaker 1: steak restaurant. I did. That's right, that's right. I even

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Speaker 1: was incredibly bad influence and recruited the other two guys

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Speaker 1: out here to come down, and uh, they didn't fight.

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Speaker 1: I said, anybody wants something to eat downstairs at the restaurant.

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Speaker 1: Immediately like yeah, hell yeah, I'll be right down. The

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Speaker 1: worst party was showed up. It was three minutes before

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Speaker 1: we're supposed to be here, and he's like, oh, I'm early,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonn get a snack. Who paid? Who picked up

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Speaker 1: the check? Gaff? We just left the check And what

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Speaker 1: happened was funny because, uh, I guess by the time

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Speaker 1: Dmitri first walked in, I wasn't sitting at the bar

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Speaker 1: where I had said I would be, and um, I

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Speaker 1: came back out and there was nobody there, and of

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Speaker 1: course they walked in. If you Mini Starcio, where we

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Speaker 1: maybe we walked in here, you weren't in here? I said, well,

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Speaker 1: actually I was in the bathroom because I'm wearing this

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Speaker 1: linen shirt and I just unpacked it and had wrinkles

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Speaker 1: all over it. So I was in there throwing water

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Speaker 1: on the wrinkles. I walked out looking like I was

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Speaker 1: breastfeeding all that a miracle baby, you know. So there,

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Speaker 1: why good question for you because there's no cameras in

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Speaker 1: here currently. What was were you worried about just walking

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Speaker 1: in the ten steps from Morton's that I heard here

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Speaker 1: that somebody might see your wrinkled shirt. And I was

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Speaker 1: afraid actually that I would walk in here and then

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Speaker 1: they'd have cameras in here and they go, hey, let's

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Speaker 1: take a couple of pictures for the show, you know, like, oh, man,

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Speaker 1: here's the guy with the I just unfolded my laundry

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Speaker 1: from my luggage, you know, defeats the whole kind of purpose, Like,

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Speaker 1: who's the slob? That's all right, buddy, you look fresh,

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Speaker 1: you look clean, and you've got a big smile. So

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Speaker 1: I thought he was pumping me because I walk in there.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm on my way. I walk in and

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Speaker 1: I look around and the woman at the front desk

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Speaker 1: is just looking at me, and I just I look around.

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Speaker 1: I'm standing there. She gets a call, so I wait

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Speaker 1: and then she you know, hangs up the phone. I go,

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Speaker 1: is there anyone here? And she goes, you mean, like

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Speaker 1: for service a server and I'm like no, no, like

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Speaker 1: I'm supposed to meet somebody and she's like, no, no,

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Speaker 1: You're the only one here. So I left and I

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Speaker 1: went back and I bumped it. I bumped in a

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Speaker 1: rick and he's like, let's go back and check. So

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Speaker 1: we go back, come around the same corner and there's

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Speaker 1: Gavin Jumbo shrimp cartail it, tacos, the whole spread. I

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Speaker 1: was like, how did I miss him? Because the last

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Speaker 1: time he told me to meet him somewhere. We're at

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Speaker 1: this hotel up in Oakland and he's like, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: go back down the bar and gonna drink. I was like,

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Speaker 1: all right, I'm in. So I go up to my

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Speaker 1: room and I come back down and there he has.

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Speaker 1: The bar's empty, He's sitting at the bar, he's got

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Speaker 1: a beer in front of him, and he's got a

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Speaker 1: beer in front of an empty seat. And I walked in.

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Speaker 1: It was it was the most special feeling. It was

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Speaker 1: like a tinder date. What a gentleman. He had a

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Speaker 1: drink from me already? Was this time was just a

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Speaker 1: complete opposite, Rick, how are you doing today? But well?

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Speaker 1: Doing well Brooks? Yeah, you look good too, thank you. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I'm just a busy work day and I made it

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Speaker 1: through the traffic and I'm happy to be here. I

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Speaker 1: really excited to get this going. Yeah, so this topic today,

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Speaker 1: Rick is not admitting that he also showered for you guys.

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Speaker 1: I w so I walked in the day, said Demetri

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Speaker 1: said Ricks. Here he's in the shower. I'm like, does

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Speaker 1: he have a corporate like office? Rick? Like, how did

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Speaker 1: I did you get that in your deal? I didn't

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Speaker 1: get that in my deal? This is a shower here?

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Speaker 1: Did you get there was a shower downstairs? And I

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Speaker 1: was so excited. Amy hooked it all up and I

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Speaker 1: went walking like, you know I had to pay fifteen

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Speaker 1: dollars for that shower? Did you use? It was the

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Speaker 1: you can travel with that? It's the gym downstairs. So

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Speaker 1: I had to get Rick a fifteen dollar ship. But

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Speaker 1: I was watching down there and I walked you in

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Speaker 1: the gym, and on the on the wall and going

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Speaker 1: into the gym is a gigantic poster of this dude

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Speaker 1: who's just absolutely ripped. And I turned to to Tor

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Speaker 1: and I said, is that Brooks, It was the gym.

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Speaker 1: Let's superpose a picture. It's one of those poster things

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Speaker 1: you put up in your kid's room. That's just the

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Speaker 1: giant baseball player. Rather, I appreciate it once a day.

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Speaker 1: Tell me that's ones to day. I appreciate you, my man.

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Speaker 1: That's what we're here for. So today's topic is something

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Speaker 1: I'm really excited for this and it's something that maybe

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Speaker 1: a lot of men might be shy to talk about.

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Speaker 1: Maybe it might be uncomfortable for a lot of men.

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Speaker 1: I think a lot of women listening are certainly more

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Speaker 1: comfortable discussing it. And that topic is intimacy intimacy. So

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Speaker 1: what is intimacy? Intimacy versus sex? These guys look at

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Speaker 1: me like you can't see. I'm gonna go back down

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Speaker 1: and see if I can find Gavin back. I'm quite

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Speaker 1: excited to get into this though, um, because it's an

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Speaker 1: area I certainly need to grow. I'll admit that first

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Speaker 1: and foremost. I certainly need to grow is the key

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Speaker 1: word there. And also what's unique about this is we

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Speaker 1: have four guys that are in different stages of their life.

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Speaker 1: Gavin is single, so what's intimacy to a single man?

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Speaker 1: How do you build that when looking for a partner?

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Speaker 1: Young man or women who is single and looking to

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Speaker 1: build intimacy with a partner. I'm freshly, area, have been

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Speaker 1: married two years, so what is intimacy to me now? Then? Dmitri,

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Speaker 1: you've been married, uh fourteen years? Fourteen years? And Rick?

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Speaker 1: So you guys have been married fourteen fifteen years? How

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Speaker 1: has intimacy changed? How do you keep intimacy in your relationship? What?

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Speaker 1: What fuels intimacy for you guys? And I'm sure for

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Speaker 1: all of us it's very different. So I'll pose this

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Speaker 1: question to you guys to kick it off. Gavin, what

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Speaker 1: picked your mind? You have? Let's start with you? What

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Speaker 1: is intimac people who know about it? Short answer? What

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Speaker 1: to you is intimacy? Buddy? Oh? Tough question? But um,

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Speaker 1: do I have to go first? I mean you don't.

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Speaker 1: I mean intimacy is a lot of different things. Intimacy

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Speaker 1: is the the initial spark um. Um. We can skip

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Speaker 1: with all that means, the initial spark um. But ultimately,

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Speaker 1: I think I think you you have to um figure

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Speaker 1: out if there's a long term goal there with the

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Speaker 1: person that you're intimate with I think the culture changed

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Speaker 1: and it became sort of a you know, we're trying

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Speaker 1: to People got more religious, and they got into the

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Speaker 1: whole marital status of things, which essentially where all that

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Speaker 1: stuff stem from, right, Having like a monogamous relationship, um,

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Speaker 1: which is a long term thing. You're looking for a

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Speaker 1: life partner if you're lucky to find that. But I

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Speaker 1: think that's a different thing than somebody who's just kind

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Speaker 1: of out in the world floating around looking for something

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Speaker 1: that's actually gonna work at all. You know, you guys,

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Speaker 1: have found your your life partner, You love your life,

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Speaker 1: you're the stars aligned, etcetera. You know. Um. So it's

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Speaker 1: hard for me to say that I know anything about

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Speaker 1: intimacy other than wow, look at that. That's amazing. It

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Speaker 1: just hasn't quite worked out for me long term, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. So intimacy falls I think falls

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Speaker 1: in line with the relationship things. So I'm not really

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Speaker 1: an expert on any of that stuff, and I don't

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Speaker 1: think any of us are. But I'll go to YouTube. Guys,

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Speaker 1: you've been married fourteen fifteen years, me treat for you

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Speaker 1: and your wife. What would you say intimacy? Well, one,

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Speaker 1: how would you define intimacy and then how is it

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Speaker 1: present in your relationship? Intimacy to me is the when

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Speaker 1: you find that person that everything else kind of melts away.

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Speaker 1: You can be at your raw state with each other,

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Speaker 1: and you can feel vulnerable and you can feel like

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Speaker 1: with this person, I feel safe and you're like and

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Speaker 1: you're sharing. So a lot of people I think confused

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Speaker 1: intimacy and sects, and I think there is a sexual

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Speaker 1: aspect to intimate intimacy, but it doesn't mean that all

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Speaker 1: just having sex with someone is intimate. So I think

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Speaker 1: it's when you feel like you're with someone that you

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Speaker 1: feel vulnerable, but you still feel safe and you feel trusted.

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Speaker 1: And I think that that both of you feel that way,

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Speaker 1: and I think you have someone that you feel Listen,

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Speaker 1: all the other stuff in the world, all the other

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Speaker 1: stuff that can happen right now, this is this is

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Speaker 1: my safe zone. So how how how is it present

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Speaker 1: in your relationship today? How do you and your wife

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Speaker 1: make sure that you are intimate with each other? Obviously

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Speaker 1: there's physically, but uh, how emotionally or connection wise? How

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Speaker 1: do you make sure that you are present and intimate

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Speaker 1: on a daily basis? Yeah, we don't know I'm kidding. Um,

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Speaker 1: I guess basically, we just make sure that we that

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Speaker 1: we communicate so and I think you have to I

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Speaker 1: think you have to go and do things that Obviously

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Speaker 1: there's the physical aspect of it, but I think you

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Speaker 1: have to do things that remind each other that that

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Speaker 1: that you have that relationship. So it's like you'll have

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Speaker 1: conversations with each other and you'll keep each other, you know,

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Speaker 1: up to date on your feelings or not up to date.

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Speaker 1: Sounds so business e, but you know you'll you'll be

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Speaker 1: open about your feelings in this now. But I think

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Speaker 1: you have to remind each other that that you do

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Speaker 1: have that relationship. So you know, if someone had a

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Speaker 1: crazy day, or if someone's going through something, or if

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Speaker 1: there's someone in the families anything you remind you know,

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Speaker 1: you have to remind that person and spend a little time.

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Speaker 1: It could be something as simple as as holding a hand.

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Speaker 1: It could be you know, spooning while you're in bed,

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Speaker 1: and it could just be having a conversation. But it's

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Speaker 1: like you have to remind that person or remind each

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Speaker 1: other that that you have that relationship and when all

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Speaker 1: this other stuff is there, that you're strong at the core.

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Speaker 1: And that's that's what I think, that's where it comes from.

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Speaker 1: That's what I meant to say earlier. Actually answer I

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Speaker 1: was reading that from his text. I was like, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna take one for the team here, and here's the

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Speaker 1: answer you should give. I like that you set them

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Speaker 1: up to succeed. Good for you, But uh, I mean

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Speaker 1: to be honest, it's hard. You know, when you've been

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Speaker 1: married for fifteen plus years or fifteen years or whatever,

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Speaker 1: maybe it's even two years, or maybe it's nine or whatever.

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Speaker 1: I do believe that it's a very hard thing to

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Speaker 1: maintain um and two people have to or your partner,

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Speaker 1: you really have to work at it. It's not just something.

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Speaker 1: You know, falling in love is falling in love and you're,

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Speaker 1: like Dmitri saying, you're kind of everything goes away and

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Speaker 1: you're just with each other and you're engaged with that person.

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Speaker 1: I think that's kind of the early stages of that.

