WEBVTT - Child Support: More Than Just About the Money 0:00:01.720 --> 0:00:03.600 Welcome, Welcome, guys, welcome to the show. 0:00:03.680 --> 0:00:07.000 I Am amadaa Negra and you are listening to Exactly Amada, 0:00:07.080 --> 0:00:09.640 a production of iHeart. By the way, guys, thank you 0:00:09.680 --> 0:00:11.480 so much for tuning in and don't forget to give 0:00:11.520 --> 0:00:14.440 us those five stars. Subscribe to the podcast on your 0:00:14.560 --> 0:00:15.680 favorite platform. 0:00:15.760 --> 0:00:17.400 Go ahead to the YouTube channel. 0:00:17.079 --> 0:00:19.880 Where you can basically watch or listen to any of 0:00:19.880 --> 0:00:24.439 the past podcasts, researching for micro through that podcast and. 0:00:24.200 --> 0:00:26.240 Clicking on Exactly Amada. 0:00:26.280 --> 0:00:28.920 Today, we're gonna be talking about something that's very important, 0:00:29.280 --> 0:00:32.080 something that hits home because I also come from a 0:00:32.120 --> 0:00:37.520 single mother, a hardworking mother, and now as a single 0:00:37.560 --> 0:00:42.680 mother myself, I understand more than ever the importance of 0:00:42.760 --> 0:00:44.680 the terminology child support. 0:00:45.200 --> 0:00:47.400 So today we're gonna be talking about child support. 0:00:48.240 --> 0:00:50.879 I know it's a very sensitive topic, and obviously for 0:00:50.960 --> 0:00:53.240 those that I have been watching Love and Hip Hop Miami, 0:00:53.520 --> 0:00:55.480 I know that that has been a topic of conversation 0:00:55.720 --> 0:00:59.280 because of Safari. You guys know that Safari and I 0:00:59.480 --> 0:01:02.440 have been day and try to figure things out, and 0:01:02.520 --> 0:01:05.679 that has been a big topic of conversation. Should you 0:01:05.760 --> 0:01:09.720 date someone that doesn't pay child support? What about if 0:01:09.720 --> 0:01:12.640 he pays child support? Should that be something that should 0:01:12.680 --> 0:01:15.759 be any of your concern? All those child support questions, 0:01:16.040 --> 0:01:18.440 I think is important when you are in a relationship, 0:01:18.600 --> 0:01:22.440 when you're finishing a relationship, how you should go about it, 0:01:22.480 --> 0:01:25.240 Should you go about it? When is it important for 0:01:25.319 --> 0:01:27.880 you to put your foot down and actually take it 0:01:27.959 --> 0:01:28.920 the legal route. 0:01:29.120 --> 0:01:31.560 Is it worth it taking it the legal route? Is 0:01:31.600 --> 0:01:32.080 it more. 0:01:31.959 --> 0:01:35.600 Beneficial financially or can it actually be more damaging as 0:01:35.640 --> 0:01:36.080 a man? 0:01:36.200 --> 0:01:36.679 How are you. 0:01:36.680 --> 0:01:40.440 Supposed to handle that situation from being, you know, a 0:01:40.560 --> 0:01:44.480 parent who pays child support. I know I've shared here 0:01:44.880 --> 0:01:48.000 all about my personal life and how over the last 0:01:48.080 --> 0:01:50.919 year I've been raising you know, my kids, my children 0:01:50.960 --> 0:01:53.480 on my own, and of course I'm not the only 0:01:53.520 --> 0:01:56.200 one out here that's been going through the same thing. 0:01:56.600 --> 0:01:59.560 I know there's a lot of single parents, male and female, 0:02:00.040 --> 0:02:03.080 who have taken all the responsibility, some by choice, some 0:02:03.120 --> 0:02:05.800 haven't had a choice but to do it. But there's 0:02:05.840 --> 0:02:08.760 a lot of single parents who can relate. And that's 0:02:08.800 --> 0:02:11.680 why to me it was so important to do this episode. 0:02:11.840 --> 0:02:12.400 I mean, I. 