Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to
Speaker 1: the podcast, new listeners, old listeners, Wherever you are in
Speaker 1: the world, it is so great to have you here,
Speaker 1: back for another episode as we of course break down
Speaker 1: the psychology of our twenties. Today we are tackling the
Speaker 1: lucky last in our birth order series. You heard that, right.
Speaker 1: After all of the waiting and the many, many requests,
Speaker 1: we are finally discussing the psychology of the youngest child
Speaker 1: and what their position in the family means for everything
Speaker 1: from their personality, to their relationship and professional choices, to
Speaker 1: their relationships with their middle and eldest siblings, not just
Speaker 1: in childhood but in adulthood as well. The youngest child
Speaker 1: is quite obviously the baby of the family and that
Speaker 1: position shapes their experiences a lot. And I'm so interested
Speaker 1: in the research around this, from birth order theory to
Speaker 1: some other theories as well as some of the stories
Speaker 1: that you all have shared with me. And you know,
Speaker 1: we just have a really comprehensive, fascinating, packed personality episode
Speaker 1: for today. I don't do this very often, but I
Speaker 1: think I'm just going to skip the rest of this
Speaker 1: intro and let the episode speak for itself. You know,
Speaker 1: let's keep it short and sweet. There is so much
Speaker 1: to cover without further ado, let's discuss the psychology of
Speaker 1: the youngest child. So let's do a quick recap of
Speaker 1: what we know about birth order theory, so the arguments
Speaker 1: for it and the arguments against it as well. We
Speaker 1: know that as humans, we are a product of many
Speaker 1: many things, some tangible, some intangible, everything from genetics, to
Speaker 1: country of birth, to parenting style, food, all of these
Speaker 1: things that kind of fall into two categories, nature and nurture.
Speaker 1: What we are born with, what we are raised in. Now,
Speaker 1: the position we are born into a family is part
Speaker 1: of our environment, and therefore it kind of falls into
Speaker 1: the nurture category. It influences our personality because of how
Speaker 1: it impacts how we were raised and therefore how we
Speaker 1: end up experiencing the world into adulthood. So this saying
Speaker 1: really goes and I always use this saying to describe
Speaker 1: birth order theory. Just because you're raised in the same
Speaker 1: house doesn't mean that you had the same childhood as
Speaker 1: your siblings, and your position in the family contributes to
Speaker 1: this difference in childhoods because you know, for all intents
Speaker 1: and purposes, two people who go through the same upbringing
Speaker 1: and are raised in the same house by the same parents,
Speaker 1: they should turn out pretty similar. And yes, we have
Speaker 1: to account for nature and our personality and how which
Speaker 1: is born and who we are when we kind of
Speaker 1: come out of the womb, but is a significant difference
Speaker 1: in how our parents treat us. So the man who
Speaker 1: developed birth order theory, he was kind of the first
Speaker 1: one to say to notice this. His name was Alfred Adler.
Speaker 1: You may also know him from the creation of the
Speaker 1: inferiority complex. Also, he was like a founding father of
Speaker 1: individual psychology, which if you study psychology you've probably done,
Speaker 1: Like I don't know a unit in this. Basically he
Speaker 1: says that in individual psychology, what we're really looking for
Speaker 1: is a sense of mastery and a sense of completeness.
Speaker 1: That doesn't really matter. It's not what we're talking about today.
Speaker 1: But he was really working hard during the early and
Speaker 1: mid nineteen hundreds. But birth order theory as it stands
Speaker 1: today is probably what he is most well known for,
Speaker 1: and it basically says that being the oldest, youngest, middle,
Speaker 1: or only child will affect what characteristics and traits you develop. Now,
Speaker 1: let's be really, really clear because we see a lot
Speaker 1: of like birth order theory tiktoks going around and Instagram videos.