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Speaker 1: And then as you grow older or you're married longer,

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Speaker 1: and then you have kids, and there's other things that

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Speaker 1: come in your life that not to say or more

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Speaker 1: of a priority, but for the both of you are

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Speaker 1: more of a priority, you know, raising your kids, getting

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Speaker 1: them to school, you know, whatever that may be, they

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Speaker 1: take up more of that space. And I think reaching

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Speaker 1: back into that person, um, you know, after fifteen years

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Speaker 1: is it's very challenging, you know. And those are some

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Speaker 1: of the face those are some of the things that

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Speaker 1: my wife and I face, you know. And whether that's

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Speaker 1: trying to make it it's it's as hard for us

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Speaker 1: or me to to schedule a dinner date, you know.

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Speaker 1: I mean it's like, well, when do you want to

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Speaker 1: do that? Um? And but it has to be done,

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Speaker 1: and that's how important it is. And I think even

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Speaker 1: with my wife and I, we really try to make

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Speaker 1: those dates, whether it's a dinner date or maybe it's

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Speaker 1: dropping you know, going together to one of the kids games,

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Speaker 1: you know, right right now where we split ways and

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm with my son or she's with my son,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, you know, it's like, hey, where where

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Speaker 1: do we connect back? You know, And a lot of

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Speaker 1: that times it's it's let's make our favorite meal together,

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Speaker 1: let's you know whatever that is. You know. So I

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Speaker 1: think it's really trying to find the things that you

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Speaker 1: fell in love with each other back at day one

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Speaker 1: and rehashing some of that stuff and being like remember

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Speaker 1: that time we were down to Newport Beach and and

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Speaker 1: you know, we jumped off the Leado Pier and in

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Speaker 1: our bathing suits on the fourth of July. And then

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Speaker 1: we drove home and we went to my parents house

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Speaker 1: and we were like dating for about two weeks and

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Speaker 1: it was like craziness, you know. But like those are

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Speaker 1: the you know, when we drive over a bridge, it's like,

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Speaker 1: let's jump, let's go off. You know, it's not the

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Speaker 1: Golden Gate bridge. Let's just drive off the bridge. That's

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Speaker 1: I think that's that's not it's reconnecting with those those

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Speaker 1: times in your life when you were still when you're

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Speaker 1: in love. Yeah, because you can't replace history, you can't,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. If you have a great

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Speaker 1: history with somebody, that's essentially becomes part of your DNA

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Speaker 1: with each other and some element of your relationship, right,

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Speaker 1: so that you know, and there's validation there and there's

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Speaker 1: comfort there. And like you're like what you were saying

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Speaker 1: to meet you about about having that that person you

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Speaker 1: can trust, Well, that can really possibly happen over time,

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Speaker 1: right where you have that that person you can trust

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Speaker 1: to that degree, right, And I feel like, excuse me,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to do a disservice here. I said

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Speaker 1: what what intimacy is and what I think it is

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Speaker 1: and what it is in my relationship, But after Ricky

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Speaker 1: started answering, I think I need to make it clear

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Speaker 1: that I'm saying that. But it's very it's extremely challenging.

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Speaker 1: You're right, is I'm not saying by any means that

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Speaker 1: I have this figured out and we do this every

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Speaker 1: day and this is what we do and everything. You know,

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Speaker 1: there are there are days where, especially we have four kids,

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Speaker 1: there are days where it's just like four weeks weeks

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Speaker 1: on end where it's just like you're just running around

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Speaker 1: and you don't have that moment. And I think back

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Speaker 1: to what you were saying. My wife's and my first

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Speaker 1: official date, we went to Toys r US because I

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Speaker 1: had to buy something from my niece and we went

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Speaker 1: and we ended up playing four Square in the store,

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Speaker 1: knocked over display, got kicked out, it's like stuff like

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Speaker 1: so it was fun. But yeah, obviously nowadays you don't

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Speaker 1: have we don't have that type of thing. So you're right.

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Speaker 1: I think you said it very well that you can't.

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Speaker 1: When you say you can't repeat history places place history,

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Speaker 1: so it's it's there. We can't replace it, and you

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Speaker 1: can't necessarily we created either. So you can't just rely

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Speaker 1: on figure it out. You can't just rely on the

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Speaker 1: history that you have with somebody that we've been intimate

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Speaker 1: in the past. And that's enough. Yeah, that's the thing

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Speaker 1: kind of you know, we we had done another one

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Speaker 1: of the last things we we we did one of

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Speaker 1: the last episodes we did. We one of the last

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Speaker 1: episodes we did. We we spoke about um, you're speaking

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Speaker 1: about health, you know, your physical health and saying things like, um, well,

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Speaker 1: when you're getting older, you're not going to get back

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Speaker 1: that eighteen year old physical self. You're gonna get that

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Speaker 1: twenty three year old self whatever that was in your prime.

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Speaker 1: But and so is there no In some ways I

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Speaker 1: think there's danger in applying applying well, I remember what

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Speaker 1: we were because you're not going to get that back, right,

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Speaker 1: I mean, is it is it dark for me to

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Speaker 1: say that doesn't come back? But you remember that there

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Speaker 1: were those certain um that those natural uh sort of

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Speaker 1: connections that you had, and those are a reflection of

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Speaker 1: who you would become ultimately because you click so so

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Speaker 1: so quickly at a certain time in your life, and

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Speaker 1: therefore there's an element of that that you perhaps will

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Speaker 1: grow together in a certain a certain that's not dark.

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Speaker 1: I think that's realistic. I mean, you know you don't

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Speaker 1: you don't have those like you said, you don't have

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Speaker 1: those things in the past to carry you through all

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Speaker 1: the way. You have to constantly find new things and

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Speaker 1: reinvent them. Life is not the way it was when

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Speaker 1: when we were twenty six, and so it's like with

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Speaker 1: no kids and no care freeze. So yeah, it's it's

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Speaker 1: not dark. It's realistic. But you still have those great

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Speaker 1: memories to tempt into to remind you of, Okay, this

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Speaker 1: is these are the things that made me fall in

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Speaker 1: love to begin with. And essentially do you do you

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Speaker 1: do need to remind yourself about about those magical first

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Speaker 1: times or whatever? Right, so hold on, So because nobody

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Speaker 1: said it yet, So I want to bring it up sex.

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Speaker 1: I was just about to So sex and toys are

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Speaker 1: us because there's yeah, there's uh, there's jumping off bridge,

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Speaker 1: there's these kinds of things. But what about sex and intimacy?

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Speaker 1: Because when I when when we talked about doing a

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Speaker 1: show about intimacy, my first thought process. Honestly, I went

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Speaker 1: home and I started thinking about what is intimacy. The

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Speaker 1: first thing that came to mind for me was sex,

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Speaker 1: and I started thinking about what sex is, but how

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Speaker 1: is intimacy present insects? And then my wife came home

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Speaker 1: and I asked my wife. I was like, baby, we're

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Speaker 1: gonna do this discussion on the podcast about what is

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Speaker 1: intimacy and what do you think intimacy is? And she goes, well,

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Speaker 1: let me ask you what do you think intimacy is?

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Speaker 1: And I was like, oh my god, I thought of it.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, I my first thought process when

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Speaker 1: I said what is intimacy? I thought that I thought

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Speaker 1: of sex, and that when my partner, when my wife,

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Speaker 1: when her needs during sex during intercourse are as important

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Speaker 1: as mine, that's intimacy. That's what came to my brain,

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Speaker 1: which is why I'm so glad my wife is here

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Speaker 1: because she is a way better explanation of what intimacy is,

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Speaker 1: which we'll get to in a second. But my first

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Speaker 1: thought of when I thought of intimacy was sex. Does

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Speaker 1: anybody else not feel that way? Like it sounds like

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Speaker 1: you guys think of connection. I think it's both to

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Speaker 1: be honest, and I'm not trying to just paint a

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Speaker 1: nice picture here, but it there's definitely the connection side

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Speaker 1: of it. There's going out to dinner, there's going on

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Speaker 1: romantic walks or whatever that is whenever there is time

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Speaker 1: for that. But recently, we last year and then this summer,

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Speaker 1: my kids have been going to camp up in Seattle,

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Speaker 1: and so for four weeks, I mean, that's a long

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Speaker 1: time to then reconnect a it's a long time because

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Speaker 1: you're reconnecting, you're kind of like, wait, how do we

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Speaker 1: do this again? Right? How do we reconnect again? And

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Speaker 1: then it's like, okay, in my mind, it's how many

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Speaker 1: times do we have? Like I played this game where

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Speaker 1: they're the very first day we dropped the kids off,

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Speaker 1: we got back to the hotel, like, how many times

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Speaker 1: are we going to have sex today? You know, like today,

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Speaker 1: like I'm going to keep score, we have how many

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Speaker 1: was it? And if it was more than four, have

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Speaker 1: the name of the camp. This is the best part.

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Speaker 1: So the first day it was too and so I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to keep track like a baseball you know,

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Speaker 1: like my batting at what's my batting average here? And

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Speaker 1: this is gonna sound bad, but like I was four

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Speaker 1: for twenty four it was horrible. I was. I was

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Speaker 1: four for four of the first three days, and then

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Speaker 1: afterwards it was like, Okay, that's sorry. That's where baseball

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Speaker 1: there's a sacrifice of chicken something like that. I like

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Speaker 1: to try something after um. But yeah, I do think

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Speaker 1: sex is a definite part of it. And and like

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Speaker 1: you're saying, I think during sex that's that's another very

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Speaker 1: key aspect to it of while you're having sex, that

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Speaker 1: is the almost intimate time, not saying it's it's just

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Speaker 1: intimate defines intimate see itself. Well, I keep asking what

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Speaker 1: comes first to you men, intimacy or sex ahead. I

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Speaker 1: think sex comes first because if you're talking intimacy the

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Speaker 1: way we've been describing it, then you're talking about love

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Speaker 1: and a deep relationship. So you're not going to constantly

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Speaker 1: have That's why people say, oh they're one person fee

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Speaker 1: as there a soul mate. But you're not going to

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Speaker 1: constantly have deep intimacy with with people every time you

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Speaker 1: meet them. So the chances are you're going to have

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Speaker 1: sex and sexual relations or physical stuff first before you

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Speaker 1: find that person where that intimacy is the deepest so

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Speaker 1: Amy's shaking her head, She's like wanting to probably punch you.

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Speaker 1: I think for women, you want to have sex with

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Speaker 1: someone you're intimate with. So here's my take on it.

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Speaker 1: I think initially, so when you meet somebody new, I

400
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Speaker 1: think initially there's an attraction. You see somebody in your

401
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Speaker 1: you're physically. This is how it works for me. I'm

402
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Speaker 1: physically attracted to them, and I'm also mentally attracted to them.

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Speaker 1: There's something about them that stimulates me mentally. So there's

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Speaker 1: that attraction. Then sex comes. And then as you figure

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Speaker 1: this person out and and be around this, surround yourself

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Speaker 1: with this person to explore this person more, then you

407
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Speaker 1: start to develop. For me, I start to develop intimacy,

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Speaker 1: more trust, We have deeper conversations, and really start to

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Speaker 1: explore one another as a person. That's how it works

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Speaker 1: for me. Doesn't mean it's right, they're wrong, but that's

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Speaker 1: how it works for me. Uh. For me, Um, it

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Speaker 1: was more when I was a kid, it was more

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Speaker 1: just like, wow, that looks nice. I want that now, right,

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Speaker 1: And then you know, as you became more of an adult,

415
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Speaker 1: you were it was less about what your eyes saw

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Speaker 1: and more what you saw in their eyes right, and

417
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Speaker 1: then we need we need some sort of like golden

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Speaker 1: like thing like like that was so well put by

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Speaker 1: thanks man. So like you know when you're when you're

420
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Speaker 1: like to meet, you give me some lines and and

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Speaker 1: so you know when you're when you're having that that

422
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Speaker 1: whatever that conversation maybe or whatever, that interaction maybe with somebody,

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Speaker 1: doesn't matter where it is, it could be in public

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Speaker 1: or not. You're not really looking at their you're not

425
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:55,040
Speaker 1: looking at them, you're seeing what's going on inside them,

426
00:20:55,119 --> 00:21:01,000
Speaker 1: right and um, and an essence that that triggers sexuality part,

427
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:04,359
Speaker 1: the intimacy intimacy part, because you're you're looking for something

428
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:07,880
Speaker 1: that is so far, so far beyond what the physical

429
00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:12,879
Speaker 1: is that that the sexuality can't can't even possibly match

430
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:16,760
Speaker 1: what that connection is, you know what I mean. And

431
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:19,000
Speaker 1: so and so if if you're if you're making love

432
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:22,320
Speaker 1: with somebody just for their body, then you're not actually

433
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,840
Speaker 1: you're not actually making love, you know what I mean. So,

434
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:29,199
Speaker 1: so the connection has to be so deep and and

435
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:33,560
Speaker 1: and so severe that that it's it's like sex without

436
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:36,280
Speaker 1: even touching them. Very well said okay, so on that point,

437
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,399
Speaker 1: what do you have me? Just before we go to break.

