WEBVTT - Lewis Howes ON: How to Physically Release Trauma & Why You Should Focus On Discipline Over Motivation to Succeed 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:03.000 There was a moment where I was feeling this pain 0:00:03.080 --> 0:00:04.880 in my chest kind of on and off, and I 0:00:04.920 --> 0:00:06.760 was telling you about this and other people. I was like, man, 0:00:06.800 --> 0:00:08.760 I just feel like this pain and like a clenching, 0:00:08.800 --> 0:00:10.399 like I can't like I don't know if something was 0:00:10.400 --> 0:00:12.760 holding me back. That was the fear. And I think 0:00:12.800 --> 0:00:15.800 when we can fully embrace it and say this might 0:00:15.840 --> 0:00:18.840 happen and I may not like it. But by stepping 0:00:18.840 --> 0:00:21.079 into the fear, I literally felt to ball a pain 0:00:21.160 --> 0:00:29.080 in my chest, unlock, and like disintegrate throughout my whole body. 0:00:31.560 --> 0:00:34.400 Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one 0:00:34.440 --> 0:00:37.240 health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every 0:00:37.240 --> 0:00:41.040 one of you that come back every week to become happier, healthier, 0:00:41.360 --> 0:00:44.320 and more healed. And I am so excited to be 0:00:44.360 --> 0:00:47.320 talking to you today. I can't believe it. My new 0:00:47.400 --> 0:00:51.360 book Eight Rules of Love is out and I cannot 0:00:51.479 --> 0:00:54.280 wait to share it with you. I am so so 0:00:54.360 --> 0:00:56.440 excited for you to read this book, for you to 0:00:56.520 --> 0:00:58.880 listen to this book. I read the audiobook. If you 0:00:58.920 --> 0:01:01.400 haven't got it all read, make sure you go to 0:01:01.520 --> 0:01:05.320 eight Rules of Love dot com. It's dedicated to anyone 0:01:05.440 --> 0:01:08.600 who's trying to find keep or let go of love. 0:01:08.880 --> 0:01:11.600 So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up, 0:01:11.680 --> 0:01:14.440 or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. 0:01:14.720 --> 0:01:16.759 And I'd love to invite you to come and see 0:01:16.800 --> 0:01:20.480 me for my global tour Love Rules. Go to Ja 0:01:20.640 --> 0:01:25.960 shettytour dot com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences, 0:01:26.200 --> 0:01:29.040 and more. I can't wait to see you this year now. 0:01:29.040 --> 0:01:32.520 Today's guest is a dear, dear friend of mine, and 0:01:32.680 --> 0:01:34.880 what I love about having him on the show is 0:01:34.920 --> 0:01:37.080 you love it. Whenever we do something together, we get 0:01:37.120 --> 0:01:40.080 incredible feedback. I get the most texts ever, I get 0:01:40.120 --> 0:01:42.000 so many dms from all of you because you love 0:01:42.040 --> 0:01:45.200 seeing us connect. Because he's someone who's happy to be 0:01:45.280 --> 0:01:47.880 vulnerable about his own challenges and journey. He's done that 0:01:47.920 --> 0:01:50.760 plenty times on this show, but today he's here to 0:01:50.800 --> 0:01:53.360 talk about something that he's been really thinking about and 0:01:53.480 --> 0:01:55.720 working on for the next five years. So I want 0:01:55.840 --> 0:01:59.600 all of you to show your support for this incredible human, 0:01:59.720 --> 0:02:02.920 but also this amazing book that he's written. I want 0:02:02.920 --> 0:02:05.720 everyone to go and order it right now. The link 0:02:05.800 --> 0:02:08.680 is in the notes and the captions. I'm talking about 0:02:08.720 --> 0:02:11.600 my dear friend Lewis House, who's a New York Times 0:02:11.760 --> 0:02:16.600 best selling author, keynote speaker, and industry leading show host 0:02:16.840 --> 0:02:19.840 of the School of Greatness podcasts, which is one of 0:02:19.880 --> 0:02:23.520 the top podcasts in the world with over five hundred 0:02:23.520 --> 0:02:26.960 million downloads. Lewis was recognized by the White House and 0:02:27.160 --> 0:02:30.760 President Obama as one of the top hundred entrepreneurs in 0:02:30.800 --> 0:02:35.000 the country under thirty and his new book is right here. 0:02:35.639 --> 0:02:39.240 It's called The Greatness Mindset. Unlock the power of your 0:02:39.280 --> 0:02:42.639 mind and live your best life today. This is the 0:02:42.639 --> 0:02:44.280 book that I want you to go and grab. Please, 0:02:44.280 --> 0:02:47.720 welcome to the show, my dear friend and brother, Lewis House. 