Speaker 1: It is not a medical prescription, like I cannot diagnose
Speaker 1: you as an eldest daughter. I cannot diagnose you as
Speaker 1: a youngest son. Like that's a descriptor it doesn't you know,
Speaker 1: if you go to a psychologist, they're not going to
Speaker 1: like include that on your chart notes. Is like something
Speaker 1: that needs an intervention because it's just kind of who
Speaker 1: you are. It's definitely like a theory. It's a theory,
Speaker 1: and a theory like any theory like has gaps, it
Speaker 1: has exceptions, it has flaws. What I kind of see
Speaker 1: birth order theory is doing is filling the same role
Speaker 1: as personality tests, Like they provide like there is research
Speaker 1: behind them, and they provide a structure or guide for
Speaker 1: better understanding of where we sit in relation to others,
Speaker 1: But they are not a full answer to the questions
Speaker 1: we have about ourselves. Like they're really interesting to explore
Speaker 1: and they're really interesting for reflection. But of course anything
Speaker 1: like that that says you are only the way you
Speaker 1: are because of this one thing and this one test
Speaker 1: or this one theory can tell you like it's not accurate.
Speaker 1: We exist in a much larger ecosystem of factors in
Speaker 1: contexts and situations. With that being said, let's say what
Speaker 1: this theory has to say about the unique traits and
Speaker 1: character of the youngest child. According to this theory, the
Speaker 1: eldest child is often very responsible, very type A. They
Speaker 1: kind of take care of everyone else, especially if you're
Speaker 1: an eldest daughter, you know that kind of makes sense.
Speaker 1: They mature the fastest, they're the oldest. They take care
Speaker 1: of a lot of the younger children. They're set up
Speaker 1: as a role model. Then we have a middle child.
Speaker 1: The middle child is seen as the mediator or the peacemaker.
Speaker 1: They're actually sometimes referred to as the easy or invisible
Speaker 1: child because of how they are sandwiched between the eldest
Speaker 1: and the youngest. Also, middle children like sometimes they don't
Speaker 1: even get to be the only middle child, Like they
Speaker 1: have to share that position with someone else. And then
Speaker 1: we have the youngest child, the little baby of the family.
Speaker 1: By the time your parents have gotten to their final child,
Speaker 1: especially if you're in a big family of three plus kids, Like,
Speaker 1: let's be so real, they are tired. They are tired.
Speaker 1: All of the discipline that they had for their eldest
Speaker 1: or older children, all the rules that they promised to implement,
Speaker 1: all their energy has kind of dissipated because parenting is really,
Speaker 1: really hard. It reminds me of this interview I saw
Speaker 1: the other day with Billie Eilish's mum, really random, and
Speaker 1: she talked about how being a parent, especially being a mother,
Speaker 1: requires you to use every single creative skill, every single
Speaker 1: life skill you have ever developed, like anything you would
Speaker 1: put on a resume and more goes into being a parent.
Speaker 1: And it's right, Like she's totally right. It's a full
Speaker 1: time for soul, full body effort, and imagine giving one
Speaker 1: hundred percent to your job for eighteen years straight. Like
Speaker 1: by the time you get to that final kid, those
Speaker 1: final years, like you are cutting a few corners, especially
Speaker 1: when they're teenagers as well. So there's a two thousand
Speaker 1: and eight study that looked into this, conducted by Research
Speaker 1: as a Duke University, and if you want to check
Speaker 1: out this research paper, it's titled the Games Parents and
Speaker 1: Adolescents Play. And what they found was that eldest and
Speaker 1: older siblings are actually raised in a more strict environment,
Speaker 1: like they're penalized more sometimes they're used as an example,
Speaker 1: but it also does seem that our parents get softer
Speaker 1: with age as a result. Youngest children they kind of sense,
Speaker 1: they know that they can get away with much more
Speaker 1: than their eldest or older brothers, siblings, sisters, so they're
Speaker 1: on average more likely to engage in risky behaviors. Research
Speaker 1: from the University of Birmingham and the University of Reading.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's reading or reading. I'm going
Speaker 1: to say reading. They also found that youngest children in
Speaker 1: the families they are also more likely to be self employed.
Speaker 1: They are nearly fifty percent more likely to take the
Speaker 1: risk of going into business for themselves, so they're risk takers,
Speaker 1: the entrepreneurial and this findings were like, this was a
Speaker 1: large study. It had almost seventeen thousand children who they
Speaker 1: surveyed them in first in nineteen seventy and then again
Speaker 1: at thirty eight years old. And some of them are younger,
Speaker 1: some of them are middle some of them were only children,
Speaker 1: and the youngest child they were the ones who were
Speaker 1: most likely to take risks. I think that's a really
Speaker 1: cool trait about younger siblings. And I will say the
Speaker 1: people who I know in my life who have taken
Speaker 1: the leap of faith to start their own business, to
Speaker 1: take the road less traveled, Like the majority of them
Speaker 1: are younger siblings. And I think about like my office space,
Speaker 1: so I work in an office space that I kind
Speaker 1: of rent out with a couple of friends in Sydney,
Speaker 1: and most of them like are running their own businesses.