438
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,399
Speaker 1: You can be intimate with someone that you're not having

439
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:43,919
Speaker 1: sex with. Women can be intimate with each other in

440
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:49,280
Speaker 1: a non sexual way. Correct. Okay, So I love this discussion,

441
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:52,120
Speaker 1: and we're lucky my wife is here, she's standing by.

442
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:53,840
Speaker 1: My wife is here, and so we're gonna get her

443
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:59,720
Speaker 1: take on what intimacy is right after this break. This

444
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:01,600
Speaker 1: is how men think. And I'm Brooks like, and we

445
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:05,040
Speaker 1: have Ryan back in with us now, Ryan joins us.

446
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:07,720
Speaker 1: Good to have you, buddy. And then also we have

447
00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:12,760
Speaker 1: an esteemed very special guest today, Yes we have. She

448
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:19,280
Speaker 1: is a dancer, an actress, a singer, songwriter, an entrepreneur, businesswoman.

449
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:23,680
Speaker 1: Can you continue? And she is the love of my life.

450
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:29,400
Speaker 1: My beautiful wife, Julianne Houff is here to really give us,

451
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:36,080
Speaker 1: to really give us the definition of intimacy, no pressure. Yeah, well,

452
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:38,600
Speaker 1: thank you. This needs a world to me that you're on.

453
00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:41,960
Speaker 1: I appreciate you coming on. Thank you so much. Of course. Well,

454
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:46,000
Speaker 1: it's nice to be in the room where you've been

455
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:48,800
Speaker 1: coming and hanging out with all these dudes. I love it.

456
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:52,000
Speaker 1: You need it. By the way, you know, since we've

457
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:55,520
Speaker 1: been married, he's just been surrounded by women. Oh yeah,

458
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,359
Speaker 1: he used to be in a locker room with all dudes,

459
00:22:57,400 --> 00:23:00,679
Speaker 1: and now I can't escape women. So this is my

460
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:04,320
Speaker 1: life when I was single, surrounded by dudes, My entire life.

461
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:06,399
Speaker 1: Locker room. Will help you if we wore jerseys at

462
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:10,480
Speaker 1: the show. All of a sudden I got married, got married,

463
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:12,119
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden there was women all around

464
00:23:12,119 --> 00:23:14,760
Speaker 1: our house, and I was one dude and ten girls around.

465
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:18,120
Speaker 1: So it didn't work that that. However that worked out,

466
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:22,120
Speaker 1: was backwards. But that's why this topic is intimacy, Yeah,

467
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:25,280
Speaker 1: very much so. The other night when I asked you,

468
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,520
Speaker 1: I asked my wife, um, what is intimacy? And then

469
00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:30,040
Speaker 1: she turned it back on me and she asked me.

470
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:32,280
Speaker 1: My description, which I mentioned to everybody else in my

471
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:35,720
Speaker 1: first thought process, was sex and about making the other

472
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:39,159
Speaker 1: person's needs as important as mine. And then I asked

473
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,520
Speaker 1: her because I look up to you for so many

474
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:43,600
Speaker 1: things in our relationship and learned so much of the

475
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:46,639
Speaker 1: stuff that makes me appear smart on this show from you.

476
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:49,639
Speaker 1: Thank you for that. But I learned so much from

477
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:52,840
Speaker 1: you in our relationship, and you the way you described

478
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:55,800
Speaker 1: intimacy was so beautiful that I immediately asked you would

479
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 1: you come on the show and share that because everybody

480
00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:00,520
Speaker 1: needs to hear it. And I text Amy. You said, yes.

481
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:02,560
Speaker 1: I text Amy said, Julianne has to come on the

482
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:05,280
Speaker 1: show to explain intimacy. But the way you explained it,

483
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:08,320
Speaker 1: I was able to receive, and it wasn't. It wasn't

484
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:11,399
Speaker 1: a woman telling a man. This is what intimacy is

485
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:14,879
Speaker 1: supposed to be. Can you please just rephrase what you

486
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,920
Speaker 1: said the other night to me in the kitchen, I said, Um,

487
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:22,359
Speaker 1: when I think of the word intimacy, I have to

488
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:26,879
Speaker 1: stand up because I have to get connected you to

489
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:34,879
Speaker 1: my female rootedness. I'm so nervous right now. No, don't, no, please,

490
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:38,800
Speaker 1: don't be Honestly, when I think of the word intimacy,

491
00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:41,240
Speaker 1: I told you, I think it's one of the most

492
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:45,800
Speaker 1: sacred things that you can have between um, between a partnership.

493
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:51,840
Speaker 1: I think it's what separates friendship and lovers. And I

494
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:55,440
Speaker 1: think that most people do think about sex when they

495
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:58,320
Speaker 1: think of intimacy. But when I think of intimacy, I

496
00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:02,320
Speaker 1: think of presence. I think of absolute, complete, a nutter

497
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:07,480
Speaker 1: connection when we are two people connecting and then we

498
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:10,600
Speaker 1: actually become like one person. And I think that that's

499
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:16,040
Speaker 1: what really differentiates you know, friendships. Um. You were even

500
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:20,160
Speaker 1: saying earlier Amy about you can have intimacy with your friendships. Um,

501
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:24,480
Speaker 1: and that's beautiful. But there's something that's really special that

502
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:27,679
Speaker 1: happens when two lovers come together and there's an intimate

503
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:31,040
Speaker 1: connection and you're not having sex, But then when you

504
00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:36,200
Speaker 1: can actually combine the two, it's it's magic. And that's

505
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:39,400
Speaker 1: where I think in a lot of relationships, I think

506
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:42,240
Speaker 1: we missed that. I think we're on the phone a lot,

507
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:46,360
Speaker 1: and that five minutes that I come home and I'm

508
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:49,199
Speaker 1: on my phone and I don't give you presents or

509
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:52,439
Speaker 1: you don't give me presents, it sets the tone for

510
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 1: the rest of the evening. And so I think, like

511
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,480
Speaker 1: the most sacred thing that we can have is intimacy,

512
00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:00,080
Speaker 1: and I think just figuring out what that meaning is

513
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:04,000
Speaker 1: to you, And I think everybody's definition of intimacy is different,

514
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:07,440
Speaker 1: and it's just figuring out what it means to you.

515
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,520
Speaker 1: And I think searching for that and actually being curious

516
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:13,920
Speaker 1: what intimacy means to you because it's going to be different.

517
00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 1: I think when we first started speaking, your you immediately

518
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 1: went to sex, and that might be the way that

519
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:24,119
Speaker 1: you experience intimacy. For me, I experience it by eye

520
00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:30,040
Speaker 1: contact and presence and almost silence. So I think we're

521
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:33,040
Speaker 1: all bio individual people. I think we have to figure

522
00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:37,399
Speaker 1: out what it means exactly to us. And when you

523
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:41,439
Speaker 1: have a partner that is willing to learn what is

524
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 1: best for you and your needs, um, I think that's

525
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:50,560
Speaker 1: that's when intimacy comes in. So, which by the way,

526
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:52,879
Speaker 1: is basically what I said, except I didn't stand up.

527
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:59,760
Speaker 1: That's probably yeah. So on that very well said law

528
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:03,800
Speaker 1: on a command exception, on that point, you are exceptional

529
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 1: at coming in the house and coming give me a

530
00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:09,480
Speaker 1: great big kiss, and we connect right away. Our dogs

531
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:11,879
Speaker 1: are at our feet barking, and but we connect right away.

532
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:15,640
Speaker 1: And then you are also amazing in our relationship at

533
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:21,399
Speaker 1: ensuring that intimacy stays present, at communicating from your standpoint,

534
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:24,000
Speaker 1: that's when you have courage and bravery. And I think

535
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:27,479
Speaker 1: some of our listeners might want intimacy but can't voice it,

536
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:29,439
Speaker 1: or don't think they can bring it up with their partner,

537
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:31,920
Speaker 1: or don't know how. And I think that's the hardest part.

538
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:34,080
Speaker 1: Is just like a lot of people just don't know

539
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:39,080
Speaker 1: even what they want. And so I found my curiosity

540
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:44,800
Speaker 1: has saved my life, I think, um and honestly saved

541
00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:49,480
Speaker 1: our relationship many times because we've we've been curious about, like, hey,

542
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:52,840
Speaker 1: something doesn't feel right, like, instead of just accepting it

543
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:56,320
Speaker 1: for how it is, let's let's look into something. And

544
00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:58,560
Speaker 1: so what did I do? I like, came home one

545
00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:01,320
Speaker 1: day and I was like, Babe, I saw this website.

546
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:06,520
Speaker 1: It's called Jaya, and they have these intimate erotic blueprints

547
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 1: and we need to do our test to see what

548
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:12,280
Speaker 1: our test is and how we're compatible. And so to me,

549
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:14,879
Speaker 1: of course at the beginning, it was like what, I

550
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:19,720
Speaker 1: don't know what I want to do. I'm a shape shifter.

551
00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:25,960
Speaker 1: I'm like, great, I don't know what is that? Yeah,

552
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:31,880
Speaker 1: I'm shape shifterw Um, Okay, well we could all take

553
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:35,639
Speaker 1: it if you like. So so Jaya So she she

554
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 1: is a sex therapist, and her and her partner have

555
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:42,600
Speaker 1: been together for a really long time, and and being

556
00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:44,479
Speaker 1: a sex therapist, that's a lot of pressure to have

557
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,880
Speaker 1: like a total connection with your partner. And I mean,

558
00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:48,960
Speaker 1: she she'll be able to tell the story way better.

559
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:52,160
Speaker 1: But um, she basically her and her partner were not

560
00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:55,280
Speaker 1: doing well after about ten eleven years, and so she

561
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,160
Speaker 1: was like, oh my goodness, what do we do? So

562
00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:59,720
Speaker 1: she ended up figuring out this whole test, in this

563
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:03,360
Speaker 1: whole method. So when we took the test, I realized

564
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:07,240
Speaker 1: that there were certain things that gave me connection and

565
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:12,640
Speaker 1: intimacy that were different than what gave Brooks connection and intimacy.

566
00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:17,000
Speaker 1: And so by almost learning each other's language sort of

567
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:19,120
Speaker 1: like love languages. You guys have heard of that before?

568
00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:23,480
Speaker 1: It was it was it was almost like a menu

569
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:29,760
Speaker 1: of how we could please each other sexually but also intimately,

570
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:33,560
Speaker 1: how I describe intimacy. You haven't just perked up when

571
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:35,640
Speaker 1: you said like a sexual menu. He was like, huh,

572
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:41,360
Speaker 1: the menu part that got me excited? Feeding us right,

573
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 1: everything is about feeding our souls, reading our needs, all

574
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:47,360
Speaker 1: of it. So did you the next time after you

575
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:49,880
Speaker 1: took that test, did you have in your head when

576
00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:52,560
Speaker 1: you were intimate the first time after a checklist of

577
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:55,840
Speaker 1: source that you're saying like, Okay, Julian's number one thing

578
00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:58,160
Speaker 1: is X, got to do that first, then I'm gonna

579
00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:03,880
Speaker 1: segue into number two. Moved down the list though, But

580
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:06,520
Speaker 1: what what happens is you do get educated. So I

581
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 1: think a lot of times whether it's in a even

582
00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:12,720
Speaker 1: just in a relationship, in intimacy, or in sex. You

583
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:15,880
Speaker 1: give what you want, so you give the way that

584
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:18,600
Speaker 1: you want it. So if acts of service are really

585
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:21,200
Speaker 1: important to you, you'll give acts of service because you

586
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:24,160
Speaker 1: think somebody wants it. But I'm physical touch, so I

587
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:25,640
Speaker 1: want you to pick me up and throw me on

588
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:28,840
Speaker 1: the couch. That's what I want. We got, we got,

589
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:33,800
Speaker 1: But seriously though, that was my form of affection and

590
00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:36,800
Speaker 1: we had to work on that. So that's all it does,

591
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:40,280
Speaker 1: is it? It It allows me to understand my wife

592
00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:42,960
Speaker 1: more and what's important to her. Otherwise I'm going to

593
00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:45,440
Speaker 1: try and keep giving the way I think that I'm

594
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:47,320
Speaker 1: supposed to her, maybe what she wants, but I don't

595
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:50,520
Speaker 1: understand really what she wants. And if some people are

596
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:52,600
Speaker 1: having a tough time bringing this up in their relationship,

597
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:57,480
Speaker 1: just use the use this test as a vehicle or

598
00:30:57,480 --> 00:30:59,760
Speaker 1: a vessel to bring it up to open up this discussion.