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:16.320 Saw what my own mom had to go through raising 0:02:16.360 --> 0:02:20.359 me as a single, hardworking mother, So I feel very 0:02:20.360 --> 0:02:22.480 close to this topic, not just because of her, but 0:02:22.520 --> 0:02:27.480 obviously because now, unfortunately the patterns have repeated, and I 0:02:27.760 --> 0:02:30.400 am now in her same shoes, and I know that 0:02:30.440 --> 0:02:32.120 there's a lot of people that know exactly where I'm 0:02:32.120 --> 0:02:37.000 coming from. So when things are hot and heavy in 0:02:37.000 --> 0:02:40.280 a romantic relationship, you're not thinking about what would happen 0:02:40.320 --> 0:02:44.079 if kids are involved, and what would happen if things end. 0:02:44.960 --> 0:02:47.880 You're in the moment of love and seeing things on 0:02:47.919 --> 0:02:50.639 the good side, the positive side. You know, you think 0:02:50.680 --> 0:02:53.359 that things are gonna last forever, and no one ever 0:02:53.400 --> 0:02:56.760 really bothers to think, what if things don't work out? 0:02:57.000 --> 0:02:59.760 Will this person really still hold me down? 0:03:00.440 --> 0:03:02.720 Will this person still have enough love for me at 0:03:02.800 --> 0:03:04.920 least in the back of their heart of their mind 0:03:05.040 --> 0:03:09.600 to think about how this separation cannot only be damaging 0:03:09.720 --> 0:03:13.519 to me emotionally and to a certain extent for a 0:03:13.520 --> 0:03:16.359 lot of relationships financially as well, when you become codependent 0:03:16.400 --> 0:03:18.600 of your partners, but in this case, when you have 0:03:18.720 --> 0:03:23.640 children involved in many occasions, the man for the most part, 0:03:24.240 --> 0:03:25.800 and women as well, because I know that a lot 0:03:25.840 --> 0:03:28.399 of women use their children to manipulate men. I don't 0:03:28.400 --> 0:03:30.200 want to put all the weight on men because I 0:03:30.240 --> 0:03:32.799 know that there's a lot of women that purposely use 0:03:32.840 --> 0:03:36.040 their children to manipulate, to take you know, put that 0:03:36.080 --> 0:03:39.160 financial all responsibility on the man, to the point that 0:03:39.440 --> 0:03:41.960 now this man is paying more than half of his 0:03:42.200 --> 0:03:45.560 you know, of his check, not only for the child, 0:03:45.840 --> 0:03:49.080 but now to also feed that woman's lifestyle. As the 0:03:49.120 --> 0:03:51.840 twenty twenty two the average cost of raising a child 0:03:51.960 --> 0:03:56.320 is around sixteen thousand dollars per year. And that's like 0:03:56.400 --> 0:03:58.840 the average, because I know it's. 0:03:58.680 --> 0:03:59.560 Way more for me. 0:03:59.720 --> 0:04:02.480 I mean, my babies drink a gallon of milk a 0:04:02.560 --> 0:04:04.400 little bit more than a guy in milk, plus diapers 0:04:04.400 --> 0:04:08.520 and white peas, and health insurance and clothing and toys 0:04:08.560 --> 0:04:11.440 and this and that, and you know, any incidents that 0:04:11.480 --> 0:04:11.920 can occur. 0:04:12.000 --> 0:04:14.040 You also have to be prepared for that financially too. 0:04:14.160 --> 0:04:17.960 So if you count what it would cost until they're 0:04:18.040 --> 0:04:21.120 about eighteen years old, you're looking at about almost three 0:04:21.200 --> 0:04:26.120 hundred thousand dollars, and that's a lot of money that realistically, 0:04:26.520 --> 0:04:30.120 the way that we're living today, not everybody can financially 0:04:30.160 --> 0:04:34.200 afford that. And I think that as women as men, 0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:36.640 when you're single, you're not really ever thinking about the 0:04:36.680 --> 0:04:41.279 responsibility financially of raising a child. But it also comes 0:04:41.279 --> 0:04:43.839 from the fact that nobody really talks about it. There's 0:04:43.839 --> 0:04:46.560 a lot of pressure on having children. Everybody talks about 0:04:46.600 --> 0:04:48.720 having children, to the point that now we have a 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:51.000 big community of people that don't want to have children 0:04:51.200 --> 0:04:54.880 because of the fear of the financial responsibility. And let's 0:04:54.920 --> 0:04:58.520 not only just talk about the financial responsibility, but overall 0:04:59.040 --> 0:05:02.239 the emotional. 