Speaker 1: There was a moment where I was feeling this pain
Speaker 1: in my chest kind of on and off, and I
Speaker 1: was telling you about this and other people. I was like, man,
Speaker 1: I just feel like this pain and like a clenching,
Speaker 1: like I can't like I don't know if something was
Speaker 1: holding me back. That was the fear. And I think
Speaker 1: when we can fully embrace it and say this might
Speaker 1: happen and I may not like it. But by stepping
Speaker 1: into the fear, I literally felt to ball a pain
Speaker 1: in my chest, unlock, and like disintegrate throughout my whole body.
Speaker 1: Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one
Speaker 1: health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every
Speaker 1: one of you that come back every week to become happier, healthier,
Speaker 1: and more healed. And I am so excited to be
Speaker 1: talking to you today. I can't believe it. My new
Speaker 1: book Eight Rules of Love is out and I cannot
Speaker 1: wait to share it with you. I am so so
Speaker 1: excited for you to read this book, for you to
Speaker 1: listen to this book. I read the audiobook. If you
Speaker 1: haven't got it all read, make sure you go to
Speaker 1: eight Rules of Love dot com. It's dedicated to anyone
Speaker 1: who's trying to find keep or let go of love.
Speaker 1: So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up,
Speaker 1: or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book.
Speaker 1: And I'd love to invite you to come and see
Speaker 1: me for my global tour Love Rules. Go to Ja
Speaker 1: shettytour dot com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences,
Speaker 1: and more. I can't wait to see you this year now.
Speaker 1: Today's guest is a dear, dear friend of mine, and
Speaker 1: what I love about having him on the show is
Speaker 1: you love it. Whenever we do something together, we get
Speaker 1: incredible feedback. I get the most texts ever, I get
Speaker 1: so many dms from all of you because you love
Speaker 1: seeing us connect. Because he's someone who's happy to be
Speaker 1: vulnerable about his own challenges and journey. He's done that
Speaker 1: plenty times on this show, but today he's here to
Speaker 1: talk about something that he's been really thinking about and
Speaker 1: working on for the next five years. So I want
Speaker 1: all of you to show your support for this incredible human,
Speaker 1: but also this amazing book that he's written. I want
Speaker 1: everyone to go and order it right now. The link
Speaker 1: is in the notes and the captions. I'm talking about
Speaker 1: my dear friend Lewis House, who's a New York Times
Speaker 1: best selling author, keynote speaker, and industry leading show host
Speaker 1: of the School of Greatness podcasts, which is one of
Speaker 1: the top podcasts in the world with over five hundred
Speaker 1: million downloads. Lewis was recognized by the White House and
Speaker 1: President Obama as one of the top hundred entrepreneurs in
Speaker 1: the country under thirty and his new book is right here.
Speaker 1: It's called The Greatness Mindset. Unlock the power of your
Speaker 1: mind and live your best life today. This is the
Speaker 1: book that I want you to go and grab. Please,
Speaker 1: welcome to the show, my dear friend and brother, Lewis House.
Speaker 1: Good to see you, brother. This is exciting man. It's like,
Speaker 1: you know, this is five years in the making, like
Speaker 1: for you to you've had a podcast now for nearly
Speaker 1: ten years. I saw that in two weeks it'll be
Speaker 1: my tenure Inniverse. That's insane. Congratulations, Like what a history,
Speaker 1: and thank you, legacy of service and like how many
Speaker 1: interviews now? Is that almost fourteen hundred episodes? That's insane, right,
Speaker 1: fourteen hundred episodes over ten years. Unbelievable legacy. You wrote
Speaker 1: your first book, The School of Greatness, your second book,
Speaker 1: Mask of Masculinity. On the release of that book was
Speaker 1: when we became friends. Yeah, the day it came out,
Speaker 1: I went on your show a Nasdak and Nada, Yeah,
Speaker 1: your city. I just started hearing about you maybe a
Speaker 1: few months before, and then you'd reached out and I
Speaker 1: saw a couple of your videos and I was like,
Speaker 1: I really like your style, and we met. I was like,
Speaker 1: let's just hang out all day. I know, it was amazing.
Speaker 1: I didn't expect that because I was doing Yes. So
Speaker 1: for anyone who doesn't know, I used to have a
Speaker 1: show on Nasdak Reads which was called Follow the Reader,
Speaker 1: and I would try and sit down with authors and
Speaker 1: talk to them, and I was thankful enough. That's where
Speaker 1: I met Ryan Holiday, and it's where I met a
Speaker 1: couple of other people in the space. And I'd reached
Speaker 1: out to you because I'd always loved your work. And
Speaker 1: usually an author would come in, you'd do the interview,
Speaker 1: you'd promote the book, and then they'd leave. And this
Speaker 1: was the day your book came out, and you were like, well,
Speaker 1: why don't we just spend the whole day together. We're
Speaker 1: in a coffee shop together, We're in the bonds of
Speaker 1: noboo together so far, and at the beginning of our friendship,
Speaker 1: it was amazing, man. And now we're here on another
Speaker 1: book launch day and five years to write a book,
Speaker 1: like five years to be thinking about a book, five
Speaker 1: years to not it's so easy to just put for you,
Speaker 1: like with an amazing audience, amazing community, you could just
Speaker 1: put out a book whenever you wanted to write. What
Speaker 1: were you working on? What were you thinking about? For
Speaker 1: five years? I wanted to do this after the Mask
Speaker 1: of Masculinity, and this was the thing that I was like,
Speaker 1: this is the thing that I wish I would have
Speaker 1: had when I was fifteen, twenty one, thirty five, the
Speaker 1: book and the content that I wish I could have
Speaker 1: had to understand the pain that I was going through.
Speaker 1: And now having been through a lot of different healing
Speaker 1: journeys and healing a lot of different wounds that I
Speaker 1: had from my past, I finally felt like I was
Speaker 1: at a place of peace where I could create abundantly
Speaker 1: as a I posed to forcing something. And when I
Speaker 1: wanted to start this five years ago, which I've been
Speaker 1: kind of researching and taking notes and having documents for
Speaker 1: a long time. In my interviews about this, I had
Speaker 1: the content, but I didn't feel like I was at
Speaker 1: a place where I felt like it was a good
Speaker 1: coach to myself. I felt like I was still critical
Speaker 1: of a lot of things and still beating myself up
Speaker 1: emotionally and mentally. And I didn't feel like I would
Speaker 1: be authentic and putting the content out until I was
Speaker 1: healing at a level of authenticity internally. So after two
Speaker 1: years ago, I felt like I finally kind of had
Speaker 1: a tipping point for a portion of my life that
Speaker 1: I was struggling and left my entire life. Ten years ago,
Speaker 1: I started opening up about healing sexual abuse and that
Speaker 1: type of trauma, and that set me on a journey
Speaker 1: of healing for the next five years many different things
Speaker 1: from my childhood, from parents, stuff, things like that, and
Speaker 1: it allowed me to evolve as a human, be more courageous,
Speaker 1: have moreicity, all that stuff, be less triggered, less reactional,
Speaker 1: all that stuff. But I still kept repeating certain patterns
Speaker 1: in relationships. And you've seen me in three different relationships
Speaker 1: now since I've met you, and you probably were able
Speaker 1: to witness a pattern from the previous two. It's so
Speaker 1: hard to see the things until it gets really, really bad.
Speaker 1: Sometimes when things are good and when things are not
Speaker 1: so good, it's hard to see it. It's not until
Speaker 1: it things get really challenging or some big breakdown when
Speaker 1: we start to wake up. And it was the last
Speaker 1: relationship where I was like, man, I keep repeating the
Speaker 1: patterns of something based on a wound. I keep choosing,
Speaker 1: I keep staying, I keep putting myself in these challenging
Speaker 1: situations that I don't feel like I need to. But
Speaker 1: I hadn't yet unlocked what that was, whether I was
Speaker 1: afraid to face it or just not aware of it yet.
Speaker 1: I hadn't fully embraced that healing journey. And so I
Speaker 1: started down a very intensive, you know, coaching therapy experience
Speaker 1: where I was doing five six seven hour weekend days
Speaker 1: on weekends every week, working with a coach to figure
Speaker 1: out what is holding me back? Why do I have
Speaker 1: this pain in my heart? Why do I feel like
Speaker 1: there's something like choking me on a consistent basis. Why
Speaker 1: do I feel like I can't catch my breath sometimes
Speaker 1: when on the outside I've got things going well for me,
Speaker 1: you know, it's like I'm able to accomplish things. I
Speaker 1: can create my goals and make them happen. I'm building
Speaker 1: a business, you know all these things. I'm functional in
Speaker 1: a high level, but internally I didn't have harmony. I
Speaker 1: was kind of at the stage and we would talk
Speaker 1: about it all the time. I was like, dude, why
Speaker 1: am I struggling it to so much? Why am I
Speaker 1: going through this? And I was kind of at a
Speaker 1: stage where I was just like, I've got to figure
Speaker 1: out this part of my life in intimate relationships because energetically,
Speaker 1: it's holding me back from friendships, family, creating, my work,
Speaker 1: my mission, my health. It's draining, it's pulling from me.
Speaker 1: And that's when I always loved being single, because when
Speaker 1: I was single, I felt free. But when I was
Speaker 1: an intimacy, I felt like I was trapped. So I
Speaker 1: had to go down the journey of really healing a
Speaker 1: lot of the different emotional wounds from childhood that put
Speaker 1: me in the programming of feeling trapped and feeling really
Speaker 1: like I had to abandon myself for someone to love me.
Speaker 1: And so I never truly loved my authentic self because
Speaker 1: I never felt like someone else would love me for
Speaker 1: who I truly was and truly accepted who I was.