599
00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:02,240
Speaker 1: But no, I don't end up going with the checklist.

600
00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:03,960
Speaker 1: But all of a sudden, I have these things in

601
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:06,040
Speaker 1: my mind that Okay, if I do this, or if

602
00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:08,520
Speaker 1: I do this with my wife, she's going to respond

603
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 1: amazingly and that's going to make me feel better and

604
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:14,480
Speaker 1: make our connection feel better. So but it goes both ways,

605
00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:17,560
Speaker 1: and she's been very receptive to my the things that

606
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 1: make me feel intimate or connected as well. I want

607
00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:25,160
Speaker 1: the time to connect with whoever the person is that

608
00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:27,120
Speaker 1: I want to be intimate with, even if it's not

609
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:29,640
Speaker 1: about sex, it's it's that connection. So how do you

610
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:33,480
Speaker 1: guys make that time to connect? Well? First of all,

611
00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:36,560
Speaker 1: while you were saying that, the first thing that popped

612
00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 1: into my head was what does time even mean to you?

613
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:43,200
Speaker 1: How much time do you think you need? Or is

614
00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:54,600
Speaker 1: it really about being seen? Yes? And I, oh, but

615
00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:57,200
Speaker 1: I think that yeah. And I think as a woman,

616
00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:01,880
Speaker 1: I think our our biggest, our biggest thing is people

617
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:06,320
Speaker 1: talk about connection, but excuse my French, but what does

618
00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:10,400
Speaker 1: connection even mean? And it's like, as a woman, we

619
00:32:10,480 --> 00:32:13,640
Speaker 1: just want to be seen. And so we go to

620
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 1: dinner a lot of the time, and dinner for dinner

621
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:23,600
Speaker 1: for Brooks is great because he's getting fed, he's got

622
00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:26,120
Speaker 1: you know, me there whatever it might be. But for me,

623
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:29,640
Speaker 1: dinner to me means I want eye contact. And I

624
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:33,240
Speaker 1: would really appreciate you maybe touching my hand at some

625
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:38,920
Speaker 1: point and we could sit probably for five minutes and

626
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:42,520
Speaker 1: just stare at each other, and honestly, it's uncomfortable for

627
00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:46,800
Speaker 1: a minute, but that presence is actually the thing I

628
00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:51,680
Speaker 1: think you're craving. Is um lifting a dumbbell with his

629
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:58,560
Speaker 1: other hand. I think you would if you could, like

630
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:06,239
Speaker 1: if I allowed it up now. But I think I

631
00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:09,239
Speaker 1: think that's what Honestly, if if women are listening to

632
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:13,040
Speaker 1: this right now, connection is the word that we go to,

633
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:15,720
Speaker 1: but I think really it's that we just we want

634
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:19,360
Speaker 1: to be seen, we want we want to take down

635
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:22,600
Speaker 1: our guard we want to let down our barriers. We

636
00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:25,400
Speaker 1: want to be naked for those of you because obviously

637
00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:27,200
Speaker 1: we're there's no cameras. For those of you who didn't see,

638
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:31,440
Speaker 1: Juliette said something quite beautiful and and and touching and

639
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:33,320
Speaker 1: um for those of you couldn't see, both Amy and

640
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:41,800
Speaker 1: Ryan started crying, still looking for a menu. I was

641
00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 1: actually busy Uber eats just now. But I'm curious by

642
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:49,040
Speaker 1: the way as a woman, and I obviously know my

643
00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:51,440
Speaker 1: husband really well and I'm still learning about him every day,

644
00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:58,360
Speaker 1: But what what makes you guys feel intimate and silence?

645
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:03,680
Speaker 1: I mean, I yeah, I think it's that same thing

646
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:06,800
Speaker 1: of connecting and and being when you walk into the house,

647
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:09,279
Speaker 1: whether you have three kids or twelve kids, or you're

648
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:11,319
Speaker 1: gone all day or whatever, it's it's putting down that

649
00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:14,120
Speaker 1: phone or it's having the phone in your pocket, but

650
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:16,640
Speaker 1: but connecting, Hey, how honey, how are you today? Or

651
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:19,160
Speaker 1: how is your day? How's work or whatever? And and

652
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:21,800
Speaker 1: being able to and I've been married for fifteen years,

653
00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:24,840
Speaker 1: it's it's being able to for me to like open

654
00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 1: up to that person, you know, and if they're making

655
00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:30,879
Speaker 1: dinner and if they've got their phone in their hand

656
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:33,600
Speaker 1: and they're returning a work email or whatever. But it's

657
00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:37,600
Speaker 1: it's that listening point of the day, you know, whether

658
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:39,400
Speaker 1: it has to be completely silent and you're sitting on

659
00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:42,520
Speaker 1: the couch staring at at somebody in my shoes, that's

660
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:46,680
Speaker 1: not what that That is not where life is at all.

661
00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:50,320
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that's about what I need. But um,

662
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:53,200
Speaker 1: it's about having that connection, being able to open up

663
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:55,480
Speaker 1: about that, you know. Like when I got home from

664
00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:59,319
Speaker 1: from uh the show why you know, we talked to

665
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:00,600
Speaker 1: each other and it was she was like, you know,

666
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:03,080
Speaker 1: I'm just so happy that you're doing this, you know,

667
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 1: and it's something different for you and and I like,

668
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:09,400
Speaker 1: to me, I honestly haven't had those kind and to me,

669
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:12,439
Speaker 1: that was an intimate conversation, you know, and it was like, Wow,

670
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:14,920
Speaker 1: I'm really, I'm actually she's spending a time to like

671
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:19,200
Speaker 1: compliment me on something that. Yeah, it acknowledgement. It's acknowledgement,

672
00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:21,600
Speaker 1: you're right, and you know, and I was. I took

673
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:23,520
Speaker 1: it in and I wasn't like, oh, don't worry about

674
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:25,759
Speaker 1: it now. We got we went out and had beers after,

675
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:27,160
Speaker 1: you know, it was I was like, you know what,

676
00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:30,879
Speaker 1: thank you, Like I really appreciate that, like I needed that,

677
00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:33,640
Speaker 1: you know, or or whatever that was. And to me,

678
00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:37,920
Speaker 1: that's what that intimacy or that connection is so beautifully,

679
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:42,279
Speaker 1: so beautiful love that I'll say, I do agree with that.

680
00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:44,719
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna share a story which I probably never

681
00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:47,560
Speaker 1: told anyone, but maybe a couple of years ago. I

682
00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:49,520
Speaker 1: was on a I was away for a week for

683
00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:51,719
Speaker 1: work and when I came home, I came home in

684
00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:53,239
Speaker 1: the middle of the day and the kids were in

685
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:56,360
Speaker 1: school and my wife was there and I walked in

686
00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:57,600
Speaker 1: and I was like, and you know, it had been

687
00:35:57,640 --> 00:35:59,439
Speaker 1: a full week. Basically I was out of the state

688
00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:01,759
Speaker 1: and I came home and I was like hey, and

689
00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:05,840
Speaker 1: she's like, hey, I'm in here. And I walked in

690
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:07,880
Speaker 1: the other room and she was basically sitting at the computer.

691
00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:10,480
Speaker 1: And it's not a big deal, but all of a sudden,

692
00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:14,400
Speaker 1: for some reason, I was I felt somewhat devastated, like

693
00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:16,319
Speaker 1: I didn't get up from the computer, didn't come in

694
00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:18,040
Speaker 1: and give me a hug. It was like I had

695
00:36:18,040 --> 00:36:20,279
Speaker 1: been gone for an hour. And I thought, and I

696
00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:22,280
Speaker 1: didn't blame her for that, but I thought to myself,

697
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:25,400
Speaker 1: I gotta change this, like this is this is probably

698
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:28,360
Speaker 1: there's definitely stuff that I can do in this that

699
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:31,000
Speaker 1: can I can be more attentive, I can be a

700
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:34,000
Speaker 1: better partner in this relationship where it's like and there

701
00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:36,719
Speaker 1: was nothing seriously wrong, but that moment just kind of

702
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:38,640
Speaker 1: spooked me for a minute where I was like, that's

703
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:40,759
Speaker 1: not what I want and that's and I know that's

704
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:42,239
Speaker 1: not what she wants, So I have to make sure

705
00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:45,239
Speaker 1: that this doesn't go in that direction. So I've made

706
00:36:45,239 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 1: a conscious effort to be better about stuff like that.

707
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:49,279
Speaker 1: And I do try and give we do try. And

708
00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:51,920
Speaker 1: you know, I'm Greek, so I think and I'm a

709
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:56,839
Speaker 1: very you know, I'm you know I come from Thank

710
00:36:56,840 --> 00:37:02,080
Speaker 1: you very much, special menus for you. So my I

711
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:03,680
Speaker 1: come from a family of like you know, you hug

712
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:05,120
Speaker 1: when you leave the house, you hug when you come home,

713
00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:06,640
Speaker 1: and so that's where I come from. And it's like,

714
00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:09,080
Speaker 1: so I've been. I made it a conscious effort after

715
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:11,120
Speaker 1: that to try and make sure that that doesn't disappear.

716
00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:14,560
Speaker 1: That's awesome, right, you know, Julian, you spoke a little

717
00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:18,200
Speaker 1: bit to it in terms of being present, and you

718
00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:19,960
Speaker 1: know we've all kind of touched upon it. But when

719
00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:23,319
Speaker 1: I get home now more than ever, it is so

720
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:26,879
Speaker 1: easy for us to get home having not seen each

721
00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:29,480
Speaker 1: other for an entire day, and to feel compelled to

722
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:33,320
Speaker 1: pick up your phone and to look at your email

723
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:38,759
Speaker 1: or to be on Instagram. And I genuinely get home

724
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:41,279
Speaker 1: and I look forward to being able to sit down

725
00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:42,880
Speaker 1: with my wife, and we have an hour before we

726
00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:45,719
Speaker 1: put our son down, but I can catch up with

727
00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:48,840
Speaker 1: her and talk about our day and talk about anything

728
00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:54,239
Speaker 1: without TV, without music, without our phones out, and not

729
00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 1: feel bored whatsoever. And really genuinely look forward to getting homing,

730
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:01,879
Speaker 1: to having that very all an honest conversation just about

731
00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:04,120
Speaker 1: our day. And I have plenty of friends who are

732
00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:07,120
Speaker 1: baffled by that and think it's like, it's bizarre. We've

733
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:09,200
Speaker 1: been married for five years, we've been we've known each

734
00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:12,400
Speaker 1: other for ten that we could have enough to talk

735
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:16,160
Speaker 1: about for that long and to not want to go

736
00:38:16,239 --> 00:38:18,319
Speaker 1: do things with other people. But I'm like, we'll go

737
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:20,279
Speaker 1: out to dinner just together, and we'd rather do that,

738
00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:22,759
Speaker 1: quite honestly, then go with a big group because we

739
00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:25,600
Speaker 1: have enough to talk about to night. I have always

740
00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:29,240
Speaker 1: valued that in my wife, and it's partly why I

741
00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:32,400
Speaker 1: wanted to marry her is that she always we always

742
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:35,120
Speaker 1: have something to talk about. It's always interesting, there's never

743
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:39,160
Speaker 1: a dull moment, and that to me, you know, is

744
00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:43,480
Speaker 1: more important than anything I think. GeV, how about you, buddy,

745
00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:47,480
Speaker 1: I'm a single guy. Um the uh. As far as

746
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:50,440
Speaker 1: these types of things go, I think all of its valid.

747
00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:53,879
Speaker 1: I'm learning from everybody in the room. UM. I think

748
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:58,120
Speaker 1: finding somebody who you who you have enough in common with,

749
00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:01,000
Speaker 1: maybe more in common with them, then you can find

750
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,560
Speaker 1: in most people, and at the same time is balancing

751
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:06,839
Speaker 1: out with being able to challenge you as well. It's

752
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:09,640
Speaker 1: a hard scene to find, um, because you want to

753
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:12,000
Speaker 1: be in so much agreement at all times. But also

754
00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:14,480
Speaker 1: you want someone who is is also challenging you, not

755
00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:17,080
Speaker 1: not necessarily in an adversarial way, but someone who is saying,

756
00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:19,240
Speaker 1: you know, maybe you should try this, maybe you should

757
00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:22,879
Speaker 1: try that, maybe should cut your hair shorter, and uh

758
00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:28,640
Speaker 1: type thing. Sorry inside jokes, guys, UM, but you know,

759
00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:31,879
Speaker 1: these are the types of things you kind of look for, Uh,

760
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:35,000
Speaker 1: someone who is who is encouraging you but challenging you

761
00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:39,680
Speaker 1: to be at your very at your very best. Uh.