Speaker 1: They're running their own side hustles and like they're doing
Speaker 1: that full time or their self like they're self contracted,
Speaker 1: like they do contract jobs. And every single one of
Speaker 1: them that's in that office is a youngest child. So
Speaker 1: speaking of entrepreneurial spirit, like, that's the evidence I kind
Speaker 1: of see in my own life, which is obviously speculation,
Speaker 1: but I think it's interesting. I will say, please, by
Speaker 1: no means take any of these observations as rules, Like
Speaker 1: if you are a youngest child and you're not entrepreneurial,
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you. Or
Speaker 1: if you're listening to this and you're not a youngest child,
Speaker 1: like and you want to start a business, like, by
Speaker 1: no means, does this mean that you can't Like it's
Speaker 1: it's I think ridiculous to look at these rules and
Speaker 1: think that they will apply to everyone, but I think
Speaker 1: it's just an interesting pattern to recognize in society amongst
Speaker 1: people who are just making organic choices. This really links
Speaker 1: to the first big stereotype about youngest children though, that
Speaker 1: they're rebellious, that they're more carefree. You know, the youngest
Speaker 1: child is sometimes seen as the problem child, like they're
Speaker 1: the ones who need to like get bailed out of
Speaker 1: jail or whatever, because they seem to have had a
Speaker 1: more relaxed childhood environment. And what also comes with this
Speaker 1: relaxed environment is being spoiled. So the second big stereotype
Speaker 1: for today is that youngest children are spoilt. They get
Speaker 1: more gifts, they get more financial support, they get more praise.
Speaker 1: There is much less research on this compared to the
Speaker 1: previous stereotype, mainly because it's slightly hard to measure because
Speaker 1: of what we call the social desirability bias in psychological research.
Speaker 1: So if we ask parents, okay, which one of your
Speaker 1: kids gets more gifts, which kid do you spend more
Speaker 1: money on, etc. They obviously don't want to sound like
Speaker 1: they're playing favorites, so they're not going to be entirely honest.
Speaker 1: And if you ask the youngest child they're probably not
Speaker 1: going to have noticed, right. There may be a situation
Speaker 1: where when you're asking them, like they're probably over the
Speaker 1: age of eighteen in order to participate in this research,
Speaker 1: Like they're probably the only child left at home if
Speaker 1: that's the case, so they don't have the comparison that
Speaker 1: the eldest and middle children would have. And that's the
Speaker 1: final person we might ask eldest and middle children. They
Speaker 1: probably are also going to be biased, you know how
Speaker 1: like competitive siblings can get. You know, they might be
Speaker 1: looking at the youngest child, the youngest baby of the
Speaker 1: family and going like, hey, I never got that, Like
Speaker 1: I never got to buy new shoes whenever I wanted,
Speaker 1: Like I never got to just get away with things
Speaker 1: like that. So it's a kind of a tricky one
Speaker 1: to think about. Like, if you find a way to
Speaker 1: measure this, please let me know. I think it would
Speaker 1: be a very interesting study. But basically, what we can
Speaker 1: really rely on is kind of speculation, and it's speculation
Speaker 1: that I want you to I want you to do
Speaker 1: for yourself. So I'm going to give you a hypothetical
Speaker 1: and you just tell me if this applies to you.
Speaker 1: So thinking about your family Christmases, holidays, celebrations. Which child
Speaker 1: got more presence, got more attention, got more time, maybe
Speaker 1: got more financial help whatever it is like money, it
Speaker 1: is usually the youngest. And you know what, quite frankly,
Speaker 1: I understand, Like they're the cutest. Everyone likes the little one.