0:05:01.040 --> 0:05:02.760 Responsibility of having a child. 0:05:02.880 --> 0:05:06.120 It's a lot in this case, like me, you know, 0:05:06.520 --> 0:05:08.640 I wasn't prepared to not only have one, but two. 0:05:09.080 --> 0:05:10.320 You know, there's a lot of people out of here 0:05:10.320 --> 0:05:12.960 there having triplets and they're surely not prepared for that. 0:05:13.200 --> 0:05:15.760 And I know that there's a lot of government assistance. 0:05:15.560 --> 0:05:18.920 And that's a great thing too, But regardless of that, 0:05:19.520 --> 0:05:21.960 it's a lot of weight because no matter how much 0:05:22.000 --> 0:05:24.440 anybody else can come in and help you out, you 0:05:24.520 --> 0:05:27.240 still feel like it's your responsibility. You brought them into 0:05:27.279 --> 0:05:30.320 this world. It is your responsibility to make sure that 0:05:30.800 --> 0:05:34.720 everything their education, their food, you know, everything is on point. 0:05:34.960 --> 0:05:38.040 Most people don't think of how much a child really costs, 0:05:38.040 --> 0:05:40.600 And to me, it's like, why isn't anybody People only 0:05:40.640 --> 0:05:42.080 know how to say it is expensive, but why isn't 0:05:42.080 --> 0:05:44.360 anybody being specific and letting you know ahead of time, 0:05:44.400 --> 0:05:47.600 like listen, okay, if you guys want to you know, 0:05:47.720 --> 0:05:49.920 have children, or if you're planning on it, because a 0:05:49.920 --> 0:05:51.800 lot of people decide to plan it. I want to 0:05:51.800 --> 0:05:53.120 do it after I'm thirty five. I want to do 0:05:53.120 --> 0:05:54.479 it after my thirties. I want to do it after 0:05:54.480 --> 0:05:56.599 twenty eight, twenty five, whatever the case may be. For 0:05:56.720 --> 0:05:59.520 those that plan it, congrects to you, there's many people 0:05:59.560 --> 0:06:03.200 that don't planet. So therefore you have to be prepared 0:06:03.240 --> 0:06:10.160 to understand that this comes with housing, education, food, medical bills, clothes, childcare, 0:06:10.800 --> 0:06:14.520 especially if you're a single parent you know, or maybe 0:06:14.640 --> 0:06:16.920 may not have the support of the grandparents to you know, 0:06:17.360 --> 0:06:21.719 help out here and there. Daycares are very expensive. Let's 0:06:21.720 --> 0:06:24.200 not even go to nanny's if you have a nanny 0:06:24.240 --> 0:06:28.520 at home. I'm hearing like anywhere between fifteen hundred a 0:06:28.680 --> 0:06:31.039 week in my case for the twins. So if you 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:33.239 have like two kids, it doesn't matter regardless of the age. 0:06:33.360 --> 0:06:36.839 You're kind of looking at those numbers, right, It's a lot. 0:06:37.080 --> 0:06:38.480 All those things are things that you have to think 0:06:38.480 --> 0:06:41.880 about when you select your partner. Hopefully, if you've chosen, 0:06:42.400 --> 0:06:44.479 you know, the right person, you won't have to struggle to, 0:06:44.640 --> 0:06:45.480 you know, through these things. 0:06:45.480 --> 0:06:47.240 But if not, you're gonna go through it. 0:06:47.360 --> 0:06:49.720 And trust me, you're gonna get it, cause no matter 0:06:49.720 --> 0:06:52.640 how much money you have, you're still gonna go through it, 0:06:53.200 --> 0:06:56.240 especially emotionally, the fact that you may not have that 0:06:56.680 --> 0:06:59.760 person who helped you create this child or these children 0:07:00.240 --> 0:07:02.680 not be there to support you emotionally. 