Speaker 1: So that was just my personal journey. Where other people
Speaker 1: might struggle and trying to figure out how to get
Speaker 1: clear on their purpose or their mission, or how to
Speaker 1: make money or how to get in shape, that wasn't
Speaker 1: my problem. My challenge was intimacy, trusting myself and being
Speaker 1: one hundred percent authentic and courageous in intimacy and not
Speaker 1: changing who I was to please someone else. But the
Speaker 1: need to please others who I loved and who love
Speaker 1: me was a big wound and it cause a lot
Speaker 1: of pain. Yeah, it's I mean, it's so powerful you're
Speaker 1: hearing you say that, because I feel like it's not
Speaker 1: worth becoming someone you don't know to please someone you
Speaker 1: think you love one person. Yeah, you just become someone
Speaker 1: you don't recognize. You become someone who you don't know,
Speaker 1: you don't understand, just to hope that that person will
Speaker 1: see that person and accept you and accept you. And
Speaker 1: it's exhausting. It's exhausting. Yeah, you're always performing, you're playing
Speaker 1: a role, you're giving in, you're abandoning yourself. It's mentally, emotionally,
Speaker 1: physically draining. But what I love about all of that
Speaker 1: results in you being able to be creative, Like you'll
Speaker 1: start removing all those blocks internally, it results in a book,
Speaker 1: and a book, as we know, is like a lifetime's
Speaker 1: worth of work put into pages to help people find
Speaker 1: their greatness in their own lives. And I wanted to
Speaker 1: start with I definitely want to dive into certain elements
Speaker 1: of the book because I think what you do in
Speaker 1: this book so well as you remove blocks for people,
Speaker 1: Like I think the way you were just describing you
Speaker 1: having blocks in intimacy and relationships, I think we know this,
Speaker 1: and my community feels this, and I felt this in
Speaker 1: my life. There were blocks in what I believed was
Speaker 1: true of my potential, or blocks that I thought were
Speaker 1: true of what I could achieve within success, or blocks
Speaker 1: around how I felt about judgment and failure. And so
Speaker 1: I want to dive into all of that. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: remember the first year meeting you. Yeah, you were like,
Speaker 1: I don't think I could make you know, six figures
Speaker 1: a year. You know, You're kind of like, I don't
Speaker 1: even know if that's possible, or if I'm worthy of
Speaker 1: that or deserving of it, or if the work I'm
Speaker 1: doing I'm supposed to be making that you know, that
Speaker 1: much money? And that was kind of a block of
Speaker 1: yours for you don't know, well, probably a long time
Speaker 1: before then, but for a couple of years until you
Speaker 1: really were able to work your way through that. What
Speaker 1: was the thing inside of you that allowed you to
Speaker 1: unblock the financial fear that you had. It's exactly that, right,
Speaker 1: Like I had grown up up in a family where
Speaker 1: the language around money and the psychology around money was
Speaker 1: we have just enough. And generally people who have money
Speaker 1: have done something bad to get money, so it's been
Speaker 1: like negative ways, or like manipulative ways, or they must
Speaker 1: have done something shady in order to have wealth. And
Speaker 1: so people who are good don't have access to that
Speaker 1: kind of wealth because they're not shady people. And so
Speaker 1: I think when I grew up with that, I remember
Speaker 1: many days having zero in my bank account, you know,
Speaker 1: just living off of the last amount of money I
Speaker 1: had to pay off a bill or whatever it may
Speaker 1: have been. And I think what it really hit me
Speaker 1: as time went on, was I was having all this impact.
Speaker 1: Like at one point I still remember this, I had
Speaker 1: one hundred and fifty million views and I was four
Speaker 1: months away from being Bros. And I was just like,
Speaker 1: I can't make the stuff I care about anymore because
Speaker 1: I don't have money, like I can't. Videos cost money
Speaker 1: to make like this, I always say to people, like
Speaker 1: this podcast, this studio costs money to have, like it
Speaker 1: costs money to have teams. And you know, right now
Speaker 1: we have producers behind the scenes and editors and podcast
Speaker 1: leads and there's a whole team of people that make
Speaker 1: things possible. And when you're financially scarce, and I don't
Speaker 1: mean that in terms of how much money you have,
Speaker 1: but in your mind, when there's a scarcity around money
Speaker 1: or anything, scarcity around love, or scarcity around energy, or
Speaker 1: scarcity around health, yes, it just limits you. And so
Speaker 1: for me, what you just went through, I had to
Speaker 1: re whire my relationship with money. Yes, and we have
Speaker 1: a relationship with people. We have a relationship with money,
Speaker 1: We have relationship with our body, we have a relationship
Speaker 1: with our mind and exactly, and so to me, it
Speaker 1: was that I'm curious, then what was the I want
Speaker 1: to tell the stude. This is not your interview you
Speaker 1: always do. I want to tie it into bringing you
Speaker 1: back to meet it, but I want to tell the
Speaker 1: story of the exact moment when the block went away
Speaker 1: from me from having fear around being trapped in intimacy
Speaker 1: after a five month journey of like intensive therapy and
Speaker 1: what it did for me. I want to share that
Speaker 1: story in a moment, but I'm curious what was the moment.
Speaker 1: Was there a moment where something like you're unlocked in
Speaker 1: your heart, your body, your mind, your spirit, where you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm deserving of money, I'm deserving of making more or
Speaker 1: having abundance or whatever it might have been, and being
Speaker 1: free of that feeling. Was there a moment for you?
Speaker 1: I mean, I think I'm still getting there as well.
Speaker 1: There's a part of it where you're always still rewiring,
Speaker 1: because when something so deep rooted, it kind of like
Speaker 1: never like just leaves. But I'd say that I got
Speaker 1: more comfortable with it. That's a great question. When was
Speaker 1: that moment? Was there a breakthrough? Was it a negotiation
Speaker 1: for a speaking gig where you're like, oh, I'm used
Speaker 1: only making this much, but let me ask for more,
Speaker 1: or something kind of unlocking inside of you. I actually
Speaker 1: think it was. And this I haven't talked about this before,
Speaker 1: but I think it's you know, and I'm sharing it
Speaker 1: because I'm with you, And the answer to your question,
Speaker 1: I think it was the first year that I could
Speaker 1: give over six figures to a charity that I loved.
Speaker 1: That's what it was. It was that feeling of and
Speaker 1: I knew that that charity would have died if it
Speaker 1: didn't have that much money. Interesting, and they were doing
Speaker 1: really meaningful work that I cared about. And I realized
Speaker 1: that I was like, oh wait a minute, And that's
Speaker 1: not like, oh look how great I am. I saved,
Speaker 1: That's not the point. The point was I could only
Speaker 1: do that, and I could only be a part of
Speaker 1: that because I'd rewired my mindset. So if I wanted
Speaker 1: to create meaning an impact in the work, and this
Speaker 1: is one way. There are plenty of other ways to
Speaker 1: give back through time and energy. But to me, I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, like, I can trust myself that if
Speaker 1: I have more, I will give more, and I want
Speaker 1: to trust myself that. You know, we always hear that quote.
Speaker 1: I don't know whether it's from Grant or from Jordan Belfort,
Speaker 1: but the idea of like money only makes you more
Speaker 1: of who you are exposed is more of who you are,
Speaker 1: and that idea that you're only going to become more
Speaker 1: it's going to put a spotlight. We were just talking
Speaker 1: about that yesterday, like the idea that you don't change,
Speaker 1: and I felt for me it was that was me
Speaker 1: trusting myself. And I think when you rewire it like
Speaker 1: you trust yourself what you were saying earlier, Like you
Speaker 1: get a trust of like, oh yeah, I will do
Speaker 1: good with this because that's why I'm at the core.
Speaker 1: That's powerful. But it sounds like it was a reflection process.
Speaker 1: It was you trying stuff. It was you being like
Speaker 1: consistent and practicing and still today, yeah, exactly, it never
Speaker 1: goes away yet. So what had happened for me, I
Speaker 1: was kind of just like, I'm sick of feeling this pain,
Speaker 1: this stuckness, this breakdown pattern that I had continued to repeat,
Speaker 1: and that was fully responsible for in choosing certain relationships
Speaker 1: out of integrity and out of alignment of values and
Speaker 1: all these different things and then staying and I was
Speaker 1: finally like, Okay, I need to find a solution to
Speaker 1: this pain. And so I found a coach that does
Speaker 1: a lot of therapy and healing work, and I just said,
Speaker 1: I'm going to invest in six months, I'm going to
Speaker 1: pay an advance, and I'm going to commit to my
Speaker 1: intention of finding the solution and I'm going to do
Speaker 1: the work. And I think that step one is being
Speaker 1: like clear of your intention that you want to find
Speaker 1: a solution to whatever's causing you any type of pain
Speaker 1: or stuckness in an area of your life. Then I
Speaker 1: went all in on just being as real and authentic
Speaker 1: and vulnerable as possible. And I remember there was a
Speaker 1: weekend after about three and a half maybe four months,
Speaker 1: where I went away and I was not with my
Speaker 1: partner at the time, but I was with a different
Speaker 1: group of friends, and I felt free in this weekend
Speaker 1: and I felt seen and accepted for who I was.
Speaker 1: I felt celebrated for who I was, and I wasn't
Speaker 1: really feeling that in the relationship. And I remember being like, man,
Speaker 1: this is the type of life I want to experience
Speaker 1: consistently where I can be myself authentically around the people
Speaker 1: I care about and I'm accepted. But I wasn't feeling
Speaker 1: accepted in this relationship. It's because I was willing to
Speaker 1: abandon myself over and over to try to create peace.
Speaker 1: I was trying to buy peace, and you can't buy peace.
Speaker 1: You've got to own it. You've got to become it.
Speaker 1: And my coach, after many, many months of this and
Speaker 1: kind of unpacking a lot of different things and doing
Speaker 1: exercises with her and reflection and all these different things.
Speaker 1: There was a moment where I was feeling this pain
Speaker 1: in my chest kind of on and off, and I
Speaker 1: was telling you about this and other people. I was like, man,
Speaker 1: I just feel like this pain and I feel like
Speaker 1: a clenching, like I can't like I don't know if
Speaker 1: something was holding me back. And she said something that
Speaker 1: finally clicked. She was like, Lewis, you're not trapped. You're free.
Speaker 1: You can walk away at any time. You're not stuck
Speaker 1: in this relationship specifically now, you're not engaged, you're not married,
Speaker 1: you got to kids, but you are free. You can
Speaker 1: choose to walk away at any time. And I always
Speaker 1: was afraid of walking away because I didn't want to
Speaker 1: hurt one person and I didn't want that one person
Speaker 1: that I cared about to not love me, to not
Speaker 1: like me, to hate me, to whatever that was the fear.
Speaker 1: And I think when we can fully embrace it and
Speaker 1: say this might happen and I may not like it,
Speaker 1: but if that's the price I need to pay to
Speaker 1: create peace in my life by stepping into the fear
Speaker 1: by owning the fear, by accepting that it will happen. Potentially,
Speaker 1: something happened in that moment. I can't remember if I
Speaker 1: told you the story, but it was like I literally
Speaker 1: felt to ball of pain in my chest, kind of
Speaker 1: unlocked and like disintegrate throughout my whole body. I've never
Speaker 1: felt this sensation before, and from that moment on, I
Speaker 1: was really kind of like weirded out. When I was
Speaker 1: talking to the therapist, I was like, something just happened,
Speaker 1: because I was like, something just happened. It was kind
Speaker 1: of like months of practice, months of reflections of these
Speaker 1: exercises and working with this coaching, taking action and trying
Speaker 1: to integrate the lessons, and then finally like unlocked in
Speaker 1: a moment. It was a lifetime of practice, but a
Speaker 1: moment that unlocked. And I haven't out that pain or
Speaker 1: fear of being trapped or being stuck, or being not
Speaker 1: enough or needing to abandon myself to please anyone else
Speaker 1: since then. It doesn't mean I haven't had some like
Speaker 1: you know, challengers are stressful moments, but I haven't had that,
Speaker 1: and I'm so aware of it because I keep practicing
Speaker 1: and integrating the healing journey. I think that's been the
Speaker 1: key for me, is the ongoing integration of healing so
Speaker 1: that I can keep expanding feeling happier, healthier and healed
Speaker 1: like you talk about for this show, and I think
Speaker 1: that's what everyone wants to feel happier, to feel healthier,
Speaker 1: and feel like they're on the healing journey. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean hearing you say that. You know, as your friend,
Speaker 1: I know how much time and energy you put into
Speaker 1: working on yourself. Man. I know that any conversation we
Speaker 1: have turns into a Q and A with both of
Speaker 1: us going back and forth. Right. I know any conversation
Speaker 1: we have you will be talking about what work you're doing,
Speaker 1: and who you're working with, and who's in our teams
Speaker 1: to help us do that work. I'm talking about personal life.
