1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:03,000 Speaker 1: There was a moment where I was feeling this pain 2 00:00:03,080 --> 00:00:04,880 Speaker 1: in my chest kind of on and off, and I 3 00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:06,760 Speaker 1: was telling you about this and other people. I was like, man, 4 00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:08,760 Speaker 1: I just feel like this pain and like a clenching, 5 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,399 Speaker 1: like I can't like I don't know if something was 6 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:12,760 Speaker 1: holding me back. That was the fear. And I think 7 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:15,800 Speaker 1: when we can fully embrace it and say this might 8 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:18,840 Speaker 1: happen and I may not like it. But by stepping 9 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:21,079 Speaker 1: into the fear, I literally felt to ball a pain 10 00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:29,080 Speaker 1: in my chest, unlock, and like disintegrate throughout my whole body. 11 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:34,400 Speaker 1: Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one 12 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:37,240 Speaker 1: health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every 13 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:41,040 Speaker 1: one of you that come back every week to become happier, healthier, 14 00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:44,320 Speaker 1: and more healed. And I am so excited to be 15 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:47,320 Speaker 1: talking to you today. I can't believe it. My new 16 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:51,360 Speaker 1: book Eight Rules of Love is out and I cannot 17 00:00:51,479 --> 00:00:54,280 Speaker 1: wait to share it with you. I am so so 18 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:56,440 Speaker 1: excited for you to read this book, for you to 19 00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:58,880 Speaker 1: listen to this book. I read the audiobook. If you 20 00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:01,400 Speaker 1: haven't got it all read, make sure you go to 21 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:05,320 Speaker 1: eight Rules of Love dot com. It's dedicated to anyone 22 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:08,600 Speaker 1: who's trying to find keep or let go of love. 23 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:11,600 Speaker 1: So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up, 24 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:14,440 Speaker 1: or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. 25 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:16,759 Speaker 1: And I'd love to invite you to come and see 26 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:20,480 Speaker 1: me for my global tour Love Rules. Go to Ja 27 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:25,960 Speaker 1: shettytour dot com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences, 28 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:29,040 Speaker 1: and more. I can't wait to see you this year now. 29 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:32,520 Speaker 1: Today's guest is a dear, dear friend of mine, and 30 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:34,880 Speaker 1: what I love about having him on the show is 31 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,080 Speaker 1: you love it. Whenever we do something together, we get 32 00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:40,080 Speaker 1: incredible feedback. I get the most texts ever, I get 33 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:42,000 Speaker 1: so many dms from all of you because you love 34 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:45,200 Speaker 1: seeing us connect. Because he's someone who's happy to be 35 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:47,880 Speaker 1: vulnerable about his own challenges and journey. He's done that 36 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,760 Speaker 1: plenty times on this show, but today he's here to 37 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:53,360 Speaker 1: talk about something that he's been really thinking about and 38 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,720 Speaker 1: working on for the next five years. So I want 39 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:59,600 Speaker 1: all of you to show your support for this incredible human, 40 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,920 Speaker 1: but also this amazing book that he's written. I want 41 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:05,720 Speaker 1: everyone to go and order it right now. The link 42 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:08,680 Speaker 1: is in the notes and the captions. I'm talking about 43 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 1: my dear friend Lewis House, who's a New York Times 44 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:16,600 Speaker 1: best selling author, keynote speaker, and industry leading show host 45 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:19,840 Speaker 1: of the School of Greatness podcasts, which is one of 46 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:23,520 Speaker 1: the top podcasts in the world with over five hundred 47 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:26,960 Speaker 1: million downloads. Lewis was recognized by the White House and 48 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:30,760 Speaker 1: President Obama as one of the top hundred entrepreneurs in 49 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:35,000 Speaker 1: the country under thirty and his new book is right here. 50 00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:39,240 Speaker 1: It's called The Greatness Mindset. Unlock the power of your 51 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:42,639 Speaker 1: mind and live your best life today. This is the 52 00:02:42,639 --> 00:02:44,280 Speaker 1: book that I want you to go and grab. Please, 53 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:47,720 Speaker 1: welcome to the show, my dear friend and brother, Lewis House. 54 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:52,400 Speaker 1: Good to see you, brother. This is exciting man. It's like, 55 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,440 Speaker 1: you know, this is five years in the making, like 56 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:58,280 Speaker 1: for you to you've had a podcast now for nearly 57 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,880 Speaker 1: ten years. I saw that in two weeks it'll be 58 00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:04,680 Speaker 1: my tenure Inniverse. That's insane. Congratulations, Like what a history, 59 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:07,639 Speaker 1: and thank you, legacy of service and like how many 60 00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:11,200 Speaker 1: interviews now? Is that almost fourteen hundred episodes? That's insane, right, 61 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:15,440 Speaker 1: fourteen hundred episodes over ten years. Unbelievable legacy. You wrote 62 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,440 Speaker 1: your first book, The School of Greatness, your second book, 63 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:21,440 Speaker 1: Mask of Masculinity. On the release of that book was 64 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:23,720 Speaker 1: when we became friends. Yeah, the day it came out, 65 00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:28,000 Speaker 1: I went on your show a Nasdak and Nada, Yeah, 66 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 1: your city. I just started hearing about you maybe a 67 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:33,120 Speaker 1: few months before, and then you'd reached out and I 68 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:34,480 Speaker 1: saw a couple of your videos and I was like, 69 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:37,000 Speaker 1: I really like your style, and we met. I was like, 70 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:39,200 Speaker 1: let's just hang out all day. I know, it was amazing. 71 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,080 Speaker 1: I didn't expect that because I was doing Yes. So 72 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:42,640 Speaker 1: for anyone who doesn't know, I used to have a 73 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:46,800 Speaker 1: show on Nasdak Reads which was called Follow the Reader, 74 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,120 Speaker 1: and I would try and sit down with authors and 75 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,200 Speaker 1: talk to them, and I was thankful enough. That's where 76 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:54,440 Speaker 1: I met Ryan Holiday, and it's where I met a 77 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:58,160 Speaker 1: couple of other people in the space. And I'd reached 78 00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:00,560 Speaker 1: out to you because I'd always loved your work. And 79 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:03,080 Speaker 1: usually an author would come in, you'd do the interview, 80 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:06,000 Speaker 1: you'd promote the book, and then they'd leave. And this 81 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:07,480 Speaker 1: was the day your book came out, and you were like, well, 82 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,640 Speaker 1: why don't we just spend the whole day together. We're 83 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,440 Speaker 1: in a coffee shop together, We're in the bonds of 84 00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:14,000 Speaker 1: noboo together so far, and at the beginning of our friendship, 85 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:16,400 Speaker 1: it was amazing, man. And now we're here on another 86 00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:20,080 Speaker 1: book launch day and five years to write a book, 87 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:22,400 Speaker 1: like five years to be thinking about a book, five 88 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,200 Speaker 1: years to not it's so easy to just put for you, 89 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:27,680 Speaker 1: like with an amazing audience, amazing community, you could just 90 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:30,520 Speaker 1: put out a book whenever you wanted to write. What 91 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:32,440 Speaker 1: were you working on? What were you thinking about? For 92 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,080 Speaker 1: five years? I wanted to do this after the Mask 93 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:37,560 Speaker 1: of Masculinity, and this was the thing that I was like, 94 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:39,440 Speaker 1: this is the thing that I wish I would have 95 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:42,520 Speaker 1: had when I was fifteen, twenty one, thirty five, the 96 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:44,520 Speaker 1: book and the content that I wish I could have 97 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:47,320 Speaker 1: had to understand the pain that I was going through. 98 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:50,440 Speaker 1: And now having been through a lot of different healing 99 00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:53,479 Speaker 1: journeys and healing a lot of different wounds that I 100 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:56,159 Speaker 1: had from my past, I finally felt like I was 101 00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:59,520 Speaker 1: at a place of peace where I could create abundantly 102 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:01,880 Speaker 1: as a I posed to forcing something. And when I 103 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:04,360 Speaker 1: wanted to start this five years ago, which I've been 104 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:07,520 Speaker 1: kind of researching and taking notes and having documents for 105 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:10,719 Speaker 1: a long time. In my interviews about this, I had 106 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:14,440 Speaker 1: the content, but I didn't feel like I was at 107 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:17,000 Speaker 1: a place where I felt like it was a good 108 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:19,799 Speaker 1: coach to myself. I felt like I was still critical 109 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:22,480 Speaker 1: of a lot of things and still beating myself up 110 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:25,640 Speaker 1: emotionally and mentally. And I didn't feel like I would 111 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:28,960 Speaker 1: be authentic and putting the content out until I was 112 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:33,960 Speaker 1: healing at a level of authenticity internally. So after two 113 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,279 Speaker 1: years ago, I felt like I finally kind of had 114 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:40,360 Speaker 1: a tipping point for a portion of my life that 115 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:43,120 Speaker 1: I was struggling and left my entire life. Ten years ago, 116 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:46,400 Speaker 1: I started opening up about healing sexual abuse and that 117 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:48,760 Speaker 1: type of trauma, and that set me on a journey 118 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:51,400 Speaker 1: of healing for the next five years many different things 119 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:55,760 Speaker 1: from my childhood, from parents, stuff, things like that, and 120 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:59,400 Speaker 1: it allowed me to evolve as a human, be more courageous, 121 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:03,720 Speaker 1: have moreicity, all that stuff, be less triggered, less reactional, 122 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:07,839 Speaker 1: all that stuff. But I still kept repeating certain patterns 123 00:06:07,839 --> 00:06:11,440 Speaker 1: in relationships. And you've seen me in three different relationships 124 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:14,159 Speaker 1: now since I've met you, and you probably were able 125 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:17,719 Speaker 1: to witness a pattern from the previous two. It's so 126 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:22,240 Speaker 1: hard to see the things until it gets really, really bad. 127 00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:25,600 Speaker 1: Sometimes when things are good and when things are not 128 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:28,320 Speaker 1: so good, it's hard to see it. It's not until 129 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:32,000 Speaker 1: it things get really challenging or some big breakdown when 130 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,480 Speaker 1: we start to wake up. And it was the last 131 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:38,000 Speaker 1: relationship where I was like, man, I keep repeating the 132 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:41,279 Speaker 1: patterns of something based on a wound. I keep choosing, 133 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:45,560 Speaker 1: I keep staying, I keep putting myself in these challenging 134 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:48,240 Speaker 1: situations that I don't feel like I need to. But 135 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:51,360 Speaker 1: I hadn't yet unlocked what that was, whether I was 136 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,760 Speaker 1: afraid to face it or just not aware of it yet. 137 00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:57,640 Speaker 1: I hadn't fully embraced that healing journey. And so I 138 00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:02,600 Speaker 1: started down a very intensive, you know, coaching therapy experience 139 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,919 Speaker 1: where I was doing five six seven hour weekend days 140 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:09,520 Speaker 1: on weekends every week, working with a coach to figure 141 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:12,000 Speaker 1: out what is holding me back? Why do I have 142 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,840 Speaker 1: this pain in my heart? Why do I feel like 143 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:17,320 Speaker 1: there's something like choking me on a consistent basis. Why 144 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:19,440 Speaker 1: do I feel like I can't catch my breath sometimes 145 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,880 Speaker 1: when on the outside I've got things going well for me, 146 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:24,800 Speaker 1: you know, it's like I'm able to accomplish things. I 147 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:28,360 Speaker 1: can create my goals and make them happen. I'm building 148 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:31,400 Speaker 1: a business, you know all these things. I'm functional in 149 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:36,320 Speaker 1: a high level, but internally I didn't have harmony. I 150 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,360 Speaker 1: was kind of at the stage and we would talk 151 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:40,040 Speaker 1: about it all the time. I was like, dude, why 152 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:41,480 Speaker 1: am I struggling it to so much? Why am I 153 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:43,240 Speaker 1: going through this? And I was kind of at a 154 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:46,080 Speaker 1: stage where I was just like, I've got to figure 155 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:50,760 Speaker 1: out this part of my life in intimate relationships because energetically, 156 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:55,680 Speaker 1: it's holding me back from friendships, family, creating, my work, 157 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:59,320 Speaker 1: my mission, my health. It's draining, it's pulling from me. 158 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:02,000 Speaker 1: And that's when I always loved being single, because when 159 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:04,560 Speaker 1: I was single, I felt free. But when I was 160 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:07,800 Speaker 1: an intimacy, I felt like I was trapped. So I 161 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:11,600 Speaker 1: had to go down the journey of really healing a 162 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:15,000 Speaker 1: lot of the different emotional wounds from childhood that put 163 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:18,640 Speaker 1: me in the programming of feeling trapped and feeling really 164 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,840 Speaker 1: like I had to abandon myself for someone to love me. 165 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:26,520 Speaker 1: And so I never truly loved my authentic self because 166 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:28,640 Speaker 1: I never felt like someone else would love me for 167 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,640 Speaker 1: who I truly was and truly accepted who I was. 168 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,960 Speaker 1: So that was just my personal journey. Where other people 169 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,000 Speaker 1: might struggle and trying to figure out how to get 170 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,880 Speaker 1: clear on their purpose or their mission, or how to 171 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:41,800 Speaker 1: make money or how to get in shape, that wasn't 172 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:47,120 Speaker 1: my problem. My challenge was intimacy, trusting myself and being 173 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:52,920 Speaker 1: one hundred percent authentic and courageous in intimacy and not 174 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:56,080 Speaker 1: changing who I was to please someone else. But the 175 00:08:56,240 --> 00:09:00,480 Speaker 1: need to please others who I loved and who love 176 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:03,640 Speaker 1: me was a big wound and it cause a lot 177 00:09:03,679 --> 00:09:07,000 Speaker 1: of pain. Yeah, it's I mean, it's so powerful you're 178 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:10,080 Speaker 1: hearing you say that, because I feel like it's not 179 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:14,640 Speaker 1: worth becoming someone you don't know to please someone you 180 