Speaker 1: Everyone feels more protective of the youngest because they are
Speaker 1: by their age less capable, less mature. So naturally it
Speaker 1: might seem that they're being spoiled in comparison to older
Speaker 1: siblings at the time. But when the eldest child was
Speaker 1: also at the youngest stage, like at some point the
Speaker 1: eldest child is going to be an only child, they
Speaker 1: were probably also spoilt to the same degree. In fact,
Speaker 1: I think it's actually the middle child who tends to
Speaker 1: miss out the most. Also, like it's not all sunshine
Speaker 1: and rains for the youngest. Like this pattern of behavior
Speaker 1: of being spoilt, of maybe being a people being less
Speaker 1: strict with them can also lead to a phenomenon being
Speaker 1: known as infantilization. This is something that youngest children you know,
Speaker 1: report that they experience even when they leave their childhood
Speaker 1: and their teenage years, even when they become adults, they
Speaker 1: are still treated like an infant, they are still treated
Speaker 1: as less capable by their families because even when they're twenty,
Speaker 1: twenty five, thirty fifty, their age may change, but the
Speaker 1: position in the family as the youngest doesn't change. And
Speaker 1: this can be a big source of tension for some
Speaker 1: people as they get older and they try and advocate
Speaker 1: for themselves, they try and be independent, they try and
Speaker 1: you take charge in the family. Sometimes they are met
Speaker 1: with resistance. So there was a large scale internet study
Speaker 1: published in twenty twenty two that looked at over thirty
Speaker 1: two thousand individuals and it found at this treatment is
Speaker 1: infantilization actually was really really harmful and led to a
Speaker 1: lot of resentment, but also led to a lack of confidence,
Speaker 1: sometimes specifically amongst people who were youngest children or who
Speaker 1: had reported experiencing experiencing it not just in childhood but
Speaker 1: now as adults. Okay, so let's talk about one more
Speaker 1: aspect or stereotype of the youngest child personality that you
Speaker 1: may have already heard of. So we talked about how
Speaker 1: they are risk takers, a bit rebellious, how they may
Speaker 1: be spoilt. You've probably also heard that they're you know,
Speaker 1: their attention seekers, they like to make waves, they like
Speaker 1: to stir the pot, they like to put on the
Speaker 1: dance shows to be a bit ridiculous. I personally think
Speaker 1: this is also what makes them so social and really charming.
Speaker 1: You know, the reason why this may be the case
Speaker 1: is because the youngest child has had to battle to
Speaker 1: be noticed. You know, yes, they may be spoilt, but
Speaker 1: they are also sometimes the second, third, fourth, maybe even
Speaker 1: fifth child. Everyone else has kind of already found their role,
Speaker 1: you know, the family, maybe at ma's capacity. So the
Speaker 1: youngest wants to find their space, they want to find
Speaker 1: their part, and that can lead to what we would
Speaker 1: call attention seeking behavior. But I think it's you know,
Speaker 1: deeper than that. I think it's actually identity formation when
Speaker 1: you have someone who has already set the bar, when
Speaker 1: you have the eldest children also, just to throw this
Speaker 1: stereotype even further out the window, some research actually suggests
Speaker 1: that it's actually eldest or only children who typically want
Speaker 1: or demand more attention because they, you know, they remember
Speaker 1: a time when they got it all. So I don't
Speaker 1: think that this like stereotype is entirely true. There you go,
Speaker 1: we debunked some of the common misconceptions about youngest children,
Speaker 1: but also kind of hopefully confirmed some of their wonderful traits,
Speaker 1: which is that they're fun, they're outgoing, their entrepreneurial, their
Speaker 1: risk takers. We are going to take a short break,
Speaker 1: but when we return, we are going to talk about
Speaker 1: whether being a youngest child has, you know, any impact
Speaker 1: on dating choices, career choices, and how to deal with
Speaker 1: some of the downsides of being the last born. So
Speaker 1: stay with us. A big element of birth order theory
Speaker 1: that I think fascinates people to no end is how
Speaker 1: it can potentially influence some rather big choices and aspects
Speaker 1: of our life, from who we choose to date, who
Speaker 1: we choose to marry, who we choose to be friends with,
Speaker 1: to profession even and so much more so does being
Speaker 1: the youngest child predict much when it comes to these
Speaker 1: large choices. Let's start by talking about relationships. The biggest
Speaker 1: thing you will hear when it comes to dating choices
Speaker 1: for youngest children is that they will only choose an
Speaker 1: older sibling like a firstborn or an older middle child,
Speaker 1: because they tend to appreciate the stability. They want that rock,
Speaker 1: They want someone to calm their wildness. Maybe and for
Speaker 1: their partner who is an eldest child or an older child.