0:07:03.120 --> 0:07:03.720 It's a lot. 0:07:04.279 --> 0:07:07.320 You lose money in the beginning because you take time 0:07:07.480 --> 0:07:10.559 off from work to have the baby. Obviously, I'm talking 0:07:10.560 --> 0:07:12.520 about the women and for the men. You know, you 0:07:12.560 --> 0:07:14.560 guys still get to put in that work. Obviously knowing 0:07:14.600 --> 0:07:17.480 that you know when you go home, if you're still 0:07:17.520 --> 0:07:20.360 going home to that woman, you know you still have 0:07:20.440 --> 0:07:23.800 to cater to her. But yes, women for the most part, 0:07:24.040 --> 0:07:26.520 have to take some time off to heal. I personally 0:07:26.560 --> 0:07:29.480 didn't take any time off. I was working, literally, like 0:07:29.960 --> 0:07:32.400 in the hospital. When I got out of the hospital 0:07:32.440 --> 0:07:35.400 the week after, I was literally taking flights. I don't 0:07:35.440 --> 0:07:39.640 recommend it to anyone, but the pressure of the responsibility 0:07:40.040 --> 0:07:42.480 of having to have a you know, a child and 0:07:42.600 --> 0:07:44.760 you have to provide for them. And let's pray that 0:07:44.840 --> 0:07:47.520 your child doesn't come out with any health conditions, because 0:07:47.560 --> 0:07:49.920 if they do, you have to also be prepared for 0:07:50.120 --> 0:07:54.960 that financial responsibility as well. So it's a lot I personally, 0:07:55.000 --> 0:07:56.920 Like I said, I was working the whole the whole 0:07:56.920 --> 0:07:59.280 time through I know a lot of hard working women 0:07:59.320 --> 0:07:59.720 that till the. 0:07:59.760 --> 0:08:01.200 Data they give birth, they're working. 0:08:01.240 --> 0:08:03.480 They don't have the privilege of like, oh, I'm just 0:08:03.520 --> 0:08:04.640 gonna take this time off. 0:08:04.960 --> 0:08:06.720 You don't get to do that. You have to put 0:08:06.760 --> 0:08:08.640 in the work. This is crazy. I don't know if 0:08:08.640 --> 0:08:09.120 you guys do. 0:08:09.200 --> 0:08:11.520 But in twenty eighteen, according to the US Department of 0:08:11.520 --> 0:08:15.200 Health and Human Services, non because pudo parents across the 0:08:15.240 --> 0:08:19.200 country own more than listen to this, one hundred and 0:08:19.280 --> 0:08:23.600 fourteen point six billion dollars in child support. 0:08:23.800 --> 0:08:25.120 You got to be kidding me. 0:08:32.840 --> 0:08:34.840 God, I don't even know where to go from there, 0:08:34.960 --> 0:08:37.560 because I know so many especially in the African American 0:08:37.559 --> 0:08:41.440 community and minority communities, there's so many men that end 0:08:41.520 --> 0:08:43.559 up going to jail because they can't afford to pay 0:08:43.640 --> 0:08:46.439 child support. I know that everybody has to be responsible, 0:08:46.480 --> 0:08:48.200 everybody has to put in their car, but in many 0:08:48.200 --> 0:08:51.400 occasions it is tough out here. Financially you could barely 0:08:51.840 --> 0:08:53.760 do that, and on top of that, now you have 0:08:53.800 --> 0:08:58.200 the responsibility of a judge telling you exactly how much 0:08:58.240 --> 0:09:00.839 you have to pay, not to mention that in many occasions, 0:09:01.040 --> 0:09:03.880 and I think it's unfair. I almost feel and god, 0:09:03.880 --> 0:09:05.079 oh my god, I don't even know how to say this, 0:09:05.080 --> 0:09:06.360 because the women is gonna come for me. But if 0:09:06.360 --> 0:09:08.320 there were to be like a card where you can 0:09:08.360 --> 0:09:10.880 see exactly what the money is being used for. But 0:09:10.920 --> 0:09:13.120 then at the same time, as a mom mom, like 0:09:13.120 --> 0:09:16.640 if I were to get child support, who cares? You 0:09:16.679 --> 0:09:18.640 know how I use the money as long as a 0:09:18.720 --> 0:09:21.600 child is being taken care of. Because if I use 0:09:21.640 --> 0:09:23.880 the money to pay the house, well that's where your 0:09:23.920 --> 0:09:26.479 child lives in. If I use the money to pay electricity, 0:09:26.720 --> 0:09:28.959 well that's where the child lives in. You know, if 0:09:28.960 --> 0:09:30.680 it's for clothes, if it's for food, if it's for 0:09:30.720 --> 0:09:32.520 whatever it is. Even if it were to be for 0:09:32.559 --> 0:09:35.679 a small vacation, I don't see it bad because why 0:09:35.760 --> 0:09:37.960 should it be just the mother's responsibility to pay for 0:09:38.000 --> 0:09:41.200 those things and the father to just pay for the essentials. 