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:17,480 Speaker 1: think you love one person. Yeah, you just become someone 181 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:20,160 Speaker 1: you don't recognize. You become someone who you don't know, 182 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:23,880 Speaker 1: you don't understand, just to hope that that person will 183 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:27,000 Speaker 1: see that person and accept you and accept you. And 184 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:30,439 Speaker 1: it's exhausting. It's exhausting. Yeah, you're always performing, you're playing 185 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:35,040 Speaker 1: a role, you're giving in, you're abandoning yourself. It's mentally, emotionally, 186 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:38,040 Speaker 1: physically draining. But what I love about all of that 187 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:41,360 Speaker 1: results in you being able to be creative, Like you'll 188 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:45,760 Speaker 1: start removing all those blocks internally, it results in a book, 189 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:49,199 Speaker 1: and a book, as we know, is like a lifetime's 190 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:53,160 Speaker 1: worth of work put into pages to help people find 191 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:56,120 Speaker 1: their greatness in their own lives. And I wanted to 192 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:58,240 Speaker 1: start with I definitely want to dive into certain elements 193 00:09:58,240 --> 00:09:59,520 Speaker 1: of the book because I think what you do in 194 00:09:59,559 --> 00:10:03,000 Speaker 1: this book so well as you remove blocks for people, 195 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,360 Speaker 1: Like I think the way you were just describing you 196 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:09,560 Speaker 1: having blocks in intimacy and relationships, I think we know this, 197 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:11,840 Speaker 1: and my community feels this, and I felt this in 198 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:14,319 Speaker 1: my life. There were blocks in what I believed was 199 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:17,319 Speaker 1: true of my potential, or blocks that I thought were 200 00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:21,120 Speaker 1: true of what I could achieve within success, or blocks 201 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:23,599 Speaker 1: around how I felt about judgment and failure. And so 202 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:25,079 Speaker 1: I want to dive into all of that. Yeah, I 203 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:27,800 Speaker 1: remember the first year meeting you. Yeah, you were like, 204 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:31,800 Speaker 1: I don't think I could make you know, six figures 205 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:34,040 Speaker 1: a year. You know, You're kind of like, I don't 206 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:37,360 Speaker 1: even know if that's possible, or if I'm worthy of 207 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,600 Speaker 1: that or deserving of it, or if the work I'm 208 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,240 Speaker 1: doing I'm supposed to be making that you know, that 209 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:44,600 Speaker 1: much money? And that was kind of a block of 210 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:47,280 Speaker 1: yours for you don't know, well, probably a long time 211 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:49,800 Speaker 1: before then, but for a couple of years until you 212 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:51,440 Speaker 1: really were able to work your way through that. What 213 00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:53,280 Speaker 1: was the thing inside of you that allowed you to 214 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:58,120 Speaker 1: unblock the financial fear that you had. It's exactly that, right, 215 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:01,760 Speaker 1: Like I had grown up up in a family where 216 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:05,840 Speaker 1: the language around money and the psychology around money was 217 00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:12,000 Speaker 1: we have just enough. And generally people who have money 218 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:15,320 Speaker 1: have done something bad to get money, so it's been 219 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:19,280 Speaker 1: like negative ways, or like manipulative ways, or they must 220 00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:22,920 Speaker 1: have done something shady in order to have wealth. And 221 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:26,640 Speaker 1: so people who are good don't have access to that 222 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:30,280 Speaker 1: kind of wealth because they're not shady people. And so 223 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,360 Speaker 1: I think when I grew up with that, I remember 224 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:35,600 Speaker 1: many days having zero in my bank account, you know, 225 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:38,360 Speaker 1: just living off of the last amount of money I 226 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:40,199 Speaker 1: had to pay off a bill or whatever it may 227 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,040 Speaker 1: have been. And I think what it really hit me 228 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:45,559 Speaker 1: as time went on, was I was having all this impact. 229 00:11:45,679 --> 00:11:47,720 Speaker 1: Like at one point I still remember this, I had 230 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:49,880 Speaker 1: one hundred and fifty million views and I was four 231 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:53,280 Speaker 1: months away from being Bros. And I was just like, 232 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:57,520 Speaker 1: I can't make the stuff I care about anymore because 233 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:00,959 Speaker 1: I don't have money, like I can't. Videos cost money 234 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:02,680 Speaker 1: to make like this, I always say to people, like 235 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:06,199 Speaker 1: this podcast, this studio costs money to have, like it 236 00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:08,480 Speaker 1: costs money to have teams. And you know, right now 237 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:12,000 Speaker 1: we have producers behind the scenes and editors and podcast 238 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:14,600 Speaker 1: leads and there's a whole team of people that make 239 00:12:14,679 --> 00:12:19,440 Speaker 1: things possible. And when you're financially scarce, and I don't 240 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,120 Speaker 1: mean that in terms of how much money you have, 241 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,840 Speaker 1: but in your mind, when there's a scarcity around money 242 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:29,360 Speaker 1: or anything, scarcity around love, or scarcity around energy, or 243 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:33,120 Speaker 1: scarcity around health, yes, it just limits you. And so 244 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:35,400 Speaker 1: for me, what you just went through, I had to 245 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:39,000 Speaker 1: re whire my relationship with money. Yes, and we have 246 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,880 Speaker 1: a relationship with people. We have a relationship with money, 247 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:42,720 Speaker 1: We have relationship with our body, we have a relationship 248 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,880 Speaker 1: with our mind and exactly, and so to me, it 249 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,280 Speaker 1: was that I'm curious, then what was the I want 250 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:50,400 Speaker 1: to tell the stude. This is not your interview you 251 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:54,360 Speaker 1: always do. I want to tie it into bringing you 252 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,559 Speaker 1: back to meet it, but I want to tell the 253 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:59,640 Speaker 1: story of the exact moment when the block went away 254 00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:03,600 Speaker 1: from me from having fear around being trapped in intimacy 255 00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:07,360 Speaker 1: after a five month journey of like intensive therapy and 256 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:09,400 Speaker 1: what it did for me. I want to share that 257 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:12,120 Speaker 1: story in a moment, but I'm curious what was the moment. 258 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:14,840 Speaker 1: Was there a moment where something like you're unlocked in 259 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:18,560 Speaker 1: your heart, your body, your mind, your spirit, where you're like, oh, 260 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:22,040 Speaker 1: I'm deserving of money, I'm deserving of making more or 261 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:24,560 Speaker 1: having abundance or whatever it might have been, and being 262 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:27,360 Speaker 1: free of that feeling. Was there a moment for you? 263 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,160 Speaker 1: I mean, I think I'm still getting there as well. 264 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,640 Speaker 1: There's a part of it where you're always still rewiring, 265 00:13:31,679 --> 00:13:34,120 Speaker 1: because when something so deep rooted, it kind of like 266 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:37,840 Speaker 1: never like just leaves. But I'd say that I got 267 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:41,120 Speaker 1: more comfortable with it. That's a great question. When was 268 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:44,120 Speaker 1: that moment? Was there a breakthrough? Was it a negotiation 269 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:47,439 Speaker 1: for a speaking gig where you're like, oh, I'm used 270 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:49,480 Speaker 1: only making this much, but let me ask for more, 271 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:53,480 Speaker 1: or something kind of unlocking inside of you. I actually 272 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:56,319 Speaker 1: think it was. And this I haven't talked about this before, 273 00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:58,640 Speaker 1: but I think it's you know, and I'm sharing it 274 00:13:58,679 --> 00:14:01,120 Speaker 1: because I'm with you, And the answer to your question, 275 00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:04,840 Speaker 1: I think it was the first year that I could 276 00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:08,560 Speaker 1: give over six figures to a charity that I loved. 277 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:11,640 Speaker 1: That's what it was. It was that feeling of and 278 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:16,200 Speaker 1: I knew that that charity would have died if it 279 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,520 Speaker 1: didn't have that much money. Interesting, and they were doing 280 00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:22,520 Speaker 1: really meaningful work that I cared about. And I realized 281 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:26,120 Speaker 1: that I was like, oh wait a minute, And that's 282 00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:27,640 Speaker 1: not like, oh look how great I am. I saved, 283 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:30,400 Speaker 1: That's not the point. The point was I could only 284 00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:31,880 Speaker 1: do that, and I could only be a part of 285 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:34,680 Speaker 1: that because I'd rewired my mindset. So if I wanted 286 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:36,880 Speaker 1: to create meaning an impact in the work, and this 287 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,080 Speaker 1: is one way. There are plenty of other ways to 288 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:41,800 Speaker 1: give back through time and energy. But to me, I 289 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:45,920 Speaker 1: was like, oh, like, I can trust myself that if 290 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:48,200 Speaker 1: I have more, I will give more, and I want 291 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:51,360 Speaker 1: to trust myself that. You know, we always hear that quote. 292 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:54,400 Speaker 1: I don't know whether it's from Grant or from Jordan Belfort, 293 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:57,400 Speaker 1: but the idea of like money only makes you more 294 00:14:57,440 --> 00:15:00,920 Speaker 1: of who you are exposed is more of who you are, 295 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:04,800 Speaker 1: and that idea that you're only going to become more 296 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:06,360 Speaker 1: it's going to put a spotlight. We were just talking 297 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:09,680 Speaker 1: about that yesterday, like the idea that you don't change, 298 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,200 Speaker 1: and I felt for me it was that was me 299 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:15,360 Speaker 1: trusting myself. And I think when you rewire it like 300 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:18,080 Speaker 1: you trust yourself what you were saying earlier, Like you 301 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:19,840 Speaker 1: get a trust of like, oh yeah, I will do 302 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:22,360 Speaker 1: good with this because that's why I'm at the core. 303 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:25,760 Speaker 1: That's powerful. But it sounds like it was a reflection process. 304 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:27,800 Speaker 1: It was you trying stuff. It was you being like 305 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:30,840 Speaker 1: consistent and practicing and still today, yeah, exactly, it never 306 00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:34,040 Speaker 1: goes away yet. So what had happened for me, I 307 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:36,320 Speaker 1: was kind of just like, I'm sick of feeling this pain, 308 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:41,480 Speaker 1: this stuckness, this breakdown pattern that I had continued to repeat, 309 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:45,000 Speaker 1: and that was fully responsible for in choosing certain relationships 310 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,280 Speaker 1: out of integrity and out of alignment of values and 311 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:50,680 Speaker 1: all these different things and then staying and I was 312 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:52,680 Speaker 1: finally like, Okay, I need to find a solution to 313 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:56,520 Speaker 1: this pain. And so I found a coach that does 314 00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:59,560 Speaker 1: a lot of therapy and healing work, and I just said, 315 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:02,160 Speaker 1: I'm going to invest in six months, I'm going to 316 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,560 Speaker 1: pay an advance, and I'm going to commit to my 317 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:07,160 Speaker 1: intention of finding the solution and I'm going to do 318 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:09,240 Speaker 1: the work. And I think that step one is being 319 00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:11,600 Speaker 1: like clear of your intention that you want to find 320 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:15,200 Speaker 1: a solution to whatever's causing you any type of pain 321 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:19,320 Speaker 1: or stuckness in an area of your life. Then I 322 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:22,160 Speaker 1: went all in on just being as real and authentic 323 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,240 Speaker 1: and vulnerable as possible. And I remember there was a 324 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:27,600 Speaker 1: weekend after about three and a half maybe four months, 325 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:32,240 Speaker 1: where I went away and I was not with my 326 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,080 Speaker 1: partner at the time, but I was with a different 327 00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:37,520 Speaker 1: group of friends, and I felt free in this weekend 328 00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:40,400 Speaker 1: and I felt seen and accepted for who I was. 329 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:45,000 Speaker 1: I felt celebrated for who I was, and I wasn't 330 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,720 Speaker 1: really feeling that in the relationship. And I remember being like, man, 331 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:49,800 Speaker 1: this is the type of life I want to experience 332 00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:53,800 Speaker 1: consistently where I can be myself authentically around the people 333 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:57,080 Speaker 1: I care about and I'm accepted. But I wasn't feeling 334 00:16:57,120 --> 00:17:01,400 Speaker 1: accepted in this relationship. It's because I was willing to 335 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:04,840 Speaker 1: abandon myself over and over to try to create peace. 336 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:07,879 Speaker 1: I was trying to buy peace, and you can't buy peace. 337 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:10,280 Speaker 1: You've got to own it. You've got to become it. 338 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:16,040 Speaker 1: And my coach, after many, many months of this and 339 00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:18,520 Speaker 1: kind of unpacking a lot of different things and doing 340 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:20,920 Speaker 1: exercises with her and reflection and all these different things. 