Speaker 1: What is the difference then, because I want to get
Speaker 1: into the greatness mindset, because you are teaching people how
Speaker 1: to unlock the power of their mind and live their
Speaker 1: best life today, which is what you've been doing professionally
Speaker 1: and now personally over the last few years. What is
Speaker 1: the difference between motivation and discipline? Because I find that
Speaker 1: a lot of the time people think like, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: so motivated by that. I'm so inspired by that. But
Speaker 1: what you just explained is far more of a dedicated
Speaker 1: discipline to the self work the inner work. Talk to
Speaker 1: me about the difference between those two and where do
Speaker 1: we find them. I think motivation is for people that
Speaker 1: don't have a meaningful mission. Discipline is for people that
Speaker 1: are clear on their identity of who they want to
Speaker 1: become and the mission that they have that is meaningful
Speaker 1: for them, not only for them, but for those around them.
Speaker 1: And you know, when I was growing up. When I
Speaker 1: was growing up, I wanted to be successful. That was
Speaker 1: kind of the goal. And the mindset is, how can
Speaker 1: I become successful? How can I I can't watch my
Speaker 1: goals as an athlete, how can I be a pro athlete?
Speaker 1: How can I make money? How can I get you awards?
Speaker 1: And all these different things? For whatever reason, that's what
Speaker 1: I thought of as I wanted to be successful. When
Speaker 1: I turned thirty and started realizing how big of an
Speaker 1: ego I actually had and how selfish I actually was
Speaker 1: in life. That was a fun, loving guy, but my
Speaker 1: intentions were more for me to look good, for me
Speaker 1: to win, for me to be successful, for me, me me.
Speaker 1: This is one of the reasons why I love you
Speaker 1: so much because your mission is about service. I started
Speaker 1: to realize at thirty that success was selfish and greatness
Speaker 1: was really about service. Right. Greatness was not about just me.
Speaker 1: It was about having an intention of a dream that
Speaker 1: I might have, but including others in the dream. Where
Speaker 1: success is more about accomplishing goals and dreams for just
Speaker 1: you and not as much thinking about others. Maybe others
Speaker 1: are included, but the intentions really like how do I
Speaker 1: look good? How do I get this award and make
Speaker 1: this money and get this credibility. And that's why ten
Speaker 1: years ago I said, I have to completely shift my
Speaker 1: identity and it was an unwinding of like thirty years
Speaker 1: of programming. So I had to shift the identity from okay,
Speaker 1: and I love that. You always talk about collaboration over competition.
Speaker 1: I was all competition, right, And there's fun, there's healthy
Speaker 1: competition in like sports and things like that. But in
Speaker 1: the game of life, we've got to be collaborators. We've
Speaker 1: got to be thinking about we instead of me. If
Speaker 1: we want to go far, if we want to go fast,
Speaker 1: that quote you can what is the quote? If you
Speaker 1: want to go fast, go alone? If you want to
Speaker 1: go far, go together or something like that. And if
Speaker 1: you want to go fast, you can do it on
Speaker 1: your own quickly, but it won't take you far and
Speaker 1: you typically burn out. Motivation, I believe is for people
Speaker 1: that want only success. But discipline is when you shift
Speaker 1: your identity based on a meaningful mission. That's why I
Speaker 1: start the book with meaningful mission because all the great
Speaker 1: people that we've interviewed who have health, happiness, and are healed,
Speaker 1: I think that's greatness. They have a meaningful mission that's
Speaker 1: beyond them. They have something more and that is an
Speaker 1: identity that has non negotiables, or they're able to be
Speaker 1: disciplined because it's something bigger than them, whereas success by
Speaker 1: itself needs constant motivation. Right. I love that you just
Speaker 1: shifted that desire of like selfish goals or like self
Speaker 1: based goals to service, because that, for me, was the
Speaker 1: thing that switched when I met the Monk. Right. So
Speaker 1: I heard that at eighteen, and that was just to
Speaker 1: my eighteen year old mind, that was like what later? Wow,
Speaker 1: Like no one's ever said that to me before, And
Speaker 1: I would never have learned it if it wasn't for
Speaker 1: meeting the monk, and you're saying you learn at thirty
Speaker 1: or that's when you realize that after being successful to
Speaker 1: some degree that you'd achieved, then externally successful, internally suffering. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and no one wants to suffer, no one. It's interesting.
Speaker 1: I was just standing being a guy before this today,
Speaker 1: and I said, on a scale of one to ten
Speaker 1: of your inner peace and self love, scale, ten being
Speaker 1: you love yourself, you have a lot of inner peace,
Speaker 1: one being you hate yourself, no love. Where are you?
Speaker 1: He said, I'm a five? And I said, and this
Speaker 1: is a guy with a massive company, extremely fit, shredded
Speaker 1: like people around him, but internally a five. And it
Speaker 1: goes back to what you talked about. I love the intro,
Speaker 1: which is happy, healthy and healed, healing, which is I said,
Speaker 1: why do you think you're a five? And he said,
Speaker 1: I haven't dealt with the inner stuff. I've dealt with
Speaker 1: the mental side of discipline and structure and organization and
Speaker 1: working hard and grinding. But the emotional side of healing
Speaker 1: your heart, I believe, is the game. Yeah, it doesn't
Speaker 1: matter how shredded you are, how wealthy you are, how
Speaker 1: successful you are, how many cars you have, if your
Speaker 1: inner emotional state is suffering, you are losing. And when
Speaker 1: your inter emotional state is at peace and focused on service,
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be changing the world, but service
Speaker 1: to the people in your life. That's when you are successful.
Speaker 1: A lot of people that will say, well, Lewis, I
Speaker 1: don't have anything to serve with, So shouldn't I want
Speaker 1: success first and then I'll find service because I don't
Speaker 1: have my meaningful mission. I don't have any money, I
Speaker 1: don't have access, I don't have a platform. Shouldn't I
Speaker 1: aim to get a platform first and then serve through it?
Speaker 1: How do you think about that? I mean, you serve
Speaker 1: for many years before you got your platform, you know,
Speaker 1: and then you built your platform after really kind of
Speaker 1: figuring out who you were, your identity, after leaving the monkhood, right,
Speaker 1: you started to figure out what did you want? And
Speaker 1: I think there's a period of time, a season of
Speaker 1: life where we have to try a lot of different
Speaker 1: things and figure out what do we really love, what
Speaker 1: are our passions, where our talents lyeing with our power?
Speaker 1: And then what if the problem we're looking to solve.
Speaker 1: So it's the three piece and you can ask yourself
Speaker 1: the passion, the power that you have and the problem
Speaker 1: you're looking to solve. So I give a lot of
Speaker 1: prompts and questions in the book around the three piece
Speaker 1: where you kind of figure out your sweet spot of
Speaker 1: what could I be doing? So the passions are and
Speaker 1: a lot of people say that, I've heard a lot
Speaker 1: of people say, don't follow your passion. I don't agree
Speaker 1: with that. I think you should be thinking about what
Speaker 1: are you most curious about? What excites you? Whenever I
Speaker 1: ask people what are you most excited about in your
Speaker 1: life right now? You mostly see people like look up
Speaker 1: in the sky and they're like they take a deep
Speaker 1: breath and they get really excited and they're emotional about it.
Speaker 1: They're like joyful about it. You want to lean into
Speaker 1: that feeling and do those things and be in that
Speaker 1: playground of experiences. So I think you really want to
Speaker 1: be thinking about what is the things that I am
Speaker 1: most passionate about. And maybe it doesn't mean for a
Speaker 1: two to four year window of life you're gonna be
Speaker 1: able to work on it, but you can still be
Speaker 1: working towards it. So figuring out what interests you, what
Speaker 1: would you do if money was no object? What would
Speaker 1: you just love to wake up and do in general,
Speaker 1: and what excites you think about that. The second thing is,
Speaker 1: you know, when I was starting out, I didn't feel
Speaker 1: like I had any talents. So I can relate to
Speaker 1: a lot of people. When you left the monkhood, you
Speaker 1: were like, well, what is this transferable skill in? And
Speaker 1: you said you got rejected by like a hundred companies
Speaker 1: or something, and it's like, I didn't think I had
Speaker 1: transferable skills. You didn't think you had a lot of
Speaker 1: people probably don't think that way. And most people when
Speaker 1: they finish university or college, they don't use that degree
Speaker 1: five to ten years later. They're moving on to different
Speaker 1: things eventually. Right, So even if you got a degree
Speaker 1: in something, you probably won't use in five to ten
Speaker 1: years fully in that area. And so I think you
Speaker 1: got to figure out what are the how do I
Speaker 1: describe it? Kind of like invisible assets, right, the invisible
Speaker 1: assets that you have acquired throughout your entire life that
Speaker 1: maybe you're not even aware of. For me, an invisible
Speaker 1: asset was curiosity. It's not like I have this tangible
Speaker 1: currency that I can use to build an opportunity in
Speaker 1: my life, but it was an invisible currency, an invisible asset.
Speaker 1: I was so curious about other people. Another invisible asset.
Speaker 1: I was a pretty joyful human being. And anytime I
Speaker 1: entered a room and everyone was always older than me
Speaker 1: and more talented and more successful, I just said, I'm
Speaker 1: going to bring so much joy and curiosity. That doesn't
Speaker 1: seem like a transferable skill. People would be like they
Speaker 1: just wanted to help me, and I was just twenty
Speaker 1: four year old punk. That was just like entering these
Speaker 1: networking events, in these social media conferences, in these rooms
Speaker 1: around all these kind of thought leaders and really people
Speaker 1: that I was like, Wow, they're like successful mentors of mine,
Speaker 1: and they're always like, hey, Lewis, once you come join
Speaker 1: us for dinner, Hey, that's pretty cool you're doing this.
Speaker 1: Let me help you here. And I brought curiosity and joy.
Speaker 1: I never talked about myself. I would just ask questions
Speaker 1: that I was fascinated by, and people loved to share
Speaker 1: these stories about themselves. That was a currency. That was
Speaker 1: an invisible asset that I brought to the table. So
Speaker 1: you gotta think about what are the powers that you
Speaker 1: have that maybe you don't think you have. And also
Speaker 1: I'm a big fan of figuring out where you are
Speaker 1: most powerless and creating a list of all your fears.
Speaker 1: I call it the fearless. Yeah, I want to get
Speaker 1: into that. Yes, this is the place where you feel
Speaker 1: the most powerless. So for me, at the time, I
Speaker 1: felt like my biggest fears and where I felt most
Speaker 1: powerless was standing in front of a room of peers.