0:09:41.679 --> 0:09:42.040 I don't know. 0:09:42.080 --> 0:09:44.280 When it comes to child support is a very iffy line. 0:09:44.440 --> 0:09:47.200 The same way I think is real iffy when there's 0:09:47.440 --> 0:09:50.439 you know, men that financially you know, they don't get 0:09:50.480 --> 0:09:53.040 it like that, and they're putting them these high ass 0:09:53.160 --> 0:09:55.960 child support balances that they have to pay off the 0:09:56.080 --> 0:09:59.680 same way that I see women asking for twenty forty thousand. 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:03.760 I need sixty thousand dollars a month in child support. 0:10:04.280 --> 0:10:06.840 I need ten thousand dollars in child support. 0:10:07.080 --> 0:10:08.000 Can someone please? 0:10:08.040 --> 0:10:11.079 Can? I need somebody to please inform me how does 0:10:11.120 --> 0:10:13.680 this work? Because I know it goes based off the 0:10:13.720 --> 0:10:16.360 amount of money that the man makes, and I know, 0:10:16.480 --> 0:10:18.000 or you know, for the most part is a father, 0:10:18.040 --> 0:10:21.080 because women also in many occasions pay for child support. 0:10:21.160 --> 0:10:25.120 But I kind of sometimes thinking is unfair, like when 0:10:25.160 --> 0:10:28.480 these are these ridiculous amount of numbers for babies that 0:10:28.559 --> 0:10:31.240 are like one, two, three, maybe even at to ten 0:10:31.320 --> 0:10:34.920 years old. Where exactly is it that you're spending thirty thousand, 0:10:35.000 --> 0:10:38.640 fifty thousand dollars a month in anyways, That's just me, 0:10:39.280 --> 0:10:41.840 But if you feel where I'm coming from, please feel 0:10:41.840 --> 0:10:43.840 free to hit me up on exactly a matter and 0:10:43.920 --> 0:10:46.920 let me know your opinion on this topic. Here's another 0:10:46.960 --> 0:10:50.000 important point, the mental health aspect of raising a child 0:10:50.000 --> 0:10:53.560 without financial or emotional support. Listen, that is a lot, 0:10:53.640 --> 0:10:56.599 because God knows how many nights I've cried myself to 0:10:56.640 --> 0:11:00.640 sleep only because no parent prepares himself, for the most part, 0:11:00.679 --> 0:11:03.200 to be a single parent, and if you do, one 0:11:03.200 --> 0:11:05.120 thing is what you think and another one is to 0:11:05.160 --> 0:11:08.520 actually go through it and live the experience yourself. No 0:11:08.559 --> 0:11:12.120 one wants to have all the responsibility of having to 0:11:12.160 --> 0:11:14.360 take a child, take care of a child by yourself 0:11:14.559 --> 0:11:15.240 at nighttime. 0:11:15.640 --> 0:11:16.480 You can't sleep. 0:11:16.679 --> 0:11:19.520 You have to make sure that your child is being fed, 0:11:19.880 --> 0:11:22.520 you know, the diapers are being changed, and you're emotionally 0:11:22.559 --> 0:11:24.960 being there and nurturing for a child because it's not 0:11:25.000 --> 0:11:27.720 their responsibility or their fault what you may be going through. 0:11:27.920 --> 0:11:29.440 So it's a lot. 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:31.800 I'm lucky that I have my mom to support me 0:11:32.160 --> 0:11:34.400 with my girls, and I'm so grateful for her, But 0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:36.320 a lot of people don't have that, and I feel 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:38.200 terrible for those that don't because I can only but 0:11:38.320 --> 0:11:44.080 imagine the pressure the responsibility, how drain emotionally and physically 0:11:44.160 --> 0:11:46.240 you have to be of having to go through the 0:11:46.280 --> 0:11:49.400 process of raising a child all by yourself. 