Speaker 1: They are very responsible, so they appreciate the spontaneity. They
Speaker 1: like to be with someone who can help them see
Speaker 1: things differently and kind of let loose. That's particularly the case.
Speaker 1: You know, some people would suggest for youngest sons who
Speaker 1: are heterosexual, they may be more inclined to date eldest daughters.
Speaker 1: Now let me say this, this has absolutely been the
Speaker 1: case of my own life. Like my boyfriend of almost
Speaker 1: two years, he is a younger son. All of my
Speaker 1: best friends who are eldest daughters are dating younger sons.
Speaker 1: And this is why I find it so rewarding. My
Speaker 1: boyfriend is just so chill like. He is so chill,
Speaker 1: no drama, all fun, all outgoing, clear headed. And for
Speaker 1: someone who is quite anxious, who really overthinks everything, who
Speaker 1: is a perfectionist and I feel like I need to
Speaker 1: be in control, he really levels me out in like
Speaker 1: the perfect complimentary way. It's like, you know how they
Speaker 1: say opposites attract, Like we feel the parts of the
Speaker 1: other person's personality that they can't feel themselves. And I
Speaker 1: really feel like that has been the case. And obviously
Speaker 1: it's not just birth order theory. It's a lot of
Speaker 1: other factors that have contributed to us being together. But
Speaker 1: you know, like he has older sisters, so that probably
Speaker 1: also helped. But you know, when I hear this idea
Speaker 1: of like eldest daughter's younger sons, I'm always like, ooh,
Speaker 1: I hate to say it, but it applies only children
Speaker 1: and last borns. So only children and youngest children also
Speaker 1: balance each other out really really well for some reason.
Speaker 1: So I heard this really fascinating interview with this psychologist
Speaker 1: and she was talking about why this is the case,
Speaker 1: and she said, it really has to do with the
Speaker 1: fact that firstborns and only children are kind of cut
Speaker 1: from the same cloth. So if you're a youngest child
Speaker 1: and you like eldest children, like that's who you kind
Speaker 1: of end up dating. A lot of only children are
Speaker 1: very very similar. They're very self reliant, they're expected to succeed,
Speaker 1: and then you have the younger child who brings like
Speaker 1: the liveliness and the creativity to the relationships. So again
Speaker 1: it helps the counteracts in a really specific way. So
Speaker 1: I think whilst you know, younger siblings are very much
Speaker 1: risk takers, they're entrepreneurial, sometimes they also kind of fly
Speaker 1: by the seat of their pants, kind of makes it
Speaker 1: chaotic if two youngest siblings are dating, because someone needs
Speaker 1: to be have that kind of organization or part of
Speaker 1: their brain at the forefront, Like someone needs to be
Speaker 1: somewhat forward thinking, somewhat responsible, And if you have like
Speaker 1: two youngest siblings together, yeah, it can be explosive. Like
Speaker 1: you're both risk takers, you're both outgoing, but sometimes you
Speaker 1: need like that anchor. So that is what birth order
Speaker 1: theory and position might mean for dating. Again, this is
Speaker 1: no like, this is not a restrictive rule. If you
Speaker 1: can find someone that you love and you care about,
Speaker 1: like doesn't matter, doesn't matter where they were born, who
Speaker 1: they were like, what position in the family. Like that
Speaker 1: kind of love is rare enough. So don't listen to
Speaker 1: this and look at your own life and say, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I'm dating a youngest child and I am
Speaker 1: a youngest child, like we should break up. No, please
Speaker 1: don't do that. Please don't do that because of me,
Speaker 1: because it's like it's one of many, many things. So
Speaker 1: we've already spoken about how youngest children take more risks,
Speaker 1: so that makes them, you know, business leaders, startup founder,
Speaker 1: is quite entrepreneurial. But really there haven't been any long
Speaker 1: term studies on birth order and career prospects, which I
Speaker 1: don't know. I think that that would be really phenomenal
Speaker 1: for all like the somewhat controversy around birth order theory,
Speaker 1: I feel like a study like that could really maybe
Speaker 1: silence or prove some of the doubts. And it would
Speaker 1: be so fascinating to do, like a longitudinal research study
Speaker 1: where you interview like people at twelve, at nineteen, and
Speaker 1: then at thirty or some point in time, and see
Speaker 1: what careers they ended up choosing. But looking at our
Speaker 1: profile again of youngest children, their outgoing, social rebellious, rule changes, charming,
Speaker 1: maybe a little bit attention seeking. Even those negative qualities
Speaker 1: are assets, the assets when it comes to your career.