0:02:48.960 --> 0:02:52.400 Good to see you, brother. This is exciting man. It's like, 0:02:52.760 --> 0:02:55.440 you know, this is five years in the making, like 0:02:55.520 --> 0:02:58.280 for you to you've had a podcast now for nearly 0:02:58.280 --> 0:03:00.880 ten years. I saw that in two weeks it'll be 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:04.680 my tenure Inniverse. That's insane. Congratulations, Like what a history, 0:03:04.680 --> 0:03:07.639 and thank you, legacy of service and like how many 0:03:07.639 --> 0:03:11.200 interviews now? Is that almost fourteen hundred episodes? That's insane, right, 0:03:11.320 --> 0:03:15.440 fourteen hundred episodes over ten years. Unbelievable legacy. You wrote 0:03:15.440 --> 0:03:18.440 your first book, The School of Greatness, your second book, 0:03:18.480 --> 0:03:21.440 Mask of Masculinity. On the release of that book was 0:03:21.440 --> 0:03:23.720 when we became friends. Yeah, the day it came out, 0:03:23.919 --> 0:03:28.000 I went on your show a Nasdak and Nada, Yeah, 0:03:28.080 --> 0:03:31.040 your city. I just started hearing about you maybe a 0:03:31.040 --> 0:03:33.120 few months before, and then you'd reached out and I 0:03:33.120 --> 0:03:34.480 saw a couple of your videos and I was like, 0:03:34.520 --> 0:03:37.000 I really like your style, and we met. I was like, 0:03:37.080 --> 0:03:39.200 let's just hang out all day. I know, it was amazing. 0:03:39.240 --> 0:03:41.080 I didn't expect that because I was doing Yes. So 0:03:41.160 --> 0:03:42.640 for anyone who doesn't know, I used to have a 0:03:42.640 --> 0:03:46.800 show on Nasdak Reads which was called Follow the Reader, 0:03:47.200 --> 0:03:49.120 and I would try and sit down with authors and 0:03:49.160 --> 0:03:51.200 talk to them, and I was thankful enough. That's where 0:03:51.200 --> 0:03:54.440 I met Ryan Holiday, and it's where I met a 0:03:54.480 --> 0:03:58.160 couple of other people in the space. And I'd reached 0:03:58.160 --> 0:04:00.560 out to you because I'd always loved your work. And 0:04:00.760 --> 0:04:03.080 usually an author would come in, you'd do the interview, 0:04:03.720 --> 0:04:06.000 you'd promote the book, and then they'd leave. And this 0:04:06.120 --> 0:04:07.480 was the day your book came out, and you were like, well, 0:04:07.480 --> 0:04:09.640 why don't we just spend the whole day together. We're 0:04:09.640 --> 0:04:11.440 in a coffee shop together, We're in the bonds of 0:04:11.480 --> 0:04:14.000 noboo together so far, and at the beginning of our friendship, 0:04:14.040 --> 0:04:16.400 it was amazing, man. And now we're here on another 0:04:16.400 --> 0:04:20.080 book launch day and five years to write a book, 0:04:20.120 --> 0:04:22.400 like five years to be thinking about a book, five 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:25.200 years to not it's so easy to just put for you, 0:04:25.240 --> 0:04:27.680 like with an amazing audience, amazing community, you could just 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:30.520 put out a book whenever you wanted to write. What 0:04:30.560 --> 0:04:32.440 were you working on? What were you thinking about? For 0:04:32.480 --> 0:04:35.080 five years? I wanted to do this after the Mask 0:04:35.120 --> 0:04:37.560 of Masculinity, and this was the thing that I was like, 0:04:37.640 --> 0:04:39.440 this is the thing that I wish I would have 0:04:39.440 --> 0:04:42.520 had when I was fifteen, twenty one, thirty five, the 0:04:42.600 --> 0:04:44.520 book and the content that I wish I could have 0:04:44.520 --> 0:04:47.320 had to understand the pain that I was going through. 