Speaker 1: I could not stand up and speak in front of
Speaker 1: five people without stuttering, stumbling, sweat and just forgetting everything
Speaker 1: that I wanted to say. So I always felt insecure
Speaker 1: when I had to stand up and present it in
Speaker 1: front of people. And I always felt like, man, I'm
Speaker 1: just messing up and people are laughing at me, and
Speaker 1: I'm I'm not as smart as everyone else. I'm not
Speaker 1: as good as a presenter as everyone else. So I
Speaker 1: had this incredible crippling fear, and yet I knew one
Speaker 1: day I wanted to be able to impact people in
Speaker 1: some way, whether it was a career or something else.
Speaker 1: And so I found a mentor who was a professional speaker.
Speaker 1: I found a mentor with a model that I wanted
Speaker 1: to mimic. He was a professional speaker, and he said,
Speaker 1: you gotta overcome this fear. A way to do that
Speaker 1: is go to Toastmasters, a professional speaking class that you
Speaker 1: can go to, And he told me exactly what to do.
Speaker 1: I want you to go every week for a whole year.
Speaker 1: It's gonna suck the first few months. You're not gonna
Speaker 1: feel good. You're not gonna like it. It's gonna be embarrassing,
Speaker 1: and you're not going to feel good about yourself. But
Speaker 1: I'm telling you, if you do this every week for
Speaker 1: a year, you will create unbelievable things in your life.
Speaker 1: And it was true. Never in my wildest dreams where
Speaker 1: I think I get paid what I get paid to
Speaker 1: speak publicly. Now, So what was once something that made
Speaker 1: me feel so powerless, I made it a superpower. But
Speaker 1: the only way I could do that was finding someone
Speaker 1: or some model or mentor to give me some guidance
Speaker 1: or that I could mimic, and then taking action on
Speaker 1: the fear over and over again until I embraced it
Speaker 1: and became the Batman of public speaking. You know what
Speaker 1: I mean. It's like, you've got to whatever the fear
Speaker 1: is for your you, You've got to become batman in
Speaker 1: that experience. You've got to live in the dark. You've
Speaker 1: got to wear a batsuit, and embrace that fear one
Speaker 1: hundred percent until you can sit there peacefully for me
Speaker 1: on a stage in front of an audience, and that
Speaker 1: took years. You want to develop more superpowers in your
Speaker 1: tool belt. You want to lean into that. And I
Speaker 1: had a ton of fears and a lot of insecurities,
Speaker 1: so it took me many years to start practicing on
Speaker 1: this and overcoming it, and I still get to step
Speaker 1: in more of them. The work never ends. So that's
Speaker 1: the second thing. You've figured out what you're interested in,
Speaker 1: your passions, your powers, and overcoming your fears to make
Speaker 1: them superpowers. And the third one is figuring out what
Speaker 1: problem do you want to solve. This is something you
Speaker 1: talk about so much, and one of the reasons why
Speaker 1: I love your work, Jay, is because you're always asking
Speaker 1: people to think differently. You don't have to be the
Speaker 1: one who's the entrepreneur or creating the thing. There are
Speaker 1: so many great causes, teams, businesses and companies that have
Speaker 1: missions that you can be a great team player and
Speaker 1: use your passion and your power to support that problem.
Speaker 1: And I think that's what you've got to be looking for.
Speaker 1: And it may not it may not always come to
Speaker 1: you in your twenties early thirties, it may evolve. There
Speaker 1: are different seasons of life that you can use these
Speaker 1: passions and powers to solve problems, So you don't have
Speaker 1: to have it all figured out at twenty five or
Speaker 1: thirty one, and I'll just like, give yourself a break
Speaker 1: and keep enjoying life along the way. Yeah. I love
Speaker 1: the three pas, and I hope that everyone when you
Speaker 1: get the book, I want you to spend a really
Speaker 1: big chunk of time figuring out those three peas. And
Speaker 1: I think what you said it's true. I've heard that
Speaker 1: rhetoric two of don't follow your passion. It's a waste
Speaker 1: of time, it's bad advice. And I think what people
Speaker 1: get confused is your passion with doing what you like
Speaker 1: all the time every day. There are lots of things
Speaker 1: I have to do every day that I don't like,
Speaker 1: but they help me do what I'm passionate and exactly.
Speaker 1: And I think it gets confusing when people are like, well,
Speaker 1: do your passion means every day all the time, You'll
Speaker 1: just be doing what you love, And I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: that's not true, because I have to do plenty of
Speaker 1: things I don't love in order to do what I
Speaker 1: do love, And that's why you've got to use discipline.
Speaker 1: You know, you've got to use discipline to keep you
Speaker 1: organized and consistent on certain things that maybe aren't is fun,
Speaker 1: but all have to sit around and play games all day,
Speaker 1: you know. But it takes discipline to see a meaningful
Speaker 1: mission mission come to fruition. And I think that's the
Speaker 1: key when you get clear. A lot of people that
Speaker 1: aren't clear on their meaningful mission for this season of life.
Speaker 1: They're confused, they get depressed, they have stress, they have overwhelmed,
Speaker 1: they feel lost, they feel frustrated, they feel like something's off,
Speaker 1: and it's because you're not clear on the meaningful mission
Speaker 1: for this season of life. And so that's why it's
Speaker 1: just so important to get clear on what you want
Speaker 1: and how you want to include others in this season. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I love how you keep saying season of life
Speaker 1: because it's not like you've got to find your meaningful
Speaker 1: mission and the rest of your entire life. And I
Speaker 1: think that is too much pressure. For how long is
Speaker 1: a season? How long? How much time do you think that?
Speaker 1: I mean, there's different types of seasons, and I look
Speaker 1: at it a sports in sports in a year and
Speaker 1: a year. There's four seasons in the year of fall, summer, spring, winter.
Speaker 1: In sports, there is a pret season, a season, post season,
Speaker 1: and the playoffs. Right, there's kind of these four seasonal moments,
Speaker 1: and there's always time to reflect on. Okay, I did
Speaker 1: this thing for nine months or a year? Do I
Speaker 1: still want to keep doing this thing? Right? Take time
Speaker 1: to reflect? You take a month off every year to
Speaker 1: reflect what works, and you relaxed. Sometimes we're so in
Speaker 1: it all the time that we don't have the moment
Speaker 1: to reflect on. Do I still am I still excited
Speaker 1: about this? Is it still what I want to do?
Speaker 1: Do I feel like there's a new season coming for me?
Speaker 1: Like I am I shedding something and stepping into something
Speaker 1: that I'm ready for now, Just like this book, it
Speaker 1: wasn't the right season five years ago. I didn't feel
Speaker 1: like I was had figured out what I needed to
Speaker 1: figure it out internally to be authentically sharing the messages
Speaker 1: that I have now, And I felt like I would
Speaker 1: have been a fake if it came out years ago.
Speaker 1: I knew the concepts, but I didn't know it inside
Speaker 1: of me. How did you know? Like that's a great point, right, Look,
Speaker 1: I feel like there's a lot of people listening. They
Speaker 1: want to launch a podcast, they want to write a book,
Speaker 1: they want to build a new idea inside their company,
Speaker 1: they want to take a new idea to their boss.
Speaker 1: They want to they want to start something fresh or
Speaker 1: new in their area, they want to start a charity, right,
Speaker 1: whatever it may be. And I think there's always that
Speaker 1: period of not feeling ready and then doing it. And
Speaker 1: I feel like that's the part where most people are
Speaker 1: stuck were like in their head. If you talk to them,
Speaker 1: and I'll talk to lots of people, they kind of
Speaker 1: know what the logo looks like, and they're kind of
Speaker 1: thinking about the website, or they kind of put a
Speaker 1: bit of the presentation for their boss together and they're
Speaker 1: thinking about it. But what's the difference or what is
Speaker 1: the right way to go about feeling ready or getting
Speaker 1: ready even when you don't feel it right, like because
Speaker 1: you didn't want to wait ten years exactly, but you
Speaker 1: didn't want to wait five days, right like? How did Yeah?
Speaker 1: And obviously there's a book, so it's a bigger thing.
Speaker 1: It takes more time. I think there's this concept that
Speaker 1: we've all heard that is like face it until what
Speaker 1: does it no, fake it till you make it right.
Speaker 1: That's the concept, fake it till you make it. It's
Speaker 1: what a lot of people here, and I really started
Speaker 1: to think about, I don't really like that, and I
Speaker 1: think it should be face it until you embrace it, right,
Speaker 1: or face it until you embody it. And so when
Speaker 1: we take the concept in the greatness mindset of okay,
Speaker 1: writing it down, writing down a list of your fears,
Speaker 1: your fearless, then you face the fear until you embody
Speaker 1: and overcome that fear. Until you embrace it, you embody
Speaker 1: it and it doesn't have power over you anymore. And really,
Speaker 1: for me, it's about having the perception of like it
Speaker 1: just kind of depends what you value in life. So
Speaker 1: many times for me, I think about how much I
Speaker 1: could die at any moment, you know, I think that
Speaker 1: my life could be over at any moment. Will I
Speaker 1: be proud of who I am if I didn't launch
Speaker 1: this thing that's been inside of me for a while.
Speaker 1: I knew on this I didn't have the fear of
Speaker 1: writing a book that wasn't a fear of mine. Where
Speaker 1: a lot of people they have a book idea for
Speaker 1: ten or twenty years and they just never launched the thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that wasn't my fear. My fear was being like inauthentic
Speaker 1: to who I was and being I don't know, is
Speaker 1: it a liar or just not feeling like, okay, something
Speaker 1: was off inside of me. I don't want to put
Speaker 1: something out there, and so I knew, Okay, I know
Speaker 1: this book is going to be my best work ever,
Speaker 1: but I don't feel like I'm the right messenger yet
Speaker 1: to put it out there. So what do I need
Speaker 1: to face until I can embrace the person I want
Speaker 1: to be to be able to put this out there?
Speaker 1: And that, to me was after two and a half
Speaker 1: years of researching this book and taking tons of notes
Speaker 1: and interviewing experts and me being me, checking in with
Speaker 1: me at the end of every year, being like, why
Speaker 1: am I still talking about wanting to write this book
Speaker 1: but not having the courage. That's when the therapy and
Speaker 1: the coaching sessions and die having deep into my wounds
Speaker 1: and the emotional traumas, I was like, I need to
Speaker 1: face this part of me that I'm still afraid of.
Speaker 1: That was the thing on my fear list that I
Speaker 1: had resisted for decades, and when I faced it and
Speaker 1: felt like, Wow, I'm actually able to feel healing. I'm
Speaker 1: actually able to feel calm around this situation in my life.
Speaker 1: In other areas I felt calm, but not this situation.
Speaker 1: I've actually been facing it consistently every week and doing
Speaker 1: the work emotionally, revealing myself and exercises and coaching and
Speaker 1: getting feedback and all that stuff. Then when I felt
Speaker 1: freedom internally, that's when I was able to create and launch. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a great insight. I think a lot of us
Speaker 1: are hoping that our fear will just go away, or
Speaker 1: like you said, we just try and fake it and
Speaker 1: then it doesn't feel right or it doesn't align with us.
Speaker 1: And really, what you're saying is you have to face
Speaker 1: the fear you have. There's no other way. It's not
Speaker 1: like a different route, there's on a different pathway, and
Speaker 1: you can't and you can't out analyze the fear. Yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: I understand the concept. You've got to experience it, yea.