Speaker 1: Someone with these traits is more likely to thrive in
Speaker 1: a profession that involves performance, leadership, persuasion, risk taking, so
Speaker 1: things like entertainment sales, being a startup founder, investment banking,
Speaker 1: and investigative journalist. A lobbyist like someone who really pushes bounds,
Speaker 1: someone who isn't afraid to be, you know, perhaps a
Speaker 1: little bit more out there than your average Joe. I
Speaker 1: think about my youngest sister as an example of this
Speaker 1: all the time, Like she is so creative, but she
Speaker 1: also thinks and dreams so much bigger than me. You know,
Speaker 1: I am very overly cautious. My middle sister is just
Speaker 1: like the chillest person ever. Like she's an athlete, so
Speaker 1: she's very focused, but she's also just like, yeah, whatever,
Speaker 1: I'm going to go with the flow. Whatever happens will happen.
Speaker 1: My little sister, though, is like I Am going to
Speaker 1: conquer the world. And I'm always the one who's like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, but have you considered this, like this
Speaker 1: could go wrong? Like have you considered this like this
Speaker 1: could this could be a problem, Like what are you
Speaker 1: gonna do about that? And she's kind of like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll deal with it. Like she really has that vibe
Speaker 1: of like it's gonna work out for me, and it's
Speaker 1: something I really really love about her. The youngest child
Speaker 1: definitely has their you know, with all their strengths, there's
Speaker 1: also things they struggle with in relation to like the
Speaker 1: family dynamic, and we've talked about them a little bit already,
Speaker 1: but one we haven't spoken about is like a sense
Speaker 1: of competition and feeling left out by their other siblings.
Speaker 1: So especially when you're a child, like you forever want
Speaker 1: to be part of the big kids games and the
Speaker 1: big kids' activities, but you know, you're just a little
Speaker 1: the little annoying one. You're the one that's like going
Speaker 1: to ruin it. You're like not quite at the level
Speaker 1: that your oldest siblings want you to be at. And
Speaker 1: it can mean that you feel, you know, quite excluded
Speaker 1: and quite like almost in competition with yourself to get
Speaker 1: an invite to this like exclusive childhood party. I think
Speaker 1: they sometimes feel looked down upon. You can feel really
Speaker 1: compared to your older sibling or overshadowed, not because you're
Speaker 1: less capable, just because you've simply had less time. Like
Speaker 1: having older siblings is like having a moving marker ahead
Speaker 1: of you that is impossible to reach, Like even if
Speaker 1: you do somehow reach it, like there's always going to
Speaker 1: be you know, you're always going to be looking back
Speaker 1: and seeing what the elder sibling is doing, and there
Speaker 1: is a sense of competition, like they were the first
Speaker 1: one to graduate high school. They may have been the
Speaker 1: first one to go to university, the first one to
Speaker 1: do all of these things that you can only just
Speaker 1: do after them, and if you are perhaps not as
Speaker 1: intelligent or academically inclined as they are, can feel like
Speaker 1: your parents or your aunts or your uncles or people
Speaker 1: are looking at you and being like, oh, like you're there.