0:04:47.400 --> 0:04:50.440 And now having been through a lot of different healing 0:04:50.520 --> 0:04:53.479 journeys and healing a lot of different wounds that I 0:04:53.480 --> 0:04:56.159 had from my past, I finally felt like I was 0:04:56.160 --> 0:04:59.520 at a place of peace where I could create abundantly 0:04:59.640 --> 0:05:01.880 as a I posed to forcing something. And when I 0:05:01.920 --> 0:05:04.360 wanted to start this five years ago, which I've been 0:05:04.440 --> 0:05:07.520 kind of researching and taking notes and having documents for 0:05:07.520 --> 0:05:10.719 a long time. In my interviews about this, I had 0:05:10.720 --> 0:05:14.440 the content, but I didn't feel like I was at 0:05:14.440 --> 0:05:17.000 a place where I felt like it was a good 0:05:17.200 --> 0:05:19.799 coach to myself. I felt like I was still critical 0:05:20.040 --> 0:05:22.480 of a lot of things and still beating myself up 0:05:22.520 --> 0:05:25.640 emotionally and mentally. And I didn't feel like I would 0:05:25.640 --> 0:05:28.960 be authentic and putting the content out until I was 0:05:29.400 --> 0:05:33.960 healing at a level of authenticity internally. So after two 0:05:34.000 --> 0:05:37.279 years ago, I felt like I finally kind of had 0:05:37.320 --> 0:05:40.360 a tipping point for a portion of my life that 0:05:40.400 --> 0:05:43.120 I was struggling and left my entire life. Ten years ago, 0:05:43.320 --> 0:05:46.400 I started opening up about healing sexual abuse and that 0:05:46.440 --> 0:05:48.760 type of trauma, and that set me on a journey 0:05:48.800 --> 0:05:51.400 of healing for the next five years many different things 0:05:51.400 --> 0:05:55.760 from my childhood, from parents, stuff, things like that, and 0:05:55.800 --> 0:05:59.400 it allowed me to evolve as a human, be more courageous, 0:05:59.440 --> 0:06:03.720 have moreicity, all that stuff, be less triggered, less reactional, 0:06:03.800 --> 0:06:07.839 all that stuff. But I still kept repeating certain patterns 0:06:07.839 --> 0:06:11.440 in relationships. And you've seen me in three different relationships 0:06:11.440 --> 0:06:14.159 now since I've met you, and you probably were able 0:06:14.200 --> 0:06:17.719 to witness a pattern from the previous two. It's so 0:06:17.800 --> 0:06:22.240 hard to see the things until it gets really, really bad. 0:06:22.279 --> 0:06:25.600 Sometimes when things are good and when things are not 0:06:25.680 --> 0:06:28.320 so good, it's hard to see it. It's not until 0:06:28.320 --> 0:06:32.000 it things get really challenging or some big breakdown when 0:06:32.000 --> 0:06:35.480 we start to wake up. And it was the last 0:06:35.480 --> 0:06:38.000 relationship where I was like, man, I keep repeating the 0:06:38.040 --> 0:06:41.279 patterns of something based on a wound. I keep choosing, 0:06:41.320 --> 0:06:45.560 I keep staying, I keep putting myself in these challenging 0:06:45.600 --> 0:06:48.240 situations that I don't feel like I need to. But 0:06:48.320 --> 0:06:51.360 I hadn't yet unlocked what that was, whether I was 0:06:51.400 --> 0:06:53.760 afraid to face it or just not aware of it yet. 0:06:53.839 --> 0:06:57.640 I hadn't fully embraced that healing journey. And so I 0:06:57.720 --> 0:07:02.600 started down a very intensive, you know, coaching therapy experience 0:07:03.000 --> 0:07:05.919 where I was doing five six seven hour weekend days 0:07:05.960 --> 0:07:09.520 on weekends every week, working with a coach to figure 0:07:09.520 --> 0:07:12.000 out what is holding me back? Why do I have 0:07:12.000 --> 0:07:13.840 this pain in my heart? Why do I feel like 0:07:13.840 --> 0:07:17.320 there's something like choking me on a consistent basis. Why 0:07:17.360 --> 0:07:19.440 do I feel like I can't catch my breath sometimes 0:07:20.000 --> 0:07:22.880 when on the outside I've got things going well for me, 0:07:22.960 --> 0:07:24.800 you know, it's like I'm able to accomplish things. I 0:07:24.800 --> 0:07:28.360 can create my goals and make them happen. I'm building 0:07:28.360 --> 0:07:31.400 a business, you know all these things. I'm functional in 0:07:31.480 --> 0:07:36.320 a high level, but internally I didn't have harmony. I 0:07:36.360 --> 0:07:38.360 was kind of at the stage and we would talk 0:07:38.400 --> 0:07:40.040 about it all the time. I was like, dude, why 0:07:40.040 --> 0:07:41.480 am I struggling it to so much? Why am I 0:07:41.480 --> 0:07:43.240 going through this? And I was kind of at a 0:07:43.240 --> 0:07:46.080 stage where I was just like, I've got to figure 0:07:46.080 --> 0:07:50.760 out this part of my life in intimate relationships because energetically, 0:07:50.800 --> 0:07:55.680 it's holding me back from friendships, family, creating, my work, 0:07:55.760 --> 0:07:59.320 my mission, my health. It's draining, it's pulling from me. 0:07:59.640 --> 0:08:02.000 And that's when I always loved being single, because when 0:08:02.040 --> 0:08:04.560 I was single, I felt free. But when I was 0:08:04.560 --> 0:08:07.800 an intimacy, I felt like I was trapped. So I 0:08:07.800 --> 0:08:11.600 had to go down the journey of really healing a 0:08:11.600 --> 0:08:15.000 lot of the different emotional wounds from childhood that put 0:08:15.040 --> 0:08:18.640 me in the programming of feeling trapped and feeling really 0:08:18.680 --> 0:08:21.840 like I had to abandon myself for someone to love me. 0:08:22.440 --> 0:08:26.520 And so I never truly loved my authentic self because 0:08:26.520 --> 0:08:28.640 I never felt like someone else would love me for 0:08:28.720 --> 0:08:31.640 who I truly was and truly accepted who I was. 0:08:32.480 --> 0:08:34.960 So that was just my personal journey. Where other people 0:08:35.040 --> 0:08:37.000 might struggle and trying to figure out how to get 0:08:37.000 --> 0:08:38.880 clear on their purpose or their mission, or how to 0:08:38.880 --> 0:08:41.800 make money or how to get in shape, that wasn't 0:08:41.840 --> 0:08:47.120 my problem. My challenge was intimacy, trusting myself and being 0:08:47.200 --> 0:08:52.920 one hundred percent authentic and courageous in intimacy and not 0:08:53.120 --> 0:08:56.080 changing who I was to please someone else. But the 0:08:56.240 --> 0:09:00.480 need to please others who I loved and who love 0:09:00.600 --> 0:09:03.640 me was a big wound and it cause a lot 0:09:03.679 --> 0:09:07.000 of pain. Yeah, it's I mean, it's so powerful you're 0:09:07.000 --> 0:09:10.080 hearing you say that, because I feel like it's not 0:09:10.160 --> 0:09:14.640 worth becoming someone you don't know to please someone you 0:09:14.679 --> 0:09:17.480 think you love one person. Yeah, you just become someone 0:09:17.520 --> 0:09:20.160 you don't recognize. You become someone who you don't know, 0:09:20.280 --> 0:09:23.880 you don't understand, just to hope that that person will 0:09:23.920 --> 0:09:27.000 see that person and accept you and accept you. And 0:09:27.160 --> 0:09:30.439 it's exhausting. It's exhausting. Yeah, you're always performing, you're playing 0:09:30.440 --> 0:09:35.040 a role, you're giving in, you're abandoning yourself. It's mentally, emotionally, 0:09:35.080 --> 0:09:38.040 physically draining. But what I love about all of that 0:09:38.840 --> 0:09:41.360 results in you being able to be creative, Like you'll 0:09:41.440 --> 0:09:45.760 start removing all those blocks internally, it results in a book, 0:09:46.360 --> 0:09:49.199 and a book, as we know, is like a lifetime's 0:09:49.200 --> 0:09:53.160 worth of work put into pages to help people find 0:09:53.200 --> 0:09:56.120 their greatness in their own lives. And I wanted to 0:09:56.160 --> 0:09:58.240 start with I definitely want to dive into certain elements 0:09:58.240 --> 0:09:59.520 of the book because I think what you do in 0:09:59.559 --> 0:10:03.000 this book so well as you remove blocks for people, 0:10:03.200 --> 0:10:05.360 Like I think the way you were just describing you 0:10:05.440 --> 0:10:09.560 having blocks in intimacy and relationships, I think we know this, 0:10:09.640 --> 0:10:11.840 and my community feels this, and I felt this in 0:10:11.880 --> 0:10:14.319 my life. There were blocks in what I believed was 0:10:14.360 --> 0:10:17.319 true of my potential, or blocks that I thought were 0:10:17.360 --> 0:10:21.120 true of what I could achieve within success, or blocks 0:10:21.160 --> 0:10:23.599 around how