341 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:24,200 Speaker 1: There was a moment where I was feeling this pain 342 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,040 Speaker 1: in my chest kind of on and off, and I 343 00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:27,919 Speaker 1: was telling you about this and other people. I was like, man, 344 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,800 Speaker 1: I just feel like this pain and I feel like 345 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,719 Speaker 1: a clenching, like I can't like I don't know if 346 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:36,959 Speaker 1: something was holding me back. And she said something that 347 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:41,240 Speaker 1: finally clicked. She was like, Lewis, you're not trapped. You're free. 348 00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:43,840 Speaker 1: You can walk away at any time. You're not stuck 349 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:47,280 Speaker 1: in this relationship specifically now, you're not engaged, you're not married, 350 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,760 Speaker 1: you got to kids, but you are free. You can 351 00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:51,960 Speaker 1: choose to walk away at any time. And I always 352 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,960 Speaker 1: was afraid of walking away because I didn't want to 353 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,679 Speaker 1: hurt one person and I didn't want that one person 354 00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:59,080 Speaker 1: that I cared about to not love me, to not 355 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,720 Speaker 1: like me, to hate me, to whatever that was the fear. 356 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,800 Speaker 1: And I think when we can fully embrace it and 357 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:08,560 Speaker 1: say this might happen and I may not like it, 358 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:11,440 Speaker 1: but if that's the price I need to pay to 359 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:15,000 Speaker 1: create peace in my life by stepping into the fear 360 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:19,080 Speaker 1: by owning the fear, by accepting that it will happen. Potentially, 361 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,080 Speaker 1: something happened in that moment. I can't remember if I 362 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:23,800 Speaker 1: told you the story, but it was like I literally 363 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:26,600 Speaker 1: felt to ball of pain in my chest, kind of 364 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:30,160 Speaker 1: unlocked and like disintegrate throughout my whole body. I've never 365 00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:33,199 Speaker 1: felt this sensation before, and from that moment on, I 366 00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:35,119 Speaker 1: was really kind of like weirded out. When I was 367 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:38,520 Speaker 1: talking to the therapist, I was like, something just happened, 368 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:41,000 Speaker 1: because I was like, something just happened. It was kind 369 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:46,400 Speaker 1: of like months of practice, months of reflections of these 370 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:50,440 Speaker 1: exercises and working with this coaching, taking action and trying 371 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:53,240 Speaker 1: to integrate the lessons, and then finally like unlocked in 372 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:56,480 Speaker 1: a moment. It was a lifetime of practice, but a 373 00:18:56,520 --> 00:19:02,240 Speaker 1: moment that unlocked. And I haven't out that pain or 374 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,560 Speaker 1: fear of being trapped or being stuck, or being not 375 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:10,000 Speaker 1: enough or needing to abandon myself to please anyone else 376 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:12,679 Speaker 1: since then. It doesn't mean I haven't had some like 377 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:16,640 Speaker 1: you know, challengers are stressful moments, but I haven't had that, 378 00:19:17,359 --> 00:19:20,000 Speaker 1: and I'm so aware of it because I keep practicing 379 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,919 Speaker 1: and integrating the healing journey. I think that's been the 380 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:26,880 Speaker 1: key for me, is the ongoing integration of healing so 381 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:31,800 Speaker 1: that I can keep expanding feeling happier, healthier and healed 382 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:33,959 Speaker 1: like you talk about for this show, and I think 383 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,880 Speaker 1: that's what everyone wants to feel happier, to feel healthier, 384 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:40,080 Speaker 1: and feel like they're on the healing journey. Yeah, I 385 00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:42,080 Speaker 1: mean hearing you say that. You know, as your friend, 386 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,560 Speaker 1: I know how much time and energy you put into 387 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:47,240 Speaker 1: working on yourself. Man. I know that any conversation we 388 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:48,879 Speaker 1: have turns into a Q and A with both of 389 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:51,840 Speaker 1: us going back and forth. Right. I know any conversation 390 00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:53,960 Speaker 1: we have you will be talking about what work you're doing, 391 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,840 Speaker 1: and who you're working with, and who's in our teams 392 00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,840 Speaker 1: to help us do that work. I'm talking about personal life. 393 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:03,360 Speaker 1: What is the difference then, because I want to get 394 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:06,879 Speaker 1: into the greatness mindset, because you are teaching people how 395 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,000 Speaker 1: to unlock the power of their mind and live their 396 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:12,840 Speaker 1: best life today, which is what you've been doing professionally 397 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:16,000 Speaker 1: and now personally over the last few years. What is 398 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:20,680 Speaker 1: the difference between motivation and discipline? Because I find that 399 00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:22,480 Speaker 1: a lot of the time people think like, oh, I'm 400 00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:25,320 Speaker 1: so motivated by that. I'm so inspired by that. But 401 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:28,679 Speaker 1: what you just explained is far more of a dedicated 402 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:31,840 Speaker 1: discipline to the self work the inner work. Talk to 403 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,359 Speaker 1: me about the difference between those two and where do 404 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:37,000 Speaker 1: we find them. I think motivation is for people that 405 00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:40,239 Speaker 1: don't have a meaningful mission. Discipline is for people that 406 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,359 Speaker 1: are clear on their identity of who they want to 407 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,960 Speaker 1: become and the mission that they have that is meaningful 408 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:48,960 Speaker 1: for them, not only for them, but for those around them. 409 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,560 Speaker 1: And you know, when I was growing up. When I 410 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:54,639 Speaker 1: was growing up, I wanted to be successful. That was 411 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,720 Speaker 1: kind of the goal. And the mindset is, how can 412 00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:59,600 Speaker 1: I become successful? How can I I can't watch my 413 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:01,760 Speaker 1: goals as an athlete, how can I be a pro athlete? 414 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:05,080 Speaker 1: How can I make money? How can I get you awards? 415 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:08,520 Speaker 1: And all these different things? For whatever reason, that's what 416 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:12,920 Speaker 1: I thought of as I wanted to be successful. When 417 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:17,000 Speaker 1: I turned thirty and started realizing how big of an 418 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:21,680 Speaker 1: ego I actually had and how selfish I actually was 419 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,399 Speaker 1: in life. That was a fun, loving guy, but my 420 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:27,240 Speaker 1: intentions were more for me to look good, for me 421 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:30,040 Speaker 1: to win, for me to be successful, for me, me me. 422 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,240 Speaker 1: This is one of the reasons why I love you 423 00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:35,560 Speaker 1: so much because your mission is about service. I started 424 00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:40,000 Speaker 1: to realize at thirty that success was selfish and greatness 425 00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:45,320 Speaker 1: was really about service. Right. Greatness was not about just me. 426 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,840 Speaker 1: It was about having an intention of a dream that 427 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:51,040 Speaker 1: I might have, but including others in the dream. Where 428 00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:53,800 Speaker 1: success is more about accomplishing goals and dreams for just 429 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,760 Speaker 1: you and not as much thinking about others. Maybe others 430 00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:00,040 Speaker 1: are included, but the intentions really like how do I 431 00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,200 Speaker 1: look good? How do I get this award and make 432 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:06,080 Speaker 1: this money and get this credibility. And that's why ten 433 00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:08,840 Speaker 1: years ago I said, I have to completely shift my 434 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:12,680 Speaker 1: identity and it was an unwinding of like thirty years 435 00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:16,879 Speaker 1: of programming. So I had to shift the identity from okay, 436 00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:20,720 Speaker 1: and I love that. You always talk about collaboration over competition. 437 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:24,280 Speaker 1: I was all competition, right, And there's fun, there's healthy 438 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:28,400 Speaker 1: competition in like sports and things like that. But in 439 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:31,560 Speaker 1: the game of life, we've got to be collaborators. We've 440 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:34,560 Speaker 1: got to be thinking about we instead of me. If 441 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,040 Speaker 1: we want to go far, if we want to go fast, 442 00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:41,199 Speaker 1: that quote you can what is the quote? If you 443 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:42,639 Speaker 1: want to go fast, go alone? If you want to 444 00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:45,439 Speaker 1: go far, go together or something like that. And if 445 00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:46,800 Speaker 1: you want to go fast, you can do it on 446 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:48,960 Speaker 1: your own quickly, but it won't take you far and 447 00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:53,000 Speaker 1: you typically burn out. Motivation, I believe is for people 448 00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:59,000 Speaker 1: that want only success. But discipline is when you shift 449 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:01,600 Speaker 1: your identity based on a meaningful mission. That's why I 450 00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:04,160 Speaker 1: start the book with meaningful mission because all the great 451 00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:09,399 Speaker 1: people that we've interviewed who have health, happiness, and are healed, 452 00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:13,600 Speaker 1: I think that's greatness. They have a meaningful mission that's 453 00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:18,760 Speaker 1: beyond them. They have something more and that is an 454 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:23,520 Speaker 1: identity that has non negotiables, or they're able to be 455 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:28,719 Speaker 1: disciplined because it's something bigger than them, whereas success by 456 00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:32,560 Speaker 1: itself needs constant motivation. Right. I love that you just 457 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:37,159 Speaker 1: shifted that desire of like selfish goals or like self 458 00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:44,240 Speaker 1: based goals to service, because that, for me, was the 459 00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:46,320 Speaker 1: thing that switched when I met the Monk. Right. So 460 00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:49,679 Speaker 1: I heard that at eighteen, and that was just to 461 00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:53,680 Speaker 1: my eighteen year old mind, that was like what later? Wow, 462 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:56,320 Speaker 1: Like no one's ever said that to me before, And 463 00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:58,159 Speaker 1: I would never have learned it if it wasn't for 464 00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:00,600 Speaker 1: meeting the monk, and you're saying you learn at thirty 465 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:04,040 Speaker 1: or that's when you realize that after being successful to 466 00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:09,200 Speaker 1: some degree that you'd achieved, then externally successful, internally suffering. Yeah, 467 00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:12,399 Speaker 1: and no one wants to suffer, no one. It's interesting. 468 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:14,520 Speaker 1: I was just standing being a guy before this today, 469 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:16,520 Speaker 1: and I said, on a scale of one to ten 470 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:20,520 Speaker 1: of your inner peace and self love, scale, ten being 471 00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:22,480 Speaker 1: you love yourself, you have a lot of inner peace, 472 00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:25,040 Speaker 1: one being you hate yourself, no love. Where are you? 473 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:28,439 Speaker 1: He said, I'm a five? And I said, and this 474 00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:32,719 Speaker 1: is a guy with a massive company, extremely fit, shredded 475 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:37,920 Speaker 1: like people around him, but internally a five. And it 476 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,160 Speaker 1: goes back to what you talked about. I love the intro, 477 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:45,600 Speaker 1: which is happy, healthy and healed, healing, which is I said, 478 00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:48,280 Speaker 1: why do you think you're a five? And he said, 479 00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,720 Speaker 1: I haven't dealt with the inner stuff. I've dealt with 480 00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:55,720 Speaker 1: the mental side of discipline and structure and organization and 481 00:24:56,200 --> 00:25:00,639 Speaker 1: working hard and grinding. But the emotional side of healing 482 00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:04,119 Speaker 1: your heart, I believe, is the game. Yeah, it doesn't 483 00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:07,240 Speaker 1: matter how shredded you are, how wealthy you are, how 484 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:10,280 Speaker 1: successful you are, how many cars you have, if your 485 00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:15,760 Speaker 1: inner emotional state is suffering, you are losing. And when 486 00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:20,920 Speaker 1: your inter emotional state is at peace and focused on service, 487 00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:24,000 Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be changing the world, but service 488 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:27,320 Speaker 1: to the people in your life. That's when you are successful. 489 00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:30,600 Speaker 1: A lot of people that will say, well, Lewis, I 490 00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:34,960 Speaker 1: don't have anything to serve with, So shouldn't I want 491 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:39,720 Speaker 1: success first and then I'll find service because I don't 492 00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:42,239 Speaker 1: have my meaningful mission. I don't have any money, I 493 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:46,320 Speaker 1: don't have access, I don't have a platform. Shouldn't I 494 00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:49,280 Speaker 1: aim to get a platform first and then serve through it? 495 00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:51,639 Speaker 1: How do you think about that? I mean, you serve 496 00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,159 Speaker 1: for many years before you got your platform, you know, 497 00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:56,720 Speaker 1: and then you built your platform after really kind of 498 00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:01,640 Speaker 1: figuring out who you were, your identity, after leaving the monkhood, right, 499 00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:03,720 Speaker 1: you started to figure out what did you want? And 500 00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:05,919 Speaker 1: I think there's a period of time, a season of 501 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:07,960 Speaker 1: life where we have to try a lot of different 502 00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:11,040 Speaker 1: things and figure out what do we really love, what 503 00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:14,399 Speaker 1: are our passions, where our talents lyeing with our power? 504 00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:16,639 Speaker 1: And then what if the problem we're looking to solve. 505 00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:19,119 Speaker 1: So it's the three piece and you can ask yourself 506 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:24,000 Speaker 1: the passion, the power that you have and the problem 507 00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:26,159 Speaker 1: you're looking to solve. So I give a lot of 508 00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:28,200 Speaker 1: prompts and questions in the book around the three piece 509 00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:30,159 Speaker 1: where you kind of figure out your sweet spot of 510 00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:33,040 Speaker 1: what could I be doing? So the passions are and 511 00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:34,560 Speaker 1: a lot of people say that, I've heard a lot 512 00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:37,200 Speaker 1: of people say, don't follow your passion. I don't agree 513 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:39,760 Speaker 1: with that. I think you should be thinking about what 514 00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:43,240 Speaker 1: are you most curious about? What excites you? Whenever I 515 00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:45,119 Speaker 1: ask people what are you most excited about in your 516 00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:48,320 Speaker 1: life right now? You mostly see people like look up 517 00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:50,800 Speaker 1: in the sky and they're like they take a deep 518 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,399 Speaker 1: breath and they get really excited and they're emotional about it. 519 00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:56,600 Speaker 1: They're like joyful about it. You want to lean into 520 00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:59,879 Speaker 1: that feeling and do those things and be in that 521 00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:03,280 Speaker 1: playground of experiences. So I think you really want to 522 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:06,520 Speaker 1: be thinking about what is the things that I am 523 00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:09,359 Speaker 1: most passionate about. And maybe it doesn't mean for a 524 00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:11,280 Speaker 1: two to four year window of life you're gonna be 525 00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:13,240 Speaker 1: able to work on it, but you can still be 526 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:17,000 Speaker 1: working towards it. So figuring out what interests you, what 527 00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:19,680 Speaker 1: would you do if money was no object? What would 528 00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:21,560 Speaker 1: you just love to wake up and do in general, 529 00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:25,240 Speaker 1: and what excites you think about that. The second thing is, 530 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,440 Speaker 1: you know, when I was starting out, I didn't feel 531 00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:29,480 Speaker 1: like I had any talents. So I can relate to 532 00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:31,840 Speaker 1: a lot of people. When you left the monkhood, you 533 00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:37,000 Speaker 1: were like, well, what is this transferable skill in? And 534 00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:39,040 Speaker 1: you said you got rejected by like a hundred companies 535 00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:43,800 Speaker 1: or something, and it's like, I didn't think I had 536 00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:46,159 Speaker 1: transferable skills. You didn't think you had a lot of 537 00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:49,320 Speaker 1: people probably don't think that way. And most people when 538 00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:52,640 Speaker 1: they finish university or college, they don't use that degree 539 00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:55,480 Speaker 1: five to ten years later. They're moving on to different 540 00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:58,399 Speaker 1: things eventually. Right, So even if you got a degree 541 00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:00,880 Speaker 1: in something, you probably won't use in five to ten 542 00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:04,600 Speaker 1: years fully in that area. And so I think you 543 00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:07,080 Speaker 1: got to figure out what are the how do I 544 00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:11,080 Speaker 1: describe it? Kind of like invisible assets, right, the invisible 545 00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:14,800 Speaker 1: assets that you have acquired throughout your entire life that 546 00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:18,359 Speaker 1: maybe you're not even aware of. For me, an invisible 547 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:22,080 Speaker 1: asset was curiosity. It's not like I have this tangible 548 00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:26,399 Speaker 1: currency that I can use to build an opportunity in 549 00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:29,600 Speaker 1: my life, but it was an invisible currency, an invisible asset. 