Speaker 1: And horrified. Yeah it's horrified. Yeah, it's you know, it's
Speaker 1: something that held me back for decades, and it's what
Speaker 1: causes us as human beings to repeat the same patterns
Speaker 1: of familiarity. We get stuck in patterns that are familiar,
Speaker 1: even when we know it's not right. This is why
Speaker 1: you hear so many people, specifically women, who say, on
Speaker 1: my wedding day, I knew it wasn't right, Like I
Speaker 1: knew something was off. When like three or four or
Speaker 1: five years later they got divorced and you asked them,
Speaker 1: did you did you think every think something was off?
Speaker 1: They were, like, on my wedding day, I had a feeling,
Speaker 1: but I was afraid. I was afraid to let people down.
Speaker 1: Everyone was already there, the invitations were sent, we had
Speaker 1: already put the down, pose it down. I didn't want
Speaker 1: to ruffle feathers, and I thought, maybe we just try
Speaker 1: to make it work. A lot of us have that
Speaker 1: fear of letting others down, and that's the thing that
Speaker 1: holds a lot of people back. Yeah, and I love
Speaker 1: it in the book because you break down the four
Speaker 1: fears that we all experienced. I want to go. I
Speaker 1: want to just give people three main fears, sorry, three
Speaker 1: main fears, yes, yeah, failure, success, judgments, sorry, three main fears.
Speaker 1: I want I want to just touch on them because
Speaker 1: I think that these top three fears are really well
Speaker 1: articulated and I've experienced all of them, so I want
Speaker 1: to reflect on them myself too. So I remember when
Speaker 1: I was thinking about like you said, so I've been
Speaker 1: doing what I do today. I've been doing it now
Speaker 1: for seventeen years, seven years online, ten years offline. And
Speaker 1: the ten years that it was offline, there were no followers,
Speaker 1: there was no courses, there was no business aspect to it.
Speaker 1: It was just service and it was me learning and
Speaker 1: me sharing my passion with five to ten people that
Speaker 1: would show up or fifty people out shot. And when
Speaker 1: I finally realized that I wanted it to reach more people,
Speaker 1: and that was a internal calling I had that I
Speaker 1: didn't want to live in a world where only five
Speaker 1: to ten people had access to these ideas, because these
Speaker 1: ideas changed my life. And I felt, wait a minute,
Speaker 1: I met a monk. That's a very specific experience. Not
Speaker 1: everyone's going to go through something like that, So how
Speaker 1: do we speed that experience up for more people. I
Speaker 1: was scared of failure because I was looking at Why
Speaker 1: were you scared of failure? Because I was looking at
Speaker 1: social media and I was looking at content, and I
Speaker 1: was looking at things people were doing, and I was
Speaker 1: scared about what my friends would say, yes, I was
Speaker 1: scared about me uploading something in not getting views, it
Speaker 1: getting criticism, or getting like people in the comment section
Speaker 1: saying oh this is trash or whatever. And I was
Speaker 1: scared of failure. I was scared of no one's going
Speaker 1: to care, no one's gonna watch, and it doesn't and
Speaker 1: it's not going to matter. And that probably lasted as
Speaker 1: I was researching, learning and thinking for two years where
Speaker 1: I felt like that before I actually wanted to but
Speaker 1: you didn't do it exactly to do in my head.
Speaker 1: And often at those times, I find that's when you
Speaker 1: start becoming critical too. So you're kind of looking at
Speaker 1: what everyone else is doing and you're finding holes in
Speaker 1: it because you think you could do it better, or
Speaker 1: you know, you get kind of like that and you
Speaker 1: realize that's not how you want to live either. And
Speaker 1: so I find often when we're the most inactive or stagnant,
Speaker 1: that's one we're the most critical person judgemental of others
Speaker 1: who are doing something d and trying their best. No
Speaker 1: authors are writing negative reviews on other authors books. It's
Speaker 1: just some people who have never written a book who's like,
Speaker 1: this was the worst book ever, Right, Yeah, and it's
Speaker 1: it's hard, and so I remember feeling that way, like
Speaker 1: where you know, I was starting to notice. I remember
Speaker 1: even years ago when when my friends were really into
Speaker 1: music and we'd be like laughing at the rapper on
Speaker 1: screen or like whoever it may be, and be like, oh,
Speaker 1: like he thinks he's got rhymes and we could do better,
Speaker 1: and it's but that guy's actually gone and done it right,
Speaker 1: that that person's doing it, And so yeah, talk to
Speaker 1: me about let's talk about that, because I think the
Speaker 1: fear of failure and I love the way you put
Speaker 1: it into failure, and we'll talk about success and judgment.
Speaker 1: Fear of failure is the number one thing that blocks
Speaker 1: us from trying. And that's depart right. It's not about
Speaker 1: stops us from succeeding. It stops us from trying. I
Speaker 1: was trying to figure out what is the thing that
Speaker 1: holds us back? What are these fears? And it was
Speaker 1: and it became clear to me that it was failure, success,
Speaker 1: and judgment. And I started I didn't understand failure and
Speaker 1: success personally, but I started to ask people and kind
Speaker 1: of brainstorm and workshop with people because for me, as
Speaker 1: an athlete growing up, I was conditioned that failure is
Speaker 1: a part of success. Yeah, that makes sense. So if
Speaker 1: I wanted success and the pathway there is failure. Like
Speaker 1: every day in practice, you fail, you make a mistake,
Speaker 1: you give the wrong pass, you turn the ball over,
Speaker 1: you drop the ball, you miss the shot. So I
Speaker 1: would watch Michael Jordan fail one hundred times a game
Speaker 1: but still win the game, you know, or whatever it is.
Speaker 1: You know, it's like miss a ton of shots and
Speaker 1: it was never like the worst thing. It was like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to fail in my sport. I want
Speaker 1: to be perfect in every play, but I know that
Speaker 1: this is the path towards success, and it's how I
Speaker 1: get feedback to get better. So failure was feedback. It
Speaker 1: was information telling me what I needed to do to improve.
Speaker 1: So I understand that concept success. I also did not
Speaker 1: understand why people who are afraid of success. But as
Speaker 1: I started touring and speaking and asking people who here
Speaker 1: is afraid of failure? Most of the room would raise
Speaker 1: their hand. At some point in their life they're afraid
Speaker 1: of failure. And I'd say, how many of you are
Speaker 1: afraid of success? Thinking everyone wants this, so almost half
Speaker 1: the room would also raise their hand. For success, and
Speaker 1: I go, but this is the thing people want. So
Speaker 1: if you want something you're afraid of, why would it
Speaker 1: come to you. Why would success come to you if
Speaker 1: you're afraid of it. Why would money come to you
Speaker 1: if you're afraid of it. Why would love come to
Speaker 1: you if you're afraid of it? So I never understood
Speaker 1: that concept, but as I started talk to people and realize, oh,
Speaker 1: actually I get it because the weight of gold can
Speaker 1: be so heavy for so many people. There's actually a
Speaker 1: documentary called Weight of Gold that is about Olympic gold
Speaker 1: medalists who go on to commit suicide afterwards, who go
Speaker 1: on to have extreme depression, mental health challenges, lose friendships,
Speaker 1: go bankrupt, all this stuff because the pressure wants you
Speaker 1: succeed to stay there, everyone expecting you to be a
Speaker 1: certain way, everyone expecting you to be perfect all the time,
Speaker 1: the perfect role model, and everyone expecting you now to
Speaker 1: have money to just give to your friends and family,
Speaker 1: and not knowing who really cares about you for you
Speaker 1: versus your success. And also it's just a weight that
Speaker 1: takes a lot of courage to be able to lean
Speaker 1: into and manage. And I think it's a skill set
Speaker 1: to understand and manage success. But that's something I always wanted,
Speaker 1: so I was like, bring it on, you know, I'll
Speaker 1: take it. The fear for me that it has been
Speaker 1: my kryptonite over the years was judgment and the need
Speaker 1: for other people to like me, and specifically the matters
Speaker 1: of the heart and intimacy. And that's why I kept
Speaker 1: repeating the pattern because I wasn't afraid to enter a relationship,
Speaker 1: you know, I wasn't afraid of that. I wasn't afraid
Speaker 1: of doing well. I wanted it to do well. But
Speaker 1: I kept abandoning myself to try to please one person
Speaker 1: to accept and love me. I was terrified of the
Speaker 1: judgment and that crippled me. It was a big, you know,
Speaker 1: kryptonite in my entire existence until a couple of years ago.
Speaker 1: And that's the thing. We've got to identify which one
Speaker 1: of these fears holds us back the most. And again
Speaker 1: in the book, I talk about kind of the process
Speaker 1: of uncovering and unpacking that so that if you can
Speaker 1: have clarity and awareness. You talk about awareness is the key.
Speaker 1: Once you are aware and clear, then you can create
Speaker 1: a game plan on how to embrace it, overcome it,
Speaker 1: and make that fear and insecurity a superpower, and I
Speaker 1: truly think we're just going to be have something often
Speaker 1: side of us. We're going to be unfulfilled, We're going
Speaker 1: to be frustrated, you know, disconnected, until we figure out
Speaker 1: what the fear is for us and figuring out how
Speaker 1: to fully accept ourselves. At the center of all three
Speaker 1: of these fears is I'm not enough. I am not
Speaker 1: lovable enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not good enough.
Speaker 1: I'm not talented enough. I'm not enough. And when we
Speaker 1: can finally get to a place where I say I
Speaker 1: am enough, I can go back to all the different
Speaker 1: periods of my life that I'm not proud of, that
Speaker 1: I'm ashamed of, that I'm insecure about, that, that I
Speaker 1: hurt people, that other people hurt me, that I haven't forgiven.
Speaker 1: If I can go back and reconnect with those broken
Speaker 1: elements of my mindset from the past and complete can
Speaker 1: create healing and wholeness, then I can accept and love
Speaker 1: myself today from where I'm at, And that's when everything changes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I can so relate to all of those as
Speaker 1: you're talking about them, Like I remember, after I had
Speaker 1: my first viral video, I didn't want to make anything.
Speaker 1: It is really because because you're scared of success, like
Speaker 1: you're scared of weren't you you get well, that's the point,
Speaker 1: right like it at one point it has to become
Speaker 1: about more than the successful failure, and that's where the
Speaker 1: meaningful mission it comes back to that, right, it always
Speaker 1: comes back to that. And I was talking about this
Speaker 1: with our friend and we talked about you two. It's
Speaker 1: so funny. I was talking to Stephen Bartler recently because
Speaker 1: I was in London, and we talked about you two
Speaker 1: because we're twing my relationships, and he was saying what
Speaker 1: he'd learned from you and the conversations you guys have had.
Speaker 1: And now I'm talking about him to you, but I was.