I felt about judgment and failure. And so 0:10:23.640 --> 0:10:25.079 I want to dive into all of that. Yeah, I 0:10:25.120 --> 0:10:27.800 remember the first year meeting you. Yeah, you were like, 0:10:28.160 --> 0:10:31.800 I don't think I could make you know, six figures 0:10:31.800 --> 0:10:34.040 a year. You know, You're kind of like, I don't 0:10:34.040 --> 0:10:37.360 even know if that's possible, or if I'm worthy of 0:10:37.400 --> 0:10:39.600 that or deserving of it, or if the work I'm 0:10:39.640 --> 0:10:42.240 doing I'm supposed to be making that you know, that 0:10:42.360 --> 0:10:44.600 much money? And that was kind of a block of 0:10:44.640 --> 0:10:47.280 yours for you don't know, well, probably a long time 0:10:47.320 --> 0:10:49.800 before then, but for a couple of years until you 0:10:49.840 --> 0:10:51.440 really were able to work your way through that. What 0:10:51.559 --> 0:10:53.280 was the thing inside of you that allowed you to 0:10:53.360 --> 0:10:58.120 unblock the financial fear that you had. It's exactly that, right, 0:10:58.160 --> 0:11:01.760 Like I had grown up up in a family where 0:11:01.800 --> 0:11:05.840 the language around money and the psychology around money was 0:11:06.400 --> 0:11:12.000 we have just enough. And generally people who have money 0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:15.320 have done something bad to get money, so it's been 0:11:15.360 --> 0:11:19.280 like negative ways, or like manipulative ways, or they must 0:11:19.320 --> 0:11:22.920 have done something shady in order to have wealth. And 0:11:23.000 --> 0:11:26.640 so people who are good don't have access to that 0:11:26.720 --> 0:11:30.280 kind of wealth because they're not shady people. And so 0:11:30.360 --> 0:11:32.360 I think when I grew up with that, I remember 0:11:32.440 --> 0:11:35.600 many days having zero in my bank account, you know, 0:11:35.760 --> 0:11:38.360 just living off of the last amount of money I 0:11:38.400 --> 0:11:40.199 had to pay off a bill or whatever it may 0:11:40.200 --> 0:11:43.040 have been. And I think what it really hit me 0:11:43.080 --> 0:11:45.559 as time went on, was I was having all this impact. 0:11:45.679 --> 0:11:47.720 Like at one point I still remember this, I had 0:11:47.720 --> 0:11:49.880 one hundred and fifty million views and I was four 0:11:49.880 --> 0:11:53.280 months away from being Bros. And I was just like, 0:11:53.400 --> 0:11:57.520 I can't make the stuff I care about anymore because 0:11:58.080 --> 0:12:00.959 I don't have money, like I can't. Videos cost money 0:12:00.960 --> 0:12:02.680 to make like this, I always say to people, like 0:12:03.000 --> 0:12:06.199 this podcast, this studio costs money to have, like it 0:12:06.200 --> 0:12:08.480 costs money to have teams. And you know, right now 0:12:08.520 --> 0:12:12.000 we have producers behind the scenes and editors and podcast 0:12:12.080 --> 0:12:14.600 leads and there's a whole team of people that make 0:12:14.679 --> 0:12:19.440 things possible. And when you're financially scarce, and I don't 0:12:19.440 --> 0:12:21.120 mean that in terms of how much money you have, 0:12:21.240 --> 0:12:24.840 but in your mind, when there's a scarcity around money 0:12:24.920 --> 0:12:29.360 or anything, scarcity around love, or scarcity around energy, or 0:12:29.400 --> 0:12:33.120 scarcity around health, yes, it just limits you. And so 0:12:33.240 --> 0:12:35.400 for me, what you just went through, I had to 0:12:35.480 --> 0:12:39.000 re whire my relationship with money. Yes, and we have 0:12:39.000 --> 0:12:40.880 a relationship with people. We have a relationship with money, 0:12:40.920 --> 0:12:42.720 We have relationship with our body, we have a relationship 0:12:42.720 --> 0:12:44.880 with our mind and exactly, and so to me, it 0:12:44.960 --> 0:12:47.280 was that I'm curious, then what was the I want 0:12:47.280 --> 0:12:50.400 to tell the stude. This is not your interview you 0:12:50.440 --> 0:12:54.360 always do. I want to tie it into bringing you 0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:56.559 back to meet it, but I want to tell the 0:12:56.600 --> 0:12:59.640 story of the exact moment when the block went away 0:12:59.640 --> 0:13:03.600 from me from having fear around being trapped in intimacy 0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:07.360 after a five month journey of like intensive therapy and 0:13:07.480 --> 0:13:09.400 what it did for me. I want to share that 0:13:09.440 --> 0:13:12.120 story in a moment, but I'm curious what was the moment. 