550 00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:33,880 Speaker 1: I was so curious about other people. Another invisible asset. 551 00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:38,720 Speaker 1: I was a pretty joyful human being. And anytime I 552 00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:41,080 Speaker 1: entered a room and everyone was always older than me 553 00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:44,280 Speaker 1: and more talented and more successful, I just said, I'm 554 00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:48,600 Speaker 1: going to bring so much joy and curiosity. That doesn't 555 00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:51,720 Speaker 1: seem like a transferable skill. People would be like they 556 00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:53,680 Speaker 1: just wanted to help me, and I was just twenty 557 00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:56,280 Speaker 1: four year old punk. That was just like entering these 558 00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:58,960 Speaker 1: networking events, in these social media conferences, in these rooms 559 00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:02,640 Speaker 1: around all these kind of thought leaders and really people 560 00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:05,280 Speaker 1: that I was like, Wow, they're like successful mentors of mine, 561 00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:07,360 Speaker 1: and they're always like, hey, Lewis, once you come join 562 00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:09,360 Speaker 1: us for dinner, Hey, that's pretty cool you're doing this. 563 00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:12,480 Speaker 1: Let me help you here. And I brought curiosity and joy. 564 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:15,440 Speaker 1: I never talked about myself. I would just ask questions 565 00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:19,320 Speaker 1: that I was fascinated by, and people loved to share 566 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:22,600 Speaker 1: these stories about themselves. That was a currency. That was 567 00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:25,120 Speaker 1: an invisible asset that I brought to the table. So 568 00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:27,480 Speaker 1: you gotta think about what are the powers that you 569 00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:30,959 Speaker 1: have that maybe you don't think you have. And also 570 00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:35,040 Speaker 1: I'm a big fan of figuring out where you are 571 00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:39,120 Speaker 1: most powerless and creating a list of all your fears. 572 00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:41,320 Speaker 1: I call it the fearless. Yeah, I want to get 573 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:43,400 Speaker 1: into that. Yes, this is the place where you feel 574 00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:46,200 Speaker 1: the most powerless. So for me, at the time, I 575 00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:50,520 Speaker 1: felt like my biggest fears and where I felt most 576 00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:54,280 Speaker 1: powerless was standing in front of a room of peers. 577 00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:56,480 Speaker 1: I could not stand up and speak in front of 578 00:29:56,520 --> 00:30:02,240 Speaker 1: five people without stuttering, stumbling, sweat and just forgetting everything 579 00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:04,880 Speaker 1: that I wanted to say. So I always felt insecure 580 00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:07,160 Speaker 1: when I had to stand up and present it in 581 00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:10,440 Speaker 1: front of people. And I always felt like, man, I'm 582 00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:12,400 Speaker 1: just messing up and people are laughing at me, and 583 00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:14,560 Speaker 1: I'm I'm not as smart as everyone else. I'm not 584 00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:16,800 Speaker 1: as good as a presenter as everyone else. So I 585 00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:20,880 Speaker 1: had this incredible crippling fear, and yet I knew one 586 00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:23,520 Speaker 1: day I wanted to be able to impact people in 587 00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:26,240 Speaker 1: some way, whether it was a career or something else. 588 00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:30,920 Speaker 1: And so I found a mentor who was a professional speaker. 589 00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:33,480 Speaker 1: I found a mentor with a model that I wanted 590 00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:37,240 Speaker 1: to mimic. He was a professional speaker, and he said, 591 00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:40,200 Speaker 1: you gotta overcome this fear. A way to do that 592 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:44,120 Speaker 1: is go to Toastmasters, a professional speaking class that you 593 00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:46,280 Speaker 1: can go to, And he told me exactly what to do. 594 00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:48,520 Speaker 1: I want you to go every week for a whole year. 595 00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:51,600 Speaker 1: It's gonna suck the first few months. You're not gonna 596 00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:54,640 Speaker 1: feel good. You're not gonna like it. It's gonna be embarrassing, 597 00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:57,920 Speaker 1: and you're not going to feel good about yourself. But 598 00:30:57,960 --> 00:30:59,719 Speaker 1: I'm telling you, if you do this every week for 599 00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:03,680 Speaker 1: a year, you will create unbelievable things in your life. 600 00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:06,520 Speaker 1: And it was true. Never in my wildest dreams where 601 00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:08,240 Speaker 1: I think I get paid what I get paid to 602 00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:13,040 Speaker 1: speak publicly. Now, So what was once something that made 603 00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:18,360 Speaker 1: me feel so powerless, I made it a superpower. But 604 00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:21,560 Speaker 1: the only way I could do that was finding someone 605 00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:24,760 Speaker 1: or some model or mentor to give me some guidance 606 00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:28,400 Speaker 1: or that I could mimic, and then taking action on 607 00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:31,560 Speaker 1: the fear over and over again until I embraced it 608 00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:34,680 Speaker 1: and became the Batman of public speaking. You know what 609 00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:36,200 Speaker 1: I mean. It's like, you've got to whatever the fear 610 00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:38,640 Speaker 1: is for your you, You've got to become batman in 611 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:41,560 Speaker 1: that experience. You've got to live in the dark. You've 612 00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:44,680 Speaker 1: got to wear a batsuit, and embrace that fear one 613 00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:48,840 Speaker 1: hundred percent until you can sit there peacefully for me 614 00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:51,040 Speaker 1: on a stage in front of an audience, and that 615 00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:56,760 Speaker 1: took years. You want to develop more superpowers in your 616 00:31:56,800 --> 00:32:00,040 Speaker 1: tool belt. You want to lean into that. And I 617 00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:02,040 Speaker 1: had a ton of fears and a lot of insecurities, 618 00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:04,680 Speaker 1: so it took me many years to start practicing on 619 00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:07,240 Speaker 1: this and overcoming it, and I still get to step 620 00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:10,800 Speaker 1: in more of them. The work never ends. So that's 621 00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:13,280 Speaker 1: the second thing. You've figured out what you're interested in, 622 00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:16,640 Speaker 1: your passions, your powers, and overcoming your fears to make 623 00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:18,960 Speaker 1: them superpowers. And the third one is figuring out what 624 00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:21,080 Speaker 1: problem do you want to solve. This is something you 625 00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:22,719 Speaker 1: talk about so much, and one of the reasons why 626 00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:25,640 Speaker 1: I love your work, Jay, is because you're always asking 627 00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:29,240 Speaker 1: people to think differently. You don't have to be the 628 00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:33,200 Speaker 1: one who's the entrepreneur or creating the thing. There are 629 00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:37,320 Speaker 1: so many great causes, teams, businesses and companies that have 630 00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:41,160 Speaker 1: missions that you can be a great team player and 631 00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:44,840 Speaker 1: use your passion and your power to support that problem. 632 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:47,960 Speaker 1: And I think that's what you've got to be looking for. 633 00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:50,720 Speaker 1: And it may not it may not always come to 634 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,800 Speaker 1: you in your twenties early thirties, it may evolve. There 635 00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:57,040 Speaker 1: are different seasons of life that you can use these 636 00:32:57,080 --> 00:33:00,320 Speaker 1: passions and powers to solve problems, So you don't have 637 00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:01,880 Speaker 1: to have it all figured out at twenty five or 638 00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:04,240 Speaker 1: thirty one, and I'll just like, give yourself a break 639 00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:07,400 Speaker 1: and keep enjoying life along the way. Yeah. I love 640 00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:09,760 Speaker 1: the three pas, and I hope that everyone when you 641 00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:12,360 Speaker 1: get the book, I want you to spend a really 642 00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:15,480 Speaker 1: big chunk of time figuring out those three peas. And 643 00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:17,640 Speaker 1: I think what you said it's true. I've heard that 644 00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:20,840 Speaker 1: rhetoric two of don't follow your passion. It's a waste 645 00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:24,200 Speaker 1: of time, it's bad advice. And I think what people 646 00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:29,160 Speaker 1: get confused is your passion with doing what you like 647 00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:32,520 Speaker 1: all the time every day. There are lots of things 648 00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:34,880 Speaker 1: I have to do every day that I don't like, 649 00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:38,000 Speaker 1: but they help me do what I'm passionate and exactly. 650 00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:40,320 Speaker 1: And I think it gets confusing when people are like, well, 651 00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:43,200 Speaker 1: do your passion means every day all the time, You'll 652 00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:45,040 Speaker 1: just be doing what you love, And I'm like, well, 653 00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:47,280 Speaker 1: that's not true, because I have to do plenty of 654 00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:49,920 Speaker 1: things I don't love in order to do what I 655 00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:52,080 Speaker 1: do love, And that's why you've got to use discipline. 656 00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:54,840 Speaker 1: You know, you've got to use discipline to keep you 657 00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:58,600 Speaker 1: organized and consistent on certain things that maybe aren't is fun, 658 00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:01,400 Speaker 1: but all have to sit around and play games all day, 659 00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:05,680 Speaker 1: you know. But it takes discipline to see a meaningful 660 00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:09,200 Speaker 1: mission mission come to fruition. And I think that's the 661 00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:11,680 Speaker 1: key when you get clear. A lot of people that 662 00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:14,719 Speaker 1: aren't clear on their meaningful mission for this season of life. 663 00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:19,239 Speaker 1: They're confused, they get depressed, they have stress, they have overwhelmed, 664 00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:23,600 Speaker 1: they feel lost, they feel frustrated, they feel like something's off, 665 00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:26,280 Speaker 1: and it's because you're not clear on the meaningful mission 666 00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:28,680 Speaker 1: for this season of life. And so that's why it's 667 00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:30,920 Speaker 1: just so important to get clear on what you want 668 00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:35,680 Speaker 1: and how you want to include others in this season. Yeah, 669 00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:37,920 Speaker 1: and I love how you keep saying season of life 670 00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:40,600 Speaker 1: because it's not like you've got to find your meaningful 671 00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:43,160 Speaker 1: mission and the rest of your entire life. And I 672 00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:45,200 Speaker 1: think that is too much pressure. For how long is 673 00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:47,360 Speaker 1: a season? How long? How much time do you think that? 674 00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:49,399 Speaker 1: I mean, there's different types of seasons, and I look 675 00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:52,920 Speaker 1: at it a sports in sports in a year and 676 00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:57,840 Speaker 1: a year. There's four seasons in the year of fall, summer, spring, winter. 677 00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:02,880 Speaker 1: In sports, there is a pret season, a season, post season, 678 00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:06,240 Speaker 1: and the playoffs. Right, there's kind of these four seasonal moments, 679 00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:10,000 Speaker 1: and there's always time to reflect on. Okay, I did 680 00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:12,600 Speaker 1: this thing for nine months or a year? Do I 681 00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:15,600 Speaker 1: still want to keep doing this thing? Right? Take time 682 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:17,880 Speaker 1: to reflect? You take a month off every year to 683 00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:24,160 Speaker 1: reflect what works, and you relaxed. Sometimes we're so in 684 00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:25,920 Speaker 1: it all the time that we don't have the moment 685 00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:28,640 Speaker 1: to reflect on. Do I still am I still excited 686 00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:31,160 Speaker 1: about this? Is it still what I want to do? 687 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:33,960 Speaker 1: Do I feel like there's a new season coming for me? 688 00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:37,280 Speaker 1: Like I am I shedding something and stepping into something 689 00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:41,000 Speaker 1: that I'm ready for now, Just like this book, it 690 00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:43,919 Speaker 1: wasn't the right season five years ago. I didn't feel 691 00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:46,759 Speaker 1: like I was had figured out what I needed to 692 00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:50,120 Speaker 1: figure it out internally to be authentically sharing the messages 693 00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:51,480 Speaker 1: that I have now, And I felt like I would 694 00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:53,120 Speaker 1: have been a fake if it came out years ago. 695 00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:57,280 Speaker 1: I knew the concepts, but I didn't know it inside 696 00:35:57,320 --> 00:35:59,680 Speaker 1: of me. How did you know? Like that's a great point, right, Look, 697 00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:01,799 Speaker 1: I feel like there's a lot of people listening. They 698 00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:04,120 Speaker 1: want to launch a podcast, they want to write a book, 699 00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:07,480 Speaker 1: they want to build a new idea inside their company, 700 00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:09,240 Speaker 1: they want to take a new idea to their boss. 701 00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:11,759 Speaker 1: They want to they want to start something fresh or 702 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:14,120 Speaker 1: new in their area, they want to start a charity, right, 703 00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:17,439 Speaker 1: whatever it may be. And I think there's always that 704 00:36:17,560 --> 00:36:21,880 Speaker 1: period of not feeling ready and then doing it. And 705 00:36:21,920 --> 00:36:24,719 Speaker 1: I feel like that's the part where most people are 706 00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:27,279 Speaker 1: stuck were like in their head. If you talk to them, 707 00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:29,560 Speaker 1: and I'll talk to lots of people, they kind of 708 00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:31,759 Speaker 1: know what the logo looks like, and they're kind of 709 00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:34,400 Speaker 1: thinking about the website, or they kind of put a 710 00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:36,560 Speaker 1: bit of the presentation for their boss together and they're 711 00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:40,000 Speaker 1: thinking about it. But what's the difference or what is 712 00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:44,080 Speaker 1: the right way to go about feeling ready or getting 713 00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:47,400 Speaker 1: ready even when you don't feel it right, like because 714 00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:49,799 Speaker 1: you didn't want to wait ten years exactly, but you 715 00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:52,879 Speaker 1: didn't want to wait five days, right like? How did Yeah? 716 00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:54,680 Speaker 1: And obviously there's a book, so it's a bigger thing. 