Speaker 1: I was talking to him about the idea of just
Speaker 1: like getting comfortable with the idea that at one point
Speaker 1: we all have to embrace insignificance and irrelevance in a
Speaker 1: public sense, but that in an internal sense, the meaningful
Speaker 1: mission was what was carrying you. So if you stop
Speaker 1: because people stop following, or if you start only when
Speaker 1: people are following, then there isn't a meaningful mission, because
Speaker 1: the meaningful mission is what you were doing whether people
Speaker 1: were following or not, because it's what you wanted to
Speaker 1: do and who you wanted to be. And so I
Speaker 1: think it comes back to that that if you only
Speaker 1: play when you're winning, and you stop when you're losing,
Speaker 1: or you don't pivot and learn a new way to serve,
Speaker 1: then there isn't a meaningful mission at the bedrock of it.
Speaker 1: And so I love that the meaningful mission is at
Speaker 1: the heart of everything because there will always be changes,
Speaker 1: like the platforms will change, the algorithms will change, people
Speaker 1: will come and go, people will come and go, and
Speaker 1: you see the people that have lasted the test of time,
Speaker 1: it's usually people who have a meaningful mission, as you're saying,
Speaker 1: who want to keep serving, keep giving. They feel they
Speaker 1: have that, yeah, and they're not worried about how famous
Speaker 1: or relevant they are, you know. And I think I
Speaker 1: loved your conversation with Kevin Hart about how like fame
Speaker 1: is like this ultimate drug and if it's not used
Speaker 1: wisely or managed properly, it will ruin you. And I think,
Speaker 1: you know, the idea of being relevant or having followers
Speaker 1: or views or something like that, if it's not managed properly,
Speaker 1: it will probably stress you out and overwhelm you and
Speaker 1: make you go a little crazy unless there's some foundation
Speaker 1: of hey, yes I want to impact more people, and
Speaker 1: yes I want this to do well, but the mission
Speaker 1: is to serve. And I remember when I wrote my
Speaker 1: last book specifically about you know, masculine vulnerability. I remember
Speaker 1: thinking to myself, this may not do that well. You know,
Speaker 1: at that time, in twenty eighteen or twenty seventeen, whenever
Speaker 1: that was, I was like, I don't know if men
Speaker 1: are ready to start talking about being vulnerable. It was
Speaker 1: kind of just like barely happening. Right now everyone is
Speaker 1: talking about that. Not everyone, but you see that a lot.
Speaker 1: But I remember being like, I could. I really don't
Speaker 1: care if this sells a million copies or one. If
Speaker 1: it sells one, and that man is impacted and he
Speaker 1: has a deeper relationship with himself where he heals, he
Speaker 1: has a deeper relationship with his wife or his partner
Speaker 1: and his family, he heals, and men some relationships and
Speaker 1: he finds more happiness, health, and he heals. Then I
Speaker 1: was like, it's worth it. It's worth the two years
Speaker 1: of research. It's worth all the pain that I went through,
Speaker 1: It's worth the fear of opening up about sexual abuse
Speaker 1: that I was afraid of years before that, because I
Speaker 1: want another guy to feel the same way. And so
Speaker 1: I think when we go into it with yes, we
Speaker 1: want things to do well. When we put effort and
Speaker 1: energy into launching a project, a business, accompany, your book,
Speaker 1: a podcast, of course you want things to go well.
Speaker 1: But if you have the meaningful mission is the bedrock
Speaker 1: where you're just like, it's about we, it's about us,
Speaker 1: it's about service. It's not about me getting more famous
Speaker 1: or building something of more followers. That's when I think
Speaker 1: it's more sustainable energetically. Yeah. Yeah, when when people are
Speaker 1: saying with that and we kind of skipped, not skipped
Speaker 1: over it, but we used it and move forward. Like
Speaker 1: I think when I use the word purpose, or when
Speaker 1: when you're using the word meaningful mission, it's like it
Speaker 1: can feel quite heavy for certain people because they're like,
Speaker 1: I don't care about it, Like there's nothing that I
Speaker 1: even care about that much, Like I don't know or
Speaker 1: I want to. I wish I cared about humanity or
Speaker 1: animals or whatever it may be that you care about.
Speaker 1: You got to know your season when I was broke
Speaker 1: on my sister's couch. I couldn't think beyond getting off
Speaker 1: the couch. So I was like, my meaningful mission is
Speaker 1: to make enough money to live on my own. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I remember that. I remember that. Yeah, paying rent and
Speaker 1: paying groceries, Like that's where I started. If that's your
Speaker 1: season of life, you got to focus on that, and
Speaker 1: you gotta focus on getting to a baseline where you
Speaker 1: can start thinking beyond yourself. But you're doing that with
Speaker 1: the hidden feeling like I want to do service right now,
Speaker 1: I just need to focus on this. That's It's kind
Speaker 1: of like I love that you said that, because that's
Speaker 1: what I've found too. It's like I never stopped wanting
Speaker 1: to do service. There were just moments in trying to
Speaker 1: do service with the immediate need. Well, it's kind of
Speaker 1: like saying, you have an apartment. There's a fire in
Speaker 1: the apartment, but you're trying to do your interior design right, like,
Speaker 1: or you want to have your friends over, Like no,
Speaker 1: but my apartments that my friends. It's like no, no, no no, no, Yeah,
Speaker 1: but like I want to serve with my house my
Speaker 1: friends over and it's like no, no no, no, just so
Speaker 1: the fire and then and then use it for that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it's uh, it's it's understanding where you're at.
Speaker 1: And that's why I said, like, listen, when I you've
Speaker 1: got to have a season of overcoming your fears as well.
Speaker 1: Like for a few years, I was just like, I'm
Speaker 1: so crippled by insecurity and fear that all my energy
Speaker 1: is going towards public speaking class. I'm doing SALCA lessons
Speaker 1: because this was a fear of mine and I want to.
Speaker 1: But I was like, there's so much and I was like,
Speaker 1: and I was in research mode. I know you love
Speaker 1: to read and research and teach. I was in just
Speaker 1: research mode for hours every day. I was researching, I
Speaker 1: was learning online, I was building relationships, and I was
Speaker 1: overcoming fears. That was the season while I was all
Speaker 1: my sister's couch for a year and a half trying
Speaker 1: to figure out who am I in this world? What
Speaker 1: is the point of all this? What is my identity
Speaker 1: now that I've lost my dream and my athletic dreams,
Speaker 1: What am I going to do the rest of my life?
Speaker 1: I was in a season of researching, of building relationships
Speaker 1: and overcoming fears. But still I was being in service
Speaker 1: to the people I was working with. I was bringing
Speaker 1: curiosity I was bringing joy. I was bringing moments of fun.
Speaker 1: And that's just as much service as it is feeding
Speaker 1: the homeless or changing the world or sharing cancer. It's
Speaker 1: a greatness is not about changing the world. It's about
Speaker 1: changing the world around you and changing the world within you,
Speaker 1: and being in that evolution of growth and transformation and saying,
Speaker 1: how can I continue to level up myself and the
Speaker 1: people around me. That might be three people, but if
Speaker 1: you're doing that, it's making a ripple on so many more,
Speaker 1: you know what, And you lived there, and that's what
Speaker 1: I love about it. There's a couple of things that
Speaker 1: I want to point out not and I want to
Speaker 1: ask you how you've done these things. Sometimes I was
Speaker 1: talking to I remember I went to lunch with Matthew Hussey,
Speaker 1: who's a dear friend of ours, and you know, you've
Speaker 1: been friends with him a lot longer, but you always
Speaker 1: told me i'd get along with him, and we do.
Speaker 1: And I went for lunch with him and you guys
Speaker 1: had just all been on Red Table Talk for an episode,
Speaker 1: and it was you and Stefan and Davonne Franklin and Matthew,
Speaker 1: and Matthew was saying that the whole time because there
Speaker 1: were so many of you, so many of you around
Speaker 1: the table. There were lots of questions, and it was
Speaker 1: like everyone obviously has so much value to add. Everyone
Speaker 1: on that table as has beautiful insights, but you were
Speaker 1: kind of like doing layups for everyone else. So it's
Speaker 1: like everyone was sharing their insights, but you were the
Speaker 1: guy who was like passing it to everyone on the thing.
Speaker 1: And you have loads of great insights too, but you
Speaker 1: were happy to play. And I just want to say
Speaker 1: that that's and that you know, that's you practice what
Speaker 1: you preach, and that you do that even when you
Speaker 1: have an opportunity to shine, you're happy to pass the
Speaker 1: ball like you're happy to pass the ball and go No,
Speaker 1: you slam dunk, you take the three point, you take
Speaker 1: that and people notice that, right, like the right people
Speaker 1: who are aware, they noticed that, and they recognize that, oh,
Speaker 1: this person actually is meaning what they're saying. And that
Speaker 1: was just a private lunch I was having with a
Speaker 1: mutual friend of ours. It wasn't like a show or anything,
Speaker 1: and I wanted to share that. But but the other
Speaker 1: part of what I see in you, you're so good
Speaker 1: and you talk about this in the book about enlisting support.
Speaker 1: You're so good at finding a coach, going to a class,
Speaker 1: getting a teacher, doing a course. I give that advice
Speaker 1: all the time, and I think we give that advice
Speaker 1: all the time. We're like, just start doing a course
Speaker 1: like this, right, and because it's real, because we've experienced
Speaker 1: in our own lives. Like by the way, I only
Speaker 1: I'm only a public speaker because my parents forced me
Speaker 1: to go to public speaking classes. So I've been to
Speaker 1: seven years of nine hours a week with exams of
Speaker 1: public speaking training from age eleven to age eighteen. So
Speaker 1: it's courses, right. It's like anything in the world is trained,
Speaker 1: is learned, is built. And I think we live in
Speaker 1: a world now where we think, oh that that's a
Speaker 1: god given talent or that you know or you don't
Speaker 1: have it. When you actually start to realize that, oh,
Speaker 1: the person you think that can dance, yeah they might
Speaker 1: have had some cool skills, you can not dance at all.
Speaker 1: But now, like when I see you, when I've seen
Speaker 1: video and stuff, I'm like, you're a great dancer, right,
Speaker 1: And I think people could say the same for speaking. Business.
Speaker 1: You've talked about like yeah, like so many things, So
Speaker 1: let's talk a bit about that, because I do think
Speaker 1: that education and training are the pathway to transformation and growth.
Speaker 1: Reading a book is that crossing the line. Like I
Speaker 1: was saying to someone yesterday that I have this habit
Speaker 1: where I look at what my block is every season,
Speaker 1: almost using your language, and I will go and find books,
Speaker 1: interviews and podcasts on that problem. And so I was
Speaker 1: in so many bookstores over Christmas because I love bookshops,
Speaker 1: and I was just walking around, and I would walk
Speaker 1: around just as like I was giving this example yesterday.