0:13:12.280 --> 0:13:14.840 Was there a moment where something like you're unlocked in 0:13:14.880 --> 0:13:18.560 your heart, your body, your mind, your spirit, where you're like, oh, 0:13:18.640 --> 0:13:22.040 I'm deserving of money, I'm deserving of making more or 0:13:22.080 --> 0:13:24.560 having abundance or whatever it might have been, and being 0:13:24.720 --> 0:13:27.360 free of that feeling. Was there a moment for you? 0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:29.160 I mean, I think I'm still getting there as well. 0:13:29.200 --> 0:13:31.640 There's a part of it where you're always still rewiring, 0:13:31.679 --> 0:13:34.120 because when something so deep rooted, it kind of like 0:13:34.240 --> 0:13:37.840 never like just leaves. But I'd say that I got 0:13:37.880 --> 0:13:41.120 more comfortable with it. That's a great question. When was 0:13:41.160 --> 0:13:44.120 that moment? Was there a breakthrough? Was it a negotiation 0:13:44.280 --> 0:13:47.439 for a speaking gig where you're like, oh, I'm used 0:13:47.480 --> 0:13:49.480 only making this much, but let me ask for more, 0:13:49.760 --> 0:13:53.480 or something kind of unlocking inside of you. I actually 0:13:53.520 --> 0:13:56.319 think it was. And this I haven't talked about this before, 0:13:56.360 --> 0:13:58.640 but I think it's you know, and I'm sharing it 0:13:58.679 --> 0:14:01.120 because I'm with you, And the answer to your question, 0:14:01.679 --> 0:14:04.840 I think it was the first year that I could 0:14:06.320 --> 0:14:08.560 give over six figures to a charity that I loved. 0:14:09.320 --> 0:14:11.640 That's what it was. It was that feeling of and 0:14:12.320 --> 0:14:16.200 I knew that that charity would have died if it 0:14:16.240 --> 0:14:18.520 didn't have that much money. Interesting, and they were doing 0:14:18.559 --> 0:14:22.520 really meaningful work that I cared about. And I realized 0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:26.120 that I was like, oh wait a minute, And that's 0:14:26.120 --> 0:14:27.640 not like, oh look how great I am. I saved, 0:14:27.640 --> 0:14:30.400 That's not the point. The point was I could only 0:14:30.400 --> 0:14:31.880 do that, and I could only be a part of 0:14:31.920 --> 0:14:34.680 that because I'd rewired my mindset. So if I wanted 0:14:34.720 --> 0:14:36.880 to create meaning an impact in the work, and this 0:14:36.960 --> 0:14:39.080 is one way. There are plenty of other ways to 0:14:39.080 --> 0:14:41.800 give back through time and energy. But to me, I 0:14:41.880 --> 0:14:45.920 was like, oh, like, I can trust myself that if 0:14:45.960 --> 0:14:48.200 I have more, I will give more, and I want 0:14:48.240 --> 0:14:51.360 to trust myself that. You know, we always hear that quote. 0:14:51.400 --> 0:14:54.400 I don't know whether it's from Grant or from Jordan Belfort, 0:14:54.560 --> 0:14:57.400 but the idea of like money only makes you more 0:14:57.440 --> 0:15:00.920 of who you are exposed is more of who you are, 0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:04.800 and that idea that you're only going to become more 0:15:04.800 --> 0:15:06.360 it's going to put a spotlight. We were just talking 0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:09.680 about that yesterday, like the idea that you don't change, 0:15:10.120 --> 0:15:12.200 and I felt for me it was that was me 0:15:12.320 --> 0:15:15.360 trusting myself. And I think when you rewire it like 0:15:15.400 --> 0:15:18.080 you trust yourself what you were saying earlier, Like you 0:15:18.160 --> 0:15:19.840 get a trust of like, oh yeah, I will do 0:15:19.920 --> 0:15:22.360 good with this because that's why I'm at the core. 0:15:22.600 --> 0:15:25.760 That's powerful. But it sounds like it was a reflection process. 