Speaker 1: How come you're not operating at their level. I have
Speaker 1: found though, that actually this tends to switch up the
Speaker 1: older we get, so the sense of competition in comparison
Speaker 1: kind of goes away. And I was talking to my
Speaker 1: friend Steph about this and how she has an older sister,
Speaker 1: and her older sister was like, well, now I compare
Speaker 1: myself to you, like you are doing such cool things,
Speaker 1: and as I'm like approaching thirty, like I kind of
Speaker 1: want your life. And I was like, huh, that's very
Speaker 1: very interesting that you spend your whole childhood wanting to
Speaker 1: be like your older siblings, and then you know your
Speaker 1: elder sibling looks back and is like, I just want
Speaker 1: to be where you are, Like I'm so nostalgic, but
Speaker 1: also so impressed by you. Final point, and this was
Speaker 1: wonderfully described by an article from the Therapeutic Center for
Speaker 1: Anxiety and Trauma, and it's the youngest children struggle with
Speaker 1: just getting whatever's leftover. And I don't just mean food
Speaker 1: or resources or even hand me downs. I'm talking about
Speaker 1: roles in the family. The longer a family has been together,
Speaker 1: the more rigid every person's role has become. So by
Speaker 1: the time the younger sibling arrives, the family has kind
Speaker 1: of established a pretty consistent and fixed dynamic that more
Speaker 1: or less works for everyone involved. So younger siblings may
Speaker 1: end up adopting whatever role the family still needs and
Speaker 1: still lacks. So if everyone in the family is happy,
Speaker 1: go lucky, and really go with the flow, the younger
Speaker 1: sibling might fill that gap and become the responsible one.
Speaker 1: Or another scenario, you know, everyone in the family is
Speaker 1: arguing and fighting and there's a lot of tension. The
Speaker 1: younger sibling may feel inclined to break the tension by
Speaker 1: being the joker or by redirecting the focus of the
Speaker 1: family onto themselves. Also an interesting phenomena that I think
Speaker 1: we're noticing maybe more these days is youngest children who
Speaker 1: have a significant age gap between themselves and the next
Speaker 1: child up. So people who you know, their parents were
Speaker 1: kind of done having kids pretty early and then they
Speaker 1: were surprised by another baby, or they decided you know
Speaker 1: a little bit later like, Okay, it doesn't feel like
Speaker 1: our family is quite complete, like it does, feels like
Speaker 1: we're missing someone, And they choose to have a child
Speaker 1: much much later on, and in that case, like the
Speaker 1: youngest child can take on the personality of an only
Speaker 1: child because it you know, I've heard of age gaps
Speaker 1: of like fifteen twenty years at times like that. That's
Speaker 1: possible these days. So with all of that in mind,
Speaker 1: we can see that being the youngest is quite a
Speaker 1: complex experience. How do we overcome some of the challenges.
Speaker 1: How do we embrace the strengths as well as the difficulties.
Speaker 1: I think talking about the first point that I kind
Speaker 1: of made way up the top of this episode, which
Speaker 1: was infantialization, being treated like you're incapable or like you
Speaker 1: are a child even when you become an adult, I
Speaker 1: think what really needs to happen is at some point
Speaker 1: you have to make a very forceful assertion of your independence.
Speaker 1: And whether that is through having a conversation with your
Speaker 1: family or moving somewhere like far away, or doing something
Speaker 1: that really says like I'm my own person. Most youngest
Speaker 1: children will find that at some point they need to
Speaker 1: address this ongoing sense in their family that they need
Speaker 1: to be protected, they need to be taken care of.
Speaker 1: It is it is actually totally okay to say to
Speaker 1: your family, hey, you got me wrong, Like, yep, I
Speaker 1: understand that that is the personality or the person that
Speaker 1: you thought I was. I'm not that person anymore, and
Speaker 1: this is who I am. I'm someone who is independent.
Speaker 1: I am someone who is adventurous and who can take
Speaker 1: care of myself. I want you to I want you
Speaker 1: to treat me that way, Like that's actually totally totally okay.