762
00:39:39,719 --> 00:39:41,480
Speaker 1: These are the types of things. I don't know if

763
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:44,120
Speaker 1: it's the same for all people or all men or whatever,

764
00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:47,480
Speaker 1: but I like when people sort of challenge me to

765
00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:53,120
Speaker 1: uh be better at something whatever that might might be. UM.

766
00:39:53,239 --> 00:39:57,520
Speaker 1: And so I don't really I don't respond well to complacency.

767
00:39:57,600 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 1: I respond much better to challenges. UM. And I need

768
00:40:02,239 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 1: goals otherwise I, you know, I'll just kind of go

769
00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:09,600
Speaker 1: into my own personal the cave in my mind. Do

770
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:13,319
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying? Um? But I also need encouragement.

771
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:15,960
Speaker 1: I need I need to hear those you're doing a

772
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:18,239
Speaker 1: great job, but like what you did? What have you

773
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:21,359
Speaker 1: considered doing this other thing? And those are those are

774
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:24,960
Speaker 1: the ways I find connections. Connections with people. I have

775
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:27,200
Speaker 1: an ego like everybody else, and it needs to be fed,

776
00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 1: but it also needs to be challenged. That's a good point, Kevin,

777
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:33,759
Speaker 1: and I think to kind of counteract that, I also

778
00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:36,960
Speaker 1: feel like intimacy is somebody that's accepting of who you are,

779
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:40,439
Speaker 1: you know, like just because you didn't get that job,

780
00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:43,920
Speaker 1: or you didn't become the best whatever person in the

781
00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:48,319
Speaker 1: world or whatever there that person, and it goes both ways.

782
00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:52,120
Speaker 1: Obviously accepting of who you are, you know, and that's

783
00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:56,120
Speaker 1: I think the most important thing. I have thousand percent

784
00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:59,279
Speaker 1: agree with you because I would say Brooks and I

785
00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:02,319
Speaker 1: are really different people. We have the same values and

786
00:41:02,719 --> 00:41:05,000
Speaker 1: you know, end goal of where we want our lives

787
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:07,000
Speaker 1: to be, but how we get there is very different.

788
00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:12,120
Speaker 1: And when you know, I can have chemistry with a wall,

789
00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:17,239
Speaker 1: like that's just honestly, that's just that's just me. Like

790
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:21,360
Speaker 1: I am a very external person, I am kinesthetic, I

791
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:25,080
Speaker 1: have great energy, like I am a fluid person, Like

792
00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:28,160
Speaker 1: I'm attracted to all like that is just my nature.

793
00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:32,200
Speaker 1: And so for me, kind of what you were saying before, Gavin,

794
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:36,200
Speaker 1: is that like I can have chemistry and connection, but

795
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:40,640
Speaker 1: my intimacy is with Brooks because he challenges me and

796
00:41:40,719 --> 00:41:43,880
Speaker 1: he sees me for exactly who I am and accepts

797
00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:47,759
Speaker 1: me for the fact that I can have chemistry and

798
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:51,319
Speaker 1: connection with a lot of people, but I choose him

799
00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:55,440
Speaker 1: every day, and I think that is also really sacred,

800
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:58,160
Speaker 1: and that's why we have an intimate relationship, and I

801
00:41:58,160 --> 00:42:01,080
Speaker 1: don't have that kind of intimacy with a lot of

802
00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:05,080
Speaker 1: connections that I make throughout my life. Beautiful, We're gonna

803
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:06,839
Speaker 1: take a break. We'll get more to this right after

804
00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:13,920
Speaker 1: the break. We've talked a lot about creating intimacy and

805
00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:15,920
Speaker 1: how to keep it in your relationship, but let's talk

806
00:42:15,920 --> 00:42:20,480
Speaker 1: about some things that maybe stifle intimacy. So as much

807
00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:23,040
Speaker 1: as creating it is important, I think doing not doing

808
00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:26,640
Speaker 1: things that prevent intimacy is equally as important. So in

809
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:29,359
Speaker 1: our relationship, love, please share some of the things that

810
00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:33,360
Speaker 1: I have done, or maybe that men do to stifle

811
00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:36,600
Speaker 1: intimacy from a woman's standpoint, where we might not even

812
00:42:36,640 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 1: be aware that we're doing it, but it might mean

813
00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:41,240
Speaker 1: the world to you, guys, or it might really offend

814
00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:43,319
Speaker 1: you guys. Or what is something in our relationship that

815
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:52,880
Speaker 1: I've done that has stifled intimacy? Mm hmm. Interesting? Question. Um, Honestly,

816
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:56,920
Speaker 1: I think it goes back to what you guys were

817
00:42:56,960 --> 00:43:04,040
Speaker 1: saying earlier about acknowledgement and you know, sometimes finishing dinner

818
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:06,120
Speaker 1: and going and sitting on the couch and putting the

819
00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:09,000
Speaker 1: laptop on the lap and putting a show on and

820
00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:15,160
Speaker 1: multiple distractions. I think is is good. We need balance obviously,

821
00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:20,880
Speaker 1: but that definitely stifles you know, feeling intimate and connected. Um,

822
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:23,680
Speaker 1: definitely doesn't make me want to be like, hey, let

823
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:26,200
Speaker 1: me go put something sexy on. You know, for sure

824
00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:32,719
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh where my sweatpants? Let me get cozy? Yea.

825
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:38,879
Speaker 1: But but I think I think something that makes me

826
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:43,439
Speaker 1: feel super attracted and makes me then connect to myself

827
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:45,799
Speaker 1: because I think that's the biggest thing is it's not

828
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:51,000
Speaker 1: so much what you're doing, it's more how it's making

829
00:43:51,080 --> 00:43:57,600
Speaker 1: me react. So whatever you're doing makes me then be like, Okay,

830
00:43:57,600 --> 00:44:02,200
Speaker 1: well I don't feel sexy, or I'm now wanting to

831
00:44:02,239 --> 00:44:07,239
Speaker 1: get cozy, or I'm now feeling unseen so I don't

832
00:44:07,239 --> 00:44:10,840
Speaker 1: want to look at you. Does that make sense? So yeah,

833
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:15,800
Speaker 1: so I think so I think it's more in um,

834
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:19,759
Speaker 1: how it's making me feel. And so you know, if

835
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:24,359
Speaker 1: if I feel that you you're super engaged in in me.

836
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:27,280
Speaker 1: Then I'm like, oh, I'm about to drop in into

837
00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:32,040
Speaker 1: my female power and like give give you what I

838
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:36,080
Speaker 1: want to give you. And yeah, so I'm going around

839
00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:40,319
Speaker 1: with circles. Can touch one thing? Yeah, you tell me

840
00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:42,959
Speaker 1: what one thing I do, because I know certain things

841
00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:45,239
Speaker 1: that I do that don't turn you on. Yeah, there's

842
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:49,120
Speaker 1: there's one like one thing that um because we've we've

843
00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:52,480
Speaker 1: said that the bedroom is a no cell phone zone.

844
00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:56,080
Speaker 1: And sometimes if you come to bed and then I

845
00:44:57,640 --> 00:44:59,839
Speaker 1: and you're like, you're like, okay, once I and you're

846
00:44:59,880 --> 00:45:02,479
Speaker 1: like sending an email or you're checking on Instagram or something,

847
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:05,600
Speaker 1: and you're like and then sometimes you said okay, I'm done,

848
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:07,520
Speaker 1: and you plug in your phone and then you roll

849
00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:09,520
Speaker 1: over to me. I'm like, okay, well I just waited

850
00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:14,000
Speaker 1: for my wife. I'm second in line to her phone

851
00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:16,799
Speaker 1: or what she's sending. And this is at nine ten

852
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:19,799
Speaker 1: o'clock at night like this, so even at this time,

853
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:23,080
Speaker 1: that's more priority than me. And and I really take

854
00:45:23,160 --> 00:45:25,759
Speaker 1: that deeply, like that's a deep cut for me. And

855
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:28,720
Speaker 1: we've worked on that and I've voiced that, and nobody's perfect.

856
00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:31,319
Speaker 1: I'll sometimes come to my bed and be on my

857
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:33,960
Speaker 1: phone too. And I'm sure there's many other things that

858
00:45:33,960 --> 00:45:35,600
Speaker 1: you didn't say that I'll do, But for me, I

859
00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:38,359
Speaker 1: think phones and devices get in a way. That's one

860
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:42,680
Speaker 1: way that I do not feel seen for sure, and

861
00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:45,480
Speaker 1: also are really good at making me realize that that's

862
00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:47,920
Speaker 1: important to you, it's so important in our relationship, that's

863
00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:49,759
Speaker 1: so important to me. That's to me, like, that's one

864
00:45:49,800 --> 00:45:52,520
Speaker 1: of if you're coming into bed, which for me is

865
00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:56,040
Speaker 1: a sacred place, um, and I have to wait in

866
00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:59,560
Speaker 1: line for your attention. That to me just shuts all

867
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:01,799
Speaker 1: syss down. I'm like, can I go to sleep as

868
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:04,759
Speaker 1: fast as possible? I'm onto the next day already, is

869
00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:07,239
Speaker 1: really what it feels to me. Is it possible she

870
00:46:07,320 --> 00:46:12,240
Speaker 1: was liking one of your Instagram videos? Probably not, because

871
00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:16,840
Speaker 1: sometimes I skip over. Is there anything like that that

872
00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:20,640
Speaker 1: I do that like that one for me is really severe, guys, honestly, Like, yeah,

873
00:46:20,680 --> 00:46:22,279
Speaker 1: And I'm sure a lot of other couples will get

874
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:25,240
Speaker 1: to bed. I've even thought about like plugging my phone

875
00:46:25,239 --> 00:46:27,799
Speaker 1: in the bathroom so that it's not I can't even

876
00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:29,799
Speaker 1: have my phone in the bedroom, And I know people

877
00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:31,520
Speaker 1: out there do that. They don't allow their phone in

878
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:33,879
Speaker 1: the bedroom, and I think over time this can become

879
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:36,799
Speaker 1: a serious issue, and it can drive a wedge between people,

880
00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:39,319
Speaker 1: and then there really is no intimacy or sex and

881
00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:41,760
Speaker 1: it's like check in to go to bed, like okay,

882
00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:44,680
Speaker 1: go bad, let's go you know anybody else. No, I

883
00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:46,760
Speaker 1: was just gonna add to that. I think the phone

884
00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:48,879
Speaker 1: thing is a big deal. I I do though. My

885
00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:52,840
Speaker 1: wife does real estate and so her hours of work

886
00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:55,000
Speaker 1: are obviously the daytime, but a lot of times when

887
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:58,000
Speaker 1: people are at home, you know, when when people are

888
00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:00,640
Speaker 1: emailing her or texting her clients for say or other

889
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:03,600
Speaker 1: it's a deal going down or whatnot, like that happens

890
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:08,200
Speaker 1: after five pm, you know, even until ten o'clock, eleven o'clock,

891
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:10,839
Speaker 1: you know, And so it is a very challenging thing.

892
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:12,520
Speaker 1: What I was going to add to that was, we

893
00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:15,800
Speaker 1: just got an email from a listener named Gavin DeGraw.

894
00:47:16,560 --> 00:47:24,960
Speaker 1: I was asking about what is intimacy. But one more

895
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:28,440
Speaker 1: last thing I wanted to add was that something I

896
00:47:28,480 --> 00:47:31,600
Speaker 1: do a lot, but I think could be a negative

897
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:35,120
Speaker 1: side to carrying the intimacy is carrying the load, you know,

898
00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:37,439
Speaker 1: or not carrying the load. Like there are days where

899
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:39,840
Speaker 1: I come home and I'm like, I just popped myself

900
00:47:39,880 --> 00:47:41,799
Speaker 1: on the couch and I'm like, forget this, I'm going

901
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:46,640
Speaker 1: to watch the basketball game or whatever. And I'll I'm

902
00:47:46,640 --> 00:47:49,280
Speaker 1: not doing it on purpose, but I'm I'm not doing

903
00:47:49,320 --> 00:47:51,280
Speaker 1: I'm not getting the dinner a ready, I'm not getting

904
00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:54,839
Speaker 1: the kids cleaned. I'm not you know, engaging in in her.