717 00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:57,319 Speaker 1: It takes more time. I think there's this concept that 718 00:36:57,360 --> 00:37:01,239 Speaker 1: we've all heard that is like face it until what 719 00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:03,359 Speaker 1: does it no, fake it till you make it right. 720 00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:05,200 Speaker 1: That's the concept, fake it till you make it. It's 721 00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:07,560 Speaker 1: what a lot of people here, and I really started 722 00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:09,880 Speaker 1: to think about, I don't really like that, and I 723 00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:13,239 Speaker 1: think it should be face it until you embrace it, right, 724 00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:17,480 Speaker 1: or face it until you embody it. And so when 725 00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:20,839 Speaker 1: we take the concept in the greatness mindset of okay, 726 00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:23,800 Speaker 1: writing it down, writing down a list of your fears, 727 00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:28,760 Speaker 1: your fearless, then you face the fear until you embody 728 00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:32,560 Speaker 1: and overcome that fear. Until you embrace it, you embody 729 00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:36,920 Speaker 1: it and it doesn't have power over you anymore. And really, 730 00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:40,120 Speaker 1: for me, it's about having the perception of like it 731 00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:42,839 Speaker 1: just kind of depends what you value in life. So 732 00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:45,799 Speaker 1: many times for me, I think about how much I 733 00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:48,000 Speaker 1: could die at any moment, you know, I think that 734 00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:50,520 Speaker 1: my life could be over at any moment. Will I 735 00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:53,200 Speaker 1: be proud of who I am if I didn't launch 736 00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:55,680 Speaker 1: this thing that's been inside of me for a while. 737 00:37:56,719 --> 00:37:58,880 Speaker 1: I knew on this I didn't have the fear of 738 00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:01,520 Speaker 1: writing a book that wasn't a fear of mine. Where 739 00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:03,880 Speaker 1: a lot of people they have a book idea for 740 00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:07,160 Speaker 1: ten or twenty years and they just never launched the thing. Yeah, 741 00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:10,440 Speaker 1: that wasn't my fear. My fear was being like inauthentic 742 00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:14,799 Speaker 1: to who I was and being I don't know, is 743 00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:17,040 Speaker 1: it a liar or just not feeling like, okay, something 744 00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:18,520 Speaker 1: was off inside of me. I don't want to put 745 00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:23,560 Speaker 1: something out there, and so I knew, Okay, I know 746 00:38:23,719 --> 00:38:27,440 Speaker 1: this book is going to be my best work ever, 747 00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:31,560 Speaker 1: but I don't feel like I'm the right messenger yet 748 00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:34,440 Speaker 1: to put it out there. So what do I need 749 00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:38,839 Speaker 1: to face until I can embrace the person I want 750 00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:40,560 Speaker 1: to be to be able to put this out there? 751 00:38:41,239 --> 00:38:44,080 Speaker 1: And that, to me was after two and a half 752 00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:47,120 Speaker 1: years of researching this book and taking tons of notes 753 00:38:47,120 --> 00:38:50,600 Speaker 1: and interviewing experts and me being me, checking in with 754 00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:52,160 Speaker 1: me at the end of every year, being like, why 755 00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:54,880 Speaker 1: am I still talking about wanting to write this book 756 00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:58,279 Speaker 1: but not having the courage. That's when the therapy and 757 00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:01,360 Speaker 1: the coaching sessions and die having deep into my wounds 758 00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:04,960 Speaker 1: and the emotional traumas, I was like, I need to 759 00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:07,880 Speaker 1: face this part of me that I'm still afraid of. 760 00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:10,640 Speaker 1: That was the thing on my fear list that I 761 00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:15,719 Speaker 1: had resisted for decades, and when I faced it and 762 00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:20,040 Speaker 1: felt like, Wow, I'm actually able to feel healing. I'm 763 00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:25,160 Speaker 1: actually able to feel calm around this situation in my life. 764 00:39:25,239 --> 00:39:27,680 Speaker 1: In other areas I felt calm, but not this situation. 765 00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:32,760 Speaker 1: I've actually been facing it consistently every week and doing 766 00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:37,040 Speaker 1: the work emotionally, revealing myself and exercises and coaching and 767 00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:40,320 Speaker 1: getting feedback and all that stuff. Then when I felt 768 00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:44,680 Speaker 1: freedom internally, that's when I was able to create and launch. Yeah, 769 00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:46,200 Speaker 1: that's a great insight. I think a lot of us 770 00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:48,840 Speaker 1: are hoping that our fear will just go away, or 771 00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:50,719 Speaker 1: like you said, we just try and fake it and 772 00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:53,640 Speaker 1: then it doesn't feel right or it doesn't align with us. 773 00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:56,000 Speaker 1: And really, what you're saying is you have to face 774 00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:58,640 Speaker 1: the fear you have. There's no other way. It's not 775 00:39:58,719 --> 00:40:01,880 Speaker 1: like a different route, there's on a different pathway, and 776 00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:05,560 Speaker 1: you can't and you can't out analyze the fear. Yes, yes, yes, 777 00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:10,040 Speaker 1: I understand the concept. You've got to experience it, yea. 778 00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:14,719 Speaker 1: And horrified. Yeah it's horrified. Yeah, it's you know, it's 779 00:40:14,719 --> 00:40:16,880 Speaker 1: something that held me back for decades, and it's what 780 00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,680 Speaker 1: causes us as human beings to repeat the same patterns 781 00:40:19,719 --> 00:40:23,000 Speaker 1: of familiarity. We get stuck in patterns that are familiar, 782 00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:25,799 Speaker 1: even when we know it's not right. This is why 783 00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:29,399 Speaker 1: you hear so many people, specifically women, who say, on 784 00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:33,080 Speaker 1: my wedding day, I knew it wasn't right, Like I 785 00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:35,480 Speaker 1: knew something was off. When like three or four or 786 00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:37,440 Speaker 1: five years later they got divorced and you asked them, 787 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:39,640 Speaker 1: did you did you think every think something was off? 788 00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:42,120 Speaker 1: They were, like, on my wedding day, I had a feeling, 789 00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:45,479 Speaker 1: but I was afraid. I was afraid to let people down. 790 00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:49,560 Speaker 1: Everyone was already there, the invitations were sent, we had 791 00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:51,839 Speaker 1: already put the down, pose it down. I didn't want 792 00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:53,640 Speaker 1: to ruffle feathers, and I thought, maybe we just try 793 00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:55,759 Speaker 1: to make it work. A lot of us have that 794 00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:58,880 Speaker 1: fear of letting others down, and that's the thing that 795 00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:00,839 Speaker 1: holds a lot of people back. Yeah, and I love 796 00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:03,719 Speaker 1: it in the book because you break down the four 797 00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:06,719 Speaker 1: fears that we all experienced. I want to go. I 798 00:41:06,719 --> 00:41:10,600 Speaker 1: want to just give people three main fears, sorry, three 799 00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:13,799 Speaker 1: main fears, yes, yeah, failure, success, judgments, sorry, three main fears. 800 00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:15,840 Speaker 1: I want I want to just touch on them because 801 00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:20,239 Speaker 1: I think that these top three fears are really well 802 00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:22,919 Speaker 1: articulated and I've experienced all of them, so I want 803 00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:26,239 Speaker 1: to reflect on them myself too. So I remember when 804 00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:28,839 Speaker 1: I was thinking about like you said, so I've been 805 00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:30,879 Speaker 1: doing what I do today. I've been doing it now 806 00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:34,880 Speaker 1: for seventeen years, seven years online, ten years offline. And 807 00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:37,400 Speaker 1: the ten years that it was offline, there were no followers, 808 00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:41,160 Speaker 1: there was no courses, there was no business aspect to it. 809 00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:43,239 Speaker 1: It was just service and it was me learning and 810 00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:46,160 Speaker 1: me sharing my passion with five to ten people that 811 00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:50,239 Speaker 1: would show up or fifty people out shot. And when 812 00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:54,080 Speaker 1: I finally realized that I wanted it to reach more people, 813 00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:58,239 Speaker 1: and that was a internal calling I had that I 814 00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:00,640 Speaker 1: didn't want to live in a world where only five 815 00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:03,520 Speaker 1: to ten people had access to these ideas, because these 816 00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:06,919 Speaker 1: ideas changed my life. And I felt, wait a minute, 817 00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:10,759 Speaker 1: I met a monk. That's a very specific experience. Not 818 00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:13,040 Speaker 1: everyone's going to go through something like that, So how 819 00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:15,359 Speaker 1: do we speed that experience up for more people. I 820 00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:18,399 Speaker 1: was scared of failure because I was looking at Why 821 00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:20,320 Speaker 1: were you scared of failure? Because I was looking at 822 00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:25,040 Speaker 1: social media and I was looking at content, and I 823 00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:27,359 Speaker 1: was looking at things people were doing, and I was 824 00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:30,000 Speaker 1: scared about what my friends would say, yes, I was 825 00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:34,080 Speaker 1: scared about me uploading something in not getting views, it 826 00:42:34,239 --> 00:42:37,439 Speaker 1: getting criticism, or getting like people in the comment section 827 00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:41,400 Speaker 1: saying oh this is trash or whatever. And I was 828 00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:44,680 Speaker 1: scared of failure. I was scared of no one's going 829 00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:47,319 Speaker 1: to care, no one's gonna watch, and it doesn't and 830 00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:51,759 Speaker 1: it's not going to matter. And that probably lasted as 831 00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:55,200 Speaker 1: I was researching, learning and thinking for two years where 832 00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:58,440 Speaker 1: I felt like that before I actually wanted to but 833 00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:00,839 Speaker 1: you didn't do it exactly to do in my head. 834 00:43:01,080 --> 00:43:03,359 Speaker 1: And often at those times, I find that's when you 835 00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:06,480 Speaker 1: start becoming critical too. So you're kind of looking at 836 00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:08,200 Speaker 1: what everyone else is doing and you're finding holes in 837 00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:10,360 Speaker 1: it because you think you could do it better, or 838 00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:12,040 Speaker 1: you know, you get kind of like that and you 839 00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:13,840 Speaker 1: realize that's not how you want to live either. And 840 00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:17,960 Speaker 1: so I find often when we're the most inactive or stagnant, 841 00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:21,000 Speaker 1: that's one we're the most critical person judgemental of others 842 00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:24,600 Speaker 1: who are doing something d and trying their best. No 843 00:43:24,719 --> 00:43:28,000 Speaker 1: authors are writing negative reviews on other authors books. It's 844 00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:30,279 Speaker 1: just some people who have never written a book who's like, 845 00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:32,680 Speaker 1: this was the worst book ever, Right, Yeah, and it's 846 00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:35,120 Speaker 1: it's hard, and so I remember feeling that way, like 847 00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:37,320 Speaker 1: where you know, I was starting to notice. I remember 848 00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:39,719 Speaker 1: even years ago when when my friends were really into 849 00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:42,279 Speaker 1: music and we'd be like laughing at the rapper on 850 00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:44,719 Speaker 1: screen or like whoever it may be, and be like, oh, 851 00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:47,319 Speaker 1: like he thinks he's got rhymes and we could do better, 852 00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:50,160 Speaker 1: and it's but that guy's actually gone and done it right, 853 00:43:50,239 --> 00:43:53,440 Speaker 1: that that person's doing it, And so yeah, talk to 854 00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:55,680 Speaker 1: me about let's talk about that, because I think the 855 00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:58,600 Speaker 1: fear of failure and I love the way you put 856 00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:00,880 Speaker 1: it into failure, and we'll talk about success and judgment. 857 00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:03,640 Speaker 1: Fear of failure is the number one thing that blocks 858 00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:08,239 Speaker 1: us from trying. And that's depart right. It's not about 859 00:44:08,239 --> 00:44:10,640 Speaker 1: stops us from succeeding. It stops us from trying. I 860 00:44:10,719 --> 00:44:12,160 Speaker 1: was trying to figure out what is the thing that 861 00:44:12,200 --> 00:44:14,640 Speaker 1: holds us back? What are these fears? And it was 862 00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:17,480 Speaker 1: and it became clear to me that it was failure, success, 863 00:44:17,719 --> 00:44:21,680 Speaker 1: and judgment. And I started I didn't understand failure and 864 00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:24,319 Speaker 1: success personally, but I started to ask people and kind 865 00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:28,480 Speaker 1: of brainstorm and workshop with people because for me, as 866 00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:31,640 Speaker 1: an athlete growing up, I was conditioned that failure is 867 00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:34,480 Speaker 1: a part of success. Yeah, that makes sense. So if 868 00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:39,080 Speaker 1: I wanted success and the pathway there is failure. Like 869 00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:42,080 Speaker 1: every day in practice, you fail, you make a mistake, 870 00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:44,000 Speaker 1: you give the wrong pass, you turn the ball over, 871 00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:46,360 Speaker 1: you drop the ball, you miss the shot. So I 872 00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:50,520 Speaker 1: would watch Michael Jordan fail one hundred times a game 873 00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:53,000 Speaker 1: but still win the game, you know, or whatever it is. 874 00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:55,319 Speaker 1: You know, it's like miss a ton of shots and 875 00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:57,440 Speaker 1: it was never like the worst thing. It was like, 876 00:44:57,480 --> 00:45:00,919 Speaker 1: I don't want to fail in my sport. I want 877 00:45:00,920 --> 00:45:04,120 Speaker 1: to be perfect in every play, but I know that 878 00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:06,600 Speaker 1: this is the path towards success, and it's how I 879 00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:10,279 Speaker 1: get feedback to get better. So failure was feedback. It 880 00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:13,280 Speaker 1: was information telling me what I needed to do to improve. 