0:15:25.840 --> 0:15:27.800 It was you trying stuff. It was you being like 0:15:27.920 --> 0:15:30.840 consistent and practicing and still today, yeah, exactly, it never 0:15:30.880 --> 0:15:34.040 goes away yet. So what had happened for me, I 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:36.320 was kind of just like, I'm sick of feeling this pain, 0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:41.480 this stuckness, this breakdown pattern that I had continued to repeat, 0:15:41.520 --> 0:15:45.000 and that was fully responsible for in choosing certain relationships 0:15:45.000 --> 0:15:47.280 out of integrity and out of alignment of values and 0:15:47.320 --> 0:15:50.680 all these different things and then staying and I was 0:15:50.720 --> 0:15:52.680 finally like, Okay, I need to find a solution to 0:15:52.720 --> 0:15:56.520 this pain. And so I found a coach that does 0:15:56.560 --> 0:15:59.560 a lot of therapy and healing work, and I just said, 0:15:59.600 --> 0:16:02.160 I'm going to invest in six months, I'm going to 0:16:02.200 --> 0:16:04.560 pay an advance, and I'm going to commit to my 0:16:04.600 --> 0:16:07.160 intention of finding the solution and I'm going to do 0:16:07.160 --> 0:16:09.240 the work. And I think that step one is being 0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:11.600 like clear of your intention that you want to find 0:16:11.640 --> 0:16:15.200 a solution to whatever's causing you any type of pain 0:16:15.480 --> 0:16:19.320 or stuckness in an area of your life. Then I 0:16:19.360 --> 0:16:22.160 went all in on just being as real and authentic 0:16:22.200 --> 0:16:24.240 and vulnerable as possible. And I remember there was a 0:16:24.280 --> 0:16:27.600 weekend after about three and a half maybe four months, 0:16:28.560 --> 0:16:32.240 where I went away and I was not with my 0:16:32.360 --> 0:16:34.080 partner at the time, but I was with a different 0:16:34.120 --> 0:16:37.520 group of friends, and I felt free in this weekend 0:16:37.640 --> 0:16:40.400 and I felt seen and accepted for who I was. 0:16:41.080 --> 0:16:45.000 I felt celebrated for who I was, and I wasn't 0:16:45.000 --> 0:16:47.720 really feeling that in the relationship. And I remember being like, man, 0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:49.800 this is the type of life I want to experience 0:16:49.920 --> 0:16:53.800 consistently where I can be myself authentically around the people 0:16:53.840 --> 0:16:57.080 I care about and I'm accepted. But I wasn't feeling 0:16:57.120 --> 0:17:01.400 accepted in this relationship. It's because I was willing to 0:17:01.440 --> 0:17:04.840 abandon myself over and over to try to create peace. 0:17:04.920 --> 0:17:07.879 I was trying to buy peace, and you can't buy peace. 0:17:08.160 --> 0:17:10.280 You've got to own it. You've got to become it. 0:17:11.200 --> 0:17:16.040 And my coach, after many, many months of this and 0:17:16.240 --> 0:17:18.520 kind of unpacking a lot of different things and doing 0:17:18.560 --> 0:17:20.920 exercises with her and reflection and all these different things. 0:17:21.160 --> 0:17:24.200 There was a moment where I was feeling this pain 0:17:24.240 --> 0:17:26.040 in my chest kind of on and off, and I 0:17:26.080 --> 0:17:27.919 was telling you about this and other people. I was like, man, 0:17:27.960 --> 0:17:29.800 I just feel like this pain and I feel like 0:17:29.800 --> 0:17:31.719 a clenching, like I can't like I don't know if 0:17:31.760 --> 0:17:36.959 something was holding me back. And she said something that 0:17:37.200 --> 0:17:41.240 finally clicked. She was like, Lewis, you're not trapped. You're free. 0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:43.840 You can walk away at any time. You're not stuck 0:17:43.880 --> 0:17:47.280 in this relationship specifically now, you're not engaged, you're not married, 0:17:47.280 --> 0:17:49.760 you got to kids, but you are free. You can 0:17:49.840 --> 0:17:51.960 