905
00:47:55,480 --> 00:47:59,360
Speaker 1: And that has happened the opposite way, But that's a

906
00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:03,720
Speaker 1: huge turn off. Do you ever do you ever say

907
00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:06,200
Speaker 1: that when you come home and you're like, hey, today

908
00:48:06,280 --> 00:48:08,799
Speaker 1: has been a day. I am really sorry, but I

909
00:48:08,840 --> 00:48:11,280
Speaker 1: have to sit on the couch. I can't make dinner tonight.

910
00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:13,839
Speaker 1: I'm really like, I would love to lean on you

911
00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 1: to do this tonight, and I promise you like I

912
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:20,359
Speaker 1: got you next time, because I think like that if

913
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:22,640
Speaker 1: you you've done that to me many times. Books has

914
00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:24,400
Speaker 1: done that to me many times. And I'm like, oh wow,

915
00:48:24,440 --> 00:48:26,719
Speaker 1: that was important for him to tell me that, and

916
00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:29,239
Speaker 1: it made me feel seen because at least he acknowledged

917
00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:32,600
Speaker 1: that she can't help me, and you've done it to

918
00:48:32,600 --> 00:48:35,080
Speaker 1: me to know that now I can almost see it.

919
00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:36,640
Speaker 1: When you walk in the door, I'm like, okay, I

920
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:39,319
Speaker 1: get your bottle, Get you get the girls on you

921
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:44,600
Speaker 1: like when you have children and they are doing multiple

922
00:48:44,600 --> 00:48:47,040
Speaker 1: things at multiple times year around. You know. That is

923
00:48:47,080 --> 00:48:49,640
Speaker 1: where it's like we are, like I said earlier, we're

924
00:48:49,680 --> 00:48:53,520
Speaker 1: at different ends on the weekends in different cities doing baseball, soccer,

925
00:48:53,640 --> 00:48:55,560
Speaker 1: whatever that may be. And it's kind of like we'll

926
00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:58,160
Speaker 1: circle back at home and I'll be like, wait, did

927
00:48:58,160 --> 00:48:59,880
Speaker 1: you not get a chance to go to the store today,

928
00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:02,959
Speaker 1: you know, or like she'll be like, wait, you didn't

929
00:49:03,000 --> 00:49:05,880
Speaker 1: pick up the dry cleaning? You know, Like that's it's

930
00:49:05,920 --> 00:49:08,520
Speaker 1: it's so hectic and crazy that it is a very

931
00:49:08,560 --> 00:49:11,080
Speaker 1: hard time. And I think to my point was like

932
00:49:12,400 --> 00:49:15,359
Speaker 1: you know, balancing that load or not doing that and

933
00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:18,439
Speaker 1: and and to me maybe that is an intimate thing.

934
00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:21,399
Speaker 1: It was where you're both carrying each other down that path,

935
00:49:21,840 --> 00:49:25,640
Speaker 1: and I think that's important in any relationship life. Dmitri

936
00:49:25,840 --> 00:49:27,719
Speaker 1: was telling me where to go on the way over here,

937
00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:32,160
Speaker 1: give me directions. That helped our relationship a lot. I

938
00:49:32,200 --> 00:49:36,399
Speaker 1: feel a lot closer to you to right. So what else,

939
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:39,480
Speaker 1: like love, what else can guys do from a woman's

940
00:49:39,480 --> 00:49:42,840
Speaker 1: standpoint to make the woman feel seen to to bridge

941
00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:45,200
Speaker 1: that connection of intimacy? What can we do that's maybe

942
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:48,560
Speaker 1: not twelve roses. Um, I'm sure that helps, But what

943
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:52,600
Speaker 1: little things can we do on a daily basis to interests?

944
00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:54,880
Speaker 1: I think, you know, like we don't have all the

945
00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:58,800
Speaker 1: same interests, and sometimes it's okay to have our separate things,

946
00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:01,680
Speaker 1: but sometimes I'm like, oh, you know, you don't really

947
00:50:01,719 --> 00:50:05,359
Speaker 1: know my life because and I don't really know your

948
00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:09,200
Speaker 1: life because we have separate interests. I think something that

949
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:12,960
Speaker 1: would be really helpful is finding something that you that

950
00:50:13,040 --> 00:50:16,400
Speaker 1: you want to learn about each other. So like I

951
00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:20,120
Speaker 1: I should probably come and do some CrossFit just you

952
00:50:20,160 --> 00:50:24,040
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Just because I feel like I've

953
00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:26,200
Speaker 1: done a couple. But I think it's more because I

954
00:50:26,239 --> 00:50:28,239
Speaker 1: want to relate to him. I wanna, you know, I

955
00:50:28,280 --> 00:50:30,880
Speaker 1: want to when he does talk to me about his CrossFit,

956
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:34,000
Speaker 1: I'm not like, oh my gosh, I can't hear another

957
00:50:34,160 --> 00:50:36,799
Speaker 1: one of those am wraps or whatever it's called. You

958
00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:38,600
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like, I want to engage and

959
00:50:39,040 --> 00:50:42,360
Speaker 1: in his interests. So so I think if there is

960
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:44,960
Speaker 1: something that you don't know anything about their life, maybe

961
00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:47,640
Speaker 1: like be curious and like try to try to engage

962
00:50:47,640 --> 00:50:50,600
Speaker 1: in what they like. And for you, I've asked you

963
00:50:50,640 --> 00:50:52,600
Speaker 1: to come and do like soul cycle with me or

964
00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:57,759
Speaker 1: or core power yoga, or come to the spot. You've

965
00:50:57,800 --> 00:50:59,719
Speaker 1: never been a spot person, but you're like, okay, it's

966
00:50:59,719 --> 00:51:02,359
Speaker 1: import into her. I'll do it, you know, And and

967
00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:05,160
Speaker 1: that way, at least we can have a conversation that

968
00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:08,160
Speaker 1: I feel self expressed and I can get excited and

969
00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:10,279
Speaker 1: I can talk, and then he's there and he's like

970
00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:13,600
Speaker 1: engaged and not like what in the hell is she talking?

971
00:51:13,680 --> 00:51:15,960
Speaker 1: But honestly, for guys, that was hard for me. At

972
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:18,240
Speaker 1: the start of our relationship. I was a sports dude

973
00:51:18,280 --> 00:51:22,360
Speaker 1: coming into like an arts type lifestyle, and so she

974
00:51:22,440 --> 00:51:24,680
Speaker 1: wanted to do these certain things and I'm like, no,

975
00:51:25,160 --> 00:51:27,440
Speaker 1: like no, I have no INSes, and I was I

976
00:51:28,160 --> 00:51:31,600
Speaker 1: was pretty blunt. I was like no, I just answered selfishly,

977
00:51:31,840 --> 00:51:34,400
Speaker 1: I don't want to do that, And but it didn't

978
00:51:34,440 --> 00:51:37,200
Speaker 1: register like this is and this is what Like somebody

979
00:51:37,200 --> 00:51:40,040
Speaker 1: that's freshly in a in a new relationship or something

980
00:51:40,120 --> 00:51:42,359
Speaker 1: not in one, you're gonna learn your partners. You go

981
00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:45,360
Speaker 1: what matters to her needs to matter to you or

982
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:47,960
Speaker 1: what matters to him, and you learn this and and

983
00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:50,279
Speaker 1: then eventually it does when I see her excitement you're

984
00:51:50,280 --> 00:51:52,920
Speaker 1: you're busting to say something. What is it? Well, we

985
00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:55,239
Speaker 1: always have this fight. So we do have a fight

986
00:51:55,280 --> 00:52:00,359
Speaker 1: that we have gotten better, we've gotten but it would

987
00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:02,880
Speaker 1: be a lot of the times I would be like, hey, babe,

988
00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:06,480
Speaker 1: so there's this party. Do you want to go? No? No, no,

989
00:52:06,520 --> 00:52:10,760
Speaker 1: hold on you state something. You're like, there's a party

990
00:52:10,800 --> 00:52:15,320
Speaker 1: Friday night. And I'm like, great, that's it, and that's it.

991
00:52:15,600 --> 00:52:17,600
Speaker 1: Like I don't know if she's asking me to go.

992
00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:19,879
Speaker 1: I don't know if she wants to go, because she's not.

993
00:52:20,040 --> 00:52:21,960
Speaker 1: There's a party friday night. This this is going on,

994
00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:23,680
Speaker 1: like we should go? This would be so awesome. Can

995
00:52:23,719 --> 00:52:25,439
Speaker 1: we go? Do you want to go with me? I'd

996
00:52:25,480 --> 00:52:28,239
Speaker 1: love to. You're fired up about this. But so and

997
00:52:28,320 --> 00:52:30,359
Speaker 1: sometimes I'll be like there's a party or hey, there's

998
00:52:30,400 --> 00:52:33,640
Speaker 1: a movie at four fifteen? What do you do with that?

999
00:52:33,760 --> 00:52:44,600
Speaker 1: As a guy? Right, do you do with that? So

1000
00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:48,239
Speaker 1: what I've learned is that he's like, great, give me

1001
00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:50,560
Speaker 1: a clear answer. If it's something that you want, then

1002
00:52:50,560 --> 00:52:52,760
Speaker 1: of course I'll do with you. But you're not asking

1003
00:52:52,800 --> 00:52:56,480
Speaker 1: me anything. You're just expecting me to know. And so

1004
00:52:56,920 --> 00:52:58,680
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, yeah, you're my husband, you should know

1005
00:53:00,719 --> 00:53:06,040
Speaker 1: number one woman think you read is convinced like how

1006
00:53:06,200 --> 00:53:09,439
Speaker 1: does he not know to do this? And I think

1007
00:53:09,520 --> 00:53:12,960
Speaker 1: that that is what makes us very different people, you know,

1008
00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:17,160
Speaker 1: and I think being ultra clear. So okay, I'm about

1009
00:53:17,200 --> 00:53:20,759
Speaker 1: to go off for a second. So talking about like

1010
00:53:21,120 --> 00:53:26,680
Speaker 1: male and female energy, which isn't every human gay, straight, whatever,

1011
00:53:26,719 --> 00:53:29,040
Speaker 1: it is, everybody has a male and a female energy.

1012
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:33,760
Speaker 1: Male energy is like clear, direct to the point. Female

1013
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:39,160
Speaker 1: is like open and unknown and curious and it kind

1014
00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:43,040
Speaker 1: of just lives out in nowhere. So sometimes when we

1015
00:53:43,080 --> 00:53:45,440
Speaker 1: are so connected to our female, we don't have a

1016
00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:49,680
Speaker 1: lot of clarity because we're we're um, we're in all

1017
00:53:49,719 --> 00:53:52,640
Speaker 1: of it, and so there's like a knowing that we

1018
00:53:52,719 --> 00:53:56,200
Speaker 1: have that's like an intuition that we just know. There's

1019
00:53:56,239 --> 00:53:58,440
Speaker 1: like it's kind of this thing, whereas like guys are

1020
00:53:58,480 --> 00:54:01,120
Speaker 1: so in their mail that they are like, we need clarity,

1021
00:54:01,200 --> 00:54:03,439
Speaker 1: clarity and direction. Just give me an answer. Well, that's

1022
00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:08,440
Speaker 1: interesting because supposedly there's a direct core direct opposite correlation

1023
00:54:08,520 --> 00:54:10,840
Speaker 1: there and that has to do the synapse in the

1024
00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:14,640
Speaker 1: brain and that women have naturally better intuition and men

1025
00:54:14,719 --> 00:54:17,839
Speaker 1: naturally have better sense of direction, and that's the trade off.

1026
00:54:18,239 --> 00:54:21,120
Speaker 1: So that's the that's actually what I was funny that

1027
00:54:21,160 --> 00:54:24,680
Speaker 1: you mentioned direction and you mentioned intuition. Yeah, so that's

1028
00:54:24,680 --> 00:54:28,759
Speaker 1: exactly that's been knowing. So so obviously in male and

1029
00:54:28,800 --> 00:54:31,000
Speaker 1: female we want to be able to connect both. But

1030
00:54:31,320 --> 00:54:33,959
Speaker 1: I'm just saying when men are very in their mail,

1031
00:54:34,760 --> 00:54:36,920
Speaker 1: that is what they need, and so women, I think,

1032
00:54:36,960 --> 00:54:38,960
Speaker 1: sometimes have to be like, Okay, how is a man thinking?

1033
00:54:39,040 --> 00:54:43,520
Speaker 1: Right now? Let me be very clear? Can I ask something? Yeah? Please?