881 00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:17,239 Speaker 1: So I understand that concept success. I also did not 882 00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:19,640 Speaker 1: understand why people who are afraid of success. But as 883 00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:23,839 Speaker 1: I started touring and speaking and asking people who here 884 00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:26,399 Speaker 1: is afraid of failure? Most of the room would raise 885 00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:28,040 Speaker 1: their hand. At some point in their life they're afraid 886 00:45:28,080 --> 00:45:29,520 Speaker 1: of failure. And I'd say, how many of you are 887 00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:35,080 Speaker 1: afraid of success? Thinking everyone wants this, so almost half 888 00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:37,200 Speaker 1: the room would also raise their hand. For success, and 889 00:45:37,239 --> 00:45:39,640 Speaker 1: I go, but this is the thing people want. So 890 00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:41,880 Speaker 1: if you want something you're afraid of, why would it 891 00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:44,520 Speaker 1: come to you. Why would success come to you if 892 00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:46,600 Speaker 1: you're afraid of it. Why would money come to you 893 00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:48,520 Speaker 1: if you're afraid of it. Why would love come to 894 00:45:48,560 --> 00:45:52,360 Speaker 1: you if you're afraid of it? So I never understood 895 00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:57,040 Speaker 1: that concept, but as I started talk to people and realize, oh, 896 00:45:57,080 --> 00:46:00,959 Speaker 1: actually I get it because the weight of gold can 897 00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:04,160 Speaker 1: be so heavy for so many people. There's actually a 898 00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:07,839 Speaker 1: documentary called Weight of Gold that is about Olympic gold 899 00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:11,799 Speaker 1: medalists who go on to commit suicide afterwards, who go 900 00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:17,200 Speaker 1: on to have extreme depression, mental health challenges, lose friendships, 901 00:46:17,239 --> 00:46:20,400 Speaker 1: go bankrupt, all this stuff because the pressure wants you 902 00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:24,080 Speaker 1: succeed to stay there, everyone expecting you to be a 903 00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:26,959 Speaker 1: certain way, everyone expecting you to be perfect all the time, 904 00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:29,560 Speaker 1: the perfect role model, and everyone expecting you now to 905 00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:31,720 Speaker 1: have money to just give to your friends and family, 906 00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:34,680 Speaker 1: and not knowing who really cares about you for you 907 00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:40,839 Speaker 1: versus your success. And also it's just a weight that 908 00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:43,040 Speaker 1: takes a lot of courage to be able to lean 909 00:46:43,080 --> 00:46:46,240 Speaker 1: into and manage. And I think it's a skill set 910 00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:50,080 Speaker 1: to understand and manage success. But that's something I always wanted, 911 00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:51,719 Speaker 1: so I was like, bring it on, you know, I'll 912 00:46:51,760 --> 00:46:54,799 Speaker 1: take it. The fear for me that it has been 913 00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:58,560 Speaker 1: my kryptonite over the years was judgment and the need 914 00:46:58,680 --> 00:47:03,560 Speaker 1: for other people to like me, and specifically the matters 915 00:47:03,560 --> 00:47:05,919 Speaker 1: of the heart and intimacy. And that's why I kept 916 00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:09,440 Speaker 1: repeating the pattern because I wasn't afraid to enter a relationship, 917 00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:11,279 Speaker 1: you know, I wasn't afraid of that. I wasn't afraid 918 00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:14,040 Speaker 1: of doing well. I wanted it to do well. But 919 00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:17,680 Speaker 1: I kept abandoning myself to try to please one person 920 00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:21,440 Speaker 1: to accept and love me. I was terrified of the 921 00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:25,520 Speaker 1: judgment and that crippled me. It was a big, you know, 922 00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:29,479 Speaker 1: kryptonite in my entire existence until a couple of years ago. 923 00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:33,440 Speaker 1: And that's the thing. We've got to identify which one 924 00:47:33,440 --> 00:47:36,560 Speaker 1: of these fears holds us back the most. And again 925 00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:38,480 Speaker 1: in the book, I talk about kind of the process 926 00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:41,640 Speaker 1: of uncovering and unpacking that so that if you can 927 00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:45,320 Speaker 1: have clarity and awareness. You talk about awareness is the key. 928 00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:48,799 Speaker 1: Once you are aware and clear, then you can create 929 00:47:48,840 --> 00:47:52,920 Speaker 1: a game plan on how to embrace it, overcome it, 930 00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:57,239 Speaker 1: and make that fear and insecurity a superpower, and I 931 00:47:57,600 --> 00:47:59,879 Speaker 1: truly think we're just going to be have something often 932 00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:01,840 Speaker 1: side of us. We're going to be unfulfilled, We're going 933 00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:06,839 Speaker 1: to be frustrated, you know, disconnected, until we figure out 934 00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:10,680 Speaker 1: what the fear is for us and figuring out how 935 00:48:10,680 --> 00:48:14,200 Speaker 1: to fully accept ourselves. At the center of all three 936 00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:16,960 Speaker 1: of these fears is I'm not enough. I am not 937 00:48:17,080 --> 00:48:19,319 Speaker 1: lovable enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not good enough. 938 00:48:19,360 --> 00:48:22,960 Speaker 1: I'm not talented enough. I'm not enough. And when we 939 00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:25,080 Speaker 1: can finally get to a place where I say I 940 00:48:25,160 --> 00:48:27,760 Speaker 1: am enough, I can go back to all the different 941 00:48:27,760 --> 00:48:29,799 Speaker 1: periods of my life that I'm not proud of, that 942 00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:32,680 Speaker 1: I'm ashamed of, that I'm insecure about, that, that I 943 00:48:32,760 --> 00:48:35,560 Speaker 1: hurt people, that other people hurt me, that I haven't forgiven. 944 00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:39,440 Speaker 1: If I can go back and reconnect with those broken 945 00:48:39,719 --> 00:48:43,759 Speaker 1: elements of my mindset from the past and complete can 946 00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:47,759 Speaker 1: create healing and wholeness, then I can accept and love 947 00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:52,839 Speaker 1: myself today from where I'm at, And that's when everything changes. Yeah, 948 00:48:52,960 --> 00:48:55,000 Speaker 1: And I can so relate to all of those as 949 00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:57,480 Speaker 1: you're talking about them, Like I remember, after I had 950 00:48:57,560 --> 00:48:59,960 Speaker 1: my first viral video, I didn't want to make anything. 951 00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:03,000 Speaker 1: It is really because because you're scared of success, like 952 00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:08,160 Speaker 1: you're scared of weren't you you get well, that's the point, 953 00:49:08,280 --> 00:49:11,280 Speaker 1: right like it at one point it has to become 954 00:49:11,320 --> 00:49:14,680 Speaker 1: about more than the successful failure, and that's where the 955 00:49:14,719 --> 00:49:17,400 Speaker 1: meaningful mission it comes back to that, right, it always 956 00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:20,120 Speaker 1: comes back to that. And I was talking about this 957 00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:22,440 Speaker 1: with our friend and we talked about you two. It's 958 00:49:22,480 --> 00:49:24,719 Speaker 1: so funny. I was talking to Stephen Bartler recently because 959 00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:26,400 Speaker 1: I was in London, and we talked about you two 960 00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:30,360 Speaker 1: because we're twing my relationships, and he was saying what 961 00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:32,799 Speaker 1: he'd learned from you and the conversations you guys have had. 962 00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:35,800 Speaker 1: And now I'm talking about him to you, but I was. 963 00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:37,640 Speaker 1: I was talking to him about the idea of just 964 00:49:37,760 --> 00:49:42,440 Speaker 1: like getting comfortable with the idea that at one point 965 00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:49,120 Speaker 1: we all have to embrace insignificance and irrelevance in a 966 00:49:49,360 --> 00:49:53,480 Speaker 1: public sense, but that in an internal sense, the meaningful 967 00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:57,640 Speaker 1: mission was what was carrying you. So if you stop 968 00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:03,399 Speaker 1: because people stop following, or if you start only when 969 00:50:03,440 --> 00:50:07,640 Speaker 1: people are following, then there isn't a meaningful mission, because 970 00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:10,200 Speaker 1: the meaningful mission is what you were doing whether people 971 00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:12,640 Speaker 1: were following or not, because it's what you wanted to 972 00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:14,759 Speaker 1: do and who you wanted to be. And so I 973 00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:17,000 Speaker 1: think it comes back to that that if you only 974 00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:20,600 Speaker 1: play when you're winning, and you stop when you're losing, 975 00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:24,040 Speaker 1: or you don't pivot and learn a new way to serve, 976 00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:27,160 Speaker 1: then there isn't a meaningful mission at the bedrock of it. 977 00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:30,080 Speaker 1: And so I love that the meaningful mission is at 978 00:50:30,120 --> 00:50:34,280 Speaker 1: the heart of everything because there will always be changes, 979 00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:37,920 Speaker 1: like the platforms will change, the algorithms will change, people 980 00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:39,879 Speaker 1: will come and go, people will come and go, and 981 00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:42,760 Speaker 1: you see the people that have lasted the test of time, 982 00:50:43,360 --> 00:50:45,799 Speaker 1: it's usually people who have a meaningful mission, as you're saying, 983 00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:48,080 Speaker 1: who want to keep serving, keep giving. They feel they 984 00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:52,160 Speaker 1: have that, yeah, and they're not worried about how famous 985 00:50:52,280 --> 00:50:54,400 Speaker 1: or relevant they are, you know. And I think I 986 00:50:54,480 --> 00:50:57,680 Speaker 1: loved your conversation with Kevin Hart about how like fame 987 00:50:57,840 --> 00:51:00,719 Speaker 1: is like this ultimate drug and if it's not used 988 00:51:00,719 --> 00:51:04,520 Speaker 1: wisely or managed properly, it will ruin you. And I think, 989 00:51:04,800 --> 00:51:07,280 Speaker 1: you know, the idea of being relevant or having followers 990 00:51:07,360 --> 00:51:11,280 Speaker 1: or views or something like that, if it's not managed properly, 991 00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:14,440 Speaker 1: it will probably stress you out and overwhelm you and 992 00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:17,560 Speaker 1: make you go a little crazy unless there's some foundation 993 00:51:17,640 --> 00:51:20,200 Speaker 1: of hey, yes I want to impact more people, and 994 00:51:20,320 --> 00:51:22,720 Speaker 1: yes I want this to do well, but the mission 995 00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:25,680 Speaker 1: is to serve. And I remember when I wrote my 996 00:51:25,800 --> 00:51:30,920 Speaker 1: last book specifically about you know, masculine vulnerability. I remember 997 00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:35,200 Speaker 1: thinking to myself, this may not do that well. You know, 998 00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:38,960 Speaker 1: at that time, in twenty eighteen or twenty seventeen, whenever 999 00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:41,080 Speaker 1: that was, I was like, I don't know if men 1000 00:51:41,160 --> 00:51:44,120 Speaker 1: are ready to start talking about being vulnerable. It was 1001 00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:49,279 Speaker 1: kind of just like barely happening. Right now everyone is 1002 00:51:49,280 --> 00:51:51,839 Speaker 1: talking about that. Not everyone, but you see that a lot. 1003 00:51:52,800 --> 00:51:55,120 Speaker 1: But I remember being like, I could. I really don't 1004 00:51:55,160 --> 00:51:58,040 Speaker 1: care if this sells a million copies or one. If 1005 00:51:58,040 --> 00:52:00,880 Speaker 1: it sells one, and that man is impacted and he 1006 00:52:00,920 --> 00:52:04,440 Speaker 1: has a deeper relationship with himself where he heals, he 1007 00:52:04,480 --> 00:52:07,280 Speaker 1: has a deeper relationship with his wife or his partner 1008 00:52:07,280 --> 00:52:10,680 Speaker 1: and his family, he heals, and men some relationships and 1009 00:52:10,800 --> 00:52:15,759 Speaker 1: he finds more happiness, health, and he heals. Then I 1010 00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:18,280 Speaker 1: was like, it's worth it. It's worth the two years 1011 00:52:18,280 --> 00:52:20,640 Speaker 1: of research. It's worth all the pain that I went through, 1012 00:52:20,800 --> 00:52:24,520 Speaker 1: It's worth the fear of opening up about sexual abuse 1013 00:52:24,600 --> 00:52:27,640 Speaker 1: that I was afraid of years before that, because I 1014 00:52:27,680 --> 00:52:30,200 Speaker 1: want another guy to feel the same way. And so 1015 00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:32,680 Speaker 1: I think when we go into it with yes, we 1016 00:52:32,719 --> 00:52:35,920 Speaker 1: want things to do well. When we put effort and 1017 00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:39,200 Speaker 1: energy into launching a project, a business, accompany, your book, 1018 00:52:39,239 --> 00:52:42,000 Speaker 1: a podcast, of course you want things to go well. 1019 00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:44,840 Speaker 1: But if you have the meaningful mission is the bedrock 1020 00:52:44,880 --> 00:52:48,239 Speaker 1: where you're just like, it's about we, it's about us, 1021 00:52:48,480 --> 00:52:52,080 Speaker 1: it's about service. It's not about me getting more famous 1022 00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:56,160 Speaker 1: or building something of more followers. That's when I think 1023 00:52:56,200 --> 00:52:59,759 Speaker 1: it's more sustainable energetically. Yeah. Yeah, when when people are 1024 00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:02,360 Speaker 1: saying with that and we kind of skipped, not skipped 1025 00:53:02,440 --> 00:53:05,000 Speaker 1: over it, but we used it and move forward. Like 1026 00:53:05,800 --> 00:53:08,040 Speaker 1: I think when I use the word purpose, or when 1027 00:53:08,120 --> 00:53:10,600 Speaker 1: when you're using the word meaningful mission, it's like it 1028 00:53:10,640 --> 00:53:12,920 Speaker 1: can feel quite heavy for certain people because they're like, 1029 00:53:13,239 --> 00:53:14,920 Speaker 1: I don't care about it, Like there's nothing that I 1030 00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:17,640 Speaker 1: even care about that much, Like I don't know or 1031 00:53:17,840 --> 00:53:21,000 Speaker 1: I want to. I wish I cared about humanity or 1032 00:53:21,040 --> 00:53:23,279 Speaker 1: animals or whatever it may be that you care about. 1033 00:53:23,320 --> 00:53:25,360 Speaker 1: You got to know your season when I was broke 1034 00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:28,399 Speaker 1: on my sister's couch. I couldn't think beyond getting off 1035 00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:31,520 Speaker 1: the couch. So I was like, my meaningful mission is 1036 00:53:31,520 --> 00:53:34,520 Speaker 1: to make enough money to live on my own. Yeah, 1037 00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:36,759 Speaker 1: I remember that. I remember that. Yeah, paying rent and 1038 00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:40,239 Speaker 1: paying groceries, Like that's where I started. If that's your 1039 00:53:40,239 --> 00:53:43,040 Speaker 1: season of life, you got to focus on that, and 1040 00:53:43,080 --> 00:53:45,080 Speaker 1: you gotta focus on getting to a baseline where you 1041 00:53:45,080 --> 00:53:48,440 Speaker 1: can start thinking beyond yourself. But you're doing that with 1042 00:53:48,680 --> 00:53:52,839 Speaker 1: the hidden feeling like I want to do service right now, 1043 00:53:52,840 --> 00:53:55,160 Speaker 1: I just need to focus on this. That's It's kind 1044 00:53:55,160 --> 00:53:57,120 Speaker 1: of like I love that you said that, because that's 1045 00:53:57,120 --> 00:54:00,239 Speaker 1: what I've found too. It's like I never stopped wanting 1046 00:54:00,239 --> 00:54:03,400 Speaker 1: to do service. There were just moments in trying to 1047 00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:06,840 Speaker 1: do service with the immediate need. Well, it's kind of 1048 00:54:06,880 --> 00:54:10,200 Speaker 1: like saying, you have an apartment. There's a fire in 1049 00:54:10,239 --> 00:54:13,960 Speaker 1: the apartment, but you're trying to do your interior design right, like, 1050 00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:16,880 Speaker 1: or you want to have your friends over, Like no, 1051 00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:19,920 Speaker 1: but my apartments that my friends. It's like no, no, no no, no, Yeah, 1052 00:54:20,080 --> 00:54:23,279 Speaker 1: but like I want to serve with my house my 1053 00:54:23,320 --> 00:54:25,000 Speaker 1: friends over and it's like no, no no, no, just so 1054 00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:28,680 Speaker 1: the fire and then and then use it for that. Yeah, 1055 00:54:28,760 --> 00:54:32,120 Speaker 1: I think it's uh, it's it's understanding where you're at. 1056 00:54:32,160 --> 00:54:35,000 Speaker 1: And that's why I said, like, listen, when I you've 1057 00:54:35,040 --> 00:54:37,959 Speaker 1: got to have a season of overcoming your fears as well. 1058 00:54:38,040 --> 00:54:40,479 Speaker 1: Like for a few years, I was just like, I'm 1059 00:54:40,520 --> 00:54:43,840 Speaker 1: so crippled by insecurity and fear that all my energy 1060 00:54:43,920 --> 00:54:46,880 Speaker 1: is going towards public speaking class. I'm doing SALCA lessons 1061 00:54:46,920 --> 00:54:48,400 Speaker 1: because this was a fear of mine and I want to. 1062 00:54:50,320 --> 00:54:51,799 Speaker 1: But I was like, there's so much and I was like, 1063 00:54:51,840 --> 00:54:53,759 Speaker 1: and I was in research mode. I know you love 1064 00:54:53,840 --> 00:54:56,759 Speaker 1: to read and research and teach. I was in just 1065 00:54:56,880 --> 00:54:59,520 Speaker 1: research mode for hours every day. I was researching, I 1066 00:54:59,600 --> 00:55:02,960 Speaker 1: was learning online, I was building relationships, and I was 1067 00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:05,160 Speaker 1: overcoming fears. That was the season while I was all 1068 00:55:05,239 --> 00:55:07,239 Speaker 1: my sister's couch for a year and a half trying 1069 00:55:07,280 --> 00:55:10,040 Speaker 1: to figure out who am I in this world? What 1070 00:55:10,160 --> 00:55:12,600 Speaker 1: is the point of all this? What is my identity 1071 00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:16,040 Speaker 1: now that I've lost my dream and my athletic dreams, 1072 00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:17,799 Speaker 1: What am I going to do the rest of my life? 1073 00:55:17,800 --> 00:55:21,560 Speaker 1: I was in a season of researching, of building relationships 1074 00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:26,640 Speaker 1: and overcoming fears. But still I was being in service 1075 00:55:26,840 --> 00:55:30,080 Speaker 1: to the people I was working with. I was bringing 1076 00:55:30,120 --> 00:55:34,520 Speaker 1: curiosity I was bringing joy. I was bringing moments of fun. 1077 00:55:34,960 --> 00:55:38,040 Speaker 1: And that's just as much service as it is feeding 1078 00:55:38,040 --> 00:55:43,080 Speaker 1: the homeless or changing the world or sharing cancer. It's 1079 00:55:43,120 --> 00:55:48,200 Speaker 1: a greatness is not about changing the world. It's about 1080 00:55:48,280 --> 00:55:51,520 Speaker 1: changing the world around you and changing the world within you, 1081 00:55:51,880 --> 00:55:55,600 Speaker 1: and being in that evolution of growth and transformation and saying, 1082 00:55:55,680 --> 00:55:58,600 Speaker 1: how can I continue to level up myself and the 1083 00:55:58,640 --> 00:56:01,279 Speaker 1: people around me. That might be three people, but if 1084 00:56:01,280 --> 00:56:04,879 Speaker 1: you're doing that, it's making a ripple on so many more, 1085 00:56:05,160 --> 00:56:06,640 Speaker 1: you know what, And you lived there, and that's what 1086 00:56:06,680 --> 00:56:08,000 Speaker 1: I love about it. There's a couple of things that 1087 00:56:08,040 --> 00:56:09,480 Speaker 1: I want to point out not and I want to 1088 00:56:09,520 --> 00:56:12,400 Speaker 1: ask you how you've done these things. Sometimes I was 1089 00:56:12,400 --> 00:56:15,040 Speaker 1: talking to I remember I went to lunch with Matthew Hussey, 1090 00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:17,160 Speaker 1: who's a dear friend of ours, and you know, you've 1091 00:56:17,200 --> 00:56:19,320 Speaker 1: been friends with him a lot longer, but you always 1092 00:56:19,320 --> 00:56:20,839 Speaker 1: told me i'd get along with him, and we do. 1093 00:56:21,800 --> 00:56:23,800 Speaker 1: And I went for lunch with him and you guys 1094 00:56:23,800 --> 00:56:26,640 Speaker 1: had just all been on Red Table Talk for an episode, 1095 00:56:27,480 --> 00:56:33,200 Speaker 1: and it was you and Stefan and Davonne Franklin and Matthew, 1096 00:56:33,920 --> 00:56:37,560 Speaker 1: and Matthew was saying that the whole time because there 1097 00:56:37,560 --> 00:56:41,080 Speaker 1: were so many of you, so many of you around 1098 00:56:41,120 --> 00:56:44,799 Speaker 1: the table. There were lots of questions, and it was 1099 00:56:44,840 --> 00:56:47,840 Speaker 1: like everyone obviously has so much value to add. Everyone 1100 00:56:47,840 --> 00:56:50,960 Speaker 1: on that table as has beautiful insights, but you were 1101 00:56:51,040 --> 00:56:54,359 Speaker 1: kind of like doing layups for everyone else. So it's 1102 00:56:54,360 --> 00:56:56,600 Speaker 1: like everyone was sharing their insights, but you were the 1103 00:56:56,600 --> 00:56:59,080 Speaker 1: guy who was like passing it to everyone on the thing. 