0:11:49.440 --> 0:11:50.640 That is a lot. 0:11:51.160 --> 0:11:53.040 Something that no one ever wants to talk about either, 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:56.200 is the fact that you burn out as a parent. 0:11:56.280 --> 0:11:59.600 You burn out like there is no off time. You 0:11:59.640 --> 0:12:02.720 can't turn that off, and you'll never be able to 0:12:02.760 --> 0:12:03.680 be like. 0:12:03.760 --> 0:12:06.080 You can't unparent yourself. You will be a parent for 0:12:06.080 --> 0:12:06.800 the rest of your life. 0:12:06.840 --> 0:12:09.240 No matter how old your child gets, you will always 0:12:09.280 --> 0:12:12.040 feel the responsibility to check out for them, protect them, 0:12:12.080 --> 0:12:13.920 make sure that they're, you know, going through the. 0:12:13.960 --> 0:12:15.400 Right path, and all those things. 0:12:15.880 --> 0:12:19.800 So I'm saying this only because I know in my 0:12:19.960 --> 0:12:22.840 case how easy it is for a father to show 0:12:22.920 --> 0:12:25.319 up in the picture after the mother has done all 0:12:25.320 --> 0:12:28.560 the work and you're just like, oh, these are my kids. 0:12:28.600 --> 0:12:31.640 That's my daughter, that's my son, after the mother had 0:12:31.679 --> 0:12:33.839 to be the one to put up with all the 0:12:34.320 --> 0:12:38.520 sleepless nights, the extra part time jobs, all those things. 0:12:39.200 --> 0:12:41.920 And here's another question I have to Should you want 0:12:41.960 --> 0:12:44.280 to ask for child support from a person who doesn't 0:12:44.320 --> 0:12:47.920 want to be involved? Should you force a man or 0:12:47.920 --> 0:12:50.280 a woman for the most part of man. Should you 0:12:50.400 --> 0:12:54.080 force a man to have to financially provide for a 0:12:54.200 --> 0:12:58.480 child that they may not want. What about those parents, 0:12:58.559 --> 0:13:01.320 those fathers that from the beginning said I don't want 0:13:01.320 --> 0:13:01.880 this child. 0:13:02.120 --> 0:13:03.280 Should they have to? 0:13:04.720 --> 0:13:06.600 I don't know, that's a really good important question to 0:13:06.640 --> 0:13:08.360 me because I wonder how do the men feel in 0:13:08.400 --> 0:13:10.720 that aspect when women say I want to have this 0:13:10.840 --> 0:13:13.640 child because I want it, but then now the man 0:13:13.720 --> 0:13:15.480 says I never wanted it. I told you from the 0:13:15.520 --> 0:13:18.000 beginning I didn't want to. So now they're being held 0:13:18.040 --> 0:13:21.560 responsible for this child. But at the same time, I 0:13:21.559 --> 0:13:24.200 don't know this. These topics get real complicated. I've seen 0:13:24.240 --> 0:13:26.040 so many things on social media and on Instagram to 0:13:26.040 --> 0:13:27.600 talk about it all the time, so I. 0:13:27.559 --> 0:13:29.600 Always wonder that part, and I also want to know. 0:13:29.600 --> 0:13:31.400 I would love to talk to a woman that is 0:13:31.440 --> 0:13:34.520 the mother who's paying child support, the mother that is 0:13:34.559 --> 0:13:36.520 the one that's paying child support to the man. I 0:13:36.520 --> 0:13:38.839 would love to know if there's any women out there 0:13:38.840 --> 0:13:40.960 there's been through it or that's going through it. I 0:13:41.080 --> 0:13:43.040 want to hear your set of the story. And my 0:13:43.120 --> 0:13:45.760 father never gave, you know, pay any child support. I 0:13:45.800 --> 0:13:48.520 would not, never, ever in the history of my life, 0:13:48.880 --> 0:13:51.400 put the father my children and child support. I'm not 0:13:51.440 --> 0:13:53.080 going to be that parent because I just feel like 0:13:53.360 --> 0:13:55.480 if it doesn't come from your heart, if you don't 0:13:55.520 --> 0:13:57.840 want to be that