Speaker 1: I think also sometimes there is a point of separation
Speaker 1: that is needed, a separation between the parents or even
Speaker 1: your siblings, whether it's through solo traveling, whether it is
Speaker 1: through moving away, whether it is just through spending a
Speaker 1: little bit less time with them. A lot of youngest
Speaker 1: children that I've spoken to or that I've heard speak
Speaker 1: about this in interviews have been like that was the
Speaker 1: real thing that helped me break out of like the
Speaker 1: stereotype that my own family was kind of perpetrating. The
Speaker 1: next big thing that I think we need to address
Speaker 1: is this sense of competition and comparison wooft. That's a
Speaker 1: hard one and it's not like it's comparison with a
Speaker 1: random stranger on the internet. Like you can't really say
Speaker 1: to yourself, oh, there's gaps in that narrative, because the
Speaker 1: chances are is that you know what's happening with your
Speaker 1: eldest and older siblings. That's what makes the comparison sting
Speaker 1: even more is that they are such a close counterpart
Speaker 1: to you. What I say to this is this. What
Speaker 1: I say to this is this. This is what I
Speaker 1: want to say about it. Like I said, it can
Speaker 1: feel like there is this constant, constant marker like ahead
Speaker 1: of you that you can never catch up to because
Speaker 1: of your age. I want you to really really sit
Speaker 1: and reflect on what it is you're chasing and what
Speaker 1: is this end goal that you're working towards, because when
Speaker 1: you really start to think about it, what you're really
Speaker 1: chasing is someone else's journey. But also it's like this
Speaker 1: race to an imaginary finish line, and the imagin finish
Speaker 1: line is like the end of your life. So it's
Speaker 1: okay to take things a little bit slower and just
Speaker 1: remember that, like, it's not about timelines, it's not about
Speaker 1: what other people are doing. This is really like all
Speaker 1: you have, like your journey and your life is all
Speaker 1: you have, and you are totally entitled to figure it
Speaker 1: out as you go along, to take your time to
Speaker 1: do things that are different regardless of you. Know, if
Speaker 1: your whole family is very academic and you decide you
Speaker 1: want to go do something else, like, that's okay. If
Speaker 1: your whole family are creatives and you've decided you want
Speaker 1: to be an accountant, like, that's also okay. You're allowed
Speaker 1: to assert your own preferences for your life and follow
Speaker 1: them deeply and commit to them deeply. Even if there
Speaker 1: is this person ahead of you who you think that
Speaker 1: you should be like, like, they're doing that's their journey,
Speaker 1: that's their experience. Don't let their experience overshadow the one
Speaker 1: that you want to have as well. My final reflection
Speaker 1: is that you know, youngest children face a lot of
Speaker 1: unique challenges. They also have a lot of gifts. How
Speaker 1: can you use that to your advantage? What were the
Speaker 1: positives that you heard in this episode that you can say, wow, like,
Speaker 1: I have this ability more than some other people that
Speaker 1: I would know to be someone who sees risk differently,
Speaker 1: Be someone who is okay with challenging the rules, Be
Speaker 1: someone who thinks outside the box, who is outgoing, Like
Speaker 1: those are huge advantages. Take those advantages and deal with them.
Speaker 1: Whatever it is you wish, Like that is you, you
Speaker 1: have this beautiful personality. You are probably a wonderful person. Honestly,
Speaker 1: I have such a soft spot for youngest children, So
Speaker 1: let's just yeah, I just think they're amazing, Like they're
Speaker 1: some of my favorite people to be friends with, and
Speaker 1: I love them very very much. So if you're a
Speaker 1: youngest child, yeah, big claps for you. I think you're
Speaker 1: I probably would really get along with you. That's what
Speaker 1: history has told me. And I want to know if
Speaker 1: this resonates with you. So this is kind of like
Speaker 1: my own research, like this is this accurate looking at
Speaker 1: your own life? Do you find yourself reflected in this analysis?
Speaker 1: Or do you think you're someone who is very very different?
Speaker 1: And if you are, if you think you're someone who's
Speaker 1: very very different, I want to hear from you just
Speaker 1: as much as the people who say this is really
Speaker 1: spot on for me, because you know, I'm constantly questioning
Speaker 1: this theory as well, and I want to know anecdotally,
Speaker 1: like whether it applies. So I'd love to hear from
Speaker 1: you if there's anything else that you think stands out
Speaker 1: with you and your youngest child friends, let me know
Speaker 1: that as well. And I hope you just enjoyed this episode.
Speaker 1: I hope you learned something. Make sure to leave a
Speaker 1: five star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you are listening,
Speaker 1: drop a comment down below if you're a youngest child
Speaker 1: and what you have learned from this episode or what
Speaker 1: resonates with you, and we'll be back next week with
Speaker 1: another episode. Until then, stay safe, stay kind, be gentle
Speaker 1: to yourself, and we will talk soon.