1104 00:56:59,520 --> 00:57:01,600 Speaker 1: And you have loads of great insights too, but you 1105 00:57:01,600 --> 00:57:03,000 Speaker 1: were happy to play. And I just want to say 1106 00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:05,120 Speaker 1: that that's and that you know, that's you practice what 1107 00:57:05,200 --> 00:57:07,600 Speaker 1: you preach, and that you do that even when you 1108 00:57:07,640 --> 00:57:10,520 Speaker 1: have an opportunity to shine, you're happy to pass the 1109 00:57:10,520 --> 00:57:12,719 Speaker 1: ball like you're happy to pass the ball and go No, 1110 00:57:12,800 --> 00:57:15,640 Speaker 1: you slam dunk, you take the three point, you take 1111 00:57:15,680 --> 00:57:18,640 Speaker 1: that and people notice that, right, like the right people 1112 00:57:18,680 --> 00:57:21,840 Speaker 1: who are aware, they noticed that, and they recognize that, oh, 1113 00:57:21,960 --> 00:57:25,920 Speaker 1: this person actually is meaning what they're saying. And that 1114 00:57:26,040 --> 00:57:27,480 Speaker 1: was just a private lunch I was having with a 1115 00:57:27,560 --> 00:57:30,040 Speaker 1: mutual friend of ours. It wasn't like a show or anything, 1116 00:57:30,480 --> 00:57:32,200 Speaker 1: and I wanted to share that. But but the other 1117 00:57:32,200 --> 00:57:34,760 Speaker 1: part of what I see in you, you're so good 1118 00:57:34,760 --> 00:57:37,200 Speaker 1: and you talk about this in the book about enlisting support. 1119 00:57:37,640 --> 00:57:41,440 Speaker 1: You're so good at finding a coach, going to a class, 1120 00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:44,960 Speaker 1: getting a teacher, doing a course. I give that advice 1121 00:57:45,000 --> 00:57:46,760 Speaker 1: all the time, and I think we give that advice 1122 00:57:46,800 --> 00:57:48,720 Speaker 1: all the time. We're like, just start doing a course 1123 00:57:48,840 --> 00:57:53,080 Speaker 1: like this, right, and because it's real, because we've experienced 1124 00:57:53,120 --> 00:57:54,720 Speaker 1: in our own lives. Like by the way, I only 1125 00:57:54,800 --> 00:57:56,960 Speaker 1: I'm only a public speaker because my parents forced me 1126 00:57:57,000 --> 00:57:59,320 Speaker 1: to go to public speaking classes. So I've been to 1127 00:57:59,800 --> 00:58:04,600 Speaker 1: seven years of nine hours a week with exams of 1128 00:58:04,600 --> 00:58:07,920 Speaker 1: public speaking training from age eleven to age eighteen. So 1129 00:58:08,080 --> 00:58:11,560 Speaker 1: it's courses, right. It's like anything in the world is trained, 1130 00:58:11,720 --> 00:58:14,320 Speaker 1: is learned, is built. And I think we live in 1131 00:58:14,360 --> 00:58:16,320 Speaker 1: a world now where we think, oh that that's a 1132 00:58:16,360 --> 00:58:20,160 Speaker 1: god given talent or that you know or you don't 1133 00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:22,600 Speaker 1: have it. When you actually start to realize that, oh, 1134 00:58:22,640 --> 00:58:24,440 Speaker 1: the person you think that can dance, yeah they might 1135 00:58:24,440 --> 00:58:27,919 Speaker 1: have had some cool skills, you can not dance at all. 1136 00:58:27,960 --> 00:58:29,640 Speaker 1: But now, like when I see you, when I've seen 1137 00:58:29,680 --> 00:58:32,440 Speaker 1: video and stuff, I'm like, you're a great dancer, right, 1138 00:58:32,480 --> 00:58:35,640 Speaker 1: And I think people could say the same for speaking. Business. 1139 00:58:35,760 --> 00:58:39,120 Speaker 1: You've talked about like yeah, like so many things, So 1140 00:58:39,600 --> 00:58:41,840 Speaker 1: let's talk a bit about that, because I do think 1141 00:58:41,920 --> 00:58:49,560 Speaker 1: that education and training are the pathway to transformation and growth. 1142 00:58:49,600 --> 00:58:52,960 Speaker 1: Reading a book is that crossing the line. Like I 1143 00:58:53,120 --> 00:58:55,760 Speaker 1: was saying to someone yesterday that I have this habit 1144 00:58:55,840 --> 00:58:59,040 Speaker 1: where I look at what my block is every season, 1145 00:58:59,080 --> 00:59:05,080 Speaker 1: almost using your language, and I will go and find books, 1146 00:59:05,120 --> 00:59:10,360 Speaker 1: interviews and podcasts on that problem. And so I was 1147 00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:13,560 Speaker 1: in so many bookstores over Christmas because I love bookshops, 1148 00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:17,400 Speaker 1: and I was just walking around, and I would walk 1149 00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:20,040 Speaker 1: around just as like I was giving this example yesterday. 1150 00:59:20,040 --> 00:59:22,840 Speaker 1: I was like, if you're out of milk at home, 1151 00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:26,080 Speaker 1: you go to buy milk, right, You don't just go, oh, 1152 00:59:26,120 --> 00:59:29,280 Speaker 1: I'll just use washing up liquid instead, Right, But if 1153 00:59:29,320 --> 00:59:33,720 Speaker 1: you're out of discipline, what we do is go buy 1154 00:59:33,720 --> 00:59:35,480 Speaker 1: some discipline. Like what we do is we go, oh, 1155 00:59:35,560 --> 00:59:37,760 Speaker 1: i'll just watch Netflix there, right, And it doesn't solve 1156 00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:39,880 Speaker 1: the gap. Like if you're out of cyril at home, 1157 00:59:39,920 --> 00:59:42,720 Speaker 1: you don't just go, oh, I'll just eat like chips 1158 00:59:42,720 --> 00:59:46,000 Speaker 1: for breakfast. You go and buy cyril. And so I 1159 00:59:46,040 --> 00:59:48,520 Speaker 1: look at my life in that way like a grocery store, 1160 00:59:48,560 --> 00:59:50,640 Speaker 1: and I go, what is it that I need in 1161 00:59:50,640 --> 00:59:53,439 Speaker 1: my life? Okay? Maybe right now I need to become 1162 00:59:53,480 --> 00:59:55,520 Speaker 1: a better leader. Okay, maybe right now I need to 1163 00:59:55,520 --> 00:59:57,440 Speaker 1: become a better husband. Right now, I need to become 1164 00:59:57,760 --> 01:00:00,320 Speaker 1: a better interview or whatever it may be. And then 1165 01:00:00,320 --> 01:00:02,480 Speaker 1: I'll go and look for that. And it sounds like 1166 01:00:02,520 --> 01:00:05,720 Speaker 1: you do the same. How have you found the ability 1167 01:00:05,760 --> 01:00:07,920 Speaker 1: to a couple of things? The first thing is find 1168 01:00:08,560 --> 01:00:11,640 Speaker 1: good classes and coaches and mentors, because I think a 1169 01:00:11,640 --> 01:00:13,560 Speaker 1: lot of people struggle with knowing, like do I trust this? 1170 01:00:13,640 --> 01:00:17,080 Speaker 1: Do I not? Good question for people to ask. And 1171 01:00:17,200 --> 01:00:19,960 Speaker 1: second part is how do you commit and stay on 1172 01:00:20,040 --> 01:00:23,160 Speaker 1: top of it when naturally like it's easier to just 1173 01:00:23,200 --> 01:00:25,680 Speaker 1: sit at home and watch TV. Two things? Yeah, how 1174 01:00:25,680 --> 01:00:27,280 Speaker 1: do I commit and stay on top of it? I 1175 01:00:27,320 --> 01:00:31,440 Speaker 1: pay an advance Yeah right, that's a great way. I 1176 01:00:31,680 --> 01:00:34,520 Speaker 1: pay my nutrition and fitness coach in advance. Yeah. I 1177 01:00:34,640 --> 01:00:39,480 Speaker 1: pay my therapist and emotional coach a year in advance 1178 01:00:39,920 --> 01:00:43,240 Speaker 1: and we schedule it every two weeks for the year. Yeah. 1179 01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:46,400 Speaker 1: So I've got money invested, I've got time and counter 1180 01:00:46,760 --> 01:00:49,600 Speaker 1: organized committed. Yeah. So it's not like I'll pay you 1181 01:00:49,600 --> 01:00:51,560 Speaker 1: every week. When I come, we'll see even the meeting 1182 01:00:51,640 --> 01:00:53,760 Speaker 1: gets set up. It's not one class at a time, 1183 01:00:53,840 --> 01:00:57,760 Speaker 1: it's a block of time in advance. It takes time, 1184 01:00:57,800 --> 01:01:02,400 Speaker 1: forced discipline. When you're invested in it, you pay more 1185 01:01:02,400 --> 01:01:06,120 Speaker 1: attention to it. As our friend Dean Graciosi says. He says, 1186 01:01:07,320 --> 01:01:10,280 Speaker 1: you pay attention to what you pay for right, and 1187 01:01:10,320 --> 01:01:13,800 Speaker 1: you'll pay more attention when you pay more money. Typically, 1188 01:01:13,840 --> 01:01:15,720 Speaker 1: I'm not saying you need to spend tons of money. 1189 01:01:16,000 --> 01:01:19,000 Speaker 1: A lot of things that I've gotten from free mentorship, 1190 01:01:19,080 --> 01:01:21,920 Speaker 1: whether it be people just giving me time, me learning 1191 01:01:21,920 --> 01:01:24,760 Speaker 1: from podcasts, books, videos, courses, things like that that we're 1192 01:01:24,880 --> 01:01:29,600 Speaker 1: free and available online. But I've always seen accelerated results 1193 01:01:29,800 --> 01:01:32,720 Speaker 1: when I invest in something. When I invest in someone 1194 01:01:32,920 --> 01:01:35,240 Speaker 1: something and I know I've got to do a period 1195 01:01:35,280 --> 01:01:37,920 Speaker 1: of time to complete it, that's number one. Number two, 1196 01:01:37,920 --> 01:01:40,120 Speaker 1: And how do I find them? How do you know 1197 01:01:40,160 --> 01:01:44,360 Speaker 1: who to trust to trust? I typically ask people that 1198 01:01:44,400 --> 01:01:46,920 Speaker 1: I respect, so I'll ask you, hey, do you know 1199 01:01:46,960 --> 01:01:49,280 Speaker 1: someone who can help me in this? So I trust 1200 01:01:49,280 --> 01:01:52,840 Speaker 1: and respect you. If you have a referral, then I'll 1201 01:01:52,920 --> 01:01:55,280 Speaker 1: probably trust that person, or at least i'll jump on 1202 01:01:55,320 --> 01:01:57,800 Speaker 1: a call. But otherwise it's you know, you can find 1203 01:01:57,840 --> 01:01:59,880 Speaker 1: a lot of people online and see what they're creating, 1204 01:02:00,040 --> 01:02:02,160 Speaker 1: how their energy is, their vibe and things like that, 1205 01:02:02,200 --> 01:02:05,960 Speaker 1: you can consume some of their information, you can see testimonials, 1206 01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:08,520 Speaker 1: you can check in with those testimonials or referrals. So 1207 01:02:08,560 --> 01:02:11,480 Speaker 1: I just kind of follow that process. And I'll always 1208 01:02:11,520 --> 01:02:13,720 Speaker 1: do like an intro session with someone if it's like coaching, 1209 01:02:13,800 --> 01:02:16,080 Speaker 1: to see like do we really connect before I commit 1210 01:02:16,120 --> 01:02:18,560 Speaker 1: a year at advance or three months in advance. So 1211 01:02:18,600 --> 01:02:21,640 Speaker 1: it's making sure that they've got results that I respect, 1212 01:02:22,200 --> 01:02:25,440 Speaker 1: and they've worked with people and helped them overcome challenges 1213 01:02:25,520 --> 01:02:29,440 Speaker 1: that I respect as well. Then it becomes more more 1214 01:02:29,480 --> 01:02:32,600 Speaker 1: of a thing that I trust driving into. And to 1215 01:02:34,320 --> 01:02:36,360 Speaker 1: go back to what you were saying just before that 1216 01:02:36,800 --> 01:02:40,440 Speaker 1: about kind of giving people layups and stuff. I wasn't 1217 01:02:40,440 --> 01:02:42,440 Speaker 1: like that until ten years ago. I mean, in some 1218 01:02:42,480 --> 01:02:45,439 Speaker 1: ways I was, but I wasn't. It wasn't until ten 1219 01:02:45,520 --> 01:02:48,280 Speaker 1: years ago when I had this kind of initial transformation 1220 01:02:48,520 --> 01:02:52,520 Speaker 1: of letting go of big parts of my ego where 1221 01:02:52,640 --> 01:02:56,600 Speaker 1: I said that I have to be extreme in a 1222 01:02:56,680 --> 01:02:59,680 Speaker 1: sense the other way because I was so competitive. I 1223 01:02:59,720 --> 01:03:01,680 Speaker 1: want to be right, I wanted to win. I wanted 1224 01:03:01,680 --> 01:03:05,360 Speaker 1: to be number one of everything I can imagine. I 1225 01:03:05,560 --> 01:03:08,280 Speaker 1: know you a competitive in sport obviously, right as an 1226 01:03:08,400 --> 01:03:10,960 Speaker 1: energy that's yeah, I didn't know you then. Maybe people 1227 01:03:10,960 --> 01:03:15,000 Speaker 1: didn't feel it, but internally that was driving me right 1228 01:03:15,320 --> 01:03:16,800 Speaker 1: in a lot of ways. And it was all based 1229 01:03:16,840 --> 01:03:19,280 Speaker 1: on a wound that I hadn't healed yet. Once I 1230 01:03:19,320 --> 01:03:22,480 Speaker 1: started to heal, I was like, oh wow, I've had 1231 01:03:22,520 --> 01:03:25,640 Speaker 1: this all wrong. Everything was win lose to me as 1232 01:03:25,680 --> 01:03:29,000 Speaker 1: opposed to win win. So ten years ago I actually 1233 01:03:29,120 --> 01:03:32,280 Speaker 1: learned the concept of win win for the first time, 1234 01:03:32,440 --> 01:03:34,640 Speaker 1: or at least I understood it for the first time. 1235 01:03:34,680 --> 01:03:36,680 Speaker 1: Maybe i'd heard it as a kid, but I didn't 1236 01:03:36,720 --> 01:03:39,280 Speaker 1: embody it until I was able to face that and 1237 01:03:39,360 --> 01:03:41,959 Speaker 1: wake up to it. And that's why I was like, Okay, 1238 01:03:41,960 --> 01:03:43,880 Speaker 1: I'm going to start this show. It's not going to 1239 01:03:43,960 --> 01:03:46,480 Speaker 1: be about me. It's going to shine the light on 1240 01:03:46,520 --> 01:03:49,880 Speaker 1: everyone else. I want to practice this, I want to 1241 01:03:49,880 --> 01:03:54,120 Speaker 1: overcome this consistently. And I was really inspired by Oprah 1242 01:03:54,280 --> 01:03:57,439 Speaker 1: where she just always shined the light on others right 1243 01:03:57,520 --> 01:04:02,160 Speaker 1: for twenty something years and she's talked about it before. 1244 01:04:02,160 --> 01:04:03,840 Speaker 1: It's like, when you shine the light, there's always a 1245 01:04:03,840 --> 01:04:06,400 Speaker 1: reflection of light back on you, and the more you 1246 01:04:06,480 --> 01:04:10,000 Speaker 1: do that for more people, over time, you become brighter 1247 01:04:10,400 --> 01:04:13,200 Speaker 1: in return. And it's not the goal to become brighter, 1248 01:04:13,400 --> 01:04:17,360 Speaker 1: necessarily for selfish reasons, but it naturally happens. You reflected 1249 01:04:17,480 --> 01:04:19,760 Speaker 1: the light back on you, and I think that's a 1250 01:04:19,760 --> 01:04:21,840 Speaker 1: beautiful thing. You know. It's something that you do so 1251 01:04:21,880 --> 01:04:25,080 Speaker 1: well by lifting others up. Is something that I try 1252 01:04:25,120 --> 01:04:27,240 Speaker 1: to do really well by lifting my friends up, like 1253 01:04:27,280 --> 01:04:30,160 Speaker 1: we did on Red Table Talk. When you know Jada 1254 01:04:30,280 --> 01:04:32,880 Speaker 1: is asking a question, I'm like, gosh, I know Stefan 1255 01:04:33,000 --> 01:04:35,680 Speaker 1: has the perfect answer for this because I've heard him 1256 01:04:35,680 --> 01:04:38,520 Speaker 1: say this three times. So I go, Stefan, you know 1257 01:04:38,600 --> 01:04:40,720 Speaker 1: what to say here. You know, when Matthew had a 1258 01:04:40,720 --> 01:04:43,320 Speaker 1: different perspective on something else, it's like, Matthew, man, you've 1259 01:04:43,320 --> 01:04:46,120 Speaker 1: said this amazing thing about this before. Can you share 1260 01:04:46,160 --> 01:04:49,680 Speaker 1: what this is? Devon, I've heard you say this, so 1261 01:04:50,720 --> 01:04:53,120 Speaker 1: you know. I learned this early on because I didn't 1262 01:04:53,120 --> 01:04:55,320 Speaker 1: feel like I had the answers or I was smart 1263 01:04:55,600 --> 01:04:58,840 Speaker 1: in my early twenties, so I wouldn't speak a lot 1264 01:04:58,880 --> 01:05:03,080 Speaker 1: from my perspective. I would just ask curious questions, and 1265 01:05:03,480 --> 01:05:06,680 Speaker 1: after a couple hours of meeting with someone I never 1266 01:05:06,760 --> 01:05:09,120 Speaker 1: really spoke about me, I would just ask about them. 1267 01:05:09,400 --> 01:05:11,000 Speaker 1: At the end of the conversation, they were like, man, 1268 01:05:11,040 --> 01:05:13,160 Speaker 1: you're the most interesting person I've ever met, And I 1269 01:05:13,200 --> 01:05:15,080 Speaker 1: was like, I didn't share anything about my life. I 1270 01:05:15,160 --> 01:05:18,200 Speaker 1: just ask you questions. But people want to feel that 1271 01:05:18,320 --> 01:05:20,680 Speaker 1: you're curious and interested in them, and then they'll think 1272 01:05:20,720 --> 01:05:24,160 Speaker 1: you're extremely interesting. Yeah, yeah, that's yeah. And I feel 1273 01:05:24,200 --> 01:05:27,680 Speaker 1: like it's also just something that you you also naturally listen, 1274 01:05:27,840 --> 01:05:30,480 Speaker 1: and I think that you know, I think a lot 1275 01:05:30,480 --> 01:05:33,320 Speaker 1: of these things are often used as techniques and they 1276 01:05:33,400 --> 01:05:36,520 Speaker 1: don't come across as genuine because you if you ask 1277 01:05:36,520 --> 01:05:38,560 Speaker 1: a question, you actually have to listen, and then you 1278 01:05:38,600 --> 01:05:41,400 Speaker 1: actually have to remember, and then you ask a follow 1279 01:05:41,480 --> 01:05:45,240 Speaker 1: up question. And I think sometimes you can tell when 1280 01:05:45,640 --> 01:05:49,160 Speaker 1: it's disingenuous, or you can feed it from my love 1281 01:05:49,360 --> 01:05:51,560 Speaker 1: like omnipotive or something. Yeah, when you feel like it's 1282 01:05:51,560 --> 01:05:53,640 Speaker 1: a technique where someone's coming at it, like you know 1283 01:05:53,680 --> 01:05:56,000 Speaker 1: whenever you know, people used to give the advice of 1284 01:05:56,080 --> 01:05:58,840 Speaker 1: like I'll reach out and do something for free for someone, 1285 01:05:59,000 --> 01:06:00,680 Speaker 1: and then someone would do that for you. But then 1286 01:06:00,680 --> 01:06:02,840 Speaker 1: they come back with like this, and then you're like, oh, 1287 01:06:02,880 --> 01:06:04,360 Speaker 1: I wait a minute, I thought you were doing this 1288 01:06:04,360 --> 01:06:06,920 Speaker 1: for freeing it for free, and you start realizing just 1289 01:06:06,920 --> 01:06:09,880 Speaker 1: like it has to be done so genuinely and people 1290 01:06:09,880 --> 01:06:13,120 Speaker 1: will respond to that. I had a you know, I 1291 01:06:13,160 --> 01:06:15,520 Speaker 1: had a rule that and I still have it too, 1292 01:06:15,600 --> 01:06:22,600 Speaker 1: Like I never took pictures with celebrities unless they were 1293 01:06:22,640 --> 01:06:25,200 Speaker 1: on the show or in a meaningful connection. It was 1294 01:06:25,280 --> 01:06:27,720 Speaker 1: never a cloud grab Like it wasn't like I'm in 1295 01:06:27,720 --> 01:06:29,640 Speaker 1: this place, I've seen this person, let's get a picture 1296 01:06:29,640 --> 01:06:32,360 Speaker 1: just to like show off were hanging around with Like 1297 01:06:32,920 --> 01:06:34,720 Speaker 1: it was like, no, if I have a relationship with 1298 01:06:34,800 --> 01:06:36,800 Speaker 1: that person, or they're on a podcast and there's a 1299 01:06:36,840 --> 01:06:39,880 Speaker 1: meaningful interaction or we're doing something together. Because it's just 1300 01:06:39,960 --> 01:06:43,320 Speaker 1: like when people feel used and you're using people in 1301 01:06:43,360 --> 01:06:45,560 Speaker 1: that way and there's no genuineness, it kind of just 1302 01:06:45,640 --> 01:06:49,040 Speaker 1: like it feels really cheap, and it comes across that 1303 01:06:49,080 --> 01:06:52,880 Speaker 1: way too, and it actually blocks you having a real relationship. 1304 01:06:53,320 --> 01:06:55,280 Speaker 1: And so when you're asking interesting questions, and I know 1305 01:06:55,360 --> 01:06:57,120 Speaker 1: you do that all the time, but I also know 1306 01:06:57,200 --> 01:06:59,680 Speaker 1: you're listening because then we'll bring it up again in 1307 01:06:59,720 --> 01:07:02,880 Speaker 1: another conversation, and so I think there's there's a real 1308 01:07:02,960 --> 01:07:06,560 Speaker 1: truth to that. I also my own personal coaching practice, 1309 01:07:06,600 --> 01:07:08,680 Speaker 1: I said a new rule and this was something that 1310 01:07:08,920 --> 01:07:11,280 Speaker 1: took me a while to understand, but it really helped me. 1311 01:07:11,320 --> 01:07:14,920 Speaker 1: So anyone that I privately coach, we have a fee 1312 01:07:15,280 --> 01:07:18,640 Speaker 1: of my time, but the entire fee goes to charity 1313 01:07:18,680 --> 01:07:21,439 Speaker 1: of their choice. So I have a fee, we count 1314 01:07:21,440 --> 01:07:23,440 Speaker 1: of the hours like I would in any coaching practice, 1315 01:07:23,480 --> 01:07:25,640 Speaker 1: but the amount goes to a charity of their choice. 