choose to walk away at any time. And I always 0:17:52.040 --> 0:17:53.960 was afraid of walking away because I didn't want to 0:17:54.040 --> 0:17:56.679 hurt one person and I didn't want that one person 0:17:56.720 --> 0:17:59.080 that I cared about to not love me, to not 0:17:59.200 --> 0:18:01.720 like me, to hate me, to whatever that was the fear. 0:18:02.160 --> 0:18:04.800 And I think when we can fully embrace it and 0:18:04.840 --> 0:18:08.560 say this might happen and I may not like it, 0:18:08.680 --> 0:18:11.440 but if that's the price I need to pay to 0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:15.000 create peace in my life by stepping into the fear 0:18:15.440 --> 0:18:19.080 by owning the fear, by accepting that it will happen. Potentially, 0:18:20.320 --> 0:18:22.080 something happened in that moment. I can't remember if I 0:18:22.160 --> 0:18:23.800 told you the story, but it was like I literally 0:18:23.800 --> 0:18:26.600 felt to ball of pain in my chest, kind of 0:18:26.960 --> 0:18:30.160 unlocked and like disintegrate throughout my whole body. I've never 0:18:30.200 --> 0:18:33.199 felt this sensation before, and from that moment on, I 0:18:33.240 --> 0:18:35.119 was really kind of like weirded out. When I was 0:18:35.160 --> 0:18:38.520 talking to the therapist, I was like, something just happened, 0:18:38.560 --> 0:18:41.000 because I was like, something just happened. It was kind 0:18:41.000 --> 0:18:46.400 of like months of practice, months of reflections of these 0:18:46.440 --> 0:18:50.440 exercises and working with this coaching, taking action and trying 0:18:50.480 --> 0:18:53.240 to integrate the lessons, and then finally like unlocked in 0:18:53.280 --> 0:18:56.480 a moment. It was a lifetime of practice, but a 0:18:56.520 --> 0:19:02.240 moment that unlocked. And I haven't out that pain or 0:19:03.160 --> 0:19:06.560 fear of being trapped or being stuck, or being not 0:19:06.840 --> 0:19:10.000 enough or needing to abandon myself to please anyone else 0:19:10.280 --> 0:19:12.679 since then. It doesn't mean I haven't had some like 0:19:13.240 --> 0:19:16.640 you know, challengers are stressful moments, but I haven't had that, 0:19:17.359 --> 0:19:20.000 and I'm so aware of it because I keep practicing 0:19:20.000 --> 0:19:22.919 and integrating the healing journey. I think that's been the 0:19:23.000 --> 0:19:26.880 key for me, is the ongoing integration of healing so 0:19:26.920 --> 0:19:31.800 that I can keep expanding feeling happier, healthier and healed 0:19:31.840 --> 0:19:33.959 like you talk about for this show, and I think 0:19:34.000 --> 0:19:36.880 that's what everyone wants to feel happier, to feel healthier, 0:19:37.000 --> 0:19:40.080 and feel like they're on the healing journey. Yeah, I 0:19:40.119 --> 0:19:42.080 mean hearing you say that. You know, as your friend, 0:19:42.640 --> 0:19:44.560 I know how much time and energy you put into 0:19:44.560 --> 0:19:47.240 working on yourself. Man. I know that any conversation we 0:19:47.320 --> 0:19:48.879 have turns into a Q and A with both of 0:19:48.960 --> 0:19:51.840 us going back and forth. Right. I know any conversation 0:19:51.880 --> 0:19:53.960 we have you will be talking about what work you're doing, 0:19:54.000 --> 0:19:56.840 and who you're working with, and who's in our teams 0:19:56.880 --> 0:19:59.840 to help us do that work. I'm talking about personal life. 0:20:00.440 --> 0:20:03.360 What is the difference then, because I want to get 0:20:03.400 --> 0:20:06.879 into the greatness mindset, because you are teaching people how 0:20:06.920 --> 0:20:09.000 to unlock the power of their mind and live their 0:20:09.040 --> 0:20:12.840 best life today, which is what you've been doing professionally 0:20:12.880 --> 0:20:16.000 and now personally over the last few years. What is 0:20:16.040 --> 0:20:20.680 the difference between motivation and discipline? Because I find that 0:20:20.760 --> 0:20:22.480 a lot of the time people think like, oh, I'm 0:20:22.480 --> 0:20:25.320 so motivated by that. I'm so inspired by that. But 0:20:25.400 --> 0:20:28.679