Speaker 1: I was like, if you're out of milk at home,
Speaker 1: you go to buy milk, right, You don't just go, oh,
Speaker 1: I'll just use washing up liquid instead, Right, But if
Speaker 1: you're out of discipline, what we do is go buy
Speaker 1: some discipline. Like what we do is we go, oh,
Speaker 1: i'll just watch Netflix there, right, And it doesn't solve
Speaker 1: the gap. Like if you're out of cyril at home,
Speaker 1: you don't just go, oh, I'll just eat like chips
Speaker 1: for breakfast. You go and buy cyril. And so I
Speaker 1: look at my life in that way like a grocery store,
Speaker 1: and I go, what is it that I need in
Speaker 1: my life? Okay? Maybe right now I need to become
Speaker 1: a better leader. Okay, maybe right now I need to
Speaker 1: become a better husband. Right now, I need to become
Speaker 1: a better interview or whatever it may be. And then
Speaker 1: I'll go and look for that. And it sounds like
Speaker 1: you do the same. How have you found the ability
Speaker 1: to a couple of things? The first thing is find
Speaker 1: good classes and coaches and mentors, because I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people struggle with knowing, like do I trust this?
Speaker 1: Do I not? Good question for people to ask. And
Speaker 1: second part is how do you commit and stay on
Speaker 1: top of it when naturally like it's easier to just
Speaker 1: sit at home and watch TV. Two things? Yeah, how
Speaker 1: do I commit and stay on top of it? I
Speaker 1: pay an advance Yeah right, that's a great way. I
Speaker 1: pay my nutrition and fitness coach in advance. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: pay my therapist and emotional coach a year in advance
Speaker 1: and we schedule it every two weeks for the year. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I've got money invested, I've got time and counter
Speaker 1: organized committed. Yeah. So it's not like I'll pay you
Speaker 1: every week. When I come, we'll see even the meeting
Speaker 1: gets set up. It's not one class at a time,
Speaker 1: it's a block of time in advance. It takes time,
Speaker 1: forced discipline. When you're invested in it, you pay more
Speaker 1: attention to it. As our friend Dean Graciosi says. He says,
Speaker 1: you pay attention to what you pay for right, and
Speaker 1: you'll pay more attention when you pay more money. Typically,
Speaker 1: I'm not saying you need to spend tons of money.
Speaker 1: A lot of things that I've gotten from free mentorship,
Speaker 1: whether it be people just giving me time, me learning
Speaker 1: from podcasts, books, videos, courses, things like that that we're
Speaker 1: free and available online. But I've always seen accelerated results
Speaker 1: when I invest in something. When I invest in someone
Speaker 1: something and I know I've got to do a period
Speaker 1: of time to complete it, that's number one. Number two,
Speaker 1: And how do I find them? How do you know
Speaker 1: who to trust to trust? I typically ask people that
Speaker 1: I respect, so I'll ask you, hey, do you know
Speaker 1: someone who can help me in this? So I trust
Speaker 1: and respect you. If you have a referral, then I'll
Speaker 1: probably trust that person, or at least i'll jump on
Speaker 1: a call. But otherwise it's you know, you can find
Speaker 1: a lot of people online and see what they're creating,
Speaker 1: how their energy is, their vibe and things like that,
Speaker 1: you can consume some of their information, you can see testimonials,
Speaker 1: you can check in with those testimonials or referrals. So
Speaker 1: I just kind of follow that process. And I'll always
Speaker 1: do like an intro session with someone if it's like coaching,
Speaker 1: to see like do we really connect before I commit
Speaker 1: a year at advance or three months in advance. So
Speaker 1: it's making sure that they've got results that I respect,
Speaker 1: and they've worked with people and helped them overcome challenges
Speaker 1: that I respect as well. Then it becomes more more
Speaker 1: of a thing that I trust driving into. And to
Speaker 1: go back to what you were saying just before that
Speaker 1: about kind of giving people layups and stuff. I wasn't
Speaker 1: like that until ten years ago. I mean, in some
Speaker 1: ways I was, but I wasn't. It wasn't until ten
Speaker 1: years ago when I had this kind of initial transformation
Speaker 1: of letting go of big parts of my ego where
Speaker 1: I said that I have to be extreme in a
Speaker 1: sense the other way because I was so competitive. I
Speaker 1: want to be right, I wanted to win. I wanted
Speaker 1: to be number one of everything I can imagine. I
Speaker 1: know you a competitive in sport obviously, right as an
Speaker 1: energy that's yeah, I didn't know you then. Maybe people
Speaker 1: didn't feel it, but internally that was driving me right
Speaker 1: in a lot of ways. And it was all based
Speaker 1: on a wound that I hadn't healed yet. Once I
Speaker 1: started to heal, I was like, oh wow, I've had
Speaker 1: this all wrong. Everything was win lose to me as
Speaker 1: opposed to win win. So ten years ago I actually
Speaker 1: learned the concept of win win for the first time,
Speaker 1: or at least I understood it for the first time.
Speaker 1: Maybe i'd heard it as a kid, but I didn't
Speaker 1: embody it until I was able to face that and
Speaker 1: wake up to it. And that's why I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm going to start this show. It's not going to
Speaker 1: be about me. It's going to shine the light on
Speaker 1: everyone else. I want to practice this, I want to
Speaker 1: overcome this consistently. And I was really inspired by Oprah
Speaker 1: where she just always shined the light on others right
Speaker 1: for twenty something years and she's talked about it before.
Speaker 1: It's like, when you shine the light, there's always a
Speaker 1: reflection of light back on you, and the more you
Speaker 1: do that for more people, over time, you become brighter
Speaker 1: in return. And it's not the goal to become brighter,
Speaker 1: necessarily for selfish reasons, but it naturally happens. You reflected
Speaker 1: the light back on you, and I think that's a
Speaker 1: beautiful thing. You know. It's something that you do so
Speaker 1: well by lifting others up. Is something that I try
Speaker 1: to do really well by lifting my friends up, like
Speaker 1: we did on Red Table Talk. When you know Jada
Speaker 1: is asking a question, I'm like, gosh, I know Stefan
Speaker 1: has the perfect answer for this because I've heard him
Speaker 1: say this three times. So I go, Stefan, you know
Speaker 1: what to say here. You know, when Matthew had a
Speaker 1: different perspective on something else, it's like, Matthew, man, you've
Speaker 1: said this amazing thing about this before. Can you share
Speaker 1: what this is? Devon, I've heard you say this, so
Speaker 1: you know. I learned this early on because I didn't
Speaker 1: feel like I had the answers or I was smart
Speaker 1: in my early twenties, so I wouldn't speak a lot
Speaker 1: from my perspective. I would just ask curious questions, and
Speaker 1: after a couple hours of meeting with someone I never
Speaker 1: really spoke about me, I would just ask about them.
Speaker 1: At the end of the conversation, they were like, man,
Speaker 1: you're the most interesting person I've ever met, And I
Speaker 1: was like, I didn't share anything about my life. I
Speaker 1: just ask you questions. But people want to feel that
Speaker 1: you're curious and interested in them, and then they'll think
Speaker 1: you're extremely interesting. Yeah, yeah, that's yeah. And I feel
Speaker 1: like it's also just something that you you also naturally listen,
Speaker 1: and I think that you know, I think a lot
Speaker 1: of these things are often used as techniques and they
Speaker 1: don't come across as genuine because you if you ask
Speaker 1: a question, you actually have to listen, and then you
Speaker 1: actually have to remember, and then you ask a follow
Speaker 1: up question. And I think sometimes you can tell when
Speaker 1: it's disingenuous, or you can feed it from my love
Speaker 1: like omnipotive or something. Yeah, when you feel like it's
Speaker 1: a technique where someone's coming at it, like you know
Speaker 1: whenever you know, people used to give the advice of
Speaker 1: like I'll reach out and do something for free for someone,
Speaker 1: and then someone would do that for you. But then
Speaker 1: they come back with like this, and then you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I wait a minute, I thought you were doing this
Speaker 1: for freeing it for free, and you start realizing just
Speaker 1: like it has to be done so genuinely and people
Speaker 1: will respond to that. I had a you know, I
Speaker 1: had a rule that and I still have it too,
Speaker 1: Like I never took pictures with celebrities unless they were
Speaker 1: on the show or in a meaningful connection. It was
Speaker 1: never a cloud grab Like it wasn't like I'm in
Speaker 1: this place, I've seen this person, let's get a picture
Speaker 1: just to like show off were hanging around with Like
Speaker 1: it was like, no, if I have a relationship with
Speaker 1: that person, or they're on a podcast and there's a
Speaker 1: meaningful interaction or we're doing something together. Because it's just
Speaker 1: like when people feel used and you're using people in
Speaker 1: that way and there's no genuineness, it kind of just
Speaker 1: like it feels really cheap, and it comes across that
Speaker 1: way too, and it actually blocks you having a real relationship.
Speaker 1: And so when you're asking interesting questions, and I know
Speaker 1: you do that all the time, but I also know
Speaker 1: you're listening because then we'll bring it up again in
Speaker 1: another conversation, and so I think there's there's a real
Speaker 1: truth to that. I also my own personal coaching practice,
Speaker 1: I said a new rule and this was something that
Speaker 1: took me a while to understand, but it really helped me.
Speaker 1: So anyone that I privately coach, we have a fee
Speaker 1: of my time, but the entire fee goes to charity
Speaker 1: of their choice. So I have a fee, we count
Speaker 1: of the hours like I would in any coaching practice,
Speaker 1: but the amount goes to a charity of their choice.
Speaker 1: And it became a way of that I could feel
Speaker 1: I was serving and I could give myself, and I
Speaker 1: wanted the person to also feel like they were getting
Speaker 1: the feeling of giving back rather than always paying for stuff,
Speaker 1: because I found that a lot of people always felt
Speaker 1: that they could pay for anything and they could buy anything,
Speaker 1: and I wanted them to fill the opposite where it's
Speaker 1: like they weren't buying anything, they were getting to give away.
Speaker 1: And yeah, so I've never talked about it before, but
Speaker 1: I wanted to stay it with you because it was
Speaker 1: just something that I was thinking about, Like I wanted
Speaker 1: to find a method where I could give my heart
Speaker 1: to someone and they could give their heart to me.
Speaker 1: And I found sometimes that money got in the way
Speaker 1: of the hot interesting and so like in friendship, there's
Speaker 1: no money exchange, hence there's a hot space, and so
Speaker 1: in coaching, I have to find a way. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: that was that was my way, and it's like been
Speaker 1: a beautiful commitment and it's great unless it gets like
Speaker 1: overwhelming with coaching clients and you have no time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I don't write like I'm very I don't have
Speaker 1: I have like six seven people that I work with. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's it's not something that I'm looking to grow
Speaker 1: in a in a business sense. Where are you looking
Speaker 1: to grow in your life? Right now? After a month
Speaker 1: of reflection of this end of year season, of last
Speaker 1: year of being your honestly your biggest year ever in
Speaker 1: so many ways, from the business to success to speaking,
Speaker 1: to the podcast growth to YouTube to video, celebrity clients,
Speaker 1: all the talk shows you've been on, all these things
Speaker 1: that have happened, what was the big reflection for you?
Speaker 1: And where do you see yourself moving in this next year?
Speaker 1: So obviously this year the new book is out, A
Speaker 1: Rules of Love, so my Hearts in Love. The tour
Speaker 1: is happening for the time, right I'm really tide to
Speaker 1: like hug people and hold their hands and look into
Speaker 1: their eyes. I think I'm like, I've always been a hugger.
Speaker 1: We just hugged for like and by the way, everyone
Speaker 1: watching right now we're listening. When you hugged Jay in person,
Speaker 1: just whisper in his ear and hug him along and
Speaker 1: say this was from Lewis because that's what I love you.