1034
00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:50,800
Speaker 1: My friend? Okay? So, um, so I've had this scenario before. Um,

1035
00:54:50,920 --> 00:54:55,080
Speaker 1: you don't ask me how my day went, but I did,

1036
00:54:56,080 --> 00:55:01,120
Speaker 1: And here's how I ask it, what's up? How could

1037
00:55:01,200 --> 00:55:04,240
Speaker 1: she get that wrong? I can't believe she missed the boat?

1038
00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:07,440
Speaker 1: This is when you're from New York. What's up means

1039
00:55:09,040 --> 00:55:13,719
Speaker 1: how you doing? How is your day? See anybody we know? Today?

1040
00:55:13,719 --> 00:55:18,120
Speaker 1: Where we Georgie eat? How was lunch? To get dinner later?

1041
00:55:18,880 --> 00:55:22,000
Speaker 1: You know? We should do still that crazy next weekend?

1042
00:55:22,680 --> 00:55:29,560
Speaker 1: What's up me? So if you yeah, said what's up?

1043
00:55:30,000 --> 00:55:33,160
Speaker 1: Next time means how is your day? Next time you

1044
00:55:33,200 --> 00:55:35,319
Speaker 1: ask me what's up? Does that mean like hey do

1045
00:55:35,320 --> 00:55:37,360
Speaker 1: you wanna? Do you want to come? Hey? Man? You

1046
00:55:37,440 --> 00:55:40,560
Speaker 1: want on my record? Is that? Yeah? Man about how

1047
00:55:40,560 --> 00:55:42,879
Speaker 1: about like we want to write a record together. It's

1048
00:55:42,960 --> 00:55:47,239
Speaker 1: very regional. I'm gonna go it's regional. So what if

1049
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:48,680
Speaker 1: what if all of a sudden you come home and

1050
00:55:48,680 --> 00:55:50,680
Speaker 1: as a girl there and you're like, uh, what are

1051
00:55:50,680 --> 00:55:52,120
Speaker 1: you doing? And she's like, well, you said what's up?

1052
00:55:52,480 --> 00:55:56,279
Speaker 1: So I thought that man, I'd say what clearly not

1053
00:55:56,560 --> 00:56:02,440
Speaker 1: reading the nuances and how I said, yeah, man in

1054
00:56:02,480 --> 00:56:06,000
Speaker 1: New York, but it's upstates specifically, and you can't just

1055
00:56:06,080 --> 00:56:11,640
Speaker 1: come over like that. Yeah, I can understand how she

1056
00:56:11,760 --> 00:56:16,480
Speaker 1: might not respond properly to you always say what's up?

1057
00:56:16,640 --> 00:56:20,080
Speaker 1: What is hard about saying how was your day? Like

1058
00:56:20,120 --> 00:56:22,080
Speaker 1: that's another communication as a whole another thing. What if

1059
00:56:22,120 --> 00:56:25,520
Speaker 1: it was hard about saying how was your day? Because

1060
00:56:25,560 --> 00:56:28,040
Speaker 1: it it's not what's up? And now I'm used to

1061
00:56:28,080 --> 00:56:31,560
Speaker 1: what's up? But you're used to what you're used to,

1062
00:56:31,640 --> 00:56:34,239
Speaker 1: she's used to what she's used to. If it's good

1063
00:56:35,320 --> 00:56:38,239
Speaker 1: each other, aren't they supposed to learn that what's up

1064
00:56:38,280 --> 00:56:39,920
Speaker 1: means how is your day? I think you're going to

1065
00:56:40,040 --> 00:56:42,719
Speaker 1: figure it out as you kind together. But but it

1066
00:56:42,840 --> 00:56:45,000
Speaker 1: was like, you know, you're asking, you're asking what's up?

1067
00:56:45,080 --> 00:56:47,799
Speaker 1: That means it just means what it means where I'm from,

1068
00:56:48,080 --> 00:56:52,160
Speaker 1: that means kind of borrow twenty dollars we need to break.

1069
00:56:57,760 --> 00:57:00,440
Speaker 1: This is how men think, and we've just asked a

1070
00:57:00,480 --> 00:57:02,600
Speaker 1: lot about intimacy. So I want to give you, guys,

1071
00:57:02,640 --> 00:57:06,600
Speaker 1: the listeners, some clear, actionable things to create intimacy in

1072
00:57:06,719 --> 00:57:10,319
Speaker 1: your relationship. So we'll start with you Ryan, as a man,

1073
00:57:10,520 --> 00:57:13,200
Speaker 1: what has your wife? Could be your partner, girlfriend, or

1074
00:57:13,280 --> 00:57:15,960
Speaker 1: whoever is listening, but what has your wife done to

1075
00:57:16,120 --> 00:57:20,160
Speaker 1: help intimacy in your relationship? She has. One of the

1076
00:57:20,200 --> 00:57:26,120
Speaker 1: things I really crave is initiation, that she initiate intimacy.

1077
00:57:26,240 --> 00:57:29,160
Speaker 1: The irony is that what she craves is that I

1078
00:57:29,200 --> 00:57:35,080
Speaker 1: initiate intimacy. So we're kind of at a standstill. But

1079
00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:38,240
Speaker 1: in the in the event that she does initiate, it

1080
00:57:38,400 --> 00:57:41,680
Speaker 1: is very appreciated. The other thing is my love language

1081
00:57:41,720 --> 00:57:44,840
Speaker 1: is compliments and gifts. I like gifts. It makes me

1082
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:47,720
Speaker 1: feel loved. She jokes about it, but seriously, if she

1083
00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:50,040
Speaker 1: gives me a gift, I feel like a snow globe

1084
00:57:50,080 --> 00:57:55,680
Speaker 1: or something. Snob that that's a big gift in our household. Yeah,

1085
00:57:55,840 --> 00:58:00,120
Speaker 1: if he gets a snow globe, it's on, let's do

1086
00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:03,160
Speaker 1: this awesome Dmitri, What about you with you? What what

1087
00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:07,240
Speaker 1: does your wife do that creates intimacy for you? Um,

1088
00:58:07,520 --> 00:58:10,320
Speaker 1: I agree with the compliment. I think a nice compliment.

1089
00:58:10,560 --> 00:58:13,400
Speaker 1: You look good. You know that was whatever? You know, Uh,

1090
00:58:14,360 --> 00:58:16,040
Speaker 1: that was really funny. You know it could anything. You

1091
00:58:16,080 --> 00:58:17,560
Speaker 1: come back from a from a dinner with people and

1092
00:58:17,560 --> 00:58:19,600
Speaker 1: you're like, man, you were you were you know, you

1093
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:21,760
Speaker 1: were on or you really took you know. Sometimes what

1094
00:58:21,840 --> 00:58:23,960
Speaker 1: I think, what I've pride myself on a lot is

1095
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:26,480
Speaker 1: to be able to go in any situation. So she

1096
00:58:26,560 --> 00:58:28,160
Speaker 1: could take me to a work party where I know

1097
00:58:28,240 --> 00:58:30,160
Speaker 1: no one and she can leave me like it's I'll

1098
00:58:30,200 --> 00:58:31,720
Speaker 1: be fine. I'm not going to be the guy walking

1099
00:58:31,720 --> 00:58:34,200
Speaker 1: around annoying people. But she doesn't have to babysit me.

1100
00:58:34,600 --> 00:58:37,960
Speaker 1: So stuff like that, you know, when she says, hey,

1101
00:58:38,120 --> 00:58:40,120
Speaker 1: you know, thanks, that was you did you know? You not?

1102
00:58:40,280 --> 00:58:42,120
Speaker 1: You did great? Like a like a teacher some but hey,

1103
00:58:42,240 --> 00:58:44,280
Speaker 1: I really appreciate what you know tonight that you came

1104
00:58:44,320 --> 00:58:46,680
Speaker 1: and you know you got along with everybody. Stuff like that.

1105
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:47,960
Speaker 1: That that means a lot to me because I think

1106
00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:50,240
Speaker 1: that's tough to do, and I think that's something that

1107
00:58:50,760 --> 00:58:53,600
Speaker 1: that you know, it's it's important to do for the

1108
00:58:53,600 --> 00:58:56,560
Speaker 1: person that that you love. And so when when there's

1109
00:58:56,560 --> 00:58:58,840
Speaker 1: an acknowledgement of hey, I know you did that for me,

1110
00:58:59,160 --> 00:59:02,040
Speaker 1: and I do appreciate. I think that's you know, that's

1111
00:59:02,520 --> 00:59:04,600
Speaker 1: was it tough to do because you don't like her friends.

1112
00:59:06,160 --> 00:59:11,920
Speaker 1: I like the ones that are listening right now. Rick,

1113
00:59:12,000 --> 00:59:14,640
Speaker 1: what about you, buddy, Not to be on the same acknowledgement,

1114
00:59:14,960 --> 00:59:17,640
Speaker 1: you know, train but obviously acknowledgement, you know, and whether

1115
00:59:17,720 --> 00:59:20,280
Speaker 1: that's you know, engaging with that person in a conversation

1116
00:59:20,520 --> 00:59:22,640
Speaker 1: or you know, as cheesy as it sounds, you know,

1117
00:59:22,760 --> 00:59:26,880
Speaker 1: Like recently and literally in the last like five to

1118
00:59:26,960 --> 00:59:29,440
Speaker 1: six months even longer, my wife has made our house

1119
00:59:29,560 --> 00:59:32,720
Speaker 1: turn into something magical, Like, you know, there's flowers in

1120
00:59:32,760 --> 00:59:35,360
Speaker 1: the places that I didn't even know you could stick

1121
00:59:35,480 --> 00:59:44,560
Speaker 1: a pencil, there's flowers, you know, and our next episode,

1122
00:59:45,320 --> 00:59:48,800
Speaker 1: but no, honestly, it's coming home and having those flowers,

1123
00:59:48,840 --> 00:59:52,240
Speaker 1: you know, it's it's there's there's life, there's presence, there's

1124
00:59:52,760 --> 00:59:55,400
Speaker 1: you know, in that to me makes it intimate, you know,

1125
00:59:55,520 --> 00:59:57,720
Speaker 1: and that is important to me, you know. For some reason,

1126
00:59:57,800 --> 01:00:00,200
Speaker 1: I like the countertops clean. I like having a learri

1127
01:00:00,240 --> 01:00:03,280
Speaker 1: bouquat of flowers. I like having you know, for some reason, right,

1128
01:00:03,280 --> 01:00:07,480
Speaker 1: you're sensual, that's one of your primary um love languages,

1129
01:00:07,480 --> 01:00:13,000
Speaker 1: but erotic languages, sensuality. You're right. And the more I

1130
01:00:13,040 --> 01:00:15,200
Speaker 1: get older and I kind of, you know, learn more

1131
01:00:15,200 --> 01:00:21,200
Speaker 1: about myself, you're dead on. So great answer, gav. If

1132
01:00:21,200 --> 01:00:24,080
Speaker 1: you're like meeting somebody, somebody you meet or go on

1133
01:00:24,120 --> 01:00:25,960
Speaker 1: a date with, Like, what's something that somebody can do

1134
01:00:26,120 --> 01:00:28,600
Speaker 1: to create intimacy that's going to attract you to them

1135
01:00:28,600 --> 01:00:30,440
Speaker 1: where you like you're pulled to them more than just

1136
01:00:30,680 --> 01:00:34,560
Speaker 1: a caretaker. That's what I like, you know. I mean,

1137
01:00:34,600 --> 01:00:38,000
Speaker 1: it's like I like the the for lack of better word,

1138
01:00:38,120 --> 01:00:41,880
Speaker 1: that the mom instincts thing to take care of. You know,

1139
01:00:41,960 --> 01:00:44,600
Speaker 1: I have natural I like to take care of somebody.

1140
01:00:44,640 --> 01:00:47,400
Speaker 1: So you know, I like to provide. Let me get

1141
01:00:47,400 --> 01:00:50,200
Speaker 1: your nice things, let me protect you, let me let

1142
01:00:50,200 --> 01:00:53,280
Speaker 1: me get the door, you know, let me do all

1143
01:00:53,320 --> 01:00:55,680
Speaker 1: the things that you find risky for you, you know

1144
01:00:55,680 --> 01:00:57,400
Speaker 1: what I mean, those are the things I like to do.