provider, if you choose not to 0:13:57.920 --> 0:14:01.240 do it, I will never pressure you into doing it, 0:14:01.480 --> 0:14:03.960 and then I'm also very prideful. I don't ever see 0:14:03.960 --> 0:14:06.240 myself doing that. But a lot of people are saying, oh, 0:14:06.240 --> 0:14:08.640 you're such a dumb ass. You really should Who cares 0:14:08.640 --> 0:14:11.280 you didn't do these kids by yourself? Is there responsibility too? 0:14:11.480 --> 0:14:13.200 How do you guys feel about it? Please let me 0:14:13.200 --> 0:14:15.880 know here in the comments. While also going back to 0:14:15.920 --> 0:14:18.520 the burnout, you know how parents burnt out and get 0:14:18.520 --> 0:14:20.720 exhausted and get tired. I mean, I know that you 0:14:20.760 --> 0:14:23.080 guys have heard about the work burnout, but now there's 0:14:23.120 --> 0:14:28.960 also parental burnout. Okay, the intense physical and mental exhaustion 0:14:29.520 --> 0:14:32.680 and feeling drained and tired all the time. As a parent, 0:14:33.040 --> 0:14:35.120 you know, there definitely has to be a balance for 0:14:35.160 --> 0:14:38.040 that because I know that children it's not their faults 0:14:38.040 --> 0:14:39.600 that you're exhausted and that you're tired. 0:14:39.640 --> 0:14:41.320 But in the world that we live. 0:14:41.160 --> 0:14:44.480 In, where you're consistently working, where there's so much pressure 0:14:44.480 --> 0:14:47.680 from society and these high standards of what are the 0:14:47.760 --> 0:14:51.480 right parenting you know, skills and ways should be, is 0:14:51.680 --> 0:14:55.040 very very draining, and having children that don't understand the 0:14:55.120 --> 0:14:58.480 pressure of society because they're being children, it's a lot 0:14:58.920 --> 0:15:03.880 of pressure men to leave emotionally, physically, that all that 0:15:04.040 --> 0:15:04.640 on parents. 0:15:04.880 --> 0:15:05.960 I totally get it. 0:15:06.080 --> 0:15:07.640 I remember when I used to go home and my 0:15:07.720 --> 0:15:11.120 mom would be crying, you know, in the bathroom, and 0:15:11.160 --> 0:15:13.240 she would try to wipe off her face and act 0:15:13.280 --> 0:15:15.400 like it was all good because of the amount of 0:15:15.600 --> 0:15:17.520 pressure that she was going through. And as a child, 0:15:17.560 --> 0:15:19.280 you don't get it. You just want to have fun 0:15:19.600 --> 0:15:21.360 and why can't you buy me this? And why can't 0:15:21.400 --> 0:15:22.880 you do that? And why are you not going out 0:15:22.920 --> 0:15:24.200 with me? Why aren't we playing in the park? 0:15:24.240 --> 0:15:25.640 Why aren't why? Why? Why? 0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:25.840 Why? 0:15:25.880 --> 0:15:26.240 Why? Why? 0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:29.480 Now as an adult, I can understand and appreciate the 0:15:29.560 --> 0:15:32.080 sacrifice and how much hard work she had to put 0:15:32.080 --> 0:15:34.760 it in order to provide and be the best prayer 0:15:34.920 --> 0:15:35.320 she could be. 0:15:43.000 --> 0:15:44.800 We have so many parents that feel. 0:15:44.560 --> 0:15:46.920 That they're gonna get judged by their families and friends 0:15:47.200 --> 0:15:49.480 if they actually say that they're depressed from being a 0:15:49.520 --> 0:15:52.240 parent because of the pressure, because of the responsibility and 0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:55.280 many occasions, is your first time being a parent, you. 0:15:55.200 --> 0:15:58.600 Don't know your way around. It's a lot. 0:15:58.640 --> 0:16:00.560 And I always say, there's no guidebook on how to 0:16:00.600 --> 0:16:02.520 live your life. There's no guidebook on how to be 0:16:02.600 --> 0:16:05.720 a good parent. You just learn through experience and life, 0:16:06.080 --> 0:16:09.120 and depression really is a real thing. We see many 0:16:09.160 --> 0:16:12.760 occasions where there's parents that even commit suicide pitting alone in. 0:16:12.680 --> 0:16:15.880 This world of just pressure over all. You know, of judgment. 