Speaker 1: But but there's a there's a joint that like I
Speaker 1: love physical connection, like I love the idea that I'm
Speaker 1: actually gonna like you know, I feel so grateful that
Speaker 1: for six seven years I've been doing this, I haven't
Speaker 1: met ninety nine percent of people. You probably feel the
Speaker 1: same way, and I just like, I feel so grateful
Speaker 1: and I want to kind of like outpour all of
Speaker 1: downstage to everyone's going to be there, because there's so
Speaker 1: much gratitude build up in me that I haven't been
Speaker 1: able to me saying it, and a microphone doesn't do
Speaker 1: it justice. And traveling around and doing a hectic schedule
Speaker 1: and doing all this craziness is really an output. It's
Speaker 1: totally from a gratitude point of view, because there's nothing
Speaker 1: else to it of why you'd go on tour. So
Speaker 1: I'm excited for that, And then if I'm completely honest,
Speaker 1: I'm excited for rest study and creativity. I'm really looking
Speaker 1: forward into the next half of the year, where my
Speaker 1: plan is to go more internal and learn and study
Speaker 1: again and research and read more. I do that all
Speaker 1: the time, but I mean doing even in a more obsessive,
Speaker 1: constructive way, and spend more time just being creative and
Speaker 1: being present, because I feel like I've been really going
Speaker 1: all out for like the last six seven years now,
Speaker 1: and it's been so meaningful and powerful and beautiful. But
Speaker 1: at the same time, I'm conscious that to have the
Speaker 1: next seven years be even better than it's been, it's
Speaker 1: going to require this pit stop. And my mom teacher
Speaker 1: would always say, if you want to go three steps forward,
Speaker 1: you have to go three steps deep. And so this
Speaker 1: is the time to go three steps deep in order
Speaker 1: to go three steps forward again. And so I feel,
Speaker 1: after going all this forward that I've done, it's time
Speaker 1: to go deep again. And I feel that internally it's
Speaker 1: quite so. Well, You're about to spend the next one
Speaker 1: three to six months going hard hard. I'm forward, and
Speaker 1: that's great, and I'm ready for that, and I'm ready
Speaker 1: for that after this month off, but after that, I'm
Speaker 1: already planning. I'm curious. I know this interview is about me,
Speaker 1: but I can never not ask you questions no matter
Speaker 1: when we're doing this stuff. I'm curious if you could
Speaker 1: fast forward in your heart and your mind one year
Speaker 1: and just imagine everything that has happened. You're pouring your
Speaker 1: energy into everyone, the gratitude you're going to give to
Speaker 1: all this community. You know, tens of thousands of people
Speaker 1: that are going to be in person over the next
Speaker 1: few months supporting you, seeing you, and make sure you, guys,
Speaker 1: if you haven't about the book, get his book right
Speaker 1: now as well. What do you think it is going
Speaker 1: to be the lesson you're going to learn at the
Speaker 1: end of this year. If you could be in the future,
Speaker 1: what do you think your soul is going to tell
Speaker 1: you that it's gonna be the lesson and the thing
Speaker 1: for you to step into or let go of into
Speaker 1: the next year. I think the lesson will be too
Speaker 1: and everyone needs to do this. And it comes back
Speaker 1: to your point of season is to live in this
Speaker 1: season that you have reached. And what I mean by
Speaker 1: that is that there was a different energy that it
Speaker 1: took to get here, and it will be a different
Speaker 1: energy to move forward. And I think it's really interesting
Speaker 1: because I think we often stay in the same energy
Speaker 1: state multiple years of our life because we got used
Speaker 1: to it, or we got familiar with it, and then
Speaker 1: years go by before you realize you needed an energy shift.
Speaker 1: And I think when you see people who are burnt out,
Speaker 1: lost or confused, or feel like they wasted time, it's
Speaker 1: because they never realized that they stayed in the same
Speaker 1: energy state that they were in when they started. And
Speaker 1: you have to accept that time has changed and has
Speaker 1: moved on, and you've learned new things and you've gained
Speaker 1: new clarity. And so I think that will be the
Speaker 1: lesson and letting go I think will be I want
Speaker 1: to do. I feel like to get to this point,
Speaker 1: I had to do a lot of what I didn't love,
Speaker 1: and I think that that should always get less and
Speaker 1: less and less. So I think a healthy life isn't
Speaker 1: one where you only do what you love, but it's
Speaker 1: a life where you do less and less of what
Speaker 1: you don't love. And so I feel like my life's
Speaker 1: always moving in that direction. And I think in a
Speaker 1: year from now, I have all the clarity and all
Speaker 1: the opportunity to start afresh, as opposed to continuing to
Speaker 1: just exist in the world of repeating what's been done. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if that makes sense, it's good insight your future self
Speaker 1: as wise. Yeah, yeah, hopefully, hopefully, And now I've got
Speaker 1: to live up to it. Well, this is a beautiful question.
Speaker 1: It's good you make me, make me vocalize. And I
Speaker 1: hope everyone's getting to see how good lewis is it?
Speaker 1: What he does and what he does for himself too,
Speaker 1: no question, Like that's great because it gives me something
Speaker 1: to live up to that I that I aspire for,
Speaker 1: right And it reminds me of that Matthew McConaughey speech. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's just like it's the Oscar speech. If anyone
Speaker 1: doesn't know Dallas Buyers Club, he won the Oscar for
Speaker 1: Best Actor and he gives one of the best speeches
Speaker 1: of all time in my opinion. And yeah, it's that
Speaker 1: idea of just yeah, it gives you something to chase,
Speaker 1: which is yours. It's you, it's not chasing like and
Speaker 1: I love that right like. And I think the question
Speaker 1: you just asked is the question you're asking yourself, which
Speaker 1: is why your life is going in the right direction,
Speaker 1: Because the question isn't where do you want to be
Speaker 1: in a year? Like what do you want to achieve?
Speaker 1: Because that starts to like set you know, there's there's usefulness,
Speaker 1: and that I'm not saying it's not useful, but the
Speaker 1: internal questions far more gratifying. So you're giving me something
Speaker 1: to chase and pursue. It's awesome to have goals and dreams,
Speaker 1: but I think what's more important is focusing on the
Speaker 1: person you become on a consistent basis to create those dreams,
Speaker 1: and also being so proud and at peace of who
Speaker 1: you've become, even if the dreams don't come true. And
Speaker 1: there's been a lot of things that I've chased after
Speaker 1: where the dreams didn't come true. Yeah, but the life
Speaker 1: was a dream come true. Who I got to meet,
Speaker 1: what I got to experience, what I overcame, the lessons
Speaker 1: I learned, the memories I created. Certain didn't dreams didn't
Speaker 1: come true, but it was a dream come true totally totally,
Speaker 1: And oh I love that. I love that so much.
Speaker 1: That's such a like, that's such a powerful statement and
Speaker 1: it's so true. Like I have, I have so many
Speaker 1: projects that haven't worked out, the wort, so many pictures
Speaker 1: even we went to some pictures together that you set
Speaker 1: up for me that didn't work out. But the network
Speaker 1: I built through that relationship building the connections became who
Speaker 1: became skills I had to learn, like so many you know,
Speaker 1: there was there was a lot of things. I'll give
Speaker 1: an example. There was a lot of goals that I
Speaker 1: accomplished as an athlete that I was extremely proud of.
Speaker 1: And I was like, man, I set an intention for
Speaker 1: this goal ten years prior and I made it happen.
Speaker 1: But there were certain goals like I wanted to be
Speaker 1: an Olympic athlete. Right, And for eight and a half
Speaker 1: years I played with the USA national team and I
Speaker 1: never made the Olympics. Right, And I haven't played with
Speaker 1: the team for about three years since right before the pandemic.
Speaker 1: And I could look back and say, I spent eight
Speaker 1: and a half years of my life sacrificing, committing, dedicated, disciplined,
Speaker 1: traveling the world, spending time, money, energy, money and energy
Speaker 1: playing a game to represent the USA to try to
Speaker 1: make the Olympics and I and I failed it and
Speaker 1: I fell short. Or I can look at it as man,
Speaker 1: what a life journey and experience I got to have
Speaker 1: for eight and a half years. I have so many
Speaker 1: great friends, memories. I traveled the world wearing USA across
Speaker 1: my chest, getting to play against Olympians as a you know,
Speaker 1: thirty five six seven year old, I was like, I
Speaker 1: didn't accomplish the dream, but it was still a dream
Speaker 1: come true. And I think when we look back on
Speaker 1: things that didn't work out, but find the meaning and
Speaker 1: the memory and the magic in those experiences, it's still
Speaker 1: an incredibly beautiful life. The meaning, the memory and the magic.
Speaker 1: I love that. I love that because often we look
Speaker 1: for meaning, but you're so right, the memory and the
Speaker 1: magic Lewis House, everyone Lewis was that was special man.
Speaker 1: That was really beautiful. One. Everyone who's listening and watching
Speaker 1: right now to go and grab a copy of this book,
Speaker 1: The Greatness Mindset, Unlock the power of your mind and
Speaker 1: live your best life today. It's available right now. If
Speaker 1: you're listening to this episode, make sure you go grab it.
Speaker 1: Where would you like them to get it from? A
Speaker 1: pop from obviously Bonds and Noble, Amazon anyway, yeah, Amazon, Barson, Noble, wherever, Yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah it. Make sure you go grab a copy. The
Speaker 1: audiobook as well, is in Lewis's voice. Lewis reads the audio,
Speaker 1: so make sure you go and grab the audio if
Speaker 1: you like listening to books as well, because I know
Speaker 1: so many of you are audio listeners and follow Lewis
Speaker 1: on YouTube, subscribe to his podcast to School of Greatness,
Speaker 1: and follow him on Instagram, on TikTok, on Twitter, on
Speaker 1: every single social media platform that you use. As you
Speaker 1: saw today, Lewis practices what he preaches and also what
Speaker 1: he shares is highly life changing. So make sure you're
Speaker 1: go and grab it. I appreciate it, man, and real
Speaker 1: quick before you finish it. I appreciate you talking about
Speaker 1: the book, and I want to give a call to
Speaker 1: action of people. Yeah. Please, if you're going to buy
Speaker 1: my book, which I'm deeply grateful for, I want to
Speaker 1: see if you haven't bought Jay's book yet, make sure
Speaker 1: to buy both of us at the same time. Take
Speaker 1: a screenshot. I love that, and tag both of us
Speaker 1: on Instagram letting us know that you got both books
Speaker 1: at the same That'll be awesome. I'm sure. I'm sure
Speaker 1: we'll re share some of those on Instagram. Buy it
Speaker 1: on Amazon. Take a screenshot if you got them both
Speaker 1: in your hands, do that at put it on Instagram
Speaker 1: for us to see, and we'll share both of those out.
Speaker 1: I love it. I love it, Lewis, Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Thanks appreciate it so grateful. If you love this episode,
Speaker 1: you will love my interview with Kobe Bryant on how
Speaker 1: to be strategic and obsessive to find your purpose