1145
01:00:57,520 --> 01:01:01,400
Speaker 1: I'm very old school in that way, you know, um,

1146
01:01:01,440 --> 01:01:04,840
Speaker 1: and I look for I like a natural caretaker. That's

1147
01:01:04,880 --> 01:01:08,840
Speaker 1: what I'm attracted to. So any of those that may

1148
01:01:08,880 --> 01:01:12,080
Speaker 1: not sound like the you know, the most modern approach

1149
01:01:12,120 --> 01:01:14,920
Speaker 1: to things, but I think that's the sexiest thing in

1150
01:01:14,960 --> 01:01:20,320
Speaker 1: the world. So you know that's my taste period. What

1151
01:01:20,320 --> 01:01:23,520
Speaker 1: what things about you? I want you to go, you

1152
01:01:23,520 --> 01:01:28,080
Speaker 1: want me to go first. So something that I love

1153
01:01:28,200 --> 01:01:29,920
Speaker 1: is when you come home, you come in the door

1154
01:01:29,960 --> 01:01:31,800
Speaker 1: and you give me a massive kiss. Because usually I'm

1155
01:01:31,800 --> 01:01:33,680
Speaker 1: at home, I've been training to working out or something,

1156
01:01:33,680 --> 01:01:35,840
Speaker 1: and you'll you're usually out and you'll come home and

1157
01:01:35,840 --> 01:01:38,880
Speaker 1: you'll give me a massive kiss. I love that. That

1158
01:01:39,240 --> 01:01:42,560
Speaker 1: instantly connects me because we've both been doing our thing

1159
01:01:42,640 --> 01:01:44,960
Speaker 1: all day and separate from each other, and that instantly

1160
01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:47,760
Speaker 1: brings us together. And you're exceptional at that. So that's

1161
01:01:47,800 --> 01:01:50,320
Speaker 1: one of my favorite parts of the day. Uh, you

1162
01:01:50,520 --> 01:01:53,120
Speaker 1: know that. I absolutely love it. Anytime you feed me,

1163
01:01:53,800 --> 01:01:56,640
Speaker 1: I love it any it means. It means the world

1164
01:01:56,640 --> 01:01:59,800
Speaker 1: to me. When she either, like especially when you cook.

1165
01:01:59,880 --> 01:02:02,800
Speaker 1: My wife is an exceptional cook. She is a wizard

1166
01:02:02,800 --> 01:02:05,120
Speaker 1: in the kitchen. She can find anything in the kitchen,

1167
01:02:05,160 --> 01:02:07,640
Speaker 1: in the pantry or the fridge and whip it together

1168
01:02:07,680 --> 01:02:10,600
Speaker 1: and it's a new taste every single time. As they say,

1169
01:02:10,640 --> 01:02:12,960
Speaker 1: the way to a man's hardest through a stomach and

1170
01:02:13,000 --> 01:02:16,200
Speaker 1: it's true, but for me, it's true she knows when

1171
01:02:16,280 --> 01:02:18,640
Speaker 1: or even just like even if she postmates me, lunch

1172
01:02:19,160 --> 01:02:23,240
Speaker 1: means the world to me. Um. The other thing is

1173
01:02:23,280 --> 01:02:27,440
Speaker 1: when you put lingerie on I am, I am fired up.

1174
01:02:29,640 --> 01:02:33,120
Speaker 1: I love it, Like who does it? But I love it.

1175
01:02:33,120 --> 01:02:34,760
Speaker 1: It means you're thinking of me and you put something

1176
01:02:34,800 --> 01:02:37,640
Speaker 1: sexy on. It's like, look so beautiful and sexy and

1177
01:02:37,680 --> 01:02:40,560
Speaker 1: I'm just like, I crave you, like when you put

1178
01:02:40,600 --> 01:02:46,880
Speaker 1: lingerie on me. And then but then there's also another

1179
01:02:47,520 --> 01:02:49,600
Speaker 1: and I think you'll attest to this too. There's times

1180
01:02:49,600 --> 01:02:53,200
Speaker 1: where I know that you're really seeing me, and it

1181
01:02:53,200 --> 01:02:55,280
Speaker 1: could be just in the kitchen or something. You're looking

1182
01:02:55,280 --> 01:02:57,840
Speaker 1: at me differently, like right now where I see that

1183
01:02:57,920 --> 01:03:00,640
Speaker 1: you really see me, and I think the mean to me.

1184
01:03:00,760 --> 01:03:03,560
Speaker 1: I also know that when that's happening that you're in

1185
01:03:03,600 --> 01:03:07,960
Speaker 1: an amazing place yourself personally, and our relationship is always

1186
01:03:08,000 --> 01:03:10,280
Speaker 1: the best. When you're in an amazing place or I'm

1187
01:03:10,320 --> 01:03:12,840
Speaker 1: an amazing a place. We're then able to give our

1188
01:03:12,880 --> 01:03:18,560
Speaker 1: best versions to each other, like at I heart like. Um,

1189
01:03:18,720 --> 01:03:20,880
Speaker 1: those are some of the ways that you really create

1190
01:03:20,920 --> 01:03:24,200
Speaker 1: intimacy and also you're so good at it that you

1191
01:03:24,840 --> 01:03:28,120
Speaker 1: always drive that in our relationship. That's you have an

1192
01:03:28,120 --> 01:03:30,440
Speaker 1: engine to continue that and you always drive that, and

1193
01:03:30,440 --> 01:03:32,200
Speaker 1: it's the way I look up to you, and it's

1194
01:03:32,200 --> 01:03:34,640
Speaker 1: a reason why it's become more important to me and

1195
01:03:34,680 --> 01:03:36,840
Speaker 1: I strive to be a better man to create more

1196
01:03:36,920 --> 01:03:39,360
Speaker 1: of the ways you're about to tell me that I

1197
01:03:39,360 --> 01:03:41,680
Speaker 1: can create intimacy in our relationship. I think you guys

1198
01:03:41,760 --> 01:03:50,520
Speaker 1: gonna be intimate tonight. I hope tonight, because so what

1199
01:03:50,560 --> 01:03:53,040
Speaker 1: can I do? What do I do or what can

1200
01:03:53,080 --> 01:03:57,160
Speaker 1: I do better in our relationship to create intimacy? Honestly,

1201
01:03:57,200 --> 01:04:02,360
Speaker 1: everything you just said was was intimate. It honestly felt

1202
01:04:02,400 --> 01:04:04,360
Speaker 1: like nobody else was in the room because we had

1203
01:04:04,480 --> 01:04:08,120
Speaker 1: total connection where eye contact right now. And even though

1204
01:04:08,120 --> 01:04:11,520
Speaker 1: there's people around here, I'm not embarrassed. I'm not vulnerable

1205
01:04:11,560 --> 01:04:16,200
Speaker 1: like I am vulnerable, but I'm not conscious because like

1206
01:04:16,240 --> 01:04:18,800
Speaker 1: all that matters is our connection right now. So I

1207
01:04:18,800 --> 01:04:24,680
Speaker 1: think what you just did was intimacy. Um, just listening,

1208
01:04:24,760 --> 01:04:26,480
Speaker 1: I first of all, thank you guys for being so

1209
01:04:26,600 --> 01:04:29,760
Speaker 1: open and you know, talking and allowing me to come

1210
01:04:29,760 --> 01:04:32,840
Speaker 1: in here too as as a woman, and you know,

1211
01:04:33,040 --> 01:04:35,760
Speaker 1: give my two cents because I think, you know, just

1212
01:04:35,840 --> 01:04:38,800
Speaker 1: listening to you guys. The common thread that I heard

1213
01:04:38,880 --> 01:04:42,480
Speaker 1: from you guys is that you you want acknowledgement and

1214
01:04:42,520 --> 01:04:46,280
Speaker 1: appreciation for who you are, and not just for what

1215
01:04:46,320 --> 01:04:48,600
Speaker 1: you do, but for the effort that you put into

1216
01:04:48,880 --> 01:04:51,560
Speaker 1: being the man that you are. And I think that

1217
01:04:52,200 --> 01:04:56,040
Speaker 1: as women or as a partner, I mean, it feels

1218
01:04:56,080 --> 01:04:59,320
Speaker 1: really good to be able to also give that. And

1219
01:04:59,360 --> 01:05:01,840
Speaker 1: then as a man, I think we obviously just want

1220
01:05:01,840 --> 01:05:04,760
Speaker 1: to be seen. And if you think it about both

1221
01:05:04,800 --> 01:05:07,360
Speaker 1: of those things, it's kind of what Brooks just said,

1222
01:05:07,440 --> 01:05:09,640
Speaker 1: is like when I'm in my best place and he

1223
01:05:09,800 --> 01:05:13,560
Speaker 1: is in his best place, we are so focused on

1224
01:05:13,600 --> 01:05:17,680
Speaker 1: each other because we're not needing anything for ourselves because

1225
01:05:17,720 --> 01:05:20,120
Speaker 1: we're filled up from our own self love or our

1226
01:05:20,160 --> 01:05:24,440
Speaker 1: own desire to be seen. And so I think, if

1227
01:05:24,480 --> 01:05:28,640
Speaker 1: anybody's listening, obviously focusing on yourself to be the greatest

1228
01:05:28,760 --> 01:05:32,160
Speaker 1: version of yourself so that you can give freely to

1229
01:05:32,320 --> 01:05:35,960
Speaker 1: your partner and that is the most like connected intimate

1230
01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:37,840
Speaker 1: thing you can have because you're already full and you

1231
01:05:37,840 --> 01:05:43,800
Speaker 1: don't need anything. Um, So well, yeah, I can't wait

1232
01:05:43,840 --> 01:05:55,160
Speaker 1: to have sex with you. For people listening, where can

1233
01:05:55,240 --> 01:05:57,440
Speaker 1: they find you? Because you share a lot of this

1234
01:05:57,520 --> 01:05:59,840
Speaker 1: kind of discussion and raise these kind of topics on

1235
01:05:59,840 --> 01:06:02,080
Speaker 1: your social So for people listening, where can they find

1236
01:06:02,120 --> 01:06:05,120
Speaker 1: you to learn more about this? My Instagram is at

1237
01:06:05,240 --> 01:06:11,280
Speaker 1: jules huff Um Twitter Julianne Huff my website Julianne huff

1238
01:06:13,000 --> 01:06:17,840
Speaker 1: I'm on. That's right. I have a lot of things,

1239
01:06:17,960 --> 01:06:20,480
Speaker 1: um that I'm working on too. I'm I'm just so

1240
01:06:20,600 --> 01:06:24,320
Speaker 1: fascinated in self discovery and when you can really connect

1241
01:06:24,560 --> 01:06:28,600
Speaker 1: to your own truest form and your truest self, um,

1242
01:06:28,680 --> 01:06:32,840
Speaker 1: you you can connect with anybody and really give them

1243
01:06:32,880 --> 01:06:36,280
Speaker 1: I think presence and connection, and that's what I think

1244
01:06:36,320 --> 01:06:38,800
Speaker 1: our world really needs and will be more intimate with

1245
01:06:38,840 --> 01:06:43,040
Speaker 1: each other and less on our phones. So beautiful. We'll

1246
01:06:43,200 --> 01:06:45,440
Speaker 1: end there for you guys listening, Please let us know

1247
01:06:45,520 --> 01:06:48,360
Speaker 1: your thoughts. Send us an email at men at iHeart Radio.

1248
01:06:48,440 --> 01:06:51,480
Speaker 1: You can find us on Instagram at um how men

1249
01:06:51,520 --> 01:06:54,720
Speaker 1: think Podcasts. Check us out there. I appreciate you coming

1250
01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:58,040
Speaker 1: in love, Thank you so much, thank you. I think

1251
01:06:58,120 --> 01:07:00,800
Speaker 1: if this podcast got anybody to get charged up and

1252
01:07:00,840 --> 01:07:03,280
Speaker 1: be intimate, let us know that too. Yeah, ye send us,

1253
01:07:04,920 --> 01:07:08,840
Speaker 1: take take care of one another, love one another. We'll

1254
01:07:08,840 --> 01:07:12,400
Speaker 1: see you back here next week. Hey, guys, it's Brooks

1255
01:07:12,440 --> 01:07:14,880
Speaker 1: and one last thing before you take off. We want

1256
01:07:14,880 --> 01:07:19,240
Speaker 1: to know your thoughts, feedback, insights, and questions for us

1257
01:07:19,320 --> 01:07:22,240
Speaker 1: on this show. Send us an email at men at

1258
01:07:22,240 --> 01:07:24,640
Speaker 1: I heart radio dot com and follow along with us

1259
01:07:24,640 --> 01:07:28,320
Speaker 1: on Instagram at how Men Think podcast and we'll see

1260
01:07:28,320 --> 01:07:30,840
Speaker 1: you back right here next week for the next episode.