0:16:15.920 --> 0:16:18.440 Everybody is judging you consistently of everything that you do, 0:16:18.520 --> 0:16:19.800 and on top of that, you're trying to be a 0:16:19.840 --> 0:16:20.320 good parent. 0:16:20.360 --> 0:16:21.960 On top of that, you're being a single parent. 0:16:22.040 --> 0:16:25.440 On top of that, you're financially taking all the responsibility, 0:16:25.440 --> 0:16:27.480 and you're trying to be a happy parent so that 0:16:27.520 --> 0:16:30.280 your kid doesn't know what's going on. It's just so 0:16:30.520 --> 0:16:33.360 much that I feel it should be okay to normalize 0:16:33.400 --> 0:16:37.320 not being okay, It should be okay to normalize saying 0:16:37.320 --> 0:16:39.360 you know what, I need help, I need assistance. I 0:16:39.360 --> 0:16:41.080 don't know how to do this on my own. Like 0:16:41.440 --> 0:16:44.600 this is stressing me out, I can't sleep, I'm having anxiety. 0:16:44.640 --> 0:16:47.720 All those things are important to let it out so 0:16:47.760 --> 0:16:51.080 that you don't end up putting all that stress on 0:16:51.120 --> 0:16:54.280 your children, because they do receive that energy. As much 0:16:54.280 --> 0:16:56.240 as we may think that kids don't see that, kids 0:16:56.240 --> 0:16:58.760 don't know that. They don't they can't feel what's going on. 0:16:58.800 --> 0:17:01.000 They can feel the pressure, the tension in the air. 0:17:01.400 --> 0:17:03.720 So that's something that we also have to consider. We 0:17:03.720 --> 0:17:07.000 don't want to bring our traumas, our pain, our stress, 0:17:07.040 --> 0:17:09.760 our suffering into our children's lives. We don't want to 0:17:09.840 --> 0:17:12.280 raise them in that way because at the long run, 0:17:12.480 --> 0:17:15.400 it does affect them, you know, and especially when they're 0:17:15.400 --> 0:17:17.160 growing up, they're like a sponge. 0:17:17.520 --> 0:17:18.160 They take in. 0:17:18.280 --> 0:17:21.000 Everything that happens in their household, not only the way 0:17:21.040 --> 0:17:23.800 that it feels, but behaviors, the things that they see, 0:17:24.040 --> 0:17:27.639 the way that you speak. All those things affect feeling 0:17:27.680 --> 0:17:29.080 like you're not a good parent. 0:17:29.560 --> 0:17:33.080 It's one of the most common things in this society. 0:17:33.359 --> 0:17:36.240 Every day there's new rules, there's new things, there's new 0:17:36.280 --> 0:17:38.479 studies of what you should do, what you shouldn't do. 0:17:38.880 --> 0:17:41.280 I don't know the way that my mom raised me work, 0:17:41.560 --> 0:17:43.720 we had la chankle, that we had the time out. 0:17:43.840 --> 0:17:47.000 There were times where this Christmas, financially I can go 0:17:47.040 --> 0:17:48.920 ahead and buy I can't buy you all the things 0:17:48.960 --> 0:17:49.560 that you want me to. 0:17:49.720 --> 0:17:52.760 Not this year. This year we're struggling. Maybe next year. 0:17:53.040 --> 0:17:55.800 I think it's okay for parents to also, you know, 0:17:55.880 --> 0:18:01.240 be verbal about financial situations with their children, emotional situations. 0:18:01.280 --> 0:18:03.800 Mommy's not feeling good, Daddy's not feeling good. I think 0:18:03.800 --> 0:18:06.879 it's important to communicate at a very early age. Is 0:18:06.920 --> 0:18:10.560 important for kids to understand because once they step out 0:18:10.600 --> 0:18:13.000 into society, once they step out into the world, nobody 0:18:13.080 --> 0:18:15.800 is gonna be there to comfort them, to be like, oh, 0:18:15.840 --> 0:18:17.000 everything is gonna be okay. 0:18:17.680 --> 0:18:20.280 It's tough out here in this world. It's really really 0:18:20.320 --> 0:18:20.920 hard out here. 0:18:20.960 --> 0:18:23.280