1316 01:07:26,280 --> 01:07:28,320 Speaker 1: And it became a way of that I could feel 1317 01:07:28,320 --> 01:07:31,320 Speaker 1: I was serving and I could give myself, and I 1318 01:07:31,360 --> 01:07:34,200 Speaker 1: wanted the person to also feel like they were getting 1319 01:07:34,200 --> 01:07:37,760 Speaker 1: the feeling of giving back rather than always paying for stuff, 1320 01:07:38,240 --> 01:07:40,439 Speaker 1: because I found that a lot of people always felt 1321 01:07:40,440 --> 01:07:42,640 Speaker 1: that they could pay for anything and they could buy anything, 1322 01:07:43,080 --> 01:07:45,440 Speaker 1: and I wanted them to fill the opposite where it's 1323 01:07:45,440 --> 01:07:47,640 Speaker 1: like they weren't buying anything, they were getting to give away. 1324 01:07:48,280 --> 01:07:50,000 Speaker 1: And yeah, so I've never talked about it before, but 1325 01:07:50,000 --> 01:07:51,120 Speaker 1: I wanted to stay it with you because it was 1326 01:07:51,120 --> 01:07:53,720 Speaker 1: just something that I was thinking about, Like I wanted 1327 01:07:53,720 --> 01:07:56,080 Speaker 1: to find a method where I could give my heart 1328 01:07:56,120 --> 01:07:59,480 Speaker 1: to someone and they could give their heart to me. 1329 01:08:00,400 --> 01:08:02,880 Speaker 1: And I found sometimes that money got in the way 1330 01:08:02,880 --> 01:08:05,280 Speaker 1: of the hot interesting and so like in friendship, there's 1331 01:08:05,280 --> 01:08:07,760 Speaker 1: no money exchange, hence there's a hot space, and so 1332 01:08:07,840 --> 01:08:10,040 Speaker 1: in coaching, I have to find a way. Yeah, and 1333 01:08:10,080 --> 01:08:11,400 Speaker 1: that was that was my way, and it's like been 1334 01:08:11,440 --> 01:08:14,840 Speaker 1: a beautiful commitment and it's great unless it gets like 1335 01:08:15,040 --> 01:08:17,599 Speaker 1: overwhelming with coaching clients and you have no time. Yeah, 1336 01:08:17,880 --> 01:08:19,519 Speaker 1: and I don't write like I'm very I don't have 1337 01:08:19,600 --> 01:08:22,000 Speaker 1: I have like six seven people that I work with. Yeah, 1338 01:08:22,160 --> 01:08:24,320 Speaker 1: it's it's it's not something that I'm looking to grow 1339 01:08:24,400 --> 01:08:26,280 Speaker 1: in a in a business sense. Where are you looking 1340 01:08:26,280 --> 01:08:29,080 Speaker 1: to grow in your life? Right now? After a month 1341 01:08:29,080 --> 01:08:32,679 Speaker 1: of reflection of this end of year season, of last 1342 01:08:32,760 --> 01:08:35,600 Speaker 1: year of being your honestly your biggest year ever in 1343 01:08:35,960 --> 01:08:39,280 Speaker 1: so many ways, from the business to success to speaking, 1344 01:08:39,360 --> 01:08:43,519 Speaker 1: to the podcast growth to YouTube to video, celebrity clients, 1345 01:08:43,600 --> 01:08:45,840 Speaker 1: all the talk shows you've been on, all these things 1346 01:08:45,840 --> 01:08:48,760 Speaker 1: that have happened, what was the big reflection for you? 1347 01:08:49,280 --> 01:08:51,720 Speaker 1: And where do you see yourself moving in this next year? 1348 01:08:51,800 --> 01:08:54,400 Speaker 1: So obviously this year the new book is out, A 1349 01:08:54,479 --> 01:08:57,160 Speaker 1: Rules of Love, so my Hearts in Love. The tour 1350 01:08:57,320 --> 01:09:00,360 Speaker 1: is happening for the time, right I'm really tide to 1351 01:09:00,439 --> 01:09:03,280 Speaker 1: like hug people and hold their hands and look into 1352 01:09:03,320 --> 01:09:05,360 Speaker 1: their eyes. I think I'm like, I've always been a hugger. 1353 01:09:05,439 --> 01:09:07,759 Speaker 1: We just hugged for like and by the way, everyone 1354 01:09:07,800 --> 01:09:10,839 Speaker 1: watching right now we're listening. When you hugged Jay in person, 1355 01:09:11,280 --> 01:09:14,800 Speaker 1: just whisper in his ear and hug him along and 1356 01:09:14,840 --> 01:09:22,519 Speaker 1: say this was from Lewis because that's what I love you. 1357 01:09:24,000 --> 01:09:26,000 Speaker 1: But but there's a there's a joint that like I 1358 01:09:26,040 --> 01:09:28,840 Speaker 1: love physical connection, like I love the idea that I'm 1359 01:09:28,880 --> 01:09:31,439 Speaker 1: actually gonna like you know, I feel so grateful that 1360 01:09:32,479 --> 01:09:34,519 Speaker 1: for six seven years I've been doing this, I haven't 1361 01:09:34,560 --> 01:09:36,920 Speaker 1: met ninety nine percent of people. You probably feel the 1362 01:09:36,920 --> 01:09:40,520 Speaker 1: same way, and I just like, I feel so grateful 1363 01:09:40,680 --> 01:09:43,280 Speaker 1: and I want to kind of like outpour all of 1364 01:09:43,320 --> 01:09:46,599 Speaker 1: downstage to everyone's going to be there, because there's so 1365 01:09:46,720 --> 01:09:48,960 Speaker 1: much gratitude build up in me that I haven't been 1366 01:09:49,000 --> 01:09:51,760 Speaker 1: able to me saying it, and a microphone doesn't do 1367 01:09:51,760 --> 01:09:55,200 Speaker 1: it justice. And traveling around and doing a hectic schedule 1368 01:09:55,280 --> 01:09:58,080 Speaker 1: and doing all this craziness is really an output. It's 1369 01:09:58,200 --> 01:10:01,759 Speaker 1: totally from a gratitude point of view, because there's nothing 1370 01:10:01,760 --> 01:10:03,559 Speaker 1: else to it of why you'd go on tour. So 1371 01:10:03,960 --> 01:10:06,920 Speaker 1: I'm excited for that, And then if I'm completely honest, 1372 01:10:07,000 --> 01:10:11,559 Speaker 1: I'm excited for rest study and creativity. I'm really looking 1373 01:10:11,560 --> 01:10:14,200 Speaker 1: forward into the next half of the year, where my 1374 01:10:14,280 --> 01:10:18,160 Speaker 1: plan is to go more internal and learn and study 1375 01:10:18,200 --> 01:10:20,479 Speaker 1: again and research and read more. I do that all 1376 01:10:20,520 --> 01:10:23,280 Speaker 1: the time, but I mean doing even in a more obsessive, 1377 01:10:23,320 --> 01:10:28,200 Speaker 1: constructive way, and spend more time just being creative and 1378 01:10:28,240 --> 01:10:31,639 Speaker 1: being present, because I feel like I've been really going 1379 01:10:32,280 --> 01:10:35,400 Speaker 1: all out for like the last six seven years now, 1380 01:10:36,000 --> 01:10:39,439 Speaker 1: and it's been so meaningful and powerful and beautiful. But 1381 01:10:39,560 --> 01:10:43,000 Speaker 1: at the same time, I'm conscious that to have the 1382 01:10:43,040 --> 01:10:45,800 Speaker 1: next seven years be even better than it's been, it's 1383 01:10:45,840 --> 01:10:48,040 Speaker 1: going to require this pit stop. And my mom teacher 1384 01:10:48,040 --> 01:10:51,360 Speaker 1: would always say, if you want to go three steps forward, 1385 01:10:51,760 --> 01:10:54,599 Speaker 1: you have to go three steps deep. And so this 1386 01:10:54,680 --> 01:10:56,920 Speaker 1: is the time to go three steps deep in order 1387 01:10:56,960 --> 01:10:59,679 Speaker 1: to go three steps forward again. And so I feel, 1388 01:11:00,120 --> 01:11:03,439 Speaker 1: after going all this forward that I've done, it's time 1389 01:11:03,439 --> 01:11:05,920 Speaker 1: to go deep again. And I feel that internally it's 1390 01:11:06,000 --> 01:11:08,360 Speaker 1: quite so. Well, You're about to spend the next one 1391 01:11:08,520 --> 01:11:11,840 Speaker 1: three to six months going hard hard. I'm forward, and 1392 01:11:11,880 --> 01:11:14,400 Speaker 1: that's great, and I'm ready for that, and I'm ready 1393 01:11:14,439 --> 01:11:17,320 Speaker 1: for that after this month off, but after that, I'm 1394 01:11:17,360 --> 01:11:20,840 Speaker 1: already planning. I'm curious. I know this interview is about me, 1395 01:11:20,960 --> 01:11:24,439 Speaker 1: but I can never not ask you questions no matter 1396 01:11:24,439 --> 01:11:28,439 Speaker 1: when we're doing this stuff. I'm curious if you could 1397 01:11:28,439 --> 01:11:31,519 Speaker 1: fast forward in your heart and your mind one year 1398 01:11:31,840 --> 01:11:34,680 Speaker 1: and just imagine everything that has happened. You're pouring your 1399 01:11:34,760 --> 01:11:36,920 Speaker 1: energy into everyone, the gratitude you're going to give to 1400 01:11:36,960 --> 01:11:39,960 Speaker 1: all this community. You know, tens of thousands of people 1401 01:11:39,960 --> 01:11:41,479 Speaker 1: that are going to be in person over the next 1402 01:11:41,520 --> 01:11:45,200 Speaker 1: few months supporting you, seeing you, and make sure you, guys, 1403 01:11:45,240 --> 01:11:46,840 Speaker 1: if you haven't about the book, get his book right 1404 01:11:46,880 --> 01:11:48,439 Speaker 1: now as well. What do you think it is going 1405 01:11:48,479 --> 01:11:50,000 Speaker 1: to be the lesson you're going to learn at the 1406 01:11:50,080 --> 01:11:53,000 Speaker 1: end of this year. If you could be in the future, 1407 01:11:53,600 --> 01:11:55,280 Speaker 1: what do you think your soul is going to tell 1408 01:11:55,320 --> 01:11:57,960 Speaker 1: you that it's gonna be the lesson and the thing 1409 01:11:58,000 --> 01:12:01,360 Speaker 1: for you to step into or let go of into 1410 01:12:01,400 --> 01:12:05,360 Speaker 1: the next year. I think the lesson will be too 1411 01:12:05,520 --> 01:12:07,280 Speaker 1: and everyone needs to do this. And it comes back 1412 01:12:07,280 --> 01:12:11,760 Speaker 1: to your point of season is to live in this 1413 01:12:12,080 --> 01:12:15,880 Speaker 1: season that you have reached. And what I mean by 1414 01:12:15,920 --> 01:12:19,280 Speaker 1: that is that there was a different energy that it 1415 01:12:19,360 --> 01:12:22,919 Speaker 1: took to get here, and it will be a different 1416 01:12:23,120 --> 01:12:27,280 Speaker 1: energy to move forward. And I think it's really interesting 1417 01:12:27,320 --> 01:12:30,200 Speaker 1: because I think we often stay in the same energy 1418 01:12:30,280 --> 01:12:34,439 Speaker 1: state multiple years of our life because we got used 1419 01:12:34,479 --> 01:12:37,120 Speaker 1: to it, or we got familiar with it, and then 1420 01:12:37,439 --> 01:12:41,040 Speaker 1: years go by before you realize you needed an energy shift. 1421 01:12:41,400 --> 01:12:45,559 Speaker 1: And I think when you see people who are burnt out, 1422 01:12:45,720 --> 01:12:49,639 Speaker 1: lost or confused, or feel like they wasted time, it's 1423 01:12:49,680 --> 01:12:53,400 Speaker 1: because they never realized that they stayed in the same 1424 01:12:53,600 --> 01:12:57,080 Speaker 1: energy state that they were in when they started. And 1425 01:12:57,120 --> 01:13:00,280 Speaker 1: you have to accept that time has changed and has 1426 01:13:00,280 --> 01:13:02,280 Speaker 1: moved on, and you've learned new things and you've gained 1427 01:13:02,320 --> 01:13:04,200 Speaker 1: new clarity. And so I think that will be the 1428 01:13:04,320 --> 01:13:08,040 Speaker 1: lesson and letting go I think will be I want 1429 01:13:08,080 --> 01:13:11,679 Speaker 1: to do. I feel like to get to this point, 1430 01:13:12,280 --> 01:13:15,920 Speaker 1: I had to do a lot of what I didn't love, 1431 01:13:16,160 --> 01:13:19,120 Speaker 1: and I think that that should always get less and 1432 01:13:19,200 --> 01:13:21,920 Speaker 1: less and less. So I think a healthy life isn't 1433 01:13:21,920 --> 01:13:24,639 Speaker 1: one where you only do what you love, but it's 1434 01:13:24,680 --> 01:13:26,880 Speaker 1: a life where you do less and less of what 1435 01:13:26,920 --> 01:13:29,080 Speaker 1: you don't love. And so I feel like my life's 1436 01:13:29,080 --> 01:13:31,519 Speaker 1: always moving in that direction. And I think in a 1437 01:13:31,600 --> 01:13:34,679 Speaker 1: year from now, I have all the clarity and all 1438 01:13:34,760 --> 01:13:40,640 Speaker 1: the opportunity to start afresh, as opposed to continuing to 1439 01:13:40,800 --> 01:13:45,639 Speaker 1: just exist in the world of repeating what's been done. Yeah, 1440 01:13:45,760 --> 01:13:48,040 Speaker 1: if that makes sense, it's good insight your future self 1441 01:13:48,040 --> 01:13:50,519 Speaker 1: as wise. Yeah, yeah, hopefully, hopefully, And now I've got 1442 01:13:50,520 --> 01:13:53,120 Speaker 1: to live up to it. Well, this is a beautiful question. 1443 01:13:53,120 --> 01:13:54,840 Speaker 1: It's good you make me, make me vocalize. And I 1444 01:13:54,840 --> 01:13:56,720 Speaker 1: hope everyone's getting to see how good lewis is it? 1445 01:13:56,800 --> 01:13:59,080 Speaker 1: What he does and what he does for himself too, 1446 01:13:59,680 --> 01:14:01,679 Speaker 1: no question, Like that's great because it gives me something 1447 01:14:01,680 --> 01:14:04,000 Speaker 1: to live up to that I that I aspire for, 1448 01:14:04,320 --> 01:14:10,240 Speaker 1: right And it reminds me of that Matthew McConaughey speech. Yeah, yeah, 1449 01:14:10,280 --> 01:14:12,960 Speaker 1: and it's just like it's the Oscar speech. If anyone 1450 01:14:12,960 --> 01:14:15,720 Speaker 1: doesn't know Dallas Buyers Club, he won the Oscar for 1451 01:14:15,920 --> 01:14:18,559 Speaker 1: Best Actor and he gives one of the best speeches 1452 01:14:18,560 --> 01:14:21,840 Speaker 1: of all time in my opinion. And yeah, it's that 1453 01:14:22,000 --> 01:14:25,400 Speaker 1: idea of just yeah, it gives you something to chase, 1454 01:14:25,680 --> 01:14:27,960 Speaker 1: which is yours. It's you, it's not chasing like and 1455 01:14:28,000 --> 01:14:30,320 Speaker 1: I love that right like. And I think the question 1456 01:14:30,360 --> 01:14:33,080 Speaker 1: you just asked is the question you're asking yourself, which 1457 01:14:33,160 --> 01:14:34,960 Speaker 1: is why your life is going in the right direction, 1458 01:14:35,000 --> 01:14:37,160 Speaker 1: Because the question isn't where do you want to be 1459 01:14:37,200 --> 01:14:38,840 Speaker 1: in a year? Like what do you want to achieve? 1460 01:14:38,920 --> 01:14:43,800 Speaker 1: Because that starts to like set you know, there's there's usefulness, 1461 01:14:43,800 --> 01:14:46,200 Speaker 1: and that I'm not saying it's not useful, but the 1462 01:14:46,280 --> 01:14:49,360 Speaker 1: internal questions far more gratifying. So you're giving me something 1463 01:14:49,360 --> 01:14:52,280 Speaker 1: to chase and pursue. It's awesome to have goals and dreams, 1464 01:14:53,000 --> 01:14:55,800 Speaker 1: but I think what's more important is focusing on the 1465 01:14:55,840 --> 01:15:00,519 Speaker 1: person you become on a consistent basis to create those dreams, 1466 01:15:01,080 --> 01:15:07,439 Speaker 1: and also being so proud and at peace of who 1467 01:15:07,560 --> 01:15:11,400 Speaker 1: you've become, even if the dreams don't come true. And 1468 01:15:11,479 --> 01:15:13,679 Speaker 1: there's been a lot of things that I've chased after 1469 01:15:14,800 --> 01:15:18,320 Speaker 1: where the dreams didn't come true. Yeah, but the life 1470 01:15:18,840 --> 01:15:22,240 Speaker 1: was a dream come true. Who I got to meet, 1471 01:15:22,920 --> 01:15:26,719 Speaker 1: what I got to experience, what I overcame, the lessons 1472 01:15:26,760 --> 01:15:32,479 Speaker 1: I learned, the memories I created. Certain didn't dreams didn't 1473 01:15:32,479 --> 01:15:35,879 Speaker 1: come true, but it was a dream come true totally totally, 1474 01:15:35,920 --> 01:15:38,280 Speaker 1: And oh I love that. I love that so much. 1475 01:15:38,360 --> 01:15:41,400 Speaker 1: That's such a like, that's such a powerful statement and 1476 01:15:41,760 --> 01:15:44,960 Speaker 1: it's so true. Like I have, I have so many 1477 01:15:44,960 --> 01:15:47,519 Speaker 1: projects that haven't worked out, the wort, so many pictures 1478 01:15:47,520 --> 01:15:49,599 Speaker 1: even we went to some pictures together that you set 1479 01:15:49,680 --> 01:15:52,280 Speaker 1: up for me that didn't work out. But the network 1480 01:15:52,280 --> 01:15:55,680 Speaker 1: I built through that relationship building the connections became who 1481 01:15:55,880 --> 01:15:58,760 Speaker 1: became skills I had to learn, like so many you know, 1482 01:15:58,800 --> 01:16:00,280 Speaker 1: there was there was a lot of things. I'll give 1483 01:16:00,280 --> 01:16:02,000 Speaker 1: an example. There was a lot of goals that I 1484 01:16:02,040 --> 01:16:04,640 Speaker 1: accomplished as an athlete that I was extremely proud of. 1485 01:16:04,680 --> 01:16:06,600 Speaker 1: And I was like, man, I set an intention for 1486 01:16:06,640 --> 01:16:09,240 Speaker 1: this goal ten years prior and I made it happen. 1487 01:16:10,880 --> 01:16:13,320 Speaker 1: But there were certain goals like I wanted to be 1488 01:16:13,320 --> 01:16:15,840 Speaker 1: an Olympic athlete. Right, And for eight and a half 1489 01:16:15,960 --> 01:16:19,240 Speaker 1: years I played with the USA national team and I 1490 01:16:19,320 --> 01:16:21,519 Speaker 1: never made the Olympics. Right, And I haven't played with 1491 01:16:21,520 --> 01:16:25,000 Speaker 1: the team for about three years since right before the pandemic. 1492 01:16:25,880 --> 01:16:28,760 Speaker 1: And I could look back and say, I spent eight 1493 01:16:28,760 --> 01:16:35,160 Speaker 1: and a half years of my life sacrificing, committing, dedicated, disciplined, 1494 01:16:35,520 --> 01:16:38,960 Speaker 1: traveling the world, spending time, money, energy, money and energy 1495 01:16:39,720 --> 01:16:43,000 Speaker 1: playing a game to represent the USA to try to 1496 01:16:43,040 --> 01:16:45,760 Speaker 1: make the Olympics and I and I failed it and 1497 01:16:45,800 --> 01:16:48,200 Speaker 1: I fell short. Or I can look at it as man, 1498 01:16:49,040 --> 01:16:51,960 Speaker 1: what a life journey and experience I got to have 1499 01:16:52,439 --> 01:16:54,360 Speaker 1: for eight and a half years. I have so many 1500 01:16:54,360 --> 01:16:59,080 Speaker 1: great friends, memories. I traveled the world wearing USA across 1501 01:16:59,160 --> 01:17:03,280 Speaker 1: my chest, getting to play against Olympians as a you know, 1502 01:17:03,400 --> 01:17:06,240 Speaker 1: thirty five six seven year old, I was like, I 1503 01:17:06,360 --> 01:17:08,639 Speaker 1: didn't accomplish the dream, but it was still a dream 1504 01:17:08,640 --> 01:17:11,080 Speaker 1: come true. And I think when we look back on 1505 01:17:11,200 --> 01:17:14,200 Speaker 1: things that didn't work out, but find the meaning and 1506 01:17:14,320 --> 01:17:18,280 Speaker 1: the memory and the magic in those experiences, it's still 1507 01:17:18,320 --> 01:17:22,040 Speaker 1: an incredibly beautiful life. The meaning, the memory and the magic. 1508 01:17:22,120 --> 01:17:24,720 Speaker 1: I love that. I love that because often we look 1509 01:17:24,760 --> 01:17:27,080 Speaker 1: for meaning, but you're so right, the memory and the 1510 01:17:27,120 --> 01:17:31,720 Speaker 1: magic Lewis House, everyone Lewis was that was special man. 1511 01:17:31,840 --> 01:17:35,840 Speaker 1: That was really beautiful. One. Everyone who's listening and watching 1512 01:17:35,920 --> 01:17:37,760 Speaker 1: right now to go and grab a copy of this book, 1513 01:17:37,800 --> 01:17:41,280 Speaker 1: The Greatness Mindset, Unlock the power of your mind and 1514 01:17:41,400 --> 01:17:45,559 Speaker 1: live your best life today. It's available right now. If 1515 01:17:45,560 --> 01:17:48,280 Speaker 1: you're listening to this episode, make sure you go grab it. 1516 01:17:48,320 --> 01:17:49,560 Speaker 1: Where would you like them to get it from? A 1517 01:17:49,560 --> 01:17:53,680 Speaker 1: pop from obviously Bonds and Noble, Amazon anyway, yeah, Amazon, Barson, Noble, wherever, Yeah, 1518 01:17:54,040 --> 01:17:55,880 Speaker 1: yeah it. Make sure you go grab a copy. The 1519 01:17:55,920 --> 01:18:00,000 Speaker 1: audiobook as well, is in Lewis's voice. Lewis reads the audio, 1520 01:18:00,240 --> 01:18:02,240 Speaker 1: so make sure you go and grab the audio if 1521 01:18:02,240 --> 01:18:04,479 Speaker 1: you like listening to books as well, because I know 1522 01:18:04,560 --> 01:18:08,520 Speaker 1: so many of you are audio listeners and follow Lewis 1523 01:18:08,560 --> 01:18:11,600 Speaker 1: on YouTube, subscribe to his podcast to School of Greatness, 1524 01:18:11,640 --> 01:18:14,400 Speaker 1: and follow him on Instagram, on TikTok, on Twitter, on 1525 01:18:14,400 --> 01:18:18,120 Speaker 1: every single social media platform that you use. As you 1526 01:18:18,240 --> 01:18:21,040 Speaker 1: saw today, Lewis practices what he preaches and also what 1527 01:18:21,120 --> 01:18:24,639 Speaker 1: he shares is highly life changing. So make sure you're 1528 01:18:24,640 --> 01:18:26,320 Speaker 1: go and grab it. I appreciate it, man, and real 1529 01:18:26,400 --> 01:18:29,840 Speaker 1: quick before you finish it. I appreciate you talking about 1530 01:18:29,840 --> 01:18:31,439 Speaker 1: the book, and I want to give a call to 1531 01:18:31,479 --> 01:18:33,800 Speaker 1: action of people. Yeah. Please, if you're going to buy 1532 01:18:33,920 --> 01:18:37,679 Speaker 1: my book, which I'm deeply grateful for, I want to 1533 01:18:37,720 --> 01:18:41,800 Speaker 1: see if you haven't bought Jay's book yet, make sure 1534 01:18:41,800 --> 01:18:43,880 Speaker 1: to buy both of us at the same time. Take 1535 01:18:43,920 --> 01:18:46,840 Speaker 1: a screenshot. I love that, and tag both of us 1536 01:18:46,920 --> 01:18:49,920 Speaker 1: on Instagram letting us know that you got both books 1537 01:18:49,920 --> 01:18:53,599 Speaker 1: at the same That'll be awesome. I'm sure. I'm sure 1538 01:18:53,640 --> 01:18:56,640 Speaker 1: we'll re share some of those on Instagram. Buy it 1539 01:18:56,680 --> 01:18:58,639 Speaker 1: on Amazon. Take a screenshot if you got them both 1540 01:18:58,640 --> 01:19:01,280 Speaker 1: in your hands, do that at put it on Instagram 1541 01:19:01,360 --> 01:19:03,920 Speaker 1: for us to see, and we'll share both of those out. 1542 01:19:04,080 --> 01:19:06,000 Speaker 1: I love it. I love it, Lewis, Thank you so much. 1543 01:19:06,040 --> 01:19:09,600 Speaker 1: Thanks appreciate it so grateful. If you love this episode, 1544 01:19:09,960 --> 01:19:13,280 Speaker 1: you will love my interview with Kobe Bryant on how 1545 01:19:13,320 --> 01:19:16,759 Speaker 1: to be strategic and obsessive to find your purpose